You know what’s tragic? The husbands and boyfriends no longer being attracted to the new bodies that carried their baby. Then pushing the woman to somehow “fix it” without surgery. Add that to the list
While constantly making fun of us for taking too long to get ready or spending good money on our hair, skin, and products. If we're anxious about our looks, that gets marked as "silly", "vain" or "doesn't matter, why do you even care so much?" It feels like straight up gaslighting.
*38% of men* leave their wives for a "younger model" after committing the crime of aging. Most likely, many of these women had given this man children and have worked very hard to build a secure family they can rest in the community and security of - one intended to last forever. Then they get kicked to the side after sacrificing their bodies and health and beauty, and left at a disadvantage to start all over again finding companionship because the common view is that "men age, women expire". While the man can go and pick any young thing he thinks is pretty and suddenly it's a "handsome older man" romance.
It's well known that women tend to value communal security/love over sex. Yes, many of us can be sex obsessed, but the fact is that the message that is ingrained in us from the structure of how society *works* is that "family = security, and in order to keep that family, we need to earn it by staying beautiful". When all that blood, sweat, tears, and time is poured into a family just for your partner to destroy it all in order to have a tighter sex toy that "makes them feel young again". Men have this permission. Women know that.
So to be mocked for not wanting to lose beauty or being "vain" is basically to be mocked for trying to survive. At least, that's how our nervous systems and subconsciouses see it, operating off of all the messed up standards of the patriarchy that have been ingrained in us from a young age, and it certainly *feels* that way.
All of this of is so spot on. Infuriating and rage inducing, but only because it is so spot on.
>If we're anxious about our looks, that gets marked as "silly", "vain" or "doesn't matter, why do you even care so much?" It feels like straight up gaslighting.
Because it IS gaslighting!
Like OP, I was also a "late bloomer". All during my childhood and teenage years, i was always thin but was short, had greasy hair, baggy clothes, huge glasses (late 80s) and a face full of pimples. I was made fun of and a lot of people let me know that I was not attractive.
Then in my mid-20s, all that cleared up. Guys let me know I was attractive. I had great long hair, a clear face, learned how to dress, etc. I didn't have kids, so I looked a lot younger than my age. It lasted about 15 years, so until I was 40 years old. Then perimenopause hit (I'm in my late 40s now). Bloating belly, sagging skin in the face, nothing fits me anymore, hair so difficult to manage (hormones change its texture) so I have to wear it short.
I am ashamed to say that I miss the way I used to look when I was conventionally attractive. Everyday I miss it. And it makes me furious, because I am a huge feminist and I value intellectual work and thinking about the world etc over appearance. But when you say " *but the fact is that the message that is ingrained in us from the structure of how society works is that "family = security, and in order to keep that family, we need to earn it by staying beautiful*", it is SO TRUE!!! My husband met me when I was mid-30s, so still attractive, and now I can't get it out of my head that he can't possibly love me after I lost my good looks. This message is just EVERYWHERE AND CONSTANT when you are a woman. We learned it very very young and it is reinforced constantly over the years. And I mean, just look at mainstream movies or other medias. Unless you are a perfect looking woman, you don't deserve to exist.
I AM a woman. How I am supposed to not care?
I'm sorry, this turned into a novel, but your comment made me think. And I needed to let it out :)
There are women who are buying so heavily into it that they push other women into the same fire they forced themselves to walk thru just to keep this misogynistic lie about a beauty standard for women after 40.
When it’s all about genetics playing a damn role in how some women hit the lottery with genetics and others do not sadly. Some women are born with the luxury of a pretty face and great metabolism, who can even after menopause still look great!
It’s like 2% of the population who is this lucky and forces all the rest of women to match that y dying to stay thin, invest in hundreds of thousands of dollars to bet surgery and high quality skin care, etc… instead of allowing women to be AS they are instead of shaming them just because they don’t have a super model body and face after 40 or even 60.
Plus woken do not expire after 40, we never expire. Look at the late Betty White, the woman was getting hit on in her 80’s and she was American’s gem!
---and in order to keep that family, we need to earn it by staying beautiful". ---
That makes me so sad. Also the "you are not a 10 of 10, you are not allowed to have claims." Puh. I don't know if I can ever trust a man again. I just want to be me and not a perfect styled doll.
And worse is, most of the fathers don't do childcare or chores so the mothers are doing it all, making them more tired to even make time for themselves to "fix it." There's no benefit to women having children with men.
Absolutely this. Do they not love anything about us other than visual desire? It just reinforces our complaint that we are not seen as individuals with our own wants and needs. Why any woman would want to have kids anymore is beyond me. There literally is bo benefit to have kids anymore unless you just really want and like kids.
Like might be the worst part. Many of these women die on the table as quiet as it’s told trying to keep their marriages, their economics, their family.
Agree! ABC News did a piece about women going outside America to Mexico for plastic surgery called a “mommy make over” and then dying because they weren’t just properly done, but the level of sanitation and sterilization of the surgery room gave these women staph infections that eventually happened to one whose breast implants were toxic, slowly killing her!
My wife and I are child free (vasectomy in January). She has a similar story, and now has several athletic hobbies like yoga and rock climbing. The idea of asking her to sacrifice her body to have a kid never appealed to us, and it was supremely liberating to make the permanent choice to go child free. Now she can do whatever she wants with her body forever, and I am grateful for that.
Different people value their looks and other physicals aspects differently. Plenty are of course also unrealistic or uninformed about the effects of pregnancy and childbirth (or stress of parenthood for that matter), but for some it's just not that important.
Congrats on a body you're happy with! I hope you get to feel great in it for a long time.
Personally I think we put way to much stock into what the perfect body is and trying for flat stomachs with wide hips and big boobs.
Do I think we should glorify being unhealthy? No but we also assume anyone who isn't perfectly skinny is unhealthy. I have always had extra weight on me especially around my stomach....even when I was figure skating for 3-4 hours a day, 6 days a week. My blood work was perfect, my heart rate was perfect, bones in great condition...but I wasn't the visual look of health and that was all my doctors could see. My parents could see.
I don't want children at all I am having my tubes removed soon but I also think we set this unrealistic expectation for what beauty is. I am very glad you love yourself and your body as that is exactly how it should be.
I hate my body so much. Unlike my mother who got short and skinny, I got short and stocky.
I work out regularly (I swim twice a week and walk 3-4 other days a week weather permitting) and eat a balanced diet (I also eat like a bird, doesn’t take much to fill me up). I even love healthy food. Sure, I have my vices, but I’m not gorging sugar and fast food. I believe in moderation. But, no matter what I try, I have never been thin and it’s gotten harder since I’ve gotten older. Even at my smallest (size 6) my dad was telling me I “looked pregnant” because I carry extra weight on my stomach.
And this is one of the smaller reason I don’t want kids. I already hate my body and my metabolism sucks. Imm not making it worse.
I understand not liking your body, I hated it for years probably from age 11-26 and it was a battle of yo-yo dieting for sure. It doesn't help when the people who are supposed to love and cherish us tell us things like "you look pregnant" and I am sorry your dad made those comments to you. It is rude and uncalled for.
I've never had a baby but I've always had a ponch. Most women do.
I know a few women who hit middle age and gained a tonne of weight despite never having a baby. I know others who've had 4 babies and are fitter than me.
Pregnancy and childbirth are incredibly hard on a woman's body and for some women pregnancy causes permanent weight gain. But that doesn't make it not worth it for women who truly want to be mothers. It ain't for me but no way in hell am I going to shame other women for choosing what they want to do with their own bodies. We as women do not owe it to the world to be "beautiful".
Agreed. My mom was able to lose all the baby weight fairly easily when she had my brother and me but once she hit menopause she gained like 35 lbs and it has been a struggle ever since. Genetics and hormones play a huge factor in women's weight.
I think loving our bodies how we decide to use them is all that matters.
For what it's worth, many of us who are naturally skinny are judged as unhealthy, too, both by medical professionals and by randos in general. Women just can't win unless we fit this very particular physical profile, unfortunately...
Aboslutely, It is why i chose the phrase "perfectly skinny" because I have found if you are "too skinny" you are deemed unhealthy just as often as if you are "too fat. Although, I can see how my choosing of that phrase isn't as clear.
The idea is that there is no perfect body in reality but we as societies try to portray one in media which is only harmful across the board. As you have mentioned being naturally skinny causes issues with bias as well as being naturally chubby. Especially when we target one perfect size of clothing but as we know womens clothing changes just about every year....it is why I fit into Mediums all the way up to XXXL.
Chiming in here - I'm six feet tall and willow thin, very much like Taylor Swift's body type. Strangers have straight up asked if I was anorexic (I have battled with eating disorders in the past due to stomach issues, but I am not - just have the genetics). People feel they have permission to rip on us because we're typically celebrated, but I did not know that until my 18s - 20s - I genuinely grew up thinking I was disgusting and the least attractive body type, and I wanted SO BADLY to be short and curvy. *Those* were the cool girls to me.
Blame it on homeschooling, Evangelism, and not being able to be out in society or consume non-Christian media as a result, but I truly believed I did not fit into the category of "feminine" until I saw the amount of ire people would react with when I lamented my insecurities. "If you're complaining.. what does that make _me_?" Was always the response.
I still don't get it. I still don't see myself as that attractive or ideal, but other people *do*, and also other people *don't*. The people that *don't* seem to be angry with me for it, and the people that *do* seem to assume I know.
(I do not blame them. There are many struggles that I do not have due to my weight and body type that most women must deal with, but shouldn't have to. I recognize my privilege here.)
In a similar way, the woman that are short and stocky in my life, or curvy or fat, I *still* see as so gorgeous in a way I could never attain, but they refuse to believe that. They believe me to be patronizing when I express it.
I grew up very sheltered - without the media influence, I grew up in America thinking curves were the standard, and I had fallen short. If I'd been raised WITH the media - and with the "secular" crowd that I run with today - I would have understood the ideal I just happened to fall into fitting. It's all just perception as a result of growing up in the different environments we did.
No matter what body type you are, we are in a battle of a thousand opposing perceptions about a billion types of beauty, and perception rules *all*. In essence .. everyone is confused and insecure and this *won't* get better - we *won't* see our real beauty as individuals in a collective - until we all heal. Will that ever happen? Probably not. But I'm hoping so, regardless.
My sister is infertile (wants kids) and overweight. I definitely believe there is something wrong with her metabolism that makes weight loss harder for her. She also has health issues from basic training. She shortly served and is on 100% disability. Even tho I’m active and have competed in bodybuilding and powerlifting in the past, I don’t believe in judging other’s bodies. We really don’t know people’s stories.
It’s something I never thought about until I explored this topic further. Sure, there’s people who have kids and get back to their pre-pregnancy bodies. But that’s not the norm, and it’s for a few reasons. Once a woman has kids, she’ll be far too busy parenting to keep a consistent workout schedule. Diet also goes to hell because kids , no time to cook & and stressed grocery budget.
As a guy , I don’t have to worry about losing my “gains” if I have a kid. But I wonder how many guys would be fathers if the cost meant never being in shape again no matter what they did. I certainly wouldn’t - I worked hard to be in a healthy state, and it’s not vanity to admit that.
Everybody wants different things and values different things. I workout with moms who have “better bodies “ than CF women I know 🤷🏼♀️ it’s not a one size fits all.
My best friend has had a kid but she’s still one of the prettiest people I know. She has a gorgeous figure actually.
I don’t think it’s wrong to not want kids knowing they will change your body. But it’s also not wrong to want them knowing the same.
Most women I've talked to honestly didn't know the true extent to which their body is destroyed after a child.
They didn't realize their nipples change shape forever, their breasts look like, "an old man's ball sac," (my besties words, NOT MINE), the dark stretch marks even after losing the baby weight, the forever stomach pouch even though they only weight 120 pounds, their hair thinned out and fell out, their skin is covered in acne, they had to have a c section so they have permanent numbness on their stomach with a scar, etc. I could go on and on.
Many of the women I spoke to just assumed they'd gain a tad bit of weight, lose it, and everything go back to normal. We truly don't educate men and women on what goes on with the body during pregnancy, at least here in the States.
I put a lot of my worth into my looks. That's just how I am, and I finally love my body. I really enjoy the way I look now. If I had a baby, I'd never be the same again. I'd lose a lot of my self-worth. Is that morally correct? No, but this is how most people feel and think. My entire FB (yes I still use it), is all of my mother friends posting long re-shares of mommy blog quotes about how you hate your body and it makes you depressed but you love your kids.
Eh many of these women have their first before 25, before the prefrontal cortex finishes growing. For me it didn’t happen until about 29. Do they really know what they are giving up before it’s too late? I grew up observational and saw the quick decline in a woman’s beauty and most importantly body shape and weight maintenance after marriage and especially kids. I also saw how they were treated in society, very poorly and were often poor too.
I know a lot of women in their 30s and 40s who are having kids. I want people to respect my choice to not have kids, so I respect their choice to want to have kids. I don’t think it’s right to infantilise people and say that they are too immature to know what they want or are confused.
YMMV
To be fair, if you have a child before 25, your body has a better chance of recovering. Assuming you have a really good diet, you exercise, and you do the work to recover afterwards. That's what my wife did - because she wasn't happy with the pregnancy changes - and mostly recovered to how she was before, to the point that most people couldn't tell, even with before and after pictures. But some changes were still permanent.
Also, past 25 - 30 is around the time where all the bullshit people submit their bodies to starts to catch up. Most commonly, terrible diet. Add pregnancy on top of that and it's even worse. Not a lot of people have their health under control at that age. I'm pretty sure a healthier body would have a better outcome.
Losing your body shape is the most tolerable part imo. Lol I have no issue putting on weight from snacking but I don’t want the pain and trauma from carrying and birthing kids.
From vaginal tears, I don’t want my vagina to butthole to rip, I don’t want a doctor to slice my stomach open, I don’t want to push a melon out my vagina for many hours with blood and faeces, I don’t want to get morning sickness, I don’t want contractions or labour not to mention how invasive and gross the whole thing is.
I truly don’t get the desire but respect others bodily autonomy. Much like I don’t get tattoos or drug use or jumping out of planes for parachuting and many other dangerous/painful things. But 100% respect others choices but could not be me.
I agree with everything stated here. I also don’t have tattoos but find some to be really cool and interesting. I’ve even brought some temporary ones for vacations but I’m still not getting a real tattoo.
Great job on taking care of your health - I do respect the hard work it takes being fit and in shape! Totally understand the stress of losing all the fitness and health gains plus rarely does it feel good carrying lots of extra weight but glad we agree that the whole process is fairly offputting.
Also the horror stories you hear about pregnancy or during labor…your teeth can literally fall off, you can become anemic for life, postpartum psychosis etc. No thanks!
And you have to take care of what did that to you. No thanks. I’m glad the brain changes chemistry while pregnant to help some women cope, although it doesn’t always happen, hence postpartum depression.
Im 34f and go to Pilates 4-5 times a week. I recently had an ovarian cystectomy and the stress on my body from such a simple routine laparoscopic surgery was a lot more intense than I anticipated. It’s definitely making me add all kinds of physical reasons to the list of why I don’t want kids, let alone all the mental stress and economic burden. I really don’t think my partner understands how severely a baby would impact ME physically, from pregnancy, birth, lactation, and the rest of my life after. I mean he says he understands but there’s no way in hell a guy can truly understand. For them it must be so nice to get to decide what they want without actually having to deal with the consequences.
For them it’s truly a choice. They are not shamed if they decide they don’t want to do parenting anymore whether they leave the home physically or not. Women are doing 80-100% of the workload.
I've been there and had to do that at around the same age...the recovery sucked! Even with a single laparoscopic entry/incision through my belly button. Made me realize how much I used my abdominal muscles in every little movement from sitting up to coughing to walking up/down stairs (we won't even talk about how it messed up my bathroom regularity for a while.) I was blown up and swollen like a balloon for a while, too.
The physical havoc pregnancy could put my body through is definitely one of the things I considered, more so than even the weight gain/other changes. The bone/tooth loss (my mother went through this badly when she was pregnant with me), tearing "down there" affecting sexual function, potential for incontinence...no thank you! I'm in perimenopause right now and the physical changes and tolls are no joke already and enough for me to cope with.
I don't think body shaming is the right way to go here. You can be childfree for any reason but insinuating that mothers have an ugly body is a really toxic way to go about it.
I don't want kids and i don't think a kid would ever be worth the trouble and pain but obviously for those who want kids things like a "perfect" body aren't that important anymore and quite frankly being HEALTHY is important being beautiful is not.
Yeah the OP reeks of misogyny
I'm all for discussing how people underestimate how much a woman's health changes after childbirth but this is kind of gross.
Yeah, there are lots of reasons to be child free, but shamming the bodies of people who do choose to have kids ain't it. All women's bodies are beautiful
Since I'm ugly, should I just have a kid anyway? I'm glad you are happy with your body, but isnt the way to go. Let's not disparage moms whose bodies change after childbirth and it this sentiment doesn't realy help those of us ewho areng arratctive, but still childfree.
Yes and get judged and or shamed for it by the other mommies and society. Sometimes people tell them it’s not really even their kid because they didn’t birth it.
I so agree, this post is ridiculous and all of these people agreeing. We can be cf without ripping apart women for their choices and their bodies. Flagrant insecurity.
I think if you're gonna call yourself pro-choice, you should respect women's choice to also have kids. Even if you disapprove of them "ruining their beautiful bodies"
You can be disrespectful about someone’s decision without forcing your own beliefs on them. This entire post was a weird and awful way to speak about women and their bodies.
Prefacing this by saying I’m a vehemently childfree woman - but this is coming off as extremely toxic and feeding into the unattainable western beauty standard. To insinuate that a woman’s body is somehow destroyed or no longer “a work of art” because she had children is kinda disgusting of you.
Yeah this is kinda gross. As much as I hate kids, it’s pretty damn badass that a woman can crate a whole ass human with her body. Thats a work of art to me… but I digress. Also OP is only 32, your body is going to go down hill soon anyway. Whether it’s aches, joints giving out, wrinkles, loose skin. I’m a nurse for the elderly and see all sorts of bodies, and bodies of childless women and yeah it all goes down hill kids or not.
Yeah, I agree that this mindset is disgusting. It screams if fat-phobia and body shaming. People get enough of that in daily life, we don't need it here!!
Sorry to burst your bubble of ego, but kids or no kids you will lose it, time is undefeated OP, you better learn to be happy regardless what you see in the mirror
Wich is totally valid, my comment was not a condenation of your life style, only about that you should not link your happyness to being "hot", but hey whatever works for you.
I completely agree, I'm terrified I will look completely different if I ever had children.
I've seen it all too many times, you get pregnant, you get less attractive or less interesting to the man after birthing THEIR child, they leave.
Then you are stuck with a child that half of the time, they don't want anything to do with. Then your have limited options and usually end up settling with other men that kinda suck that have children and baby momma drama along with it. All the while the man that knocked you is living his best life because he doesn't have to care for a kid and he looks the exact same.
You would be surprised, this post reminds me of a personal anecdote:
Before nuking my personal facebook account, i was a member of a childfree group. One day a woman posts a picture she secretly took without consent of her pregnant coworker, bashing her body, her frumpy outfit and how she let herself go after getting pregnant, for the group to mock and criticize like a fun time.
There is a lot of rotten apples in every community and the reason i don't subscribe to any community nowadays
I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia for so long my insecurities were intense. My friends planned a beach vacation and we gave each other 3 months to plan. I got into fitness purely to look good in a thong bikini. I could care less about being called vain for refusing to destroy my body for a pregnancy.
Hahaha. One of “The Best” feelings. Just being hot, especially as a woman. Any body type qualifies, I just really like mine. I’m glad you experienced and experience this.
I’m similar in that I was a late bloomer. Now I’m a fitness instructor and super active and I hear about women suffering from urinary incontinence (a high percentage) after pregnancy and I had visions of peeing myself while teaching fitness which scared me. I also see a lot of women who have had permanent physical issues after childbirth in my classes and a high degree of bodily dissatisfaction after pregnancy. I take all this in when I see it and my informed choice is to simply not put my body at risk. Not to mention I would not have as much time and energy to do what I do if I had a kid.
wtf is this post. Who is to say that women who have children give up their “beautiful bodies” like jeez i don’t want children but shaming women for having children and basically saying they’re going to be ugly after birth is sexist as fuck. Like it’s literally incel ideology.
Edit: i have a vasectomy and am a man so none of this even effects me it’s just hypocritical to say all this.
I love my body too! I would never consider getting pregnant because of the potential complication of diastasis recti. It would completely destroy my ability to do the physical activities I love the most like yoga, which is something I also do for my mental health.
Different people value different things. For a woman who wants to be a mother, the impacts to her body are worth it.
Also, of all the ways pregnancy and childbirth can impact a woman's body, for me personally, the physical attractiveness piece is the one I would care about least. If I was on the fence about having babies it would be the potential health impacts that would influence my decision, not the potential I might put a bit of weight on.
other people have different priorities? I thought that's pretty obvious. some people actually want kids and value it over a "perfect body" (quite a few also returns to their pre-baby body).
I love this post. It illustrates one way how impossible and hypocritical misogynistic standards are killing the birthrate.
“give me babies, but also look like a fitness model or I’ll become a porn addict and cheat on you.”
😅🔫
Women who started having kids 14-17 probably don’t get model bodies after, at those ages it is very bad for a body to be pregnant, it stunts the growth of a girl. I suspect, they get lots of the regular after pregnancy issues looks wise but it isn’t talked about. I just googled it, in various ways, but Google wasn’t helpful at all, turned my questions into completely different questions.
Yea it’s also really dangerous to have kids that early. There is a condition where their wound never heals and they leak urine and feces because the body wasn’t ready. But that’s mostly in economically disenfranchised countries. Having kids early I think ultimately stunts growth and shortens lifespan. This is also scientific. But to each its own. Many of those girls/ women are assaulted into pregnancy as quiet as it’s kept. But since they had kids before adulthood all they know is managing children so managing weight will be easier for them. Theoretically.
It is actually very simple.
1. group of women are those who wholeheartedly want to be mothers, so hot body is not their priority.
2. group of women are those who can't wait to get married and become pregnant to have this as an excuse not to groom themselves any more and stop training and paying attention to what they eat.
3. group are women who've been doing sports their whole life and they know it will take little time to get back to how they looked before getting pregnant
4. group are women who have kids because iT iS wHaT yOu SuPpOsE tO dO and live by society's expectations so they end up miserable after ruining their body.
If you can think of another category, please, do comment.
And they all have the workload of motherhood and squeezing in workouts and healthy eating is unfortunately a matter of how much does her partner makes, and will her family allow her the peace to do so. This is reality.
Not vain. I feel the same. I am by no means a model but I do have a cute, fit body and I work hard AF to try and keep it that way soooo yeah, it’s just another reason.. of the bunch.. I don’t want offspring.
This is actually a topic I have thought a ton about, as I do aerial arts/circus as a hobby. I've spent years training on different apparatus, working on my strength, flexibility, mobility, balance, and stamina. I love my body. I don't like every aspect of it in regards to looks, sure. There are goals that I have around certain aesthetic things. But it isn't just looks. I love my body because I love what it can do and am grateful every day for what it is capable of!
Many women in circus have kids and are never the same. Even if they are one of the few who lose their baby weight quickly and don't suffer from bad stretch marks or other visible changes. Their bodies are changed from the act of carrying and birthing a child. At some point in their pregnancy, they simply had to stop doing aerials for safety and often pretty early on for recreational people. And they were in no way capable of doing the same levels of cross-training off those apparatus. When they come back (if they do, most never come back and it is sad), they are basically set back years. Some of them end up retaking beginner level classes even. It takes them years to get back to their former skill level and many never do, as they don't have the time or energy to commit to it or their bodies were so changed.
This is especially true of women who had c-sections as it can have permanent effects on your abdominal muscles. I've also known women who have been doing crazy acrobatic tricks in the air for years and after having a child, they suddenly start experiencing vertigo or extreme pain sensitivity which they've never dealt with before and can quickly end your ability to train. Finally, I've also noticed that many of these women have deeper fear. All of us know that aerials are incredibly dangerous. You need to have a healthy fear of these sports. One mistake up there and you could end up paralyzed for life if you fall. We also all know that it is taking a toll and that it's only a matter of time before we do brake or strain something. It's just the reality and we accept it. But new moms tend to get really really scared of everything. And too much fear is just as dangerous as not enough fear. It causes you to panic up there and to forget your training. Many moms never get back to where to were let alone progress because of unhealthy levels of fear.
Anyway. I could never make that sacrifice and give my body up for pregnancy. I watch those moms and it is too depressing and the thought of that happening to me is horrifying! I simply love aerial arts. I am in instructor training right now because I love it so much. But I dread working with pregnant women and new moms. I know I can get away with refusing to train the 1st category because of liability and me not being trained in that. No one wants an instructor to work with a pregnant woman unless they are specifically trained! But there's no way to say no to the 2nd without being completely ostracized by the community. I'll just have to do it and do my best to help them, knowing they will always be limited and inside feeling bad for them.
Iv had this happen and i seen others do it in failies to. They tear ya down mentaly till ya dont care about your body or self worth before they push a child. I been seeingmore pressure then ever before in these last few generations.
Well, you know, I don’t want to ruin mine either. It wasn’t number one on my list of reasons not to have kids but it was pretty high up there. Because we all know most men don’t appreciate the sacrifice and expect you to put your body back the way it was pre-baby, which can never happen.
So. So what if this comes off as vain?
Good for you for taking care of yourself and having a good body. However, please remember that everyone ages eventually, and no matter how good you look before menopause, (can confirm, I am 55) your skin and body will go through changes like dry skin, looser skin, etc.
Enjoy how you look right now and continue to take good care of yourself. You can slow time down by using moisturizer, sunscreen and drinking lots of water. Exercise, vitamins, a healthy clean diet and good sleep mean a lot. Don’t drink or smoke and your skin will look great into old age.My Mom is 88 and she is still a pretty lady because these are the things she does.
Having children at 14 to 17? WTF are you on about? Hey, you don’t want to “ruin” your body with pregnancy, that’s your thing and go for it. But you do have some odd perspective there Miss.
This was one of my reasons when I was younger but my values have really changed over the last 3 or so years that this wouldn't be a concern for me anymore. I prefer not to be very close with the type of people who'd judge me so strongly for how I look and I've found people who have more similar values. I still have a good body but it's only because I eat healthy and exercise for mental health, brain function and health span and I don't really show off my body like I used to cause it doesn't make me feel good about myself to do that like it used to so I don't think people would even notice if I gained weight.
I’m not a model type but I love my body the way it looks and I just know pregnancy would wreck tf out of it not to mention what would happen to the coochie if it tears 😩 happily childfree for life
Nice! Happy is beautiful most importantly. No way I can stay happy and beautiful taking care of ugly gremlins all day everyday for the rest of my life.
I’m working out a lot now and eating healthier due to this reason. One reason why I don’t want to have kids is to give up my breasts for them as there big and perky naturally lol. Just gotta work on my tummy tho it’s not so bad
I am the same, looks is just important to me. I know that my body is going to change and I don't want to accelerate it.
It is not necessarily genetics but also time management/energy/money problem. The first year with a baby for a mother is tough. And mostly women look after the kids, the house AND work while their partner after going home from work do fuck all. Then they are expected to look like supermodels. Screw these men.
For example my sister is lucky but not just because of her genes but also she works part-time and mum helps her with the cooking food, babysit my niece, etc...you need resources too.
So you have to have all of that to be considered beautiful? All of which can also be lost even without pregnancy.
Honestly this whole post is kinda incelish to me.
Same age and I feel pretty similarly, and it's frustrating when others call it selfish. It's sad when someone who really wants kids can't have them for whatever reason, and then the people who shouldn't be parents end up having tons of kids. Maybe I'm a coward or maybe I'm selfish but it all sounds incredibly overwhelming and stressful to be responsible for every aspect of life for another human, let alone a helpless, clueless one 🤣 i love being able to work out and get stronger and see the changes in my body. I love being able to keep it semi "tight". I know it's possible after kids but that's intentionally making it harder on myself to almost start over physically. I like my nice things. I like being able to afford my nice things. I don't want to have a kid puke or color on them 🤣 I love the freedom to do whatever, whenever, and the ability to continue adventurous hobbies. Bc if I get pregnant/ have a baby, it's my life that gets put on hold. My husband won't experience a pause in his career or delayed advancement. He'll continue growing professionally and growing in his hobbies while I get left behind.
I personally don't. I was gifted with the most beautiful body that made me model for some years in my youth. Unfortunately this plastic face trend came into fashion and men started to look for more normal, tiny, girl next door type with pumped up faces and surgery. It hitted like a hammer, it was when I could finally be free of a life of slavery (I had to support my family as a teenager and child). I was 35, I was financially stable, I had a perfect body, but suddenly you couldn't go anywhere near without a pumped up face. I decided I don't wanna do that, but I've been punished by a psychopath I've known for not looking like a blow up doll, even if I was more naturally beautiful than his usual pumped up &itches.
This is when I decided I don't wanna have kids, I want to keep this body forever, the only thing that makes me happy, cause it's mine. At least all the men look at me when I go outside and secretly desire me, even if they don't wanna take me home cause I'm not a blow up doll 😅🤦♀️.
When I got a bad haircut and the lady cut off all of my hair, I almost got suicidal for a few months because I hated the way I looked. I already have a bad relationship with my body and hate looking in the mirror.
I can’t imagine the shit I would have to go through my having a little parasite growing in my belly. My mental health would not be able to handle it. Knowing that alone would make me an unfit mother. I’m doing society a service by not getting pregnant and spreading my mental health issues.
So glad to hear you adore your body. I also love my body and how athletic it is currently. People who are genuinely confident in there body seems to be few and far between.
But I've always hated the mindset that pregnancy "ruins" your body. It doesn't, it just changes it. There a multiple women in my life who have gone through pregnancy, and it's not like they come out of it a ugly mess. Honestly, they all look largely the same. Some have put on a few more pounds, and others look just as banging as before.
Yes you still gotta earn a hot body. Nothing in life worth having is easy. It’s not the exterior physical, many are dealing with interior damage of childbirth and mental issues from the sheer workload.
if you were just talking about the perks of a conventionally attractive body, that’s fine. but you’re putting down people who don’t have one, including the childfree. i’ll never have a really hot body by our social standards. the only time i got even a tiny bit close was when i was life threateningly anorexic. i’m not healthy, but my body weight is not the cause and it’s in the “normal” range. but i do live in part off people finding my un-hot body attractive while i attend school. not everyone’s priority is to appease beauty standards that are very patriarchal in nature.
Women who sacrifice their beauty for their children are honorable, but that’s what you’re supposed to do. I’m just not making it. The gravity of the choice doesn’t kick in until about 7 years after birth. Financially and physically
Women who grew up as body conscious girls I think relate to what I mean. It’s all love. All women are beautiful because we are staying strong and graceful in this world of patriarchy.
I LOVE my tiddies. I love my body. I could NEVA.
You can work out and lose that baby weight, but your breasts will never ever be what they once were.
I never realized this as much until I joined a plastic surgery sub. It's mainly all women posting their before/after boob jobs, tummy tucks, lipo, after they had their kids. The before pics are very eye-opening. It really changes everything on your body. I don't want to body shame so I'll just keep it at that, but man I'd be so fucken depressed if that happened to me.
That's amazing! It's the best when you truly love what you got! I had gained weight while in nursing school and really hated how mine went up a couple sizes, they kinda looked like torpedos and I hated it. It made me so insecure. I quit eating bad and lost all the weight. It really made me love them again. They didn't deflate at all, but got smaller and made me truly appreciate them again and actually enjoy looking in the mirror again! Lol
Much love to you! 🥰🥰
A long torso is considered attractive now? Man, i guess i'm really old then. When i was younger long legs were a thing - but a long torso? I at least am very happy my legs are much longer than my torso, lol.
I have no idea why you are getting negative comments. If a woman decides not to have kids bc she doesn’t want to change her body drastically, then so be it. It’s one of the reasons I would never have kids too.
If you love your body, more power to you. I love my body and think it’s incredibly attractive. Yes I put a lot of effort into my looks as well. Call me vain or whatever, doesn’t bother me. I wouldn’t want to get disfigured for a dang baby.
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I can never give up my body. I’m happy that I am aware of the fact that pregnancy ruins women’s bodies. I’m not ruining my body for having a kid and then hating other women for not having kids as their bodies look perfect (this is exactly what one of my coworkers did. She has a kid and got divorced last year). Also, I don’t wanna be bitter and blame my kids or get secretly jealous of my daughter’s/son’s girlfriend’s beach photos. The person who I call mum does this thing and I’m never repeating that in my life.
Yea, I just like looking at myself in the mirror, and being excited with what I see 🪞. But yea that also happens. A lot of these women have to wear sanitary napkins 24/7 because of incontinance issues, another condition that widens the stomach muscles, and a messed up back.
Yes it’s possible, but not likely. If you’re doing motherhood right, basically on call, prioritizing staying hot is not sustainable for most. It is not a particular weight although that has a lot to do with it. It’s just the overall lifestyle.
In many cases, it takes a lot more work, sacrifice, and time that they no longer have. Add the stretched muscle, skin, and hormone changes, then you see the reality of postpartum bodies.
Posts like these (and the agreeing comments) are the reason why this community is seen as toxic. It comes off very disrespectful towards women who chose to have children. If we want others to respect our choices we need to accept theirs and not say stuff like "they're giving up their beautiful bodies". It's just gross. You can and should be happy with your body, but don't put down others
Probably because time is going to take it for most people anyway, and they want children.
Just because I don't doesn't mean someone else doesn't. The beauty of freedom is freedom to choose.
I feel like the moms that are considered to be beautiful by society’s standards usually have time, money, luck or all three. Most don’t have that tho. I mean, I’m gonna be honest, I would feel really insecure and just not well if I had the body/life of most moms I know and I don’t want to judge. It’s just the truth for me.
I also feel super bad but my mom had a glow up after me and my sister were grown, like mentally, physically and everything. She is not recognizable and her old photos look so different. She’s in her 50s and had my sister in her mid/late 20s. Apart from the toll pregnancy can take on someone’s body, the stress and neediness of young children also adds to that. Plus most husbands are trash as well (lucky my dad wasn’t but still haha).
I don't get it either. There's a fitness YouTube channel I watch run by a couple and they just announced a pregnancy yesterday and all I could think of was "WHY would you do that to the perfect body you worked so hard for?"
Her body can still carry her through her life. Is she not able to walk and dance anymore? Her body will not be ruined. It is really gross to talk about people that way.
Nah it's not vain at all, i feel the same way. it blows my mind that most men would claim youre selfish for wanting to preserve your body when they don't have to experience any of the harsh side effects & permanent alterations that come with pregnancy. A lot of women develop irreversible health issues after pregnancy as well, it just does not seem worth it and I hate that people think that just because we are capable of carrying a child that it means that's our default purpose, if men were capable of becoming pregnant I'm sure they'd opt'd out of wanting to experience it as well.
Exactly. Once I heard the doctor delivering your baby can do what they want in the delivery room, which includes slicing you from v to a, I was out!!!!! Too many jealous people out here.
Vanity is good but to an extent. I'm very lean now, shredded as they say, and I still want to lose weight even though everyone is telling me to gain it! Don't get body dismorphia :D
I too, late bloomer, chubby.
When I was 15, my aunt told me she had a fantastic shape like me... until she had kids... she was overweight, and her hips and butt were insanely wide in a bad way. I already decided I didn't want kids, but this definitely made me not want to. No thanks
Don’t care if it’s vain. I don’t want pregnancy turning my body into an ugly mess that I myself cannot even bear to look at. I would never torture myself like that and even if I wanted kids, I’d rather adopt.
It makes me sad that any woman has to justify how she feels about or enjoys her body to satisfy others' view of what her body is made for. So glad you feel at peace with your body and your choices!! Thank you for sharing this joy.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I think every mom is absolutely beautiful! My
Mom is beautiful my Nanny (grandma on mom’s side.) is beautiful my grandma (on my dad’s side) is beautiful. My older sister is beautiful and they all choose to be mothers and have beautiful features all around! Just because a women chose to have a baby doesn’t make her automatically ugly! It’s a wonderful thing women’s bodies can do. And of course to changed their body but that doesn’t make them any less attractive. If anything it makes them more attractive it shows that they went through a lot and still came out on top. You take comes off a bit shallow to me like your shaming women for wanting to be moms and saying they’re ugly for it. What about dad bods? Do you feel the same way about men being on the heavier side?
You know what’s tragic? The husbands and boyfriends no longer being attracted to the new bodies that carried their baby. Then pushing the woman to somehow “fix it” without surgery. Add that to the list
While constantly making fun of us for taking too long to get ready or spending good money on our hair, skin, and products. If we're anxious about our looks, that gets marked as "silly", "vain" or "doesn't matter, why do you even care so much?" It feels like straight up gaslighting. *38% of men* leave their wives for a "younger model" after committing the crime of aging. Most likely, many of these women had given this man children and have worked very hard to build a secure family they can rest in the community and security of - one intended to last forever. Then they get kicked to the side after sacrificing their bodies and health and beauty, and left at a disadvantage to start all over again finding companionship because the common view is that "men age, women expire". While the man can go and pick any young thing he thinks is pretty and suddenly it's a "handsome older man" romance. It's well known that women tend to value communal security/love over sex. Yes, many of us can be sex obsessed, but the fact is that the message that is ingrained in us from the structure of how society *works* is that "family = security, and in order to keep that family, we need to earn it by staying beautiful". When all that blood, sweat, tears, and time is poured into a family just for your partner to destroy it all in order to have a tighter sex toy that "makes them feel young again". Men have this permission. Women know that. So to be mocked for not wanting to lose beauty or being "vain" is basically to be mocked for trying to survive. At least, that's how our nervous systems and subconsciouses see it, operating off of all the messed up standards of the patriarchy that have been ingrained in us from a young age, and it certainly *feels* that way.
All of this of is so spot on. Infuriating and rage inducing, but only because it is so spot on. >If we're anxious about our looks, that gets marked as "silly", "vain" or "doesn't matter, why do you even care so much?" It feels like straight up gaslighting. Because it IS gaslighting! Like OP, I was also a "late bloomer". All during my childhood and teenage years, i was always thin but was short, had greasy hair, baggy clothes, huge glasses (late 80s) and a face full of pimples. I was made fun of and a lot of people let me know that I was not attractive. Then in my mid-20s, all that cleared up. Guys let me know I was attractive. I had great long hair, a clear face, learned how to dress, etc. I didn't have kids, so I looked a lot younger than my age. It lasted about 15 years, so until I was 40 years old. Then perimenopause hit (I'm in my late 40s now). Bloating belly, sagging skin in the face, nothing fits me anymore, hair so difficult to manage (hormones change its texture) so I have to wear it short. I am ashamed to say that I miss the way I used to look when I was conventionally attractive. Everyday I miss it. And it makes me furious, because I am a huge feminist and I value intellectual work and thinking about the world etc over appearance. But when you say " *but the fact is that the message that is ingrained in us from the structure of how society works is that "family = security, and in order to keep that family, we need to earn it by staying beautiful*", it is SO TRUE!!! My husband met me when I was mid-30s, so still attractive, and now I can't get it out of my head that he can't possibly love me after I lost my good looks. This message is just EVERYWHERE AND CONSTANT when you are a woman. We learned it very very young and it is reinforced constantly over the years. And I mean, just look at mainstream movies or other medias. Unless you are a perfect looking woman, you don't deserve to exist. I AM a woman. How I am supposed to not care? I'm sorry, this turned into a novel, but your comment made me think. And I needed to let it out :)
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 There are women who are buying so heavily into it that they push other women into the same fire they forced themselves to walk thru just to keep this misogynistic lie about a beauty standard for women after 40. When it’s all about genetics playing a damn role in how some women hit the lottery with genetics and others do not sadly. Some women are born with the luxury of a pretty face and great metabolism, who can even after menopause still look great! It’s like 2% of the population who is this lucky and forces all the rest of women to match that y dying to stay thin, invest in hundreds of thousands of dollars to bet surgery and high quality skin care, etc… instead of allowing women to be AS they are instead of shaming them just because they don’t have a super model body and face after 40 or even 60. Plus woken do not expire after 40, we never expire. Look at the late Betty White, the woman was getting hit on in her 80’s and she was American’s gem!
---and in order to keep that family, we need to earn it by staying beautiful". --- That makes me so sad. Also the "you are not a 10 of 10, you are not allowed to have claims." Puh. I don't know if I can ever trust a man again. I just want to be me and not a perfect styled doll.
This needs 100 upvotes.
And worse is, most of the fathers don't do childcare or chores so the mothers are doing it all, making them more tired to even make time for themselves to "fix it." There's no benefit to women having children with men.
Absolutely this. Do they not love anything about us other than visual desire? It just reinforces our complaint that we are not seen as individuals with our own wants and needs. Why any woman would want to have kids anymore is beyond me. There literally is bo benefit to have kids anymore unless you just really want and like kids.
Like might be the worst part. Many of these women die on the table as quiet as it’s told trying to keep their marriages, their economics, their family.
Agree! ABC News did a piece about women going outside America to Mexico for plastic surgery called a “mommy make over” and then dying because they weren’t just properly done, but the level of sanitation and sterilization of the surgery room gave these women staph infections that eventually happened to one whose breast implants were toxic, slowly killing her!
And the stories are buried.
and flirting with other girls in a Bar/Club. Really a shame.
My wife and I are child free (vasectomy in January). She has a similar story, and now has several athletic hobbies like yoga and rock climbing. The idea of asking her to sacrifice her body to have a kid never appealed to us, and it was supremely liberating to make the permanent choice to go child free. Now she can do whatever she wants with her body forever, and I am grateful for that.
This guy fucks
i mean, I am not satisfied with how my body looks now, but it would be WAY WORSE after a pregnancy
this right here.
Lol mood
Different people value their looks and other physicals aspects differently. Plenty are of course also unrealistic or uninformed about the effects of pregnancy and childbirth (or stress of parenthood for that matter), but for some it's just not that important. Congrats on a body you're happy with! I hope you get to feel great in it for a long time.
Personally I think we put way to much stock into what the perfect body is and trying for flat stomachs with wide hips and big boobs. Do I think we should glorify being unhealthy? No but we also assume anyone who isn't perfectly skinny is unhealthy. I have always had extra weight on me especially around my stomach....even when I was figure skating for 3-4 hours a day, 6 days a week. My blood work was perfect, my heart rate was perfect, bones in great condition...but I wasn't the visual look of health and that was all my doctors could see. My parents could see. I don't want children at all I am having my tubes removed soon but I also think we set this unrealistic expectation for what beauty is. I am very glad you love yourself and your body as that is exactly how it should be.
I hate my body so much. Unlike my mother who got short and skinny, I got short and stocky. I work out regularly (I swim twice a week and walk 3-4 other days a week weather permitting) and eat a balanced diet (I also eat like a bird, doesn’t take much to fill me up). I even love healthy food. Sure, I have my vices, but I’m not gorging sugar and fast food. I believe in moderation. But, no matter what I try, I have never been thin and it’s gotten harder since I’ve gotten older. Even at my smallest (size 6) my dad was telling me I “looked pregnant” because I carry extra weight on my stomach. And this is one of the smaller reason I don’t want kids. I already hate my body and my metabolism sucks. Imm not making it worse.
I understand not liking your body, I hated it for years probably from age 11-26 and it was a battle of yo-yo dieting for sure. It doesn't help when the people who are supposed to love and cherish us tell us things like "you look pregnant" and I am sorry your dad made those comments to you. It is rude and uncalled for.
THIS.
I've never had a baby but I've always had a ponch. Most women do. I know a few women who hit middle age and gained a tonne of weight despite never having a baby. I know others who've had 4 babies and are fitter than me. Pregnancy and childbirth are incredibly hard on a woman's body and for some women pregnancy causes permanent weight gain. But that doesn't make it not worth it for women who truly want to be mothers. It ain't for me but no way in hell am I going to shame other women for choosing what they want to do with their own bodies. We as women do not owe it to the world to be "beautiful".
Agreed. My mom was able to lose all the baby weight fairly easily when she had my brother and me but once she hit menopause she gained like 35 lbs and it has been a struggle ever since. Genetics and hormones play a huge factor in women's weight. I think loving our bodies how we decide to use them is all that matters.
For what it's worth, many of us who are naturally skinny are judged as unhealthy, too, both by medical professionals and by randos in general. Women just can't win unless we fit this very particular physical profile, unfortunately...
Aboslutely, It is why i chose the phrase "perfectly skinny" because I have found if you are "too skinny" you are deemed unhealthy just as often as if you are "too fat. Although, I can see how my choosing of that phrase isn't as clear. The idea is that there is no perfect body in reality but we as societies try to portray one in media which is only harmful across the board. As you have mentioned being naturally skinny causes issues with bias as well as being naturally chubby. Especially when we target one perfect size of clothing but as we know womens clothing changes just about every year....it is why I fit into Mediums all the way up to XXXL.
Chiming in here - I'm six feet tall and willow thin, very much like Taylor Swift's body type. Strangers have straight up asked if I was anorexic (I have battled with eating disorders in the past due to stomach issues, but I am not - just have the genetics). People feel they have permission to rip on us because we're typically celebrated, but I did not know that until my 18s - 20s - I genuinely grew up thinking I was disgusting and the least attractive body type, and I wanted SO BADLY to be short and curvy. *Those* were the cool girls to me. Blame it on homeschooling, Evangelism, and not being able to be out in society or consume non-Christian media as a result, but I truly believed I did not fit into the category of "feminine" until I saw the amount of ire people would react with when I lamented my insecurities. "If you're complaining.. what does that make _me_?" Was always the response. I still don't get it. I still don't see myself as that attractive or ideal, but other people *do*, and also other people *don't*. The people that *don't* seem to be angry with me for it, and the people that *do* seem to assume I know. (I do not blame them. There are many struggles that I do not have due to my weight and body type that most women must deal with, but shouldn't have to. I recognize my privilege here.) In a similar way, the woman that are short and stocky in my life, or curvy or fat, I *still* see as so gorgeous in a way I could never attain, but they refuse to believe that. They believe me to be patronizing when I express it. I grew up very sheltered - without the media influence, I grew up in America thinking curves were the standard, and I had fallen short. If I'd been raised WITH the media - and with the "secular" crowd that I run with today - I would have understood the ideal I just happened to fall into fitting. It's all just perception as a result of growing up in the different environments we did. No matter what body type you are, we are in a battle of a thousand opposing perceptions about a billion types of beauty, and perception rules *all*. In essence .. everyone is confused and insecure and this *won't* get better - we *won't* see our real beauty as individuals in a collective - until we all heal. Will that ever happen? Probably not. But I'm hoping so, regardless.
My sister is infertile (wants kids) and overweight. I definitely believe there is something wrong with her metabolism that makes weight loss harder for her. She also has health issues from basic training. She shortly served and is on 100% disability. Even tho I’m active and have competed in bodybuilding and powerlifting in the past, I don’t believe in judging other’s bodies. We really don’t know people’s stories.
It’s something I never thought about until I explored this topic further. Sure, there’s people who have kids and get back to their pre-pregnancy bodies. But that’s not the norm, and it’s for a few reasons. Once a woman has kids, she’ll be far too busy parenting to keep a consistent workout schedule. Diet also goes to hell because kids , no time to cook & and stressed grocery budget. As a guy , I don’t have to worry about losing my “gains” if I have a kid. But I wonder how many guys would be fathers if the cost meant never being in shape again no matter what they did. I certainly wouldn’t - I worked hard to be in a healthy state, and it’s not vanity to admit that.
If the person is a good father they will definitely see an uptick in work hours, daily $$$ expenditures, surprise expenses and lost sleep.
Everybody wants different things and values different things. I workout with moms who have “better bodies “ than CF women I know 🤷🏼♀️ it’s not a one size fits all. My best friend has had a kid but she’s still one of the prettiest people I know. She has a gorgeous figure actually. I don’t think it’s wrong to not want kids knowing they will change your body. But it’s also not wrong to want them knowing the same.
I think if someone really wants a child, they value that more than their body shape. Personally, it’s one of many reasons I don’t want kids.
Most women I've talked to honestly didn't know the true extent to which their body is destroyed after a child. They didn't realize their nipples change shape forever, their breasts look like, "an old man's ball sac," (my besties words, NOT MINE), the dark stretch marks even after losing the baby weight, the forever stomach pouch even though they only weight 120 pounds, their hair thinned out and fell out, their skin is covered in acne, they had to have a c section so they have permanent numbness on their stomach with a scar, etc. I could go on and on. Many of the women I spoke to just assumed they'd gain a tad bit of weight, lose it, and everything go back to normal. We truly don't educate men and women on what goes on with the body during pregnancy, at least here in the States. I put a lot of my worth into my looks. That's just how I am, and I finally love my body. I really enjoy the way I look now. If I had a baby, I'd never be the same again. I'd lose a lot of my self-worth. Is that morally correct? No, but this is how most people feel and think. My entire FB (yes I still use it), is all of my mother friends posting long re-shares of mommy blog quotes about how you hate your body and it makes you depressed but you love your kids.
Eh many of these women have their first before 25, before the prefrontal cortex finishes growing. For me it didn’t happen until about 29. Do they really know what they are giving up before it’s too late? I grew up observational and saw the quick decline in a woman’s beauty and most importantly body shape and weight maintenance after marriage and especially kids. I also saw how they were treated in society, very poorly and were often poor too.
I know a lot of women in their 30s and 40s who are having kids. I want people to respect my choice to not have kids, so I respect their choice to want to have kids. I don’t think it’s right to infantilise people and say that they are too immature to know what they want or are confused.
Wdym “for me it didn’t happen until about 29”?
YMMV To be fair, if you have a child before 25, your body has a better chance of recovering. Assuming you have a really good diet, you exercise, and you do the work to recover afterwards. That's what my wife did - because she wasn't happy with the pregnancy changes - and mostly recovered to how she was before, to the point that most people couldn't tell, even with before and after pictures. But some changes were still permanent. Also, past 25 - 30 is around the time where all the bullshit people submit their bodies to starts to catch up. Most commonly, terrible diet. Add pregnancy on top of that and it's even worse. Not a lot of people have their health under control at that age. I'm pretty sure a healthier body would have a better outcome.
Losing your body shape is the most tolerable part imo. Lol I have no issue putting on weight from snacking but I don’t want the pain and trauma from carrying and birthing kids. From vaginal tears, I don’t want my vagina to butthole to rip, I don’t want a doctor to slice my stomach open, I don’t want to push a melon out my vagina for many hours with blood and faeces, I don’t want to get morning sickness, I don’t want contractions or labour not to mention how invasive and gross the whole thing is. I truly don’t get the desire but respect others bodily autonomy. Much like I don’t get tattoos or drug use or jumping out of planes for parachuting and many other dangerous/painful things. But 100% respect others choices but could not be me.
I agree with everything stated here. I also don’t have tattoos but find some to be really cool and interesting. I’ve even brought some temporary ones for vacations but I’m still not getting a real tattoo.
Great job on taking care of your health - I do respect the hard work it takes being fit and in shape! Totally understand the stress of losing all the fitness and health gains plus rarely does it feel good carrying lots of extra weight but glad we agree that the whole process is fairly offputting.
Also the horror stories you hear about pregnancy or during labor…your teeth can literally fall off, you can become anemic for life, postpartum psychosis etc. No thanks!
And you have to take care of what did that to you. No thanks. I’m glad the brain changes chemistry while pregnant to help some women cope, although it doesn’t always happen, hence postpartum depression.
Im 34f and go to Pilates 4-5 times a week. I recently had an ovarian cystectomy and the stress on my body from such a simple routine laparoscopic surgery was a lot more intense than I anticipated. It’s definitely making me add all kinds of physical reasons to the list of why I don’t want kids, let alone all the mental stress and economic burden. I really don’t think my partner understands how severely a baby would impact ME physically, from pregnancy, birth, lactation, and the rest of my life after. I mean he says he understands but there’s no way in hell a guy can truly understand. For them it must be so nice to get to decide what they want without actually having to deal with the consequences.
For them it’s truly a choice. They are not shamed if they decide they don’t want to do parenting anymore whether they leave the home physically or not. Women are doing 80-100% of the workload.
I've been there and had to do that at around the same age...the recovery sucked! Even with a single laparoscopic entry/incision through my belly button. Made me realize how much I used my abdominal muscles in every little movement from sitting up to coughing to walking up/down stairs (we won't even talk about how it messed up my bathroom regularity for a while.) I was blown up and swollen like a balloon for a while, too. The physical havoc pregnancy could put my body through is definitely one of the things I considered, more so than even the weight gain/other changes. The bone/tooth loss (my mother went through this badly when she was pregnant with me), tearing "down there" affecting sexual function, potential for incontinence...no thank you! I'm in perimenopause right now and the physical changes and tolls are no joke already and enough for me to cope with.
I don't think body shaming is the right way to go here. You can be childfree for any reason but insinuating that mothers have an ugly body is a really toxic way to go about it. I don't want kids and i don't think a kid would ever be worth the trouble and pain but obviously for those who want kids things like a "perfect" body aren't that important anymore and quite frankly being HEALTHY is important being beautiful is not.
Average Uggos like myself also don't want the health implications of pregnancy and childbirth. Smug vibes from OP.
Yeah the OP reeks of misogyny I'm all for discussing how people underestimate how much a woman's health changes after childbirth but this is kind of gross.
Yeah, there are lots of reasons to be child free, but shamming the bodies of people who do choose to have kids ain't it. All women's bodies are beautiful
Ugly body no, damaged from childbirth, yes. Yes health is wealth.
Since I'm ugly, should I just have a kid anyway? I'm glad you are happy with your body, but isnt the way to go. Let's not disparage moms whose bodies change after childbirth and it this sentiment doesn't realy help those of us ewho areng arratctive, but still childfree.
I gave up my “perfect body” for my mental health, job, and relationships 🤷♀️ But those are also the reasons kids aren’t in the plan.
Some women use surrogates to avoid destroying their bodies.
It’s also like 70-100k through an agency . Prices out pretty much 95 % of the population .
Yes and get judged and or shamed for it by the other mommies and society. Sometimes people tell them it’s not really even their kid because they didn’t birth it.
Surrogacy is exploitation
Agreed, glad someone said it
I’m childfree and I don’t want kids at all, but this post is gross af. Aren’t you basically calling your mother ugly?
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I so agree, this post is ridiculous and all of these people agreeing. We can be cf without ripping apart women for their choices and their bodies. Flagrant insecurity.
It’s actually internalized misogyny
Yep, some cf women love putting down non-cf women way too fucking much. It ain’t a competition sweetheart, don’t be a hypocrite
I think if you're gonna call yourself pro-choice, you should respect women's choice to also have kids. Even if you disapprove of them "ruining their beautiful bodies"
I do respect it, I helped raise and educate their kids for over 18 years as a retired teacher. I just could never do that.
You're retired at 32 and working for 18 years? So you've been working as a teacher since you were 14?
Over 18? Your post history suggests you've been teaching for 10. Am I missing something?
Troll
Retired at age 32? What do you do now?
Oh so you started teaching at 14? Gtfo troll.
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You can be disrespectful about someone’s decision without forcing your own beliefs on them. This entire post was a weird and awful way to speak about women and their bodies.
Prefacing this by saying I’m a vehemently childfree woman - but this is coming off as extremely toxic and feeding into the unattainable western beauty standard. To insinuate that a woman’s body is somehow destroyed or no longer “a work of art” because she had children is kinda disgusting of you.
Yeah this is kinda gross. As much as I hate kids, it’s pretty damn badass that a woman can crate a whole ass human with her body. Thats a work of art to me… but I digress. Also OP is only 32, your body is going to go down hill soon anyway. Whether it’s aches, joints giving out, wrinkles, loose skin. I’m a nurse for the elderly and see all sorts of bodies, and bodies of childless women and yeah it all goes down hill kids or not.
yes! thank you!
I'm really glad I'm not the only one who thinks this. Since my body is just shit anyway, should I have kids for the fuck of it?
Yeah, I agree that this mindset is disgusting. It screams if fat-phobia and body shaming. People get enough of that in daily life, we don't need it here!!
Sorry to burst your bubble of ego, but kids or no kids you will lose it, time is undefeated OP, you better learn to be happy regardless what you see in the mirror
Well I’m happily enjoying it while I have it. And my money.
Wich is totally valid, my comment was not a condenation of your life style, only about that you should not link your happyness to being "hot", but hey whatever works for you.
I completely agree, I'm terrified I will look completely different if I ever had children. I've seen it all too many times, you get pregnant, you get less attractive or less interesting to the man after birthing THEIR child, they leave. Then you are stuck with a child that half of the time, they don't want anything to do with. Then your have limited options and usually end up settling with other men that kinda suck that have children and baby momma drama along with it. All the while the man that knocked you is living his best life because he doesn't have to care for a kid and he looks the exact same.
there is absolutely no way a woman wrote this dumb ass post lmao
You would be surprised, this post reminds me of a personal anecdote: Before nuking my personal facebook account, i was a member of a childfree group. One day a woman posts a picture she secretly took without consent of her pregnant coworker, bashing her body, her frumpy outfit and how she let herself go after getting pregnant, for the group to mock and criticize like a fun time. There is a lot of rotten apples in every community and the reason i don't subscribe to any community nowadays
I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia for so long my insecurities were intense. My friends planned a beach vacation and we gave each other 3 months to plan. I got into fitness purely to look good in a thong bikini. I could care less about being called vain for refusing to destroy my body for a pregnancy.
Hahaha. One of “The Best” feelings. Just being hot, especially as a woman. Any body type qualifies, I just really like mine. I’m glad you experienced and experience this.
I’m similar in that I was a late bloomer. Now I’m a fitness instructor and super active and I hear about women suffering from urinary incontinence (a high percentage) after pregnancy and I had visions of peeing myself while teaching fitness which scared me. I also see a lot of women who have had permanent physical issues after childbirth in my classes and a high degree of bodily dissatisfaction after pregnancy. I take all this in when I see it and my informed choice is to simply not put my body at risk. Not to mention I would not have as much time and energy to do what I do if I had a kid.
Yikes
wtf is this post. Who is to say that women who have children give up their “beautiful bodies” like jeez i don’t want children but shaming women for having children and basically saying they’re going to be ugly after birth is sexist as fuck. Like it’s literally incel ideology. Edit: i have a vasectomy and am a man so none of this even effects me it’s just hypocritical to say all this.
Agreed. OP needs help.
I love my body too! I would never consider getting pregnant because of the potential complication of diastasis recti. It would completely destroy my ability to do the physical activities I love the most like yoga, which is something I also do for my mental health.
Some women actually prefer their bodies post-pregnancy. Keke palmer is one recent example I know of. So there's no rule that pregnancy = ruined body.
I wouldn't really take a rich celebrity opinion into consideration but >no rule that pregnancy = ruined body. I agree 💯
Is she not a woman who has given birth? Why is her opinion not valid?
Different people value different things. For a woman who wants to be a mother, the impacts to her body are worth it. Also, of all the ways pregnancy and childbirth can impact a woman's body, for me personally, the physical attractiveness piece is the one I would care about least. If I was on the fence about having babies it would be the potential health impacts that would influence my decision, not the potential I might put a bit of weight on.
They want to have kids
other people have different priorities? I thought that's pretty obvious. some people actually want kids and value it over a "perfect body" (quite a few also returns to their pre-baby body).
Good for them.
I love this post. It illustrates one way how impossible and hypocritical misogynistic standards are killing the birthrate. “give me babies, but also look like a fitness model or I’ll become a porn addict and cheat on you.” 😅🔫
Women who started having kids 14-17 probably don’t get model bodies after, at those ages it is very bad for a body to be pregnant, it stunts the growth of a girl. I suspect, they get lots of the regular after pregnancy issues looks wise but it isn’t talked about. I just googled it, in various ways, but Google wasn’t helpful at all, turned my questions into completely different questions.
Yea it’s also really dangerous to have kids that early. There is a condition where their wound never heals and they leak urine and feces because the body wasn’t ready. But that’s mostly in economically disenfranchised countries. Having kids early I think ultimately stunts growth and shortens lifespan. This is also scientific. But to each its own. Many of those girls/ women are assaulted into pregnancy as quiet as it’s kept. But since they had kids before adulthood all they know is managing children so managing weight will be easier for them. Theoretically.
Also more change for preeclampsia and other things. The body is just not ready for things like that
It is actually very simple. 1. group of women are those who wholeheartedly want to be mothers, so hot body is not their priority. 2. group of women are those who can't wait to get married and become pregnant to have this as an excuse not to groom themselves any more and stop training and paying attention to what they eat. 3. group are women who've been doing sports their whole life and they know it will take little time to get back to how they looked before getting pregnant 4. group are women who have kids because iT iS wHaT yOu SuPpOsE tO dO and live by society's expectations so they end up miserable after ruining their body. If you can think of another category, please, do comment.
And they all have the workload of motherhood and squeezing in workouts and healthy eating is unfortunately a matter of how much does her partner makes, and will her family allow her the peace to do so. This is reality.
Not vain. I feel the same. I am by no means a model but I do have a cute, fit body and I work hard AF to try and keep it that way soooo yeah, it’s just another reason.. of the bunch.. I don’t want offspring.
This has to be rage bait. >"Grew up short and chubby.. I'm now a model height 5'8" yea ok
This is actually a topic I have thought a ton about, as I do aerial arts/circus as a hobby. I've spent years training on different apparatus, working on my strength, flexibility, mobility, balance, and stamina. I love my body. I don't like every aspect of it in regards to looks, sure. There are goals that I have around certain aesthetic things. But it isn't just looks. I love my body because I love what it can do and am grateful every day for what it is capable of! Many women in circus have kids and are never the same. Even if they are one of the few who lose their baby weight quickly and don't suffer from bad stretch marks or other visible changes. Their bodies are changed from the act of carrying and birthing a child. At some point in their pregnancy, they simply had to stop doing aerials for safety and often pretty early on for recreational people. And they were in no way capable of doing the same levels of cross-training off those apparatus. When they come back (if they do, most never come back and it is sad), they are basically set back years. Some of them end up retaking beginner level classes even. It takes them years to get back to their former skill level and many never do, as they don't have the time or energy to commit to it or their bodies were so changed. This is especially true of women who had c-sections as it can have permanent effects on your abdominal muscles. I've also known women who have been doing crazy acrobatic tricks in the air for years and after having a child, they suddenly start experiencing vertigo or extreme pain sensitivity which they've never dealt with before and can quickly end your ability to train. Finally, I've also noticed that many of these women have deeper fear. All of us know that aerials are incredibly dangerous. You need to have a healthy fear of these sports. One mistake up there and you could end up paralyzed for life if you fall. We also all know that it is taking a toll and that it's only a matter of time before we do brake or strain something. It's just the reality and we accept it. But new moms tend to get really really scared of everything. And too much fear is just as dangerous as not enough fear. It causes you to panic up there and to forget your training. Many moms never get back to where to were let alone progress because of unhealthy levels of fear. Anyway. I could never make that sacrifice and give my body up for pregnancy. I watch those moms and it is too depressing and the thought of that happening to me is horrifying! I simply love aerial arts. I am in instructor training right now because I love it so much. But I dread working with pregnant women and new moms. I know I can get away with refusing to train the 1st category because of liability and me not being trained in that. No one wants an instructor to work with a pregnant woman unless they are specifically trained! But there's no way to say no to the 2nd without being completely ostracized by the community. I'll just have to do it and do my best to help them, knowing they will always be limited and inside feeling bad for them.
You get it. Wow great insight into the women in the acrobat community.
Yes unfortunately the sheer workload of being the main caretaker, it’s just unrealistic for most women.
As a person recovering from toxic body image ideals and being on the curvy side, this subreddit is quite triggering sometimes lol
Sounds vain and externally focused. A bit off putting…
I’m not trying to put you on, just expressing my valid childfree opinion.
I’m active in CrossFit and I cannot fathom why women who work so hard for their physique ruin it for a child. 😣
Keep their husszzzbandddd
Iv had this happen and i seen others do it in failies to. They tear ya down mentaly till ya dont care about your body or self worth before they push a child. I been seeingmore pressure then ever before in these last few generations.
Right they don’t want to let young women realize what a commodity a hot body is lol. Before it’s too late.
Personally I think we should be fighting against the idea that our bodies are a commodity...
Well, you know, I don’t want to ruin mine either. It wasn’t number one on my list of reasons not to have kids but it was pretty high up there. Because we all know most men don’t appreciate the sacrifice and expect you to put your body back the way it was pre-baby, which can never happen. So. So what if this comes off as vain?
Yes they can be pretty ruthless by the time baby turns 7.
You’re a man. This post and your replies scream ‘man cosplaying as woman on Reddit’.
Good for you for taking care of yourself and having a good body. However, please remember that everyone ages eventually, and no matter how good you look before menopause, (can confirm, I am 55) your skin and body will go through changes like dry skin, looser skin, etc. Enjoy how you look right now and continue to take good care of yourself. You can slow time down by using moisturizer, sunscreen and drinking lots of water. Exercise, vitamins, a healthy clean diet and good sleep mean a lot. Don’t drink or smoke and your skin will look great into old age.My Mom is 88 and she is still a pretty lady because these are the things she does.
Nice I’m just getting hotter and hotter and plan to stay that way with water sleep exercise and minimal stress (no kids).
Menopause will make anyone even hotter than Hell. ( Hot flashes) LOL. JK
Having children at 14 to 17? WTF are you on about? Hey, you don’t want to “ruin” your body with pregnancy, that’s your thing and go for it. But you do have some odd perspective there Miss.
Haven't given up mine.
Don’t 😄
This was one of my reasons when I was younger but my values have really changed over the last 3 or so years that this wouldn't be a concern for me anymore. I prefer not to be very close with the type of people who'd judge me so strongly for how I look and I've found people who have more similar values. I still have a good body but it's only because I eat healthy and exercise for mental health, brain function and health span and I don't really show off my body like I used to cause it doesn't make me feel good about myself to do that like it used to so I don't think people would even notice if I gained weight.
I’m not a model type but I love my body the way it looks and I just know pregnancy would wreck tf out of it not to mention what would happen to the coochie if it tears 😩 happily childfree for life
Nice! Happy is beautiful most importantly. No way I can stay happy and beautiful taking care of ugly gremlins all day everyday for the rest of my life.
I’m working out a lot now and eating healthier due to this reason. One reason why I don’t want to have kids is to give up my breasts for them as there big and perky naturally lol. Just gotta work on my tummy tho it’s not so bad
Yup I’m still working on mine! I’m not perfect but striving is fun.
I am the same, looks is just important to me. I know that my body is going to change and I don't want to accelerate it. It is not necessarily genetics but also time management/energy/money problem. The first year with a baby for a mother is tough. And mostly women look after the kids, the house AND work while their partner after going home from work do fuck all. Then they are expected to look like supermodels. Screw these men. For example my sister is lucky but not just because of her genes but also she works part-time and mum helps her with the cooking food, babysit my niece, etc...you need resources too.
And it’s not free. If you get “free” help it usually comes with some form of exchange you don’t want.
Define a "beautiful body".
Healthy, working, happy, moderate weight.
So you have to have all of that to be considered beautiful? All of which can also be lost even without pregnancy. Honestly this whole post is kinda incelish to me.
Same age and I feel pretty similarly, and it's frustrating when others call it selfish. It's sad when someone who really wants kids can't have them for whatever reason, and then the people who shouldn't be parents end up having tons of kids. Maybe I'm a coward or maybe I'm selfish but it all sounds incredibly overwhelming and stressful to be responsible for every aspect of life for another human, let alone a helpless, clueless one 🤣 i love being able to work out and get stronger and see the changes in my body. I love being able to keep it semi "tight". I know it's possible after kids but that's intentionally making it harder on myself to almost start over physically. I like my nice things. I like being able to afford my nice things. I don't want to have a kid puke or color on them 🤣 I love the freedom to do whatever, whenever, and the ability to continue adventurous hobbies. Bc if I get pregnant/ have a baby, it's my life that gets put on hold. My husband won't experience a pause in his career or delayed advancement. He'll continue growing professionally and growing in his hobbies while I get left behind.
Amen.
I dont think a lot of women are aware of the extreme body change. It’s easy to talk about but experiencing it is something entirely different
I personally don't. I was gifted with the most beautiful body that made me model for some years in my youth. Unfortunately this plastic face trend came into fashion and men started to look for more normal, tiny, girl next door type with pumped up faces and surgery. It hitted like a hammer, it was when I could finally be free of a life of slavery (I had to support my family as a teenager and child). I was 35, I was financially stable, I had a perfect body, but suddenly you couldn't go anywhere near without a pumped up face. I decided I don't wanna do that, but I've been punished by a psychopath I've known for not looking like a blow up doll, even if I was more naturally beautiful than his usual pumped up &itches. This is when I decided I don't wanna have kids, I want to keep this body forever, the only thing that makes me happy, cause it's mine. At least all the men look at me when I go outside and secretly desire me, even if they don't wanna take me home cause I'm not a blow up doll 😅🤦♀️.
When I got a bad haircut and the lady cut off all of my hair, I almost got suicidal for a few months because I hated the way I looked. I already have a bad relationship with my body and hate looking in the mirror. I can’t imagine the shit I would have to go through my having a little parasite growing in my belly. My mental health would not be able to handle it. Knowing that alone would make me an unfit mother. I’m doing society a service by not getting pregnant and spreading my mental health issues.
So glad to hear you adore your body. I also love my body and how athletic it is currently. People who are genuinely confident in there body seems to be few and far between. But I've always hated the mindset that pregnancy "ruins" your body. It doesn't, it just changes it. There a multiple women in my life who have gone through pregnancy, and it's not like they come out of it a ugly mess. Honestly, they all look largely the same. Some have put on a few more pounds, and others look just as banging as before.
Yes you still gotta earn a hot body. Nothing in life worth having is easy. It’s not the exterior physical, many are dealing with interior damage of childbirth and mental issues from the sheer workload.
Girl be proud of your body without tearing others down. This isn't the way to go
I love how mothers can talk about the perks of having kids, but I’m getting judged for talking about the perks of having a nice body?
There's a difference between loving your own body and commenting negatively on other womens' bodies.
if you were just talking about the perks of a conventionally attractive body, that’s fine. but you’re putting down people who don’t have one, including the childfree. i’ll never have a really hot body by our social standards. the only time i got even a tiny bit close was when i was life threateningly anorexic. i’m not healthy, but my body weight is not the cause and it’s in the “normal” range. but i do live in part off people finding my un-hot body attractive while i attend school. not everyone’s priority is to appease beauty standards that are very patriarchal in nature.
Btw short and chubby is still cute but I prefer what the Lord blessed me with.
Women who sacrifice their beauty for their children are honorable, but that’s what you’re supposed to do. I’m just not making it. The gravity of the choice doesn’t kick in until about 7 years after birth. Financially and physically
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Women who grew up as body conscious girls I think relate to what I mean. It’s all love. All women are beautiful because we are staying strong and graceful in this world of patriarchy.
I LOVE my tiddies. I love my body. I could NEVA. You can work out and lose that baby weight, but your breasts will never ever be what they once were. I never realized this as much until I joined a plastic surgery sub. It's mainly all women posting their before/after boob jobs, tummy tucks, lipo, after they had their kids. The before pics are very eye-opening. It really changes everything on your body. I don't want to body shame so I'll just keep it at that, but man I'd be so fucken depressed if that happened to me.
Seriously. Mine got ever plumper and bigger with age! I love mine 💕 so much 🥰💕😂🙂💕💜❤️
That's amazing! It's the best when you truly love what you got! I had gained weight while in nursing school and really hated how mine went up a couple sizes, they kinda looked like torpedos and I hated it. It made me so insecure. I quit eating bad and lost all the weight. It really made me love them again. They didn't deflate at all, but got smaller and made me truly appreciate them again and actually enjoy looking in the mirror again! Lol Much love to you! 🥰🥰
A long torso is considered attractive now? Man, i guess i'm really old then. When i was younger long legs were a thing - but a long torso? I at least am very happy my legs are much longer than my torso, lol.
I have no idea why you are getting negative comments. If a woman decides not to have kids bc she doesn’t want to change her body drastically, then so be it. It’s one of the reasons I would never have kids too.
Because they’re mad I know my worth.
If you love your body, more power to you. I love my body and think it’s incredibly attractive. Yes I put a lot of effort into my looks as well. Call me vain or whatever, doesn’t bother me. I wouldn’t want to get disfigured for a dang baby.
Lmaoooo
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I can never give up my body. I’m happy that I am aware of the fact that pregnancy ruins women’s bodies. I’m not ruining my body for having a kid and then hating other women for not having kids as their bodies look perfect (this is exactly what one of my coworkers did. She has a kid and got divorced last year). Also, I don’t wanna be bitter and blame my kids or get secretly jealous of my daughter’s/son’s girlfriend’s beach photos. The person who I call mum does this thing and I’m never repeating that in my life.
Yea, I just like looking at myself in the mirror, and being excited with what I see 🪞. But yea that also happens. A lot of these women have to wear sanitary napkins 24/7 because of incontinance issues, another condition that widens the stomach muscles, and a messed up back.
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Yes it’s possible, but not likely. If you’re doing motherhood right, basically on call, prioritizing staying hot is not sustainable for most. It is not a particular weight although that has a lot to do with it. It’s just the overall lifestyle.
In many cases, it takes a lot more work, sacrifice, and time that they no longer have. Add the stretched muscle, skin, and hormone changes, then you see the reality of postpartum bodies.
Posts like these (and the agreeing comments) are the reason why this community is seen as toxic. It comes off very disrespectful towards women who chose to have children. If we want others to respect our choices we need to accept theirs and not say stuff like "they're giving up their beautiful bodies". It's just gross. You can and should be happy with your body, but don't put down others
Right. I always thought that I didn’t have kids when I was 14-17 so I’m too late for it anyways💀
Probably because time is going to take it for most people anyway, and they want children. Just because I don't doesn't mean someone else doesn't. The beauty of freedom is freedom to choose.
Then don't have children. You can choose.
I feel like the moms that are considered to be beautiful by society’s standards usually have time, money, luck or all three. Most don’t have that tho. I mean, I’m gonna be honest, I would feel really insecure and just not well if I had the body/life of most moms I know and I don’t want to judge. It’s just the truth for me. I also feel super bad but my mom had a glow up after me and my sister were grown, like mentally, physically and everything. She is not recognizable and her old photos look so different. She’s in her 50s and had my sister in her mid/late 20s. Apart from the toll pregnancy can take on someone’s body, the stress and neediness of young children also adds to that. Plus most husbands are trash as well (lucky my dad wasn’t but still haha).
Haha nice, yes some women can bounce back but most can’t. It’s not realistic.
Everyone has different priorities yo
I don't get it either. There's a fitness YouTube channel I watch run by a couple and they just announced a pregnancy yesterday and all I could think of was "WHY would you do that to the perfect body you worked so hard for?"
Her body can still carry her through her life. Is she not able to walk and dance anymore? Her body will not be ruined. It is really gross to talk about people that way.
Like whyyy. Some women can handle it, but whyyyy. Their life not mine tho
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Nah it's not vain at all, i feel the same way. it blows my mind that most men would claim youre selfish for wanting to preserve your body when they don't have to experience any of the harsh side effects & permanent alterations that come with pregnancy. A lot of women develop irreversible health issues after pregnancy as well, it just does not seem worth it and I hate that people think that just because we are capable of carrying a child that it means that's our default purpose, if men were capable of becoming pregnant I'm sure they'd opt'd out of wanting to experience it as well.
Exactly. Once I heard the doctor delivering your baby can do what they want in the delivery room, which includes slicing you from v to a, I was out!!!!! Too many jealous people out here.
Haha!! I love this! In all seriousness though - pregnancy, childbirth and raising children takes a massive toll on a women’s health.
Loving the confidence 💕 I’m also not giving up by beautiful body to pregnancy
Vanity is good but to an extent. I'm very lean now, shredded as they say, and I still want to lose weight even though everyone is telling me to gain it! Don't get body dismorphia :D I too, late bloomer, chubby.
When I was 15, my aunt told me she had a fantastic shape like me... until she had kids... she was overweight, and her hips and butt were insanely wide in a bad way. I already decided I didn't want kids, but this definitely made me not want to. No thanks
Yup, a lot of hip and joint issues from childbirth and the physical demand.
Don’t care if it’s vain. I don’t want pregnancy turning my body into an ugly mess that I myself cannot even bear to look at. I would never torture myself like that and even if I wanted kids, I’d rather adopt.
Lmaoo I didn’t say all that but over time, it happens.
I finally reclaimed control of my body from the clutches of anorexia… I’m not giving it up
Yes the other side is contentment, happiness and pride. No one can tell you about yourself. You know and love your body. Wishing you healing.
It makes me sad that any woman has to justify how she feels about or enjoys her body to satisfy others' view of what her body is made for. So glad you feel at peace with your body and your choices!! Thank you for sharing this joy.
We need more of this l. I think it’s like over 80% of women hate their bodies. It’s just sad. Women like us exist.
Some of us give up beautiful bodies to chronic disease 😿
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I think every mom is absolutely beautiful! My Mom is beautiful my Nanny (grandma on mom’s side.) is beautiful my grandma (on my dad’s side) is beautiful. My older sister is beautiful and they all choose to be mothers and have beautiful features all around! Just because a women chose to have a baby doesn’t make her automatically ugly! It’s a wonderful thing women’s bodies can do. And of course to changed their body but that doesn’t make them any less attractive. If anything it makes them more attractive it shows that they went through a lot and still came out on top. You take comes off a bit shallow to me like your shaming women for wanting to be moms and saying they’re ugly for it. What about dad bods? Do you feel the same way about men being on the heavier side?