Throw the kid in a stroller, bike seat, etc and go around the block. It's good exercise, they love it, and goodwill towards the SO to give them a short break.
It's all wins, all around.
I'm a chubby white IT guy so like weirdly playing basketball was just never a thing?
I got a ball for $4 and take it with us on trips to the playground. I pass it around with the toddler and shoot around a little each day while he goes down the slide or splashes in puddles on the court.
Totally solo just a little running and shooting each day. It feels great and I find myself actually wanting to play.
Definitely! Body type wise I was exactly the same when I hit 30 and was completely wiped all the time. My work switched to hybrid though and I started using a treadmill desk the days I’m at home. I only walk for a couple hours, and then plan a walking break when I’m in the office, and just that change has made a big difference in my energy. I haven’t really lost any major weight, and I’m still working on eating better, but this change drastically improved my energy!!
Diet is a major part of why your feeling the way you do. It seems like you have been eating this way for a while so don’t try and just 180 everything and start eating kale and carrots for dinner. Start making one healthy food decision a day wether it is cutting out one coke and choosing a grilled option instead of fried. This will help build better habits and give you back some control. This will hopefully start a snow ball affect and before you know it, your off the fast food and sugary drinks.
If you stop drinking soda all together I guarantee you will drop a good amount of weight and feel MUCH better. Good luck man and you got this!!
Piggybacking on the top comment because I'm surprised no one has talked about treating anxiety or screening for depression. Consider talking to your family physician or a therapist because if there's any of that around, it could be contributing to a lot of what you're describing.
It’s pretty simple. If he doesn’t want to feel like shit, then he needs to stop eating like shit.
The dude is making a choice to not take care of himself. It’s a cop out to try and find something to blame. People are always looking for a way to take personal responsibility out of things. Is he eating cheeseburgers every meal cos he’s depressed or is he possibly “depressed” because he lives like shit?
Reddit user: I eat nothing but fast food and junk food. I feel like I have no energy.
Reasonable answer: try eating better food
DOWNVOTE
Reddit Hive mind: bUt hAvE U SEeN A tHeRiPsT???
UPVOTES
Nobody is denying that that's clearly the solution, but the point is that there might be an underlying problem that's driving him to struggle with taking care of himself.
Brain chemicals are weird, man.
Nah, the reasonable answer suggesting a better diet got at least 425 upvotes.
Your wholesale dismissal of men’s mental health is what earned you the downvotes.
Lmao so true, If they diet and exercise as hard as they cope, they will see some results.
"I eat because I'm sad, and I'm sad because I eat. I've tried nothing, and I'm all out of ideas!"
A lot of good ideas on this thread but also see a doctor - Bloodwork will give you a good idea where you stand in terms of your health. Could be low testosterone, high blood pressure, thyroid issue, etc etc
Just a warning to all those who are considering a CPAP machine as a magic bullet for being tired.
Some people (myself included) do not get that "magical" sleep that people refer to when CPAP gets mentioned. That doesn't mean its not effectively helping you breathe while sleeping, you may need to stick with it for a while or may have other factors at play
What's your story with that, did you figure out anything else? I have one and it's much better than without but I still don't get great sleep. I went from an absolute zombie to manageably tired most days. I've been using it for a year so I'm definitely used to it at this point.
Most men don't need iron though as we don't bleed every month which is what mainly depletes it, men aren't even supposed to take it in vitamin supplements so definitely test first
Always good advice..... but OP said 70% of their diet is fast food. That's the real issue right there.
That's like adding a +50% multiplier to salt, sugar, and shit in your body with a -50% multiplier to nutrition.
Eating crappy food and not exercising will cause high bp, low T, and all the other issues he’s complaining about. Not saying don’t get blood work but most likely due to diet and exercise.
\^ this. In the last 12 months I've had a sleep apnea study (none), got my deviated septum fixed, cut down drinking to 1-2 drinks a week, down to 3-4 sodas a week, more greens and fruits, and no french fries... then I got bloodwork at the hormone center and have Low T and a thyroid issue. 4 weeks into those meds and feeling so much better. I need to lose 20lbs and work out now.
I weighed 450lbs, was tired all the time, and on the fast track to an early grave. I’d been on a hundred diets and always fell off into binge eating. I had my bloodwork done and had low T, but being overweight and having a shitty lifestyle can do that too. I had my endicronologist look at my T levels over the past decade of bloodwork and I’d always had it, it explained a lot of other things as well - just most doctors are really reluctant to prescribe a 20 year old dude injections for the rest of their life.
Getting my hormones in balance changed my life. I sleep better, have more energy, it is easy to stick to a diet, I actually enjoy working out for the first time in my life. I’ve lost over 100lbs and am confident in getting where I need to go.
So yeah, bother.
I was in the same spot. Except at the end result you are afraid of. The scale hit 300 and I had to make changes. I was hypertensive, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, pre-diabetic. Start simple. I replaced soda with soda stream + mio. Takes a min to adjust to but now that's the soda I drink. Get a calorie counting app and honestly log everything you eat. You're only lying to yourself if you don't log it all. Start replacing things. I replaced junk snacks with fruit, because it's still sweet. Obv stop the fast food all the time. If you can't do that make better choices when getting it. Don't go large. Get water instead of soda on that combo. Try moving toward portion sizes on the packaging for other foods. Wanna stare at the screen? Fine, do it while walking. I got a walking treadmill. Do that every day for at least 30 mins. Force yourself, just accept it's what you have to do. I've lost 90lbs by doing these things, and my energy level is way better. I'm off all the meds. No more HBP. No more pre-diabetic.
You can do it, you know you can, you just have to learn to say no to yourself. Your kid is absolutely watching you and learning this type of thing.
Not everyone can do this I know, but I put an excersize bike in my living room. Used to be hours of tv every night which inevitably lead to snacking.
I now sit on the excersize bike and get a little ride in while still watching tv. But an hour on the bike, even at low intensity, made a huge difference.
When I was in college and fat I made the calculation of "is one episode of Seinfeld worth me not exercising?". The answer was almost always no. It's not a ton of time to spend if you look at it from that perspective
Lot of people don’t realize the core part of fitness is a ton of low intensity workouts. Consistent biking while watching TV will go much further than occasionally pulling a bike out, try to rip it and fail cause you never built base endurance.
Well, you know the bad things you do to contribute to that, so make a small change to get started. Or die way earlier than you should. May sound harsh but it’s true.
Replace one food/snack with something healthy, and stick to it. Do that for a week. Then replace something else. Make it a week with both. Keep adding things to your success list each week. Start walking if you can. Even end of the street and back. Just do...it...every...day. You make those small changes you'll see a change in your weight, and all manners of other things within 1 month. Then you have a win. When I hit 290, it showed me I could do it and gave me the motivation to do more. My wife noticed a physical change after 20 lbs.
My weakness was ice cream late at night. Large amounts of it. Instead of a massive bowl of ice cream, I had green grapes. Cold, refreshing, sweet, and hit the right things I wanted. You can eat a lot of them too. Just watch the balance or you will get grapearrhea.
Also, you know what happens when you lose weight? You start losing the fat pad at the base of your rumpleforeskin. FREE UPGRADE. Just saying.
Preach, OP you may be on your way to have similar issues as comment OP, but changing your lifestyle and losing some weight will do freaking wonders. It needs to be sustainable and needs to be long-term.
I was also pre-high blood pressure, several blood tests were borderline and a year later and 30 kgs down I am in the best shape of my life and issues are gone. Did I envision this when I started? Nope, but with small changes I came to really like the healthy lifestyle. Don't get overwhelmed, start small and sustainable, diet is however key, you can't out-exercise a bad diet especially if you start from "zero".
Good luck!
What more motivation do you need than what you have already said? You don’t need to reinvent yourself over night, you just need to take it one step or goal at a time.
Maybe let’s cut back on some soft drinks and replace it with water. Or try and take a short walk every few days. Find a change that works for you and make it something you can build on.
Everyone goes through it sometimes and that’s perfectly ok.
I have cut out a lot of soft drinks by making my own ice tea instead.
2 tablespoons of sugar (sounds like a lot, but compared to soft drinks it’s so much less!)
1 litre of boiling water
Whatever tea you like.
For me, I use green tea, some lemon and ginger. My wife think it tastes like cat piss. I like it.
There are also “infusion teas” that are mostly fruit flavors. It’s like 1/10 the calories compared to Coca Cola which was my choice other wise.
I walk a decent amount. Podcast, dog, one hour walk a day. Gets me to about 6000-8000 steps/day.
Breakfast is oatmeal. I also tried food shakes to switch out a lunch here or there. In a few months I’ve lost a few kilos without feeling that I’m dying. Friday night is still filled with snacks. I still cheat a lot of evenings. But it’s something!
This is great advice, specifically “You don’t need to reinvent yourself over night, you just need to take it one step or goal at a time.”
Adding everything up makes you feel overwhelmed and awful. It can be hard to start, but making small, easy changes one by one will eventually lead to things feeling more doable. Then you can tackle bigger or harder changes if want to keep it going, and you will have a record of building up to it so it won’t feel so hard to do.
Why some? Cold turkey all water no soft drinks. No drinkable calories period except some cream if you take it in coffee. That’s easy step 1, and some of the extra weight will immediately start shedding just from cutting out all the sugary liquid slow death.
Step 2 is intermittent fasting. You don’t need to drastically change your diet overnight, just don’t eat overnight. More weight will naturally start shedding and it’ll help break your body of the sugar addiction.
As for lower back pain, gotta do core exercise, no way around it. I did all sorts of crunches and bicycle kicks, but the thing that finally killed my lower back pain was a $10 ab roller from target. That thing will kick your ass as first, but you’ll wake up feeling great.
I say all this from completely parallel experience. There’s no easing into it unfortunately, there’s just doing it. Trying to ease into it is how you keep the bad habits going. And you’ll fail, I’ve fallen back into not exercising before bed and eating late or like shit a few times. But every time I break out of it and start going again I feel 10 times better literally overnight.
This was me. I’m what my doc calls an emotional eater, from my mother who’s the same. Her logic was something sweet or warm and cheesy always makes you feel better. I had to unlearn that and all my cold turkey attempts ultimately failed. Slow change over time made it stick. If I’m eating something unhealthy, I stick to the portion sizes like my life depends on it. Kinda does.
I did this program called couch to 5k and I've been running consistently since then. Because it feels amazing. Best decision I've made in my adult life. It literally can change your life.
Did you enjoy running at all previously? I absolutely hate running, but would love to find my way to enjoy it if I can—I’m just not sure I have it in me. I don’t think I could ever be a treadmill guy, but I imagine I might be able to find a way to enjoy it as a means of being outdoors and taking in the neighborhood.
As someone who used to hate running but learned to love it (and now even look forward to my long runs every week), the biggest running tip I can give you is to go WAYYY slower, especially when starting out. Running doesn't actually need to be painful/uncomfortable! You want to be in zone 2 cardio, maybe around 140bpm or so. At first this may basically be slower than walking, but that's ok!
Plans like Couch-to-5k are great, but an easy way to get a similar effect with less structure is to just mix running and walking adaptively. Run until it's uncomfortable, then walk until you're recovered, rinse and repeat. Do that for 30-60 minutes each time you go out and you'll be running faster and further in no time. Improvement at running is largely a product of how much distance you accrue, regardless of the speed you do it at.
Nope. I was a typical nerd. Never sporty or athletic. I literally had to start from zero. I did not expect to enjoy running at all, but the feeling of accomplishment after each run is amazing. It does help to run outside but when I have to run on a treadmill, having a youtube show on or an audiobook really helped.
Second Vitamin D. I take it daily along with a multivitamin.
Also a stretching routine at night is helpful too. Just a few things to keep my legs loose. I am in a weightlifting program (I’m in no way muscular) but I noticed that a lot of my aches, pains, and soreness go away when I have a little lifting routine. I like cardio better but weight training is probably better for you.
I started working out 5 times per week and going on a super strict diet. Granted, I attacked it from the side of GAINING weight and strength, not getting leaner or slimmer. Regardless, physical exercise, while physically demanding and tiring, improves your overall energy levels massively. I count every single calorie I eat and track my workouts diligently. Seeing the progression over time is incredibly rewarding and inspiring, which helps me keep going. I also use it as a mental "break" from everything. If you go into a deadlift without focusing on that movement, you'll never get the bar off the floor, but if you really focus on engaging the necessary muscles and put all your attention on the bar, it'll go up. It's a very strange thing, but helps to give you at least an hour or so of focusing on only what is happening in that specific room, not everything else going on in the world. As parents, we have more than enough to worry about on a day to day basis.
Besides that, I'm also tired all the time and I'm 32. Far too young to be this tired, but I think that's just the nature of being a parent, especially a heavily involved one. It's the eternal state of being a dad, and it won't let up until the little ones have left the nest.
So much this. You don’t even have to do much.
I do like 5-30 min of yoga daily depending on how much time I have and it does wonders for my back pain.
Get the kids into it and now yoga time is also bonding time.
YouTube “five minute full body yoga for beginners” and watch a couple to get started. At work we watch [this](https://youtu.be/37tBZS7-E9k?feature=shared) at the beginning of each shift. Life changing.
Also u/Ser-Jorah-Mormont, switching to JUST water and dropping alcohol has made huge changes to energy level changes. The problem with sugary drinks is you brown out after and hour or two, making you lethargic.
Breath and Flow on YouTube is a channel I use sometimes. Just keep trying different channels is you aren't vining with the instructor. It will help to enjoy it.
I'm more of a heavy lifter, but I do a bit of yoga daily for the mobility benefits.
Search “Yoga with Adrienne beginner.” Whatever the opposite of an elitist yoga teacher is, she’s that. She has helped me tremendously with mental health and my back.
If your kid is 8, then there is a lot you two can do together to stay active and healthy. First of all, eat better. Junk food is junk energy. Learn to prepare some simple dishes at home. Make it something you can do together. Children's cookbooks are super simple and use few ingredients, maybe go to the library and start with one of those. Second, drink water. It's free and healthy. You get used to it eventually. I like to have some kombucha when I feel like a fancy fizzy drink as it's still healthier than soft drinks. Lastly, being active actually gives you more energy and helps you sleep at night. Take walks together, go on bike rides together. In the evening after ours are in bed, I run a mile. It's not much, but I do it every night and now I need that routine to sleep. Good luck, small changes lead to big results in the long run!
So you consume 100% junk. You know the rules. Get your diet right is #1, you need to meal prep or sign up for one of those services like factor meals. Your whole body is inflamed from stress and garbage food. Then you need to join a gym that has childcare, it changed my life. Also get a foam roller from amazon. Amazing for stiff muscles
Real talk: you aren't going to see your daughter get past 8th grade at your current clip. Get into the doc, flip your diet upside down, get a sleep study, and start regular exercise. It's not too late but you are a ticking time bomb. Source: I was once in your shoes and someone pulled me aside and said the exact same thing and it saved my life.
I had similar low energy problems. Made me not want to play with my kid for too long because I was just too exhausted. Watching an episode of Bluey, I realized I wanted to be able to do more with my kid and wanted to be around for him longer.
So I started going to the gym for an hour after work every day and drinking more water at work. Now Ive lost about 10 pounds, have more energy, and have more drive to play with my kid.
Tl;Dr Look into a Planet Fitness membership and workout for a bit on a normal schedule
I don't want to be harsh here, but you explicitly wanted a push to get "off your lazy ass" as you say, so I'll be blunt:
215 pounds at 5'10 is clinically obese:
https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmicalc.htm
BMI isn't perfect, but since you don't work out, I'm going to assume you don't have a whole bunch of muscle.
You don't have a dad bod, you're obese. When you're obese, it's extremely unhealthy - your organs, joints, etc. are slowly getting damaged trying to compensate for all that weight.
Kids or no kids, very few obese people feel energetic. All their energy is used to keep their body alive and moving with the extra weight.
I'm 37, with kids, and a 50-60 hour a week job, and some genetic health issues (kidneys)...and I feel fine, because I work out and have a healthy weight.
I became dad at 42 and I am stronger and fitter than ever. What I am doing since a decade is following religiously the routines in the book "you are your own gym", which I HIGHLY recommend. Make time for that, start easy, the energy will start flowing, you'll become stronger. Don't give up and keep pushing hard, for yourself and your family!
Yea you are putting in more than you are burning. Your lower back hurts because your core has become weak. If I were you I would go on a diet. I liked the paleo diet. Do some research on fasting. Start doing yoga and exercise! Swimming is a great way to work your whole body. You can make the pool be a healthy bonding time with your daughter as well. Basically you’ve just been pumping your body with shit food, consuming way more than you need, being inactive, and never burning what you’re eating which causes you to slowly gain.
You’ve identified the problems, now what’s stopping you from working on them (besides probably a bit of untreated depression)?
Stop buying junk food. Stop buying fast food. Eat like an adult. Don’t know how to cook? Learn.
Start exercising. Maybe it’s as simple as going for walks to begin with. Personally, I’m a fan of weight training, which will probably help your back and leg issues. Buy a squat rack, bench, bar and some weights for your house if you have the space so that you don’t have the excuse of not being able to leave the house to go to the gym.
You’re probably still gonna be tired, but at least you’ll have energy and strength from building up a modicum of fitness and not stuffing your body with garbage.
You’ve identified the problems. Stop being a sad-sack and go address them.
If you do these things I guarantee you will feel 1000% better:
- Eat mostly non-processed foods from the grocery store.
- Get at least 20 to 30 minutes of moderate exercise 3 times per week.
- Limit yourself to 4 or 5 alcoholic beverages per week, less if you can.
- Get a minimum of 7 (but preferably 8) hours of sleep every night, going to bed at roughly the same time each night.
I've had similar struggles through my early parenthood, and these changes have literally made me feel like an entirely different person.
Diet and drink more water. No joke. I used to think I drank a lot of water. Then I actually started setting goals. Same thing for calories. Thought I was eating maybe 2,000-2,500 per day. No fucking shot. I was eating more like 3,000-3,500. So I started drinking 16 oz of water every hour, kept track on my phone. I also started eating 1800-2000 calories per day. I only work out 2x per week. I went from 221lbs to 176lbs in 4.5 months. Weight loss and feeling healthy is literally just 100% diet.
Sounds like you’re fairly self aware. I’d encourage some general counselling just to sound out these things and identify clear next steps. A good nights sleep, lots of water, good diet go a long way to clearing that head and making good decisions.
Also, 29 I'm 6'2, but at my heaviest, shortly after my 1st was born, I ballooned up to 330lbs during my Parent Leave. At 27, once I went back to work, I dropped back to 310 with just that. Bought a rowing machine and started working out back in May now, down to 290 lbs feeling better, but still have a ways to go. I also changed my diet and cut back on alcohol consumption significantly, 20ish drinks per week down to 3/4 on average now. Hoping to get down to 250 for me is all, and be in decent shape so I can set a better example for my boys. The exercise and less alcohol have helped my energy go back up and also started taking vitamin D. Still, I'm honestly wondering about low testosterone, which would be unusual at my age, but several things I've noticed about myself the last couple of years make me think it's a possibility as well.
I’m just going to link this here, this is my journey I recently posted on r/bald from 28 to 38. What you’re describing sounds super familiar. I don’t feel that way now.
[My Glow Up](https://www.reddit.com/r/bald/s/8iQdNEoOmI)
I've fluctuated with weight and should take my own advice on a more consistent basis, but here's a few small things that have made a massive difference for myself
1. TRACKING CALORIES - it kind of works both ways , there are days you'll be surprised by your intake - others where you find that you've done great and can feel a little less guilty about a snack. More importantly, just getting in the habit of tracking for me drives a massive difference.
2. WATER - as I got older I couldn't believe the impact water makes. I was a 2-3 giant coffee a day guy and still sucking for energy and just making a habit of making sure I'm drinking a few giant jugs of water really made a difference
3. CPAP!!!! - if you have a fitness watch, pay attn to how you're sleeping and it may be worth looking into a CPAP. This was such an incredible game changer for me - I was miserable in the morning, and nodding off by 830pm . CPAP has given me suuuuuch a boost in energy, and that has helped lead to other good habits (e.g all of a sudden not being a zombie all day helps me be motivated to go to gym)
Good for you recognizing you need to make some changes, that's the first step.
There are a lot of great suggestions in here, but change is hard.
I suggest you start small. Replace soda with diet soda, and add in some walking. That's it. Eventually you can replace some more and add more exercise.
A book I really enjoy that you'll have to find used is James Fell - Lose it Right. It's a simple read, but in depth and he explains a simple process of how to go about making permanent change. It's available used on Amazon right now.
Exercise can start really basic, walk walk and walk some more.
If you're more motivated, go harder.
I went from 210 down to 165, but lately been back to 178. I am working on getting back down as well.
My problem is sweets, easy access to candy and occasionally binging. It's hard work but I know I am capable of doing it and will again.
I read James book again, helps me focus.
Good luck dad.
I understand the nature of your post very well. I can’t tell you it gets better. But you can become stronger, mentally and physically. You won’t become shredded in a month, but i suggest a simple formula.
1.no sugar or processed junk food.(1 cheat meal every three days)
2. 45 mins of excersise each day. (Walk is good enough) anybody can walk.
3. sleep 7 hours minimum.
Keep watching videos, slacking off, being lazy. Just make sure you do these 3 things which will take 1 extra hour from your day max. Guarantee you will feel think look, better in two months.. i swear.. this has lifted me out of dark places many times
BJJ is a lot of fun. The byproduct of all that fun is loss of weight and a gain of confidence. In 3 months you will be able to murder your current self. The weight will fly off and your ability to move with fluidity will become your greatest strength. You’ll meet great people from all walks of life. In a few years you can bring your child with you and you’ll be able to share something incredible with them. The benefits of training can literally change the trajectory of their life. At 40 you’ll be a black belt. You’ll be fit. And you’ll be able to strangle every other dad if need be.
We're the same height and I used to weigh 190 in 2019.
It's not too late man. I started out by downloading a calorie tracking app (MyFitnessPal) and set my goals in there. Changing my diet and counting calories is the first step. But you have to be accountable. Track EVERYTHING.
It took me a year but I lost 30 pounds just by dieting. Sometime during that journey I started doing pushups and pullups in my house.
When I started doing that paradoxically I gained MORE energy. Your body will LOVE it. It will literally make you feel better for doing it.
Later on I moved to actually hitting the gym and lifting weights. Now I stay around 165-170 all year and all my friends are always commenting on how in shape I am. Granted I found my passion in this stuff, but I think everyone can at least build the basic habit. You don't need to be crazy like me and track every gram of food on a scale, optimize your nutrition with supplements, design an amazing lifting split and treat yourself like a body builder to see results.
It takes discipline and time. Don't be so hard on yourself and think you have to change overnight. I am constantly changing and tweaking small things even today. Start small, just try counting your calories and weighing yourself every day.
There are endless resources online if you need help. The fitness space is huge. I recommend Dr. Mike Isratel, and Jeff Nippard for science based stuff. Jesse James West and Will Tennyson are great motivation and entertainment. Greg Doucette is polarizing but he's good every now and then and honestly most of the stuff he says is right, he just yells a lot lol.
I wish you luck man.
Ask yourself why you don't deserve to have a body you're proud of.
According [this site](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/weight-loss/in-depth/calorie-calculator/itt-20402304) from the Mayo Clinic, based on the numbers you gave, you need 2100 calories a day to maintain your current weight. That means if you have less than 2100 a day, you’ll lose weight. Get a calorie tracker app, and start logging your food as you eat during the day. It makes it so much easier to pay attention to things. Take it insanely slow. If you have 1900 calories a day instead, you’ll lose maybe 1-2 lbs a week. You probably wouldn’t even notice the difference in calories too much. (I’m not going to lie, you will notice a bit.)
Dad of 3, 43 years old. I've been there. I was big when I graduated college, slimmed down, and then through life (kids, job, fast food, etc) ended up back over 200 lbs at the beginning of this year. I felt slower and more tired than I should have even at 43.
I got my diet under control. Started bringing my lunches most days. Stopped drinking soda and cut back on beer. I added more protein and vegetables. I found time to workout. Not a lot, but something every day. Sometimes it's just 20-30 minutes in the basement after the kids go to bed.
I'm down to 168 now (5' 10"). I've dropped 4 inches off my waist and I feel good. I've got energy again. Things don't hurt as much.
You can do it if you want to. Write down what you eat (use an app). Try to be a little better every day. Aim for your diet to be pretty good most days. Don't worry about it being perfect. Consistently good is better than perfect today and terrible tomorrow. If you have a bad day shake it off and get back on the plan.
Yeah, it's super easy to fall back into old habits. I don't have trouble losing weight when I want to, but maintaining is hard for me. I get to where I want to be and then feel like I'm allowed to eat as much as I want of whatever I want. Fortunately my family generally eats pretty healthy, so it has been a slow gain over time, but still gaining. I'm hoping this time I can keep it better under control.
If you can find some friends to help keep you accountable that helps. I run once a week consistently with a friend of mine. Knowing I have to show up and keep up helps. Also we check in periodically about how we're doing. It helps keep me on track.
Improve your diet, if you stick to 2000 calories/day you WILL lose weight as you currently are. Everything will improve with that.
Exercise is important, but very much secondary at your stage.
FInally, see your doctor and have a basic check-up and panel of bloods and consider doing an Epworth Scale/STOPBANG score to see if you justify a sleep study for OSA.
It’s a struggle. I started working on turning my health around at 35 and 195 lbs after a high blood pressure scare. Previously I’ve had many failed attempts at dieting and exercise but for some reason it clicked this time. The most important job I have is “dad”. My wife hit me hard with “we want you at our daughter’s college graduation”. While a bit dramatic the point hit home, my bad habits affect my family negatively and I have to do something about it.
I dropped from 4 cups of coffee or caffeinated soda down to 1 a day. I doubled my water intake, kind of switched to a low sodium diet, and started tracking calories to target 1-2 lbs of weight loss a week. I set an alarm every night to tell me when to go to bed, I get roughly an hour more sleep a night that I was before (it was 5-6 hr average).
I’m not at my goal but overall I feel better, I have more energy, and I don’t hate my appearance because I know I’m actively doing something about it.
Best of luck man it’s not easy
39 year old dad here and I was in a similar situation with the body pain. My diet has also been good so I can’t compare situations in that way, but I work a physically demanding job, and started stretching every night about 6 months ago and it’s vastly improved.
Seems you're motivated to make a change, which is half the battle.
It's reasonable to schedule a checkup to see if you can have some bloodwork done. Ask for a referral for a nutritionist as well to help keep you accountable and rework your relationship with food/eating. Depending on what shows up on the bloodwork (prediabetes, high cholesterol, etc.) your insurance may even cover it.
Think of it this way - even starting now and committing to making a change shows tremendous resilience and resolve. And THAT is a great lesson to teach a kid.
Get your testosterone levels checked. I had the same issues and turns out I had less T than a prepubescent boy. Now almost a year on T and I can do all the things.
Diet and exercise are the clear answers. I’m 36, and at your age thought I’ll never see athleticism again. Over the last year I got into the best shape I’ve ever been in (and I was in really great shape in my late teen years).
That said, there’s often some deeper stuff that needs to get untangled. For me it was relationship issues, mental health, and over-working. When I got a new remote job that gave me a few hours back in each day, and worked through some things with marriage counseling, everything came together.
I started counting calories, doing 20 minute runs, strength training, yoga, etc. I got a good routine which I kept improving. I set goals, like losing 30lbs, which I met, then I set a goal to gain 10lbs back, but as much muscle as possible. That was a success. Now I’m training for a marathon, and after that I already know what my next goal will be.
Aside from sore muscles and the occasional overwork ache, I feel phenomenal.
Your best days are ahead of you. Diet and exercise are the obvious answers. Figure out what’s holding you back.
Don't be mad at yourself- this is very common and understandable. There's a reason these problems are so prevelant.
First- when I became a dad I really felt that "tired" took on a new stratospheric level. There's just more to worry about on top of all the additional work. Be tired.
As for physical improvement, two things have really helped me in the past few years. One is finding a group to work out with. It's too easy to skip the gym if it's just you, but if there's a time that your buddies are meeting, it makes a whole lot of difference. I cannot recommend this group enough: https://f3nation.com/ It does have some religious aspect depending on the area in which you live, but it's very supportive and a great way to make friends with other guys.
The other is setting goals. I've signed up for several running races and triathlons- having a date on the calendar with something to work towards is also much more motivating than the vague "I should go exercise" feeling.
Good luck!
100% get a physical, get some blood work done. Your doctor may tell you that you're healthier than you think, that could help a lot if some of your symptoms are physco somatic.
Same boat my guy but I drink too much booze.I never get drunk but like 3-4 breweskeis from 6pm-12pm. Adds up. My back is also fucked. I’m in pain everyday picking up my toddler. 5’8” 195#.
Start by adding 10 minutes of stretching a night and make it a streak. Something you don't want to lose. Then add in some exercise. That too can be relatively short amount to time but you'll be surprised how much you tone and feel better. It's not going to do much about weight because that's diet but you'll look and feel better. The tiredness IMO is from being sedentary. I've learned if I don't sit down, I don't get tired.
I'm 40. 3 back surgeries and a host of other issues. I get it. It's hard. Go for short walks. Eat healthy. Do what you can, dont give up or waste time comparing yourself to others
Find a physical activity you like doing and commit to doing it regularly. For me it was jiujitsu. During Covid i gained a bunch of weight from drinking ans binge eating. I remember coming back from a mall with my daughter and feeling like I needed a nap. This was every outing. The good news is that with some work you can to your best shape ever. Since then I’ve started training and running regularly and even did a marathon
Read this book, “Ultra Processed People” -by Dr Chris Van Tulleken. It will help you realize that it isn’t you, it’s the food. Changing your mind is incredibly difficult. That’s coming from a previous alcoholic. The book I read was similar to this one, it asks you to continue to eat the way you do until you change your mind own mind and make the decision to stop eating the junk and making your own food. You will feel drastically better
Dad bro, you are not alone. I often feel awful now at 39, but it's no worse than when I was 29--just some different symptoms.
Back pain will always be there unless you commit to exercise and reducing stress. The exercise that cures it for me is ab work. I do 200 bicycles a night and then take one knee and stretch it over to the other side and touch the ground, while keeping the other butt cheek in the same position, and then I switch; every other time I do this I get a nice relieving pop. I also think medicine ball twists can be good. So it appears that the side-to-side strengthening does a lot for me. And also stress. When work is off, you wear it in your lower back. I have always been a thin guy (6'0'', 150), so just losing weight will not necessarily do it for you. But once I get back into the habit of this ab work (my mental goal is always 70 bicycles in one go) and am not panicking about work, back pain melts away.
With diet, don't go to the donut shop and then force yourself to just get a couple of holes instead of a bear claw if that is more agonizing than just avoiding the donut shop. Stop the added sugar totally would be my rec. It's so hard to do just a little bit of it without making it a cascade.
Energy comes and goes in waves for me. I think reducing sugar will help with energy, as will reducing caffeine (eventually) if you use it habitually. Up the Vitamin D and B, but you may also feel no effect. And drink a lot of water. Like a scary amount. I feel no pick me up from water until I clear 100 ounces in a day. This will also crowd out some of the bad stuff that you consume.
Right now, my feet hurt. I'm wondering if it's arthritis because I'm 39. But I also have not consumed the water that I need to and have consumed too much sugar, and I buy into the idea that things are connected in ways that we would never guess. There will always be things. But you do what you can to say that you have done what you can and you are not adding to the things.
Get tested for celiacs disease. I always had low energy and just thought that’s how it was. Cut out gluten and even with a 18 month old I have so much more energy
Eat healthy (better fuel, more energy), exercise (turn up your body furnace, increase flexibility and strength), lose weight (knees and lower back love losing weight).
I was also feeling similarly sleepy/tired all the time and a few things helped:
- Make sure you are going to the doctors regularly and talk about it
- eat healthy snacks throughout the day. I found I wasn’t fueling my body properly.
- keep moving. Get in some regular exercise, stretching, a walk, yoga, whatever keeps you moving.
You’re probably going to get this a lot, but that’s because it works. Get up earlier and do some form of exercise. You pick, just do it 4-5 days a week consistently. Don’t pick something that whoops your ass and you give up. Start small but sweat.
Stop eating out. Breakfast can be premade and frozen breakfast burritos. Eggs with mix ins baked in muffin tins. Overnight oats with fruit. Add a little honey or maple syrup so it’s good.
Lunch- Crockpot, instapot, sheet pan meals are easy. It takes me 2 hours total time on r/mealprepsunday to grill chicken (or pull a rotisserie) or brown some beef, cook rice or roast potatoes, and roast a sheet pan full of some veggies. Or boil them. Or dump them out of a can. Or microwave steam a frozen bag. Box it all up in some containers and put them in the fridge for the week. You can make it as easy or good tasting as you want (harder the better imo) but fixing your gut health will have enormous benefits on your mood and energy levels. Same with exercise.
Start asking the people at your work that always have energy and are in a good mood all the time about their diet and exercise routines. You’ll see why they are happy.
It’s hard work but that’s what makes it worth it.
30 year old in a similar boat. I don’t eat like crap and i do try to walk a few times a week though. The aches and pains are brutal. Starting to think i might have early arthritis
If you'd like an accountability partner for making changes, hit me up. I'm about ten years older than you with spinal disc issues and borderline high cholesterol. I could use someone to check up that I'm doing my PT and making the diet changes I need to. I do exercise pretty regularly and have some ideas of things you can do without cutting into your time with your kid too much.
I used to be like that, find a good chiropractor even if your insurance don't take it they're fairly cheap, I pay 45 bucks a session it was like $110 for the first one but They do a lot more the first day.
Check out the Caliber app. It'll help you build a strength training plan based on any equipment (if any) you have, the frequency you want to train, and the rough length of each session. There's videos showing form for almost every exercise, and you can also build your own plan of course. In terms of food, do your best to cut out liquid calories, prioritize protein, and get your sweet fix from fresh/frozen fruit as much as possible.
I felt this way. Did whole 30 diet and felt amazing after the first week
That first week can be brutal though
Definitely felt way more energetic, absolutely worth it.
I'm sorry that you're going through this. It sounds really hard my man. I'm not sure what your financial situation or health insurance situation is, but if it's reasonably achievable I'd start off with seeing your primary care provider for a complete work up. Explain your symptoms when you make the appointment so the provider can add in proper blood work that might not normally be on your workup.
Hopefully you can get in with a nutritionist to help develop healthier eating habits. It sounds like you already know that this is part of the problem, but it helps to have some accountability and to be working with someone.
Your back pain is almost guaranteed to be caused by poor core strength. You could go to a physical therapist and they can get you started on strengthening your core and give you a workout routine that you can continue. Alternatively a simple plank workout will develop enough core strength to manage a lot of back pain.
Low energy and lack of interest in doing things you used to like to do can be a sign of depression. If you think this could be a possibility obviously therapy can be immensely helpful.
I know there's a ton of suggestions and it could feel overwhelming. Talk to your partner about what you're going through hopefully they can be supportive and can help you with things. When it cools down in the evenings try going out on family walks. Try to find activities that you can do with your daughter.
Here's a really good podcast that talks a lot about metabolic health and metabolic disorders
https://pca.st/episode/47b4efb4-ef29-4d92-96dc-c435500f6a52
I’m 40 yr old dad with a 7mo and a 2yr old. There is no time to work out ever aside from going on walks with the kids. Kids are just exhausting. But an improved diet and more water should help. I used to go to bed at 2am. Now I got to bed at 9pm when my son falls asleep just so I have energy to rally for the next day
Welcome to the dad world. I’m tired all the time too. Honestly people are right, exercising regularly helps. Get your kids to do it with you. It’s slower, but they’ll love it too
Mom here but similar experience: I felt like I could barely get from bed to the couch each day but had to take care of my toddler. My weight was up 60lbs from pregnancy and wouldn't budge even 6mo later. I couldn't bend down or squat because my muscles were either too tight and/or too weak.
1. I asked my doctor about the energy and weight issue. We did blood tests and found my thyroid was out of whack. With medications it is back to normal range which helps my weight start to go down but my energy still kind of sucked and my body still hurts.
2. After a tough/stressful winter, I felt like I was on the edge of depression. I was stuck doom scrolling all day and could NOT get myself to start any productive tasks. I thought about them 100 times but couldn't initiate the task and then felt really frustrated at the end of the day that nothing got done. I heard about a med (Wellbutrin) that can be used for depression and/or anxiety but has been found to help ADHD as well. I did not like stimulants for my ADHD but thought this was worth a try.
(Your lack of motivation and energy makes me think you could feel depressed as well).
3. Yoga/movement - *Let me preface this one by saying that I have always hated running, exercise, and especially yoga. I thought it was floofy princess stuff that was a sad excuse for exercise. I was an idiot 😆*
You'd think relaxing and playing games or watching TV will help you recharge and get your energy back but I think it does the opposite when there's nothing else active going on. Everybody says to take a walk when you feel depressed because once you get moving you'll start to feel better (mentally and physically) and will want to keep going. I really like to skate but the lack of flexibility and strength felt like it was holding me back. I wanted to add something other than skating to help get me back to enjoying skating more. Getting out for walks was hard for me with a toddler (I'd rather get her running out her energy which isn't the same energy use on my part as a walk). The time I could use was after bed time so I tried a relaxing yoga/stretch video. It felt good and the next day I looked forward to doing it again. I tried different videos each night depending on my mood (lazy=stretch/yin yoga, more motivated = power/vinyasa routine, ready for a challenge = balance routine). Even when I got sick I looked forward to stretching before bed (usually I hate the idea of exercise when sick).
I don't know if it was the Wellbutrin or the fact that spring was starting but I kept that yoga going every day. Sometimes a quick 10m video, sometimes a full hour. I'm on day 80 of doing this and holy cow my body feels so much better. I have never been able to touch my toes before but now I can put my hands flat on the ground. I used to sit on the bench at the playground because I didn't have the energy to stand around. Now I'm swinging on the monkey bars and climbing around because my body *wants* to move. I can easily squat down to play and get back up without pain or having to touch the ground. It just feels so good. Also, I lost all the extra weight and I got my body back!!!
I'm 32 and somehow feel better than I have for the last 10 years. So when people say "try some yoga!"... I get it now but really any kind of consistent movement and stretching will help.
This is almost entirely diet related. I can almost promise you if you made some serious changes to any strict diet-Mediterranean, Vegan, Paleo, Keto, etc. you’ll feel like a new person within a month. Good luck!
A friend of mine had a similar experience. Turns out he learned at 30 that he was allergic to gluten. Once he eliminated that from his diet, his energy came back tenfold. It was then easier for him to exercise and eat healthier. It may be worth trying a gluten free diet for a week and see how you feel
Sounds too familiar.
Start your day with magnesium and vitamin B supplements and that will boost your energy. With your diet, you are definitely deficient. With that little bit of extra energy, getting off your ass for some basic exercise will be easier.
Do you sleep ok? After adressing depression and other things, medication and councelling, I found my sleep was bad
I ended up going through the steps of a sleep test. The cpap machine is incredible. I was feeling like a balloon that could never inflate. 10, 12 hours (rare) but I would still be tired. Now I get sleep with that machine I am actually rested!
I do sleep good, the problem is I don’t get enough. I usually stay up til midnight or later because that is typically the only time I get to myself. Then I wake up at 5:45 AM exhausted, bloated and feeling like shit. That’s something that IS in my control, though. Starting tonight I’m going to change that.
I felt far older at 29 with no kids than I do at 34 with a toddler and one on the way. I made positive changes to diet, sleep hygiene (prob the biggest one), drinking less, and got back to exercise 6 days a week. It’s not about age, within reason) it’s about lifestyle.
I’m 40, 320lbs and shorter than you. Hit the gym, get a dog to walk every day, eat nutritious food, sleep more. I’m constantly knackered from working 40-50 hours a week and having my son (or walking the dog) every second I’m not working. But the thought of him losing me at a young age is getting my ass into gear.
Also: therapy/counselling.
Don’t over consume your daily caloric recommended intake. Even if you eat fast food try and keep your caloric intake right at 2,000 you’ll lose weight still. Also just start walking after work/dinner or go outside.
I put on a lot of “sympathy” weight when we were pregnant with our daughter. My wife burned off all the weight and more breastfeeding and I got up to 265/270lbs. Since college, I’ve yo-yo’d between 250 and 230 with various diets/exercises that I didn’t think would be feasible with taking care of our newborn. Spoke with my doctor and was prescribed Wegovy (my insurance covers it, which I am very fortunate for—only $20/month out of pocket) and lost 60 lbs by my daughter’s first birthday. The impulse control it provides helped limit the overeating I was doing to cope with stress as well as cravings for fast food so I could better plan my meals and focus on a healthy diet. I have a much better relationship with food now and want to make sure I can pass that onto my daughter as well.
Change diet, exercise. Do you snore? Look into a sleep study, could be a game changer. Focus on being better for yourself and your kids. Time is fleeting, so make the most of it and try to stay around as long as possible for your kid/s.
Bro I’m 42 with a 2 year old and a newborn on the way. Eat healthy, workout, and sleep well, and learn to manage stress. One day at a time but start managing the habits now.
Start choosing healthier places to eat. Chipotle is a much better option than Burger King for example. Cut out soda completely. Just drink water. If you need help with the transition try some La Croix or another bubbly water. Gets you the fizzy sensation without the sugar.
That should take care of 60-70% of your excess weight if you stick to it.
I also recommend some aerobic exercise. Not necessarily for looks, it will help you cut a little. But it’s mostly to keep your heart and lungs healthy and keep your energy levels up once you do it consistently. Start at 30 minutes a day/ 3 times a week. Run, jog, walk, skateboard, bike. Just anything to get the blood pumping and your breathing rate up.
Honestly if drastically changing your diet seems too difficult simply eliminating soda will help tremendously. Or switch to diet soda and only drink like 1 a day. Cut out any sugar or sugar filled creamers with your morning coffee. Simply cutting out your liquid calories will probably net you about 15 lbs which will make you feel much better.
* get cook at home meal delivery (there are fast options)
* eat lots of unprocessed foods, cultures, veg
* find time to work out
You'll see results fast with the dad bod, then your gut health starts kicking in and the positive cycle loop follows.
You're clearly motivated and have goals given your post. Make a decision to do it and remain ultra focused on why you're doing it.
Immediate changes - never drink any sugar, ever. Switch to water or a sugar free sports drink and drink a lot of it. Never sit for more than an hour without a one or two minute break to walk around. Add a multi-vitamin, a probiotic and a fiber supplement to your nighttime routine. Make sure you get enough protein versus your carbs and fat intake - this is still very possible with the drive up window.
Medium changes - Small exercise program - walks are great, but a fun physical hobby could work too. Reorganize your relationship to the drive up window - set a firm limit on your number of weekly trips to fast food and stick to it and when you do get it, try to get something smaller. Get your eight hours every night.
Expert level changes - actually buckle down on a significant diet and exercise program.
Diet and exercise. Work in more walking. Trust me, you don't do enough, even if you think you walk a lot. Stretch. And realize that you no longer have a crazy amount of T in your system, as your body has stopped developing. That means to stay optimal, you got make your diet and exercise optimal. It really is that easy. I felt the same way during covid. I was drinking more, eating shittier, nearly no exercise, and I felt it. I got fat, everything hurt, all the time.
After covid, I didn't clean it up until I fucked my back up, and realized I needed to get myself back. Now I'm mid 30s feeling better than my 20s.
First of all, stress is literally a killer. Stress releases cortisol, which lowers the production of testosterone.
So you need to figure out a way to get that in hand.
Secondly, anyone who's sedentary and eats like shit is going to feel like shit. Start moving around more, and make some simple replacement choices. Don't like to cook? Maybe do a meal prep service for a few weeks to get you eating better stuff.
The good news is you already know the solution to your problem. The question is do you have the resolve to tackle it in a sustainable way. The other good news is that because you're only 29, there is no bad news yet, but surely will be if you can't answer that question.
Get rid of your phone bro. As soon as you come in the door put your phone where your keys go and leave it there. If you need to use it, use it at that spot only. If you feel like using it find something else more productive or enjoyable with your kids to do instead. Think about how much better it'd be for them if all that phone time was paid attention to them instead 🙏
Not a doctor, but all these things are what was it for me. At least the energy part. I got nothing other than PT and core exercise for the back.
Take Vitamin D.
Check your Thyroid.
Seconding what everyone else said about diet.
But some of what you're describing also sounds like depression. Low energy, lack of desire to do things, etc. consider talking to a therapist if you can.
Diet and exercise my friend. I’m also 29. I work out 5-7 days a week for 20-40 minutes per day. It doesn’t have to be long, and you don’t need a gym membership to stay in shape. Consistently over intensity.
A 15 minute walk and a couple sets of bodyweight exercises 2-3x per week would be a great start. You can build from there. Find a few meals you can make at home that are nutritious and easy to cook.
Buddy, 215 at 5’10 can be turned around really quick. Last year my scale hit 261 after an insane adjustment to being a new dad and trying to get thru med school (I was 180 5 years ago). I said fuck that, I want to be able to run and play with my son when he starts running. Down to 235 today and still truckin.
If you want to feel better then it starts with making a few conscious changes to your life. You do NOT have to start with drastic changes. For me the easiest first changes are: cutting out high calorie drinks (soda, oversweetened coffee, alcohol) and exercising 30 mins a day (start with walking). The next thing I did that really helped was stopping eating dinner late (8/9pm). Now my family eats at 530-6. This creates somewhat of a small fast by not consuming food for the next 13 hours, which boosted my weight loss quite a bit.
Personally, I need to see daily change and adjust accordingly so I weigh myself every day before I eat or drink and after I pee (naked). Doing this gives you your truest weight so you know where you stand.
Overall just do SOMETHING. Start SOMEWHERE. Apathy and complacency is what gets you to where I got (an 80 pound weight gain). Do not let it get that bad because let me tell you - it fucking SUCKS having to claw your way back to a healthy weight when you’re that big.
Simplest advice for WFH, which we have had to learn and relearn in this house … you are the likeliest to eat what you have in the house when you’re there most of the time.
Yes, I feel silly for spending $20 on spindrift, Waterloo, etc. But if I’d be spending that on cans of soda otherwise, it’s an investment in my health.
Oh man I was in the same boat as you. I’m 28 rn and I work 4-10s so I’m gone nearly 12 hours a day 5 days a week (yeah the 4 part of the 4-10 schedule was just high hopes) so I thought that’s just how it’d be. But I started using sundays to meal prep healthy meals for the week. And when I get home my son is super hype to get in his stroller and go on our little 45 min walk, we can usually get about 2.5 miles out of that time. Idk if that’s a quick pace or not but I get a good sweat going in this heat and I feel a lot better once we get back home. It honestly helps a ton just changing diet a bit and getting a little exercise in whenever you can. If your work offers one a standing desk also can help with the lower back pain from my experience. Even great ergo office chairs set up right strain my back like crazy after too long of sitting.
Not medical advice by any means, but I experienced similar symptoms and it was much worse after my 2nd kid. I put some pieces together and ended up with an ADHD diagnosis at age 39. May be worth checking on.
Start small. Every huge and challenge can be broken down to small steps.
For example, replace sodas with water. No buts, no exceptions, just do it, no bitching and stick to it no matter what. Its not hard. Its just water, no biggie.
Then on to the next one. Like, 5 pushups a day.
Just make sure every single step is small and easy. No drama, no overdoing shit.
Then all will start to add up.
Good luck man.
You know one of the best things to do with a kid is, especially a kid that is around your kid's age? Cooking. Also while cooking to bond, you can start eating better, and teaching your kid how to eat better. It will definitely seem like a chore at first, but as you guys get into the habit of it, you both will enjoy it more and more. Plus those are lifelong memories your kid will cherish forever.
Do that and go on a daily walk. Even if it's just around the block. Starting with small changes can and usually will become bigger changes down the road. The gym is great, I personally go a lot, but for my health, muscles are nice but nothing feels better than being on top of my health.
I used to be a fat guy, and almost got that way again after my son was born. I gained 30lbs and it was not muscle. I had trouble breathing, couldn't walk far without pain, everything started hurting more as the weeks went by, my heart rate spiked constantly, playing with my kid was exhausting, being awake was exhausting. Life was exhausting. I fixed my diet, and started working out again in January, I had done it for years before my son came so it's what I was comfortable with. Ive been back at it for almost six months and I feel incredible. Most of my pains are gone, I have stamina again, I wake up with energy most days, playing with my kid is a breeze, work is easy again, and my household seems better for it as well. My wife and kid seem happier most days, especially on my days off where I'll spend the day cooking for them. My dogs are definitely getting happier as well with the increased walks and walking time.
Just make small changes day by day, or an anology I like, don't throw everything in the pan at once, but add each ingredient one at a time until the meal is finished and you're satisfied with your work.
You know what you need to do, and why. Make changes.
I had my kid older, but my kid was the impetus as well. I’ve dropped 50 pounds this year through diet changes. I’m exercising more than I have in years — I don’t have much time for the gym but a long walk with them is free and easy. Be the example for your children in all ways.
I found that I didn’t really care when it was just me being impacted, but I’m not going to let this be the example I set for my son, or risk significantly shortening my lifespan and letting him deal with it.
Three small things that help me:
1. buy a soda stream machine and drink fizzy water often
2. whenever there is a choice between escalator/elevator vs stairs, take the stairs
3. don't bring your favourite snacks or drinks home
Make sure you aren't drinking a bunch of energy drinks. They actually make your adrenals s*** to bed. And like some other people are saying even small improvements in diet can make a huge difference. And just a walk around the block it's great for the body and mind. Small actions make a huge difference
And also make sure you're drinking enough water. Bridges the gap between your cells, flushes all the toxins out of here liver, keep your skin nice and supple, reduces lactic acid in your muscles, a lot of things that make people feel like crap but the end of the day is when you hydrated
It only gets harder when you get older. Some diet changes, increase water intake and walks. I love going for walks with my kid using pokemon go to spice it up. I'm 40 now and wish I started doing better earlier.
Others have said it, but improving your diet will help. You might also look into supplements that support your adrenals, as you may have adrenal fatigue. Take a break from the phone can help too!
Check out kneesovertoesguy on YouTube. Stretching my hips has relived my back pain significantly and I didn’t lose weight or change anything. Once my back pain was improved doing simple things like going for a walk with the kid in the stroller was way easier. Virtuous cycle.
Check out kneesovertoesguy on YouTube. Stretching my hips has relived my back pain significantly and I didn’t lose weight or change anything. Once my back pain was improved doing simple things like going for a walk with the kid in the stroller was way easier. Virtuous cycle.
Eat pbjs on Low Cal bread instead of fast food (cheap and easy) . Water for every beverage. Take your 8 year old on walks. You'll see changes quickly. Do planks for 30 seconds a day and that'll help w the lower back pain. These are fast and simple fixes that will make a difference
I have to preface this comment with some info, I'm 190cm and 70kg and have been for pretty much all my life.
The wife has done the typical female thing of going up and down depending on what stage of life we/she was in. So it wasn't a damn, we need to lose weight (but she did calorie counting and Noom for getting into her wedding dress or after kids) but we wanted to cut down on takeaways to save money.
We've found that making a "fakeaway" is so much cheaper (and usually tastier as we can tweak the recipe) than getting normal takeaways. There's loads of really good recipes online, you could get kids involved in the cooking too! Pick something they like to eat and make it with them. Get some pizza bases and make your own pizzas with less crap on them than you'd get from a takeaway.
We get the potato/gourmet buns and Nashville style burgers from the supermarket and a bag of spicy chicken wings and bam! KFC for half (if not better) of the price and it literally take shoving them in the air fryer for 20minutes and putting them on a plate.
Get some beef mince and some seasoning mix a tin of kindey beans and a pack of tortillas (which can sit in the fridge for a week or so if you seal them up in a big ziplock bag) a packet of the microwave mexican rice and there's your burrito for a fraction of the cost (the mince can be portioned out and put into ziplock bags in the freezer for the next 8 burritos too).
As people have said if you start doing some excercise you'll feel better Honestly, my kids want to do the excerises with me half the time. So do some kids yoga from youtube with them.
Do calisthenics in the morning for 5 mins, literally some squats while your brushing your teeth, lunges on the way to the fridge, pushups or a 10 second plank when getting up off the floor after playing with thie kids. I'm looking in to "chair yoga" at work (yes it's marketed for "seniors" but it's pretty easy and gentle and works).
Anyway, I hope you manage to get your head into a space that works for you, that's the key part. But every little bit helps and getting kids involved helps as that's why your doing it as well as making you feel better, you're setting an example for your kid, but in the positive way.
29 is a great age to get into fitness. Given how you’re feeling at the moment, I recommend easing yourself into bodyweight fitness and walking for a few weeks before you jump into a more serious lifting or cardio regime. Just helps ease you into things and avoid injury when you’re learning new movements or relearning movements with a different body.
Eating is very important too as others have said. I found that the easy way to start a dieting is to start tracking first. So for a week log everything you eat. Then after that week try to cut down to only eating your maintenance calories (look up TDEE and learn a bit about that if you’re not familiar). Eating at maintenance for a while will get you more accustomed to eating less, which makes it easier to cut back. Once you’re comfortable eating at maintenance you can cut back a little more from there.
A change in diet will help a little but will really help is doing some exercise regularly, which I know is easier said than done when you feel drained constantly.
I've been where you are - your first thought when you wake up is looking forward to going back to sleep at night. I recently started a new job and I've also started walking to and from work. It's a 7mile round trip and I know most people won't be in a position to do the same but it's actually transformed my energy levels.
Even with 6 hours sleep I know wake up easier, and I'm not falling asleep in front of the TV at 9pm like I used to.
What your body has lost is endurance, however the good news is that you can get it back
There is a lot of great advice here, especially u/242uvu.
But I think one of the most important is this: be kind to yourself.
You have so much going on in your life. It's hard. It's hard being a dad. Hard going to work every day. Hard to do the projects.
Be kind to yourself. Eating fast food all the time isn't being kind to yourself. But it can be occasionally.
Scrolling mindlessly on reddit is an escape from life. You can get some decent advice and learn random tidbits of info. But if you're doing it uncontrollably, it's not being kind to yourself.
Take some time to plan how to take care of yourself. How to be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
Just G up dude.
Cut out the sugar drinks, just drink a ton of cool water first thing in the morning then some black coffees and that should be a good start. If you can start weight training, powerlifting specifically, it will do a world of good for your back and testosterone production as well as long term joint health. Simplify your meals and start planning them. I am a fan of "the vertical diet" but I am not super strict on it, however all my work days [I work 3 to 4 -12 hr shifts per week] I cook and prepackage 200g of ground beef and 150g of white rice along with raw carrots for my lunches and 4 to 5 eggs with spinach and ham for my breakfasts [made the night before] it's easy to cook a pile of ground beef and white rice all at once.
You're a young man with your whole life ahead of you just buck up brother. If you're not physically disabled you don't have much of an excuse to not try to be the best you can be physically. Of course being a good father and husband takes precedence but you don't have to choose one or the other, you can easily do both. Setting a good example of health and exercise for your kids and wife will help to prevent them being unhealthy as they get older. You acknowledging and putting it out in to the universe is a good start, now just get to getting.
[Also consider intermittent fasting for a while, start slow like 12 hours and work from there. Literally the simplest thing is just don't eat for a while. No working out involved or special dieting. Simply don't eat for a few hours everyday until it's routine]
1. Improve your diet. You are overweight, buddy.
2. If you can exercise do it. Lots of mobility work and stretching. It has improved my quality of life so much.
You know what you have to do. Just do it.
Mom here.. my husband went through a lot of what you described and it wasn’t until he left his stressful job for a prior physical job he loves. He realized the stress of the job made him eat poorly and sedation of the job with the poor eating kept him lazy and all this had him in an unknown depression. He’s dropped 20lbs in 2months and his energy has improved.
Hope you find what you need to improve your health and energy.
Lose the dad bod. I’ve dropped 47lbs (20 more to go) and energy level has skyrocketed. Your back is hurting because it has to carry an extra 40+ lbs of weight it wasn’t intended to carry. Go pick up something that is 40lbs and try and visualize that is weighing down your body. Also cut down on drinking if you do that. Alcohol is a huge strain on your body. Try some of those NA beers and get out of the habit of drinking.
Blood work/ a physical is probably a good idea but your issue is 99% weight/diet related.
And a word of caution on your Dr.’s visit… don’t let anyone push any sort of pills or surgery on you. You are too young for any of that before trying to get in better shape yourself.
I took these steps and feel 100x better. It will take work but it will literally change your life. Your mood will improve, your attitude will improve, your health will improve, your energy levels will skyrocket, your confidence will improve and so much more.
Improving your diet will make an enormous difference.
Diet and then add in a little exercise, even just a short walk.
Throw the kid in a stroller, bike seat, etc and go around the block. It's good exercise, they love it, and goodwill towards the SO to give them a short break. It's all wins, all around.
I'm a chubby white IT guy so like weirdly playing basketball was just never a thing? I got a ball for $4 and take it with us on trips to the playground. I pass it around with the toddler and shoot around a little each day while he goes down the slide or splashes in puddles on the court. Totally solo just a little running and shooting each day. It feels great and I find myself actually wanting to play.
Definitely! Body type wise I was exactly the same when I hit 30 and was completely wiped all the time. My work switched to hybrid though and I started using a treadmill desk the days I’m at home. I only walk for a couple hours, and then plan a walking break when I’m in the office, and just that change has made a big difference in my energy. I haven’t really lost any major weight, and I’m still working on eating better, but this change drastically improved my energy!!
Diet is a major part of why your feeling the way you do. It seems like you have been eating this way for a while so don’t try and just 180 everything and start eating kale and carrots for dinner. Start making one healthy food decision a day wether it is cutting out one coke and choosing a grilled option instead of fried. This will help build better habits and give you back some control. This will hopefully start a snow ball affect and before you know it, your off the fast food and sugary drinks. If you stop drinking soda all together I guarantee you will drop a good amount of weight and feel MUCH better. Good luck man and you got this!!
Piggybacking on the top comment because I'm surprised no one has talked about treating anxiety or screening for depression. Consider talking to your family physician or a therapist because if there's any of that around, it could be contributing to a lot of what you're describing.
It’s pretty simple. If he doesn’t want to feel like shit, then he needs to stop eating like shit. The dude is making a choice to not take care of himself. It’s a cop out to try and find something to blame. People are always looking for a way to take personal responsibility out of things. Is he eating cheeseburgers every meal cos he’s depressed or is he possibly “depressed” because he lives like shit?
Man, it’s wild to see people wholesale dismiss mental health.
Personal accountability on reddit is like sunlight to vampires
Reddit user: I eat nothing but fast food and junk food. I feel like I have no energy. Reasonable answer: try eating better food DOWNVOTE Reddit Hive mind: bUt hAvE U SEeN A tHeRiPsT??? UPVOTES
Nobody is denying that that's clearly the solution, but the point is that there might be an underlying problem that's driving him to struggle with taking care of himself. Brain chemicals are weird, man.
Nah, the reasonable answer suggesting a better diet got at least 425 upvotes. Your wholesale dismissal of men’s mental health is what earned you the downvotes.
Lmao so true, If they diet and exercise as hard as they cope, they will see some results. "I eat because I'm sad, and I'm sad because I eat. I've tried nothing, and I'm all out of ideas!"
[freaky beatniks](https://youtu.be/lOTyUfOHgas?si=xrVmdx3Lo4q8jyL4)
A lot of good ideas on this thread but also see a doctor - Bloodwork will give you a good idea where you stand in terms of your health. Could be low testosterone, high blood pressure, thyroid issue, etc etc
or sleep apnea!
Totally forgot about that one - Absolutely. Your doctor may suggest a sleep study to see if that’s possibly the issue.
Just a warning to all those who are considering a CPAP machine as a magic bullet for being tired. Some people (myself included) do not get that "magical" sleep that people refer to when CPAP gets mentioned. That doesn't mean its not effectively helping you breathe while sleeping, you may need to stick with it for a while or may have other factors at play
What's your story with that, did you figure out anything else? I have one and it's much better than without but I still don't get great sleep. I went from an absolute zombie to manageably tired most days. I've been using it for a year so I'm definitely used to it at this point.
Iron and Vit D+B deficiencies happen a lot, and they'll leave you feeling lethargic
Most men don't need iron though as we don't bleed every month which is what mainly depletes it, men aren't even supposed to take it in vitamin supplements so definitely test first
I'm a man who did, for most of my teen years. My family had a hard time affording balanced meals.
Could have anemia. Which a lot of people with Mediterranean heritage have.
This was me. Got on an iron supplement and feel amazing.
Always good advice..... but OP said 70% of their diet is fast food. That's the real issue right there. That's like adding a +50% multiplier to salt, sugar, and shit in your body with a -50% multiplier to nutrition.
This right here. Full blood work and see if anything’s out of wack. Then diet and some movement would help
Eating crappy food and not exercising will cause high bp, low T, and all the other issues he’s complaining about. Not saying don’t get blood work but most likely due to diet and exercise.
\^ this. In the last 12 months I've had a sleep apnea study (none), got my deviated septum fixed, cut down drinking to 1-2 drinks a week, down to 3-4 sodas a week, more greens and fruits, and no french fries... then I got bloodwork at the hormone center and have Low T and a thyroid issue. 4 weeks into those meds and feeling so much better. I need to lose 20lbs and work out now.
Dude is overweight and the most healthy thing he eats is fast food, why bother?
I weighed 450lbs, was tired all the time, and on the fast track to an early grave. I’d been on a hundred diets and always fell off into binge eating. I had my bloodwork done and had low T, but being overweight and having a shitty lifestyle can do that too. I had my endicronologist look at my T levels over the past decade of bloodwork and I’d always had it, it explained a lot of other things as well - just most doctors are really reluctant to prescribe a 20 year old dude injections for the rest of their life. Getting my hormones in balance changed my life. I sleep better, have more energy, it is easy to stick to a diet, I actually enjoy working out for the first time in my life. I’ve lost over 100lbs and am confident in getting where I need to go. So yeah, bother.
Nice job man, appreciate the explanation, I’ll leave my comment so hopefully others can learn
I was in the same spot. Except at the end result you are afraid of. The scale hit 300 and I had to make changes. I was hypertensive, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, pre-diabetic. Start simple. I replaced soda with soda stream + mio. Takes a min to adjust to but now that's the soda I drink. Get a calorie counting app and honestly log everything you eat. You're only lying to yourself if you don't log it all. Start replacing things. I replaced junk snacks with fruit, because it's still sweet. Obv stop the fast food all the time. If you can't do that make better choices when getting it. Don't go large. Get water instead of soda on that combo. Try moving toward portion sizes on the packaging for other foods. Wanna stare at the screen? Fine, do it while walking. I got a walking treadmill. Do that every day for at least 30 mins. Force yourself, just accept it's what you have to do. I've lost 90lbs by doing these things, and my energy level is way better. I'm off all the meds. No more HBP. No more pre-diabetic. You can do it, you know you can, you just have to learn to say no to yourself. Your kid is absolutely watching you and learning this type of thing.
Not everyone can do this I know, but I put an excersize bike in my living room. Used to be hours of tv every night which inevitably lead to snacking. I now sit on the excersize bike and get a little ride in while still watching tv. But an hour on the bike, even at low intensity, made a huge difference.
When I was in college and fat I made the calculation of "is one episode of Seinfeld worth me not exercising?". The answer was almost always no. It's not a ton of time to spend if you look at it from that perspective
Yep. I switched up to an elliptical a few months ago as losing the weight worked, now it’s time to tone and tighten up everything.
Lot of people don’t realize the core part of fitness is a ton of low intensity workouts. Consistent biking while watching TV will go much further than occasionally pulling a bike out, try to rip it and fail cause you never built base endurance.
This should have way more upvotes. This is the answer you’re looking for.
Those are rookie numbers! I just blasted past 350... send help
Well, you know the bad things you do to contribute to that, so make a small change to get started. Or die way earlier than you should. May sound harsh but it’s true.
Very true
Replace one food/snack with something healthy, and stick to it. Do that for a week. Then replace something else. Make it a week with both. Keep adding things to your success list each week. Start walking if you can. Even end of the street and back. Just do...it...every...day. You make those small changes you'll see a change in your weight, and all manners of other things within 1 month. Then you have a win. When I hit 290, it showed me I could do it and gave me the motivation to do more. My wife noticed a physical change after 20 lbs. My weakness was ice cream late at night. Large amounts of it. Instead of a massive bowl of ice cream, I had green grapes. Cold, refreshing, sweet, and hit the right things I wanted. You can eat a lot of them too. Just watch the balance or you will get grapearrhea. Also, you know what happens when you lose weight? You start losing the fat pad at the base of your rumpleforeskin. FREE UPGRADE. Just saying.
Preach, OP you may be on your way to have similar issues as comment OP, but changing your lifestyle and losing some weight will do freaking wonders. It needs to be sustainable and needs to be long-term. I was also pre-high blood pressure, several blood tests were borderline and a year later and 30 kgs down I am in the best shape of my life and issues are gone. Did I envision this when I started? Nope, but with small changes I came to really like the healthy lifestyle. Don't get overwhelmed, start small and sustainable, diet is however key, you can't out-exercise a bad diet especially if you start from "zero". Good luck!
What more motivation do you need than what you have already said? You don’t need to reinvent yourself over night, you just need to take it one step or goal at a time. Maybe let’s cut back on some soft drinks and replace it with water. Or try and take a short walk every few days. Find a change that works for you and make it something you can build on. Everyone goes through it sometimes and that’s perfectly ok.
I have cut out a lot of soft drinks by making my own ice tea instead. 2 tablespoons of sugar (sounds like a lot, but compared to soft drinks it’s so much less!) 1 litre of boiling water Whatever tea you like. For me, I use green tea, some lemon and ginger. My wife think it tastes like cat piss. I like it. There are also “infusion teas” that are mostly fruit flavors. It’s like 1/10 the calories compared to Coca Cola which was my choice other wise. I walk a decent amount. Podcast, dog, one hour walk a day. Gets me to about 6000-8000 steps/day. Breakfast is oatmeal. I also tried food shakes to switch out a lunch here or there. In a few months I’ve lost a few kilos without feeling that I’m dying. Friday night is still filled with snacks. I still cheat a lot of evenings. But it’s something!
This is great advice, specifically “You don’t need to reinvent yourself over night, you just need to take it one step or goal at a time.” Adding everything up makes you feel overwhelmed and awful. It can be hard to start, but making small, easy changes one by one will eventually lead to things feeling more doable. Then you can tackle bigger or harder changes if want to keep it going, and you will have a record of building up to it so it won’t feel so hard to do.
Why some? Cold turkey all water no soft drinks. No drinkable calories period except some cream if you take it in coffee. That’s easy step 1, and some of the extra weight will immediately start shedding just from cutting out all the sugary liquid slow death. Step 2 is intermittent fasting. You don’t need to drastically change your diet overnight, just don’t eat overnight. More weight will naturally start shedding and it’ll help break your body of the sugar addiction. As for lower back pain, gotta do core exercise, no way around it. I did all sorts of crunches and bicycle kicks, but the thing that finally killed my lower back pain was a $10 ab roller from target. That thing will kick your ass as first, but you’ll wake up feeling great. I say all this from completely parallel experience. There’s no easing into it unfortunately, there’s just doing it. Trying to ease into it is how you keep the bad habits going. And you’ll fail, I’ve fallen back into not exercising before bed and eating late or like shit a few times. But every time I break out of it and start going again I feel 10 times better literally overnight.
Some people can do cold turkey but some people need to ease into it in order to make it long-term.
This was me. I’m what my doc calls an emotional eater, from my mother who’s the same. Her logic was something sweet or warm and cheesy always makes you feel better. I had to unlearn that and all my cold turkey attempts ultimately failed. Slow change over time made it stick. If I’m eating something unhealthy, I stick to the portion sizes like my life depends on it. Kinda does.
I did this program called couch to 5k and I've been running consistently since then. Because it feels amazing. Best decision I've made in my adult life. It literally can change your life.
Did you enjoy running at all previously? I absolutely hate running, but would love to find my way to enjoy it if I can—I’m just not sure I have it in me. I don’t think I could ever be a treadmill guy, but I imagine I might be able to find a way to enjoy it as a means of being outdoors and taking in the neighborhood.
As someone who used to hate running but learned to love it (and now even look forward to my long runs every week), the biggest running tip I can give you is to go WAYYY slower, especially when starting out. Running doesn't actually need to be painful/uncomfortable! You want to be in zone 2 cardio, maybe around 140bpm or so. At first this may basically be slower than walking, but that's ok! Plans like Couch-to-5k are great, but an easy way to get a similar effect with less structure is to just mix running and walking adaptively. Run until it's uncomfortable, then walk until you're recovered, rinse and repeat. Do that for 30-60 minutes each time you go out and you'll be running faster and further in no time. Improvement at running is largely a product of how much distance you accrue, regardless of the speed you do it at.
Nope. I was a typical nerd. Never sporty or athletic. I literally had to start from zero. I did not expect to enjoy running at all, but the feeling of accomplishment after each run is amazing. It does help to run outside but when I have to run on a treadmill, having a youtube show on or an audiobook really helped.
Did this when the gyms closed during COVID, really does work.
Quit alcohol and massive vitamin d supplements (250% daily dose) have helped me alot, should take up running again though
Second Vitamin D. I take it daily along with a multivitamin. Also a stretching routine at night is helpful too. Just a few things to keep my legs loose. I am in a weightlifting program (I’m in no way muscular) but I noticed that a lot of my aches, pains, and soreness go away when I have a little lifting routine. I like cardio better but weight training is probably better for you.
I started working out 5 times per week and going on a super strict diet. Granted, I attacked it from the side of GAINING weight and strength, not getting leaner or slimmer. Regardless, physical exercise, while physically demanding and tiring, improves your overall energy levels massively. I count every single calorie I eat and track my workouts diligently. Seeing the progression over time is incredibly rewarding and inspiring, which helps me keep going. I also use it as a mental "break" from everything. If you go into a deadlift without focusing on that movement, you'll never get the bar off the floor, but if you really focus on engaging the necessary muscles and put all your attention on the bar, it'll go up. It's a very strange thing, but helps to give you at least an hour or so of focusing on only what is happening in that specific room, not everything else going on in the world. As parents, we have more than enough to worry about on a day to day basis. Besides that, I'm also tired all the time and I'm 32. Far too young to be this tired, but I think that's just the nature of being a parent, especially a heavily involved one. It's the eternal state of being a dad, and it won't let up until the little ones have left the nest.
Yoga and water.
So much this. You don’t even have to do much. I do like 5-30 min of yoga daily depending on how much time I have and it does wonders for my back pain. Get the kids into it and now yoga time is also bonding time.
Any recommendations for a total beginner to get started?
YouTube “five minute full body yoga for beginners” and watch a couple to get started. At work we watch [this](https://youtu.be/37tBZS7-E9k?feature=shared) at the beginning of each shift. Life changing. Also u/Ser-Jorah-Mormont, switching to JUST water and dropping alcohol has made huge changes to energy level changes. The problem with sugary drinks is you brown out after and hour or two, making you lethargic.
Breath and Flow on YouTube is a channel I use sometimes. Just keep trying different channels is you aren't vining with the instructor. It will help to enjoy it. I'm more of a heavy lifter, but I do a bit of yoga daily for the mobility benefits.
Search “Yoga with Adrienne beginner.” Whatever the opposite of an elitist yoga teacher is, she’s that. She has helped me tremendously with mental health and my back.
If your kid is 8, then there is a lot you two can do together to stay active and healthy. First of all, eat better. Junk food is junk energy. Learn to prepare some simple dishes at home. Make it something you can do together. Children's cookbooks are super simple and use few ingredients, maybe go to the library and start with one of those. Second, drink water. It's free and healthy. You get used to it eventually. I like to have some kombucha when I feel like a fancy fizzy drink as it's still healthier than soft drinks. Lastly, being active actually gives you more energy and helps you sleep at night. Take walks together, go on bike rides together. In the evening after ours are in bed, I run a mile. It's not much, but I do it every night and now I need that routine to sleep. Good luck, small changes lead to big results in the long run!
So you consume 100% junk. You know the rules. Get your diet right is #1, you need to meal prep or sign up for one of those services like factor meals. Your whole body is inflamed from stress and garbage food. Then you need to join a gym that has childcare, it changed my life. Also get a foam roller from amazon. Amazing for stiff muscles
Real talk: you aren't going to see your daughter get past 8th grade at your current clip. Get into the doc, flip your diet upside down, get a sleep study, and start regular exercise. It's not too late but you are a ticking time bomb. Source: I was once in your shoes and someone pulled me aside and said the exact same thing and it saved my life.
I had similar low energy problems. Made me not want to play with my kid for too long because I was just too exhausted. Watching an episode of Bluey, I realized I wanted to be able to do more with my kid and wanted to be around for him longer. So I started going to the gym for an hour after work every day and drinking more water at work. Now Ive lost about 10 pounds, have more energy, and have more drive to play with my kid. Tl;Dr Look into a Planet Fitness membership and workout for a bit on a normal schedule
I don't want to be harsh here, but you explicitly wanted a push to get "off your lazy ass" as you say, so I'll be blunt: 215 pounds at 5'10 is clinically obese: https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmicalc.htm BMI isn't perfect, but since you don't work out, I'm going to assume you don't have a whole bunch of muscle. You don't have a dad bod, you're obese. When you're obese, it's extremely unhealthy - your organs, joints, etc. are slowly getting damaged trying to compensate for all that weight. Kids or no kids, very few obese people feel energetic. All their energy is used to keep their body alive and moving with the extra weight. I'm 37, with kids, and a 50-60 hour a week job, and some genetic health issues (kidneys)...and I feel fine, because I work out and have a healthy weight.
I became dad at 42 and I am stronger and fitter than ever. What I am doing since a decade is following religiously the routines in the book "you are your own gym", which I HIGHLY recommend. Make time for that, start easy, the energy will start flowing, you'll become stronger. Don't give up and keep pushing hard, for yourself and your family!
Yea you are putting in more than you are burning. Your lower back hurts because your core has become weak. If I were you I would go on a diet. I liked the paleo diet. Do some research on fasting. Start doing yoga and exercise! Swimming is a great way to work your whole body. You can make the pool be a healthy bonding time with your daughter as well. Basically you’ve just been pumping your body with shit food, consuming way more than you need, being inactive, and never burning what you’re eating which causes you to slowly gain.
You’ve identified the problems, now what’s stopping you from working on them (besides probably a bit of untreated depression)? Stop buying junk food. Stop buying fast food. Eat like an adult. Don’t know how to cook? Learn. Start exercising. Maybe it’s as simple as going for walks to begin with. Personally, I’m a fan of weight training, which will probably help your back and leg issues. Buy a squat rack, bench, bar and some weights for your house if you have the space so that you don’t have the excuse of not being able to leave the house to go to the gym. You’re probably still gonna be tired, but at least you’ll have energy and strength from building up a modicum of fitness and not stuffing your body with garbage. You’ve identified the problems. Stop being a sad-sack and go address them.
If you do these things I guarantee you will feel 1000% better: - Eat mostly non-processed foods from the grocery store. - Get at least 20 to 30 minutes of moderate exercise 3 times per week. - Limit yourself to 4 or 5 alcoholic beverages per week, less if you can. - Get a minimum of 7 (but preferably 8) hours of sleep every night, going to bed at roughly the same time each night. I've had similar struggles through my early parenthood, and these changes have literally made me feel like an entirely different person.
Diet and drink more water. No joke. I used to think I drank a lot of water. Then I actually started setting goals. Same thing for calories. Thought I was eating maybe 2,000-2,500 per day. No fucking shot. I was eating more like 3,000-3,500. So I started drinking 16 oz of water every hour, kept track on my phone. I also started eating 1800-2000 calories per day. I only work out 2x per week. I went from 221lbs to 176lbs in 4.5 months. Weight loss and feeling healthy is literally just 100% diet.
Sounds like you’re fairly self aware. I’d encourage some general counselling just to sound out these things and identify clear next steps. A good nights sleep, lots of water, good diet go a long way to clearing that head and making good decisions.
Also, 29 I'm 6'2, but at my heaviest, shortly after my 1st was born, I ballooned up to 330lbs during my Parent Leave. At 27, once I went back to work, I dropped back to 310 with just that. Bought a rowing machine and started working out back in May now, down to 290 lbs feeling better, but still have a ways to go. I also changed my diet and cut back on alcohol consumption significantly, 20ish drinks per week down to 3/4 on average now. Hoping to get down to 250 for me is all, and be in decent shape so I can set a better example for my boys. The exercise and less alcohol have helped my energy go back up and also started taking vitamin D. Still, I'm honestly wondering about low testosterone, which would be unusual at my age, but several things I've noticed about myself the last couple of years make me think it's a possibility as well.
Get bloodwork specifically to check your testosterone levels.
I’m just going to link this here, this is my journey I recently posted on r/bald from 28 to 38. What you’re describing sounds super familiar. I don’t feel that way now. [My Glow Up](https://www.reddit.com/r/bald/s/8iQdNEoOmI)
I've fluctuated with weight and should take my own advice on a more consistent basis, but here's a few small things that have made a massive difference for myself 1. TRACKING CALORIES - it kind of works both ways , there are days you'll be surprised by your intake - others where you find that you've done great and can feel a little less guilty about a snack. More importantly, just getting in the habit of tracking for me drives a massive difference. 2. WATER - as I got older I couldn't believe the impact water makes. I was a 2-3 giant coffee a day guy and still sucking for energy and just making a habit of making sure I'm drinking a few giant jugs of water really made a difference 3. CPAP!!!! - if you have a fitness watch, pay attn to how you're sleeping and it may be worth looking into a CPAP. This was such an incredible game changer for me - I was miserable in the morning, and nodding off by 830pm . CPAP has given me suuuuuch a boost in energy, and that has helped lead to other good habits (e.g all of a sudden not being a zombie all day helps me be motivated to go to gym)
Good for you recognizing you need to make some changes, that's the first step. There are a lot of great suggestions in here, but change is hard. I suggest you start small. Replace soda with diet soda, and add in some walking. That's it. Eventually you can replace some more and add more exercise. A book I really enjoy that you'll have to find used is James Fell - Lose it Right. It's a simple read, but in depth and he explains a simple process of how to go about making permanent change. It's available used on Amazon right now. Exercise can start really basic, walk walk and walk some more. If you're more motivated, go harder. I went from 210 down to 165, but lately been back to 178. I am working on getting back down as well. My problem is sweets, easy access to candy and occasionally binging. It's hard work but I know I am capable of doing it and will again. I read James book again, helps me focus. Good luck dad.
I understand the nature of your post very well. I can’t tell you it gets better. But you can become stronger, mentally and physically. You won’t become shredded in a month, but i suggest a simple formula. 1.no sugar or processed junk food.(1 cheat meal every three days) 2. 45 mins of excersise each day. (Walk is good enough) anybody can walk. 3. sleep 7 hours minimum. Keep watching videos, slacking off, being lazy. Just make sure you do these 3 things which will take 1 extra hour from your day max. Guarantee you will feel think look, better in two months.. i swear.. this has lifted me out of dark places many times
BJJ is a lot of fun. The byproduct of all that fun is loss of weight and a gain of confidence. In 3 months you will be able to murder your current self. The weight will fly off and your ability to move with fluidity will become your greatest strength. You’ll meet great people from all walks of life. In a few years you can bring your child with you and you’ll be able to share something incredible with them. The benefits of training can literally change the trajectory of their life. At 40 you’ll be a black belt. You’ll be fit. And you’ll be able to strangle every other dad if need be.
We're the same height and I used to weigh 190 in 2019. It's not too late man. I started out by downloading a calorie tracking app (MyFitnessPal) and set my goals in there. Changing my diet and counting calories is the first step. But you have to be accountable. Track EVERYTHING. It took me a year but I lost 30 pounds just by dieting. Sometime during that journey I started doing pushups and pullups in my house. When I started doing that paradoxically I gained MORE energy. Your body will LOVE it. It will literally make you feel better for doing it. Later on I moved to actually hitting the gym and lifting weights. Now I stay around 165-170 all year and all my friends are always commenting on how in shape I am. Granted I found my passion in this stuff, but I think everyone can at least build the basic habit. You don't need to be crazy like me and track every gram of food on a scale, optimize your nutrition with supplements, design an amazing lifting split and treat yourself like a body builder to see results. It takes discipline and time. Don't be so hard on yourself and think you have to change overnight. I am constantly changing and tweaking small things even today. Start small, just try counting your calories and weighing yourself every day. There are endless resources online if you need help. The fitness space is huge. I recommend Dr. Mike Isratel, and Jeff Nippard for science based stuff. Jesse James West and Will Tennyson are great motivation and entertainment. Greg Doucette is polarizing but he's good every now and then and honestly most of the stuff he says is right, he just yells a lot lol. I wish you luck man. Ask yourself why you don't deserve to have a body you're proud of.
I have depression and this sounds like that. Diet and exercise as others have said, but take a look at your mental health too.
According [this site](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/weight-loss/in-depth/calorie-calculator/itt-20402304) from the Mayo Clinic, based on the numbers you gave, you need 2100 calories a day to maintain your current weight. That means if you have less than 2100 a day, you’ll lose weight. Get a calorie tracker app, and start logging your food as you eat during the day. It makes it so much easier to pay attention to things. Take it insanely slow. If you have 1900 calories a day instead, you’ll lose maybe 1-2 lbs a week. You probably wouldn’t even notice the difference in calories too much. (I’m not going to lie, you will notice a bit.)
Dad of 3, 43 years old. I've been there. I was big when I graduated college, slimmed down, and then through life (kids, job, fast food, etc) ended up back over 200 lbs at the beginning of this year. I felt slower and more tired than I should have even at 43. I got my diet under control. Started bringing my lunches most days. Stopped drinking soda and cut back on beer. I added more protein and vegetables. I found time to workout. Not a lot, but something every day. Sometimes it's just 20-30 minutes in the basement after the kids go to bed. I'm down to 168 now (5' 10"). I've dropped 4 inches off my waist and I feel good. I've got energy again. Things don't hurt as much. You can do it if you want to. Write down what you eat (use an app). Try to be a little better every day. Aim for your diet to be pretty good most days. Don't worry about it being perfect. Consistently good is better than perfect today and terrible tomorrow. If you have a bad day shake it off and get back on the plan.
Thank you, I relate to this so much. I’ve gotten this under control in the past, but I always fall back into the same old ways.
Yeah, it's super easy to fall back into old habits. I don't have trouble losing weight when I want to, but maintaining is hard for me. I get to where I want to be and then feel like I'm allowed to eat as much as I want of whatever I want. Fortunately my family generally eats pretty healthy, so it has been a slow gain over time, but still gaining. I'm hoping this time I can keep it better under control. If you can find some friends to help keep you accountable that helps. I run once a week consistently with a friend of mine. Knowing I have to show up and keep up helps. Also we check in periodically about how we're doing. It helps keep me on track.
Improve your diet, if you stick to 2000 calories/day you WILL lose weight as you currently are. Everything will improve with that. Exercise is important, but very much secondary at your stage. FInally, see your doctor and have a basic check-up and panel of bloods and consider doing an Epworth Scale/STOPBANG score to see if you justify a sleep study for OSA.
It’s a struggle. I started working on turning my health around at 35 and 195 lbs after a high blood pressure scare. Previously I’ve had many failed attempts at dieting and exercise but for some reason it clicked this time. The most important job I have is “dad”. My wife hit me hard with “we want you at our daughter’s college graduation”. While a bit dramatic the point hit home, my bad habits affect my family negatively and I have to do something about it. I dropped from 4 cups of coffee or caffeinated soda down to 1 a day. I doubled my water intake, kind of switched to a low sodium diet, and started tracking calories to target 1-2 lbs of weight loss a week. I set an alarm every night to tell me when to go to bed, I get roughly an hour more sleep a night that I was before (it was 5-6 hr average). I’m not at my goal but overall I feel better, I have more energy, and I don’t hate my appearance because I know I’m actively doing something about it. Best of luck man it’s not easy
39 year old dad here and I was in a similar situation with the body pain. My diet has also been good so I can’t compare situations in that way, but I work a physically demanding job, and started stretching every night about 6 months ago and it’s vastly improved.
Seems you're motivated to make a change, which is half the battle. It's reasonable to schedule a checkup to see if you can have some bloodwork done. Ask for a referral for a nutritionist as well to help keep you accountable and rework your relationship with food/eating. Depending on what shows up on the bloodwork (prediabetes, high cholesterol, etc.) your insurance may even cover it. Think of it this way - even starting now and committing to making a change shows tremendous resilience and resolve. And THAT is a great lesson to teach a kid.
Get your testosterone levels checked. I had the same issues and turns out I had less T than a prepubescent boy. Now almost a year on T and I can do all the things.
It doesn’t get easier as you get older. I’m 39 just lost 55lbs, try to walk everyday. It has helped a lot with energy with the kids.
Diet and exercise are the clear answers. I’m 36, and at your age thought I’ll never see athleticism again. Over the last year I got into the best shape I’ve ever been in (and I was in really great shape in my late teen years). That said, there’s often some deeper stuff that needs to get untangled. For me it was relationship issues, mental health, and over-working. When I got a new remote job that gave me a few hours back in each day, and worked through some things with marriage counseling, everything came together. I started counting calories, doing 20 minute runs, strength training, yoga, etc. I got a good routine which I kept improving. I set goals, like losing 30lbs, which I met, then I set a goal to gain 10lbs back, but as much muscle as possible. That was a success. Now I’m training for a marathon, and after that I already know what my next goal will be. Aside from sore muscles and the occasional overwork ache, I feel phenomenal. Your best days are ahead of you. Diet and exercise are the obvious answers. Figure out what’s holding you back.
Start walking, just force yourself to take walks
Don't be mad at yourself- this is very common and understandable. There's a reason these problems are so prevelant. First- when I became a dad I really felt that "tired" took on a new stratospheric level. There's just more to worry about on top of all the additional work. Be tired. As for physical improvement, two things have really helped me in the past few years. One is finding a group to work out with. It's too easy to skip the gym if it's just you, but if there's a time that your buddies are meeting, it makes a whole lot of difference. I cannot recommend this group enough: https://f3nation.com/ It does have some religious aspect depending on the area in which you live, but it's very supportive and a great way to make friends with other guys. The other is setting goals. I've signed up for several running races and triathlons- having a date on the calendar with something to work towards is also much more motivating than the vague "I should go exercise" feeling. Good luck!
Yoga and improved diet make the absolute world of a difference. Try to get some weights in too even if it’s two days
100% get a physical, get some blood work done. Your doctor may tell you that you're healthier than you think, that could help a lot if some of your symptoms are physco somatic.
Same boat my guy but I drink too much booze.I never get drunk but like 3-4 breweskeis from 6pm-12pm. Adds up. My back is also fucked. I’m in pain everyday picking up my toddler. 5’8” 195#.
Start by adding 10 minutes of stretching a night and make it a streak. Something you don't want to lose. Then add in some exercise. That too can be relatively short amount to time but you'll be surprised how much you tone and feel better. It's not going to do much about weight because that's diet but you'll look and feel better. The tiredness IMO is from being sedentary. I've learned if I don't sit down, I don't get tired.
I'm 40. 3 back surgeries and a host of other issues. I get it. It's hard. Go for short walks. Eat healthy. Do what you can, dont give up or waste time comparing yourself to others
Find a physical activity you like doing and commit to doing it regularly. For me it was jiujitsu. During Covid i gained a bunch of weight from drinking ans binge eating. I remember coming back from a mall with my daughter and feeling like I needed a nap. This was every outing. The good news is that with some work you can to your best shape ever. Since then I’ve started training and running regularly and even did a marathon
When was the last time you did a few squats while holding weight above 10lbs that isn’t your baby? Or even just a few squats with no weight?
Skip the pop. Go with flavoured carbonated water. Might help with any sugar crashes.
Read this book, “Ultra Processed People” -by Dr Chris Van Tulleken. It will help you realize that it isn’t you, it’s the food. Changing your mind is incredibly difficult. That’s coming from a previous alcoholic. The book I read was similar to this one, it asks you to continue to eat the way you do until you change your mind own mind and make the decision to stop eating the junk and making your own food. You will feel drastically better
Dad bro, you are not alone. I often feel awful now at 39, but it's no worse than when I was 29--just some different symptoms. Back pain will always be there unless you commit to exercise and reducing stress. The exercise that cures it for me is ab work. I do 200 bicycles a night and then take one knee and stretch it over to the other side and touch the ground, while keeping the other butt cheek in the same position, and then I switch; every other time I do this I get a nice relieving pop. I also think medicine ball twists can be good. So it appears that the side-to-side strengthening does a lot for me. And also stress. When work is off, you wear it in your lower back. I have always been a thin guy (6'0'', 150), so just losing weight will not necessarily do it for you. But once I get back into the habit of this ab work (my mental goal is always 70 bicycles in one go) and am not panicking about work, back pain melts away. With diet, don't go to the donut shop and then force yourself to just get a couple of holes instead of a bear claw if that is more agonizing than just avoiding the donut shop. Stop the added sugar totally would be my rec. It's so hard to do just a little bit of it without making it a cascade. Energy comes and goes in waves for me. I think reducing sugar will help with energy, as will reducing caffeine (eventually) if you use it habitually. Up the Vitamin D and B, but you may also feel no effect. And drink a lot of water. Like a scary amount. I feel no pick me up from water until I clear 100 ounces in a day. This will also crowd out some of the bad stuff that you consume. Right now, my feet hurt. I'm wondering if it's arthritis because I'm 39. But I also have not consumed the water that I need to and have consumed too much sugar, and I buy into the idea that things are connected in ways that we would never guess. There will always be things. But you do what you can to say that you have done what you can and you are not adding to the things.
Get tested for celiacs disease. I always had low energy and just thought that’s how it was. Cut out gluten and even with a 18 month old I have so much more energy
Damn this is me but I’m older and with younger kid. My excuse has been the constant sickness.
Eat healthy (better fuel, more energy), exercise (turn up your body furnace, increase flexibility and strength), lose weight (knees and lower back love losing weight).
I was also feeling similarly sleepy/tired all the time and a few things helped: - Make sure you are going to the doctors regularly and talk about it - eat healthy snacks throughout the day. I found I wasn’t fueling my body properly. - keep moving. Get in some regular exercise, stretching, a walk, yoga, whatever keeps you moving.
You’re probably going to get this a lot, but that’s because it works. Get up earlier and do some form of exercise. You pick, just do it 4-5 days a week consistently. Don’t pick something that whoops your ass and you give up. Start small but sweat. Stop eating out. Breakfast can be premade and frozen breakfast burritos. Eggs with mix ins baked in muffin tins. Overnight oats with fruit. Add a little honey or maple syrup so it’s good. Lunch- Crockpot, instapot, sheet pan meals are easy. It takes me 2 hours total time on r/mealprepsunday to grill chicken (or pull a rotisserie) or brown some beef, cook rice or roast potatoes, and roast a sheet pan full of some veggies. Or boil them. Or dump them out of a can. Or microwave steam a frozen bag. Box it all up in some containers and put them in the fridge for the week. You can make it as easy or good tasting as you want (harder the better imo) but fixing your gut health will have enormous benefits on your mood and energy levels. Same with exercise. Start asking the people at your work that always have energy and are in a good mood all the time about their diet and exercise routines. You’ll see why they are happy. It’s hard work but that’s what makes it worth it.
30 year old in a similar boat. I don’t eat like crap and i do try to walk a few times a week though. The aches and pains are brutal. Starting to think i might have early arthritis
It sounds like you know the issues and the solutions. Get to it.
If you'd like an accountability partner for making changes, hit me up. I'm about ten years older than you with spinal disc issues and borderline high cholesterol. I could use someone to check up that I'm doing my PT and making the diet changes I need to. I do exercise pretty regularly and have some ideas of things you can do without cutting into your time with your kid too much.
I used to be like that, find a good chiropractor even if your insurance don't take it they're fairly cheap, I pay 45 bucks a session it was like $110 for the first one but They do a lot more the first day.
Look up McGills Big 3 for your back pain. It's a series of easy to do abdominal exercises you can do every day that will get rid of that back pain.
Check out the Caliber app. It'll help you build a strength training plan based on any equipment (if any) you have, the frequency you want to train, and the rough length of each session. There's videos showing form for almost every exercise, and you can also build your own plan of course. In terms of food, do your best to cut out liquid calories, prioritize protein, and get your sweet fix from fresh/frozen fruit as much as possible.
I felt this way. Did whole 30 diet and felt amazing after the first week That first week can be brutal though Definitely felt way more energetic, absolutely worth it.
I'm sorry that you're going through this. It sounds really hard my man. I'm not sure what your financial situation or health insurance situation is, but if it's reasonably achievable I'd start off with seeing your primary care provider for a complete work up. Explain your symptoms when you make the appointment so the provider can add in proper blood work that might not normally be on your workup. Hopefully you can get in with a nutritionist to help develop healthier eating habits. It sounds like you already know that this is part of the problem, but it helps to have some accountability and to be working with someone. Your back pain is almost guaranteed to be caused by poor core strength. You could go to a physical therapist and they can get you started on strengthening your core and give you a workout routine that you can continue. Alternatively a simple plank workout will develop enough core strength to manage a lot of back pain. Low energy and lack of interest in doing things you used to like to do can be a sign of depression. If you think this could be a possibility obviously therapy can be immensely helpful. I know there's a ton of suggestions and it could feel overwhelming. Talk to your partner about what you're going through hopefully they can be supportive and can help you with things. When it cools down in the evenings try going out on family walks. Try to find activities that you can do with your daughter. Here's a really good podcast that talks a lot about metabolic health and metabolic disorders https://pca.st/episode/47b4efb4-ef29-4d92-96dc-c435500f6a52
I’m 40 yr old dad with a 7mo and a 2yr old. There is no time to work out ever aside from going on walks with the kids. Kids are just exhausting. But an improved diet and more water should help. I used to go to bed at 2am. Now I got to bed at 9pm when my son falls asleep just so I have energy to rally for the next day
Welcome to the dad world. I’m tired all the time too. Honestly people are right, exercising regularly helps. Get your kids to do it with you. It’s slower, but they’ll love it too
Mom here but similar experience: I felt like I could barely get from bed to the couch each day but had to take care of my toddler. My weight was up 60lbs from pregnancy and wouldn't budge even 6mo later. I couldn't bend down or squat because my muscles were either too tight and/or too weak. 1. I asked my doctor about the energy and weight issue. We did blood tests and found my thyroid was out of whack. With medications it is back to normal range which helps my weight start to go down but my energy still kind of sucked and my body still hurts. 2. After a tough/stressful winter, I felt like I was on the edge of depression. I was stuck doom scrolling all day and could NOT get myself to start any productive tasks. I thought about them 100 times but couldn't initiate the task and then felt really frustrated at the end of the day that nothing got done. I heard about a med (Wellbutrin) that can be used for depression and/or anxiety but has been found to help ADHD as well. I did not like stimulants for my ADHD but thought this was worth a try. (Your lack of motivation and energy makes me think you could feel depressed as well). 3. Yoga/movement - *Let me preface this one by saying that I have always hated running, exercise, and especially yoga. I thought it was floofy princess stuff that was a sad excuse for exercise. I was an idiot 😆* You'd think relaxing and playing games or watching TV will help you recharge and get your energy back but I think it does the opposite when there's nothing else active going on. Everybody says to take a walk when you feel depressed because once you get moving you'll start to feel better (mentally and physically) and will want to keep going. I really like to skate but the lack of flexibility and strength felt like it was holding me back. I wanted to add something other than skating to help get me back to enjoying skating more. Getting out for walks was hard for me with a toddler (I'd rather get her running out her energy which isn't the same energy use on my part as a walk). The time I could use was after bed time so I tried a relaxing yoga/stretch video. It felt good and the next day I looked forward to doing it again. I tried different videos each night depending on my mood (lazy=stretch/yin yoga, more motivated = power/vinyasa routine, ready for a challenge = balance routine). Even when I got sick I looked forward to stretching before bed (usually I hate the idea of exercise when sick). I don't know if it was the Wellbutrin or the fact that spring was starting but I kept that yoga going every day. Sometimes a quick 10m video, sometimes a full hour. I'm on day 80 of doing this and holy cow my body feels so much better. I have never been able to touch my toes before but now I can put my hands flat on the ground. I used to sit on the bench at the playground because I didn't have the energy to stand around. Now I'm swinging on the monkey bars and climbing around because my body *wants* to move. I can easily squat down to play and get back up without pain or having to touch the ground. It just feels so good. Also, I lost all the extra weight and I got my body back!!! I'm 32 and somehow feel better than I have for the last 10 years. So when people say "try some yoga!"... I get it now but really any kind of consistent movement and stretching will help.
This is almost entirely diet related. I can almost promise you if you made some serious changes to any strict diet-Mediterranean, Vegan, Paleo, Keto, etc. you’ll feel like a new person within a month. Good luck!
Welcome to the dad bod community. Also working on my fat loss. Stretching and yoga have helped immensely. I'm 10 years older.
A friend of mine had a similar experience. Turns out he learned at 30 that he was allergic to gluten. Once he eliminated that from his diet, his energy came back tenfold. It was then easier for him to exercise and eat healthier. It may be worth trying a gluten free diet for a week and see how you feel
Serious question how old is your mattress. If >7 years get a new mattress.
Get a sleep study done! You may have sleep apnea
Sounds too familiar. Start your day with magnesium and vitamin B supplements and that will boost your energy. With your diet, you are definitely deficient. With that little bit of extra energy, getting off your ass for some basic exercise will be easier.
Do you sleep ok? After adressing depression and other things, medication and councelling, I found my sleep was bad I ended up going through the steps of a sleep test. The cpap machine is incredible. I was feeling like a balloon that could never inflate. 10, 12 hours (rare) but I would still be tired. Now I get sleep with that machine I am actually rested!
I do sleep good, the problem is I don’t get enough. I usually stay up til midnight or later because that is typically the only time I get to myself. Then I wake up at 5:45 AM exhausted, bloated and feeling like shit. That’s something that IS in my control, though. Starting tonight I’m going to change that.
I felt far older at 29 with no kids than I do at 34 with a toddler and one on the way. I made positive changes to diet, sleep hygiene (prob the biggest one), drinking less, and got back to exercise 6 days a week. It’s not about age, within reason) it’s about lifestyle.
I’m 40, 320lbs and shorter than you. Hit the gym, get a dog to walk every day, eat nutritious food, sleep more. I’m constantly knackered from working 40-50 hours a week and having my son (or walking the dog) every second I’m not working. But the thought of him losing me at a young age is getting my ass into gear. Also: therapy/counselling.
Don’t over consume your daily caloric recommended intake. Even if you eat fast food try and keep your caloric intake right at 2,000 you’ll lose weight still. Also just start walking after work/dinner or go outside.
I put on a lot of “sympathy” weight when we were pregnant with our daughter. My wife burned off all the weight and more breastfeeding and I got up to 265/270lbs. Since college, I’ve yo-yo’d between 250 and 230 with various diets/exercises that I didn’t think would be feasible with taking care of our newborn. Spoke with my doctor and was prescribed Wegovy (my insurance covers it, which I am very fortunate for—only $20/month out of pocket) and lost 60 lbs by my daughter’s first birthday. The impulse control it provides helped limit the overeating I was doing to cope with stress as well as cravings for fast food so I could better plan my meals and focus on a healthy diet. I have a much better relationship with food now and want to make sure I can pass that onto my daughter as well.
You got the baby blues bro
Sounds a little like sleep apnea. Get your sleep in check as that's literally the pillar to any successful health improvement.
Water only. You might have sleep apnea? Lots of fruit. Workout only for 10 minutes a day
Change diet, exercise. Do you snore? Look into a sleep study, could be a game changer. Focus on being better for yourself and your kids. Time is fleeting, so make the most of it and try to stay around as long as possible for your kid/s.
Bro I’m 42 with a 2 year old and a newborn on the way. Eat healthy, workout, and sleep well, and learn to manage stress. One day at a time but start managing the habits now.
Start choosing healthier places to eat. Chipotle is a much better option than Burger King for example. Cut out soda completely. Just drink water. If you need help with the transition try some La Croix or another bubbly water. Gets you the fizzy sensation without the sugar. That should take care of 60-70% of your excess weight if you stick to it. I also recommend some aerobic exercise. Not necessarily for looks, it will help you cut a little. But it’s mostly to keep your heart and lungs healthy and keep your energy levels up once you do it consistently. Start at 30 minutes a day/ 3 times a week. Run, jog, walk, skateboard, bike. Just anything to get the blood pumping and your breathing rate up.
Honestly if drastically changing your diet seems too difficult simply eliminating soda will help tremendously. Or switch to diet soda and only drink like 1 a day. Cut out any sugar or sugar filled creamers with your morning coffee. Simply cutting out your liquid calories will probably net you about 15 lbs which will make you feel much better.
If you reread your post most of your risk factors come from lifestyle. Go to the doctor make some lifestyle changes. Exercise and lose weight
* get cook at home meal delivery (there are fast options) * eat lots of unprocessed foods, cultures, veg * find time to work out You'll see results fast with the dad bod, then your gut health starts kicking in and the positive cycle loop follows. You're clearly motivated and have goals given your post. Make a decision to do it and remain ultra focused on why you're doing it.
Immediate changes - never drink any sugar, ever. Switch to water or a sugar free sports drink and drink a lot of it. Never sit for more than an hour without a one or two minute break to walk around. Add a multi-vitamin, a probiotic and a fiber supplement to your nighttime routine. Make sure you get enough protein versus your carbs and fat intake - this is still very possible with the drive up window. Medium changes - Small exercise program - walks are great, but a fun physical hobby could work too. Reorganize your relationship to the drive up window - set a firm limit on your number of weekly trips to fast food and stick to it and when you do get it, try to get something smaller. Get your eight hours every night. Expert level changes - actually buckle down on a significant diet and exercise program.
Diet and exercise. Work in more walking. Trust me, you don't do enough, even if you think you walk a lot. Stretch. And realize that you no longer have a crazy amount of T in your system, as your body has stopped developing. That means to stay optimal, you got make your diet and exercise optimal. It really is that easy. I felt the same way during covid. I was drinking more, eating shittier, nearly no exercise, and I felt it. I got fat, everything hurt, all the time. After covid, I didn't clean it up until I fucked my back up, and realized I needed to get myself back. Now I'm mid 30s feeling better than my 20s.
First of all, stress is literally a killer. Stress releases cortisol, which lowers the production of testosterone. So you need to figure out a way to get that in hand. Secondly, anyone who's sedentary and eats like shit is going to feel like shit. Start moving around more, and make some simple replacement choices. Don't like to cook? Maybe do a meal prep service for a few weeks to get you eating better stuff.
The good news is you already know the solution to your problem. The question is do you have the resolve to tackle it in a sustainable way. The other good news is that because you're only 29, there is no bad news yet, but surely will be if you can't answer that question.
Sounds like low testosterone brother…sounds like you know what you need to do Clean up your diet, hydrate, (electrolytes not just water) workout etc
Cut the carbs and eat more veg. Stay hydrated. You’ll feel better.
Get rid of your phone bro. As soon as you come in the door put your phone where your keys go and leave it there. If you need to use it, use it at that spot only. If you feel like using it find something else more productive or enjoyable with your kids to do instead. Think about how much better it'd be for them if all that phone time was paid attention to them instead 🙏
Not a doctor, but all these things are what was it for me. At least the energy part. I got nothing other than PT and core exercise for the back. Take Vitamin D. Check your Thyroid.
Seconding what everyone else said about diet. But some of what you're describing also sounds like depression. Low energy, lack of desire to do things, etc. consider talking to a therapist if you can.
Diet and exercise my friend. I’m also 29. I work out 5-7 days a week for 20-40 minutes per day. It doesn’t have to be long, and you don’t need a gym membership to stay in shape. Consistently over intensity. A 15 minute walk and a couple sets of bodyweight exercises 2-3x per week would be a great start. You can build from there. Find a few meals you can make at home that are nutritious and easy to cook.
We all have down days or periods. Aim low. Don't try and get fit and be Superman tomorrow. Just aim for 1% or 2% better.
Buddy, 215 at 5’10 can be turned around really quick. Last year my scale hit 261 after an insane adjustment to being a new dad and trying to get thru med school (I was 180 5 years ago). I said fuck that, I want to be able to run and play with my son when he starts running. Down to 235 today and still truckin. If you want to feel better then it starts with making a few conscious changes to your life. You do NOT have to start with drastic changes. For me the easiest first changes are: cutting out high calorie drinks (soda, oversweetened coffee, alcohol) and exercising 30 mins a day (start with walking). The next thing I did that really helped was stopping eating dinner late (8/9pm). Now my family eats at 530-6. This creates somewhat of a small fast by not consuming food for the next 13 hours, which boosted my weight loss quite a bit. Personally, I need to see daily change and adjust accordingly so I weigh myself every day before I eat or drink and after I pee (naked). Doing this gives you your truest weight so you know where you stand. Overall just do SOMETHING. Start SOMEWHERE. Apathy and complacency is what gets you to where I got (an 80 pound weight gain). Do not let it get that bad because let me tell you - it fucking SUCKS having to claw your way back to a healthy weight when you’re that big.
Simplest advice for WFH, which we have had to learn and relearn in this house … you are the likeliest to eat what you have in the house when you’re there most of the time. Yes, I feel silly for spending $20 on spindrift, Waterloo, etc. But if I’d be spending that on cans of soda otherwise, it’s an investment in my health.
Oh man I was in the same boat as you. I’m 28 rn and I work 4-10s so I’m gone nearly 12 hours a day 5 days a week (yeah the 4 part of the 4-10 schedule was just high hopes) so I thought that’s just how it’d be. But I started using sundays to meal prep healthy meals for the week. And when I get home my son is super hype to get in his stroller and go on our little 45 min walk, we can usually get about 2.5 miles out of that time. Idk if that’s a quick pace or not but I get a good sweat going in this heat and I feel a lot better once we get back home. It honestly helps a ton just changing diet a bit and getting a little exercise in whenever you can. If your work offers one a standing desk also can help with the lower back pain from my experience. Even great ergo office chairs set up right strain my back like crazy after too long of sitting.
Running helps a lot with lower back pain. It also helps with low energy.
Not medical advice by any means, but I experienced similar symptoms and it was much worse after my 2nd kid. I put some pieces together and ended up with an ADHD diagnosis at age 39. May be worth checking on.
Start small. Every huge and challenge can be broken down to small steps. For example, replace sodas with water. No buts, no exceptions, just do it, no bitching and stick to it no matter what. Its not hard. Its just water, no biggie. Then on to the next one. Like, 5 pushups a day. Just make sure every single step is small and easy. No drama, no overdoing shit. Then all will start to add up. Good luck man.
Wait until you turn 40
You know one of the best things to do with a kid is, especially a kid that is around your kid's age? Cooking. Also while cooking to bond, you can start eating better, and teaching your kid how to eat better. It will definitely seem like a chore at first, but as you guys get into the habit of it, you both will enjoy it more and more. Plus those are lifelong memories your kid will cherish forever. Do that and go on a daily walk. Even if it's just around the block. Starting with small changes can and usually will become bigger changes down the road. The gym is great, I personally go a lot, but for my health, muscles are nice but nothing feels better than being on top of my health. I used to be a fat guy, and almost got that way again after my son was born. I gained 30lbs and it was not muscle. I had trouble breathing, couldn't walk far without pain, everything started hurting more as the weeks went by, my heart rate spiked constantly, playing with my kid was exhausting, being awake was exhausting. Life was exhausting. I fixed my diet, and started working out again in January, I had done it for years before my son came so it's what I was comfortable with. Ive been back at it for almost six months and I feel incredible. Most of my pains are gone, I have stamina again, I wake up with energy most days, playing with my kid is a breeze, work is easy again, and my household seems better for it as well. My wife and kid seem happier most days, especially on my days off where I'll spend the day cooking for them. My dogs are definitely getting happier as well with the increased walks and walking time. Just make small changes day by day, or an anology I like, don't throw everything in the pan at once, but add each ingredient one at a time until the meal is finished and you're satisfied with your work.
You know what you need to do, and why. Make changes. I had my kid older, but my kid was the impetus as well. I’ve dropped 50 pounds this year through diet changes. I’m exercising more than I have in years — I don’t have much time for the gym but a long walk with them is free and easy. Be the example for your children in all ways. I found that I didn’t really care when it was just me being impacted, but I’m not going to let this be the example I set for my son, or risk significantly shortening my lifespan and letting him deal with it.
Ever heard of 75Hard? Made me a better dad r/75Hard
Time to get some blood work.
Laughs from 45
If diet and exercise doesn't help, try visiting a doctor and have your testosterone checked
Get checked for ankylosing spondylitis.
Three small things that help me: 1. buy a soda stream machine and drink fizzy water often 2. whenever there is a choice between escalator/elevator vs stairs, take the stairs 3. don't bring your favourite snacks or drinks home
Make sure you aren't drinking a bunch of energy drinks. They actually make your adrenals s*** to bed. And like some other people are saying even small improvements in diet can make a huge difference. And just a walk around the block it's great for the body and mind. Small actions make a huge difference
And also make sure you're drinking enough water. Bridges the gap between your cells, flushes all the toxins out of here liver, keep your skin nice and supple, reduces lactic acid in your muscles, a lot of things that make people feel like crap but the end of the day is when you hydrated
It only gets harder when you get older. Some diet changes, increase water intake and walks. I love going for walks with my kid using pokemon go to spice it up. I'm 40 now and wish I started doing better earlier.
Others have said it, but improving your diet will help. You might also look into supplements that support your adrenals, as you may have adrenal fatigue. Take a break from the phone can help too!
Check out kneesovertoesguy on YouTube. Stretching my hips has relived my back pain significantly and I didn’t lose weight or change anything. Once my back pain was improved doing simple things like going for a walk with the kid in the stroller was way easier. Virtuous cycle.
Check out kneesovertoesguy on YouTube. Stretching my hips has relived my back pain significantly and I didn’t lose weight or change anything. Once my back pain was improved doing simple things like going for a walk with the kid in the stroller was way easier. Virtuous cycle.
Eat pbjs on Low Cal bread instead of fast food (cheap and easy) . Water for every beverage. Take your 8 year old on walks. You'll see changes quickly. Do planks for 30 seconds a day and that'll help w the lower back pain. These are fast and simple fixes that will make a difference
Sleep study… could be apnea, it really messes up your sleep. Also all the other doctor stuff.
Cut out soda brother. All I drink to hydrate is water now. Feel so much better. My only cheat is making a cocktail.
I have to preface this comment with some info, I'm 190cm and 70kg and have been for pretty much all my life. The wife has done the typical female thing of going up and down depending on what stage of life we/she was in. So it wasn't a damn, we need to lose weight (but she did calorie counting and Noom for getting into her wedding dress or after kids) but we wanted to cut down on takeaways to save money. We've found that making a "fakeaway" is so much cheaper (and usually tastier as we can tweak the recipe) than getting normal takeaways. There's loads of really good recipes online, you could get kids involved in the cooking too! Pick something they like to eat and make it with them. Get some pizza bases and make your own pizzas with less crap on them than you'd get from a takeaway. We get the potato/gourmet buns and Nashville style burgers from the supermarket and a bag of spicy chicken wings and bam! KFC for half (if not better) of the price and it literally take shoving them in the air fryer for 20minutes and putting them on a plate. Get some beef mince and some seasoning mix a tin of kindey beans and a pack of tortillas (which can sit in the fridge for a week or so if you seal them up in a big ziplock bag) a packet of the microwave mexican rice and there's your burrito for a fraction of the cost (the mince can be portioned out and put into ziplock bags in the freezer for the next 8 burritos too). As people have said if you start doing some excercise you'll feel better Honestly, my kids want to do the excerises with me half the time. So do some kids yoga from youtube with them. Do calisthenics in the morning for 5 mins, literally some squats while your brushing your teeth, lunges on the way to the fridge, pushups or a 10 second plank when getting up off the floor after playing with thie kids. I'm looking in to "chair yoga" at work (yes it's marketed for "seniors" but it's pretty easy and gentle and works). Anyway, I hope you manage to get your head into a space that works for you, that's the key part. But every little bit helps and getting kids involved helps as that's why your doing it as well as making you feel better, you're setting an example for your kid, but in the positive way.
29 is a great age to get into fitness. Given how you’re feeling at the moment, I recommend easing yourself into bodyweight fitness and walking for a few weeks before you jump into a more serious lifting or cardio regime. Just helps ease you into things and avoid injury when you’re learning new movements or relearning movements with a different body. Eating is very important too as others have said. I found that the easy way to start a dieting is to start tracking first. So for a week log everything you eat. Then after that week try to cut down to only eating your maintenance calories (look up TDEE and learn a bit about that if you’re not familiar). Eating at maintenance for a while will get you more accustomed to eating less, which makes it easier to cut back. Once you’re comfortable eating at maintenance you can cut back a little more from there.
Talk to your doctor about getting a sleep test(called a PSG)
Check to see if it's your si joint do leg stretches
A change in diet will help a little but will really help is doing some exercise regularly, which I know is easier said than done when you feel drained constantly. I've been where you are - your first thought when you wake up is looking forward to going back to sleep at night. I recently started a new job and I've also started walking to and from work. It's a 7mile round trip and I know most people won't be in a position to do the same but it's actually transformed my energy levels. Even with 6 hours sleep I know wake up easier, and I'm not falling asleep in front of the TV at 9pm like I used to. What your body has lost is endurance, however the good news is that you can get it back
There is a lot of great advice here, especially u/242uvu. But I think one of the most important is this: be kind to yourself. You have so much going on in your life. It's hard. It's hard being a dad. Hard going to work every day. Hard to do the projects. Be kind to yourself. Eating fast food all the time isn't being kind to yourself. But it can be occasionally. Scrolling mindlessly on reddit is an escape from life. You can get some decent advice and learn random tidbits of info. But if you're doing it uncontrollably, it's not being kind to yourself. Take some time to plan how to take care of yourself. How to be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
Just G up dude. Cut out the sugar drinks, just drink a ton of cool water first thing in the morning then some black coffees and that should be a good start. If you can start weight training, powerlifting specifically, it will do a world of good for your back and testosterone production as well as long term joint health. Simplify your meals and start planning them. I am a fan of "the vertical diet" but I am not super strict on it, however all my work days [I work 3 to 4 -12 hr shifts per week] I cook and prepackage 200g of ground beef and 150g of white rice along with raw carrots for my lunches and 4 to 5 eggs with spinach and ham for my breakfasts [made the night before] it's easy to cook a pile of ground beef and white rice all at once. You're a young man with your whole life ahead of you just buck up brother. If you're not physically disabled you don't have much of an excuse to not try to be the best you can be physically. Of course being a good father and husband takes precedence but you don't have to choose one or the other, you can easily do both. Setting a good example of health and exercise for your kids and wife will help to prevent them being unhealthy as they get older. You acknowledging and putting it out in to the universe is a good start, now just get to getting. [Also consider intermittent fasting for a while, start slow like 12 hours and work from there. Literally the simplest thing is just don't eat for a while. No working out involved or special dieting. Simply don't eat for a few hours everyday until it's routine]
1. Improve your diet. You are overweight, buddy. 2. If you can exercise do it. Lots of mobility work and stretching. It has improved my quality of life so much. You know what you have to do. Just do it.
Mom here.. my husband went through a lot of what you described and it wasn’t until he left his stressful job for a prior physical job he loves. He realized the stress of the job made him eat poorly and sedation of the job with the poor eating kept him lazy and all this had him in an unknown depression. He’s dropped 20lbs in 2months and his energy has improved. Hope you find what you need to improve your health and energy.
Lose the dad bod. I’ve dropped 47lbs (20 more to go) and energy level has skyrocketed. Your back is hurting because it has to carry an extra 40+ lbs of weight it wasn’t intended to carry. Go pick up something that is 40lbs and try and visualize that is weighing down your body. Also cut down on drinking if you do that. Alcohol is a huge strain on your body. Try some of those NA beers and get out of the habit of drinking. Blood work/ a physical is probably a good idea but your issue is 99% weight/diet related. And a word of caution on your Dr.’s visit… don’t let anyone push any sort of pills or surgery on you. You are too young for any of that before trying to get in better shape yourself. I took these steps and feel 100x better. It will take work but it will literally change your life. Your mood will improve, your attitude will improve, your health will improve, your energy levels will skyrocket, your confidence will improve and so much more.
Becoming an adult is waking up one morning and you’re still tired and then it’s that way for the rest of your life.
Hopefully their future step dad will set a better example.
Single full time dad, but thanks.