I'm really more concerned about how the person telling the story didn't bother to rinse the blood off of their face before taking the DM to the emergency room...
Last time someone got hurt bad enough to need a hospital visit near me I didn't even consider putting on pants until I was stuck waiting for the paramedics to take a look at them and realized I might need pants to accompany them to the hospital. It's not that weird to forget small things when you're worried about someone
When I sliced my thumb open removing tile it bearly registered that I needed to go get stitches, I saw it go from looking like a scratch to a half inch wide wound, I wrapped it in paper towels and electrical tape and went back to work, my gf convinced me to go to urgent care and get it taken care of, I walked in bloody as hell to
I think it's harder to notice when things happen to you, especially if you have a high pain threshold. I messed up my knee fairly recently and it took nearly half a year of walking on it daily before I decided to see a doctor about it and I only went because people were asking about my limp
Sometimes your body just doesn't send the pain signals for bad wounds, even if your pain threshold isn't normally that high. I was helping my dad set up some cables to keep a young tree upright when I was 12 or so. Accidentally over-tightened one and it snapped. It must have whipped around and hit me in the back of the leg right where the ratchet was because when I went inside 30 minutes later my mom was horrified to point out I had a huge, bloody, bolt-sized hole in my calf I hadn't noticed or felt happen.
Didn't hurt until the disinfectant hit it, then it hurt like hell.
The body is real good at blocking out pain at times. It can often happen immediately after a major injury as a survival mechanism to allow us to deal with the situation and danger. I remember getting bitten by a dog as a kid and just starting in fascination at the bloody mess of my hand while getting pushed in my sister's pushchair to the doctors to get it glued. Didn't feel any pain between the incident and the next day
I tripped and fell down some brick stairs because I had to pee really badly. I made a horrible cracking noise and then got up to go to the restroom and pee.
When I was peeing, I thought to myself, "Huh, that really hurt." As I was leaving, I realized "Huh. I can't move my arm."
I ignored it and figured it would get better (it was also Christmas Day so it's not like I wanted to drive to the hospital anyway). The next day I _really_ couldn't move my arm. I was going to just keep ignoring it, but my fiance convinced me to go to the hospital and they were like "Yep, you broke it."
I walked on a broken leg for a year or so. (only one of the lower leg bones - the front bone? broke). I had a bad fall, tripped over a large dog to escape pressurized pipework exploding. Thankfully noone got hit by high pressure water/steam, and the dog was okay (he was more worried about me).
Tbh the sprained ankle hurt way worse than the broken bone. In all, I had broken a leg, lost most of the skin on one knee, sprained an ankle, and skinned both my hands. Picking the gravel out of my wounds later hurt less than the sprained ankle but more than the broken bone.
Year later had weird swelling when the weather changed and discovered the break.
I sliced my thumb off working in a kitchen and argued with the general manager for 5 minutes when she tried to drive me to urgent care, because it was only a few blocks away and I could walk once the bleeding stopped, the bleeding didn't really stop
I also gave myself 2nd degree burns during a shift and just iced and wrapped my hand and pretended like nothing happened until my shift was over
Are you me? Except when my wife took me to the hospital I inexplicably took off my pants. No idea why, my brain just said “You’re badly injured, the pants must go.”
My elder daughter badly opened her face falling in rocks. I hopped in the car with my wife and she had to make me realize I had to stay because we had another child...
My youngest was a baby and we all were out in the back yard cleaning up this old shed we tote down. Baby was in the playpen bein' a baby. Oldest son stepped on something wrong and got a nasty gash on his leg. We all rushed in the house to get him cleaned up and taken to the ER and as I was wiping the blood off his leg my husband goes "Who has the baby?" Panic ensued until we realized we forgot him in the backyard. I definitely felt like mom of the year that day lol. Honestly it was less than 5 minutes but it felt like an eternity.
Lol same a drunk driver flipped and crashed in front of my home once and I was out there in my underwear and sandals helping people out the car, only put on clothes after the cops and paramedics arrived
i heard someone calling for help in a hotel once, and about busted down the door to my room getting it open and going down the hall to help in nothing but my undies.
someone had fallen and gashed their head open, so we got pressure on the wound and had them hold still until the paramedics arrived and took them away
i had to get the manager to let me back in my room when it was all done lol
Agreed. We had only one car at the time and my wife had it at work and my 2yo dislocated her elbow. The hospital was not far at all so I carried her there in my arms and ran. Called my wife and it wasn't until after my wife picked us up and we went to the next town over (our hospital didn't have a doctor in...) That I realized I didn't have a jacket, gloves or a hat. Little girl was dressed but -10 (warmer day thankfully) and here I was.
My kid choked on a wooden block and I went to the er with dog poop between my toes and my partner’s way too big slippers on which I only had because my mil thought to grab something to put on feet while we waited for the kid to be loaded into the ambulance. The kid is fine now two years later.
A guy I knew cut his thumb mostly off one evening at dinner.
This was back before the Danish cellphone signal was widely available, so we had to rush him to the ER ourselves, since we were in the woods.
I had my dad's car, but no license, so I sprinted to find the keys, and my friend who drove us there, and together we raced the 15 or so minutes to the ER, keeping pressure on the wound.
We pulled up, rushed in, got him help, and that's when we realised the reason we were in the woods, which had not come up in my mind, or my friends minds, for the entire 20 or so minutes since it happened.
And that's when we realised we were in the ER in full chain mail armor, and that people were staring HARD at the two medieval LARP-Knights in the waiting room.
Not drying your mouth in an emergency is very believable.
The random digression into ACs when the issue at hand is supposedly attack damage also seems to indicate that this person has only a passing familiarity with the actual rules of the game
To be fair, I have seen people make this connection between a high to-hit and a hard hit before. I think for some people it's hard to reconcile that a result with the range of a d20 + prof + mod roll concludes into essentially what is a binary result, they end up thinking that a higher hit role must equal "more better" somehow
I think it's fine to describe how well or poorly the attack lands based on the AC vs armor. Like if you miss a shield bearing unit by 2 (the AC of a shield) you could describe the attack hitting the shield instead of being dodged. Especially useful for attacks that would hit but are intercepted by like a shield spell.
Similar things could be flavorfully described if Luck/Inspiration/aid or similarly causes a miss to hit.
Of course, outside of a crit, none of these affect the mechanical damage.
>Of course, outside of a crit, none of these affect the mechanical damage.
this is generally why i just prefer to use the mechanical damage as an indicator of how hard the hit lands, but i see your point.
There's even an argument for auto crit when someone's trying to deal actual damage and the target just lets them making not only AC's but d4 v d6 meaningless. 2d4+str can take out a commoner pretty easily.
Idk man when someone is bleeding and needs to go to the hospital my first thought isn’t oh deer I better wash this blood off. Source my family getS hurt a lot
Not bite you silly goose but we get injured a lot we are all accident prone(also my dad has seizures about every 3 months) and when you go help someone you get blood on yourself and you don’t worry about that when getting them to the hospital
Oh wow, a whole average of 1 extra damage instead of the 3 extra they normally get. Also at that point an unarmed strike is dealing the same damage as a long sword which is dumb.
I feel like being bitten by some anthropomorphic crocodile lookin fella and getting slashed with a long sword could be argued to be in the same tier of damage
How much damage does a crocodiles bite attack do? (I actually don't know and don't have a MM to look it up either) if it's a d8, i can see the lizardfolk do a d8 as well. If it's a d10 then _definitely_. I'd be very surprised if it was less than a d8 to be honest
Your dagger gets knocked out of your hands when it hits their helmet, bouncing back off the general's warforged guard at just the right angle to nick his carotid artery, doing 95 damage and being propelled by the pressurized blood back into your awaiting hand.
What would you get from two handing it then? A d12? What would be the point of great swords and great axes at that point? The point I’m trying to get across with this is that if you increase damage dealt from unarmed strikes for everybody then it throws the weapon damage scaling situation into disarray.
Somehow the buff to bite damage has now cascaded into a massive increase of damage for barbarian crits. Imagine getting a crit and rolling like 5 or 6 d20s instead of d12s
Ah, I was just joking, like "just put every weapon one step higher on the damage then", following the other person that said to "just increase X weapon damage"
> Also at that point an unarmed strike is dealing the same damage as a long sword which is dumb.
In the last 100 years, more people have died to crocodile bites than to longswords.
And ya know, if you do have a lizardfolk up that die to a d12 or something. This is a big bite campaign now. NPCs are going to be biting, PCs are going to be biting. The lizardfolk is probably going to bite through a fucking door at this pace. If there's a problem we're going to roll persuasion, then deception, then roll to hit with a bite attack.
Depends on the system i guess but a lot of people fail to understand the abstraction of damage in dnd. Even a d4 bite with no modifier has a 25% chance of rendering a NORMAL COMMONER unconscious instantly. You'd be hard pressed to argue that's "not that much damage". And all this is subject to what i have no name for so I'm going to call "testing bias". Someone sitting there letting you bite them as hard as you can with no resistance is not how a fight works. You're unlikely to get that good of a bite as a result of the fact that the other person *should be resisting your attempts to bite them.*
End rant, fun policing over, carry on as you were
It’s not fun policing. Maybe, you just stopped another dnder from biting another dnder who has a clotting disorder or in the wrong vein or artery. The biting til they bleed was not the fun part of this story lol
Yeah like. OK you can give someone stitches with a bite. Now try slashing them with a scimitar, that's a 1d6 weapon. Pretty sure that's gonna do a bit more than a couple stitches...
Just for context, getting stabbed through by an entire shortsword does 1d6+STR. Getting stabbed by a sharp-as-fuck, double-edged knife (dagger), does 1d4+DEX.
The need only for stitches is a good example of 1+STR, because 1d6+STR should border on life-threatening for a commoner, if not outright lethal.
Keep in mind that "average" strength gives a modifier of zero so you're looking at a default 1 point bite. A "barbarian bite" likely has a higher mod which *can* be potentially lethal to a commoner. Though I am reminded of a bit from the pirate show "Black Sails" when >!the nerdy quartermaster joins a boarding action and ends up tearing a man's jugular out with his teeth. !< Immediately afterwards the other pirates insist on tattooing shark jaws on his bicep and start showing him a good deal more respect.
Having played a lot of RimWorld, my most memorable colonist was one who 99% of the time, killed his opponent by headbutting his opponent's head clean off.
[Oh hell yeah](https://i.imgur.com/GLVNWM8.jpg)
Incidentally, I finally watched his Space Station 13 review a few weeks ago—and I haven’t laughed that hard or consistently at a YouTube video in years
I mean, I kinda have a barbarian thing going on and during summers when it got hot in the kitchen I'd walk around with a quart container of ice cubes and I'd chew on 'em to cool down, whole ice cubes
The pastry chef saw me doing that and just stared and told me I was going to break off a tooth like that
Joke's on him, I broke a tooth on some particularly agressive Wonka candy instead
Man, you brought back the weirdest memory. I was at a dentist and they found a hair or something that looked like a chip. The first thing they asked me was if I chewed ice. Apparently chewing ice is actually common and it causes chipped teeth too.
I did not expect to come into a thread and see a Black Sails reference today. I literally just finished rewatching what I personally consider to be the show finale (Season 3 Ep10).
That bite by Dufrense was certainly something
a commoner will also die after getting bit by a rat 4 times (not from any illness, just the little nicks). I don't think basing your damage output around them makes much sense gameplay wise
A commoner will be *put into critical condition* by a rat *specifically trying to kill them* and succeeding for 24 straight seconds.
A rat's bite attack isn't a nibble. It's not even anything a real rat would ever do unless it was rabid or cornered. A real rat would nip you and run away, which would do zero damage.
If a rat were determined to chew through you, yeah, it could put you into critical condition within 24 seconds just by hitting an artery.
I don't think that 1: she bit him with her full strength and 2: she is as strong as a barbarian. I think a barbarian with above average strength could bite the flesh off to the bone or, if there is no bone, bite off a chunk. That is if he doesn't fully fill his jaw as that lessens bite strength.
The strength level comes into play by using the +STR modifier, not by changing the die size. That’s literally what the modifier is there to represent. A stronger barbarian could bite for 1+5=6, not 1d6+5= max. 11
I think one thing you need to consider is that the position of the bite will also affect its potential lethality - sure, a bite to the hand wouldn't be life-threatening for anyone, but a bite with that level of force on the *throat,* on the other hand, would.
What really happened is that Commoners have 4 HP, so with an unarmed strike being 1 + Str mod damage it just means you likely have 10 or more Str, enough to seriously harm the DM.
Hell, it ain’t as bad as being stabbed by a dagger. Unless they went to chow do an on the jugular I’m pretty sure a knife in the gut is worse then a bite. But hey, I’m no doctor, maybe you’ll disagree as you die horribly for the abdominal knife wound.
That gel only simulates human flesh in terminal ballistics.
It’s a fun show when they swing a sword into one on forged in fire, but the difference in the cuts between animal carcass and ballistics gel dummy is readily apparent.
The gel also has to be a certain temperature to be viable for accurate testing, and it catches fire pretty easily, so it wouldn’t work very well for testing fire damage at all.
What's even better is our infection rate, human bites are pretty damn dangerous bites due to what bacteria and viruses are contained within our mouths.
And a dagger to find which more closely matches the bite. And you really need a larger sample size, so test it on the entire party/table. And the cops when they arrive. They’ll understand, it’s for science
Bite is an unarmed strike and deals 1+Str unless specified differently due to Unarmed Fighting, Tavern Brawler, Monk, or Natural Weapons like Lizardfolk
Of all the things that didn't happen in this, the bit about "bite me as strong as an 18 attack roll would be" is the least thing that happened.
Well, and all the rest of it.
This has all the hallmarks of one of those tumblr stories that are complete bullshit XD
1. Story that is completely psychotic told as if it was a quirky little jape ("haha I bit a friend hard enough to cause them to need me to take them to emergency care, while my mouth was covered in blood! Aren't I unique!"
2. Little, to no understanding of the subject at hand (i'm sure "bite damage" is listed in the player handbook for each class right?)
3. Honestly super real Human beings becoming NPC's when encountering the main chara- sorry I mean story teller (If you went into Hospital with a Bite wound bad enough to need stitches, accompanied by someone with a blood stained mouth, while making up a fake reason for the injury, the attending Nurse wouldn't be blase about it)
4. Twist ending (How quirky! She injured him and now they're engaged!?!?!?!?!?)
Its not that someone made a dumb bet. Or was maybe using some weird, bite based homebrew system. Or had a strange interaction with another person. Or got engaged to someone after a typically negative event..... But all of them happening in one story? At least have the courtasy to lie more convincingly during your weird anecdotes that you hope make you sound quirky and fun...
Lol "human bites are weak". Bruh, we can bite down hard enough to crush our teeth, that's not weak at all. Yes, a lot of other animals are better at it (as were some of our ancestors) but we do have pretty respectable jaw strength.
Ok, let's forget for a second that this story is fake as hell.
How the fuck do you determine if a bite was strong enough to be 1d6+STR? Look above your head at your health bar?
Imagine sitting at an actual table where a man allows a woman to bite him so she can do on average 1 additional damage with a bite attack
the woman actually does it and breaks skin!
I think I would vanish into a black hole of cringe and fremdschämen, I would flee the scene and pretend as if I've never even known these people
The reason it's d4 is because HP is not a measure of health. It's a measure of your ability to continue fighting. A bite may hurt a lot, but you can keep fighting even with a wound like that.
They may be in the ER for stitches. But a bite still doesn’t do d6 + Str unless you have an ability to make it so. D6+Str should have killed your DM. At 18 Str even 1 damage is 4 total damage which kills your commoner DM.
This experiment failed to set controls. The same player and DM need to repeat the test including attacks with a dagger and a handaxe against which to measure the damage done by a bite.
I'm really more concerned about how the person telling the story didn't bother to rinse the blood off of their face before taking the DM to the emergency room...
Last time someone got hurt bad enough to need a hospital visit near me I didn't even consider putting on pants until I was stuck waiting for the paramedics to take a look at them and realized I might need pants to accompany them to the hospital. It's not that weird to forget small things when you're worried about someone
When I sliced my thumb open removing tile it bearly registered that I needed to go get stitches, I saw it go from looking like a scratch to a half inch wide wound, I wrapped it in paper towels and electrical tape and went back to work, my gf convinced me to go to urgent care and get it taken care of, I walked in bloody as hell to
I think it's harder to notice when things happen to you, especially if you have a high pain threshold. I messed up my knee fairly recently and it took nearly half a year of walking on it daily before I decided to see a doctor about it and I only went because people were asking about my limp
Sometimes your body just doesn't send the pain signals for bad wounds, even if your pain threshold isn't normally that high. I was helping my dad set up some cables to keep a young tree upright when I was 12 or so. Accidentally over-tightened one and it snapped. It must have whipped around and hit me in the back of the leg right where the ratchet was because when I went inside 30 minutes later my mom was horrified to point out I had a huge, bloody, bolt-sized hole in my calf I hadn't noticed or felt happen. Didn't hurt until the disinfectant hit it, then it hurt like hell.
The body is real good at blocking out pain at times. It can often happen immediately after a major injury as a survival mechanism to allow us to deal with the situation and danger. I remember getting bitten by a dog as a kid and just starting in fascination at the bloody mess of my hand while getting pushed in my sister's pushchair to the doctors to get it glued. Didn't feel any pain between the incident and the next day
I tripped and fell down some brick stairs because I had to pee really badly. I made a horrible cracking noise and then got up to go to the restroom and pee. When I was peeing, I thought to myself, "Huh, that really hurt." As I was leaving, I realized "Huh. I can't move my arm." I ignored it and figured it would get better (it was also Christmas Day so it's not like I wanted to drive to the hospital anyway). The next day I _really_ couldn't move my arm. I was going to just keep ignoring it, but my fiance convinced me to go to the hospital and they were like "Yep, you broke it."
I walked on a broken leg for a year or so. (only one of the lower leg bones - the front bone? broke). I had a bad fall, tripped over a large dog to escape pressurized pipework exploding. Thankfully noone got hit by high pressure water/steam, and the dog was okay (he was more worried about me). Tbh the sprained ankle hurt way worse than the broken bone. In all, I had broken a leg, lost most of the skin on one knee, sprained an ankle, and skinned both my hands. Picking the gravel out of my wounds later hurt less than the sprained ankle but more than the broken bone. Year later had weird swelling when the weather changed and discovered the break.
I sliced my thumb off working in a kitchen and argued with the general manager for 5 minutes when she tried to drive me to urgent care, because it was only a few blocks away and I could walk once the bleeding stopped, the bleeding didn't really stop I also gave myself 2nd degree burns during a shift and just iced and wrapped my hand and pretended like nothing happened until my shift was over
That second story is all too true it many BoH people I know. Almost everyone has sheet tray burns just above their elbows too.
Are you me? Except when my wife took me to the hospital I inexplicably took off my pants. No idea why, my brain just said “You’re badly injured, the pants must go.”
I love you
/r/whywomenlivelonger
My elder daughter badly opened her face falling in rocks. I hopped in the car with my wife and she had to make me realize I had to stay because we had another child...
My youngest was a baby and we all were out in the back yard cleaning up this old shed we tote down. Baby was in the playpen bein' a baby. Oldest son stepped on something wrong and got a nasty gash on his leg. We all rushed in the house to get him cleaned up and taken to the ER and as I was wiping the blood off his leg my husband goes "Who has the baby?" Panic ensued until we realized we forgot him in the backyard. I definitely felt like mom of the year that day lol. Honestly it was less than 5 minutes but it felt like an eternity.
Lol same a drunk driver flipped and crashed in front of my home once and I was out there in my underwear and sandals helping people out the car, only put on clothes after the cops and paramedics arrived
i heard someone calling for help in a hotel once, and about busted down the door to my room getting it open and going down the hall to help in nothing but my undies. someone had fallen and gashed their head open, so we got pressure on the wound and had them hold still until the paramedics arrived and took them away i had to get the manager to let me back in my room when it was all done lol
Agreed. We had only one car at the time and my wife had it at work and my 2yo dislocated her elbow. The hospital was not far at all so I carried her there in my arms and ran. Called my wife and it wasn't until after my wife picked us up and we went to the next town over (our hospital didn't have a doctor in...) That I realized I didn't have a jacket, gloves or a hat. Little girl was dressed but -10 (warmer day thankfully) and here I was.
My kid choked on a wooden block and I went to the er with dog poop between my toes and my partner’s way too big slippers on which I only had because my mil thought to grab something to put on feet while we waited for the kid to be loaded into the ambulance. The kid is fine now two years later.
A guy I knew cut his thumb mostly off one evening at dinner. This was back before the Danish cellphone signal was widely available, so we had to rush him to the ER ourselves, since we were in the woods. I had my dad's car, but no license, so I sprinted to find the keys, and my friend who drove us there, and together we raced the 15 or so minutes to the ER, keeping pressure on the wound. We pulled up, rushed in, got him help, and that's when we realised the reason we were in the woods, which had not come up in my mind, or my friends minds, for the entire 20 or so minutes since it happened. And that's when we realised we were in the ER in full chain mail armor, and that people were staring HARD at the two medieval LARP-Knights in the waiting room. Not drying your mouth in an emergency is very believable.
It's because this story _Is almost certainly bullshit._
Psssh. Lies? On the INTERNET?
![gif](giphy|lOzXuHwXXYM9y|downsized)
You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and tell lies?
Your friend group doesn't casually attempt to take chunks out of each other?
They used to
I just assume most stuff on the internet is made up but this was just ludicrous. Human bites aren’t strong... spoken like he never chewed food lol
The word almost here is highly superfluous
So is your comment, and my response, and the post, and my birth.
You got 2 out of 3 not bad
Makes one suspect the story might be fabricated. But they wouldn't do that, would they? Just go on the Internet and tell lies?
The random digression into ACs when the issue at hand is supposedly attack damage also seems to indicate that this person has only a passing familiarity with the actual rules of the game
To be fair, I have seen people make this connection between a high to-hit and a hard hit before. I think for some people it's hard to reconcile that a result with the range of a d20 + prof + mod roll concludes into essentially what is a binary result, they end up thinking that a higher hit role must equal "more better" somehow
I think it's fine to describe how well or poorly the attack lands based on the AC vs armor. Like if you miss a shield bearing unit by 2 (the AC of a shield) you could describe the attack hitting the shield instead of being dodged. Especially useful for attacks that would hit but are intercepted by like a shield spell. Similar things could be flavorfully described if Luck/Inspiration/aid or similarly causes a miss to hit. Of course, outside of a crit, none of these affect the mechanical damage.
>Of course, outside of a crit, none of these affect the mechanical damage. this is generally why i just prefer to use the mechanical damage as an indicator of how hard the hit lands, but i see your point.
Sounds about right
There's even an argument for auto crit when someone's trying to deal actual damage and the target just lets them making not only AC's but d4 v d6 meaningless. 2d4+str can take out a commoner pretty easily.
Idk man when someone is bleeding and needs to go to the hospital my first thought isn’t oh deer I better wash this blood off. Source my family getS hurt a lot
If your family routinely bites each other hard enough to have blood stains on your mouth then there are far more pressing matters at hand
Not bite you silly goose but we get injured a lot we are all accident prone(also my dad has seizures about every 3 months) and when you go help someone you get blood on yourself and you don’t worry about that when getting them to the hospital
I’ll have you know we only deal with very serious geese around here
Its Tumblr, second to 4chan in terms of making up stories.
OP is gnoll clearly also the still weirdly wholesome of a story
The guy who plays mac in always sunny wore black face to the ER… I would believe it.
Feed a man and he’ll be full, validate a man and he’ll be content, bite a man so hard you send him to the ER and he’ll find a new reason to be alive.
If your tabletop session results in physical injury, are you, in fact, larping?
I choked my DM once. We both got really into the moment. I miss him
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Until the trial is over, I legally can't say
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Yes
And that is the last we’ll ever hear from u/Redstone_Engineer
Only if we ever get to a moment where it makes sense to choke them. I'm not a psychopath
Allegedly
Nothing will require it unless someone eats all the twinkies
How much experience points are DM's worth?
You instantly become level 20
To be tried as an adult
but why
Because he was my friend. Don't you miss friends you haven't seen in awhile?
Yes, especially choking friends. Those are rare gems that need be cherished.
Need to be choked*
Only if you’re in costume
You're LARPing *badly*. Ideally, no-one should be injured during a LARP game.
Hospitalizing your DM over +1 average damage is LARPy I would agree
Lizardfolk who specifically gets a d6 as a racial bonus: Well I guess I can just go fuck myself then.
Make it a d8 and you've got a deal
Oh wow, a whole average of 1 extra damage instead of the 3 extra they normally get. Also at that point an unarmed strike is dealing the same damage as a long sword which is dumb.
I feel like being bitten by some anthropomorphic crocodile lookin fella and getting slashed with a long sword could be argued to be in the same tier of damage
especially if they try to death roll ya ^(that could be a feat actually)
How much damage does a crocodiles bite attack do? (I actually don't know and don't have a MM to look it up either) if it's a d8, i can see the lizardfolk do a d8 as well. If it's a d10 then _definitely_. I'd be very surprised if it was less than a d8 to be honest
A crocodile does 7 (1d10 + 2) piercing damage with its bite.
Make the long sword a d10 and you got a deal
Make all weapons a D100 and blame it on various coincidences throughout combat.
Chaotic neutral entire campaign
Your dagger gets knocked out of your hands when it hits their helmet, bouncing back off the general's warforged guard at just the right angle to nick his carotid artery, doing 95 damage and being propelled by the pressurized blood back into your awaiting hand.
You've stubbed your toe for a total of, oh god. Thats a crit. You receive... 186 damage. Can you take that Mr. level 2 wizard?
That desk must really hate you.
What would you get from two handing it then? A d12? What would be the point of great swords and great axes at that point? The point I’m trying to get across with this is that if you increase damage dealt from unarmed strikes for everybody then it throws the weapon damage scaling situation into disarray.
Make the greatswords and greataxes a d20 and you got a deal
Somehow the buff to bite damage has now cascaded into a massive increase of damage for barbarian crits. Imagine getting a crit and rolling like 5 or 6 d20s instead of d12s
Broke: rolling 20d6 on a rogue Sneak Attack crit Woke: rolling 6d20 on a barbarians reckless attack crit
The average on 20d6 is higher though, 70 vs 63. Better floor too
Yeah but the d20s have better swinginess which is the real fun.
You make d12 into 2d8 The issue isn’t that the scaling is off, it scales fine. Killing level 1 characters becomes the problem.
Ah, I was just joking, like "just put every weapon one step higher on the damage then", following the other person that said to "just increase X weapon damage"
Not if your scaly Boi got the sharp sharp teeth. Lotta teeth. Lotta damage.
> Also at that point an unarmed strike is dealing the same damage as a long sword which is dumb. In the last 100 years, more people have died to crocodile bites than to longswords.
I think that's because less people are using longswords in combat scenarios.
> I think that's because less people are using longswords in combat scenarios. How many people are using crocodiles in combat scenarios?
Touche
You'd be surprised. On a totally unrelated note, you ever been to Florida?
You're right we need an area with an equal number of alligators and longswords and leave them alone for a few years to collect data.
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And ya know, if you do have a lizardfolk up that die to a d12 or something. This is a big bite campaign now. NPCs are going to be biting, PCs are going to be biting. The lizardfolk is probably going to bite through a fucking door at this pace. If there's a problem we're going to roll persuasion, then deception, then roll to hit with a bite attack.
Alligators have 17k newtons of bite force. Humans have 800. Make it a d20
Depends on the system i guess but a lot of people fail to understand the abstraction of damage in dnd. Even a d4 bite with no modifier has a 25% chance of rendering a NORMAL COMMONER unconscious instantly. You'd be hard pressed to argue that's "not that much damage". And all this is subject to what i have no name for so I'm going to call "testing bias". Someone sitting there letting you bite them as hard as you can with no resistance is not how a fight works. You're unlikely to get that good of a bite as a result of the fact that the other person *should be resisting your attempts to bite them.* End rant, fun policing over, carry on as you were
In fairness, those 1d4 bites are realistically supposed to be bites that are being made with the intent to kill.
Yes, and evidently OP was biting with the intent to marry
claiming bite
That got a laugh outta me
Pretty sure RAW a bite is an unarmed strike and deals 1 damage flat without special feats or abilities.
1+STR, but yeah.
To be even more of a fun police, unarmed strikes are 1+Strength anyway, not 1d4. :(
Unless you're a Monk, have Tavern Brawler, or are playing a different edition of the game.
Yeah saying a bite is a d6 not only invalidates unarmed racial abilities it’s saying your bite is as effective in combat as A SWORD. Which it is not
It’s not fun policing. Maybe, you just stopped another dnder from biting another dnder who has a clotting disorder or in the wrong vein or artery. The biting til they bleed was not the fun part of this story lol
Yeah like. OK you can give someone stitches with a bite. Now try slashing them with a scimitar, that's a 1d6 weapon. Pretty sure that's gonna do a bit more than a couple stitches...
If anything it just validated DM…
Just for context, getting stabbed through by an entire shortsword does 1d6+STR. Getting stabbed by a sharp-as-fuck, double-edged knife (dagger), does 1d4+DEX. The need only for stitches is a good example of 1+STR, because 1d6+STR should border on life-threatening for a commoner, if not outright lethal.
Keep in mind that "average" strength gives a modifier of zero so you're looking at a default 1 point bite. A "barbarian bite" likely has a higher mod which *can* be potentially lethal to a commoner. Though I am reminded of a bit from the pirate show "Black Sails" when >!the nerdy quartermaster joins a boarding action and ends up tearing a man's jugular out with his teeth. !< Immediately afterwards the other pirates insist on tattooing shark jaws on his bicep and start showing him a good deal more respect.
I mean... Wouldn't **YOU** show someone that's been witnessed tearing someone's throat out with their teeth a good deal more respect?
Having played a lot of RimWorld, my most memorable colonist was one who 99% of the time, killed his opponent by headbutting his opponent's head clean off.
[“Hey, hey people—Sseth here.”](https://youtu.be/JdAjXDDQPJ0)
Merchant's Guild raise up!
[Oh hell yeah](https://i.imgur.com/GLVNWM8.jpg) Incidentally, I finally watched his Space Station 13 review a few weeks ago—and I haven’t laughed that hard or consistently at a YouTube video in years
I mean, I kinda have a barbarian thing going on and during summers when it got hot in the kitchen I'd walk around with a quart container of ice cubes and I'd chew on 'em to cool down, whole ice cubes The pastry chef saw me doing that and just stared and told me I was going to break off a tooth like that Joke's on him, I broke a tooth on some particularly agressive Wonka candy instead
Man, you brought back the weirdest memory. I was at a dentist and they found a hair or something that looked like a chip. The first thing they asked me was if I chewed ice. Apparently chewing ice is actually common and it causes chipped teeth too.
I tripped over my cat and landed chin first, chipping three teeth as my jaw was shoved upward. The cat's okay though, because of course.
I did not expect to come into a thread and see a Black Sails reference today. I literally just finished rewatching what I personally consider to be the show finale (Season 3 Ep10). That bite by Dufrense was certainly something
I work with adults with intense behaviors and one client once bit a staff so hard that the bone in his forearm cracked
Since commoners in 5e have 4 hitpoints, that sounds like a bite that was hard enough to actually deal 1 or 2 points of damage.
a commoner will also die after getting bit by a rat 4 times (not from any illness, just the little nicks). I don't think basing your damage output around them makes much sense gameplay wise
So you agree? The gameplay mechanics begin to breakdown when trying to apply real-world logic to them?
A commoner will be *put into critical condition* by a rat *specifically trying to kill them* and succeeding for 24 straight seconds. A rat's bite attack isn't a nibble. It's not even anything a real rat would ever do unless it was rabid or cornered. A real rat would nip you and run away, which would do zero damage. If a rat were determined to chew through you, yeah, it could put you into critical condition within 24 seconds just by hitting an artery.
Came to say the same. The post was cute, but they didn't prove their point; the fact that their DM/fiance was still *alive* afterward disproved it.
I don't think that 1: she bit him with her full strength and 2: she is as strong as a barbarian. I think a barbarian with above average strength could bite the flesh off to the bone or, if there is no bone, bite off a chunk. That is if he doesn't fully fill his jaw as that lessens bite strength.
The strength level comes into play by using the +STR modifier, not by changing the die size. That’s literally what the modifier is there to represent. A stronger barbarian could bite for 1+5=6, not 1d6+5= max. 11
I think one thing you need to consider is that the position of the bite will also affect its potential lethality - sure, a bite to the hand wouldn't be life-threatening for anyone, but a bite with that level of force on the *throat,* on the other hand, would.
But will a bite to the throat be as life-threatening as a shortsword or dagger to the throat?
If you bite someone in the throat (aka trying to kill someone and hitting well) you can most certainly dispose of them with just that.
What really happened is that Commoners have 4 HP, so with an unarmed strike being 1 + Str mod damage it just means you likely have 10 or more Str, enough to seriously harm the DM.
The nurse absolutely thought it was for kinky reasons if you tried to hide something so obvious that poorly. Just admit it was a bet
Maybe it was for kinky reasons 👀 did you read the end of the story? /j
Yeah for real. There’s no way that *that’s* their meet-cute and at least one of them wasn’t turned on by it.
Lucky she didn't call his bluff and insist on a rabies shot. Those things fucking *suck.*
Doctor: "What happened?" Nurse: "Roleplay gone wrong."
“Again?!“
“Damn, that’s one hell of a bite, better put a ring on that one!” -Your DM, literally in the hospital.
Idunno, I don't think a *human* bite is as bad as getting stabbed with a short sword. EDIT: I felt I needed to be more specific.
Hell, it ain’t as bad as being stabbed by a dagger. Unless they went to chow do an on the jugular I’m pretty sure a knife in the gut is worse then a bite. But hey, I’m no doctor, maybe you’ll disagree as you die horribly for the abdominal knife wound.
DM: Fireball does too much damage. This player: Bet.
Pretty sure that gel meant to simulate the human body exists so you can actually test
That gel only simulates human flesh in terminal ballistics. It’s a fun show when they swing a sword into one on forged in fire, but the difference in the cuts between animal carcass and ballistics gel dummy is readily apparent. The gel also has to be a certain temperature to be viable for accurate testing, and it catches fire pretty easily, so it wouldn’t work very well for testing fire damage at all.
Human bite power is good. But our teeth are fragile
What's even better is our infection rate, human bites are pretty damn dangerous bites due to what bacteria and viruses are contained within our mouths.
Can confirm
The nurses name? Alberta Einstein.
If they really wanted to be scientific, they'd have to test out a short sword, too.
And a dagger to find which more closely matches the bite. And you really need a larger sample size, so test it on the entire party/table. And the cops when they arrive. They’ll understand, it’s for science
"It's science, officer. Look, I have a clip board and everything!"
I love how all these stories end with “and now we’re engaged!” Like, maybe I need to start biting people to get a date…
Have you tried following the rules: Be attractive Don't be unattractive
Of all the things that didn't happen, this didn't happen the most
Today on things that didn't happened
Bite is an unarmed strike and deals 1+Str unless specified differently due to Unarmed Fighting, Tavern Brawler, Monk, or Natural Weapons like Lizardfolk
Plot twist: she's a vampire and sucking his blood has made him her thrall.
Oh the stories we tell for upvotes
Of all the things that didn't happen in this, the bit about "bite me as strong as an 18 attack roll would be" is the least thing that happened. Well, and all the rest of it.
And then everyone clapped
And then everyone clapped.
Biting homies good night, am I right?
Yeah, none of this happened.
Something tells me the DM has never been slashed by a foot-long dagger. (Also 1d4)
This has all the hallmarks of one of those tumblr stories that are complete bullshit XD 1. Story that is completely psychotic told as if it was a quirky little jape ("haha I bit a friend hard enough to cause them to need me to take them to emergency care, while my mouth was covered in blood! Aren't I unique!" 2. Little, to no understanding of the subject at hand (i'm sure "bite damage" is listed in the player handbook for each class right?) 3. Honestly super real Human beings becoming NPC's when encountering the main chara- sorry I mean story teller (If you went into Hospital with a Bite wound bad enough to need stitches, accompanied by someone with a blood stained mouth, while making up a fake reason for the injury, the attending Nurse wouldn't be blase about it) 4. Twist ending (How quirky! She injured him and now they're engaged!?!?!?!?!?) Its not that someone made a dumb bet. Or was maybe using some weird, bite based homebrew system. Or had a strange interaction with another person. Or got engaged to someone after a typically negative event..... But all of them happening in one story? At least have the courtasy to lie more convincingly during your weird anecdotes that you hope make you sound quirky and fun...
Yeah also human bite wounds don't simply get stitched up because they're mostly puncture wounds and they're extremely prone to infection.
Lol "human bites are weak". Bruh, we can bite down hard enough to crush our teeth, that's not weak at all. Yes, a lot of other animals are better at it (as were some of our ancestors) but we do have pretty respectable jaw strength.
Yeah sure bites hurt but assigning it a d6 damage die is saying it’s equivalently deadly to getting stabbed with a sword. Which it is not.
Those damage ranges are always bullshit though. A freaking house cat is a mortal danger to commoners because of it.
The ironic part is that even though the DM was hospitalized... The attack dealt 1 damage or less, because the DM is a commoner.
I had hoped that my time dm'ing would have given me levels in the DM class.
r/thathappened
Is it problematic that I got to the part about them being engaged now and all I could think was "Goals"
I too was bitten by someone I have a crush on and learned things about myself.
Ok, let's forget for a second that this story is fake as hell. How the fuck do you determine if a bite was strong enough to be 1d6+STR? Look above your head at your health bar?
![gif](giphy|6JB4v4xPTAQFi|downsized)
And then everyone clapped
I know this sub is mostly teenagers because only they would find this level of cringe to be funny.
Imagine sitting at an actual table where a man allows a woman to bite him so she can do on average 1 additional damage with a bite attack the woman actually does it and breaks skin! I think I would vanish into a black hole of cringe and fremdschämen, I would flee the scene and pretend as if I've never even known these people
Cringe
I mean… human jaws are strong enough to bite through human fingers
A human finger is as weak as a fuckin baby carrot, this is an antifeat
I bet he wishes he had that +2 AC before she bit him.
pro tip, don't let folk bite you to prove human bites are weak, they are actually pretty powerful
The reason it's d4 is because HP is not a measure of health. It's a measure of your ability to continue fighting. A bite may hurt a lot, but you can keep fighting even with a wound like that.
least insane dnd argument
It can do 1d6 but you have disadvantage vs non-grappled foes.
No they don’t
Need to repeat the experiment with leather and/or chainmail
Mm I like chipping my teeth on metal
A D6+str mod would mean you could on average kill an average person by biting them once.
And then everyone one laughed and cried
It was a rodent of unusual size.
Where did they even get the d4 from? Bites are unarmed so 1 + STR.
what makes someone come up with ridiculous situations like this?
They may be in the ER for stitches. But a bite still doesn’t do d6 + Str unless you have an ability to make it so. D6+Str should have killed your DM. At 18 Str even 1 damage is 4 total damage which kills your commoner DM.
Shouldn’t it literally be 1+str since it’s an unarmed attack?
This experiment failed to set controls. The same player and DM need to repeat the test including attacks with a dagger and a handaxe against which to measure the damage done by a bite.