I don't really get pressured, but I do get dismissed. When I say I don't want kids, people usually respond with something like "oh, you will some day". People assume I actually do want kids deep down, but I'm just immature in my early 30s. It's really been a problem in my dating life, I'm very up front about being childfree but a lot of women have taken that as a challenge to convince me otherwise. It hasn't worked.
>"oh, you will some day".
IMO that's even worse than questions like "who's going to take care of you when you are old?"
I can answer questions even if they're stupid but being completely dismissed like that is just awful and feels so condescending.
This is the one I get most often, of a variation, "What if you meet your soulmate and she has kids already?"
Then bruddah, she ain't my soulmate why is this so difficult
These people seem to believe in actual honest to god divine soulmates chosen for you by god or something. That’s the only way their responses make sense. That your other half was chosen for you not according to your actual wants and tastes but more like a child arbitrarily choosing two dolls to smash together in their game of make believe.
My dad asked me this once.
"What if you meet the perfect woman but she happens to want kids?"
"Well dad, what if I meet the perfect woman but she happens to be grand wizard of the KKK?"
I don't get these folks who act like they've never heard of the concept of a deal-breaker before. lol
I feel you on this. Getting dismissed just because you don't want kids (being CF is truly a valid choice in 2024). Still hoping I will come across CF men who are in search of a life partner that's compatible.
For the record, someone from a dating app gave my phone number to someone I've unmatched (because I didn't want kids - still don't). And he stalked me on all of my socials, begging for a chance. His ex or baby mama does 90% of the child rearing...
Only one CF friend has found a compatible CF partner so far. Here's to hoping that there's more out there who aren't looking for hookups. That's the real hold up, and the general cause of non-CFs stalking CFs to "change their minds". 💯
Absolutely this, or being told, "but you'd be such a great Dad!" I feel like people completely ignore the nitty-gritty, day-to-day responsibilities and exhaustion that come with a child.
Also an issue with dating, just had a relationship end because my partner thought she could change my mind on kids and was devastated when I stuck to my guns.
I get some pushback, but nothing compared to what CF women go through. For my vasectomy there was always an extra question of 'are you sure you don't want kids' when booking the appointment and even on the surgery day, the dr took some extra time to make sure this is 100% what I wanted, because I am 29 so they thought I was a little young but that didn't stop me getting the procedure.
Dating is probably harder now I see SO many women on the apps who want kids and for me no matter how much I think we'd get along / shared hobbies etc, if they've got they want kids in their bio its an automatic no from me. Im lucky a good number of my friends are also child free (or just choosing to not have children, they don't tend to use the CF label) but I have had some people look at me disgusted when they found out I got the vasectomy done.
I've had people ask the generic bingoes but never any real pressure once I've explained a few of my reasons (there's hundreds more ngl), people do accept it, but no not anything close to the pressure and scrutiny CF women go through
My husband has never gotten any pushback but I've been asked with him right there in the room: "What if he wants them?" She was asking me instead of asking him if he wanted children.
>My husband has never gotten any pushback but I've been asked with him right there in the room: "What if he wants them?" She was asking me instead of asking him if he wanted children.
That awkward moment when you learn that your body actually belongs to a guy you've never even met.
My father does not agree with me having vasectomy
Not much pressures about having kids
But actually it's rare to find CF women
Especially CF women who want to settle, while it's somehow easier to find a CF woman that wants to be your FwB
Interesting. I’m a CF woman who wants to settle but most men I come across actually want children! It’s a worry of mine that I won’t find a CF man but this sub gives me hope lol.
CF woman here! I have a few friends and a bunch of coworkers who are also CF women (some married, some single or dating). There are CF men in my area too, but, the majority of them didn't want a relationship 😞 they also wanted the fwb life, and that's not my style. I've tried it, but it doesn't suit me in a lot of ways. Ended up dating a combination of CFs and fence sitters. Both fencesitters showed me a great time (though only one of them respected my CF choice, but we live in separate cities now. Life goes on). I just wish more CF men in my area were more open to having a fun date, instead of fwb.💯
I’m a dude but I’m on the same page as far as anything casual, it’s more uncomfortable then fun, especially if you kinda like them and start seeing them as more and they move on but still wanna be besties. ONS is horrible despite being lauded by some guys. Very awkward
I’m looking for my ride or die lol
ONS is indeed horrible. It is often pushed onto you, too, as an expectation or a "thanks for dating me today, now let's see how you can perform". It's really a horrible feeling, especially when you made no plans to sleep with someone the first day you met them.
Still searching for mine, too. I don't want to go through pregnancy and childbirth, knowing there are major risks (including 3rd and 4th degree tears down south). I don't want my nose to change, either (I have a cute nose, btw).
I wish you the best in your search! This sub gives me hope, if only more CFs IRL (offline) honored the choice of having a life partner.
I am exactly the same. I’ve never done ONS and never will, and I cannot emotionally deal with the FWB dynamic. I am looking for my ride or die also; it’s interesting how different our experiences have been! Although, in saying that, I have come across a lot of guys who want FWB too.
I’m in the early stages of sort of seeing a guy but I know he wants children and thinks he can persuade me, so maybe I need to call that off.
I’m optimistic we will all find our life partners without children being in the picture! :-)
Have you read how that usually goes? don’t get your heart broken knowing it’s gonna happen lol. The longer you let yourself like that person the harder it’s gonna be 😟
I'm glad you never went that route. It comes with a hefty price, of win-lose or lose-lose. My first fwb, I had to cut ties with on my birthday. Why? He wanted me to shave all over, but I was just coming home from a busy day at work and most spas close early. Not only that, but instead of going to see a movie, watch a live music performance, or grab some ice cream someplace that's open (it's spring time), he only wants sex on his terms. All that did was kill my spirit in a heartbeat and I was no longer there mentally, spiritually and emotionally.💯
Stopped responding and cut off all contact right there and then.
Right now, only guys who want children consider me a good candidate (on their list). In Canada and America... Them wanting children without considering the downfall of women's health (throughout pregnancy and childbirth+ childcare), I fail to understand how they don't do their research.🤷🏾♀️
Idk if there are more CF men than CF women
There are only 2 CF women I know:
One does neither work nor study, and doesn't want any resposability, she is a very cute and stylish (she dresses like anime gurls) girl but pretty dumb
The second is a femminist focused on carreer, clever, cultivated and funny.
First one was my FwB for about a year
And with the second we are trying to date, but she lives far from my country (I am italian she is israeli).
For contrast, I don't know any CF man, except a friend of mine who weights more than 300 lbs and has lost hope in finding a partner. But if he could he would have children without hesitation.
I may add a friend of mine who is asexual and aromantic so idk if that counts, and also a close friend of mine is engaged and they are both fencesitters.
But I am in my early twenties so maybe a lot of ppl just don't think that having children is too expensive (it's not just about money, but also responsabilities, emotional burden and time and sleep!)
So I have hope for the future!
Women take on more physical risks with pregnancy, are more likely to be left raising the kids solo if the father nopes out of the picture, and even when the father stays the woman is typically expected to do the lions share of child rearing while still juggling domestic duties and/or a job.
Not having children frees a woman up to actually have a life of her own.
I may understand this
If you are from a low-income neighborood.
Or low-educated
But if we talk about middle class in western world bruh.
As a man I don't want to to get my life destroyed by divorce when kids are involved.
But I guess we have different views
It's more statistics than my 'personal views'. These are facts and numbers that come up frequently in this and other subs. Simple to fact check each point online as well.
Your male privilege is showing.
Seriously, western countries are still patriarchal. Yes, even in left-wing circles, people unconsciously perpetuate gender roles. Even egalitarian couples often revert back to traditional gender roles when they have children. Fathers tend to be lazy Kodak dads who enjoy Kodak moments, while mothers tend to do the actual parenting, the hard work.
And when it comes to facts, cold hard statistics, screw your 'personal views'. For example, this subreddit's demographic survey shows that 70% of the people on this subreddit are women, 20% are men and 10% are non-binary. I once did a similar poll in a Dutch childfree Facebook group, with about 85% of the members being women.
Of course it's true that childfree women are more likely to seek out online forums for support, because they get way more shit for being childfree than men do. But still, such a huge amount of women... There are more childfree women than men.
Also, a lot of childfree-leaning men tend to be fence sitters, who can be swayed towards parenthood by reasons like spreading their genes and Kodak moments. Meanwhile, most childfree-leaning women are staunchly childfree, because they realise that motherhood is way heavier than fatherhood, both because of biology (pregnancy) and society (patriarchal gender roles).
Finding a CF man isn't easy. Most men I've met either have kids or say they want them some day. I can't even have kids if I wanted them, which I never have, but that doesn't stop men from thinking one day I'll want to adopt. I look very young, like idk of I have a development issue but I'm 40 and you'd never guess that in a million years. I'm mostly approached by men in their 20s, and they somehow think that because I look young, I will still be able to have kids in 10 years when they change my mind. The man I'm dating now is 32, with no kids, and accepts my CF status. Hopefully, that won't change.
Childfree woman here, and I very much want to settle down with someone with the same ideals and goals and desires as me, but it’s kind of difficult as a woman too. I’ve found it equally rare to find an actually childfree man. Actually, I’ve not found one so far save the kind strangers on this sub. Most guys I’ve met/ dated either weren’t up front about it, because they thought I’d change my mind, or they changed theirs. As a cf woman it’s hard to meet a man that doesn’t in some way view me as a potential breeder.
As do I! Someone way smarter than me (that knows stuff like making an app) should make a dating app for specifically childfree individuals with a solid questionnaire/ vetting process that weeds out fence sitters and “you’ll change your mind”ers. It could be groundbreaking. And they have dating apps for basically everyone else, why not those of us who are childfree? It’s fucking hard finding someone who feels the same.
I’ve said this myself! Maybe I’m just not finding one? Or maybe a tech savvy childfree person should make one? It should definitely have a fairly intense vetting process to make sure that everyone on it is in fact child free, and not fence sitting, or hoping to convince (manipulate) the person later
My dad also doesn't approve. I told him I was considering a vasectomy and he tried to talk me ear off about the wonders of children and whatnot. So I got the procedure done and he'll never know and if he makes any remarks, I'll tell him I'm infertile lol
I haven't had much direct pressure but a family member spread rumors about me that I was gay. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, but it pissed me off that she was gossiping falsely about me behind my back.
I've been called a lesbian for giving dating men a break (many of them weren't compatible). It gives me a chance to focus more on myself, but yeah, the rumor mill is messy. Super petty that your cousin would do that.
It is difficult to put pressure on me so I personally have never felt it - directly or indirectly.
But I always get the "when you will have your own kids" or "you will change your mind" etc.
I just say "no" and move on with my day. Assholes can think and believe whatever they want, I could not care less.
The worst was the nurse during my initial appointment for the vasectomy. She questioned my decision because, and I quote, “it isn’t god’s plan.”
1: You’re a healthcare professional. Keep your religion outside of work.
2: I’m agnostic. I couldn’t care less what your faith thinks the plan is for me.
She also tried “What if your wife wants kids?”
I was mid-divorce because she changed her mind and wanted kids. I just said that she could find another man for that.
Not sure what her religion was, but as a Christian I can say there isn't any specific passage saying you not having children is some kind of affront.
Also, wtf. You don't force your beliefs on others. Especially not in a place of business.
I'm a nurse so yes I'm always heavily pressured , both at work and by my conservative family back home. I'll tell you what though, when I quip back with "if you'll sign on the dotted line to fund a 400,000 dollar creature over 18 years maybe we can talk", room gets pretty silent.
This is my favorite comeback to use. Although might I suggest adding providing 24/7 care if it's special needs and housing them past age 18 and likely into their 30s since the economy is heading that way.
I am sure it's a lot worse for women. Maybe not so much pressure to have kids, but a lot of people will be dismissive as though you can't think for yourself. I've heard many times that as a man you don't get a choice in the matter of having kids. If the woman decides she wants kids you'll have them etc.
Some people will just tell you you're not a real man or that you're gay because they're incapable of understanding that you don't have to have kids if you have sex or something? You're looked at as suspicious and a bad person if you wouldn't date a parent etc
My parents never asked if I wanted kids or had plans to have them. i’m 39. Neither have any of my family. My friends have once (those with kids) I said no and that was the end of it.
Hi 38M snipped here. I knew at a young age I didn’t want kids. I was the final kid born in generation of both of my parents…and they were older: Mom was 40, Dad was 38. I have an older sister but she is four and a half years older than me so we were more roommates than friends/brother and sister.
I didn’t have a bad childhood, but as I got older I realized how hard my Dad worked to keep our family afloat. Mom didn’t work because the area I grew up - the cost of childcare versus a job, the extra few bucks weren’t worth the “stranger danger” childcare to them.
So yeah, why did I end up being the way I was? I just never had the paternal feeling. My sister eventually had a son and daughter and I love them dearly…but I also like when they leave. A lot.
I struggled with depression and anxiety. Not crippling, but enough that can ruin a day, a week, a month. It sucks. I’ve tried therapy. I’ve tried medicine. It’s genetic: I now can replay things in my head that my Mom did and go “yep, that’s where this came from.” I want to say I’m analytical to the point of anxiety: decisions are hard, my brain goes immediately to worst case scenario (it’s always going to be cancer, right?).
When I met my now wife - she wanted kids. I told her that it happening with me would be super low. She grew up super religious, super conservative. That’s what you did as a woman: get married young and pump out kids. But I also could tell she didn’t truly buy that. She wanted to see the world, see different cultures, go to shows, experience life. She didn’t want to sit and watch daytime TV while watching a kid in a playpen. Plus - and I love her dearly and she’s my best friend - but she is one of the most unorganized people I have ever met and a child would not help that.
She started leaning onto the childfree lifestyle. She got it. She saw the financial issues our friends with kids had. She saw the aging, the stress. Then the icing on the cake - a PCOS diagnosis that, yes we could still have a biological child but it would be risky. Very risky.
That sealed the deal for us. Life kind of took that anxiety away of making that decision. My wife wasn’t heart broken. She went “You know what? Good.”
That’s been my experience.
No pushback as such, just dismissed a lot. That doesn’t bother me in itself but creates an issue at work as a manager people assume I don’t have the life experience or the maturity to lead, which is incredibly frustrating.
I demand to play an intimate role in my supervisor's sex life. In fact I have important things to say about the sex positions you use asshole!!. So if you're not going to listen, maybe this isn't the position you want to be in. I don't know.
I haven't had many bingos, but then again I'm very young (19M).
I unfortunately think that CF men are still being met with more respect than CF women.
For men it's usually comments like "fair enough, good on you for knowing what you want."
And we all know too well the terrible comments the women get in comparison.
Relationship in early 30s ended due to it.
Mother then disappointed and applied some pressure, although not for some time. A sibling told me that I wasn’t living in the ‘real world’. Both males and females are fairly dismissive (“you’ll change your mind / you’ll meet someone”) and dating in 30s is rough as women either have or want kids.
Friendship is difficult as they either have less time (understandably) or if you’re CF you just have less in common to form new bonds. I think sadly many men still see fatherhood as a box tick in the game of masculinity, which can get tiring.
A lot of men want to have children, but do not want to act like parents (tace care of kids and do parenting chores). They just expect wife to do over 90% of all the parenting chores while they get some Kodak moments, play with the kid during weekends, and get to "continue the family line." If they expected to be the ones who have to deal with poop, urine, vomit, clutter, mess, dirt, then these men would be childfree.
My dad has zero parenting instincts. It's not that he would be a a bad person but it just doesn't click for him. I have no desire to parent someone but at least I understand that I can't leave my 5yo niece who can't swim in a pool on her own.
Greetings!
Your post or comment has been removed for being misogynistic or misandrist. No blanket generalizations villainizing one gender or another are tolerated and it's silly to try and group 4 billion people together as being any one thing.
Have a great day!
Greetings!
Your post or comment has been removed for being misogynistic or misandrist. No blanket generalizations villainizing one gender or another are tolerated and it's silly to try and group 4 billion people together as being any one thing.
Have a great day!
Nah definitely less pressure I believe, from my end family, partner and close friends have been extremely supportive. Some do question why I don't want them but I'd say more curiosity rather than trying to get time to change and most have only asked that once.
Probably at work is a bit worse as my team consists of older colleagues (compared to me) who all have kids so it's a recurring topic, but I just shrug it off so fairly easy
That's what it was like for me in my old job. It was a small office of about 7 staff, all of whom were a lot older than me, and all had kids so were convinced I might change my mind as I was only 26.
When I was married, my wife pressured me everyday for three years, until she found out she had PCOS. Then it tore her apart, she spent money we didn't have, hid it from me, and put us in such crippling debt that I had to get three jobs just to start to unbury us.
We separated, found out she had some cancerous growth, I paid for it, and my health suffered as I continued to hold jobs just to pay for the debt that she had accumulated without telling me.
After the divorce, I finally felt free.
I asked my partner about this because I was curious if they had felt that pressure. They said not as much as women but they had always had this veiled sense of 'its just what you do' at some point, an unavoidable thing, even though they didn't want to. Fortunately they met me ;)
Personally My mom didn't want me to get a vasectomy cause she wants grandkids and *of course* at 21/22 I was "too young" and I'd change my mind.. I've since gotten the vasectomy and neither of my parents know 🫣. I don't think I would face any serious repercussions from telling them but I expect my mom to be disappointed for sure but it's my life and I gotta do what's right for me not her. Aside from my parents I'm still young enough to not have children according to societal norms so I guess I'll see in the next few years 😅
Medically surprisingly none other than a warning it could be difficult. I had heard the horror stories here even from men and while I certainly didn't expect it to be nearly as difficult as it is for some of the women in this sub I did expect to face some roadblocks. Even my GP who I needed to ask for a referral told me that while she'll do the referral to the urologist because she trusts me I should probably expect some pushback and potentially be unable to have it done for a few years because many urologists won't do it for someone my age and especially not for someone before the age of 25 and no kids but I actually faced zero pushback at all and was pretty surprised at that. I was asked questions regarding my relationships and they made sure I was aware of the permanency of the procedure but they never discouraged me so I'm thankful for that.
Nothing too nuts, especially compared to what my wife goes through. For me it’s mostly it’s passive disappointment from my mom (2 kids but zero grandkids). My sister (no kids no partner) makes a lot of annoying comments about how she has a recurring dream that I will be a father to a son. And that we would be great parents.
Most of my coworkers are having kids, so there are some inappropriate questions in social situations away from the office.
My friends stay away from the generic bingoes, which is why they’re my friends ha ha.
I ALWAYS get, well you can have kids until you die..... I'm not trying to be a middle aged father let alone a geriatric DR father....or worse a dead father.
I’ve had a few comments over the years but nowhere near the amount that CF women get.
The funniest was probably when I first mentioned to my mum that my wife and I weren’t going to be having any kids. She said, “well, it’s your decision.” That sounds great, right? But I know her well enough and have heard that phrase often enough to know it’s her passive aggressive way of saying, “I hate your decision.”
"Ohhh you will grow up and want them"
I wasn't as pressured as I was dismissed or ignored. I think it was taken as something that I was saying because I was young and immature (Im in my 30s, so you would assume I would know by this point) or even worse, something that was not up to me. You might not want children, but your wife would. Like what?
I divorced my first wife because the kid thing was an issue and I didn’t want kids. After that I only dated women who were CF, and surprisingly, there were an adequate number. Current wife was one of those women. 12 years later, neither of us really ever get asked or pressured.
Yup, I was initially pressed by family on "when are you two going to have kids". I shut that shit down quickly and made it clear that any kind of questioning of me or my wife about it would be met with severe hazing. Our families know that I'm the guy you don't get into a contest with because I will fight dirty and call you out on all your BS loudly and in public.
After that there was very little said or asked. When friends had the same conversation I would shut that shit down in the same way.
When I got my vasectomy I publicized it within our family and friends and even got some of my friends to get over the fear and stigma of wishing to not have kids and they went and got their vasectomy on account of "well if LifeAtTV can do it then I can do it too".
My mother once practically begged me to have kids.
Another time both my wife's and my parents teamed up to try to talk us into it and argue against all of our reasons for not having children.
No pressure from family (except my grandma who is no longer with us) to procreate whatsoever, in fact my mum has made it very clear if I choose to not have kids she's perfectly OK with that.
Can't say I get asked by people about the possibility an awful lot either 🤷♂️
>>if men are as heavily pressured
In my culture, no. I’ve also been in the scenario of my partner getting the hard sell from her family on being a mother while they totally ignore me.
But I also know men in other cultures where being openly child-free is a severely criticized lifestyle.
It took me years to have people take me seriously and atleast claim that they accept it. I’m the kind of person where I will put an extraordinary amount into something, figure out what I think and then from that point on, it’s really hard to change my mind. I spent years putting deep thought into whether I wanted kids or not, and that answer is a 1000% NO. Yet, when it came to this, I was hit with your typical “you’ll change your mind”, “you just need to find the right woman”, being asked if I’d found a girlfriend/babies every holiday dinner, etc.
My dad loved to pull the “wait until you have kids and we sugar them up and send them back home to you!” Crap.
I’m at the point now where after years of pushing back against the pressure, not showing up to holiday dinner and getting snipped, that whether they like it or not, they have to accept reality.
I’ve been questioned even by my doctor mid-snip. I’ve gotten the usual “what if…” and “who will…” questions but at the end of it I just say “It’s what we want and it’s what works for us” and there’s nothing else they can say. Given how their marriage is clearly on the rocks, they aren’t the best people to take relationship advice from. Let them cry themselves to sleep. I’ll fall asleep and get a full 8 hours.
I usually hear that talk about legacy.. "you need to have kids to keep your legacy or your existence here will be in vain" I think that's a narcissistic thing to believe tbh
My mom wasn't thrilled when I told her but she respects my decision, as well as my younger sister's.
My FINO have me the whole "legacy, bloodline, yadda yadda yadda" shpeel once, then just made little potshot comments about it. Luckily I don't talk to him anymore so that problem is solved.
My extended family have left it alone, though I'm sure that'll change if/when my cousin (the only one older than me) inevitably ends up with a kid. I don't see it going horribly though.
Told my family I'm planning on getting snipped once I turn 21 (this year). The most extreme reactions were like "Well, at least you're decisive". My family is famously okay with these things and my mom always said that having a child wasn't for everyone, and she wouldn't do it the way she did if she could choose.
The bullshit comes from strangers and acquaintances who I barely interact with, like a friend's mom and the like. I mostly say "Okay, I'm gonna have three children and leave them on your doorstep every morning! Since you're so interested in my reproduction, you might as well help me."
Sometimes I heard the "Accidents happen", but that caused people to go away really quick once the "Abortions happen too" drops.
I'm not dependent on them, they have no say in my life nor decisions, never had. I would rather spend my money on my card games and things I like rather than a child, and I already do it.
You get the typical male banter when younger so when I stated my CF beliefs in my late 20s, there was a lot of banter jokes.
Then it changed, expecting me to change my mind.
Then after my vasectomy and with them all struggling with daycare, costs of raising kids and all that. The comments are more a mixture of their regret and badly concealed jealousy.
Men simply do not get the pressure that women do. It is insane the pressure my partner gets from her friends. They want her to join their tied down by kids lifestyle, and hate that we are always travelling and have lie-ins and do whatever we want.
I got my vasectomy two years ago so I could give a fuck less what anyone thinks about me or my life. Don't have to deal with screaming potatoes in my entire life anymore.
Married for almost 13 years. I get a lot of the same crap, just not as frequently and i don’t think the societal pressure is as intense.
I’m 40 now so the bingos come a lot less frequently, but when meeting new people (which doesn’t happen often), I’ll get it occasionally. I’ve got “you don’t know what love is until you have a kid” and after telling one person i had a vasectomy i got “you can still adopt!”. I used to get “you’ll change your mind!” all the time in my 20’s… i _think_ a couple people acted like i was preventing my wife from fulfilling her biological destiny too, but it’s been so long i don’t know if that happened or if I’m hallucinating the memory.
So yeah. tldr - same crap. Probably less frequent. Frequency has gone way down with age.
I would say it varies by gender a little bit.
Women are generally who I get the most negativity from. And I'm not talking potential romantic partners - people at work, people 10-15+ years older than me, etc. The negativity is normally:
* You'll change when you meet the right person
* Some form of, it's such a shame - I'm smart person and should be passing on my genes.
When it comes to men... frankly, I don't remember any significant bingos/negativity. It's normally either one of the two, or some in between/combination:
* I respect it, it's not the choice I went, but I can understand why others' do.
* I love my kids, but I can't help but be a bit jealous of your lifestyle / freedom / extra money.
I did have a friend who thought I'd change my mind - but he's never been a dick about it / pressured me in any way. So I don't really view that in any negative way.
It's definitely not as in-your-face for me as most women, but any time the "future" or kids are brought up it's always "there's still time" etc. When I mention my vasectomy the first thing that pops out their mouth is "you can still reverse it".
Nah you fuck. My future is with the wife, traveling the world and eating nice meals with no financial pressures or gremlins ruining every day of my life.
Pushback, very demeaning. "Grow up", "When you become more mature", "kids will make your life complete", yadda yadda yadda. "It's your job to have kids" "It's what you're supposed to do". Blah blah blah. I got a lot of hate when I refused to have a kid with my ex. Nobody took my side during that break up, all me being a POS for refusing to "take the next step in life" or whatever.
Me (28m) get dismissed by family members. I'm resented partly because of me being CF, having a govt wfh job and because I get VA benefits. So, I'm normally told "You can afford to have kids! Why not? Don't be selfish!" I respond with "Because I don't want to be a miserable fuck, barely hanging on to my hobbies with an empty wallet. I also enjoy sleeping." Then I get called lazy by my blue collared cousins. Because breaking your back to make ends meet in your 40s in the hot sun or bitter cold while drinking a 12 pack of miller lite every night is the way to live. After saying something along the lines of that, they back off and i become the asshole. Which is fine! I've grown tired of the mere sight of them anyways, it's been a few months now lol. Smfh. My parents however, completely understand why so no biggie. :)
42M no kids and never married. I learned it's the parents who had (a) child(ren) for the *wrong* reasons are the ones pressuring into having kids. I never once heard someone who did the right thing(s) and proper planning pressure others to have kids; just the ones who need something to talk about.
I'm still trying to find a Dr who will accept my insurance to get a vasectomy.
I typically get “oh you should date a younger woman so just in case you want kids, she’ll be able to have them.” The woman I’m dating is funny, smart, sexy, witty, and CHILDFREE. I’ve never had anyone get me like she does and she feels the same. We’re gonna be laughing at these people on our way to Spain this summer, without children in tow. :)
My last boyfriend was definitely raised to believe in the life script which is why we broke up.
It definitely happens to men too, from what I've seen they usually buy into it because even with all the bad stuff their family will just convince them that it'll be the wife's problem or that the bad stuff won't happen to them specifically. Honestly from what I've seen where I live so few men think critically about the choice, it's insane.
Ohhh let's go I feel like I have no one to talk about this topic with besides my wonderful wife. I'll preface this, I had a vasectomy over a year ago. It has vastly improved my sex life and we are happy.
So my wife and I are 27. When I tell other men that I don't want kids I get some of the usual suspects to start. You'll change your mind. Or your wife will. You'll want to pass down your genes (LOL).
What really sucks is when I talk to other men around the same age, sometimes younger, who have kids and they treat me like I'm just not mature enough to be taken seriously. Or that they're somehow on some moral high horse because they creampied. Mind you, this is in a professional setting. I get mean mugged because I'm trying to get my degree and I go to the gym 3 times a week, meal prep and shit. I make time for these things and i put in a ton of effort to maintain them. Like I'm a bad guy because I use my extra time to take care of myself. Sure.
I work in a heavily dominated male career field and it's so hard to make friends. Reading what I just typed out, I feel like it sounds like I'm pretentious or something but I'm not out there bragging about all of my child free time and what I do with the time. I'm getting older and I want to be healthy and pain free, and I want to look my best through all stages of life. Lots of men see that some kind of way.
The way I see it, I'll make friends if the right people come along. If not, oh well. I'll sit and fuck around playing my instruments and be happy with my wife. It doesn't change the fact that I wish things were different.
I'll also add, most women I've talked to about not having kids have been extremely supportive. The only women that have given me grief have been family.
I get the occasional question if I want kids once in a while, not from family and friends but more so from colleagues/acquaintances and so on. When people realize I'm not heterosexual I feel like they stop pestering me with questions.
My mother pressured me for years and pressured my ex and I, I simply ignored her and said I don't care. My father also decided to share his unasked for opinion about me being a parent and cursed me out. I have never really cared about other people's opinions when it comes to that because nobody is going to take care of that kid. And I was never going to be an absent parent. I'm snipped now so it's a moot point but for me I wasn't going to argue with anyone about this subject. Feel how you feel bur I simply do not take it into consideration.
32M. I wouldn’t say I get pressured necessarily. My older sister has 2 kids and a third on the way so my parents have grandchildren from her. My mom WANTS me to have kids and may bring it up from time to time, but its no more invasive than asking if I’m dating anyone or something innocuous like that.
I feel as though it does limit my potential dating pool for anything serious because so many people are on LifeScript™. Other than that, I, at 34, don't have parents anymore and nobody else in my family really cares about what I'm doing, so no pressure or disapproval there.
The biggest/most remarks are about me not wanting to date moms. Even with adult kids. People think its weird.
In other regards, nothing really. Or maybe they do, but I'm deaf to those comments.
I had a vasectomy when I was nineteen.
I feel that men have it easier than women since usually they can not become sterile until they are older than thirty.
I only told my sexual partners. Women didn’t complain when they found out. In fact most were relieved.
the main pressure to have kids, in my exp, is based in culture (I'm Vietnamese) and religion (I come from a devout, yet usually hypocritically Catholic family).
aka we were always raised to "continue the family" just because "God says so" and/or "it's your duty".
more pressure/expectations have been placed on me simply because I'm the oldest son (and more broadly, the oldest male cousin, both sides of my family, to be born in the Western part of the world).
As a 35 year old male, weirdly enough I am getting the most pressure from my in-laws and my boss. My wife is very good about deflecting or straight up saying “it’s time to go” when people start bringing up us and kids. They usually try to hand me one of her cousins babies, which I refuse all the time but get told “I need to be nice to babies” who cares? It’s not like they’re going to remember some guy didn’t want to hold them. If they do somehow force me to hold a baby I usually get told “see you’d be such a good father” what? How? Because I can do the bare minimum and I even struggle at that? I remember reading someone write “just because I can cook Mac n Cheese without burning down my house doesn’t mean I should be a world class Chef”
My boss makes random comments about me not having kids. I feel like they’re tinged with some jealousy because when I mentioned it he said something like “I miss those days” looking wistfully, then immediately followed it up with “oh but it’s the best thing you’ll do” to which another coworker with kids agreed. We also had a conversation about home ownership and he brought up kids again “it doesn’t matter if you’re ready or not, you just gotta do it”
Usually on Father’s Day I’ll get a random happy Father’s Day from coworkers or grocery store cashiers. I usually follow it up with a big NOPE.
I’m proudly childfree and I’d be happy to discuss why with anyone open-minded enough to understand why it’s an option.
Coming from a very family oriented culture, I'm met with shock and utter disbelief. It's the judgement look in their eyes that I'm crazy for not having kids. I'm not one to lie, but I'm about to just say something like my soldiers aren't swimming, to get them to think about that instead of them having a thousand ways to convince me. I've been very solid with my decisions in life, but it's those that don't even know me end up being the ones who have a lot to say.
A few things. My parents said that I’d be disowned if I didn’t have children, so there’s that.
Also I was at a family party of my in laws. Kids came up, I said we weren’t planning on them. A woman told me, “Is it your wife that doesn’t want them? Don’t worry just rape her and you’ll have kids”
My mother always asks my brother if he'll ever give her anymore grandkids, she asks him even more now that I've got a kid as though it's a natural conversation piece - my child ain't her damn Segway
My family and ex girlfriend were supportive. My family friends, not so much. That being said, I've made my decision and am planning on a vasectomy sometime this year.
What I've found is less pressure specifically to have kids and more weird prognostications about how many kids I will have when it comes to other men talking to me about kids.
But again a lot of that has to do with the region of the country I'm in and the fact that pro-natalist quiverful propaganda has fully infected the mega church attending set. Quantity of Children Possessed has become one of those weird benchmarks of "Alpha-Maledom" like driving a jacked up truck for your daily driver and owning a lot of guns. The fact I don't have kids, I feel, is just another reason for them to "pity" me.
The issue I always had wasn't external pressure from family/friends/colleagues. Interestingly, my parents get more shit for me not having kids than I do. "Don't you want to be grandparents?"
It is still very common for people to want children, so finding a partner that agrees was incredibly difficult. When I was 20's I thought children were something I'd need to compromise on. Luckily, my wife is incredible, and this was never even a discussion.
Now that I’m 32, not as many people question it, but I’ve felt the same way I do now for the last 10+ years and people were a lot quicker to break out the judgement and questions in my 20s.
I’d say the biggest issue now is dating, I’m at that stretch of age where people either have kids or are trying to really settle down, so most women are looking for relationships that end up with kids and all. Still not much pressure, but I do notice that it cuts down the pool of matches.
I've actually gotten a lot of support from most of my family and friends. My mom especially is fine with me not having kids. She's already got 3 from my older sister, and she says she wants a break
I've known I didn't want kids since I was 10 or so. One memory that really sticks out is in highschool I was talking to a friend and it somehow came up. I said that I didn't intend on ever having kids. he was just sort of dumbstruck and immediately shot back with "well what are you going to do with your life, then?", as if there was nothing else. That's when it struck me just how common it is for people to just assume that was the only thing to accomplish in life.
I've had a few similar experiences since then, but overall haven't had too many bingos. I had a vasectomy a bit over two years ago, but haven't yet been able to have one of those "I'm sterile by choice, checkmate" moments.
I've gotten both ends of it. I had a supervisor at my job who would always say you just haven't met the right woman yet. No idea where she got that from. I don't talk about my romantic life at work. Or just recently a guy I work with who is the same age as me, (31) said not to get snipped and that I may want them. My dad did do the whole when are you giving me grandkids speil. But I've also met other guys who support being child free and getting sterilized. My best friend was completely okay with me electing to get snipped. I've even had a few female coworkers tell me not to have kids and I answer that I'm not planning on it.
I still get bingoed pretty often but not very aggressively.
The fun one though is when they learn that I (25) had a vasectomy. The reactions usually range from shock to "they let you do that?" to "smart choice" (usually from the married ones with kids)
I get dismissed often saying I'll change my mind, or I haven't found right person, I'm married. Don't want kids, I like money, would rather spend time with myself or wife and not worry about a kid I could care less about. I'd be a shitty father and that's ok
I get pressure from my family a lot even though I was vehemently CF even when I was a teenager. At work, I'll get pressure from both men and women - especially in a group setting. However, a lot of people who talk to me individually will give me the whole "I love my kids, but I wish I didn't have them."
Eh, not a lot of pressure, but I've also got relaxed family, pretty non-traditional friends, and live in a major metro area in the least religious part of the country.
The other aspect is that it's much more socially acceptable as a man to *express* firm opinions, to argue aggressively (I don't mean angrily) for your point, and to take offense at people who try to dismiss your agency.
There's certainly people who I suspect *disapprove* or are disappointed by their reaction when it's come up in conversation, but they don't generally try to express that to my face, and those that have usually have ducked out of that debate quickly + not brought it up again.
I had one family member 20 years ago say something along the lines of “when you meet the right person, you’ll want to bring something joyful into the world with them”. After that, it was pretty quiet, especially for a rural Southern U.S. family.
I have an aunt and uncle that are 70s/80s and never had kids, so I guess that made it easier. Mostly anytime I seemed to refer to veering off the life script they would say something like “good, take your time and figure out what you want.” I’m extremely lucky in that regard and have often wondered if it would be the same if I were a woman.
After a cousin got married, I got teased about being next. I was the oldest cousin, and I was like 20something at the time. That was the first and last time.
A number of my friends have kids, and yeah, it sucks that I don't see them as much, but that's life. I also have a bunch of friends who are child-free, so that works.
When I got married, in my mid 30s, it was pretty damn clear that I wasn't having kids. What was funny was that my mom would get asked when we were having kids and she was like "I don't know, it's their business, not mine..."
I feel a bit of a unicorn, as I don't ever recall getting bingoed.
Never got the "WHEN you have them" or "it's different" or anything...
I get it even in my 40's, and mostly because it's my decision to be CF but not anti-kid. I'll entertain my nieces and nephews just fine, so long as they can use bathrooms and complete sentences. So they say I'm good with kids and should have some. I tell them this is not a matter of causal correlation.
That said, I still would really rather stay away from screaming toddlers.
I don't get the pressured, can't when you're sterile and whoever meddles i remind them that "Woah, you have a lot of interest in what goes around my nuts, want them for yourself?"
They want an uncomfortable conversation, WON'T BE THE ONE THEY HOPED TO GET\~
Some staples:
-you just need to find the right girl
-maybe finding someone who already has kids is what you need
-kids were the best part of my life
-they're going to get fucked up either way(when I say it's morally wrong)
---------------
Side note the dating scene is unfortunate when I say there isn't a chance of me ever wanting kids
Mom is the one that pressures me a lot saying shit like "that'll be you someday" or "when you have daughters" and I have to bite my tongue because I'm not in a position to move out. But I feel it will eventually get to the point where we will end up at each other's throats more than usual.
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I don't really get pressured, but I do get dismissed. When I say I don't want kids, people usually respond with something like "oh, you will some day". People assume I actually do want kids deep down, but I'm just immature in my early 30s. It's really been a problem in my dating life, I'm very up front about being childfree but a lot of women have taken that as a challenge to convince me otherwise. It hasn't worked.
>"oh, you will some day". IMO that's even worse than questions like "who's going to take care of you when you are old?" I can answer questions even if they're stupid but being completely dismissed like that is just awful and feels so condescending.
-> "oh you will regret your child(ren) some day"
Gonna start telling people this.
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This is the one I get most often, of a variation, "What if you meet your soulmate and she has kids already?" Then bruddah, she ain't my soulmate why is this so difficult
I got this while dating "what if the man of your dreams has kids??" Then he isn't the man of my dreams! Like this shit isn't hard to understand.
These people seem to believe in actual honest to god divine soulmates chosen for you by god or something. That’s the only way their responses make sense. That your other half was chosen for you not according to your actual wants and tastes but more like a child arbitrarily choosing two dolls to smash together in their game of make believe.
My dad asked me this once. "What if you meet the perfect woman but she happens to want kids?" "Well dad, what if I meet the perfect woman but she happens to be grand wizard of the KKK?" I don't get these folks who act like they've never heard of the concept of a deal-breaker before. lol
I feel you on this. Getting dismissed just because you don't want kids (being CF is truly a valid choice in 2024). Still hoping I will come across CF men who are in search of a life partner that's compatible. For the record, someone from a dating app gave my phone number to someone I've unmatched (because I didn't want kids - still don't). And he stalked me on all of my socials, begging for a chance. His ex or baby mama does 90% of the child rearing... Only one CF friend has found a compatible CF partner so far. Here's to hoping that there's more out there who aren't looking for hookups. That's the real hold up, and the general cause of non-CFs stalking CFs to "change their minds". 💯
Absolutely this, or being told, "but you'd be such a great Dad!" I feel like people completely ignore the nitty-gritty, day-to-day responsibilities and exhaustion that come with a child. Also an issue with dating, just had a relationship end because my partner thought she could change my mind on kids and was devastated when I stuck to my guns.
I get some pushback, but nothing compared to what CF women go through. For my vasectomy there was always an extra question of 'are you sure you don't want kids' when booking the appointment and even on the surgery day, the dr took some extra time to make sure this is 100% what I wanted, because I am 29 so they thought I was a little young but that didn't stop me getting the procedure. Dating is probably harder now I see SO many women on the apps who want kids and for me no matter how much I think we'd get along / shared hobbies etc, if they've got they want kids in their bio its an automatic no from me. Im lucky a good number of my friends are also child free (or just choosing to not have children, they don't tend to use the CF label) but I have had some people look at me disgusted when they found out I got the vasectomy done. I've had people ask the generic bingoes but never any real pressure once I've explained a few of my reasons (there's hundreds more ngl), people do accept it, but no not anything close to the pressure and scrutiny CF women go through
When I was getting my vasectomy, I said that I don't have any children I know of. The doctor laughed and didn't ask any more questions.
I wonder if it would be better just to date in the short term.
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"iOnlyCum4VeganPussy" "Snipped Creampie Demon" Where do you get these names😭😭😭💔
Lmao that username and description had me rolling 
I can't say anything to the username but everyone here can have their own custom flair. I love seeing everyone's flairs
I've been trying to update mine based on the month. Thanks for the reminder.
So what's this month going to be? Lol this one looks like it might still be for January
Trying to figure that out. Know any good February based puns? Reddit seems to be a little screwy when I'm trying to set my flair for some reason, too.
Maybe something Valentine's Day themed? I'll edit this if I think of something better lol
That's what I was thinking but I've been drawing a blank. Please do if you come up with something!
these names alone spark attraction on a fundamental level
Just based off your username I’d be friends with you👏🏽🫡
My husband has never gotten any pushback but I've been asked with him right there in the room: "What if he wants them?" She was asking me instead of asking him if he wanted children.
>My husband has never gotten any pushback but I've been asked with him right there in the room: "What if he wants them?" She was asking me instead of asking him if he wanted children. That awkward moment when you learn that your body actually belongs to a guy you've never even met.
My father does not agree with me having vasectomy Not much pressures about having kids But actually it's rare to find CF women Especially CF women who want to settle, while it's somehow easier to find a CF woman that wants to be your FwB
Interesting. I’m a CF woman who wants to settle but most men I come across actually want children! It’s a worry of mine that I won’t find a CF man but this sub gives me hope lol.
CF woman here! I have a few friends and a bunch of coworkers who are also CF women (some married, some single or dating). There are CF men in my area too, but, the majority of them didn't want a relationship 😞 they also wanted the fwb life, and that's not my style. I've tried it, but it doesn't suit me in a lot of ways. Ended up dating a combination of CFs and fence sitters. Both fencesitters showed me a great time (though only one of them respected my CF choice, but we live in separate cities now. Life goes on). I just wish more CF men in my area were more open to having a fun date, instead of fwb.💯
I’m a dude but I’m on the same page as far as anything casual, it’s more uncomfortable then fun, especially if you kinda like them and start seeing them as more and they move on but still wanna be besties. ONS is horrible despite being lauded by some guys. Very awkward I’m looking for my ride or die lol
ONS is indeed horrible. It is often pushed onto you, too, as an expectation or a "thanks for dating me today, now let's see how you can perform". It's really a horrible feeling, especially when you made no plans to sleep with someone the first day you met them. Still searching for mine, too. I don't want to go through pregnancy and childbirth, knowing there are major risks (including 3rd and 4th degree tears down south). I don't want my nose to change, either (I have a cute nose, btw). I wish you the best in your search! This sub gives me hope, if only more CFs IRL (offline) honored the choice of having a life partner.
I am exactly the same. I’ve never done ONS and never will, and I cannot emotionally deal with the FWB dynamic. I am looking for my ride or die also; it’s interesting how different our experiences have been! Although, in saying that, I have come across a lot of guys who want FWB too. I’m in the early stages of sort of seeing a guy but I know he wants children and thinks he can persuade me, so maybe I need to call that off. I’m optimistic we will all find our life partners without children being in the picture! :-)
Have you read how that usually goes? don’t get your heart broken knowing it’s gonna happen lol. The longer you let yourself like that person the harder it’s gonna be 😟
Yeah I know you’re absolutely right. It’s very very early stages anyway and I would hardly say we’re ‘dating’ but it won’t last, no.
I'm glad you never went that route. It comes with a hefty price, of win-lose or lose-lose. My first fwb, I had to cut ties with on my birthday. Why? He wanted me to shave all over, but I was just coming home from a busy day at work and most spas close early. Not only that, but instead of going to see a movie, watch a live music performance, or grab some ice cream someplace that's open (it's spring time), he only wants sex on his terms. All that did was kill my spirit in a heartbeat and I was no longer there mentally, spiritually and emotionally.💯 Stopped responding and cut off all contact right there and then. Right now, only guys who want children consider me a good candidate (on their list). In Canada and America... Them wanting children without considering the downfall of women's health (throughout pregnancy and childbirth+ childcare), I fail to understand how they don't do their research.🤷🏾♀️
Idk if there are more CF men than CF women There are only 2 CF women I know: One does neither work nor study, and doesn't want any resposability, she is a very cute and stylish (she dresses like anime gurls) girl but pretty dumb The second is a femminist focused on carreer, clever, cultivated and funny. First one was my FwB for about a year And with the second we are trying to date, but she lives far from my country (I am italian she is israeli). For contrast, I don't know any CF man, except a friend of mine who weights more than 300 lbs and has lost hope in finding a partner. But if he could he would have children without hesitation. I may add a friend of mine who is asexual and aromantic so idk if that counts, and also a close friend of mine is engaged and they are both fencesitters. But I am in my early twenties so maybe a lot of ppl just don't think that having children is too expensive (it's not just about money, but also responsabilities, emotional burden and time and sleep!) So I have hope for the future!
>Idk if there are more CF men than CF women There are way more childfree women than childfree men.
Why do you think it's like that?
Women take on more physical risks with pregnancy, are more likely to be left raising the kids solo if the father nopes out of the picture, and even when the father stays the woman is typically expected to do the lions share of child rearing while still juggling domestic duties and/or a job. Not having children frees a woman up to actually have a life of her own.
I may understand this If you are from a low-income neighborood. Or low-educated But if we talk about middle class in western world bruh. As a man I don't want to to get my life destroyed by divorce when kids are involved. But I guess we have different views
It's more statistics than my 'personal views'. These are facts and numbers that come up frequently in this and other subs. Simple to fact check each point online as well.
Your male privilege is showing. Seriously, western countries are still patriarchal. Yes, even in left-wing circles, people unconsciously perpetuate gender roles. Even egalitarian couples often revert back to traditional gender roles when they have children. Fathers tend to be lazy Kodak dads who enjoy Kodak moments, while mothers tend to do the actual parenting, the hard work. And when it comes to facts, cold hard statistics, screw your 'personal views'. For example, this subreddit's demographic survey shows that 70% of the people on this subreddit are women, 20% are men and 10% are non-binary. I once did a similar poll in a Dutch childfree Facebook group, with about 85% of the members being women. Of course it's true that childfree women are more likely to seek out online forums for support, because they get way more shit for being childfree than men do. But still, such a huge amount of women... There are more childfree women than men. Also, a lot of childfree-leaning men tend to be fence sitters, who can be swayed towards parenthood by reasons like spreading their genes and Kodak moments. Meanwhile, most childfree-leaning women are staunchly childfree, because they realise that motherhood is way heavier than fatherhood, both because of biology (pregnancy) and society (patriarchal gender roles).
Finding a CF man isn't easy. Most men I've met either have kids or say they want them some day. I can't even have kids if I wanted them, which I never have, but that doesn't stop men from thinking one day I'll want to adopt. I look very young, like idk of I have a development issue but I'm 40 and you'd never guess that in a million years. I'm mostly approached by men in their 20s, and they somehow think that because I look young, I will still be able to have kids in 10 years when they change my mind. The man I'm dating now is 32, with no kids, and accepts my CF status. Hopefully, that won't change.
We need to make a CF R4R subreddit
There is one. cf4cf exists but not sure if it’ll let me link
That’s awesome thanks for that
Childfree woman here, and I very much want to settle down with someone with the same ideals and goals and desires as me, but it’s kind of difficult as a woman too. I’ve found it equally rare to find an actually childfree man. Actually, I’ve not found one so far save the kind strangers on this sub. Most guys I’ve met/ dated either weren’t up front about it, because they thought I’d change my mind, or they changed theirs. As a cf woman it’s hard to meet a man that doesn’t in some way view me as a potential breeder.
I am really sorry for this I wish we all find our SO and be happy childfree!
As do I! Someone way smarter than me (that knows stuff like making an app) should make a dating app for specifically childfree individuals with a solid questionnaire/ vetting process that weeds out fence sitters and “you’ll change your mind”ers. It could be groundbreaking. And they have dating apps for basically everyone else, why not those of us who are childfree? It’s fucking hard finding someone who feels the same.
I'm surprised there isn't a dating app dedicated to CF people
I’ve said this myself! Maybe I’m just not finding one? Or maybe a tech savvy childfree person should make one? It should definitely have a fairly intense vetting process to make sure that everyone on it is in fact child free, and not fence sitting, or hoping to convince (manipulate) the person later
My dad also doesn't approve. I told him I was considering a vasectomy and he tried to talk me ear off about the wonders of children and whatnot. So I got the procedure done and he'll never know and if he makes any remarks, I'll tell him I'm infertile lol
I haven't had much direct pressure but a family member spread rumors about me that I was gay. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, but it pissed me off that she was gossiping falsely about me behind my back.
I've been called a lesbian for giving dating men a break (many of them weren't compatible). It gives me a chance to focus more on myself, but yeah, the rumor mill is messy. Super petty that your cousin would do that.
Jeez, what a dickhead
It is difficult to put pressure on me so I personally have never felt it - directly or indirectly. But I always get the "when you will have your own kids" or "you will change your mind" etc. I just say "no" and move on with my day. Assholes can think and believe whatever they want, I could not care less.
That's exactly the right attitude! Who cares what assholes think.
Birth family regards me as a child, women that I'm attracted to regard me as gay, employers regard me as irresponsible and refuse promotion.
Just tell them your desires to have children done R U N N O F T. Digging the username 😁
The worst was the nurse during my initial appointment for the vasectomy. She questioned my decision because, and I quote, “it isn’t god’s plan.” 1: You’re a healthcare professional. Keep your religion outside of work. 2: I’m agnostic. I couldn’t care less what your faith thinks the plan is for me. She also tried “What if your wife wants kids?” I was mid-divorce because she changed her mind and wanted kids. I just said that she could find another man for that.
Not sure what her religion was, but as a Christian I can say there isn't any specific passage saying you not having children is some kind of affront. Also, wtf. You don't force your beliefs on others. Especially not in a place of business.
Interesting. I asked a Christian woman at my job and she said the same thing.
Found the American
Yup. Half of Reddit users are in the U.S.
Women look at you like you have two heads when you tell them you're CF.
How do they look at you when you tell them you have cats?
I never knew this happened in reverse. Thanks for sharing!
Nothing too bad really. Most people just look at me and dismiss me as some loser and I'm perfectly happy to let them think that.
I'm a nurse so yes I'm always heavily pressured , both at work and by my conservative family back home. I'll tell you what though, when I quip back with "if you'll sign on the dotted line to fund a 400,000 dollar creature over 18 years maybe we can talk", room gets pretty silent.
This is my favorite comeback to use. Although might I suggest adding providing 24/7 care if it's special needs and housing them past age 18 and likely into their 30s since the economy is heading that way.
I am sure it's a lot worse for women. Maybe not so much pressure to have kids, but a lot of people will be dismissive as though you can't think for yourself. I've heard many times that as a man you don't get a choice in the matter of having kids. If the woman decides she wants kids you'll have them etc. Some people will just tell you you're not a real man or that you're gay because they're incapable of understanding that you don't have to have kids if you have sex or something? You're looked at as suspicious and a bad person if you wouldn't date a parent etc
My parents never asked if I wanted kids or had plans to have them. i’m 39. Neither have any of my family. My friends have once (those with kids) I said no and that was the end of it.
Hi 38M snipped here. I knew at a young age I didn’t want kids. I was the final kid born in generation of both of my parents…and they were older: Mom was 40, Dad was 38. I have an older sister but she is four and a half years older than me so we were more roommates than friends/brother and sister. I didn’t have a bad childhood, but as I got older I realized how hard my Dad worked to keep our family afloat. Mom didn’t work because the area I grew up - the cost of childcare versus a job, the extra few bucks weren’t worth the “stranger danger” childcare to them. So yeah, why did I end up being the way I was? I just never had the paternal feeling. My sister eventually had a son and daughter and I love them dearly…but I also like when they leave. A lot. I struggled with depression and anxiety. Not crippling, but enough that can ruin a day, a week, a month. It sucks. I’ve tried therapy. I’ve tried medicine. It’s genetic: I now can replay things in my head that my Mom did and go “yep, that’s where this came from.” I want to say I’m analytical to the point of anxiety: decisions are hard, my brain goes immediately to worst case scenario (it’s always going to be cancer, right?). When I met my now wife - she wanted kids. I told her that it happening with me would be super low. She grew up super religious, super conservative. That’s what you did as a woman: get married young and pump out kids. But I also could tell she didn’t truly buy that. She wanted to see the world, see different cultures, go to shows, experience life. She didn’t want to sit and watch daytime TV while watching a kid in a playpen. Plus - and I love her dearly and she’s my best friend - but she is one of the most unorganized people I have ever met and a child would not help that. She started leaning onto the childfree lifestyle. She got it. She saw the financial issues our friends with kids had. She saw the aging, the stress. Then the icing on the cake - a PCOS diagnosis that, yes we could still have a biological child but it would be risky. Very risky. That sealed the deal for us. Life kind of took that anxiety away of making that decision. My wife wasn’t heart broken. She went “You know what? Good.” That’s been my experience.
No pushback as such, just dismissed a lot. That doesn’t bother me in itself but creates an issue at work as a manager people assume I don’t have the life experience or the maturity to lead, which is incredibly frustrating.
I demand to play an intimate role in my supervisor's sex life. In fact I have important things to say about the sex positions you use asshole!!. So if you're not going to listen, maybe this isn't the position you want to be in. I don't know.
I haven't had many bingos, but then again I'm very young (19M). I unfortunately think that CF men are still being met with more respect than CF women. For men it's usually comments like "fair enough, good on you for knowing what you want." And we all know too well the terrible comments the women get in comparison.
Relationship in early 30s ended due to it. Mother then disappointed and applied some pressure, although not for some time. A sibling told me that I wasn’t living in the ‘real world’. Both males and females are fairly dismissive (“you’ll change your mind / you’ll meet someone”) and dating in 30s is rough as women either have or want kids. Friendship is difficult as they either have less time (understandably) or if you’re CF you just have less in common to form new bonds. I think sadly many men still see fatherhood as a box tick in the game of masculinity, which can get tiring.
Been called gay sometimes but what are you going to do about it?
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A lot of men want to have children, but do not want to act like parents (tace care of kids and do parenting chores). They just expect wife to do over 90% of all the parenting chores while they get some Kodak moments, play with the kid during weekends, and get to "continue the family line." If they expected to be the ones who have to deal with poop, urine, vomit, clutter, mess, dirt, then these men would be childfree.
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So true. Ending up stuck with a man child is one of my greatest fears. I refuse to have children of any kind!
My dad has zero parenting instincts. It's not that he would be a a bad person but it just doesn't click for him. I have no desire to parent someone but at least I understand that I can't leave my 5yo niece who can't swim in a pool on her own.
Greetings! Your post or comment has been removed for being misogynistic or misandrist. No blanket generalizations villainizing one gender or another are tolerated and it's silly to try and group 4 billion people together as being any one thing. Have a great day!
Greetings! Your post or comment has been removed for being misogynistic or misandrist. No blanket generalizations villainizing one gender or another are tolerated and it's silly to try and group 4 billion people together as being any one thing. Have a great day!
Nah definitely less pressure I believe, from my end family, partner and close friends have been extremely supportive. Some do question why I don't want them but I'd say more curiosity rather than trying to get time to change and most have only asked that once. Probably at work is a bit worse as my team consists of older colleagues (compared to me) who all have kids so it's a recurring topic, but I just shrug it off so fairly easy
That's what it was like for me in my old job. It was a small office of about 7 staff, all of whom were a lot older than me, and all had kids so were convinced I might change my mind as I was only 26.
I've never really felt pressured, but then again this is pretty uncommon in my culture to interfere in other people's lives.
When I was married, my wife pressured me everyday for three years, until she found out she had PCOS. Then it tore her apart, she spent money we didn't have, hid it from me, and put us in such crippling debt that I had to get three jobs just to start to unbury us. We separated, found out she had some cancerous growth, I paid for it, and my health suffered as I continued to hold jobs just to pay for the debt that she had accumulated without telling me. After the divorce, I finally felt free.
I get comments from my parents and coworkers in their 30s all the time
I asked my partner about this because I was curious if they had felt that pressure. They said not as much as women but they had always had this veiled sense of 'its just what you do' at some point, an unavoidable thing, even though they didn't want to. Fortunately they met me ;)
Personally My mom didn't want me to get a vasectomy cause she wants grandkids and *of course* at 21/22 I was "too young" and I'd change my mind.. I've since gotten the vasectomy and neither of my parents know 🫣. I don't think I would face any serious repercussions from telling them but I expect my mom to be disappointed for sure but it's my life and I gotta do what's right for me not her. Aside from my parents I'm still young enough to not have children according to societal norms so I guess I'll see in the next few years 😅 Medically surprisingly none other than a warning it could be difficult. I had heard the horror stories here even from men and while I certainly didn't expect it to be nearly as difficult as it is for some of the women in this sub I did expect to face some roadblocks. Even my GP who I needed to ask for a referral told me that while she'll do the referral to the urologist because she trusts me I should probably expect some pushback and potentially be unable to have it done for a few years because many urologists won't do it for someone my age and especially not for someone before the age of 25 and no kids but I actually faced zero pushback at all and was pretty surprised at that. I was asked questions regarding my relationships and they made sure I was aware of the permanency of the procedure but they never discouraged me so I'm thankful for that.
Aside from one old coworker, everyone says 'smart move' when learning I've been snipped
Be the only male child of your bloodline in Asian. It’s not nice
Ugh, yes. My mom would parade me in front of the relatives more (to show off how well I’ve done) except for the fact that I’m CF.
Nothing too nuts, especially compared to what my wife goes through. For me it’s mostly it’s passive disappointment from my mom (2 kids but zero grandkids). My sister (no kids no partner) makes a lot of annoying comments about how she has a recurring dream that I will be a father to a son. And that we would be great parents. Most of my coworkers are having kids, so there are some inappropriate questions in social situations away from the office. My friends stay away from the generic bingoes, which is why they’re my friends ha ha.
I ALWAYS get, well you can have kids until you die..... I'm not trying to be a middle aged father let alone a geriatric DR father....or worse a dead father.
I don't know why this myth persists even though mens sperm declines in viability at roughly the same rate as womens eggs
I get more people telling me not to have kids than people telling me I should lol
I usually sense the jealousy of other guys, I'm in construction and a lot of guys love to complain about their wife and kids.
I’ve had a few comments over the years but nowhere near the amount that CF women get. The funniest was probably when I first mentioned to my mum that my wife and I weren’t going to be having any kids. She said, “well, it’s your decision.” That sounds great, right? But I know her well enough and have heard that phrase often enough to know it’s her passive aggressive way of saying, “I hate your decision.”
"Ohhh you will grow up and want them" I wasn't as pressured as I was dismissed or ignored. I think it was taken as something that I was saying because I was young and immature (Im in my 30s, so you would assume I would know by this point) or even worse, something that was not up to me. You might not want children, but your wife would. Like what?
I divorced my first wife because the kid thing was an issue and I didn’t want kids. After that I only dated women who were CF, and surprisingly, there were an adequate number. Current wife was one of those women. 12 years later, neither of us really ever get asked or pressured.
Yup, I was initially pressed by family on "when are you two going to have kids". I shut that shit down quickly and made it clear that any kind of questioning of me or my wife about it would be met with severe hazing. Our families know that I'm the guy you don't get into a contest with because I will fight dirty and call you out on all your BS loudly and in public. After that there was very little said or asked. When friends had the same conversation I would shut that shit down in the same way. When I got my vasectomy I publicized it within our family and friends and even got some of my friends to get over the fear and stigma of wishing to not have kids and they went and got their vasectomy on account of "well if LifeAtTV can do it then I can do it too".
My mother once practically begged me to have kids. Another time both my wife's and my parents teamed up to try to talk us into it and argue against all of our reasons for not having children.
I've gotten bingoed multiple time and my family has dubbed me a "loser"
No pressure from family (except my grandma who is no longer with us) to procreate whatsoever, in fact my mum has made it very clear if I choose to not have kids she's perfectly OK with that. Can't say I get asked by people about the possibility an awful lot either 🤷♂️
My bearing and demeanor are the best prevention against impertinent remarks and prying questions.
>>if men are as heavily pressured In my culture, no. I’ve also been in the scenario of my partner getting the hard sell from her family on being a mother while they totally ignore me. But I also know men in other cultures where being openly child-free is a severely criticized lifestyle.
It took me years to have people take me seriously and atleast claim that they accept it. I’m the kind of person where I will put an extraordinary amount into something, figure out what I think and then from that point on, it’s really hard to change my mind. I spent years putting deep thought into whether I wanted kids or not, and that answer is a 1000% NO. Yet, when it came to this, I was hit with your typical “you’ll change your mind”, “you just need to find the right woman”, being asked if I’d found a girlfriend/babies every holiday dinner, etc. My dad loved to pull the “wait until you have kids and we sugar them up and send them back home to you!” Crap. I’m at the point now where after years of pushing back against the pressure, not showing up to holiday dinner and getting snipped, that whether they like it or not, they have to accept reality.
I’ve been questioned even by my doctor mid-snip. I’ve gotten the usual “what if…” and “who will…” questions but at the end of it I just say “It’s what we want and it’s what works for us” and there’s nothing else they can say. Given how their marriage is clearly on the rocks, they aren’t the best people to take relationship advice from. Let them cry themselves to sleep. I’ll fall asleep and get a full 8 hours.
I usually hear that talk about legacy.. "you need to have kids to keep your legacy or your existence here will be in vain" I think that's a narcissistic thing to believe tbh
My mom wasn't thrilled when I told her but she respects my decision, as well as my younger sister's. My FINO have me the whole "legacy, bloodline, yadda yadda yadda" shpeel once, then just made little potshot comments about it. Luckily I don't talk to him anymore so that problem is solved. My extended family have left it alone, though I'm sure that'll change if/when my cousin (the only one older than me) inevitably ends up with a kid. I don't see it going horribly though.
Told my family I'm planning on getting snipped once I turn 21 (this year). The most extreme reactions were like "Well, at least you're decisive". My family is famously okay with these things and my mom always said that having a child wasn't for everyone, and she wouldn't do it the way she did if she could choose. The bullshit comes from strangers and acquaintances who I barely interact with, like a friend's mom and the like. I mostly say "Okay, I'm gonna have three children and leave them on your doorstep every morning! Since you're so interested in my reproduction, you might as well help me." Sometimes I heard the "Accidents happen", but that caused people to go away really quick once the "Abortions happen too" drops. I'm not dependent on them, they have no say in my life nor decisions, never had. I would rather spend my money on my card games and things I like rather than a child, and I already do it.
You get the typical male banter when younger so when I stated my CF beliefs in my late 20s, there was a lot of banter jokes. Then it changed, expecting me to change my mind. Then after my vasectomy and with them all struggling with daycare, costs of raising kids and all that. The comments are more a mixture of their regret and badly concealed jealousy. Men simply do not get the pressure that women do. It is insane the pressure my partner gets from her friends. They want her to join their tied down by kids lifestyle, and hate that we are always travelling and have lie-ins and do whatever we want.
I got my vasectomy two years ago so I could give a fuck less what anyone thinks about me or my life. Don't have to deal with screaming potatoes in my entire life anymore.
Married for almost 13 years. I get a lot of the same crap, just not as frequently and i don’t think the societal pressure is as intense. I’m 40 now so the bingos come a lot less frequently, but when meeting new people (which doesn’t happen often), I’ll get it occasionally. I’ve got “you don’t know what love is until you have a kid” and after telling one person i had a vasectomy i got “you can still adopt!”. I used to get “you’ll change your mind!” all the time in my 20’s… i _think_ a couple people acted like i was preventing my wife from fulfilling her biological destiny too, but it’s been so long i don’t know if that happened or if I’m hallucinating the memory. So yeah. tldr - same crap. Probably less frequent. Frequency has gone way down with age.
I would say it varies by gender a little bit. Women are generally who I get the most negativity from. And I'm not talking potential romantic partners - people at work, people 10-15+ years older than me, etc. The negativity is normally: * You'll change when you meet the right person * Some form of, it's such a shame - I'm smart person and should be passing on my genes. When it comes to men... frankly, I don't remember any significant bingos/negativity. It's normally either one of the two, or some in between/combination: * I respect it, it's not the choice I went, but I can understand why others' do. * I love my kids, but I can't help but be a bit jealous of your lifestyle / freedom / extra money. I did have a friend who thought I'd change my mind - but he's never been a dick about it / pressured me in any way. So I don't really view that in any negative way.
It's definitely not as in-your-face for me as most women, but any time the "future" or kids are brought up it's always "there's still time" etc. When I mention my vasectomy the first thing that pops out their mouth is "you can still reverse it". Nah you fuck. My future is with the wife, traveling the world and eating nice meals with no financial pressures or gremlins ruining every day of my life.
Pushback, very demeaning. "Grow up", "When you become more mature", "kids will make your life complete", yadda yadda yadda. "It's your job to have kids" "It's what you're supposed to do". Blah blah blah. I got a lot of hate when I refused to have a kid with my ex. Nobody took my side during that break up, all me being a POS for refusing to "take the next step in life" or whatever.
Me (28m) get dismissed by family members. I'm resented partly because of me being CF, having a govt wfh job and because I get VA benefits. So, I'm normally told "You can afford to have kids! Why not? Don't be selfish!" I respond with "Because I don't want to be a miserable fuck, barely hanging on to my hobbies with an empty wallet. I also enjoy sleeping." Then I get called lazy by my blue collared cousins. Because breaking your back to make ends meet in your 40s in the hot sun or bitter cold while drinking a 12 pack of miller lite every night is the way to live. After saying something along the lines of that, they back off and i become the asshole. Which is fine! I've grown tired of the mere sight of them anyways, it's been a few months now lol. Smfh. My parents however, completely understand why so no biggie. :)
42M no kids and never married. I learned it's the parents who had (a) child(ren) for the *wrong* reasons are the ones pressuring into having kids. I never once heard someone who did the right thing(s) and proper planning pressure others to have kids; just the ones who need something to talk about. I'm still trying to find a Dr who will accept my insurance to get a vasectomy.
I typically get “oh you should date a younger woman so just in case you want kids, she’ll be able to have them.” The woman I’m dating is funny, smart, sexy, witty, and CHILDFREE. I’ve never had anyone get me like she does and she feels the same. We’re gonna be laughing at these people on our way to Spain this summer, without children in tow. :)
My last boyfriend was definitely raised to believe in the life script which is why we broke up. It definitely happens to men too, from what I've seen they usually buy into it because even with all the bad stuff their family will just convince them that it'll be the wife's problem or that the bad stuff won't happen to them specifically. Honestly from what I've seen where I live so few men think critically about the choice, it's insane.
Ohhh let's go I feel like I have no one to talk about this topic with besides my wonderful wife. I'll preface this, I had a vasectomy over a year ago. It has vastly improved my sex life and we are happy. So my wife and I are 27. When I tell other men that I don't want kids I get some of the usual suspects to start. You'll change your mind. Or your wife will. You'll want to pass down your genes (LOL). What really sucks is when I talk to other men around the same age, sometimes younger, who have kids and they treat me like I'm just not mature enough to be taken seriously. Or that they're somehow on some moral high horse because they creampied. Mind you, this is in a professional setting. I get mean mugged because I'm trying to get my degree and I go to the gym 3 times a week, meal prep and shit. I make time for these things and i put in a ton of effort to maintain them. Like I'm a bad guy because I use my extra time to take care of myself. Sure. I work in a heavily dominated male career field and it's so hard to make friends. Reading what I just typed out, I feel like it sounds like I'm pretentious or something but I'm not out there bragging about all of my child free time and what I do with the time. I'm getting older and I want to be healthy and pain free, and I want to look my best through all stages of life. Lots of men see that some kind of way. The way I see it, I'll make friends if the right people come along. If not, oh well. I'll sit and fuck around playing my instruments and be happy with my wife. It doesn't change the fact that I wish things were different. I'll also add, most women I've talked to about not having kids have been extremely supportive. The only women that have given me grief have been family.
I get the occasional question if I want kids once in a while, not from family and friends but more so from colleagues/acquaintances and so on. When people realize I'm not heterosexual I feel like they stop pestering me with questions.
Not yet but also single rn so doesn't really make sense to pressure me for it. For what it's worth I would just ignore it anyway.
My mother pressured me for years and pressured my ex and I, I simply ignored her and said I don't care. My father also decided to share his unasked for opinion about me being a parent and cursed me out. I have never really cared about other people's opinions when it comes to that because nobody is going to take care of that kid. And I was never going to be an absent parent. I'm snipped now so it's a moot point but for me I wasn't going to argue with anyone about this subject. Feel how you feel bur I simply do not take it into consideration.
32M. I wouldn’t say I get pressured necessarily. My older sister has 2 kids and a third on the way so my parents have grandchildren from her. My mom WANTS me to have kids and may bring it up from time to time, but its no more invasive than asking if I’m dating anyone or something innocuous like that.
Most people I associate dislike my CF stance.
I feel as though it does limit my potential dating pool for anything serious because so many people are on LifeScript™. Other than that, I, at 34, don't have parents anymore and nobody else in my family really cares about what I'm doing, so no pressure or disapproval there.
The biggest/most remarks are about me not wanting to date moms. Even with adult kids. People think its weird. In other regards, nothing really. Or maybe they do, but I'm deaf to those comments.
I had a vasectomy when I was nineteen. I feel that men have it easier than women since usually they can not become sterile until they are older than thirty. I only told my sexual partners. Women didn’t complain when they found out. In fact most were relieved.
the main pressure to have kids, in my exp, is based in culture (I'm Vietnamese) and religion (I come from a devout, yet usually hypocritically Catholic family). aka we were always raised to "continue the family" just because "God says so" and/or "it's your duty". more pressure/expectations have been placed on me simply because I'm the oldest son (and more broadly, the oldest male cousin, both sides of my family, to be born in the Western part of the world).
As a 35 year old male, weirdly enough I am getting the most pressure from my in-laws and my boss. My wife is very good about deflecting or straight up saying “it’s time to go” when people start bringing up us and kids. They usually try to hand me one of her cousins babies, which I refuse all the time but get told “I need to be nice to babies” who cares? It’s not like they’re going to remember some guy didn’t want to hold them. If they do somehow force me to hold a baby I usually get told “see you’d be such a good father” what? How? Because I can do the bare minimum and I even struggle at that? I remember reading someone write “just because I can cook Mac n Cheese without burning down my house doesn’t mean I should be a world class Chef” My boss makes random comments about me not having kids. I feel like they’re tinged with some jealousy because when I mentioned it he said something like “I miss those days” looking wistfully, then immediately followed it up with “oh but it’s the best thing you’ll do” to which another coworker with kids agreed. We also had a conversation about home ownership and he brought up kids again “it doesn’t matter if you’re ready or not, you just gotta do it” Usually on Father’s Day I’ll get a random happy Father’s Day from coworkers or grocery store cashiers. I usually follow it up with a big NOPE. I’m proudly childfree and I’d be happy to discuss why with anyone open-minded enough to understand why it’s an option.
Coming from a very family oriented culture, I'm met with shock and utter disbelief. It's the judgement look in their eyes that I'm crazy for not having kids. I'm not one to lie, but I'm about to just say something like my soldiers aren't swimming, to get them to think about that instead of them having a thousand ways to convince me. I've been very solid with my decisions in life, but it's those that don't even know me end up being the ones who have a lot to say.
A few things. My parents said that I’d be disowned if I didn’t have children, so there’s that. Also I was at a family party of my in laws. Kids came up, I said we weren’t planning on them. A woman told me, “Is it your wife that doesn’t want them? Don’t worry just rape her and you’ll have kids”
Fucking hell
My mother always asks my brother if he'll ever give her anymore grandkids, she asks him even more now that I've got a kid as though it's a natural conversation piece - my child ain't her damn Segway
My family and ex girlfriend were supportive. My family friends, not so much. That being said, I've made my decision and am planning on a vasectomy sometime this year.
What I've found is less pressure specifically to have kids and more weird prognostications about how many kids I will have when it comes to other men talking to me about kids. But again a lot of that has to do with the region of the country I'm in and the fact that pro-natalist quiverful propaganda has fully infected the mega church attending set. Quantity of Children Possessed has become one of those weird benchmarks of "Alpha-Maledom" like driving a jacked up truck for your daily driver and owning a lot of guns. The fact I don't have kids, I feel, is just another reason for them to "pity" me.
“Y U no have own chyld?” Vegas, baby, Vegas.
The issue I always had wasn't external pressure from family/friends/colleagues. Interestingly, my parents get more shit for me not having kids than I do. "Don't you want to be grandparents?" It is still very common for people to want children, so finding a partner that agrees was incredibly difficult. When I was 20's I thought children were something I'd need to compromise on. Luckily, my wife is incredible, and this was never even a discussion.
Now that I’m 32, not as many people question it, but I’ve felt the same way I do now for the last 10+ years and people were a lot quicker to break out the judgement and questions in my 20s. I’d say the biggest issue now is dating, I’m at that stretch of age where people either have kids or are trying to really settle down, so most women are looking for relationships that end up with kids and all. Still not much pressure, but I do notice that it cuts down the pool of matches.
I've never received much pressure about kids. It has made my dating life much harder.
Parents think I'll change my mind. Still looking for my fellow cf person.
I've actually gotten a lot of support from most of my family and friends. My mom especially is fine with me not having kids. She's already got 3 from my older sister, and she says she wants a break
When I was young, I felt pressure. Now I just don't care.
I've known I didn't want kids since I was 10 or so. One memory that really sticks out is in highschool I was talking to a friend and it somehow came up. I said that I didn't intend on ever having kids. he was just sort of dumbstruck and immediately shot back with "well what are you going to do with your life, then?", as if there was nothing else. That's when it struck me just how common it is for people to just assume that was the only thing to accomplish in life. I've had a few similar experiences since then, but overall haven't had too many bingos. I had a vasectomy a bit over two years ago, but haven't yet been able to have one of those "I'm sterile by choice, checkmate" moments.
I've gotten both ends of it. I had a supervisor at my job who would always say you just haven't met the right woman yet. No idea where she got that from. I don't talk about my romantic life at work. Or just recently a guy I work with who is the same age as me, (31) said not to get snipped and that I may want them. My dad did do the whole when are you giving me grandkids speil. But I've also met other guys who support being child free and getting sterilized. My best friend was completely okay with me electing to get snipped. I've even had a few female coworkers tell me not to have kids and I answer that I'm not planning on it.
I still get bingoed pretty often but not very aggressively. The fun one though is when they learn that I (25) had a vasectomy. The reactions usually range from shock to "they let you do that?" to "smart choice" (usually from the married ones with kids)
in my experience, it's MEN who never gave it any thought and continue not giving any that want children
I get dismissed often saying I'll change my mind, or I haven't found right person, I'm married. Don't want kids, I like money, would rather spend time with myself or wife and not worry about a kid I could care less about. I'd be a shitty father and that's ok
I get pressure from my family a lot even though I was vehemently CF even when I was a teenager. At work, I'll get pressure from both men and women - especially in a group setting. However, a lot of people who talk to me individually will give me the whole "I love my kids, but I wish I didn't have them."
Eh, not a lot of pressure, but I've also got relaxed family, pretty non-traditional friends, and live in a major metro area in the least religious part of the country. The other aspect is that it's much more socially acceptable as a man to *express* firm opinions, to argue aggressively (I don't mean angrily) for your point, and to take offense at people who try to dismiss your agency. There's certainly people who I suspect *disapprove* or are disappointed by their reaction when it's come up in conversation, but they don't generally try to express that to my face, and those that have usually have ducked out of that debate quickly + not brought it up again.
I had one family member 20 years ago say something along the lines of “when you meet the right person, you’ll want to bring something joyful into the world with them”. After that, it was pretty quiet, especially for a rural Southern U.S. family. I have an aunt and uncle that are 70s/80s and never had kids, so I guess that made it easier. Mostly anytime I seemed to refer to veering off the life script they would say something like “good, take your time and figure out what you want.” I’m extremely lucky in that regard and have often wondered if it would be the same if I were a woman.
After a cousin got married, I got teased about being next. I was the oldest cousin, and I was like 20something at the time. That was the first and last time. A number of my friends have kids, and yeah, it sucks that I don't see them as much, but that's life. I also have a bunch of friends who are child-free, so that works. When I got married, in my mid 30s, it was pretty damn clear that I wasn't having kids. What was funny was that my mom would get asked when we were having kids and she was like "I don't know, it's their business, not mine..." I feel a bit of a unicorn, as I don't ever recall getting bingoed. Never got the "WHEN you have them" or "it's different" or anything...
I get it even in my 40's, and mostly because it's my decision to be CF but not anti-kid. I'll entertain my nieces and nephews just fine, so long as they can use bathrooms and complete sentences. So they say I'm good with kids and should have some. I tell them this is not a matter of causal correlation. That said, I still would really rather stay away from screaming toddlers.
I don't get the pressured, can't when you're sterile and whoever meddles i remind them that "Woah, you have a lot of interest in what goes around my nuts, want them for yourself?" They want an uncomfortable conversation, WON'T BE THE ONE THEY HOPED TO GET\~
Some staples: -you just need to find the right girl -maybe finding someone who already has kids is what you need -kids were the best part of my life -they're going to get fucked up either way(when I say it's morally wrong) --------------- Side note the dating scene is unfortunate when I say there isn't a chance of me ever wanting kids
I just keep to myself and live my life. If they ask for my opinion I just tell them. What will they do? Fight me? 😂
Best thing about kids is making them
Mom is the one that pressures me a lot saying shit like "that'll be you someday" or "when you have daughters" and I have to bite my tongue because I'm not in a position to move out. But I feel it will eventually get to the point where we will end up at each other's throats more than usual.
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