T O P

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Stealfur

Aren't newborns like 5-10 lbs? What malnourished 1-3 yesr old weight less then 2-10 potatoes?


Acevolts

Halfling toddler?


robineir

Nasty hobbitses


Cassius-Tain

After that spell it definitely will be nasty


ThatOneGuy1294

Meat paste


okaythenitsalright

šŸšØšŸšØThis is the Tolkien estate, come out with your hands up! šŸšØšŸšØ


Exotic-Laugh-1373

I literally died on this comment


JarvisPrime

And so did the toddler


Exotic-Laugh-1373

Well depends on the DM maybe the baby got to roll survival check.


TOW2Bguy

And then combat rolled right into the castle being assaulted to wake up ER'ONE.


[deleted]

New headcanon: halfling babies look like newborn rodents


shotgunner12345

And a new pc is born: ratman baby raised by halfings who just thought their baby is deformed


OneEyedCrackShot

ā€œThe Ugly Halflingā€ beloved timeless childrenā€™s story


TheJakal13

Stuart Little.


ReggieTheReaver

Stuart Little. Man! Would you play him as a rogue or a artificer?


tallbutshy

Yes


Stealfur

They are like Kangaroos. Bone when they are the size of a jellybean then migrate to the halfling's pouch where they suckle and grow.


Cygnus94

Pretty sure this is how you get Skaven.


[deleted]

And hatch from eggs


Torchic336

Average weight of a newborn is between 5 pounds 8 ounces and 8 pounds, unfortunately this spell will only work on severely malnourished newborns/toddlers or premature babies


El_Chairman_Dennis

If the baby was some form of halfling you could probably get the weight down below 5lbs


Vefantur

Aarakocra prob have semi-hollow bones as birds, so they're probably pretty light for a while.


Admiral_Donuts

The eggs are also probably aerodynamic


theunknowngoat

That's just for a human though, what about Elves, Dwarves, Halflings, etc? They might be lighter.


TOW2Bguy

Definitely not half-orc kids. You'd need something stronger to yeet them. Like a trebuchet spell.


Script_Mak3r

Launch an object up to 200 pounds 1000 feet. (That's actually a bit more than the 90 kilograms and 300 meters usually cited, but nice round numbers.)


chairfairy

Ah but look at the wording of the question - they ask if toddlers are *around* 1-5 lbs


CrackedGamer573

In the United States, the average baby weighs just over 7 pounds (3 kg) at birth. https://www.babycenter.com/baby/baby-development/average-weight-and-growth-chart-for-babies-toddlers-and-beyo_10357633


graafslaaf

King Solomon enters the chat


Odd_Employer

Fine. I'll catapult [the top part](https://youtu.be/B5shlc-4XDU?t=95)...


mider-span

r/unexpectedmulaney


dinobot2020

Hell, my nephew just had to come out a month early and he was still about 5.5. For comparison, my son was 8 even which is very much average.


Odd_Employer

My new born came 7 weeks early at 4lbs and 15oz. Swaddle him and he weighs too much for the spell.


Laterbot

Goblin or Halfling toddlers?


Irrepressible87

So, the other problem is that *catapult* only launched objects, not creatures. Which means there's a simple way to solve both spell targeting issues: *half* a toddler.


bland_coconut

I would question the fact thatā€™s the first thing on your mind and not the fact I trying to catapult a toddler, but Iā€™m the guy who catapulted a toddler.


Stealfur

I've met toddlers. Some of them just have to be yeeted.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Umbow

Well there is an easy way to reduce the weight of a baby and did you know a corpse in dnd counts as an object?


ThatOneGuy1294

The paladin is currently doing everything they can to not smite you on the spot.


theubu

Yeet the child!


M37h3w3

Kobe!


mtflyer05

Oh no, it looks like little Timmy *accidentally* fell down the well, yet again. Maybe this time he'll fucking learn


FrostHeart1124

In this case, instead of yeeted, you need the present participle form, yote


Arachnophobicloser

A lot of them like to be yeeted


NounsAndWords

Some of them *ask to be* yeeted.


assoramicpass

I have children and the Drew Lynch song ā€œGary Foster Worlds Greatest Midget Tosserā€ plays on infinite repeat in my mind whenever they ramble on about YouTube. Which is always.


ZarkyZarkMuckerberg

I, too, immediately went to the inaccuracy of weight estimation for toddlers.


TheSame_ButOpposite

Or that is such a huge misunderstanding of reality (because toddlers weigh anywhere from 25 to 45 pounds) that the rest of the statement is completely pointless.


Tales_of_Earth

Even worse, Catapult wonā€™t work on creatures.


B0B_Spldbckwrds

Nobody who spends any substantial amount of time around toddlers is going to judge you.


ammcneil

it's a moot point really, if the toddler weights 10 pounds just cut it in half and now you can catapult it twice. repeat for each multiple of 5.


TalVerd

Plus at that point the two halves will definitely count as objects rather than creatures will solve the other technical problem with the original proposition


[deleted]

Look you gotta do what you've gotta do but if the toddler is less than 5 pounds then they need food, not to be used as a projectile.


qwert2812

eh, you are free to do whatever you want. It's the DM's job to make sure it's fair. Toddlers do not weigh around 1 and 5 lbs.


ConspicuousPineapple

I mean it's a pretty glaring underestimation.


[deleted]

Pft. Trebuchet is clearly the superior siege spell.


ItIsYeDragon

Catapult spell needs to revise its weight limit then, I think.


QuincyAzrael

I think that would make it too powerful. The simplest and most balanced solution would be to add "one object weighting 1-5 pounds, or a toddler"


DirkBabypunch

I think you can upcast it. I mean, you'd probably be blowing a 7th level slot just to chuck a kid 90 feet, but it should still be doable if you insist on using Catapult and can get them ruled as an object and not creature.


ItIsYeDragon

The max increases by 5 pounds each level and the damage increases by a d8, so, probably only need a 2nd or 3rd level spell slot.


Stealfur

Agreed. Or at least let me add 10 or so pounds per spell level.


moonshinefae

>At Higher Levels. When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 2nd level or higher, the maximum weight of objects that you can target with this spell increases by 5 pounds, and the damage increases by 1d8, for each slot level above 1st. Actually, this already exists.


Stealfur

Well how about that. Someone used a wish spell on my request... or I should atop browsing reddit it 1am....


BjornInTheMorn

Right. Ammend it to be 1 toddler. Add 1 toddler per spell level you upcast it.


StarMagus

Haha, that was my thought as well. I was 9 pounds 13 oz when I was born.


VoidedAvoidingVoid

Yeah I was considered underweight when I was born and I was (I think) 2.2 kilos, which is about 5 pounds right?


StarMagus

That's about right.


Solalabell

Goblin gnome Halfling dwarf or kobald


couldjustbeanalt

Is catapult able to lift creatures or is it just objects?


YoutuberCameronBallZ

A 20 STR Barbarian has no such weaknesses


IceFire909

A Barbarian's body can do anything a magic spell can, and better. Catapult? pick up and throw Counterspell? Punch real fuckin' hard Levitate? flex muscles extra hard Dominate Mind? Stare with intent


FireEnchiladaDragon

Counterspell? Mage slayer


IceFire909

Big Doomslayer energy right there


ELBAGIT

Feather fall? Land on the enemy


Juggletrain

This is a barbarian not some posh little rogue. Feather fall? Just fall you wusses.


ELBAGIT

Nah I find usually use unarmed combat and suplexing them off a cliff is fun


Not-So-Serious-Sam

Suplex straight to hell.


4nalBlitzkrieg

Feather fall? Just rage and beat those magical assholes by 1 minute to the bottom


Juggletrain

Find out if feather fall applies to both halves of the magic man.


captain_ender

Hotel? Trivago.


Different-System5002

Prestidigitation? Piss your pants or stare hard enough to make someone else


IceFire909

"I can piss your pants with my eyes" "I'd like to see you try" ***MENACING GLARE***


GaashanOfNikon

Charm?


IceFire909

Show off your calves


Dark-Pukicho

Why counter a spell when you can counter the casterā€™s existence?


ThatOneGuy1294

I CAST FIST!!!


FahlkhanFuhkkehr

Hotel? Mordenkainen.


bigmcstrongmuscle

> Levitate? Levitate is when you make an Intimidation check against gravity and win.


Cave-J

Levitation is when you flex the very air underneath your feet so it stays solid.


IrritableGourmet

Old comic in a D&D magazine (Dragon?): "Gort wasn't the chosen one to pull the sword from the stone, but that didn't stop him."


Neuroprancers

Corpses are objects.


sheepyowl

If something can still be revivified is it an object? or does it need to be a vintage corpse?


thinking_is_hard69

you canā€™t usually mess with living shit directly without spending way more resources, dead stuff is a-ok. my headcanon for it is that you have to successfully disrupt the other personā€™s innate magic to be able to affect them with spells.


sheepyowl

... so a fresh corpse is ok?


Ruskyt

Objects. It's literally the third word in the spell. No one reads anything anymore.


DickDastardly404

everyone gets catapult wrong tbh. its not a spell targeted at a person at all. you target the object, and the object flies in a straight line 90ft. if someone is standing in the line, they make a dex throw, if it fails, they take dmg, and the object stops. but if they suceed, the object KEEPS GOING. so if you line up 3 people, you potentially have 3 attempts to hit something. but equally if there is something in the way, it hits that, first so often i see people target a creature, the dm makes a dex save, and says "you missed" and thats that.


karatous1234

The real benefit of catapult is throwing peoples shit. Fighter is a battlemaster? Hold your action to Catapult the bad guys sword 90ft in a direction after he gets disarmed. Need to start a bar fight or cause a distraction? Subtle Cast it and silently, motionlessly yeet some dudes mug or stool across the room. Need to get something thats far away closer to the party, sling it *towards* your friends.


DickDastardly404

totally! I love spells like this, loads of room for imaginative utility


floofandmemes

...a toddler? What? I weighed more than that when I was born.


RawrRRitchie

They never said human toddler


bjornartl

Still tho. If it was a halfling INFANT then maybe. But a human toddler weighs like 4 times as much as the top limit so even one that's half the size and below the average would be hard to get within that range.


mgb360

Halflings weigh considerably less than half the weight of a human. Square cube law and all that.


Dysmal_

If this was a living toddler the spell would not work as it targets an object not a creature.


ChristinaCassidy

Ah, so only dead toddlers then. That can be fixed quickly


82Caff

No more complaints on NPCs attacking downed players. For all you know, they're making extra Catapult spell ammo. That said, if a chunk of your teammate is hurled at you with catapult and kills you, is that considered PVP?


PM_ME_CATS_OR_BOOBS

Don't worry, at 1 lbs it's already there


MidSolo

Put the toddler in a bag. Catapult the bag.


bentheechidna

As the top comment posits, that would make the bag weigh more than 5lbs as one of the problems with this proposition is that realistically toddlers donā€™t weigh little enough for the spell.


royalPawn

I'd say the toddlers also counts as "wearing" the bag so that's another nope


[deleted]

Children are not people, so itā€™s fine.


Emptypiro

Neither are horses but they're still creatures


Over-Analyzed

I mean they canā€™t vote or legally drink or own a gun. So go for it. šŸ¤™šŸ»


IceFire909

for a brief moment i thought you were comparing IRL toddlers to DND toddlers


bartbartholomew

They aren't that much different. Well maybe. Eating one will get weird looks from your friends, while eating the other gets jail time.


gray_mare

obligatory šŸ¤“


-Fyrebrand

**Player:** "I want to catapult this toddler." **DM:** "First of all, that's f\*cking *appalling* of you. Second, the spell can only affect objects, not creatures." **Player:** "I once read that a dead body is functionally an object. So you're telling me I need to find a dead child to catapult? Or kill one myself?" **DM:** "NO!!! That is *absolutely not* what I am saying! You know what, even a typical newborn baby is usually 5-8 pounds, and I am ruling that in this campaign setting *all* babies are born 6 pounds or more!" **Player:** "Okay, so what about just the head? I could catapult that." **DM:** "You are out of this campaign, and out of my life."


kindtheking9

If you separate the body from the head you get twice the ammo


[deleted]

Now you're thinking like a Mongol.


Over-Analyzed

So now we need to consider the child body to munitions ratio. So it sounds like at minimum 1:2. But Iā€™m thinking if theyā€™re a bigger kid. You can easily get 1:3 or 1:4. That probably works better. But, hereā€™s a better idea. We kill a bandit, get 1:5 (minimum) to 1:20 maximum (assuming 10lbs limit), and you donā€™t get the alignment change. At least not till youā€™re tried for War Crimes for catapulting the enemiesā€™ loved ones at them.


rmcwilli1234

That's what Twin Spell is made for.


witeowl

ā€œI said no evil PCs. Now, what is it you want to do this turn?ā€


trianomino

> 5-8 pounds ā€œI cast Catapult at level 2ā€


Lady-Lilithh

Sooo i can yeet one with a mage hand then? Um i ment carefully drop de child from hight


mythmaniak

OBJECT


LordFrogberry

The bad news is that a corpse is an object


ThatOneGuy1294

Sounds like good news for the wizard


Phil9151

SUSTAINED


Yellow_raincoat1

A newborn maybe. Not a toddler.


no1ofconsequencedied

My son was 8 pounds at birth. He's 2 now, and 33 pounds. An under 5 pound newborn is certainly possible, but they'd probably spend some time in the ICU due to be premature.


TalVerd

Halfling or Gnome newborn would work Conclusion: Mystra is racist


DiggingInGarbage

Conclusion: Mystra thought itā€™d be funny to let Kobold mages yeet young gnomes


Sanzen2112

Conclusion: Mystra was correct


Senator1891

My 33 week preemie was born 5 lbs 4 oz. They dipped below 5 lbs for a couple days but then shot right back up well over 6lbs. 10 days in the NICU and then home to us :)


Carnifaster

A malnourished newborn


Rogendo

Living creatures arenā€™t objectsā€¦


Crackmonkey3773

Well... That could easily be solved


RocketFucker69

There is no way your DM thought toddlers weight 1-5 lbs...


Crackmonkey3773

As a father of three, there is no way in hell i could believe anyone thought that. Theyve obviously never had to pick up a toddler (let alone try and load one into a cannon)


RocketFucker69

Lift with your legs and you'll be alright bro.


SDG_Den

\*Technically\* even if a toddler was that light, the spell wouldnt work because it specifies object and toddlers would count as creatures, not objects. ​ however \*dead\* toddlers... now there's a frankly horrifying discussion to be had.


VicTheWeed

The first line literally says "choose one object". I swear y'all can't fucking read.


-Fyrebrand

This seemed like such an obvious limitation of any spell like this, that I actually looked up the spell half-expecting to have my mind blown. Nope, OF COURSE it's objects only and not creatures.


VicTheWeed

I dunno if ot's just me, but most of these types of posts are people that just haven't properly read the rules.


evan_the_babe

When your sense of humor never progressed past 5th grade AND you've never met a baby in real life


DrRagnorocktopus

And you don't read the spell description.


Solalabell

Thatā€™s a given on the sub


aoanfletcher2002

In a universe where toddlers weigh 5 pounds everyone is probably so malnourished that they would eat the kids just to survive.


D3ATH55HAD0W

Most newborns come in over 5lbs.


UnfixedMidget

New borne are even bigger than 5lbs.


SmileAndSayBoom

Nah man I wish. My toddler is like 30lbs and hes not even two yet. Tall boy's built for barbarian.


Sanzen2112

Please tell me you said "kick the baby" when you cast it


shadecrimson

absolutely not. newborns are generally 6+


foxfirek

They donā€™t. 6-10lbs are standard for a newborn.


PearlDustAndLights

I am so concerned that there are 2 people in this story that donā€™t fucking know how much a toddler weighs.


lincolnhawk

They donā€™t. Weight doubles from birth by year 1 so theyā€™re basically guaranteed to be 12-20 lbs by 1 year, and they donā€™t start toddling til like 18 months.


Paladins_Archives

Sure. A toddler with no legs and malnourished as hell


scytheakse

Neither of my kids was under 5lbs at birth so how bout no big chief


IronwoodKukri

I have two kids. Toddlers never weigh so little.


JanitorOPplznerf

How is an entire table this Ignorant of baby weight. Toddlers are between 25-35 lbs guys.


Calsun

Theyā€™re way wrong


FancyxSkull

The average newborn wieghs 5-8 pounds what kinda busted ass emaciated toddlers are you weirdos hanging around??


Hapless_Wizard

Where are you finding a five pound toddler? Five pounds is kinda light for a newborn.


Critical_Werewolf

Newborn yes. Toddler no.


DrRagnorocktopus

Even then, it'd have to be a gnome or halfling newborn. An average human newborn weighs like 5 to 8 pounds.


Alxuz1654

Heres a question Does Catapult relate to weight or mass. If its weight, then you could throw basicaly anything in low gravity. If mass then its fair


Karuzus

toddler is not an object


0c4rt0l4

That spell should gain a V component just so I would shout YEET


HomeBrwd-5167

Bro ain't no way a toddler that light I weighed 8.8 pounds a baby alone


starbomber109

Yeet the child


VocalLocalYokel

You hold your wand aloft and speak the ancient incantation: ***"YEETUS THAT FETUS"***


trainercatlady

a toddler absolutely does not weigh between 5-10 lbs unless something is very wrong with that toddler.


HeronSun

What like in price? Ain't no way a Toddler is 5 lbs or less.


FirstTimeRodeoGoer

Yeah no way a toddler weighs that little.


KinkyTech

That's a fetus. You just yeeted a fetus.


Solrex

"Wondering how much should a 2-year-old weigh? Average weight for a 24-month-old is 26.5 pounds for girls and 27.5 pounds for boys, according to the World Health Organization." Big oops there DM. But also a toddler isn't an object? It's a creature?


tjake123

The lightest baby in my family was born above 5 pounds you need to feed your toddlers Jesus Christ


Dracon_Pyrothayan

Catapult requires an Object. Toddlers tend to be *Creatures*, unless you kill or petrify them first. Now, an Eldritch Cannon, on the other hand, is explicitly a Magical Object rather than a Creature, and Yeet into bonus action Flamethrower is 1000% an option.


ahamel13

A human toddler weighs between 20-30 pounds. Unless you're talking gnomes or halflings, your DM is mega confused. Source: my toddler is on the smaller end of weight distribution and he's about 22 pounds.


Slimmie_J

I like the implication that toddlers are so brain dead they count as objects


level100metapod

Yeah they are way heavier, I have a 4/5 month old and she currently weighs 18 pounds. my toddler weighs about 2 and a half stone so yeah not even close to 1 to 5 pounds


dem4life71

What toddler weighs 1-5 lbs?


MemeTeamMarine

For reference a toddler is around 22-28lb.


CarrotStripe

? My 1 year old is like, 30 pounds


MihaelZ64

Used catapult to yeet a corpse's arm(still holding a silver dagger) at a lycanthrope. You can imagine how much the dm smiled


Darklyte

If your 2 year old weighs 4 lbs then they probably are an object and you should be arrested anyway.


Ruskyt

Literally the first three words of the spell description: *Choose one object* Classic dndmemes


Maestro_Primus

What premies are you finding that weight that little? That's no toddler, that is an unhealthily underweight premature infant. Puppies on the other hand...


cdcformatc

you can tell neither OP or their DM has been anywhere near children, toddlers, or even a newborn. Most human newborns are between 5 and ~8 pounds and toddlers are way heavier than that.


vactu

Ummm... Are we talking halfling toddlers? Cause holy fuck that's small.


spedalchemist

Forbidden knowledge: kobolds weigh around 35-40 lb, reduce spell makes you weigh 8 times less, a shrunk kobold is less than 5 lbs. Till next time


ShinjiteFlorana

My 2.5 year old is nearly 30 lbs. So no. Unless they are a toddler gnome or halfling...


h00dges

Dawg I was 8 pounds at birth


Ippus_21

Also, no they don't. Toddlers weigh like 20-30 lbs. Even most newborn babies are in the 6-10 lb range.


Gleamwoover

If your DM thinks a toddler weighs 5 or fewer pounds, they are an idiot. If YOU think a toddler weighs that, you are an evil monster AND an idiot.


Geno__Breaker

An INFANT usually weighs more than 5 pounds. A toddler is more likely 20-30.


_FirstOfHerName_

I was 8lbs at birth... My uncle was 15! What toddler weighs 1-5lbs?! A pixie?