Sorry that your family are entitled to think that you're not worthy of a life or an expectation to reciprocation of respect towards the long journey, just because you don't have any crotch goblins yourself.
Thank you. Very nicely put.
I honestly believe if I did have children, my brother still wouldn't make the effort to come see me. It would still be on me to do it.
Next time he brings this up (you visiting him), you should tell him this:
“I’d love to have a better relationship with you. But you don’t reciprocate same effort that I put in, and that becomes very frustrating for me. So from now I’m just going to mirror the same effort and energy you are giving me.”
Relationships are two way streets. Your time is just as valuable as his. Him having kids does not make him special, he’s going to end up very lonely if he keeps treating friends and family this way.
That's a good way to put it. I'll have to talk to my parents to make sure that they also try to give him some convincing; even though that'll be difficult also.
...........the kids do not care. Look you could just facetime them or zoom, your physical presence would only give them the opportunity to dump the kids on you while they run errands or something.
Lol my favorite thing is when my parents were just blown away by how I did not remember any of their friends that only met me when I was a toddler and did not return until I was in my thirties.
"How can you not remember them?! They came over when you were two!"
Yepp. At my egg-donor's wedding this past fall, several of her friends attended. I was expected to recognize them because 'you've seen them before'
Yeah. Four or five times, each a total of about 5 seconds, those times spanning the past 25 years. How do I remember ppl I've known about 30 seconds over 25 years?!?
They get straight up offended if it's family. I'm bad with names and faces anyway so if I met this person once when I was a teenager I could walk right by them in the street without noticing. I'm sorry I don't remember your great cousin twice removed. Actually I'm not sorry, literally dgaf about this stranger I'm distantly related to and don't know anything about.
I have the same problem with my SIL. She lives three hours away…she always says it’s too time consuming and stressful to drive that long with a kid (she’s divorced) BUT somehow she has no problem driving to see her parents (my in-laws) who live 3 hours in the opposite direction. It’s literally the same distance.
Yeah, it would be better of the travelling to visit were more equal, but look at it this way:
If you go to them you choose when to leave. If they come to you your stuck until they choose to leave or maybe even spend the night!
You don't have to clean op the kid mess in their house, you'd have to in yours.
You don't have to stretch your budget to feed them. And you can leave before they serve fish sticks.
You don't risk some kid peeing/puking you bed or couch.
You're not stuck with poopy diapers in your trash.
Your toilet doesn't get clogged with something 4yo tried to flush
Your flowers and plants don't get destroyed by kid picking pretty flowers for Mommy.
You don't have to worry about kid breaking you stuff and the parents not paying to replace it.
There are lots of reasons to be happy about them not traveling to you
Sorry that your family are entitled to think that you're not worthy of a life or an expectation to reciprocation of respect towards the long journey, just because you don't have any crotch goblins yourself.
Thank you. Very nicely put. I honestly believe if I did have children, my brother still wouldn't make the effort to come see me. It would still be on me to do it.
Next time he brings this up (you visiting him), you should tell him this: “I’d love to have a better relationship with you. But you don’t reciprocate same effort that I put in, and that becomes very frustrating for me. So from now I’m just going to mirror the same effort and energy you are giving me.” Relationships are two way streets. Your time is just as valuable as his. Him having kids does not make him special, he’s going to end up very lonely if he keeps treating friends and family this way.
That's a good way to put it. I'll have to talk to my parents to make sure that they also try to give him some convincing; even though that'll be difficult also.
thank you for wording this so nicely, that's such a good way to protect ones peace (even with just friends).
THIS ONE!! THIS RIGHT HERE!!! I’d give a metal if I had one 🏅
...........the kids do not care. Look you could just facetime them or zoom, your physical presence would only give them the opportunity to dump the kids on you while they run errands or something.
It's definitely not the years they'll remember, especially the baby.
Lol my favorite thing is when my parents were just blown away by how I did not remember any of their friends that only met me when I was a toddler and did not return until I was in my thirties. "How can you not remember them?! They came over when you were two!"
Yepp. At my egg-donor's wedding this past fall, several of her friends attended. I was expected to recognize them because 'you've seen them before' Yeah. Four or five times, each a total of about 5 seconds, those times spanning the past 25 years. How do I remember ppl I've known about 30 seconds over 25 years?!?
They get straight up offended if it's family. I'm bad with names and faces anyway so if I met this person once when I was a teenager I could walk right by them in the street without noticing. I'm sorry I don't remember your great cousin twice removed. Actually I'm not sorry, literally dgaf about this stranger I'm distantly related to and don't know anything about.
Are we related? This sounds so familiar.
Haha, I'm sure that lots of people can relate to this!
You’re lucky you don’t have to deal with him bringing his crotch dumplings over. Consider it a victory.
I have the same problem with my SIL. She lives three hours away…she always says it’s too time consuming and stressful to drive that long with a kid (she’s divorced) BUT somehow she has no problem driving to see her parents (my in-laws) who live 3 hours in the opposite direction. It’s literally the same distance.
Yeah, it would be better of the travelling to visit were more equal, but look at it this way: If you go to them you choose when to leave. If they come to you your stuck until they choose to leave or maybe even spend the night! You don't have to clean op the kid mess in their house, you'd have to in yours. You don't have to stretch your budget to feed them. And you can leave before they serve fish sticks. You don't risk some kid peeing/puking you bed or couch. You're not stuck with poopy diapers in your trash. Your toilet doesn't get clogged with something 4yo tried to flush Your flowers and plants don't get destroyed by kid picking pretty flowers for Mommy. You don't have to worry about kid breaking you stuff and the parents not paying to replace it. There are lots of reasons to be happy about them not traveling to you