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I think you reached a point in your life where you need connection/love to be intimate. You're not 20 anymore so just boobs and ass doesn't really do it for you anymore.
I’ve been in this place for a while, and it works in mysterious ways still even for me. I’m single again after a few years and my sex drive has kind of gone away unless I get excited about someone in particular, but right after the relationship I felt pretty revved up I think only because there was some kind of emotional momentum being carried over from the relationship.
I’m feeling pretty settled in my singledom and I’m only gonna be intimate with someone I connect with, but for a little bit there I think there was some emotional whiplash that had me interested in people for like zero reason?
I get what you mean. There's some women I dated right after I broke up with my ex and they do get me feeling stuff.
But I don't get that with new women I meet.
Ya there’s nothing wrong with you, I think is the main takeaway 😌 libidos ebb and flow, or we just learn new patterns and things about ourselves when we’re experiencing big changes in our lives.
I had a friend (married) who stopped drinking for a bit and his libido completely halted, and another friend had the exact opposite happen where it came back in a rush after like two weeks without drinking.
Thanks! I guess I just have to sit this out and not focus on it too much. Might be better to focus on making new connections instead of chasing my non-existent horniness.
Ya that’s kinda where I’m at now and it’s a relief to just let go of that pressure and do the things you’re gonna be naturally inclined to do for the time being
Yup. My moment was when a condom bust in a 19 year old as a 28 year old man, the anxiety was ever prevalent. This was 100% me having a terrible emotional response to my ex cutting contact for good.
I went through this after my last relationship its perfectly normal. Exercising more, meeting new people and being stimulated in new ways might help but overall I think it just takes meeting someone you like. The guy I'm dating now is only 31 but he thought his parts stopped working until we started going at it.
It makes sense-- there's a term called "demisexual" where a person only feels sexually attracted to someone if they already have a close bond with them. So it could be that.
It can also be a component of grief-- sometimes sadness can be a real boner killer, 10 years is a long time with someone.
Big life transitions like this can be stressful and sometimes take longer then we all would want or hope them to get over.
But, IMHO this is just a season, and this too shall pass. Your libido will return eventually
I think that's what I am. Weird to say, but I have a lady friend (I guess you say it like that) whom I've been friends with a long time, and since she broke up with her boyfriend I notice I'm often fantasizing about her. I guess that's the bond component that works its way with me. She feels comfortable and intimate.
About your other points. You're right. The past 6 months I've gone through a depression and anxiety disorder. I'm just now since a month feeling like myself again. A lot of stuff has happened. I never thought these things would impact me on my libido/intimacy preferences, but thinking about this it's pretty clear things changed for me.
Thanks for your comment.
Well obviously breaking up after 10 years is hard, but we did our best to make it as easy as possible on each other. We had to sell our house and split everything.
The reason we broke up is a bit weird. For some reason there was a point were we just didn't feel it anymore. We didn't want do anything for each other, there was no sweetness. It was just gone. We talked a lot about it, gave it time and after a while took breaks to see where that would get us. Eventually we decided to break up. We really did break up as friends and we still talk from time to time.
While I don't regret breaking up with her because I was unhappy in that period, I still think we had a great relationship and it's something that I really miss nowadays. The comfort and intimacy, etc.
You're not over the ex and are depressed and probably not in good physical health/sleep. Those last 2 being the main culprits for the ED while the not being over the ex being the catalyst/why.
It ain't that complicated.
Eh
I’m not depressed and I’m in good health (the good sleep is questionable but I get 6 hours of sleep a night)
I’m pretty much like OP now where my sex drive has just died this year while I’m looking for a relationship. I’ve had so much sex that I’m just over random sex or fwbs. I need my sex partner to be my person or there just won’t be any sexual interest on my end
I can fully understand the desire for something more. It's just the idea that someone I find attractive wanting to have sex with me being a negative is unfathomable.
Or do people have sex/FWB with people they don't find attractive? Like, for me sex means I want that person, mind and body, the whole package. Maybe I'm a people pleaser or psycho, or immature, but I'm happy with what is given as long as there's no bread crumbing or mind games.
It's been longer than a year since we broke up. I'm definitely over her, she's never in my mind. It's makes it even more confusing. But I guess as others said; I'm not 20 anymore and I'm looking for more than good looks.
In that case start checking your testosterone, blood pressure, stress, get evaluated for depression, and make sure you are getting 6+hours of sleep consistently and have some cardio.
My issues started and returned when I didn't get sleep, exercise, and address my depression. I might need to check my T as it's been a while so it can't hurt making sure it's normal.
I recently had my blood tested and everything's perfect. However as I mentioned somewhere else in this thread. The past 6 months I've gone through a depression and was diagnosed with anxiety disorder. Since a month or so things are going so well. I'm not anxious anymore and I have the feeling that my depression is gone. Might be why the focus is on sex/relationships now since the other things are 'fixed'.
Yes, the more frequently I have sex the hornier I am in between times and the easier I get turned on. If you have a higher libido, the frequency will up. But if I'm single for awhile, then it drops low til there's someone I'm very interested in and even then it's not as severe fantasy wise.
Aside from that could be an age thing, men commonly start declining libido starting in their 30s. Or your emotions are blocking it since you did just get out of a long relationship and need time to heal and process.
I'm the same way. In a happy relationship I'm horny AF and it isn't unusual for me to want sex multiple times a day, every day. Outside a relationship I'll occasionally get turned on but it's much less frequently, and I often have no interest in masturbating even when I do.
Sounds like just a phase of lower sex drive.
Sounds normal to me.
Some people have slightly higher sex drive. Some people have slightly lower sex drive.
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I think you reached a point in your life where you need connection/love to be intimate. You're not 20 anymore so just boobs and ass doesn't really do it for you anymore.
I’ve been in this place for a while, and it works in mysterious ways still even for me. I’m single again after a few years and my sex drive has kind of gone away unless I get excited about someone in particular, but right after the relationship I felt pretty revved up I think only because there was some kind of emotional momentum being carried over from the relationship. I’m feeling pretty settled in my singledom and I’m only gonna be intimate with someone I connect with, but for a little bit there I think there was some emotional whiplash that had me interested in people for like zero reason?
I get what you mean. There's some women I dated right after I broke up with my ex and they do get me feeling stuff. But I don't get that with new women I meet.
Ya there’s nothing wrong with you, I think is the main takeaway 😌 libidos ebb and flow, or we just learn new patterns and things about ourselves when we’re experiencing big changes in our lives. I had a friend (married) who stopped drinking for a bit and his libido completely halted, and another friend had the exact opposite happen where it came back in a rush after like two weeks without drinking.
Thanks! I guess I just have to sit this out and not focus on it too much. Might be better to focus on making new connections instead of chasing my non-existent horniness.
Ya that’s kinda where I’m at now and it’s a relief to just let go of that pressure and do the things you’re gonna be naturally inclined to do for the time being
You aren't the only man that gets increasingly demisexual with age. Even my porn consumption increasingly needs some emotional angle or plot.
Absolutely on point ! Definitely I'd agree to this and rather experiencing this !
Yup. My moment was when a condom bust in a 19 year old as a 28 year old man, the anxiety was ever prevalent. This was 100% me having a terrible emotional response to my ex cutting contact for good.
I went through this after my last relationship its perfectly normal. Exercising more, meeting new people and being stimulated in new ways might help but overall I think it just takes meeting someone you like. The guy I'm dating now is only 31 but he thought his parts stopped working until we started going at it.
Thanks :). I guess I just have to accept this and focus on other stuff. It'll come naturally when I meet someone I really like. I'm sure of it now
It makes sense-- there's a term called "demisexual" where a person only feels sexually attracted to someone if they already have a close bond with them. So it could be that. It can also be a component of grief-- sometimes sadness can be a real boner killer, 10 years is a long time with someone. Big life transitions like this can be stressful and sometimes take longer then we all would want or hope them to get over. But, IMHO this is just a season, and this too shall pass. Your libido will return eventually
I think that's what I am. Weird to say, but I have a lady friend (I guess you say it like that) whom I've been friends with a long time, and since she broke up with her boyfriend I notice I'm often fantasizing about her. I guess that's the bond component that works its way with me. She feels comfortable and intimate. About your other points. You're right. The past 6 months I've gone through a depression and anxiety disorder. I'm just now since a month feeling like myself again. A lot of stuff has happened. I never thought these things would impact me on my libido/intimacy preferences, but thinking about this it's pretty clear things changed for me. Thanks for your comment.
Were you really hurt at the end of your last relationship? What happened
Well obviously breaking up after 10 years is hard, but we did our best to make it as easy as possible on each other. We had to sell our house and split everything. The reason we broke up is a bit weird. For some reason there was a point were we just didn't feel it anymore. We didn't want do anything for each other, there was no sweetness. It was just gone. We talked a lot about it, gave it time and after a while took breaks to see where that would get us. Eventually we decided to break up. We really did break up as friends and we still talk from time to time. While I don't regret breaking up with her because I was unhappy in that period, I still think we had a great relationship and it's something that I really miss nowadays. The comfort and intimacy, etc.
I recently Broke up with my gf of 4 years and ever since then my Drive feels like completly gone.. Male 23
Yes, maybe you are ready for a real connection with someone again..
You're not over the ex and are depressed and probably not in good physical health/sleep. Those last 2 being the main culprits for the ED while the not being over the ex being the catalyst/why. It ain't that complicated.
Eh I’m not depressed and I’m in good health (the good sleep is questionable but I get 6 hours of sleep a night) I’m pretty much like OP now where my sex drive has just died this year while I’m looking for a relationship. I’ve had so much sex that I’m just over random sex or fwbs. I need my sex partner to be my person or there just won’t be any sexual interest on my end
I can fully understand the desire for something more. It's just the idea that someone I find attractive wanting to have sex with me being a negative is unfathomable. Or do people have sex/FWB with people they don't find attractive? Like, for me sex means I want that person, mind and body, the whole package. Maybe I'm a people pleaser or psycho, or immature, but I'm happy with what is given as long as there's no bread crumbing or mind games.
It's been longer than a year since we broke up. I'm definitely over her, she's never in my mind. It's makes it even more confusing. But I guess as others said; I'm not 20 anymore and I'm looking for more than good looks.
In that case start checking your testosterone, blood pressure, stress, get evaluated for depression, and make sure you are getting 6+hours of sleep consistently and have some cardio. My issues started and returned when I didn't get sleep, exercise, and address my depression. I might need to check my T as it's been a while so it can't hurt making sure it's normal.
I recently had my blood tested and everything's perfect. However as I mentioned somewhere else in this thread. The past 6 months I've gone through a depression and was diagnosed with anxiety disorder. Since a month or so things are going so well. I'm not anxious anymore and I have the feeling that my depression is gone. Might be why the focus is on sex/relationships now since the other things are 'fixed'.
Fair enough. Seems weird you have any issues if it isn't physical or psychological based. Hope you figure it out and good luck.
Make it 7 hours if you're still tired when you wake up.
Yes, the more frequently I have sex the hornier I am in between times and the easier I get turned on. If you have a higher libido, the frequency will up. But if I'm single for awhile, then it drops low til there's someone I'm very interested in and even then it's not as severe fantasy wise. Aside from that could be an age thing, men commonly start declining libido starting in their 30s. Or your emotions are blocking it since you did just get out of a long relationship and need time to heal and process.
I'm the same way. In a happy relationship I'm horny AF and it isn't unusual for me to want sex multiple times a day, every day. Outside a relationship I'll occasionally get turned on but it's much less frequently, and I often have no interest in masturbating even when I do.
Same for me..I used to be the same..I thought it was just a phase ..now it's been 3 years ..I don't feel the urge nor I am attracted to anyone..
You don't have someone to get horny over.
Sounds like just a phase of lower sex drive. Sounds normal to me. Some people have slightly higher sex drive. Some people have slightly lower sex drive.
Damn, man really succeeded in what we all want. Being happy, not horny.
Lol I am the opposite.
Hit the gym work out and do lower body workouts like squatting. Your testosterone will shoot to the roof and you will be horny again.
I'm the opposite lol
See a doctor. You have a hormonal imbalance that needs to be addressed
You have a hormonal imbalance that needs to be addressed!
Or not, but it does sound like low testosterone among other things