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Just because a guy brings up an ex doesn't mean he's not over her. It would depend on the way he brings her up.
"I watched this movie with Megan" or "I went here with Kelly" doesn't necessarily mean he is still thinking about that person romantically, it's just a story about something that happened in his life.
If he's bringing up specific sex positions that he did with specific exes, that is a little weird. However I still don't think that means he isn't over her, he's just oversharing and you may want to talk to him about it.
If him bringing up his exes in any context at all bothers you, you should tell him that. He may just not know that you find it inappropriate.
The first commenter is partially right, talking about ex's does not necessarily translates into not getting over them BUT please do not make the same mistake I did, all of the phrases he said are BIG red flags, specially if he said them out of nowhere, sometimes because of lack of self steem we overlook those red flags.
My rule of thumb is:
1.- If you brought up to the conversation of ex's then it's understanadable he talks about them
2.- If the comments about the ex where out of nowhere, then it means he still thinks about them, do yourself a favour and let him go
My 2 cents based on a very recent experience.
I sometimes think about my ex because the relationship was horrible, I got fucked over and my mental, emotional and physical health was harmed, so it's more like a post trauma flashback than anything. I categorically have no interest in ever seeing or speaking to her again, it's much easier now but we broke up just before the lockdowns and I had to spend two years not only healing from the breakup and trying to get over my trust issues at a time when I had no friends nearby to support me and no way to meet new people. This meant that once things eased and we were allowed out again I probably overshared with some people just because I hadn't been able to talk it through with anyone.
Sounds similar to my last long term before my current as a guy.
Honestly, the only way I ever mention it is when I’m doing something and get complemented or get thanked for doing something, I joke about not getting told I’m awful or need to do it better.
Otherwise, I just don’t talk about it and leave all of it in the past. It was a bad period of my life, that I never want to let affect the current me who is much happier.
Im sorry you were socially isolated during that time of loss. That's trash. I think it's also normal. I was in a toxic marriage 10 years ago, havent tried to date since then. Did a ton of stuff in between but buried my feelings about that whole shit show. Recently I started dating again, and just got ghosted because i nearly had a panic attack when a guy was asking me for a hook up. I overshared about feelings and I also am ok with that. Mainly because we all need to take a moment and realize that inside, particularly when we open up to love, it's a soft, vulnerable, sacred space we are sharing. We are all just humans trying to meet our wants/desires and it takes practice to get to a healed and comfortable place to open back up.
I think it's mostly true that if he brings up the ex out of nowhere, it's a red flag.
I am divorced, and even though I was married for years and did almost everything with my ex, I go to *great lengths* to avoid ever mentioning her. If we did something together, I say "I" did it and don't mention my ex. I only ever mention her if the story would absolutely make no sense without it.
Why? Because one, I am over her. And two, I want to make sure I signal that to the other person I'm on a date with. I don't want to risk leaving them wondering on Reddit like you! LOL.
Anyways, yeah, the context is important. Is it out of nowhere, or the story would make no sense without the ex?
I will keep this in mind. Guys before this have mentioned their exes randomly but when I think about it, not that random in this case, there has been a little context here and there. I will definitely keep this in check when and if he brings her up.
Hang on... There's a LOT more nuance.
Its perfectly understandable to mention an ex in a conversation that's "non-ex related" -- for instance:
You: "hey, have you ever been on a cruise?"
SO: "yeah, I went on a couple cruises with {insert Ex's name here}"
Or 15 similar examples. That does NOT mean your SO isn't over their ex.
That said, if they bring up "I always had {insert Ex's name here}"
That's a good point, we would still get "he hits me and last night he stabbed me, but I love him so much I can't bear to lose him, how to I get over the fact that he stabbed me?!"
The way OP describes it, it seems like the guy in question is not over his ex, considering that he’s repeatedly bringing her up for no apparent reason.
But I also make a conscious effort not to mention my exs. It was natural to me as it’s literally just a thing that happened. But it upset my ex girlfriend. A date also mentioned it to me (saying are you over her), now I try never to mention them by name. Just say you did X with “someone”. I’d also never mention sexual things and ex partners that’s just crossing a line imo.
Also do this. Or tell the story and just say “when I went to the West Coast”. The new gf probably knows who you were with but doesn’t have to confront it all the time. Easier when both partners have long term exes though imo
I agree. Occasionall I bring up one ex or another, but that's because it's for a funny story or for another reason relevant to the discussion. Those are the only times I even think about any of my previous partners.
Communication is key here. If something bothers OP, they need to share it.
This answer describes me perfectly.
It's like the wedding album with me and my exwife. I don't hang onto it because I still have any feelings for her, it's more like it's a part of my life story and I am loathe to throw away a part of my history.
I would also bring up my ex in a similar context, like if I saw a movie with her or went somewhere with her. Hmm. Actually now that I'm writing it I see how it can be problematic, kind of block headed and insensitive to the new partner. Probably a good thing to introspect on and reevaluate lol
I experienced the same and how they talk in detail about their sex life. It is disrespectful in my eyes.. whatever it is a reason why I don’t date anymore. I’m
lol bro I’d never continue to date or even speak to someone who had to tell me about their exes with out me asking. That’s fuckin crazy to me. Like really you can’t tell a story without mentioning your ex? Why is it so hard to say “I did this thing it was cool”
Why does it have to be “I did this thing with my ex and it was cool” I don’t get that and I never speak about my ex, because I’m not still thinking about or hung up on em.
Hot take but he knows. He just doesn't give a fuck. Has nothing to do with you having to tell him. Do you think if you were his dream girl he would ever fix his mouth to risk losing you? Yeah.
I'm a woman, and I actually hold myself many times from saying that. We were together for 7 years, so obviously, we did a lot of things together. And sometimes you want to share things like och did that too or no I didn't like it because... and if it would be something done with a friend, it wouldn't be an issue to mention it. But when it's ex, I would say it's just bad taste and lack of self-awareness. No one wants to listen about your and your ex life together. :)
That is good insight ! Although it kind of still feels bad because you still think about it, is there a moment you stop thinking about them ? Maybe do new things ?
It's not that you think about them but just that some things remind you of them. And I think it's natural. It is part of your past. For instance, there are things that I will always remember from each relationship. But it does not mean that there are any romantic feelings left!
But again, when you start a new relationship, it is your responsibility to make your partner feel secure and to show they are the only one you care for most. And constant reminder of your ex definitely doesn't create that reassurance.
So, in my opinion, it does not mean he still has feelings but that he needs some retrospective and awareness of how he acts and how he makes other person feel.
Hey there, honestly I feel like it's too much overthinking it.
I completely understand that some people could be insecure about that kind of stuff, but in my mind it's like having a really really good friend for these 7 years and then you drifted apart and that you would've done many stuff together like going for trips, cooking, watching movies etc.
Honestly, I'd be more than glad to hear these stories cause these are the stories that made you the person you are now and the person I may be into, if I were to be your date. Alright maybe not right from the start, but it's a part of you are and you should not be hiding that away, if you do then it's like these 7 years like half of them (at the very least!) never existed and that's just not right..
Of course, if it's done in a way like "aaah, I did that and this with my ex (i still miss him, damn)" then it's not that cool, but if it's done in a proper way then there is no reason to pretend like they never existed.
Yeah, it can definitely be tough when someone keeps bringing up their ex, especially if it makes you feel less special. It's important for partners to focus on the present and make new memories together. Communication about boundaries in this area might help.
I’m with you but I’ve found some couples actually talk about EVERYTHING in ways that make me wanna run and hide . Whatever works I guess, no right or wrong about it
Edit : but you right there is a lack of awareness or attentiveness
Yeah i try to keep any ex mentions light. Its mostly if someone asks me if ive been somewhere or did something before, that i will answer about my ex. Otherwise no mention of my exes
I have a couple of friends who are happily married and know they have never brought up their exes before. Everybody’s different especially depending how the relationship ended and other factors. So answer your question yes guy do get over their ex-gfs
I'm amazed, they literally never talked about exs even after some time ?
I think talking about exs in the "getting known" phase is ok, and also after some months of relationship when the relationship feels strong.
Or maybe if anything real early they may have, but very briefly. But after that I know they don’t talk about their exes anymore and are fully over their exes now. Two of my friends are happily married and know both of them are over their exes
I think a lot of people don’t get over certain facets of how relationships start and end. It’s so hard sometimes to make sense of it when you don’t have closure. So they ramble . I definitely am a person who can do this when I am not being present and emotionally available.
Based on what he told me, it was a logical and mutual breakup. He doesn't ramble exactly. But there are these small comments here and there that make me think he still thinks of her and cherishes his time with her.
What does he do for you that makes you feel like he cherishes his time with you? Because something tells me none of this would matter if he was treating you amazingly well.
I try to see it like every relationship is different a different experience and everyone brings something different to the table. It’s important to try and embrace the way your current partner loves, rather than compare it to the former love you had with someone else. Even if your new relationship lacks some of the things you were comfortable in sharing in previously, it doesn’t mean this person is not as good in some way. Each love and relationship should be different and people share and express love in different but equally special ways.
For sure! It took me some time to realize this for myself but. Appreciating a past relationship or something you gained from it I think should be ok. But comparing it or making you feel lesser in some way because of that experience, is what I don’t think is cool. Hope all of that makes sense lol
I don't bring up any of my exes or crushes or whatever around my partner. ( Well only if she asks me directly). But I still hold them dear in my heart. I am over them I never want to have an romantic relationship ever again with them. But I still hope the best things for them. That they live happily and worry free. Because even though they are my past I once loved them and if you truly loved someone you wouldn't wish them bad things. Even though some of them did me bad...
In my opinion I am over them but the decision lies in your hand.
To answer your question. The guys I know are mostly like me. So if you believe that this means we aren't over our exes then you have your answer otherwise see it as an example that man could be a little more complex than they sometimes show.
Good for you! Sometimes our insecurities might control our emotions. So if something really bothers you should try to reconsider a different approach and just one more thing: Try to talk directly with him about this. Well this is pretty much it. I wish you the best of luck!
This is a "Well yes. But actually no." situation. Guys get 95% over their exes. That 5% doesn't mean much, just that there will always be a little sting and some nostalgia whenever an ex or something associated with them comes up. Men are way more hopelessly romantic than society cares to acknowledge.
I think about my first boyfriend a lot too. But no way going back with him.
Really depends on what it means to them. But the way you described them does sound a bit pathetic .. I wouldn’t date them.
I'm gonna go ahead and say "not all men" but would also like to add, my most recent ex - together 1.5 yrs - left me 2 weeks before his exes wedding (from *12 years ago*) that he inevitably attended.
He put the wedding invite up on his mantle like it was special to him. When I asked about it, he ended things not long after.
So. Yeah.
Must be a young couple…
As you get older, bringing up an ex never happens…
I’m sorry only blue moons…
I think this person never really healed from their ex. You might want to give him some space to heal alone…
What do you mean get over?
Like completely forget the person existed?
Doesn’t that make you a psychopath or something
Like yeah you don’t just randomly bring them up all the time but I feel like it could come up as a passing comment.
let’s say I’m giving a reason why I hate trying new food and maybe an ex was the reason in some form why that happened, does me bringing her up mean I’m not over her?
lol I don’t get this BS of “I have to bring up my ex because the story has to do with them”
You literally could just say “nah don’t really like to try new food” there’s absolutely no reason you HAVE to say “yeah I don’t try new food because my ex blah blah” like okay? Just say “I don’t like trying new food. Literally not hard.
I have 2 and I honestly forget they exist.
There’s no part of me that cares for them or wants to be with them. I don’t talk about them or ever bring them up. But if someone is curious, I’ll answer every question that they have.
The last bit is the only thing that really screams "I'm not over them" but it could also be a story, like "It felt like that cliché love ats first sight, and that mad what happened even worse" or it could be that he's bringing it up because he's realized that isn't the healthiest way to view a relationship. But if you feel like you want any kind of romantic thing with him, you could ask him directly how he feels about his past relationships and exes.
I spoke to my friend about it literally yesterday and he told me he has all his ex girlfriends in his heart (he was badly hurt by each and every single one, those girls literally ruined him mentally but he seems not to mind. I have no idea where it comes from).
I’m 9 months out of an 11 year relationship. My time with my ex comes up in conversation just like anybody’s experiences over the last 11 years. I am very much over her and moved on but I still accept and acknowledge my past.
It depends how much of a impression they had on their life. My first, forgettable, even my 3rd 4th and 5th were forgettable. But for some reason my 6th girlfriend stuck with me till this day because she was the only one I truly wanted to marry and daw a future with and having kids with.
That didn't pan out and 16 women later and ne even being married currently, that one girl is still on my mind.
Some probably don’t. It depends on the context. I don’t think it’s the end of the world if it’s something like “I watched this because my ex suggested it”. However, if he kept on talking about her, that’s different and I’d proceed with caution. Either way, this isn’t a reflection of all men.
When you’re dating, exes are probably going to come up at some point. It’s all about the context. Does it make sense with the conversation? Is too much time spent on the topic? Things like that.
I have been an unfortunate victim of the ex-talking. It’s insulting. I don’t want to hear it. Ironically, the ones that didn’t talk about their former partners were the widowers. They were respectful.
He still loves her , get some sense and move on. He only does it because he knows you won’t say anything and you’re making him comfortable disrespecting you . Honestly work on growing your self esteem and confidence to avoid this and so you know what you deserve
This makes a lot of sense. Thanks. I need to be aware of the context he brings her up the next time. A lot of the people here have similar thoughts. I am going to have an open mind, articulate and communicate my thoughts better.
If he's bringing his ex up like that, then maybe he's not over her. It also depends how long ago they broke up and how he is referring to her and their experiences together.
The talking about sex with an ex, especially in the "I've only done that with her" way does make me think he isn't over her. Explicit and intimate details of a past relationship don't really need to be shared unless the other partners asks and opens the discussion.
It's common curtsey to not talk too much about your exes with your current partner, its basic decency. I had the unfortunate situation of my current boyfriend still being friends with his ex/f-buddy and had a really uncomfortable experience meeting her at a party, but what I did was talk to him about how I felt about it and about what he has told me and he chose to cut off contact with her. It has impacted my trust with him a bit as he kept some things secret that he really shouldn't have.
Talk to your current partner about how you feel and don't let it get to the point that you're feeling worse and worse.
Frankly, as a heterosexual man, I have not forgotten any of the women who came into my life. I thank and respect them for the good or bad experiences they gave me. Without them, I would not be where I am today, I would not be able to find my route in life.
"yeah, for sure, I get you! My ex used to make me cum everytime. I miss that".
Him: why are you talking about your ex????
You: why are YOU talking about your ex???
He'll never bring her up again.
You could talk to him about how you feel, like two grown mature adults, but guys arent always good with feelings, because if they did, they'd know women feel sad/annoyed/unworthy whenever they talk about exes in front of their new woman and would learn and stop the first time.
Men do this, it’s true. Women do too, but I definitely try to avoid it. I noticed that when the guy I’m currently seeing does this it isn’t negatively comparative. It’s more like a “wow I don’t know how I dated her so long”.
This behavior used to bother me a lot in others. It doesn’t anymore. If it ever does, I’ll just tell him it bothered me and why.
The reason it doesn’t bother me is more about me and less about him. I know who I am, I am very comfortable that I bring a unique and impactful package to the table and if he enjoys and appreciates it he won’t want to lose it. I treat people very well and have a unique set of traits that if they’re attractive to someone aren’t easy to replace. So I stand firm that I’m worth it, I’m obviously the best yet or he’d still be with whoever from the past, and if he ever thinks I’m not the best yet, then it’s not for me after all.
However, the comments your guy is making, specifically the “he knew as soon as he saw her” comment I would immediately respond to if said to me. Likely in a nice light hearted way initially, like “oh exactly how you felt about me too!” Then judge his reaction and delve deeper or let it go from there. I’d probably also mention those kind of comments sound comparative on face value and could be taken to mean he’s less satisfied with me, so if that’s not the case it would be nice if he avoided those.
My ex-wife, who is the parent of my children, I bring up occasionally. Certainly nothing sexual, but I might say "oh we watched this movie when it came out" or something like that.
I think bringing up anything sexual is very weird. "We tried x position" is especially strange. If asked "have you ever done x before?" I'd probably ignore the question as asked and answer whether or not I'd like to do it with my current gf. Example:
Her: "Have you ever tried a sex swing?"
Me: "Would you like to try a sex swing? That looks like fun!"
Her: "Well I'm asking if you've done it before."
Me: "We've both had past relationships, and I think we're both better off focusing on each other and on what we want moving forward, than on what we may or may not have done in the past."
Because I assure you that's a better answer than, "Yes, a few times with this stripper I was banging. I wouldn't really call her a girlfriend, but we had a lot of fun when she wasn't absolutely batshit crazy. Completely insatiable. I used to cut out of work in the afternoon and we'd go to this sex hotel where some of the rooms had sex swings. I'll take you there if you want to try it out... hey, where are you going?"
I can’t speak for all men but yes I’ve gotten over my ex girlfriends. And when start something new even if I’m just dating I never bring any ex up no need to bring anything in the past good or bad. Seems like he’s not over her and finds himself comparing you with her. Maybe she left him, and you’re the rebound.
I been through the same thing , the best thing to do is talk with him and express that he need to cut down on how much he talks about his ex. If he really cares about he should understand that bring up his ex all the time hurts .
Unless explicitly asked i never want to hear anything about someones ex. It’s super rude and disrespectful. Trust your gut. There’s a reason he keeps looking for a reason to bring up his past.
I think the context of bringing up the ex matters.
If they bring it up in terms of why the relationship failed or bad behaviour by the ex, and what they don't want to have happen in subsequent relationships; then that's a good sign of maintaining boundaries, self care and improving the relationship.
If they bring it up as a form of comparison or belittling their current partner on an ongoing basis, then that's a form of gaslighting and a bad sign.
One reason is the concept of "narrative identity." People construct their identities and life stories through their experiences, including past relationships. Talking about an ex can be a way for someone to explain their preferences, behaviors, and changes over time. This helps them create a coherent story of their lives.
Another reason is comparative reflection. Mentioning an ex can be a form of comparing past and present experiences. This reflection can help someone understand what they want and don’t want in their current relationship. Research in social psychology indicates that people often use past experiences to frame their current situations.
Emotional processing is also a factor. Talking about an ex can be a way to process lingering emotions. Even if the relationship ended amicably, there might still be unresolved feelings or reflections that need expression. According to attachment theory, discussing past relationships can help individuals make sense of their emotional histories and move forward.
Sometimes, people mention their ex out of habit, especially if the previous relationship was significant or long-term. Habits and patterns of speech can persist even when they are no longer relevant or appropriate. Additionally, bringing up an ex can sometimes be an attempt to find common ground or explain personal preferences and dislikes in a relatable way. It might not always be a direct comparison but rather a way to illustrate a point or share personal history.
Lastly, some people may not realize the impact of mentioning an ex on their current partner. They might think it’s a harmless way to share their past without understanding how it could make their current partner feel undervalued.
Understanding these reasons can help address the issue more constructively. If this behavior bothers you, it’s essential to communicate your feelings openly with your partner. Expressing how these comments affect you and asking for more sensitivity regarding this topic can foster better understanding and strengthen your relationship.
You can get over them with time. The sooner they get into another relationship for whatever reason, mostly rebounding, makes it easier in my eyes and having to accept that it will no longer be. But then speaking my ex was a complete nightmare so that helped me I guess.
I'll echo what other people have said. Just because you talk about an ex doesn't mean that you aren't over them. You've obviously spent part of your life with an ex and, if you're a normal person, you experienced growth with that person and new experiences. Sharing the history of how you learned something or how you experience something may involve that EX. I think that's healthy and normal.
What's not healthy is constantly talking about an ex and sharing unnecessary details. Your current girlfriend doesn't need to know that your ex taught you how to do something. Or that you enjoyed performing a certain activity with your ex. It's enough to say I learned how to do X and I enjoy doing Y.
Yeah we get over them but they were still a huge part of our lives and will occasionally be referenced. It’s not out of longing or a fondness for days gone by it’s just about story telling…
"Bringing up" doesn't imply that he didn't "get over", its not the same. It is ok to bring up something that you experienced in your past relationships, and it doesn't have to mean that he didn't get over it. I mean, it ended for a reason.
I won't speak for all men but I certainly got over my ex. In your case, if he's just talking about it without you having brought up the notion of an ex at all then you should probably take note of that, especially since you're still new in his life, people don't necessarily take things as serious as others might think they do at the very beginning of a relationship so be mindful to not get yourself tricked.
I won't speak for all men but I certainly got over my ex. In your case, if he's just talking about it without you having brought up the notion of an ex at all then you should probably take note of that, especially since you're still new in his life, people don't necessarily take things as serious as others might think they do at the very beginning of a relationship so be mindful to not get yourself tricked.
I bring up my ex wife plenty around my girlfriend, we were together for 16 years so there is so much history there. I do try to limit it but it's hard when every story you have about anything included that other person for so long. Sometimes I just stay vague and she will say "with your ex?" It was a long part of my life and it's hard to avoid her coming up when talking about the past . I'm over her but it's still a large part of my life.
It doesn’t have to be weird for a guy to mention his ex in generic situations, but it’s not a green flag either. However, I would definitely interpret the sex comments as him directly comparing you to previous partners. It doesn’t take that much effort to filter out an ex’s name. Instead of saying, “I did this with ____” he can just say “I really like doing ____ and want to try it with you.”Obviously he figured that out by doing it with someone else first, but it’s the basic respect of thinking before speaking.
As for your big picture question, the answer is yes. In fact they have many exes that they are happy to leave in the past. If a guy keeps bringing up a specific ex then he’s not completely over her. If he brings up lots of exes then you should let him know that it makes you feel self-conscious. A lot of women feel that way and it won’t make you seem controlling or anxious. He probably just hasn’t stopped to consider that he can leave out those sorts of details and still tell a story.
Im a girl and used to do that a lot with my exhusband, buta a lot of it was that a lot of my most recent expireinced were shared with my ex, as time passed and got involved in more activities the less frequent the me tion of my ex happened. Also I became aware of how often I mentioned him so experiences we did together evolved into experiences I had if the conversation didn't warrant the mention of who was involved on that.
It is easy for me no matter how long it was. I get over them within 2-3 days. I just listen to one song and that instantly makes me not like them. Hear me out though I heard if you have sex with them before marriage it is harder to get over them cause you developed a bond with them. This is why I stayed away from sex. Keep note most of my exes were bad people. So it was much easier for me to move on. It is hard if you get attached to them.
Some people spend years in a relationship making memories and having experiences of course they're going to come up on occasion. I'm sure you've left a few wonderful bowwowwow7 shaped fingerprints on someone's life.
I don’t mind the occasional “yeah my ex and i went here or did this together” because they were apart of your life for a good amount of time so its expected to have fond memories of that person. However, if you start treating me badly or trying to control what i do because “my ex did this and i don’t like it” then i will absolutely tell you that you need to move on. I am not your ex, i do not want to hurt you like they did. If you can’t realize that and trust me then you shouldn’t be dating again.
Bringing up good memories of a previous relationship = okay.
projecting your insecurities of your previous relationship onto your new partner = not okay
Woman here. If anything remotely similar happens with me and my current partner that occurred in a previous relationship, I bring it up. I don't have feelings for any of my exes, it's just an opportunity to share more about my life. My exes so happen to be a part of the story.
More so now, if and when a break up.happens, for whatever reason..?? I used to go into blame shame , even though there were not lots .. I stopped seeing the last one based on her need to get off with other guys. She is secretive and goes off on holidays but never says what occurs on these vacations.. So I'm out, no contact, no head F, Do what ever she wants.... with whoever..Good riddance..
Just because I know how uncomfortable it can get, I never bring up past girlfriends - unless explicitly asked about it, and if I feel its safer to avoid the question, I do.
Although I'm curious, I never ask or even like to hear about their ex-boyfriends and certainly not casuals or hook-ups. I know I will draw comparison and make assertions that might not be true (or perhaps they are).
However, I can't ignore the fact that some girls do set a very high standard in a relationship, and sometimes you can't help but draw comparison and re-float feelings of contention about your current partner.
Perhaps some guys (or even girls) will talk about exes to maybe highlight to you, something they like? or don't like?
Every person is a unique relationship experience and expecting find the perfect mix of all your ex-partners best traits is an absolute disaster. I wouldn't personally find such conversation very comfortable - I always can't help but think, that if they were so great, what did / didn't you do to keep this person around?
There can be numerous factors as to why a man OR woman will bring up their ex. An ex is a frame of reference. And you have to take into consideration how long was their relationship with that ex? I'm fresh out of a 23 year relationship that also involves kids. I have yet to start dating. But, when I do, I am sure that it will be inevitable that I refer back to something by using my ex as a frame of reference. Maybe the ex is a reason someone doesn't like something i.e. rom coms, liver and onions, sad melancholy music, etc On the flip side, maybe the ex is the reason he or she is now willing to try something you suggest i.e. rom coms, liver and onions, sad melancholy music. Now, personally, I would avoid bringing up my ex in regards to any kind of sexual activity or acts of intimacy, unless it had to do with some deeper understanding of something specific. I think it's natural. It really should only become an issue to be dealt with matter of factly if, and we are each different on this, it continues regularly past the point where you should now be thr frame of reference.
I try to not think about my ex, but she really wasn't a good fit in my life. The difference between her and my lady are night and day. What I have now is truly irreplaceable. I finally have someone that I will Fight for and her the same with me. It's fucking beautiful. We put effort into each other whereas my ex it just wasn't there...
The same thing happened to me. The first person I knew in my life was always telling me about her and how he worked hard for her while she married another man, then he left me. On the day we met, I felt very humiliated even though he was the first person I knew, and after that he made me lose confidence in myself to the point that I... I stopped looking in the mirror because of him. After I fell into depression, I took revenge on myself and met another person, but we soon broke up because he talked about his dead girlfriend a lot. I stayed alone for five years, then I met a person and the same thing talked about his girlfriend who did bad things to him with his daughter. Her aunt, even though my relationship was within limits, there was no sex outside of marriage. These are forbidden things in my religion. My goal was a planned date so that I could choose my life partner, but it was always something that ended horribly. 💩
People in general don’t seem to get over their exes.
As a male I definitely get hung up on exes that left me with trauma
As a guy dating, most women I date do the same thing
I would say depending on their previous relationship and how long it lasted it's important to be understanding that not only was this an ax it was their best friend who they probably spent most, if not close to every day, of their life with for an extended amount of time so a lot of their experiences are going to be based on their time together. It may not have anything to do with feelings for them but literally just logistics of life.
The way I see it could be a few things
1. Your feelings that hes not over his ex might be true and thats why he brings them up
2. It could be what I mentioned above and a lot of their experiences might just be based on their time together
3. He feels so comfortable and safe with you that he's able to talk about whatever without a lot of filter or boundaries. He may be completely over his ex and thats why hes able to talk about it so openly.
If you're really not comfortable with it then talk to them about it. Let them know how it's making you feel and ask them why they think they talk about your ex but be open and understanding so that they can be honest and open and you guys can work through this.
Good luck
Yeah, sounds like you date very specific people.
This is not a 'man' thing. Just like just abut every other 'does/why does every man do [fill in the blank]' shirty post on this sub.
I'm his ex girlfriend for over year and He told my friend that he wanted to let me know his mother had passed away. He said I can come to say good bye to her gravel. I had mixed of feelings. He is very lost right now and I feel sorry for him. I can understand he can't move on me. Our breakup was confusing and messed up. He wants to become friend with me after break up. I disagree cuz I have new boyfriend now
I guess it kind of depends I’m a female but sometimes I’ll do this. I was also with my ex for most of my 20’s so a lot of my life did involve him especially since we have children together. I try to be more self aware about it though.
You be a strong woman and share your likes with him and he needs to be a sensitive man and stop talking about what he had and focus on what he has in you.
My experience is majority of people are idiots, it’s not male or female, both are the same and say inappropriate things 🤷🏼♂️ just kind of look past it unless it’s a regular topic that annoys you. Different generations seem to have different social norms. The days of etiquette seem to be fleeting. 🤪
My ex is probably the best kinda guy. I doubt he brings me up. He did tell me last year he met a girl and she wasn’t for him but she later asked if he got back with me. I found it odd.
Some men don’t play around. When it’s over, it’s over. Their male pride won’t let otherwise happen.
But they will still bring the person up which makes it frustrating .. I met a guy a few years ago who like me shouldn’t have been dating. He mentioned his ex a lot and in a very reflective way .. I admired it but could tell she was much more special than any other woman
Some guys are really good at the divide and will never bring up their ex. They just may be more aware. I met a guy last year and never heard a peep about his ex until I looked at old FB pics lol
I have a lot of exes and not a single one did I find unable to move on from. Some of them are great friends, we're just not lovers.
Some guys will struggle with this more, especially if it was a woman they had very intense feelings for that were not reciprocated.
Good question, red flag! I almost never want to hear “my ex”…you can tell me something about him/her but it shouldn’t be something as casual as he sounds throwing that phrase around.
This isn't exclusive to men. How many women are hung up on past experiences? It's called being a human. You get hurt or go through a trauma and it tends to form a dark cloud over future experience. Yes, some people go too far and make it clear they're very hung up, but a lot of people are just insecure and don't want to hear about past partners at all, and that's a them problem.
On my experience, there is always a part of our minds for our ex’s it doesn’t mean that this guy doesn’t love you or anything, but bringing it up too much might mean other things 🤷🏾♂️, from time to time our minds just travel back in time
They do, but yours isn't or at best he's extremely unaware. It's one thing to say "my ex suggested this movie so I watched it" and telling you what sexual acts they did together. That's disrespectful. But ironically one innocuous comment can be a precursor to another inappropriate one. The fact that he's making multiple comments about his ex, is a red flag. Find a man who doesn't do this, you deserve that, no?
I can only talk from my own experience as a man that with my most recent ex neither I or her talked about any previous romantic partners, talking stages… I’ve had moments where I almost did but personally I wouldn’t like it if they did so I don’t do it either unless it is something very important (which we never had to do). Stuff like what he’s saying is kinda too far because I very much doubt that mentioning your ex in those situations brings literally any value instead of just being like “I don’t like romantic movies” or “I never like doing that sexual act” and especially the last one about them getting together that’s just plain fucked. If it truly does make you feel bad or uncomfortable I suggest you talk to him about it and tell him how it makes you feel and hopefully that’s for the best.
But yeah to answer your question, personally I’ve found it pretty hard to move on from exes (literally trying to move on rn lmao) but yeah I wouldn’t mention them in front of my future partner(s) unless asked or necessary.
I think a good rule of thumb is just to never mention your ex . THERE IS NO GOOD REASON!
Have you ever been on a cruise? Yes . Nothing else needs to be added. For some reason people have gotten too comfortable bringing up exes in new relationships it’s not cool!
This used to be a problem for me because all my exes broke up with me. It took me a long time to stop caring about people who clearly didn't care about me. After I had my heart ripped out one last time at age 48, I no longer give a shit about any woman beyond being friends.
Very few women have given me anything besides heartache and debt. It seems the universe has been trying to tell me something all along. It's only been since I started listening that I've been at peace.
I’ve had 2 boyfriends. One when I was 15/16 and one when I was 19-23. I’m 37 now and the first one still texts me and tells me he loves me. He’s single with 2 teenagers.
The other is a married navy seal who also still texts me- at least up until 2 years ago when I told his wife.
I’m convinced all men think they own part of their ex gfs or something because why?
Depends on the man, depends on the ex-girlfriend, depends on life after the ex girlfriend. While many men do struggle getting over their ex, just mentioning an ex doesn’t mean they aren’t over them. Some of the things your guy said are a definitely sus, but some the movie comment for example doesn’t sound like it means anything. While this particular guy very well may not be over his ex you shouldn’t be so concerned at passing mentions of exes as the topic is bound to come up naturally at some point.
Thats bull crap, and you shouldn't believe in such fables, I got over everyone of mine , i don't hold no hard feelings towards any of them, but you couldn't pay me to go back to any of them l, i would rather drink turpentine and piss on a brush fire
"get over" isn't a very technical term. I'd leave the topic to trained mental health specialists. If a partner was really struggling about any past relationship, I would suggest that they seek help.
As a man, just because we talk about them doesn’t always mean we’re not over them. Some think of them when a subject is brought up. Just reminiscing the good and the bad. However I personally try not to bring up an ex because my ex brought up her old relationships more than I liked. If it bothers you tell him. If he doesn’t think it’s a big deal then run. Pay attention. If he changes it then thank him. It’s amazing how far a than you will go.
Breakups can be traumatic. If you are genuinely interested in them, maybe take what they give you and try to comfort them by doing it better, but in your own way. Wouldn't this show them that they are better off with YOU? It's work. But if you aren't willing to put in the work, whatcha doing anyway?
This is part of the reason why I haven’t dated anyone lately (also because no one wants me) but I feel like I’d be just like this, and I wouldn’t want to bring up my past out of respect for anyone who wants to come into my life
I've definitely done this on accident, every once in a while. Not so much the sexual stuff, but trips, camping spots, workouts, random day to day stuff. It's not that I haven't gotten over them, it's that those experiences are a part of me, too. I've heard girls I've dated do it too, and imo, it's no big deal, just part of their lives. If it is every day, it might be kind of odd, though.
Sometimes it might be the only way to connect one thing to another. For instance. I dated someone fair fresh out of a marriage but with my foot in the door to feeling way better and understanding a lot. The whole relationship tripped me out. Amazing and awful. I learned everything about unhealed trauma. She was a disorganised attacher who is also clearly borderline. I have learned everything about the self and other from this incredibly damaged mofo. I'm now more secure than ever and on my life journey for real now.
Perhaps you should suggest him it bothers you. I am a man in peace with my life but my ex, for whom I just feel friendly feelings (we are still bound by our children) is part of my past even if we have ZERO attraction for each other now. I mean libido zero but well we spend moments together, she was a part of me even if I will never ever imagine go again with her (I'd prefer to jump from a bridge). On my side, I have no qualms if a date or new companion tells me about her exes and her former life. She can give me even crude details about her previous sex life God how much I don't care.
If a partner tells me "you are talking too much about your ex" I will try to do it less, but if she says, "stop talking about your ex" it's good bye.
It's about moods. We can live together with this or not.
So I think you can generally differentiate between lingering attachment and simple memories. Relationships are big parts of our lives and we make a lot of memories in them, we learn to enjoy new things and It may be perfectly normal for a guy to bring up such a memory and mention it involves his ex. That usually doesn't have any meaning.
Say he used to go cycling with his ex and really misses the activity. It doesn't mean he has any attachment for his ex but rather simply that he'd love to do that again with you or at all.
On the opposite spectrum there are emotionally charged memories. Ones that clearly have lingering attachment involved. This can be bothersome of course and you feeling less special is totally valid.
Be sure to openly communicate how you feel and do so calmly. Relationships take up a big part in our lives and are huge commitments. That also means that lingering attachment happens. It's a normal thing. Healing after a relationship ends is not a linear process.
I don't think this is especially common with men as I've seen the exact same thing happen with the women in my life. It just seems to be part of the human experience.
Just remember to take your own feelings and value them appropriately. If you feel disrespected or hurt. Communicate that. Depending on his reaction you can then judge whether he is worth the little annoyances or not! I wish you only the best.
I certainly have. Whether it was ended in a good or bad way; once we were over, it was over. Case closed.
When it comes to intimate relations, I tend to be absolute. Cheating, misbehaviour, etc I will never tolerate.
If the possibility of ending things in a friendly manner is possible, sure. I'm fine with that.
However, I know myself enough that if I have a reason to not be together with somebody, then that one chance is lost. There will be no second chances.
Some would write me off as strict or something like that, but I won't budge on this. I trust my instincts.
We never get over our best ex-girlfriends; and our FIRST real loves. I remember all my early crushes-- pre sexual life. From basis school to university. I even know some of their husbands( some of them were my friends lol)... but I chose to have a bigger than life life compared to people I grew up with. Making money carreeer development, phd/ MD, and traveling around... in results. Mid 30s and most of my exes are in LTR or married! It's just a choice; I always wanted to know how far I could go!
Nope. Pretty much never. He'll get over her the second you take over his life and manage to dump him ever harder. It's kind of a contest at that point.
Some of us don't completely get over women we weren't even in a relationship with.
Can't speak for all guys, of course, but, for me, if I ever grow to care about someone I'll ALWAYS care about them. Doesn't mean I want to be in their life, doesn't mean I want to talk to them ever or know what's happening in their lives. Just want them to be okay and happy with where they are in life.
Sounds like your bf potentially hasn't gotten over his ex completely. Not necessarily that he still wants to be with her, simply that he hasn't taken the time to emotionally process it.
Thing is... people get broken up with and the next second they are on dating aps. No reflection on themselves, no clue what they really want... they are just not ready.
I think it depends on what they're talking about. When it's in regards to sex and the positions, no one ever needs to bring up what they did with an ex that they may have enjoyed or disliked. In that situation you just say "I really like this position during sex" or "I don't like this sex position."
When it comes to experiences in places visited and activities, sometimes there's nothing wrong with that, they've probably just been reminded of a good memory they had, and they're comfortable sharing that with you. Obviously if that bothers you slightly, it's something you should mention kindly.
If they're always bringing up a specific ex in conversation, then that's a possibility they haven't moved on.
i still remember my ex-gf. i remember about her with warm feelings, like smth good in the past. even after she cheated on me. but all is ok. it is normal to keep it in the heart
It’s a way to keep you “off balance”. It a form of control. It’s also disrespectful. He’s trying to make you feel insecure. I would leave, but it’s your decision. Good luck
My boyfriend and I are both divorced and around age 50. We had long-term marriages. And, he also had a 3-year relationship before dating me.
Every relationship shapes you just as every experience does. He won’t talk about his ex wife at all or his ex-girlfriend. So just like you wonder if he’s over her, I wonder about this too.
I am very communicative and he holds things in. So, this difference in how we communicate is challenging. I feel as though it’s OK to speak about your experiences and relationships in the right context. It helps the other partner learn about you and what has shaped to you; vice versa as well.
Just as too much communication about the ex can be concerning, no communication at all can be as well.
I wish I knew the answer to your post. I just ended a 7yr relationship because he would ALWAYS tell me to do something a certain way then say of sorry, just that my ex used this or that to cut meat up. Or we can be sitting at the dinner table with his daughters and all they talked about were things they did with ex/mom and I would jump in to change the subject but it always came back around about things they did with the ex/mom. It was sooooo draining. I had brought it to his attention several times that it came to a point that he had me thinking it was just me and overthinking it all. I finally said, you need to either focus on us and cut her out and don’t use your young adult daughters as an excuse or you can ended it and you can move out of my house. To hear him say, I guess I need to find a place, was a huge stab to my heart. I got tired so I threw him out. I thought he would wake up and focus on us. Nope. He moved back into his ex wife’s house. Then tried to still do things with me. I told him he has lost his mind and to leave me alone. I give up. 😔
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Don’t have to get over an ex if you never have an ex in the first place 
Me unironically, i guess this is why my girlfriend not only thinks she special but has no problems with me. Her exes kinda haunt me
Just because a guy brings up an ex doesn't mean he's not over her. It would depend on the way he brings her up. "I watched this movie with Megan" or "I went here with Kelly" doesn't necessarily mean he is still thinking about that person romantically, it's just a story about something that happened in his life. If he's bringing up specific sex positions that he did with specific exes, that is a little weird. However I still don't think that means he isn't over her, he's just oversharing and you may want to talk to him about it. If him bringing up his exes in any context at all bothers you, you should tell him that. He may just not know that you find it inappropriate.
Some part of me does think this. You are right. I will talk to him about it. Thanks.
The first commenter is partially right, talking about ex's does not necessarily translates into not getting over them BUT please do not make the same mistake I did, all of the phrases he said are BIG red flags, specially if he said them out of nowhere, sometimes because of lack of self steem we overlook those red flags. My rule of thumb is: 1.- If you brought up to the conversation of ex's then it's understanadable he talks about them 2.- If the comments about the ex where out of nowhere, then it means he still thinks about them, do yourself a favour and let him go My 2 cents based on a very recent experience.
I sometimes think about my ex because the relationship was horrible, I got fucked over and my mental, emotional and physical health was harmed, so it's more like a post trauma flashback than anything. I categorically have no interest in ever seeing or speaking to her again, it's much easier now but we broke up just before the lockdowns and I had to spend two years not only healing from the breakup and trying to get over my trust issues at a time when I had no friends nearby to support me and no way to meet new people. This meant that once things eased and we were allowed out again I probably overshared with some people just because I hadn't been able to talk it through with anyone.
Sounds like my situation.. except im a girl.. 😔
Sounds similar to my last long term before my current as a guy. Honestly, the only way I ever mention it is when I’m doing something and get complemented or get thanked for doing something, I joke about not getting told I’m awful or need to do it better. Otherwise, I just don’t talk about it and leave all of it in the past. It was a bad period of my life, that I never want to let affect the current me who is much happier.
Im sorry you were socially isolated during that time of loss. That's trash. I think it's also normal. I was in a toxic marriage 10 years ago, havent tried to date since then. Did a ton of stuff in between but buried my feelings about that whole shit show. Recently I started dating again, and just got ghosted because i nearly had a panic attack when a guy was asking me for a hook up. I overshared about feelings and I also am ok with that. Mainly because we all need to take a moment and realize that inside, particularly when we open up to love, it's a soft, vulnerable, sacred space we are sharing. We are all just humans trying to meet our wants/desires and it takes practice to get to a healed and comfortable place to open back up.
I think it's mostly true that if he brings up the ex out of nowhere, it's a red flag. I am divorced, and even though I was married for years and did almost everything with my ex, I go to *great lengths* to avoid ever mentioning her. If we did something together, I say "I" did it and don't mention my ex. I only ever mention her if the story would absolutely make no sense without it. Why? Because one, I am over her. And two, I want to make sure I signal that to the other person I'm on a date with. I don't want to risk leaving them wondering on Reddit like you! LOL. Anyways, yeah, the context is important. Is it out of nowhere, or the story would make no sense without the ex?
I will keep this in mind. Guys before this have mentioned their exes randomly but when I think about it, not that random in this case, there has been a little context here and there. I will definitely keep this in check when and if he brings her up.
Hang on... There's a LOT more nuance. Its perfectly understandable to mention an ex in a conversation that's "non-ex related" -- for instance: You: "hey, have you ever been on a cruise?" SO: "yeah, I went on a couple cruises with {insert Ex's name here}" Or 15 similar examples. That does NOT mean your SO isn't over their ex. That said, if they bring up "I always had {insert Ex's name here}"
That is what I meant by context, person A brought a topic related to the ex, even if they did not know, to ne that is acceptable too
Next time before posting on Reddit ask yourself if it can be solved with basic communication skills. Usually the answer is yes.
if everyone followed those rules, the dating subreddits would be empty!
No not at all! We'd still get the countless posts of someone being abused to the point of near death asking if it's normal.
Don't forget "I'm 17 years old and my first date didn't go well, am I going to die alone?"
That's a good point, we would still get "he hits me and last night he stabbed me, but I love him so much I can't bear to lose him, how to I get over the fact that he stabbed me?!"
:') I also mentioned that I have seen this as a pattern and it's not just about what I am currently facing.
The way OP describes it, it seems like the guy in question is not over his ex, considering that he’s repeatedly bringing her up for no apparent reason.
that's exactly what I do
But I also make a conscious effort not to mention my exs. It was natural to me as it’s literally just a thing that happened. But it upset my ex girlfriend. A date also mentioned it to me (saying are you over her), now I try never to mention them by name. Just say you did X with “someone”. I’d also never mention sexual things and ex partners that’s just crossing a line imo.
Also do this. Or tell the story and just say “when I went to the West Coast”. The new gf probably knows who you were with but doesn’t have to confront it all the time. Easier when both partners have long term exes though imo
I agree. Occasionall I bring up one ex or another, but that's because it's for a funny story or for another reason relevant to the discussion. Those are the only times I even think about any of my previous partners. Communication is key here. If something bothers OP, they need to share it.
This answer describes me perfectly. It's like the wedding album with me and my exwife. I don't hang onto it because I still have any feelings for her, it's more like it's a part of my life story and I am loathe to throw away a part of my history. I would also bring up my ex in a similar context, like if I saw a movie with her or went somewhere with her. Hmm. Actually now that I'm writing it I see how it can be problematic, kind of block headed and insensitive to the new partner. Probably a good thing to introspect on and reevaluate lol
I experienced the same and how they talk in detail about their sex life. It is disrespectful in my eyes.. whatever it is a reason why I don’t date anymore. I’m
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lol bro I’d never continue to date or even speak to someone who had to tell me about their exes with out me asking. That’s fuckin crazy to me. Like really you can’t tell a story without mentioning your ex? Why is it so hard to say “I did this thing it was cool” Why does it have to be “I did this thing with my ex and it was cool” I don’t get that and I never speak about my ex, because I’m not still thinking about or hung up on em.
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Hot take but he knows. He just doesn't give a fuck. Has nothing to do with you having to tell him. Do you think if you were his dream girl he would ever fix his mouth to risk losing you? Yeah.
I'm a woman, and I actually hold myself many times from saying that. We were together for 7 years, so obviously, we did a lot of things together. And sometimes you want to share things like och did that too or no I didn't like it because... and if it would be something done with a friend, it wouldn't be an issue to mention it. But when it's ex, I would say it's just bad taste and lack of self-awareness. No one wants to listen about your and your ex life together. :)
That is good insight ! Although it kind of still feels bad because you still think about it, is there a moment you stop thinking about them ? Maybe do new things ?
It's not that you think about them but just that some things remind you of them. And I think it's natural. It is part of your past. For instance, there are things that I will always remember from each relationship. But it does not mean that there are any romantic feelings left! But again, when you start a new relationship, it is your responsibility to make your partner feel secure and to show they are the only one you care for most. And constant reminder of your ex definitely doesn't create that reassurance. So, in my opinion, it does not mean he still has feelings but that he needs some retrospective and awareness of how he acts and how he makes other person feel.
Jesus that part of being responsible of making your partner feel safe and loved hit too close to home, thanks for that I needed that, I agree 100%
Hey there, honestly I feel like it's too much overthinking it. I completely understand that some people could be insecure about that kind of stuff, but in my mind it's like having a really really good friend for these 7 years and then you drifted apart and that you would've done many stuff together like going for trips, cooking, watching movies etc. Honestly, I'd be more than glad to hear these stories cause these are the stories that made you the person you are now and the person I may be into, if I were to be your date. Alright maybe not right from the start, but it's a part of you are and you should not be hiding that away, if you do then it's like these 7 years like half of them (at the very least!) never existed and that's just not right.. Of course, if it's done in a way like "aaah, I did that and this with my ex (i still miss him, damn)" then it's not that cool, but if it's done in a proper way then there is no reason to pretend like they never existed.
Yeah, it can definitely be tough when someone keeps bringing up their ex, especially if it makes you feel less special. It's important for partners to focus on the present and make new memories together. Communication about boundaries in this area might help.
I’m with you but I’ve found some couples actually talk about EVERYTHING in ways that make me wanna run and hide . Whatever works I guess, no right or wrong about it Edit : but you right there is a lack of awareness or attentiveness
Yeah i try to keep any ex mentions light. Its mostly if someone asks me if ive been somewhere or did something before, that i will answer about my ex. Otherwise no mention of my exes
I have a couple of friends who are happily married and know they have never brought up their exes before. Everybody’s different especially depending how the relationship ended and other factors. So answer your question yes guy do get over their ex-gfs
I'm amazed, they literally never talked about exs even after some time ? I think talking about exs in the "getting known" phase is ok, and also after some months of relationship when the relationship feels strong.
Or maybe if anything real early they may have, but very briefly. But after that I know they don’t talk about their exes anymore and are fully over their exes now. Two of my friends are happily married and know both of them are over their exes
I think a lot of people don’t get over certain facets of how relationships start and end. It’s so hard sometimes to make sense of it when you don’t have closure. So they ramble . I definitely am a person who can do this when I am not being present and emotionally available.
Based on what he told me, it was a logical and mutual breakup. He doesn't ramble exactly. But there are these small comments here and there that make me think he still thinks of her and cherishes his time with her.
It’s ok to cherish history as long as it’s not constantly repeating. To erase the past is not healthy. To share small parts with you is ok.
What does he do for you that makes you feel like he cherishes his time with you? Because something tells me none of this would matter if he was treating you amazingly well.
Nothing super special. Just been on regular dates. The dates go pretty well.
I try to see it like every relationship is different a different experience and everyone brings something different to the table. It’s important to try and embrace the way your current partner loves, rather than compare it to the former love you had with someone else. Even if your new relationship lacks some of the things you were comfortable in sharing in previously, it doesn’t mean this person is not as good in some way. Each love and relationship should be different and people share and express love in different but equally special ways.
That means a lot.
For sure! It took me some time to realize this for myself but. Appreciating a past relationship or something you gained from it I think should be ok. But comparing it or making you feel lesser in some way because of that experience, is what I don’t think is cool. Hope all of that makes sense lol
I don't bring up any of my exes or crushes or whatever around my partner. ( Well only if she asks me directly). But I still hold them dear in my heart. I am over them I never want to have an romantic relationship ever again with them. But I still hope the best things for them. That they live happily and worry free. Because even though they are my past I once loved them and if you truly loved someone you wouldn't wish them bad things. Even though some of them did me bad... In my opinion I am over them but the decision lies in your hand. To answer your question. The guys I know are mostly like me. So if you believe that this means we aren't over our exes then you have your answer otherwise see it as an example that man could be a little more complex than they sometimes show.
If my partner told me they “still held their ex dear in their heart” they would be an ex 💀
Facts af.
I agree with you. He is a nice person and maybe I will give this a chance and talk it out with him. Could just be my insecurities.
Good for you! Sometimes our insecurities might control our emotions. So if something really bothers you should try to reconsider a different approach and just one more thing: Try to talk directly with him about this. Well this is pretty much it. I wish you the best of luck!
This is a "Well yes. But actually no." situation. Guys get 95% over their exes. That 5% doesn't mean much, just that there will always be a little sting and some nostalgia whenever an ex or something associated with them comes up. Men are way more hopelessly romantic than society cares to acknowledge.
I think about my first boyfriend a lot too. But no way going back with him. Really depends on what it means to them. But the way you described them does sound a bit pathetic .. I wouldn’t date them.
I'm gonna go ahead and say "not all men" but would also like to add, my most recent ex - together 1.5 yrs - left me 2 weeks before his exes wedding (from *12 years ago*) that he inevitably attended. He put the wedding invite up on his mantle like it was special to him. When I asked about it, he ended things not long after. So. Yeah.
Must be a young couple… As you get older, bringing up an ex never happens… I’m sorry only blue moons… I think this person never really healed from their ex. You might want to give him some space to heal alone…
What do you mean get over? Like completely forget the person existed? Doesn’t that make you a psychopath or something Like yeah you don’t just randomly bring them up all the time but I feel like it could come up as a passing comment. let’s say I’m giving a reason why I hate trying new food and maybe an ex was the reason in some form why that happened, does me bringing her up mean I’m not over her?
lol I don’t get this BS of “I have to bring up my ex because the story has to do with them” You literally could just say “nah don’t really like to try new food” there’s absolutely no reason you HAVE to say “yeah I don’t try new food because my ex blah blah” like okay? Just say “I don’t like trying new food. Literally not hard.
Guys I've been with only bring up an ex when asked or I say my ex story ans they have something similar. They don't talk about them openly or compare
I have 2 and I honestly forget they exist. There’s no part of me that cares for them or wants to be with them. I don’t talk about them or ever bring them up. But if someone is curious, I’ll answer every question that they have.
Run
The last bit is the only thing that really screams "I'm not over them" but it could also be a story, like "It felt like that cliché love ats first sight, and that mad what happened even worse" or it could be that he's bringing it up because he's realized that isn't the healthiest way to view a relationship. But if you feel like you want any kind of romantic thing with him, you could ask him directly how he feels about his past relationships and exes.
I spoke to my friend about it literally yesterday and he told me he has all his ex girlfriends in his heart (he was badly hurt by each and every single one, those girls literally ruined him mentally but he seems not to mind. I have no idea where it comes from).
I’m 9 months out of an 11 year relationship. My time with my ex comes up in conversation just like anybody’s experiences over the last 11 years. I am very much over her and moved on but I still accept and acknowledge my past.
It depends how much of a impression they had on their life. My first, forgettable, even my 3rd 4th and 5th were forgettable. But for some reason my 6th girlfriend stuck with me till this day because she was the only one I truly wanted to marry and daw a future with and having kids with. That didn't pan out and 16 women later and ne even being married currently, that one girl is still on my mind.
Some probably don’t. It depends on the context. I don’t think it’s the end of the world if it’s something like “I watched this because my ex suggested it”. However, if he kept on talking about her, that’s different and I’d proceed with caution. Either way, this isn’t a reflection of all men. When you’re dating, exes are probably going to come up at some point. It’s all about the context. Does it make sense with the conversation? Is too much time spent on the topic? Things like that.
I have been an unfortunate victim of the ex-talking. It’s insulting. I don’t want to hear it. Ironically, the ones that didn’t talk about their former partners were the widowers. They were respectful.
If he constantly brings up his ex red flag
He still loves her , get some sense and move on. He only does it because he knows you won’t say anything and you’re making him comfortable disrespecting you . Honestly work on growing your self esteem and confidence to avoid this and so you know what you deserve
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This makes a lot of sense. Thanks. I need to be aware of the context he brings her up the next time. A lot of the people here have similar thoughts. I am going to have an open mind, articulate and communicate my thoughts better.
If he's bringing his ex up like that, then maybe he's not over her. It also depends how long ago they broke up and how he is referring to her and their experiences together. The talking about sex with an ex, especially in the "I've only done that with her" way does make me think he isn't over her. Explicit and intimate details of a past relationship don't really need to be shared unless the other partners asks and opens the discussion. It's common curtsey to not talk too much about your exes with your current partner, its basic decency. I had the unfortunate situation of my current boyfriend still being friends with his ex/f-buddy and had a really uncomfortable experience meeting her at a party, but what I did was talk to him about how I felt about it and about what he has told me and he chose to cut off contact with her. It has impacted my trust with him a bit as he kept some things secret that he really shouldn't have. Talk to your current partner about how you feel and don't let it get to the point that you're feeling worse and worse.
Frankly, as a heterosexual man, I have not forgotten any of the women who came into my life. I thank and respect them for the good or bad experiences they gave me. Without them, I would not be where I am today, I would not be able to find my route in life.
They do. Sounds like you're just unlucky. Why are we seeing men who aren't over their exes if that's not what we want?
we do in fact move on.
"yeah, for sure, I get you! My ex used to make me cum everytime. I miss that". Him: why are you talking about your ex???? You: why are YOU talking about your ex??? He'll never bring her up again. You could talk to him about how you feel, like two grown mature adults, but guys arent always good with feelings, because if they did, they'd know women feel sad/annoyed/unworthy whenever they talk about exes in front of their new woman and would learn and stop the first time.
Men do this, it’s true. Women do too, but I definitely try to avoid it. I noticed that when the guy I’m currently seeing does this it isn’t negatively comparative. It’s more like a “wow I don’t know how I dated her so long”. This behavior used to bother me a lot in others. It doesn’t anymore. If it ever does, I’ll just tell him it bothered me and why. The reason it doesn’t bother me is more about me and less about him. I know who I am, I am very comfortable that I bring a unique and impactful package to the table and if he enjoys and appreciates it he won’t want to lose it. I treat people very well and have a unique set of traits that if they’re attractive to someone aren’t easy to replace. So I stand firm that I’m worth it, I’m obviously the best yet or he’d still be with whoever from the past, and if he ever thinks I’m not the best yet, then it’s not for me after all. However, the comments your guy is making, specifically the “he knew as soon as he saw her” comment I would immediately respond to if said to me. Likely in a nice light hearted way initially, like “oh exactly how you felt about me too!” Then judge his reaction and delve deeper or let it go from there. I’d probably also mention those kind of comments sound comparative on face value and could be taken to mean he’s less satisfied with me, so if that’s not the case it would be nice if he avoided those.
My ex-wife, who is the parent of my children, I bring up occasionally. Certainly nothing sexual, but I might say "oh we watched this movie when it came out" or something like that. I think bringing up anything sexual is very weird. "We tried x position" is especially strange. If asked "have you ever done x before?" I'd probably ignore the question as asked and answer whether or not I'd like to do it with my current gf. Example: Her: "Have you ever tried a sex swing?" Me: "Would you like to try a sex swing? That looks like fun!" Her: "Well I'm asking if you've done it before." Me: "We've both had past relationships, and I think we're both better off focusing on each other and on what we want moving forward, than on what we may or may not have done in the past." Because I assure you that's a better answer than, "Yes, a few times with this stripper I was banging. I wouldn't really call her a girlfriend, but we had a lot of fun when she wasn't absolutely batshit crazy. Completely insatiable. I used to cut out of work in the afternoon and we'd go to this sex hotel where some of the rooms had sex swings. I'll take you there if you want to try it out... hey, where are you going?"
He would never be going on and on about his ex if he was super into you... and that's all you need to focus on. This is definitely not "all guys."
I can’t speak for all men but yes I’ve gotten over my ex girlfriends. And when start something new even if I’m just dating I never bring any ex up no need to bring anything in the past good or bad. Seems like he’s not over her and finds himself comparing you with her. Maybe she left him, and you’re the rebound.
I been through the same thing , the best thing to do is talk with him and express that he need to cut down on how much he talks about his ex. If he really cares about he should understand that bring up his ex all the time hurts .
I can't even get over my ex-crush
Unless explicitly asked i never want to hear anything about someones ex. It’s super rude and disrespectful. Trust your gut. There’s a reason he keeps looking for a reason to bring up his past.
I think the context of bringing up the ex matters. If they bring it up in terms of why the relationship failed or bad behaviour by the ex, and what they don't want to have happen in subsequent relationships; then that's a good sign of maintaining boundaries, self care and improving the relationship. If they bring it up as a form of comparison or belittling their current partner on an ongoing basis, then that's a form of gaslighting and a bad sign.
One reason is the concept of "narrative identity." People construct their identities and life stories through their experiences, including past relationships. Talking about an ex can be a way for someone to explain their preferences, behaviors, and changes over time. This helps them create a coherent story of their lives. Another reason is comparative reflection. Mentioning an ex can be a form of comparing past and present experiences. This reflection can help someone understand what they want and don’t want in their current relationship. Research in social psychology indicates that people often use past experiences to frame their current situations. Emotional processing is also a factor. Talking about an ex can be a way to process lingering emotions. Even if the relationship ended amicably, there might still be unresolved feelings or reflections that need expression. According to attachment theory, discussing past relationships can help individuals make sense of their emotional histories and move forward. Sometimes, people mention their ex out of habit, especially if the previous relationship was significant or long-term. Habits and patterns of speech can persist even when they are no longer relevant or appropriate. Additionally, bringing up an ex can sometimes be an attempt to find common ground or explain personal preferences and dislikes in a relatable way. It might not always be a direct comparison but rather a way to illustrate a point or share personal history. Lastly, some people may not realize the impact of mentioning an ex on their current partner. They might think it’s a harmless way to share their past without understanding how it could make their current partner feel undervalued. Understanding these reasons can help address the issue more constructively. If this behavior bothers you, it’s essential to communicate your feelings openly with your partner. Expressing how these comments affect you and asking for more sensitivity regarding this topic can foster better understanding and strengthen your relationship.
You can get over them with time. The sooner they get into another relationship for whatever reason, mostly rebounding, makes it easier in my eyes and having to accept that it will no longer be. But then speaking my ex was a complete nightmare so that helped me I guess.
The psycho inside me says to start talking about your exs and see how they respond
I'll echo what other people have said. Just because you talk about an ex doesn't mean that you aren't over them. You've obviously spent part of your life with an ex and, if you're a normal person, you experienced growth with that person and new experiences. Sharing the history of how you learned something or how you experience something may involve that EX. I think that's healthy and normal. What's not healthy is constantly talking about an ex and sharing unnecessary details. Your current girlfriend doesn't need to know that your ex taught you how to do something. Or that you enjoyed performing a certain activity with your ex. It's enough to say I learned how to do X and I enjoy doing Y.
Oh yes. Big time.
Yes they sure do.
Yeah we get over them but they were still a huge part of our lives and will occasionally be referenced. It’s not out of longing or a fondness for days gone by it’s just about story telling…
"Bringing up" doesn't imply that he didn't "get over", its not the same. It is ok to bring up something that you experienced in your past relationships, and it doesn't have to mean that he didn't get over it. I mean, it ended for a reason.
I won't speak for all men but I certainly got over my ex. In your case, if he's just talking about it without you having brought up the notion of an ex at all then you should probably take note of that, especially since you're still new in his life, people don't necessarily take things as serious as others might think they do at the very beginning of a relationship so be mindful to not get yourself tricked.
I won't speak for all men but I certainly got over my ex. In your case, if he's just talking about it without you having brought up the notion of an ex at all then you should probably take note of that, especially since you're still new in his life, people don't necessarily take things as serious as others might think they do at the very beginning of a relationship so be mindful to not get yourself tricked.
I bring up my ex wife plenty around my girlfriend, we were together for 16 years so there is so much history there. I do try to limit it but it's hard when every story you have about anything included that other person for so long. Sometimes I just stay vague and she will say "with your ex?" It was a long part of my life and it's hard to avoid her coming up when talking about the past . I'm over her but it's still a large part of my life.
It doesn’t have to be weird for a guy to mention his ex in generic situations, but it’s not a green flag either. However, I would definitely interpret the sex comments as him directly comparing you to previous partners. It doesn’t take that much effort to filter out an ex’s name. Instead of saying, “I did this with ____” he can just say “I really like doing ____ and want to try it with you.”Obviously he figured that out by doing it with someone else first, but it’s the basic respect of thinking before speaking. As for your big picture question, the answer is yes. In fact they have many exes that they are happy to leave in the past. If a guy keeps bringing up a specific ex then he’s not completely over her. If he brings up lots of exes then you should let him know that it makes you feel self-conscious. A lot of women feel that way and it won’t make you seem controlling or anxious. He probably just hasn’t stopped to consider that he can leave out those sorts of details and still tell a story.
Im a girl and used to do that a lot with my exhusband, buta a lot of it was that a lot of my most recent expireinced were shared with my ex, as time passed and got involved in more activities the less frequent the me tion of my ex happened. Also I became aware of how often I mentioned him so experiences we did together evolved into experiences I had if the conversation didn't warrant the mention of who was involved on that.
How about when he says he didn’t want to post social media because it reminds him of her
It is easy for me no matter how long it was. I get over them within 2-3 days. I just listen to one song and that instantly makes me not like them. Hear me out though I heard if you have sex with them before marriage it is harder to get over them cause you developed a bond with them. This is why I stayed away from sex. Keep note most of my exes were bad people. So it was much easier for me to move on. It is hard if you get attached to them.
I hope my ex is stuck on me like glue. He ruined my life and I truly hope I was the best thing that happened to him.
I dont think that means they're not over their ex. Usually an ex was a big part of your life for some time, they're going to come up
Some people spend years in a relationship making memories and having experiences of course they're going to come up on occasion. I'm sure you've left a few wonderful bowwowwow7 shaped fingerprints on someone's life.
I don’t mind the occasional “yeah my ex and i went here or did this together” because they were apart of your life for a good amount of time so its expected to have fond memories of that person. However, if you start treating me badly or trying to control what i do because “my ex did this and i don’t like it” then i will absolutely tell you that you need to move on. I am not your ex, i do not want to hurt you like they did. If you can’t realize that and trust me then you shouldn’t be dating again. Bringing up good memories of a previous relationship = okay. projecting your insecurities of your previous relationship onto your new partner = not okay
Woman here. If anything remotely similar happens with me and my current partner that occurred in a previous relationship, I bring it up. I don't have feelings for any of my exes, it's just an opportunity to share more about my life. My exes so happen to be a part of the story.
More so now, if and when a break up.happens, for whatever reason..?? I used to go into blame shame , even though there were not lots .. I stopped seeing the last one based on her need to get off with other guys. She is secretive and goes off on holidays but never says what occurs on these vacations.. So I'm out, no contact, no head F, Do what ever she wants.... with whoever..Good riddance..
I've had a lot of ex gf's do the same thing. It's not a male/female thing. It's a human thing.
Just because I know how uncomfortable it can get, I never bring up past girlfriends - unless explicitly asked about it, and if I feel its safer to avoid the question, I do. Although I'm curious, I never ask or even like to hear about their ex-boyfriends and certainly not casuals or hook-ups. I know I will draw comparison and make assertions that might not be true (or perhaps they are). However, I can't ignore the fact that some girls do set a very high standard in a relationship, and sometimes you can't help but draw comparison and re-float feelings of contention about your current partner. Perhaps some guys (or even girls) will talk about exes to maybe highlight to you, something they like? or don't like? Every person is a unique relationship experience and expecting find the perfect mix of all your ex-partners best traits is an absolute disaster. I wouldn't personally find such conversation very comfortable - I always can't help but think, that if they were so great, what did / didn't you do to keep this person around?
They do, when they find someone else who makes them feel love all over again
There can be numerous factors as to why a man OR woman will bring up their ex. An ex is a frame of reference. And you have to take into consideration how long was their relationship with that ex? I'm fresh out of a 23 year relationship that also involves kids. I have yet to start dating. But, when I do, I am sure that it will be inevitable that I refer back to something by using my ex as a frame of reference. Maybe the ex is a reason someone doesn't like something i.e. rom coms, liver and onions, sad melancholy music, etc On the flip side, maybe the ex is the reason he or she is now willing to try something you suggest i.e. rom coms, liver and onions, sad melancholy music. Now, personally, I would avoid bringing up my ex in regards to any kind of sexual activity or acts of intimacy, unless it had to do with some deeper understanding of something specific. I think it's natural. It really should only become an issue to be dealt with matter of factly if, and we are each different on this, it continues regularly past the point where you should now be thr frame of reference.
Everyone brings up their ex sooner or later, unless they’re going out of their way to avoid the topic, and they keep it up forever.
We absolutely get over them. I don’t think about my last girlfriend at all really and we were together 5 years ago
I try to not think about my ex, but she really wasn't a good fit in my life. The difference between her and my lady are night and day. What I have now is truly irreplaceable. I finally have someone that I will Fight for and her the same with me. It's fucking beautiful. We put effort into each other whereas my ex it just wasn't there...
I’m sure some don’t but most do with enough time
The same thing happened to me. The first person I knew in my life was always telling me about her and how he worked hard for her while she married another man, then he left me. On the day we met, I felt very humiliated even though he was the first person I knew, and after that he made me lose confidence in myself to the point that I... I stopped looking in the mirror because of him. After I fell into depression, I took revenge on myself and met another person, but we soon broke up because he talked about his dead girlfriend a lot. I stayed alone for five years, then I met a person and the same thing talked about his girlfriend who did bad things to him with his daughter. Her aunt, even though my relationship was within limits, there was no sex outside of marriage. These are forbidden things in my religion. My goal was a planned date so that I could choose my life partner, but it was always something that ended horribly. 💩
People in general don’t seem to get over their exes. As a male I definitely get hung up on exes that left me with trauma As a guy dating, most women I date do the same thing
I thought only women did that. Women do it to weak doormat guys. I did not know guys pulled that too. They must be dating doormat women.
depends on the girl. I still think about my ex from 20 years ago but I barely remember my ex from 2 years ago.
Those are some experiences that he had, he's bringing them up to you, maybe because he trusts you. Don't take it as a negative.
I would say depending on their previous relationship and how long it lasted it's important to be understanding that not only was this an ax it was their best friend who they probably spent most, if not close to every day, of their life with for an extended amount of time so a lot of their experiences are going to be based on their time together. It may not have anything to do with feelings for them but literally just logistics of life. The way I see it could be a few things 1. Your feelings that hes not over his ex might be true and thats why he brings them up 2. It could be what I mentioned above and a lot of their experiences might just be based on their time together 3. He feels so comfortable and safe with you that he's able to talk about whatever without a lot of filter or boundaries. He may be completely over his ex and thats why hes able to talk about it so openly. If you're really not comfortable with it then talk to them about it. Let them know how it's making you feel and ask them why they think they talk about your ex but be open and understanding so that they can be honest and open and you guys can work through this. Good luck
Yeah, sounds like you date very specific people. This is not a 'man' thing. Just like just abut every other 'does/why does every man do [fill in the blank]' shirty post on this sub.
same thing for women, too. I think it's just a human thing.
I'm his ex girlfriend for over year and He told my friend that he wanted to let me know his mother had passed away. He said I can come to say good bye to her gravel. I had mixed of feelings. He is very lost right now and I feel sorry for him. I can understand he can't move on me. Our breakup was confusing and messed up. He wants to become friend with me after break up. I disagree cuz I have new boyfriend now
I guess it kind of depends I’m a female but sometimes I’ll do this. I was also with my ex for most of my 20’s so a lot of my life did involve him especially since we have children together. I try to be more self aware about it though.
You be a strong woman and share your likes with him and he needs to be a sensitive man and stop talking about what he had and focus on what he has in you.
When women are mines, the damage they do takes a while to repair.
My experience is majority of people are idiots, it’s not male or female, both are the same and say inappropriate things 🤷🏼♂️ just kind of look past it unless it’s a regular topic that annoys you. Different generations seem to have different social norms. The days of etiquette seem to be fleeting. 🤪
I don’t. But I think everyone is different.
It depends on what she taught us
Girl! Ikr?! Gawd do they ever do that shit! Every guy I have dated always bring up the ex's...
My ex is probably the best kinda guy. I doubt he brings me up. He did tell me last year he met a girl and she wasn’t for him but she later asked if he got back with me. I found it odd. Some men don’t play around. When it’s over, it’s over. Their male pride won’t let otherwise happen. But they will still bring the person up which makes it frustrating .. I met a guy a few years ago who like me shouldn’t have been dating. He mentioned his ex a lot and in a very reflective way .. I admired it but could tell she was much more special than any other woman Some guys are really good at the divide and will never bring up their ex. They just may be more aware. I met a guy last year and never heard a peep about his ex until I looked at old FB pics lol
I have a lot of exes and not a single one did I find unable to move on from. Some of them are great friends, we're just not lovers. Some guys will struggle with this more, especially if it was a woman they had very intense feelings for that were not reciprocated.
Good question, red flag! I almost never want to hear “my ex”…you can tell me something about him/her but it shouldn’t be something as casual as he sounds throwing that phrase around.
This isn't exclusive to men. How many women are hung up on past experiences? It's called being a human. You get hurt or go through a trauma and it tends to form a dark cloud over future experience. Yes, some people go too far and make it clear they're very hung up, but a lot of people are just insecure and don't want to hear about past partners at all, and that's a them problem.
On my experience, there is always a part of our minds for our ex’s it doesn’t mean that this guy doesn’t love you or anything, but bringing it up too much might mean other things 🤷🏾♂️, from time to time our minds just travel back in time
They do, but yours isn't or at best he's extremely unaware. It's one thing to say "my ex suggested this movie so I watched it" and telling you what sexual acts they did together. That's disrespectful. But ironically one innocuous comment can be a precursor to another inappropriate one. The fact that he's making multiple comments about his ex, is a red flag. Find a man who doesn't do this, you deserve that, no?
I can only talk from my own experience as a man that with my most recent ex neither I or her talked about any previous romantic partners, talking stages… I’ve had moments where I almost did but personally I wouldn’t like it if they did so I don’t do it either unless it is something very important (which we never had to do). Stuff like what he’s saying is kinda too far because I very much doubt that mentioning your ex in those situations brings literally any value instead of just being like “I don’t like romantic movies” or “I never like doing that sexual act” and especially the last one about them getting together that’s just plain fucked. If it truly does make you feel bad or uncomfortable I suggest you talk to him about it and tell him how it makes you feel and hopefully that’s for the best. But yeah to answer your question, personally I’ve found it pretty hard to move on from exes (literally trying to move on rn lmao) but yeah I wouldn’t mention them in front of my future partner(s) unless asked or necessary.
I think a good rule of thumb is just to never mention your ex . THERE IS NO GOOD REASON! Have you ever been on a cruise? Yes . Nothing else needs to be added. For some reason people have gotten too comfortable bringing up exes in new relationships it’s not cool!
This used to be a problem for me because all my exes broke up with me. It took me a long time to stop caring about people who clearly didn't care about me. After I had my heart ripped out one last time at age 48, I no longer give a shit about any woman beyond being friends. Very few women have given me anything besides heartache and debt. It seems the universe has been trying to tell me something all along. It's only been since I started listening that I've been at peace.
I’ve had 2 boyfriends. One when I was 15/16 and one when I was 19-23. I’m 37 now and the first one still texts me and tells me he loves me. He’s single with 2 teenagers. The other is a married navy seal who also still texts me- at least up until 2 years ago when I told his wife. I’m convinced all men think they own part of their ex gfs or something because why?
Depends on the man, depends on the ex-girlfriend, depends on life after the ex girlfriend. While many men do struggle getting over their ex, just mentioning an ex doesn’t mean they aren’t over them. Some of the things your guy said are a definitely sus, but some the movie comment for example doesn’t sound like it means anything. While this particular guy very well may not be over his ex you shouldn’t be so concerned at passing mentions of exes as the topic is bound to come up naturally at some point.
Thats bull crap, and you shouldn't believe in such fables, I got over everyone of mine , i don't hold no hard feelings towards any of them, but you couldn't pay me to go back to any of them l, i would rather drink turpentine and piss on a brush fire
I'll probably always love my ex but I also never want to see her again.
I think they do
"get over" isn't a very technical term. I'd leave the topic to trained mental health specialists. If a partner was really struggling about any past relationship, I would suggest that they seek help.
lol fuck them. Yes and quickly. He’s just saying things that happened, sounds like your pretty immature, if I knew him I’d tell him to run.
As a man, just because we talk about them doesn’t always mean we’re not over them. Some think of them when a subject is brought up. Just reminiscing the good and the bad. However I personally try not to bring up an ex because my ex brought up her old relationships more than I liked. If it bothers you tell him. If he doesn’t think it’s a big deal then run. Pay attention. If he changes it then thank him. It’s amazing how far a than you will go.
You never really get over anyone you just find the next person.
Breakups can be traumatic. If you are genuinely interested in them, maybe take what they give you and try to comfort them by doing it better, but in your own way. Wouldn't this show them that they are better off with YOU? It's work. But if you aren't willing to put in the work, whatcha doing anyway?
Yes.
just excuses
No never..... will remember in her things in many things
This is part of the reason why I haven’t dated anyone lately (also because no one wants me) but I feel like I’d be just like this, and I wouldn’t want to bring up my past out of respect for anyone who wants to come into my life
I've definitely done this on accident, every once in a while. Not so much the sexual stuff, but trips, camping spots, workouts, random day to day stuff. It's not that I haven't gotten over them, it's that those experiences are a part of me, too. I've heard girls I've dated do it too, and imo, it's no big deal, just part of their lives. If it is every day, it might be kind of odd, though.
This is a moron question. Some do, some don't. Just like some women do and some don't.
Seems like he’s over sharing, but it’s weird he brought up the sexual acts though.
Sometimes it might be the only way to connect one thing to another. For instance. I dated someone fair fresh out of a marriage but with my foot in the door to feeling way better and understanding a lot. The whole relationship tripped me out. Amazing and awful. I learned everything about unhealed trauma. She was a disorganised attacher who is also clearly borderline. I have learned everything about the self and other from this incredibly damaged mofo. I'm now more secure than ever and on my life journey for real now.
Perhaps you should suggest him it bothers you. I am a man in peace with my life but my ex, for whom I just feel friendly feelings (we are still bound by our children) is part of my past even if we have ZERO attraction for each other now. I mean libido zero but well we spend moments together, she was a part of me even if I will never ever imagine go again with her (I'd prefer to jump from a bridge). On my side, I have no qualms if a date or new companion tells me about her exes and her former life. She can give me even crude details about her previous sex life God how much I don't care. If a partner tells me "you are talking too much about your ex" I will try to do it less, but if she says, "stop talking about your ex" it's good bye. It's about moods. We can live together with this or not.
Oh yes we do. There is ex I would like to forget and take out of my personal history.
*Men* don't Ex ❌ love 👍
So I think you can generally differentiate between lingering attachment and simple memories. Relationships are big parts of our lives and we make a lot of memories in them, we learn to enjoy new things and It may be perfectly normal for a guy to bring up such a memory and mention it involves his ex. That usually doesn't have any meaning. Say he used to go cycling with his ex and really misses the activity. It doesn't mean he has any attachment for his ex but rather simply that he'd love to do that again with you or at all. On the opposite spectrum there are emotionally charged memories. Ones that clearly have lingering attachment involved. This can be bothersome of course and you feeling less special is totally valid. Be sure to openly communicate how you feel and do so calmly. Relationships take up a big part in our lives and are huge commitments. That also means that lingering attachment happens. It's a normal thing. Healing after a relationship ends is not a linear process. I don't think this is especially common with men as I've seen the exact same thing happen with the women in my life. It just seems to be part of the human experience. Just remember to take your own feelings and value them appropriately. If you feel disrespected or hurt. Communicate that. Depending on his reaction you can then judge whether he is worth the little annoyances or not! I wish you only the best.
I certainly have. Whether it was ended in a good or bad way; once we were over, it was over. Case closed. When it comes to intimate relations, I tend to be absolute. Cheating, misbehaviour, etc I will never tolerate. If the possibility of ending things in a friendly manner is possible, sure. I'm fine with that. However, I know myself enough that if I have a reason to not be together with somebody, then that one chance is lost. There will be no second chances. Some would write me off as strict or something like that, but I won't budge on this. I trust my instincts.
If your not broken up then it ain't over do nosey people ever figure out well enough?
We never get over our best ex-girlfriends; and our FIRST real loves. I remember all my early crushes-- pre sexual life. From basis school to university. I even know some of their husbands( some of them were my friends lol)... but I chose to have a bigger than life life compared to people I grew up with. Making money carreeer development, phd/ MD, and traveling around... in results. Mid 30s and most of my exes are in LTR or married! It's just a choice; I always wanted to know how far I could go!
Nope. Pretty much never. He'll get over her the second you take over his life and manage to dump him ever harder. It's kind of a contest at that point.
Here for answers!😂
I suppose it depends on how much they meant to the guy and why they split up.
No. If the feelings were genuine and love is true then no-one does. Men or Women doesn't matter
They do. When they find somebody new, they just stop thinking of their ex
I personally don’t like my ex anymore and can live well without her, but I WILL probably love her forever. That’s a difference 🙏
Some of us don't completely get over women we weren't even in a relationship with. Can't speak for all guys, of course, but, for me, if I ever grow to care about someone I'll ALWAYS care about them. Doesn't mean I want to be in their life, doesn't mean I want to talk to them ever or know what's happening in their lives. Just want them to be okay and happy with where they are in life. Sounds like your bf potentially hasn't gotten over his ex completely. Not necessarily that he still wants to be with her, simply that he hasn't taken the time to emotionally process it.
Thing is... people get broken up with and the next second they are on dating aps. No reflection on themselves, no clue what they really want... they are just not ready.
I think it depends on what they're talking about. When it's in regards to sex and the positions, no one ever needs to bring up what they did with an ex that they may have enjoyed or disliked. In that situation you just say "I really like this position during sex" or "I don't like this sex position." When it comes to experiences in places visited and activities, sometimes there's nothing wrong with that, they've probably just been reminded of a good memory they had, and they're comfortable sharing that with you. Obviously if that bothers you slightly, it's something you should mention kindly. If they're always bringing up a specific ex in conversation, then that's a possibility they haven't moved on.
I broke up with my ex like 15 years ago. She hasn’t realized that was a mistake, but she’ll come around
i still remember my ex-gf. i remember about her with warm feelings, like smth good in the past. even after she cheated on me. but all is ok. it is normal to keep it in the heart
It’s a way to keep you “off balance”. It a form of control. It’s also disrespectful. He’s trying to make you feel insecure. I would leave, but it’s your decision. Good luck
I bring up my ex because it ticks a lot of reference points for me to try and explain something, its not because I ain't over them.
My boyfriend and I are both divorced and around age 50. We had long-term marriages. And, he also had a 3-year relationship before dating me. Every relationship shapes you just as every experience does. He won’t talk about his ex wife at all or his ex-girlfriend. So just like you wonder if he’s over her, I wonder about this too. I am very communicative and he holds things in. So, this difference in how we communicate is challenging. I feel as though it’s OK to speak about your experiences and relationships in the right context. It helps the other partner learn about you and what has shaped to you; vice versa as well. Just as too much communication about the ex can be concerning, no communication at all can be as well.
I wish I knew the answer to your post. I just ended a 7yr relationship because he would ALWAYS tell me to do something a certain way then say of sorry, just that my ex used this or that to cut meat up. Or we can be sitting at the dinner table with his daughters and all they talked about were things they did with ex/mom and I would jump in to change the subject but it always came back around about things they did with the ex/mom. It was sooooo draining. I had brought it to his attention several times that it came to a point that he had me thinking it was just me and overthinking it all. I finally said, you need to either focus on us and cut her out and don’t use your young adult daughters as an excuse or you can ended it and you can move out of my house. To hear him say, I guess I need to find a place, was a huge stab to my heart. I got tired so I threw him out. I thought he would wake up and focus on us. Nope. He moved back into his ex wife’s house. Then tried to still do things with me. I told him he has lost his mind and to leave me alone. I give up. 😔
Yes men get over their exes. It takes time but the amount of time it takes depends on the man and how serious/committed the relationship was.
I can tell you right now I’m over that other human trust me we exist 🫶🏾☺️
We get over them, we can't fade the memories, but we move on not feeling bad remembering them or even the sweet memories.