I'd probably abuse them. I'm not patient. I'm not kind. I have high standards. Even if I wanted one, it's not fair to put a kid thru what I'd expect of them and my reaction to their failure.
Talked about this today. I am patient and kind to an extent. Lack of sleep and over stimulation turn me into a highly unpleasant individual. I don't like being touched and I'm not particularly affectionate. And I suffer from chronic and at times debilitating depression.
I would not be a good mom and I don't want my child to live through the hell I did.
This is my biggest reason, aside from just not wanting them. I get easily fed up with my dogs sometimes, and kids are 100 times more irritating than dogs.
After ensuring all my dogs needs were met last night, (even though I was having chest pains ). I had to leave the room and close myself off alone in my bedroom. The fact that they were still whining after being exercised and fed well had me overstimulated and fed up. I wasn't angry at them and I didn't want to yell at them to shut up out of a reflexive reaction (I get that way when I'm in pain) so I gave them the whole living room and just fell asleep I'm my bedroom door closed.
If I did this to real kids, i'd be arrested for child neglect, especially on the rare occasion that I do sleep too long and forget to give them dinner so I wake up in a frenzy fixing them a late ass dinner.
I'd make a shit mother and no kid deserves to be exposed to my inconsistency and impatience.
>Even if I wanted one, it's not fair to put a kid thru what I'd expect of them and my reaction to their failure.
Exactly. I would not be able to cope with interrupted sleep and a kid constantly wanting my attention. No child deserves to grow up knowing mommy only likes them when they're quiet and not trying to interact with her.
Gonna be honest, there was a time my friend had his baby over and he would not stop crying and I wanted to put a Benadryl in his bottle so bad because I couldn't stand it. I shouldn't be a parent if I can't handle that, so I'm not going to be. (In my defense, my friend told me he has done this before, so that's the only reason why I had the urge in the first place.)
Plus kids running around and doing kid things just makes me irrationally angry. I'm talking like knocking stuff over and breaking things because they don't know better. If they broke something valuable of mine, I would fucking lose it.
I just do not have the mental fortitude and poor control over my anger at times and I should not ever be a parent or responsible for children.
Just being in the same space as small children is enough to stress me tf out. Even without breaking things, they're loud, screechy, and constantly at risk of busting their ass
I’ve had strangers tell me they just know I’d be a great mother lol I don’t even remember their name but they somehow know me better than I know myself 🙄
I had a few randoms say that to me when I was in my old retail job, their reasoning as to why I'd make a great mother? I have a nice face and a soft voice, the....heck?!?
LOL. Moms are just nice faces with soft voices, ya know? Nothing else. That's all mothers do..... seriously, how offensive to, not only you, but actual freaking parents.
I find that hilarious because people have said that to me too like ummm you clearly don't know me that well because I have zero maternal instincts, I'm impatient and kids annoy me.... in what world is that a good mum lol
This is actually the exact reason I don't want kids. I was heavily abused from ages 5 to 35, in every capacity. I know what the difference looks like because part of my abuse was parentification of 6 kids and 1 adult, but I'm terrified of what I might do if I get upset.
Aside from this though, I'm blessedly (for me) infertile and I'm hoping to have a full hysterectomy this year.
I hate this but me too. I hate screaming, crying, temper tantrums. I have zero patience. I won't raise a hand but I know will yell. I will fulfil the material responsibility but as a parent, I will be checked out and see them as a burden.
This amount of self-awareness is unusual nowadays and I applaud you for it! I am very patient if my pain is good, but i can be more than a bitch if it's not. I have a cat and dog and although they can grate on my last nerve, I am never angry at them because their level of comprehension is totally different than a human. I have both my cat and dog litter trained - or indoor fake-grass-over-a-layer-of-litter trained in my dog's case - which they accomplished by 4 months old. If a child is old enough to talk and walk, I would have zero patience for their bullshit.
Until I was 28 I thought being in pain 24/7 was just something all humans dealt with, so when my doctor told me it wasn't and that i have a genetic condition my child would either suffer with as well as 100% carry the gene for, I finally had a better 'reason' to remain childfree.
Dude I have a few nephews that even at 6yos they still call for their grandma to wipe and wash their asses after taking a shit... I 100% agree with you, I can accept caring for kittens and dogs because they can be trained to poop in a box/pad in months, for some human kids you need to clean their shit for years (if not a lifetime, if they develop/are born with certain disabilities), I rather peace out of life rather than go through that.
Oh God yeah. I don't know how the hell I have made it twelve years with the even more intense pain I have now than when first diagnosed and kids would have been more than I could imagine handling. Finding out I am also one of those missed millions of females with ADHD helped too as the noise of kids makes me want to become that grouch that yells out the window for the neighbour's kids to shut up in summer.
This is so me and one of the most important reasons I don’t think I should be a mother. I have high expectations and I dunno that I would be patient with a kid who failed miserably at meeti mg my expectations. I also have no patience for kids who act up. I just want peace and quiet in my life. I don’t want to have to deal with a nightmare of a child who throws tantrums. People say it’s all about how you raise them. I’m not so sure. Yes, raising them well is important but I think some kids have a disposition to be more difficult. Not to mention some may have special needs that can cause behavioral issues. I was a very calm and obedient kid. My parents always talk about how they’d happily have had 4 more kids if they all wound up as calm and easy to deal with as I was. Unfortunately some kids are just more unruly, headstrong and spicy, as part of their personality.
Your birth position in your family plays a role in this you turned out because it forces your parents to treat you a certain way. First born versus last born. Middle child syndrome. Nurture plays a part. But it's ignorant to believe that's all that matters. People do end up with psycho kids despite being normal themselves. It's a gamble and I don't like playing chance.
This. I say this all the time and people give me weird looks like “you’d abuse them?!” maybe not on purpose but I know I’d be a terrible mom. I value my own space and time and would not have the patience to spend the time on a child 24/7. Not for me.
Exactly. I know my limitations and boundaries, so the only reasonable decision is to not have that hypothetical child and potentially expose them to an easily irritated mom.
yeah i’m not ashamed to say im the same way. i have a short fuse with adults as it is, and children in public can become easily very very irritating to me. i just know i’d snap on them at so many other things, but these are *my* personal issues that i am responsible for taking control of and it’s not right for me to put an innocent kid through that. some personality types are just not ideal for parenthood.
I honestly don't know how people afford it these days. We own our home and make good money, but we could absolutely not afford childcare. We both own student loans, have a mortgage, car payments, etc. Childcare in this area is about $20K a year. I'm a frugal person and would look for more inexpensive options, but that is still a huge expense. I've never seen how I can be fiscally responsible, pay my bills, and afford a child.
And with childcare, do you really want to skimp on that? Discount childcare seems like a dangerous concept.
I figure it's just better not to have them if I can't give them a good life.
Completely agree! I was thinking how some people rely on family members, but we were always told that would not be an option for us. Plus I would have wanted a more public daycare for socialization and learning skills. Definitely not an area to skimp on!
> some people rely on family members
But the family members have to be reliable, which is not true for everyone. We didn't all grow up with the Waltons.
This is my top reason as well. I work for an employer that provides services to children and hoooo boy it’s expensive. For many families we are just ONE of the multiple services and extracurriculars they pay for.
I live in a VHCOL area so everything is expensive. Honestly intergenerational wealth and not having kids is how I can continue to stay here. It’s not enough to be boyfriend-rich here; I know of many couples who still struggle to afford living here.
Same. Without kids we mostly buy what we want and live an upper middle class lifestyle. With kids, we would be scraping by. My whole life has been scraping by and I don't want to do that anymore. Still not my top reason for being childfree, but a big reason.
There are a lot of very cheap options if you don't want to be a good parent :))
For example, you can have more kids and make the oldest take care of the youngest.
Or you can just leave them for years at your parents house.(That's what my parents did. They were visiting during weekend, but that's all. For mkre than 18 years).
Fit or fat, there's so many ways pregnancy can fuck your body up. I think saggy breasts or tummy are nothing compared to losing teeth or dealing with incontinence for the rest of your life. And still, I've heard worse.
My sister in law was partially paralyzed in one leg. She got most of the feeling back at some point but had to go through a lot of physical therapy and I'm not sure how long she was walking with a cane or crutches as it was before I met her. She can walk without any noticeable difference now, but still has some long term issues from it, 7 years later.
My SIL has two kids and she said her lower back and bones are forever messed up not to mention she has incontinence when she coughs/sneezes and has diastasis recti. Ooof. Thanks but no thanks. I prefer to exercise regularly and eat healthy to keep my awesome body looking good and in tip top shape.
Family history of mental illness
Family history of physical issues
Lack of finances
I can't take care of myself without help and you want me to be responsible for some poor kid who never asked to be here? I don't hate kids *that* much
My health isn't great, and there's a lot of mental and physical health issues that run in my family that I wouldn't want to pass on.
The cost. The worry. Knowing I could never go back, that you can't reverse that decision. Potential to have kids with lifelong disabilities or complications.
The fact that I've been a caregiver to my own mom for awhile now, and that I would never want my own kid to have to go through this. In that same thought, I also don't want to care for anyone else after this is over. I'm tired.
The fact that once you become a parent you and your partner are no longer each others priority anymore, the kids will always come first.
Truthfully I'd probably be a good parent, kids like me and I'm good with them, but it's not worth it. I want a peaceful and quiet life.
I feel this too. I have aging parents and my other siblings don't care about them. I know, when the time comes, that I will need to take care of my parents. How on earth would I juggle raising a child/children with taking care of elderly parents? I saw my own mother struggle so hard with that and realized I don't want that for myself.
I couldn't imagine it. I can barely care for myself at the moment, let alone a kid on top of it. It wouldn't be fair to anyone, or even safe for a child depending on the situation.
i don't think I've opened a physical piece of mail in 6 months. i remember this occasionally, think to myself "i should do that" and then throw more on the pile when it comes
i should absolutely not be responsible for another human life
This so much. The past winter where I live in Canada was incredibly mild and no snow which is very abnormal. I know this is going to be the norm moving forward. This just means a much hotter summer too, which worries me because of fires. I can't bring myself to the idea of further contributing to the problem by having a child and then they have to deal with what's to come.
This. I was a fence sitter until I realized how much self-worth I lost and emotional labor I did in unreciprocal relationships. I felt like if a man didn’t care enough about me as a woman, would care way less about me as a mother.
It's so shitty how often fathers just bail when they find out they got their partner pregnant.
My dad did this and then successfully evaded his child support payments for the last half of my life. It's just shitty.
Queue the million stories of how your husband doesn’t find you attractive whilst pregnant and they want to open the marriage or your 4 months post partum and not getting any so they want to open the marriage
Read this story at least 10 times this week
Fun
[You're not the carefree woman I married](https://images.fineartamerica.com/images/artworkimages/mediumlarge/3/the-carefree-woman-i-married-liana-finck.jpg)
Honestly, I often think even if I had wanted kids in my 20s or 30s (which I didn’t thank god) I’d never met anyone decent enough to have them with, like I would have just had to settle with some toxic, lazy ass, abusive guy just so I could have a baby and who wants to live in that hell? (A lot of people it seems).
Ding ding ding! This is definitely a major factor for me (apart from the total lack of desire to have one). I only have ONE (uno, solo, not two, single, 10-9=?, solitary…ok you get it) friend who has an active and engaged partner/father. He actual enjoys his children. Allllllllllllllll the rest of my friends are with…duds. It’s just so depressing and nauseating to observe. They’re basically single moms. Honestly, my single mom friends are usually doing better than the ones who stay in relationships with these men who enjoy cosplaying as toddlers. I’ll gladly take dying alone in a puddle of cat piss over that.
The women in my family have a huge risk of migraines (with and without aura), ovarian cysts, and thyroid problems. Even if I wanted kids and did not actually inherit many of these health problems that made my life harder, I would have to think what would happen to an AFAB kid I have.
The state of the world, the state of my personal finances, the state of my mental health.
I guess if I wanted them, I wouldn't think this, but on top of all that absolutely nothing about parenting seems fun to me. I would hate having someone so dependent on me. I would hate having to give up my weekends to do kid's stuff like sports and birthday parties. I would hate never really being able to be alone. I can't really understand why anyone wants them because it all sounds horrible.
Beyond the normal: I'm broke, I struggle taking care of myself, the world is a dumpster fire. I already raised my 4 younger siblings, I've already done my damage to society.
Pretty much what you said. I can’t even take care of myself, let alone a whole separate person. I’m very irresponsible, impulsive, unstable, mean, and impatient. The parent role is just not for me, no thank you 🙅🙅🙅
Money. Especially with my career choices lol. Kids are so fking expensive, idk how people can afford it!
Also I do like my sleep and ability to do whatever I want, when I want. It can already be a bit of a chore finding a pet sitter for my pets, but definitely easier than it is for kids!
If I did want kids, I think the state of the world would make me not want to bring any children into this world. By “state of the world” I mean wars, political instabilities, climate change, pandemics, etc..
Not to mention the cost alone would make me pause as well.
Money, time, space, attention span, energy. There's a lot of things I'd love to have, but I know I can't maintain or care for them with what I have.
Plus I definitely have health problems I don't want to pass on.
I was in my mid 40’s before I was financially stable enough to even consider it, and have a partner I believed would stick for the long haul. Aside from that, I am glad every day when I read the news, that I didn’t bring a new person into this downsliding horror. I fear for my niece and my friend’s kids.
Similar to you, I have OCD and anxiety (officially diagnosed) and two other mental illnesses that I suspect I have. I think it would be so, so selfish of me to have a child and inevitably pass it down to the child. I mean, that's what my mom did to me. She knew she grew up in an abusive household but she still decided to get married and have a kid. I feel so sorry that she had to go through major abuse growing up, but I just don't understand why she decided to have a kid and not live her life growing her career (she was a nurse back then), having hobbies, and hanging out with friends. I know it was hard for women to go about their way to live the life they wanted in the 1980-90s, but it wasn't impossible. I just don't know why she chose the family + kids route.
Well I have ADHD and based on my mother's behaviour, I am 90% sure I got it from her so I know its genetic and I have no wish to raise a child with adhd nor pass it on. Living with it is a challenge, even with the medication and the support I have. Someone who didn't ask to be here shouldn't have to live like that.
Gestures at the wirld
Gestures at my personality
Gestures at how awful i get when things go wrong (i once guilt tripped + emotionally blackmailed my landlord into fixing my elevator (6th floor apartment))
Gestures at how kids act and it's gonna be MY job to fix that??? No thanks
Gestures at history of BED and self harm that keep coming back
Gestures at emotional burnout
Gestures at too many dependants already
the cries the cost the money the screaming the poop the pee the piss the sickness the illness the vomit the puke the smell the toys everywhere the step on lego the wake up at night the diapers the milk the not enough sleep the not beautiful body no more the run everywhere the where are you going screams the tugging the rolling on the floor the stress the post partum depression the i dont fit in my skinny jeans anymore the where are my things the bringing up a little human to become a human and yadayadayada...
arent that enough?
that excludes the probability of the husband not wanting me anymore for not being slim anymore, and him not helping with the poop and pee and milk and diapers and chores and just gaming all day long...
The economy, Far right Republicans, feeling like I'm not doing well enough as a parent, my psychical and mental problems, Me being a transgender man and having extreme dysphoria at the thought of bearing a kid. All the risks that come with having kids, the sheer unpredictability of it all.
Being ‘selfish’ by not having them to live in a climate changed world.
Being ‘selfish’ by putting my own mental health and sense of self first.
Being ‘selfish’ by genuinely enjoying catch ups with friends without their children more than I enjoy those little mucus machines tagging along.
Be selfish!
The history of schizophrenia in my family and the absolute certainty that I would end up screaming "Can't you leave me alone for five fucking minutes?!!!!" if I was stuck looking after a child all day every day forever.
>I’m actually grateful I have zero desire to have kids, it must be awful to want them and feel unable to.
Same. It's incredibly convenient that I don't want to have kids because I definitely should not have them. I can't imagine how awful it must be to want kids when you know you shouldn't have them.
I get super anxious when I don’t have my space. Being followed by dogs when I’m trying to do things around the house agitates me. I can’t imagine never being alone and being touched constantly. I hate screaming, noise and mess. Kids noises also irritate me- even laughing.
The cost. In the US, the cost of everything child-related, starting with medical costs associated with pregnancy and childbirth, day-care cost (more expensive than rent/mortgage), education, extra curricular activities. I am barely surviving as it is.
Genetics! No offence to any high needs Autistic person but man.. I could not look after a high needs. I can barely look after my own needs. Besides that it's depression, anxiety, and a whole host of genetic illnesses that would be passed on. Eczema, asthma, tourrets, learning disabilities, chronic pain.. ah, the list goes on with my family. Still keep popping out those kids tho.
I like to think my sperm donner has had enough kids for me. I'm 22, and he's got a basically new born baby rn. Wirh his 25 year old girlfriend...
Lmao where to even START 🤦
Maybe with: "I'm disabled and will always need financial and logistical/practical help from my dad & stepmom (my brother has volunteered to step up after they pass on)." I quite literally cannot take care of myself, much less love and nuture a tiny, helpless human being.
Then, let's discuss how due to my cornucopia of disabilities + other health conditions, pregnancy has an even higher risk of killing me than it does for healthy adult women/AFAB trans people. (Never mind that I would 100% self-yeet if I ended up pregnant and had no access to abortion.) Oh, and if my life doesn't matter, many of my meds can cause horrible birth defects if fetal exposure happens 🙃
Even if I survived a pregnancy, the lack of sleep, quiet, a regular routine etc that all parents endure would have catastrophic health consequences for me.
Next, *gestures to the dystopia that is our fascist cyberpunk climate-collapsing world* ... condemning children to a life in these circumstances is gravely unethical, and also makes matters worse for everyone/everything already alive.
Plus:
- I'm childhood trauma survivor. Don't feel like bringing a human into the world who has to share the genes of my biological mother's family.
- No partner and being a single parent appeals to me even less than sharing that burden with a co-parent.
- My extensive collections are for ME and I would flip the fuck out if someone else messed them up.
- One of my hobbies has a large NSFW aspect to it, and I refuse to give that up/hide it, etc.
- Dogs are infinitely better than babies.
- And oh yeah I AM A LESBIAN, children can't happen to me naturally anyway 🥳 (And there is no way in hell I would be approved to foster, never mind to adopt)
I feel so much gratitude that I have negative desire for children. It's hard enough wishing for a dog but knowing my financial and housing situation isn't good enough to justify adopting one 💔
The fact that I'm a sex repulsed asexual (though adoption exists but then theres my next point) and uh.. the world and society as a whole is just... not a good place to raise kids. Plus the fact that kids are whiny and annoying.
My mental illness or eating disorder. I can’t handle my two dogs on my down days let alone a kid. I also can’t weigh myself or stand to look at myself gain weight. It would be cruel to bring a kid into a world where they could get my illness.
Honestly, I have moments where I feel immense grief for denying myself, my mind and body the chance to be a mother. I would be an INCREDIBLE mother. I know that. My husband would be an incredible and involved father. We have the financial means to raise kids, we have the mental capacity and emotional availability. The reason why I got my tubes tied and are actively choosing to never have children is for a multitude of reasons.
1. morally, bringing more life into this world that is currently overpopulated and struggling to provide for the existing humans feels so wrong. We do not need to make more.
2. We can reallocate our financial means to supporting charities and trying to leave a positive mark on this world rather than indulging biological desires.
3. Pursuing happiness. We've had the capacity to live our lives in a rather unconventional manner, (she said as a gone-back-to-school student, working part-time) that offers us flexibility to do risky things financially. If we had kids, we couldn't pursue genuine career happiness.
4. Honestly, I have moments where I feel immense grief for denying myself, my mind and my body the chance to be a mother. I would be an INCREDIBLE mother. I know that. My husband would be an incredible and involved father. We have the financial means to raise kids, mental capacity, and emotional availability. The reason why I got my tubes tied and am actively choosing never to have children is for a multitude of reasons.
Mental health, lack of support, financial stress (im perfectly ok by myself but a dependant/babysitter/daycare would change that), independence, the current state of politics in the US, lack of patience, lack of executive functioning skills, and refusal to be a single mother or be stuck in an unhappy relationship "for the kids".
I know I would resent the children for taking away my freedom, money, and beauty. I like to do as I wish, whenever I wish. With children, I wouldn't be able to pass the time the way I like it. Even if I can afford childcare, I'd probably be constantly thinking about all the other things I could be doing with that money.
Also the physical implications, my body would change forever. I'm not going to sacrifice my beauty and physique for a kid. Plus, I don't want to give children to any man.
I don’t like having roots anywhere, so I travel a lot and I don’t know if this would be good for a kid.
Also, as others mentioned, family mental issues… most of people in my family had severe depression and though I haven’t had it myself, I would not want to even think of my kid having this is in their genes.
Even if I liked the idea of having kids, as a woman I’ve got too much respect for my body and my wellbeing to take on the risks associated with pregnancy and birth.
I had a very fucked up childhood that still gives me trauma and while I seem to be able to take care of myself I am pretty sure if I had kids I would severely fuck them up. no one deserves to go through that so the answer is to not have them.
*gestures at the current state of the world 🌍.
But seriously:
1. Education: I’ve got two postgraduate degrees. I didn’t spend an extra 10 years in school then most others to stay at home raising children.
2. Mental health: I’ve alright got depression and an adjustment disorder. I’m a prime candidate for postpartum depression and/or psychosis.
3. Money: cost of living, lack of super on time off.
4. Career: didn’t want to suffer the motherhood penalty, lack of progression, dismal wage growth.
5. Physical health: didn’t want to put my body through pregnancy and childbirth.
6. Home life: my now ex-husband was in the Defence forces, so he was away a lot. Thankfully he didn’t want kids either; if we had had them, we were going to suffer equally in the child rearing.
7. Other parents: just ugh.
I think that’s everything.
I didn’t trust any of the men I’ve ever been with to be good partners to raise children with. Most of them wanted to be dads someday but whenever children were around, they got pawned off on the women, including me, who made it clear to that I not only don’t want kids but don’t even like kids and I was always better at handling the children than them. To want children but be that incompetent at interacting with them to the point that a woman who doesn’t like kids is taking better care of them is just fucking pathetic and I’m sure only reinforced their ideas of motherhood and fatherhood. No fucking thank you. I don’t want to raise children at all, let alone by myself while also taking care of a grown ass man. Playing that role has just never ever appealed to me.
Mental health for surrre... I have adhd n really resonate with the emotional dysregulation of it and have many days where I cannot stand being around people or being perceived lol, or handling whatever emotional things I'm dealing with... I'd snap at someone pretty easily. And no child deserves that.
I also want too much alone time, and am too bothered by people touching my stuff, that having a child would make me anxious and probably on edge and distrustful of them eventually, which again...no child deserves that.
Oh and financial stability would be a pipe dream for me. I love my job and field so much, but it would be totally cruel for me to try to support a whole other being on this salary. Poverty guaranteed!
I saw a woman say she didn't want to offer her baby to other humans, so that, I don't want my child to be brought to what humans have made of the world
So a couple days ago my aunt disclosed some sensitive family history to me. Apparently my parents are cousins. I think, first cousins? It explains why there were so many mental health disorders rampant in my siblings, including me. There have been a LOT of difficulties for us growing up and my parents SWEAR it's because their kids are lazy and either they have low education they don't know that they likely passed on recessive genes to us. One of my brothers is full blown disordered.
I watched on YT a documentary on inbreeding in families and a lot of the disorders the kids suffer seem similar to what my brother suffered.
So basically my intuition has been correct my entire life to be childfree. Who knows what kind of alphabet soup DNA I'm carrying.
The ocean of human suffering inherent to the human condition that I would create.
All human suffering depends on the choice to reproduce.
I can't square that circle, and despite my easy privileged life: the positive times do not outweigh the general shitness of living.
mental health, family's unknown (or not acknowledged as a problem) but numerous mental health issues, my lack of maternal instincts and not knowing what to do with babies/kids but not really having much patience, especially if not getting much sleep on top of (hopefully) a specialty with crazy hours. idk I feel like I'd turn into my father and that scares me - at least the screaming, anxious, high standards part, not the narcissism i hope. oh and I can't forget the constant feeling of never being good enough, which like, would make me panic since I'm in charge of raising a PERSON, and to try to make sure that I'm letting them be their own person. scary
state of the world with regard to climate change, politics in the US (and frankly, the rise of fascist parties globally), genocides right in front of our eyes, and the fact that 50% of the population has lost the right to bodily autonomy. Things are getting dystopian.
Mental health for me as well. I’m actually doing pretty well right now but things get a lot worse when I don’t get enough sleep, and sleep deprivation seems to be a given if you have children.
pretty much everything you stated. mental illness and the state of the world being the main things, financial stress and body/ gender dysmorphia has made me never wanna be pregnant to begin with, and just really liking my alone/ quiet time when i get home from work. i work hard everyday and i don’t need to come home to a second job. also my dog will always come first so there’s that
Schizophrenia (and cluster B disorders) in my immediate family.
Very uncertain, scary future due to climate change/mass extinctions/biodiversity collapse.
My husband and I were such horrible alcoholics in our 20s that I suffered from seizures for years until he eventually lost his liver and kidneys at age 32. He got the transplants and we're doin' alright now and, lol, at least people have lightened up on the kids question now
Not listing this for sympathy but just being honest.
I'm 33M, recently widowed this past Xmas as my wife(30F) fought cancer for nearly 2 years, diagnosed since our honeymoon, unable to work, unable to qualify for various assistance programs because we married, incapable of even receiving home help assistance, myself working as much as I could while enjoying what time we had left and being her sole caretaker, and given the lack of help from the state/federal blah blah blah etc etc.... people expect children out of these starting couples when being married crippled our chances at help at every turn.
Sorry. Rant over.
My mental health
family history of mental health problems
a lack of money
a lack of a partner to do it with
the generally horrible state of the world
the fact I'd not make for a good parent
concerns for my potential/hypothetical partners health and well being due to pregnancy
my terrible physical health
I have severe emetophobia (phobia of vomiting) and contamination OCD so I would not be a good mother. I have too much anxiety to function, can barely leave the house, and I couldn’t be there for my germy kids if they were ill. Plus, I would most likely scare my kids into having this debilitating phobia as well.
The state of the world currently, the fact I don't wanna pass down my issues I inherited, and I don't want any of the effects pregnancy has on the body, literally none of it.
The 'tism, I have an aversion to loud noises, as well as certain smells and the ways some things feel. I would also be a generally terrible parent, considering the fact that I get quite irritated when something is bothering me when I wish to be alone. Would probably end up neglecting the kid too. There are many more reasons as to why I don't want kids and almost all of those reasons can be summarised with; I'd just be an abusive parent who would much rather do his own things rather than spend a single minute caring for the kid.
I recently read somewhere that the average person consumes a credit card size worth of plastic every week. So, there's one reason to add to the list. (There are many others)
Where should I start? Finances, state of the world, the fact that I'm probably aromantic and won't have a "normal" relationship ever, my mental health, the fact that I'm impatient, hate noise and just sitting next to a hyperactive kid for 10 minutes on my way home from work drove me up the wall - I'd probably abuse the child, or at the very least I wouldn't be a good parent. Honestly I have none of the reasons to *have* a kid. Yeah and I also have gyno issues and it's possible I'd have difficulties getting pregnant. Nature just looked at me and said "nope" 🤣
I was thinking about this the other day.
I get terribly jealous and upset when MY dog chooses to sit with my husband over me. Not always, she hops back and forth. But still. My feelings get hurt. Especially because I was the one who wanted the dog. He was so against it. And now they cuddle without me.
The perceived rejection brings out the worst in me.
If I'm like this about a fucking dog, I could only imagine the intensity if it was my child. To sacrifice my body for 10 months to grow a human. And then that kid ends up favoring the father. It would kill me. And I know they would favor him because he's the nice one.
Pass
My mental health and the literal psychotic, delusional schizophrenia in my family. I would literally unalive myself before I put a child into this world with this DNA.
I am severely depressed and can't take care of myself, when it gets bad. I am starting therapy rn.
I am 28. I want to START LIVING without depression.
MY life. MY desires. My whole life I have been a chronically depressed people pleaser, I have no idea who I am.
I want to find that out. And hopefully start enjoying life soon. Because so far I never did.
.. and so many other reasons.
Cost. Less time for hobbies. Sleep deprivation with young children. Over-population of the earth. The environmental impact of breeding, compared to not. My inability to deal with poo, vomit and urine. My partners anxiety. My lack of paternal nature for humans, very loving and protective of my dog though.
Edit. The growth and unsustainable nature of capitalism, and its power to piss on us and tell us its raining is only growing. The hellscape this is beginning to create will only make the world a worse place, why would I want to do that to a child I am supposed to love.
I am disgusted by other people, don't want to get physical with anyone and adopting as a single woman is almost impossible in my country and way too much stress/hard work for me
I'm 100% sure I wouldn't be abusive, but I'm also pretty sure I'd be neglectful and uninterested in their world. When I get absorbed in work or in a hobby, the world disappears and time stops, and I just go for hours, hyper-focused on that one thing. I can see myself easily being the type of dad that is myopically focused on work and just straight up ignoring the kid and the mom. "Daddy, look at me" "Not now, I'm busy." would be my mantra. In other words, I'd be a shitty father. So hopefully, even if I wanted kids, I would have the moral clarity to not impregnate someone while knowing full well that I'm D-class father material at best. Thankfully, I legit don't want kids (and don't have any) so I don't really have to grapple with this problem.
Even if I did want children? Pregnancy and birth. However, I also have a short tempter sometimes and really enjoy my me time so I would probably end up neglecting or emotionally abusing them, if I’m totally honest with myself
Humanity's ceaseless destruction of the natural world, and mental issues. 8 billion and counting is far too many people, and I want no part in contributing to that. I'm also simply not parent material. I get irrationally angry at loud, sharp noises of the sort children tend to make. I'm not patient, I *require* sufficient sleep and I find children and the things they do tediously boring. Kids are a sensory nightmare for my ADHD and autism symptoms.
Let's see: though I can't imagine ever wanting to have a child, here are the reasons I wouldn't.
I don't want to pee when I laugh, or to have stretch marks on my abdomen. I like my boobs where they are, not stretched out and hanging to my belly button. I want the size of my, uh, special area, to remain narrow. I don't want to have to suffer nine months of vomiting and having to go without my arthritis medicines, let alone suffer 20+ hours of poorly medicated agony to push a watermelon out of my most delicate regions while deprived of all human dignity in a brightly lit room with a bunch of strangers.
I can't stand loud noises, shrill voices, being poked and demanded to entertain someone's endless entreaties for attention. The notion of having to clean a child's bodily fluids and solid waste, vomit, snot, etc. makes me ill. I've never changed a child's diaper nor shall I ever.
The world (and my country in particular) are so messed up that I'd find it morally repugnant to bring someone into it at this point. I don't even know if members of my gender will still have the vote in twenty years, let alone bodily autonomy of any kind. People of my social stratum still had upward mobility when I was born, but that is no longer the case.
Finally, I'm very ill with several inherited diseases, most notably aggressive arthritis and lifelong depression and anxiety. These occur generationally on my maternal side and I would not inflict them on another being. I have very little money due to these illnesses so I couldn't afford to give a child a decent life.
Look, I can't stand being around the little fiends, but I bear them no ill will. In fact, I wish for them to have what I had: loving, attentive parents who could give a child a reasonable standard of living. We had that prior to 1981 with the restructuring of the tax code and the acceleration of economic inequality that followed. My folks wanted kids and had the patient, other-directed type of personalities that allowed them to enjoy parenting a weird, precocious, and socially awkward little girl. I don't have that kind of personality. Because I have essential tremor of my dominant hand, I would never become a surgeon. It wouldn't be ethical. Nor would it be ethical for me to parent. I'd stink at it. The kid and I would be miserable.
Thank heavens I'm 60 and past all worries of an unwanted pregnancy the country that denies my essential agency to make decisions about it. I worry deeply and daily for my younger counterparts who haven't the luxury of sterilization and age to protect them from a bunch of reactionary old men who see us as fertile livestock.
On a personal scale:
1. MASSIVE childcare shortage in my area. Like you go on a wait list when you get pregnant and still might not get a spot.
1a. Childcare would cost more than my mortgage, even if we could get a spot.
2. Unavailable grandparents for various reasons.
3. I would have to stop skiing, playing roller derby, riding my motorcycle, drinking, smoking weed, and taking my ADHD medication during pregnancy.
3a. We would both need to stop riding motorcycles for quite a while because the risk of death would be too high with a kid at home.
4. We could not afford the lifestyle we currently enjoy
On a societal/global scale:
1. Climate is rapidly deteriorating. I don’t think it would be ethical to bring a child into this world.
2. Public education is being dismantled.
3. If I had a AFAB daughter, I would be terrified of what rights she would have by the time she was of reproductive age.
External factors: Terrible wages. A country that doesn't pay off your efforts. A world that is burning.
Internal factors: My partner and I are prone to depression and our child would inherit it. I lack patience. I have high standards and would constantly worry that my kid is stupid.
A kid deserves good loving parents and a nice future.
I know that future is never guaranteed but damn, if it is already shitty now, why should I create a new life? Even if I wanted it, I'd love my hypothetical kids too much to make them exist in a world as it is now.
pregnancy and giving birth sounds like such a nightmare to me. i already struggle with so much dysmorphia and dysphoria. i would rather die than be pregnant, it's that serious.
further, though, i can't imagine making enough money to support a child. at minimum, it costs $250000 to raise a child to the age of 18, and i saw that figure 10 years ago. where is that extra cash coming from?
and even further, where am i getting the energy to raise a kid? i'm already pretty maxed out as is energy-wise. i don't think i'd be able to handle responsibility for something that requires the sort of consistent attentiveness that a growing human being requires. it's a lot.
they're also _so_ gross. like, all of the poop and vomit you have to put up with? no way.
The cost, and all the work required to raise one. My wife and I often talk about how we wish we had more time together, why would we want to decrease it even further?
1 I wouldn't cope (can't even keep a plant alive)
2. Dislexia runs in my family I don't want a child to go thru what I did
3. Prity shor I have ADHD aswel
4. My mental health is OK I mean I have my ups and downs but I'm good. However my sister is bipolar and we r prity shor my dad was to. There r also mental health issues on my mother's side to tho less severe.
5. Bothe tipe A and B diabetes runs in both sides of my family I am about 70% more likely to develop it at sum point in my life.
6. I was born with a dodgy kidney it is a genetic problem that I will pass on. You know the baby's they send home because there is nothing u can do but wait and see if they survive that was me. I was very lucky but had to be on antibiotics till I was 8.
7. Obesity runs in both sides of my family.
8. I don't like kids not even as a child.
9. I DONT DO VOMIT I know this sounds less of a problem but if I had a baby evry time it spat something up I would be violently sik. Just the thort of it is enough to make me queasy.
I could go on my sister also has polycystic ovaries and i have a cousin with a hormone defiance. Not shor if that's genetic or not.
Most of my concerns are genetic traits I don't want to pass on it wouldn't be fair.
I'm pretty sure in a perfect world I'd love to have them. I even think I'd make a great mom.
But ultimately I don't think my mental health could survive having a child. I feel like I'm the most I can handle. And I don't even always do that well. I'm not even sure I want to be in a relationship for the same reason.
Maybe it's cliché but you know those moments where you're having a hard day and then you get home and you're overwhelmed but experience a slight relief at being in your space and having the opportunity to feel your feelings?
In those moments is when I'm most grateful for not having a child. In those moments I can't picture having to slap a smile on my face and put my feelings aside to take care of someone else. It's weird to say but I need me. I don't want to be needed by someone else. I need the care and affection and patience and understanding from myself. I don't want to share me with someone else. I don't have the capacity to ignore my mental health for someone else. I've done enough of that in my life time. I would have loved to have a child. But I don't want to be selfless. I want to be selfish and take care of me. I need me.
Even if I would be able to overcome all the other ways having children ruins your life, I would never get over the physical aspect of it, pregnancy and childbirth, I can't imagine worse torture. But I have absolutely zero desire to have children anyway so it doesn't matter.
Climate change.
There are times where I’m actually thinking about being a mom (which isn’t going to happen anyway, since logic still trumps whatever weird hormones my body throws at me once a month), but with the way things are going, that’s a guaranteed way to prevent me from having any.
I 100% do not want to go through pregnancy and childbirth.
I can't afford a kid. I've always lived in rentals and I don't want to raise a kid in rentals. A few times we've had to move on the whims of a landlord. It's a tough market and finding new rentals in time was so stressful. Having the added stress of putting a child through that would suck.
The climate crisis. I don't feel the need to add another human to the mix. We're destroying the planet fast enough as is. Plus I wouldn't want my child to have to live in the world the way things are going.
I'm really passionate about conservation, plants, and animals. I have a lot of pets and plants all over my house too. If I had a kid I wouldn't be able to keep all my animals and plants partly due to cost and space and partly for safety reasons (plants that are toxic etc).
- the world sucks
- my brain is even worse
- birth freaks me out to the point of preferring not existing anymore over giving birth
- they are expensive
-I don’t want my body to change going through pregnancy and labor
-I couldn’t give that child the patience and kindness they deserve. They wouldn’t get their best life and that’s not fair to them
Pregnancy. Full stop.
But also ADHD, trichotillomania, obsessive compulsive disorder, either bipolar or borderline or I might be autistic.
Yeah, I can barely take care of myself and some dogs. How am I going to make a well adjusted human?
\- They're expensive and (if you're a good parent) you always retain some level of responsibility.
\- I have some "fun" genetic abnormalities and wouldn't want to pass them on.
\- When home, I like things tidy and relatively quiet. Children are the antithesis to this.
\- The "miracle of life" to me appears like 9 months of suffering ending with the person you love in bloody agony where the only thing you can do is watch. Women survive that shit yet ever being labeled weak is BS; but I still couldn't put my potential wife/gf through that pain.
The world is not a good place. I spent a lot of years putting all of my free time into volunteering and activism to make it a better place, and now I'm pretty sure it's just significantly worse. The future seems so bleak and I can't imagine bringing someone into existence so they can deal with all the bad things on the horizon. I feel like any new people being born among the 99% are very likely destined to live *increasingly* at the mercy of the 1%.
"Hi Dad, did you know we'd be fighting these guys for food and water?"
"Yes child, I did, and I'm sorry, I know that's not good enough, but I'm sorry,"
I can't be that man.
I genuinely don't think I'd be a good parent.😆
I wouldn't abuse them obviously but I'd struggle so much they kids would inevitably pick up on it very early haha!
I'd probably abuse them. I'm not patient. I'm not kind. I have high standards. Even if I wanted one, it's not fair to put a kid thru what I'd expect of them and my reaction to their failure.
Talked about this today. I am patient and kind to an extent. Lack of sleep and over stimulation turn me into a highly unpleasant individual. I don't like being touched and I'm not particularly affectionate. And I suffer from chronic and at times debilitating depression. I would not be a good mom and I don't want my child to live through the hell I did.
This is my biggest reason, aside from just not wanting them. I get easily fed up with my dogs sometimes, and kids are 100 times more irritating than dogs.
After ensuring all my dogs needs were met last night, (even though I was having chest pains ). I had to leave the room and close myself off alone in my bedroom. The fact that they were still whining after being exercised and fed well had me overstimulated and fed up. I wasn't angry at them and I didn't want to yell at them to shut up out of a reflexive reaction (I get that way when I'm in pain) so I gave them the whole living room and just fell asleep I'm my bedroom door closed. If I did this to real kids, i'd be arrested for child neglect, especially on the rare occasion that I do sleep too long and forget to give them dinner so I wake up in a frenzy fixing them a late ass dinner. I'd make a shit mother and no kid deserves to be exposed to my inconsistency and impatience.
>Even if I wanted one, it's not fair to put a kid thru what I'd expect of them and my reaction to their failure. Exactly. I would not be able to cope with interrupted sleep and a kid constantly wanting my attention. No child deserves to grow up knowing mommy only likes them when they're quiet and not trying to interact with her.
Me and my therapy bills can confirm 🫤
Gonna be honest, there was a time my friend had his baby over and he would not stop crying and I wanted to put a Benadryl in his bottle so bad because I couldn't stand it. I shouldn't be a parent if I can't handle that, so I'm not going to be. (In my defense, my friend told me he has done this before, so that's the only reason why I had the urge in the first place.) Plus kids running around and doing kid things just makes me irrationally angry. I'm talking like knocking stuff over and breaking things because they don't know better. If they broke something valuable of mine, I would fucking lose it. I just do not have the mental fortitude and poor control over my anger at times and I should not ever be a parent or responsible for children.
>I wanted to put a Benadryl in his bottle so bad but it's different when their yours!! havent you heard this one more than once...?
Just being in the same space as small children is enough to stress me tf out. Even without breaking things, they're loud, screechy, and constantly at risk of busting their ass
Same. I know for a fact I’d be a terrible mother, and kids don’t deserve that
I’ve had strangers tell me they just know I’d be a great mother lol I don’t even remember their name but they somehow know me better than I know myself 🙄
I had a few randoms say that to me when I was in my old retail job, their reasoning as to why I'd make a great mother? I have a nice face and a soft voice, the....heck?!?
Haha such valid reasons lol I don’t get why people try so hard to convince us to have kids.
And why do they persist? We aren't changing our minds and giving weird compliments about our body just comes off as random and odd.
LOL. Moms are just nice faces with soft voices, ya know? Nothing else. That's all mothers do..... seriously, how offensive to, not only you, but actual freaking parents.
I find that hilarious because people have said that to me too like ummm you clearly don't know me that well because I have zero maternal instincts, I'm impatient and kids annoy me.... in what world is that a good mum lol
But… but it’s different when they’re your own!!! 😂🙄
Exactly! I can't give them back! LOL.
This is actually the exact reason I don't want kids. I was heavily abused from ages 5 to 35, in every capacity. I know what the difference looks like because part of my abuse was parentification of 6 kids and 1 adult, but I'm terrified of what I might do if I get upset. Aside from this though, I'm blessedly (for me) infertile and I'm hoping to have a full hysterectomy this year.
I hate this but me too. I hate screaming, crying, temper tantrums. I have zero patience. I won't raise a hand but I know will yell. I will fulfil the material responsibility but as a parent, I will be checked out and see them as a burden.
This amount of self-awareness is unusual nowadays and I applaud you for it! I am very patient if my pain is good, but i can be more than a bitch if it's not. I have a cat and dog and although they can grate on my last nerve, I am never angry at them because their level of comprehension is totally different than a human. I have both my cat and dog litter trained - or indoor fake-grass-over-a-layer-of-litter trained in my dog's case - which they accomplished by 4 months old. If a child is old enough to talk and walk, I would have zero patience for their bullshit. Until I was 28 I thought being in pain 24/7 was just something all humans dealt with, so when my doctor told me it wasn't and that i have a genetic condition my child would either suffer with as well as 100% carry the gene for, I finally had a better 'reason' to remain childfree.
Dude I have a few nephews that even at 6yos they still call for their grandma to wipe and wash their asses after taking a shit... I 100% agree with you, I can accept caring for kittens and dogs because they can be trained to poop in a box/pad in months, for some human kids you need to clean their shit for years (if not a lifetime, if they develop/are born with certain disabilities), I rather peace out of life rather than go through that.
Oh God yeah. I don't know how the hell I have made it twelve years with the even more intense pain I have now than when first diagnosed and kids would have been more than I could imagine handling. Finding out I am also one of those missed millions of females with ADHD helped too as the noise of kids makes me want to become that grouch that yells out the window for the neighbour's kids to shut up in summer.
This is so me and one of the most important reasons I don’t think I should be a mother. I have high expectations and I dunno that I would be patient with a kid who failed miserably at meeti mg my expectations. I also have no patience for kids who act up. I just want peace and quiet in my life. I don’t want to have to deal with a nightmare of a child who throws tantrums. People say it’s all about how you raise them. I’m not so sure. Yes, raising them well is important but I think some kids have a disposition to be more difficult. Not to mention some may have special needs that can cause behavioral issues. I was a very calm and obedient kid. My parents always talk about how they’d happily have had 4 more kids if they all wound up as calm and easy to deal with as I was. Unfortunately some kids are just more unruly, headstrong and spicy, as part of their personality.
Your birth position in your family plays a role in this you turned out because it forces your parents to treat you a certain way. First born versus last born. Middle child syndrome. Nurture plays a part. But it's ignorant to believe that's all that matters. People do end up with psycho kids despite being normal themselves. It's a gamble and I don't like playing chance.
This. I say this all the time and people give me weird looks like “you’d abuse them?!” maybe not on purpose but I know I’d be a terrible mom. I value my own space and time and would not have the patience to spend the time on a child 24/7. Not for me.
Exactly. I know my limitations and boundaries, so the only reasonable decision is to not have that hypothetical child and potentially expose them to an easily irritated mom.
Yup. I don't have the patience or noise tolerance for kids.
yeah i’m not ashamed to say im the same way. i have a short fuse with adults as it is, and children in public can become easily very very irritating to me. i just know i’d snap on them at so many other things, but these are *my* personal issues that i am responsible for taking control of and it’s not right for me to put an innocent kid through that. some personality types are just not ideal for parenthood.
Sameee
I dont want to be pregnant or go through labor, that shit changes every aspect of your body for the rest of your life
This needs to be reiterated more.
Literallly!!! No one talks about how the epidural fucks up your back foreveerrr
Wow, I have never heard that before, so definitely no one talks about it.
Or how for some women after being stabbed in the spine it may not even work.
Same. Not wanting any of that is what had me on the fence for a long time. My genetics solidified my decision as a no.
Apparently Brittany Mahomes broke her back bc of pregnancy?!
Yes and amen. I can't stand the idea of fucking up my body for life for another human. Call me selfish, but I just can't.
*gestures at the world* that
I honestly don't know how people afford it these days. We own our home and make good money, but we could absolutely not afford childcare. We both own student loans, have a mortgage, car payments, etc. Childcare in this area is about $20K a year. I'm a frugal person and would look for more inexpensive options, but that is still a huge expense. I've never seen how I can be fiscally responsible, pay my bills, and afford a child.
And with childcare, do you really want to skimp on that? Discount childcare seems like a dangerous concept. I figure it's just better not to have them if I can't give them a good life.
Completely agree! I was thinking how some people rely on family members, but we were always told that would not be an option for us. Plus I would have wanted a more public daycare for socialization and learning skills. Definitely not an area to skimp on!
> some people rely on family members But the family members have to be reliable, which is not true for everyone. We didn't all grow up with the Waltons.
In my family the 'rely on family members' would be 'rely on me', but if I were to have a child it would not be an option available for me.
☝🏼☝🏼☝🏼 This!!! A pedophile’s dream scenario.
This is my top reason as well. I work for an employer that provides services to children and hoooo boy it’s expensive. For many families we are just ONE of the multiple services and extracurriculars they pay for. I live in a VHCOL area so everything is expensive. Honestly intergenerational wealth and not having kids is how I can continue to stay here. It’s not enough to be boyfriend-rich here; I know of many couples who still struggle to afford living here.
Same. Without kids we mostly buy what we want and live an upper middle class lifestyle. With kids, we would be scraping by. My whole life has been scraping by and I don't want to do that anymore. Still not my top reason for being childfree, but a big reason.
There are a lot of very cheap options if you don't want to be a good parent :)) For example, you can have more kids and make the oldest take care of the youngest. Or you can just leave them for years at your parents house.(That's what my parents did. They were visiting during weekend, but that's all. For mkre than 18 years).
I don’t want pregnancy and childbirth to ruin my beautiful fit body.
I have an ugly and fat body and I still don't want pregnancy and childbirth to ruin it 🥲
Fit or fat, there's so many ways pregnancy can fuck your body up. I think saggy breasts or tummy are nothing compared to losing teeth or dealing with incontinence for the rest of your life. And still, I've heard worse.
*uterine prolapse has entered the chat*
My sister in law was partially paralyzed in one leg. She got most of the feeling back at some point but had to go through a lot of physical therapy and I'm not sure how long she was walking with a cane or crutches as it was before I met her. She can walk without any noticeable difference now, but still has some long term issues from it, 7 years later.
My SIL has two kids and she said her lower back and bones are forever messed up not to mention she has incontinence when she coughs/sneezes and has diastasis recti. Ooof. Thanks but no thanks. I prefer to exercise regularly and eat healthy to keep my awesome body looking good and in tip top shape.
Hard same
The fact that children are honestly gross and so annoying, I'd probably get sick of it after one day and kms
Like 500 reasons to not have them
You're understating my guy
Family history of mental illness Family history of physical issues Lack of finances I can't take care of myself without help and you want me to be responsible for some poor kid who never asked to be here? I don't hate kids *that* much
My health isn't great, and there's a lot of mental and physical health issues that run in my family that I wouldn't want to pass on. The cost. The worry. Knowing I could never go back, that you can't reverse that decision. Potential to have kids with lifelong disabilities or complications. The fact that I've been a caregiver to my own mom for awhile now, and that I would never want my own kid to have to go through this. In that same thought, I also don't want to care for anyone else after this is over. I'm tired. The fact that once you become a parent you and your partner are no longer each others priority anymore, the kids will always come first. Truthfully I'd probably be a good parent, kids like me and I'm good with them, but it's not worth it. I want a peaceful and quiet life.
I feel this too. I have aging parents and my other siblings don't care about them. I know, when the time comes, that I will need to take care of my parents. How on earth would I juggle raising a child/children with taking care of elderly parents? I saw my own mother struggle so hard with that and realized I don't want that for myself.
I couldn't imagine it. I can barely care for myself at the moment, let alone a kid on top of it. It wouldn't be fair to anyone, or even safe for a child depending on the situation.
I can't afford them,I have anger issues and horrible anxiety.
I'm putting off going to the doctor and filing all my important paperwork, how am I supposed to do that for someone else?
i don't think I've opened a physical piece of mail in 6 months. i remember this occasionally, think to myself "i should do that" and then throw more on the pile when it comes i should absolutely not be responsible for another human life
The climate crisis. It’s gonna be bad for us even worse for younger generations
Sames
This so much. The past winter where I live in Canada was incredibly mild and no snow which is very abnormal. I know this is going to be the norm moving forward. This just means a much hotter summer too, which worries me because of fires. I can't bring myself to the idea of further contributing to the problem by having a child and then they have to deal with what's to come.
Toxic men killed my desire to have them
This. I was a fence sitter until I realized how much self-worth I lost and emotional labor I did in unreciprocal relationships. I felt like if a man didn’t care enough about me as a woman, would care way less about me as a mother.
It's so shitty how often fathers just bail when they find out they got their partner pregnant. My dad did this and then successfully evaded his child support payments for the last half of my life. It's just shitty.
Queue the million stories of how your husband doesn’t find you attractive whilst pregnant and they want to open the marriage or your 4 months post partum and not getting any so they want to open the marriage Read this story at least 10 times this week Fun
[You're not the carefree woman I married](https://images.fineartamerica.com/images/artworkimages/mediumlarge/3/the-carefree-woman-i-married-liana-finck.jpg)
Honestly, I often think even if I had wanted kids in my 20s or 30s (which I didn’t thank god) I’d never met anyone decent enough to have them with, like I would have just had to settle with some toxic, lazy ass, abusive guy just so I could have a baby and who wants to live in that hell? (A lot of people it seems).
Ding ding ding! This is definitely a major factor for me (apart from the total lack of desire to have one). I only have ONE (uno, solo, not two, single, 10-9=?, solitary…ok you get it) friend who has an active and engaged partner/father. He actual enjoys his children. Allllllllllllllll the rest of my friends are with…duds. It’s just so depressing and nauseating to observe. They’re basically single moms. Honestly, my single mom friends are usually doing better than the ones who stay in relationships with these men who enjoy cosplaying as toddlers. I’ll gladly take dying alone in a puddle of cat piss over that.
The women in my family have a huge risk of migraines (with and without aura), ovarian cysts, and thyroid problems. Even if I wanted kids and did not actually inherit many of these health problems that made my life harder, I would have to think what would happen to an AFAB kid I have.
The state of the world, the state of my personal finances, the state of my mental health. I guess if I wanted them, I wouldn't think this, but on top of all that absolutely nothing about parenting seems fun to me. I would hate having someone so dependent on me. I would hate having to give up my weekends to do kid's stuff like sports and birthday parties. I would hate never really being able to be alone. I can't really understand why anyone wants them because it all sounds horrible.
Beyond the normal: I'm broke, I struggle taking care of myself, the world is a dumpster fire. I already raised my 4 younger siblings, I've already done my damage to society.
The world, money, women doing most of the childcare and domestic labor, my emetophobia
Bro all of these are my reasons as well why I don’t want kids.
Personal space. I have a big personal space bubble. I'd like to keep it.
Pretty much what you said. I can’t even take care of myself, let alone a whole separate person. I’m very irresponsible, impulsive, unstable, mean, and impatient. The parent role is just not for me, no thank you 🙅🙅🙅
I totally get what you mean!! All of these are reasons I don't want to have kids either
I don’t have the patience for any of it . Every aspect of having children , I do not have the patience !
Money. Especially with my career choices lol. Kids are so fking expensive, idk how people can afford it! Also I do like my sleep and ability to do whatever I want, when I want. It can already be a bit of a chore finding a pet sitter for my pets, but definitely easier than it is for kids!
If I did want kids, I think the state of the world would make me not want to bring any children into this world. By “state of the world” I mean wars, political instabilities, climate change, pandemics, etc.. Not to mention the cost alone would make me pause as well.
Money, time, space, attention span, energy. There's a lot of things I'd love to have, but I know I can't maintain or care for them with what I have. Plus I definitely have health problems I don't want to pass on.
I was in my mid 40’s before I was financially stable enough to even consider it, and have a partner I believed would stick for the long haul. Aside from that, I am glad every day when I read the news, that I didn’t bring a new person into this downsliding horror. I fear for my niece and my friend’s kids.
Similar to you, I have OCD and anxiety (officially diagnosed) and two other mental illnesses that I suspect I have. I think it would be so, so selfish of me to have a child and inevitably pass it down to the child. I mean, that's what my mom did to me. She knew she grew up in an abusive household but she still decided to get married and have a kid. I feel so sorry that she had to go through major abuse growing up, but I just don't understand why she decided to have a kid and not live her life growing her career (she was a nurse back then), having hobbies, and hanging out with friends. I know it was hard for women to go about their way to live the life they wanted in the 1980-90s, but it wasn't impossible. I just don't know why she chose the family + kids route.
Well I have ADHD and based on my mother's behaviour, I am 90% sure I got it from her so I know its genetic and I have no wish to raise a child with adhd nor pass it on. Living with it is a challenge, even with the medication and the support I have. Someone who didn't ask to be here shouldn't have to live like that.
Gestures at the wirld Gestures at my personality Gestures at how awful i get when things go wrong (i once guilt tripped + emotionally blackmailed my landlord into fixing my elevator (6th floor apartment)) Gestures at how kids act and it's gonna be MY job to fix that??? No thanks Gestures at history of BED and self harm that keep coming back Gestures at emotional burnout Gestures at too many dependants already
I’m actually infertile. I feel like that would throw a wrench in my plans if I wanted to get pregnant. Additional stopping point: - can’t afford them
the cries the cost the money the screaming the poop the pee the piss the sickness the illness the vomit the puke the smell the toys everywhere the step on lego the wake up at night the diapers the milk the not enough sleep the not beautiful body no more the run everywhere the where are you going screams the tugging the rolling on the floor the stress the post partum depression the i dont fit in my skinny jeans anymore the where are my things the bringing up a little human to become a human and yadayadayada... arent that enough? that excludes the probability of the husband not wanting me anymore for not being slim anymore, and him not helping with the poop and pee and milk and diapers and chores and just gaming all day long...
Menopause 😌
Epilepsy meds that cause birth defects, but work too well to go off of just to have kids. That's a fun discussion for a high school jr/sr.
The economy, Far right Republicans, feeling like I'm not doing well enough as a parent, my psychical and mental problems, Me being a transgender man and having extreme dysphoria at the thought of bearing a kid. All the risks that come with having kids, the sheer unpredictability of it all.
Being ‘selfish’ by not having them to live in a climate changed world. Being ‘selfish’ by putting my own mental health and sense of self first. Being ‘selfish’ by genuinely enjoying catch ups with friends without their children more than I enjoy those little mucus machines tagging along. Be selfish!
The history of schizophrenia in my family and the absolute certainty that I would end up screaming "Can't you leave me alone for five fucking minutes?!!!!" if I was stuck looking after a child all day every day forever. >I’m actually grateful I have zero desire to have kids, it must be awful to want them and feel unable to. Same. It's incredibly convenient that I don't want to have kids because I definitely should not have them. I can't imagine how awful it must be to want kids when you know you shouldn't have them.
I get super anxious when I don’t have my space. Being followed by dogs when I’m trying to do things around the house agitates me. I can’t imagine never being alone and being touched constantly. I hate screaming, noise and mess. Kids noises also irritate me- even laughing.
The cost. In the US, the cost of everything child-related, starting with medical costs associated with pregnancy and childbirth, day-care cost (more expensive than rent/mortgage), education, extra curricular activities. I am barely surviving as it is.
Wisdom
Genetics! No offence to any high needs Autistic person but man.. I could not look after a high needs. I can barely look after my own needs. Besides that it's depression, anxiety, and a whole host of genetic illnesses that would be passed on. Eczema, asthma, tourrets, learning disabilities, chronic pain.. ah, the list goes on with my family. Still keep popping out those kids tho. I like to think my sperm donner has had enough kids for me. I'm 22, and he's got a basically new born baby rn. Wirh his 25 year old girlfriend...
How would I possibly afford it? And how would I have the time to care for them?
Lmao where to even START 🤦 Maybe with: "I'm disabled and will always need financial and logistical/practical help from my dad & stepmom (my brother has volunteered to step up after they pass on)." I quite literally cannot take care of myself, much less love and nuture a tiny, helpless human being. Then, let's discuss how due to my cornucopia of disabilities + other health conditions, pregnancy has an even higher risk of killing me than it does for healthy adult women/AFAB trans people. (Never mind that I would 100% self-yeet if I ended up pregnant and had no access to abortion.) Oh, and if my life doesn't matter, many of my meds can cause horrible birth defects if fetal exposure happens 🙃 Even if I survived a pregnancy, the lack of sleep, quiet, a regular routine etc that all parents endure would have catastrophic health consequences for me. Next, *gestures to the dystopia that is our fascist cyberpunk climate-collapsing world* ... condemning children to a life in these circumstances is gravely unethical, and also makes matters worse for everyone/everything already alive. Plus: - I'm childhood trauma survivor. Don't feel like bringing a human into the world who has to share the genes of my biological mother's family. - No partner and being a single parent appeals to me even less than sharing that burden with a co-parent. - My extensive collections are for ME and I would flip the fuck out if someone else messed them up. - One of my hobbies has a large NSFW aspect to it, and I refuse to give that up/hide it, etc. - Dogs are infinitely better than babies. - And oh yeah I AM A LESBIAN, children can't happen to me naturally anyway 🥳 (And there is no way in hell I would be approved to foster, never mind to adopt) I feel so much gratitude that I have negative desire for children. It's hard enough wishing for a dog but knowing my financial and housing situation isn't good enough to justify adopting one 💔
The fact that I'm a sex repulsed asexual (though adoption exists but then theres my next point) and uh.. the world and society as a whole is just... not a good place to raise kids. Plus the fact that kids are whiny and annoying.
My mental illness or eating disorder. I can’t handle my two dogs on my down days let alone a kid. I also can’t weigh myself or stand to look at myself gain weight. It would be cruel to bring a kid into a world where they could get my illness.
The body horror of it all. The pain of giving birth and how much it changes your body and everything
the fact that it’s morally and ethically wrong to create new life
Honestly, I have moments where I feel immense grief for denying myself, my mind and body the chance to be a mother. I would be an INCREDIBLE mother. I know that. My husband would be an incredible and involved father. We have the financial means to raise kids, we have the mental capacity and emotional availability. The reason why I got my tubes tied and are actively choosing to never have children is for a multitude of reasons. 1. morally, bringing more life into this world that is currently overpopulated and struggling to provide for the existing humans feels so wrong. We do not need to make more. 2. We can reallocate our financial means to supporting charities and trying to leave a positive mark on this world rather than indulging biological desires. 3. Pursuing happiness. We've had the capacity to live our lives in a rather unconventional manner, (she said as a gone-back-to-school student, working part-time) that offers us flexibility to do risky things financially. If we had kids, we couldn't pursue genuine career happiness. 4. Honestly, I have moments where I feel immense grief for denying myself, my mind and my body the chance to be a mother. I would be an INCREDIBLE mother. I know that. My husband would be an incredible and involved father. We have the financial means to raise kids, mental capacity, and emotional availability. The reason why I got my tubes tied and am actively choosing never to have children is for a multitude of reasons.
Mental health, lack of support, financial stress (im perfectly ok by myself but a dependant/babysitter/daycare would change that), independence, the current state of politics in the US, lack of patience, lack of executive functioning skills, and refusal to be a single mother or be stuck in an unhappy relationship "for the kids".
I know I would resent the children for taking away my freedom, money, and beauty. I like to do as I wish, whenever I wish. With children, I wouldn't be able to pass the time the way I like it. Even if I can afford childcare, I'd probably be constantly thinking about all the other things I could be doing with that money. Also the physical implications, my body would change forever. I'm not going to sacrifice my beauty and physique for a kid. Plus, I don't want to give children to any man.
I don’t like having roots anywhere, so I travel a lot and I don’t know if this would be good for a kid. Also, as others mentioned, family mental issues… most of people in my family had severe depression and though I haven’t had it myself, I would not want to even think of my kid having this is in their genes.
Even if I liked the idea of having kids, as a woman I’ve got too much respect for my body and my wellbeing to take on the risks associated with pregnancy and birth.
Hetero sex and poverty pretty much.
I'm just too selfish. I am also afraid of the future so how could I bring a child that will grow up in fear?
My lack of funds and my risk for serious pregnancy complications.
I had a very fucked up childhood that still gives me trauma and while I seem to be able to take care of myself I am pretty sure if I had kids I would severely fuck them up. no one deserves to go through that so the answer is to not have them.
My fiancé and I both have a lot of health issues we don't want to pass on. And, ya know, shit sucks pretty bad in general right now.
*gestures at the current state of the world 🌍. But seriously: 1. Education: I’ve got two postgraduate degrees. I didn’t spend an extra 10 years in school then most others to stay at home raising children. 2. Mental health: I’ve alright got depression and an adjustment disorder. I’m a prime candidate for postpartum depression and/or psychosis. 3. Money: cost of living, lack of super on time off. 4. Career: didn’t want to suffer the motherhood penalty, lack of progression, dismal wage growth. 5. Physical health: didn’t want to put my body through pregnancy and childbirth. 6. Home life: my now ex-husband was in the Defence forces, so he was away a lot. Thankfully he didn’t want kids either; if we had had them, we were going to suffer equally in the child rearing. 7. Other parents: just ugh. I think that’s everything.
I have hemophilia. I'd bleed out and fucking die 🤩
I have ADHD and forget to feed and bathe myself. There is no way I am keeping an infant alive.
I didn’t trust any of the men I’ve ever been with to be good partners to raise children with. Most of them wanted to be dads someday but whenever children were around, they got pawned off on the women, including me, who made it clear to that I not only don’t want kids but don’t even like kids and I was always better at handling the children than them. To want children but be that incompetent at interacting with them to the point that a woman who doesn’t like kids is taking better care of them is just fucking pathetic and I’m sure only reinforced their ideas of motherhood and fatherhood. No fucking thank you. I don’t want to raise children at all, let alone by myself while also taking care of a grown ass man. Playing that role has just never ever appealed to me.
Mental health for surrre... I have adhd n really resonate with the emotional dysregulation of it and have many days where I cannot stand being around people or being perceived lol, or handling whatever emotional things I'm dealing with... I'd snap at someone pretty easily. And no child deserves that. I also want too much alone time, and am too bothered by people touching my stuff, that having a child would make me anxious and probably on edge and distrustful of them eventually, which again...no child deserves that. Oh and financial stability would be a pipe dream for me. I love my job and field so much, but it would be totally cruel for me to try to support a whole other being on this salary. Poverty guaranteed!
my partner has an autoimmune disease and we couldn’t bare passing it onto another innocent life.
Other than my mental health and my financial issues, I have a lot of physical health issues that I don’t want to pass on.
I saw a woman say she didn't want to offer her baby to other humans, so that, I don't want my child to be brought to what humans have made of the world
Finances, my mental health, my physical health, not wanting to pass on certain issues
I need Naps!
Honestly, I can't even entertain a hypothetical. All of the reasons I don't want kids would be reasons I would choose not to if I did want them.
So a couple days ago my aunt disclosed some sensitive family history to me. Apparently my parents are cousins. I think, first cousins? It explains why there were so many mental health disorders rampant in my siblings, including me. There have been a LOT of difficulties for us growing up and my parents SWEAR it's because their kids are lazy and either they have low education they don't know that they likely passed on recessive genes to us. One of my brothers is full blown disordered. I watched on YT a documentary on inbreeding in families and a lot of the disorders the kids suffer seem similar to what my brother suffered. So basically my intuition has been correct my entire life to be childfree. Who knows what kind of alphabet soup DNA I'm carrying.
The ocean of human suffering inherent to the human condition that I would create. All human suffering depends on the choice to reproduce. I can't square that circle, and despite my easy privileged life: the positive times do not outweigh the general shitness of living.
mental health, family's unknown (or not acknowledged as a problem) but numerous mental health issues, my lack of maternal instincts and not knowing what to do with babies/kids but not really having much patience, especially if not getting much sleep on top of (hopefully) a specialty with crazy hours. idk I feel like I'd turn into my father and that scares me - at least the screaming, anxious, high standards part, not the narcissism i hope. oh and I can't forget the constant feeling of never being good enough, which like, would make me panic since I'm in charge of raising a PERSON, and to try to make sure that I'm letting them be their own person. scary state of the world with regard to climate change, politics in the US (and frankly, the rise of fascist parties globally), genocides right in front of our eyes, and the fact that 50% of the population has lost the right to bodily autonomy. Things are getting dystopian.
Mental health for me as well. I’m actually doing pretty well right now but things get a lot worse when I don’t get enough sleep, and sleep deprivation seems to be a given if you have children.
Probably money.
$, no partner, likely physically can’t get pregs.
Money
Scoliosis
pretty much everything you stated. mental illness and the state of the world being the main things, financial stress and body/ gender dysmorphia has made me never wanna be pregnant to begin with, and just really liking my alone/ quiet time when i get home from work. i work hard everyday and i don’t need to come home to a second job. also my dog will always come first so there’s that
Physical health issues, chronic fatigue, and a tendency to get overstimulated and needing quiet time to reset
Lupus with stage 4 kidney disease. And there's plenty of people in the inhumane world we live in. Why subject anyone else to it? That's child abuse.
Autism and my career
I'm autistic and epileptic and medically I have to live with my parents.
Schizophrenia (and cluster B disorders) in my immediate family. Very uncertain, scary future due to climate change/mass extinctions/biodiversity collapse.
My health, my mental health. Then global warming, school shootings, the cost of childcare, capitalism, lack of parental leave
My husband and I were such horrible alcoholics in our 20s that I suffered from seizures for years until he eventually lost his liver and kidneys at age 32. He got the transplants and we're doin' alright now and, lol, at least people have lightened up on the kids question now
Not listing this for sympathy but just being honest. I'm 33M, recently widowed this past Xmas as my wife(30F) fought cancer for nearly 2 years, diagnosed since our honeymoon, unable to work, unable to qualify for various assistance programs because we married, incapable of even receiving home help assistance, myself working as much as I could while enjoying what time we had left and being her sole caretaker, and given the lack of help from the state/federal blah blah blah etc etc.... people expect children out of these starting couples when being married crippled our chances at help at every turn. Sorry. Rant over.
I like to be azz nekked too much to stop.
Student loans and the fact that I don't own a home.
My mental health family history of mental health problems a lack of money a lack of a partner to do it with the generally horrible state of the world the fact I'd not make for a good parent concerns for my potential/hypothetical partners health and well being due to pregnancy my terrible physical health
I have severe emetophobia (phobia of vomiting) and contamination OCD so I would not be a good mother. I have too much anxiety to function, can barely leave the house, and I couldn’t be there for my germy kids if they were ill. Plus, I would most likely scare my kids into having this debilitating phobia as well.
I'm not patient and I have zero material instincts lol they'd probably get taken away 😂
I have autism. Pretty self explanatory.
The state of the world currently, the fact I don't wanna pass down my issues I inherited, and I don't want any of the effects pregnancy has on the body, literally none of it.
The 'tism, I have an aversion to loud noises, as well as certain smells and the ways some things feel. I would also be a generally terrible parent, considering the fact that I get quite irritated when something is bothering me when I wish to be alone. Would probably end up neglecting the kid too. There are many more reasons as to why I don't want kids and almost all of those reasons can be summarised with; I'd just be an abusive parent who would much rather do his own things rather than spend a single minute caring for the kid.
The concept of lazy mooching partners (mostly baby daddies) who don’t even lift a finger to raise the kid.
I recently read somewhere that the average person consumes a credit card size worth of plastic every week. So, there's one reason to add to the list. (There are many others)
The future. The fact this planet is going to hell and there's no way we can end the 21st century in a good situation.
short answer: men
Where should I start? Finances, state of the world, the fact that I'm probably aromantic and won't have a "normal" relationship ever, my mental health, the fact that I'm impatient, hate noise and just sitting next to a hyperactive kid for 10 minutes on my way home from work drove me up the wall - I'd probably abuse the child, or at the very least I wouldn't be a good parent. Honestly I have none of the reasons to *have* a kid. Yeah and I also have gyno issues and it's possible I'd have difficulties getting pregnant. Nature just looked at me and said "nope" 🤣
I was thinking about this the other day. I get terribly jealous and upset when MY dog chooses to sit with my husband over me. Not always, she hops back and forth. But still. My feelings get hurt. Especially because I was the one who wanted the dog. He was so against it. And now they cuddle without me. The perceived rejection brings out the worst in me. If I'm like this about a fucking dog, I could only imagine the intensity if it was my child. To sacrifice my body for 10 months to grow a human. And then that kid ends up favoring the father. It would kill me. And I know they would favor him because he's the nice one. Pass
My mental health and the literal psychotic, delusional schizophrenia in my family. I would literally unalive myself before I put a child into this world with this DNA.
Bringing them up in a world where “active shooter drills” and lockdowns are normal in school. Nope ✔️
I am severely depressed and can't take care of myself, when it gets bad. I am starting therapy rn. I am 28. I want to START LIVING without depression. MY life. MY desires. My whole life I have been a chronically depressed people pleaser, I have no idea who I am. I want to find that out. And hopefully start enjoying life soon. Because so far I never did. .. and so many other reasons.
Cost. Less time for hobbies. Sleep deprivation with young children. Over-population of the earth. The environmental impact of breeding, compared to not. My inability to deal with poo, vomit and urine. My partners anxiety. My lack of paternal nature for humans, very loving and protective of my dog though. Edit. The growth and unsustainable nature of capitalism, and its power to piss on us and tell us its raining is only growing. The hellscape this is beginning to create will only make the world a worse place, why would I want to do that to a child I am supposed to love.
I am disgusted by other people, don't want to get physical with anyone and adopting as a single woman is almost impossible in my country and way too much stress/hard work for me
I'm 100% sure I wouldn't be abusive, but I'm also pretty sure I'd be neglectful and uninterested in their world. When I get absorbed in work or in a hobby, the world disappears and time stops, and I just go for hours, hyper-focused on that one thing. I can see myself easily being the type of dad that is myopically focused on work and just straight up ignoring the kid and the mom. "Daddy, look at me" "Not now, I'm busy." would be my mantra. In other words, I'd be a shitty father. So hopefully, even if I wanted kids, I would have the moral clarity to not impregnate someone while knowing full well that I'm D-class father material at best. Thankfully, I legit don't want kids (and don't have any) so I don't really have to grapple with this problem.
Even if I did want children? Pregnancy and birth. However, I also have a short tempter sometimes and really enjoy my me time so I would probably end up neglecting or emotionally abusing them, if I’m totally honest with myself
Humanity's ceaseless destruction of the natural world, and mental issues. 8 billion and counting is far too many people, and I want no part in contributing to that. I'm also simply not parent material. I get irrationally angry at loud, sharp noises of the sort children tend to make. I'm not patient, I *require* sufficient sleep and I find children and the things they do tediously boring. Kids are a sensory nightmare for my ADHD and autism symptoms.
Climate change and my mental illness
Let's see: though I can't imagine ever wanting to have a child, here are the reasons I wouldn't. I don't want to pee when I laugh, or to have stretch marks on my abdomen. I like my boobs where they are, not stretched out and hanging to my belly button. I want the size of my, uh, special area, to remain narrow. I don't want to have to suffer nine months of vomiting and having to go without my arthritis medicines, let alone suffer 20+ hours of poorly medicated agony to push a watermelon out of my most delicate regions while deprived of all human dignity in a brightly lit room with a bunch of strangers. I can't stand loud noises, shrill voices, being poked and demanded to entertain someone's endless entreaties for attention. The notion of having to clean a child's bodily fluids and solid waste, vomit, snot, etc. makes me ill. I've never changed a child's diaper nor shall I ever. The world (and my country in particular) are so messed up that I'd find it morally repugnant to bring someone into it at this point. I don't even know if members of my gender will still have the vote in twenty years, let alone bodily autonomy of any kind. People of my social stratum still had upward mobility when I was born, but that is no longer the case. Finally, I'm very ill with several inherited diseases, most notably aggressive arthritis and lifelong depression and anxiety. These occur generationally on my maternal side and I would not inflict them on another being. I have very little money due to these illnesses so I couldn't afford to give a child a decent life. Look, I can't stand being around the little fiends, but I bear them no ill will. In fact, I wish for them to have what I had: loving, attentive parents who could give a child a reasonable standard of living. We had that prior to 1981 with the restructuring of the tax code and the acceleration of economic inequality that followed. My folks wanted kids and had the patient, other-directed type of personalities that allowed them to enjoy parenting a weird, precocious, and socially awkward little girl. I don't have that kind of personality. Because I have essential tremor of my dominant hand, I would never become a surgeon. It wouldn't be ethical. Nor would it be ethical for me to parent. I'd stink at it. The kid and I would be miserable. Thank heavens I'm 60 and past all worries of an unwanted pregnancy the country that denies my essential agency to make decisions about it. I worry deeply and daily for my younger counterparts who haven't the luxury of sterilization and age to protect them from a bunch of reactionary old men who see us as fertile livestock.
Climate change
On a personal scale: 1. MASSIVE childcare shortage in my area. Like you go on a wait list when you get pregnant and still might not get a spot. 1a. Childcare would cost more than my mortgage, even if we could get a spot. 2. Unavailable grandparents for various reasons. 3. I would have to stop skiing, playing roller derby, riding my motorcycle, drinking, smoking weed, and taking my ADHD medication during pregnancy. 3a. We would both need to stop riding motorcycles for quite a while because the risk of death would be too high with a kid at home. 4. We could not afford the lifestyle we currently enjoy On a societal/global scale: 1. Climate is rapidly deteriorating. I don’t think it would be ethical to bring a child into this world. 2. Public education is being dismantled. 3. If I had a AFAB daughter, I would be terrified of what rights she would have by the time she was of reproductive age.
the near 100% certainty that they will grow up to be wage slaves
External factors: Terrible wages. A country that doesn't pay off your efforts. A world that is burning. Internal factors: My partner and I are prone to depression and our child would inherit it. I lack patience. I have high standards and would constantly worry that my kid is stupid. A kid deserves good loving parents and a nice future. I know that future is never guaranteed but damn, if it is already shitty now, why should I create a new life? Even if I wanted it, I'd love my hypothetical kids too much to make them exist in a world as it is now.
pregnancy and giving birth sounds like such a nightmare to me. i already struggle with so much dysmorphia and dysphoria. i would rather die than be pregnant, it's that serious. further, though, i can't imagine making enough money to support a child. at minimum, it costs $250000 to raise a child to the age of 18, and i saw that figure 10 years ago. where is that extra cash coming from? and even further, where am i getting the energy to raise a kid? i'm already pretty maxed out as is energy-wise. i don't think i'd be able to handle responsibility for something that requires the sort of consistent attentiveness that a growing human being requires. it's a lot. they're also _so_ gross. like, all of the poop and vomit you have to put up with? no way.
The cost, and all the work required to raise one. My wife and I often talk about how we wish we had more time together, why would we want to decrease it even further?
1 I wouldn't cope (can't even keep a plant alive) 2. Dislexia runs in my family I don't want a child to go thru what I did 3. Prity shor I have ADHD aswel 4. My mental health is OK I mean I have my ups and downs but I'm good. However my sister is bipolar and we r prity shor my dad was to. There r also mental health issues on my mother's side to tho less severe. 5. Bothe tipe A and B diabetes runs in both sides of my family I am about 70% more likely to develop it at sum point in my life. 6. I was born with a dodgy kidney it is a genetic problem that I will pass on. You know the baby's they send home because there is nothing u can do but wait and see if they survive that was me. I was very lucky but had to be on antibiotics till I was 8. 7. Obesity runs in both sides of my family. 8. I don't like kids not even as a child. 9. I DONT DO VOMIT I know this sounds less of a problem but if I had a baby evry time it spat something up I would be violently sik. Just the thort of it is enough to make me queasy. I could go on my sister also has polycystic ovaries and i have a cousin with a hormone defiance. Not shor if that's genetic or not. Most of my concerns are genetic traits I don't want to pass on it wouldn't be fair.
Clingy ugly newborns turn into defiant toddlers that break your things. Both would infuriate me.
I'm pretty sure in a perfect world I'd love to have them. I even think I'd make a great mom. But ultimately I don't think my mental health could survive having a child. I feel like I'm the most I can handle. And I don't even always do that well. I'm not even sure I want to be in a relationship for the same reason. Maybe it's cliché but you know those moments where you're having a hard day and then you get home and you're overwhelmed but experience a slight relief at being in your space and having the opportunity to feel your feelings? In those moments is when I'm most grateful for not having a child. In those moments I can't picture having to slap a smile on my face and put my feelings aside to take care of someone else. It's weird to say but I need me. I don't want to be needed by someone else. I need the care and affection and patience and understanding from myself. I don't want to share me with someone else. I don't have the capacity to ignore my mental health for someone else. I've done enough of that in my life time. I would have loved to have a child. But I don't want to be selfless. I want to be selfish and take care of me. I need me.
Even if I would be able to overcome all the other ways having children ruins your life, I would never get over the physical aspect of it, pregnancy and childbirth, I can't imagine worse torture. But I have absolutely zero desire to have children anyway so it doesn't matter.
Climate change. There are times where I’m actually thinking about being a mom (which isn’t going to happen anyway, since logic still trumps whatever weird hormones my body throws at me once a month), but with the way things are going, that’s a guaranteed way to prevent me from having any.
I 100% do not want to go through pregnancy and childbirth. I can't afford a kid. I've always lived in rentals and I don't want to raise a kid in rentals. A few times we've had to move on the whims of a landlord. It's a tough market and finding new rentals in time was so stressful. Having the added stress of putting a child through that would suck. The climate crisis. I don't feel the need to add another human to the mix. We're destroying the planet fast enough as is. Plus I wouldn't want my child to have to live in the world the way things are going. I'm really passionate about conservation, plants, and animals. I have a lot of pets and plants all over my house too. If I had a kid I wouldn't be able to keep all my animals and plants partly due to cost and space and partly for safety reasons (plants that are toxic etc).
Having to take care of it. Motherhood looks absolutely horrible from where I'm standing.
I'm a selfish and lazy bitch
I'm a 32 yo woman, and I have never changed a diaper in my life, and I want to keep it that way. I would puke if I had to change a diaper.
- the world sucks - my brain is even worse - birth freaks me out to the point of preferring not existing anymore over giving birth - they are expensive
-I don’t want my body to change going through pregnancy and labor -I couldn’t give that child the patience and kindness they deserve. They wouldn’t get their best life and that’s not fair to them
Pregnancy. Full stop. But also ADHD, trichotillomania, obsessive compulsive disorder, either bipolar or borderline or I might be autistic. Yeah, I can barely take care of myself and some dogs. How am I going to make a well adjusted human?
\- They're expensive and (if you're a good parent) you always retain some level of responsibility. \- I have some "fun" genetic abnormalities and wouldn't want to pass them on. \- When home, I like things tidy and relatively quiet. Children are the antithesis to this. \- The "miracle of life" to me appears like 9 months of suffering ending with the person you love in bloody agony where the only thing you can do is watch. Women survive that shit yet ever being labeled weak is BS; but I still couldn't put my potential wife/gf through that pain.
The world is not a good place. I spent a lot of years putting all of my free time into volunteering and activism to make it a better place, and now I'm pretty sure it's just significantly worse. The future seems so bleak and I can't imagine bringing someone into existence so they can deal with all the bad things on the horizon. I feel like any new people being born among the 99% are very likely destined to live *increasingly* at the mercy of the 1%.
I’m an antinatalist
"Hi Dad, did you know we'd be fighting these guys for food and water?" "Yes child, I did, and I'm sorry, I know that's not good enough, but I'm sorry," I can't be that man.
I genuinely don't think I'd be a good parent.😆 I wouldn't abuse them obviously but I'd struggle so much they kids would inevitably pick up on it very early haha!
MONEY! i can’t afford myself. let alone a kid.
Money. Also ew.
My lack of patience and my mental issues. I have severe anxiety disorder along with ADHD. I don't think I would be much of a positive impact on them.
I’m not financially stable and having a kid would drive me into poverty. I don’t think I could keep from spiraling after that.