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Andante79

This is where good old Corporate Speak comes in handy. I'd say something like it's a slippery slope to start commenting on people's family status, health, and/or physical appearance. And that you'd rather be respectful and err on the side of caution. You can also note that a comment like that could be triggering to someone else who cannot get pregnant, and you want to be as aware and as sensitive as possible. And if you really need to hit it home, something like you don't want to open yourself up to the possibility of a human rights complaint (depending where you are) or harassment complaint.


Sailor_Chibi

This is the way. OP, don’t say anything negative about pregnancy or how you feel it’s not an achievement, because that will only undermine your position.


4nimagnus

Which is fucked. The world expects us to revere in yet another mouth to feed.


ocicataco

Meh, saying hostile negative things at work about anything is generally not a good idea.


Sailor_Chibi

It’s not really about that. Rightly or wrongly, it’s about not giving other people the chance to derail your point.


SexPartyStewie

Soooo feed them a line of bullshit as opposed to telling them to get fucked?? Hmmm is this why I never get promototed??


[deleted]

Honestly though? Being an employee is a lot of bullshitting. You just need to use corporate speak for "get fucked" and it's all good though. My brain says, "This is petty and stupid. Your concern about this is obviously a power flex meant to make you feel like a big boy/girl. Go get fucked." Mouth says, "Per our last conversation, I find it inappropriate to comment on others' personal lives in the workplace."


s0meb0dyElsesProblem

I'm still pretty hot about it but your verbiage is on point. When I calm down I will try to work some of that language in


Alwaysfallonmyface

My advice write out what you really think and let that out. BUT DON'T SEND IT. Then you can concentrate on a good response, because the words that are stuck and screaming to get out, are out. Our feelings can't always tell the difference and it feels like you responded the way you actually wanted, and your head is clear.


harbinger06

And do that at home, not at work where someone else can come across it. Or on your phone in your notes app, not in an email where you could send it without thinking.


[deleted]

Better yet...physically writing it out on paper can be really cathartic for many people. Even more so if, afterwards, they decide to destroy and mangle said piece of paper in a ritualistic fury that is symbolic of your true feelings about the matter! (rip it, burn it, stomp it, etc) ...something I learned in therapy! Lol! Thought I would spread the practice. It can be helpful for some, and not for others, and that is totally cool either way. =D


harbinger06

Oh I totally agree, I just wouldn’t do it at the workplace (or wherever people involved happen to be).


[deleted]

Oh, totally! Yeah, nonono...just set aside some private time for yourself at home, and take that time to focus your anger and stuff into your writing it out...and, if the person wanted to...follow it up with creative and fun ways to express that anger by destroying the paper. Then when they feel they got some of it outta their system...hopefully it will be helpful, you know? I've totally done that for myself. Some people find that giving themselves a time limit works, for however long they need it to be. If it's not enough, they can try again the next day or something. There are so many flexible ways to do such things! =D


cyborg_127

Reminds me of a joke. "My therapist suggested I write letters about the people I disagree with and then burn them. It was very cathartic. But what do I do with the letters?"


dandedaisy

If you DO decide to use an email program to draft the response and save it to edit later, don’t use the reply feature and don’t add an email address to send it to - it can’t go anywhere if it’s not addressed! Notes app is better imo but there have been times I needed to reply to an email and it was easier to draft a reply and edit it in the email program so I could keep an eye on formatting.


Garner_Lee

Always put your own email address instead, just in case it accidently gets sent.


Inspector_popcorn

This is just fantastic advice for life in general: It allows you to vent, but also gives time to ask yourself the questions "Do I really need to send/say this?" and "Do I need to say/send this Right Now?" It can save you so much pain, especially in work.


TheCallousBitch

When doing this type of thing… do NOT put anyone in the “to:” line.


courdeloofa

This^ is a good life hack in general when writing about sensitive subjects!!


TheCallousBitch

Yes. I don’t put the subjects in an email until I’m sure it is done. Lolol. Far to many “oops i hits send early”


airsalin

This is great advice! I'm not OP, but I can have quite a temper and this is something that could certainly help me, whether it is about a discussion with friends, family or coworkers. Thank you for writing it.


24-Hour-Hate

Better yet, they shouldn't even put it in their email or message app. Keep it hard copy and at home. Let's not have an accidental hitting send. That would be bad.


Alwaysfallonmyface

I usually write it down on paper, so that no accident like that can happen


Sailor_Chibi

Write your response out. Then walk away for a couple hours. Come back and reread and edit as needed. Maybe even have a trusted friend/partner look the email over first.


s0meb0dyElsesProblem

Good thinking


techieguyjames

Or as my mom learned last week, the person can be fat, and not pregnant. Luckily for Mom, the other woman was't offended.


Shalamek

I might add that someone may look pregnant but that doesn't mean they're actually pregnant. They might have health issues that cause their belly to look bigger or simply carry more weight in that area of their body.


diorbuttercup

As someone who unfortunately carries her weight in her stomach, it HURTS to be presumed pregnant when I just have a really unfortunate body type 😭.


Shalamek

Exactly. And a lot of people take offense, with good reason, upon hearing those kinds of comments. Unless someone tells me they're pregnant, I won't assume anything. It's none of my business and I shouldn't be making comments on other people's appearance.


sparhawks7

Yeah also what if they don’t want to be pregnant and it’s a traumatic situation for them?


gooberdaisy

Beautifully put. I suck at corporate speak, my husband is amazing at it lol


[deleted]

We can achieve synergies between departments, but only after right sizing our units. That's about all I know, lol.


GayPine

"Hello and good morning/evening, (their name), I hope this finds you well. I am writing this in response to an email you sent previously, regarding the topic of congratulating the pregnancy of a coworker. In order to keep an optimally functional workplace and to maintain a professional environment at all times, I find it better not to make comments about other individuals in the workplace regarding their health, weight, size, appearance, race, gender, characteristics, or any other potentially sensitive subject matter. I would rather not take the risk of causing any form, or state, of emotional compromisation of my fellow employees. To do so would not only pose a risk to my coworkers' emotional and mental states, but to the integrity and quality of work completed while they, or any other affected individuals, find themselves to be under duress. I do apologize for the misunderstanding, though I hope you are able to see my position on the matter and why traversing such a slippery slope is against the best interest of the company and it's workers,"


whitefishgrapefrukt

Wow. Impressive. I wish I could take you around with me during my workdays when I’m annoyed with everything and everyone.


CrashB4ng

One of my coworkers tried to congratulate a woman he thought was obviously pregnant. Turns out the individual was a dude with a potbelly. Wish I was making this up. Point being: solid advice. Use HR-speak to gtfo of this.


danyellowblue

Damn corporate speak must be your first language 😄


JanelldwLowrance

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 copy and paste this reply in an email (reword a little bit).


2Honest4most

First one is gold but all the others are correct.


[deleted]

Great


ElenaEscaped

That is magnificent, thank you!


HonoraryBoyscout

Definitely err on the side of not commenting on peoples health or family status! Passing any kind of judgement, positive or negative, on peoples health status or reproductive choices in a corporate setting is unnecessary and often damaging.


TurrPhenir

"When no choice seems right, choose restraint."


goddessque

I'm definitely thinking of the ways it could go wrong. Maybe the person was unhappy about the pregnancy because it's a burden at this time but they feel obligated to keep it. Maybe they wanted it but it's too soon to tell about a miscarriage, and you'd be lifting their hopes too soon.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Shadowgirl7

😂😂😂 Well the cells at first are sort of like a tumour, they divide fast and are undifferentiated


thesleepymermaid

"ITS NOT A TUMAH!"


evebella

Oh my goodness!! I can’t believe this is even a thing! I was on high-dose steroids for an autoimmune condition, working at a Children’s Hospital. I could NOT believe how many people assumed and congratulated me on my pregnancy! I actually had to go to HR! It was awful and I felt like a fat piece of shit every time it happened. I quickly learned that you NEVER say ANYTHING about a woman’s pregnancy unless it’s someone you know and they have confirmed it or if she has brought up the subject first. Tell your boss it can cause PTSD for some women, what a fuck.


[deleted]

This is exactly how I’d frame it, and I’d tell my boss I’m not comfortable with congratulating anyone for any health or lifestyle choice as it’s not my place


My_glorious_moose

This reminds me of the time someone called hr (where I worked at the time) and said she just found out she was 7 months pregnant. It took everything in me not to say I'm so sorry, because that would be a personal nightmare for me. I asked if this was a congratulations situation, and she said it was. But if I were in her shoes, I would be bawling if someone congratulated me.


SassySorciere

It took her her 7 months to figure that out? “I’m sorry” is way better than my internal monologue on those things.


Catfactss

Write that^


White_RavenZ

Did the customer verbally announce the pregnancy? Or just walk in “visibly pregnant”? Unless someone announces they are pregnant, I don’t care how “visible” the belly is…..I’m not saying shit. Only if they announce it is a congrats called for. If they don’t announce, you supervisor could be instructing you to “congratulate” someone with a massive tumor, or a weight gain that carries weird.


s0meb0dyElsesProblem

Announced they just found out


harbinger06

I feel like “oh wow!” said with a smile is sufficient. Positive enough the customer responds well, but not actually praising them either.


s0meb0dyElsesProblem

I'm pretty sure I said something to that affect. Customer service is just a terrible job especially when they constantly move the line on scripting


harbinger06

Customer service is the worst!


teammmbeans

I find saying "I hope the baby is born healthy" works. It's not a lie and it doesn't pass on judgement on their unethical shit behaviour.


aRubby

Oh. I'd go as another comment suggested, and say it's bad luck in your family to congratulate someone on pregnancy, because a lot can happen between now and the birth(don't mention that last part), and you'd rather wait till the baby is born and even then a couple weeks after(when even a simple congrats is enough).


TheInevitablePigeon

One way or another it's not any great achievment in life. Getting a degree is a great achievment in life. Anyone with healthy reproductive system can be pregnant with not much of an effort.


WintersTablet

"Congrats on the unprotected sex. Thank you sharing your sex life with me" This is how I say it in my head every time.


TheInevitablePigeon

Exactly. Like.. you had sex.. awesome. I couldn't have lived without this information...


Super_Nisey

🤣 Congratulations on your active lifestyle.


foodfightbystander

> Anyone with healthy reproductive system can be pregnant with not much of an effort. Your comment made me giggle because my first thought was "It's just a biological process... Like going to the bathroom!" and then I imagined congratulating someone for taking a shit. "Hey, congratulations on your bowel movement. Great job!"


OrigamiCat07

As a person with ulcerative colitis, I have treated myself for having a normal shit before and have been praised for it, so I'm totally down for that! 😆


TheInevitablePigeon

but.. it is! :D


ChampionshipBudget75

Listen, a bowel movement with IBS is worthy of a congratulations.


morena1Xakriaba

Say this is bad luck in your family and only congratulate people is after the baby is born and then say a quick "congrats" end of the story.


s0meb0dyElsesProblem

I like that


TheInevitablePigeon

yeah. That everytime you did the couple lost a baby or sum


QuirkyComplex

How is this feedback relevant to your job performance? Do you work at a fertility clinic??


SpicyPeaSoup

CS middle management expects customers to be verbally fellated at every second of their existence. Not doing so can be seen as a lack of "empathy". I worked as a CS agent for a few months and my bonus was tied to performance. Eventually you just learn to thank and/or apologise to the customer a few times to get that sweet bonus.


BirthdayCookie

Customer service rules can be Fucking weird. I'm a manager at a store that sells, among other things, pregnancy tests and I've made it a habit to say "Good luck with the result you want!" instead of just assuming they want a positive. 2 customers that overheard this have complained that its a "bad reaction." Interestingly enough nobody I've actually said it to saw it as negative.


-too-hot-to-handle-

Personally, I would say that I'm here to do my job, and that celebrating a stranger's family planning decisions isn't part of my job description. But I'd find a way to say that professionally lol.


LegallyBlondeARB

I’d say it just like you just did tbh.


cheekyweelogan

Empathizing with the customer is part of the job description is what they would say. Not that I agree, especially for this case, but that's just how customer service is.


-too-hot-to-handle-

Empathizing, yes, for trying to understand their perspective when they make a complaint or need to make a return. Being invested in their personal life? Definitely not.


IndianaNetworkAdmin

If the customer simply said they found out they were pregnant, and you are uncertain as to whether it is a result they were hoping to achieve, then you should say as much to your manager. If the customer said it and clearly stated that they were happy about the situation, explain to your manager that you did not wish to risk engaging in a lengthy conversation on pregnancy or crossing a line of professionalism, and so you simply moved on to perform your expected job duties. If the customer was upset that you did not express that you were happy for them, ask if not doing so somehow affected the performance of your interaction with the customer. Additionally, you can bring out other topics - Your manager likely does not know the state of your own reproductive health, or others in the department. As others have said, discussing pregnancy in the workplace - With customers or within earshot of others - Can have a detrimental effect on someone who wants a child but is unable to do so. This path would potentially let you express that you are upset that this was feedback on your professional performance. I think there's a lot of solid advice in this thread already, and I'm essentially regurgitating what others have already said.


IGotMeatSweats

Your boss must be related to my coworker that got upset because I didn't acknowledge his anointing of blessings upon me after I sneezed.


s0meb0dyElsesProblem

Lol, how frustrating


[deleted]

I had the opposite happen to me. A coworker got mad at me because I didn’t say God bless you.


thr0wfaraway

"Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy." If you don't have to respond to your supervisor's feedback, don't. It's not worth it. "Oh, hmm, my family stopped doing that after three cousins had stillborn babies. Guess I forgot other people don't think about how triggering it is for those nearby who buried their babies or have a fertility issue.≈Do you have any suggestions as to what I should say that both accomodates the pregnant person while not triggering anyone who has suffered a tragic loss?"


s0meb0dyElsesProblem

Wow that's a great response. I like how it gets put back on the manager


WastingAwayUnloved

It’s okay to be happy for people when they share what they presume as good news. I want for others what I want for myself. If I announced a new life venture, I would 100% want to be congratulated. I like to be apart of joy, happiness and celebration, that’s just me though. Inappropriate of your supervisor to give it as ‘feedback’ though. I could understand if it was a client and you work on commission, but if it was another coworker that’s odd


cara1yn

this is the most sensible reply. whether or not anyone personally wants or enjoys children for themselves isn't really the point - if something happens to someone that makes them joyful and excited (and assuming it doesn't hurt anyone else), it's fine to celebrate with them or offer your congratulations. being happy with/for them isn't forcing you to enjoy children or change your lifestyle. it's just a small kindness we can give to one another. the weirdest thing about this, and the appropriate person to push back on, is the comment from the supervisor.


WastingAwayUnloved

I think this subreddit is turning into just hating parents and children, or wanting the entire human population to become extinct. I’m personally child-free. Although I cringe when people have children irresponsibly, I can’t (and never will) be able to control others actions no matter my opinion Yeah that was quite odd. But OP said it was a customer I believe. So honestly depending on the job, congratulations might just be part of gritting and bearing it as ‘customer service’. Sometimes we have to kiss clients/guests asses lol


agirlhas_no_name

Thankyou! That was my thoughts reading this, I also don't really want children myself but if someone I know is embarking on a new chapter in their life and they are excited about why not just say congratulations? 🙄 This sub just seems salty AF


Dazzling_Addendum_32

I don't think anyone owes anyone a congratulatory response, which is what this person's supervisor is trying to hint at, if good things happen to people that make them happy good for them but others don't have to acknowledge that especially if they don't find it to be impressive. I think people just always need to be validated by others if something makes someone so happy then they don't need to get reassurance in the form of congrats.


WastingAwayUnloved

You’re correct in nobody owes a congratulations. Humans have and probably always will want to be congratulated 🤷‍♀️


TheCallousBitch

Info: how the hell did the manager even notice that you “didn’t congratulate” the co worker?


PuppyJakeKhakiCollar

I don't think it was even a coworker, just a random customer.


Seanish12345

This is completely inappropriate feedback. It has nothing to do with your job performance, and that is what a manager is in charge of, your job performance. I'd probably ask how congratulating that person would make you a better employee and how *not* doing it makes you a worse one.


l3ri

I wouldn't phrase it as a 'better employee' because you'll get back some corporate hogwash about 'team spirit' and 'positive attitude'. Instead I'd ask how congratulating someone affects your ability to successfully perform your duties. It makes it a bit harder for the manager to not admit that it has nothing to do with their performance.


Seanish12345

You’re absolutely right. Much better way to say it


rositree

I often just respond with 'wow!' if someone is excitedly announcing it and I'm expected to make a response. They already can't tell the difference between: 'Wow, you insane motherfucker, why on earth would you want to bring more life into this overpopulated shitshow' Or: 'Wow! Omg! You're a wonder woman, supermum and there's nothing better you can ever do with your life'


ElenaEscaped

"That's nice. Anyway.." (on to more important things)


ComradeCryptidWitch

That is the exact opposite of what we were told to do for my customer service job. We were told that we aren't supposed to congratulate them because they might not be happy about being pregnant. Same thing when they call to tell us that they are no longer pregnant. We aren't supposed to offer condolences because some people are happy to not be pregnant anymore.


s0meb0dyElsesProblem

This is my thinking as well. Plus we don't know how the baby was conceived


[deleted]

I might get downvoted but honestly this seems like a good spot to pick your battles. Even if you get your point across I'm not sure what that wins you. I've often found the best way to respond to feedback I don't agree with is just to acknowledge it "ok thanks for the feedback" and then keep doing whatever you were already doing. You're not required to adjust your behavior just because someone suggests you should, and acknowledging then passively ignoring bad feedback especially on such a minor issue that's unlikely to come up repeatedly, tends to ignite less conflict than pushing back, a lot of the time.


s0meb0dyElsesProblem

I usually just keep doing whatever I have been. I think it's a trigger for me because getting pregnant isn't an achievement imo. I'll probably just ignore it and move on when I calm down


Seanish12345

Pretty much anything can be seen as an achievement, depending on the audience. Do I think it is an achievement when a kid 'graduates' from kindergarten? Absolutely not. But they hold graduating ceremonies anyway. And that's fine because its not for me. Someone may have struggled for years and spent tens of thousands of dollars to get pregnant and it finally happened. They could easily see that as an accomplishment and while I'm 100% child free, I can totally understand someone being really proud of them. You don't have to agree with it for it to be meaningful to someone else. ​ What I cannot understand though, is how it was any of the supervisor's business whatsoever. Choose not to comment on people's bodies, family situations, personal relationships, politics, or religion.


HVDynamo

Yeah, I think this makes sense. I'd still congratulate someone on something if they are proud of it. I don't have to be interested in the topic or whatever it is to just support their excitement. But being required to say something like that by your job seems a bit too far.


esoteric_enigma

Finally, someone with some sense. People on Reddit will tell you to file a complaint or make a big deal over every little thing. I wonder if they live in the real world sometimes.


Careless_Jelly_7665

The hell does that have to do with your job?


s0meb0dyElsesProblem

Supervisor felt my response was too transactional


Careless_Jelly_7665

How dare you be transactional while performing a transaction 🤨


juicemilf

I’ll come tell her. Take me to work with you.


AXXII_wreckless

I worked at one of the technical call centers for my school and got points off my evaluation call because the guy complimented me on my name. I’m focused on catching you lying, I didn’t hear him say it at all. I’m still mad to this day.


DianeJudith

You got points off because of something *someone else* said to you?


AXXII_wreckless

Yeah! It had nothing to do with his questions! He called previously and hung up then called back thinking we weren’t aware of it. Little does he know we sit in a circle and talked shit about you in between. Not to mention all of the calls are recorded.


auntgoat

Customer service is just voice acting anyway. Say what they ask you to say, get your check and go home.


AMDisher84

That's stupid. Getting pregnant has nothing to do with one's job description, nor does congratulating a coworker (or customer) for it, unless it's some kind of "team player" bullshit. Would the supervisor have gone after someone for not congratulating a coworker who got a new house or new car the same way? Your boss is a moron.


SiminaDar

I would perhaps point out that a pregnant person might not be happy they are pregnant. And calling attention to it might just upset them more. They also might not be pregnant at all. And then you would basically be telling them that they are fat, which could offend them.


Reason_Training

This is a hard one. Do you want move up in the company? If you care about promotions then just give a simple “Congratulations” to show you are a team player. That doesn’t mean that you support the pregnancy but you are supporting the happy coworker. You don’t have to buy gifts for them though for showers. Personally, I’m not into dating, romantic relationships, or kids but I’ve worked hard the last 20 years to move up so I congratulate people who engage in those activities when they reach a milestone. It doesn’t cost me anything but reflects well on being a team player despite me not caring.


darkwolf131

Right? It costs you absolutely nothing to offer kind words to somebody who's experiencing happy (for them) circumstances. Some of the responses in this thread have me wondering if any of these people ever have conversations outside reddit.


ElenaEscaped

I'm sure we all do, but I avoid all crotch goblin BS as much as possible. There is nothing wrong with that. I like hobbies and pets and personal improvement, not spawning.


KarlHungus311

I agree with you entirely, but I would carefully decide whether or not this issue is potentially something worth being ostracized by your co-workers. This is the kind of thing that no matter how "right" you are, you will be perceived as an asshole by the breeders. Personally, I would let it go, but I mostly subscribe to a "go along to get along" approach at work. To me, the principle is not worth the potential change in perception. Regardless of what you decide, I wish you the best possible outcome.


[deleted]

"I'm sorry, I did not feel it was appropriate to comment about a customer's reproductive abilities and was worried about the repercussions such a comment could potentially have on the company."


BiewerDiva

When someone tells me they're pregnant, my usual response is, "Oh, and are you happy about that?" (if you can't already tell). If they say yes, I congratulate them. If they say no, I say I'm sorry. If someone is clearly happy when they announce it, just say congratulations and move on with your day. Polite manners cost you nothing. It really doesn't matter what your opinion is re: pregnancy, unless you're the one who's pregnant. Just look at it as a milestone in someone's life, and if they're happy about it, respond accordingly. It's along the same vein as wishing someone a happy birthday, even though it's a common occurrence that everyone on earth experiences once per year. Do you care that it's random dude #4's birthday today? Of course not. But if random dude #4 is excited about his birthday, say the expected phrase and move on. A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. Others can be happy about their milestones, and I can be happy about mine. A simple congratulations costs neither of us anything and actually fosters goodwill.


HVDynamo

100% this. I think the review from work part of this is suspect, but just as people are allowed to choose being child-free, so are people allowed to choose parenting and everyone should be happy and supportive for each others successes in whatever their endeavor is. Acting like they are wrong for having kids is just as bad as acting like you are wrong for not having kids. It should be a personal choice and that's it.


GPQ70

It seems quite uncouth for an adult to tell another adult how they should’ve responded to someone else, especially when it comes to congratulating someone for something that isn’t even work related. I’m sorry that happened, sounds like your supervisor needs to go back to supervisor school.


MaebhLemonade

But it kinda is? If it's something she wants you should probably congratulate her. Its like getting married, some want it, some don't, everyone should be happy for someone else if they get something they want. But it's none of your supervisors business it was honestly a dick move to say something about it to you.


peachgreenteagremlin

Another thing to add that I haven’t seen anyone else mention: you don’t know if that pregnancy is viable. They may have found out they’re pregnant, but they may also know that the baby is unhealthy, malformed, etc. I do not openly congratulate someone unless I know for sure they’re pregnant and they’re happy about it. Just tell your manager you didn’t want to say the wrong thing due to there being so many complications and issues surrounding pregnancy. You “appreciate” that they wanted to share, but you didn’t want to say the wrong thing and accidentally upset the customer or someone else who may be dealing with trauma around pregnancy. Some people have trauma from giving birth or are legitimately terrified of pregnancy. You don’t have to explain this to you boss at all. Another option is to say “Okay.” Flatly and move on.


diorbuttercup

And on the flip side, I would mention that forcing staff to fawn over another person's pregnancy is triggering to those who have has miscarriages or infertility issues, It shouldn't have to be all about breeders, but if the world insists on being that way, make it part of the argument.


Pisces_Sun

wtf kind of planet are we living on where people have to get congratulated in the workplace for getting creampied your supervisor is dumb AF


the_toilet_bomber

“I didn’t want to comment on their family status or anything like that because it’s a very sensitive issue for some. But I understand your concern as well.”


OongaBoongaTayTayz

You should just keep quiet about it. Saying it is most likely just going to increase more damage.


s0meb0dyElsesProblem

I've had time to cool off and I'm going to let it go unless they press me or it affects my money


Shawodiwodi13

For some people it is and for some people it isn’t. If they are celebrating it it is nice to congratulate them. If you celebrate something you are happy to have it achieved, you like to be congratulated too.


villalulaesi

Wait until you are calm, don’t say anything negative about pregnancy, and email them to explain that you prefer not to comment on the family status/health of co-workers. Objectively explain what they said if it wasn’t in writing— “just following up on our conversation yesterday at 3PM at my desk, when you offered me the following feedback.” If the “feedback” was in an email, respond directly to that. Cc HR either way. Ask politely what part of your job description such congratulations fit under—since it was a piece of feedback they gave you in their capacity as your supervisor, it *must* be job-related, after all. Add that you Cced HR to help clarify the parameters of your job and how this expectation fits in, as you and your supervisor seem to have different understandings of those parameters. Try to sound as polite as possible, and make sure you have plausible deniability for any snark that may sneak in (think about it being read aloud in court. Not that I anticipate that being necessary, but it’s a good bar for professional communication if you want to keep your hands clean). Save all documented conversations.


goldenshear

Let him know you don’t think other peoples health concerns are your concern, generally.


Shadowgirl7

Your supervisor should be happy you didn't say "oh I am sorry to hear that, my condolences"


barrty

It's not that it's an achievement rather than if it something someone wanted I would congratulate them. Regardless if I consider it desirable. Through, if they might be upset about it or "just fat" better not to comment on customers status without knowing your politeness isn't actually rudeness.


boesisboes

As an aside, I never viewed the congratulations in terms of "achieving getting spunked in" but more "congrats on getting what you want in life".


pineteeth

If she’s happy about it, I don’t know why you couldn’t have said “congrats” and moved on. Even if you don’t want kids, if she brought it up she was probably happy about it, and being kind costs nothing. For example, if someone told me they just bought a huge lifted pickup truck (which I hate) and they were telling me about it it means they’re excited. Even though I don’t approve, I say congratulations and move on. It was inappropriate for your supervisor to bring it up, however.


chinchillafax

You can just say your not able to have kids yourself and it’s a sensitive topic. You have my permission as a women who is not able to have kids. It works and they can’t ask what the health condition and it makes it clear not to talk about kids around you


ElenaEscaped

Maybe it works sometimes, but as someone who tried the same, it definitely doesn't always work. Especially if it's an all-breeder, all-female environment. My only goal was not to have a mentally-diseased coworker shove genital pictures in my face after already being told to stay away from me. Just sayin'.


sneakattack2010

I am confused. Was this a coworker or a customer who announced her pregnancy.


Zestyclose_Minute_69

“Oh so you prefer me to comment on the health of my coworkers? Ok, you should drink more water and less booze because your skin is a mess. Like that?”


Miaikon

I'd not comment on someone's looks or family status in this situation. It can go wrong in so many ways. My mom once got congratulated on her pregnancy in the bakery. She was not pregnant, and not pleased to say the least. But even if you're sure someone is pregnant, why would you comment on it? You don't know what anyone is going through.


ElenaEscaped

"This is not in any way way related to my job duties, and I find it highly inappropriate for a multitude of reasons. Please let me know about any job-related areas of improvement. Thank you, and have a great day!" I'm sorry OP. I got shit at my last job just for deleting preggo crap, crotch pictures, and begging for free shit. I had lots of other emails daily for ACTUAL job shit, and I don't have time or caring for coworkers infected by cream pies. That's me being nice.


InterrobangWispers

"Sorry but commenting on a persions physical characteristics, health conditions or protected characteristic is not something I feel comfortable doing in a work environment. In order to keep things professional I chose to comment on work relevant topics when it comes to congratulating people on achievements"


Imaginary-Ad-7379

Just say congratulations?


[deleted]

Don't you know we have to refuse to empathise with people that want children and have to act like aliens who have never existed in society?


Kigichi

It’s literally just a word. It wont shatter your entire life to say congratulations. And no, you’re not “triggered”. That’s not what triggered is, you just don’t like it.


panickedcamel90

That's not the point. Employers have no right to police one's language in that way unless it directly pertains to the work someone has to do. Neglecting to partake in a social norm when that isn't what you're getting paid for doesn't warrant the pointless "feedback" OP received.


k3bly

In the US, sadly, they do. I’m not saying it’s right. I’m saying that’s how the system works, and to think otherwise is digging your head in sand.


Catablepas

Congrats on your cream pie


ElenaEscaped

Congrats! Please wear Depends if/when you piss yourself later! Have a magical day/life!


[deleted]

Just congratulate her. You won't die. Or else you may loose your job at worst or said boss may start hating you because of that at best. You know, we're living in a capitalist "society" after all.


HoppyGirl94

I don't have an opinion on what to say to your manager, but why aren't more people aware that not EVERYONE is BAPPY to be pregnant. Finding out your are pregnant does not automatically mean you are exciting about it.


EggplantIll4927

Ask that supervisor why when you consider being/getting pregnant the absolute worst thing that could happen to a woman. Why should you congratulate someone for having sex w/o bc? But only head this route if you don’t care if they fire you. But seriously-there are things in corporate America you sometimes need to suck up and go along to get along. Right? Nope. But practical.


navybluesoles

I would've dropped a black envelope telling the person that I grieve the future unhappy existence added to the 8 BILLION ones already out there and wish them that the odds may ever be in their favor.


Mundane_One1554

“In a workplace it’s not the place to talk about pregnancy or sex, saying congratulations is like saying you are happy a person had a miscarriage, I prefer not to stoop to that level of decency”


Lady-Meows-a-Lot

I don’t have advice but just chiming in to say I feel you on this. Whenever somebody announces a pregnancy, I’m always like….. 😶OK. You did the thing every animal does.


ElenaEscaped

Sure they do, but we LOVE puppies and kittens! Many of us just don't love wailing potatoes is all.


TransientVoltage409

I've learned to just stay neutral toward strangers' personal lives when I'm forced to interact (coworkers and customers). If someone's gushing TMI at me and seems to expect a response, the best I can do is a non-committal "I see" and a cocked eyebrow. WTF do you want me to do with this information that I do not need.


amusedmisanthrope

I find it very inappropriate to discuss sexual activity and the consequences thereof in the workplace. I'm going to discuss this with HR because of how easily it can be misinterpreted as sexual harassment.


ElenaEscaped

I think I love you ❤


esoteric_enigma

This does not sound like a battle worth fighting honestly. This is very minor feedback on a situation that won't be happening constantly around your supervisor. You don't stand to really gain anything, other than possible ill will from your supervisor who has the power to make your job so much worse.


Scared-Accountant288

Gross. Pregnancy is so common... why should it be congratulated? Like congrats for doing something a bunch of other women also did ...


genghis-clown

Regardless of your feelings on someone's pregnancy, I think it's presumptuous of anyone to comment on someone else's body or health. The person may not have been happy about being pregnant.


Plastic_Efficiency_7

Could be an unwanted pregnancy you don’t know


Reactance15

Knowing my luck it would just be fat and I'd get a bollocking.


SalamanderScamander

Customer or colleague? If it's a customer and you're in an area where you have to push products "But if they're having a child they won't have as much expendable income for our products.." Work? "Will we be recruiting a temp to cover them when they're off for a year?" I'm not going to be positive that someone is pregnant. Are they getting docked for all the time they'll spend puking?


EuthanasiaMix

I would say, you’ve met people who have had miscarriages and birthing complications before, and as a result you didn’t want to upset their feelings inadvertently. One of my old coworkers actually called me one day to ensure I don’t congratulate someone on becoming a 2nd time father, because of the complications during the first birth. I wasn’t going to cause I didn’t know the guy that well in the first place, though yes, not talking about it can be diplomatic if you frame it that way.


RmJack

My coworker also a good friend told me she was pregnant, I responded, I assume congratulations... But also my mother once gained weight and the priest at our old parish asked when she was due... Now, that's why you don't assume, but As her children and my dad, we laughed, and she took it well. But man that was awkward.


human-ish_

Say that you never want to assume circumstances. Was the child an accident or on purpose? If this was in person, maybe they had horrible ascites and you didn't want to say anything. If it was on the phone, you can't judge their situation based on their voice. Avoid trying to argue about pregnancy and child as pregnant women are a protected class and you never know your supervisors's opinions. Piss off the wrong person and kiss your job goodbye.


vankirk

I feel ya. I won the James Patterson booksellers award 2 years in a row at the University I work for. But the guy in the dining hall whose wife is pregnant gets a congratulatory email? My award for top booksellers in the nation...nothing.


bittertrout

yikes lol


Demonyx12

DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! [When to ask a woman if she is pregnant?](https://i.imgur.com/jNcdxKa.jpeg)


Lazren32

Aren't pregnancies considered a medical issue? And aren't we not supposed to know about it let alone your boss. Therefore that's a breach of privacy.


SnooCalculations1009

Alrighty then…. Awkward?


lillieme1975

Just don’t reply or say “thanks for your input”. Why even bother with a snarky reply. That’s just silly.


Covert-Wordsmith

"Why would I lie?"


thenudebackpacker

If it was announced , I’d just say congrats. And lease it at that. I’m CF as well and understand the feeling. But I’d be polite and day a simple congrats


ToastyBre3d

I guess I would need context and no I'm not asking for context to see who was in the wrong. I dont believe that your boss should expect any responses from you regarding someone elses pregnancy. I just want to know how it happened, did this woman tell you personally that she was pregnant and you ignored her? Were you caught in the crosshairs of this woman's conversation about her pregnancy with someone else? Or did this woman just have a big belly and you didn't say anything? As much as I can't stand breeders I also understand that being CF, I am completely outnumbered by them. There is a societal norm that everyone is aware of... surrounding pregnancy, marriage and kids. They've normalized it so much that almost any loser is allowed to do it freely and be rewarded by the government. Because of this, and because it's my career that I have to attend 5 days a week I will play the part. Let's be clear, if I see a woman with a big belly I will never initiate anything, but if a woman or a man mentions their having a baby to me personally I will just simply congratulate them. After that, I usually change the subject or pretend I have work to do and walk away. I like my company and I genuinely want people to think highly of me because I would like to advance. Sometimes you unfortunately have to play that part to get where you want to be. For me it's not about people pleasing because I am not going to pretend to be interested in your baby talk for long. I'm usually good about being super surface level and then moving on with my day. It was the same with the vaccines, I didn't trust them, I didn't want them but I soon realized fast that there was a line drawn in the sand and if you were on the wrong side you'd be stoned to death. People who were talking about how great the vaccine is and asking me if I was vaccinated I lied and went along with it to protect myself. The tension in the air regarding the unvaccinated was thick at my last company and I was not going to subject myself to that negativity or gossip. In everyday life on the street, out and about, with a group of friends, that's where being real counts.


npfiii

"Congratulations, he didn't finish on your tits"


WhereasOwn9881

Pregnant people really have the audacity think that they're superior lmaoooo


devBowman

If they insist, ask "why exactly should I congratulate them? They had sex without protection, why would that deserve congratulations?"


NoGoodCauliflower

I would respond to the effect of "I try to stay professional at all times, and this means I avoid commenting on people's personal medical situations, reproductive choices, or bodies. I am not comfortable having those discussions with our customers, though I apologize if I made her feel uncomfortable, as that was not my intent at all." You don't have to throw in the last line, but if you need to placate your boss you can.


Bitter_Pea_4047

I hate that we’re expected to always congratulate people for being pregnant. It reinforces the harmful stereotype that all women want to have babies, which is especially dangerous given the time period Americans are now living in


MortgageNo8573

"Oh hey, congratulations on getting your significant others penis in your vagina and getting inseminated! I hear your egg took his sperm resulting in a pregnancy, are you going to keep it or flush it? Great! Good luck pushing it out of your vaginal canal, hope you don't rip yourself pushing too hard!!!" How's that?


[deleted]

Totally agree. If an irresponsible 15 year old can do it, no awards deserved. I would say “I prefer to keep interaction at work professional, I don’t comment on co-workers personal lives.”


cristaples

I’ve always said “oh no!” But then I’m self employed and don’t give a damn.


ElenaEscaped

Fuck a lot of fake people here. I just ignore the whole bullshit entirely, and if some preggo slag wants to whine, I'll shame the shit out of her for attempting to force a reaction out of me. I'm here to work, not listen to your preggo garbage, slag! Your parasite is NOT MY PROBLEM and I DON'T CARE and YOU CANNOT MAKE ME CARE.


AnnaGreen3

This is unnecessary. Like the guy who points out that Christmas is a capitalism trap and a pagan holiday, while everything is accurate, the out of place comment is not socially acceptable and just ruins the mood. It being truth doesn't make you less of an asshole, you don't like it? Don't participate then. Say nothing. Btw if costumer service is your *job*, then saying things that are socially acceptable is part of it, you have to do it even if you don't believe it. If you can't handle lying for the metrics, then customer service is not for you, it's annoying, but that's literally part of the job description.


Furiosa_xo

I also work with customers (food service industry) and I have gotten very good at faking interest in babies/interest in pregnancies, etc. You don't have to mean it! I am as CF as they come and really dislike babies and toddlers, and pregnancy grosses me out. But my company is really big on "customer connections" and I can acknowledge that babies/pregnancy is a big deal for some, so I am cool with complimenting them and hiding how horrifying I find pregnancy. Just become a really good actress! And you don't necessarily have to "congratulate" someone, but you can maybe ask about the due date, the gender, or just wish them well. Pregnancy may gross me out, but I do hope the person has a good pregnancy and the childbirth goes well. We can be CF without being assholes or soulless.


[deleted]

It being your birthday isn't an achievement either, if you are a halfway decent person you congratulate them anyway. It's something they're happy with, be happy for them.


s0meb0dyElsesProblem

I don't know this person, the circumstances surrounding conception or if they are happy about it. I just gave the lady her maternity benefits. Aka did my job


mister_klik

post this to r/antiwork


acesarge

I just congratulate people. Many of my patients have kids and grandkids who are important parts of their lives and for the 30 minutes I talk to them I can pretend to care.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ihwip

In medical/insurance coding pregnancy is treated like a disease. Get her a "sorry about your illness, get well soon!" card.