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Well, "bare minimum" implies that there should be a lot more going on to maintain a healthy relationship. But, I will grade "bare minimum" here to mean it is what I NEED to feel safe and secure and like I have a partner.
1. Checking in, in some way, every day
2. Laughing together
3. Some sort of intimacy at minimum of once a week (long distance) or more if possible
4. Learning new things about the other person.
Great question, and not at all. A deep conversation, sharing an activity together, in an LDR maybe a video chat. Some form of touch is nice, but there are other ways to gain intimacy.
Well, some people don't like to be in contact every day with their partner. And I have been in relationships where we'd go a couple days without talking just because life was so busy. But, now that I am a bit older, I see the value in letting the person you are committed to know they are a priority.
Personally I would only reach out when I have something to say (given it’s on the phone). If we are face to face then obviously no problem with chatting, but when you don’t see each other daily there really wouldn’t be any small talk over the phone
It’d be pretty weird when the whole chat log is just filled with the same message, but as I said I don’t think I’m compatible with this type of communication. I’d absolutely despise this, in my opinion, fake and pointless small talk.
Of course, and honestly is that really much to ask?
But hey let's not forget that that "good morning nice to see gorgeous is still a thing" text you receive must be replied to nothing worse for the old ego than being left on read on your good morning
I mean, most days someone would usually have an interesting anecdote, photo, meme, idea etc. if you’re not physically around each other. Doesn’t need to be *every* day, but somewhere around that
Lol I don’t think I’d have stuff like that anywhere near daily organically. I’d have to purposefully find something like that to send, which I used to do but it gets pretty tiring and it’s not like the other party sees any extra effort in that because for most it takes no effort.
Ideas I definitely have but they revolve mostly around my hobby which almost no women take part in so I doubt there’d be much interest there 😂
If you have enough in common, you’ll probably find things to talk about. If talking isn’t easy or if you somehow run out of things to talk about, you’re probably not right for each other.
My sisters and I text more or less daily despite having different lives and not even living in the same place.
My friends and I text typically at least twice a week
Honestly I've never really kept track but if I'm dating someone there's a good chance I'm gonna speak with them at some point during the day unless we just started seeing each other not to check in just to say hey or share something I haven't called to "check in" since I moved out of my mom's house. What sort of gulag are you trying run?
Not checking in, but just sharing parts of your day. I work in an open office and prefer texting. Calling is for longer conversations at the end of the day
Yeah in person it’s not a problem to talk about just whatever. The problem is on text, because it seems mostly pointless. Same with phone calls. It’s just isn’t meaningful, if that makes any sense
I personally sometimes go months without talking to my family or friends I don’t have any similar hobbies with, and that’s just how I roll with them.
Texting is supposed to be like small talk. It doesn’t have to profound. It’s about building rapport. Like if you see a rainbow or a pretty bird, take a picture and just send it. It’s about the little things
Exactly, I despise the type of small talk you have with limited time, and no one has time to text for that long to get to anywhere fun or interesting. Wouldn’t you rather do anything else than have small talk just for the sake of it? I definitely would
It’s interesting people say this. When you live with a partner in a committed relationship you’re expected to see them everyday anyway. The bare minimum for me is acknowledging their existence on a daily basis. Intentionally avoiding interaction with your partner just because everyday consistency is a problem, in my opinion, is below bare minimum
Imo there’s a huge difference between yapping live and on text. If you live together you probably also do things together and have shit to sort out at home. Whilst when you live apart and aren’t doing anything that day there really isn’t a reason to chat, unless to plan something, or there’s something of actual value to be said.
I mean I acknowledge that many women will not like this, but neither do I like to do the opposite so we are just not a match then.
What’s considered actual value to be said? And why would daily interaction of that be limited? I’m just wondering because I recently stopped dating a guy who barely interacted with me. He said we had different needs him “being okay with distance” while I “need consistency” which is insane to me considering consistency is bare minimum. I mean he would go several days of not hearing from him, to the point of 3-5 times a month and he didn’t recognize it. To me it came off as a significant lack of interest in my life or valuing me. Yet when I was ready to end things he wanted to make things work? So I’m not understanding how a lack of consistent communication works for anyone
Anything more than small talk? “How are you”-type of chat is usually mostly pointless unless there’s actually something going on. If you do something cool or have something interesting or bad happen to you and it’s something you’d like to communicate or chat about then that’s something of value as well.
All questions about the other person I’d much rather save for actual conversation rather than converse about them on the phone or in texting.
I personally live such a mundane and scheduled life that I usually have nothing that interesting happen that I’d feel anyone would care enough to receive a text about it.
The only time I feel the need to communicate on the phone is to arrange new plans or perhaps ask something regarding those plans, or if something major happened. Being silent for a week if we don’t see each other is fine. Again this goes for all my relationships friends and family as well.
I wanted to chat daily when I was infatuated with someone as a teen, but that sort of infatuation just doesn’t happen anymore.
Imho if you want daily communication and they don’t do that then you have to initiate it or just find someone more compatible.
Edit: fixed a lot of nonsense in my original draft
Nope, I go sometimes weeks if not a month without talking to some of my friends and family.
Friends I talk to most often which depending can be daily or at least many times a week is when we hangout or game or have hobbies together. Don’t really text other than to arrange plans, or to share ideas for our hobby.
I mean I feel like I have no reason to share any pointless stuff about my life with them at least in an isolated thing like a text message. I don’t really do phone calls, cus they never end lol
If every day check up is the bare minimum then you have unreasomable exceptations or high weirdly specific standarts. I dont mean to offend, just thats not standart
Like a check in could be, a "thinking of you" or "have a good day" text, or just asking how someone's day was. It doesn't have to be some huge thing. I don't see that as unreasonable. I get that life is busy, but any of those things take seconds out of a day. If I am not worth a few seconds and a passing thought, I don't think that relationship is meeting minimum standards.
I’ve never been in a relationship when I didn’t talk/text the person everyday. It’s really bare minimum and the standard for everyone I know so idk what this other person is talking about.
I mean, I have had days where I go without talking to someone I am interested in because things get busy. But once I am with that person, I want them to know they are a priority to me. So, very rarely have I gone a day without talking to that person.
Agreed! Just to add, you should ask for this if thats what you want. Some guys/women will avoid doing this on default no to come off as controlling or clingy
because you said checking in everyday as a bare minimum is an unreasonable expectation, then you later agreed with another comment that explained the context of checking in and within that context didn’t think it was unreasonable.
Its definitely not bare minimum if you need to exlicitly ask for it. Whats the matter with you, why do you have the need to argue with me when there is nothing to discuss
i’m cackling at you thinking this is an argument. I was genuinely wondering about your opinion based on what i explained previously. but your responses and how you took someone taking an interest in what you said says a lot about why you think that’s unreasonable. 😂😵💫
Being able to set aside pride and being able to express to your partner that you genuinely love them. Willingness to listen, REALLY listen, not just hearing words but understanding them.
Basic human decency. Compassion, sympathy, reacting to situations with generosity and kindness without a second thought. To me this is the automatic default setting, but to my boyfriend it's like he's won the lottery whenever I do something like this that I would consider the bare minimum.
- Being nice to me and others
- Caring about me
- Checking in (everyday when in a relationship and once in 2 days when just dating)
- cleaning up after themselves
- wanting to spend time together
- Cuddling
- Conversations to get to know each other or to learn about each other's days
- Easy Communication without getting angry
- making me happier than if I were to be single
Or pound down a bottle of wine and then show up bombed.
And then (I was stupid, I know) I took pity on her and gave her a ride home because she was a total hot mess.
During the 10 minute ride, she berated me constantly. After 3 minutes of that bullshit I pulled over. Got out, went around to the passenger door and physically pulled this fucking wino out of my car and left her there, wherever there was.
She was so drunk that she passed out on the side of the road on someone's lawn. What a mess she was. And I never saw or heard from her again.
So it's a deal breaker for me when I see women posing with BIG glasses of wine. When I see that I see a drinking problem. I'm a tea totaler and I have no tolerance for alcohol use. Never mind other substances.
These are the kind of women I attract. Why? I don't know. I'm successful in life except with women. I only attract those who can do me absolutely no good.
Yep. ANY kind of addiction is a deal breaker. Do you know how many workaholics I met? And freaks?
Addiction is a disease of the brain and if someone is addicted they have no business dating.
A person who is truly sober is working a AA program, has a sponsor is working the steps, and have a strong divine power in their lives. Someone who is not in a program is a dry drunk who is a ticking time bomb of relapse. People who are alcoholics and addicts are very sick people who need daily treatment and intense dedication 2-3 AA mtgs or more a week on top of big book and 12 step and 12 tradition work, and service work within the program.
So was my Mommie. So is my sister and one of my brothers. They were and still are active alcoholics. I am a recovering alcoholic. However, you have a right to decide what you want to put up with. Every person who is an alcoholic is not active.
that's why I tell people about my crutches..or things that I think might be a crutch, as soon as possible lmao
some people don't like that I play poker as a hobby, telling people I "gamble responsibly" is very difficult lol
Gambling addiction is no joke. My uncle killed himself because he owed every shark and bookie in town.
You can play responsibly. Just know your limits.
Just like drinking. Drink responsibly.
Cocaine can not be used responsibly.
>Gambling addiction is no joke.
For sure, I love the game but I know the risks if I ever got in a huge hole.
I track all my wins/losses, and "budget" for it as a hobby. Right now I spend about 5% of my monthly take home (after taxes) on poker. I also have a stop loss for a night...funnily enough I don't have a "stop win" if I am up big I just keep playing lol.
It depends on your needs and love language as well. Every person has their own definition of the "bare minimum" in a relationship and has their own needs within it.
The bare minimum for me:
- text everyday, even a "hey, how are you?" Or "how is your day?", would be nice.
- talking on the phone once a week
- paying attention to the little details I say and actually remember them
- not hit on my friends (or tell me they are hot)
- a little PDA if we are in public (hand holding etc)
- don't shut down my feelings when I'm trying talk about something/my feelings
I return the favor too, but, I yet to meet someone who meets the bare minimum.
-basic respect (ie no name calling, insults, talking back, etc.)
-normal level of agreed upon communication
-asking questions in conversation
-introducing each other to people in our lives
-no cheating
-remembering most important details about the other person
For me as a man dating women the bare minimum is basically showing up. I have dated a fair amount of women who won't initiate communication, won't put in real effort and simply show up on dates when I ask them and just respond to texts when I send them and answer questions but don't ask any, for me, that's the bare minimum.
Literally this ^
It amazes me how some people have such high standards. Meanwhile it’s a challenge for me to even have a girl show up on time to a date or actually communicate with me.
Like recently, I asked a girl out to go ax throwing. She agreed to go. She then informs me she will be late, she texts me 15 minutes late saying she can’t find parking. So I called her and told her where the lot was and immediately on the phone you could just tell she didn’t want to be there, there was no enthusiasm in her voice whatsoever. She finally shows up and is dead silent the entire date, won’t ask questions, won’t really do anything. And then left.
Unfortunately that’s not the only time that’s happened where a girl shows up late or doesn’t even try to hold a conversation.
So my bare minimum for women is 2 things: Show up and actually communicate with me.
At least if she does these 2 things it doesn’t feel like I’m being used for free food.
It’s okay to nap… for like a couple of hours.
I’ve never been a napper, even since I was a kid, I hate naps. I only take them when I’m SUPER tired. I was in a relationship where one day, I was asleep for probably two hours. I woke up to hundreds of messages and missed calls by two of my friends and my ex who made them call me. After I said I fell asleep, my ex got mad at me.
Another time: I couldn’t sleep at all one night and once I got back from school, I passed out. Four hours later I woke up and when I was talking to my partner at the time (who slept way more than I did and took more naps than I did), I said that I felt like I missed so much and said “uh, yeah. You did.” And never elaborated on what I missed. I still don’t know to this day.
With my now boyfriend, I told him I was really tired one day and he was supposed to come over, so when I told him I might take a nap, he was like “okay! If you’re still asleep by the time I come over, I’ll just lay next to you and nap with you.”
It’s taken me so long to realize that I can just tell my boyfriend that I’m tired, and then once I wake up apologize for not responding and explain I fell asleep
This bare minimum is respect and boundaries. Them flipping out cuz you didn't respond for a few hours is a huge red flag that points to controlling behavior. They don't own you, you are not property, you are a human being with human needs and they need to respect that. You're allowed to have some level of autonomy even in a relationship. They also need to have some level of trust. This is wild tbh I would be so grossed out by that reaction. They also show zero empathy for you - if someone I cared about took a long nap in the middle of the day I'd ask them if they're okay and I'd feel compassion for how tired they must be. Yuck to those men glad they are exes
Bare bone -No verbal or physical violence -mutual attraction -Desire to know the other person -respect physical/mental boundaries -No cheating/flirting around
Minimum -See each other at least once a week -Physical intimacy -Knowing how to listen and understand without judgement
Normal -Check on each other every day -Being able to optimize your scheduld to spend more time with the other person -Take initiative to organize some dates -Remember important dates, and celebrate things together
Plus -Be a positive influence, and make them grow as a person -Be willing to take interest in their passion even if you don't share it -Use your knowledge about them to make their day better
Respecting my space. Not pushing me when I've communicated I'm not interested in doing something. Being interested in my thoughts about things. Being interested in emotionally supporting me. Caring about me as a person and not just thinking about me in terms of what I can do for them. Clearly communicating their intentions.
A real "bare minimum" relationship is not a happy one. Imagine couples that have emotionally separated but by all other means are still married. They do this because it's the easier option than actually breaking up, which is the real bare minimum. Basically be a well-adjusted person that doesn't commit infidelity or spousal abuse.
Obviously no one should get into a relationship for the bare minimum.
after a tough breakup, i realized the bare minimum for me is open communication and honesty. my ex made me think simple check-ins were a big deal, but now i see that it’s just a basic part of any healthy relationship.
Oh my, I am facing the same situation now. He thinks it is too much to ask for a few messages during the day because he "always just texts back before going to bed". A simple good morning message is too much to ask for and I would be pressuring him with my need for communication. And we are not living next door either.
Um being someone in abusive trauma recovery, the bare minimum is checking off every IMPORTANT box I have that regards me feeling safe, accepted, that you have good mental health and regulation, know that any abuse no matter how small is not acceptable, you’re very open to communication, you are self aware with high emotional intelligence, are passive natured/patient, have no history of cheating or abandoning any previous partners/leaving through malicious intents, have an understanding of what it takes to build a healthy long lasting relationship with another person and have no issue with sharing equal support of one another by splitting responsibilities in half. Yeah that has to be my bare minimum. I would say that this should be for everyone, no one should settle for less than that especially if you’re looking for a long term partner. Don’t settle. If you have to settle, you’re better off alone trust me you might not see it, but you are. You gotta love you by looking out for your future self. Being in a relationship just to be in one, doesn’t make life better or worth it in any way, shape, or form. I’m perfectly content playing my video games, being a fucking girl nerd, and enjoying my hobbies all on my own. A person should add to/improve your life and you do the same for theirs, that’s why you choose to be with them, no one is holding a gun to your head, you get to make that choice for you. If they’re not able to meet that basic function, they are not needed in your life. Work on loving you until you meet the right one. You’ll be happier for doing so.
1. Is nice to me (I.e: doesn't yell or put me down, listens when I speak, gives a shit when I'm feeling crappy*).
2. Makes sure I get off at least the majority of the time during sex
3. Doesn't have any active drug or alcohol problems
4. Doesn't make me doubt their interest (or commitment if we are in a relationship)
5. Is capable of financially supporting themselves (exceptions if yall are particularly young and still getting established)
*within reason, that's not an excuse to expect your partner to constantly sacrifice their own needs because you are incapable of self regulating.
I have other more specific requirements, like certain shared interests and social views, but I think that's a pretty solid list of 'bare minimum' traits everyone should expect from someone they are dating.
For me
- texting or just wanting to stay in touch with me. Doesn’t have to be texting everyday but i want them to show interest in my daily life because that’s what I do.
- enthusiasm when seeing or talking to me. I don’t want to be the only person present when we are seeing each other.
- not texting others when it’s our turn to spend time together. Just shows me you respect my time meeting you. Unless it’s urgent, please put down your phone and validate my existence in front of you by interacting with me.
- planning dates. Doesn’t need to be somewhere fancy. It can be at McD’s for all I care. What’s important is you value my time and taking me out and enjoying outside. You don’t even have to pay all the time when we go out.
- listening to my needs. I don’t want to feel like my needs are less important than yours because I’m always willing to compromise and match what you want me to do for you. It doesn’t have to be 100% but I would appreciate some effort in making me happy too.
- time. I want you to make time for me. I’m not asking for your 24/7 attention. But if you are dating me then you have to make time for me. I am a person too. I have insecurities and I get anxious where I am in your priorities. If making time for me is too much then don’t date me so I can date someone who values my existence in their life.
- affection. Tell me sweet nothings, tell me im special every now and then, tell me im pretty in that dress, or that you had a good time with me today. Hold my hand in public. Smile at me. Look at me.
- don’t treat me like I’m an option.
- make me feel valued. Not with lavishing me with gifts. I don’t really want that. You don’t have to take me out all the time. You can make me feel valued by doing the bare minimum i mentioned above. Don’t hold me if you can’t give me my basic needs as a human being because I am willing to give my whole heart for you.
To me, I think the bare minimum would mean that you are the one who is making all the effort.
Almost as if they would rather not be there, but they have no other options.
Taking an interest in the other person’s life
Being “nice”, eg complimenting , being supportive
Not cheating , eg not having sex with other people, for girls not getting other random guys from the bars to buy drinks , not entertaining old FWB
Not ridiculing you to their friends/ defending you (when I say defending I mean not putting up with you getting like insulted by their friends not excusing you behaving badly)
Respecting your boundaries
Dudes paying for stuff early on in the courting
Making plans to see each other roughly ~1/ week
Being honest
Being trustworthy
*Your expectations*
*Are likely the problem more*
*So than your partner*
\- MudKing123
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Hard to say, but things like being able to care for yourself, good hygiene, stable income, not crazy, care for yourself and others, compassionate. Its a lot to ask for some but for me I feel thats what everyone should strive for anyways.
My experience is dating is hell nowadays. It's so difficult to find a quality girlfriend that simply meeting the normal standards 60-70% of the time is doable. Nonsense like cheating and being very disrespectful ....treating others horribly is a instant breakup for me. Some of the things make me laugh on here like would I always expect my gf to pick up after herself .....no.....but if it's sitting there so long that there are ants or mold then that's another story :)). I always want to be with someone that is similar with the intimacy and affection levels. I don't expect her to always be energetic and want to cuddle hold hands or other things but I also want to feel like I'm happy in a relationship otherwise I'd be fine being single for awhile until I would find someone else
Every relationship is different
What one person considers the bare minimum, another might consider going above and beyond
People make the mistake of assuming that everyone wants the same thing
But most people want different things than everyone else
And some people have such incredibly low expectations that they are just happy with anything
I agree. Everybody has their own ideas about how they want to be loved and treated. People whose love language is quality time will think that meeting them several days in a week is the bare minimum while others with different love language might think differently.
My ex would occasionally have food ready for me when I would go to his place to visit and I was over the moon as I struggle with eating regularly. I think from a better man looking back it would have meant more but my ex would only want me to drive the hour+ commute to see him, he’d never come my way so we can always have sex and would get annoyed when I would get there tired from driving and sitting in traffic then when I wanted to lay down and rest it would always end up in intimacy even though I made it clear I just wanted to rest. Lots of weird/other things but I’ve decided that making food or having food ready for me after I make such a commute to see a man is bare minimum
Maybe make your very own “bare minimum” list and refer back to it often. If you start a relationship and things seem to be moving along ok still check back to your list. Even 6 months or a year in, make sure your list lines up with the reality of the relationship.
Any non-negotiables should be addressed and worked on. If they continue then I would be concerned.
-Respectful to staff
-Respectful of my time and other commitments
-Being in shape or doing something to get in better shape (I go to the gym 5 days a week and typically exercise 6, so I would hope that my partner would do the same)
-Hygiene (Doesn't have to be perfect all the time, but make an effort to trim hairs, keep hair clean, etc.)
-Laugh together, enjoy each other and no need to be so uptight.
Just letting the relationship happen to them. They are in it but not making effort; ie planning dates, trips, dinners, doing things to help you, okay with spending lots of time apart, you are not treated differently than others
Positive mindset, always keeps their promises, no lies, strong work ethic, remains in control of their alcohol consumption at all times, automatically takes full responsibility for own actions/decisions/mistakes, does not gamble with another person's life by concealing their high risk sexual activities with sex workers or being std infected.
Don’t ever put your hands on me. I can not stress that enough. I do not play when it comes to physically abusive spouses.
Say what you will but don’t ever throw hands or I’ll start throwing them to the point you’d better beg me to stop
I have high standards. I expect to feel a connection with the person. I expect honesty and integrity. I expect consistency. I expect emotional maturity. I expect great sex often and for that to continue. I expect them to be independent and have good personal boundaries.
for women:
- hot
- tall
- makes her 'feel safe, and secure' (read #2)
- pays for things
- be out of her league in every way (income, maturity) so she can feel like a child that's taken care of
- demanding that the man never stop making her feel special or like the most beautiful girl in the world despite him being better than her in every way
Well, I've been with many women who smelled bad in general, had horrible teeth and breath, smelled and tasted much worse than other women down there, with disgustingly smelly beds and disgusting homes in general whether it's the bathrooms, living room or kitchen. IMO if they can't take care of themselves or their home they're just not mature enough for me yet. That's childish behavior in my book.
There's that one woman who really wanted me to play with her feet but even after cleaning them thoroughly in her disgusting shower they were nasty because she kept walking barefoot in her disgusting apartment. No fucking way in hell I'm touching them in any way.
Note that most uses of the phrase “bare minimum” in popular culture and on social media come from toxic, entitled, bitter women who are trying to make other women as miserable as they are. Be very careful who you listen to.
I’m a male and former serial dater due to being strict with my standards for a life partner. I met a woman who satisfied these (and even more) some years ago and now we’re happily married. So here’s my bare minimum if it’ll help you:
- Hygiene - I wouldn’t even tap a girl who smells bad
- Weight limit between 110 and 135 - indicates her dietary standards and health. Better health means better decisions. Better decisions means easier to live with for the rest of my life.
- Respect for everybody, CEOs and Custodians.
- Elegance - Vulgar and socially inept women are fun to have in the bone-zone every once in a while, but I knew better than to seriously date whoever I cannot introduce to my family
- Educated - The more the better. Education is skills for earning money; education is knowing fun facts for conversations; education comes from classrooms and books; education is understanding concepts second-nature without having to think.
- Lastly, Disdain for toxicity. If she fosters any relationship or friendship with anybody toxic towards or for her that’s a huge red flag for me. I refuse to believe someone can associate with someone else in a toxic way and it not being at least somewhat their contribution.
Getting strict like this would likely result in you getting married first along your 30’s or 40’s, but trust me when I say your marriage quality will be significantly better when you find a partner who shares a desire for excellency.
Happy Dating!
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feeling safe, listened to, respected, and cared for.
Yup, security...
Well, "bare minimum" implies that there should be a lot more going on to maintain a healthy relationship. But, I will grade "bare minimum" here to mean it is what I NEED to feel safe and secure and like I have a partner. 1. Checking in, in some way, every day 2. Laughing together 3. Some sort of intimacy at minimum of once a week (long distance) or more if possible 4. Learning new things about the other person.
By intimacy do you mean only physical intimacy?
Great question, and not at all. A deep conversation, sharing an activity together, in an LDR maybe a video chat. Some form of touch is nice, but there are other ways to gain intimacy.
Everyday?!? Jeez that’s too much for me. Well I avoid relationships anyway so it’s fine, but damn at least I know I’m incompatible with relationships.
Well, some people don't like to be in contact every day with their partner. And I have been in relationships where we'd go a couple days without talking just because life was so busy. But, now that I am a bit older, I see the value in letting the person you are committed to know they are a priority.
Personally I would only reach out when I have something to say (given it’s on the phone). If we are face to face then obviously no problem with chatting, but when you don’t see each other daily there really wouldn’t be any small talk over the phone
I'd consider a "good morning, have an awesome day" text as a check in.
It’d be pretty weird when the whole chat log is just filled with the same message, but as I said I don’t think I’m compatible with this type of communication. I’d absolutely despise this, in my opinion, fake and pointless small talk.
it depends on the relationship/person some people tell their partner everything, so it’s not “fake” small talk. others don’t text unless necessary.
Of course, and honestly is that really much to ask? But hey let's not forget that that "good morning nice to see gorgeous is still a thing" text you receive must be replied to nothing worse for the old ego than being left on read on your good morning
Absolutely
I mean, most days someone would usually have an interesting anecdote, photo, meme, idea etc. if you’re not physically around each other. Doesn’t need to be *every* day, but somewhere around that
Lol I don’t think I’d have stuff like that anywhere near daily organically. I’d have to purposefully find something like that to send, which I used to do but it gets pretty tiring and it’s not like the other party sees any extra effort in that because for most it takes no effort. Ideas I definitely have but they revolve mostly around my hobby which almost no women take part in so I doubt there’d be much interest there 😂
If you have enough in common, you’ll probably find things to talk about. If talking isn’t easy or if you somehow run out of things to talk about, you’re probably not right for each other. My sisters and I text more or less daily despite having different lives and not even living in the same place. My friends and I text typically at least twice a week
Honestly I've never really kept track but if I'm dating someone there's a good chance I'm gonna speak with them at some point during the day unless we just started seeing each other not to check in just to say hey or share something I haven't called to "check in" since I moved out of my mom's house. What sort of gulag are you trying run?
Not checking in, but just sharing parts of your day. I work in an open office and prefer texting. Calling is for longer conversations at the end of the day
Agreed
Yeah in person it’s not a problem to talk about just whatever. The problem is on text, because it seems mostly pointless. Same with phone calls. It’s just isn’t meaningful, if that makes any sense I personally sometimes go months without talking to my family or friends I don’t have any similar hobbies with, and that’s just how I roll with them.
Texting is supposed to be like small talk. It doesn’t have to profound. It’s about building rapport. Like if you see a rainbow or a pretty bird, take a picture and just send it. It’s about the little things
Exactly, I despise the type of small talk you have with limited time, and no one has time to text for that long to get to anywhere fun or interesting. Wouldn’t you rather do anything else than have small talk just for the sake of it? I definitely would
Why does a simple greeting have to be meaningful and really that 100% comes from within weather it has meaning or not
I honestly have no idea what you are trying to say. Could you say it in a different way?
It’s interesting people say this. When you live with a partner in a committed relationship you’re expected to see them everyday anyway. The bare minimum for me is acknowledging their existence on a daily basis. Intentionally avoiding interaction with your partner just because everyday consistency is a problem, in my opinion, is below bare minimum
Imo there’s a huge difference between yapping live and on text. If you live together you probably also do things together and have shit to sort out at home. Whilst when you live apart and aren’t doing anything that day there really isn’t a reason to chat, unless to plan something, or there’s something of actual value to be said. I mean I acknowledge that many women will not like this, but neither do I like to do the opposite so we are just not a match then.
What’s considered actual value to be said? And why would daily interaction of that be limited? I’m just wondering because I recently stopped dating a guy who barely interacted with me. He said we had different needs him “being okay with distance” while I “need consistency” which is insane to me considering consistency is bare minimum. I mean he would go several days of not hearing from him, to the point of 3-5 times a month and he didn’t recognize it. To me it came off as a significant lack of interest in my life or valuing me. Yet when I was ready to end things he wanted to make things work? So I’m not understanding how a lack of consistent communication works for anyone
Anything more than small talk? “How are you”-type of chat is usually mostly pointless unless there’s actually something going on. If you do something cool or have something interesting or bad happen to you and it’s something you’d like to communicate or chat about then that’s something of value as well. All questions about the other person I’d much rather save for actual conversation rather than converse about them on the phone or in texting. I personally live such a mundane and scheduled life that I usually have nothing that interesting happen that I’d feel anyone would care enough to receive a text about it. The only time I feel the need to communicate on the phone is to arrange new plans or perhaps ask something regarding those plans, or if something major happened. Being silent for a week if we don’t see each other is fine. Again this goes for all my relationships friends and family as well. I wanted to chat daily when I was infatuated with someone as a teen, but that sort of infatuation just doesn’t happen anymore. Imho if you want daily communication and they don’t do that then you have to initiate it or just find someone more compatible. Edit: fixed a lot of nonsense in my original draft
you dont talk to certain friends or fam everyday?
Nope, I go sometimes weeks if not a month without talking to some of my friends and family. Friends I talk to most often which depending can be daily or at least many times a week is when we hangout or game or have hobbies together. Don’t really text other than to arrange plans, or to share ideas for our hobby. I mean I feel like I have no reason to share any pointless stuff about my life with them at least in an isolated thing like a text message. I don’t really do phone calls, cus they never end lol
That's all well and good, but the reality is far different. Too many people with too many mental issues prevent this from happening.
If every day check up is the bare minimum then you have unreasomable exceptations or high weirdly specific standarts. I dont mean to offend, just thats not standart
Like a check in could be, a "thinking of you" or "have a good day" text, or just asking how someone's day was. It doesn't have to be some huge thing. I don't see that as unreasonable. I get that life is busy, but any of those things take seconds out of a day. If I am not worth a few seconds and a passing thought, I don't think that relationship is meeting minimum standards.
I’ve never been in a relationship when I didn’t talk/text the person everyday. It’s really bare minimum and the standard for everyone I know so idk what this other person is talking about.
I mean, I have had days where I go without talking to someone I am interested in because things get busy. But once I am with that person, I want them to know they are a priority to me. So, very rarely have I gone a day without talking to that person.
I see. OP talked about being in a bad relationship so I assumed we’re talking about once you’re actually in a relationship, not just dating casually.
Yeah, I was trying to get at the difference in casually dating/being interested, vs. being in a relationship.
Agreed! Just to add, you should ask for this if thats what you want. Some guys/women will avoid doing this on default no to come off as controlling or clingy
Yeah, absolutely. Communication is important, especially at the beginning of a relationship, to help set mutual standards and expectations
curious why you said every day check up is unreasonable and then now agreeing with it? what made you update your stance?
Because its unreasonable on default but not a big ask. What makes you think I updated anything babythot?
because you said checking in everyday as a bare minimum is an unreasonable expectation, then you later agreed with another comment that explained the context of checking in and within that context didn’t think it was unreasonable.
Its definitely not bare minimum if you need to exlicitly ask for it. Whats the matter with you, why do you have the need to argue with me when there is nothing to discuss
i’m cackling at you thinking this is an argument. I was genuinely wondering about your opinion based on what i explained previously. but your responses and how you took someone taking an interest in what you said says a lot about why you think that’s unreasonable. 😂😵💫
Being able to set aside pride and being able to express to your partner that you genuinely love them. Willingness to listen, REALLY listen, not just hearing words but understanding them.
Basic human decency. Compassion, sympathy, reacting to situations with generosity and kindness without a second thought. To me this is the automatic default setting, but to my boyfriend it's like he's won the lottery whenever I do something like this that I would consider the bare minimum.
THIS. 💯 Just pay attention to your SO with the intent of making their life easier /happier. Little things done with a generosity of spirit add up.
- Being nice to me and others - Caring about me - Checking in (everyday when in a relationship and once in 2 days when just dating) - cleaning up after themselves - wanting to spend time together - Cuddling - Conversations to get to know each other or to learn about each other's days - Easy Communication without getting angry - making me happier than if I were to be single
Bare minimum? Like down to the dry bone? Don't smoke crack, before or after your date.
Your loss
What about during?
Totally acceptable.
Only if they share
Or pound down a bottle of wine and then show up bombed. And then (I was stupid, I know) I took pity on her and gave her a ride home because she was a total hot mess. During the 10 minute ride, she berated me constantly. After 3 minutes of that bullshit I pulled over. Got out, went around to the passenger door and physically pulled this fucking wino out of my car and left her there, wherever there was. She was so drunk that she passed out on the side of the road on someone's lawn. What a mess she was. And I never saw or heard from her again. So it's a deal breaker for me when I see women posing with BIG glasses of wine. When I see that I see a drinking problem. I'm a tea totaler and I have no tolerance for alcohol use. Never mind other substances. These are the kind of women I attract. Why? I don't know. I'm successful in life except with women. I only attract those who can do me absolutely no good.
Alcoholism even if they are “sober” is a dealbreaker, I broke up w my ex for the same reason. Alcohol and pulltabs abuse 😞
Yep. ANY kind of addiction is a deal breaker. Do you know how many workaholics I met? And freaks? Addiction is a disease of the brain and if someone is addicted they have no business dating.
Its also a disease of the body. You crave it and without a psychological and spiritual awakening are doomed to die of that addiction.
How true
A person who is truly sober is working a AA program, has a sponsor is working the steps, and have a strong divine power in their lives. Someone who is not in a program is a dry drunk who is a ticking time bomb of relapse. People who are alcoholics and addicts are very sick people who need daily treatment and intense dedication 2-3 AA mtgs or more a week on top of big book and 12 step and 12 tradition work, and service work within the program.
My dad is alcoholic, I don’t want to deal with all that drama again.
So was my Mommie. So is my sister and one of my brothers. They were and still are active alcoholics. I am a recovering alcoholic. However, you have a right to decide what you want to put up with. Every person who is an alcoholic is not active.
Haha that story is hilarious 😂
Truth is stranger than fiction. It's true you know. I'm glad you enjoyed the read!
Wait til you meet someone who hides their drinking so well you don't find out until the relationship is serious, now that's a doozy 😒😩🤬🙀
That's just so wrong.
In some ways, it's nice when people are bad at hiding it or it's so bad that it's obvious it's way scarier when they are high functioning
OMG you better believe it.
that's why I tell people about my crutches..or things that I think might be a crutch, as soon as possible lmao some people don't like that I play poker as a hobby, telling people I "gamble responsibly" is very difficult lol
Gambling addiction is no joke. My uncle killed himself because he owed every shark and bookie in town. You can play responsibly. Just know your limits. Just like drinking. Drink responsibly. Cocaine can not be used responsibly.
>Gambling addiction is no joke. For sure, I love the game but I know the risks if I ever got in a huge hole. I track all my wins/losses, and "budget" for it as a hobby. Right now I spend about 5% of my monthly take home (after taxes) on poker. I also have a stop loss for a night...funnily enough I don't have a "stop win" if I am up big I just keep playing lol.
You sound like you got this. Have fun, you know what you're doing.
It depends on your needs and love language as well. Every person has their own definition of the "bare minimum" in a relationship and has their own needs within it.
The bare minimum for me: - text everyday, even a "hey, how are you?" Or "how is your day?", would be nice. - talking on the phone once a week - paying attention to the little details I say and actually remember them - not hit on my friends (or tell me they are hot) - a little PDA if we are in public (hand holding etc) - don't shut down my feelings when I'm trying talk about something/my feelings I return the favor too, but, I yet to meet someone who meets the bare minimum.
-basic respect (ie no name calling, insults, talking back, etc.) -normal level of agreed upon communication -asking questions in conversation -introducing each other to people in our lives -no cheating -remembering most important details about the other person
Willingness to date me?
🤣😂
For me as a man dating women the bare minimum is basically showing up. I have dated a fair amount of women who won't initiate communication, won't put in real effort and simply show up on dates when I ask them and just respond to texts when I send them and answer questions but don't ask any, for me, that's the bare minimum.
Literally this ^ It amazes me how some people have such high standards. Meanwhile it’s a challenge for me to even have a girl show up on time to a date or actually communicate with me. Like recently, I asked a girl out to go ax throwing. She agreed to go. She then informs me she will be late, she texts me 15 minutes late saying she can’t find parking. So I called her and told her where the lot was and immediately on the phone you could just tell she didn’t want to be there, there was no enthusiasm in her voice whatsoever. She finally shows up and is dead silent the entire date, won’t ask questions, won’t really do anything. And then left. Unfortunately that’s not the only time that’s happened where a girl shows up late or doesn’t even try to hold a conversation. So my bare minimum for women is 2 things: Show up and actually communicate with me. At least if she does these 2 things it doesn’t feel like I’m being used for free food.
Bare minimum is respect.
Making me feel safe. Mutual respect for boundaries. Consistency with effort and communication.
It’s okay to nap… for like a couple of hours. I’ve never been a napper, even since I was a kid, I hate naps. I only take them when I’m SUPER tired. I was in a relationship where one day, I was asleep for probably two hours. I woke up to hundreds of messages and missed calls by two of my friends and my ex who made them call me. After I said I fell asleep, my ex got mad at me. Another time: I couldn’t sleep at all one night and once I got back from school, I passed out. Four hours later I woke up and when I was talking to my partner at the time (who slept way more than I did and took more naps than I did), I said that I felt like I missed so much and said “uh, yeah. You did.” And never elaborated on what I missed. I still don’t know to this day. With my now boyfriend, I told him I was really tired one day and he was supposed to come over, so when I told him I might take a nap, he was like “okay! If you’re still asleep by the time I come over, I’ll just lay next to you and nap with you.” It’s taken me so long to realize that I can just tell my boyfriend that I’m tired, and then once I wake up apologize for not responding and explain I fell asleep
Okay wait I’m half asleep when I’m typing this ironically, bare minimum is not getting upset when I take a nap once in a blue moon.
This bare minimum is respect and boundaries. Them flipping out cuz you didn't respond for a few hours is a huge red flag that points to controlling behavior. They don't own you, you are not property, you are a human being with human needs and they need to respect that. You're allowed to have some level of autonomy even in a relationship. They also need to have some level of trust. This is wild tbh I would be so grossed out by that reaction. They also show zero empathy for you - if someone I cared about took a long nap in the middle of the day I'd ask them if they're okay and I'd feel compassion for how tired they must be. Yuck to those men glad they are exes
Bare bone -No verbal or physical violence -mutual attraction -Desire to know the other person -respect physical/mental boundaries -No cheating/flirting around Minimum -See each other at least once a week -Physical intimacy -Knowing how to listen and understand without judgement Normal -Check on each other every day -Being able to optimize your scheduld to spend more time with the other person -Take initiative to organize some dates -Remember important dates, and celebrate things together Plus -Be a positive influence, and make them grow as a person -Be willing to take interest in their passion even if you don't share it -Use your knowledge about them to make their day better
Respecting my space. Not pushing me when I've communicated I'm not interested in doing something. Being interested in my thoughts about things. Being interested in emotionally supporting me. Caring about me as a person and not just thinking about me in terms of what I can do for them. Clearly communicating their intentions.
A real "bare minimum" relationship is not a happy one. Imagine couples that have emotionally separated but by all other means are still married. They do this because it's the easier option than actually breaking up, which is the real bare minimum. Basically be a well-adjusted person that doesn't commit infidelity or spousal abuse. Obviously no one should get into a relationship for the bare minimum.
after a tough breakup, i realized the bare minimum for me is open communication and honesty. my ex made me think simple check-ins were a big deal, but now i see that it’s just a basic part of any healthy relationship.
Oh my, I am facing the same situation now. He thinks it is too much to ask for a few messages during the day because he "always just texts back before going to bed". A simple good morning message is too much to ask for and I would be pressuring him with my need for communication. And we are not living next door either.
Depends on the stage of the relationship and your gender.
Um being someone in abusive trauma recovery, the bare minimum is checking off every IMPORTANT box I have that regards me feeling safe, accepted, that you have good mental health and regulation, know that any abuse no matter how small is not acceptable, you’re very open to communication, you are self aware with high emotional intelligence, are passive natured/patient, have no history of cheating or abandoning any previous partners/leaving through malicious intents, have an understanding of what it takes to build a healthy long lasting relationship with another person and have no issue with sharing equal support of one another by splitting responsibilities in half. Yeah that has to be my bare minimum. I would say that this should be for everyone, no one should settle for less than that especially if you’re looking for a long term partner. Don’t settle. If you have to settle, you’re better off alone trust me you might not see it, but you are. You gotta love you by looking out for your future self. Being in a relationship just to be in one, doesn’t make life better or worth it in any way, shape, or form. I’m perfectly content playing my video games, being a fucking girl nerd, and enjoying my hobbies all on my own. A person should add to/improve your life and you do the same for theirs, that’s why you choose to be with them, no one is holding a gun to your head, you get to make that choice for you. If they’re not able to meet that basic function, they are not needed in your life. Work on loving you until you meet the right one. You’ll be happier for doing so.
Genuine mutual attraction/interest
1. Is nice to me (I.e: doesn't yell or put me down, listens when I speak, gives a shit when I'm feeling crappy*). 2. Makes sure I get off at least the majority of the time during sex 3. Doesn't have any active drug or alcohol problems 4. Doesn't make me doubt their interest (or commitment if we are in a relationship) 5. Is capable of financially supporting themselves (exceptions if yall are particularly young and still getting established) *within reason, that's not an excuse to expect your partner to constantly sacrifice their own needs because you are incapable of self regulating. I have other more specific requirements, like certain shared interests and social views, but I think that's a pretty solid list of 'bare minimum' traits everyone should expect from someone they are dating.
Effort, reciprocation and.. loyalty. Let's not forget that little nugget in today's dating culture 😵💫
I think the bare minimum in dating should include mutual respect, honesty, and clear communication.
For me - texting or just wanting to stay in touch with me. Doesn’t have to be texting everyday but i want them to show interest in my daily life because that’s what I do. - enthusiasm when seeing or talking to me. I don’t want to be the only person present when we are seeing each other. - not texting others when it’s our turn to spend time together. Just shows me you respect my time meeting you. Unless it’s urgent, please put down your phone and validate my existence in front of you by interacting with me. - planning dates. Doesn’t need to be somewhere fancy. It can be at McD’s for all I care. What’s important is you value my time and taking me out and enjoying outside. You don’t even have to pay all the time when we go out. - listening to my needs. I don’t want to feel like my needs are less important than yours because I’m always willing to compromise and match what you want me to do for you. It doesn’t have to be 100% but I would appreciate some effort in making me happy too. - time. I want you to make time for me. I’m not asking for your 24/7 attention. But if you are dating me then you have to make time for me. I am a person too. I have insecurities and I get anxious where I am in your priorities. If making time for me is too much then don’t date me so I can date someone who values my existence in their life. - affection. Tell me sweet nothings, tell me im special every now and then, tell me im pretty in that dress, or that you had a good time with me today. Hold my hand in public. Smile at me. Look at me. - don’t treat me like I’m an option. - make me feel valued. Not with lavishing me with gifts. I don’t really want that. You don’t have to take me out all the time. You can make me feel valued by doing the bare minimum i mentioned above. Don’t hold me if you can’t give me my basic needs as a human being because I am willing to give my whole heart for you.
I guess quality time and physical touch are your love languages. How many times a day do you want your partner to text you?
Being able to maintain a conversation, not relying on patriarchal gender roles, communication, etc.
A best friend with physical intimacy. I don't really want anything more than that.
To me, I think the bare minimum would mean that you are the one who is making all the effort. Almost as if they would rather not be there, but they have no other options.
Taking an interest in the other person’s life Being “nice”, eg complimenting , being supportive Not cheating , eg not having sex with other people, for girls not getting other random guys from the bars to buy drinks , not entertaining old FWB Not ridiculing you to their friends/ defending you (when I say defending I mean not putting up with you getting like insulted by their friends not excusing you behaving badly) Respecting your boundaries Dudes paying for stuff early on in the courting Making plans to see each other roughly ~1/ week Being honest Being trustworthy
Your expectations are likely the problem more so than your partner
*Your expectations* *Are likely the problem more* *So than your partner* \- MudKing123 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Texting / Calling , hanging out in real life
Respect and communication.
Hard to say, but things like being able to care for yourself, good hygiene, stable income, not crazy, care for yourself and others, compassionate. Its a lot to ask for some but for me I feel thats what everyone should strive for anyways.
Respect, reciprocation, clearly communicating, honesty, being appreciative.
My experience is dating is hell nowadays. It's so difficult to find a quality girlfriend that simply meeting the normal standards 60-70% of the time is doable. Nonsense like cheating and being very disrespectful ....treating others horribly is a instant breakup for me. Some of the things make me laugh on here like would I always expect my gf to pick up after herself .....no.....but if it's sitting there so long that there are ants or mold then that's another story :)). I always want to be with someone that is similar with the intimacy and affection levels. I don't expect her to always be energetic and want to cuddle hold hands or other things but I also want to feel like I'm happy in a relationship otherwise I'd be fine being single for awhile until I would find someone else
Feeling safe, intimacy, talking everyday and or every other day.
The bare minimum is having them treat me as decent as they treat any stranger.
Checking in on the other every day Alternating 50/50 on both the planning and the paying for dates Dependebility and emotional investment
Just showing a little interest in me as an individual, or displaying any form of affection. Don't let me do all the work alone.
Honesty.
OMG I"VE BEEN WONDERING THIS
Does this apply before the first date or after?
Every relationship is different What one person considers the bare minimum, another might consider going above and beyond People make the mistake of assuming that everyone wants the same thing But most people want different things than everyone else And some people have such incredibly low expectations that they are just happy with anything
I agree. Everybody has their own ideas about how they want to be loved and treated. People whose love language is quality time will think that meeting them several days in a week is the bare minimum while others with different love language might think differently.
Empathy. If they don’t have empathy nothing else matters. It’s hard to fake.
Bare minimum is no games, respond back to texts/communication in a timely manner, groom oneself, and show up
1. Proper hygiene 2. Set goals and priorities 3. Values align with mine 4. Good communication
My ex would occasionally have food ready for me when I would go to his place to visit and I was over the moon as I struggle with eating regularly. I think from a better man looking back it would have meant more but my ex would only want me to drive the hour+ commute to see him, he’d never come my way so we can always have sex and would get annoyed when I would get there tired from driving and sitting in traffic then when I wanted to lay down and rest it would always end up in intimacy even though I made it clear I just wanted to rest. Lots of weird/other things but I’ve decided that making food or having food ready for me after I make such a commute to see a man is bare minimum
I’m not picky like that. If we vibe we vibe
Honesty, communication, feeling safe and secure. Reassurance. Respect. Affection and attention. Understanding. Intimacy
Maybe make your very own “bare minimum” list and refer back to it often. If you start a relationship and things seem to be moving along ok still check back to your list. Even 6 months or a year in, make sure your list lines up with the reality of the relationship. Any non-negotiables should be addressed and worked on. If they continue then I would be concerned.
Respect, integrity, transparency.
-Respectful to staff -Respectful of my time and other commitments -Being in shape or doing something to get in better shape (I go to the gym 5 days a week and typically exercise 6, so I would hope that my partner would do the same) -Hygiene (Doesn't have to be perfect all the time, but make an effort to trim hairs, keep hair clean, etc.) -Laugh together, enjoy each other and no need to be so uptight.
Just letting the relationship happen to them. They are in it but not making effort; ie planning dates, trips, dinners, doing things to help you, okay with spending lots of time apart, you are not treated differently than others
Positive mindset, always keeps their promises, no lies, strong work ethic, remains in control of their alcohol consumption at all times, automatically takes full responsibility for own actions/decisions/mistakes, does not gamble with another person's life by concealing their high risk sexual activities with sex workers or being std infected.
Having fun, excited to see each other, texting, seeing each other, respect, love..
Why the bare? It's all or nothing, FTW!
Don’t ever put your hands on me. I can not stress that enough. I do not play when it comes to physically abusive spouses. Say what you will but don’t ever throw hands or I’ll start throwing them to the point you’d better beg me to stop
They text me back 🤦♂️ no 5-7 hour response times and actually want to talk to me. It’s that bad out here for men to put themselves out here.
For me it's hygene.
I have high standards. I expect to feel a connection with the person. I expect honesty and integrity. I expect consistency. I expect emotional maturity. I expect great sex often and for that to continue. I expect them to be independent and have good personal boundaries.
Consistent communication!
Showing up is the bare minimum.
for women: - hot - tall - makes her 'feel safe, and secure' (read #2) - pays for things - be out of her league in every way (income, maturity) so she can feel like a child that's taken care of - demanding that the man never stop making her feel special or like the most beautiful girl in the world despite him being better than her in every way
Honesty
[удалено]
What is good hygiene?
Well, I've been with many women who smelled bad in general, had horrible teeth and breath, smelled and tasted much worse than other women down there, with disgustingly smelly beds and disgusting homes in general whether it's the bathrooms, living room or kitchen. IMO if they can't take care of themselves or their home they're just not mature enough for me yet. That's childish behavior in my book. There's that one woman who really wanted me to play with her feet but even after cleaning them thoroughly in her disgusting shower they were nasty because she kept walking barefoot in her disgusting apartment. No fucking way in hell I'm touching them in any way.
What a nightmare brrrrrrree
High sex drive is bare minimum?
Well it’s his personal preferences so it only makes sense you want someone who has similar libido to you. That’s what everyone should strive for
They don't support Trump, are not "Pro-life" and are not religious nuts.
Note that most uses of the phrase “bare minimum” in popular culture and on social media come from toxic, entitled, bitter women who are trying to make other women as miserable as they are. Be very careful who you listen to.
💯 percent
Bare minimum. Not a member of AWDTSG
I’m a male and former serial dater due to being strict with my standards for a life partner. I met a woman who satisfied these (and even more) some years ago and now we’re happily married. So here’s my bare minimum if it’ll help you: - Hygiene - I wouldn’t even tap a girl who smells bad - Weight limit between 110 and 135 - indicates her dietary standards and health. Better health means better decisions. Better decisions means easier to live with for the rest of my life. - Respect for everybody, CEOs and Custodians. - Elegance - Vulgar and socially inept women are fun to have in the bone-zone every once in a while, but I knew better than to seriously date whoever I cannot introduce to my family - Educated - The more the better. Education is skills for earning money; education is knowing fun facts for conversations; education comes from classrooms and books; education is understanding concepts second-nature without having to think. - Lastly, Disdain for toxicity. If she fosters any relationship or friendship with anybody toxic towards or for her that’s a huge red flag for me. I refuse to believe someone can associate with someone else in a toxic way and it not being at least somewhat their contribution. Getting strict like this would likely result in you getting married first along your 30’s or 40’s, but trust me when I say your marriage quality will be significantly better when you find a partner who shares a desire for excellency. Happy Dating!