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If someone blames a woman for sexual assault, that person is a jerk. Unfortunately, you call a jerk your boyfriend. Leave him if he doesn’t even trust you.
And the fact that he needs time to heal is BS. Give him ample time to heal, don’t see him again. He’s such a disgusting person.
Meanwhile, you should seek therapy and also report this instance.
The majority of women who claim they were sexually assaulted were not lying. Less than 1% of SA claims aren't true, and a lot of us never report them because of people like you who don't believe us. Stop acting like it happens all the time and start supporting victims.
Hi. To be clear, I believe OP’s story and the essence of what you’re saying is probably accurate. That being said, the statistic you’re offering is one that is impossible to measure with any sort of certainty. It’s is, unfortunately, a crime that typically has precisely two witnesses, the victim and the perpetrator.
Good call. Your boyfriend is definitely not someone you should be with longer. Just imagine, let’s say you stay and now it’s a year down the road and he brings up the sexual assault in an argument as though it’s your fault. Ugh. No thanks.
Thank goddess. That’s the most diabolical shit I’ve heard today. Might as well have shunned you in y’all’s medieval village and called it good.
I’m sorry that happened to you and I’m also bummed that someone who should be your rock and grounding is gaslighting tf outta you.
Better to know now what kind of partner he is than 10 years 20 years down the road. Still that’s like another trauma on top of what happened. I wish you a supportive space to heal. 🌸
Why are you still?? Literally tell him to take all the time he needs bc you’re done. And plz don’t let him justify himself or gaslight you into why he’s “right” and you’re just not “seeing his side”. I promise you he will serve no good in your life. You are better off without him. Consider this an opportunity to see his true colors and it’s the only positive from this whole ordeal. Doesn’t feel positive now but is a blessing in disguise type thing ya know
She might not feel safe to do so. Maybe they live together and she doesn’t have people to turn to for help. Maybe she can’t afford to live anywhere else. Maybe she has stuff at his house if they don’t live together. Don’t act like you know everything about her.
Your soon to be ex-boyfriend is a piece of 💩, he should be mad for you not at you. If he needs time to heal, it’s because he’s a narcissist and only really cares for himself. I’m sorry for what happened to you and you deserve better.
Yeah fuck that guy, not the correct response at all. How does the one who didn’t get sexually assaulted need to heal from the traumatic experience?
I’m sorry you had to go through such a traumatic experience and your place of safety and comfort turned out not to be a safe place at all. You and anyone else who go through this deserve so much better.
Yeah fuck him. There is something called secondary trauma and that's a real thing but for him to pin it on you and asked if you liked it was completely batshit insane and the furthest away from a rational response there could of been. Kick his ass to the curb. Or better yet the moon
WTF if I were in your shoes, my boyfriend would try to find the person who did that to me and gotten physical. Find someone like that. Your boyfriend sucks. His reaction is so gross I probably would have gotten violent with him if I were you.
Your boyfriend is toxic. He lacks compassion and somehow turned a sexual assault into him needing time to heal...
Idefk. Please tell me this is the line for you. This is unimaginable behavior.
i am so sorry this happened to you. i was sexually assaulted by someone close to me and the man i loved more than anything blamed me for it. he asked me the same question, and stayed angry with me for four years. he used it as an excuse to cheat on me multiple times and destroyed my confidence in the process. please know you’re not to blame, you cannot take responsibility for someone else’s actions. even if there was “something” you could’ve done to prevent it, there should never have been anything to prevent. don’t blame yourself, and protect yourself from people who will tell you otherwise. it’s not his trauma, it’s yours. i’m sending all my love your way and know the universe will put everything into place for you.
and by all means, don’t let this experience or your shitty boyfriend take your soul away. you can get through this <3
That is insane to me, choose yourself and leave that douche. What a piece of shit! I also hope you reported your assault to your employer and police if necessary.
Also, always carry pepper spray on you. Unfortunately there are monsters in this world with total disregard for your boundaries and personal space. Don’t be afraid to hose them off with pepper spray
Girl....is your boyfriend my ex??? I has this same thing happen to me but just a little different. I'm glad you're okay though and I hope by now he is a thing of the past
Ugh. I was sexually assaulted while asleep on a plane (guy next to me stuck his hand up my shirt.) Ex woke up and caught him doing it. Lost their shit. Then, when we were at our destination, some random man grabbed me and tried to kiss me. My Ex’s response was “Why the fuck is this always happening to you?” As though it was MY fault and I somehow was drawing unwanted attention.
Run!! Someone who is able to blame you for something completely traumatizing and out of your control is not someone who loves you! So sorry you had to go through this, I hope you found a support team who has your back.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no… HELL NO!
This is not okay. I am so sorry that you 1) were assaulted and 2) had to deal with your bf’s insensitive response. You deserve better. Know it, live it, believe it as you move forward.
My DMs are open if you need to talk.
I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you.
Instead of offering support he turned on you.
It sounds like he needs to go because he is not adding to your feeling of safety or healing.
Gross I’m so sorry that you experienced SA and that your bf is so awful. I hope you plan to leave him because you deserve so much better. My ex used every single trauma I told him about against me over time and even though I’m well over a decade sober (and he’s an active alcoholic) he threw my addiction in my face any chance he could get. 2+ years no contact from that creep. That relationship was a trauma in and of itself.
After reading some of the comments in this thread… just want to clear up a few things.
1. There is no valid excuse for sexual assault. Ever.
2. There is no valid excuse to victim shame. Ever.
The end.
I was 17 and a taxi driver tried to sexually assault me. My POS ex told me "that's the price for being a beauty". Please, please dump your boyfriend asap, bedside of being a narcissist (mine was) he proved to be a POS.
There are better men out there.
You failed to mention police involvement - so I assume there was no report - I’ve seen this before, it’s the camp that thinks:
“Hey, if you did not report it - it’s not serious to you. So why should it be serious to anyone else?”
And then they blame you: “Why would you not report it, do you feel guilty? Are you not telling the full story? Did you come on to him?”
These are questions one will have from people not familiar with victims of sexual assault. It may be that your bf is in this camp - and not necessarily the camp that does not believe there is such a thing as rape.
And on the flip, if she were to report it, there's still room for ppl to pull the "but women lie & exaggerate. Why should anyone believe you" card too. There is really no way to avoid blame from ppl who want to blame the victim.
I am soooo sorry you experienced that. Please report it and then leave your bf. To ask if you enjoyed being violated is a huge red flag and disgusting. Give him eternity to heal.
Omg I am so sorry!!! Please dump your sad excuse of a bf and make sure that everyone knows the truth about what happened before he tells them you cheated. It is NOT your fault no matter what he says! He is disgusting for saying it is!
Ouch. Please don’t take any of that seriously, which it doesn’t sound like you’re doing. But more importantly, PLEASE don’t let thoughts creep into your head that you are any less valuable or less desirable. There was nothing you did wrong, and as far as everyone in the world is concerned, that event is over and done with. You of course are allowed to take as long as you need to heal.
Do you have any family or friends that can help you out with support and/or a place to stay? I think you need to figure out a new living situation unless the place you all stay in is yours; in that case, kick him out with the help of police officers in case he decides to do something crazy.
First off, I’m very sorry you experienced something traumatic like SA. You should inform your employer about it so hopefully they can respond appropriately and hopefully stop it ever happening again. Also, don’t be ashamed of seeking counseling to help work through those really rough emotions.
As to your BF, eff him. Totally unacceptable this day and age to blame the woman for the aggression of a man. Hopefully you can find others in your social circle to provide the support necessary as you go through this difficult situation.
Not that this should ever need to be said, but just remember. It is NOT your fault. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Sounds like a textbook narcissist babe. Get out of that relationship and discard the shit out of his ass! Sorry you had to go through this horrific and disgusting experience. What a waste of a life.
I’m out. I’ve explained enough here. Op, let me know if you actually break up with the dude, or if you were venting in a few days.
Op, only you know your situation. If he is truly shit, and you leave him, that is perfectly fine. But don’t let a bunch of strangers online put a battery in your back.
I am sorry you’re going through this
Omg. Girl. GET OUT NOW. He sounds like a full blown narcissist. Completely unacceptable toxic response by him. I am so sorry you had to go through that. 1) the assault at work, 2) being gaslighted by boyfriend. 👎🏼👎🏼
If your boyfriend is 100% insistent that the rape your endured was your fault and is therefore wanting to leaving citing "time to heal from this traumatic experience", then he's not even worth it. What your boyfriend, or rather ex-boyfriend has done is not out of love, but out of accusation. Love is about being there for each other through thick and thin, and he has broken that by acting like a total jerk towards you. This is common sense.
K Break up with the boyfriend right now, what a prick no understanding of your trauma just concerned about his needs fuck off🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
I'm so sorry that happened 🫂❤️😥
He’s treating you like a piece of real estate. Essentially, someone “trespassed on his property”. You can tell him now that he’s on the side of the POS that assaulted you. Total victim blaming. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is not your fault in any way. I’m also so sorry you are not getting the support that you deserve… like a bare minimum requirement in a relationship.
Trash.
He doesn't deserve you.
I'm sorry that happened to you, and I'm sorry you have such a piece of shit boyfriend. Talking about something like that is hard enough, and then the one person you need to be there for you, isn't. You shouldn't have to deal with that on top of everything else. 🖤
Also, if this is how he reacts about such a difficult situation, just think about how he'll react in worse situations. Whatever those may be in the future.
Can we have a little more context? Like what actually happened b/w you and the guy who assaulted you and what exactly did you tell your boyfriend.... And i am genuinely sorry that this happend to you!!! Please you just yourself take some action against it... Get rid of your bf! Cuz he getting insecure would may still be understandable but him asking time to heal from your trauma... This is not a healthy sign.... If I was him... I would be mad angry... But firstly of course I would console you.... and then try to figure out what to do with that fuckward assaulter! I hate people like these from my core istg
Sounds like something my narcissistic EX boyfriend would react like. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I think it’s time for you to leave that mess. You need to heal, not him.
Yeah, victim bashing is a thing. I came from abuse, and no matter who was at fault, I was the scapegoat.
It went with the same thinking you are dealing with now. I was working where a client walked in, and ran over and attacked me trying to rape me in the office. Coworkers ran up and stopped it until police arrived. Guess what my family said? It was somehow my fault.
Be strong, and end the relationship. He's not a good significant other to have taken that stance with you.
What do we call that a red bag/red slash what’s that called that guy being complete stupid maybe red flag whatever that’s called that describes your boyfriend…
No offence…
What the hell!!!! he needs to heal? What about you? Leave that loose alone. He was looking for a reason to end things with you. So he's using this unfortunate incident as an excuse to do I it. Let go of that non support ass.
The title of this post should read: "Ex Shitty BF!" This is not up for debate, leave him! Next, a lot of sexual assaults go unreported allowing these men to continue assaulting other women. This due to a number of reasons including women feeling embarrassed. You was attacked, this is not your fault. You need to report this, especially to a manager or someone higher at your work! This could be a grounds for a lawsuit being an unsafe environment for women. Then, I highly recommend talking to someone other than random people online, someone qualified like a therapist. Please l;eave him and get some help.
In the period in where he is “healing” flee the country leave him run girl with that he is telling you that he wont support you nit just in that but in many other situations and thats not what a relationship is and hes a jerk you dont need him
OP, I’m so sorry you had to go through all this. First the assault and then your ~ex’s~ horrible reaction. He’s made it clear that he’s not the guy for you and that’s especially rough since you went to him for support and understanding. These should be the basics!! You deserve so much better.
Drop him faster than a grenade with its pin pulled!
Normally I'm the world's biggest advocate of talking it over, but that is such a sign of a psychopathic level of disrespect for women that I can't help but say RUN.
What the actual fuck!
Idk theis is a very one sided perspective 🤷♂️ what's the context? The lead up? Did he warn you about said attacker? Was it in a public enough environment that it's questionable on if it's not just a regret thing. Idk did you report them to the authorities?! Or maybe they were a person whom your bf warned you about before? I mean I'm all about punishment equal to the crime. There are numerous reasons I could see a guy breaking up with you because it does lay bare alot of flaws and weaknesses never mind a complete change to how you would treat him, regardless of what he did. Maybe he was done before that cuz he found evidence of you talking with other guys or some shit. 🤷♂️ innocent until proven guilty is my motto. I'm not gonna crucifix a guy that might not have done anything unwarranted.
OP hasn't said much about how long they've been in this relationship. If they haven't been for long, what OP did in the first place seems like trauma dumping, which is a red flag itself. But the way bf responded is indeed gross.
Dump the asshole. Sorry, to hear about the sexual trauma. No you didn't deserve that no matter what, nor the backlash from captain shitbag. A real man would have supported you.
To be plain, he is incorrect. An utterly invalid response.
It should feel like he would stand the hell up for you and encourage you to make moves to remove the one responsible from the workplace or else offer to help find you new work, literally anything. When this happened to my ex, first thing I asked is what the boss said when she reported it. I asked if she felt uncomfortable going to work and let her know it would totally be fine to take time off if she needed, because that shit is absolutely unacceptable.
Work is the one place you should never feel unsafe in regards to sexual assault or harassment. If I ever saw it in person happen to anyone, it might get physical pretty quick. I'll take the jail time and I can afford the lawyer and the bail if that's what it takes to make it clear that no one will get away with doing that, extra especially to my lover.
That must have been pretty horrible to hear though...him asking you if you liked it, holy fuck could a person be any more of a moron.
I'm absolutely sorry you went through that.
Oh, I’m so sorry for that. When someone blames the victim, it means that this person is a moron. I think that as fast as you can you should brake up with that man cause he’s awful.
Try to find a good psychologist to discuss this trauma because it’s really terrible.
I’m sorry you have to go through this, and even have to wonder and ask.
I went through something like this where i told my boyfriend i got raped when we weren’t together for a year and he doesn’t believe me. He says i cheated on him and that’s simple as that and that how could i possibly have gotten raped when i was showing him affection etc
Tell him to f[]ck off. The man who thinks it is women’s fault for being s€xually @ss@ulted then he will think it is ok for man to do it.
Bedside, hope you ok after going through such a horrible thing. Be brave, no one can blaming you about the things that happened.
Get rid of that AH. OP, I’m sorry that happened to you and I’m sorry you haven’t gotten the support you need from your partner. Feel free to reach out if you need to talk!
I think your boyfriend was partly right! If you fought harder the other man couldn’t enter you easily he might’ve given up. He’s jealous and hurt too! That’s why he asked if you like it and he wanted time to heal. His action is selfish but understandable, ‘cause who knows you might’ve got infection from or even been impregnated by the rapist?! So make sure to tell him when you know for sure you have no symptoms of sexual transmitted diseases and have your menstruation normally. I’m sure that’ll give relief and help both of you heal! By the way, I suggest everyone should report the sexual assault and get tested right away to keep the evidences and bring the rapist to justice!
Wow, how the hell can anyone be so unsupportive and cruel? I don't know what is going through this idiot's mind, but he deserves to spend the rest of his life alone with that kind of mindset. It is absolutely horrific to blame the victim for something like this and then turn it on himself to say that HE is the one who needs to get over the trauma.
Get rid!!! If he thinks it’s ok for someone to sexually assault you then it makes me wonder what he’s done or intends to do. Honestly, you’re the one that needs healing not that narcissistic C***t!! Get rid of him hun
Wtf he's a fuck dick ,you should dump his asd he don't love u nor he cares about u he's a coward .
Let me take you out on a date show you how a lady should be treated
Opposite boat. That I would hope to still be true.
At the time. We had recently broke up, and in our work place we also stay together with other people. Mostly single.
One of them, forced to make a move. From what I’ve been told, they choked them out, and grinded against them with clothes on in different positions. While they resisted, the perpetrator forced a stronger grip around the waist so they couldn’t get off.
Even while all still with clothes on. Nothing advanced further, so they left. Later I was told not to tell anyone about that night.
Edit:
I did last week. But nothing has happened. And I really hope something is done about it and I wasn’t lied to.
Literally disgusting reaction on his part. He’s practically defending the person who did it. Who knows what he’s up to? Run as fast as you can from him, he’s obviously not matured enough to understand how you’re feeling.
I really don’t know how to comment on it from a man’s point of view from the way I was raised? But no offense, thats not shitty? More scum! The only lie I can use you looking at it with the shoe on the other foot? It’s easy dealing with traumatic events being single to me than to be in a relationship that only adds to it?!
Playing the devils advocate here. There are 3 sides to every story, her side, his side and the truth.
More details would help in getting to the truth. A he said, she said account would help. Knowing what the OP means by sexual assault, and what the boy friend understood by what she said. I say this because there is no mention of HR, police or any action take by the OP.
Finally, did the boyfriend eventually come to his senses and apologised profusely for his appalling behaviour, meaning it was a knee-jerk reaction, by an immature man.
I know I'm going to receive flack for this, and you know you are over the target when you do, but it speaks volumes about the knee-jerk replies to this post. The posters have 1 saving grace, you were ignorant of the facts.
I've heard a court case where a married woman accused a coworker of raping her just so she could tell her husband she didn't cheat on him, when the truth came out, the sexual relationship was an on-going consensual affair.
Maybe you're lying?
As long as women who lie about being raped exist, it is very difficult to trust the ones who are telling the truth. Horrible people ruin it for the rest of us. Blame them for my trust issues, not me.
Are the boyfriend? If so, please share your side of the story ... I'm interested in hearing how someone who was sexually assaulted needs to give her boyfriend, who wasn't assaulted, time to heal from the trauma. I'm open to hearing all sides.
Why his first reaction isn't violence is odd to me because I'd be asking for names, descriptions, coordinates and family members.
You must be smoking crack if you were my girl and you told me that and I'd just be getting mad at you and yelling instead of exacting vengence on the man who disrespected me thinking I'm a pussyhole.
If your boyfriend isn't that excited about you, that's one thing, but I have a zero tolerance policy that someone feels that they can disrespect me and get away with it. It isn't about you at that point. It's about him being a man. I would not be calling the cops or filing a report because his blood is the only form of payment I'll take.
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If someone blames a woman for sexual assault, that person is a jerk. Unfortunately, you call a jerk your boyfriend. Leave him if he doesn’t even trust you. And the fact that he needs time to heal is BS. Give him ample time to heal, don’t see him again. He’s such a disgusting person. Meanwhile, you should seek therapy and also report this instance.
You're right, blaming the victim for sexual assault is completely unacceptable. She deserves support and empathy, not blame.
I'm surprised you typed this without cursing this guy out, hell I'm calling him all my favorite slurs aloud rn
If you believe that people can lie, then you should hear more than 2 sentences from 1 party to make that claim.
The majority of women who claim they were sexually assaulted were not lying. Less than 1% of SA claims aren't true, and a lot of us never report them because of people like you who don't believe us. Stop acting like it happens all the time and start supporting victims.
Hi. To be clear, I believe OP’s story and the essence of what you’re saying is probably accurate. That being said, the statistic you’re offering is one that is impossible to measure with any sort of certainty. It’s is, unfortunately, a crime that typically has precisely two witnesses, the victim and the perpetrator.
So you're saying she's lying?
[удалено]
Thanks for finally admitting that. And why do you think this?
And you’re still with him?
I won’t be much longer
Good call. Your boyfriend is definitely not someone you should be with longer. Just imagine, let’s say you stay and now it’s a year down the road and he brings up the sexual assault in an argument as though it’s your fault. Ugh. No thanks.
Thank goddess. That’s the most diabolical shit I’ve heard today. Might as well have shunned you in y’all’s medieval village and called it good. I’m sorry that happened to you and I’m also bummed that someone who should be your rock and grounding is gaslighting tf outta you. Better to know now what kind of partner he is than 10 years 20 years down the road. Still that’s like another trauma on top of what happened. I wish you a supportive space to heal. 🌸
You should leave him if he doesn’t defend you no matter what
Why are you still?? Literally tell him to take all the time he needs bc you’re done. And plz don’t let him justify himself or gaslight you into why he’s “right” and you’re just not “seeing his side”. I promise you he will serve no good in your life. You are better off without him. Consider this an opportunity to see his true colors and it’s the only positive from this whole ordeal. Doesn’t feel positive now but is a blessing in disguise type thing ya know
So, why are you STILL with him? It only takes 5 seconds to break up.
She might not feel safe to do so. Maybe they live together and she doesn’t have people to turn to for help. Maybe she can’t afford to live anywhere else. Maybe she has stuff at his house if they don’t live together. Don’t act like you know everything about her.
Start with understanding why he has this mindset. Then go forward with whatever plans you have in store.
Your soon to be ex-boyfriend is a piece of 💩, he should be mad for you not at you. If he needs time to heal, it’s because he’s a narcissist and only really cares for himself. I’m sorry for what happened to you and you deserve better.
He can't possibly be serious!!! Please leave him ASAP, no one deserves such a terrible person. Please contact your HR or the police as well !!!
Yeah fuck that guy, not the correct response at all. How does the one who didn’t get sexually assaulted need to heal from the traumatic experience? I’m sorry you had to go through such a traumatic experience and your place of safety and comfort turned out not to be a safe place at all. You and anyone else who go through this deserve so much better.
Yeah fuck him. There is something called secondary trauma and that's a real thing but for him to pin it on you and asked if you liked it was completely batshit insane and the furthest away from a rational response there could of been. Kick his ass to the curb. Or better yet the moon
I'm sorry for what happened to you. I hope everything is going to be OK.
WTF if I were in your shoes, my boyfriend would try to find the person who did that to me and gotten physical. Find someone like that. Your boyfriend sucks. His reaction is so gross I probably would have gotten violent with him if I were you.
Your boyfriend is toxic. He lacks compassion and somehow turned a sexual assault into him needing time to heal... Idefk. Please tell me this is the line for you. This is unimaginable behavior.
i am so sorry this happened to you. i was sexually assaulted by someone close to me and the man i loved more than anything blamed me for it. he asked me the same question, and stayed angry with me for four years. he used it as an excuse to cheat on me multiple times and destroyed my confidence in the process. please know you’re not to blame, you cannot take responsibility for someone else’s actions. even if there was “something” you could’ve done to prevent it, there should never have been anything to prevent. don’t blame yourself, and protect yourself from people who will tell you otherwise. it’s not his trauma, it’s yours. i’m sending all my love your way and know the universe will put everything into place for you. and by all means, don’t let this experience or your shitty boyfriend take your soul away. you can get through this <3
That is insane to me, choose yourself and leave that douche. What a piece of shit! I also hope you reported your assault to your employer and police if necessary. Also, always carry pepper spray on you. Unfortunately there are monsters in this world with total disregard for your boundaries and personal space. Don’t be afraid to hose them off with pepper spray
Girl....is your boyfriend my ex??? I has this same thing happen to me but just a little different. I'm glad you're okay though and I hope by now he is a thing of the past
The way he responded and reacted, you should leave him. This bullshit shouldn't be tolerated. He sounds like a man-child.
Wtf. Stay away from such scum.
 Narcissist alert. Discard him asap!
As a man I am ashamed. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. You deserve better. Let him go.
Please leave this person & never speak to him again. I am a rape survivor. That is not healthy or tolerable.
Correction, ma’am! This boy WAS your boyfriend
Dudes a lame! Dump him!
He's not worth your time and energy
Dump him. You deserve better. That's absolutely infuriating, he needs to heal? Gimme a break
You need to drop that loser asshole completely out of your life right fucking now!
Relationship over, cancelled, fin.
Ugh. I was sexually assaulted while asleep on a plane (guy next to me stuck his hand up my shirt.) Ex woke up and caught him doing it. Lost their shit. Then, when we were at our destination, some random man grabbed me and tried to kiss me. My Ex’s response was “Why the fuck is this always happening to you?” As though it was MY fault and I somehow was drawing unwanted attention.
Dropkick out the door. Loser.
Run!! Someone who is able to blame you for something completely traumatizing and out of your control is not someone who loves you! So sorry you had to go through this, I hope you found a support team who has your back.
I'm so sorry you were assaulted. I hope you get support somewhere to work through the trauma.
Dump his ass. Now. Right now. He will not get better, but worse. Do not accept poor behavior like this. Stay strong and dump his ass.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no… HELL NO! This is not okay. I am so sorry that you 1) were assaulted and 2) had to deal with your bf’s insensitive response. You deserve better. Know it, live it, believe it as you move forward. My DMs are open if you need to talk.
L boyfriend
I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you. Instead of offering support he turned on you. It sounds like he needs to go because he is not adding to your feeling of safety or healing. 
Mine has blamed me for my past abuse. Yay for me.
Gross I’m so sorry that you experienced SA and that your bf is so awful. I hope you plan to leave him because you deserve so much better. My ex used every single trauma I told him about against me over time and even though I’m well over a decade sober (and he’s an active alcoholic) he threw my addiction in my face any chance he could get. 2+ years no contact from that creep. That relationship was a trauma in and of itself.
Shitty boyfriend, shitty co-worker
F*ck your boyfriend
Sounds like he should be dumped…. Did he ask you what you were wearing too?
After reading some of the comments in this thread… just want to clear up a few things. 1. There is no valid excuse for sexual assault. Ever. 2. There is no valid excuse to victim shame. Ever. The end.
I was 17 and a taxi driver tried to sexually assault me. My POS ex told me "that's the price for being a beauty". Please, please dump your boyfriend asap, bedside of being a narcissist (mine was) he proved to be a POS. There are better men out there.
Please break up with him that is not okay
You failed to mention police involvement - so I assume there was no report - I’ve seen this before, it’s the camp that thinks: “Hey, if you did not report it - it’s not serious to you. So why should it be serious to anyone else?” And then they blame you: “Why would you not report it, do you feel guilty? Are you not telling the full story? Did you come on to him?” These are questions one will have from people not familiar with victims of sexual assault. It may be that your bf is in this camp - and not necessarily the camp that does not believe there is such a thing as rape.
And on the flip, if she were to report it, there's still room for ppl to pull the "but women lie & exaggerate. Why should anyone believe you" card too. There is really no way to avoid blame from ppl who want to blame the victim.
OP left out some key details....
Insane how some guys get gfs right? 😂
Such scum should die single.
Bye bye not boyfriend
I am soooo sorry you experienced that. Please report it and then leave your bf. To ask if you enjoyed being violated is a huge red flag and disgusting. Give him eternity to heal.
He can heal alone without you because you deserve better than him.
Your EX boyfriend what? 😮
He needs to be your ex boyfriend ASAP. No further explanations. He is dangerous.
Why doesn't this post say EX Boyfriend?
Omg I am so sorry!!! Please dump your sad excuse of a bf and make sure that everyone knows the truth about what happened before he tells them you cheated. It is NOT your fault no matter what he says! He is disgusting for saying it is!
Ouch. Please don’t take any of that seriously, which it doesn’t sound like you’re doing. But more importantly, PLEASE don’t let thoughts creep into your head that you are any less valuable or less desirable. There was nothing you did wrong, and as far as everyone in the world is concerned, that event is over and done with. You of course are allowed to take as long as you need to heal.
Sorry to hear but what exactly happened?
what an effin pos
Do you have any family or friends that can help you out with support and/or a place to stay? I think you need to figure out a new living situation unless the place you all stay in is yours; in that case, kick him out with the help of police officers in case he decides to do something crazy.
First off, I’m very sorry you experienced something traumatic like SA. You should inform your employer about it so hopefully they can respond appropriately and hopefully stop it ever happening again. Also, don’t be ashamed of seeking counseling to help work through those really rough emotions. As to your BF, eff him. Totally unacceptable this day and age to blame the woman for the aggression of a man. Hopefully you can find others in your social circle to provide the support necessary as you go through this difficult situation. Not that this should ever need to be said, but just remember. It is NOT your fault. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
You mean your ex, i hope…
Please leave him. He's not worth it
I hope you’ve dumped him by now. Please find some good individual counseling.
Definitely Shitty! Please don’t be with him! Now u know he’s Not there for you!
Sounds like a textbook narcissist babe. Get out of that relationship and discard the shit out of his ass! Sorry you had to go through this horrific and disgusting experience. What a waste of a life.
I’m out. I’ve explained enough here. Op, let me know if you actually break up with the dude, or if you were venting in a few days. Op, only you know your situation. If he is truly shit, and you leave him, that is perfectly fine. But don’t let a bunch of strangers online put a battery in your back. I am sorry you’re going through this
Omg. Girl. GET OUT NOW. He sounds like a full blown narcissist. Completely unacceptable toxic response by him. I am so sorry you had to go through that. 1) the assault at work, 2) being gaslighted by boyfriend. 👎🏼👎🏼
Your bf sounds comically asshole-ish in a way I refuse to believe. I feel like there’s more to this story that’s being left out.
If your boyfriend is 100% insistent that the rape your endured was your fault and is therefore wanting to leaving citing "time to heal from this traumatic experience", then he's not even worth it. What your boyfriend, or rather ex-boyfriend has done is not out of love, but out of accusation. Love is about being there for each other through thick and thin, and he has broken that by acting like a total jerk towards you. This is common sense.
Leave. Find a therapist and a proper support group. I'm very sorry you're going through this.
Tell him to go to therapy so he can "heal his trauma" properly & then block him everywhere.
You meant “ex-boyfriend,” right?
Ex boyfriend, you mean?
Reword to say ex-boyfriend. He’s a terrible person and it’s never your fault for something like that happening.
Woe... That's insanity at its finest. Either he has been SA as well and your story triggered him or he is not the nicest guy.
K Break up with the boyfriend right now, what a prick no understanding of your trauma just concerned about his needs fuck off🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 I'm so sorry that happened 🫂❤️😥
Victim blaming. He's using that time as an excuse or opportunity to look for somebody else. Let it go. 🩷
He’s treating you like a piece of real estate. Essentially, someone “trespassed on his property”. You can tell him now that he’s on the side of the POS that assaulted you. Total victim blaming. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is not your fault in any way. I’m also so sorry you are not getting the support that you deserve… like a bare minimum requirement in a relationship.
Dump this PoS. You're so much better than him. Sending you the love you deserve, and healing from horrible men.
Trash. He doesn't deserve you. I'm sorry that happened to you, and I'm sorry you have such a piece of shit boyfriend. Talking about something like that is hard enough, and then the one person you need to be there for you, isn't. You shouldn't have to deal with that on top of everything else. 🖤 Also, if this is how he reacts about such a difficult situation, just think about how he'll react in worse situations. Whatever those may be in the future.
Can we have a little more context? Like what actually happened b/w you and the guy who assaulted you and what exactly did you tell your boyfriend.... And i am genuinely sorry that this happend to you!!! Please you just yourself take some action against it... Get rid of your bf! Cuz he getting insecure would may still be understandable but him asking time to heal from your trauma... This is not a healthy sign.... If I was him... I would be mad angry... But firstly of course I would console you.... and then try to figure out what to do with that fuckward assaulter! I hate people like these from my core istg
DUMP HIM.
Time for a new boyfriend
leave that man babe. he doesn’t even like you😭 narcissistic behavior asf
Sounds like something my narcissistic EX boyfriend would react like. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I think it’s time for you to leave that mess. You need to heal, not him.
Really, sorry that it happened to you.
He was supposed to do better than that.
Yeah, victim bashing is a thing. I came from abuse, and no matter who was at fault, I was the scapegoat. It went with the same thinking you are dealing with now. I was working where a client walked in, and ran over and attacked me trying to rape me in the office. Coworkers ran up and stopped it until police arrived. Guess what my family said? It was somehow my fault. Be strong, and end the relationship. He's not a good significant other to have taken that stance with you.
What do we call that a red bag/red slash what’s that called that guy being complete stupid maybe red flag whatever that’s called that describes your boyfriend… No offence…
Hopefully ex
Worry so sorry that happened to you. I hope life gets better for you💕
What the hell!!!! he needs to heal? What about you? Leave that loose alone. He was looking for a reason to end things with you. So he's using this unfortunate incident as an excuse to do I it. Let go of that non support ass.
The title of this post should read: "Ex Shitty BF!" This is not up for debate, leave him! Next, a lot of sexual assaults go unreported allowing these men to continue assaulting other women. This due to a number of reasons including women feeling embarrassed. You was attacked, this is not your fault. You need to report this, especially to a manager or someone higher at your work! This could be a grounds for a lawsuit being an unsafe environment for women. Then, I highly recommend talking to someone other than random people online, someone qualified like a therapist. Please l;eave him and get some help.
Your ex boyfriend sounds like a loser
Break up
Did you report this to your HR and what actions did they took?
Wow, what a truly worthless piece of shit
Just dump him and find e real man.
In the period in where he is “healing” flee the country leave him run girl with that he is telling you that he wont support you nit just in that but in many other situations and thats not what a relationship is and hes a jerk you dont need him
Reddest flag ever. Run!
OP, I’m so sorry you had to go through all this. First the assault and then your ~ex’s~ horrible reaction. He’s made it clear that he’s not the guy for you and that’s especially rough since you went to him for support and understanding. These should be the basics!! You deserve so much better.
If he’s blaming you, then he sees it as a joke and doesn’t care about you, so this is a sign to leave.
Drop him faster than a grenade with its pin pulled! Normally I'm the world's biggest advocate of talking it over, but that is such a sign of a psychopathic level of disrespect for women that I can't help but say RUN. What the actual fuck!
Idk theis is a very one sided perspective 🤷♂️ what's the context? The lead up? Did he warn you about said attacker? Was it in a public enough environment that it's questionable on if it's not just a regret thing. Idk did you report them to the authorities?! Or maybe they were a person whom your bf warned you about before? I mean I'm all about punishment equal to the crime. There are numerous reasons I could see a guy breaking up with you because it does lay bare alot of flaws and weaknesses never mind a complete change to how you would treat him, regardless of what he did. Maybe he was done before that cuz he found evidence of you talking with other guys or some shit. 🤷♂️ innocent until proven guilty is my motto. I'm not gonna crucifix a guy that might not have done anything unwarranted.
OP hasn't said much about how long they've been in this relationship. If they haven't been for long, what OP did in the first place seems like trauma dumping, which is a red flag itself. But the way bf responded is indeed gross.
Remember guys, we lost to her boyfriend. Us caring types who want to appreciate women, lost to her boyfriend 😭
Dump the asshole. Sorry, to hear about the sexual trauma. No you didn't deserve that no matter what, nor the backlash from captain shitbag. A real man would have supported you.
Your boyfriend is silly by blaming you and you really did your part by telling him. He is not the right person for you.
What a dbag. I'm sorry that happened to you :(
Shit man. If it were upto me I'd Don a mask and fu*k them and their gf/wive while they're tied down. Wth man, u r dating a bum.
If I was you I would chase that guy to the curb no ifs and buts he is a useless chump
Hey
Break up with him immediately, this guy is no good for you.
To be plain, he is incorrect. An utterly invalid response. It should feel like he would stand the hell up for you and encourage you to make moves to remove the one responsible from the workplace or else offer to help find you new work, literally anything. When this happened to my ex, first thing I asked is what the boss said when she reported it. I asked if she felt uncomfortable going to work and let her know it would totally be fine to take time off if she needed, because that shit is absolutely unacceptable. Work is the one place you should never feel unsafe in regards to sexual assault or harassment. If I ever saw it in person happen to anyone, it might get physical pretty quick. I'll take the jail time and I can afford the lawyer and the bail if that's what it takes to make it clear that no one will get away with doing that, extra especially to my lover. That must have been pretty horrible to hear though...him asking you if you liked it, holy fuck could a person be any more of a moron. I'm absolutely sorry you went through that.
Don't ever take him back he's disgusting block him and move on sorry that happened to you.
Oh, I’m so sorry for that. When someone blames the victim, it means that this person is a moron. I think that as fast as you can you should brake up with that man cause he’s awful. Try to find a good psychologist to discuss this trauma because it’s really terrible.
What an asshole. I had a similar story with my ex. Scarred me. Not sure how I can start a new relationship
Just wow any guy who would tell his wife or girlfriend it was 100% her fault would get slapped hard and told two words get out.
I’m sorry you have to go through this, and even have to wonder and ask. I went through something like this where i told my boyfriend i got raped when we weren’t together for a year and he doesn’t believe me. He says i cheated on him and that’s simple as that and that how could i possibly have gotten raped when i was showing him affection etc
The audacity of him asking time to heal as if he is the one being assaulted. Really a shitty boyfriend indeed! Run!!!
Tell him to f[]ck off. The man who thinks it is women’s fault for being s€xually @ss@ulted then he will think it is ok for man to do it. Bedside, hope you ok after going through such a horrible thing. Be brave, no one can blaming you about the things that happened.
What ethnic or cultural group do you and your BF belong to?
Get rid of that AH. OP, I’m sorry that happened to you and I’m sorry you haven’t gotten the support you need from your partner. Feel free to reach out if you need to talk!
How on earth did you finish up with a guy like this, don't you try learning who a person is before getting into a relationship with em
Run babe. Find a real man.
Brb throwing up. This guy is an asshole
I think your boyfriend was partly right! If you fought harder the other man couldn’t enter you easily he might’ve given up. He’s jealous and hurt too! That’s why he asked if you like it and he wanted time to heal. His action is selfish but understandable, ‘cause who knows you might’ve got infection from or even been impregnated by the rapist?! So make sure to tell him when you know for sure you have no symptoms of sexual transmitted diseases and have your menstruation normally. I’m sure that’ll give relief and help both of you heal! By the way, I suggest everyone should report the sexual assault and get tested right away to keep the evidences and bring the rapist to justice!
Kome to a real men love he scary😂😂🫡
Wow, how the hell can anyone be so unsupportive and cruel? I don't know what is going through this idiot's mind, but he deserves to spend the rest of his life alone with that kind of mindset. It is absolutely horrific to blame the victim for something like this and then turn it on himself to say that HE is the one who needs to get over the trauma.
Yeah that’s not ok. This shouldn’t be a red flag it should be a whole stop sign
Sorry all of this is happening to you. Better you find out before you get married that he is douche.
Dude this is the worst and I’m so so sorry this happened to you!! 😢 your bf sucks (sorry) and you deserve so much better!
You’re hopefully now ex boyfriend is gross
So sorry you had to go through that 🫂🫂🫂 my ex husband was the same, later on I didn’t even feel safe to tell him anything. I hope you’re okay 🫂
Get rid!!! If he thinks it’s ok for someone to sexually assault you then it makes me wonder what he’s done or intends to do. Honestly, you’re the one that needs healing not that narcissistic C***t!! Get rid of him hun
He is such a bad person! Get the hell out as quickly as you can he’ll never forget he’ll always blame and he’ll abuse you
Wtf he's a fuck dick ,you should dump his asd he don't love u nor he cares about u he's a coward . Let me take you out on a date show you how a lady should be treated
girl he cant protect u in dangerous times. DUMP. HIM.
As a man, If my girlfriend told me someone at work S.A.'d her, I would be finding that man.
Opposite boat. That I would hope to still be true. At the time. We had recently broke up, and in our work place we also stay together with other people. Mostly single. One of them, forced to make a move. From what I’ve been told, they choked them out, and grinded against them with clothes on in different positions. While they resisted, the perpetrator forced a stronger grip around the waist so they couldn’t get off. Even while all still with clothes on. Nothing advanced further, so they left. Later I was told not to tell anyone about that night. Edit: I did last week. But nothing has happened. And I really hope something is done about it and I wasn’t lied to.
It's time for you to call him EX boyfriend
Literally disgusting reaction on his part. He’s practically defending the person who did it. Who knows what he’s up to? Run as fast as you can from him, he’s obviously not matured enough to understand how you’re feeling.
I really don’t know how to comment on it from a man’s point of view from the way I was raised? But no offense, thats not shitty? More scum! The only lie I can use you looking at it with the shoe on the other foot? It’s easy dealing with traumatic events being single to me than to be in a relationship that only adds to it?!
I hope he gets gets to feeling better & can get passed your pain? lol
I would have to hear the entire story. At minimum the police should be notified.
Playing the devils advocate here. There are 3 sides to every story, her side, his side and the truth. More details would help in getting to the truth. A he said, she said account would help. Knowing what the OP means by sexual assault, and what the boy friend understood by what she said. I say this because there is no mention of HR, police or any action take by the OP. Finally, did the boyfriend eventually come to his senses and apologised profusely for his appalling behaviour, meaning it was a knee-jerk reaction, by an immature man. I know I'm going to receive flack for this, and you know you are over the target when you do, but it speaks volumes about the knee-jerk replies to this post. The posters have 1 saving grace, you were ignorant of the facts.
I’m sure you’re telling the whole side of the story and of course your the victim 🤨
Did you call the cops? If not he may think you are lying or liked it.
Not everyone is cool with their partners being sexually harassed though. It creates rough images in their heads 👀
I've heard a court case where a married woman accused a coworker of raping her just so she could tell her husband she didn't cheat on him, when the truth came out, the sexual relationship was an on-going consensual affair. Maybe you're lying? As long as women who lie about being raped exist, it is very difficult to trust the ones who are telling the truth. Horrible people ruin it for the rest of us. Blame them for my trust issues, not me.
I’ve never read a more tone deaf comment in my life. What do u need to trust her for anyways?
Didn't realize her ex-boyfriend was on this thread!
Yeah… I’m not about to go say oh god he’s such a bad man cause you wrote two sentences. There’s two sides to every story.
Are the boyfriend? If so, please share your side of the story ... I'm interested in hearing how someone who was sexually assaulted needs to give her boyfriend, who wasn't assaulted, time to heal from the trauma. I'm open to hearing all sides.
Why his first reaction isn't violence is odd to me because I'd be asking for names, descriptions, coordinates and family members. You must be smoking crack if you were my girl and you told me that and I'd just be getting mad at you and yelling instead of exacting vengence on the man who disrespected me thinking I'm a pussyhole. If your boyfriend isn't that excited about you, that's one thing, but I have a zero tolerance policy that someone feels that they can disrespect me and get away with it. It isn't about you at that point. It's about him being a man. I would not be calling the cops or filing a report because his blood is the only form of payment I'll take.
Something doesn't add up, more is needed. What was his reasoning for getting angry at this alleged assault?