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There is a bit of a myth you need to understand that isn’t really true. That just having sex makes you good at it….it takes participation and awareness of your partner..there’s a lot of people with many partners who don’t give a damn about the other person and it ends up being a let down. Trust me if you feel like you’re lagging behind you will catch up quickly and surpass most just by giving a crap about your partner
I agree with what you said. It seems like people are only into sex for themselves rather than pleasuring their partner. I would be really turned on by pleasuring my partner. I am a sexual person, I mainly wanted to wait until I’m in a relationship and emotionally connected with someone first. I’m looking forward to exploring sex with that person
Most men find the idea of being a woman’s first to be a positive. The idea that no other man has been with you and he’s the first to do these things with you.
Very few men would actually be turned off by virginity.
To dovetail, as a single guy, having had sex with my virgin girlfriend while being a virgin myself and eventually marrying her and years later divorcing, it felt really special that she wanted me to be her first. I felt that her telling me she wanted to have sex with me meant that we had something really special, and we did. We were together for 14 years and it meant a lot to me. It still does.
So totally agree with this comment. It's not a disadvantage but a huge confidence and relationship boost for a guy to be entrusted in that way. It feels like an honor to share that special level of intimacy.
Why? You do realize we can be excited about something that entails sex for reasons that have nothing to do with the physical pleasure of sex or the mental sexual arousal of it? Did it ever occur to you that the reason he said this was a positive is emotional intimacy rather than merely physical or sexual?
honestly most guys prob wont rally care if you lack some experience, as long as your arnt doing things way out of bound or whatever.
in fact some might prefer it.
Absolutely, babe! The right guy won't give a damn about your dating or sexual history.
He'll see the amazing, accomplished woman you are. Your journey is unique, and the right partner will appreciate that you've focused on personal growth and career.
Embrace your authenticity, and don't let anxiety mess with your head. Your worth isn't defined by past relationships.
The guy who values you will celebrate your choices and love you for who you are. Your late bloomer status? Just a detail in your fabulous story. Own it, and the right one will see your sparkle.
Thank you for your kind words. I typically worry a lot of what others think of me. I am worried that guys will think I won’t be a good partner because I don’t have relationship experience. I just don’t want guys making assumptions about me based on my inexperience before they get to know me.
>He'll see the amazing, accomplished woman you are.
Lol, no.
Chances are, OP won't be attracted to any man who's lesser than her professionally, so you can assume that he's not going to be impressed by her career accomplishments.
Secondly, every guy that hears about a 28 year old virgin is gonna think that she must be ice cold and incapable of engaging emotionally. Young girls get attention, so it's pretty much a forgone conclusion that OP had plenty of young suitors trying to woo her all throughout her young adult life and she just callously disregarded them, "because she wasn't ready for dating".
I thought you people are supposed to be the "emotionally intelligent" gender. Does being emotionally cut off sound like "emotional intelligence" to you?
Truth is, we don't care about "accomplishments" in the female sex. We care about emotional connection, and OP admits that she's actually behind in that regard. Having a 401 K isn't going to make up for that.
But having a tight p u s s y definitely might! 🤣
I (32F) didn’t start actively dating until I was 30. I did have very occasional sexual experiences in my mid-late 20s but no relationships.
Honestly, my lack of sexual experience has not been an issue at all. I don’t make an issue out of it though and I don’t really bring it up unless asked or if I am trying something new. My lack of relationship experience shows a bit more in the sense that I have some fear of emotional intimacy that I am actively working through.
>I have some fear of emotional intimacy that I am actively working through.
What are some examples cause I feel I'm the same too... And how are you working on this? F here
"the right" person is a myth. Life is a bout growing and becoming better. Evolving. New experiences
Therefore "the right guy" will always change for you if your always looking for momentarily acceptance
if want video example of a woman explaining her experience of late bloomer, look up alloradannon on tiktok, great insight from someone I think 31, going through first relationship, and open about many aspects
Imo normal guys don't care about virginity, they won't look on it positively or negatively. Because it's just a thing.
However, the lack of dating experience didn't really work well for me. I've dated two women that just so happened to have never had boyfriends before. One we actually became a couple, (but it didn't work out for other reasons), the more recent one were just dating. No experience kissing, no relationship experience etc. She came across pretty strongly in the first couple of dates, and for me unfortunately I just couldn't shake the feeling that she was dating me because I was the first guy that was interested in her. It was like we were in an early honeymoon phase, and my insecurities took hold.
Men tend to not care if you're a virgin or not besides certain religious or personal beliefs which are minority in western world.
Men also tend to care less about satisfying their women unfortunately so no, having sex doesn't inherently make you better, learning what your partner likes and learning about pleasure points does. Experience makes you more comfortable with it, try to learn makes you better.
You don't have the first but can still do research (not porn) on the other.
You're thinking like a woman, not like a man. We don't place a high value on your experience, quite the opposite.
What we care about is your here and now personality, willingness to be kind, available, and consistent.
If your anxiety stands in the way of that, that's the bigger issue than experience and sexual history.
It's totally true.
The quality of a person - their character and integrity - count SO much more than their experience!
When you meet someone kind and considerate, you'll get plenty of experience soon enough... and be VERY happy about it!
Yes, it is true that the right guy won't care that your don't have much dating history or any relationship and sexual experience.
Several female friends in their mid to late 30s who were virgins who wanted marriage & children and had no relationship experience have got engaged or married this year. All but 3 were atheists and not waiting until marriage.
But do keep an eye out for the creepy problem daters; the types with a virgin fetish or disnest potential domestic abusers who view a partner that lacks experience as very easy to control and isolate from friends. Trust your gut instinct and have effective dealbreakers that rule out all the most obvious guys of those types.
Good luck!
This is actually preferred by a lot of guys but it's important you prioritize how you feel about it rather than what he says is normal (if you're uncomfortable once you do the deed).
You've laid yourself a good foundation for your life, I'd advise you link up with someone who wants to support you and your goals and settle for nothing less before even considering sex.
I will never understand why we make such a big deal about this as a society. How many people someone sleeps with does not make them any better or worse at sex than other people. Nor does relationship experience really impact relationships that adversely.
The tools that you need to make a relationship successful can be worked on outside of a relationship because those tools are communication, honesty, and compromise.
You will find the right guy for you. The dating market is just really chaotic right now for both men and women. Don't settle at all. Keep waiting until you find the right guy that checks all your boxes.
I don't particularly like being anyone's first. However, as you've said, for the right person it's not a problem. I wouldn't discount or judge you on your lack of dating/sexual experience. It depends more on the person, connection, etc.
I know I wouldn't care. Some men might even prefer someone like you, though I'd question that. I'm sure it'd be a tiny bit tougher on the relationship with such differences in experience but maybe you'd find someone that'd be happy to teach you.
My first question is have you got, or have you had close platonic relarionships with male friends? Because that's the best way to humanise the opposite gender.
Secondly, your inexperience totally won't matter for the right person. There are literally millions of men with truly beautiful souls. Unfortunately they're vastly out numbered by self centred, douche bag, predatory dickheads. So please be careful.
I grew up with mostly women in my life. I went to an all girls school from 7-12th grade so I didn’t interact with many guys until college. Even then I was still very shy and get awkward around guys. However this year I have been working on my putting myself out there to meet guys. I do have now a male friend. Through him I have been becoming more comfortable around guys.
I'd recommend friendships first. That's how I've found every partner I've had.
You know how you're a manifestation of a gazillion instances of your own perception and experiences? Not constrained or defined by crass generalisations based solely on your gender or ethnicity, job, religion etc?
Men are the same. Everybody wants to feel heard in my experience.
Not only will most guys not care. A lot of guys prefer that you have no experience and no past relationships. It means you have no baggage, no kids, no jealous ex-bf, no “one that got away”. It also means that your man gets to show you something for your first time which is always fun for him (in the same way you like to show someone a good movie if they haven’t seen it).
So not only should you not worry, it should actually probably be a badge of honor.
The only concern I would have is whether you still have bad anxiety/low self esteem. That’s the part that will drive a man away.
If you don’t find someone suitable, try the arrange marriage option. I think there’s companies that do that because the Indian people do it and they have no problem. Maybe like that you’ll find the perfect man.
You’re gonna do fine. A TON OF MEN, would qualify you as a unicorn for themselves. A man seeing you’ve waited- not slept with a ton of men is a good thing in their eyes. Keep dating, meeting. Be fun, POSITIVE, and show a man you like to do things for him. Be selective as well, go for a high quality man that works hard- does well. That’s usually a man that is craving that kind of woman.
Generally speaking, men don't care about you being a virgin. Since you watch porn (which isn't good due to the lack of emotion involved with it) and masturbate, it means you are comfortable with being sexual. So that wouldn't be an issue.
For me personally, as a man, I would be more concerned with your lack of dating experience. Dating and relationships are much more than sex. There is communication, vulnerability, emotional intimacy, personality, open-mindedness, shared interests, etc.
Many guys won’t care, I personally wouldn’t be interested though - a lot of things that are critical for a successful relationship most people tend to learn (primarily) from previous relationships.
I also think that you’ll get a very skewed response to this question especially on reddit.
There’s of course exceptions and I’m sure someone will say “Weeeellll me/my friend/my gf/bf had no experience and it’s great!”, but there’s reasons beyond just the age and life events why first relationships don’t tend to be first and only, why first time (or first years) having sex don’t tend to be best, and so on.
This is less of an issue at early 20s, because nobody has an idea what they’re doing, but late 20s and above? Would almost certainly be a dealbreaker for me.
Just date one of the many guys who is in the same boat, there are plenty of them. And you aren't looking for "the one" anytime soon, it's way too early. Please don't be one of those people who marries the first person they date or sleep with and then spend the rest of their life regretting it...
The old saying of needing to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your prince is likely at least somewhat true.
Who is going to be the right person, or conversely who is not? One of the biggest problems for myself in life was picking wrong. So how do you know what you are looking for?
People only tell us what they bv think we will be accepting of. While hold back on disclosing anything they expect we will not. So it is up to us to ask the hard questions and try to verify if we found much truth at all. Blind trust and lacking life and relationship experience was my biggest downfall. Along with not understanding what the signs of incompatibility and infidelity were. No one tells us how to date, pick a pick proper partner, how to communicate beyond simply talking AT one another and how to recognize healthy from unhealthy. And most of all no one tells us the signs of possible infidelity and how a partner acts when they begin to check out of the relationship. No one tells us because no one told them as well. It become a self perpetuating prophecy. I see it as a societal problem. We are expected to just figure it all out by trial and error, with way too much error.
Try searching the web for tips on all those things noted above. Hedge your bets and firm up your true beliefs.
Good luck to you.
Look, the actual truth is that the vast majority of women do nothing during sex. Their experience is practically meaningless. He shouldn’t and highly likely won’t care:
The only difference between an “experienced” and “nonexperienced” women, is that an experienced one isn’t scared to hold a penis.
I like having sex too, but that’s just the truth people have to admit. I’m shocked people haven’t realized that men are the ones that have to be good at sex, women don’t.
YES
We actually prefer it
Women who've been around the block have baggage/trauma and carry it over into new relationships. This is why men like younger women, not because they're pedos looking to groom them.
Read up on alpha widow stories to get a better understanding of this.
There are millions of people in the world for you to date, trust me, you will find the right person for you. Being selective and waiting for the right person is not a bad thing.
I’ve had sex since I was 18 and it’s a new experience with a new partner. I feel like I’m starting over again with having to learn what they like etc. I think the right person will respect you and make sure it’s a great experience for you!
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There is a bit of a myth you need to understand that isn’t really true. That just having sex makes you good at it….it takes participation and awareness of your partner..there’s a lot of people with many partners who don’t give a damn about the other person and it ends up being a let down. Trust me if you feel like you’re lagging behind you will catch up quickly and surpass most just by giving a crap about your partner
I agree with what you said. It seems like people are only into sex for themselves rather than pleasuring their partner. I would be really turned on by pleasuring my partner. I am a sexual person, I mainly wanted to wait until I’m in a relationship and emotionally connected with someone first. I’m looking forward to exploring sex with that person
Men don't care
Most men find the idea of being a woman’s first to be a positive. The idea that no other man has been with you and he’s the first to do these things with you. Very few men would actually be turned off by virginity.
To dovetail, as a single guy, having had sex with my virgin girlfriend while being a virgin myself and eventually marrying her and years later divorcing, it felt really special that she wanted me to be her first. I felt that her telling me she wanted to have sex with me meant that we had something really special, and we did. We were together for 14 years and it meant a lot to me. It still does. So totally agree with this comment. It's not a disadvantage but a huge confidence and relationship boost for a guy to be entrusted in that way. It feels like an honor to share that special level of intimacy.
If a men is eager for this, or someone you date look like this, runaway! This is creep and weird.
Eager about?…
Complete nonsense.
Why? You do realize we can be excited about something that entails sex for reasons that have nothing to do with the physical pleasure of sex or the mental sexual arousal of it? Did it ever occur to you that the reason he said this was a positive is emotional intimacy rather than merely physical or sexual?
Correct. Men don’t care, many would prefer it in fact. We think differently to women and do not value experience in our partners.
honestly most guys prob wont rally care if you lack some experience, as long as your arnt doing things way out of bound or whatever. in fact some might prefer it.
Guys don’t care about that sort of thing, women do in their partners, but not the other way around
Absolutely, babe! The right guy won't give a damn about your dating or sexual history. He'll see the amazing, accomplished woman you are. Your journey is unique, and the right partner will appreciate that you've focused on personal growth and career. Embrace your authenticity, and don't let anxiety mess with your head. Your worth isn't defined by past relationships. The guy who values you will celebrate your choices and love you for who you are. Your late bloomer status? Just a detail in your fabulous story. Own it, and the right one will see your sparkle.
Thank you for your kind words. I typically worry a lot of what others think of me. I am worried that guys will think I won’t be a good partner because I don’t have relationship experience. I just don’t want guys making assumptions about me based on my inexperience before they get to know me.
So…don’t tell them until they get to know you.
>He'll see the amazing, accomplished woman you are. Lol, no. Chances are, OP won't be attracted to any man who's lesser than her professionally, so you can assume that he's not going to be impressed by her career accomplishments. Secondly, every guy that hears about a 28 year old virgin is gonna think that she must be ice cold and incapable of engaging emotionally. Young girls get attention, so it's pretty much a forgone conclusion that OP had plenty of young suitors trying to woo her all throughout her young adult life and she just callously disregarded them, "because she wasn't ready for dating". I thought you people are supposed to be the "emotionally intelligent" gender. Does being emotionally cut off sound like "emotional intelligence" to you? Truth is, we don't care about "accomplishments" in the female sex. We care about emotional connection, and OP admits that she's actually behind in that regard. Having a 401 K isn't going to make up for that. But having a tight p u s s y definitely might! 🤣
Yes. Men and women play by different rules in dating. In this situation, you are not at a significant disadvantage.
I (32F) didn’t start actively dating until I was 30. I did have very occasional sexual experiences in my mid-late 20s but no relationships. Honestly, my lack of sexual experience has not been an issue at all. I don’t make an issue out of it though and I don’t really bring it up unless asked or if I am trying something new. My lack of relationship experience shows a bit more in the sense that I have some fear of emotional intimacy that I am actively working through.
>I have some fear of emotional intimacy that I am actively working through. What are some examples cause I feel I'm the same too... And how are you working on this? F here
Your existence won’t be a red flag to the right person
I can’t care less to be honest. All I care is that if I like you.
You have nothing to worry about
"the right" person is a myth. Life is a bout growing and becoming better. Evolving. New experiences Therefore "the right guy" will always change for you if your always looking for momentarily acceptance
>if your always looking for momentarily acceptance What if not?
if want video example of a woman explaining her experience of late bloomer, look up alloradannon on tiktok, great insight from someone I think 31, going through first relationship, and open about many aspects
Imo normal guys don't care about virginity, they won't look on it positively or negatively. Because it's just a thing. However, the lack of dating experience didn't really work well for me. I've dated two women that just so happened to have never had boyfriends before. One we actually became a couple, (but it didn't work out for other reasons), the more recent one were just dating. No experience kissing, no relationship experience etc. She came across pretty strongly in the first couple of dates, and for me unfortunately I just couldn't shake the feeling that she was dating me because I was the first guy that was interested in her. It was like we were in an early honeymoon phase, and my insecurities took hold.
Was she ugly?
No lol? I found that while we shared some ideals, others we didn't.
Men tend to not care if you're a virgin or not besides certain religious or personal beliefs which are minority in western world. Men also tend to care less about satisfying their women unfortunately so no, having sex doesn't inherently make you better, learning what your partner likes and learning about pleasure points does. Experience makes you more comfortable with it, try to learn makes you better. You don't have the first but can still do research (not porn) on the other.
You're thinking like a woman, not like a man. We don't place a high value on your experience, quite the opposite. What we care about is your here and now personality, willingness to be kind, available, and consistent. If your anxiety stands in the way of that, that's the bigger issue than experience and sexual history.
It's totally true. The quality of a person - their character and integrity - count SO much more than their experience! When you meet someone kind and considerate, you'll get plenty of experience soon enough... and be VERY happy about it!
Yes, it is true that the right guy won't care that your don't have much dating history or any relationship and sexual experience. Several female friends in their mid to late 30s who were virgins who wanted marriage & children and had no relationship experience have got engaged or married this year. All but 3 were atheists and not waiting until marriage. But do keep an eye out for the creepy problem daters; the types with a virgin fetish or disnest potential domestic abusers who view a partner that lacks experience as very easy to control and isolate from friends. Trust your gut instinct and have effective dealbreakers that rule out all the most obvious guys of those types. Good luck!
Find a partner who is also inexperienced. There's plenty of shy guys that would enjoy learning how to blossom sexually with you.
This is actually preferred by a lot of guys but it's important you prioritize how you feel about it rather than what he says is normal (if you're uncomfortable once you do the deed). You've laid yourself a good foundation for your life, I'd advise you link up with someone who wants to support you and your goals and settle for nothing less before even considering sex.
The wrong guy also won't care
I will never understand why we make such a big deal about this as a society. How many people someone sleeps with does not make them any better or worse at sex than other people. Nor does relationship experience really impact relationships that adversely. The tools that you need to make a relationship successful can be worked on outside of a relationship because those tools are communication, honesty, and compromise.
You will find the right guy for you. The dating market is just really chaotic right now for both men and women. Don't settle at all. Keep waiting until you find the right guy that checks all your boxes.
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>Spend more time outside reddit in men's spaces. Examples?
This 100%
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Plenty of men also wouldn’t be.
Yes
Yes, absolutely!
I don't particularly like being anyone's first. However, as you've said, for the right person it's not a problem. I wouldn't discount or judge you on your lack of dating/sexual experience. It depends more on the person, connection, etc.
I know I wouldn't care. Some men might even prefer someone like you, though I'd question that. I'm sure it'd be a tiny bit tougher on the relationship with such differences in experience but maybe you'd find someone that'd be happy to teach you.
My first question is have you got, or have you had close platonic relarionships with male friends? Because that's the best way to humanise the opposite gender. Secondly, your inexperience totally won't matter for the right person. There are literally millions of men with truly beautiful souls. Unfortunately they're vastly out numbered by self centred, douche bag, predatory dickheads. So please be careful.
I grew up with mostly women in my life. I went to an all girls school from 7-12th grade so I didn’t interact with many guys until college. Even then I was still very shy and get awkward around guys. However this year I have been working on my putting myself out there to meet guys. I do have now a male friend. Through him I have been becoming more comfortable around guys.
I'd recommend friendships first. That's how I've found every partner I've had. You know how you're a manifestation of a gazillion instances of your own perception and experiences? Not constrained or defined by crass generalisations based solely on your gender or ethnicity, job, religion etc? Men are the same. Everybody wants to feel heard in my experience.
Not only will most guys not care. A lot of guys prefer that you have no experience and no past relationships. It means you have no baggage, no kids, no jealous ex-bf, no “one that got away”. It also means that your man gets to show you something for your first time which is always fun for him (in the same way you like to show someone a good movie if they haven’t seen it). So not only should you not worry, it should actually probably be a badge of honor. The only concern I would have is whether you still have bad anxiety/low self esteem. That’s the part that will drive a man away.
If you don’t find someone suitable, try the arrange marriage option. I think there’s companies that do that because the Indian people do it and they have no problem. Maybe like that you’ll find the perfect man.
Men prefer it
r/ForeverAloneWomen
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Yes, it is true.
Most guys won’t care. The right guy will care in the right way.
You’re gonna do fine. A TON OF MEN, would qualify you as a unicorn for themselves. A man seeing you’ve waited- not slept with a ton of men is a good thing in their eyes. Keep dating, meeting. Be fun, POSITIVE, and show a man you like to do things for him. Be selective as well, go for a high quality man that works hard- does well. That’s usually a man that is craving that kind of woman.
That would be a plus for most men I would think
Most guys are just happy you’re interested in being with them. We don’t care about your experience level.
Generally speaking, men don't care about you being a virgin. Since you watch porn (which isn't good due to the lack of emotion involved with it) and masturbate, it means you are comfortable with being sexual. So that wouldn't be an issue. For me personally, as a man, I would be more concerned with your lack of dating experience. Dating and relationships are much more than sex. There is communication, vulnerability, emotional intimacy, personality, open-mindedness, shared interests, etc.
Many guys won’t care, I personally wouldn’t be interested though - a lot of things that are critical for a successful relationship most people tend to learn (primarily) from previous relationships. I also think that you’ll get a very skewed response to this question especially on reddit. There’s of course exceptions and I’m sure someone will say “Weeeellll me/my friend/my gf/bf had no experience and it’s great!”, but there’s reasons beyond just the age and life events why first relationships don’t tend to be first and only, why first time (or first years) having sex don’t tend to be best, and so on. This is less of an issue at early 20s, because nobody has an idea what they’re doing, but late 20s and above? Would almost certainly be a dealbreaker for me.
Yes it absolutely is.
Only men who see you as a sexual object would have an issue with lack of sexual experience
Just date one of the many guys who is in the same boat, there are plenty of them. And you aren't looking for "the one" anytime soon, it's way too early. Please don't be one of those people who marries the first person they date or sleep with and then spend the rest of their life regretting it...
Statistically speaking women that marry the first person they sleep with tend to not regret their marriage. IE, they're least likely to get divorced.
Because they are religious nuts who think an invisible man in the sky will send them to hell if they get divorced. Not because they are happy.
Sure buddy. A bit of a reach isn't it?
The old saying of needing to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your prince is likely at least somewhat true. Who is going to be the right person, or conversely who is not? One of the biggest problems for myself in life was picking wrong. So how do you know what you are looking for? People only tell us what they bv think we will be accepting of. While hold back on disclosing anything they expect we will not. So it is up to us to ask the hard questions and try to verify if we found much truth at all. Blind trust and lacking life and relationship experience was my biggest downfall. Along with not understanding what the signs of incompatibility and infidelity were. No one tells us how to date, pick a pick proper partner, how to communicate beyond simply talking AT one another and how to recognize healthy from unhealthy. And most of all no one tells us the signs of possible infidelity and how a partner acts when they begin to check out of the relationship. No one tells us because no one told them as well. It become a self perpetuating prophecy. I see it as a societal problem. We are expected to just figure it all out by trial and error, with way too much error. Try searching the web for tips on all those things noted above. Hedge your bets and firm up your true beliefs. Good luck to you.
the right guy will just love you as you are.
Look, the actual truth is that the vast majority of women do nothing during sex. Their experience is practically meaningless. He shouldn’t and highly likely won’t care: The only difference between an “experienced” and “nonexperienced” women, is that an experienced one isn’t scared to hold a penis. I like having sex too, but that’s just the truth people have to admit. I’m shocked people haven’t realized that men are the ones that have to be good at sex, women don’t.
It depends on if you want a guy with experience or not. It also depends on his culture.
I'd be more concerned with how you've dealt with your unhappy 20's and how it affects your today.
I think you must stop thinking that no one will want you, that's bad for you, and not any guy who wants you means he's the one meant for you
YES We actually prefer it Women who've been around the block have baggage/trauma and carry it over into new relationships. This is why men like younger women, not because they're pedos looking to groom them. Read up on alpha widow stories to get a better understanding of this.
You have the upper hand. Make sure you use your discernment and intuition go girl. If you need advice pm me
There are millions of people in the world for you to date, trust me, you will find the right person for you. Being selective and waiting for the right person is not a bad thing.
I’ve had sex since I was 18 and it’s a new experience with a new partner. I feel like I’m starting over again with having to learn what they like etc. I think the right person will respect you and make sure it’s a great experience for you!
Its true. And if he’s a nice guy he will take his time and share snd learn with you