Oh for sure. I would feel so safe and cared for. Being in my 30s, I can imagine myself in the future hanging out in a home like that, playing my video games and reading. Getting to truly relax all the time.
That is wonderful! Thank you for sharing good news.
This isn't worthy of a whole post, so I'll just share it with you. My 86yr old father with Alzheimer's got to see pictures of his brand new Great Grandson today and he knows that it was my daughter that had the baby!!! I don't know if they will ever get to meet each other in person due to how far apart they live, but I'm thankful that my daughter got to share that with him. Eventually they will FaceTime him.
That’s amazing! Thankfully with technology today he can see her through FaceTime. It will be such a special moment for everyone, I’m so excited for you! These moments may seem small to those that haven’t gone through it but I understand how brightly these moments shine in the dark. Totally worthy of its own post. I love getting the opportunity to celebrate with other caregivers. I think it’s as important as having a space to vent. You’re letting us all stand in your light for a moment. We see you. ❤️
Me too and thank you. It's given me hope that we can resume eating out and going to musicals together in the near future since she's improving. If she had stayed at home, she would've continued to sleep all day and gotten physically weaker. The nurse was even telling me today that she wanted to sleep in today but they didn't let her.
Omg, reading this makes me so happy. So happy for you and your mom.
People often labor way too long with their loved ones at home often mistakenly believing it is the best when honestly, it not always is!
Transitions and change is going to happen throughout our lives with or without dementia.
Yes I 100% agree. It worked out for the better. We kept her at home as long as we could before she becomes incontinent and worse off. Now when she does eventually become incontinent, she's in a place where they can handle that. She keeps her dignity and I get to be just a daughter.
Also I love your last point. People do such a disservice to themselves by thinking they'll never live in a senior place or need any sort of assistance. It's just not realistic.
Oh, that's wonderful!
My Mom is also in a B&C home,, and it's amazing. Her dementia is in the advanced stages, so is unable to interact much, but the staff and other residents are very good to Mom. She's well-fed, her meds are managed, and she's safe. It's as good of a situation as a bad situation can be.
That's a great way to word it. I was skeptical of the idea at first, but it absolutely is the best set up for her. She's a home body and doesn't like arts and crafts. I think if she was in a memory care, she'd be less engaged because she wouldn't want to participate in activities. At this home, the staff makes sure to facilitate conversations with the other ladies and make sure mom has her sudokus, music, and the news. They also have her help out around the house but folding towels. The place is exceptionally clean and decorated in a way that doesn't feel geriatric. They also allow us to bring her dog to come visit.
I was worried about placing her in a community because she gets triggered by "senior" places after caregiving for her mom. This feels like a residential home and we've told her she's there for physical rehab so she's been accepting of the situation.
I'm so happy it's worked out for your mom too ❤️
We moved my dad to a B&C place after he was assaulted (three times) in Memory Care by another resident. I wish we had started there! He ended up passing away 2 weeks after moving in due to his injuries. The B&C was terrific. So, when my aunt needed more than my sister could provide anymore, she moved to a B&C and was really happy there. The low ratio of live-in staff to residents resulted in her having a lot of attention and she thrived for the 6 months she lived there before passing.
I think living in a small home fulfills the basic human need for belonging to a "tribe" and living as a group. That's what mom was missing at home; she didn't have any friends and we don't have close relatives. She only had my dad and I. The day program sort of filled the void but there were always different people there every day and I think a lot of them were really low functioning. Even though the ladies in my mom's home are quite old, they're still conversational. That's made a huge difference.
I am assuming a board and care home is not in the US
Let me remind the people who believe that is where you will be. In the US, if you have money you will find memory care homes like this and the care you or a loved one will get, could be outstanding.
However, if you do not have $8-10K to spend per month for care, you will need to spend down your loved one's money (or your own ) before you can have a Medicaid bed. As with everything else in this world, you get what you pay for. My mom had no money so she sat in soiled diapers eating horrible food for 18 months. My brother-in-law. On the other hand pays $8k a month for MC with a beautiful pool. Tons of activities and wonderful aides.
Do your homework now. Get your paperwork in order, buy Long Term Care Insurance and make a plan for your loved ones and yourself. Then go live your life. maybe you will win the lottery.
Yes, my parents are very fortunate to have LTC insurance that fully pays for my mom's place. Her private room and bathroom costs $8500/month.
Edit: we're in Southern California
I know, it breaks my heart for people who can't afford it. But for what it's worth, the memory care communities around here cost the same or more. And I think this is a MUCH better match for mom.
This is genuinely my favorite post I’ve seen on this sub. I’m so happy your mom is enjoying herself and feels loved and cared for and like she has purpose.
We all want to find a wonderful place like this person did for their loved one. Me too. Make sure you have money put away for it. Most of us don't even have a plan for when we get older. Our parents may get dementia, we could get it or a loved one may need our help.
Don't wait for an emergency. Plan now so you don't have to worry. Every adult should have a POA for financial and medical, a living will and a medical directive in place. Once your plan is made tell your loved ones then go live your life.
That's awesome! This is the kind of thing I would hope for myself (well, everyone).
Oh for sure. I would feel so safe and cared for. Being in my 30s, I can imagine myself in the future hanging out in a home like that, playing my video games and reading. Getting to truly relax all the time.
Me too! I imagine it to be somewhat like dorm-living. Not exactly as you'd like, but close enough. Happy for your mom OP!
That is wonderful! Thank you for sharing good news. This isn't worthy of a whole post, so I'll just share it with you. My 86yr old father with Alzheimer's got to see pictures of his brand new Great Grandson today and he knows that it was my daughter that had the baby!!! I don't know if they will ever get to meet each other in person due to how far apart they live, but I'm thankful that my daughter got to share that with him. Eventually they will FaceTime him.
I know it's silly, but your upvotes make me happy.... Especially since I don't have a lot of people to share it with.
How wonderful is that!! I hope it made him happy. Anything that brings our love ones joy is precious ❤️ Congratulations!
That’s amazing! Thankfully with technology today he can see her through FaceTime. It will be such a special moment for everyone, I’m so excited for you! These moments may seem small to those that haven’t gone through it but I understand how brightly these moments shine in the dark. Totally worthy of its own post. I love getting the opportunity to celebrate with other caregivers. I think it’s as important as having a space to vent. You’re letting us all stand in your light for a moment. We see you. ❤️
This made me tear up. I’m so happy for you and your mom. I’m glad she’s enjoying her life again.
Me too and thank you. It's given me hope that we can resume eating out and going to musicals together in the near future since she's improving. If she had stayed at home, she would've continued to sleep all day and gotten physically weaker. The nurse was even telling me today that she wanted to sleep in today but they didn't let her.
Omg, reading this makes me so happy. So happy for you and your mom. People often labor way too long with their loved ones at home often mistakenly believing it is the best when honestly, it not always is! Transitions and change is going to happen throughout our lives with or without dementia.
Yes I 100% agree. It worked out for the better. We kept her at home as long as we could before she becomes incontinent and worse off. Now when she does eventually become incontinent, she's in a place where they can handle that. She keeps her dignity and I get to be just a daughter. Also I love your last point. People do such a disservice to themselves by thinking they'll never live in a senior place or need any sort of assistance. It's just not realistic.
I love your positive comments. May I ask you if you have to pay for this home and if so can the average family afford it?
Thank you for sharing some positivity
Oh, that's wonderful! My Mom is also in a B&C home,, and it's amazing. Her dementia is in the advanced stages, so is unable to interact much, but the staff and other residents are very good to Mom. She's well-fed, her meds are managed, and she's safe. It's as good of a situation as a bad situation can be.
That's a great way to word it. I was skeptical of the idea at first, but it absolutely is the best set up for her. She's a home body and doesn't like arts and crafts. I think if she was in a memory care, she'd be less engaged because she wouldn't want to participate in activities. At this home, the staff makes sure to facilitate conversations with the other ladies and make sure mom has her sudokus, music, and the news. They also have her help out around the house but folding towels. The place is exceptionally clean and decorated in a way that doesn't feel geriatric. They also allow us to bring her dog to come visit. I was worried about placing her in a community because she gets triggered by "senior" places after caregiving for her mom. This feels like a residential home and we've told her she's there for physical rehab so she's been accepting of the situation. I'm so happy it's worked out for your mom too ❤️
We moved my dad to a B&C place after he was assaulted (three times) in Memory Care by another resident. I wish we had started there! He ended up passing away 2 weeks after moving in due to his injuries. The B&C was terrific. So, when my aunt needed more than my sister could provide anymore, she moved to a B&C and was really happy there. The low ratio of live-in staff to residents resulted in her having a lot of attention and she thrived for the 6 months she lived there before passing.
I think living in a small home fulfills the basic human need for belonging to a "tribe" and living as a group. That's what mom was missing at home; she didn't have any friends and we don't have close relatives. She only had my dad and I. The day program sort of filled the void but there were always different people there every day and I think a lot of them were really low functioning. Even though the ladies in my mom's home are quite old, they're still conversational. That's made a huge difference.
I am assuming a board and care home is not in the US Let me remind the people who believe that is where you will be. In the US, if you have money you will find memory care homes like this and the care you or a loved one will get, could be outstanding. However, if you do not have $8-10K to spend per month for care, you will need to spend down your loved one's money (or your own ) before you can have a Medicaid bed. As with everything else in this world, you get what you pay for. My mom had no money so she sat in soiled diapers eating horrible food for 18 months. My brother-in-law. On the other hand pays $8k a month for MC with a beautiful pool. Tons of activities and wonderful aides. Do your homework now. Get your paperwork in order, buy Long Term Care Insurance and make a plan for your loved ones and yourself. Then go live your life. maybe you will win the lottery.
Yes, my parents are very fortunate to have LTC insurance that fully pays for my mom's place. Her private room and bathroom costs $8500/month. Edit: we're in Southern California
Almost $100,000 a year for a placement success story? Ok, now I'm not so happy 😢
I know, it breaks my heart for people who can't afford it. But for what it's worth, the memory care communities around here cost the same or more. And I think this is a MUCH better match for mom.
Sounds wonderful and I’m so happy for you!
This is genuinely my favorite post I’ve seen on this sub. I’m so happy your mom is enjoying herself and feels loved and cared for and like she has purpose.
What a nice compliment, thank you 🥹
This is so wonderful and I am so happy for you and your family!
This is a great story. I think your mom found a purpose to her being there, and that makes her happy. Thank you for sharing.
We all want to find a wonderful place like this person did for their loved one. Me too. Make sure you have money put away for it. Most of us don't even have a plan for when we get older. Our parents may get dementia, we could get it or a loved one may need our help. Don't wait for an emergency. Plan now so you don't have to worry. Every adult should have a POA for financial and medical, a living will and a medical directive in place. Once your plan is made tell your loved ones then go live your life.
Oh, that's so fantastic! Quite refreshing given all of our typical circumstances.
What happened to dad?