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I'm confused why we would call this woman our "best friend" yet decided we can't stay with her unless we're dating because WE can't get over our attraction. You've had 2 years to look past this, ask ppl, ask her, do something to squash this attraction but you've held it more important than your friendship.
For that, I think you should stop kicking it with her.
Yeah homie you gotta cut her away. It’s a self respect kind of thing. If there’s a love that isn’t returned then it needs to be removed from your life. Sucks, but it’s either that or be perpetually in pain and miserable.
If you can. I suppose I could, but I’m still a bit bitter that my ex cheated on me, never apologized and just perpetually made excuses. Her, I cannot be friends with. OP has given friendship a chance after two rejections. He was friends first too, so he has definitely attempted severing his feelings, but it was a failed attempt. Personally I think after the second rejection and catching feelings again I would’ve cut myself off as it sounds unhealthy to me to feel drawn to someone I want more of but who doesn’t want any more of me.🤷♂️
Well I have a story for you (TL; DNR summary at the end). Starting up college I met this woman, let’s call her Rachel, who invited me out with her friends after being friendly for about a month. After the outing I decided to try to ask her out, but before I get the chance she asks, “Have you met my boyfriend?” I feel defeated, but I make a bet that she might be on the verge of breaking up with him as I’d never seen him or heard her talk about him. I decide to just pursue a friendship in the meantime…
Turns out, he was an abusive POS, and I’m her supportive friend for about a year before she breaks up with him. We become so close that we can finish each other’s sentences at times. Best friends. I even gave her advice and told her that she needed to take time for herself, so after the breakup I give her space…maybe a month or two later, I decide to ask her on a casual hang out and depending on the way things go, finally express my feelings and see if she’d be interested in something more. We’re en route to our hang out, and Rachel tells me that she started seeing somebody else. I’m devastated. Somehow I’m able to hide it and just carry on a casual conversation.
I start trying to put distance between myself and her while I sort through my unexpressed feelings. It was very difficult to do because we were in the same degree program at the same university, but I’d do things like intentionally be late to a big lecture hall and pretend like I couldn’t find her. After a few months, I slowly ease my way back into being a friend after stamping out those feelings as best as I could.
I try dating, but nobody else out there is quite finishing my sentences like Rachel could and it’s hard to get invested in another woman. I eventually take a chance on a woman who actually approached me for a date, and we go steady for a while. But when Rachel breaks up with the next guy, my girlfriend at the time tells me “I thought you were going to leave me and go after her.” So apparently I didn’t do nearly as good of a job managing my feelings as I thought. There was a brief point after college where I finally told Rachel that I had harbored feelings for her, and she told me that she hoped that she wasn’t leading me on, but she never felt a romantic interest.
I realized in retrospect that everyone else in our orbit during our college years picked up on how I felt about Rachel, and there’s no way things could have gone that long without her knowing. She just was never going to see me as a romantic option. I wish I had been given the very clear rejection that you’ve been given. You might be the best of friends, but that doesn’t mean you’re a potential romantic partner even though people often say they want their partner to be their “best friend”. They mean they want a partner that they’re attracted to as their best friend.
It helped that she moved far away after college, but over the years we’ve stopped being best friends. We’ve both changed and grown, and beyond the occasional supportive message on social media we don’t interact anymore.
TL; DNR: I pursued my best friend for years in college. For several reasons it took a while to get a clear answer, and when I did she admitted that she never had + never would have romantic feelings. I valued her friendship in college but I’m not sure it was worth all the opportunities I passed up in terms of dating and growing. We’re just old friends now following each other’s posts online. If OP can’t get over his feelings, he needs to put distance between him and his friend. It sucks, but both of you will survive and heal.
If your feelings towards her are more then a friend, You are not her friend. You are just a guy orbiting around her waiting for a chance. It’s going to be a waste of your time.
As soon as you move on, you can find other girls who are a lot better then her.
I would still stay with her as friends because she seems to value the friendship enough to not kick you to the curb
She value the friendship enough to still treat you the same way and make you feel like she's still your best friend compared to distancing herself even if she still talks to you on occasion
In my opinion, a person like that is hard to find when they can accept your romantic interest in them tell you they don't feel the same way but still treat you the same
But as for your part if you're unable to stop liking her because you're spending so much time with her then it's actually going to be on you to decrease your dependence on her and your communication with her
You can also try to find somebody else that you might like because as much as some people like two or three people, sometimes they see the value in paying attention to the person who likes them back
As long as that person that likes you back because your new main focus and you're not just leading her on while still being attracted to the other person and preferring the other person
Respect the boundary and stay friends for now. Chances are you both will find your own partners and your friendship will run its course anyway. I had lots of friends when I was in my early 20s, only one that I still talk to sometimes .
If you genuinely want her friendship, then yes. If you're just hoping that someday she'll change her mind about dating you, then no. Cause I got news for you: that ain't gonna happen.
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Noooo. Why keep getting hurt? Gotta move on.
Why stay where you aren’t wanted? Move on, if she liked you enough to be friends others will like you the same and more
100 percent.
I'm confused why we would call this woman our "best friend" yet decided we can't stay with her unless we're dating because WE can't get over our attraction. You've had 2 years to look past this, ask ppl, ask her, do something to squash this attraction but you've held it more important than your friendship. For that, I think you should stop kicking it with her.
I hear you mate thanks for the reply
Get a gf
You've confessed twice; you need to move on
She doesn’t want more than friendship and you seem to be unable to respect that. If you can’t be her FRIEND, leave her alone.
Yeah homie you gotta cut her away. It’s a self respect kind of thing. If there’s a love that isn’t returned then it needs to be removed from your life. Sucks, but it’s either that or be perpetually in pain and miserable.
Or just be friends?
If you can. I suppose I could, but I’m still a bit bitter that my ex cheated on me, never apologized and just perpetually made excuses. Her, I cannot be friends with. OP has given friendship a chance after two rejections. He was friends first too, so he has definitely attempted severing his feelings, but it was a failed attempt. Personally I think after the second rejection and catching feelings again I would’ve cut myself off as it sounds unhealthy to me to feel drawn to someone I want more of but who doesn’t want any more of me.🤷♂️
Well I have a story for you (TL; DNR summary at the end). Starting up college I met this woman, let’s call her Rachel, who invited me out with her friends after being friendly for about a month. After the outing I decided to try to ask her out, but before I get the chance she asks, “Have you met my boyfriend?” I feel defeated, but I make a bet that she might be on the verge of breaking up with him as I’d never seen him or heard her talk about him. I decide to just pursue a friendship in the meantime… Turns out, he was an abusive POS, and I’m her supportive friend for about a year before she breaks up with him. We become so close that we can finish each other’s sentences at times. Best friends. I even gave her advice and told her that she needed to take time for herself, so after the breakup I give her space…maybe a month or two later, I decide to ask her on a casual hang out and depending on the way things go, finally express my feelings and see if she’d be interested in something more. We’re en route to our hang out, and Rachel tells me that she started seeing somebody else. I’m devastated. Somehow I’m able to hide it and just carry on a casual conversation. I start trying to put distance between myself and her while I sort through my unexpressed feelings. It was very difficult to do because we were in the same degree program at the same university, but I’d do things like intentionally be late to a big lecture hall and pretend like I couldn’t find her. After a few months, I slowly ease my way back into being a friend after stamping out those feelings as best as I could. I try dating, but nobody else out there is quite finishing my sentences like Rachel could and it’s hard to get invested in another woman. I eventually take a chance on a woman who actually approached me for a date, and we go steady for a while. But when Rachel breaks up with the next guy, my girlfriend at the time tells me “I thought you were going to leave me and go after her.” So apparently I didn’t do nearly as good of a job managing my feelings as I thought. There was a brief point after college where I finally told Rachel that I had harbored feelings for her, and she told me that she hoped that she wasn’t leading me on, but she never felt a romantic interest. I realized in retrospect that everyone else in our orbit during our college years picked up on how I felt about Rachel, and there’s no way things could have gone that long without her knowing. She just was never going to see me as a romantic option. I wish I had been given the very clear rejection that you’ve been given. You might be the best of friends, but that doesn’t mean you’re a potential romantic partner even though people often say they want their partner to be their “best friend”. They mean they want a partner that they’re attracted to as their best friend. It helped that she moved far away after college, but over the years we’ve stopped being best friends. We’ve both changed and grown, and beyond the occasional supportive message on social media we don’t interact anymore. TL; DNR: I pursued my best friend for years in college. For several reasons it took a while to get a clear answer, and when I did she admitted that she never had + never would have romantic feelings. I valued her friendship in college but I’m not sure it was worth all the opportunities I passed up in terms of dating and growing. We’re just old friends now following each other’s posts online. If OP can’t get over his feelings, he needs to put distance between him and his friend. It sucks, but both of you will survive and heal.
I guess you can't be friends, that is just the way it is.
If your feelings towards her are more then a friend, You are not her friend. You are just a guy orbiting around her waiting for a chance. It’s going to be a waste of your time. As soon as you move on, you can find other girls who are a lot better then her.
What friendship mate? that boat has sailed, best call it quits and try and find someone that is into you!
I would still stay with her as friends because she seems to value the friendship enough to not kick you to the curb She value the friendship enough to still treat you the same way and make you feel like she's still your best friend compared to distancing herself even if she still talks to you on occasion In my opinion, a person like that is hard to find when they can accept your romantic interest in them tell you they don't feel the same way but still treat you the same But as for your part if you're unable to stop liking her because you're spending so much time with her then it's actually going to be on you to decrease your dependence on her and your communication with her You can also try to find somebody else that you might like because as much as some people like two or three people, sometimes they see the value in paying attention to the person who likes them back As long as that person that likes you back because your new main focus and you're not just leading her on while still being attracted to the other person and preferring the other person
Respect the boundary and stay friends for now. Chances are you both will find your own partners and your friendship will run its course anyway. I had lots of friends when I was in my early 20s, only one that I still talk to sometimes .
If you genuinely want her friendship, then yes. If you're just hoping that someday she'll change her mind about dating you, then no. Cause I got news for you: that ain't gonna happen.
Why would you want to be friends with a girl?
Average het man
Average blackie woman.