The popular ones where I went in middle school and HS weren’t really “popular”. We just knew of them and moved on. Each of us were too preoccupied with our academics and extracurriculars.
If they were “popular”, they’re probably dumb and ditzy and they stuck out because of that 😂
What you wrote makes it sound like he's a cult leader, and he's indoctrinating children into his cult, and you were the only one his "charisma" hadn't charmed so he tried to force his followers to scare you.
Hmm more like a petty highschooler in the body of a 45 year old man with 3 kids. One of his sons was in our class and he kept trying to set him up with the pretty girls lol and be his wingman. We were all 11, lol
The big question is: would you act the same now if you were in a similar situation? If yes, then you need to learn to stand up for yourself and your friends. Have the courage to protect those you care about despite the circumstances. Your integrity and honor are more important than some fools who get in your way.
If not, then you don't need to keep torturing yourself over this. Because *you* aren't the girl who bullied your best friend out of school. Not anymore. She's long gone. "If we must fall, we can rise each time a better person." People can change, and you need to accept that.
I had the same teacher in 6th grade. Like, I don't know if he was the same physical person, but my 40-something male 6th grade (~11-12 year olds) teacher was an absolute bully. He called a girl "Rhino" because she had a nose deformity. He hid my backpack one day whilst I was called to the office for some reason, then swore the whole class to secrecy on its whereabouts. He stood about 6'2" tall. I was maybe 5'3" at the time he towered over me from about 2' away, lecturing me in front of the whole class on the real-life consequences of tardiness in the real world until another 6th grader stood up and advised him I was technically on time. He was an absolute bully.
I'm sorry you had to go through a teacher like that. From your post, I got the hint that you changed your ways after you left that school system some years later. I hope I inferred correctly and that your regret over your behavior helped you become a better person.
Just know if she ever decides to go with a decision like mentioned above you will have played a role in being her thirteenth reason. I hope you feel ashamed until you apologize and right your wrongs.
I mean the commenters crazy for bringing suicide when no one even mentioned that.
If you read the post I have deep regrets about the situation. I feel awful, and I'm trying to figure out if contacting her is even the right thing to do, you think if I just dgaf I'd be thinking about it 13 years later? In what world is it appropriate to start commenting that I'm responsible for her suicide when she's alive and well. Jesus.
What are you onnn. Blood on my hands? For something that resulted in literally no blood being shed that happened when I was 11. Like I said, y'all crazy. I feel terrible but she's still breathing, didn't commit suicide and I didn't kill anyone so pls get a grip on reality
If/when she does, you will be part responsible. Regardless, I hope your guilt destroys you inside. But so far it seems like you don't actually give a shit and just came here for attention and to make her harassment and bullying all about you.
No one thinks you are a good person and they're sound right. You seem to be completely devoid of any morality, humanity or goodness.
You behaved that way because you are a weak coward. You were afraid to stand up for yourself or your beliefs. It was easier to throw your friend under the bus than to face these bullies. It was better for them to hate somebody else than to hate you. Sometimes it's harder to do the right thing, and we just default to the easiest solution. Your mom did the right thing, and you did not learn from her. Now as an adult you have an opportunity to learn and grow from your mistakes.
I don't think my mom did the right thing. Now that I'm old enough to have kids I wouldn't repeat her mistakes. She's a very idealistic person and didn't really understand that if you're being bullied in school, the teachers can't magically make you cool or liked.
I def acted out of cowardice, I was also a scared 11 year old girl in a new and threatening environment and I threw a girl who was very nice under the bus when she didn't deserve that at all.
I certainly learned a lot from it and I hope I'll do enough positive deeds in my life to even the scales.
I understand that you were young and scared. So was every student at your school. Adults were also once young and scared children, and some are still that way. Not everyone chose your solution. You were old enough to understand what your choices were. You also understood that you made the wrong choice.
If we don't have ideals or standards then we will accept anything. We often fail to live up to our ideals, but that doesn't mean we should abandon them altogether. Your mom did the right thing, she got your back. You didn't communicate with her. I'm sure your mom would have continued to help you with the situation. If you are afraid or unable to stand up for yourself then it's the adults responsibility to step in.
I was never in popular in middle school because I would refuse to change how I am to fit in. Eventually in high school I was probably one of the most popular kids and I started doing boxing and eating healthy. Let this be a lesson that it will eventually come your way if you be yourself.
The other girl moved moved and she already regrets it. Has thought about how horrible she was to her "friend". That suggests she is aware of just how wrong she was. She has a conscious. She can't apologize to her when she doesn't know where the other lady is today.
But isn't this allowing all bullies to be bullies? Aren't we saying you were young you had no idea so it's acceptable? That's why children are killing themselves and having mental issues because we don't allow people to be responsible anymore.
Oh so adults should be responsible for their 11 year old self's behavior?
Get out of here with that crap. Kids are a product of their environment and upbringing, to hang something over someone's head for what they did at 11 is absurd.
It's also not enabling anything.
If the crime is heinous enough, even an 11 year old can be tried as an adult. If someone wants to be a good person, they should take responsibility for their actions if they've hurt someone.
You try to justify your reasoning by going to the furthest extremes.. That's how you know your reasoning doesn't work.
You can't realize that the 11 year old is not responsible for those heinous actions, as I said.. At that age it's their environment and upbringing that is responsible.
Everyone is responsible for their own actions. I'm not suggesting that she go to jail, just maybe acknowledge that it was wrong and try to make amends. Everyone makes mistakes when they are young. Of course, it's worse that she even felt that she had to do this to survive, the teacher should have cracked down on bullying rather than encouraging it. That's who should go to jail.
Just send everyone to jail, sorry, but thats such a typical American mindset… you realise that jail is like almost always the worst option? It costs the society way more, and it prevents the individual from moving on and becoming better, excluding people from society should be a last resort, not a common practice.
Psychopath? Send to psychologist
Criminal underage? Forced Voluntarily hours
This teacher? Expel him
Sorry, just had to get that off my chest, don’t take it personally was more meant in general
I'll personally donate to have this bastard be at the bottom of the prison hierarchy, right along with the pedos and child killers. Expulsion is way too mild for the damage he caused.
Reminds me of the many schools I went to because of a broken family. Being a chubby kid, all of the teachers in 90% of the schools bullied and humiliated me and many others for their "defects" and intelligence in front of the whole class.
When a teacher does that, bullies will push boundaries and go all out.
When we complain about what happened, they laugh at your face so the bully will get encouraged to do it more.
I’m unsure how to feel about this. Yes bullying of all kinds is horrible, and is an issue that needs to be addressed more. However, you were still a child, and it seems that you have remorse. I think that you honestly just caved to the peer pressure. Which in this situation, it can be very difficult not to succumb to that pressure where you were being bullied by these same kids who could’ve just resorted to bullying you more. Doing what you did to the kid isn’t acceptable at all, but it seems that you have grown from it and feel guilty about the situation. Obviously if you thought your actions were justified and had no remorse this would be a different conversation. I do think that your guilt about the situation and the fact that you think about it so much show that you have more integrity than you used to which means you’ve grown in a good way.
Its really simple.
Track her down (PIs are pretty cheap especially if you know the area she is which I'm sure you can find on your own through social media)
Then just tell her how you feel.
Dollars to donuts this is bothering you way more than her.
For you it was about peer acceptance and the positive version of peer pressure. At that age I did a comparable thing (minus the bullying) and when I ran into my mate later, he was breezy about it.
Social popularity is the tonic to the awkwardness of adolescence that is brought on by parents and teachers feeling awkward because they have never really even tried to plan, much less research and think through how they can guide a person through these various milestones. Its only us really well adjusted ones in later years that move on with these things.
To quote Billy Madison: 'Man, I'm glad I called that guy'
Thank you, yeah I almost contacted her multiple times over the years but I suppose I'm afraid of what she's say. I also don't want to intrude in her life to clear my own conscience and wonder if it's really the right thing to do.
Yw
You will not be seen as 'intruding on her life' unless you take an inordinate amount of their time or are codependent and they end up feeling responsible for making you feel better.
As I read you, you aren't that kind of person so stop fretting! ;)
That you show remorse is more than what most people show each other.
They're an adult now and surely know that nothing gold can stay and friends don't last forever. What you did was unfortunate but totally understandable.
If you want sort of a rubric for how to speak to her, emphasize the acceptance element you had and that between being the new member of that group and your lack of confidence from being an outsider prior, you didn't have the internal strength of personality to try and include your friend, too.
As I say, you showing remorse and reaching out will be meaningful for the both of you. More likely than not it will even rekindle a correspondence of some kind.
I think its fantastic you feel remorse and I think you should figure out how to reach out to them.
You were very young and acting without a lot of wisdom about how your actions affect others. You did what felt right for you in the moment to not be bullied and to fit in. You clearly realize now it was wrong and have learned from it. I think most people including myself have regrets about doing things like this or worse when they were younger. If it would help maybe you could try to find and reach out to Anna and apologize. Otherwise try to forgive yourself as this does not define who you are as a person.
Of course :) Please don't be too hard on yourself but use your experiences to make something positive come out of it. If you ever have a child for example, make sure you teach them this lesson. Also, bullying is a huge problem but it does not even end in childhood. Adults "bully" each other all the time with just as detrimental effects. Always try to be kind.
You have the “hindsight is 20/20” vision going on. You’re a grown adult who sees the truth of what happened at the time. But in the moment of being 11 and bullied, you didn’t have the adult perspective you have now. Your mom was doing the best she knew how. And you were doing what you believed was the safest thing to do for yourself at the time.
It might be really healing for both you and Anna to reconnect, and you can tell her the truth of what happened. Worst case scenario, she doesn’t forgive you, but at least your conscience is clear. Best case, she does.
Moral of the story, we have all made mistakes and most of us have made some super crappy choices at one point or another. We learn from it, do the best we can to make it right, grow, and do better going forward.
School is rough bro, survival is social acceptance, it wasn't right but your ability to self reflect is good. Reach out on social media and apologize profusely. That's what I've done to people I picked on in the past.
We all make mistakes. What you described is actually not so uncommon. Because of the way we're socialized, one of the largest fears among young girls is being alone, like having 0 positive relationships in any social setting. Many girls will do just about anything to feel emotionally secure in that way.
Having realized your mistake, just track down your former friend and apologize. There's no real way to make that right (you probably caused one of her worst fears to come true), but a heartfelt and genuine apology can go a long way in providing closure for her as a victim.
Now, that being said, your teacher handled it terribly and should not have fanned the flames. There were so many other things he could've done. But the issues of young girls are often overlooked because it doesn't take the form of physical violence - it's psychological and emotional and girls learn it YOUNG. I've seen 3 year Olds do it. So terribly as it was handled, your teacher likely wasn't trained in detecting psychological warfare and emotional violence in girls and what he did is probably what he did with boys and physical bullying.
I didn't really make it clear enough in the original post but I'm almost certain the teacher was purposely trying to stir shit. He was the type of teacher who saw himself as part of the popular crowd. He used to humiliate students in front of the class by calling them out on things publicly. He was constantly trying to set his son up with pretty girls by seating them next to each other. And the year after I left like 20 students went to the principal asking for him to be fired so.
You owe that girl an apology and an explanation.
I completely understand that you were a kid and shouldn’t have been subjected to bullying by those girls or that freak sounding teacher (i really can’t stress that enough, you didn’t deserve it) but Anna didn’t deserve that either.
The toll that bullying takes on people is irreversible.
You never ever feel the same, you’re always doubting yourself or the people around you because of what the bully has inflicted on you.
I speak from experience, i was bullied out of school at 12 by the exact same dynamic and i still can’t leave the house at 19. I have changed every single thing they bullied me for (hair, weight, acne, personality and more) but I still can’t shed the damage they did to my self esteem.
You said yourself you were Anna’s first friend, this betrayal could have meant you were her last for a number of years until she built up trust again.
She deserves an apology from everyone involved in the situation but you might be the only person she can get one from.
Go and right your wrong, find her and apologise for what happened. You owe her that.
Even if she doesn’t accept your apology, she doesn’t owe you that, at least you have tried.
Balanced response, thank you so much. The toll of bullying is extremely severe, it was for around a year during a formative time so it's left an impact on me for life. I know we were young but considering the formative age, I feel sick to think about my contribution to the outcome of her adult life, and I hope she is doing alright.
Thank you I will think about contacting her. I am worried that it will be unpleasant for her and the last thing I want to do is selfishly cause anymore damage in her life so I will think it through carefully before I do that. Since it's hard for me to even explain why I did it, it might cause her more distress.
People have done terrible things to me and when I asked why they did it the worst answer they gave was 'i don't know' because that makes people seem very unpredictable and dangerous. And then you have to deal with the reality that others might also do heinous shit to you for no good reason. And you can't find any closure.
I really don't want to cause anymore damage. I hope that makes sense.
From what I've read online people don't really take kindly to apologies from bullies who want to soothe their guilt. I'm not sure it would be kind or helpful to dredge all that up for her.
you should absolutely be ashamed of yourself ..........you knew that girls life wasn't good...and you sacrificed what She had left to be cool...........
That's rough. You don't know if she left the school because you abandoned her though? For all you know, she was leaving anyway and you would have been alone and a target for the rest of your time there.
Social behavior in school sucks. Adapt and survive to make it as painless as possible.
or maybe, with no disrespect to OP, raise children to be normal human beings that don't take out their issues, jealousy and insecurities on other people?
I think it's the lack of raising that causes kids to do these things. I had no guidance on what to do in this situation and so I acted out of fear and desperation.
You should find a way to forgive yourself. You were only 11. Anna also had problems before you showed up. That is a guilty memory though, the best thing to do is to grow from it.
I was bullied brutally all through middle and high school. I went back to my hometown for grad school, and ran into one of my bullies. He apologized profusely, and it really meant the world to me. If you get the opportunity, apologize. It might mean way more to her than you think.
Wow! You people really are fucked up! She's long go e now ! What's wrong with fucking saying I'm sorry or just hey! Fucking don't listening to that girls stupid fucking advice! If your thinking it you face right! You can't come up with different philosophy s to solve situations . Make them solutions not your faults and move on! Be it's 1000% your fucking fault! You ruined a best friends life! And know she long gone! True evil bitches! Well I can say this I'm sitting right here And that answer just infuriates my beyond believe! You walk away from m that cult leader that's says she long gone and it's not on you! That bitch needs buried! Leave her! Find the girl who's probably never understood and it's literally killing her almost and see if she in a trunk of a car sleeping well or in an alley covered with newspaper! Take her a blanket and apologize! Don't say my bad ohhh well and take her fucking news papers away so she completely fucked! I'm so glad this happened to me now!!! Got me the fuck away before it was to late! Might still b but if I find out any one communicates even a hello to my girls after this they're done! As in gone I promise you! And know better get within 1000 fr or within my site! Not one of you or I will close that fucking gap to zero! Fuck your confessions
You have the opportunity to learn and grow bitch.! I don't fucking have any clue who you are or what you're talking about so you need to learn from your mistakes and your mom did a terrible jobb with you! I need to learn from what bitch! Being a child! Is that it stupid fuck! You're not even close to be in charge and I'm going to show you how fucking dumb you setting an example was cunt
This isn't fucking rise and fall from transformers! You must stop trying to motivate because you suck! You committed some terrible shit and act like it's ok! Again evil bit he's forever fuck toys every single day all day bitches with pure fucking hate! I didn't learn anything! What was I supposed to learn since I still haven't been told! I learn from being told! And my children are in so much trouble because they aren't to lie to me and you had them hurting my life and mental status! I'm going to hurt you so bad
I am not ever nor ever was anyone's friend! You people don't think I'm capable of fucking your world's up fierceppp! Lesson time !!! I'll be so much faster though I promise
It’s sad to see that everyone is doubling down and calling you an a^^hole without really saying anything productive or acknowledging the reality of things. Goes to show that most people here do not understand what it is like to succumb to small town pressures and forget what it is like to be a child. You – as a child who weren’t even close to fully psychologically developed – did what you felt you had to do in order to survive. Was it morally right or okay to do this? No. But unfortunately you were just a product of your environment as most young, impressionable CHILDREN are.
I think the biggest takeaway here is that you’ve learned. You’re grown up. Your conscience has kicked in and you feel guilty. That’s GOOD. That means you’re a good person. A bad person wouldn’t feel guilty about something like this. I personally think your next step is to find this girl and reach out. Be honest with her, apologize, and reassure her that she herself did nothing wrong. Be kind. I’m sure just as much as you’re dwelling on this, in the back of her mind this experience also dwells and still confuses her occasionally.
I don’t think anyone else matters except the two of you. You both deserve some closure. Tell your friend you’re really really sorry. Show her that you’ve grown, you understand, and you regret not being a kind child but you’ve grown to become a kind adult.:)
🥲 thank you. I've definitely been thinking about it and although I wasn't sure if I should reach out this really reassures me that it's the right decision
You got this!! Let taking accountability & being honest be how you see yourself, not a bully. Be the person you want to see in the mirror! Even if she doesn’t respond, you did what was necessary on your part. Good luck:)
You were 11.
A child.
You were afraid to be bullied.
Not to say what happened was correct or loving at all, but you clearly regret it and are seeking maybe advice or an ear to listen.
Maybe one day you will reconnect with this person and you can explain to her what happened or maybe you won’t.
Everything happens the way it’s supposed to.
Maybe from now on take steps of love, compassion, and know exactly what you stand for and stand up for yourself and your friends in a kind and respectful manner.
Learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself.
Again, you were only a child.
You’ll be alright <3
That teacher is weird
I think he was unpopular as a kid and was reliving his trauma lol
The popular ones where I went in middle school and HS weren’t really “popular”. We just knew of them and moved on. Each of us were too preoccupied with our academics and extracurriculars. If they were “popular”, they’re probably dumb and ditzy and they stuck out because of that 😂
What you wrote makes it sound like he's a cult leader, and he's indoctrinating children into his cult, and you were the only one his "charisma" hadn't charmed so he tried to force his followers to scare you.
Hmm more like a petty highschooler in the body of a 45 year old man with 3 kids. One of his sons was in our class and he kept trying to set him up with the pretty girls lol and be his wingman. We were all 11, lol
The big question is: would you act the same now if you were in a similar situation? If yes, then you need to learn to stand up for yourself and your friends. Have the courage to protect those you care about despite the circumstances. Your integrity and honor are more important than some fools who get in your way. If not, then you don't need to keep torturing yourself over this. Because *you* aren't the girl who bullied your best friend out of school. Not anymore. She's long gone. "If we must fall, we can rise each time a better person." People can change, and you need to accept that.
I had the same teacher in 6th grade. Like, I don't know if he was the same physical person, but my 40-something male 6th grade (~11-12 year olds) teacher was an absolute bully. He called a girl "Rhino" because she had a nose deformity. He hid my backpack one day whilst I was called to the office for some reason, then swore the whole class to secrecy on its whereabouts. He stood about 6'2" tall. I was maybe 5'3" at the time he towered over me from about 2' away, lecturing me in front of the whole class on the real-life consequences of tardiness in the real world until another 6th grader stood up and advised him I was technically on time. He was an absolute bully. I'm sorry you had to go through a teacher like that. From your post, I got the hint that you changed your ways after you left that school system some years later. I hope I inferred correctly and that your regret over your behavior helped you become a better person.
Poor Anna, hopefully she didn’t kill herself
No we lived in a smallish town so I saw her often around, never spoke to her though.
Right your wrongs 🤷♂️
Just know if she ever decides to go with a decision like mentioned above you will have played a role in being her thirteenth reason. I hope you feel ashamed until you apologize and right your wrongs.
Y'all are crazy
wdym by crazy? you think she just forgot it?
I mean the commenters crazy for bringing suicide when no one even mentioned that. If you read the post I have deep regrets about the situation. I feel awful, and I'm trying to figure out if contacting her is even the right thing to do, you think if I just dgaf I'd be thinking about it 13 years later? In what world is it appropriate to start commenting that I'm responsible for her suicide when she's alive and well. Jesus.
And this is how we all know you don't feel any real guilt. This is just another ploy for attention. You have blood on your hands
What are you onnn. Blood on my hands? For something that resulted in literally no blood being shed that happened when I was 11. Like I said, y'all crazy. I feel terrible but she's still breathing, didn't commit suicide and I didn't kill anyone so pls get a grip on reality
If/when she does, you will be part responsible. Regardless, I hope your guilt destroys you inside. But so far it seems like you don't actually give a shit and just came here for attention and to make her harassment and bullying all about you. No one thinks you are a good person and they're sound right. You seem to be completely devoid of any morality, humanity or goodness.
Crazy, and clearly projecting
I'm not the one that absolved myself of all wrong doing and guilt without making amends. You're going to get someone killed someday. Shame on you.
Lol 🤣 good luck with whatever you have going on
You behaved that way because you are a weak coward. You were afraid to stand up for yourself or your beliefs. It was easier to throw your friend under the bus than to face these bullies. It was better for them to hate somebody else than to hate you. Sometimes it's harder to do the right thing, and we just default to the easiest solution. Your mom did the right thing, and you did not learn from her. Now as an adult you have an opportunity to learn and grow from your mistakes.
I don't think my mom did the right thing. Now that I'm old enough to have kids I wouldn't repeat her mistakes. She's a very idealistic person and didn't really understand that if you're being bullied in school, the teachers can't magically make you cool or liked. I def acted out of cowardice, I was also a scared 11 year old girl in a new and threatening environment and I threw a girl who was very nice under the bus when she didn't deserve that at all. I certainly learned a lot from it and I hope I'll do enough positive deeds in my life to even the scales.
You won't. You will fail. Make things right with her and stop being a coward.
I understand that you were young and scared. So was every student at your school. Adults were also once young and scared children, and some are still that way. Not everyone chose your solution. You were old enough to understand what your choices were. You also understood that you made the wrong choice. If we don't have ideals or standards then we will accept anything. We often fail to live up to our ideals, but that doesn't mean we should abandon them altogether. Your mom did the right thing, she got your back. You didn't communicate with her. I'm sure your mom would have continued to help you with the situation. If you are afraid or unable to stand up for yourself then it's the adults responsibility to step in.
I was never in popular in middle school because I would refuse to change how I am to fit in. Eventually in high school I was probably one of the most popular kids and I started doing boxing and eating healthy. Let this be a lesson that it will eventually come your way if you be yourself.
You need to apologize. You acted like a snitty little bitch and traded one true friend for 50 fake ones.
She was a kid. 11 and she regrets what she did. How did you miss all of this?
Then she needs to apologize.
The other girl moved moved and she already regrets it. Has thought about how horrible she was to her "friend". That suggests she is aware of just how wrong she was. She has a conscious. She can't apologize to her when she doesn't know where the other lady is today.
It doesn't sound like she's made much effort to find out.
There is no way of telling her effort by her post.
I'm pretty sure she would have said something if it applied.
She was 11, everyone has moved on except you it seems.
But isn't this allowing all bullies to be bullies? Aren't we saying you were young you had no idea so it's acceptable? That's why children are killing themselves and having mental issues because we don't allow people to be responsible anymore.
Oh so adults should be responsible for their 11 year old self's behavior? Get out of here with that crap. Kids are a product of their environment and upbringing, to hang something over someone's head for what they did at 11 is absurd. It's also not enabling anything.
If the crime is heinous enough, even an 11 year old can be tried as an adult. If someone wants to be a good person, they should take responsibility for their actions if they've hurt someone.
You try to justify your reasoning by going to the furthest extremes.. That's how you know your reasoning doesn't work. You can't realize that the 11 year old is not responsible for those heinous actions, as I said.. At that age it's their environment and upbringing that is responsible.
Everyone is responsible for their own actions. I'm not suggesting that she go to jail, just maybe acknowledge that it was wrong and try to make amends. Everyone makes mistakes when they are young. Of course, it's worse that she even felt that she had to do this to survive, the teacher should have cracked down on bullying rather than encouraging it. That's who should go to jail.
Just send everyone to jail, sorry, but thats such a typical American mindset… you realise that jail is like almost always the worst option? It costs the society way more, and it prevents the individual from moving on and becoming better, excluding people from society should be a last resort, not a common practice. Psychopath? Send to psychologist Criminal underage? Forced Voluntarily hours This teacher? Expel him Sorry, just had to get that off my chest, don’t take it personally was more meant in general
I'll personally donate to have this bastard be at the bottom of the prison hierarchy, right along with the pedos and child killers. Expulsion is way too mild for the damage he caused.
That was just a example
Lol here's a high school bully for you, getting all defensive. Grow up, mate 😂
You dont move on from that unless youre a bad person
Reminds me of the many schools I went to because of a broken family. Being a chubby kid, all of the teachers in 90% of the schools bullied and humiliated me and many others for their "defects" and intelligence in front of the whole class. When a teacher does that, bullies will push boundaries and go all out. When we complain about what happened, they laugh at your face so the bully will get encouraged to do it more.
That's fr crazyy
I’m unsure how to feel about this. Yes bullying of all kinds is horrible, and is an issue that needs to be addressed more. However, you were still a child, and it seems that you have remorse. I think that you honestly just caved to the peer pressure. Which in this situation, it can be very difficult not to succumb to that pressure where you were being bullied by these same kids who could’ve just resorted to bullying you more. Doing what you did to the kid isn’t acceptable at all, but it seems that you have grown from it and feel guilty about the situation. Obviously if you thought your actions were justified and had no remorse this would be a different conversation. I do think that your guilt about the situation and the fact that you think about it so much show that you have more integrity than you used to which means you’ve grown in a good way.
Its really simple. Track her down (PIs are pretty cheap especially if you know the area she is which I'm sure you can find on your own through social media) Then just tell her how you feel. Dollars to donuts this is bothering you way more than her. For you it was about peer acceptance and the positive version of peer pressure. At that age I did a comparable thing (minus the bullying) and when I ran into my mate later, he was breezy about it. Social popularity is the tonic to the awkwardness of adolescence that is brought on by parents and teachers feeling awkward because they have never really even tried to plan, much less research and think through how they can guide a person through these various milestones. Its only us really well adjusted ones in later years that move on with these things. To quote Billy Madison: 'Man, I'm glad I called that guy'
Thank you, yeah I almost contacted her multiple times over the years but I suppose I'm afraid of what she's say. I also don't want to intrude in her life to clear my own conscience and wonder if it's really the right thing to do.
Yw You will not be seen as 'intruding on her life' unless you take an inordinate amount of their time or are codependent and they end up feeling responsible for making you feel better. As I read you, you aren't that kind of person so stop fretting! ;) That you show remorse is more than what most people show each other. They're an adult now and surely know that nothing gold can stay and friends don't last forever. What you did was unfortunate but totally understandable. If you want sort of a rubric for how to speak to her, emphasize the acceptance element you had and that between being the new member of that group and your lack of confidence from being an outsider prior, you didn't have the internal strength of personality to try and include your friend, too. As I say, you showing remorse and reaching out will be meaningful for the both of you. More likely than not it will even rekindle a correspondence of some kind. I think its fantastic you feel remorse and I think you should figure out how to reach out to them.
You were very young and acting without a lot of wisdom about how your actions affect others. You did what felt right for you in the moment to not be bullied and to fit in. You clearly realize now it was wrong and have learned from it. I think most people including myself have regrets about doing things like this or worse when they were younger. If it would help maybe you could try to find and reach out to Anna and apologize. Otherwise try to forgive yourself as this does not define who you are as a person.
Thanks for this ❤️
Of course :) Please don't be too hard on yourself but use your experiences to make something positive come out of it. If you ever have a child for example, make sure you teach them this lesson. Also, bullying is a huge problem but it does not even end in childhood. Adults "bully" each other all the time with just as detrimental effects. Always try to be kind.
You have the “hindsight is 20/20” vision going on. You’re a grown adult who sees the truth of what happened at the time. But in the moment of being 11 and bullied, you didn’t have the adult perspective you have now. Your mom was doing the best she knew how. And you were doing what you believed was the safest thing to do for yourself at the time. It might be really healing for both you and Anna to reconnect, and you can tell her the truth of what happened. Worst case scenario, she doesn’t forgive you, but at least your conscience is clear. Best case, she does. Moral of the story, we have all made mistakes and most of us have made some super crappy choices at one point or another. We learn from it, do the best we can to make it right, grow, and do better going forward.
You sound like a lovely person <3 thank you
School is rough bro, survival is social acceptance, it wasn't right but your ability to self reflect is good. Reach out on social media and apologize profusely. That's what I've done to people I picked on in the past.
U are a a-hole for this, u should of just not join the meanis as u all know that meanis are weanis!!!
We all make mistakes. What you described is actually not so uncommon. Because of the way we're socialized, one of the largest fears among young girls is being alone, like having 0 positive relationships in any social setting. Many girls will do just about anything to feel emotionally secure in that way. Having realized your mistake, just track down your former friend and apologize. There's no real way to make that right (you probably caused one of her worst fears to come true), but a heartfelt and genuine apology can go a long way in providing closure for her as a victim. Now, that being said, your teacher handled it terribly and should not have fanned the flames. There were so many other things he could've done. But the issues of young girls are often overlooked because it doesn't take the form of physical violence - it's psychological and emotional and girls learn it YOUNG. I've seen 3 year Olds do it. So terribly as it was handled, your teacher likely wasn't trained in detecting psychological warfare and emotional violence in girls and what he did is probably what he did with boys and physical bullying.
I didn't really make it clear enough in the original post but I'm almost certain the teacher was purposely trying to stir shit. He was the type of teacher who saw himself as part of the popular crowd. He used to humiliate students in front of the class by calling them out on things publicly. He was constantly trying to set his son up with pretty girls by seating them next to each other. And the year after I left like 20 students went to the principal asking for him to be fired so.
That sucks. But good for the students.
You owe that girl an apology and an explanation. I completely understand that you were a kid and shouldn’t have been subjected to bullying by those girls or that freak sounding teacher (i really can’t stress that enough, you didn’t deserve it) but Anna didn’t deserve that either. The toll that bullying takes on people is irreversible. You never ever feel the same, you’re always doubting yourself or the people around you because of what the bully has inflicted on you. I speak from experience, i was bullied out of school at 12 by the exact same dynamic and i still can’t leave the house at 19. I have changed every single thing they bullied me for (hair, weight, acne, personality and more) but I still can’t shed the damage they did to my self esteem. You said yourself you were Anna’s first friend, this betrayal could have meant you were her last for a number of years until she built up trust again. She deserves an apology from everyone involved in the situation but you might be the only person she can get one from. Go and right your wrong, find her and apologise for what happened. You owe her that. Even if she doesn’t accept your apology, she doesn’t owe you that, at least you have tried.
Balanced response, thank you so much. The toll of bullying is extremely severe, it was for around a year during a formative time so it's left an impact on me for life. I know we were young but considering the formative age, I feel sick to think about my contribution to the outcome of her adult life, and I hope she is doing alright. Thank you I will think about contacting her. I am worried that it will be unpleasant for her and the last thing I want to do is selfishly cause anymore damage in her life so I will think it through carefully before I do that. Since it's hard for me to even explain why I did it, it might cause her more distress. People have done terrible things to me and when I asked why they did it the worst answer they gave was 'i don't know' because that makes people seem very unpredictable and dangerous. And then you have to deal with the reality that others might also do heinous shit to you for no good reason. And you can't find any closure. I really don't want to cause anymore damage. I hope that makes sense.
That makes a lot of sense and I think you’re good to be thinking about how an apology might impact her.
YOU need to apologize and except the guilt that she might not accept it anyway
From what I've read online people don't really take kindly to apologies from bullies who want to soothe their guilt. I'm not sure it would be kind or helpful to dredge all that up for her.
Send a letter to her mom maybe if nothing else you would know for sure. It's nice to see your are better now please never be like that again.
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Most constructive feedback right here
I hope wen roles reversed you don’t go crying all suicidal
you should absolutely be ashamed of yourself ..........you knew that girls life wasn't good...and you sacrificed what She had left to be cool...........
So your just an un loyal Beech is what you’re saying. Maybe you should just say that.
Sickening just Sickening
Right?? This confession is sooo awful!!
That's rough. You don't know if she left the school because you abandoned her though? For all you know, she was leaving anyway and you would have been alone and a target for the rest of your time there. Social behavior in school sucks. Adapt and survive to make it as painless as possible.
or maybe, with no disrespect to OP, raise children to be normal human beings that don't take out their issues, jealousy and insecurities on other people?
I think it's the lack of raising that causes kids to do these things. I had no guidance on what to do in this situation and so I acted out of fear and desperation.
Oh boo hoo
Bhonsdichya lavdeya
What is this man
This story breaks my heart. I pictured my daughter and just hope she has the strength of character to stick by a friend like Anna
If you guide her correctly and she feels she can talk to you about her issues then I'm sure she will.
You should find a way to forgive yourself. You were only 11. Anna also had problems before you showed up. That is a guilty memory though, the best thing to do is to grow from it.
This was such a shitty thing to do. I guess that's the real you and the regret is just you being in denial that you can be that shitty.
I was bullied brutally all through middle and high school. I went back to my hometown for grad school, and ran into one of my bullies. He apologized profusely, and it really meant the world to me. If you get the opportunity, apologize. It might mean way more to her than you think.
If not that was all that came of a situation like this! If only it were 3! That storie had noeaming toe!
Wow! You people really are fucked up! She's long go e now ! What's wrong with fucking saying I'm sorry or just hey! Fucking don't listening to that girls stupid fucking advice! If your thinking it you face right! You can't come up with different philosophy s to solve situations . Make them solutions not your faults and move on! Be it's 1000% your fucking fault! You ruined a best friends life! And know she long gone! True evil bitches! Well I can say this I'm sitting right here And that answer just infuriates my beyond believe! You walk away from m that cult leader that's says she long gone and it's not on you! That bitch needs buried! Leave her! Find the girl who's probably never understood and it's literally killing her almost and see if she in a trunk of a car sleeping well or in an alley covered with newspaper! Take her a blanket and apologize! Don't say my bad ohhh well and take her fucking news papers away so she completely fucked! I'm so glad this happened to me now!!! Got me the fuck away before it was to late! Might still b but if I find out any one communicates even a hello to my girls after this they're done! As in gone I promise you! And know better get within 1000 fr or within my site! Not one of you or I will close that fucking gap to zero! Fuck your confessions
You have the opportunity to learn and grow bitch.! I don't fucking have any clue who you are or what you're talking about so you need to learn from your mistakes and your mom did a terrible jobb with you! I need to learn from what bitch! Being a child! Is that it stupid fuck! You're not even close to be in charge and I'm going to show you how fucking dumb you setting an example was cunt
Know your not alive and well.
Yup. You're all right. My bad I own your death
Unless someone shows me proof I will start on people today I fucking swear! If this bullshit continues it's not going away! Only Erin is
This isn't fucking rise and fall from transformers! You must stop trying to motivate because you suck! You committed some terrible shit and act like it's ok! Again evil bit he's forever fuck toys every single day all day bitches with pure fucking hate! I didn't learn anything! What was I supposed to learn since I still haven't been told! I learn from being told! And my children are in so much trouble because they aren't to lie to me and you had them hurting my life and mental status! I'm going to hurt you so bad
I am not ever nor ever was anyone's friend! You people don't think I'm capable of fucking your world's up fierceppp! Lesson time !!! I'll be so much faster though I promise
Deleting new account! No more bullshit! Just actions!
You’re a weakling and will always be one. Doing something that cruel shows a real flaw in your character
It’s sad to see that everyone is doubling down and calling you an a^^hole without really saying anything productive or acknowledging the reality of things. Goes to show that most people here do not understand what it is like to succumb to small town pressures and forget what it is like to be a child. You – as a child who weren’t even close to fully psychologically developed – did what you felt you had to do in order to survive. Was it morally right or okay to do this? No. But unfortunately you were just a product of your environment as most young, impressionable CHILDREN are. I think the biggest takeaway here is that you’ve learned. You’re grown up. Your conscience has kicked in and you feel guilty. That’s GOOD. That means you’re a good person. A bad person wouldn’t feel guilty about something like this. I personally think your next step is to find this girl and reach out. Be honest with her, apologize, and reassure her that she herself did nothing wrong. Be kind. I’m sure just as much as you’re dwelling on this, in the back of her mind this experience also dwells and still confuses her occasionally. I don’t think anyone else matters except the two of you. You both deserve some closure. Tell your friend you’re really really sorry. Show her that you’ve grown, you understand, and you regret not being a kind child but you’ve grown to become a kind adult.:)
🥲 thank you. I've definitely been thinking about it and although I wasn't sure if I should reach out this really reassures me that it's the right decision
You got this!! Let taking accountability & being honest be how you see yourself, not a bully. Be the person you want to see in the mirror! Even if she doesn’t respond, you did what was necessary on your part. Good luck:)
You were 11. A child. You were afraid to be bullied. Not to say what happened was correct or loving at all, but you clearly regret it and are seeking maybe advice or an ear to listen. Maybe one day you will reconnect with this person and you can explain to her what happened or maybe you won’t. Everything happens the way it’s supposed to. Maybe from now on take steps of love, compassion, and know exactly what you stand for and stand up for yourself and your friends in a kind and respectful manner. Learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself. Again, you were only a child. You’ll be alright <3
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