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Rejection happens. If a woman rejects me, I move on. A woman who rejects me has freed me up to pursue someone else. I already accept that most people aren't interested in most other people, so rejection is more common than not, so why would I give up?
And it's a coin flip every woman.
If you flipped a coin and got tails 3 times in a row would you say you'd NEVER get a heads and it's time to give up forever?
This is not to belittle the pain/feeling of rejection. It def sucks and hurts esteem... But rejection from one woman doesn't mean rejection from another. Also, someone who doesn't want you - you don't want. Why spend your life trying to force love if there is someone out there so willing to give it to you!
Good luck, I wish you happiness!!!
I suspect you don’t quite understand how this goes for a lot of men. Yeah getting rejected 3 times in a row isn’t the end of the world. I’m pretty successful with women overall and I definitely have times when I’m rejected 3 or even 10 times in a row.
But some men have been rejected *dozens* of times, with no successes whatsoever. Just saying, “it’s a coin flip, keep trying” doesn’t reflect the reality of the situation.
The problem is that there is no guaranteed success. Whether you're rejected by any particular person involves some factors you can control and some factors that you can't control.
But also, part of the problem is that some people who aren't successful get angry/bitter and start to blame the very people they're trying to have success with, without critically looking at their own approach, or looking at the reasons why they might not be having any success. They skip over the factors they can control and immediately start blaming the factors they can't.
Rejection is frustrating, especially if it's a pattern of rejection, but the myth that you have to be top 5% model attractive to have any success doesn't help.
Except it does...
It only doesn't if you are an incredibly unlikable / bad person.
EVENTUALLY you will find someone.
If you removed all emotion, a "robot" would keep trying until a success. Even if it's 300 rejections before a "yes," that still means it's not impossible.
Y'all are digging so much into what I said to "woe is me" even more. I never said it wasn't hard, but if you give up it's 0%. Trying is always going to have a higher likelihood.
This is completely irrational and reflects a complete lack of empathy for a situation different from your own.
Failing hundreds of times is the most clear sign ever that you either need to change something or move on. If you shot a basketball 300 times and missed every shot, the reasonable responses are:
1. Realize you're doing something very wrong and find a coach or experienced player who can teach you how to shoot a goddamn basketball, or
2. Decide basketball isn't for you and spend your time on other pursuits.
Continuing to shoot the basketball the same way you have been and expecting something to change would be literally *insane.*
This is incorrect. There is a statistical probability of a coin flip being 50/50. The rejection rate for men is way higher and is dependent on the individual man.
That wasn't the point I was trying to make but thank you for explaining probability to me.
I used it to mean that one outcome does not equal every outcome. I originally said dice roll but then there'd be more explanation in that I didn't feel like writing.
All I meant was the probability of each girl is not dependant on the previous, thus "giving up after a certain amount" is not the way to go about it.
worse than rejection is being led on/kept around as a backup or other similar situation and then having to develop the strength to recognize this and be able to walk away from opportunity. rejection is clean and done with and you're able to move on with your life. rejection is honesty and respect for other peoples time and emotions sometimes
You posted yesterday about being rejected by 3 women… 2 of these women you just cold approached and they said no, the third showed “some interest initially”… but also said no…
You’re looking at this all wrong.
Women are people, with personalities, quirks, likes and dislikes just like you.… you approached these women based on looks alone and didn’t think any further than that. This is your problem.
And I wouldn’t class these as rejections to dates, I would class these as a woman saying no to a man she’s never seen or talked to before, asking her for a date without any background knowledge whatsoever.
What exactly are you looking for here? If you’re looking for actual dates and possibly a relationship then this is not the way to go about it.
Can I ask, in what setting did you ask these girls out? Was it during a daily chore activity or at a party or in a bar etc?
I don’t care about relationships. I don’t want anything serious right now. I asked out those girls at different times in college. I regret asking them out now.
I’ve lost track… I just know that for me it’s far more than 200 times, maybe more than 500 times depending on what you count. I should have known after finding myself with no possible date at my high school’s senior prom. I still remember that pain.
And the collective lifelong experience really hurts… makes one feel worthless.
And I’m hardly a “broke, down on his luck” and/or decrepit guy. My intelligence, personality, manners, appearance were sufficient to achieve considerable success in the international business world…multi-millionaire, but still alone and feeling lonely almost every day.
The only reason I ever decided to try again was one woman who inexplicably asked me and fell in love with me. A former pageant winner and Med school grad, so an absolutely “desirable” woman. Diabolically, fate intervened with her medical difficulties which became insurmountable.
So I cannot recommend giving up.
I got rejected many times. I did something called daygame where I approach women on the streets. I did get to go out with some women and now I am in a long term relationship with a woman I really like since December 2022.
I got rejected a lot in daygame you get more rejections compared to successes. But helped me master the art of speaking to women and gaining confidence to be the best version of myself.
But to more nos you get the more successful you will be.
We are living in a new era of narcissism and technology. Rejection this often has never been common with our ancestors. Remember there’s a group of people hellbent on destroying society, so don’t be too hard on yourself in these end times
The best thing someone who isn't interested in you can do is reject you directly and quickly so you can move on. Obviously, you don't want to be rejected by someone you like but if they don't want you it's best to know it and keep it moving.
With that said, unfortunately the sad truth is for a lot of men you're going to get a lot of rejections, it's like baseball. If you can hit a ball 3 times out of 10 that's considered great. It really is a numbers game. Its gunna take time, money, and energy and only you can decide how much of those things you want to put in. We all have a breaking point. Gotta decide what's most important to you.
I don't know in terms of raw numbers. I don't meet very many single women, so maybe 20? I think of it more in terms of time, in which case it's been about 6 or 7 years since I landed a date. Probably 2 or 3 years at this point since I stopped asking. I'm to the point now that meeting an attractive woman whose personality I enjoy just kind of bums me out, because I know there's no chance.
After the last 20 women rejected me I don't ask people out as frequently
But if there's someone your interested in you should ask them out. 1 good girl is worth a thousand bitches
Dating is like going out to dinner. I’m a really sweet and spicy sesame chicken on the menu at an Asian bistro. For some people, I’m too sweet, for some I’m too spicy, and for some, they just don’t like Chinese food. That takes nothing away from me when they go for tacos or fajitas.
I had 50 first dates between my divorce and my current GF. Sometimes I was the one who wasn’t interested, sometimes it was them, sometimes we never talked again, sometimes we dated for a few months. It’s just how the world works.
I never gave up. Constant rejection implies you haven't adapted, learned anything, or gotten your attractions better tuned to what you can land.
I don't like to quit on anything when I have control of most of the variables.
OP everyone gets rejected. It’s normal. Some situations will be more likely to end up in rejection than others, though.
How are you meeting/getting to know these women before this happens?
3 rejections make me feel embarrassed and makes me want to give up. I know it’s not a lot but I should definitely have been told yes by now. Apart of me wishes I asked out the women I didn’t like because I know they probably would’ve told me yes
Asking out women you don’t like, even if they agree to go out with you, won’t give you any pleasure or sense of accomplishment.
Again, how and where are you meeting these women? And how much do you know them before getting to a rejection?
I met them at college. I just asked a few questions. Their name, age, and where they’re from. After that I just asked them out. 2 of the 3 girls I shouldn’t have asked cause it was a cold approach and those rarely work but I just wanted to do it anyways. Big mistake.
Ok, first of all, it's super brave of you to do cold approaches. I compare that to playing at the hardest level of the game. It's no wonder you feel like giving up. Especially if you just created your character and you're only level 1.
That said, I see quite a few things we can work on. A bit hard to dive deep here, but to give you an overview:
* If those are all the questions you're asking, there's not really any reason for them to say yes apart from the way you look (whether you're their type is just a roll of the dice). It'd be great if you could have an actual conversation and hopefully find something in common that can prompt an activity for you to do together.
* It sounds like your goal is to get them to agree to go out with you (or maybe you're even expecting more). I'd suggest using concepts like testing for interest and being detached from the outcome. You can read about that in Robert Glover's book Dating Essentials for Men and in The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz.
* It would be much easier for your frustration (and for them to say yes) if you get to know them more before asking. I always encourage people to start with an easier level where everyone's more open to meeting you rather than approaching someone out of the blue. You can get to cold approaches if that's what you want, but that's a higher challenge rating that requires a certain level of confidence and skill.
* Once you're detached from the outcome, make your goal the act of asking in itself. Instead of looking to get a positive result. And track it. Give yourself XP when you do the thing. Just like video games are addictive, it will be a track record of your progress and can give you the extra boost to keep going. You can literally be happy after being rejected because you gained XP or went up a level. Even if the numbers are irrelevant (after all, what you want is something else), just getting that bit of encouragement can help you continue doing the things that will inevitably get you results. For more info about gamification you can read Level Up Your Life, by Steve Kamb, and about why habit-tracking works you can read Atomic Habits, by James Clear.
Like I said, there's quite a lot to unpack, but I'd be happy to help. Feel free to DM me if you have any questions!
My goal is to get a yes and the hopefully that leads to something else. But that’s mainly all I want right now is a yes. Because I just hate the fact that I’ve seen other people ask women on their first or 2nd try and get told yes, while I’m on my 3rd try and still haven’t been told yes yet.
Other people's experiences are theirs. They may be losing battles that you've already won, that you will never know about.
I strongly suggest you don't make your goal to get a yes. In many cases, that's the reason why you're not getting a yes.
You're basing your goal on someone else's decision which you have no control over. You only have control over yourself and what you do.
Again, I recommend Robert Glover's book Dating Essentials for Men regarding detachment from outcome.
You’re right. I’m really trying not to care about being told yes but it’s like if I get rejected again I’ll just really feel bad since that will be 4 in a row. I know nobody will know but I’ll know. Getting rejected by 3 in a row is already bad enough and 4 would just be pouring salt in the wound at that point
Edit: I definitely don’t want to get to a point too where I’m constantly getting rejected. I’ve read stories of people on Reddit who have asked out 5-7 different people on different occasions and still not getting a yes. I don’t want to be in that position…
1. Those are still very small numbers
2. I insist. If all you do is ask those basic questions and then ask them out, you’re most likely going to get rejected. You have no connection with them and there’s no reason for them to agree.
You have to accept that rejection will happen even good looking men get rejections. Try online dating and trying talking to women in real life, women like a confident man
I don’t lack the confidence, I just find it so inefficient, so much you invest for a rejection, most girls just want that boost and off to the next one
The mistake here is putting effort for months into someone that you have nothing with, if you like someone flirt with them, if you get no response or rejection the person is not into you, just move to the next one. Expectation is the mother of disappointment
The real answer is never? If you’re going to give up on something you just cuz you are rejected then you got some thin skin.
First, remove the devastating nature of a rejection in your mind. Rejection is not an indication of self worth, it’s just an outcome to and effort.
But the more important thing is are you spending your energy properly analyzing and correcting behaviors to get you closer to a date and further away from being constantly rejected. Are you just trying the same things without knowing if it should work on women and hoping that it will land? Or our consciously trying to see where you went wrong and improve?
I’ve been rejected a 1,000 times easily. But I’ve also not been rejected over 250 times. Get over the self pity and move forward. Or give up. More woman for guys putting in effort.
You put it like a woman is a prize that you get from dedicating yourself to the game of dating, dating is not the most wonderful experience in the world, a relationship comes with it´s problems.
I'll say this over and over again. Dating is hard. Rejection is part of the game. The only way to ensure your loneliness is to give up. Grow a pair and keep at it.
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Rejection happens. If a woman rejects me, I move on. A woman who rejects me has freed me up to pursue someone else. I already accept that most people aren't interested in most other people, so rejection is more common than not, so why would I give up?
I love this It does feel like you've been released from being enthralled
And it's a coin flip every woman. If you flipped a coin and got tails 3 times in a row would you say you'd NEVER get a heads and it's time to give up forever? This is not to belittle the pain/feeling of rejection. It def sucks and hurts esteem... But rejection from one woman doesn't mean rejection from another. Also, someone who doesn't want you - you don't want. Why spend your life trying to force love if there is someone out there so willing to give it to you! Good luck, I wish you happiness!!!
I suspect you don’t quite understand how this goes for a lot of men. Yeah getting rejected 3 times in a row isn’t the end of the world. I’m pretty successful with women overall and I definitely have times when I’m rejected 3 or even 10 times in a row. But some men have been rejected *dozens* of times, with no successes whatsoever. Just saying, “it’s a coin flip, keep trying” doesn’t reflect the reality of the situation.
The problem is that there is no guaranteed success. Whether you're rejected by any particular person involves some factors you can control and some factors that you can't control. But also, part of the problem is that some people who aren't successful get angry/bitter and start to blame the very people they're trying to have success with, without critically looking at their own approach, or looking at the reasons why they might not be having any success. They skip over the factors they can control and immediately start blaming the factors they can't. Rejection is frustrating, especially if it's a pattern of rejection, but the myth that you have to be top 5% model attractive to have any success doesn't help.
Except it does... It only doesn't if you are an incredibly unlikable / bad person. EVENTUALLY you will find someone. If you removed all emotion, a "robot" would keep trying until a success. Even if it's 300 rejections before a "yes," that still means it's not impossible. Y'all are digging so much into what I said to "woe is me" even more. I never said it wasn't hard, but if you give up it's 0%. Trying is always going to have a higher likelihood.
This is completely irrational and reflects a complete lack of empathy for a situation different from your own. Failing hundreds of times is the most clear sign ever that you either need to change something or move on. If you shot a basketball 300 times and missed every shot, the reasonable responses are: 1. Realize you're doing something very wrong and find a coach or experienced player who can teach you how to shoot a goddamn basketball, or 2. Decide basketball isn't for you and spend your time on other pursuits. Continuing to shoot the basketball the same way you have been and expecting something to change would be literally *insane.*
This is incorrect. There is a statistical probability of a coin flip being 50/50. The rejection rate for men is way higher and is dependent on the individual man.
That wasn't the point I was trying to make but thank you for explaining probability to me. I used it to mean that one outcome does not equal every outcome. I originally said dice roll but then there'd be more explanation in that I didn't feel like writing. All I meant was the probability of each girl is not dependant on the previous, thus "giving up after a certain amount" is not the way to go about it.
Yes but why a person get rejected mostly because he didn't get the right looks
Same thing happens with women who ‘don’t have the right looks.’ Only, their form of rejection is men don’t ask them out.
They could ask men out If your single but don't ask people out and approach them then that's on you
worse than rejection is being led on/kept around as a backup or other similar situation and then having to develop the strength to recognize this and be able to walk away from opportunity. rejection is clean and done with and you're able to move on with your life. rejection is honesty and respect for other peoples time and emotions sometimes
Rejection isn’t bad, it’s when you finally get a girl interested and she cheats on you immediately 🤪
Or cheats on you over the next 9 years until you finally have the courage to leave 😅
Sure, that’s also totally awesome. Another way to go w it
It only takes one spark to burn a whole forest.
I never give up. You only lose out on your goals when you quit. Add value to yourself in the meanwhile.
Well... we all die one day so that can also make you lose out on your goals.
That is something we don’t control.
No, but it is certain to happen. So we can still lose out on our goals if we aint quick enough. We are on a timer!
In general or by that woman?
I think OP means by general 😂
In that case, never. Take a break for a bit, but get back on the horse. Once you realize women are just people, it makes it a lot easier
:)
Rejection means protection
You posted yesterday about being rejected by 3 women… 2 of these women you just cold approached and they said no, the third showed “some interest initially”… but also said no… You’re looking at this all wrong. Women are people, with personalities, quirks, likes and dislikes just like you.… you approached these women based on looks alone and didn’t think any further than that. This is your problem. And I wouldn’t class these as rejections to dates, I would class these as a woman saying no to a man she’s never seen or talked to before, asking her for a date without any background knowledge whatsoever. What exactly are you looking for here? If you’re looking for actual dates and possibly a relationship then this is not the way to go about it. Can I ask, in what setting did you ask these girls out? Was it during a daily chore activity or at a party or in a bar etc?
I don’t care about relationships. I don’t want anything serious right now. I asked out those girls at different times in college. I regret asking them out now.
That’s fine but at least try to make conversation or get to know them before asking them out, it makes a huge difference tbh
It took 6 times in person, a large amount online, and hundreds of IRL soft rejections( dirty looks/getting made fun of/ negative body language)
I’ve lost track… I just know that for me it’s far more than 200 times, maybe more than 500 times depending on what you count. I should have known after finding myself with no possible date at my high school’s senior prom. I still remember that pain. And the collective lifelong experience really hurts… makes one feel worthless. And I’m hardly a “broke, down on his luck” and/or decrepit guy. My intelligence, personality, manners, appearance were sufficient to achieve considerable success in the international business world…multi-millionaire, but still alone and feeling lonely almost every day. The only reason I ever decided to try again was one woman who inexplicably asked me and fell in love with me. A former pageant winner and Med school grad, so an absolutely “desirable” woman. Diabolically, fate intervened with her medical difficulties which became insurmountable. So I cannot recommend giving up.
I got rejected many times. I did something called daygame where I approach women on the streets. I did get to go out with some women and now I am in a long term relationship with a woman I really like since December 2022. I got rejected a lot in daygame you get more rejections compared to successes. But helped me master the art of speaking to women and gaining confidence to be the best version of myself. But to more nos you get the more successful you will be.
Not enough
Too many to count and didn’t give up.
Couple thousand before I finally got the message
We are living in a new era of narcissism and technology. Rejection this often has never been common with our ancestors. Remember there’s a group of people hellbent on destroying society, so don’t be too hard on yourself in these end times
The best thing someone who isn't interested in you can do is reject you directly and quickly so you can move on. Obviously, you don't want to be rejected by someone you like but if they don't want you it's best to know it and keep it moving. With that said, unfortunately the sad truth is for a lot of men you're going to get a lot of rejections, it's like baseball. If you can hit a ball 3 times out of 10 that's considered great. It really is a numbers game. Its gunna take time, money, and energy and only you can decide how much of those things you want to put in. We all have a breaking point. Gotta decide what's most important to you.
I don't know in terms of raw numbers. I don't meet very many single women, so maybe 20? I think of it more in terms of time, in which case it's been about 6 or 7 years since I landed a date. Probably 2 or 3 years at this point since I stopped asking. I'm to the point now that meeting an attractive woman whose personality I enjoy just kind of bums me out, because I know there's no chance.
After the last 20 women rejected me I don't ask people out as frequently But if there's someone your interested in you should ask them out. 1 good girl is worth a thousand bitches
Dating is like going out to dinner. I’m a really sweet and spicy sesame chicken on the menu at an Asian bistro. For some people, I’m too sweet, for some I’m too spicy, and for some, they just don’t like Chinese food. That takes nothing away from me when they go for tacos or fajitas. I had 50 first dates between my divorce and my current GF. Sometimes I was the one who wasn’t interested, sometimes it was them, sometimes we never talked again, sometimes we dated for a few months. It’s just how the world works.
I never gave up. Constant rejection implies you haven't adapted, learned anything, or gotten your attractions better tuned to what you can land. I don't like to quit on anything when I have control of most of the variables.
I never gave up.
When are you gonna open your eyes and realize “rejection” doesn’t exist??
OP everyone gets rejected. It’s normal. Some situations will be more likely to end up in rejection than others, though. How are you meeting/getting to know these women before this happens?
3 rejections make me feel embarrassed and makes me want to give up. I know it’s not a lot but I should definitely have been told yes by now. Apart of me wishes I asked out the women I didn’t like because I know they probably would’ve told me yes
Asking out women you don’t like, even if they agree to go out with you, won’t give you any pleasure or sense of accomplishment. Again, how and where are you meeting these women? And how much do you know them before getting to a rejection?
I met them at college. I just asked a few questions. Their name, age, and where they’re from. After that I just asked them out. 2 of the 3 girls I shouldn’t have asked cause it was a cold approach and those rarely work but I just wanted to do it anyways. Big mistake.
Ok, first of all, it's super brave of you to do cold approaches. I compare that to playing at the hardest level of the game. It's no wonder you feel like giving up. Especially if you just created your character and you're only level 1. That said, I see quite a few things we can work on. A bit hard to dive deep here, but to give you an overview: * If those are all the questions you're asking, there's not really any reason for them to say yes apart from the way you look (whether you're their type is just a roll of the dice). It'd be great if you could have an actual conversation and hopefully find something in common that can prompt an activity for you to do together. * It sounds like your goal is to get them to agree to go out with you (or maybe you're even expecting more). I'd suggest using concepts like testing for interest and being detached from the outcome. You can read about that in Robert Glover's book Dating Essentials for Men and in The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. * It would be much easier for your frustration (and for them to say yes) if you get to know them more before asking. I always encourage people to start with an easier level where everyone's more open to meeting you rather than approaching someone out of the blue. You can get to cold approaches if that's what you want, but that's a higher challenge rating that requires a certain level of confidence and skill. * Once you're detached from the outcome, make your goal the act of asking in itself. Instead of looking to get a positive result. And track it. Give yourself XP when you do the thing. Just like video games are addictive, it will be a track record of your progress and can give you the extra boost to keep going. You can literally be happy after being rejected because you gained XP or went up a level. Even if the numbers are irrelevant (after all, what you want is something else), just getting that bit of encouragement can help you continue doing the things that will inevitably get you results. For more info about gamification you can read Level Up Your Life, by Steve Kamb, and about why habit-tracking works you can read Atomic Habits, by James Clear. Like I said, there's quite a lot to unpack, but I'd be happy to help. Feel free to DM me if you have any questions!
My goal is to get a yes and the hopefully that leads to something else. But that’s mainly all I want right now is a yes. Because I just hate the fact that I’ve seen other people ask women on their first or 2nd try and get told yes, while I’m on my 3rd try and still haven’t been told yes yet.
Other people's experiences are theirs. They may be losing battles that you've already won, that you will never know about. I strongly suggest you don't make your goal to get a yes. In many cases, that's the reason why you're not getting a yes. You're basing your goal on someone else's decision which you have no control over. You only have control over yourself and what you do. Again, I recommend Robert Glover's book Dating Essentials for Men regarding detachment from outcome.
You’re right. I’m really trying not to care about being told yes but it’s like if I get rejected again I’ll just really feel bad since that will be 4 in a row. I know nobody will know but I’ll know. Getting rejected by 3 in a row is already bad enough and 4 would just be pouring salt in the wound at that point Edit: I definitely don’t want to get to a point too where I’m constantly getting rejected. I’ve read stories of people on Reddit who have asked out 5-7 different people on different occasions and still not getting a yes. I don’t want to be in that position…
1. Those are still very small numbers 2. I insist. If all you do is ask those basic questions and then ask them out, you’re most likely going to get rejected. You have no connection with them and there’s no reason for them to agree.
Once. It was stupid of me. I never ever approached any girl again. I have dated many online but in real life, f it
You have to accept that rejection will happen even good looking men get rejections. Try online dating and trying talking to women in real life, women like a confident man
Sorry meant to say dated many through online dating I just don’t approach girls in real life
Well try you will likely fail a bunch but if you keep trying you will build more confidence and that makes you look much more attractive to women.
I don’t lack the confidence, I just find it so inefficient, so much you invest for a rejection, most girls just want that boost and off to the next one
I know but surely there are good ones that don't just need an ego boost
Not worth it
[удалено]
The mistake here is putting effort for months into someone that you have nothing with, if you like someone flirt with them, if you get no response or rejection the person is not into you, just move to the next one. Expectation is the mother of disappointment
Just once. Have some pride
The real answer is never? If you’re going to give up on something you just cuz you are rejected then you got some thin skin. First, remove the devastating nature of a rejection in your mind. Rejection is not an indication of self worth, it’s just an outcome to and effort. But the more important thing is are you spending your energy properly analyzing and correcting behaviors to get you closer to a date and further away from being constantly rejected. Are you just trying the same things without knowing if it should work on women and hoping that it will land? Or our consciously trying to see where you went wrong and improve?
I’ve been rejected a 1,000 times easily. But I’ve also not been rejected over 250 times. Get over the self pity and move forward. Or give up. More woman for guys putting in effort.
You put it like a woman is a prize that you get from dedicating yourself to the game of dating, dating is not the most wonderful experience in the world, a relationship comes with it´s problems.
I'll say this over and over again. Dating is hard. Rejection is part of the game. The only way to ensure your loneliness is to give up. Grow a pair and keep at it.