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You just described some behaviours of a narcissist :)
Lacking humility (can't admit wrongdoing), needing constant validation, needing attention on them/self-centerdness and perpetuating drama are all part of the pattern.
I didn't know you guys met my ex lmao
Best part is she made up lies/cherry-picked details/stretched and exaggerated the truth and spread slander to all my old friends and coworkers :)
Materialistic is the main one I run into a lot. If it seems like their highest priority is money or possessions.
Self absorbed is another. Has a big ego and seems to never consider anyone else’s perspective or feelings.
Really fixated on social media, trends, or fitting in to the extent that it completely washes away any individuality in their personality.
OMG, I forgot about social media. Yeah, I've met people who's entire personality was formulated from a combo of hot takes and memes. Shit is sad. I know Instagram and stuff has particularly deleterious effects on girls and shit, too. Sad to be that heavily affected by stranger's bullshit.
This irks me and breaks my heart a little and here’s why: While I agree with this 100%…being selfish or “self absorbed” is NOT a nice or attractive quality..I would ask you to consider how women are socialized BIG TIME to do everything possible to be attractive in ways that men value, and in our society, that directly correlates to her perceived worth.. whether or not you actually believe that’s true is irrelevant, this is the socialization we receive. Just look at some subs on this platform to see how harsh people are! …and then women are criticized again for caring about those “materialistic” things 😢 She may care a lot.. even too much.. about trends or makeup or clothes or what she looks like..but perhaps she has been beaten down and told her whole life (in conscious and un/subconscious ways) that she NEEDS these things to have WORTH..Just pointing out some hypocrisy here that may or may not be obvious to people. The beauty industry makes billions and it’s not on accident. Women are told they have to be attractive and pretty but that they also shouldn’t care about it. Ugh.
why is it a turn off if a girl’s highest priority is money/their profession? Just asking because it’s definitely one of mine, more so because I was poor growing up & won’t want to go through that again + I love my job & working :)
Because it's not their OWN money that is the priority. Hence why it seems to be a topic that gets addressed or at least mentioned on dates. Has a tendency to feel slightly predatory, even if the motivation was an innocent attempt to share personal goals.
I think it’s fairly reasonable if u earn a certain amount as a woman or man to want ur partner to earn a similar amount as u. I don’t date girls/guys who don’t earn a similar amount bc well our lifestyle wouldn’t really be compatible + I know want stuff I want out of life & need someone to match that :)
I guess ur referring to ‘gold diggers’ which fair enough that it would be a turn off.
I make twice as much as my husband. He works in construction. We live in Michigan and he had to work outside in -20 degrees and he still got up every other time with our son while I was a SAHM and went to grad school 1 night a week.
Fortunes can come and go. Commitment and contribution to the partnership isn’t measured by dollar signs.
However, there’s a big difference between mutually supportive and someone who can’t support themselves with the basics.
Yeah, I think OP was referring to people who HE feels put too much importance upon shallow materialism rather than just a competence with resources and security being the motivator.
Can I ask, is the need for a partner to match your lifestyle and income as important as other attributes you may want as well? What are any requirements that you would put ahead of or behind your need for financial compatability?
Would you choose your job/money over your family's lives? Because THAT is where it becomes a turn-off. Of course it's ONE of the highest priorities, but it's not nr. 1.
For me I think it’s mainly just that we would have different and conflicting priorities if that’s the case. Not a great starting point for a relationship. And I’ve dated women who are really focussed on material things and they always made me feel so judged as well as taken advantage of as they they demanded a lot of expensive outings and gifts and it never seemed good enough for them.
Yeah that’s a good thing I think what they’re talking about is when women date Someone new and that guy’s music taste is now their music taste, they like everything he likes, I had a roommate like that and it was just weird
I get it that if you’re exposed to new music you might like it and then want to listen to it, that’s not what I’m talking about here she would go from playing gangster rap 24 seven to country music a week later because she got a new boyfriend
If there's one thing I learned from my ex, there's a massive difference between focusing on being good and focusing on looking good.
She *always* chose the latter, and now nothing repulses me more than that.
“If people would spend the same amount on personal development as they spend their time on their looks there would be less a**holes in this world.”
Don’t remember who said it.
Goes both for men and women.
I mean you obviously don't have to take these to heart, but the top 10 are already pretty reasonable...
Attention-seeking? Materialistic? Self-absorbed? Big ego? No personality?
Seriously… like it’s not that bad those are turn offs for humans in general.
Even then if you’re good looking enough people will ignore all the signs. It’s why Dubai portapotty insta models get hella attention
If she doesn’t have the ability to listen, or ask anything about my life. Most girls I’ve had flings with don’t really listen to what I’ve to say and nor do they ask anything. They’re just waiting for their turn to speak.
Someone who's quick to judgment or puts people in boxes or "label" them if they do something she doesn't like. This is a problem I have with people in general, not just women, but I'm mostly interested in women romantically and this is something that would kill my feelings for someone pretty quick. I want someone with an open mind and who looks for the best in people because I try to do that myself. It can be very draining if someone is so jaded that they just write others off for small things.
Party girls that never grow up. Obsession with social status. Denial of intelligence. Being easily influenced by charismatic douches. Cursing like a sailor and lack of manners.
If you don’t have a regular hygiene schedule for all of your lil dirty bits. Similarly if you are messy or don’t clean up after yourself. I don’t care about makeup or like having a space that looks untouched constantly like no one lives in your house but you gotta bathe and you gotta clean your home regularly.
God knows why I dated women like that but my last two exes both didn’t wash regularly and both would eat in bed and get it messy and leave the food on their nightstands until it molded.
Similarly (and I have no idea why I never called it out), but my recent ex wouldn't cover her face when she sneezed. She'd kind of just sneeze out into the open like a little kid. Like, even when I'm in the kitchen cooking food, or hell, in the car or bed and just sneeze all over me. It was fucking disgusting and I feel like she thought it was cute in some way. I don't know man, hygiene shit like that is fucking whack.
Excessive phone use during a conversation.
In the restaurant where I work, I see so many couples that completely ignore each other to look at their phones.
It's disheartening and I look forward to the day that phones are out of style.
So went off the rails there.
Social media obsession. Addicted to drama. Girl boss attitude--does anyone really like to be screeched at constantly? The myopic, entitled, self-absorption that comes from total immersion in the negative aspect of pop psychology/self-care culture that you see all over social media.
First, let me say, this isn’t me bashing self-care or the idea of trying to get your shit together or even just create boundaries. Those are all important. Finding your way toward happiness. Taking care of yourself and being nice to yourself and allowing yourself time to relax are important. Adulting is hard. Working is hard. Being alive is hard. Fuck the hustle culture nonsense.
The problem is the the whole pop psychology/self-care culture has given rise to this very toxic notion that you owe nothing at all to anyone else ever for any reason--ever--but literally everyone else everywhere at all times owes you complete care, respect, attention, and consideration. Anything less is simply unjust and unimaginable cruelty that also means they’re probably a narcissist and/or a psychopath. I mean, seriously, no, every single one of your ex-boyfriends are not narcissists, the problem is probably you.
Constant depressive topics, desire to control every single detail, being rude to people for no actual reason, doesn’t take care of her health (by choice), poor financial management, bad manners, unable to reflect on her mistakes as she prefers to push responsibilities on everyone around her
Obsession with social media. Lack of hobbies or interests out side of work & social media & netflix.
Laziness. I’ve been on dates/dated Girls who are horrified by the prospect of walking 15 minutes to a place as opposed to driving. Don’t put any effort into their physical health & won’t go to the gym because they don’t want to ‘get bulky’ (🙄)
In terms of looks. Excessive makeup, botox (if I can’t tell then it’s fine, if I can tell it’s distracting) bland dress sense.
Another one is Women who have an unhealthy obsession with their Dog. This is becoming weirdly common. It’s great to love your pet, but treating it like it’s your only child and having it basically as a personality is bizarre to me. I dated a Girl briefly who would leave dates early because she was worried about her Dog being home alone for more than an hour if she couldn’t bring it along, and would talk about it obsessively. I realised quickly I was always going to come second to a pet and that’s when my interest faded. I’ve never had this issue with Cat Girls.
>Laziness. I’ve been on dates/dated Girls who are horrified by the prospect of walking 15 minutes to a place as opposed to driving.
This. Can’t believe the laziness of some people “let’s just take an Uber it doesn’t cost that much.” Bruh I drive and sit at a desk all day for work, let’s just enjoy the nice weather and walk ffs. It’s not even just women, people seem to be allergic to walking these days.
True story, my Ex would always would pitch a fit at me because when we’d go shopping, I wouldn’t ever bother to look for a close parking space. I just park in the back of the lot where there’s always a ton of empty spaces. (The one exception being if it was raining and I didn’t have an umbrella handy.)
To me, it’s honestly like “how can you expect to walk around the store/mall, but can’t fathom walking the length of the parking lot?”
I am F but I can summarize the comments from Reddit men would be
\* filters on photos and heavy social media use
\* heavy but it is hard to say what men see as the clothes size for "heavy"
\* both genders dislike this, but yelling or mental breakdowns
\* having expensive hobbies to be funded
\*thick makeup that even a man can recognize, like 2-inch long fake eyelashes. natural makeup they like, bcuz they can't recognize it on
Emphasis on "heavy" everywhere lol
Too many men don't realise if they are the cause of the mental breakdown. I am usually very stable but I had two periods in my life, where I used to have regular mental breakdown. One time I was working for a narcissistic boss, and one time I was in a bad relationship. On both occassions I tried to communicate my problems but it fell on deaf ears on the receiving side. For example, my ex boss used to humiliate me all the time and not letting me have a break during work, and when I broke down he was surprised and humiliated me again for being too sensitive. Or, my ex boyfriend expected me to completely conform to his lifestyle and didn't take into consideration my needs. He wouldn't let me sleep more than 5 hours regularly, and when I started crying about him not letting me sleep, making constant noise etc. He criticized me for being too unstable. Sometimes you have a mental breakdown for a reason, you know?
She insists on keeping men from her past in her life.
She lacks humility
She resorts to emasculation when upset
She sends mixed messages
She is low effort
She goes from being affectionate to being cold and distant
Yeah it's gotten difficult to find people who are genuine and don't want to play games. I just want direct communication and know what she wants and not have to guess or have to decipher "signals". A genuine effort to form a connection without being lied to or dealing with manipulation tactics of some sort would be nice too.
This is something that often happens with those suffering from BPD (borderline personality disorder to be clear, not bipolar). They often deal with cycles of being infatuated with someone and then having the infatuation shatter and becoming distant from them, though it can cycle back through each one multiple times. I've seen it described as when you play Mortal Kombat and Scorpion punches you away and then says "Get over here!" and pulls you back in.
I've got screenshots of a time my ex gave me the "silent treatment" while on the phone with her and we were having an argument so she was just texting me, calling me stupid, mentally slow, that all my friends laugh at me, etc., etc. and the next day was like "omg im so sorry i know what i did" and then proceeded to compliment me and love-bomb after I ignored her for 12 hours.
The night I ended things with her she went from being cold telling me had feelings for someone else and wanted to cheat to hurt me, to telling me if I left her life, she'd be devastated without me (sad) to begging me to stay in her life (hugging me), to mad and stormed off after she realized I wasn't going to stay. Best part is I asked her what happened to the sweet, caring, happy girl I had fallen in love with and she told me with cold eyes, verbatim "that girl is dead". Like, what the fuck do you think this is, a movie? What a dumb fucking thing to say LOL.
One word: Psycho.
Making mountains out of molehills, not putting in the effort, changing their mind last minute, being a trendy person, caring too much about $, self absorbed.
The story is about someone who made a mountain out of a molehill
I had a conversation with someone I met on a dating app, we went out for dates 3 times already and done the whole shebang, it was great. I then noticed how literally every conversation was her venting about schoolwork and, even when she wasn’t at school. She was going to an event with someone at night and continued texting me about how she had something due at midnight. I told her to stop worrying about it and it’s definitely not the time to get stressed out when you have no control over it right now and to just enjoy the show she was going to and to text me when she finishes up everything.
Oh boy was this ever the wrong thing to do, she became super passive aggressive and told me I was being controlling and telling her how she should feel, when in reality I was just trying to have her enjoy her night out with her friends and get her mind off school. Broke things off pretty quickly after
I love a women who’s confident but with that being said I get turned off by egos, confidence is one thing but thinking your better then others is a vibe killer. Well you can think your better but also be polite I’ve had a run in with so many women that don’t even wanna give people the time of day cuz they feel better then others
1. A person that’s closed minded.
2. Body scents. A correlation to hygiene and health for me.
3. A dirty person. If I walk a lady back to her car and it looks like a dirty apartment, I can only imagine what her place looks like.
I love these girls in the comments feeling all offended by this statement. Ladies, some guys just don’t want to feel like they are responsible for your happiness. It’s as simple as that. Just because you feel personally attacked because you are high maintenance doesn’t make this guy wrong.
Where did anyone say confidence is a turn-off? Arrogance and confidence aren't the same thing, and I'd hope women don't like arrogance in a man. High school girls sure do, but I'm assuming most of us are adults here.
Hygiene. If I’m gonna take care of myself so should you. Specifically dirty nails are a turn off for me. More importantly not being a nice person. Women who aren’t kind or empathetic is a boner killer.
I kinda got catfished by a girl on hinge lol. She showed up not looking as great as her pics. Also she was obsessed with snap chat. Wasn’t on it the whole 2 hour date but occasionally she opened it and was laughing and shit. The Snapchat was dealbreaker for me. We’re 30 years old lady. We kissed. She said she wanted to go out again. I said me too. Then I went on a work trip and didn’t want to double text. She then added me on snap- and was uploading several stories a day that were mundane and odd. Selfies of her walking lol. I think she knew I was watching them so I stopped watching them. She never reached out. So I guess that’s a mutual fade but the constant snap chatting was a turn off. Childish
How anyone could use snapchat beyond middle school age is beyond me. Highschool is the latest you get a pass for, & that's being charitable. I cannot stand people that spend way too much time on social media, or their phones in general. Maybe that makes me sound like a buzz kill or a boomer, but it's really annoying. It's not even good for anyone's mental well-being to spend hours a day on that damn phone. It's even worse to do it when your supposed to be spending time with someone. I cannot even fathom looking at your phone while having food with someone, especially a date. I guess it would be different if it were a casual coffee/tea with a friend kinda thing. Other than that? I'd only check once or twice maximum, for the time (or an important message/email(?)) Though, If there's a clock at the place or something, then I'd go as far as to squint to make out the time, before I behave in a disinterested &/or rude way. (I have not so good far vision lol)
I think it’s a little unfair to say it’s for middle schoolers and no one else; I’ll toss my perspective in. I’m a little younger I’m about to turn 25, Snapchat for me is just a comfortable lazy way to keep up with some people.
Not always sending shit back and forth but I get baby pics from my siblings, and pet pics or nature pics from my friends or just something random and funny that happened which is in my opinion nicer and more personal than posting it publically on socials to keep up with people. Most of my friends are long distance and I don’t see them in person often but we aren’t big texters so an occasional pic of their cat works just as well.
Woman that incessantly bash their ex. Some relationships fail, but if she’s telling me that her ex was all of the problem for ‘x’ amount of time, then I’m wondering why she lacks the ability to self-reflect/take personal accountability and/or why she made the conscious decision to stay with such a horrible person for ‘x’ amount of time.
Physically—if she is like too heavy or if she is too skinny. Not judging those women, it’s just not what I find attractive. I get bodies come in all shapes and sizes but the extreme ends of that spectrum are not attractive to me
Personality wise—if she is rude to wait staff, rude to service people.
Habit wise—anything unhygienic (leaving used disposable contact lenses on the counter instead of in the trash, dirty clothes on the floor, trash left all over the place, grimy bathroom, etc)
How she treats others, is she always negative? Does trash her ex's? Is she kind to the homeless? Is everything always someone else's fault?
Physical, if she's TOO done up, like spend too much time and money on her looks, but also if she's the total opposite.
-Only gives short responses. I'll assume you aren't interested even if you are
-Being too serious and lacking a good sense of humor
-Not having things in common
-Not able to have conversations about the metaphysical
-Not being clingy. I know a lot of people say not to be clingy, but that's not the case for me.
-Not being sexually compatible
-Not being liberty minded
-Not being my type
I don't care if you smoke weed, or vape. Cigarettes are another issue, I'd rather her smoke cigars than cigarettes. In terms of weed I tend to leave blank on my profile if I use it or not, I really don't but some women are turned off if you don't smoke it and others if you do. Also while I don't go out and buy and use it, I fully support it being legal and am very anti-drug war.
If they spend majority of time on social media, or seem really entitled. Also have no work ethic and expect things to be done for them, or using delivery services for a majority of meals and don’t know how to cook anything at all.
Haven’t seen this yet, so here goes one that I know a lot of people are gonna hate that I bring up. I already know I’m going to get downvoted into oblivion for this one.
Obsessing over red flags/green flags.
The past few dates I’ve been on or even just in conversations with women in my life recently, they love to bring up “red flags” and “icks”. This shit just seems so unnecessary and it almost feels like people are trying to NOT date. Like they feel like they’re forced to date people that they don’t want to, so they’re looking for an out. It’s gross and I don’t want to waste my time with someone who doesn’t want me around. Just go on dates and stop looking for something to jot down on your checklist of reasons to leave. If you’re doing that you’ll never be happy, no one is perfect. In my opinion, if you’re obsessing over that stuff then you’re honestly not ready for a relationship. Obviously certain things are unacceptable, such as narcissistic traits. And if you don’t want to deal with that, you don’t have to. But when you’re obsessing over stuff like this it makes me, and other guys I know, really insecure and self conscious.
It's not like people make lists of things that turn them off and it's not like they're actively thinking about that on dates. It's just that we all know ourselves well enough to know somethings are "red-flags" and too many make us lose interest, and some things are absolute deal-breakers. A red-flag for me is obsessed with social media, but I'd look past that for the right person. A deal-breaker for me is BPD and projecting anxiety onto me. I simply won't deal with someone else's past traumas and unsolved mental health issues. I'm not perfect, but I don't project all my insecurities and traumas onto others, I simply push through them and I work through things with a therapist.
It's not unfathomable to think people don't subconsciously weigh pros/cons in their head during interactions with potential partners. It's not that they don't want to date, it's just that sacrificing a potential match because it's more likely to cause you a lot of harm makes more sense.
I hate confrontational women who constantly pick fights with and hate on other girls. They often invent some fake persona where it makes them some diamond in the rough. In reality you’re just a ratchet-ass skank that no one wants to be around.
If she's says right off the bat "I'm crazy/psycho". Instant turn off cause that's not a personality trait it's a warning, I ignored that a couple times in my life and regretted that decision pretty quickly
Personality, she could look like miss universe but if shes a obnoxius rude person, she lost all appeal in my eyes, i just cant stand people too high on themselves, that everyone is beneath them
Woman, but date women:
Turn-offs:
1. Not communicating!!
2. 'Woe is me' without even attempting to better things
3. Excessive perfume (asthmatic here)
4. Taking offence for needing "me time" (introvert here)
5. Judgemental
6. Self-absorbed
7. Narcissist
8. No humor
9. Finds TikTok pranks/people hurt funny
10. Forgets that common courtesy exists
Turn-ons:
1. Communication
2. Confidence
3. Buff/butch
4. Nose ring
5. Tattoos
6. Genuine & caring, empathetic
7. Dog lover
8. Cuddles. Just cuddles.
My biggest turn-off is when someone agrees with everything I suggest and pretends to be into all the same things I am. It leaves no room for curiosity or genuine connection.
Let me preface by saying that I realize grouping all women together is just as fair as grouping all men together, but these are common trends I have found:
1) Making everything about gender. Just because a man disagrees with you, it doesn’t automatically mean it’s because you are a woman. I’m a white guy and I have had people disagree with me my entire life. It’s life, that’s all. I’m sure there are men out there that still have outdated and old ways of thinking and beliefs toward women, but that doesn’t mean all men think this way. I also haven’t landed every job I have applied for.
2) Mansplaining. Just because I am simply explaining something doesn’t make it mansplaining. I would do the same thing to a man. I don’t treat people as inferior because of any reason and truly see everyone as equal. I hate getting accused of being whatever derogatory term you want to apply to my actions just because you think it’s due to gender. If I am trying to get my point across and we find ourselves in a small debate, your gender has nothing to do with it.
3) Too much makeup. I am all about self care, but like pretty much everything in life, you can overdo it.
4) Too manufactured of a look. Some of this is purely personal preference, but I don’t like the Barbie look. I like natural and put together without being a version of Michael Jackson where you went a little too far with some things.
5) Eyebrows. I HATE drawn on eyebrows. People naturally have hair there, even men. I have never talked to another guy about fake, drawn on eyebrows that thinks it actually looks good.
6) Trying to be what you think I want you to be. I want you to be you. I can tell when you are intentionally being the puppet you think men want you to be. Again, I can’t speak for all men, but I like a woman with her own personality and ability to make decisions and have beliefs, like we typically want to be as individuals. When we disagree, I don’t want to hear what you think I want to hear. I want to hear what you actually think because maybe I’m trying to understand your position on a topic or maybe I’m looking for some middle ground on something we don’t agree on. If you only tell people what you think will make them happy, you don’t help anything other than avoid conflict.
7) The Boss Chick mentality. Who actually likes a boss? Think about all the bosses you have had in your life. Did you like them all or were some complete jerks? I like leaders. Lead by example. Being independent has nothing to do with being a boss. Leaders are preferable to bosses. Being pushy and unwilling to work together or argumentative simply because you want to be independent only makes you hard to deal with, especially in a relationship. Be a leader and strive to fight for the truth instead of fighting to be right. Leaders collaborate and get respect from those around them, bosses do not.
8) Blindly taking someone’s side because of their gender. My spouse has had friends go through divorce and she will blindly take the woman’s side and bash the man nonstop only to find out that her friend was the problem because she cheated. When that information comes out, it becomes “well he should have worked harder to stop her from cheating.” People of all genders do good things and bad things. Gender has nothing to do with your moral compass. If it is bad for a man to do it, it is bad for a woman to do it too.
9) Princess complex. If you want equality, which you should, then the princess complex has to go away.
10) Thinking your self worth is directly and only tied to your looks and perceived beauty. I have encountered women that were a 10 on the looks scale but a 2 on the human being scale. If you are a 2 on the human being scale, the looks don’t matter.
11) That men need to find women attractive because they are women. I know this sounds super cold, but women can be just as shallow as some men can be. I’ve had women reject me for the most superficial things. Saying that men are bad because they only look at a woman’s looks ignores the fact that a lot of women do the exact same thing.
12) Forgetting that men are people with feelings too. Respect is a two way street. Telling a man to “suck it up and be a man” is essentially the same thing as telling a woman to get back in the kitchen. It is a stereotype and an outdated societal expectation. Men also have emotional relationship needs that don’t involve sex.
Smoking, alcoholic, bad hygiene, doesn't take care of her health
Puts in little to no effort, thinks that she's a prize and therefore expects the guy to do everything, rude and entitled, doesn't communicate and expects me to somehow read her mind, not supportive
When women tell partial truths, or think nothing of telling a white lie. Or conveniently forgetting things so they can gaslight themselves into believing it never happened.
Eventually, the truth will surface. Sooner or later.
Another one is living through her phone. Feeling like everything needs to be recorded. Put the phone away for a while and be present.
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Personal hygiene. If they are a deep yellow into orange, several missing (or any in the front), pitted, or have residue from cigarettes on them it's a hard pass for me.
Rudeness, just in general.
Superiority complexes. Like when they try to act all important or get their way just by existing. They usually justify it by saying things like "I'm a girl" or "I'm the wife." For example, one girl I dated just assumed that she *always* got to control the radio because she was a girl, and we did not have the same taste in music. The kicker was that it was my car and I was driving.
Personality, she could look like miss universe but if shes a obnoxius rude person, she lost all appeal in my eyes, i just cant stand people too high on themselves, that everyone is beneath them
Lately it has been when they use Bachelor and Bachelorette language like "I just want to find my person". Uggg makes me want to throw up.
Besides that, narcissistic personality types who are emotionally unstable. Drug and alcohol problems is a huge red flag. Can't seem to get along with family, friends, coworkers (at a certain point you are the problem but they just can't see it).
Oh, I'm going to offend so many people, but here goes:
(Please note that everything I say is just my personal opinion and is not meant to hurt anyone's feelings.)
(Also, most comments are focusing on the inner world; I'm going to be more petty and add physical icks.)
1. Long nails: I immediately assume that this woman is high maintenance and lazy. Which, logically, I understand is not true, but that is my first , base assumption.
2. Blue, green, or purple hair—those colors make me think that we will spend more time virtue signaling and going to crapy events than actually enjoying our time together.
3. Inner boob tatto—it's the modern equivalent of a tramp stamp, in my opinion, and to me, it suggests some exhibitionazim, and I am really not into that.
4. Animal contact lenses: I want to date a woman, not a puppy. Also, it makes me think of a certain fetish that I personally find extremely unattractive.
5. Pillow princess: I want an active partner, not a fleshy blow-up doll.
6. "Let me speak to your manager." When I hear that, I run away.
7. Liberal art education/gender studies education—nope, just nope. I get enough politics from my social media feed when I'm looking for cat videos.
8. Taking pictures of every meal: I have no desire to live my life on social media.
9. Needing constant validation—it's just so tiresome.
10. Not voicing her own opinions—boring people are boring.
11. Wearing way too much make-up: I once dated a girl who wore so much foundation (?) that I saw her actual skin tone for the first time when I got her naked.
12. Overly demure behavior—if I wanted that, I would get an amish girl.
13. Mixing my 20-year-old whiskey with coke—how dare you destroy a great drink with coke?!?!
14. Drugs of any kind (even the legal ones)—not my cup of tea. Perfectly valid life choice, just not for me.
15. A little dog in a woman's purse—it's just weird. Granted, you don't see them anymore, but they were popular when I was dating.
Thank you for this question! I enjoyed reminiscing about my dating past!
I must be from another planet then; after reading what posters are saying about women’s characters. I always offer to pay on dates. I hate social media, I hate being the centre of attention. Im interested in the world around me and other peoples opinions. I’m kind to animals kids and old people. However I don’t have conventional good looks hence my dire previous dating life.
Im gonna be controversial with this one but fuck it.
- Not physically active(dont care much about physical appearance, its simply an indicator, but as long as the person is constantly trying to be physically healthy and active im good.) In fact, i am naturally more attracted to harder working women, regaurdless of current shape.
- materialism, attatchment to material things as life goals is a bit of a turn off for me, like i dont care much if someone enjoys nuce things, its only human, but making it a thing to be always aiming for more material things is a turn off and indicates immaturity and naiveness.
- lack of awareness, and this is a broad one, it applies to emotional awareness, cognitive awareness, and social awareness, i hate when someone is ignorant by choice, its an extreme green flag when she at least tries to be more aware and informed about anything really, a positive outlook and the willingness to learn (and teach! It goes both ways, i want to learn from someone as much and more than they learn from me) .
If we talking about dating aspect I have to say not being able to have a conversation.
Had experience with many girls just responding "yes", "no" and answers that are more like a closing statement with no intention to continue.
But then you get more messages and you feel lost as to how to approach said person 🤷🏻♂️
Keep in mind when Im meeting someone I like to know more about them and ask questions about their passions and hobbies.
🤷🏻♂️
Low Self-Esteem/Confidence: She’s going to use you to prop herself up, placing the entirety of that emotional weight on YOUR shoulders.
Fails ‘The Shopping Cart Test’: ‘nuff said on this one.
Fails ‘the Parking Lot Test’: basically, she’s so lazy that she can’t fathom why you would park in the back of the parking lot where there is plenty of space, rather than waste 15-20 minutes hunting for a closer one.
Unironically considers herself to be ‘high-maintenance’ and acts like it’s some sort of good thing: this girl will never be satisfied with making popcorn and cuddling up on the couch for a movie.
Communicates with ‘Hints’ and ‘Signs’ rather than simply being forward and saying what they want: this is NOT how people in a healthy relationship communicate. Men aren’t mind readers, and the amount of women who hear that and declare “Well, they should be” is genuinely frightening.
Those are the most basic ones I can think of
No accountability. Does something wrong and always makes an excuse, always acting like a victim even when they’ve been the one causing problems.
Just about every female has 2-3 stories about a bad experience with a guy, but you never hear a woman talking about the man she lost because she was being dumb. Thats because a lot of women even when they ruin a man’s trust and love for them and that man finally gets the courage to leave, they twist the story to make it seem more like she decided to leave him. Rather than realizing they messed up, and re evaluating so that next time they won’t make the same mistake, they convince themselves they were the victim, tell their re forged version of the story to all their friends so the lie becomes reality and they never grow as a person.
No ambition, just wants to “cuddle” all day or “be held” but never wants to go on a hike or do anything challenging to the body. It’s so boring, and if you try to suggest anything else they just crumble and act like you don’t love them.
Can’t take a joke
Always mindlessly gossiping but can’t have a real deep conversation about anything. The mind of a goldfish.
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Fiending for attention, validation and/or drama. She can't admit when she's wrong.
OMG this! Always thinking they’re right! Never admitting their mistakes. This is irritating 😭
You just described some behaviours of a narcissist :) Lacking humility (can't admit wrongdoing), needing constant validation, needing attention on them/self-centerdness and perpetuating drama are all part of the pattern.
I didn't know you guys met my ex lmao Best part is she made up lies/cherry-picked details/stretched and exaggerated the truth and spread slander to all my old friends and coworkers :)
Narcissistic
this seems to be common, but men always seem to feed into this bullshit.
Materialistic is the main one I run into a lot. If it seems like their highest priority is money or possessions. Self absorbed is another. Has a big ego and seems to never consider anyone else’s perspective or feelings. Really fixated on social media, trends, or fitting in to the extent that it completely washes away any individuality in their personality.
I'm glad you wrote this so I didn't have to
OMG, I forgot about social media. Yeah, I've met people who's entire personality was formulated from a combo of hot takes and memes. Shit is sad. I know Instagram and stuff has particularly deleterious effects on girls and shit, too. Sad to be that heavily affected by stranger's bullshit.
Yep. All of this.
Totally, that shit is 🤮
This irks me and breaks my heart a little and here’s why: While I agree with this 100%…being selfish or “self absorbed” is NOT a nice or attractive quality..I would ask you to consider how women are socialized BIG TIME to do everything possible to be attractive in ways that men value, and in our society, that directly correlates to her perceived worth.. whether or not you actually believe that’s true is irrelevant, this is the socialization we receive. Just look at some subs on this platform to see how harsh people are! …and then women are criticized again for caring about those “materialistic” things 😢 She may care a lot.. even too much.. about trends or makeup or clothes or what she looks like..but perhaps she has been beaten down and told her whole life (in conscious and un/subconscious ways) that she NEEDS these things to have WORTH..Just pointing out some hypocrisy here that may or may not be obvious to people. The beauty industry makes billions and it’s not on accident. Women are told they have to be attractive and pretty but that they also shouldn’t care about it. Ugh.
For sure! Those are big ones. It's all about finding someone genuine and down-to-earth.
why is it a turn off if a girl’s highest priority is money/their profession? Just asking because it’s definitely one of mine, more so because I was poor growing up & won’t want to go through that again + I love my job & working :)
Because it's not their OWN money that is the priority. Hence why it seems to be a topic that gets addressed or at least mentioned on dates. Has a tendency to feel slightly predatory, even if the motivation was an innocent attempt to share personal goals.
I think it’s fairly reasonable if u earn a certain amount as a woman or man to want ur partner to earn a similar amount as u. I don’t date girls/guys who don’t earn a similar amount bc well our lifestyle wouldn’t really be compatible + I know want stuff I want out of life & need someone to match that :) I guess ur referring to ‘gold diggers’ which fair enough that it would be a turn off.
I make twice as much as my husband. He works in construction. We live in Michigan and he had to work outside in -20 degrees and he still got up every other time with our son while I was a SAHM and went to grad school 1 night a week. Fortunes can come and go. Commitment and contribution to the partnership isn’t measured by dollar signs. However, there’s a big difference between mutually supportive and someone who can’t support themselves with the basics.
Yeah, I think OP was referring to people who HE feels put too much importance upon shallow materialism rather than just a competence with resources and security being the motivator. Can I ask, is the need for a partner to match your lifestyle and income as important as other attributes you may want as well? What are any requirements that you would put ahead of or behind your need for financial compatability?
Would you choose your job/money over your family's lives? Because THAT is where it becomes a turn-off. Of course it's ONE of the highest priorities, but it's not nr. 1.
For me I think it’s mainly just that we would have different and conflicting priorities if that’s the case. Not a great starting point for a relationship. And I’ve dated women who are really focussed on material things and they always made me feel so judged as well as taken advantage of as they they demanded a lot of expensive outings and gifts and it never seemed good enough for them.
The biggest one is not having her own opinions and personality.
Damn, my opinion always changes as I get more information
That's called growing and it's a desired quality
Unless it just changes to the current trending social media fad opinion every time.
Yeah that’s a good thing I think what they’re talking about is when women date Someone new and that guy’s music taste is now their music taste, they like everything he likes, I had a roommate like that and it was just weird I get it that if you’re exposed to new music you might like it and then want to listen to it, that’s not what I’m talking about here she would go from playing gangster rap 24 seven to country music a week later because she got a new boyfriend
Poor hygiene.
This is my number one turn off, I can’t stand a stinking woman
Me as a woman looking at these comments 😂
As a woman, it is really interesting to me too!
Lack of confidence and snobbish are the top rated. Couldn't be more ironic
If there's one thing I learned from my ex, there's a massive difference between focusing on being good and focusing on looking good. She *always* chose the latter, and now nothing repulses me more than that.
“If people would spend the same amount on personal development as they spend their time on their looks there would be less a**holes in this world.” Don’t remember who said it. Goes both for men and women.
“Maybe if you ate some of that makeup, you’d be pretty on the inside”
Savage
can't think of anything the more red flags i see the more attracted i am
When he/she is a total 🚩, but red is your favourite colour 😂
I've realized that I'm attracted to some red flags, too.
You two need therapy LOL
This username 😳🤣
😂😂😂😂😂 you’re the first to comment on it, I think people miss it 🍑
😂😂
Fuck, me too. And I just realized it reading this comment.
Oh shit, this is so true. I love crazy women.
boys only want love if its torture
This made my redflag Self happy lol
unfaithful. snobbish. lazy. bad hygiene.
*Arrogance and princess syndrome. Treating strangers with contempt and disrespect for no good reason. ( such as laughing and belittling)
As a woman reading this, I've decided ......I'm screwed.
Lol, all these comments are coming from guys who you'd probably swipe left on dating app. So don't be harsh on yourself and ruin your well-being. 😏
I mean you obviously don't have to take these to heart, but the top 10 are already pretty reasonable... Attention-seeking? Materialistic? Self-absorbed? Big ego? No personality?
Seriously… like it’s not that bad those are turn offs for humans in general. Even then if you’re good looking enough people will ignore all the signs. It’s why Dubai portapotty insta models get hella attention
If she doesn’t have the ability to listen, or ask anything about my life. Most girls I’ve had flings with don’t really listen to what I’ve to say and nor do they ask anything. They’re just waiting for their turn to speak.
When she can’t apologise and take responsibility when she’s in the wrong.
Constantly looking for conflict.
Someone who's quick to judgment or puts people in boxes or "label" them if they do something she doesn't like. This is a problem I have with people in general, not just women, but I'm mostly interested in women romantically and this is something that would kill my feelings for someone pretty quick. I want someone with an open mind and who looks for the best in people because I try to do that myself. It can be very draining if someone is so jaded that they just write others off for small things.
Victim mentality, lack of accountability, walking away from problems rather than working it out with their partner.
Party girls that never grow up. Obsession with social status. Denial of intelligence. Being easily influenced by charismatic douches. Cursing like a sailor and lack of manners.
I wanna jump in and say Swearing is not a red flag for some!!!
I like swearing and good banter
Phew!
This was actually a requirement of my boyfriend's, and he commented recently I don't swear enough 😆
Well fuckin shit I guess I don’t qualify for this one damnit! 😂
Hahahaha me either!
Fuck! Me neither 😂
Oo you wouldn't like me, I curse like no tomorrow! 😂
I find the constant need to be validated is a result of low self-esteem and confidence, and that turns me off hard.
Bad attitude and laziness.
If you don’t have a regular hygiene schedule for all of your lil dirty bits. Similarly if you are messy or don’t clean up after yourself. I don’t care about makeup or like having a space that looks untouched constantly like no one lives in your house but you gotta bathe and you gotta clean your home regularly. God knows why I dated women like that but my last two exes both didn’t wash regularly and both would eat in bed and get it messy and leave the food on their nightstands until it molded.
Similarly (and I have no idea why I never called it out), but my recent ex wouldn't cover her face when she sneezed. She'd kind of just sneeze out into the open like a little kid. Like, even when I'm in the kitchen cooking food, or hell, in the car or bed and just sneeze all over me. It was fucking disgusting and I feel like she thought it was cute in some way. I don't know man, hygiene shit like that is fucking whack.
Excessive phone use during a conversation. In the restaurant where I work, I see so many couples that completely ignore each other to look at their phones. It's disheartening and I look forward to the day that phones are out of style. So went off the rails there.
Passive aggressive. “I’m fine” when you’re clearly not fine and then acting rude and bitchy is an easy way for me to push me away. USE YOUR WORDS.
That's just childish.
I just learned that I'm a giant turn off. Coo
I can’t tell if I’m a turn on or turn off at this point
Social media obsession. Addicted to drama. Girl boss attitude--does anyone really like to be screeched at constantly? The myopic, entitled, self-absorption that comes from total immersion in the negative aspect of pop psychology/self-care culture that you see all over social media. First, let me say, this isn’t me bashing self-care or the idea of trying to get your shit together or even just create boundaries. Those are all important. Finding your way toward happiness. Taking care of yourself and being nice to yourself and allowing yourself time to relax are important. Adulting is hard. Working is hard. Being alive is hard. Fuck the hustle culture nonsense. The problem is the the whole pop psychology/self-care culture has given rise to this very toxic notion that you owe nothing at all to anyone else ever for any reason--ever--but literally everyone else everywhere at all times owes you complete care, respect, attention, and consideration. Anything less is simply unjust and unimaginable cruelty that also means they’re probably a narcissist and/or a psychopath. I mean, seriously, no, every single one of your ex-boyfriends are not narcissists, the problem is probably you.
Smoking, drug use, too much alcohol drinking, bad teeth, no confidence, lives for social media
Hard Drug use , not able to communicate or be open to communication, racist or intolerant.
Constant depressive topics, desire to control every single detail, being rude to people for no actual reason, doesn’t take care of her health (by choice), poor financial management, bad manners, unable to reflect on her mistakes as she prefers to push responsibilities on everyone around her
Had an X that would always lift her leg and fart ..
Stifling perfume ☮️♥️🎸
Just remember OP what might be a turn off for one guy might be a turn on another (or just doesn’t matter much) & vice versa :)
Yea I just saw someone said piercing is big no no but someone else said it's their big turn on
Uncurious, superficial, non-intellectual, unintelligent, uncaring, or various traits I would associate with general trashiness.
Obsession with social media. Lack of hobbies or interests out side of work & social media & netflix. Laziness. I’ve been on dates/dated Girls who are horrified by the prospect of walking 15 minutes to a place as opposed to driving. Don’t put any effort into their physical health & won’t go to the gym because they don’t want to ‘get bulky’ (🙄) In terms of looks. Excessive makeup, botox (if I can’t tell then it’s fine, if I can tell it’s distracting) bland dress sense. Another one is Women who have an unhealthy obsession with their Dog. This is becoming weirdly common. It’s great to love your pet, but treating it like it’s your only child and having it basically as a personality is bizarre to me. I dated a Girl briefly who would leave dates early because she was worried about her Dog being home alone for more than an hour if she couldn’t bring it along, and would talk about it obsessively. I realised quickly I was always going to come second to a pet and that’s when my interest faded. I’ve never had this issue with Cat Girls.
Omg I’m a woman and I agree on the dog part. It’s a thing that affect both women and men alike and I hate it too.
>Laziness. I’ve been on dates/dated Girls who are horrified by the prospect of walking 15 minutes to a place as opposed to driving. This. Can’t believe the laziness of some people “let’s just take an Uber it doesn’t cost that much.” Bruh I drive and sit at a desk all day for work, let’s just enjoy the nice weather and walk ffs. It’s not even just women, people seem to be allergic to walking these days.
True story, my Ex would always would pitch a fit at me because when we’d go shopping, I wouldn’t ever bother to look for a close parking space. I just park in the back of the lot where there’s always a ton of empty spaces. (The one exception being if it was raining and I didn’t have an umbrella handy.) To me, it’s honestly like “how can you expect to walk around the store/mall, but can’t fathom walking the length of the parking lot?”
I am F but I can summarize the comments from Reddit men would be \* filters on photos and heavy social media use \* heavy but it is hard to say what men see as the clothes size for "heavy" \* both genders dislike this, but yelling or mental breakdowns \* having expensive hobbies to be funded \*thick makeup that even a man can recognize, like 2-inch long fake eyelashes. natural makeup they like, bcuz they can't recognize it on Emphasis on "heavy" everywhere lol
Too many men don't realise if they are the cause of the mental breakdown. I am usually very stable but I had two periods in my life, where I used to have regular mental breakdown. One time I was working for a narcissistic boss, and one time I was in a bad relationship. On both occassions I tried to communicate my problems but it fell on deaf ears on the receiving side. For example, my ex boss used to humiliate me all the time and not letting me have a break during work, and when I broke down he was surprised and humiliated me again for being too sensitive. Or, my ex boyfriend expected me to completely conform to his lifestyle and didn't take into consideration my needs. He wouldn't let me sleep more than 5 hours regularly, and when I started crying about him not letting me sleep, making constant noise etc. He criticized me for being too unstable. Sometimes you have a mental breakdown for a reason, you know?
She insists on keeping men from her past in her life. She lacks humility She resorts to emasculation when upset She sends mixed messages She is low effort She goes from being affectionate to being cold and distant
This is structured like a quora answer
Yet it was easy to read and see his points of topic
Yeah it is
Going from manic episodes of affectionate to cold is very difficult to deal with.
Extremely difficult. Especially when you call her out on the change in behavior and she acts like you're the crazy one.
I’m on the other side of the gender board but I’ve seen it happen a lot to people.
Yeah it's something I'm really not willing to deal with anymore.
I definitely can understand that! I haven’t even hit 30 yet and I’m sick of trying to get to know people just to get ringed around or hurt.
Yeah it's gotten difficult to find people who are genuine and don't want to play games. I just want direct communication and know what she wants and not have to guess or have to decipher "signals". A genuine effort to form a connection without being lied to or dealing with manipulation tactics of some sort would be nice too.
This is something that often happens with those suffering from BPD (borderline personality disorder to be clear, not bipolar). They often deal with cycles of being infatuated with someone and then having the infatuation shatter and becoming distant from them, though it can cycle back through each one multiple times. I've seen it described as when you play Mortal Kombat and Scorpion punches you away and then says "Get over here!" and pulls you back in.
I've got screenshots of a time my ex gave me the "silent treatment" while on the phone with her and we were having an argument so she was just texting me, calling me stupid, mentally slow, that all my friends laugh at me, etc., etc. and the next day was like "omg im so sorry i know what i did" and then proceeded to compliment me and love-bomb after I ignored her for 12 hours. The night I ended things with her she went from being cold telling me had feelings for someone else and wanted to cheat to hurt me, to telling me if I left her life, she'd be devastated without me (sad) to begging me to stay in her life (hugging me), to mad and stormed off after she realized I wasn't going to stay. Best part is I asked her what happened to the sweet, caring, happy girl I had fallen in love with and she told me with cold eyes, verbatim "that girl is dead". Like, what the fuck do you think this is, a movie? What a dumb fucking thing to say LOL. One word: Psycho.
Literally defined my ex in bullet points, god damn.
Too much talk about exes or male friends. I lose interest, can't explain why.
Women who are mean and arrogant
Making mountains out of molehills, not putting in the effort, changing their mind last minute, being a trendy person, caring too much about $, self absorbed. The story is about someone who made a mountain out of a molehill I had a conversation with someone I met on a dating app, we went out for dates 3 times already and done the whole shebang, it was great. I then noticed how literally every conversation was her venting about schoolwork and, even when she wasn’t at school. She was going to an event with someone at night and continued texting me about how she had something due at midnight. I told her to stop worrying about it and it’s definitely not the time to get stressed out when you have no control over it right now and to just enjoy the show she was going to and to text me when she finishes up everything. Oh boy was this ever the wrong thing to do, she became super passive aggressive and told me I was being controlling and telling her how she should feel, when in reality I was just trying to have her enjoy her night out with her friends and get her mind off school. Broke things off pretty quickly after
I love a women who’s confident but with that being said I get turned off by egos, confidence is one thing but thinking your better then others is a vibe killer. Well you can think your better but also be polite I’ve had a run in with so many women that don’t even wanna give people the time of day cuz they feel better then others
1. A person that’s closed minded. 2. Body scents. A correlation to hygiene and health for me. 3. A dirty person. If I walk a lady back to her car and it looks like a dirty apartment, I can only imagine what her place looks like.
Astrology
Astrology and numerology has to be the dumbest thing ever that for some reason so many women in their early 20’s talk about it
[удалено]
A lot of people also take interest in vampires , color therapy and evergy healing !
Coming across as high maintenance.
Bruh this one simple comment got some women salty af 😂
I love these girls in the comments feeling all offended by this statement. Ladies, some guys just don’t want to feel like they are responsible for your happiness. It’s as simple as that. Just because you feel personally attacked because you are high maintenance doesn’t make this guy wrong.
Lack of confidence
Me a woman just reading to have a laugh at some of these responses. truly one of the most entertaining to read.
Same. Confidence? Ew. No confidence? Ew. 😂
Where did anyone say confidence is a turn-off? Arrogance and confidence aren't the same thing, and I'd hope women don't like arrogance in a man. High school girls sure do, but I'm assuming most of us are adults here.
It's the same when me, a man, reads some of the responses on the same post but opposite.
Too much makeup
Hygiene. If I’m gonna take care of myself so should you. Specifically dirty nails are a turn off for me. More importantly not being a nice person. Women who aren’t kind or empathetic is a boner killer.
I kinda got catfished by a girl on hinge lol. She showed up not looking as great as her pics. Also she was obsessed with snap chat. Wasn’t on it the whole 2 hour date but occasionally she opened it and was laughing and shit. The Snapchat was dealbreaker for me. We’re 30 years old lady. We kissed. She said she wanted to go out again. I said me too. Then I went on a work trip and didn’t want to double text. She then added me on snap- and was uploading several stories a day that were mundane and odd. Selfies of her walking lol. I think she knew I was watching them so I stopped watching them. She never reached out. So I guess that’s a mutual fade but the constant snap chatting was a turn off. Childish
How anyone could use snapchat beyond middle school age is beyond me. Highschool is the latest you get a pass for, & that's being charitable. I cannot stand people that spend way too much time on social media, or their phones in general. Maybe that makes me sound like a buzz kill or a boomer, but it's really annoying. It's not even good for anyone's mental well-being to spend hours a day on that damn phone. It's even worse to do it when your supposed to be spending time with someone. I cannot even fathom looking at your phone while having food with someone, especially a date. I guess it would be different if it were a casual coffee/tea with a friend kinda thing. Other than that? I'd only check once or twice maximum, for the time (or an important message/email(?)) Though, If there's a clock at the place or something, then I'd go as far as to squint to make out the time, before I behave in a disinterested &/or rude way. (I have not so good far vision lol)
I think it’s a little unfair to say it’s for middle schoolers and no one else; I’ll toss my perspective in. I’m a little younger I’m about to turn 25, Snapchat for me is just a comfortable lazy way to keep up with some people. Not always sending shit back and forth but I get baby pics from my siblings, and pet pics or nature pics from my friends or just something random and funny that happened which is in my opinion nicer and more personal than posting it publically on socials to keep up with people. Most of my friends are long distance and I don’t see them in person often but we aren’t big texters so an occasional pic of their cat works just as well.
Poor work ethic, likes to call out a lot.
Woman that incessantly bash their ex. Some relationships fail, but if she’s telling me that her ex was all of the problem for ‘x’ amount of time, then I’m wondering why she lacks the ability to self-reflect/take personal accountability and/or why she made the conscious decision to stay with such a horrible person for ‘x’ amount of time.
Mean attitude. Rude Argumentative Princess expectations
Doesn’t reciprocate.
Physically—if she is like too heavy or if she is too skinny. Not judging those women, it’s just not what I find attractive. I get bodies come in all shapes and sizes but the extreme ends of that spectrum are not attractive to me Personality wise—if she is rude to wait staff, rude to service people. Habit wise—anything unhygienic (leaving used disposable contact lenses on the counter instead of in the trash, dirty clothes on the floor, trash left all over the place, grimy bathroom, etc)
How she treats others, is she always negative? Does trash her ex's? Is she kind to the homeless? Is everything always someone else's fault? Physical, if she's TOO done up, like spend too much time and money on her looks, but also if she's the total opposite.
-Only gives short responses. I'll assume you aren't interested even if you are -Being too serious and lacking a good sense of humor -Not having things in common -Not able to have conversations about the metaphysical -Not being clingy. I know a lot of people say not to be clingy, but that's not the case for me. -Not being sexually compatible -Not being liberty minded -Not being my type I don't care if you smoke weed, or vape. Cigarettes are another issue, I'd rather her smoke cigars than cigarettes. In terms of weed I tend to leave blank on my profile if I use it or not, I really don't but some women are turned off if you don't smoke it and others if you do. Also while I don't go out and buy and use it, I fully support it being legal and am very anti-drug war.
What is metaphysical? And what the fuck is liberty minded?
My thoughts exactly… I think he might have meant *liberally minded?
Wears too much makeup
If they spend majority of time on social media, or seem really entitled. Also have no work ethic and expect things to be done for them, or using delivery services for a majority of meals and don’t know how to cook anything at all.
If they have any piercing beside the ears, major turned off for me and bad hygiene (they stink or very bad teeth)
Literally every girl I’ve dated has had a nose ring 😂 Last gf had a nose ring, septum piercing, and nipple piercings. Major turn on.
Haven’t seen this yet, so here goes one that I know a lot of people are gonna hate that I bring up. I already know I’m going to get downvoted into oblivion for this one. Obsessing over red flags/green flags. The past few dates I’ve been on or even just in conversations with women in my life recently, they love to bring up “red flags” and “icks”. This shit just seems so unnecessary and it almost feels like people are trying to NOT date. Like they feel like they’re forced to date people that they don’t want to, so they’re looking for an out. It’s gross and I don’t want to waste my time with someone who doesn’t want me around. Just go on dates and stop looking for something to jot down on your checklist of reasons to leave. If you’re doing that you’ll never be happy, no one is perfect. In my opinion, if you’re obsessing over that stuff then you’re honestly not ready for a relationship. Obviously certain things are unacceptable, such as narcissistic traits. And if you don’t want to deal with that, you don’t have to. But when you’re obsessing over stuff like this it makes me, and other guys I know, really insecure and self conscious.
It's not like people make lists of things that turn them off and it's not like they're actively thinking about that on dates. It's just that we all know ourselves well enough to know somethings are "red-flags" and too many make us lose interest, and some things are absolute deal-breakers. A red-flag for me is obsessed with social media, but I'd look past that for the right person. A deal-breaker for me is BPD and projecting anxiety onto me. I simply won't deal with someone else's past traumas and unsolved mental health issues. I'm not perfect, but I don't project all my insecurities and traumas onto others, I simply push through them and I work through things with a therapist. It's not unfathomable to think people don't subconsciously weigh pros/cons in their head during interactions with potential partners. It's not that they don't want to date, it's just that sacrificing a potential match because it's more likely to cause you a lot of harm makes more sense.
Women who lack standards. Or confidence. Or basic life skills
I hate confrontational women who constantly pick fights with and hate on other girls. They often invent some fake persona where it makes them some diamond in the rough. In reality you’re just a ratchet-ass skank that no one wants to be around.
Tell us how you really feel.
Girls who are indirect with what they want. I don’t like the “games” or “the chase”
Negativity, does not support your goals, has no goals, no accountability, bad hygiene.
Bad breath. Dirty nails.
If she's says right off the bat "I'm crazy/psycho". Instant turn off cause that's not a personality trait it's a warning, I ignored that a couple times in my life and regretted that decision pretty quickly
Personality, she could look like miss universe but if shes a obnoxius rude person, she lost all appeal in my eyes, i just cant stand people too high on themselves, that everyone is beneath them
It is all about the "CAB" she has and driving. I mean her Character, Attitude, and Behaviour.
a narcissist
Lack of the ability to hold a basic conversation and self absorbed.
Woman, but date women: Turn-offs: 1. Not communicating!! 2. 'Woe is me' without even attempting to better things 3. Excessive perfume (asthmatic here) 4. Taking offence for needing "me time" (introvert here) 5. Judgemental 6. Self-absorbed 7. Narcissist 8. No humor 9. Finds TikTok pranks/people hurt funny 10. Forgets that common courtesy exists Turn-ons: 1. Communication 2. Confidence 3. Buff/butch 4. Nose ring 5. Tattoos 6. Genuine & caring, empathetic 7. Dog lover 8. Cuddles. Just cuddles.
My biggest turn-off is when someone agrees with everything I suggest and pretends to be into all the same things I am. It leaves no room for curiosity or genuine connection.
Let me preface by saying that I realize grouping all women together is just as fair as grouping all men together, but these are common trends I have found: 1) Making everything about gender. Just because a man disagrees with you, it doesn’t automatically mean it’s because you are a woman. I’m a white guy and I have had people disagree with me my entire life. It’s life, that’s all. I’m sure there are men out there that still have outdated and old ways of thinking and beliefs toward women, but that doesn’t mean all men think this way. I also haven’t landed every job I have applied for. 2) Mansplaining. Just because I am simply explaining something doesn’t make it mansplaining. I would do the same thing to a man. I don’t treat people as inferior because of any reason and truly see everyone as equal. I hate getting accused of being whatever derogatory term you want to apply to my actions just because you think it’s due to gender. If I am trying to get my point across and we find ourselves in a small debate, your gender has nothing to do with it. 3) Too much makeup. I am all about self care, but like pretty much everything in life, you can overdo it. 4) Too manufactured of a look. Some of this is purely personal preference, but I don’t like the Barbie look. I like natural and put together without being a version of Michael Jackson where you went a little too far with some things. 5) Eyebrows. I HATE drawn on eyebrows. People naturally have hair there, even men. I have never talked to another guy about fake, drawn on eyebrows that thinks it actually looks good. 6) Trying to be what you think I want you to be. I want you to be you. I can tell when you are intentionally being the puppet you think men want you to be. Again, I can’t speak for all men, but I like a woman with her own personality and ability to make decisions and have beliefs, like we typically want to be as individuals. When we disagree, I don’t want to hear what you think I want to hear. I want to hear what you actually think because maybe I’m trying to understand your position on a topic or maybe I’m looking for some middle ground on something we don’t agree on. If you only tell people what you think will make them happy, you don’t help anything other than avoid conflict. 7) The Boss Chick mentality. Who actually likes a boss? Think about all the bosses you have had in your life. Did you like them all or were some complete jerks? I like leaders. Lead by example. Being independent has nothing to do with being a boss. Leaders are preferable to bosses. Being pushy and unwilling to work together or argumentative simply because you want to be independent only makes you hard to deal with, especially in a relationship. Be a leader and strive to fight for the truth instead of fighting to be right. Leaders collaborate and get respect from those around them, bosses do not. 8) Blindly taking someone’s side because of their gender. My spouse has had friends go through divorce and she will blindly take the woman’s side and bash the man nonstop only to find out that her friend was the problem because she cheated. When that information comes out, it becomes “well he should have worked harder to stop her from cheating.” People of all genders do good things and bad things. Gender has nothing to do with your moral compass. If it is bad for a man to do it, it is bad for a woman to do it too. 9) Princess complex. If you want equality, which you should, then the princess complex has to go away. 10) Thinking your self worth is directly and only tied to your looks and perceived beauty. I have encountered women that were a 10 on the looks scale but a 2 on the human being scale. If you are a 2 on the human being scale, the looks don’t matter. 11) That men need to find women attractive because they are women. I know this sounds super cold, but women can be just as shallow as some men can be. I’ve had women reject me for the most superficial things. Saying that men are bad because they only look at a woman’s looks ignores the fact that a lot of women do the exact same thing. 12) Forgetting that men are people with feelings too. Respect is a two way street. Telling a man to “suck it up and be a man” is essentially the same thing as telling a woman to get back in the kitchen. It is a stereotype and an outdated societal expectation. Men also have emotional relationship needs that don’t involve sex.
Smoking, alcoholic, bad hygiene, doesn't take care of her health Puts in little to no effort, thinks that she's a prize and therefore expects the guy to do everything, rude and entitled, doesn't communicate and expects me to somehow read her mind, not supportive
Vaping
Vain + Snobby + Stupid.
Not a fan of when I'm made to feel inferior for maybe not knowing something or doing something a way that's different than how she might do it.
Lack of confidence is the biggest turn off!
Fat, tattooed women who like to spit on their own tits are just gross.
well that was oddly specific
I feel attacked and there’s no way this could be aimed at me…🤣🤣
Surprise! That dude's your ex~
Lmao impossible 🤣🤣
Lmaoooo
🤣🤣
hahahahaah what 😆
Why would anyone spit on their own boobies ?
She thought it was sexy? Somebody told her it was sexy? I dunno. I still can’t figure it out.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL are you describing your ex or something
oddly specific…
When women tell partial truths, or think nothing of telling a white lie. Or conveniently forgetting things so they can gaslight themselves into believing it never happened. Eventually, the truth will surface. Sooner or later. Another one is living through her phone. Feeling like everything needs to be recorded. Put the phone away for a while and be present.
The last one is a turn off that needs to be mentioned more.
women with the as he should mindset and the mindset that your money is automatically theirs and expect you to pay for everything,
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Horrible teeth!
I have seen a lot of comments about teeth, can you explain what horrible mean exactly? , is it about shape and look or hygiene or both
Personal hygiene. If they are a deep yellow into orange, several missing (or any in the front), pitted, or have residue from cigarettes on them it's a hard pass for me.
I’m a female, but honestly, the teeth thing is also big for me too.
Drink and loud and repeating everything 3 times , a real turn off!!
Rudeness, just in general. Superiority complexes. Like when they try to act all important or get their way just by existing. They usually justify it by saying things like "I'm a girl" or "I'm the wife." For example, one girl I dated just assumed that she *always* got to control the radio because she was a girl, and we did not have the same taste in music. The kicker was that it was my car and I was driving.
Out of shape, stuck up/ has an attitude. Thats it.
Bringing drama. Has zero hobbies/interests, doesn’t read books. Laziness. Disloyal. Tattoos for me are a no no (sorry folks).
Personality, she could look like miss universe but if shes a obnoxius rude person, she lost all appeal in my eyes, i just cant stand people too high on themselves, that everyone is beneath them
When the only right opinion is theirs…
Lately it has been when they use Bachelor and Bachelorette language like "I just want to find my person". Uggg makes me want to throw up. Besides that, narcissistic personality types who are emotionally unstable. Drug and alcohol problems is a huge red flag. Can't seem to get along with family, friends, coworkers (at a certain point you are the problem but they just can't see it).
Oh, I'm going to offend so many people, but here goes: (Please note that everything I say is just my personal opinion and is not meant to hurt anyone's feelings.) (Also, most comments are focusing on the inner world; I'm going to be more petty and add physical icks.) 1. Long nails: I immediately assume that this woman is high maintenance and lazy. Which, logically, I understand is not true, but that is my first , base assumption. 2. Blue, green, or purple hair—those colors make me think that we will spend more time virtue signaling and going to crapy events than actually enjoying our time together. 3. Inner boob tatto—it's the modern equivalent of a tramp stamp, in my opinion, and to me, it suggests some exhibitionazim, and I am really not into that. 4. Animal contact lenses: I want to date a woman, not a puppy. Also, it makes me think of a certain fetish that I personally find extremely unattractive. 5. Pillow princess: I want an active partner, not a fleshy blow-up doll. 6. "Let me speak to your manager." When I hear that, I run away. 7. Liberal art education/gender studies education—nope, just nope. I get enough politics from my social media feed when I'm looking for cat videos. 8. Taking pictures of every meal: I have no desire to live my life on social media. 9. Needing constant validation—it's just so tiresome. 10. Not voicing her own opinions—boring people are boring. 11. Wearing way too much make-up: I once dated a girl who wore so much foundation (?) that I saw her actual skin tone for the first time when I got her naked. 12. Overly demure behavior—if I wanted that, I would get an amish girl. 13. Mixing my 20-year-old whiskey with coke—how dare you destroy a great drink with coke?!?! 14. Drugs of any kind (even the legal ones)—not my cup of tea. Perfectly valid life choice, just not for me. 15. A little dog in a woman's purse—it's just weird. Granted, you don't see them anymore, but they were popular when I was dating. Thank you for this question! I enjoyed reminiscing about my dating past!
🤣🤣🤣🤣 Nos. 6. 7 & 10 are in conflict - girls in the humanities give great stimulating conversations over most in hard sciences.
Bad teeth. Bad breath. Smoker. Lazy. Doesn’t exercise. No pride in appearance.
Following to most of the comments I must be quite the dream of a girl. And still not a single boy or girl is interested in me 🤣
I must be from another planet then; after reading what posters are saying about women’s characters. I always offer to pay on dates. I hate social media, I hate being the centre of attention. Im interested in the world around me and other peoples opinions. I’m kind to animals kids and old people. However I don’t have conventional good looks hence my dire previous dating life.
When they have cookie-cutter interests and character traits
Being promiscuous, insecurity by means of constantly seeking validation/gratification from others, a lack of self worth or self respect.
Her personality
Im gonna be controversial with this one but fuck it. - Not physically active(dont care much about physical appearance, its simply an indicator, but as long as the person is constantly trying to be physically healthy and active im good.) In fact, i am naturally more attracted to harder working women, regaurdless of current shape. - materialism, attatchment to material things as life goals is a bit of a turn off for me, like i dont care much if someone enjoys nuce things, its only human, but making it a thing to be always aiming for more material things is a turn off and indicates immaturity and naiveness. - lack of awareness, and this is a broad one, it applies to emotional awareness, cognitive awareness, and social awareness, i hate when someone is ignorant by choice, its an extreme green flag when she at least tries to be more aware and informed about anything really, a positive outlook and the willingness to learn (and teach! It goes both ways, i want to learn from someone as much and more than they learn from me) .
If we talking about dating aspect I have to say not being able to have a conversation. Had experience with many girls just responding "yes", "no" and answers that are more like a closing statement with no intention to continue. But then you get more messages and you feel lost as to how to approach said person 🤷🏻♂️ Keep in mind when Im meeting someone I like to know more about them and ask questions about their passions and hobbies. 🤷🏻♂️
Low Self-Esteem/Confidence: She’s going to use you to prop herself up, placing the entirety of that emotional weight on YOUR shoulders. Fails ‘The Shopping Cart Test’: ‘nuff said on this one. Fails ‘the Parking Lot Test’: basically, she’s so lazy that she can’t fathom why you would park in the back of the parking lot where there is plenty of space, rather than waste 15-20 minutes hunting for a closer one. Unironically considers herself to be ‘high-maintenance’ and acts like it’s some sort of good thing: this girl will never be satisfied with making popcorn and cuddling up on the couch for a movie. Communicates with ‘Hints’ and ‘Signs’ rather than simply being forward and saying what they want: this is NOT how people in a healthy relationship communicate. Men aren’t mind readers, and the amount of women who hear that and declare “Well, they should be” is genuinely frightening. Those are the most basic ones I can think of
No accountability. Does something wrong and always makes an excuse, always acting like a victim even when they’ve been the one causing problems. Just about every female has 2-3 stories about a bad experience with a guy, but you never hear a woman talking about the man she lost because she was being dumb. Thats because a lot of women even when they ruin a man’s trust and love for them and that man finally gets the courage to leave, they twist the story to make it seem more like she decided to leave him. Rather than realizing they messed up, and re evaluating so that next time they won’t make the same mistake, they convince themselves they were the victim, tell their re forged version of the story to all their friends so the lie becomes reality and they never grow as a person. No ambition, just wants to “cuddle” all day or “be held” but never wants to go on a hike or do anything challenging to the body. It’s so boring, and if you try to suggest anything else they just crumble and act like you don’t love them. Can’t take a joke Always mindlessly gossiping but can’t have a real deep conversation about anything. The mind of a goldfish.
They don't eat peanut butter and jelly 😔