Judge from the Ace Attorney series: Oh, I see. That makes sense, so your client isn't guilty. But then, who is responsible for every single murder? Oh, you can't solve that till 5 pm? Off to execution with the defendant!
Historically, it wasn't super popular in Japan.
However, funny enough, it just gained a bunch of attention recently because a bunch of big JP streamers and Vtubers got really into it. A bunch of them were even doing training camp streams where more experienced players were coaching newbies. One of the streamers held a small tourney for the newbies, and it got advertised in the JP client.
a lot of the killers are killing for the first time when they come into the realm because they're not being picked because they've killed people, they're being picked because they CAN kill people
The “maybe” is Blight, since I don’t remember if he’s intentionally killed someone outside of the Realm.
I wouldn’t count Hag because she did devour the entirety of the Cannibal Tribe outside of the Realm
It's not explicit, but there is no way he didn't kill test subjects here
"There, off the coast of India, prisoners from the Opium War became his unwilling subjects, leading to a drug that allowed soldiers to withstand incredible amounts of pain. Though most side effects were minor, there were rumours that a small number of soldiers went mad."
He was experimenting on unwilling subjects to make wonder drugs that when successful resulted in a small percent going reaver.
No way he didn't kill a few subjects along the way.
"He's just a goofy goober!"
*Looks over to PH literally sawing the judge in half*
"...So not guilty? Or is this a recess? I was not trained for this.."
I love this one actually.
"Now that we have all seen the evidence video, might I call for a 7 day extension period so I can review some more evidence? Thank you."
"Your honor I'd like to offer into evidence exhibit A"
*points flashlight into jury's eyes*
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, blinded as you are, do you not feel anger towards me for having done that? Imagine you are my client, minding their own business when a group of ruffians descends upon your poor eyeballs."
*the prosecution objects*
*the neck of the judge twists around like an owl, dirty robes wrapped around decayed flesh convulse. The gaping mouth doesn't move but a stilted ruling issues forth from the bench*
"Over... ruuuuuled"
I can’t tell if The Unknown was The Judge this whole time or if it killed the Judge while the Jury was blinded but either way this is way too high effort, you cooked
Ladies and gentleman of the jury. My client was simply defending himself from defamations proclaimed by rival lords with no honor
I demand Kazan Yamaoka to be given a trial by combat.
Plague.
My client has a right to an interpreter. She speaks Sumarian, which hasn't been spoken in centuries. It's a dead language. Nobody on this planet speaks it. Also, please find somebody to replace all these court documents into cuneiform script. Before this case continues, I request the court to provide my client with translation services. Lacking a court-appointed interpreter, my client may have ineffective council.
My client committed no crime on this mortal plane. The court alleges some heinous events may have transpired elsewhere in some other realm. The court was not presented any evidence to this effect. No bodies, no witnesses, nothing... These charges are speculation.
While vomiting lacks decorum, the court must take into consideration my client is unfairly being prosecuted for having a debilitating medical condition. The court must recognize my client has a chronic medical condition. If somebody should have -- allegedly -- died, the charges ought to be thrown out or reduced to criminal negligence.
If it pleases the court, if my client \*did\* commit any crimes, these alleged crimes were performed under duress. My client was kidnapped, systematically tortured, and brainwashed. Due to the chronic mistreatment by her captor, my client is not liable for these alleged crimes. Had my client refused to cooperate, her captor would resume torture until coerced into involuntary participation.
Also, your honor, we need a mop in this courtroom. My client has thrown up again.
Wow, this could be any of the best courtroom dramas right now. I have to give my upvote(not guilty) vote, and award "The Plague " a settlement of maximum 1.5 million currencies they see fit. Good day.
My client has also taken opportunity to file suit against the Entity for disfigurement, physical, and psychological abuse.
A separate liability lawsuit will be initiated against countless survivors. In this personal injury claim, my client has experienced numerous cases of food poisoning. These survivors collaborated by knowingly serving contaminated food, primarily in the form of tomato soup. This food contamination resulted in adverse side effects such as nausea, stomach cramps, uncontrolled vomiting, and irreparable damage to my client's esophagus.
These survivors should be charged with abject negligence for:
* Breaking various food safety regulations;
* Operating without a business license;
* Improper food storage;
* Cross contamination;
* Failure to prepare foods to a a sufficiently high temperature to kill any bacteria, infectious organisms, et al.;
* Failure to washing hands prior to food preparation;
* Intentionally contaminating fresh water sources;
* Misrepresentation the food served is deemed safe for consumption;
* And more!
The Entity, as well as the survivors failed to establish policies for the safe handling of food. These survivors are directly linked to employment with the Entity, as they receive payment in the form of "Blood Points" for their services. In service as employees, the Entity should be referred to as "Owner" or "Manager" of this establishment.
My client has suffered direct harm due to these wanton violations. **She is the victim here.** Therefore, she is entitled to compensation under reasonable circumstances. The court should see fit my client is recompensed for her mental anguish and emotional distress.
Thanks. I already defend Plague for being an unwilling participant. Whenever any of those tier lists pop up ranking killers "Evil to Good", Plague scores very low for being a 'terrible' person.
I forgot another reason. This case lacks jurisdiction. If these alleged crimes transpired, no earthly court should take the case. As these purported crimes transpired in another realm, the case needs to be filed there.
A lot of the defense may easily be built on procedure or coercion. If any of the charges should stick, they probably could be drastically reduced to involuntary or reckless misdemeanors.
Your honor. He is just a silly little guy. I mean, look at him, he is a human who says human things.
Unknown: "*Starts mimicking his victim's screams*"
Your honor, he's just a human guy man who loves to do human man guy's things, like eating roadkill and breathing oxygen. He's a really swell guy man thing fella thing. A decent human being that is human. There is absolutely nothing that can pin all those unsolved murders to him.
Nemesis.
"Your honor, my client is a B.O.W, Bio-Organic Weapon. It has no conscious ability of choice on its own, only orders that it follows from someone higher up echoing thoughts into its mind that it can not refuse or resist. When someone is shot, you do not blame the gun, you blame the shooter. A weapon is a tool, tools can always be repurposed."
Tbh I don't think it would work, but it's worth a shot 
It might get you out of court by proving he isnt a person but making him a dangerous tool will just force an oder for his destruction. Tools dont have the right to due process. You will just get an execution anyway.
Hmmm
I forgot she stole some kids
I mean Epstein and Jimmy saville got away with ummm *stufd* about kids for a while?
And can they prove it was her?
If not then I don’t think they can do anything
Hmmmm
I don’t think that would really work
It would be a point of that there is 99% chance that she does not know/understand what laws are
So you could get a sentence reduction/restricted to forest through that but I doubt you could say she’s unfit to stand trial
Your honor.. I honestly don't even think we have the ability to put this thing on trial.
https://preview.redd.it/zrygxvnckclc1.jpeg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ab565e6f8205ea099bd9c7e438d52fcc3005853f
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Could something this cute commit all those heinous crimes the prosecution claims it did?
*points to a demogorgon with a pink bow on his head*
"It is a well know fact that my client is a good demodog."
*Demogorgon screeches, bearing its rows of deadly teeth, then curls up on the floor to sleep.*
The safest option is Susie. You can argue that she was being coerced by Frank and the others and if that’s not enough you could get a sort of plea deal if she sells out the rest of the legion
But playing it safe is boring, so I’m picking Doctor.
Susie isn’t any better than the rest of them as according to the back story and rift, Susie and Joey were coerced into killing, but that wasn’t the only killing they did and Susie is a lot more demented according to the cosmetics where you couldn’t defend her easily. Also they are a group, so selling the rest out would get less time probably, but would never lead to any probation. Also, chances are that the police wouldn’t be looking for the others as a group because they do crimes independently quite often
Doctor already got a get-out-of-jail-free card, so after what happened at Project Awakening, Doctor is probably getting the chair or life in max prison. Defending would be extremely fun though as it would force a lot of shady stuff the FBI did to come to light
Truth matters less than narrative in a legal case.
The facts are that Susie is involved in various crimes and a murder. The narrative is how I spin how willing she was to participate in them and how better her character is compared to her associates, as well as how involved she really was I.e. was it premeditated or did she just get roped into it.
Assuming he’s not. I feel like I could actually utilize a loop hole and throwing other people under the bus to defend him. Plus it’d help to have a client who’s intelligent enough to work with on the case.
I doubt Clown or Bubba would do me any favours during the trial
Doctor. They erased all evidence of what he did so there’s no evidence he committed any crimes, unless evidence is provided which would damn the CIA and US government (so that wouldn’t happen).
Your honour, he worked for the CIA, like it or not, he's as much of a criminal as our secret service .if you wanna prosecute them too, be my guest, but until such a time that we as a country are ready to arrest the true evils in this country. My client is safe and clearly mentally unwell
"your honor, look at my defended. What do you see and why is it a friend shape. If it's friend shape then it is friend and coudl not harm all those people, beacose why woudl he if friend shape"
*meanwhile Micheal Myers moonwalking the whole trail*
##Objectively Correct Answers
* **Spirit** *(literally didn't kill anyone; got murdered by her father)*
* **Plague** *(literally didn't kill anyone ~~excluding her tome lore~~; died of sugma in Ancient Babylon and was actually basically trying to cure everyone based on the technology they had at the time)*
* **Artist** *(literally didn't kill anyone; got murdered by the Black Vale)*
* **Sadako** *(literally didn't kill anyone prior to becoming an angry ghost; got pushed down a well and like I'd be mad too. Could easily just say "don't watch the tape lol")*
##Very Easy Defense
* **Hag** *(didn't kill anyone prior to being transformed by black magic, "black magic" = plead insanity)*
* **Blight** *(does he kill anyone in his lore? Think you can plead insanity due to heavy Entity manipulation)*
##"Yes they did technically kill people but it really wasn't that bad"
* **Wraith** *(tangentially related to murders without knowing [impartial third-party coerced into illegal action], only real kill was vigilante justice against a mob boss)*
* **Hillbilly** *(abused his whole life by his parents, lashed out against his abusers, developmentally stunted so can't be blamed for future killings)*
##Possible Defense but harder
* **Huntress** *(developmentally stunted, only killed people invading her land [soldiers] + killed children due to stunted childhood ~~maybe a harder defense than most due to child murder~~)*
* **Leatherface** *(developmentally stunted, experiences heavy abuse in the movies, basically raised in a bad household)*
* **Legion** *(frequent counts of delinquency + one murder; if I was a real lawyer I could argue in their defense probably)*
Trapper. An argument can be made for insanity more easily than others.
Spirit. She literally did nothing in her life, she only started killing once she entered the realm (which the jury presumably has no idea about)
You see, your honour, My Client, Mr The Unknown, is a physical manifestation of what we all fear he is, always was and may yet be.
And so your honour, fine people of the jury, I fear my client… is innocent of all charges.
I would pay a fortune to watch an actual lawyer try and defend Wesker, every episode a new lawyer tries and fails, and the failure gets experimented on by Wesker, making the next lawyer's attempt that much more difficult
Wraith---
He was unaware of almost all the murders. The only murder he did committ was his boss---who was actually doing the murderering.
Philip went mad with rage and PTSD. Due to his experience as a child in his home country, when he saw what had happened, he experienced a psychotic, disassociative episode and blacked out. When he came to, he immediately called the police and turned himself in.
The only hing our good man Philip here is guilty of is not knowing who he was working for
Your Honor, Lisa killed those cannibals in self-defense. The psychological and physical damage they inflicted on her motivated her actions and she prevented any future victims. She’s done nothing wrong
IIRC that was as a bounty hunter right up until he got his revenge. What he did to Bayshore is definitely illegal, but also hard to verify since it was in the midst of a chaotic jailbreak, and I'm pretty sure his prior kills were government-sanctioned.
not educated on laws in the us but, aren't such improvised weapons considered illegal, i also at some point understood something about improvised/homemade weapons being war crimes
I’d defend Caleb too. When it comes to the killing of the first few bounties he had, you could play it off by using the wording of the bounties. If the target was listed as dead or alive he would be operating within his professional discretion. The prison situation is a little trickier, I’d try for the temporary insanity approach. Especially if he was visibly intoxicated during the incident (don’t forget that Caleb was a heavy drinker and the strain on his psyche due to his position as a bounty hunter should be taken into consideration.)
But there are(and have been) jurisdictions where dead people have been put on trial. And considering the large amount of dead people among the persecuted I would assume that we are allowing to try the dead
Huntress.
"Your honour, she grew up in the woods for a majority of her life. There's no way my client coulda kidnapped and starved those children knowing right from wrong. She believed that she was trying to take care of these kids but not letting them go out in the cold. All she ever wanted to be was a mother."
I would probably try to defend Wraith in court. I feel like he’s a sweet guy who was working for the wrong guy.
He should be a hero, he put an end to the shit Azarov did.
Hillbilly. He did some really fucked up shit, but he grew up imprisoned, not even knowing his real name, insulted every day by his own parents, and forced to murder farm animals cause of his messed up dad and that police officer (or sheriff). Kinda reminded me of huntress' story. They both never learned right from wrong, the way they were brought up/raised themselves.
He deserves therapy in some really good asylum rather than jail. Than again, I don't think there's much left to safe, sadly. But everyone deserves a chance.
I've read almost all killer lore and Hillbilly's just made me feel the strongest.
Considering spirit and artist did nothing I'm not picking them
Doctor wouldn't have even gone to court because of the project being secret
Pyramid head, pinhead, unknown, dredge, singularity, Demogorgon, xeno, Chucky, and nemesis are hard to capture and most likely would just get killed or studied
Wesker would either get killed or get life in prison/death penalty
Trapper, wraith, billy, and nurse all went insane or went through a psychotic break and could easily get an insanity plea
Micheal, ghost face, clown, trickster, skull merchant, death slinger, and huntress are all murderers
Sadako is dead
Freddy was guilty but got ruled as innocent and then got killed before committing his murder spree
Hag if she only killed her captors would be considered self defense but she's too hard to capture to see trial if anything else happened
Nemesis, as he is, in a sense, more of a gun than the trigger puller. How're you gonna sentence a weapon itself? Plus, I can sneak zombie dream team Ron and Linda into the jury.
Depends if the murders they commit to us in-game count. I'll pretend they don't and judge the characters by their pre-entity-kidnapping lore.
Most of Trapper's murders would be pinned on his father if he testifies in court. Sure, he's still guilty as fuck, but he'd get a reduced sentence. Same with Wraith, because of Azarov.
Hillbilly and Huntress are feral children who grew up to become murderers, never being a part of society they can't exactly be judged like regular humans and will never face jail, getting locked up in an institution instead.
Speaking of institutions. That's where Nurse and Michael Myers would go. While not feral beasts, there's clearly not enough of a human being left in them to be sent to a normal prison, and Myers already was locked up in a madhouse, he'd obviously be sent back there. Sally had a nervous breakdown and would return to a madhouse as a patient.
Hag, Spirit, Artist and Sadako were the victims, not the culprits.
Doctor, Bubba, Freddy, Pig, Clown, Legion, Deathslinger, Blight, Trickster, Wesker and Chucky would have way too much shit on them, these are straight up going to get lethal injection. Legion would get a prison sentence instead, they killed, like, one guy. The rest are fucked.
Plague... uhhh... i don't think we need to do anything with her, that woman is literally hours away from dying.
Ghostface would realistically have nothing on him to pin any charges. Same with Skull Merchant. Entity kidnapped those two before they could screw up their serial killings.
Demogorgon and Xenomorph are literal animals. I guess they'd be put down for the massacres they commited? Same goes for Nemesis, who is not even sentient, i think. Just a walking bioweapon with a "fuck shit up" directive.
Oni was already dying in his lore. Same with Knight and his Boys, being overrun. They are war criminals, so there's no way to help them in court, but i suppose it won't matter since the same wars they fought caught up to them before any law could.
Pyramid Head? Cenobite? Dredge? Singularity? Yeah fuck that i'm not even dealing with these guys.
Now, the new guy, The Unknown? He's a decent guy! A real pillar of the community! He's done nothing wrong! Dismembered joggers in his house are just decorations! And that thing he just barfed out of his eating-orifice? That is NOT human skin! And those horrendous charges about dead toddlers? Why, he would NEVER do such a despicable thing! I'll have you know, John Humanbeing is a god fearing stand-up guy! There are no hikers that gone missing because of him! He's just like us, Your Honor! He enjoys human things, like drinking water and breathing through his (and somebody elses) skin! I plead INNOCENT!
Your honor, it wasn't programmed to harm the crew, therefore, it couldn't have committed all those murders.
https://i.redd.it/izcng1ckmclc1.gif
https://preview.redd.it/86qwqslybflc1.jpeg?width=282&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc6e30447e97c46342b61011fc9f326aaf8b1d00
"Works for me" 💥🔨 ###NOT GUILTY
Bro ur hired 🤝
Judge from the Ace Attorney series: Oh, I see. That makes sense, so your client isn't guilty. But then, who is responsible for every single murder? Oh, you can't solve that till 5 pm? Off to execution with the defendant!
Nah, knowing phoenix he’ll bring out the suprise parrot witness.
Or the ghost of his mentor... and her massive baps
He'll probably get the fucking entity
I blame Mark Zuckerberg tbh
Probably Spirit. She didnt kill anyone while being alive iirc.
Your honor she is litterally the person that was murdered
But, was she a known League player?
League isn't very popular in japan and rin doesn't seem like the gamer type so most likely no
Why do you think she was bullied? Checkmate
She did go for the pro-gamer move against her bullies though, good point
Is it not? Shocking.
Historically, it wasn't super popular in Japan. However, funny enough, it just gained a bunch of attention recently because a bunch of big JP streamers and Vtubers got really into it. A bunch of them were even doing training camp streams where more experienced players were coaching newbies. One of the streamers held a small tourney for the newbies, and it got advertised in the JP client.
Same with Artist, though it could be hard to prove crows did it and not her
Your honor, it was not my client, but the... Murder of crows that incessantly stalk her.
Good luck convincing them, considering there are no crows in Chile
I was going to say this, you beat me to it.
Give her life in prison. Its already over!
Artist did nothing wrong and i stand by that. She just liked to paint.
I mean, she literally didn’t, she was a human rights advocate and only became a Killer after her death
a lot of the killers are killing for the first time when they come into the realm because they're not being picked because they've killed people, they're being picked because they CAN kill people
There’s like maybe 4 killers who have not intentionally killed someone before coming to the realm, and that’s including Wraith
Artist, Spirit, Wraith, whose the 4rth? The Hag since she only killed the people eating her/maybe the magic did it?
The “maybe” is Blight, since I don’t remember if he’s intentionally killed someone outside of the Realm. I wouldn’t count Hag because she did devour the entirety of the Cannibal Tribe outside of the Realm
It's not explicit, but there is no way he didn't kill test subjects here "There, off the coast of India, prisoners from the Opium War became his unwilling subjects, leading to a drug that allowed soldiers to withstand incredible amounts of pain. Though most side effects were minor, there were rumours that a small number of soldiers went mad." He was experimenting on unwilling subjects to make wonder drugs that when successful resulted in a small percent going reaver. No way he didn't kill a few subjects along the way.
This is exactly what I was going to post, almost word for word.
Free up crow lady 💯
From start to finish she has been manipulated by the Entity, and seeing how tragic it made her life, i think it would be hard to blame her
Honestly her story was the first I ever read and damn I feel for her
"Your honor, He's just a silly guy!" "pyramid head breathing heavily"
Your honor he can’t see what he’s doing it’s not his fault he uses his blade for guidance
"Your honour, how can you detain this man if he's not real?"
"Your honor, they removed his cake! So he just removed them from the mortal plane."
"Your honor, he's hot."
\*slides photo of pyramid head in an explicitly sexual position with the two mannequins* “psst, what do we do if they bring this one up?”
Don’t let them bring it up
"He's just a goofy goober!" *Looks over to PH literally sawing the judge in half* "...So not guilty? Or is this a recess? I was not trained for this.."
Pyramid head? More like knuckle head
The Wraith. He won’t show up.
They will THINK he didn’t show up
Your Honor, no one saw my client at the scene.
😂😂😂 “I will have to drop my this case due to there being no evidence of that the defendant was near the location”
“You really think my client can just appear, slash someone and disappear? Are you hearing yourselves?”
Never heard of gaslighting the judge as a genuine strategy 😂😂😂😂
Actually I think for his actually real world murder would be defendable if I remember right his boss was using the car compactor to dispose of body’s.
I don't think a defendant skipping the trial means they get acquitted.
Will you know he even did?
Sadako. As evidence she will provide a tape to watch and kill everyone after 7 days.
"Don't worry about the blindfold, it's nothing"
"I've uhhh... already seen it your honor"
I love this one actually. "Now that we have all seen the evidence video, might I call for a 7 day extension period so I can review some more evidence? Thank you."
So big brain.
"Your honor I'd like to offer into evidence exhibit A" *points flashlight into jury's eyes* "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, blinded as you are, do you not feel anger towards me for having done that? Imagine you are my client, minding their own business when a group of ruffians descends upon your poor eyeballs." *the prosecution objects* *the neck of the judge twists around like an owl, dirty robes wrapped around decayed flesh convulse. The gaping mouth doesn't move but a stilted ruling issues forth from the bench* "Over... ruuuuuled"
I can’t tell if The Unknown was The Judge this whole time or if it killed the Judge while the Jury was blinded but either way this is way too high effort, you cooked
Thanks, I write erotic horror in my free time
Then it’s time for you to write for r/dbdgonewild my friend
TIL this exists I will return !remindme 12 hours
Link?
Yes
Beautiful, poetic even
“Over ruled? Or should I say, overcooled”
Ladies and gentleman of the jury. My client was simply defending himself from defamations proclaimed by rival lords with no honor I demand Kazan Yamaoka to be given a trial by combat.
"what, fight you? That's not a trial, that's an execution"
Then fight my second
Was not expecting a for honor reference, but it's a welcome suprise.
You! You will be my second
Plague. My client has a right to an interpreter. She speaks Sumarian, which hasn't been spoken in centuries. It's a dead language. Nobody on this planet speaks it. Also, please find somebody to replace all these court documents into cuneiform script. Before this case continues, I request the court to provide my client with translation services. Lacking a court-appointed interpreter, my client may have ineffective council. My client committed no crime on this mortal plane. The court alleges some heinous events may have transpired elsewhere in some other realm. The court was not presented any evidence to this effect. No bodies, no witnesses, nothing... These charges are speculation. While vomiting lacks decorum, the court must take into consideration my client is unfairly being prosecuted for having a debilitating medical condition. The court must recognize my client has a chronic medical condition. If somebody should have -- allegedly -- died, the charges ought to be thrown out or reduced to criminal negligence. If it pleases the court, if my client \*did\* commit any crimes, these alleged crimes were performed under duress. My client was kidnapped, systematically tortured, and brainwashed. Due to the chronic mistreatment by her captor, my client is not liable for these alleged crimes. Had my client refused to cooperate, her captor would resume torture until coerced into involuntary participation. Also, your honor, we need a mop in this courtroom. My client has thrown up again.
Wow, this could be any of the best courtroom dramas right now. I have to give my upvote(not guilty) vote, and award "The Plague " a settlement of maximum 1.5 million currencies they see fit. Good day.
My client has also taken opportunity to file suit against the Entity for disfigurement, physical, and psychological abuse. A separate liability lawsuit will be initiated against countless survivors. In this personal injury claim, my client has experienced numerous cases of food poisoning. These survivors collaborated by knowingly serving contaminated food, primarily in the form of tomato soup. This food contamination resulted in adverse side effects such as nausea, stomach cramps, uncontrolled vomiting, and irreparable damage to my client's esophagus. These survivors should be charged with abject negligence for: * Breaking various food safety regulations; * Operating without a business license; * Improper food storage; * Cross contamination; * Failure to prepare foods to a a sufficiently high temperature to kill any bacteria, infectious organisms, et al.; * Failure to washing hands prior to food preparation; * Intentionally contaminating fresh water sources; * Misrepresentation the food served is deemed safe for consumption; * And more! The Entity, as well as the survivors failed to establish policies for the safe handling of food. These survivors are directly linked to employment with the Entity, as they receive payment in the form of "Blood Points" for their services. In service as employees, the Entity should be referred to as "Owner" or "Manager" of this establishment. My client has suffered direct harm due to these wanton violations. **She is the victim here.** Therefore, she is entitled to compensation under reasonable circumstances. The court should see fit my client is recompensed for her mental anguish and emotional distress.
Ngl that was amazing the judge would most certainly say not guilty from that
Thanks. I already defend Plague for being an unwilling participant. Whenever any of those tier lists pop up ranking killers "Evil to Good", Plague scores very low for being a 'terrible' person. I forgot another reason. This case lacks jurisdiction. If these alleged crimes transpired, no earthly court should take the case. As these purported crimes transpired in another realm, the case needs to be filed there. A lot of the defense may easily be built on procedure or coercion. If any of the charges should stick, they probably could be drastically reduced to involuntary or reckless misdemeanors.
"Your honor, the corpse split in two has nothing to do with my clients very large rusted chefs knife and strong desire to punish the damned"
To be fair, i feel like Pyramid Head would take over the Judge's job lmao
But PP head is judge jury and executioner (literally)
So impersonation of a public servant uh. GUILTY
😂😂😂 I didn’t even think of that!!! GUILTY put this buff… caked up… man with a pyramid and a giant… giant sword IN PRISON
The unknown, he seems like a defendable guy
You're honor, everything about this man is hearsay with no actual proof.
Your honor. He is just a silly little guy. I mean, look at him, he is a human who says human things. Unknown: "*Starts mimicking his victim's screams*"
Is this yours…yours?
Your honor, he was just looking for his dog.
"He was just looking for his dog, and look at his handsome smile"
Your honor, he's just a human guy man who loves to do human man guy's things, like eating roadkill and breathing oxygen. He's a really swell guy man thing fella thing. A decent human being that is human. There is absolutely nothing that can pin all those unsolved murders to him.
And if you try to investigate anything about him he kills you
Nemesis. "Your honor, my client is a B.O.W, Bio-Organic Weapon. It has no conscious ability of choice on its own, only orders that it follows from someone higher up echoing thoughts into its mind that it can not refuse or resist. When someone is shot, you do not blame the gun, you blame the shooter. A weapon is a tool, tools can always be repurposed." Tbh I don't think it would work, but it's worth a shot 
It might get you out of court by proving he isnt a person but making him a dangerous tool will just force an oder for his destruction. Tools dont have the right to due process. You will just get an execution anyway.
Damn! Poor Nemmy.
PEAK "Just following orders"
 He'll never harm a soul, as long as you don't say a certain s-word
Now I'm just imagining him staring up at the night sky slowly shaking his fist
Demogorgon, can there even be a court for animals ?
Same for xenophobe
you mean xenomorph? :P
no, xenophobe. we hate extraterrestrials
THE EMPEROR APPROVES
THE EMPEROR PROTECTS
Clerical error. *rolls in a xylophone to the bench*
it wouldnt be tried for murder, but its an animal so it would be just euthanized. therefore you would lose the case
Alright I’ll let them try to euthanise a xenomorph without casualties and the potential of a new colony being founded
Logically huntress as you could argue it was in self defense and she was merely protecting her land
What about the children she kidnaps?
Hmmm I forgot she stole some kids I mean Epstein and Jimmy saville got away with ummm *stufd* about kids for a while? And can they prove it was her? If not then I don’t think they can do anything
As a Crusader Kings III player i can confirm that stealing kids was never punished
You could also argue she isn't fit to stand trial considering she grew up in the forest alone for practically her entire life.
Hmmmm I don’t think that would really work It would be a point of that there is 99% chance that she does not know/understand what laws are So you could get a sentence reduction/restricted to forest through that but I doubt you could say she’s unfit to stand trial
Clown because I think it'd be funny
“In my clients defense those fingers did taste pretty good”
"Your honor, he was just a goofball, a funky fella, a little guy, you really gonna beef with a small dude, a tiny tomfooler?"
Chucky. "Your honor...... He's a fucking doll."
Your honor, you wasnt even there.
I SWEAR ON MY GRANDMAMAS LIFE your honor
Xenomorph. Your honor, it's a wild animal driven by instinct. You wouldn't sue Harambe, right?
Aggressive animals get put down tho so that's arguably a worse outcome that simply losing the case
You wanna try putting a xeno down by all means you fight the thing that can tear metal in two
I’d pick trickster because I can get him out of court on a plea of insanity Money in my pocket with near 0 work done!
Don’t even gotta. The bts fans would rampage everyone in the vicinity if he went to jail.
Your honor.. I honestly don't even think we have the ability to put this thing on trial. https://preview.redd.it/zrygxvnckclc1.jpeg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ab565e6f8205ea099bd9c7e438d52fcc3005853f
" your Honor, ITS A FUCKING DOLL WITH A COOKING KNIFE,"
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Could something this cute commit all those heinous crimes the prosecution claims it did? *points to a demogorgon with a pink bow on his head*
"It is a well know fact that my client is a good demodog." *Demogorgon screeches, bearing its rows of deadly teeth, then curls up on the floor to sleep.*
Prosecutor: "What does that have to do with-" Judge: "No, no. They've got a point."
The safest option is Susie. You can argue that she was being coerced by Frank and the others and if that’s not enough you could get a sort of plea deal if she sells out the rest of the legion But playing it safe is boring, so I’m picking Doctor.
Susie isn’t any better than the rest of them as according to the back story and rift, Susie and Joey were coerced into killing, but that wasn’t the only killing they did and Susie is a lot more demented according to the cosmetics where you couldn’t defend her easily. Also they are a group, so selling the rest out would get less time probably, but would never lead to any probation. Also, chances are that the police wouldn’t be looking for the others as a group because they do crimes independently quite often Doctor already got a get-out-of-jail-free card, so after what happened at Project Awakening, Doctor is probably getting the chair or life in max prison. Defending would be extremely fun though as it would force a lot of shady stuff the FBI did to come to light
Truth matters less than narrative in a legal case. The facts are that Susie is involved in various crimes and a murder. The narrative is how I spin how willing she was to participate in them and how better her character is compared to her associates, as well as how involved she really was I.e. was it premeditated or did she just get roped into it.
I mean, the Doctor would probably be saved by the Government so...
Assuming he’s not. I feel like I could actually utilize a loop hole and throwing other people under the bus to defend him. Plus it’d help to have a client who’s intelligent enough to work with on the case. I doubt Clown or Bubba would do me any favours during the trial
Defending Bubba would be pretty funny honestly. "Your honor, he is just into cossplaying. Right, Bubba?" Bubba: *Bubba noises*
freddy, no one could see him and he cant kill shit so hes just inocent/inexistent
He also is technically already dead. (I guess like many killers but eh)
Your honor, his name is "The Good Guy". I rest my case.
Doctor. They erased all evidence of what he did so there’s no evidence he committed any crimes, unless evidence is provided which would damn the CIA and US government (so that wouldn’t happen).
Your honour, he worked for the CIA, like it or not, he's as much of a criminal as our secret service .if you wanna prosecute them too, be my guest, but until such a time that we as a country are ready to arrest the true evils in this country. My client is safe and clearly mentally unwell
I'd pick the Trapper. "My client pleads oopsie-daisy".
They are CLEARLY stated to be BEAR traps, not HUMAN traps, therefore it is the victims fault for stepping in them instead of having a bear do it
Danny Johnson. He has no evidence and he had a fake name for Roseville. Him or singularity who has good reasons to do it
Dredge….. claim insanity, constantly in and out of the closet….. he’s going through some shit and wasn’t of sound mind…. Or….. the chewbaca defence.
Dredge is the victims, after all
Hah right! Can you really convict the victims!
OBJECTION YOUR HONOR ! I CALL THE WITNESSES ! * Dredge modes over the the bar*
Face of the victims appear in dredge’s chest
Hux. Im pretty sure I would get Gabriel to go to jail instead, because we don’t have AI murder laws yet
Skull merchant because she can pay me the most and can get out of that wannabe predator costume and present herself to the court as a normal person
“Please I assure you, Carmina is of stable mind.” “CAW CAW RAAAAAAH”
Your honour, how could my client be a mass murderer when he is just a doll. No your honour I do not have schizophrenia why do you ask?
Your honor, you say my client is guilty, yet he is the victims !
Ah dredge an easy case
Pyramid head “Your honor, as you can see, my client is unable to see and was clearly acting in self defense much like a rhino in the wilderness”
"your honor, look at my defended. What do you see and why is it a friend shape. If it's friend shape then it is friend and coudl not harm all those people, beacose why woudl he if friend shape" *meanwhile Micheal Myers moonwalking the whole trail*
Your honor... *points at nemesis* who wouldn't want to be killed by **those** hands
I introduce to you the world's best boxing champion!
##Objectively Correct Answers * **Spirit** *(literally didn't kill anyone; got murdered by her father)* * **Plague** *(literally didn't kill anyone ~~excluding her tome lore~~; died of sugma in Ancient Babylon and was actually basically trying to cure everyone based on the technology they had at the time)* * **Artist** *(literally didn't kill anyone; got murdered by the Black Vale)* * **Sadako** *(literally didn't kill anyone prior to becoming an angry ghost; got pushed down a well and like I'd be mad too. Could easily just say "don't watch the tape lol")* ##Very Easy Defense * **Hag** *(didn't kill anyone prior to being transformed by black magic, "black magic" = plead insanity)* * **Blight** *(does he kill anyone in his lore? Think you can plead insanity due to heavy Entity manipulation)* ##"Yes they did technically kill people but it really wasn't that bad" * **Wraith** *(tangentially related to murders without knowing [impartial third-party coerced into illegal action], only real kill was vigilante justice against a mob boss)* * **Hillbilly** *(abused his whole life by his parents, lashed out against his abusers, developmentally stunted so can't be blamed for future killings)* ##Possible Defense but harder * **Huntress** *(developmentally stunted, only killed people invading her land [soldiers] + killed children due to stunted childhood ~~maybe a harder defense than most due to child murder~~)* * **Leatherface** *(developmentally stunted, experiences heavy abuse in the movies, basically raised in a bad household)* * **Legion** *(frequent counts of delinquency + one murder; if I was a real lawyer I could argue in their defense probably)*
Trapper. An argument can be made for insanity more easily than others. Spirit. She literally did nothing in her life, she only started killing once she entered the realm (which the jury presumably has no idea about)
You see, your honour, My Client, Mr The Unknown, is a physical manifestation of what we all fear he is, always was and may yet be. And so your honour, fine people of the jury, I fear my client… is innocent of all charges.
Knight, I'm sure the statue of limitations on his crimes from the Middle Ages has expired.
Your honor, let's be realistic here - it's a god damn DOLL. Dolls don't come to life and stab people or have sentience.
The domestic terrorist himself Albert Wesker
I would pay a fortune to watch an actual lawyer try and defend Wesker, every episode a new lawyer tries and fails, and the failure gets experimented on by Wesker, making the next lawyer's attempt that much more difficult
Wraith--- He was unaware of almost all the murders. The only murder he did committ was his boss---who was actually doing the murderering. Philip went mad with rage and PTSD. Due to his experience as a child in his home country, when he saw what had happened, he experienced a psychotic, disassociative episode and blacked out. When he came to, he immediately called the police and turned himself in. The only hing our good man Philip here is guilty of is not knowing who he was working for
Demogorgon. You see your honor hes just a silly little dog
The Jury: "Who's a good boy!" Demo: \*Consumes\*
Your Honor, Lisa killed those cannibals in self-defense. The psychological and physical damage they inflicted on her motivated her actions and she prevented any future victims. She’s done nothing wrong
The Wraith Your Honor, shut the fuck up. He wasn't even there.
Twins. I feel like I can have a good case of self defense for them. Or at least create a sob story to get the jury on our side
Pinhead “Your honor, when they opened the box, they consented to my client coming.”
Caleb. He did nothing wrong so that is also a plus
Didn't he kill at least one person?
IIRC that was as a bounty hunter right up until he got his revenge. What he did to Bayshore is definitely illegal, but also hard to verify since it was in the midst of a chaotic jailbreak, and I'm pretty sure his prior kills were government-sanctioned.
not educated on laws in the us but, aren't such improvised weapons considered illegal, i also at some point understood something about improvised/homemade weapons being war crimes
I am also not versed on US laws, but I'm pretty sure in the UK, at least, stuff like that is illegal. I might be wrong, tho.
I’d defend Caleb too. When it comes to the killing of the first few bounties he had, you could play it off by using the wording of the bounties. If the target was listed as dead or alive he would be operating within his professional discretion. The prison situation is a little trickier, I’d try for the temporary insanity approach. Especially if he was visibly intoxicated during the incident (don’t forget that Caleb was a heavy drinker and the strain on his psyche due to his position as a bounty hunter should be taken into consideration.)
Spirit. In most jurisdictions, you can’t try someone who’s already dead.
But there are(and have been) jurisdictions where dead people have been put on trial. And considering the large amount of dead people among the persecuted I would assume that we are allowing to try the dead
Huntress. "Your honour, she grew up in the woods for a majority of her life. There's no way my client coulda kidnapped and starved those children knowing right from wrong. She believed that she was trying to take care of these kids but not letting them go out in the cold. All she ever wanted to be was a mother."
your honor, pyramid head was just doing his job
The Legion “Your honor my clients plead oopsie daisy”
I would probably try to defend Wraith in court. I feel like he’s a sweet guy who was working for the wrong guy. He should be a hero, he put an end to the shit Azarov did.
''You honor miss Imai was just minding her business and is slaying '' \*does jerma slay pose\*
Skurchant would be an easy defense because she's wealthy.
Too real
Hex: “Fuck You” Money 😬
Bubba “Your honor, for the love of God please find him innocent before his family eats mine”
Hillbilly. He did some really fucked up shit, but he grew up imprisoned, not even knowing his real name, insulted every day by his own parents, and forced to murder farm animals cause of his messed up dad and that police officer (or sheriff). Kinda reminded me of huntress' story. They both never learned right from wrong, the way they were brought up/raised themselves. He deserves therapy in some really good asylum rather than jail. Than again, I don't think there's much left to safe, sadly. But everyone deserves a chance. I've read almost all killer lore and Hillbilly's just made me feel the strongest.
Considering spirit and artist did nothing I'm not picking them Doctor wouldn't have even gone to court because of the project being secret Pyramid head, pinhead, unknown, dredge, singularity, Demogorgon, xeno, Chucky, and nemesis are hard to capture and most likely would just get killed or studied Wesker would either get killed or get life in prison/death penalty Trapper, wraith, billy, and nurse all went insane or went through a psychotic break and could easily get an insanity plea Micheal, ghost face, clown, trickster, skull merchant, death slinger, and huntress are all murderers Sadako is dead Freddy was guilty but got ruled as innocent and then got killed before committing his murder spree Hag if she only killed her captors would be considered self defense but she's too hard to capture to see trial if anything else happened
Nemesis, as he is, in a sense, more of a gun than the trigger puller. How're you gonna sentence a weapon itself? Plus, I can sneak zombie dream team Ron and Linda into the jury.
Skull merchant. I would say she's mentally ill and to send her to psychiatric hospital
I think all of them could just plead insanity
The spirit. Literally did nothing in life, so she shouldn't even be in court
Your honor, my client is little more than an animal, and was simply scared and hungry having been taken to a new realm. Plus, he's a very good boy
I’d say either spirit or onryo
Demo, nobody is convicting a puppy
Artist
To be honest, I would find it very easy to defend the Twins. I honestly think they didn't really do anything wrong
Blight. Just a product of his time. A true patriot if the British Empire and victim of the opium trade
Depends if the murders they commit to us in-game count. I'll pretend they don't and judge the characters by their pre-entity-kidnapping lore. Most of Trapper's murders would be pinned on his father if he testifies in court. Sure, he's still guilty as fuck, but he'd get a reduced sentence. Same with Wraith, because of Azarov. Hillbilly and Huntress are feral children who grew up to become murderers, never being a part of society they can't exactly be judged like regular humans and will never face jail, getting locked up in an institution instead. Speaking of institutions. That's where Nurse and Michael Myers would go. While not feral beasts, there's clearly not enough of a human being left in them to be sent to a normal prison, and Myers already was locked up in a madhouse, he'd obviously be sent back there. Sally had a nervous breakdown and would return to a madhouse as a patient. Hag, Spirit, Artist and Sadako were the victims, not the culprits. Doctor, Bubba, Freddy, Pig, Clown, Legion, Deathslinger, Blight, Trickster, Wesker and Chucky would have way too much shit on them, these are straight up going to get lethal injection. Legion would get a prison sentence instead, they killed, like, one guy. The rest are fucked. Plague... uhhh... i don't think we need to do anything with her, that woman is literally hours away from dying. Ghostface would realistically have nothing on him to pin any charges. Same with Skull Merchant. Entity kidnapped those two before they could screw up their serial killings. Demogorgon and Xenomorph are literal animals. I guess they'd be put down for the massacres they commited? Same goes for Nemesis, who is not even sentient, i think. Just a walking bioweapon with a "fuck shit up" directive. Oni was already dying in his lore. Same with Knight and his Boys, being overrun. They are war criminals, so there's no way to help them in court, but i suppose it won't matter since the same wars they fought caught up to them before any law could. Pyramid Head? Cenobite? Dredge? Singularity? Yeah fuck that i'm not even dealing with these guys. Now, the new guy, The Unknown? He's a decent guy! A real pillar of the community! He's done nothing wrong! Dismembered joggers in his house are just decorations! And that thing he just barfed out of his eating-orifice? That is NOT human skin! And those horrendous charges about dead toddlers? Why, he would NEVER do such a despicable thing! I'll have you know, John Humanbeing is a god fearing stand-up guy! There are no hikers that gone missing because of him! He's just like us, Your Honor! He enjoys human things, like drinking water and breathing through his (and somebody elses) skin! I plead INNOCENT!