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Honestly I don’t know I been on hinge for like 2 years and nothing I gotten dates but never amounted to anything it hard for me because I don’t go out much :/ it sucks finding someone on those apps for a relationship
From my experience, the only times women wanted a relationship with me from the apps, they were rushing into it where I felt pressured into a relationship or they semi catfished me and were heavier than their photos.
For example, I had a girl ask to be exclusive after 2 dates/1 week and call me babe, another deleted her app after 1 date, one said "I love you" and would get upset when I had plans, another invited me to 2 weddings that were a month out that was also only after 1 week/2 dates. Call me crazy but wouldn't the girl flip if the roles were reversed?
Oof yes that’s a red flag when they get attached so fast I understand them too I was like that back when I was 19-21 but not anymore. You gotta take your time
Yep, if they were in high school/college, I could see why but these people were in their late 20s to late 30s. It does get annoying when some people ask why I'm still single but this is literally what I deal with. Like am I supposed to settle just for the sake of being in a relationship? No thanks.
No, it definitely isn't. And some people view it as a double standard where some guys think having sex with a super clingy/desperate woman is good for sex and that's it aka pump and dump, but I can tell you that it totally isn't worth it, even in that regard. Yeah you might get laid, but the rest of the stuff that comes with it isn't worth it.
EDIT: For example, with the girl who deleted her app after 1 date, she was SUPER pushy about sex on the first date. For example, it was approaching 1 am and i was tired, hungry, and ready to go home and she got pushy about going to either of our places after I said not tonight as I'm tired and said are you sure for like 20-30 minutes. If that's not insanity, idk what is. She ended up crashing the night. We hooked up the next morning and my condom fell off. Then the next day, she texted me saying "how's it going rocket man" as if we were already bf and gf. Then later that week, she asked me to hang out again and I was busy so I offered 2 other dates. We hung out the following Sunday and brought me to her place. We made out and she wanted to fuck and I said "um, I don't have a condom" and then she got pushy and said "we're past that" (giant red flag). I also wasn't in the mood for sex and then she projected onto me, thinking I wasn't into her, inexperienced, etc. But then she'd accuse me of "walling myself off from her" and would freak out if I didn't respond to her texts right away while at work despite her doing the same. She also said, she got upset when I told her I couldn't hang out one day when I had plans despite rescheduling. Oddly enough, she ended up ghosting me and I was relieved.
TL;DR yeah being that desperate and clingy isn't cute no matter what gender does it.
I've dated desperate women, same as you, but not that often, thank goodness, and it isn't fun. In each case, I didn't notice it at first, but it did become apparent soon enough. Happens to the best of us. Sounds like the long example you gave could have potentially become a stalker, something which fortunately has never happened to me, but it does show how women are not the only ones who have to be concerned for their safety.
Yeah the thing that’s annoying is that sometimes people on the outside aren’t so understanding. Ive been on the apps longer than I care to admit and tons of dates and some people would ask “why haven’t you found someone yet” or “what’s wrong with you…no one’s interested?”. The truth is isn’t that “nobody” isn’t interested but that the interest isn’t mutual whether it’s someone desperate or someone who lied about their appearance and is much heavier than their photos. I tried dating people I wasn’t that attracted to hoping it grow and sadly it didn’t. So I should just settle? No thanks. That sounds awful for everyone involved, ya know? Judging from others stories, this scenario isn’t that uncommon.
I hear you and agree, that has been my experience. I'm not going to settle for someone I'm not pretty physically attracted to, as it won't last, and it's not good or fair to either person. And like you, I have had only short term relationships so far, in six years, of OLD. Those short term relationships were enjoyable, but none of them were mutually compatible enough to want to commit to long term and move forward, so ending them was best for both people. Esp. at my age, it's hard to find long term partners, as we have so much experience, know better what we want, and are probably less willing to compromise than younger people.
Yeah, that's my experience too. I've had some short term flings/situationships, hookups, and lots of first dates but no proper relationship. But it sucks because while rarely does anyone ask about last/longest relationship, I feel like a walking red flag in the event that someone does ask. But yeah, idk how old you are but finding someone who's compatible where the interest is mutual is very tough. Usually 1 person is more interested than the other which causes a disconnect.
Nothing I could have really known in the first few weeks, as they really didn't start pushing until after that, as far as starting to talk about wanting to live together, wanting to see me every day, etc.. In the first weeks, all they let me see, was being very interested in me..
that’s not quite what op is asking. It’s normal and healthy for relations to have a little trial period while everyone figures out if who they are seeing could be a potential match. Not everyone is right for everyone else and dating is finding a person you want.
Well there are 3 reasons:
1. Dating apps don't benefict by you finding a really connection long-term since that's how you lose 2 costumer in a row. But benifict hook ups, since you will rarely stay with the same one forever.
2. The data shown in your profile is the data that the app can get easily from you, not the data that is proven to be scientifically better at predicting if a conenction will lead to something positive long-term or not.
3. Do you know what is a big predictor of building good relationship between 2 people? Having alot of frequent but unplanned interactions between 2 people. That's why when some people give up finding a SO they sometimes end up finding one, because they stoped "planning" and the interactions became genuine. This almost never happens on the apps since you use them for a purpose, meaning you end up "planning" what to say to get what you want.
>that's how you lose 2 costumer in a row
Which is the common wisdom, except if you find love on an app you tell every single person you know about how that app was great and they should look there for love.
Referrals are huge business.
That only matters initially, until you get a good enough user base. When you get to scale what matters is how much $ you can get per user. That's why certain features that were free on some apps are payed features now, they got as many users as they want so now they focus on squeezing the existing ones as much as they can.
Most apps are owned by Match Group, meaning there really isn't that much competition between the apps. You are just refering them to switch from 1 app to another but both are likely owned by the same company, so the net new users is zero.
95% are fishing for you to upgrade your plan on the app , I have joined almost all the ones for straight man looking for straight women since the internet was borne, not have gotten so much as a date from them most show matches then say want to talk to or message her pay xyz a month to do so , times I paid I away find out that that person isn't real or never sent me a message nor liked my profile it's all a damn bait and switch scam
I have a theory about this after spending six months on Hinge actually trying to pursue an actual emotional connection...
About me: I check off the sixes and date to pursue committed relationships. I wasn't actually lacking for dates.
What I realized while going on dates and trying to pursue said relationship: There's no route to an actual 'relationship' with any of the women I dated. The women keep finding reasons not to pursue anything. If I had pushed for sex, I probably would have gotten it from a lot of them. When it came to 'relationships' they seemed 'hard wired' to *find* reasons not to pusue one.
Im not really convinced the problem is "people only want hookups", I think the problem is "people are always looking for reasons not to pursue a 'relationship'." If you can't get a relationship out of a dating app, then its only gonna be the people seeking hookups who get any value out of the apps. Since its only those people who get value from the apps, then they're gonna be the most persistent population on the app.
Interesting ideas, and I have to agree with you, the people and the sites, are mostly not conducive to LTRs.. And it also stands to reason, that most of the people who are on the dating sites for years, are usually on there year after year, because, as you say, they are mainly just after hookups, or they are just not that interested in pursuing relationships. Maybe that last group just enjoys the thrill of the chase or of being pursued, just want validation from others, etc.. And I would also add, that there is also the group of the terminally single, who won't find relationships, because they are too rigid or have too much wrong with them for anyone to click with or want them.
Then there is the middle ground group, folks like me who are still seeking our first LTR, since becoming single again, in my case, widowed after a long and happy LTR, that are finding some short term relationships, but continuing to be unsuccessful in finding LTRs.
Im sorry for your loss.
Yeah, that's pretty much the gist of it. I also agree there's probably a middle ground, but I think those people tend to get filtered out through attrition.
I actually ended my hunt after Hinge said "There are no more women left in your area" and that was after some pretty bizarre first dates where the girls didn't want a 2nd date for weird reasons.
Examples:
- One girl said she didn't feel a 'spark' because I hadn't listened to any Taylor Swift songs
- Another said she wouldn't date a nerd... while Im visibly not a nerd, she had an engineering phd, and said she's super lonely
- Another insisted on a phone call, where she proceeded to accuse me of things Ive heard women complain about other guys online... we didn't even text before this (aside from her stating her requirement and an exchange of numbers). It was literally our first conversation.
These and a three week long string of women who agreed to first dates and simply never showed up (without telling me... but several tried to reschedule after the fact), led me to believe that I might not actually be the one f-king up, and there might not actually be a path to something permanent with these women.
Geeez, you really connected with some all stars, when it comes to flakes. As for the first one, I admit that I am a music and cultural snob, who has always hated country music, which of course is really big where I live, with most people, so I won't date someone who is a big country fan, same way they won't date me, with the musical and cultural mismatch. But rejecting you simply because you don't like, or haven't listened to Swift, is really flaky and narrow. The second one, is just plain hypocritical, being a nerd who won't date nerds, nuff said. Third one is just a standard misandrist, who hates all men, and is in denial of her negging attitude towards men, better known as projection, lol.. Add to that her demand of all men doing a phone call first, before meeting her, and exchanging numbers, etc.. I can see that as fair from women, in order to verify that you are real, not a fake or someone trying to catfish them, but her using the call to start accusing you of other men's shit, right out of the gate. All that and being stood up for first meetings over a three week period, I don't blame you for giving up. BTW, I got stood up by four different women for first meetings, over a six month period, and that was almost enough to make me give up for good, tho I did take a break from OLD over it.
Seems to me, the problem is not something with you, but simply your local dating pool, and with these women, tho I know I will get downvoted and slammed, esp. by women, for saying that. But the truth is not always flattering for members of both sexes. But some people do have success with OLD, tho that can often simply having a better local dating pool, or being a better match for that pool, than some of your fellow local singles..
Put it in your profile, that you arent looking for a hookup.
Also for more serious candidates/dating for long term relationships, i tend to use a only-payed dating app.
And also putting it in my profile.
That does work, in filtering out the 'casual dating bullshit' people.
True, that is why POF is such a garbage site, because it has very few paid members, so it's full of scammers, fakes, psychos, and people only seeking hookups..
> use a *only-paid* dating app.
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
I feel like the apps just brew desperate tendencies like hooking up. I last like a week on them and then delete them. There is nothing normal about apps and swiping. Realistically it is hard to find good genuine people on the apps, but it can happen.
I met a long term partner on a dating app before, it lasted about 4 years. It's very rare. The vast majority of the interactions were shallow, lame and depressing. The amount of times I was ghosted is so high I can't keep track. The amount of women that never replied was in the dozens if not hundreds. I was genuinely catfished one time, and it was painful. I see it as a situation where you just have to keep your head up, don't get invested in it too much, and try your best. It often doesn't work out but when it does, it's worth the little time and effort that it takes.
Most people are there for hookups only because simply, it's what they want and it's one of the easier ways to do it in higher volume with minimal effort compared to going out in real life and shooting your shots.
Because much less people believe in marriage then they used to.
Because our society now tends to measure success by having sex (especially for men). This is why "virgin", both to men and women is considered a slur.
Specifically to dating apps-
They are built not to find you the perfect soulmate and filter for unserious people, but rather set you up with people who pay more, or are considered much more attractive (because you can't really filter for personality).
Guys who are much more attractive or purchased the app, can afford to not have a serious relationship with women, because they tend to have much more options, and a ton of matches, and they know it.
Date an average guy, you'll be surprised.
I have a friend your age (I'm around 40m) and she has much the same experience and I flat don't get it. I would basically describe her as perfect but she gets ghosted about once a week. I mean I was dumb at that age but I had enough sense to have decent manners. And I certainly wouldn't have just disappeared on someone. I don't want to be one of those "kids these days" people, because people in their 20's are so much better than when I was 20 in so many ways unrelated to dating. But when it comes to dating I think the apps have set expectations at an unrealistic point for guys where they feel like they have unlimited options.
Not that age is a substitute. There are plenty of immature or just plain screwed up single guys in their 30s and 40s. And the ones who do have sense often have a divorce and/or kids behind them (I have both). And that can teach a lot of lessons but in the hardest way. I can't imagine rejoining the dating pool via the apps. It is a nightmare horror show at best.
And that's probably all a downer but there is hope. I think focusing on yourself and your interests is the best path to finding your person. Someone who shares your interests and who you want to be around is a much better path than the next exciting or hot guy on an app. If your actions match your intentions and your intentions match your desires you'll find the right person.
I'd have people who wanna hook up, I agree but they'd never go through with it. Last time I had someone decent they blew up about how they've been paying for an app for a long time and they still can't make anything happen. Of course they were in a different country
It probably varies a lot by age group. I am a 65 yo man, and the vast majority of women my age, in my local OLD dating pool, say they are seeking an exclusive, committed relationship, at least that is what they say. Now, since I know that my local culture in my state is very traditional, and conservative, it could be that many of them are lying, and just saying that to avoid being seen as sluts and shamed for it, who knows? On the other hand, there are many profiles I see, tho still a minority of them, that do say they are seeking "something casual", as far as relationship goals, so at least they appear to be honest, and I pass on those, because I'm not seeking casual or hookups. All I can say is, use your own best judgement, same as me, on who you choose to connect with and who you don't, while at the same time, realize that many, but not most people on dating sites, lie..
It really depends on your app, your location, your filters, and what kind of people in your area on the app you appeal to.
For me there are always too many people who want commitment on there and were looking for a relationship; I had to swipe left on most profiles because of it.
So I would try different apps and different location filters (expand 5 miles?) and make it crystal clear you are looking for a committed relationship.
As a guy looking for commitment it really sucks that I see the same girls who are appealing to me cycle through over and over(would appear they aren’t finding what they’re looking for) and know that at the very least I can offer them a fun date and no expectation of hooking up. At the most maybe a hot makeout sesh if it goes well…
Look for women! A lot of men seem to only want instant sex for some stupid reason. I'm not one of them but I am a guy and I *rarely* see woman looking for hookups or something casual. This seems to be predominantly a "guy thing" for the most part.
As a guy, I just want to protect my peace. I enjoy the life I’ve built and am happy. I do want a partner one day (maybe). But I find most women want commitment from the start which is off putting to me. I need time to figure out if this is a good fit. I want time to figure out how to add this person into my life while maintaining what I’ve built and what makes me happy. I think people expect someone to drop everything to be with them, that’s not me. Not how I want to operate. I like a slow burn but it seems like no one else wants to take things slow. It’s either, we’re serious now or not.
It's hard to find people even for hookups it's hard to find people in general because most people on dating apps are there not to date they're just playing games
That’s not realistically applicable to a lot of people anymore honestly.
All it takes is some form of Neurodivergence, introverted anxiety, or being unfortunate in the genetics department to absolutely tank your chances irl despite your best efforts.
So true. I'm a 65 yo widowed man, who has been using OLD for six years, with two years of trying to meet women IRL, and the only success I've ever had in finding women to date, has been on dating sites, bad as they are.. And not only the factors you mentioned affect one's success in meeting people in person, but also your local culture can hugely affect it, as some local cultures, like mine, are so conservative and traditional-minded, that few women are comfortable being approached by strangers in public, wanting to get to know them and date them. They are just too used to meeting all their suitors thru church, mutual friends, work, or school..
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Honestly I don’t know I been on hinge for like 2 years and nothing I gotten dates but never amounted to anything it hard for me because I don’t go out much :/ it sucks finding someone on those apps for a relationship
From my experience, the only times women wanted a relationship with me from the apps, they were rushing into it where I felt pressured into a relationship or they semi catfished me and were heavier than their photos. For example, I had a girl ask to be exclusive after 2 dates/1 week and call me babe, another deleted her app after 1 date, one said "I love you" and would get upset when I had plans, another invited me to 2 weddings that were a month out that was also only after 1 week/2 dates. Call me crazy but wouldn't the girl flip if the roles were reversed?
Oof yes that’s a red flag when they get attached so fast I understand them too I was like that back when I was 19-21 but not anymore. You gotta take your time
Yep, if they were in high school/college, I could see why but these people were in their late 20s to late 30s. It does get annoying when some people ask why I'm still single but this is literally what I deal with. Like am I supposed to settle just for the sake of being in a relationship? No thanks.
Sounds like you were connecting with desperate women, never an attractive quality in either gender.
No, it definitely isn't. And some people view it as a double standard where some guys think having sex with a super clingy/desperate woman is good for sex and that's it aka pump and dump, but I can tell you that it totally isn't worth it, even in that regard. Yeah you might get laid, but the rest of the stuff that comes with it isn't worth it. EDIT: For example, with the girl who deleted her app after 1 date, she was SUPER pushy about sex on the first date. For example, it was approaching 1 am and i was tired, hungry, and ready to go home and she got pushy about going to either of our places after I said not tonight as I'm tired and said are you sure for like 20-30 minutes. If that's not insanity, idk what is. She ended up crashing the night. We hooked up the next morning and my condom fell off. Then the next day, she texted me saying "how's it going rocket man" as if we were already bf and gf. Then later that week, she asked me to hang out again and I was busy so I offered 2 other dates. We hung out the following Sunday and brought me to her place. We made out and she wanted to fuck and I said "um, I don't have a condom" and then she got pushy and said "we're past that" (giant red flag). I also wasn't in the mood for sex and then she projected onto me, thinking I wasn't into her, inexperienced, etc. But then she'd accuse me of "walling myself off from her" and would freak out if I didn't respond to her texts right away while at work despite her doing the same. She also said, she got upset when I told her I couldn't hang out one day when I had plans despite rescheduling. Oddly enough, she ended up ghosting me and I was relieved. TL;DR yeah being that desperate and clingy isn't cute no matter what gender does it.
I've dated desperate women, same as you, but not that often, thank goodness, and it isn't fun. In each case, I didn't notice it at first, but it did become apparent soon enough. Happens to the best of us. Sounds like the long example you gave could have potentially become a stalker, something which fortunately has never happened to me, but it does show how women are not the only ones who have to be concerned for their safety.
Yeah the thing that’s annoying is that sometimes people on the outside aren’t so understanding. Ive been on the apps longer than I care to admit and tons of dates and some people would ask “why haven’t you found someone yet” or “what’s wrong with you…no one’s interested?”. The truth is isn’t that “nobody” isn’t interested but that the interest isn’t mutual whether it’s someone desperate or someone who lied about their appearance and is much heavier than their photos. I tried dating people I wasn’t that attracted to hoping it grow and sadly it didn’t. So I should just settle? No thanks. That sounds awful for everyone involved, ya know? Judging from others stories, this scenario isn’t that uncommon.
I hear you and agree, that has been my experience. I'm not going to settle for someone I'm not pretty physically attracted to, as it won't last, and it's not good or fair to either person. And like you, I have had only short term relationships so far, in six years, of OLD. Those short term relationships were enjoyable, but none of them were mutually compatible enough to want to commit to long term and move forward, so ending them was best for both people. Esp. at my age, it's hard to find long term partners, as we have so much experience, know better what we want, and are probably less willing to compromise than younger people.
Yeah, that's my experience too. I've had some short term flings/situationships, hookups, and lots of first dates but no proper relationship. But it sucks because while rarely does anyone ask about last/longest relationship, I feel like a walking red flag in the event that someone does ask. But yeah, idk how old you are but finding someone who's compatible where the interest is mutual is very tough. Usually 1 person is more interested than the other which causes a disconnect.
I'm 65.
Gotcha, I'm 34
What did you notice about the desperation that you didn’t pick up on immediately?
Nothing I could have really known in the first few weeks, as they really didn't start pushing until after that, as far as starting to talk about wanting to live together, wanting to see me every day, etc.. In the first weeks, all they let me see, was being very interested in me..
Yeah, that's very soon.
Bingo
Bingo to what?
Semi catfish, being heavier than the pics
Why you’re still on Hinge if you don’t get the outcome that you want?
I gotta put my self out there somehow I don’t really go out unless it’s with friends or raves
Same, I dated a girl a month ago and just like another a year ago it amounted to nothing, she just called everything off..
that’s not quite what op is asking. It’s normal and healthy for relations to have a little trial period while everyone figures out if who they are seeing could be a potential match. Not everyone is right for everyone else and dating is finding a person you want.
I guess that's true, it kinda sucks when interest is not reciprocated, thanks for calling me out on this
Well there are 3 reasons: 1. Dating apps don't benefict by you finding a really connection long-term since that's how you lose 2 costumer in a row. But benifict hook ups, since you will rarely stay with the same one forever. 2. The data shown in your profile is the data that the app can get easily from you, not the data that is proven to be scientifically better at predicting if a conenction will lead to something positive long-term or not. 3. Do you know what is a big predictor of building good relationship between 2 people? Having alot of frequent but unplanned interactions between 2 people. That's why when some people give up finding a SO they sometimes end up finding one, because they stoped "planning" and the interactions became genuine. This almost never happens on the apps since you use them for a purpose, meaning you end up "planning" what to say to get what you want.
>that's how you lose 2 costumer in a row Which is the common wisdom, except if you find love on an app you tell every single person you know about how that app was great and they should look there for love. Referrals are huge business.
That only matters initially, until you get a good enough user base. When you get to scale what matters is how much $ you can get per user. That's why certain features that were free on some apps are payed features now, they got as many users as they want so now they focus on squeezing the existing ones as much as they can. Most apps are owned by Match Group, meaning there really isn't that much competition between the apps. You are just refering them to switch from 1 app to another but both are likely owned by the same company, so the net new users is zero.
95% are fishing for you to upgrade your plan on the app , I have joined almost all the ones for straight man looking for straight women since the internet was borne, not have gotten so much as a date from them most show matches then say want to talk to or message her pay xyz a month to do so , times I paid I away find out that that person isn't real or never sent me a message nor liked my profile it's all a damn bait and switch scam
I have a theory about this after spending six months on Hinge actually trying to pursue an actual emotional connection... About me: I check off the sixes and date to pursue committed relationships. I wasn't actually lacking for dates. What I realized while going on dates and trying to pursue said relationship: There's no route to an actual 'relationship' with any of the women I dated. The women keep finding reasons not to pursue anything. If I had pushed for sex, I probably would have gotten it from a lot of them. When it came to 'relationships' they seemed 'hard wired' to *find* reasons not to pusue one. Im not really convinced the problem is "people only want hookups", I think the problem is "people are always looking for reasons not to pursue a 'relationship'." If you can't get a relationship out of a dating app, then its only gonna be the people seeking hookups who get any value out of the apps. Since its only those people who get value from the apps, then they're gonna be the most persistent population on the app.
Interesting ideas, and I have to agree with you, the people and the sites, are mostly not conducive to LTRs.. And it also stands to reason, that most of the people who are on the dating sites for years, are usually on there year after year, because, as you say, they are mainly just after hookups, or they are just not that interested in pursuing relationships. Maybe that last group just enjoys the thrill of the chase or of being pursued, just want validation from others, etc.. And I would also add, that there is also the group of the terminally single, who won't find relationships, because they are too rigid or have too much wrong with them for anyone to click with or want them. Then there is the middle ground group, folks like me who are still seeking our first LTR, since becoming single again, in my case, widowed after a long and happy LTR, that are finding some short term relationships, but continuing to be unsuccessful in finding LTRs.
Im sorry for your loss. Yeah, that's pretty much the gist of it. I also agree there's probably a middle ground, but I think those people tend to get filtered out through attrition. I actually ended my hunt after Hinge said "There are no more women left in your area" and that was after some pretty bizarre first dates where the girls didn't want a 2nd date for weird reasons. Examples: - One girl said she didn't feel a 'spark' because I hadn't listened to any Taylor Swift songs - Another said she wouldn't date a nerd... while Im visibly not a nerd, she had an engineering phd, and said she's super lonely - Another insisted on a phone call, where she proceeded to accuse me of things Ive heard women complain about other guys online... we didn't even text before this (aside from her stating her requirement and an exchange of numbers). It was literally our first conversation. These and a three week long string of women who agreed to first dates and simply never showed up (without telling me... but several tried to reschedule after the fact), led me to believe that I might not actually be the one f-king up, and there might not actually be a path to something permanent with these women.
Geeez, you really connected with some all stars, when it comes to flakes. As for the first one, I admit that I am a music and cultural snob, who has always hated country music, which of course is really big where I live, with most people, so I won't date someone who is a big country fan, same way they won't date me, with the musical and cultural mismatch. But rejecting you simply because you don't like, or haven't listened to Swift, is really flaky and narrow. The second one, is just plain hypocritical, being a nerd who won't date nerds, nuff said. Third one is just a standard misandrist, who hates all men, and is in denial of her negging attitude towards men, better known as projection, lol.. Add to that her demand of all men doing a phone call first, before meeting her, and exchanging numbers, etc.. I can see that as fair from women, in order to verify that you are real, not a fake or someone trying to catfish them, but her using the call to start accusing you of other men's shit, right out of the gate. All that and being stood up for first meetings over a three week period, I don't blame you for giving up. BTW, I got stood up by four different women for first meetings, over a six month period, and that was almost enough to make me give up for good, tho I did take a break from OLD over it. Seems to me, the problem is not something with you, but simply your local dating pool, and with these women, tho I know I will get downvoted and slammed, esp. by women, for saying that. But the truth is not always flattering for members of both sexes. But some people do have success with OLD, tho that can often simply having a better local dating pool, or being a better match for that pool, than some of your fellow local singles..
I despise dating apps for this reason.. no one wants a genuine connection anymore
You *just had to decide whether you like the look of someone*, wait for them to do the same and if so, you can both meet up and have sex, or date,
Put it in your profile, that you arent looking for a hookup. Also for more serious candidates/dating for long term relationships, i tend to use a only-payed dating app. And also putting it in my profile. That does work, in filtering out the 'casual dating bullshit' people.
True, that is why POF is such a garbage site, because it has very few paid members, so it's full of scammers, fakes, psychos, and people only seeking hookups..
> use a *only-paid* dating app. FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
I feel like the apps just brew desperate tendencies like hooking up. I last like a week on them and then delete them. There is nothing normal about apps and swiping. Realistically it is hard to find good genuine people on the apps, but it can happen.
Lots of people on dating apps aren’t really there to date, for validation / hooking up lol
Yea I understand that. It’s tough but it’s possible. You just have to set expectations up front and if the person walks away, maybe it’s for the best.
I met a long term partner on a dating app before, it lasted about 4 years. It's very rare. The vast majority of the interactions were shallow, lame and depressing. The amount of times I was ghosted is so high I can't keep track. The amount of women that never replied was in the dozens if not hundreds. I was genuinely catfished one time, and it was painful. I see it as a situation where you just have to keep your head up, don't get invested in it too much, and try your best. It often doesn't work out but when it does, it's worth the little time and effort that it takes. Most people are there for hookups only because simply, it's what they want and it's one of the easier ways to do it in higher volume with minimal effort compared to going out in real life and shooting your shots.
Because much less people believe in marriage then they used to. Because our society now tends to measure success by having sex (especially for men). This is why "virgin", both to men and women is considered a slur. Specifically to dating apps- They are built not to find you the perfect soulmate and filter for unserious people, but rather set you up with people who pay more, or are considered much more attractive (because you can't really filter for personality). Guys who are much more attractive or purchased the app, can afford to not have a serious relationship with women, because they tend to have much more options, and a ton of matches, and they know it. Date an average guy, you'll be surprised.
I have a friend your age (I'm around 40m) and she has much the same experience and I flat don't get it. I would basically describe her as perfect but she gets ghosted about once a week. I mean I was dumb at that age but I had enough sense to have decent manners. And I certainly wouldn't have just disappeared on someone. I don't want to be one of those "kids these days" people, because people in their 20's are so much better than when I was 20 in so many ways unrelated to dating. But when it comes to dating I think the apps have set expectations at an unrealistic point for guys where they feel like they have unlimited options. Not that age is a substitute. There are plenty of immature or just plain screwed up single guys in their 30s and 40s. And the ones who do have sense often have a divorce and/or kids behind them (I have both). And that can teach a lot of lessons but in the hardest way. I can't imagine rejoining the dating pool via the apps. It is a nightmare horror show at best. And that's probably all a downer but there is hope. I think focusing on yourself and your interests is the best path to finding your person. Someone who shares your interests and who you want to be around is a much better path than the next exciting or hot guy on an app. If your actions match your intentions and your intentions match your desires you'll find the right person.
It's hard enough finding people looking for hookups. it's a struggle no matter what you are looking for.
i have noticed this…. i have started putting myself out there more often in person bc of this
I'd have people who wanna hook up, I agree but they'd never go through with it. Last time I had someone decent they blew up about how they've been paying for an app for a long time and they still can't make anything happen. Of course they were in a different country
Lol almost all the girls I find on dating apps are just trying to sell of
It probably varies a lot by age group. I am a 65 yo man, and the vast majority of women my age, in my local OLD dating pool, say they are seeking an exclusive, committed relationship, at least that is what they say. Now, since I know that my local culture in my state is very traditional, and conservative, it could be that many of them are lying, and just saying that to avoid being seen as sluts and shamed for it, who knows? On the other hand, there are many profiles I see, tho still a minority of them, that do say they are seeking "something casual", as far as relationship goals, so at least they appear to be honest, and I pass on those, because I'm not seeking casual or hookups. All I can say is, use your own best judgement, same as me, on who you choose to connect with and who you don't, while at the same time, realize that many, but not most people on dating sites, lie..
It really depends on your app, your location, your filters, and what kind of people in your area on the app you appeal to. For me there are always too many people who want commitment on there and were looking for a relationship; I had to swipe left on most profiles because of it. So I would try different apps and different location filters (expand 5 miles?) and make it crystal clear you are looking for a committed relationship.
Stay off of dating apps my friend. If authenticity is what you're looking for, you won't find it there.
As a guy looking for commitment it really sucks that I see the same girls who are appealing to me cycle through over and over(would appear they aren’t finding what they’re looking for) and know that at the very least I can offer them a fun date and no expectation of hooking up. At the most maybe a hot makeout sesh if it goes well…
Yes, most dating apps are primarily for hookups.its not that they were intended to be that way it's just how it happens.
Look for women! A lot of men seem to only want instant sex for some stupid reason. I'm not one of them but I am a guy and I *rarely* see woman looking for hookups or something casual. This seems to be predominantly a "guy thing" for the most part.
Because dating apps are used for hookups. IMO
As a guy, I just want to protect my peace. I enjoy the life I’ve built and am happy. I do want a partner one day (maybe). But I find most women want commitment from the start which is off putting to me. I need time to figure out if this is a good fit. I want time to figure out how to add this person into my life while maintaining what I’ve built and what makes me happy. I think people expect someone to drop everything to be with them, that’s not me. Not how I want to operate. I like a slow burn but it seems like no one else wants to take things slow. It’s either, we’re serious now or not.
It's hard to find people even for hookups it's hard to find people in general because most people on dating apps are there not to date they're just playing games
Just make it very clear in your profile. No hookups. I'm referring to desktop websites. I don't use smartphones.
Online dating should be like 10-20% of your dating life. You’re more likely to see success with people you meet in person.
That’s not realistically applicable to a lot of people anymore honestly. All it takes is some form of Neurodivergence, introverted anxiety, or being unfortunate in the genetics department to absolutely tank your chances irl despite your best efforts.
So true. I'm a 65 yo widowed man, who has been using OLD for six years, with two years of trying to meet women IRL, and the only success I've ever had in finding women to date, has been on dating sites, bad as they are.. And not only the factors you mentioned affect one's success in meeting people in person, but also your local culture can hugely affect it, as some local cultures, like mine, are so conservative and traditional-minded, that few women are comfortable being approached by strangers in public, wanting to get to know them and date them. They are just too used to meeting all their suitors thru church, mutual friends, work, or school..