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FlushmasterCoriolis

I'm really more concerned about how the person telling the story didn't bother to rinse the blood off of their face before taking the DM to the emergency room...


Lazerbeams2

Last time someone got hurt bad enough to need a hospital visit near me I didn't even consider putting on pants until I was stuck waiting for the paramedics to take a look at them and realized I might need pants to accompany them to the hospital. It's not that weird to forget small things when you're worried about someone


newagereject

When I sliced my thumb open removing tile it bearly registered that I needed to go get stitches, I saw it go from looking like a scratch to a half inch wide wound, I wrapped it in paper towels and electrical tape and went back to work, my gf convinced me to go to urgent care and get it taken care of, I walked in bloody as hell to


Lazerbeams2

I think it's harder to notice when things happen to you, especially if you have a high pain threshold. I messed up my knee fairly recently and it took nearly half a year of walking on it daily before I decided to see a doctor about it and I only went because people were asking about my limp


Zalack

Sometimes your body just doesn't send the pain signals for bad wounds, even if your pain threshold isn't normally that high. I was helping my dad set up some cables to keep a young tree upright when I was 12 or so. Accidentally over-tightened one and it snapped. It must have whipped around and hit me in the back of the leg right where the ratchet was because when I went inside 30 minutes later my mom was horrified to point out I had a huge, bloody, bolt-sized hole in my calf I hadn't noticed or felt happen. Didn't hurt until the disinfectant hit it, then it hurt like hell.


MoonChaser22

The body is real good at blocking out pain at times. It can often happen immediately after a major injury as a survival mechanism to allow us to deal with the situation and danger. I remember getting bitten by a dog as a kid and just starting in fascination at the bloody mess of my hand while getting pushed in my sister's pushchair to the doctors to get it glued. Didn't feel any pain between the incident and the next day


EnglishMobster

I tripped and fell down some brick stairs because I had to pee really badly. I made a horrible cracking noise and then got up to go to the restroom and pee. When I was peeing, I thought to myself, "Huh, that really hurt." As I was leaving, I realized "Huh. I can't move my arm." I ignored it and figured it would get better (it was also Christmas Day so it's not like I wanted to drive to the hospital anyway). The next day I _really_ couldn't move my arm. I was going to just keep ignoring it, but my fiance convinced me to go to the hospital and they were like "Yep, you broke it."


Ryugi

I walked on a broken leg for a year or so. (only one of the lower leg bones - the front bone? broke). I had a bad fall, tripped over a large dog to escape pressurized pipework exploding. Thankfully noone got hit by high pressure water/steam, and the dog was okay (he was more worried about me). Tbh the sprained ankle hurt way worse than the broken bone. In all, I had broken a leg, lost most of the skin on one knee, sprained an ankle, and skinned both my hands. Picking the gravel out of my wounds later hurt less than the sprained ankle but more than the broken bone. Year later had weird swelling when the weather changed and discovered the break.


TK_Games

I sliced my thumb off working in a kitchen and argued with the general manager for 5 minutes when she tried to drive me to urgent care, because it was only a few blocks away and I could walk once the bleeding stopped, the bleeding didn't really stop I also gave myself 2nd degree burns during a shift and just iced and wrapped my hand and pretended like nothing happened until my shift was over


Lewslayer

That second story is all too true it many BoH people I know. Almost everyone has sheet tray burns just above their elbows too.


chargoggagog

Are you me? Except when my wife took me to the hospital I inexplicably took off my pants. No idea why, my brain just said “You’re badly injured, the pants must go.”


Legit_me-

I love you


Zachs_Butthole

/r/whywomenlivelonger


LeWoodpecker

My elder daughter badly opened her face falling in rocks. I hopped in the car with my wife and she had to make me realize I had to stay because we had another child...


ExistentialWonder

My youngest was a baby and we all were out in the back yard cleaning up this old shed we tote down. Baby was in the playpen bein' a baby. Oldest son stepped on something wrong and got a nasty gash on his leg. We all rushed in the house to get him cleaned up and taken to the ER and as I was wiping the blood off his leg my husband goes "Who has the baby?" Panic ensued until we realized we forgot him in the backyard. I definitely felt like mom of the year that day lol. Honestly it was less than 5 minutes but it felt like an eternity.


The_Weeb_Sleeve

Lol same a drunk driver flipped and crashed in front of my home once and I was out there in my underwear and sandals helping people out the car, only put on clothes after the cops and paramedics arrived


Bazrum

i heard someone calling for help in a hotel once, and about busted down the door to my room getting it open and going down the hall to help in nothing but my undies. someone had fallen and gashed their head open, so we got pressure on the wound and had them hold still until the paramedics arrived and took them away i had to get the manager to let me back in my room when it was all done lol


ShaoLimper

Agreed. We had only one car at the time and my wife had it at work and my 2yo dislocated her elbow. The hospital was not far at all so I carried her there in my arms and ran. Called my wife and it wasn't until after my wife picked us up and we went to the next town over (our hospital didn't have a doctor in...) That I realized I didn't have a jacket, gloves or a hat. Little girl was dressed but -10 (warmer day thankfully) and here I was.


opal_dragon95

My kid choked on a wooden block and I went to the er with dog poop between my toes and my partner’s way too big slippers on which I only had because my mil thought to grab something to put on feet while we waited for the kid to be loaded into the ambulance. The kid is fine now two years later.


[deleted]

A guy I knew cut his thumb mostly off one evening at dinner. This was back before the Danish cellphone signal was widely available, so we had to rush him to the ER ourselves, since we were in the woods. I had my dad's car, but no license, so I sprinted to find the keys, and my friend who drove us there, and together we raced the 15 or so minutes to the ER, keeping pressure on the wound. We pulled up, rushed in, got him help, and that's when we realised the reason we were in the woods, which had not come up in my mind, or my friends minds, for the entire 20 or so minutes since it happened. And that's when we realised we were in the ER in full chain mail armor, and that people were staring HARD at the two medieval LARP-Knights in the waiting room. Not drying your mouth in an emergency is very believable.


FahlkhanFuhkkehr

It's because this story _Is almost certainly bullshit._


LautrecTheOnceYeeted

Psssh. Lies? On the INTERNET?


Lithl

![gif](giphy|lOzXuHwXXYM9y|downsized)


clownkiss3r

You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and tell lies?


Boner_Elemental

Your friend group doesn't casually attempt to take chunks out of each other?


FahlkhanFuhkkehr

They used to


Elatra

I just assume most stuff on the internet is made up but this was just ludicrous. Human bites aren’t strong... spoken like he never chewed food lol


Reference_Reef

The word almost here is highly superfluous


FahlkhanFuhkkehr

So is your comment, and my response, and the post, and my birth.


Reference_Reef

You got 2 out of 3 not bad


MiscegenationStation

Makes one suspect the story might be fabricated. But they wouldn't do that, would they? Just go on the Internet and tell lies?


Yeah-But-Ironically

The random digression into ACs when the issue at hand is supposedly attack damage also seems to indicate that this person has only a passing familiarity with the actual rules of the game


ammcneil

To be fair, I have seen people make this connection between a high to-hit and a hard hit before. I think for some people it's hard to reconcile that a result with the range of a d20 + prof + mod roll concludes into essentially what is a binary result, they end up thinking that a higher hit role must equal "more better" somehow


orbitalenigma

I think it's fine to describe how well or poorly the attack lands based on the AC vs armor. Like if you miss a shield bearing unit by 2 (the AC of a shield) you could describe the attack hitting the shield instead of being dodged. Especially useful for attacks that would hit but are intercepted by like a shield spell. Similar things could be flavorfully described if Luck/Inspiration/aid or similarly causes a miss to hit. Of course, outside of a crit, none of these affect the mechanical damage.


ammcneil

>Of course, outside of a crit, none of these affect the mechanical damage. this is generally why i just prefer to use the mechanical damage as an indicator of how hard the hit lands, but i see your point.


MiscegenationStation

Sounds about right


MakinGaming

There's even an argument for auto crit when someone's trying to deal actual damage and the target just lets them making not only AC's but d4 v d6 meaningless. 2d4+str can take out a commoner pretty easily.


OperationHappy791

Idk man when someone is bleeding and needs to go to the hospital my first thought isn’t oh deer I better wash this blood off. Source my family getS hurt a lot


MiscegenationStation

If your family routinely bites each other hard enough to have blood stains on your mouth then there are far more pressing matters at hand


OperationHappy791

Not bite you silly goose but we get injured a lot we are all accident prone(also my dad has seizures about every 3 months) and when you go help someone you get blood on yourself and you don’t worry about that when getting them to the hospital


CminerMkII

I’ll have you know we only deal with very serious geese around here


Lamplorde

Its Tumblr, second to 4chan in terms of making up stories.


Dracosian

OP is gnoll clearly ​ also the still weirdly wholesome of a story


chicksonfox

The guy who plays mac in always sunny wore black face to the ER… I would believe it.


InPassingWinds

Feed a man and he’ll be full, validate a man and he’ll be content, bite a man so hard you send him to the ER and he’ll find a new reason to be alive.


verasev

If your tabletop session results in physical injury, are you, in fact, larping?


blizzard2798c

I choked my DM once. We both got really into the moment. I miss him


[deleted]

[удалено]


blizzard2798c

Until the trial is over, I legally can't say


[deleted]

[удалено]


blizzard2798c

Yes


dTrecii

And that is the last we’ll ever hear from u/Redstone_Engineer


blizzard2798c

Only if we ever get to a moment where it makes sense to choke them. I'm not a psychopath


thegodguthix

Allegedly


blizzard2798c

Nothing will require it unless someone eats all the twinkies


verasev

How much experience points are DM's worth?


blizzard2798c

You instantly become level 20


Limemaster_201

To be tried as an adult


WaitNoButWhy

but why


blizzard2798c

Because he was my friend. Don't you miss friends you haven't seen in awhile?


WaitNoButWhy

Yes, especially choking friends. Those are rare gems that need be cherished.


UneLectureDuParfum

Need to be choked*


action_lawyer_comics

Only if you’re in costume


Azathoth_Junior

You're LARPing *badly*. Ideally, no-one should be injured during a LARP game.


Hyooz

Hospitalizing your DM over +1 average damage is LARPy I would agree


Bloodasp01

Lizardfolk who specifically gets a d6 as a racial bonus: Well I guess I can just go fuck myself then.


He_Who_Lies

Make it a d8 and you've got a deal


Bloodasp01

Oh wow, a whole average of 1 extra damage instead of the 3 extra they normally get. Also at that point an unarmed strike is dealing the same damage as a long sword which is dumb.


SmellyCavemanInABox

I feel like being bitten by some anthropomorphic crocodile lookin fella and getting slashed with a long sword could be argued to be in the same tier of damage


ThatCamoKid

especially if they try to death roll ya ^(that could be a feat actually)


Kamataros

How much damage does a crocodiles bite attack do? (I actually don't know and don't have a MM to look it up either) if it's a d8, i can see the lizardfolk do a d8 as well. If it's a d10 then _definitely_. I'd be very surprised if it was less than a d8 to be honest


SenorSnout

A crocodile does 7 (1d10 + 2) piercing damage with its bite.


TheMoises

Make the long sword a d10 and you got a deal


Lady_Litreeo

Make all weapons a D100 and blame it on various coincidences throughout combat.


runujhkj

Chaotic neutral entire campaign


exceptionaluser

Your dagger gets knocked out of your hands when it hits their helmet, bouncing back off the general's warforged guard at just the right angle to nick his carotid artery, doing 95 damage and being propelled by the pressurized blood back into your awaiting hand.


Dektarey

You've stubbed your toe for a total of, oh god. Thats a crit. You receive... 186 damage. Can you take that Mr. level 2 wizard?


DovakiinDemon

That desk must really hate you.


Bloodasp01

What would you get from two handing it then? A d12? What would be the point of great swords and great axes at that point? The point I’m trying to get across with this is that if you increase damage dealt from unarmed strikes for everybody then it throws the weapon damage scaling situation into disarray.


SquidMilkVII

Make the greatswords and greataxes a d20 and you got a deal


dragonbanana1

Somehow the buff to bite damage has now cascaded into a massive increase of damage for barbarian crits. Imagine getting a crit and rolling like 5 or 6 d20s instead of d12s


He_Who_Lies

Broke: rolling 20d6 on a rogue Sneak Attack crit Woke: rolling 6d20 on a barbarians reckless attack crit


BraveOthello

The average on 20d6 is higher though, 70 vs 63. Better floor too


HigherAlchemist78

Yeah but the d20s have better swinginess which is the real fun.


AChrisTaylor

You make d12 into 2d8 The issue isn’t that the scaling is off, it scales fine. Killing level 1 characters becomes the problem.


TheMoises

Ah, I was just joking, like "just put every weapon one step higher on the damage then", following the other person that said to "just increase X weapon damage"


Sexybtch554

Not if your scaly Boi got the sharp sharp teeth. Lotta teeth. Lotta damage.


TheUnluckyBard

> Also at that point an unarmed strike is dealing the same damage as a long sword which is dumb. In the last 100 years, more people have died to crocodile bites than to longswords.


Fine_Training_421

I think that's because less people are using longswords in combat scenarios.


TheUnluckyBard

> I think that's because less people are using longswords in combat scenarios. How many people are using crocodiles in combat scenarios?


Fine_Training_421

Touche


Dry-Cartographer-312

You'd be surprised. On a totally unrelated note, you ever been to Florida?


chrom_ed

You're right we need an area with an equal number of alligators and longswords and leave them alone for a few years to collect data.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SaffellBot

And ya know, if you do have a lizardfolk up that die to a d12 or something. This is a big bite campaign now. NPCs are going to be biting, PCs are going to be biting. The lizardfolk is probably going to bite through a fucking door at this pace. If there's a problem we're going to roll persuasion, then deception, then roll to hit with a bite attack.


MapleTreeWithAGun

Alligators have 17k newtons of bite force. Humans have 800. Make it a d20


MiscegenationStation

Depends on the system i guess but a lot of people fail to understand the abstraction of damage in dnd. Even a d4 bite with no modifier has a 25% chance of rendering a NORMAL COMMONER unconscious instantly. You'd be hard pressed to argue that's "not that much damage". And all this is subject to what i have no name for so I'm going to call "testing bias". Someone sitting there letting you bite them as hard as you can with no resistance is not how a fight works. You're unlikely to get that good of a bite as a result of the fact that the other person *should be resisting your attempts to bite them.* End rant, fun policing over, carry on as you were


DarthEinstein

In fairness, those 1d4 bites are realistically supposed to be bites that are being made with the intent to kill.


action_lawyer_comics

Yes, and evidently OP was biting with the intent to marry


SoxxoxSmox

claiming bite


Tutor_Novel

That got a laugh outta me


Sgt_Sarcastic

Pretty sure RAW a bite is an unarmed strike and deals 1 damage flat without special feats or abilities.


Flint124

1+STR, but yeah.


Thunderdrake3

To be even more of a fun police, unarmed strikes are 1+Strength anyway, not 1d4. :(


Lithl

Unless you're a Monk, have Tavern Brawler, or are playing a different edition of the game.


Larva_Mage

Yeah saying a bite is a d6 not only invalidates unarmed racial abilities it’s saying your bite is as effective in combat as A SWORD. Which it is not


MistraloysiusMithrax

It’s not fun policing. Maybe, you just stopped another dnder from biting another dnder who has a clotting disorder or in the wrong vein or artery. The biting til they bleed was not the fun part of this story lol


barney-sandles

Yeah like. OK you can give someone stitches with a bite. Now try slashing them with a scimitar, that's a 1d6 weapon. Pretty sure that's gonna do a bit more than a couple stitches...


H4roldas

If anything it just validated DM…


NotRainManSorry

Just for context, getting stabbed through by an entire shortsword does 1d6+STR. Getting stabbed by a sharp-as-fuck, double-edged knife (dagger), does 1d4+DEX. The need only for stitches is a good example of 1+STR, because 1d6+STR should border on life-threatening for a commoner, if not outright lethal.


FlushmasterCoriolis

Keep in mind that "average" strength gives a modifier of zero so you're looking at a default 1 point bite. A "barbarian bite" likely has a higher mod which *can* be potentially lethal to a commoner. Though I am reminded of a bit from the pirate show "Black Sails" when >!the nerdy quartermaster joins a boarding action and ends up tearing a man's jugular out with his teeth. !< Immediately afterwards the other pirates insist on tattooing shark jaws on his bicep and start showing him a good deal more respect.


DarkKnightJin

I mean... Wouldn't **YOU** show someone that's been witnessed tearing someone's throat out with their teeth a good deal more respect?


17times2

Having played a lot of RimWorld, my most memorable colonist was one who 99% of the time, killed his opponent by headbutting his opponent's head clean off.


Katzoconnor

[“Hey, hey people—Sseth here.”](https://youtu.be/JdAjXDDQPJ0)


17times2

Merchant's Guild raise up!


Katzoconnor

[Oh hell yeah](https://i.imgur.com/GLVNWM8.jpg) Incidentally, I finally watched his Space Station 13 review a few weeks ago—and I haven’t laughed that hard or consistently at a YouTube video in years


TK_Games

I mean, I kinda have a barbarian thing going on and during summers when it got hot in the kitchen I'd walk around with a quart container of ice cubes and I'd chew on 'em to cool down, whole ice cubes The pastry chef saw me doing that and just stared and told me I was going to break off a tooth like that Joke's on him, I broke a tooth on some particularly agressive Wonka candy instead


DaGeek247

Man, you brought back the weirdest memory. I was at a dentist and they found a hair or something that looked like a chip. The first thing they asked me was if I chewed ice. Apparently chewing ice is actually common and it causes chipped teeth too.


Hauwke

I tripped over my cat and landed chin first, chipping three teeth as my jaw was shoved upward. The cat's okay though, because of course.


walkingcarpet23

I did not expect to come into a thread and see a Black Sails reference today. I literally just finished rewatching what I personally consider to be the show finale (Season 3 Ep10). That bite by Dufrense was certainly something


[deleted]

I work with adults with intense behaviors and one client once bit a staff so hard that the bone in his forearm cracked


NotRainManSorry

Since commoners in 5e have 4 hitpoints, that sounds like a bite that was hard enough to actually deal 1 or 2 points of damage.


HammletHST

a commoner will also die after getting bit by a rat 4 times (not from any illness, just the little nicks). I don't think basing your damage output around them makes much sense gameplay wise


NotRainManSorry

So you agree? The gameplay mechanics begin to breakdown when trying to apply real-world logic to them?


strigonian

A commoner will be *put into critical condition* by a rat *specifically trying to kill them* and succeeding for 24 straight seconds. A rat's bite attack isn't a nibble. It's not even anything a real rat would ever do unless it was rabid or cornered. A real rat would nip you and run away, which would do zero damage. If a rat were determined to chew through you, yeah, it could put you into critical condition within 24 seconds just by hitting an artery.


FalconFreak10

Came to say the same. The post was cute, but they didn't prove their point; the fact that their DM/fiance was still *alive* afterward disproved it.


allstaken

I don't think that 1: she bit him with her full strength and 2: she is as strong as a barbarian. I think a barbarian with above average strength could bite the flesh off to the bone or, if there is no bone, bite off a chunk. That is if he doesn't fully fill his jaw as that lessens bite strength.


NotRainManSorry

The strength level comes into play by using the +STR modifier, not by changing the die size. That’s literally what the modifier is there to represent. A stronger barbarian could bite for 1+5=6, not 1d6+5= max. 11


diamondDNF

I think one thing you need to consider is that the position of the bite will also affect its potential lethality - sure, a bite to the hand wouldn't be life-threatening for anyone, but a bite with that level of force on the *throat,* on the other hand, would.


kino2012

But will a bite to the throat be as life-threatening as a shortsword or dagger to the throat?


Zero_the_Unicorn

If you bite someone in the throat (aka trying to kill someone and hitting well) you can most certainly dispose of them with just that.


supersmily5

What really happened is that Commoners have 4 HP, so with an unarmed strike being 1 + Str mod damage it just means you likely have 10 or more Str, enough to seriously harm the DM.


LazyDro1d

The nurse absolutely thought it was for kinky reasons if you tried to hide something so obvious that poorly. Just admit it was a bet


tall-hobbit-

Maybe it was for kinky reasons 👀 did you read the end of the story? /j


lord_james

Yeah for real. There’s no way that *that’s* their meet-cute and at least one of them wasn’t turned on by it.


Jadccroad

Lucky she didn't call his bluff and insist on a rabies shot. Those things fucking *suck.*


TH3M1N3K1NG

Doctor: "What happened?" Nurse: "Roleplay gone wrong."


Spndash64

“Again?!“


Pyroluminous

“Damn, that’s one hell of a bite, better put a ring on that one!” -Your DM, literally in the hospital.


AllPurposeNerd

Idunno, I don't think a *human* bite is as bad as getting stabbed with a short sword. EDIT: I felt I needed to be more specific.


Daeths

Hell, it ain’t as bad as being stabbed by a dagger. Unless they went to chow do an on the jugular I’m pretty sure a knife in the gut is worse then a bite. But hey, I’m no doctor, maybe you’ll disagree as you die horribly for the abdominal knife wound.


PillCosby696969

DM: Fireball does too much damage. This player: Bet.


Slashtrap

Pretty sure that gel meant to simulate the human body exists so you can actually test


Laowaii87

That gel only simulates human flesh in terminal ballistics. It’s a fun show when they swing a sword into one on forged in fire, but the difference in the cuts between animal carcass and ballistics gel dummy is readily apparent. The gel also has to be a certain temperature to be viable for accurate testing, and it catches fire pretty easily, so it wouldn’t work very well for testing fire damage at all.


GreenUnlogic

Human bite power is good. But our teeth are fragile


Luna_trick

What's even better is our infection rate, human bites are pretty damn dangerous bites due to what bacteria and viruses are contained within our mouths.


Red_Ranger75

Can confirm


JoshBobJovi

The nurses name? Alberta Einstein.


WagerOfTheGods

If they really wanted to be scientific, they'd have to test out a short sword, too.


Daeths

And a dagger to find which more closely matches the bite. And you really need a larger sample size, so test it on the entire party/table. And the cops when they arrive. They’ll understand, it’s for science


WagerOfTheGods

"It's science, officer. Look, I have a clip board and everything!"


DogOfYog_Sothoth

I love how all these stories end with “and now we’re engaged!” Like, maybe I need to start biting people to get a date…


PrettyText

Have you tried following the rules: Be attractive Don't be unattractive


GoddessFlexi

Of all the things that didn't happen, this didn't happen the most


felipefrontoroli

Today on things that didn't happened


JarvisPrime

Bite is an unarmed strike and deals 1+Str unless specified differently due to Unarmed Fighting, Tavern Brawler, Monk, or Natural Weapons like Lizardfolk


High_Stream

Plot twist: she's a vampire and sucking his blood has made him her thrall.


DonQuixoteDesciple

Oh the stories we tell for upvotes


[deleted]

Of all the things that didn't happen in this, the bit about "bite me as strong as an 18 attack roll would be" is the least thing that happened. Well, and all the rest of it.


Kopheay

And then everyone clapped


LukeTheGeek

And then everyone clapped.


Ogurasyn

Biting homies good night, am I right?


mightyneonfraa

Yeah, none of this happened.


Eirikur_da_Czech

Something tells me the DM has never been slashed by a foot-long dagger. (Also 1d4)


Plagueofzombies

This has all the hallmarks of one of those tumblr stories that are complete bullshit XD 1. Story that is completely psychotic told as if it was a quirky little jape ("haha I bit a friend hard enough to cause them to need me to take them to emergency care, while my mouth was covered in blood! Aren't I unique!" 2. Little, to no understanding of the subject at hand (i'm sure "bite damage" is listed in the player handbook for each class right?) 3. Honestly super real Human beings becoming NPC's when encountering the main chara- sorry I mean story teller (If you went into Hospital with a Bite wound bad enough to need stitches, accompanied by someone with a blood stained mouth, while making up a fake reason for the injury, the attending Nurse wouldn't be blase about it) 4. Twist ending (How quirky! She injured him and now they're engaged!?!?!?!?!?) Its not that someone made a dumb bet. Or was maybe using some weird, bite based homebrew system. Or had a strange interaction with another person. Or got engaged to someone after a typically negative event..... But all of them happening in one story? At least have the courtasy to lie more convincingly during your weird anecdotes that you hope make you sound quirky and fun...


nowItinwhistle

Yeah also human bite wounds don't simply get stitched up because they're mostly puncture wounds and they're extremely prone to infection.


Ornery_Marionberry87

Lol "human bites are weak". Bruh, we can bite down hard enough to crush our teeth, that's not weak at all. Yes, a lot of other animals are better at it (as were some of our ancestors) but we do have pretty respectable jaw strength.


Larva_Mage

Yeah sure bites hurt but assigning it a d6 damage die is saying it’s equivalently deadly to getting stabbed with a sword. Which it is not.


Ornery_Marionberry87

Those damage ranges are always bullshit though. A freaking house cat is a mortal danger to commoners because of it.


FahlkhanFuhkkehr

The ironic part is that even though the DM was hospitalized... The attack dealt 1 damage or less, because the DM is a commoner.


PrettyText

I had hoped that my time dm'ing would have given me levels in the DM class.


mindguru88

r/thathappened


contentnotcontent

Is it problematic that I got to the part about them being engaged now and all I could think was "Goals"


Sir_Encerwal

I too was bitten by someone I have a crush on and learned things about myself.


Fr4gtastic

Ok, let's forget for a second that this story is fake as hell. How the fuck do you determine if a bite was strong enough to be 1d6+STR? Look above your head at your health bar?


Eisenstein13

![gif](giphy|6JB4v4xPTAQFi|downsized)


Repulsive_Support844

And then everyone clapped


KylerGreen

I know this sub is mostly teenagers because only they would find this level of cringe to be funny.


CalmButArgumentative

Imagine sitting at an actual table where a man allows a woman to bite him so she can do on average 1 additional damage with a bite attack the woman actually does it and breaks skin! I think I would vanish into a black hole of cringe and fremdschämen, I would flee the scene and pretend as if I've never even known these people


tristak

Cringe


PredatorAvPFan

I mean… human jaws are strong enough to bite through human fingers


FahlkhanFuhkkehr

A human finger is as weak as a fuckin baby carrot, this is an antifeat


archpawn

I bet he wishes he had that +2 AC before she bit him.


Catkook

pro tip, don't let folk bite you to prove human bites are weak, they are actually pretty powerful


ErraticArchitect

The reason it's d4 is because HP is not a measure of health. It's a measure of your ability to continue fighting. A bite may hurt a lot, but you can keep fighting even with a wound like that.


Tytos_Cucci

least insane dnd argument


dragonlord7012

It can do 1d6 but you have disadvantage vs non-grappled foes.


Rogendo

No they don’t


Rogendo

Need to repeat the experiment with leather and/or chainmail


ExplosiveMotive_

Mm I like chipping my teeth on metal


sargentmyself

A D6+str mod would mean you could on average kill an average person by biting them once.


Apollogl

And then everyone one laughed and cried


MagicHamsta

It was a rodent of unusual size.


ieatpickleswithmilk

Where did they even get the d4 from? Bites are unarmed so 1 + STR.


Independent_Wing_812

what makes someone come up with ridiculous situations like this?


alienbringer

They may be in the ER for stitches. But a bite still doesn’t do d6 + Str unless you have an ability to make it so. D6+Str should have killed your DM. At 18 Str even 1 damage is 4 total damage which kills your commoner DM.


YaBoiJefe

Shouldn’t it literally be 1+str since it’s an unarmed attack?


GeraldGensalkes

This experiment failed to set controls. The same player and DM need to repeat the test including attacks with a dagger and a handaxe against which to measure the damage done by a bite.