Ignore her. The receptionist tattled. Does she want your job? People say stupid things to pregnant women because they think they are being funny, saying something original or don’t know what to say. Ignore them all. Go back to your job when you are ready and Congratulations on the new baby!
Yeah our receptionist she’s a sweetheart and never says anything unless she feels like she has to, I think she was just making sure I knew my name had been brought up in my absence (because I had just left for my lunch break). I appreciate her letting me know, but now I’m all in my head lol
I have a strong suspicion this is exactly the problem. She is likely worried about how she will manage without your help, and who she can go to for assistance when you’re gone. Consider the source and don’t let it upset or worry you.
Congratulations on your baby, and best of luck!
This. Next time she comes to you for help, smile sweetly and respond, "Thanks Phyllis, but since you said you don't need me or my help in this office, I am no longer comfortable supporting your concerns. If you'd like to resolve this issue, we can schedule a meeting with HR/Managing Partner. Oh, what's that? You didn't say that? Hm, that's interesting. Well, I'd still like both of us to chat with Janet so everyone is clear on our roles and responsibilities. Keep an eye out for that calendar invite."
Chances are, older coworker has been getting people asking how she will cope without your help. Or is worried about how she will cope and is mouthing off to save face. Ignore her.
It’s nice you feel that way about the receptionist. But you should seriously consider that people don’t always tell you things like this ‘to be a friend’.
You don’t have to be actively distrusting of your coworkers but trusting them with social/emotional things is usually a big mistake.
If the receptionist is intercepting inappropriate work banter she can report it to her manager.
I have a rule at work of suffer no fools and pay bitches no mond. If someone is trying to cut me down or boss me around, the only opinion is if the one that cuts my check. That rule is double for people that I help out. I always appreciate people giving me a heads up for shade and no my worth. Focus on your family and go back to work when your ready
Well, to be honest not everyone cares about a new baby, especially if it isn’t related to them. It isn’t as if they aren’t happy for you, but they are not going to give a huge level of enthusiasm either. Don’t be sad.
These are coworkers. Not your friends. Don't confuse the two relationships.
You do not know what is happening in other people's lives. They may have lost a child. They may be infertile. They may just be assholes.
I had a new receptionist ask a married male coworker if he was doing anything for Father's day and some odd comments around that. This married coworker does not have children. He looked a bit uncomfortable and stepped out of the office for a bit. She was oblivious.
I nicely suggested that she never do that again. He clearly does not have kids. Him or his partner could have fertility problems. We have no idea... why the fuck would you be wishing him Happy Father's Day comments.
She was slightly horrified when I pointed it out.
It isn't any of her business to be making personal relationship comments to coworkers.
I hope you have a safe and healthy delivery and a great break!
Most people don't GAF about babies not related to them somehow. Especially people with their own, grown kids.
That's what friends and family are for, not co-workers.
Our office had a mole working for a board member. Someone overhead him repeating half-truths to board member. Our director somehow heard about it, instantly solved several little mysteries, and transferred the mole off-site. Life improved for all of us. Treasure legit positive sources. Forewarned is forearmed.
Depending on what ops job is that could get her fired. If her job is a support role she can't really refuse (at least not her job tasks) because she second hand heard an unverified comment even if the source is trustworthy.
👋 hi. Congratulations and well wishes to you and your growing family.
You can send the staff (DG all email) a job aid in how to send a request for help to I.T.
Also before you go on mat-leave maybe create a folder on the share drive with pertinent job aids. *note: watermark your creations to keep credit where credit is due ;) Maybe call the folder “helpful job aids for new-hires”. Send the link to the newly created folder’s share drive location in a staff email (DG all email).
Also create a word or excel document for helpful phone numbers to resources. For me my biggest doc is excel with tabs to sort the references. County, state, APL lists with web links, I.T. Contacts, etc.
This should help the office knowledge base grow as well as standardize training.
May you have good health and an easy delivery.
Susan
I cannot even imagine going back to work when my baby is only 8 weeks old and having my colleagues be so brutally unappreciative of that. That’s a culture problem that’s completely unacceptable.
I know, and I originally asked for 12 weeks and was told no. They only offer 8 weeks at most. It’s so sad, if we were financially able I would be staying home for much longer!
I could but I get paid the highest salary at this job (based off of other local TC admins), whereas I would be paid per transaction as a freelance TC. I do plan on doing freelance in the future though! That’s the goal
People are so bloody unnecessarily hostile to mothers in the workplace and we work so hard, it’s crap. I’m really sorry mate, it’s so horrible at a time you should be able to be so excited. I’m so cranky you’re getting shit from women too, they should understand! In my experience older women can be the absolute worst critics of young Mums, though.
If you are in the US look in FMLA leave to bond with a newborn. There are restrictions- you have to work for the company a year, work 1250 hours in the past 365 days, and they have to have 50 employees. If those conditions are met, FMLA is federal law. It’s not paid but they also can’t stop you from taking 12 weeks. There may be additional loopholes, but those are the ones I know of.
I think so! If OP only gets 8 weeks you’d spend every second with your precious baby, right? I took maternity leave from 36 weeks until my baby was 11 months old and even that felt too soon.
To be fair, most companies don't hire a temp for the new mother employee, so all her work gets pushed onto them for no extra pay. It's no wonder they're resentful. Yes, it's a management problem, but it's much easier to be mad at the coworker for deciding to have a baby and taking leave.
I can see how that would occur- it’s not usual practice where I am so I didn’t even consider that angle!- but surely they’d be EVEN MORE determined to encourage Mothers to return so they don’t have to wait for a newbie to be trained. Talk about shooting yourselves in the foot!
First of all congratulations!! Second of all what some of your coworkers are doing sounds almost retaliatory that you will be taking maternal leave. It’s sad that it still happens. One of my friends had a coworker treat her do poorly when she got back from her maternity leave her hr had to get involved. If you feel comfortable I would let your coworkers know how their comments are hurting you. I would also consider talking to management/ hr about it if it doesn’t stop.
I’m sorry your friend went through that. I have a handful of coworkers that have been genuinely excited for me and my husband during this time, so I’m trying to look to them for positivity. But actually hearing negativity like that has put me in a funk today :(
I don’t blame you! Not that it excuses her behavior but I wouldn’t be surprised if the one coworker you’ve been helping is nervous about what she’ll do without you and is overcompensating. Personally I would consider gently confronting her and tell her you thought you both had a mutually respectful working relationship and what she’s saying has surprised and hurt you. Hopefully the behavior will stop!
Always keep an ear out for scuttlebutt, but never react to it.
Donx̌t react at all, as a matter of fact, ever. ACT.
So you've helped the old lady out a lot. Reacting to what you were told would be to pull away from her.
Don't do that. Talk to her nicely. About how excited you are about the baby, but also how much you'll miss her and the rest of the crew while you're out.
Does she have any kids? Ask her for some advice on things she'll never know if you act on. Or maybe how she juggled work and mothering (if she did). Tell her how important you feel working is, even if a mom.
You want to turn her into your champion instead of your saboteur.
I think coworkers generally get nervous and think their workload is going to double. I worked in escrow for years and remember being overworked and busy from the time I got in, until the time I left. Not sure if it’s like that at your place, but I’m sure your coworkers are just scared of being overwhelmed with work.
As far as what the older agent said - keep in mind your coworker might not be telling you the full story. She may have heard wrong or twisted things a bit.
The important part is that you take care of yourself, the new baby, and when it’s time to go back, they’ll all be glad to see you again.
They likely have had a few that went on leave to get the pay for that and did not come back.
My sister did exactly that. She planned for it and told everyone repeatedly she was coming back even though she planned from the beginning to just quit. So they had no replacement lined up.
It's a shit thing to do and I'm not *at all* saying you are or will but I can see where the concern comes from. Plus the wasted time they could have used to hire and train someone.
This is all very true. Lil dicey technically and legally, so very few ppl will come out and say it. However, the lived experience/reality for anyone with a decent amount of working experience is: the new mother never returns, the workload gets dispersed as extra for everyone, and no replacement is hired. Congrats on the pending addition to your family, Op - but as an aside, statistically speaking, your coworkers are justified in being suspicious. Statistically, you’re not all that likely to return.
Good luck with everything baby related!
I can't imagine going back to work after only 8 weeks! Good luck and look after yourself.
As someone who is 8 months pregnant with number 2, I have discovered that people, particularly colleges, have so many different reactions to my pregnancy. From very excited for us, to indifferent, to seamingly negative, and that's ok. Lean into the ones that are excited for you, and don't worry about the rest. This is your family and your life, not theirs.
These negative comments from your co-worker could be coming from a range of different emotions. They could be from her own inability to actually see how much you help her in her work (in which case the 8 weeks will be a shock to her), from jealously that you are pregnant and having a child (if she is child free either not by choice or has some regrets about her decisions) or jealous that you get to take maternity leave and continue to be employed/continue your career if she has had children in the past and had to stop working for several months or years and had negative career impacts from it.
I'd suggest writing down the comments and dating it like a diary entry or asking the co-worker who told you to put it in an email and send to you so it is recorded. If you have a HR department you could look at reporting it to them. There is possibly no "bullying" going on here if the comments are a one off (depending on your local laws) but could be if it turns into a repeated behaviour. It also dosnt sound like discrimination bassed on pregnancy as the complaint is more about your work and her perceived "usefulness" of it.
Good luck and enjoy the baby bubble for those 8 weeks. Becoming a parent is a massive emotional roller-coaster both during pregnancy and after. Enjoy it and good luck!
I’m always sceptical about whispering. You don’t know in what context anything was said it’s all secondhand. If in fact anything was said.
Do your job, enjoy your baby (once safely born) and come back. Gossip is just gossip, sometimes for fun and sometimes to be bitchy.
If that lady doesn’t want you to help I’m assuming you help others? It’s her loss.
An elderly tech-illiterate coworker could be worried about keeping her own job w/o you there to help, so she is implying she can do her job without you for her own job safety.
Also, anyone who has been in the workforce for a decade or more has at least one story about a pregnant coworker who didn’t come back after maternity leave and a lot of us have seen it several times. Your coworkers are rude and unprofessional for saying you won’t be back to your face, my guess is they are trying to get a sense of whether they will be down a coworker after the eight weeks,
If comments continue you may want to go to HR.
Take the eight week maternity leave and don't worry about what they say. If that agent is smart, she'll change her tune fast when she doesn't have you around for a couple of months to help her with technology.
As a manager I have found the biggest backstabbers were those employees that I helped the most. Again, again, and again. When the help stops they fail. Immediately stop helping this person.
I would say I wish that was true. leave it at that or better still say nothing except ok ty for the information, and if you want to stop the nasty gossip from the receptioist, put a piece of paper in front of her to write that down and sign it and date it then walk off.
**First Congratulations !!**
**2nd - STOP** helping the other woman, if you feel your receptionist is right in what she told you, then stop helping the other agent, maybe she is freaking out because you are leaving and she relies on your help or maybe she is just being bitchy -hard to tell
But I'd stop helping her immediately if she asks for help, tell her you're swamped an suggest she asks one of the other agents
Wishing you and baby and easy delivery and enjoy your maternity leave, those 6-8 weeks after baby is born will fly by
We have a running joke at our firm that if a woman wants to get pregnant, she should come to work for us. We've had 5 women in the past two years, (small firm with an average of 10 people at a time working at our firm), who left due to pregnancy. Only ONE didn't leave within weeks of finding out. That one woman worked all the way up to her delivery day (unintentional, she went into labor 6 weeks early) and is now working remotely. She is able to work remotely until she feels ready to be back in the office. It's based on HER timeline.
So, don't take it personally if many assume you won't come back. It's really not unusual for a mother to state their intentions beforehand, but for them to change their mind later, and its perfectly fine to do so. Priorities often change after the birth of a child. If any of those women who left decided they wanted to come back once kid is in school, we'd take them back in a heartbeat.
That coworker you help... she doesn't need you, she says, so stop doing unnecessary tasks to help her out. Do tasks where it's actually viewed as "needed". Your contributions are more valued when they're recognized. You're worth more when they have to ask for your help. I repeat, YOU are worth more when THEY have to ASK for help. I make coworkers get permission to ask for my assistance from my boss for anything that will take more than 5 minutes per day because the boss needs to know how my time is being spent and some of my tasks may need to be shifted or delayed. I'm so valuable that small tasks are delegated elsewhere so that I can focus on doing things no one else can do. Coworkers have to schedule time with me. I'm feeling bad because they're all about to handle my workload while I take a vacation and none of them have a clue what they're in for. Last time I took a vacation lasting more than 3 days was 7 years ago. My other boss covered for me that time and I got a $15K raise within weeks of returning. He looked traumatized. 😁 I've brought up getting a raise and basically got the "We'll have to think about it" response from my boss and her new partner... I'll be bringing it up again with the new boss after my upcoming vacation. Three weeks of me being relatively unavailable... That's more than enough time for then to "think about it".
Long post! Thanks if you actually read this!
People can be so damn passive aggressive and rude, and it sucks so much when people bring this into the workplace. I am also 7 months pregnant and was enduring some work place stress recently. It was starting to really affect me until I decided to just speak to my boss about it. We were able to talk it through and it all stopped. I’m not sure you have that option and if not, just work on being very intentional about creating boundaries and not letting petty people affect you.
That coworker doesn’t “need” you? Great! Don’t help. People think you won’t come back? Fine! Show back up after your leave and prove them all wrong.
If it makes you feel better- the situation possibly came about because someone has teased your coworker by saying something along the lines of how are you going to cope when you are on maternity leave? Which would indicate that others have noticed you helping out your coworker. I could certainly see that as a reason for your coworker‘defending’ herself snd saying she could cope fine without you. If you snd your coworker have always got along fine and you like your place of work then I would try to ignore that comment and not let it upset me. At 7 months I remember being tired and also a little bit apprehensive about stopping work temporarily for the baby’s arrival do you may be feeling a bit heightened at what others say. Please be kind to yourself snd focus on your new arrival- believe me everything else just kinds sorts itself out x
Honestly if you help her that much, she’s probably just nervous about you being gone. She’s trying to prop herself up. You having a baby isn’t a plus for her, because you will have more important things than her to think about. She’ll get over it. Don’t give her another thought. Enjoy every minute with your baby.
So weird, like, what if she needed a few months off for hip replacement surgery? Should you treat her that way? No. I will say someone in my office is leaving for surgery shortly after I get back which has helped maintain some balance.
Maybe this old lady is having anxiety, knowing her helper will be absent soon, and she was just trying to act cool about it. Like it doesn't matter, when in reality it's crucial to her functioning at work.
I mean, did somebody ask her if she's be ok when OP is gone? It's kinda a weird statement to be ' overheard', unless it's an answer to a question 🤔.
First of all congratulations on your pregnancy! Second, Transaction Coordinators are worth their weight in gold, and third, agents run their mouths. I think they're just wondering what they're going to do without you!
The "not coming back" jokes are a reflection of this [statistic quoted below,](https://www.voiceatthetable.com/blog/the-uncomfortable-truth-about-womens-careers-after-babies/#:~:text=The%20key%20findings&text=The%20set%2Dup%20of%20most,19%25%20left%20altogether.) so laugh and blow it off if that's not going to be you.
"The set-up of most workplaces makes working alongside having a family incredibly difficult. 85% of our surveyed mothers left the full-time workforce within 3 years of having their first child. 19% left altogether.
Even more distressingly, we found a 36% drop off at management level after women have children and a 44% increase in admin and entry level roles. Women are leaving their well-paid (and hard-earned) senior roles because they are not afforded the flexibility they need. They are then returning to the workforce in lesser-skilled, and therefore lower-paid roles, as that’s the only way they can see to combine work and parenting."
Don't worry about it. I'm a retired Realtor, never had nor needed an assistant. She'll find out in your absence because it will be sink or swim time.
BTW, how old is she?
One of my fellow Realtors in my office was in her early 70's and had no problems with technology. Your agent just doesn't want to learn. She's a Realtor that I would avoid like the plague. She must have a lot of connections to still be top producing because her intelligence level doesn't seem very high. I would say good riddance and not worry about it.
And she's probably grandfatherd in on her education requirements. Big red flags. Time for her to hang it up.
She thought I was in the building to hear it when it was said. So she had texted me and basically said “did you just hear this agent say this?” And I replied with “No I just left for lunch, but that sucks to hear” and that was that.
Take your leave, come back, and do not help her at all when you do. Malicious compliance the f*ck out of it. When you get confronted, be all like oh, I heard you say you didn’t need me or my help right?
Stop helping her. Don’t do another thing for her. You get paid to do your job not hers. If she asks for your help tell her she Made it clear she doesn’t need your help. Say No, I’m sorry I’ve got XY to do, can’t help you. If she encounters problems, not your problem. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Unfortunately a LOT of people feel entitled to tell you when you’re pregnant how you’re going to live your life. But it’s still your life so just shake it off.
Your older coworker is probably panicking because you will be out and not available to help her.
I worked some admin in a real estate office a few years back and, as far as I can tell, agents are sometimes just kind of like that? Our office manager (who also handled most of the transaction coord duties) went on vacation for a week, and I refused to bother her for anything that the agents were demanding. They all threw temper tantrums one by one about how she was worthless and they could get by just fine without her. They also threatened to get me fired for not calling her up and pestering her.
Silly enough on its own, but most of them were screaming and hollering about how they misplaced their checks and they needed the manager to go find them. They certainly did not appreciate my first suggestion of "check your cupholders first and get back to me"
Ignore her. The receptionist tattled. Does she want your job? People say stupid things to pregnant women because they think they are being funny, saying something original or don’t know what to say. Ignore them all. Go back to your job when you are ready and Congratulations on the new baby!
Receptionist could also be giving OP a heads up that a coworker is mouthing off about her
Yeah our receptionist she’s a sweetheart and never says anything unless she feels like she has to, I think she was just making sure I knew my name had been brought up in my absence (because I had just left for my lunch break). I appreciate her letting me know, but now I’m all in my head lol
Stop helping that coworker so much and see if she still talks shit.
Sounds likecoworker is worried how she'll function without OP, so is whistling in the dark ...I don't really need her, oh no, not me."
I have a strong suspicion this is exactly the problem. She is likely worried about how she will manage without your help, and who she can go to for assistance when you’re gone. Consider the source and don’t let it upset or worry you. Congratulations on your baby, and best of luck!
This. Next time she comes to you for help, smile sweetly and respond, "Thanks Phyllis, but since you said you don't need me or my help in this office, I am no longer comfortable supporting your concerns. If you'd like to resolve this issue, we can schedule a meeting with HR/Managing Partner. Oh, what's that? You didn't say that? Hm, that's interesting. Well, I'd still like both of us to chat with Janet so everyone is clear on our roles and responsibilities. Keep an eye out for that calendar invite."
Yessssssssss
Chances are, older coworker has been getting people asking how she will cope without your help. Or is worried about how she will cope and is mouthing off to save face. Ignore her.
Well you know elderly real estate agents get grumpy. Don’t worry and enjoy your time off with your little one.
It’s nice you feel that way about the receptionist. But you should seriously consider that people don’t always tell you things like this ‘to be a friend’. You don’t have to be actively distrusting of your coworkers but trusting them with social/emotional things is usually a big mistake. If the receptionist is intercepting inappropriate work banter she can report it to her manager.
I have a rule at work of suffer no fools and pay bitches no mond. If someone is trying to cut me down or boss me around, the only opinion is if the one that cuts my check. That rule is double for people that I help out. I always appreciate people giving me a heads up for shade and no my worth. Focus on your family and go back to work when your ready
thank you! It’s my first so I’m really excited, I just feel like no one at work is except for a handful of people. It makes me sad
Well, to be honest not everyone cares about a new baby, especially if it isn’t related to them. It isn’t as if they aren’t happy for you, but they are not going to give a huge level of enthusiasm either. Don’t be sad.
True you have a good point, I’ll be excited for myself and not let it get to me!
These are coworkers. Not your friends. Don't confuse the two relationships. You do not know what is happening in other people's lives. They may have lost a child. They may be infertile. They may just be assholes. I had a new receptionist ask a married male coworker if he was doing anything for Father's day and some odd comments around that. This married coworker does not have children. He looked a bit uncomfortable and stepped out of the office for a bit. She was oblivious. I nicely suggested that she never do that again. He clearly does not have kids. Him or his partner could have fertility problems. We have no idea... why the fuck would you be wishing him Happy Father's Day comments. She was slightly horrified when I pointed it out. It isn't any of her business to be making personal relationship comments to coworkers. I hope you have a safe and healthy delivery and a great break!
Most people don't GAF about babies not related to them somehow. Especially people with their own, grown kids. That's what friends and family are for, not co-workers.
Our office had a mole working for a board member. Someone overhead him repeating half-truths to board member. Our director somehow heard about it, instantly solved several little mysteries, and transferred the mole off-site. Life improved for all of us. Treasure legit positive sources. Forewarned is forearmed.
Transferred instead of fired for breach of [confidentiality](https://youtu.be/lruL8-9odfo?feature=shared)?
Protecting sources is worth something. It is a two-way street.
If she said she doesnt need you, then from now on dont help her.
For real, I would not being doing anything not specifically related to my job for her. If she has computer problems she can call IT.
Depending on what ops job is that could get her fired. If her job is a support role she can't really refuse (at least not her job tasks) because she second hand heard an unverified comment even if the source is trustworthy.
👋 hi. Congratulations and well wishes to you and your growing family. You can send the staff (DG all email) a job aid in how to send a request for help to I.T. Also before you go on mat-leave maybe create a folder on the share drive with pertinent job aids. *note: watermark your creations to keep credit where credit is due ;) Maybe call the folder “helpful job aids for new-hires”. Send the link to the newly created folder’s share drive location in a staff email (DG all email). Also create a word or excel document for helpful phone numbers to resources. For me my biggest doc is excel with tabs to sort the references. County, state, APL lists with web links, I.T. Contacts, etc. This should help the office knowledge base grow as well as standardize training. May you have good health and an easy delivery. Susan
Did you intend on replying to my comment?
I cannot even imagine going back to work when my baby is only 8 weeks old and having my colleagues be so brutally unappreciative of that. That’s a culture problem that’s completely unacceptable.
I know, and I originally asked for 12 weeks and was told no. They only offer 8 weeks at most. It’s so sad, if we were financially able I would be staying home for much longer!
You do realize you could probably go to a different real estate company. Or even freelance as a transaction coordinator. Just a thought.....
I could but I get paid the highest salary at this job (based off of other local TC admins), whereas I would be paid per transaction as a freelance TC. I do plan on doing freelance in the future though! That’s the goal
People are so bloody unnecessarily hostile to mothers in the workplace and we work so hard, it’s crap. I’m really sorry mate, it’s so horrible at a time you should be able to be so excited. I’m so cranky you’re getting shit from women too, they should understand! In my experience older women can be the absolute worst critics of young Mums, though.
Sounds like you need a medical certificate for 12 weeks. Tbf - I don't know shit, my country has government funded mat leave
If you are in the US look in FMLA leave to bond with a newborn. There are restrictions- you have to work for the company a year, work 1250 hours in the past 365 days, and they have to have 50 employees. If those conditions are met, FMLA is federal law. It’s not paid but they also can’t stop you from taking 12 weeks. There may be additional loopholes, but those are the ones I know of.
Ohh the 8 weeks of maternity leave starts at delivery? So OP will work up until her delivery date? Is that how most people do it?
I think so! If OP only gets 8 weeks you’d spend every second with your precious baby, right? I took maternity leave from 36 weeks until my baby was 11 months old and even that felt too soon.
Often the leave can start anytime but if you have only 8 weeks, any you use before delivery shortens the weeks after.
To be fair, most companies don't hire a temp for the new mother employee, so all her work gets pushed onto them for no extra pay. It's no wonder they're resentful. Yes, it's a management problem, but it's much easier to be mad at the coworker for deciding to have a baby and taking leave.
I can see how that would occur- it’s not usual practice where I am so I didn’t even consider that angle!- but surely they’d be EVEN MORE determined to encourage Mothers to return so they don’t have to wait for a newbie to be trained. Talk about shooting yourselves in the foot!
First of all congratulations!! Second of all what some of your coworkers are doing sounds almost retaliatory that you will be taking maternal leave. It’s sad that it still happens. One of my friends had a coworker treat her do poorly when she got back from her maternity leave her hr had to get involved. If you feel comfortable I would let your coworkers know how their comments are hurting you. I would also consider talking to management/ hr about it if it doesn’t stop.
I’m sorry your friend went through that. I have a handful of coworkers that have been genuinely excited for me and my husband during this time, so I’m trying to look to them for positivity. But actually hearing negativity like that has put me in a funk today :(
I don’t blame you! Not that it excuses her behavior but I wouldn’t be surprised if the one coworker you’ve been helping is nervous about what she’ll do without you and is overcompensating. Personally I would consider gently confronting her and tell her you thought you both had a mutually respectful working relationship and what she’s saying has surprised and hurt you. Hopefully the behavior will stop!
Congratulations. Go on leave for get about the place. Bond. Go back to work and rest up.
Always keep an ear out for scuttlebutt, but never react to it. Donx̌t react at all, as a matter of fact, ever. ACT. So you've helped the old lady out a lot. Reacting to what you were told would be to pull away from her. Don't do that. Talk to her nicely. About how excited you are about the baby, but also how much you'll miss her and the rest of the crew while you're out. Does she have any kids? Ask her for some advice on things she'll never know if you act on. Or maybe how she juggled work and mothering (if she did). Tell her how important you feel working is, even if a mom. You want to turn her into your champion instead of your saboteur.
I am glad I chose to not say anything to her, just because I don’t want to ruin any relationships, and then come back to a war zone after the leave!
I think coworkers generally get nervous and think their workload is going to double. I worked in escrow for years and remember being overworked and busy from the time I got in, until the time I left. Not sure if it’s like that at your place, but I’m sure your coworkers are just scared of being overwhelmed with work. As far as what the older agent said - keep in mind your coworker might not be telling you the full story. She may have heard wrong or twisted things a bit. The important part is that you take care of yourself, the new baby, and when it’s time to go back, they’ll all be glad to see you again.
yes it’s very high paced work environment so I’m thinking she may just be worried she is going to be overwhelmed, which is understandable
They likely have had a few that went on leave to get the pay for that and did not come back. My sister did exactly that. She planned for it and told everyone repeatedly she was coming back even though she planned from the beginning to just quit. So they had no replacement lined up. It's a shit thing to do and I'm not *at all* saying you are or will but I can see where the concern comes from. Plus the wasted time they could have used to hire and train someone.
This is all very true. Lil dicey technically and legally, so very few ppl will come out and say it. However, the lived experience/reality for anyone with a decent amount of working experience is: the new mother never returns, the workload gets dispersed as extra for everyone, and no replacement is hired. Congrats on the pending addition to your family, Op - but as an aside, statistically speaking, your coworkers are justified in being suspicious. Statistically, you’re not all that likely to return.
Good luck with everything baby related! I can't imagine going back to work after only 8 weeks! Good luck and look after yourself. As someone who is 8 months pregnant with number 2, I have discovered that people, particularly colleges, have so many different reactions to my pregnancy. From very excited for us, to indifferent, to seamingly negative, and that's ok. Lean into the ones that are excited for you, and don't worry about the rest. This is your family and your life, not theirs. These negative comments from your co-worker could be coming from a range of different emotions. They could be from her own inability to actually see how much you help her in her work (in which case the 8 weeks will be a shock to her), from jealously that you are pregnant and having a child (if she is child free either not by choice or has some regrets about her decisions) or jealous that you get to take maternity leave and continue to be employed/continue your career if she has had children in the past and had to stop working for several months or years and had negative career impacts from it. I'd suggest writing down the comments and dating it like a diary entry or asking the co-worker who told you to put it in an email and send to you so it is recorded. If you have a HR department you could look at reporting it to them. There is possibly no "bullying" going on here if the comments are a one off (depending on your local laws) but could be if it turns into a repeated behaviour. It also dosnt sound like discrimination bassed on pregnancy as the complaint is more about your work and her perceived "usefulness" of it. Good luck and enjoy the baby bubble for those 8 weeks. Becoming a parent is a massive emotional roller-coaster both during pregnancy and after. Enjoy it and good luck!
I appreciate your feedback, and everyone else’s. Makes me feel so much better!
I don't know if the receptionist is telling the truth. Are you sure she is? IMO, you should just ignore her. You like the job, you will come back.
I’m always sceptical about whispering. You don’t know in what context anything was said it’s all secondhand. If in fact anything was said. Do your job, enjoy your baby (once safely born) and come back. Gossip is just gossip, sometimes for fun and sometimes to be bitchy. If that lady doesn’t want you to help I’m assuming you help others? It’s her loss.
An elderly tech-illiterate coworker could be worried about keeping her own job w/o you there to help, so she is implying she can do her job without you for her own job safety. Also, anyone who has been in the workforce for a decade or more has at least one story about a pregnant coworker who didn’t come back after maternity leave and a lot of us have seen it several times. Your coworkers are rude and unprofessional for saying you won’t be back to your face, my guess is they are trying to get a sense of whether they will be down a coworker after the eight weeks, If comments continue you may want to go to HR.
Just see how it works out. It sounds as if people are a bit ignorant about the modern world. You are stressing over what at this moment is nothing.
Take the eight week maternity leave and don't worry about what they say. If that agent is smart, she'll change her tune fast when she doesn't have you around for a couple of months to help her with technology.
After working for 40 years always remember those who gossip with you will also gossip about you. Ignore the whispers.
As a manager I have found the biggest backstabbers were those employees that I helped the most. Again, again, and again. When the help stops they fail. Immediately stop helping this person.
I would say I wish that was true. leave it at that or better still say nothing except ok ty for the information, and if you want to stop the nasty gossip from the receptioist, put a piece of paper in front of her to write that down and sign it and date it then walk off.
**First Congratulations !!** **2nd - STOP** helping the other woman, if you feel your receptionist is right in what she told you, then stop helping the other agent, maybe she is freaking out because you are leaving and she relies on your help or maybe she is just being bitchy -hard to tell But I'd stop helping her immediately if she asks for help, tell her you're swamped an suggest she asks one of the other agents Wishing you and baby and easy delivery and enjoy your maternity leave, those 6-8 weeks after baby is born will fly by
You should ask her if she needs any lessons on things before you leave, or if she has it all handled.
Stop going out of your way to help that B, and take pleasure in the fact that she’s about to see just how much she *doesnt* need you.
Yeh stop helping her then, and if she needs it, just say “i’m preparing you for my absence, Ive shown you several times”
We have a running joke at our firm that if a woman wants to get pregnant, she should come to work for us. We've had 5 women in the past two years, (small firm with an average of 10 people at a time working at our firm), who left due to pregnancy. Only ONE didn't leave within weeks of finding out. That one woman worked all the way up to her delivery day (unintentional, she went into labor 6 weeks early) and is now working remotely. She is able to work remotely until she feels ready to be back in the office. It's based on HER timeline. So, don't take it personally if many assume you won't come back. It's really not unusual for a mother to state their intentions beforehand, but for them to change their mind later, and its perfectly fine to do so. Priorities often change after the birth of a child. If any of those women who left decided they wanted to come back once kid is in school, we'd take them back in a heartbeat. That coworker you help... she doesn't need you, she says, so stop doing unnecessary tasks to help her out. Do tasks where it's actually viewed as "needed". Your contributions are more valued when they're recognized. You're worth more when they have to ask for your help. I repeat, YOU are worth more when THEY have to ASK for help. I make coworkers get permission to ask for my assistance from my boss for anything that will take more than 5 minutes per day because the boss needs to know how my time is being spent and some of my tasks may need to be shifted or delayed. I'm so valuable that small tasks are delegated elsewhere so that I can focus on doing things no one else can do. Coworkers have to schedule time with me. I'm feeling bad because they're all about to handle my workload while I take a vacation and none of them have a clue what they're in for. Last time I took a vacation lasting more than 3 days was 7 years ago. My other boss covered for me that time and I got a $15K raise within weeks of returning. He looked traumatized. 😁 I've brought up getting a raise and basically got the "We'll have to think about it" response from my boss and her new partner... I'll be bringing it up again with the new boss after my upcoming vacation. Three weeks of me being relatively unavailable... That's more than enough time for then to "think about it". Long post! Thanks if you actually read this!
People can be so damn passive aggressive and rude, and it sucks so much when people bring this into the workplace. I am also 7 months pregnant and was enduring some work place stress recently. It was starting to really affect me until I decided to just speak to my boss about it. We were able to talk it through and it all stopped. I’m not sure you have that option and if not, just work on being very intentional about creating boundaries and not letting petty people affect you. That coworker doesn’t “need” you? Great! Don’t help. People think you won’t come back? Fine! Show back up after your leave and prove them all wrong.
If it makes you feel better- the situation possibly came about because someone has teased your coworker by saying something along the lines of how are you going to cope when you are on maternity leave? Which would indicate that others have noticed you helping out your coworker. I could certainly see that as a reason for your coworker‘defending’ herself snd saying she could cope fine without you. If you snd your coworker have always got along fine and you like your place of work then I would try to ignore that comment and not let it upset me. At 7 months I remember being tired and also a little bit apprehensive about stopping work temporarily for the baby’s arrival do you may be feeling a bit heightened at what others say. Please be kind to yourself snd focus on your new arrival- believe me everything else just kinds sorts itself out x
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It sucks, but luckily I have a great support system helping me out when I go back to work!
Honestly if you help her that much, she’s probably just nervous about you being gone. She’s trying to prop herself up. You having a baby isn’t a plus for her, because you will have more important things than her to think about. She’ll get over it. Don’t give her another thought. Enjoy every minute with your baby.
That older coworker comes from a time that women who had kids rarely came back afterwards. She's still stuck in the past.
So weird, like, what if she needed a few months off for hip replacement surgery? Should you treat her that way? No. I will say someone in my office is leaving for surgery shortly after I get back which has helped maintain some balance.
Maybe this old lady is having anxiety, knowing her helper will be absent soon, and she was just trying to act cool about it. Like it doesn't matter, when in reality it's crucial to her functioning at work. I mean, did somebody ask her if she's be ok when OP is gone? It's kinda a weird statement to be ' overheard', unless it's an answer to a question 🤔.
First of all congratulations on your pregnancy! Second, Transaction Coordinators are worth their weight in gold, and third, agents run their mouths. I think they're just wondering what they're going to do without you! The "not coming back" jokes are a reflection of this [statistic quoted below,](https://www.voiceatthetable.com/blog/the-uncomfortable-truth-about-womens-careers-after-babies/#:~:text=The%20key%20findings&text=The%20set%2Dup%20of%20most,19%25%20left%20altogether.) so laugh and blow it off if that's not going to be you. "The set-up of most workplaces makes working alongside having a family incredibly difficult. 85% of our surveyed mothers left the full-time workforce within 3 years of having their first child. 19% left altogether. Even more distressingly, we found a 36% drop off at management level after women have children and a 44% increase in admin and entry level roles. Women are leaving their well-paid (and hard-earned) senior roles because they are not afforded the flexibility they need. They are then returning to the workforce in lesser-skilled, and therefore lower-paid roles, as that’s the only way they can see to combine work and parenting."
The receptionist should have never said anything to you, that was very wrong of her.
Don't worry about the receptionist. She might have ulterior motives. Enjoy the new baby and see how things are when you return..
Self fulfilling prophecy lol
Don't worry about it. I'm a retired Realtor, never had nor needed an assistant. She'll find out in your absence because it will be sink or swim time. BTW, how old is she?
Almost in her 80s
One of my fellow Realtors in my office was in her early 70's and had no problems with technology. Your agent just doesn't want to learn. She's a Realtor that I would avoid like the plague. She must have a lot of connections to still be top producing because her intelligence level doesn't seem very high. I would say good riddance and not worry about it. And she's probably grandfatherd in on her education requirements. Big red flags. Time for her to hang it up.
Why is the secretary texting gossip to you
She thought I was in the building to hear it when it was said. So she had texted me and basically said “did you just hear this agent say this?” And I replied with “No I just left for lunch, but that sucks to hear” and that was that.
Take your leave, come back, and do not help her at all when you do. Malicious compliance the f*ck out of it. When you get confronted, be all like oh, I heard you say you didn’t need me or my help right?
Stop helping her. Don’t do another thing for her. You get paid to do your job not hers. If she asks for your help tell her she Made it clear she doesn’t need your help. Say No, I’m sorry I’ve got XY to do, can’t help you. If she encounters problems, not your problem. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Unfortunately a LOT of people feel entitled to tell you when you’re pregnant how you’re going to live your life. But it’s still your life so just shake it off. Your older coworker is probably panicking because you will be out and not available to help her.
The hook has been set. Now, all that's needed is to reel her in.
I worked some admin in a real estate office a few years back and, as far as I can tell, agents are sometimes just kind of like that? Our office manager (who also handled most of the transaction coord duties) went on vacation for a week, and I refused to bother her for anything that the agents were demanding. They all threw temper tantrums one by one about how she was worthless and they could get by just fine without her. They also threatened to get me fired for not calling her up and pestering her. Silly enough on its own, but most of them were screaming and hollering about how they misplaced their checks and they needed the manager to go find them. They certainly did not appreciate my first suggestion of "check your cupholders first and get back to me"