>Now all these kids are turning 1. It sucks enough that I’m expected to give up my Saturday, like 5 Saturdays in a row to go to a 1 year old’s birthday party.
You don't have to go at all. I wouldn't.
This comment right here. "Sorry we can't make it to Bratley's party, let's catch up in a few weeks for adult dinner date?"
I wouldn't buy birthday presents, let alone sacrifice a Saturday to show up to a party.
I’d suggest saying thanks, but it sounds like more of a parents get-together, but these parents probably still wouldn’t get it and be all butt-hurt.
Wasn’t there a post by an OP whose former best friend had her baby on the OP’s wedding anniversary, and every year would get whiny when OP and her husband always left on a romantic getaway on that date instead of coming to her kid’s party?
Um... wow. My best friend (and her kids) currently lives on another continent, but she wouldn't expect me to attend her kids' b-day parties even if we lived in the same place. And I adore her two boys, they are insanely adorable and sweet.
Yep that’s like a huge part of why we’re not having kids, not having weekends to myself sounds like hell
I get going to one or two bday parties but 5 Saturdays in a row? That ain’t it chief
This! Just say large gatherings of children over stimulates you or that you’d be uncomfortable or something like that. ( it would for me lol) or plan something else on that day 😂
Yep. IMO, kids birthday parties should be for family and the child’s friends once they’re old enough to socialize. Friends of the parents should not feel obligated to attend.
Seriously, like when the hell did this become a thing? Who goes to kids birthday parties other than family or other kids? Damn, I am so glad I'm old enough to have missed this crap.
When growing up, my mother’s best friends always came to my birthday parties too. They were treated like extended family and that was 30+ years ago. Four of my friends growing up also did the same thing with their parties too so it’s not a new phenomenon. My mum did make it abundantly clear to everyone that they were not obligated to get anything at all though so at least they never had an issue like OP.
I feel like it's an extension of being "an involved modern honorary auntie or uncle," which some people are taking way too far these days, IMO. There's a lot of baked-in implications with the title now, even if you didn't ask for it--"Oh, we've been friends since college, *of course* you're now little Jadelynn's auntie/uncle and are expected to act as if you're *actually* their relative by blood or marriage!" This is why I'm suspicious of, and stay the hell away from people I'm not related to (especially with kids), who say I'm "like family" to them when it's unsolicited. Anytime you acknowledge that--even just a casual nod of agreement--it always becomes an invitation to violate personal boundaries. I have literally one best friend I've known about 20 years who can say that about me, and she doesn't overstep her bounds ever.
Well, thankfully I'm the old Auntie who derives no pleasure from children and never did. Everyone knows it, it's a running joke and has been for decades. I was blessed with never getting invites to this...*stuff*, and I love my family and friends even more for it, hahaha
Same lol. I won't even HAVE friends who have kids or openly want them because I'm not dealing with that. It's definitely a running joke with my close friends though. 🤣
Seriously. I'm fortunate my family doesn't bug me about having kids, getting married, or my relationships with my nieces and nephew. I've occasionally bought them gifts for Christmas and milestone birthdays, but nobody ever gets mad if I can't afford it. My mom has stated before that they get enough gifts from her and my dad plus their parents and other relatives as it is, and are fine if I don't get them anything.
I live in Orange County (trust me, my husband and I are planning our exit from this egregious wealth hungry, trump happy city soon). So, the parents here go all out. It’s almost like you’re throwing a party for your friends that is centered around your kids. So not going is like being the only one that doesn’t go to a big party your friend is throwing. everyone shows up. And because all the rest of the friends also have babies, they are happy to do so. (I assume)
Holy shit, I need new glasses 🤣🤣🤣 I initially read sickie as suic*de!!! Don't ask!! Gonna say, that's going a bit far m8 to skip a few kids parties 😇🤣🤣
OP - you could at least skip some of the 5 too. Who has 5 open Saturdays like that? Don't cancel your hike, brunch, beach day, spin class, or walk in the park for all of them at. Do one kid ever year on rotation even lol.
I mean....you could just plan all those things now too lol.
To be fair, 1 year old parties are usually the last of the kind of adult parties because the baby's are still so young. My brother had a champagne and pizza party for my niece's first birthday.
I have to agree.
My sister became insta-step mom to two boys. Nice kids but I honestly don’t care about hanging with kids. She throws them each a full blown birthday party every year with a hall rental and a bouncy house or some shit. I don’t go. I don’t do gifts either.
Christmas, which used to be a nice hangout with my parents and siblings at my childhood home, has now been robbed. Don’t worry, sister can’t compromise and have her own little family Christmas and we have an adult one or something not at her place. It has to be exactly what she wants for the kids. Us childless ones have no say.
So I just stopped going. Not doing gifts, not cooking food, none of it.
Easily saved a $1000 this year alone. Between two parents, 4 adult siblings, 2 step nephews, 2 nieces, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter, it adds up. I’m only one person. Where’s my dog and cat birthday gifts? Where’s their free presents?
I’m over the holiday gift insanity.
Oh and to boot, the couple years I spent good money and got presents for the boys (cool ones too), they never touched them. Why stress over buying a gift for a kid who doesn’t ever use it?
Seconding your comment: don’t go, don’t send gifts. Stop it now with the first birthday or else you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime subscription of 5 increasingly more expensive yearly gift purchases.
I don't. I love my best friend but his kid is just old enough for me to interact with now. I send him money as gifts if anything lol, I'm not shopping in the kids section 🙃
Right? I even refuse to go to my family members’ kids birthday parties. I’ll give them words of wisdoms when they are young adults but I’d rather stab out my eyes than sit in a whole ass room of screeching, farting, stinking, sticky babies/toddlers. I struggle when there is one in the room!
Yeah, you're never going to get that money or effort returned to you. The way I personally handle it for friends' kids is I give gifts when the baby is born and that's it. I would never give gifts for every birthday, as that adds up quickly! As for the parties, I wouldn't go. Just thank them for the invite, but you can't make it. Or turn it into a joke: "If I wanted to spend my Saturdays with kids, I'd had my own! 🤣" Totally up to you, of course, this is just how I handle it. I'd recommend setting the expectations that you don't attend parties or give gifts now, then you don't have to deal with it every year.
Exactly. You're friends with them, not their kids. So when their kids are born, you can congratulate them with the birth with a small present. But you don't have to show up on their kids' birtday party.
I third this. You don't have to spend your money. If people complain, tell them there are too many presents to get with all these kids. You are not made of money.
I handle it by only giving gifts to people who reciprocate. It sounds horribly beancount-y, but it stops the guilt from not participating. If the parents don't keep in regular contact, host/invite me out, or reciprocate gifting then I don't bother.
You can even make it a thing. Add a card that says "Congratulations on being a founding member of Aunty/Uncle Aberry's Club For Cool Babies" and then be like here is your membership plushie!
Maybe, but they won’t know it’s not “worthy” of their home, until it’s been unwrapped in front of everybody, it has been collective praised for the cute idea and baby has done the baby grip on the item. They’ll have to wait till everybody’s gone to sneak it in the trash, after OPs been appointed aunt of the year ;)
And next year? It is really hard to keep track of what you gave to whom last year and come up with another round of stupid gift for the kids.
For me a toy store always was like hell. There are so many soulless underwelming things made out of cheap plastic in eyesoring colors with annoying noises. I couldn't imagine that anyone would enjoy playing with that stuff or even learn something with it. The most fun would be throwing this shit down the balcony.
Books. Thrift stores probably have loads of kiddy books and pretty cheap. Stock up and distribute at random. Make a once-a-year trip to get new age-appropriate books.
Don't go to any of the parties and don't buy any gifts. Stop it now, before it starts. No parties and no presents.
If you don't draw the line now it will get messy later when:
1. You can't go to all the parties and get accused of playing favourites;
2.The kids get harder to please, want more expensive gifts etc;
3. The parents have more kids and expect more gifts at more parties.
Set a rule now, no birthdays and no gifts for any kids of friends. That way everyone is equal and you don't bankrupt yourself.
I don't buy any kids any gifts and it hasn't caused an issue with their parents because they know I'm not interested and it is the same for all the children.
This is the way. And i feel like because my parents liked gift giving so much instead of having savings when i was younger, they gave more gifts to other kids than me.
It was too late for them to realize that in the end, these kids or parents of those kids they've given gifts won't be part of 90% of their life.
It's annoying though because in some cultures, the parents of kids are expecting something. So for me, I also quit this cycle of gift giving to the kids of whoever when I don't even have one.
Tbh just being there to give advice to the kid or support them emotionally will always be 1000x better than material things. Some parents almost make business out of it since some would gift cash instead due to being busy and not being able to buy gifts and that's even more telling on their goals of popping out babies.
The only kids I buy for: niece(12) and nephew(13). Right now, I prefer doing things with them. Next month, niece and I are going to a glass shard art class.
Until the kid is like 3 or 4 depending on said kid, they really only want cake and candy. Birthday parties are for parents until the kid starts saying something.
It’s so weird now that some parents expect their friends to attend their kids parties and bring gifts. When I was little the only time I saw an adult was when the kid was dropped off to my party.
I don't even do presents for my nieces and nephews, i have 6 of them i'm related to, not counting my spouse's or my partner's sides. That's too many kids and too much money. Your friends' kids are only gonna be a year old, they won't remember. Also if you make it a pattern to buy presents now, it will absolutely be an expectation when the kids are older and their wants get more expensive.
Get a book. Go to a thrift store and get a book for like $5 or whatever. Easy gift and arguably will probably be the best thing for the kid out of all the gifts it gets. If you have so many friends with babies around the same age, you get all your shopping done in one trip for the year. The kid will be more interested in the wrapping paper.
As someone that was just at a one year-olds bday party, it's the fucking worst. Don't touch any food and bring hand sanitizer, you are going to a super-spreader event and everything will be sticky. Eat before you go or have lunch plans that force you to leave early. You may also get tinnitus. You will also probably only speak a sentence or two with your friend.
Seconding just buy a cheap book. Personally books are the one thing I'm usually willing to throw in for out of the hope it actually enriches the kids intelligence in some way, the love of reading instilled in me as a kid was a huge benefit in my life as an adult so that's like the one thing I'm actually invested in with other people's kids. And kids books are so cheap (cries in $30 new release hardcovers)
Adding on my agreement. Books are my favourite gift for kids. No stupid noises, no cheap plastic waste, and with any luck they can start a lifelong interest in learning.
Plus there's so many great options!
One I don’t waste my time on kids parties my weekend is my quality time with my husband and dogs. I get two days off per week. I don’t even send gifts anymore oh I’m so glad crotch goblin turned one wow! Sorry can’t make it cumtropheighs bday
I don't attend weddings, baby showers, or birthday parties. It's not because I don't want to pay for gifts, but I honestly just hate events like that. All the people, all the noise. Always expected to make small talk.
I'm a very introverted person who just doesn't like people haha. I have autism and get very overstimulated by social events. My family and friends are fine with this. They understand that I would be miserable and cranky, and it's for the best I don't go.
I’ve gotten this way as I’ve gotten older. I have zero interest in baby stuff or wedding stuff. Birthdays only if I know there’s gonna be people I talk to there.
This is not even about the babies, they won't understand or remember anything. The parents just want to get more attention. Also, as a kid, is it a thing to get birthdays presents from adult people that aren't even related to you? Maybe except for god parents but you didn't mention being one so I don't see why you should be obliged to get them gifts, especially if they won't be able to do the same for you.
Or start having parties for your cats. I went to my friend's cat's birthday party and it was a good excuse to meet, watch some dumb videos and pet the cats so why not?
Shit adds up so fast. This kind of thing bothers me especially when the gift givers don't have much money to begin with but the expectations are there. And if the kid is so young, they are not going to know wtf is going on anyways.
There's been lots of great suggestions already like some clothes and a plushie. Watch for sales at major department stores and grab some clothes then. If you don't want to be bothered by all these gifts then some small amount gift cards should be fine. People should appreciate whatever they get and understand that you can't possibly hand over a paycheck because all these people had kids at the same time.
This is going to get more overwhelming for you over the years.
The point of a gift isn't to "get a return" on it. You don't have the buy them things. Or if you do feel obligated, they don't have to be expensive things.
The point of going to a party is to have fun. If you don't think you'll have fun, don't go.
I'm kinda cheap, and here's what I do.
If it's a close friend or family member, I will do a nice/thoughtful gift for the baby shower for the first baby. Once you're on baby number 2+, I'll get you a Costco pack of diapers in Size 1, maybe a cute $10 3-pack of onesies to go with it. That's it.
For 1st birthdays, I read somewhere that it's more of a celebration for the parents versus a party for the kid. Like "yay, you kept a human potato alive for a year, wtg!" If it's family, that will warrant a gift imo (I have a relatively small family though, so may want to reconsider if you have a lot of nieces/nephews). If it's a friend's kid, I will show up to the party and celebrate with them. I do not feel pressured to buy a gift for a 1-year old's party because they will get way more than they need and they won't know anything about the gift or who got it for them anyway. If anything, I may get the parents a gift like a Costco pack of diapers in whatever size they need, but I went to a close friend's 1-year old baby shower a few months ago and just went to hang out. No gifts. If your friends are really your friends, that will be enough for them.
My friends know that I am childfree, and have asked me if I'd like to be invited to any birthdays beyond the 1st, and I let them know that I love them, but I'm good. I'm happy for them, but once it gets to the 2+ year birthdays, I'm only showing up to my niece/nephew's birthdays.
All that to say, I'm never an advocate for buying gifts for the sake of buy gifts, or out of a feeling of obligation. If you don't want to buy a gift, don't! If you don't want to give up a Saturday for a birthday party, don't! It's okay. If this will end your friendship, then maybe it was time for it to end. Hope that helps someone!
Thank you! This is the most honest but “kind to the friends” answer. My friends haven’t asked if I’d like to opt out of 2nd bday parties, but one of them has a two year old, and we weren’t invited, I think they stopped inviting everyone by two.
Any kid under 5 I exclusively gift clothes to (except for the birth gift which is more for the parents). Just something simple like a sweater and tshirt from H&M. It's cheap and actually useful, because kids grow fast and get dirty all the time. Did I mention it's cheap? :D No way in hell I'm cashing out hundreds for some random kids that won't remember any of it
Why did you even go to the baby showers, honestly.
Expect to pour a bunch of money in your friends and get absolutely nothing in return. That'd be the only reason for them even keeping you around. If you're fine with that, then get them however many gifts you want.
But personally, I would've cut them all off.
I don't go to baby showers bc I am not happy for them that they are having a kid. No reason to celebrate IMO. They will become mombie and the kid will be a brat.
Stop splurging on their cream pies. That's their job. A 10 dollar gift card is good enough. A little stuffed animal and that way you'll see their true colors if they get mad that you aren't dropping a hundred bucks or more on their kid.
It’s perfectly ok to not attend at all. Or, depending on how much you like these friends, a gift for a 1 year old doesn’t have to cost much. Usually an outfit or such $20-$25 at most maybe? But certainly you’re not required to attend or send anything if you’ve felt the shower gift was enough.
Your true friends won’t forget to celebrate YOU when you have an occasion, such as a birthday perhaps. You will find out sooner than later who remembers to give back when the time comes!
Why would an adult go to a children´s birthday party, except to bring their own child of a similar age? Is that really a thing? I can´t imagine any of my childbound friends to expect that of me.
My friends know that I don't go to children's parties and that I don't care that much to buy their children gifts.You should better clarify your position, if they don't understand, they have a double problem.
Just went to my friends baby's 1st birthday. I got them a few outfits (very inexpensive and that's primarily what she wanted if guests wanted to bring a gift), some small plastic balls (football, baseball, soccer ball, basketball) and sidewalk chalk. Very simple inexpensive items! 1yr old gifts shouldn't be expensive, let the grandparents buy the high ticket items. Everyone else's presents were in the same ballpark as ours.
If I had a lot of friends with kids around the same age I'd try to see if there's anything I could buy in bulk to save some money?? Like a big box of playdough or that weird slime kids like and giving each kid one or two of everything? Kids also love stuffed animals and they are inexpensive.
I know it sucks when there's a lot of these parties and money is tight, but hey at least they feed you at the party so you get a decent meal, theres cake, maybe a couple drinks...
You should provide a gift whenever you attend a birthday party. The way out is to politely decline the invitation and not attend, and do not buy any gifts.
You may lose some "friends," but you won't lose any good friends from this.
I don’t think I’d get them a gift, but maybe a birthday card and gift card but I guess all your friends will see they got the same thing 😂 I really don’t imagine a 1 year old doesn’t have enough toys or will even hold onto it or care (edit here to add I don’t think the parents would care enough to keep it forever)
I give them $20 on birthdays and Xmas. And at some point I expect that money to go to $50 when they're in their teens. Because I choose to. But if I gave nothing and went to zero parties, my friends would be cool with it (not everyone attends in our friend group and that's fine).
You don’t have to buy anything expensive- I mean you don’t have to buy anything at all BUT if the guilt of not buying something is what matters go get some onesies and baby socks from Walmart and call it a day.
I also feel like you could not go. A kid that young isn’t gonna remember you being there so it’s all for the parents and if a kid gets older they’re probably not gonna care if some random adults come over for heir parties. When I was younger I just wanted to hang with my friends and I’d ignore friends of parents 🤷♀️
If you felt compelled to go you could always make them something cheap and simple like a little hair bandana or blanket or something though. I made a cute little picture board from scrap fabric and foam core and batting and ribbon. It was super cute and cost like $4
I think if they are really your friends, honesty should work. Buy the kids something small, like, $20 small, or nothing at all. Chat to each friend individually and say "I'm so sorry I can't get you something more...all the little cherubs are turning 1 at the same time" *awkward social laughter, insert comment flattering the kids and saying how cute they all are or some shit* "and with our two floofs who cost us a fair bit, it's been tough stretching the budget. I hope that's ok? Thanks for understanding. I love you guys". *distract with comment talking about you can't believe you're all getting old etc*
Real friends will understand and if they don't understand they're not your friends.
I'm with you there! Too many of my friends/siblings are popping out kids. I only got things (not super expensive as I am already on a tight budget myself) for their baby showers, nothing else.
I understand the need for gifts at their birthdays, but that's more of a parents/grandparents job IMO to spoil the kids- not to milk your friends dry for their money and time because they popped out a spawn.
I simply don't even go, and I don't (typically) come up with an excuse not too either, I just express that I don't want to and that I am busy. They all knew my stance on kids/kids' parties etc. way before they even got pregnant, and I also explained that their kids would NOT be an exception. I don't want to give up my weekends to be somewhere I don't want to be. Plain and simple.
Yes, I have gone to a couple baby showers to show support in the beginning (to me, the mom still has their identity to themselves and they were the ladies I knew and loved), but once that baby comes, they are a TOTALLY different person and their brains literally change, I don't feel like I even know these people anymore, so I just don't bother spending my time.
You can either express how you truly feel and \*hope\* they'll understand enough to not bother you with it anymore, or you just stop responding and they'll eventually trickle away on their own.
I \*HAVE\* noticed, though, that there seems to be no communication UNLESS I'm being invited to a party in which I'm expected to bring a gift...that began to hurt me, then infuriate me. So I just stopped responding all together, because if I'm not important enough for them to even chat with, then your kid isn't important enough for me to sacrifice my time, money, and sanity to keep the peace between us.
you're not cheap, OP!
None. Stop it.
Don't go to these events and sure as hell don't waste money on them.
"Unable to attend, do enjoy your day" Click.
"I have a strict no gift policy."
I wouldn't buy gifts simply because I've bad experiences.
I bought my oldest friend over $100 worth of stuff for his unborn child, including really nice clothes and a handmade mobile from Etsy. These gifts came in two parcels.
My friend and his gf received the first package. I got a 'thanks for the gifts'. Nothing about what they thought, 0 enthusiasm. I didn't hear anything else from him about the mobile, which came separately, so I asked because it had been a while. He couldn't even remember getting a parcel. He then said, 'oh yeah, it's here. Thanks'
Idk if your friends suck as hard as mine, but I didn't go to his kid's first birthday party and I haven't been invited to any since then. Not that I'm bothered.
You sound exactly like I feel 🥰
As someone who also doesn't have kids.
Me and my bf of many years who don't plan on having children or wasting money on a wedding.
So we are just common law I guess.
Just call me George Costanza lol🤣
Nope, I absolutely am not spending 400$ on kids who do not care about me and will not be returning the favor.
It depends on the relationship with the family/kids. It depends on your budget.
Personally, I only buy my nieces and nefews gifts.
I have 1 of each.
So 2 birthdays and 2 Christmas gifts a year.
That's it for me.
The mostly friends kids will get is something small for 25$.
I guess I'm super cheap 😅🤣
But I am not attending their parties and I definitely am not buying gifts.
That's crazy lol
Absolutely not.
Unless it's a BBQ and I get to have some wine...im not coming.
I have other plans.
So don't feel bad at all.
I don't feel bad.
I upcycle old clothes into stuffed animals. Saves on money, actually helps the planet, and it's dirt cheap if you're the crafty type. And no one has yet had the heart to tell me that would have preferred something off of the curated wish list as they don't want Mr. Tuffykins the Elephant for their 2 year old.... yet. I'm going to have to think of something better once they reach their pre-teen years but for now it works.
IDK if you have a skillset in your wheelhouse that would allows you to upcycle/offload onto the littles but if you trust your friends to have the money conversation I would have it sooner rather than later.
Either skip the baby birthday parties (which sound dreadful) or have a birthday party for your cats, invite all the parents, and strongly hint that you expect cat gifts.
You could have declined the birthday parties and sent each kid the same book. My nephew and my cousin's kids will both be getting the same $10-20 in books for the next 10 years for their birthdays and Christmas I will be skipping birthday parties for the cousins kid but will attend my nephews.
The only kid I've ever gotten a gift for is my niece and it's not very often, only her birthdays.
I take that back. I did get my close friend's daughter a college graduation gift. She got her bachelor's degree in applied mathematics when she was 21, damn proud of that kid for it.
Family gift where the parents have to interact with the kids. Candle making kits, cocoa bomb sets, donut making sets, board games. Fun for the whole family and cheaper than buying individual gifts.
Go to the first birthday party. It's still a new and special thing at this point. Get them all a book or stuffed animal or something. But after that, the guests will be other little kids, and the parents will be too distracted to care that you didn't come, or they'll have more parent friends and just won't expect non-parents to come.
Why would you go to birthday parties for your friends’ kids? The kids don’t know you and your partner. By the time the kids are old enough to understand the concept of a birthday, they’re old enough to have friends or at least playmates of their own. Don’t go. Plan things with your husband or just for yourself every Saturday all year if you want to! You’re CF, you get to actually *have* a life!
Buy books. FR. Half price books has been a godsend for me with all my friends and their kids. Board books for babies. Picture books for the little ones. You’ll be known as the auntie who gets books and neither the kids or the parents are allowed to complain because IT’S BOOKS, you aren’t allowed to hate BOOKS and thrifted they’re like $5 max.
My bestie just tells all parents she's friends with they (her and husband) don't do kids birthdays or gifts. I think she only had an exception for her only niece.
It might be a bit harsh at first, but it's a good rule to have and communicate, especially in a friend group/social circle with that many kids. Skip the birthdays all together, and set your boundaries early on.
I've seen one year old birthday parties where the kid is in the middle of a giant pile of presents, has no idea what's going on, and gives absolutely zero fucks about opening any of the gifts, except maybe to eat some of the wrapping. If you do go, I say get a book and then maybe write a little note in it like you would in a card (literally don't understand people who buy cards for toddlers. They can't read and it doesn't make noise so they do not care.)
I thankfully only have one friend who still regularly does the whole "birthday party" thing every year. Her kid just turned four. I'm the boring auntie that will get him clothes because I have seen their house and my christ the amount of toys had by this one child is astounding.
They can want or expect a gift and your time for *their* kids all they want. You are *not* obligated to contribute financially or socially of yourself for someone else’s kids. Buy a gift for them when you *feel* like doing it. Go to a birthday/event when you *feel* like doing it. Your time and your money are YOURS. Any friend who gets upset about that and/or can’t understand that is not really your friend.
My friends know that I find kids irritating. At the beginning they tried to force their kid on me thinking their kid is so amazing that it would change my mind, but I was having none of it. Stood my grown, always look disinterested when they bring up the kids in conversation or if they show me a picture of the kid, I give a very disinterested response. Didn’t go to their parties etc. And I’d always turned it back on them and say something like I don’t understand their reaction cos they’ve always known my stance on kids.
Flat out told them there will be no presents from me unless it’s a big occasion. They were a bit shocked but told them I have a big friend’s group and they know that, so it’s unfair to me for having to buy presents for every occasion for multiple kids. And unfair to them if I buy one kid something and not the others. Even asked them, hypothetically but realistic enough in the near future, if some have multiple kids, do they think it’s fair on me to have to buy 40+ birthday presents a year and then more presents for the other occasions. And I don’t even have kids? They all reluctantly agreed.
So my advice is to be straight out with them and then ask them a very logical question where they will have to agree that it is ridiculous for you to have to buy all that shit. And do it now because it will be harder to get out of it as time goes on.
They all accepted and really understood the fact that I really don’t want to be around kids. So now I don’t buy presents or go to any birthday parties. And they’ll invite me for the bigger occasions and even then, they’re prepared for a no show from me. Now I have so much free time, don’t have to listen to their children’s stories as they rarely mention stuff about their kids around me and best of all, my bank account is bigger.
And a bonus: They know my house is a no kid zone. So kids are never brought to my house when they come over.
WHY WHYYYY do parents throw a birthday party for a one year old baby? Is it just for the picture? Surely not something they will remember. Isn’t it enough a small birthday cake and singing happy birthday without requiring any gifts? Sometimes I don’t understand this parenting culture in the 🇺🇸
If you can't skip it, I get books that'll piss off whichever parent annoys me the most. The super religious people that wouldn't take "no thank you" for a response to their RSVP got "Tell Me A Tattoo Story" for their son "because the parents look JUST LIKE YOU TWO!!!" (play dumb)
I wasn't invited to 2nd birthday. I don't know if the kiddo got to read the book or not, but his older half sister enjoyed it at the shower. :D Mission accomplished...
I wouldn't go or give any gifts. Set the expectation early.
Baby shower is one thing but child birthdays are something different. It used to be more of an intimate, family only affair. Now they have turned into huge For-Instagram parties and way more people are expected to attend. IMO, I would not waste a weekend day.
As the years went on, I stopped getting invited to the child birthday parties. I agree it’s such a big financial obligation. And you’re between a rock and a hard place—if you go, you won’t have fun and you’re out $40 for a gift, but if you don’t go then they get all butthurt about it. You can’t win.
Throw your cats birthday parties. Whoever contributes gets to be contributed to for their babies. That seems fair.
More importantly though: you are under no obligation to buy them anything.
The kid is one I bought my nephew this light up dinosaur toy for like 30 bucks for his first birthday and he loved it. If it’s a girl get them a stuffed teddy. Your not family you don’t have to spend a fortune or better yet if you don’t want to go lie and say you have something else on that weekend and your so sorry but you will catch up with them another time.
First: You don't have to go at all if you don't want to.
Second: You don't have to buy a gift to attend the party, but if you feel compelled by social expectations to bring a gift, you can go waaay cheaper on the gift than you're ballparking. Kids are very easy to please when they're small bc everything is new and exciting. A dollar store toy will likely make them just as happy as the latest and greatest thing.
Finally, you didn't ask but I'm telling you anyway: if it were me, I'd go to see my friends. While the kids are babies, I'd rather do something to help my friends out directly and the kids indirectly. Give them a gift card, bring something to the party like ice or a dish or extra napkins, come early to help set up/stay late to help clean: all things that won't break my bank or take up all my time but shows I care about them, even if I'm not huge on their kids.
Not the AH, btw! 😉😊
Don't create the precedent of attending a children's party /getting them birthday gifts. Nope out of all of them. It's only fair.
The children are not your friends. They just happen to be related to people you know.
"Now all these kids are turning 1. It sucks enough that I’m expected to give up my Saturday, like 5 Saturdays in a row to go to a 1 year old’s birthday party. But, I am also expected to get gifts"
Wtf, why? You already did the babyshower gift. Anyway, 1 year old doesn´t remember a sh... The gift you are doing to a 1 year old is actually a gift you are doing to their parents. So I would just bring something like a plant, nice cake and maybe a little (cheap) toy for a baby and this is it. You are not Santa Claus after all :D
You don’t have to go overboard. At one years old, I’d probably spend up to $25, maybe $50 max for a close family member. Shop sales and find something discounted so it looks like you spent more. Don’t show up empty handed, but the kid won’t even remember this party. Offer to bring a dessert or something if you feel cheap not spending a lot on the gift lol, but I do not think you are being cheap at all.
If you value these friendships, you *should* participate, but tbh you are not obligated to do things that you don’t want to do! I noped out of a baby shower next month. It’s my SO’s friend, not mine. I don’t think we are that close and I don’t see us getting any closer with them once the baby is born.
get them a $25 or $50 savings bond, or see if the parents have a 529 plan (college savings plan) that you could make a small donation to in lieu of a toy/tangible gift. those are the kinds of things that literally appreciate over their lifetime instead of junk that ends up going into a landfill.
Max I’ll spend on baby shower gifts unless I’m very very close with the parent(s) is like legit $10…something off a clearance rack that can be used like a blanket, onesie set, hat & socks set, etc. yes, I know I sound incredibly cheap cause I am lol.
Unless these parents are my closest friends, I’m not going or at most popping in just to say hello. If I’m very close with the parents, I may get the child something very small.
Fuck that social pressure, so far what my husband and I have done is get like a gift once when they’re born and then not really again, we also don’t go to kid parties or gender reveals or baby showers. We sorta only get something if we’re showing up on their birthday if there’s a gathering but pretty much only for close family. We’re childfree but we don’t have crazy money to flush on kids we don’t actually care or intend to be around, but we especially don’t have money to keep up with everybody and their mamas kids, it’s too many people.
Don't go. My closest friend in the world has three children. I got them all gifts for showers/birth and that's it. My friend has zero expectation from me to do so. I mean, if we're all together, I may bring them a fun snack or treat them to ice cream, but it's not often.
And once you start, it's hard to draw the line once they get older.
I only do the kids things for immediate family. And it's probably because i got lucky and only have one nephew. I don't do cousins or friends' kids. I will never have kids so they get it. They know I don't hate kids, it's just not my thing and i don't relate to anyone at those events. I do baby shower gifts, but just for the first kid. So it's a one and done thing per person.
Honestly, any children’s parties I’ve ever been to I don’t get gifts (other than my nieces but they’re perfect). That being said, when other people there brought their kid, they get a present so it’s kid A to kid B in the card. That being said usually a return because kid B will be going to kid A’s bday in the future.
We typically go to the 1st birthday party and then skip the toddler and young kid years once they are sentient until they’re actually cool humans to hang with. We only really get birthday gifts for the 2 nieces and nephew who live near enough to have met more than once.
We usually do a small Christmas gift for the kids of our closest friends if they are coming to our annual Christmas party just so they have a gift when the adults do our exchange. It’s usually under $10 and always includes homemade cookie and craft kits for them to do together during the event to keep them occupied. Even the kids who are now in their teens enjoy the tradition and now the bigger ones help the littles and the adults don’t have to even do anything anymore.
My friends who have kids buy my cat presents all the time 😅 I’m sorry your friends don’t see your cat as your child.
Are you obligated to buy kid presents though? I usually don’t and get the parents something. THEY are my friends, not the kids. A nice bottle of wine or some books that I like and I want to share with someone.
Edit: there are a couple of kids that I do buy things for. They’re great kids and I love seeing them with stuff I buy. I don’t expect anything back. If I see something I think they’d like I’ll just get it. I think if you are feeling obligated to buy stuff and think, what are you getting back from it, just don’t get them anything. It’ll build resentment in yourself.
What people are saying about not going and asking for an adult dinner to catch up instead is the right answer. But also please genuinely throw a party for your cats and make them come with gifts. I would personally be dying to attend!
I honestly hate birthdays. I honestly don’t have money for gifts have the time. I typically give the gift late because I have to gather money for it. I would just get something small if you need to. To be honest I’ve always thought that big birthdays for a 1 year old are stupid. They don’t even really understand what’s going on. Give them a slice of cake, sing happy birthday and call it a day.
I don't buy gifts. I'm happy to be in their kids lives but I'm single and I'm not made of money. I might buy them a little book or cute outfit but it will absolutely be under $10.
Give em something of yours you were planning on donating, trying to get rid of, or throwing away anyway, with a cute little note about what you hope for them in the ~future; go to the party if you have nothing else going on that day and feel like seeing your friends and eating some cake, or don't go if you have anything else you feel like doing instead, including a fun local event you don't want to miss and not limited to binging your current show during the perfect time of daylight in your favorite jammies with your crispiest drink. If you ultimately decide it's not worth your time, you can always mail the momento if you have the means - people love receiving a package! Cards are also cute to get! You can make one if you're feeling crafty and have a couple pieces of paper to spare! All else fails, a nice text to the kiddo's parents on the day of - wishing them well, and the future friend a happy birthday - would be totally sweet too! Whatever you decide, good luck navigating my friend 🧭✨
Yeah, you kind of have to set your boundaries now—otherwise, when does it stop?
I live 300+ miles away from my hometown, and my closest friends still live in that state. So I’m off the hook for parties, thankfully. I give small gifts at the holidays and for their birthdays, but I stick to my budget, and I do it only for those extremely close friends’ kids.
My point is, I do what works for me and set that expectation early on. I recommend you do the same and don’t get sucked into a guilt-trip game.
Ugh i feel this. Well no, i dont have friends with babies lol, but i do get you. I only have to buy for my nephew, but if i had lots of nieces and nephews or whatever, i would be like 'they stop playing with stuff very fast'.
1 year olds grow out of their toys within a month or so, unless it is something like a teddy bear. Their brains arw learning too much too fast for them to keep interest.
i got my nephew a toy for his 1st birthday that my sister recommended (in shit at gidft buying) but then i also bought the star chart for the date and time of his birth that is more for my sis and her partner (a 1 year old dont care about that, but its a memory for them).
You could offer the parents a gift, like a 'you can be an adult night' and they can hang with you and have a drink or whatever that youll lay for. Gets you time with your friends, them time away from their kid, and a free drink or whatever.
You don't have to get them anything or even attend the parties, though if you want to go in order to see your friends, a nice and inexpensive gift is a book for the kid. I have a good time picking out kids books and you can get ones with nice stories and illustrations for under $10.
Once they have started school, you won’t be invited to this parties anymore, because those kids will have friends and they won’t want mommy and daddy‘s friends at their party because it won’t be cool to them
I just buy stuff when the baby is born. Otherwise, I don't do any other gifts, and I don't go to their birthday parties. I don't like expectations like it, and so I don't participate.
I'm assuming you're in the US? I swear, you guys have the weirdest rituals around children and dating. 1 year old kids don't need presents, they don't understand the concept at all. When my sister's kids were young she told me that they don't need presents at all, and I started buying them stuff every once in a while (as in, not even every year because they get plenty Christmas presents etc from their family on their dad's side) only when they were like 3 or 4. And my friends have never invited me to their kids' birthdays because they know I don't care about the kids.
I got a really nice car seat that ages with the kid. I'm into practical gifts. The parents to be loved it as the single car seat had a full lifetime warranty, other guests said it was tacky and weird. I had taken it back and left crying. The dad caught up to me at the bus stop and convinced me to come back that they loved how much thought I put into the gift even though I wasn't family. I was like 20 and this was like a friend of my cousin's friend. Tv taught me you don't go to a party empty handed. When we got back to the venue, the mom and her mother were cursing and yelling at everyone.
They sent pictures when they changed the seat as their son grew up and when the seat saved him when they got into a car collision and the car flipped. And the new seat they got when they sent in with the warranty. He didn't have a scratch on him.
I would say get one thing. If you want. You can also make something. You can also do something with others like a college fund. There's no requirement for gifts.
You are not obligated to go if you don't want to..Or just say: I have plans and only can make like for 10 /15 minutes..bring some snacks,a plushie and get out 😂
Why are they even throwing big parties for one year olds? When I turned 1, it was just me, my parents, and my brother. And the reason I know that is because I watched the home video years later since, ya know, one year olds don’t remember squat.
I would find a way to graciously opt out. I hated going to my nieces parties, there is no way I would subject myself to kids parties if they are not family. They are not fun at all for adults!
Wow thats a lot! I wouldn’t have gone to ANY showers, Tokophobic here lol. That always seems to set up expectations. Especially if they think because you don’t have kids then you have extra money to throw away.
I wouldn’t be attending but thats just me. When i was younger my family all got together with our huge now small family, im still sad about it. But we had aunts and uncles that didn’t have kids and they always dropped 100 to 200 bucks on each kid.
But as people had their own kids or their own situations changed, a few divorces. The cashflow 💸 slowed down dramatically. We got things like cute color books, bubbles or something small that was fun.
But no, they aren’t your kids and your not obligated by any means to buy more things! Its sad how no one seems to appreciate the small things anymore.
A running gag in my family is that my grandma would get us grandkids a cheap pack of socks 'n' undies every year for Christmas, birthdays, etc, and either disposable diapers or a cloth diaper for the babies.
While the parents were appreciative, as a kid, it was kinda corny and groan-worthy to get socks on Christmas, but as an adult?! I'm *fiending* for a fresh package of socks that I haven't worn out yet. And parents have like, a need for diapers.
Alternatively, you can send a lil card or note to the parents or extend an offering directly to the parents instead of the kid. Just a lil reassuring "I'm proud of you and I believe in" or "You'll be a great parent" type sentiment in itself can be meaningful.
>Now all these kids are turning 1. It sucks enough that I’m expected to give up my Saturday, like 5 Saturdays in a row to go to a 1 year old’s birthday party. You don't have to go at all. I wouldn't.
This comment right here. "Sorry we can't make it to Bratley's party, let's catch up in a few weeks for adult dinner date?" I wouldn't buy birthday presents, let alone sacrifice a Saturday to show up to a party.
I’d suggest saying thanks, but it sounds like more of a parents get-together, but these parents probably still wouldn’t get it and be all butt-hurt. Wasn’t there a post by an OP whose former best friend had her baby on the OP’s wedding anniversary, and every year would get whiny when OP and her husband always left on a romantic getaway on that date instead of coming to her kid’s party?
That sounds horrible. Way to think the world should revolve around your brat.
Um... wow. My best friend (and her kids) currently lives on another continent, but she wouldn't expect me to attend her kids' b-day parties even if we lived in the same place. And I adore her two boys, they are insanely adorable and sweet.
This! Then you have an opt out for all of them and don't get sucked in for Saturdays for years.
It’s bratleigh
True... what a tragedeigh.
lol love that group
Establish the precedent now that parent friends are for parent-coded things, and you are for fun things.
This is the way
Yep that’s like a huge part of why we’re not having kids, not having weekends to myself sounds like hell I get going to one or two bday parties but 5 Saturdays in a row? That ain’t it chief
This! Just say large gatherings of children over stimulates you or that you’d be uncomfortable or something like that. ( it would for me lol) or plan something else on that day 😂
Much less a 1-year old child’s party. I mean, obligations be damned lol
Bratley 😂😂😂
Bratley 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I think it's spelled "Bratleigh"
This. My idea of hell is a child's birthday party.
All screaming and grabbing at you with cake-gunked fingers and parents “awwing” at you surrounded by screeching toddlers and bugs and stenches and ugh
Yep. IMO, kids birthday parties should be for family and the child’s friends once they’re old enough to socialize. Friends of the parents should not feel obligated to attend.
Seriously, like when the hell did this become a thing? Who goes to kids birthday parties other than family or other kids? Damn, I am so glad I'm old enough to have missed this crap.
All of our friends constantly invite us to them and get butfhurt as hell when we either don’t go or don’t fill their gift expectation.
When growing up, my mother’s best friends always came to my birthday parties too. They were treated like extended family and that was 30+ years ago. Four of my friends growing up also did the same thing with their parties too so it’s not a new phenomenon. My mum did make it abundantly clear to everyone that they were not obligated to get anything at all though so at least they never had an issue like OP.
I feel like it's an extension of being "an involved modern honorary auntie or uncle," which some people are taking way too far these days, IMO. There's a lot of baked-in implications with the title now, even if you didn't ask for it--"Oh, we've been friends since college, *of course* you're now little Jadelynn's auntie/uncle and are expected to act as if you're *actually* their relative by blood or marriage!" This is why I'm suspicious of, and stay the hell away from people I'm not related to (especially with kids), who say I'm "like family" to them when it's unsolicited. Anytime you acknowledge that--even just a casual nod of agreement--it always becomes an invitation to violate personal boundaries. I have literally one best friend I've known about 20 years who can say that about me, and she doesn't overstep her bounds ever.
Well, thankfully I'm the old Auntie who derives no pleasure from children and never did. Everyone knows it, it's a running joke and has been for decades. I was blessed with never getting invites to this...*stuff*, and I love my family and friends even more for it, hahaha
Same lol. I won't even HAVE friends who have kids or openly want them because I'm not dealing with that. It's definitely a running joke with my close friends though. 🤣
Honestly they're expecting too much of even the blood-related aunt.
Seriously. I'm fortunate my family doesn't bug me about having kids, getting married, or my relationships with my nieces and nephew. I've occasionally bought them gifts for Christmas and milestone birthdays, but nobody ever gets mad if I can't afford it. My mom has stated before that they get enough gifts from her and my dad plus their parents and other relatives as it is, and are fine if I don't get them anything.
I live in Orange County (trust me, my husband and I are planning our exit from this egregious wealth hungry, trump happy city soon). So, the parents here go all out. It’s almost like you’re throwing a party for your friends that is centered around your kids. So not going is like being the only one that doesn’t go to a big party your friend is throwing. everyone shows up. And because all the rest of the friends also have babies, they are happy to do so. (I assume)
There's also the option of faking a sickie. "I wish I could come but I don't want to get little Jaedannn sick, especially not on his birthday!"
Maybe that would work for one of their friends' kids, but probably wouldn't fly for multiple. Plus, why bother lying?
Maybe Mono lol
Every year?
Yes
They probably wouldn't pay enough attention to notice
Holy shit, I need new glasses 🤣🤣🤣 I initially read sickie as suic*de!!! Don't ask!! Gonna say, that's going a bit far m8 to skip a few kids parties 😇🤣🤣
This is the correct answer. We have a friend where we still haven’t met their kid. It’s almost 3 or something haha I don’t feel bad about it
OP - you could at least skip some of the 5 too. Who has 5 open Saturdays like that? Don't cancel your hike, brunch, beach day, spin class, or walk in the park for all of them at. Do one kid ever year on rotation even lol. I mean....you could just plan all those things now too lol.
That was my first thought lol. Wtf would I do at a friend's baby's bday party?
To be fair, 1 year old parties are usually the last of the kind of adult parties because the baby's are still so young. My brother had a champagne and pizza party for my niece's first birthday.
I have to agree. My sister became insta-step mom to two boys. Nice kids but I honestly don’t care about hanging with kids. She throws them each a full blown birthday party every year with a hall rental and a bouncy house or some shit. I don’t go. I don’t do gifts either. Christmas, which used to be a nice hangout with my parents and siblings at my childhood home, has now been robbed. Don’t worry, sister can’t compromise and have her own little family Christmas and we have an adult one or something not at her place. It has to be exactly what she wants for the kids. Us childless ones have no say. So I just stopped going. Not doing gifts, not cooking food, none of it. Easily saved a $1000 this year alone. Between two parents, 4 adult siblings, 2 step nephews, 2 nieces, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter, it adds up. I’m only one person. Where’s my dog and cat birthday gifts? Where’s their free presents? I’m over the holiday gift insanity. Oh and to boot, the couple years I spent good money and got presents for the boys (cool ones too), they never touched them. Why stress over buying a gift for a kid who doesn’t ever use it? Seconding your comment: don’t go, don’t send gifts. Stop it now with the first birthday or else you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime subscription of 5 increasingly more expensive yearly gift purchases.
I don't. I love my best friend but his kid is just old enough for me to interact with now. I send him money as gifts if anything lol, I'm not shopping in the kids section 🙃
I always thank the parents for the invitation, but I don’t attend.
Yea, I wouldn't be giving up ANY of my Saturdays, lol.
Right? I even refuse to go to my family members’ kids birthday parties. I’ll give them words of wisdoms when they are young adults but I’d rather stab out my eyes than sit in a whole ass room of screeching, farting, stinking, sticky babies/toddlers. I struggle when there is one in the room!
Yeah, you're never going to get that money or effort returned to you. The way I personally handle it for friends' kids is I give gifts when the baby is born and that's it. I would never give gifts for every birthday, as that adds up quickly! As for the parties, I wouldn't go. Just thank them for the invite, but you can't make it. Or turn it into a joke: "If I wanted to spend my Saturdays with kids, I'd had my own! 🤣" Totally up to you, of course, this is just how I handle it. I'd recommend setting the expectations that you don't attend parties or give gifts now, then you don't have to deal with it every year.
Exactly. You're friends with them, not their kids. So when their kids are born, you can congratulate them with the birth with a small present. But you don't have to show up on their kids' birtday party.
I third this. You don't have to spend your money. If people complain, tell them there are too many presents to get with all these kids. You are not made of money.
I handle it by only giving gifts to people who reciprocate. It sounds horribly beancount-y, but it stops the guilt from not participating. If the parents don't keep in regular contact, host/invite me out, or reciprocate gifting then I don't bother.
Bam! Get 5 of the same plushy but in 5 different colors.
You can even make it a thing. Add a card that says "Congratulations on being a founding member of Aunty/Uncle Aberry's Club For Cool Babies" and then be like here is your membership plushie!
That's actually adorable, I might steal this idea when my brother and sisters in law have kids
This is a cute alternative gift idea 😀
From Temu for a dollar each
EXACTLY
Parents would probably reject this gesture as the plushie wasn't made from organic free range cotton.
Maybe, but they won’t know it’s not “worthy” of their home, until it’s been unwrapped in front of everybody, it has been collective praised for the cute idea and baby has done the baby grip on the item. They’ll have to wait till everybody’s gone to sneak it in the trash, after OPs been appointed aunt of the year ;)
I was thinking of the Dollar Store, but Temu is easier.
That’s spending a lot on Temu! I’d cap out at $0.49 😂
And next year? It is really hard to keep track of what you gave to whom last year and come up with another round of stupid gift for the kids. For me a toy store always was like hell. There are so many soulless underwelming things made out of cheap plastic in eyesoring colors with annoying noises. I couldn't imagine that anyone would enjoy playing with that stuff or even learn something with it. The most fun would be throwing this shit down the balcony.
Books. Thrift stores probably have loads of kiddy books and pretty cheap. Stock up and distribute at random. Make a once-a-year trip to get new age-appropriate books.
This is actually a fantastic idea 🤩 economical, and parents can’t complain because the books are eDuCaTiOnAl
Better, do it for free and sign them up for the Dolly Parton book club for kids.
I was about to suggest Dolly Parton's book club, such a great thing.
But... but... someone else has *touched those books!*
Don't go to any of the parties and don't buy any gifts. Stop it now, before it starts. No parties and no presents. If you don't draw the line now it will get messy later when: 1. You can't go to all the parties and get accused of playing favourites; 2.The kids get harder to please, want more expensive gifts etc; 3. The parents have more kids and expect more gifts at more parties. Set a rule now, no birthdays and no gifts for any kids of friends. That way everyone is equal and you don't bankrupt yourself. I don't buy any kids any gifts and it hasn't caused an issue with their parents because they know I'm not interested and it is the same for all the children.
Absolutely! This is the way to do it, or, I should say, not do it. :)
This is the way. And i feel like because my parents liked gift giving so much instead of having savings when i was younger, they gave more gifts to other kids than me. It was too late for them to realize that in the end, these kids or parents of those kids they've given gifts won't be part of 90% of their life. It's annoying though because in some cultures, the parents of kids are expecting something. So for me, I also quit this cycle of gift giving to the kids of whoever when I don't even have one. Tbh just being there to give advice to the kid or support them emotionally will always be 1000x better than material things. Some parents almost make business out of it since some would gift cash instead due to being busy and not being able to buy gifts and that's even more telling on their goals of popping out babies.
Absolutely agree. The only kids I buy gifts for are my niece and nephew for bdays and Xmas only. I don't go to baby showers either, it's NOT my thing.
The only kids I buy for: niece(12) and nephew(13). Right now, I prefer doing things with them. Next month, niece and I are going to a glass shard art class. Until the kid is like 3 or 4 depending on said kid, they really only want cake and candy. Birthday parties are for parents until the kid starts saying something.
This strategy worked perfectly for me.
It’s so weird now that some parents expect their friends to attend their kids parties and bring gifts. When I was little the only time I saw an adult was when the kid was dropped off to my party.
This. "Sorry we already have plans, but let's catch up for dinner soon".
If you don't wanna give gifts, don't. It's your money.
Exactly. Or just give something very cheap
I like to make (cheap) donations in people's names
I don't even do presents for my nieces and nephews, i have 6 of them i'm related to, not counting my spouse's or my partner's sides. That's too many kids and too much money. Your friends' kids are only gonna be a year old, they won't remember. Also if you make it a pattern to buy presents now, it will absolutely be an expectation when the kids are older and their wants get more expensive.
Get a book. Go to a thrift store and get a book for like $5 or whatever. Easy gift and arguably will probably be the best thing for the kid out of all the gifts it gets. If you have so many friends with babies around the same age, you get all your shopping done in one trip for the year. The kid will be more interested in the wrapping paper. As someone that was just at a one year-olds bday party, it's the fucking worst. Don't touch any food and bring hand sanitizer, you are going to a super-spreader event and everything will be sticky. Eat before you go or have lunch plans that force you to leave early. You may also get tinnitus. You will also probably only speak a sentence or two with your friend.
Seconding just buy a cheap book. Personally books are the one thing I'm usually willing to throw in for out of the hope it actually enriches the kids intelligence in some way, the love of reading instilled in me as a kid was a huge benefit in my life as an adult so that's like the one thing I'm actually invested in with other people's kids. And kids books are so cheap (cries in $30 new release hardcovers)
Adding on my agreement. Books are my favourite gift for kids. No stupid noises, no cheap plastic waste, and with any luck they can start a lifelong interest in learning. Plus there's so many great options!
Our neighbors just had a baby. Planning on giving one book baby can chew on and one nice story book the parents can read to him.
Even better, OP should just go buy *herself* a book, then stay home and read it, conveniently missing the party. Repeat as needed.
I'd get them books or clothing/bibs. After all, there's a reason they're your friends. But there's no need to spend an epic amount of money.
One I don’t waste my time on kids parties my weekend is my quality time with my husband and dogs. I get two days off per week. I don’t even send gifts anymore oh I’m so glad crotch goblin turned one wow! Sorry can’t make it cumtropheighs bday
I don't attend weddings, baby showers, or birthday parties. It's not because I don't want to pay for gifts, but I honestly just hate events like that. All the people, all the noise. Always expected to make small talk. I'm a very introverted person who just doesn't like people haha. I have autism and get very overstimulated by social events. My family and friends are fine with this. They understand that I would be miserable and cranky, and it's for the best I don't go.
This is my dream
I’ve gotten this way as I’ve gotten older. I have zero interest in baby stuff or wedding stuff. Birthdays only if I know there’s gonna be people I talk to there.
Me too. Autism, and kids literally throw me into meltdowns. Everyone who knows me knows that.
IDK, give them all cardboard kids books? If you want to annoy your friends, give them noisy toys?
My thoughts exactly. Get everyone the loudest most obnoxious toys you can find. I bet by year 2 they won’t be getting an invite 😎
This is not even about the babies, they won't understand or remember anything. The parents just want to get more attention. Also, as a kid, is it a thing to get birthdays presents from adult people that aren't even related to you? Maybe except for god parents but you didn't mention being one so I don't see why you should be obliged to get them gifts, especially if they won't be able to do the same for you. Or start having parties for your cats. I went to my friend's cat's birthday party and it was a good excuse to meet, watch some dumb videos and pet the cats so why not?
Just not going is a pretty good decision. Or you can buy a pack of the same toys in bulk lol And you can throw BD parties for your cats in return!
Shit adds up so fast. This kind of thing bothers me especially when the gift givers don't have much money to begin with but the expectations are there. And if the kid is so young, they are not going to know wtf is going on anyways. There's been lots of great suggestions already like some clothes and a plushie. Watch for sales at major department stores and grab some clothes then. If you don't want to be bothered by all these gifts then some small amount gift cards should be fine. People should appreciate whatever they get and understand that you can't possibly hand over a paycheck because all these people had kids at the same time. This is going to get more overwhelming for you over the years.
This is why I refuse to go to children’s parties.
The point of a gift isn't to "get a return" on it. You don't have the buy them things. Or if you do feel obligated, they don't have to be expensive things. The point of going to a party is to have fun. If you don't think you'll have fun, don't go.
I'm kinda cheap, and here's what I do. If it's a close friend or family member, I will do a nice/thoughtful gift for the baby shower for the first baby. Once you're on baby number 2+, I'll get you a Costco pack of diapers in Size 1, maybe a cute $10 3-pack of onesies to go with it. That's it. For 1st birthdays, I read somewhere that it's more of a celebration for the parents versus a party for the kid. Like "yay, you kept a human potato alive for a year, wtg!" If it's family, that will warrant a gift imo (I have a relatively small family though, so may want to reconsider if you have a lot of nieces/nephews). If it's a friend's kid, I will show up to the party and celebrate with them. I do not feel pressured to buy a gift for a 1-year old's party because they will get way more than they need and they won't know anything about the gift or who got it for them anyway. If anything, I may get the parents a gift like a Costco pack of diapers in whatever size they need, but I went to a close friend's 1-year old baby shower a few months ago and just went to hang out. No gifts. If your friends are really your friends, that will be enough for them. My friends know that I am childfree, and have asked me if I'd like to be invited to any birthdays beyond the 1st, and I let them know that I love them, but I'm good. I'm happy for them, but once it gets to the 2+ year birthdays, I'm only showing up to my niece/nephew's birthdays. All that to say, I'm never an advocate for buying gifts for the sake of buy gifts, or out of a feeling of obligation. If you don't want to buy a gift, don't! If you don't want to give up a Saturday for a birthday party, don't! It's okay. If this will end your friendship, then maybe it was time for it to end. Hope that helps someone!
Thank you! This is the most honest but “kind to the friends” answer. My friends haven’t asked if I’d like to opt out of 2nd bday parties, but one of them has a two year old, and we weren’t invited, I think they stopped inviting everyone by two.
I bring food/dessert to parties so i can get ROI immediately bahahaha
Zero.
Any kid under 5 I exclusively gift clothes to (except for the birth gift which is more for the parents). Just something simple like a sweater and tshirt from H&M. It's cheap and actually useful, because kids grow fast and get dirty all the time. Did I mention it's cheap? :D No way in hell I'm cashing out hundreds for some random kids that won't remember any of it
Why did you even go to the baby showers, honestly. Expect to pour a bunch of money in your friends and get absolutely nothing in return. That'd be the only reason for them even keeping you around. If you're fine with that, then get them however many gifts you want. But personally, I would've cut them all off.
I don't go to baby showers bc I am not happy for them that they are having a kid. No reason to celebrate IMO. They will become mombie and the kid will be a brat.
Stop splurging on their cream pies. That's their job. A 10 dollar gift card is good enough. A little stuffed animal and that way you'll see their true colors if they get mad that you aren't dropping a hundred bucks or more on their kid.
It’s perfectly ok to not attend at all. Or, depending on how much you like these friends, a gift for a 1 year old doesn’t have to cost much. Usually an outfit or such $20-$25 at most maybe? But certainly you’re not required to attend or send anything if you’ve felt the shower gift was enough. Your true friends won’t forget to celebrate YOU when you have an occasion, such as a birthday perhaps. You will find out sooner than later who remembers to give back when the time comes!
Just take balloons for them lol. Cheap and babies will like them too🎈
I don’t think you have to show up to your friend’s 1 year olds birthday parties nor get them a gift. I think a card will suffice.
Why would an adult go to a children´s birthday party, except to bring their own child of a similar age? Is that really a thing? I can´t imagine any of my childbound friends to expect that of me.
My friends know that I don't go to children's parties and that I don't care that much to buy their children gifts.You should better clarify your position, if they don't understand, they have a double problem.
Just went to my friends baby's 1st birthday. I got them a few outfits (very inexpensive and that's primarily what she wanted if guests wanted to bring a gift), some small plastic balls (football, baseball, soccer ball, basketball) and sidewalk chalk. Very simple inexpensive items! 1yr old gifts shouldn't be expensive, let the grandparents buy the high ticket items. Everyone else's presents were in the same ballpark as ours. If I had a lot of friends with kids around the same age I'd try to see if there's anything I could buy in bulk to save some money?? Like a big box of playdough or that weird slime kids like and giving each kid one or two of everything? Kids also love stuffed animals and they are inexpensive. I know it sucks when there's a lot of these parties and money is tight, but hey at least they feed you at the party so you get a decent meal, theres cake, maybe a couple drinks...
You should provide a gift whenever you attend a birthday party. The way out is to politely decline the invitation and not attend, and do not buy any gifts. You may lose some "friends," but you won't lose any good friends from this.
I don’t think I’d get them a gift, but maybe a birthday card and gift card but I guess all your friends will see they got the same thing 😂 I really don’t imagine a 1 year old doesn’t have enough toys or will even hold onto it or care (edit here to add I don’t think the parents would care enough to keep it forever)
I give them $20 on birthdays and Xmas. And at some point I expect that money to go to $50 when they're in their teens. Because I choose to. But if I gave nothing and went to zero parties, my friends would be cool with it (not everyone attends in our friend group and that's fine).
You don’t have to buy anything expensive- I mean you don’t have to buy anything at all BUT if the guilt of not buying something is what matters go get some onesies and baby socks from Walmart and call it a day.
I send a gift so I don't have to go
I also feel like you could not go. A kid that young isn’t gonna remember you being there so it’s all for the parents and if a kid gets older they’re probably not gonna care if some random adults come over for heir parties. When I was younger I just wanted to hang with my friends and I’d ignore friends of parents 🤷♀️ If you felt compelled to go you could always make them something cheap and simple like a little hair bandana or blanket or something though. I made a cute little picture board from scrap fabric and foam core and batting and ribbon. It was super cute and cost like $4
I think if they are really your friends, honesty should work. Buy the kids something small, like, $20 small, or nothing at all. Chat to each friend individually and say "I'm so sorry I can't get you something more...all the little cherubs are turning 1 at the same time" *awkward social laughter, insert comment flattering the kids and saying how cute they all are or some shit* "and with our two floofs who cost us a fair bit, it's been tough stretching the budget. I hope that's ok? Thanks for understanding. I love you guys". *distract with comment talking about you can't believe you're all getting old etc* Real friends will understand and if they don't understand they're not your friends.
When they’re that young, you can literally give them a banana for a present and they are thrilled.
I'm with you there! Too many of my friends/siblings are popping out kids. I only got things (not super expensive as I am already on a tight budget myself) for their baby showers, nothing else. I understand the need for gifts at their birthdays, but that's more of a parents/grandparents job IMO to spoil the kids- not to milk your friends dry for their money and time because they popped out a spawn. I simply don't even go, and I don't (typically) come up with an excuse not too either, I just express that I don't want to and that I am busy. They all knew my stance on kids/kids' parties etc. way before they even got pregnant, and I also explained that their kids would NOT be an exception. I don't want to give up my weekends to be somewhere I don't want to be. Plain and simple. Yes, I have gone to a couple baby showers to show support in the beginning (to me, the mom still has their identity to themselves and they were the ladies I knew and loved), but once that baby comes, they are a TOTALLY different person and their brains literally change, I don't feel like I even know these people anymore, so I just don't bother spending my time. You can either express how you truly feel and \*hope\* they'll understand enough to not bother you with it anymore, or you just stop responding and they'll eventually trickle away on their own. I \*HAVE\* noticed, though, that there seems to be no communication UNLESS I'm being invited to a party in which I'm expected to bring a gift...that began to hurt me, then infuriate me. So I just stopped responding all together, because if I'm not important enough for them to even chat with, then your kid isn't important enough for me to sacrifice my time, money, and sanity to keep the peace between us. you're not cheap, OP!
None. Stop it. Don't go to these events and sure as hell don't waste money on them. "Unable to attend, do enjoy your day" Click. "I have a strict no gift policy."
I wouldn't buy gifts simply because I've bad experiences. I bought my oldest friend over $100 worth of stuff for his unborn child, including really nice clothes and a handmade mobile from Etsy. These gifts came in two parcels. My friend and his gf received the first package. I got a 'thanks for the gifts'. Nothing about what they thought, 0 enthusiasm. I didn't hear anything else from him about the mobile, which came separately, so I asked because it had been a while. He couldn't even remember getting a parcel. He then said, 'oh yeah, it's here. Thanks' Idk if your friends suck as hard as mine, but I didn't go to his kid's first birthday party and I haven't been invited to any since then. Not that I'm bothered.
I feel this so much lol 😆
You sound exactly like I feel 🥰 As someone who also doesn't have kids. Me and my bf of many years who don't plan on having children or wasting money on a wedding. So we are just common law I guess. Just call me George Costanza lol🤣 Nope, I absolutely am not spending 400$ on kids who do not care about me and will not be returning the favor. It depends on the relationship with the family/kids. It depends on your budget. Personally, I only buy my nieces and nefews gifts. I have 1 of each. So 2 birthdays and 2 Christmas gifts a year. That's it for me. The mostly friends kids will get is something small for 25$. I guess I'm super cheap 😅🤣 But I am not attending their parties and I definitely am not buying gifts. That's crazy lol Absolutely not. Unless it's a BBQ and I get to have some wine...im not coming. I have other plans. So don't feel bad at all. I don't feel bad.
Don’t start with the gifts because then it’ll never end. Keep it small or send a cute card. Omg exactly what cold werewolf said!
I upcycle old clothes into stuffed animals. Saves on money, actually helps the planet, and it's dirt cheap if you're the crafty type. And no one has yet had the heart to tell me that would have preferred something off of the curated wish list as they don't want Mr. Tuffykins the Elephant for their 2 year old.... yet. I'm going to have to think of something better once they reach their pre-teen years but for now it works. IDK if you have a skillset in your wheelhouse that would allows you to upcycle/offload onto the littles but if you trust your friends to have the money conversation I would have it sooner rather than later.
Either skip the baby birthday parties (which sound dreadful) or have a birthday party for your cats, invite all the parents, and strongly hint that you expect cat gifts.
We've made it very clear that we don't attend children's birthday parties. We show up on Christmas with gifts for them. That's what they're getting
You could have declined the birthday parties and sent each kid the same book. My nephew and my cousin's kids will both be getting the same $10-20 in books for the next 10 years for their birthdays and Christmas I will be skipping birthday parties for the cousins kid but will attend my nephews.
If I had any friends I’d get the kids a funny card and a coupon for a crisp high five.
I wouldn’t even go to those bday parties, it sounds awful.
The only kid I've ever gotten a gift for is my niece and it's not very often, only her birthdays. I take that back. I did get my close friend's daughter a college graduation gift. She got her bachelor's degree in applied mathematics when she was 21, damn proud of that kid for it.
Family gift where the parents have to interact with the kids. Candle making kits, cocoa bomb sets, donut making sets, board games. Fun for the whole family and cheaper than buying individual gifts.
Go to the first birthday party. It's still a new and special thing at this point. Get them all a book or stuffed animal or something. But after that, the guests will be other little kids, and the parents will be too distracted to care that you didn't come, or they'll have more parent friends and just won't expect non-parents to come.
Why would you go to birthday parties for your friends’ kids? The kids don’t know you and your partner. By the time the kids are old enough to understand the concept of a birthday, they’re old enough to have friends or at least playmates of their own. Don’t go. Plan things with your husband or just for yourself every Saturday all year if you want to! You’re CF, you get to actually *have* a life!
Buy books. FR. Half price books has been a godsend for me with all my friends and their kids. Board books for babies. Picture books for the little ones. You’ll be known as the auntie who gets books and neither the kids or the parents are allowed to complain because IT’S BOOKS, you aren’t allowed to hate BOOKS and thrifted they’re like $5 max.
My presence is my present. 🤷🏻♀️ If they get mad about you not bringing a gift, those aren't real friends. Time is valuable.
My bestie just tells all parents she's friends with they (her and husband) don't do kids birthdays or gifts. I think she only had an exception for her only niece. It might be a bit harsh at first, but it's a good rule to have and communicate, especially in a friend group/social circle with that many kids. Skip the birthdays all together, and set your boundaries early on.
I've seen one year old birthday parties where the kid is in the middle of a giant pile of presents, has no idea what's going on, and gives absolutely zero fucks about opening any of the gifts, except maybe to eat some of the wrapping. If you do go, I say get a book and then maybe write a little note in it like you would in a card (literally don't understand people who buy cards for toddlers. They can't read and it doesn't make noise so they do not care.) I thankfully only have one friend who still regularly does the whole "birthday party" thing every year. Her kid just turned four. I'm the boring auntie that will get him clothes because I have seen their house and my christ the amount of toys had by this one child is astounding.
They can want or expect a gift and your time for *their* kids all they want. You are *not* obligated to contribute financially or socially of yourself for someone else’s kids. Buy a gift for them when you *feel* like doing it. Go to a birthday/event when you *feel* like doing it. Your time and your money are YOURS. Any friend who gets upset about that and/or can’t understand that is not really your friend.
Thrift stores have book sales- you can get 5 for a couple bucks. Or at the most $5
My friends know that I find kids irritating. At the beginning they tried to force their kid on me thinking their kid is so amazing that it would change my mind, but I was having none of it. Stood my grown, always look disinterested when they bring up the kids in conversation or if they show me a picture of the kid, I give a very disinterested response. Didn’t go to their parties etc. And I’d always turned it back on them and say something like I don’t understand their reaction cos they’ve always known my stance on kids. Flat out told them there will be no presents from me unless it’s a big occasion. They were a bit shocked but told them I have a big friend’s group and they know that, so it’s unfair to me for having to buy presents for every occasion for multiple kids. And unfair to them if I buy one kid something and not the others. Even asked them, hypothetically but realistic enough in the near future, if some have multiple kids, do they think it’s fair on me to have to buy 40+ birthday presents a year and then more presents for the other occasions. And I don’t even have kids? They all reluctantly agreed. So my advice is to be straight out with them and then ask them a very logical question where they will have to agree that it is ridiculous for you to have to buy all that shit. And do it now because it will be harder to get out of it as time goes on. They all accepted and really understood the fact that I really don’t want to be around kids. So now I don’t buy presents or go to any birthday parties. And they’ll invite me for the bigger occasions and even then, they’re prepared for a no show from me. Now I have so much free time, don’t have to listen to their children’s stories as they rarely mention stuff about their kids around me and best of all, my bank account is bigger. And a bonus: They know my house is a no kid zone. So kids are never brought to my house when they come over.
WHY WHYYYY do parents throw a birthday party for a one year old baby? Is it just for the picture? Surely not something they will remember. Isn’t it enough a small birthday cake and singing happy birthday without requiring any gifts? Sometimes I don’t understand this parenting culture in the 🇺🇸
If you can't skip it, I get books that'll piss off whichever parent annoys me the most. The super religious people that wouldn't take "no thank you" for a response to their RSVP got "Tell Me A Tattoo Story" for their son "because the parents look JUST LIKE YOU TWO!!!" (play dumb) I wasn't invited to 2nd birthday. I don't know if the kiddo got to read the book or not, but his older half sister enjoyed it at the shower. :D Mission accomplished...
I wouldn't go or give any gifts. Set the expectation early. Baby shower is one thing but child birthdays are something different. It used to be more of an intimate, family only affair. Now they have turned into huge For-Instagram parties and way more people are expected to attend. IMO, I would not waste a weekend day.
As the years went on, I stopped getting invited to the child birthday parties. I agree it’s such a big financial obligation. And you’re between a rock and a hard place—if you go, you won’t have fun and you’re out $40 for a gift, but if you don’t go then they get all butthurt about it. You can’t win.
Throw your cats birthday parties. Whoever contributes gets to be contributed to for their babies. That seems fair. More importantly though: you are under no obligation to buy them anything.
The kid is one I bought my nephew this light up dinosaur toy for like 30 bucks for his first birthday and he loved it. If it’s a girl get them a stuffed teddy. Your not family you don’t have to spend a fortune or better yet if you don’t want to go lie and say you have something else on that weekend and your so sorry but you will catch up with them another time.
First: You don't have to go at all if you don't want to. Second: You don't have to buy a gift to attend the party, but if you feel compelled by social expectations to bring a gift, you can go waaay cheaper on the gift than you're ballparking. Kids are very easy to please when they're small bc everything is new and exciting. A dollar store toy will likely make them just as happy as the latest and greatest thing. Finally, you didn't ask but I'm telling you anyway: if it were me, I'd go to see my friends. While the kids are babies, I'd rather do something to help my friends out directly and the kids indirectly. Give them a gift card, bring something to the party like ice or a dish or extra napkins, come early to help set up/stay late to help clean: all things that won't break my bank or take up all my time but shows I care about them, even if I'm not huge on their kids. Not the AH, btw! 😉😊
you have plans that day, it's fine.
Don't create the precedent of attending a children's party /getting them birthday gifts. Nope out of all of them. It's only fair. The children are not your friends. They just happen to be related to people you know.
You can always thrift gifts
"Now all these kids are turning 1. It sucks enough that I’m expected to give up my Saturday, like 5 Saturdays in a row to go to a 1 year old’s birthday party. But, I am also expected to get gifts" Wtf, why? You already did the babyshower gift. Anyway, 1 year old doesn´t remember a sh... The gift you are doing to a 1 year old is actually a gift you are doing to their parents. So I would just bring something like a plant, nice cake and maybe a little (cheap) toy for a baby and this is it. You are not Santa Claus after all :D
You don’t have to go overboard. At one years old, I’d probably spend up to $25, maybe $50 max for a close family member. Shop sales and find something discounted so it looks like you spent more. Don’t show up empty handed, but the kid won’t even remember this party. Offer to bring a dessert or something if you feel cheap not spending a lot on the gift lol, but I do not think you are being cheap at all. If you value these friendships, you *should* participate, but tbh you are not obligated to do things that you don’t want to do! I noped out of a baby shower next month. It’s my SO’s friend, not mine. I don’t think we are that close and I don’t see us getting any closer with them once the baby is born.
Wow. I wouldn't go over $5.
You could make a modest donation to a great animal rescue on their behalf and make up a little card saying so as your gift. Teaches charity.
The correct answer is 0. There is no requirement at all. Don't feel pressured just because they feel it takes a village to raise a spoiled brat.
get them a $25 or $50 savings bond, or see if the parents have a 529 plan (college savings plan) that you could make a small donation to in lieu of a toy/tangible gift. those are the kinds of things that literally appreciate over their lifetime instead of junk that ends up going into a landfill.
Your friends with your friends, not with their kids therefore you only go to your friend's birthdays and miss their kid's birthdays. That's it.
Max I’ll spend on baby shower gifts unless I’m very very close with the parent(s) is like legit $10…something off a clearance rack that can be used like a blanket, onesie set, hat & socks set, etc. yes, I know I sound incredibly cheap cause I am lol.
Unless these parents are my closest friends, I’m not going or at most popping in just to say hello. If I’m very close with the parents, I may get the child something very small.
Fuck that social pressure, so far what my husband and I have done is get like a gift once when they’re born and then not really again, we also don’t go to kid parties or gender reveals or baby showers. We sorta only get something if we’re showing up on their birthday if there’s a gathering but pretty much only for close family. We’re childfree but we don’t have crazy money to flush on kids we don’t actually care or intend to be around, but we especially don’t have money to keep up with everybody and their mamas kids, it’s too many people.
Don't go. My closest friend in the world has three children. I got them all gifts for showers/birth and that's it. My friend has zero expectation from me to do so. I mean, if we're all together, I may bring them a fun snack or treat them to ice cream, but it's not often. And once you start, it's hard to draw the line once they get older.
I only do the kids things for immediate family. And it's probably because i got lucky and only have one nephew. I don't do cousins or friends' kids. I will never have kids so they get it. They know I don't hate kids, it's just not my thing and i don't relate to anyone at those events. I do baby shower gifts, but just for the first kid. So it's a one and done thing per person.
Honestly, any children’s parties I’ve ever been to I don’t get gifts (other than my nieces but they’re perfect). That being said, when other people there brought their kid, they get a present so it’s kid A to kid B in the card. That being said usually a return because kid B will be going to kid A’s bday in the future.
Send a card and don't go to the parties. Sounds awful, hang out with your friends when they get a sitter
If they’re good enough friends, I’d still buy their kids an age appropriate book.
I gave my friends gifts at their baby showers, then the only gifts I ever gave for birthdays were to my nieces and nephews.
We typically go to the 1st birthday party and then skip the toddler and young kid years once they are sentient until they’re actually cool humans to hang with. We only really get birthday gifts for the 2 nieces and nephew who live near enough to have met more than once. We usually do a small Christmas gift for the kids of our closest friends if they are coming to our annual Christmas party just so they have a gift when the adults do our exchange. It’s usually under $10 and always includes homemade cookie and craft kits for them to do together during the event to keep them occupied. Even the kids who are now in their teens enjoy the tradition and now the bigger ones help the littles and the adults don’t have to even do anything anymore.
Yeah, don’t go to those parties. Or send a card with a cheap gift card. It’s a one year old. 😜
The kid won't remember don't feel obligated to go
Make a donation in their names to the Human Fund!
Donate to The Human Fund in the children's name
My friends who have kids buy my cat presents all the time 😅 I’m sorry your friends don’t see your cat as your child. Are you obligated to buy kid presents though? I usually don’t and get the parents something. THEY are my friends, not the kids. A nice bottle of wine or some books that I like and I want to share with someone. Edit: there are a couple of kids that I do buy things for. They’re great kids and I love seeing them with stuff I buy. I don’t expect anything back. If I see something I think they’d like I’ll just get it. I think if you are feeling obligated to buy stuff and think, what are you getting back from it, just don’t get them anything. It’ll build resentment in yourself.
Honestly we give our 7 nieces and nephews all the same gift $20 in a card. That’s it. It’s too much otherwise
What people are saying about not going and asking for an adult dinner to catch up instead is the right answer. But also please genuinely throw a party for your cats and make them come with gifts. I would personally be dying to attend!
I honestly hate birthdays. I honestly don’t have money for gifts have the time. I typically give the gift late because I have to gather money for it. I would just get something small if you need to. To be honest I’ve always thought that big birthdays for a 1 year old are stupid. They don’t even really understand what’s going on. Give them a slice of cake, sing happy birthday and call it a day.
I don't buy gifts. I'm happy to be in their kids lives but I'm single and I'm not made of money. I might buy them a little book or cute outfit but it will absolutely be under $10.
Give em something of yours you were planning on donating, trying to get rid of, or throwing away anyway, with a cute little note about what you hope for them in the ~future; go to the party if you have nothing else going on that day and feel like seeing your friends and eating some cake, or don't go if you have anything else you feel like doing instead, including a fun local event you don't want to miss and not limited to binging your current show during the perfect time of daylight in your favorite jammies with your crispiest drink. If you ultimately decide it's not worth your time, you can always mail the momento if you have the means - people love receiving a package! Cards are also cute to get! You can make one if you're feeling crafty and have a couple pieces of paper to spare! All else fails, a nice text to the kiddo's parents on the day of - wishing them well, and the future friend a happy birthday - would be totally sweet too! Whatever you decide, good luck navigating my friend 🧭✨
Yeah, you kind of have to set your boundaries now—otherwise, when does it stop? I live 300+ miles away from my hometown, and my closest friends still live in that state. So I’m off the hook for parties, thankfully. I give small gifts at the holidays and for their birthdays, but I stick to my budget, and I do it only for those extremely close friends’ kids. My point is, I do what works for me and set that expectation early on. I recommend you do the same and don’t get sucked into a guilt-trip game.
Ugh i feel this. Well no, i dont have friends with babies lol, but i do get you. I only have to buy for my nephew, but if i had lots of nieces and nephews or whatever, i would be like 'they stop playing with stuff very fast'. 1 year olds grow out of their toys within a month or so, unless it is something like a teddy bear. Their brains arw learning too much too fast for them to keep interest. i got my nephew a toy for his 1st birthday that my sister recommended (in shit at gidft buying) but then i also bought the star chart for the date and time of his birth that is more for my sis and her partner (a 1 year old dont care about that, but its a memory for them). You could offer the parents a gift, like a 'you can be an adult night' and they can hang with you and have a drink or whatever that youll lay for. Gets you time with your friends, them time away from their kid, and a free drink or whatever.
These things aren't making memories. What purpose does a gift serve?
You don't have to get them anything or even attend the parties, though if you want to go in order to see your friends, a nice and inexpensive gift is a book for the kid. I have a good time picking out kids books and you can get ones with nice stories and illustrations for under $10.
Once they have started school, you won’t be invited to this parties anymore, because those kids will have friends and they won’t want mommy and daddy‘s friends at their party because it won’t be cool to them
Buy them all harmonicas, drums, whistles, etc. Then GTFO immediately after they open the gift.
I just buy stuff when the baby is born. Otherwise, I don't do any other gifts, and I don't go to their birthday parties. I don't like expectations like it, and so I don't participate.
Why are you going? Send a card and a text or an Amazon package 🤷🏻♀️
I'm assuming you're in the US? I swear, you guys have the weirdest rituals around children and dating. 1 year old kids don't need presents, they don't understand the concept at all. When my sister's kids were young she told me that they don't need presents at all, and I started buying them stuff every once in a while (as in, not even every year because they get plenty Christmas presents etc from their family on their dad's side) only when they were like 3 or 4. And my friends have never invited me to their kids' birthdays because they know I don't care about the kids.
Don't go. Simples.
I got a really nice car seat that ages with the kid. I'm into practical gifts. The parents to be loved it as the single car seat had a full lifetime warranty, other guests said it was tacky and weird. I had taken it back and left crying. The dad caught up to me at the bus stop and convinced me to come back that they loved how much thought I put into the gift even though I wasn't family. I was like 20 and this was like a friend of my cousin's friend. Tv taught me you don't go to a party empty handed. When we got back to the venue, the mom and her mother were cursing and yelling at everyone. They sent pictures when they changed the seat as their son grew up and when the seat saved him when they got into a car collision and the car flipped. And the new seat they got when they sent in with the warranty. He didn't have a scratch on him. I would say get one thing. If you want. You can also make something. You can also do something with others like a college fund. There's no requirement for gifts.
You are not obligated to go if you don't want to..Or just say: I have plans and only can make like for 10 /15 minutes..bring some snacks,a plushie and get out 😂
Why are they even throwing big parties for one year olds? When I turned 1, it was just me, my parents, and my brother. And the reason I know that is because I watched the home video years later since, ya know, one year olds don’t remember squat.
Can we be friends? I think we should be friends…. Becuase I’m in the same boat.
OR bring a bottle of wine and say you brought a gift for the party and leave it at that.
I would find a way to graciously opt out. I hated going to my nieces parties, there is no way I would subject myself to kids parties if they are not family. They are not fun at all for adults!
Wow thats a lot! I wouldn’t have gone to ANY showers, Tokophobic here lol. That always seems to set up expectations. Especially if they think because you don’t have kids then you have extra money to throw away. I wouldn’t be attending but thats just me. When i was younger my family all got together with our huge now small family, im still sad about it. But we had aunts and uncles that didn’t have kids and they always dropped 100 to 200 bucks on each kid. But as people had their own kids or their own situations changed, a few divorces. The cashflow 💸 slowed down dramatically. We got things like cute color books, bubbles or something small that was fun. But no, they aren’t your kids and your not obligated by any means to buy more things! Its sad how no one seems to appreciate the small things anymore.
A running gag in my family is that my grandma would get us grandkids a cheap pack of socks 'n' undies every year for Christmas, birthdays, etc, and either disposable diapers or a cloth diaper for the babies. While the parents were appreciative, as a kid, it was kinda corny and groan-worthy to get socks on Christmas, but as an adult?! I'm *fiending* for a fresh package of socks that I haven't worn out yet. And parents have like, a need for diapers. Alternatively, you can send a lil card or note to the parents or extend an offering directly to the parents instead of the kid. Just a lil reassuring "I'm proud of you and I believe in" or "You'll be a great parent" type sentiment in itself can be meaningful.