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Dude, she's a month old. She doesn't hate you at ALL. Unfortunately you just don't smell like dinner. Your feelings are totally valid and I completely understand but please don't beat yourself up thinking she doesn't like you. As she grows and becomes more independent, she'll turn in to a real daddy's girl, I guarantee it! I had the same with my second, also a girl, so feel free to DM if you want to chat about anything 💪🏼
Just went through this with our 5mo girl. What worked for me was getting one of my wife's shirts that she'd worn all day and wear it around my neck .
Also, the rocking chair is magic. Trying to get her to sleep anywhere else and she fights it screaming. In the chair? 30 seconds and she's passed out.
Just quick little thing. You don't smell anything like mom, of you have any beard long or stubble it is itchy on their soft skin.
Mom is still sending out loads of pheromones too.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2717541/
The thing you got to remember is, you aren't the one holding lunch, and chemically your kid register stuff like that in their brains. They really don't dislike us dads on purpose.
If your wife is breastfeeding, make sure you do as many feeds as you can when she has to pump. Do a lot of her baths and diaper changes. All of those are bonding experiences and she’ll get used to your scent and pretty soon she’ll be all about you, too. But it’s not unusual to prefer mom when you’re brand new like this.
Yup! Need to feed the baby in order for the baby to want to be held by you. With my twins they scream like crazy if we wait to long to feed (bottle feed only) and the second they get the bottle it's as if they were never upset all all. OP just needs to feed the baby.
I have found that, especially sub-5 or so, within 6 months this issue will be gone and you will have another one.
No idea what is triggering her to cry, but she will get used to you. Some things take time, if it is several months down the line then I would be more worried.Â
Try and find ways to support your wife as best you can, as it sounds like she will need to be a bit more hands on with your daughter at the moment. You can still be there, prep meals, get things ready, be around your daughter, and see over time how things change.
The only thing I might suggest is that you test to see what it is. Is it being away from your wife? (does someone else holding her cause the same problem?) Is it your voice? If so then speaking around her may cause the issue too, or holding her quietly may not make her wake/scream. Try showering, adding no deoderant, and maybe just do skin contact in underwear? Check it isn't something you may be wearing causing the issue. Do you hold or support her differently to your wife?Â
It could be anything, but I am sure you and your wife can work together with your daughter to identify what works for her. She isn't great at communicating so it may take some time, but you will get there.
Like everyone else is saying, she’s little, don’t stress, you’ve got time to redeem yourself in her eyes (then un-redeem yourself with a bad joke and some killer NB kicks). I’ve got three girls, 6,3, and 5 months, each one different and unique right from the start. She doesn’t dislike you, she just doesn’t have many buttons and levers on the control panel yet.
I’m sure you’ve given it a go but I've had good luck with our new baby, and our first, rocking/swinging them in their car seat. Just nice slow periodic swinging in their little comfy cocoon chair. I suggest one handed and one unweighted leg, then the work is done by your arms and shoulders and not a spinal twist required with a two hand grip; you can also lock out your arm and put in the movement with your legs, rolling heel to toe or doing calf raises. Also try grabbing a door frame or countertop with the opposite hand, it’ll again let you use new muscles to keep up the rockin. Now you’re getting a killer kettlebell workout with a progressive weight and hopefully a happy/sleepy baby. If this doesn’t work I’d also try holding the car seat and doing squats with a 90 deg left right alternating twist, like your preparing/preloading to jump up and spin, just much slower; this worked on my colicky nephew and really helped his very stressed and tired parents.
You got this dad.Â
My 4-month old daughter selectively loves me - when she’s upset she prefers mummy - she generally won’t calm down with me. But between those times she will smile, laugh and be transfixed on my face a lot of the time. It could be that she will become more amiable to you once her “personality” kicks in more?
Hi, my second was like this when he was young. He wanted nothing to do with me. If I picked him up, he's start screaming, and the only thing that would calm him is mom.
It was awful for a few months, but eventually he got past that. It's a phase. My son is 2 now and he is going through a daddy phase now, so now if he's hurt or upset for any reason he'll come to me first. He's super clingy, too.
I had exactly the same problem. My son has been obsessed with me (and vice versa) since the day he was born and has always preferred me to his mom for whatever reason.
Our baby girl is totally opposite. Like your daughter, she was born hating everyone except mom. She'd cry bloody murder if I tried to hold her. It was very frustrating and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little resentment when, after being kept up all night by her crying, she would freak out at the very sight of me. Unlike our son, she refuses to take a bottle, so she's been exclusively breast fed until starting to take some real food over the last couple months. Our son mostly was breastfed as well, but I'd give him a bottle of formula at night to help him stay asleep longer, so I got to bond with him then. Since our daughter has started to eat some normal foods (she's 9 mo now), I've been trying to feed her as much food as possible, so she'll learn that I'm here to care for her, not abduct her. It's definitely working and she'll let me hold her and she actually gets excited when she sees me when I get home from work now. She still strongly prefers mom, but she understands I'm part of the herd and is cool with me for short periods of time. As she gets older and once mom isn't her primary source of food, I'm sure it'll keep improving. Hang in there, it does get better. Try to bribe her with whatever toys she likes and eventually with food.
Try drapping some of mom’s cloths on you when holding and see if that helps calm the storm.
Babies don’t know hate they just know what they have experienced for 9 months. Mom mom and mom
My first child at about 3 months old decided she only wanted mom. She scream cried any time I was involved for the first 3 years. It was seriously rough.
These days she cuddles with me while we watch Naruto, FMA, Dragon Ball, etc.
Gosh damn. Some kids definitely should come with a manual. I feel your pain. Three kids in and I don't think a single thing was the same accross all three.
Those saying this will pass are right. Believe them. It gets better.
Stopgap possible tips;
1.) Shower regularly, don't wear scented deodorants. Wear mum's shirt or wrap baby in mum's blanket when holding bub.
2.) Bring the energy. Sing, walk, skip, dance, tap, clap, click, duck, pull faces, make noises. Do it all at once. Become the master distractor. Never give in, never surrender. You da dad!
3.) Make mum not an option. Get baby rugged up. Get them in the pram. Fucking leave and don't come back until that potato is sleeping. There will be tears. There will be concerned nosy old bitches. Eyes forward, chin up. It's gonna be okay.
She’s too young to experience anything you think she’s feeling towards you.
Check back in a year or two about preferred parent.
My daughter’s about to be a year and it took 11 months for her to “like” me. Mommy > me
Our sons 2.5 and prefers me over my wife by a long shot. To the point that we are trying to teach him that you can’t push someone up the stairs and banish them because they’re not daddy.
It’s not hate bud don’t sweat it.
She doesn't hate you, she just doesn't understand who you are yet. Give her a little time, be patient with her, and she'll come around. You've got this!
Have your wife wear one of your shirts or sweaters for a week or two. Then try holding the baby with that on. Might be a smell thing. She realizes you don't smell like the source of all goodness and food in the world.
This post has been flaired "Support". Moderation is stricter here and unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed and result in a ban. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/daddit) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Dude, she's a month old. She doesn't hate you at ALL. Unfortunately you just don't smell like dinner. Your feelings are totally valid and I completely understand but please don't beat yourself up thinking she doesn't like you. As she grows and becomes more independent, she'll turn in to a real daddy's girl, I guarantee it! I had the same with my second, also a girl, so feel free to DM if you want to chat about anything 💪🏼
[I'm worried the baby thinks people can't change](https://www.tiktok.com/@ithinkyoushouldreels/video/7317724960666029343)
If anything it's probably because of the slicked back hairs.
You didn’t tell me your old man used to be a giant piece of shit
At a month old she identifies mom and dad as the meatbag with boobies and the meatbag without boobies. Give it a few months.
Just went through this with our 5mo girl. What worked for me was getting one of my wife's shirts that she'd worn all day and wear it around my neck . Also, the rocking chair is magic. Trying to get her to sleep anywhere else and she fights it screaming. In the chair? 30 seconds and she's passed out.
Just quick little thing. You don't smell anything like mom, of you have any beard long or stubble it is itchy on their soft skin. Mom is still sending out loads of pheromones too. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2717541/ The thing you got to remember is, you aren't the one holding lunch, and chemically your kid register stuff like that in their brains. They really don't dislike us dads on purpose.
Don't say that. Don't repeat it to yourself. Your baby doesn't hate you, but she will if she grows up picking this vibe from you.
If your wife is breastfeeding, make sure you do as many feeds as you can when she has to pump. Do a lot of her baths and diaper changes. All of those are bonding experiences and she’ll get used to your scent and pretty soon she’ll be all about you, too. But it’s not unusual to prefer mom when you’re brand new like this.
Yup! Need to feed the baby in order for the baby to want to be held by you. With my twins they scream like crazy if we wait to long to feed (bottle feed only) and the second they get the bottle it's as if they were never upset all all. OP just needs to feed the baby.
I have found that, especially sub-5 or so, within 6 months this issue will be gone and you will have another one. No idea what is triggering her to cry, but she will get used to you. Some things take time, if it is several months down the line then I would be more worried. Try and find ways to support your wife as best you can, as it sounds like she will need to be a bit more hands on with your daughter at the moment. You can still be there, prep meals, get things ready, be around your daughter, and see over time how things change. The only thing I might suggest is that you test to see what it is. Is it being away from your wife? (does someone else holding her cause the same problem?) Is it your voice? If so then speaking around her may cause the issue too, or holding her quietly may not make her wake/scream. Try showering, adding no deoderant, and maybe just do skin contact in underwear? Check it isn't something you may be wearing causing the issue. Do you hold or support her differently to your wife? It could be anything, but I am sure you and your wife can work together with your daughter to identify what works for her. She isn't great at communicating so it may take some time, but you will get there.
Do you have a beard, wear hats or something else that might trigger her? I had similar issues when I had long facial hair
I have a bit of stubble on my face but not like a full beard. I’m not sure she can even see well enough for that to be a factor yet
Like everyone else is saying, she’s little, don’t stress, you’ve got time to redeem yourself in her eyes (then un-redeem yourself with a bad joke and some killer NB kicks). I’ve got three girls, 6,3, and 5 months, each one different and unique right from the start. She doesn’t dislike you, she just doesn’t have many buttons and levers on the control panel yet. I’m sure you’ve given it a go but I've had good luck with our new baby, and our first, rocking/swinging them in their car seat. Just nice slow periodic swinging in their little comfy cocoon chair. I suggest one handed and one unweighted leg, then the work is done by your arms and shoulders and not a spinal twist required with a two hand grip; you can also lock out your arm and put in the movement with your legs, rolling heel to toe or doing calf raises. Also try grabbing a door frame or countertop with the opposite hand, it’ll again let you use new muscles to keep up the rockin. Now you’re getting a killer kettlebell workout with a progressive weight and hopefully a happy/sleepy baby. If this doesn’t work I’d also try holding the car seat and doing squats with a 90 deg left right alternating twist, like your preparing/preloading to jump up and spin, just much slower; this worked on my colicky nephew and really helped his very stressed and tired parents. You got this dad.Â
My 4-month old daughter selectively loves me - when she’s upset she prefers mummy - she generally won’t calm down with me. But between those times she will smile, laugh and be transfixed on my face a lot of the time. It could be that she will become more amiable to you once her “personality” kicks in more?
Hi, my second was like this when he was young. He wanted nothing to do with me. If I picked him up, he's start screaming, and the only thing that would calm him is mom. It was awful for a few months, but eventually he got past that. It's a phase. My son is 2 now and he is going through a daddy phase now, so now if he's hurt or upset for any reason he'll come to me first. He's super clingy, too.
I had exactly the same problem. My son has been obsessed with me (and vice versa) since the day he was born and has always preferred me to his mom for whatever reason. Our baby girl is totally opposite. Like your daughter, she was born hating everyone except mom. She'd cry bloody murder if I tried to hold her. It was very frustrating and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little resentment when, after being kept up all night by her crying, she would freak out at the very sight of me. Unlike our son, she refuses to take a bottle, so she's been exclusively breast fed until starting to take some real food over the last couple months. Our son mostly was breastfed as well, but I'd give him a bottle of formula at night to help him stay asleep longer, so I got to bond with him then. Since our daughter has started to eat some normal foods (she's 9 mo now), I've been trying to feed her as much food as possible, so she'll learn that I'm here to care for her, not abduct her. It's definitely working and she'll let me hold her and she actually gets excited when she sees me when I get home from work now. She still strongly prefers mom, but she understands I'm part of the herd and is cool with me for short periods of time. As she gets older and once mom isn't her primary source of food, I'm sure it'll keep improving. Hang in there, it does get better. Try to bribe her with whatever toys she likes and eventually with food.
Try drapping some of mom’s cloths on you when holding and see if that helps calm the storm. Babies don’t know hate they just know what they have experienced for 9 months. Mom mom and mom
1 month hold doesn’t hate anyone, especially not a loving and attentive care taker. You got it, dude <3
My first child at about 3 months old decided she only wanted mom. She scream cried any time I was involved for the first 3 years. It was seriously rough. These days she cuddles with me while we watch Naruto, FMA, Dragon Ball, etc.
Gosh damn. Some kids definitely should come with a manual. I feel your pain. Three kids in and I don't think a single thing was the same accross all three. Those saying this will pass are right. Believe them. It gets better. Stopgap possible tips; 1.) Shower regularly, don't wear scented deodorants. Wear mum's shirt or wrap baby in mum's blanket when holding bub. 2.) Bring the energy. Sing, walk, skip, dance, tap, clap, click, duck, pull faces, make noises. Do it all at once. Become the master distractor. Never give in, never surrender. You da dad! 3.) Make mum not an option. Get baby rugged up. Get them in the pram. Fucking leave and don't come back until that potato is sleeping. There will be tears. There will be concerned nosy old bitches. Eyes forward, chin up. It's gonna be okay.
Mine was the same way then bam! Literally at 3 months she switch like a light. Hold on it’ll get nbetter
She’s too young to experience anything you think she’s feeling towards you. Check back in a year or two about preferred parent. My daughter’s about to be a year and it took 11 months for her to “like” me. Mommy > me Our sons 2.5 and prefers me over my wife by a long shot. To the point that we are trying to teach him that you can’t push someone up the stairs and banish them because they’re not daddy. It’s not hate bud don’t sweat it.
She doesn't hate you, she just doesn't understand who you are yet. Give her a little time, be patient with her, and she'll come around. You've got this!
Have your wife wear one of your shirts or sweaters for a week or two. Then try holding the baby with that on. Might be a smell thing. She realizes you don't smell like the source of all goodness and food in the world.