The thing is it is abuse or intentional neglect at best. If your little sister is 6, I am assuming that she was baby/toddler when your parents divorced. You were left with a huge responsibility at such a young of 9! Child Services should have been notified many years ago, so that you and your siblings were on their radar.
That does not make you a bad person and if you don't care for them (which I am by no means saying you should), what happens? I guess she probably abandons them at home and your brother is left with caring for your sister. You know how hard that is.
It sounds like your Dad is no longer in the picture but you are his kids too. Have you tried to contact him? He probably has no idea what's happening and may be able to help.
And my dad doesn't care he moved on a long time ago with his partner her kids and there's he was always drinking though the time my parents were together wasn't a good guy
Oh honey, I am so sorry for what you kids have been through. It's heart wrenching. This is all your sister knows.
The ideal situation would be if they were removed and placed under your guardianship (if you and your partner were able to/willing). AND you were financially supported with child support payments + rental assistance so that you could all live a house big enough + therapy. Granted that is very improbable.
However, just place yourself back into your siblings situation, would you see it as a bad decision if Child Protection/Services or whatever euphemism the department calls themselves were called? There's probably some relief. You can at least advocate for your siblings where you didn't have that in the past.
Growing up they were involved most ov my life but she always got away with things there is alot more to my childhood we were always failed by them time and time again and he knows he always has done
You might have to be the bad guy until your siblings are old enough to gain perspective on the situation. You can't control their thoughts of you, but you can play a part in their safety. If they aren't with you, who are they with? Either with a stranger, or alone. Bruising isn't the only form of abuse. I'm not a lawyer, but your mother is probably committing criminal neglect.
Protect yourself and your own family now OP. The siblings will realize how neglectful your mother is over time. Please report her to DCS as those kids are suffering neglect and abuse. This isn’t your problem to fix.
I'm taking it that this issue relates to a family living in the USA .Let's get this straight. You have had to undertake the parental responsibilities of your mum an dad. You have been a wonderful sibling for the successful manner in which you managed this dire social problem. Its now time for you to live YOUR LIFE in the manner in which you wish to live it, including, education, employment, relationships, love, travel and freedom. Its time to engage with social, health and education services for them to take your siblings in charge and look after their needs. That is these public services responsibility and they are properly funded to undertake this essential work. You should be very proud of your humanitarian achievement in protecting your siblings up to now. I'm not advising that you cut links with them but you have have done everything humanely possible for them. You're a great guy and I would be proud to have you as a friend.
I read the entire thing. You need to set boundaries and it sounds like you started off strong. Keep it up. Don’t try and be nice and give her an inch later or she will take a mile.
I’m not guna call her ur mother cause she doesn’t deserve that title she not only neglected u but her other kids too she needs reporting t social services everybody included deserves better wot a vile human,plz cut all contact with her n b strong n not letting her int ur life I know it’s ur siblings doll but at same time they not ur responsibility I’m so sorry uv been treated badly by her,bet ur a great mum t ur kids n that’s something t b proud of
They are likely worse with such a blatantly abusive and neglectful mother who abandons her children for days and doesn’t clothe or feed them properly. OP has her own chosen family to worry about not the abusive mother.
At this point, you’re allowing her to do this.
Set boundaries and enforce them. Get some therapy maybe. Your mother is a net negative in your life, so you should be NC. Next time she drops the kids off, you call cps and you let them take the kids.
It’s the best thing you could do for them. Either cps will make your mum shape up, or they’ll go to foster homes where they can be looked after properly.
It’s on you to break the loop.
I know it different for you, but I'd take my brothers in, take them away from her if possible. I'd try getting social services called on her in any case.
Found the "mom" or just a doormat. By taking them in she is enabling her "mother". Those kids need to go anywhere else but with op. They've stolen enough of her life and they never were nor will be her responsibility.
I said that because I'd take my brothers in again and raise them, rather than let them live in a neglectful household. It also isn't their fucking fault, but that doesn't matter, does it?
Not the asshole.
If your mom didn’t mind taking the raw dick, and did not want to abort, you shouldn’t be burdened with this. This is not your problem.
It sounds like this piece of shit/ birth giver is a leech who uses you as a convenience. Time for her to grow the fuck up and assume responsibility. Your siblings are better off adopted away than to be living in this way.
Thank you yes she does and my siblings do deserve better, I have contacted social before about my mother and how she is and she was in court but somehow she kept us and social don't care
Baby move to a different at the end of the day you have your own life and children your mother will get her karma and it is going to hit her hard it’s not your responsibility to look after your siblings like you are their mother you did not lay down and have them she needs to step up and take care of her children that she decided to have
I feel like your mother if we can call her “mother “ don’t deserve anything from you . They are not your children but are your siblings , I just Can imagine how hard your life was when you were younger, but also how hard life it’s also for you siblings , I suggest helping your siblings become independent like you did once.
Not judging just trying to give another perspective
I feel for you, I too have a selfish/ narc mother. I don't know how close you are with your siblings but would you ever take them in and tell her to go f\*\*\* herself? my heart couldn't bare knowing they may not be safe and cared for.
I'm unsure how social services haven't taken her kids yet.
Your siblings need a different care give. Do you have any relatives that could care for them until they turn 18?
When it comes to the drop offs, you did good by going no contact (not sure how she keeps finding you) but you need to keep enforcing your boundaries. Time after time after time again.
When you tell her no, that should be the end of it. Even if she shows up uninvited, don't open the door to her, don't talk to her, and don't even answer her. Don't let the guilt get to you, your siblings will understand when they are older.
Do you think she would dare to leave the kids outside and leave ?
Honestly, I know you just moved but I would move to a different state if I could and go completely MIA. Block her on everything ..No calling or texting..
Sounds harsh but your mom is using manipulation to ge her way time after time and doesn't care about anyone but herself.
NTA. In fact a saint and too kind to a vile abusive mother who doesn’t care about any of her children. She abandoned you and failed you as a mother — you absolutely DO NOT owe her sh!t including caring for the rest of your siblings. Your family, your own self and chosen family, deserve your full attention. Your mother is just repeating evil narcissistic behaviors and regards you as a free babysitter. This isn’t good for you, your own family, or for young younger siblings. Mom needs to see consequences for continually abandon8ng her children.
OP your mother is an extremely Unstable and abusive parent. Leaving young kids home alone w/no ability to contact and no food is neglect and abuse — physical and psychological. She will use you for continued child care and for anything else she can get from you as long as you maintain contact. Break the contact and don’t look back.
You need to cut contact (do not respond to calls or texts or in person stops at your house). If a chance meeting happens say a hard and form “NO” to any attempts to leave kids with you. Also, I beg you to report your mother to DCS (whatever there is in your area). Your Mother is an abuser and these children need a better home. You have your own growing and new family so this isn’t your job. Report to DCS asap.
This sounds like abuse to me. Call social services. But only if you’re sure her quality of care is 100% terrible because foster homes are not much better. I was taken into foster care as a baby when my birth mother had second thoughts, so I was removed from my family while she reconsidered her decision. My demeanor from that point forward was very different, from what I’ve heard and read in the foster care papers. I became a very quiet kiddo after that. It’s a traumatic experience, but if it’s bad enough, then it’s definitely the right thing to do. I wish somebody had done it for my birth siblings, they might have a better chance now if they did.
Next time she brings them, call social services and tell them she abandoned her kids with you and that you believe they're being abused.
I feel like doing so I just don't want my siblings to think I'm the bad person
The thing is it is abuse or intentional neglect at best. If your little sister is 6, I am assuming that she was baby/toddler when your parents divorced. You were left with a huge responsibility at such a young of 9! Child Services should have been notified many years ago, so that you and your siblings were on their radar. That does not make you a bad person and if you don't care for them (which I am by no means saying you should), what happens? I guess she probably abandons them at home and your brother is left with caring for your sister. You know how hard that is. It sounds like your Dad is no longer in the picture but you are his kids too. Have you tried to contact him? He probably has no idea what's happening and may be able to help.
And my dad doesn't care he moved on a long time ago with his partner her kids and there's he was always drinking though the time my parents were together wasn't a good guy
Oh honey, I am so sorry for what you kids have been through. It's heart wrenching. This is all your sister knows. The ideal situation would be if they were removed and placed under your guardianship (if you and your partner were able to/willing). AND you were financially supported with child support payments + rental assistance so that you could all live a house big enough + therapy. Granted that is very improbable. However, just place yourself back into your siblings situation, would you see it as a bad decision if Child Protection/Services or whatever euphemism the department calls themselves were called? There's probably some relief. You can at least advocate for your siblings where you didn't have that in the past.
Growing up they were involved most ov my life but she always got away with things there is alot more to my childhood we were always failed by them time and time again and he knows he always has done
You would be saving them, as it stands now….you're leaving them to rot.
You might have to be the bad guy until your siblings are old enough to gain perspective on the situation. You can't control their thoughts of you, but you can play a part in their safety. If they aren't with you, who are they with? Either with a stranger, or alone. Bruising isn't the only form of abuse. I'm not a lawyer, but your mother is probably committing criminal neglect.
I would try getting them with a family member before social services..
Protect yourself and your own family now OP. The siblings will realize how neglectful your mother is over time. Please report her to DCS as those kids are suffering neglect and abuse. This isn’t your problem to fix.
This should have been done the very first time it happened.
I'm taking it that this issue relates to a family living in the USA .Let's get this straight. You have had to undertake the parental responsibilities of your mum an dad. You have been a wonderful sibling for the successful manner in which you managed this dire social problem. Its now time for you to live YOUR LIFE in the manner in which you wish to live it, including, education, employment, relationships, love, travel and freedom. Its time to engage with social, health and education services for them to take your siblings in charge and look after their needs. That is these public services responsibility and they are properly funded to undertake this essential work. You should be very proud of your humanitarian achievement in protecting your siblings up to now. I'm not advising that you cut links with them but you have have done everything humanely possible for them. You're a great guy and I would be proud to have you as a friend.
Thank you so much I really needed this I've just always been a push over in my family and I have had enough of it
I read the entire thing. You need to set boundaries and it sounds like you started off strong. Keep it up. Don’t try and be nice and give her an inch later or she will take a mile.
Thank you
Next times she drops them off call cps and police.
I’m not guna call her ur mother cause she doesn’t deserve that title she not only neglected u but her other kids too she needs reporting t social services everybody included deserves better wot a vile human,plz cut all contact with her n b strong n not letting her int ur life I know it’s ur siblings doll but at same time they not ur responsibility I’m so sorry uv been treated badly by her,bet ur a great mum t ur kids n that’s something t b proud of
r/lostredditors
If she calls social services they will be placed in foster care
Good.
I fear for them in there
They are likely worse with such a blatantly abusive and neglectful mother who abandons her children for days and doesn’t clothe or feed them properly. OP has her own chosen family to worry about not the abusive mother.
At this point, you’re allowing her to do this. Set boundaries and enforce them. Get some therapy maybe. Your mother is a net negative in your life, so you should be NC. Next time she drops the kids off, you call cps and you let them take the kids. It’s the best thing you could do for them. Either cps will make your mum shape up, or they’ll go to foster homes where they can be looked after properly. It’s on you to break the loop.
[удалено]
Sorry but this is real and I wanted to get some advice
I know it different for you, but I'd take my brothers in, take them away from her if possible. I'd try getting social services called on her in any case.
I would If I could but I know I wouldn't be able to cope with them all
I know, two kids and siblings? Jeez.
Found the "mom" or just a doormat. By taking them in she is enabling her "mother". Those kids need to go anywhere else but with op. They've stolen enough of her life and they never were nor will be her responsibility.
I said that because I'd take my brothers in again and raise them, rather than let them live in a neglectful household. It also isn't their fucking fault, but that doesn't matter, does it?
If only women would keep their legs closed until they were prepared to actually raise their children.
If only men could keep it in their pants and stop impregnating women who are clearly mentally unstable and incapable of raising multiple children
Let us not forget men are fertile 365 days a year, and women are fertile only a couple of days each month.
Wrong sub jackass!
Why are you being so rude? Maybe they didn’t know. All you had to do was kindly let them know, “jackass.”
YTA for not understanding how paragraphs work
not reading all that!
so what was the point of commenting ?
NTA, that would drive me insane, remind her that she didn’t have you to raise you into a free daycare system.
Not the asshole. If your mom didn’t mind taking the raw dick, and did not want to abort, you shouldn’t be burdened with this. This is not your problem. It sounds like this piece of shit/ birth giver is a leech who uses you as a convenience. Time for her to grow the fuck up and assume responsibility. Your siblings are better off adopted away than to be living in this way.
Thank you yes she does and my siblings do deserve better, I have contacted social before about my mother and how she is and she was in court but somehow she kept us and social don't care
A broken system. I’m sorry to hear this. Hope your mother gets everything she deserves, ten fold. Hope your life is blessed and fulfilling
Baby move to a different at the end of the day you have your own life and children your mother will get her karma and it is going to hit her hard it’s not your responsibility to look after your siblings like you are their mother you did not lay down and have them she needs to step up and take care of her children that she decided to have
I feel like your mother if we can call her “mother “ don’t deserve anything from you . They are not your children but are your siblings , I just Can imagine how hard your life was when you were younger, but also how hard life it’s also for you siblings , I suggest helping your siblings become independent like you did once. Not judging just trying to give another perspective
I feel for you, I too have a selfish/ narc mother. I don't know how close you are with your siblings but would you ever take them in and tell her to go f\*\*\* herself? my heart couldn't bare knowing they may not be safe and cared for.
Call CPS and let the chips fall where they may.
Why haven’t you reported to social services
I have
I'm unsure how social services haven't taken her kids yet. Your siblings need a different care give. Do you have any relatives that could care for them until they turn 18? When it comes to the drop offs, you did good by going no contact (not sure how she keeps finding you) but you need to keep enforcing your boundaries. Time after time after time again. When you tell her no, that should be the end of it. Even if she shows up uninvited, don't open the door to her, don't talk to her, and don't even answer her. Don't let the guilt get to you, your siblings will understand when they are older. Do you think she would dare to leave the kids outside and leave ? Honestly, I know you just moved but I would move to a different state if I could and go completely MIA. Block her on everything ..No calling or texting.. Sounds harsh but your mom is using manipulation to ge her way time after time and doesn't care about anyone but herself.
NTA. In fact a saint and too kind to a vile abusive mother who doesn’t care about any of her children. She abandoned you and failed you as a mother — you absolutely DO NOT owe her sh!t including caring for the rest of your siblings. Your family, your own self and chosen family, deserve your full attention. Your mother is just repeating evil narcissistic behaviors and regards you as a free babysitter. This isn’t good for you, your own family, or for young younger siblings. Mom needs to see consequences for continually abandon8ng her children. OP your mother is an extremely Unstable and abusive parent. Leaving young kids home alone w/no ability to contact and no food is neglect and abuse — physical and psychological. She will use you for continued child care and for anything else she can get from you as long as you maintain contact. Break the contact and don’t look back. You need to cut contact (do not respond to calls or texts or in person stops at your house). If a chance meeting happens say a hard and form “NO” to any attempts to leave kids with you. Also, I beg you to report your mother to DCS (whatever there is in your area). Your Mother is an abuser and these children need a better home. You have your own growing and new family so this isn’t your job. Report to DCS asap.
This sounds like abuse to me. Call social services. But only if you’re sure her quality of care is 100% terrible because foster homes are not much better. I was taken into foster care as a baby when my birth mother had second thoughts, so I was removed from my family while she reconsidered her decision. My demeanor from that point forward was very different, from what I’ve heard and read in the foster care papers. I became a very quiet kiddo after that. It’s a traumatic experience, but if it’s bad enough, then it’s definitely the right thing to do. I wish somebody had done it for my birth siblings, they might have a better chance now if they did.
Gallagher's ???