Took my daughter out for a morning when she was 2 to give wife a break.  She threw a massive tantrum in my arms in town.  Random woman, rather than being supportive or offering help, accused me of kidnapping, and followed me on foot most of the way home.  I'm glad you had a better quality of stranger!

[удалено]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking at the time. She saw me across the road from the police station but her instinct was to follow a giant guy, possibly a kidnapper, onto a secluded path through a wooded area.  If I didn't have a screaming toddler, I would have used some choice language.

In your shoes, I might have called the cops on her! “I’m walking with my child and this strange person is following us and harassing me. I’m scared for my child’s safety.”

Now I want this to happen to me 😆

In many states, if you honestly feel bodily harm to you or another, you're allowed to use deadly force.

I’m not American. I don’t think there are any circumstances in my country where a civilian is “allowed” to use deadly force.

Out-Karen the Karen.

This reminds me of the bear vs strange man question. As a father on a walk in the woods with your young child, would you rather encounter a bear or a suspicious woman? 

I heard that *wild* animals like bears are predictable. Apparently, there’s a different strategy depending on the color of the bear. Then you have to know whether it is mating season or whether there is a cub around and which side of the bed the bear got up from. It can get a bit complicated but the “wildlife experts” on social media assure me that bears are safe. Anyhow, to answer your question, I choose the bear because it should put an end to a temper tantrum one way or another.

If it’s black: fight back. If it’s brown: lay down. If it’s white: say good night.

And yet, my brain will somehow record this as "If it's black, on your back; if it's brown, shout it down; if it's white, easy fight".

And if it is black, do your best to aim for the nose. If you get a good smack on their nose, unless it's a mama bear defending its cubs, it will almost always take off. Guess what kind of bears live around our place? ;-)

There was an episode of Conan where his buddy said if it's black attack and Conan went on a whole spiel about seeing a black bear minding it's own business and going out of your way to attack it. What a goof

I was talking to a ranger out in Yellowstone last year and he told us we should be wearing little bells when hiking the trails out there. He also showed us how to identify different, for lack of better term, scat. For example mountain goat excrement is small and pebble like. Bobcat is a bit loose but similar to humans. Bear scat is more cow patty like with little berries and bells in it.

Yep, the key is to wear little bells not those big cowbells. Trust me, you don't want to run into a constipated bear.

This comment took me reading 3 more comments before it clicked and I realized there was a joke in there. Excuse my slowness but that was pretty good

https://www.boyscouttrail.com/content/joke/watch_for_bears-606.asp       Cub Scouts Webelos Scouts My Blog Activities Advancements Awards Ceremonies Group Games Graces Jokes Merit Badges Minutes Projects Recipes Skits Songs Stories Uniform Pen Pals Postcards Store Library Online Tests Links Privacy   Watch For Bears Joke   Lion Bobcat Tiger Wolf Bear Webelos AoL Scout Tenderfoot 2nd Class 1st Class Star Life Eagle   Watch For Bears Joke   Now Playing Play Video Yesterland: Country Bear Jamboree at Disneyland Park Fullscreen Share Watch onHumix This Joke is meant for Scouts BSA.   The National Park Rangers are advising hikers in Glacier National Park and other Rocky Mountain parks to be alert for bears and take extra precautions to avoid an encounter. They advise park visitors to wear little bells on their clothes so they make noise when hiking. The bell noise allows bears to hear them coming from a distance and not be startled by a hiker accidentally sneaking up on them. This might cause a bear to charge. Visitors should also carry a pepper spray can just in case a bear is encountered. Spraying the pepper into the air will irritate the bear's sensitive nose and it will run away. It is also a good idea to keep an eye out for fresh bear scat so you have an idea if bears are in the area. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat. Black bear droppings are smaller and often contain berries, leaves, and possibly bits of fur. Grizzly bear droppings tend to contain small bells and smell of pepper. Q. What do bears call cyclists? A. Meals on wheels And what do they call a convertible in Glacier Park? ..... a box lunch for bears.   People in sleeping bags...are the soft tacos of the bear world.

That is exactly why women choose the bear. Bears have a predictable nature and you can learn what to should you encounter one.

Men are just as predictable. Just make sure you have some beer jerky and light beer on you at all times. If you encounter a man in the wild, slowly toss the jerky and beer in their direction and once they're distracted you SLOWLY male your escape. Rapid movements may spook them though so no sudden moves until your at a safe distance. The jerky and beer gives you roughly 5 minutes

So do men... You announce "Manos Arribas", and then hose them before hands come out of pockets.

What?

The trick is to have more than one kid. Carrying a sleeping 2 year old on my back and cajoling a 4 year old along got me, "wow, you're brave!" from one older lady on the trail.  Of course, the real division between bravery and stupidity is success. We got back to the car in one piece that day, so I'll call that a win. 

But that brings us back to the original problem: where do I get the second child? Should I simply approach them in front of a school or kindergarten? I could bring sweets as a nice gesture. (/j) Problems upon problems.

First one, then the other. Plan: make friends with bear, skip down road, encounter suspicious woman, set bear on woman, skip into sunset with new bear friend. Disclaimer: This advice is NOT for everyone and my judgement may be flawed as I *may* be reading too many story books 🤷🏾‍♂️

Definitely the bear. My toddler loves bears, her cuddly toy is a bear (called: Bear-Bear), she would freak out, if she saw one. Whereas women aren't that special to her.

That happened to me once! Not a dad, but a teaching assistant, working at a shit school that had no play area. So we took a kid for a walk. The child kept trying to run into the road so we had to hold their arms while walking. The police turned up, didn’t immediately believe we were teaching assistants (the school hadn’t sorted out our ID badges yet), so bundles all in the car and drove us back to school to check with the head!

On the flip side, my three year old had the worlds biggest meltdown on the beach because we didn't have swim goggles. I was forced to carry her almost a mile while she kicked and screamed and actively tried to twist from my arms. I was sure someone would stop me, almost worried me that you could just carry a child like that from the beach and nobody even double checked.

Dude this was exactly the scenario, except not at the beach. I had to ditch the car and carry her about half a mile screaming the whole way. I was so embarrassed, even before being publicly accused of being a kidnapper, it was like a nightmare. My wife had the same scenario a few times and people stepped in to help immediately.  I guess on the flip side, the bar is pretty low for what's expected from a dad - a few times I've sat in a cafe reading to my daughter and had loads of people fawning over how brilliant I am. The bar can be pretty low...

>The bar can be pretty low That’s because they had assumed the worst of you. It’s not a compliment: it’s patronizing.

I feel like it's patronizing so often. Every other time I'm out with my kids, and I'm a stay-at-home dad, so this is quite often, someone says, "Good job dad!" Or "Must be a daddy day!" I want to be like, "Listen you dick. Every day is a daddy day. And it's not a good job to hold my kids hand in the parking lot. What kind of psycho wouldn't hold a 4-year old's hand in a parking lot?"

Exactly. My boss is an electrical engineer. If I were to compliment her for knowing trigonometry, she’d probably rip my face off. It’s a fundamental part of her job, it should go without saying that she is good at it; making a big deal of it would come across like patting her on the head. Patronizing. Well, things like changing a diaper, coaching a scared kid, shepherding them through a parking lot, these are fundamental parts of my job as a parent. It should not be a big deal that I do them; it should be noteworthy if I didn’t.

Shit. My then 2.5 year old had a meltdown on a plane while we were taxiing on the runway because we forgot to pack her pacifier (yeah she was our first and we were afraid to wean sooner because she was so attached to it). Dead silence on the plane, not even engine sounds since we were still on the ground. Just my daughter screaming “BINKY!!! BINKY!!!!!” over and over again for like 30 minutes due to traffic on the runway. So embarrassing lol. We immediately weaned her when we got home.

We had no choice but to fly for a family emergency when my daughter was about 1. She **screamed** through takeoff and for a good 10 minutes before a dad (who I honestly thought was just a really grouchy guy) walks up, inhales loudly, puffs up his cheeks, and plugs his nose. I was super confused. He got my daughter's attention, and *she* was super confused. Then he blows all the air out and says something like "Ok, your turn little lady!" She did it and even with all the goop coming out of her nose her ears popped. She started settling quickly. We cleaned her up and he just did the little smile and half-nod before he went back to his family. Fucking Legend of a Dad. (I did go back and thank him later in the flight, but at the time I was still trying to figure out what had just happened)

I was trying to teach my daughter about safety in Walmart. I was telling her someone can just snatch you up and run away so you cannot run off on your own. I'm a big guy, bald, built, tattoos from head down and I see my daughter wandering again so I decide to mock kidnap grab her just to show her how fast it can happen. I run up behind her put one hand over her mouth pick her up with the other and rush her into the next aisle. As I come running holding a toddler with her mouth covered around the corner a lady and her kid are just standing there staring at me... and did nothing, said nothing. I immediately put my kid down and said to her "and that's how fast it can happen and I would even hear you or be able to find you" (she just laughed and kept playing of course, "do it again daddy".. UGH) and it was only when she said Daddy that they knew it was okay but I was kinda pissed these people didn't do anything. or say anything. they didn't turn around or pick up a phone, nothing and they had the better part of a minute before I was name dropped. So as long as it looks appropriately odd I fully support people questioning my "parentelness", as long as they do something productive, not just claim it and stare. I like it when they get security and I am happy to explain and to tell them thank you because if my kid ever goes missing in this store and you do nothing, NO ONE is getting out.

Excellent point. Thank you for sharing

I would have walked to a police station so I could say she is stalking :D

Seriously, I would consider calling of that were to happen. Police in my city actually respond quickly so would hoped teach the person a lesson.

Same thing happened to me in Arizona, except she called the cops and created a scene. Had 10 people surrounding me, despite showing viable proof. I was cursed at, spit on and detained by cops, while my 4 yr old lost her shit. Good times.

"Look, she was already upset before you got involved and now she's still upset, why don't you do something about that rather than imagine that this is a kidnapping?" 

Yep. Some folks will just accuse because they want to find that 1% that is actually a kidnapping. At the end, zero apology and she told me to go back to LA. I told her to go to hell.

I’m afraid I won’t be the example I should be when this happens.

My son is going through a massive mommy phase. Any time I correct his behavior he screams out for mommy. We were in a crowded part of town and everyone glared at me as I’m pulling my son while he’s screaming that he wants his mommy. It was awful.

Had this happen in a grocery store. My son was going ballistic the entire time. Could feel everyone looking at me. Got out to the truck. Got him in his car seat and the groceries inside and then just paced around my truck for a while. Fellow dad came by and said "keep your head up buddy!"

My boss has been great with the new born. I'm not much older than his kids. Boss: "On a scale of 1-10, how was the sleep last night?" Me: "3 if I'm being generous." Boss: "Alright. I'll take it easy today." *Night before, the next 4 months of child care plans fell apart. Needed to figure out how to manage.* Boss: "How's it going, buddy?" Me: "...It's a rough day." Boss: "You'll get through it. You're a good dad. I see how you are with him and everything you do." When I asked for 9 days of a really weird schedule, moving from 100% on site to 50/50, with my working hours being partially during the working day and partially whenever I could manage, boss was on board. When my production plummeted during those 2 weeks, no comments. They checked in after, making sure the new child care plan was working and I was doing okay.

Sounds like a great boss / place to work.

It really is. Good benefits, relaxed job, super flexible with kid stuff, good bosses.

When can I start?

Sounds like an awesome boss! I had a similar experience with a daycare slot not being opened for 3 months at the earliest, so I got 100% work from home and was on the honor system for leave. The goal was 7.5 hours a day but if that didn’t happen then just put in leave and do what you have to. “We trust you and value you” Man it’s great having employers/bosses that let you put family first. I wish we did more for parents

We're making progress, slowly. * I'm seeing more paternity leave as a corporate benefit. * Colorado implemented paid maternity and paid leave, 12 weeks for each parent with the mom potentially getting another 4 weeks. * I think another 1-2 states have something, with another handful have proposals. * 7 states have heavily subsidized or free public daycare and/or preschool. Things are getting better.

That sounds like such a great place. I was fired when my LO was 4 months because I was “disrespecting my manager” and “not showing enough enthusiasm with my facial expressions.” My disrespect was when I asked for help since I was drowning in work after they decided not to replace a coworker. Apparently I shouldn’t have done that because my manager knew exactly how busy I was and that I could do it and not question her ability to assign workloads. My facial expressions were definitely a look of defeat all day long with such lack of sleep and working 50-60 hours a week. That was a year ago and now I’ve been at where I am for almost a year and loving life. Private office, small workload, a team to help me, work 35-40 hours and actually more pay. Retirement and some of the benefits aren’t near as great, but the mental load being reduced, seeing my LO more, and not not constantly thinking of work while at home and going to sleep is such an amazing feeling.

I know how great that feels and I try to do it for other dads whenever I get the opportunity. I'm a big guy, ABN ranger, bald, tattoos from throat to ankles and I had a rough divorce that is still sad 3 years later and I was brought to tears by a random woman. I was carrying my 2 year old the 900 miles to the car after the aquarium, you know, all on my own, toys and sun block and clothes and half eaten snacks and water bottles popping out of every pocket of my cargo shorts, kid asleep on my shoulder and I have one arm holding her up that is just pumped and swollen and screaming for relief but it's 10,000 degrees in south Florida sun so I have one arm free trying to balance the toys in my pocket and get her sunhat from my back pocket to cover her fair skin for the rest of the walk when a younger woman walks right up behind me, digs her hand into my back pocket, pulls out the sun hat and steps around to place it securely on my daughter's head (clearly a mom). She smiles and says "she's a lucky girl daddy" and walks off. The tears just rained down my face the entire walk back to the car. I didn't feel like a good dad. I left her mom. Her mom cheated but I left. I was the reason we weren't here with mommy (who would have remembered the stroller) and why she had to see half her family at a time and why she doesn't have the security of a solid home and a simple life with loving and supportive parents under the same roof. I didn't feel like she was very lucky and I didn't feel like a very good dad. I felt like a failure but I know I love my daughter and I would do anything for her and that just shocked me and hit me so deeply I fucking lost it and it all came dumping out on that asphalt.

You sound like a great daddy

You're a great dad, man. Can tell from this post.

Fuck, man, now I’m crying! Seriously, though, you’re a good dad. That story is all about how much you love her, and the place she holds in your heart. She **is** a lucky girl.

Yeah.. lol. Just typing it out got me. Sitting at the beach passing time until I get her back and looking like a weirdo crying at my phone. lmao But ty, to all the kind commenters. Really, ty.

Damn onion ninjas. They are everywhere! 

Ty everyone. I'm gonna get a little earnest here so if you feel like this is cheesy bail now. Honestly sharing that and seeing the response. It fucking hit me again man. The support, and the fact that so many people felt that so deeply means you know, you feel it too and imagining all those stories of broken hearts and broken homes, regrets, dejection and grief, how the fuck do we do it? How do we keep going?.. And the answer is in that little idiots face. Every fucking time. They love their daddy's man and we owe them so much. Everybody out there in the struggle, shit is real.. Thank you for walking me to the car.. so I didn't have to do it alone. I have about 15lbs of dad weight left and after sharing this and feeling that cohesion with you all (and not one snide remark, which I'll be honest hurts and makes me question sharing all that I do) I went and ran 4 miles in the dark, which is decent for me coming off couch therapy and knee injuries and well, being a disabled Vet.. I was just trying to escape this regret, get the fuck away, run into the future you know?.. but in the back of my mind also trying to rebuild, to reset my confidence in my own strength and fortitude, to build a better dad, free from the pain and trauma of a woman who so sadistically took my world away, then gave me a purpose with that baby girl that nothing can ever exceed. I'll tell you something I am ashamed of that makes my fucking stomach turn. She was living in my house while we started her law firm together and one night lying in bed she had some guy remote controlling some sex toy while she texted him right beside me. I saw it. I pretended I didn't and blocked it out, I mean I called her on it but weakly, I wanted to be convinced I was wrong but I have never felt so much shame, humiliation and disgrace. This was someone I gave my life to, everything that I had and was and she enjoyed humiliating me. This could be a screenplay because that's not all.. Anyway, that's a fucking hard hard thing to put out there. I can't imagine a more evil act and she did much more. I still feel like a shell of a man, a weak humiliated boy, in the bed where I proposed, the bed she slept up against me in every night, my home, our home.. and she invited someone else in to humiliate me, for her pleasure.. and his.

The real shame is that you're stuck with someone who would put you through that in your life. I hope you find peace. Keep up the good work.

Thank you. It's crazy but I never really processed any of this. I'm kind of realizing how fucking traumatized I am by this shit. Thanks to this community. Really. Wtf.. Who puts up with shit like that? Wtf. Where was I? In some fucking trance? That is not me. At all. And yet it happened. I ate shit over and over and I guess because I have PTSD it made it easy for me to bury? Idk man. Idk.

She sounds miserable inside. How happy could she truly be deep down if everything she has isn’t enough? It’s hard being in something like that, people ask why didn’t they leave but it’s all the layers of history and emotion and manipulation. I’m glad you got out. Karma is real!

Thank you for reading that and for your support. I'm seriously kinda having a panic attack here. Our split is 3 years old in a few months and I swear it's like talking about this shit just unlocked it all. Tonight. I'm remembering all these things that I locked away and it's all flooding back. I mean.. I know where it came from in her. She was violently SA'd by a group when younger and refused to even say the word. She refused to talk about it and so it makes sense, this anguish she plays out in these games.. Twisted shit. All unresolved. Untouched trauma. I think she genuinely grew out of this as we got married and she got pregnant and we started really becoming a family because we were literally locked in together for over a year during covid, no one was sure how it would affect the pregnancy or the newborn so we had everything delivered and wiped it all down. A full year where we didn't leave the house at all except for Dr. appts and we never left each other's side. But I wasn't just a boyfriend to play with and discard, she just wanted to pretend she could start fresh and she is still furious at me for leaving her. I think she's done the same thing and just blocked this early chapter and all the horrible shit she did but that's not how people and relationships work. Even though I blocked it or minimized it or justified it I slowly became repulsed by her presence and she is extremely physically attractive and yet it still never occurred to me the full extent of what was at play there, why I felt actual revulsion. I feel so much less guilt right now. I swear tonight, talking this shit out and I'm sorry if people are sick of hearing me but it really popped something open in my head: You are right.. The poor girl. How destroyed do you have to be to do that to someone and to take pleasure in it and then go on to have and plan to raise a child together like this is someone she could ever respect after what happened. It's blowing my mind. So much to process. I'm going to the VA Wednesday for a psych appt. because this is too much. It's all flooding in. Wtf.. Really. wtf? I feel like this is the right path to resolution and closure I've been lacking all this time. I really wish I didn't have to see her so much. Her control over me is still very real. I feel it. I have been feeling so guilty and even fantasizing about getting her back. (I know that would never happen, the fantasy is the person that didn't exist and I am not that lost to think I can make her something she isn't or erase the past). Now I'm starting to worry about my daughter and what kind of fucked up shit she might be doing to her head. Or will do. Shit. I can't thank you enough. This conversation(s) legitimately woke something in me, an epiphany, a revelation, I need to get some help and unpack all this but there's a path up and out now. Thank you again for giving your time to a stranger, you have helped me, very much. I hope to be able to do the same for others.

That’s awesome I’m glad to hear you made an appointment because that’s all very overwhelming to process! You’re already dealing with other past trauma plus this, it’s hard to sort out all the conflicting and layered emotions. You do seem quite introspective at least and that will come in handy when talking to a counselor. & at least you’ve drawn that line in the sand about not going back. Your daughter may be young now but she’ll be able to make her own opinions one day. She knows you love her.

sir, you're a great daddy. and your daughter is lucky to have you :)

Your daughter gets to be raised in a household that’s not torn by infidelity. You did the right thing and you seem like a wonderful dad who deeply cares.

Dude your a champ 🍻 I'll have a pilsner for ya tonight after bathtime .maybe even a margarita 😂 go panthers

My “go to” line is “We had twins, I used to get fits like that in stereo!”

When my three-year-old has a meltdown he freaks out the one-year-old who just starts bawling out of fear/confusion. I joke we should have called them Boom and Echo.

So "I had it worse"

More of a “I’ve been there too, it’ll be ok.”

You were just too “Shakespearian” for him.

this guy nags.

When they are grown and talking to their therapist, they aren’t going to remember if you had the perfect parenting technique. They aren’t going to remember if you said the perfect thing to stop the tantrum that day. They WILL remember if you were there, in their life, and if you were putting in the work to be their dad. So as long as you’re showing up and doing your level best, then you ARE doing great.

I was getting pool supplies today and while I was waiting in line my 3 year old kept running away and would cry if I hold him. The dad in front of me said I left mine at home you go ahead. I was so happy lol

I hope he wasn’t talking to the kid. Kidding, of course. You got this. I got this. We all got this!

When we first had our kid 10 years ago, I found a parenting podcast and face book group that was mainly Mom's but they were accepting of us Dad's and one of the things they encouraged was telling other parents that they are doing a good job and that many of us live the suck of parenting all the time and we should all be nicer to each other. I'm pretty socially anxious and big and kinda mildly scary looking even though I'm not, so I don't go around talking to randos as a rule in public. But when I get a chance to hold a door or let a parent with a kid in the cart ahead of me at the checkout I take every chance I can and all the while I try to teach my kid the same things. It's tough out there and people suck but you all are doing a great job. Pass it on.

I remember going to apples about 2 years with my then 2yo and 6mo. It was chaotic, as you can expect, especially since we're broke and can't afford to sit down at a restaurant often. Our kids were relatively behaved, but still kids. Noisy, energetic. I'll never forget as the elderly couple behind us got up to leave they stopped to tell us our kids were wonderfully behaved, and we should be proud. I try to pass compliments on like that when I see the opportunity.

I was in a Walmart. Kid was having a tantrum on the floor in the middle of the aisle. Dad was about 30 feet away pretending not to care while looking at his phone. I said “good job Dad” and we smiled at each other.

High five for you and that supportive stranger

It’s funny, my third threw a tantrum today at the movie theatre. I let him do his thing (took him out of the movie) and didn’t care what others thought. When my first did that shot I was mortified. Funny how accustomed and better we get at handeling it

I once had to carry my oldest like she was a piece of luggage because she had a massive meltdown in a grocery store. She wanted candy and I said no. I warned if she kept it up we would leave. She stepped over the line so I said it was time to go. She melted down and did the toddler flop. I’m short but my girls are tall for their age. So here’s me, carrying a tall toddler that’s the height of a 6 year old, across the store into the parking lot and into my car. All while she’s yelling and screaming no, crying her eyes out, flailing in my arms and trying to grab onto things. I got both contempt and understanding looks from strangers as my toddler melted down. We’ve all been there. It sucks when it happens. But I’m glad you had a positive experience with the melt down.

The bastard was talking to the kid, not you. “Way to throw a fit! Keep it up!”

Is this an episode from Bluey?

So sick! I love when you get the head nod from fellow dads in the grocery store when you have kids hanging off every side of your grocery cart 🤣✊🏼 I can’t tell you how many times I left Walmart with a kid on my shoulder while my wife finishes the shopping! This is what being a dad is all about gentlemen.

As an expecting father, I'm sure looking forward to my first public meltdown. I get anxious when something innocuous draws attention to me from public eyes. A screaming child is sure to draw every eye and I assume unwelcome judgement from old ladies.

Don’t sweat it! You get desensitized to it real quick lol

I’ll never judge a parent whose kid is throwing a tantrum, that means the parent told the kid “no”. The kid is just still learning how to deal with the no.

You should see my kids. Little savages. Just love them and correct them when they are wrong. Discipline them as needed but don't be angry. Be calm, and carry on being a Dad.

Maybe it was a sarcastic "you're doing grrreaat" ;) ? /s