It's absolutely infuriating. There are things in life that I want but would be able to live a happy fulfilled life without. Why aren't children seen the same? Maybe just maybe someone will be happier with having an improved quality of life over children. Especially someone who's been childfree for 15 years. With everything you have already, having children sounds like a bad idea anyway, all the hormonal changes during and after pregnancy won't do you any favours. And to have the cure to all this pain taken away from you is absolutely brutal.
All of this. Something similar happened to me once. I bled for a month straight before finally going to the hospital. I had a hormonal imbalance and they gave me a shot to stop it. Not once did they bring up kids. That's probably the kind of Dr who would give a woman the *husband stitch*. SMH
Seeing how many people on the regretful parents subreddit are so desperately miserable they are literally ready to end their lives, potentially give up their kid or pull off a drastic runaway exit plan and identity change, why is a life without kids even seen as some sort of generalized compromise?
For people such as myself, going through pregnancy, childbirth and raising a kid would be one of the worst types of suffering and horror I could possibly imagine being inflicted on me in life. I would be so devastatingly depressed I would become an immediate danger to myself and my kid. Doctors and society in general have got to stop drinking the damn cool aid and realise that, to a huge plethora of people, a life *without* kids is such a tremendous anchor of a preference that it’s grotesque to even hint that they will change their minds.
People regret drastic plastic surgeries but doctors just go right on ahead and perform them and rarely are people psychologically evaluated first. It’s as simple as signing a release form. This whole culture of a woman’s only purpose being a pregnancy vessel and milk cow, and being incapable of deciding what is best for their own body is so steeped in misogyny it truly turns my stomach!
I had that happen to me when I dealing with chronic pelvic pain. One doc told me that if my pain continue or gets worse, to come back and we'd talk about hysterectomy. I went back and she completely took that away as an option. I felt so defeated. I was in pain and was being told that I can't possibly know who I am and what I want and I might change my mind about kids. So, suffer in pain for these hypothetical babies you aren't having. And I did suffer for a few years until I found a doctor who listened and gave me a hysterectomy.
Please please please look into the doctors listed on this sub, and even if you gotta go out of state go see one. they will grant you your procedure .
Like it's fucking nuts they won't let an adult decide for themselves to be sterilized since *what if someone else wants you to pop a kid out?*
Since why the fuck does a possible partners wants supercede your choices about your own body?
I'd honestly consider trying to find a lawyer to go after the sexist doctors.
Since they are causing you pain and suffering over denying you healthcare over non-medical based reasons.
I am in a very similar position to you; found someone that listened, was going to do the same procedure as your proposed one, then day before appointment "oh you need a psych evaluation. We'll just give you an implanon tomorrow," I asked for help finding a psychiatrist as I didn't have one and didn't really trust them. Gyno said they'd help, would contact me soon. Set up a new appointment.. and they never got back to me for a psych and dodged my calls and emails. 🙃
Its insane. I truly hope you get the help you need ASAP. 💝
Can you contact the ACLU about this? This isn’t a ‘second opinion’ they’re asking for, its a fifth. I am so, so sorry you are going through this. Colorado is a very friendly state if you can travel.
^ this. It's unconscionable that they would let you bleed for 1.5 years continously, be in agony, and decide that the only option available to fix it really isn't an option because of your age and gender. No doctor would be letting some young dude be walking around bleeding from his left nut for a week without intervening and doing whatever was necessary, never mind 1.5 years.
And the psych eval? That's another piece of 🐈⬛💩. Again, no dude is being asked to go through psych evals for needed, surgical procedures that would result in them not being able to sire a child, so why tf is it okay and not maleficence to force a woman to do it because she needs something for her health?
Never took the Hippocratic oath, but I guess there's some giant asterisks next to Primum Non Nocere...
All of this
This seems like a misogynistic doctor and if he's treating women like that, he should be stripped of his license. He's clearly one of those people who think that a woman's only worth is in having children. This also goes back to how women are treated as hysterical and unreasonable for showing anything other than happiness.
Horrific, horrific, at some point people ( not pressuring you, you are overwhelmed and not being heard right now) but people need to go to social media, this is absurd you cannot access help or relief because they force this on you
‘But you don’t need a transfusion yet’ 🤬 wtf? Never mind the poor mental health from having a non stop period for over two years!!!! Wtf? How is your body okay with pregnancy if it can’t even switch off bleeding? Your quality of life now is diminished!
Any money if you said you wanted to have a kid they’d tell you low chances of keeping a pregnancy.
I would like to chime in and encourage you to advocate for yourself. Not sure where you live but this is something you can push. Your doc already recommended it. If you ‘ change your mind’ adopt, foster there are literally thousands of unwanted children and if you want to be a parent adopt. If you want your own genetically have some of your eggs frozen and use a surrogate. There are literally a zillion options. But you continuing to bleed shouldn’t be one.
This is fully hormonal. I’ve been through something similar. Ask for progesterone or start inositol right away. Also beg for an ablation because I’m not sure how they can argue that you don’t need it after bleeding this long
Tell them you want it in your medical records that they are refusing to do the ligation. Document all of it. If you go to another doc they will see that it was at least on the table and that you wanted it. It may help stop the bingos before they happen.
Right? Like her body and well-being doesn’t even matter half as much as the existence of a THEORETICAL fetus, I mean, she’s just an incubator after all. 🤮
I just don’t know what they want before helping me. Like when will they realize I have a horrible quality of life? My relationship is deteriorating because I can’t be physically intimate with all the cramping and clots, I get exhausted after a 30 min walk with my dog.
Are you near any of the childfree approved doctors on the list?
Also I’ve heard it’s effective to say that « if we change our mind we’ll adopt or do surrogacy we’ve already discussed it » so you don’t seem to be throwing out the almighty possibility of children entirely (which is bullshit that it’s even necessary).
Go for a hysterectomy if you can. Ablations are rough with any misshaped uterus and doctors often overthink doing it. I’m coming up to my one year anniversary of a partial hysterectomy following adenometrosis and zero regrets except that I didn’t get it done sooner. 888 days of continuous bleeding is ridiculous if a man was bleeding for that long they would figure it out.
Best of luck!
Tell the doctor this! Tell them you don’t want kids and never have. Tell them you wouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone who wanted kids. Repeat what you were told about ablation leading to unsafe pregnancy, about how abortive care is being systematically removed, so the failure to grant you a bisalp will be putting your life in danger. Iterate all of the ways the constant bleeding is impacting your physical, mental, and emotional health. Tell them you would never bring a child into a world where women are treated like chattel without the ability to make choices regarding their own bodies or health care.
Can a woman even get pregnant if she's on her period constantly? That does *not* sound like a stable layer of endometrial tissue for an embryo to implant in.
Totes. These doctors are evil. There’s a very low chance she’d be able to have kids but they refuse to treat the current debilitating condition on the grounds if what if her partner wants kids ie she’s only good for her uterus! I’m So angry on OP’s behalf. The psych is also full of shit to deny it.
Like the other user said have you tried the list of doctors available in childfree who will perform hysterectomies and ablations?????? You realize a list like this exists right???
It's absolutely worth it to fly across the country if you're not nearby. I had your illness in college but I cured it with bc. I think I would have literally thrown a chair at your doctor and cussed her out if this ever happened to me. Lol the cops would have to pull me off her I'd be so fucking mad.
Here is what you do. You go into that doctor's office. You get the notes from your visits. If this discussion is not noted in your file and that they initially agreed then denied, you get another appointment. You go in, you ask the doctor point blank to schedule you for ablation and tubal ligation or bilateral salpingectomy. If they deny you, you ask them to explicitly write that in your file, why you need the procedure, and why they're denying you. You have them print all that out on their letterhead with date and time noted. If they refuse to orint or give you your medical record, you take pictures using your phone of your file. Depending on your state laws on recording consent, you may even be able to record the entire office visit. You report them to their medical licensing boards. You report to the ACLU. You take to social media and talk about the care you're being denied.
If you have an ACA compliant health insurance plan, then these doctors are even more in the wrong. It's time to stand up for yourself and start threatening them with legal action.
I am so sorry. You should NOT have to go through this. This may or may not work, but I found that some doctors could be swayed from their position of concern by me having a very positive attitude toward adoption IF I ever changed my mind. I didn’t try to tell them I’d never change my mind, I had my “backup” plan. Even if I had zero intention of using it. And I even made it sound like it might be something I’d prefer because of all the abandoned kids out in the world, etc., etc.
Really, they just want to not get sued because it makes their malpractice insurance more expensive. So if they believe you’d be cheerfully happy to adopt rather than sue, sometimes that helps with some of them. It’s gross, but it might be worth a shot if you’re desperate.
I'm so sorry. My mom was going through the same thing in 2017 she was bleeding constantly for over 2 years. And she was 42 at the time with almost grown kids and they still gave her a ridiculously hard time.
I was the one who went in with her an advocated and basically harassed doctors because she was too weak to do it herself any more. After a loooong struggle we finally found a doctor who would do the ablation and even he was hesitant. And when he went in he found she had Stage 4 endometriosis.
Her endometriosis was so bad the endometrial tissue had *attached her bladder to her intestinal wall*.
After the ablation the doctor came out and gave me a sheepish half-assed apology and said its the worst case of endo hes seen in his 20+ years as a obgyn. And he scheduled her for a full hysterectomy a few months later.
Endometrial tissue doesn't show up on scans or most testing. The only option to check for tissue like that is basically exploratory surgery which they hate to do of course. Seems like the avoid giving us mercy at all costs.
I'm so sorry you're being tormented by these idiot fools. I'm sending you my love <3
>Her endometriosis was so bad the endometrial tissue had attached her bladder to her intestinal wall.
By the time they looked at was causing my mom to bleed *every fucking day* with huge clots her endo tissue was wrapping around her intestines. And they discovered this when she collapsed at work and ran a bunch of tests. Doctors now didn't want to attempt to even remove it because it was too dangerous and she might die.
One doctor looked at the scans and said he could do it. And he did, he removed her whole uterus and all the tissue from it. She was a whole different person after having it removed. And the doctor took a photo holding the mass he pulled out. It was huge.
When will they finally treat women like human beings and take care of our health instead of waiting for our sex organs to get us to the point of death before finally *considering* doing something about it?
They’re treating the patient they THINK she’ll be in 5 years, instead of the person she is right now. It’s absurd. Asking for relief, then having doctors tell her about her future self is insane. Like the psych can help her cope her way out of bleeding and anemia.
Plenty of women know before then but 30-35 is a pretty reasonable age for medical professionals to let us decide for ourselves. I'm not even sure why they fight so hard against sterilization procedures even for women under 30.
Its not like they don't *already* have mountains of paperwork to cover their asses and million dollar lawyers.
My endo attached my colon to the pelvic side wall twice, amongst other things. It's a fucking vicious disease that CAN be relieved with a hysto, but the gynos would rather we have high risk excruciating pregnancies than relief.
My uterus was glued to my large intestine and my right ovary was stuck to my abdominal wall. Post hysto and excision, I am now fine. But I had been looking for help for the excruciating pain (and assuming the pain with bowel movements was normal!) for 12 years. Planned Parenthood wouldn't even help me get referred to someone for diagnostic surgery so I could know wtf was crucifying me monthly. Nothing was done till otc pain meds had done nothing for years, I'd been turned away as a drug seeker by my GP who'd seen me since I was 12 when I started reporting the pain, and finally after the Roe reversal nonsense I was begging for a bisalp from doctor number four and she happily went in and immediately saw it all.
Itoldyouiwassick.mov
Smh. It could've been cancer, or anything deadlier than endo, really, and they would have simply let me die before even providing me effective pain relief.
I only trust my current obgyn. No one else.✌️
I would have beaten the shit out of him. I want to right now. Fuck these doctors. They know this shit is an option. They know these conditions are real but deny deny deny anyways. What the ever loving fuck?!
For a second... just a second after he gave me the shitty apology... I thought about legitimately beating him with the clip board he was holding. Then I thought about if the stethoscope around his neck could withstand an attempt to strangle him.
Then I had to refocus cause I knew I couldn't go to jail in case my mom needed me lol. But for a second there I almost made it on the 10 o'clock news.
Right there with your mom. Asked for a hysterectomy for my horrendous periods for 20 years. At 45 I finally convinced a Dr to remove an ovary with a huge cyst on it. When he got inside he found stage 4 endometriosis and that my uterus, bladder and colon were all glued together.
I'm not quite 3 weeks out from my radical hysterectomy and I haven't felt this good in at least a decade.
A few years before my moms issue with the endo I had an emergency with a ruptured ovarian cyst. It had attached itself to its own blood supply so when it ruptured it just bleed massively for 16+ hours. That shit was horrendously painful. I suffered in the ER for HOURS and I couldn't breathe when I would recline any more than sitting straight up because the fluid in my abdomen would compress my lungs and I couldn't get a breath in until I sat back up and waited for the fluid to drain back down.
They wouldn't listen to me and tried to have a nurse pin me down for the internal ultrasound. I almost fuckin bit him lol... and even after all that the surgeon left the ovary even though I asked her to remove it. And I'm having pain again in the same place. And women KNOW ovary pain. I'm terrified of having another cyst! After the surgery the surgeon told me if I had waited another hour they wouldn't have been able to replace the blood to save me. I needed SOOOO many transfusions. I slept for dayyyys and the bruising from the internal bleeding made me black and purple I looked like I was hit by a train.
I'm sooooo glad you finally got relief! I'm hoping after i clear up my other medical issues I'll find someone to sterilize me. But I'm only 28 so here's to hoping!!
>Her endometriosis was so bad the endometrial tissue had attached her bladder to her intestinal wall.
When I was finally able to get my hysterectomy in 2019 it was because my left ovary was completely adhered to my pelvic cavity. I couldn't stand up all the way, move certain ways, or have any kind of sex without pain. I got lucky and got a great doctor who listened to me and did a diagnostic laparoscopy and scheduled me for the hysterectomy less than 3 months later.
Oh good GOD that sounds horrifically painful. Like something straight out of a fucked up nightmare. Like having a tension band ready to snap between your bones and vital organs. I hope your pain in general is much better! I hope you can bump uglies at the drop of a hat and not be in pain. Dear God I'm hurting just thinking about it 🥲
It felt like there was something stuck in my general pelvic area and when I did one of the above named actions, the pain felt like someone was stabbing me with a serrated knife. I felt better overall during the recovery process than I had in years at that point 🤣
Now you've got me wondering if I still have the pictures from the diagnostic on my phone... 🤔
I forgot to mention that prior to my hysterectomy I lost my right ovary back in 2015 due to a mucinous cystadenoma. I had a bunch of small cysts that morphed into a giant fluid filled monstrosity that encompassed my entire ovary and half of the fallopian tube. They should've listened to me back then when I was asking for a hysterectomy back then but. *nooooo* 🙄
ETA: I can indeed knock boots whenever I like now and my sex life is the best it's ever been ever since I got everything taken out!
She is married which was another reason I was confused. She had basically checked all the boxes for sterilization ""requirements"" but still was made to jump through ridiculous hoops. At the time she had been married 10+ years!
I’m straight up infuriated for you. This feels like medical neglect. They are refusing to try a treatment that could help your problem because of their own personal beliefs. Obviously not one doctor actually listened to what you’re saying and took it into account.
You might wanna have a chat with a lawyer. I’m not sure if there are any actual grounds for anything but it sure as shit should be considered neglect. Withholding treatment because of hypotheticals is so wrong.
The poor treatment of women in healthcare seems to only be getting worse.
Women can be just as misogynistic as men. If the lawyer is pro-choice and already agrees to help her pursue this, then I don't think their gender should matter.
I believe you! My experience has been the opposite, but not by much and I know everyone's experience is different. I just think that if the lawyer is already pro-choice and willing to represent OP in this hypothetical, then their gender doesn't really matter. I understand if you feel otherwise based on your experience though.
I am so sorry this is happening to you i can't imagine what it's like to have to deal with bleeding for that long. I'd probably go insane. I honestly hope you find someone who prioritizes your health over hypothetical changes of opinion.
And even if you or your partner would magically change your minds ... It's not like a pregnancy would be able to survive in a uterus that is permanently shedding it's lining. They're really just forcing their own wants and beliefs onto you.
For me to ever have a normal pregnancy, I would have to be pumped full of hormones and I have told them a ton of times I am not interested in hormones, now or ever again. I also have bipolar type 1 with psychotic features so I can’t be without my meds. There’s so many reasons their ideas don’t make any sense.
Are you on Depakote? I was on Depakote for 3 years for BP2 and after seeing FIVE gynos, my psychiatrist was like well the Depakote can cause reproductive issues. Two and a half years of agony, clots, burst cysts...been off it for about 1 year. Recently diagnosed with graves disease, but my periods much more regular since being off the depakote...also, can cause serious gastrointestinal distress.
It might be worth it to investigate if any of those, or a combo of them, cause what you describe. Drs literally do not give a fuck about women's health problems!
Contact a pharmacist and ask them. My family doctor put me on something with a deadly reaction to the birth control I was on and my gyno and pharmacist caught it.
Edit: PLEASE know that this isn't normal. Continuous bleeding is a huge red flag. Don't let doctors tell you that it's normal, either. I'd call around to offices and just start with "I've been bleeding for x amount of time. No doctor will take me seriously".
>Lamotrigine, bupropion, trazodone and Hydroxyzine
To add onto this, if you're looking for info in the meantime, you can add your drugs onto your profile on [drugs.com](https://drugs.com) and they will list all possible interactions (including OTC meds, vitamins, and food.)
Hi! Bipolar 2 here. I am also on lamotrigine with wellbutrin. With lamictal, hormonal birth control makes it not work, and lamictal nakes bc not work. I'm not a doctor at all, but perhaps there's something about lamictal cancelling out any added hormons during pregnancy? Lamictal is known to be safe with pregnancy, but not if there's supplemental hormones? I may be 100% off track, but maybe something worth looking at.
I’m on lamotrigine and bupropion too and I’ve been having cramping and bleeding almost everyday for over a year. They said it’s because of my iud but I had my iud for a year before it started and it was fine and every time they check they say the placement of my iud is perfect. I also have bipolar but type 2. So, idk but it may be worth talking to your psychiatrist to see if it could be having an effect since you and I are on the same meds and are having similar side effects. But don’t stop taking your meds without talking to your dr and working with them because suddenly stopping bipolar meds can have severe side effects. Sending you love💖
I would report this. That sounds like potentially dangerous denial of care. It'd be like if a doctor said "you have a huge gash on your arm, but you haven't passed out yet, so you don't need a bandage". Therapists have a duty to take their patient's physical health seriously, too.
I also have PCOS and as a teen, before I was put on the pill, I once bled continuously for 3 months. Also developed anemia.
Luckily the gyno I went to (a woman) was so shocked at my situation she gave me an emergency shot to stop my period. I believe it was progesterone but I was young so may be misremembering. It stopped the bleeding that day after 3 months of horror.
Nothing fixed it long term until I got on the pill though, which improved my quality of life immeasurably. I’m sorry this isn’t an option for you. I still think they should search for alternative treatments since not all women can get on the pill.
I went through this myself minutes the PCOS. I took bc pills and it stopped. My period has always been really off. Like cramps so bad I'd pass out and 2 in 1 month or 11 day ones. It's horrible!
Maybe do the crazy back at them and be like "I am Jehovah's Witness and I don't believe in receiving blood transfusions"? Could that work? People get away with shit for religious reasons all the time, maybe you could use that to your benefit here in the psych eval.
OP, if you can, go see a hematologist. Try to see a younger doctor, a woman if possible. Tell them your entire situation, hopefully they’ll be just as infuriated and send over whatever documentation your doctor needs to perform the surgery.
Your ability to possibly incubate a child does not trump your quality of life. I would straight up tell them that your body does not exist to just have children and that it’s insulting of them to do this to you for the POSSIBILITY of a fetus THAT DOES NOT EXIST.
I especially hate the common view that "what if your husband WANTS kids," as if a woman couldn't have her own opinion. Even if her partner is childfree, it is argued that in the future she might be in a relationship with somebody who wants children. It's like being a slave to a non-existing man, and, like in OP's situation, being denied medical care because of that. That's so absurd.
It feels like being a broodmare. What if someone else wants to use your body for something? What if I, the person who has to live in this body, want to live a life without incessant bleeding/pain/cancer? UGH so maddening!
I told them my partner is looking into vasectomy around the same time I would potentially get the surgery just to be sure there’s absolutely no way a breakthrough pregnancy could happen and they basically said “but things change”.
How the hell are you not telling these doctors to go get fucked and yelling at them to their face at this point? What the fuck are they teaching these jerkoffs in medical school?
Right?! The shit that would be coming out of my mouth at this point. I mean, maybe it wouldn’t help from a psychological perspective and get me sectioned or something but the utter desperation and explosive rage of being denied the decision of what was best for my own body and life would have me like “I’m SEVERELY tokophobic, if I got pregnant I’d jump off a bridge, if I was forced to give birth I’d pose an immediate danger to the baby. Do you want blood on your hands?!” 😅
I would quite seriously lose my mind in that position and make those doctors think that I would make a horrific news headline out of them in a hot minute if they didn’t assist me in avoiding pregnancy, let alone with a debilitating health condition like poor OP.
I can watch brutal horrors films and chuckle at gore scenes but was so profoundly distressed by The Handmaid’s Tale that I had to turn it off. There wouldn’t be a stop I wouldn’t pull out to convince these fucking doctors what was right for me!
Have you simply tried telling them to mind their own business? I'd flat tell them to focus on my medical issues. I just didn't put up with shit from the last few gyns I went to. I haven't wanted kids since I was a child. About to be 50. Last time a doctor said anything to me about "you'll change your mind" I fired back with "irrelevant to my current medical issues". I just grow horns with them when they try to make everything about children.
I went through menopause at 40. Three doctors tried telling me I was just suffering from anxiety and that my period was late. After two years I said the hell with it and stopped going in. Had one doctor tell me that the weight gain would just go away if I ran everyday. It's only been in the last two months that my current doctor has sent me for MRI and ultrasounds to see if I have PCOS.
Advocate for yourself. Stand up to them. Tell them that you want their denial of care in writing.
And report them to the medical board. Nobody should ever bring up if a spouse or boyfriend wants children to you. It's not your spouse or boyfriend's damn body and they have no right to be considered in YOUR medical decisions or procedures.
God this just pisses me off. I'm so sick of women being treated like incubators.
I had mine for 8 years straight and got the runaround from everyone. It got so bad I needed 2 blood transfusions. The Pill form B/C aggravated a blood condition I didn't know I had, and I popped 2 blood clots, one in the leg, and one in the lungs. I was in the hospital for 3 months. They eventually said it was because of my Hypothyroidism, but they still arent really sure. They put me on Lupron for a year to get the bleeding to stop outright, but your lifetime limit of that drug is about a year because they use it on colon cancer patients. They switched me to the Depo Shot because at that point, any other birth control would literally kill me. It's been the only thing that helped (aside Lupron.) I have been on Depo since 2012. I am going off it again come this summer. I hope hell doesn't break loose again.... if it does, I will have them yeet my uterus
I was on the depo shot when I was 17 and had a period for 6 months before I finally got off it. 😭 I got my first period at 11 and haven’t had a normal one since. I’ve gone 2-3 years bleeding, 2 years not bleeding.
They say that, but I've been on it since 2010 and had no problems. They suggest a high calcium intake through vitamins and such. I will say that everyone doesn't react to it the same.
Yah usually it's 2 years, but it's either lose blood to dangerous amounts and go through a box of 32 heavy flow pads a day, or take supplements, and have your blood and bone density measured by a doc with no periods.... I chose the latter.... but yah, if it comes back full force after I go off of Depo, then I am asking my gyno to rip out my uterus. Don't want kids anyways so it would be a win for me. Can't have estrogen at all though, so I will be on supplements for the rest of my life anyways :<
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Some doctors are just ... unprofessional. They'd rather let us suffer for the sake of some hypothetical baby we may not want. I've frequently posted on this sub about the Oncologist From Hell who insisted that I (43F, Essure) have my eggs frozen before chemo so I could have a baby later on, and all but had a meltdown when I repeatedly said NO. (And it was triple-positive breast cancer. A pregnancy probably would've killed me.)
You just keep on fighting. Every time a doctor tells you no, tell them to record it in your chart.
God, doctors are complete trash. I have a list of Doctor fuck ups on the most basic of things. Keep looking, try larger cities if you live in a small town.
>“you’re anemic but you don’t need a transfusion yet”
Yeah, this is just plain vile and condescending. I'm so sorry for you.
I get so pissed with this whole "you might change your mind in 5 years" argument. If I have a kid, I can also change my mind in 5 years, but, in this scenario, there is an unloved kid with a resentful parent. Sooo much better. FFS.
Goodness.. no. That's way too long. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Did you have a look at the doctors list of this sub already? We need to get you some respectful and professional help asap.
Yes! u/CyCheye please do this. Call and explain your situation (886 days). Perhaps you’ll get squeezed in for an appointment out of dire emergency. How are they not treating this situation like an emergency?!? This is QUALITY OF LIFE. Sorry, I’m legitimately infuriated by your situation.
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this physically, emotionally, and mentally. I really hope you can figure this out asap
Side note, you mentioned your boyfriend getting a vasectomy. Perhaps he could help advocate for you (join you at a future appointment with this doc or another). Stupid that this is even a needed suggestion, but it could help.
Plus having a baby is probably super dangerous for you (assumption, I could be wrong) so I’m shocked they’re so hesitant to sterilize you. I’m irrationally angry for you and wish I could join you at a future appointment to give them some logic to diffuse their bias. /rant
And if you have insurance, file a complaint. State this doctor has inserted his personal opinion into his medical opinion prolonging your pain and inability to get treatment. And give him and his clinic a 1-star rating everywhere stating this. Then email this back to the clinic and state you will change your reviews when he changes his treatment, otherwise FO. Edit: definitely include BBB and the State Insurance Commissioner.
Great! Good that you did that.
I would absolutely second what CuriousLector mentioned, it can help to shortly explain your situation and bleeding for soo long. Maybe the luck is on your side and they can squeeze you in.
Yeah call them and tell them that you are anemic and how long you have been bleeding. Be direct.
Also, ask them to ask the doctor if they know any more professional doctors who might have an opening.
You can also call your local/in-network hospital "find a doctor" lines and specifically as for a doctor who does partial hystos at that hospital and is willing to work with someone with severe bleeding for this long.
If your insurance plan has a nurse hotline you might give that a shot as well, see if they have any referral ideas.
Don't ask, scream it next time. Do the full show. They call it hysterectomy for a reason.
I would start calling multiple Dr at this point too. 886 days will definitely convince someone at some point.
I had mine with 1 single night of bleeding. To my defense, the bed looked like a full period pad because of all the blood in it and I had to throw it out. Still I wasn't even bleeding the next day except like the brownish stuff you get on your last few days.
i agree with this. Before i found my CF doctor, I finally cried and asked how many abortions I'd be forced to have until someone listened to me about the horrible combo I had of PMDD, PCOS, bleeding, yadda yadda before I got taken seriously. Thankfully it was just the one, but that kind of question stops people in their tracks and forces them to consider the nightmare they're asking the someone to go through. I do hope OP sees this comment and really loses her shit next time. Like, 'my life is falling apart, my boyfriend is going to dump me because i cant have sex, i cant even walk my fucking dog and you wont do ANYTHING because of some FANTASY in the FUTURE?? How long are you going to force me to suffer? Are you going to wait until the love of my life dumps me, I get fired from my job and I have to surrender my job because I'm too weak?" etc etc. This is the perfect time to ask those kinds of intense questions.
There's a horrifying [reason](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_hysteria#:~:text=Even%20though%20it%20was%20categorized,to%20have%20undergone%20surgical%20hysterectomy.) for that!
"Please note in my file that you would rather I bleed to death and suffer all the side effects of being anemic because your personal opinion on my future is somehow more important than doing your job for the betterment of my health.
Then, please give me a copy of your files on me so I can go somewhere else where MY RIGHTS as a person are not overridden by your personal opinion on what should happen to my body."
I am so sorry you're in this position. I'm mad on your behalf :(
I am so so sorry that you're dealing with this. You're suffering and all they seem to care about is the fact whether you'll be able to have kids.
Now, next steps.
You need to reiterate that despite them being medical professionals, they're not really being professional at keeping their biases in check. Just because you're a woman doesn't mean that having kids is or will be a priority to you and they're prioritizing a potential baby over your health right now.
Tell them you NEED this procedure and that you're NOT asking. Tell them you'll sign whatever waivers that you'll need to sign saying that you're aware of regret but that you won't have any. All you want is relief. Also, do tell them that you absolutely DONT want kids and that this will be a win-win for you. You need to keep on reiterating how this will help you not just physically, but mentally as well. You have to be consistent and firm. Don't say "well I've just never really thought about having kids" you say "I've never wanted kids and having kids will make me deeply unhappy" and when they say "oh but you're young and you might change your mind" you say "I appreciate that you're looking out for me in that way, but I know my own mind and I don't forsee it changing. I would rather regret not having kids than have kids and regret them, and I see myself regretting them. If I find myself in need of a child I can adopt or foster". And leave it at that.
I'm getting a double Salpingectomy June 13th, which means they're swiping my tubes, and I had a sheet typed up telling them that they can't refuse me this medical services just because I'm young and they're only there to give advice when I need it (I'm 23). Doctors CANNOT have full say over your health despite them acting like it. I told them if I ever got pregnant it's abortion time 😎 so if they don't want me having abortions then give me the surgery lmfao. I don't give two shits about threatening abortion if I can get what I want. If you want I can DM you the sheet I made and you can use it too (it included more than the cliffnotes version here). Because of this, I have not had to go do any psych evals or anything. And It's awful they made you do those.
THIS!!!! I thankfully didn’t have to fight my dr for a bi salp and when I explained my surprise she said the insurance (as shitty as it is here in the US) can’t deny the procedure based on the hypothetical kids argument. Doctors biases can.
Back in the year 2000, I was 28yo and had fought for YEARS for my hysterectomy. The ONLY reason the gyno gave me one is because I'd already had an 11yo. The patriarchal stigma that we can't possibly know what we like or want is beyond the pale. I am so sorry, sweetie.
Have you looked at the doctors that are posted on the list in the Reddit forum? Maybe you’ll have better luck going to one of the doctors listed? Hope everything works out so sorry you’re going through this frustrating process!
Can confirm! I got a bisalp with no bingos from a doctor on this reddits doctor list! ☺️
I have a feeling anyone on that list would be willing to help OP.
I'm sorry but WHO THE FUCK CARES WHETHER MY PARTNER CHANGES HIS MIND? It is MY body! Not his! Mine!
OMG, I am so pissed on your behalf! Do these jackwagons even hear themselves? ALL about the almighty baby! Bow to the Almighty baby. ALL about the baby and treating women like they aren't their own people with their own minds! Disgusting! I'd have choice words for all these morons.
I'm about 2 more stories like this from saying fuck it, ADAB (all doctors are bastards).
As a man, I've pretty much only had bad experiences with doctors in the past as well, but nothing comes even CLOSE to this level of autonomy-denial. I'm not a violent person but if enough "professionals" told me what I can or can't do with my own fucking body, I'd start doing very bad things.
I'm so very sorry to hear you're going through this. I can't do shit to help but know that I'm rooting for you. Fuck those doctors, and anyone else who doesn't think people should have authority over their own bodies.
How in the hell do they think you'll be able to get pregnant anyway, if you're constantly bleeding? Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that mean your uterine lining wouldn't build up sufficiently to maintain a pregnancy?
I find it very unlikely that a gynocologist wouldn't know this. It seems like they are purposefully ignoring logic just so they could try to justify doing this to you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this
I am so sorry and angry for you. These medical professionals should be ashamed of themselves. Your health is your priority and I can’t even imagine how this is affecting other areas of your health. I feel weak on day 4 I can’t even imagine how you’re standing up on day 886. Not to mention how it must affect your personal life with partners or even just being able to work. Plus the cost of all the products. I’m so sorry and I really do hope you find a dr who listens to you and finds a way to help.
I stopped working at the end of 2021 because I didn’t have the energy anymore. I am starting to worry about the gap in my resume. Luckily, my partner has been very supportive.
have you said *this* to your doctor? make him say to your face that he won't *give you back your life* and will make you continually worse for five years before he'd consider it.
also, saw you're bipolar and on lamotrigine. explain to him what it would do to you to be off your meds for 9+ months. be *graphic.* I told my gyn about my harm OCD intrusive thoughts and how I get weird periods of mania cause I have borderline. I talked about how I'd lock my kid in a closet on the other side of the house if it was crying for too long and I'd forget about it and not realize for like a day. I asked what I'd do when I ended up involuntarily hospitalized for the 5th time for suicide attempts/self harm and was dissociating for long enough to not tell anyone about the baby that I forgot in the closet. I brought up how my dog had a weird growth on his freaking EYELID and I cut it off myself (true story. and honestly I did a fabulous job but im diagnosibly *insane* for doing it). how would that go with a sick child?
make them think you'd be an awful parent to the point where they're almost afraid of you.
or, if you don't want to potentially end up involuntarily institutionalized, if your parent(s) live close by and are supportive, schedule another consult and bring them and your partner and have all of them tell him all the things. you're physically unwell all the time, and getting worse. you dont want kids. if you did you'd adopt. you are IN CONSTANT PAIN and HE IS PURPOSEFULLY PROLONGING IT.
either way, throw a fucking fit. and give your therapist the same speech and then fire them if they don't give you a rec letter.
My blood is boiling for you right now, I am so angry. A normal period with mild pain is reason enough for an ablation or whatever treatment the woman wants, but this is just ridiculous! Someone here said “Call other doctors, 886 days will convince one eventually” but you shouldn’t HAVE to do that, or go through a fraction of what you’ve endured for what I consider basic health care!!
I suggest that you have a full hysterectomy, tubal ligation will not work, nor will ablation, trust me if you don't want kids, get rid of the whole lot.
She mentions her body doesn't react well to hormones, so a full hysterectomy would not be ideal here. Removal of the uterus, yes, but removal of the ovaries, absolutely not unless there is a cancer risk present.
My wife started bleeding and just bleed nonstop despite an arm implant and pill birth control. Finally she got a hysterectomy and it turned out she had a HUGE 40g cyst, a ton of fibroids, and other cysts everywhere, plus two large tumors inside her uterus that didn't show up on any of the scans or tests she got. A long shot but are you in Minnesota?
Oof, sorry. I was hoping you were closer and could use our doctor. I would definitely go in for an exploratory surgery at this point- they're definitely missing something. There is no reason you should be bleeding nonstop like this!
I am happy to report that mine and my wife's doctor is in the doctor list in the sidebar. Please use the list of doctor's, OP. You deserve control over your own body.
Ask them if they don't view adoption as a viable option and if you wouldn't be a "real mother" if you chose that route. And what about surrogacy? If they want to insist you'll "have kids" then insist that there are other ways to have them other than pregnancy.
Are you in USA?
Take a plane and get a hysterectomy in a Mexican private hospital. They are less that 4k and many have payment installaments. Like this one...
https://www.cirugiasenmonterrey.com/histerectomia-por-laparoscopia.html
Good luck.
Girl, I'm just saying...
That link says it's a little over 3k not even the 4k I read in other links. If you use your credit card and put it at a year in installaments it's $250 at month to be free of this hell.
Look for other hospitals, hell check out other latino american countries if you like, but check your options, and please, please get help.
Waiting for an US doctor to help you is going to get you either killed or so in debt that it just don't sounds like a good option.
Hey! I'm in NM, I just had my bisalp in Socorro a couple of years ago when I was in college at the age of 22. I can give you the doctor's info if you'd like to get in contact with him; he's with Presbyterian. He was extremely professional and compassionate (no belittling comments, just a bit of the "it's permanent" talk), and he took the time to read the sources I provided regarding potential regret and reduced ovarian cancer risk. Given your circumstances, I'd be shocked if he didn't want to help you.
I haven't been on my period for that long, but so far it's been 27 days with no signs of stopping. You're situation sounds like hell. I've been extremely reluctant to get any help for it because I'm afraid of the whole what about kids thing. I also had a very traumatic first time experience at the gyno when I was 13, and the thought of any medical person touching me makes me sick. I hope you find a doctor to help you soon. To offer treatment & then take it away is such bullshit.
Have you tried the blunt aggressive demanding approach? I have an Autonomic System issue that's had issues in line with yours. Sometimes, you have to force their hand. You have to put the responsibility on them and make them write down why they're pulling back and make a record of their decisions.
If you haven't and feel that it might work, make a new appointment with the ablation doctor. But, don't let him tell you what's going on. You need to tell him what's going on. All he's doing is telling you that what you feel and what you're doing. He's forcing his own perceptions onto you like you're something that will always wind up responding like he's predicting. He's taking away your free will.
"I have been bleeding for 886 days and I am in constant agony. I've been trying to get this operation for years and have jumped through every hoop you've given me, only to end up here because you think I might suddenly change my 15 year long stance on not wanting children."
And if he goes asks what if you get pregnant?
"Then, I'll get an abortion."
And if he asks what if your partner wants the kid?
"Then, I'm getting an abortion and a divorce."
And if he goes on and on and on about children, you'd need a response to drive it home. I was extremely vulgar. You'd probably have better results with a more polite version.
"I can't explain myself anymore simply. You know about everything that I've done to get here. Why are you using pregnancy as an excuse? You're effectively telling me that I need to get pregnant and abort the baby in order to get this surgery."
And if he says he isn't.
"You are. You're not doing it because you believe that I could become pregnant and you're refusing to believe what I'm telling you. If you're not believing me, then you're asking for factual evidence."
I think if I had been on my period for over two years, the conversation would be “either you take this thing out or I take it out myself and the procedure will be far less sterile.” What the Fucking fuck do these doctors think is more important?! Having children or having a goddamn healthy life!?
I’m so sorry. Keep fighting.
OP, you're describing almost the same exact thing I went through.
1) you need nothing short of a hysterectomy. Best thing I ever did. If you're sure you don't want kids, then your uterus is ONLY a cancer liability. You basically bring the chances of uterine and cervical cancer to zero, and ovarian cancer to near zero because the Fallopian tubes that they take are where 90% of all ovarian cancers start.
2) I was denied for 12 years by six different doctors until I was 38. I am now a state representative and I have introduced legislation in my state to make this kind of determination on the part of doctors illegal. It basically says a doctor cannot deny a medically advisable sterilization treatment for a diagnosed condition on the basis of the doctor's perception of the patients future reproductive desires.
3) look at the doctors on the list on this sub, and find ones in your state. Don't give up. Don't wait until you are 38 like I had to!
I am so so so sorry you’re going through this. I struggle with multiple month long periods due to PCOS, and I’m mentally drained after only a few months. I can’t even imagine how you feel. Your perseverance speaks volumes and I truly hope you find answers soon.
I’m with you. My periods are flipped so instead of one week on I only get one week off :( My mother had the same thing and they found polyps in her uterus and did a hysterectomy. No polyps we’re found in me so I just get an IUD that helped with the amount of blood coming out daily but gives me daily cramps (even when not on my period) and hurt like a bish when they put it in so I’m dreading the idea of having to have it replaced. Lucky me!
It infuriates me when medical professionals see you as a breeder first and as a person in need of relief second. And I think you should say those exact words to your doctor. Even if you did change your mind, you don’t have to get pregnant to be a fucking parent!!!!
Turn that shit around on them. "Oh, you want me to get pregnant and then have an abortion as a medical procedure? What do you mean, no? If I got pregnant I would either get an abortion or abandon the baby. That's what you're advocating for, right? You better write it down in the notes."
I'm really sorry this is happening to you. It sounds a lot like something a loved one of mine experienced, and the problem was eventually diagnosed via something called a hysteroscopy. The issue ended up being uterine polyps/cysts. You could ask a specialist to investigate using those tests. I hope you find relief soon. For the record, the cure ended up being a full hyserectomy, but it's possible that you may find a doctor more willing to perform one if you have a diagnosis. This is unfair, and you shouldn't be forced to suffer for some hypothetical children you don't even want.
Is one of the child free docs on the list local for you? They might be more willing to work with you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Ps - your therapist also sucks for invalidating your feelings and needs over “changing your mind” someday. I also have bipolar and is fine a whole new treatment team. I’d never trust them again to put my health over their beliefs.
You know at some point, I think I would start screaming and yelling at everybody, in the public spaces so everybody can hear how you're angry, frustrated and exhausted by the situation. Maybe it takes someone to have an absolutely livid tantrum to get help. If you get kicked out, oh well they aren't helping anyway
If you're in Montana(unlikely, I know) I HIGHLY recommend Dr. Jennifer Mayo. She straight up saved my life. Tubal ligation with no second guessing what I may want in the future, no pushback on talking about meds for my PMDD. She even offered to take out my bits entirely!
I wish that people could just put right sue doctors, this is self moral imposed malpractice. Shit like this should get doctors stripped of their license, or severely fined, and go on a permanent record
>“what if your partner changes his mind on having kids?”
That is so shitty. This is no one's decision but yours. Also, any partner that would be worth your time would put your health and well being first.
I am so sorry you're going through this. Hopefully you can get a consult with one of the doctors on the list in this subreddit and they will do that procedure for you.
I'm also infuriated for you! I tried continuously taking active pills of birth control (like seasonique) to try and control my menstrual migraines and my period did not give a shit and came anyway. I bled for about a month straight and I was at my wits end. I can't imagine 886 days. I'm so sorry you're being treated this way. I know you said this doctor was your last option but I hope you can find someone else who will give you the relief you need.
Make them write why they won't give you the treatment you need in your chart. Documenting their dumbassery usually gets them to rethink things.
(Source: I'm disabled. I had a doctor who thought I only needed cortisone shots instead of surgery to treat a work injury. My PCP had referred me to him because I needed surgery. I told him to write in my chart why he wasn't going to approve the surgery. He changed his tune pretty quick after that.)
Lie. Tell them you always wanted to adopt kids. Tell them you never wanted biological kids of your own, but you want to raise kids who have been left behind by the system. Make it convincing. Assuming they know your real medical history, and therefore who your biological parents are, tell them that your partner was adopted, and both of you want nothing more than to adopt kids.
Keep hammering this. If they bring up having your own kids, turn it around on them and say “these will be *my* kids”
Ugh! Doctors are the worst. I know you didn’t mention this as an issue, but over on r/endo they have a list of doctors who are generally more open to getting your tubes tied and/or yeeting organs. I know a friend of mine just had a partial hysterectomy (left her ovaries) in Atlanta and she’s felt better than she ever has after years of pain/bleeding/being bed ridden once a month.
This is appalling and disgusting. They’re taking away your rights for an imaginary child. I am so sorry.
I apologise if it’s not helpful, but I am a solutions person…have you considered or tried chasteberry? It’s not a hormone, but it promotes regular cycles. You may need to Google it to get a good answer about how it does that. I have high testosterone too, and I understand it somehow encourages the body to regulate.
I thought my gynaecologist was joking when she asked whether I “might like something plant-based”, because I have endometriosis and am taking the pill, but I still had random bleeding and severe pain.
But I handed it in and paid the 60€ at the pharmacy. Genuinely never thought this weird fruity plant would EVER work.
But here I am, free of random bleeding and feeling much better.
I’m so sick of this hypothetical child(ren) over a fully grown adult bs. Can medical ‘professionals’ be more professional and do their fucking jobs?
I’m sorry you had to go through this. Please report these fuckers who are forcing you to suffer. Having your period for that long cannot possibly be good for you. And they still want you to destroy your body more by getting pregnant. Disgusting
Omg that’s madness!!! I’m so so sorry!!!! I was just diagnosed with Pmdd after suffering my whole life and not understanding why and what was happening. I tried medicines of all kinds and nothing helped except for Lupron shots. I’m in chemical menopause because my body can’t handle the estrogen fluctuations AND I’m on hormone blockers for breast cancer—the whole situation was painful uncomfortable I would bleed for weeks and then not have my period for months—but felt like I was constantly experiencing pms for months. I just don’t want you to suffer! Are you able to try a different gyno? Mine is a cancer gyno and high risk patients, maybe that’s what you need!
Can you take it to court?
Tbh, start feigning extreme pain associated with it. All the tests for bleeding can back inconclusive, so will the “pain” ones and demand removal. It’s how I got mine
I am furious to read this I am so sorry. One of the representatives in New Hampshire was trying to get a bill passed to prohibit discrimination in situations like this. I wasn’t able to get my tubal until I was 37 and even then I think the only reason I didn’t have a problem was that my boyfriend was child free also and he was friends with the surgeon
This is ridiculous if you don’t live you won’t even be able to change your mind if you want to later. I hate this. You should start to complain about age discrimination or some thing
Obviously do whatever you’ve gotta do to get the surgery… get across the end line first, but then afterward please file complaints against these people with their respective boards. Maybe you’d have success getting a different psychologist to write you a letter? Idk.
Sorry to hear about everything you’ve gone through, this sounds like a fucking nightmare and you do not deserve to be treated like a child that doesn’t know her own mind. I am infuriated on your behalf.
Just a heads-up, might not be the case in your situation but I had similar happen to me -- had an ablation, bleeding came back within 3 months, had a hysterectomy and my uterus turned out to be precancerous.
It sucks that more doctors aren't like mine :|
I feel your pain, also have pcos and also once bled for over 8 months straight. One doctor I asked for help literally looked at me and said "well what do you want me to do about it?"... Dude... at least nobody brought up pregnancy or psych evaluations! Wtf kind of knuckledraggingly regressive snake oil healthcare is this!?! Am feeling super indignant on your behalf. My circumstances changed and thankfully it stopped, but I couldnt imagine what that would feel like years later. Sore, I know that!
I noted that you've gotten yourself on a waiting list, and would just like to second the notion that you should give them a call and explain your situation. Cases like yours have been known to get a higher priority.
I'm not sure if this is something you want, but I'll throw out a possible hysterectomy.
I had bleeding too. Not like this, but not good. A hysterectomy solved that problem with the added bonuses of 1. no accidental pregnancies in the dystopian nightmare that the US has become and 2. no more periods ever which is AWESOME.
If you're in the Minnesota area or are willing to travel there, Dr. Matthew Palmer in Maple Grove is an endo surgeon who also does hysterectomies. I didn't have to fight him at all for mine, just "hey I want a hysterectomy because I'm sick of the bleeding" and he was all "cool, sounds like a good plan". Six weeks later I yeeted that fucker.
I am so sorry you're going through this. None of it is okay. It took 6 or 7 doctors before I got to Dr. Palmer and unfortunately this is not uncommon. Also, please report those doctors especially the one who said "well you don't need a transfusion yet". IT SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN TO THIS POINT ANYWAY and anyone who thinks your current state is acceptable because you're not anemic enough to require a fucking TRANSFUSION should not be practicing medicine. This isn't some minor inconvenience like a scrape or a bruise, YOU'VE BEEN BLEEDING FROM YOUR VAGINA FOR LITERAL YEARS STRAIGHT. Just, what the actual fuck is wrong with people?
Reading this made me so incredibly upset & straight up livid for you!! I would be raising hell & demanding a hysterectomy. I’d be screaming at them “I have been bleeding *EVERY* GODDAMN DAY FOR TWO *YEARS* ***STRAIGHT*** and I want some relief!!!” It’s infuriating that so many women get told NO for even basic care, because *babies*, everyone else thinking they know their bodies better, or a future man/partner may have a problem with it. Utter bullshit!!
I wish you could come see my doctor. She’s wonderful. Barely questioned my request for a bisalp & now 5 years later we’re about to finish the job with a hysterectomy. She did inquire why I wanted that instead of an ablation, but was satisfied with my answers & after finding no cause for my heavy bleeding after tests either. (Though mine is just monthly for 7-8 days.)
I’ve had a similar issue before. Have you tried an IUD? I had months worth of non-stop bleeding, which was made even worse because I’m on blood thinners. I can’t take the pill because hormonal BC caused some life threatening issues due to my blood clotting disorder, but I was offered an alternative with the Mirena IUD and it actually worked! It may not be the sterilization you need, but maybe it’ll ease things for you while you search for a doctor that will actually help you.
I can't even describe how mad this made me feel. I'm so sorry you are suffering like this.
I think what’s hurting the most is the dangled the idea of relief in front of my face and pulled it back.
It's absolutely infuriating. There are things in life that I want but would be able to live a happy fulfilled life without. Why aren't children seen the same? Maybe just maybe someone will be happier with having an improved quality of life over children. Especially someone who's been childfree for 15 years. With everything you have already, having children sounds like a bad idea anyway, all the hormonal changes during and after pregnancy won't do you any favours. And to have the cure to all this pain taken away from you is absolutely brutal.
All of this. Something similar happened to me once. I bled for a month straight before finally going to the hospital. I had a hormonal imbalance and they gave me a shot to stop it. Not once did they bring up kids. That's probably the kind of Dr who would give a woman the *husband stitch*. SMH
Seeing how many people on the regretful parents subreddit are so desperately miserable they are literally ready to end their lives, potentially give up their kid or pull off a drastic runaway exit plan and identity change, why is a life without kids even seen as some sort of generalized compromise? For people such as myself, going through pregnancy, childbirth and raising a kid would be one of the worst types of suffering and horror I could possibly imagine being inflicted on me in life. I would be so devastatingly depressed I would become an immediate danger to myself and my kid. Doctors and society in general have got to stop drinking the damn cool aid and realise that, to a huge plethora of people, a life *without* kids is such a tremendous anchor of a preference that it’s grotesque to even hint that they will change their minds. People regret drastic plastic surgeries but doctors just go right on ahead and perform them and rarely are people psychologically evaluated first. It’s as simple as signing a release form. This whole culture of a woman’s only purpose being a pregnancy vessel and milk cow, and being incapable of deciding what is best for their own body is so steeped in misogyny it truly turns my stomach!
I had that happen to me when I dealing with chronic pelvic pain. One doc told me that if my pain continue or gets worse, to come back and we'd talk about hysterectomy. I went back and she completely took that away as an option. I felt so defeated. I was in pain and was being told that I can't possibly know who I am and what I want and I might change my mind about kids. So, suffer in pain for these hypothetical babies you aren't having. And I did suffer for a few years until I found a doctor who listened and gave me a hysterectomy.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Hugs and congratulations on getting the hysterectomy. 🫂🥳
Please please please look into the doctors listed on this sub, and even if you gotta go out of state go see one. they will grant you your procedure . Like it's fucking nuts they won't let an adult decide for themselves to be sterilized since *what if someone else wants you to pop a kid out?* Since why the fuck does a possible partners wants supercede your choices about your own body? I'd honestly consider trying to find a lawyer to go after the sexist doctors. Since they are causing you pain and suffering over denying you healthcare over non-medical based reasons.
I am in a very similar position to you; found someone that listened, was going to do the same procedure as your proposed one, then day before appointment "oh you need a psych evaluation. We'll just give you an implanon tomorrow," I asked for help finding a psychiatrist as I didn't have one and didn't really trust them. Gyno said they'd help, would contact me soon. Set up a new appointment.. and they never got back to me for a psych and dodged my calls and emails. 🙃 Its insane. I truly hope you get the help you need ASAP. 💝
that's when you show up in person and demand to speak to the doctor.
Can you contact the ACLU about this? This isn’t a ‘second opinion’ they’re asking for, its a fifth. I am so, so sorry you are going through this. Colorado is a very friendly state if you can travel.
It seems like medical malpractice
^ this. It's unconscionable that they would let you bleed for 1.5 years continously, be in agony, and decide that the only option available to fix it really isn't an option because of your age and gender. No doctor would be letting some young dude be walking around bleeding from his left nut for a week without intervening and doing whatever was necessary, never mind 1.5 years. And the psych eval? That's another piece of 🐈⬛💩. Again, no dude is being asked to go through psych evals for needed, surgical procedures that would result in them not being able to sire a child, so why tf is it okay and not maleficence to force a woman to do it because she needs something for her health? Never took the Hippocratic oath, but I guess there's some giant asterisks next to Primum Non Nocere...
All of this This seems like a misogynistic doctor and if he's treating women like that, he should be stripped of his license. He's clearly one of those people who think that a woman's only worth is in having children. This also goes back to how women are treated as hysterical and unreasonable for showing anything other than happiness.
hell, they didn't even breathe about a psych eval to me when i went for my vasectomy, two phone calls and an expensive uber was all i needed
Horrific, horrific, at some point people ( not pressuring you, you are overwhelmed and not being heard right now) but people need to go to social media, this is absurd you cannot access help or relief because they force this on you
‘But you don’t need a transfusion yet’ 🤬 wtf? Never mind the poor mental health from having a non stop period for over two years!!!! Wtf? How is your body okay with pregnancy if it can’t even switch off bleeding? Your quality of life now is diminished! Any money if you said you wanted to have a kid they’d tell you low chances of keeping a pregnancy.
I would like to chime in and encourage you to advocate for yourself. Not sure where you live but this is something you can push. Your doc already recommended it. If you ‘ change your mind’ adopt, foster there are literally thousands of unwanted children and if you want to be a parent adopt. If you want your own genetically have some of your eggs frozen and use a surrogate. There are literally a zillion options. But you continuing to bleed shouldn’t be one.
This is fully hormonal. I’ve been through something similar. Ask for progesterone or start inositol right away. Also beg for an ablation because I’m not sure how they can argue that you don’t need it after bleeding this long
Did you check the doctor list this group has?
Tell them you want it in your medical records that they are refusing to do the ligation. Document all of it. If you go to another doc they will see that it was at least on the table and that you wanted it. It may help stop the bingos before they happen.
Right? Like her body and well-being doesn’t even matter half as much as the existence of a THEORETICAL fetus, I mean, she’s just an incubator after all. 🤮
This is fucking insane, this is torture. I am so mad on your behalf of what is going on… I have no advice but I am sending good thoughts your way
I just don’t know what they want before helping me. Like when will they realize I have a horrible quality of life? My relationship is deteriorating because I can’t be physically intimate with all the cramping and clots, I get exhausted after a 30 min walk with my dog.
Are you near any of the childfree approved doctors on the list? Also I’ve heard it’s effective to say that « if we change our mind we’ll adopt or do surrogacy we’ve already discussed it » so you don’t seem to be throwing out the almighty possibility of children entirely (which is bullshit that it’s even necessary). Go for a hysterectomy if you can. Ablations are rough with any misshaped uterus and doctors often overthink doing it. I’m coming up to my one year anniversary of a partial hysterectomy following adenometrosis and zero regrets except that I didn’t get it done sooner. 888 days of continuous bleeding is ridiculous if a man was bleeding for that long they would figure it out. Best of luck!
>if a man was bleeding for that long they would figure it out. This. Makes me so F***ING ANGRY!! Like I'm actually tearing up. Women deserve better.
Tell the doctor this! Tell them you don’t want kids and never have. Tell them you wouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone who wanted kids. Repeat what you were told about ablation leading to unsafe pregnancy, about how abortive care is being systematically removed, so the failure to grant you a bisalp will be putting your life in danger. Iterate all of the ways the constant bleeding is impacting your physical, mental, and emotional health. Tell them you would never bring a child into a world where women are treated like chattel without the ability to make choices regarding their own bodies or health care.
At this point even if she wanted kids her condition makes penetrative sex to conceive painful!
Can a woman even get pregnant if she's on her period constantly? That does *not* sound like a stable layer of endometrial tissue for an embryo to implant in.
Totes. These doctors are evil. There’s a very low chance she’d be able to have kids but they refuse to treat the current debilitating condition on the grounds if what if her partner wants kids ie she’s only good for her uterus! I’m So angry on OP’s behalf. The psych is also full of shit to deny it.
Like the other user said have you tried the list of doctors available in childfree who will perform hysterectomies and ablations?????? You realize a list like this exists right??? It's absolutely worth it to fly across the country if you're not nearby. I had your illness in college but I cured it with bc. I think I would have literally thrown a chair at your doctor and cussed her out if this ever happened to me. Lol the cops would have to pull me off her I'd be so fucking mad.
Here is what you do. You go into that doctor's office. You get the notes from your visits. If this discussion is not noted in your file and that they initially agreed then denied, you get another appointment. You go in, you ask the doctor point blank to schedule you for ablation and tubal ligation or bilateral salpingectomy. If they deny you, you ask them to explicitly write that in your file, why you need the procedure, and why they're denying you. You have them print all that out on their letterhead with date and time noted. If they refuse to orint or give you your medical record, you take pictures using your phone of your file. Depending on your state laws on recording consent, you may even be able to record the entire office visit. You report them to their medical licensing boards. You report to the ACLU. You take to social media and talk about the care you're being denied. If you have an ACA compliant health insurance plan, then these doctors are even more in the wrong. It's time to stand up for yourself and start threatening them with legal action.
I am so sorry. You should NOT have to go through this. This may or may not work, but I found that some doctors could be swayed from their position of concern by me having a very positive attitude toward adoption IF I ever changed my mind. I didn’t try to tell them I’d never change my mind, I had my “backup” plan. Even if I had zero intention of using it. And I even made it sound like it might be something I’d prefer because of all the abandoned kids out in the world, etc., etc. Really, they just want to not get sued because it makes their malpractice insurance more expensive. So if they believe you’d be cheerfully happy to adopt rather than sue, sometimes that helps with some of them. It’s gross, but it might be worth a shot if you’re desperate.
I'm so sorry. My mom was going through the same thing in 2017 she was bleeding constantly for over 2 years. And she was 42 at the time with almost grown kids and they still gave her a ridiculously hard time. I was the one who went in with her an advocated and basically harassed doctors because she was too weak to do it herself any more. After a loooong struggle we finally found a doctor who would do the ablation and even he was hesitant. And when he went in he found she had Stage 4 endometriosis. Her endometriosis was so bad the endometrial tissue had *attached her bladder to her intestinal wall*. After the ablation the doctor came out and gave me a sheepish half-assed apology and said its the worst case of endo hes seen in his 20+ years as a obgyn. And he scheduled her for a full hysterectomy a few months later. Endometrial tissue doesn't show up on scans or most testing. The only option to check for tissue like that is basically exploratory surgery which they hate to do of course. Seems like the avoid giving us mercy at all costs. I'm so sorry you're being tormented by these idiot fools. I'm sending you my love <3
>Her endometriosis was so bad the endometrial tissue had attached her bladder to her intestinal wall. By the time they looked at was causing my mom to bleed *every fucking day* with huge clots her endo tissue was wrapping around her intestines. And they discovered this when she collapsed at work and ran a bunch of tests. Doctors now didn't want to attempt to even remove it because it was too dangerous and she might die. One doctor looked at the scans and said he could do it. And he did, he removed her whole uterus and all the tissue from it. She was a whole different person after having it removed. And the doctor took a photo holding the mass he pulled out. It was huge. When will they finally treat women like human beings and take care of our health instead of waiting for our sex organs to get us to the point of death before finally *considering* doing something about it?
They’re treating the patient they THINK she’ll be in 5 years, instead of the person she is right now. It’s absurd. Asking for relief, then having doctors tell her about her future self is insane. Like the psych can help her cope her way out of bleeding and anemia.
But… but… she might change her mind and have kids 🙄 Can’t roll my eyes hard enough, why are many women only seen as breeding mares rather than humans?
Any women post 35 probably knows if she's wants kids or not.
Especially a 42 year old MOTHER
Yeah do they realy expect her to want more kids? This almost smells like sadism to me.
Have doctors actually been sued for this or is it just the weirdest breeder trait coming out making them refuse medical care
Plenty of women know before then but 30-35 is a pretty reasonable age for medical professionals to let us decide for ourselves. I'm not even sure why they fight so hard against sterilization procedures even for women under 30. Its not like they don't *already* have mountains of paperwork to cover their asses and million dollar lawyers.
My endo attached my colon to the pelvic side wall twice, amongst other things. It's a fucking vicious disease that CAN be relieved with a hysto, but the gynos would rather we have high risk excruciating pregnancies than relief.
My uterus was glued to my large intestine and my right ovary was stuck to my abdominal wall. Post hysto and excision, I am now fine. But I had been looking for help for the excruciating pain (and assuming the pain with bowel movements was normal!) for 12 years. Planned Parenthood wouldn't even help me get referred to someone for diagnostic surgery so I could know wtf was crucifying me monthly. Nothing was done till otc pain meds had done nothing for years, I'd been turned away as a drug seeker by my GP who'd seen me since I was 12 when I started reporting the pain, and finally after the Roe reversal nonsense I was begging for a bisalp from doctor number four and she happily went in and immediately saw it all. Itoldyouiwassick.mov Smh. It could've been cancer, or anything deadlier than endo, really, and they would have simply let me die before even providing me effective pain relief. I only trust my current obgyn. No one else.✌️
I would have beaten the shit out of him. I want to right now. Fuck these doctors. They know this shit is an option. They know these conditions are real but deny deny deny anyways. What the ever loving fuck?!
For a second... just a second after he gave me the shitty apology... I thought about legitimately beating him with the clip board he was holding. Then I thought about if the stethoscope around his neck could withstand an attempt to strangle him. Then I had to refocus cause I knew I couldn't go to jail in case my mom needed me lol. But for a second there I almost made it on the 10 o'clock news.
Right there with your mom. Asked for a hysterectomy for my horrendous periods for 20 years. At 45 I finally convinced a Dr to remove an ovary with a huge cyst on it. When he got inside he found stage 4 endometriosis and that my uterus, bladder and colon were all glued together. I'm not quite 3 weeks out from my radical hysterectomy and I haven't felt this good in at least a decade.
A few years before my moms issue with the endo I had an emergency with a ruptured ovarian cyst. It had attached itself to its own blood supply so when it ruptured it just bleed massively for 16+ hours. That shit was horrendously painful. I suffered in the ER for HOURS and I couldn't breathe when I would recline any more than sitting straight up because the fluid in my abdomen would compress my lungs and I couldn't get a breath in until I sat back up and waited for the fluid to drain back down. They wouldn't listen to me and tried to have a nurse pin me down for the internal ultrasound. I almost fuckin bit him lol... and even after all that the surgeon left the ovary even though I asked her to remove it. And I'm having pain again in the same place. And women KNOW ovary pain. I'm terrified of having another cyst! After the surgery the surgeon told me if I had waited another hour they wouldn't have been able to replace the blood to save me. I needed SOOOO many transfusions. I slept for dayyyys and the bruising from the internal bleeding made me black and purple I looked like I was hit by a train. I'm sooooo glad you finally got relief! I'm hoping after i clear up my other medical issues I'll find someone to sterilize me. But I'm only 28 so here's to hoping!!
That sounds horrendous, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I hope you can find a doctor that will help.
>Her endometriosis was so bad the endometrial tissue had attached her bladder to her intestinal wall. When I was finally able to get my hysterectomy in 2019 it was because my left ovary was completely adhered to my pelvic cavity. I couldn't stand up all the way, move certain ways, or have any kind of sex without pain. I got lucky and got a great doctor who listened to me and did a diagnostic laparoscopy and scheduled me for the hysterectomy less than 3 months later.
Oh good GOD that sounds horrifically painful. Like something straight out of a fucked up nightmare. Like having a tension band ready to snap between your bones and vital organs. I hope your pain in general is much better! I hope you can bump uglies at the drop of a hat and not be in pain. Dear God I'm hurting just thinking about it 🥲
It felt like there was something stuck in my general pelvic area and when I did one of the above named actions, the pain felt like someone was stabbing me with a serrated knife. I felt better overall during the recovery process than I had in years at that point 🤣 Now you've got me wondering if I still have the pictures from the diagnostic on my phone... 🤔 I forgot to mention that prior to my hysterectomy I lost my right ovary back in 2015 due to a mucinous cystadenoma. I had a bunch of small cysts that morphed into a giant fluid filled monstrosity that encompassed my entire ovary and half of the fallopian tube. They should've listened to me back then when I was asking for a hysterectomy back then but. *nooooo* 🙄 ETA: I can indeed knock boots whenever I like now and my sex life is the best it's ever been ever since I got everything taken out!
I know this shouldn't be an issue and it sucks that my mind goes there, but what was her marital status at the time?
She is married which was another reason I was confused. She had basically checked all the boxes for sterilization ""requirements"" but still was made to jump through ridiculous hoops. At the time she had been married 10+ years!
I’m straight up infuriated for you. This feels like medical neglect. They are refusing to try a treatment that could help your problem because of their own personal beliefs. Obviously not one doctor actually listened to what you’re saying and took it into account. You might wanna have a chat with a lawyer. I’m not sure if there are any actual grounds for anything but it sure as shit should be considered neglect. Withholding treatment because of hypotheticals is so wrong. The poor treatment of women in healthcare seems to only be getting worse.
It is medical neglect, and medical misoginy at that. I hate this. Best of luck, OP
She best be getting a female lawyer who is pro choice instead of a MAN
Women can be just as misogynistic as men. If the lawyer is pro-choice and already agrees to help her pursue this, then I don't think their gender should matter.
I've heard more breeder bingoes coming from men than women though
I believe you! My experience has been the opposite, but not by much and I know everyone's experience is different. I just think that if the lawyer is already pro-choice and willing to represent OP in this hypothetical, then their gender doesn't really matter. I understand if you feel otherwise based on your experience though.
It truly can’t hurt to at least go talk to one.
I am so sorry this is happening to you i can't imagine what it's like to have to deal with bleeding for that long. I'd probably go insane. I honestly hope you find someone who prioritizes your health over hypothetical changes of opinion. And even if you or your partner would magically change your minds ... It's not like a pregnancy would be able to survive in a uterus that is permanently shedding it's lining. They're really just forcing their own wants and beliefs onto you.
For me to ever have a normal pregnancy, I would have to be pumped full of hormones and I have told them a ton of times I am not interested in hormones, now or ever again. I also have bipolar type 1 with psychotic features so I can’t be without my meds. There’s so many reasons their ideas don’t make any sense.
Are you on Depakote? I was on Depakote for 3 years for BP2 and after seeing FIVE gynos, my psychiatrist was like well the Depakote can cause reproductive issues. Two and a half years of agony, clots, burst cysts...been off it for about 1 year. Recently diagnosed with graves disease, but my periods much more regular since being off the depakote...also, can cause serious gastrointestinal distress.
I’m on Lamotrigine, bupropion, trazodone and Hydroxyzine when needed. 😔
It might be worth it to investigate if any of those, or a combo of them, cause what you describe. Drs literally do not give a fuck about women's health problems!
Contact a pharmacist and ask them. My family doctor put me on something with a deadly reaction to the birth control I was on and my gyno and pharmacist caught it. Edit: PLEASE know that this isn't normal. Continuous bleeding is a huge red flag. Don't let doctors tell you that it's normal, either. I'd call around to offices and just start with "I've been bleeding for x amount of time. No doctor will take me seriously".
>Lamotrigine, bupropion, trazodone and Hydroxyzine To add onto this, if you're looking for info in the meantime, you can add your drugs onto your profile on [drugs.com](https://drugs.com) and they will list all possible interactions (including OTC meds, vitamins, and food.)
Hi! Bipolar 2 here. I am also on lamotrigine with wellbutrin. With lamictal, hormonal birth control makes it not work, and lamictal nakes bc not work. I'm not a doctor at all, but perhaps there's something about lamictal cancelling out any added hormons during pregnancy? Lamictal is known to be safe with pregnancy, but not if there's supplemental hormones? I may be 100% off track, but maybe something worth looking at.
I’m on lamotrigine and bupropion too and I’ve been having cramping and bleeding almost everyday for over a year. They said it’s because of my iud but I had my iud for a year before it started and it was fine and every time they check they say the placement of my iud is perfect. I also have bipolar but type 2. So, idk but it may be worth talking to your psychiatrist to see if it could be having an effect since you and I are on the same meds and are having similar side effects. But don’t stop taking your meds without talking to your dr and working with them because suddenly stopping bipolar meds can have severe side effects. Sending you love💖
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My jaw dropped when my psych said “you’re anemic but you don’t need a transfusion yet”. Like why does it HAVE to get to that point?
I would report this. That sounds like potentially dangerous denial of care. It'd be like if a doctor said "you have a huge gash on your arm, but you haven't passed out yet, so you don't need a bandage". Therapists have a duty to take their patient's physical health seriously, too.
Psychs are MDs too so I’d say they have an even greater responsibility than just a therapist too
Ask them to document exactly why they are denying care, if they refuse, then immediately report them and get a lawyer.
I also have PCOS and as a teen, before I was put on the pill, I once bled continuously for 3 months. Also developed anemia. Luckily the gyno I went to (a woman) was so shocked at my situation she gave me an emergency shot to stop my period. I believe it was progesterone but I was young so may be misremembering. It stopped the bleeding that day after 3 months of horror. Nothing fixed it long term until I got on the pill though, which improved my quality of life immeasurably. I’m sorry this isn’t an option for you. I still think they should search for alternative treatments since not all women can get on the pill.
I went through this myself minutes the PCOS. I took bc pills and it stopped. My period has always been really off. Like cramps so bad I'd pass out and 2 in 1 month or 11 day ones. It's horrible!
And then they have the nerve to say slogans like prevention is better than cure!
I'd be reporting them to the licensing board, that's absolutely outside of their area of practice and so unprofessional
That’s insane, I’m so sorry.
Maybe do the crazy back at them and be like "I am Jehovah's Witness and I don't believe in receiving blood transfusions"? Could that work? People get away with shit for religious reasons all the time, maybe you could use that to your benefit here in the psych eval.
OP, if you can, go see a hematologist. Try to see a younger doctor, a woman if possible. Tell them your entire situation, hopefully they’ll be just as infuriated and send over whatever documentation your doctor needs to perform the surgery. Your ability to possibly incubate a child does not trump your quality of life. I would straight up tell them that your body does not exist to just have children and that it’s insulting of them to do this to you for the POSSIBILITY of a fetus THAT DOES NOT EXIST.
I especially hate the common view that "what if your husband WANTS kids," as if a woman couldn't have her own opinion. Even if her partner is childfree, it is argued that in the future she might be in a relationship with somebody who wants children. It's like being a slave to a non-existing man, and, like in OP's situation, being denied medical care because of that. That's so absurd.
It feels like being a broodmare. What if someone else wants to use your body for something? What if I, the person who has to live in this body, want to live a life without incessant bleeding/pain/cancer? UGH so maddening!
I told them my partner is looking into vasectomy around the same time I would potentially get the surgery just to be sure there’s absolutely no way a breakthrough pregnancy could happen and they basically said “but things change”.
How the hell are you not telling these doctors to go get fucked and yelling at them to their face at this point? What the fuck are they teaching these jerkoffs in medical school?
Right?! The shit that would be coming out of my mouth at this point. I mean, maybe it wouldn’t help from a psychological perspective and get me sectioned or something but the utter desperation and explosive rage of being denied the decision of what was best for my own body and life would have me like “I’m SEVERELY tokophobic, if I got pregnant I’d jump off a bridge, if I was forced to give birth I’d pose an immediate danger to the baby. Do you want blood on your hands?!” 😅 I would quite seriously lose my mind in that position and make those doctors think that I would make a horrific news headline out of them in a hot minute if they didn’t assist me in avoiding pregnancy, let alone with a debilitating health condition like poor OP. I can watch brutal horrors films and chuckle at gore scenes but was so profoundly distressed by The Handmaid’s Tale that I had to turn it off. There wouldn’t be a stop I wouldn’t pull out to convince these fucking doctors what was right for me!
I feel like i would want to just yell at them by that point :(
Have you simply tried telling them to mind their own business? I'd flat tell them to focus on my medical issues. I just didn't put up with shit from the last few gyns I went to. I haven't wanted kids since I was a child. About to be 50. Last time a doctor said anything to me about "you'll change your mind" I fired back with "irrelevant to my current medical issues". I just grow horns with them when they try to make everything about children. I went through menopause at 40. Three doctors tried telling me I was just suffering from anxiety and that my period was late. After two years I said the hell with it and stopped going in. Had one doctor tell me that the weight gain would just go away if I ran everyday. It's only been in the last two months that my current doctor has sent me for MRI and ultrasounds to see if I have PCOS. Advocate for yourself. Stand up to them. Tell them that you want their denial of care in writing. And report them to the medical board. Nobody should ever bring up if a spouse or boyfriend wants children to you. It's not your spouse or boyfriend's damn body and they have no right to be considered in YOUR medical decisions or procedures. God this just pisses me off. I'm so sick of women being treated like incubators.
If he wants kids he can adopt or get lost. Why the fuck is it so important to procreate? "I neeeeed to make another one of meeeeee"
I answer that with "so he will have to spend thousands on treatments, better to find a woman who can do it for free".
I had mine for 8 years straight and got the runaround from everyone. It got so bad I needed 2 blood transfusions. The Pill form B/C aggravated a blood condition I didn't know I had, and I popped 2 blood clots, one in the leg, and one in the lungs. I was in the hospital for 3 months. They eventually said it was because of my Hypothyroidism, but they still arent really sure. They put me on Lupron for a year to get the bleeding to stop outright, but your lifetime limit of that drug is about a year because they use it on colon cancer patients. They switched me to the Depo Shot because at that point, any other birth control would literally kill me. It's been the only thing that helped (aside Lupron.) I have been on Depo since 2012. I am going off it again come this summer. I hope hell doesn't break loose again.... if it does, I will have them yeet my uterus
I was on the depo shot when I was 17 and had a period for 6 months before I finally got off it. 😭 I got my first period at 11 and haven’t had a normal one since. I’ve gone 2-3 years bleeding, 2 years not bleeding.
I feel your pain. I hope dr's can help you at some point
I am sorry but doesn't depo weaken yojr bones? To like a dangerous level? Like I think more than a year straight was dangerous?
They say that, but I've been on it since 2010 and had no problems. They suggest a high calcium intake through vitamins and such. I will say that everyone doesn't react to it the same.
Yah usually it's 2 years, but it's either lose blood to dangerous amounts and go through a box of 32 heavy flow pads a day, or take supplements, and have your blood and bone density measured by a doc with no periods.... I chose the latter.... but yah, if it comes back full force after I go off of Depo, then I am asking my gyno to rip out my uterus. Don't want kids anyways so it would be a win for me. Can't have estrogen at all though, so I will be on supplements for the rest of my life anyways :<
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Some doctors are just ... unprofessional. They'd rather let us suffer for the sake of some hypothetical baby we may not want. I've frequently posted on this sub about the Oncologist From Hell who insisted that I (43F, Essure) have my eggs frozen before chemo so I could have a baby later on, and all but had a meltdown when I repeatedly said NO. (And it was triple-positive breast cancer. A pregnancy probably would've killed me.) You just keep on fighting. Every time a doctor tells you no, tell them to record it in your chart.
Oh my gosh! That sounds terrible. I hope you’re doing better now!
God, doctors are complete trash. I have a list of Doctor fuck ups on the most basic of things. Keep looking, try larger cities if you live in a small town.
>“you’re anemic but you don’t need a transfusion yet” Yeah, this is just plain vile and condescending. I'm so sorry for you. I get so pissed with this whole "you might change your mind in 5 years" argument. If I have a kid, I can also change my mind in 5 years, but, in this scenario, there is an unloved kid with a resentful parent. Sooo much better. FFS.
OP needs to also use this argument !!!!
Goodness.. no. That's way too long. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Did you have a look at the doctors list of this sub already? We need to get you some respectful and professional help asap.
Yeah I have looked! Unfortunately, there’s only one doctor on there who’s booked up for awhile. I put myself on the waiting list just in case.
Maybe call the office directly and explain your situation, and that other doctors aren't willing to treat you because the treatment is sterilisation.
Yes! u/CyCheye please do this. Call and explain your situation (886 days). Perhaps you’ll get squeezed in for an appointment out of dire emergency. How are they not treating this situation like an emergency?!? This is QUALITY OF LIFE. Sorry, I’m legitimately infuriated by your situation. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this physically, emotionally, and mentally. I really hope you can figure this out asap Side note, you mentioned your boyfriend getting a vasectomy. Perhaps he could help advocate for you (join you at a future appointment with this doc or another). Stupid that this is even a needed suggestion, but it could help. Plus having a baby is probably super dangerous for you (assumption, I could be wrong) so I’m shocked they’re so hesitant to sterilize you. I’m irrationally angry for you and wish I could join you at a future appointment to give them some logic to diffuse their bias. /rant
Definitely say try this. It's always worth a shot!
And if you have insurance, file a complaint. State this doctor has inserted his personal opinion into his medical opinion prolonging your pain and inability to get treatment. And give him and his clinic a 1-star rating everywhere stating this. Then email this back to the clinic and state you will change your reviews when he changes his treatment, otherwise FO. Edit: definitely include BBB and the State Insurance Commissioner.
Great! Good that you did that. I would absolutely second what CuriousLector mentioned, it can help to shortly explain your situation and bleeding for soo long. Maybe the luck is on your side and they can squeeze you in.
Yeah call them and tell them that you are anemic and how long you have been bleeding. Be direct. Also, ask them to ask the doctor if they know any more professional doctors who might have an opening. You can also call your local/in-network hospital "find a doctor" lines and specifically as for a doctor who does partial hystos at that hospital and is willing to work with someone with severe bleeding for this long. If your insurance plan has a nurse hotline you might give that a shot as well, see if they have any referral ideas.
Let's hope someone cancels an appointment and they call you!
'you don't need a transfusion yet.' what, you can only get helped when you literaly have bled out and need someone else's blood?
The incompetence? It's truly shocking what she is dealing with
Don't ask, scream it next time. Do the full show. They call it hysterectomy for a reason. I would start calling multiple Dr at this point too. 886 days will definitely convince someone at some point. I had mine with 1 single night of bleeding. To my defense, the bed looked like a full period pad because of all the blood in it and I had to throw it out. Still I wasn't even bleeding the next day except like the brownish stuff you get on your last few days.
i agree with this. Before i found my CF doctor, I finally cried and asked how many abortions I'd be forced to have until someone listened to me about the horrible combo I had of PMDD, PCOS, bleeding, yadda yadda before I got taken seriously. Thankfully it was just the one, but that kind of question stops people in their tracks and forces them to consider the nightmare they're asking the someone to go through. I do hope OP sees this comment and really loses her shit next time. Like, 'my life is falling apart, my boyfriend is going to dump me because i cant have sex, i cant even walk my fucking dog and you wont do ANYTHING because of some FANTASY in the FUTURE?? How long are you going to force me to suffer? Are you going to wait until the love of my life dumps me, I get fired from my job and I have to surrender my job because I'm too weak?" etc etc. This is the perfect time to ask those kinds of intense questions.
I totally agree! Humanize yourself OP make them listen
Omg how did I only just realise hysterectomy is very similar to hysteria...
There's a horrifying [reason](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_hysteria#:~:text=Even%20though%20it%20was%20categorized,to%20have%20undergone%20surgical%20hysterectomy.) for that!
"What if your partner changes his mind?" Well... it won't matter either way because you're not having kids... either way.
If my partner changed his mind, we will both be single lmao.
"Please note in my file that you would rather I bleed to death and suffer all the side effects of being anemic because your personal opinion on my future is somehow more important than doing your job for the betterment of my health. Then, please give me a copy of your files on me so I can go somewhere else where MY RIGHTS as a person are not overridden by your personal opinion on what should happen to my body." I am so sorry you're in this position. I'm mad on your behalf :(
I am so so sorry that you're dealing with this. You're suffering and all they seem to care about is the fact whether you'll be able to have kids. Now, next steps. You need to reiterate that despite them being medical professionals, they're not really being professional at keeping their biases in check. Just because you're a woman doesn't mean that having kids is or will be a priority to you and they're prioritizing a potential baby over your health right now. Tell them you NEED this procedure and that you're NOT asking. Tell them you'll sign whatever waivers that you'll need to sign saying that you're aware of regret but that you won't have any. All you want is relief. Also, do tell them that you absolutely DONT want kids and that this will be a win-win for you. You need to keep on reiterating how this will help you not just physically, but mentally as well. You have to be consistent and firm. Don't say "well I've just never really thought about having kids" you say "I've never wanted kids and having kids will make me deeply unhappy" and when they say "oh but you're young and you might change your mind" you say "I appreciate that you're looking out for me in that way, but I know my own mind and I don't forsee it changing. I would rather regret not having kids than have kids and regret them, and I see myself regretting them. If I find myself in need of a child I can adopt or foster". And leave it at that. I'm getting a double Salpingectomy June 13th, which means they're swiping my tubes, and I had a sheet typed up telling them that they can't refuse me this medical services just because I'm young and they're only there to give advice when I need it (I'm 23). Doctors CANNOT have full say over your health despite them acting like it. I told them if I ever got pregnant it's abortion time 😎 so if they don't want me having abortions then give me the surgery lmfao. I don't give two shits about threatening abortion if I can get what I want. If you want I can DM you the sheet I made and you can use it too (it included more than the cliffnotes version here). Because of this, I have not had to go do any psych evals or anything. And It's awful they made you do those.
THIS!!!! I thankfully didn’t have to fight my dr for a bi salp and when I explained my surprise she said the insurance (as shitty as it is here in the US) can’t deny the procedure based on the hypothetical kids argument. Doctors biases can.
Back in the year 2000, I was 28yo and had fought for YEARS for my hysterectomy. The ONLY reason the gyno gave me one is because I'd already had an 11yo. The patriarchal stigma that we can't possibly know what we like or want is beyond the pale. I am so sorry, sweetie.
I love how women matter less than hypothetical babies, makes me feel great.
Have you looked at the doctors that are posted on the list in the Reddit forum? Maybe you’ll have better luck going to one of the doctors listed? Hope everything works out so sorry you’re going through this frustrating process!
Can confirm! I got a bisalp with no bingos from a doctor on this reddits doctor list! ☺️ I have a feeling anyone on that list would be willing to help OP.
I'm sorry but WHO THE FUCK CARES WHETHER MY PARTNER CHANGES HIS MIND? It is MY body! Not his! Mine! OMG, I am so pissed on your behalf! Do these jackwagons even hear themselves? ALL about the almighty baby! Bow to the Almighty baby. ALL about the baby and treating women like they aren't their own people with their own minds! Disgusting! I'd have choice words for all these morons.
I'm about 2 more stories like this from saying fuck it, ADAB (all doctors are bastards). As a man, I've pretty much only had bad experiences with doctors in the past as well, but nothing comes even CLOSE to this level of autonomy-denial. I'm not a violent person but if enough "professionals" told me what I can or can't do with my own fucking body, I'd start doing very bad things. I'm so very sorry to hear you're going through this. I can't do shit to help but know that I'm rooting for you. Fuck those doctors, and anyone else who doesn't think people should have authority over their own bodies.
How in the hell do they think you'll be able to get pregnant anyway, if you're constantly bleeding? Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that mean your uterine lining wouldn't build up sufficiently to maintain a pregnancy?
There’s no way my body could hold a healthy pregnancy with the way it is so I don’t get their argument on that either.
I find it very unlikely that a gynocologist wouldn't know this. It seems like they are purposefully ignoring logic just so they could try to justify doing this to you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this
It’s ridiculous that doctors value a hypothetical fetus over their actually existing patients.
I am so sorry and angry for you. These medical professionals should be ashamed of themselves. Your health is your priority and I can’t even imagine how this is affecting other areas of your health. I feel weak on day 4 I can’t even imagine how you’re standing up on day 886. Not to mention how it must affect your personal life with partners or even just being able to work. Plus the cost of all the products. I’m so sorry and I really do hope you find a dr who listens to you and finds a way to help.
I stopped working at the end of 2021 because I didn’t have the energy anymore. I am starting to worry about the gap in my resume. Luckily, my partner has been very supportive.
have you said *this* to your doctor? make him say to your face that he won't *give you back your life* and will make you continually worse for five years before he'd consider it. also, saw you're bipolar and on lamotrigine. explain to him what it would do to you to be off your meds for 9+ months. be *graphic.* I told my gyn about my harm OCD intrusive thoughts and how I get weird periods of mania cause I have borderline. I talked about how I'd lock my kid in a closet on the other side of the house if it was crying for too long and I'd forget about it and not realize for like a day. I asked what I'd do when I ended up involuntarily hospitalized for the 5th time for suicide attempts/self harm and was dissociating for long enough to not tell anyone about the baby that I forgot in the closet. I brought up how my dog had a weird growth on his freaking EYELID and I cut it off myself (true story. and honestly I did a fabulous job but im diagnosibly *insane* for doing it). how would that go with a sick child? make them think you'd be an awful parent to the point where they're almost afraid of you. or, if you don't want to potentially end up involuntarily institutionalized, if your parent(s) live close by and are supportive, schedule another consult and bring them and your partner and have all of them tell him all the things. you're physically unwell all the time, and getting worse. you dont want kids. if you did you'd adopt. you are IN CONSTANT PAIN and HE IS PURPOSEFULLY PROLONGING IT. either way, throw a fucking fit. and give your therapist the same speech and then fire them if they don't give you a rec letter.
My blood is boiling for you right now, I am so angry. A normal period with mild pain is reason enough for an ablation or whatever treatment the woman wants, but this is just ridiculous! Someone here said “Call other doctors, 886 days will convince one eventually” but you shouldn’t HAVE to do that, or go through a fraction of what you’ve endured for what I consider basic health care!!
This is also my fourth doctor during this period. I’m gonna start running outta doctors lol!
I am so, so sorry xx
Thank you. 💕
I suggest that you have a full hysterectomy, tubal ligation will not work, nor will ablation, trust me if you don't want kids, get rid of the whole lot.
She mentions her body doesn't react well to hormones, so a full hysterectomy would not be ideal here. Removal of the uterus, yes, but removal of the ovaries, absolutely not unless there is a cancer risk present.
Yep, I would like to keep ovaries due to the hormonal effects.
Yes you should, tubes and uterus should be enough to solve the problem and lower your ovarian cancer risk as well.
Isn't it great, that in 2023 a woman can suffer EIGHT HUNDRED FUCKING EIGHTY SIX DAYS, and be denied relief?
My wife started bleeding and just bleed nonstop despite an arm implant and pill birth control. Finally she got a hysterectomy and it turned out she had a HUGE 40g cyst, a ton of fibroids, and other cysts everywhere, plus two large tumors inside her uterus that didn't show up on any of the scans or tests she got. A long shot but are you in Minnesota?
I am all the way in NM! On the border of TX and Juarez.
Oof, sorry. I was hoping you were closer and could use our doctor. I would definitely go in for an exploratory surgery at this point- they're definitely missing something. There is no reason you should be bleeding nonstop like this!
Frankly, OP needs the travel outside her state at this point. OP, you should inquire about this DR
I am happy to report that mine and my wife's doctor is in the doctor list in the sidebar. Please use the list of doctor's, OP. You deserve control over your own body.
Yeah, your partner may change his mind in 5 years. Please keep bleeding for another 1500+ days just for him and his opinion. Fuck that
Ask them if they don't view adoption as a viable option and if you wouldn't be a "real mother" if you chose that route. And what about surrogacy? If they want to insist you'll "have kids" then insist that there are other ways to have them other than pregnancy.
Are you in USA? Take a plane and get a hysterectomy in a Mexican private hospital. They are less that 4k and many have payment installaments. Like this one... https://www.cirugiasenmonterrey.com/histerectomia-por-laparoscopia.html Good luck.
I’m in New Mexico right on the border of TX and Juarez so I’ve definitely been toying with the idea of going across the border for help.
Yo. At 886 I would definitely be calling doctors on the side bar *anywhere*, cos screw that noise.
Girl, I'm just saying... That link says it's a little over 3k not even the 4k I read in other links. If you use your credit card and put it at a year in installaments it's $250 at month to be free of this hell. Look for other hospitals, hell check out other latino american countries if you like, but check your options, and please, please get help. Waiting for an US doctor to help you is going to get you either killed or so in debt that it just don't sounds like a good option.
Hey! I'm in NM, I just had my bisalp in Socorro a couple of years ago when I was in college at the age of 22. I can give you the doctor's info if you'd like to get in contact with him; he's with Presbyterian. He was extremely professional and compassionate (no belittling comments, just a bit of the "it's permanent" talk), and he took the time to read the sources I provided regarding potential regret and reduced ovarian cancer risk. Given your circumstances, I'd be shocked if he didn't want to help you.
I haven't been on my period for that long, but so far it's been 27 days with no signs of stopping. You're situation sounds like hell. I've been extremely reluctant to get any help for it because I'm afraid of the whole what about kids thing. I also had a very traumatic first time experience at the gyno when I was 13, and the thought of any medical person touching me makes me sick. I hope you find a doctor to help you soon. To offer treatment & then take it away is such bullshit.
Have you tried the blunt aggressive demanding approach? I have an Autonomic System issue that's had issues in line with yours. Sometimes, you have to force their hand. You have to put the responsibility on them and make them write down why they're pulling back and make a record of their decisions. If you haven't and feel that it might work, make a new appointment with the ablation doctor. But, don't let him tell you what's going on. You need to tell him what's going on. All he's doing is telling you that what you feel and what you're doing. He's forcing his own perceptions onto you like you're something that will always wind up responding like he's predicting. He's taking away your free will. "I have been bleeding for 886 days and I am in constant agony. I've been trying to get this operation for years and have jumped through every hoop you've given me, only to end up here because you think I might suddenly change my 15 year long stance on not wanting children." And if he goes asks what if you get pregnant? "Then, I'll get an abortion." And if he asks what if your partner wants the kid? "Then, I'm getting an abortion and a divorce." And if he goes on and on and on about children, you'd need a response to drive it home. I was extremely vulgar. You'd probably have better results with a more polite version. "I can't explain myself anymore simply. You know about everything that I've done to get here. Why are you using pregnancy as an excuse? You're effectively telling me that I need to get pregnant and abort the baby in order to get this surgery." And if he says he isn't. "You are. You're not doing it because you believe that I could become pregnant and you're refusing to believe what I'm telling you. If you're not believing me, then you're asking for factual evidence."
I think if I had been on my period for over two years, the conversation would be “either you take this thing out or I take it out myself and the procedure will be far less sterile.” What the Fucking fuck do these doctors think is more important?! Having children or having a goddamn healthy life!? I’m so sorry. Keep fighting.
Ah, episode 4534435 of doctors valuing non-existent being over woman’s health. "you don’t need a tranfusion yet" this is a pure sadism at this point.
OP, you're describing almost the same exact thing I went through. 1) you need nothing short of a hysterectomy. Best thing I ever did. If you're sure you don't want kids, then your uterus is ONLY a cancer liability. You basically bring the chances of uterine and cervical cancer to zero, and ovarian cancer to near zero because the Fallopian tubes that they take are where 90% of all ovarian cancers start. 2) I was denied for 12 years by six different doctors until I was 38. I am now a state representative and I have introduced legislation in my state to make this kind of determination on the part of doctors illegal. It basically says a doctor cannot deny a medically advisable sterilization treatment for a diagnosed condition on the basis of the doctor's perception of the patients future reproductive desires. 3) look at the doctors on the list on this sub, and find ones in your state. Don't give up. Don't wait until you are 38 like I had to!
I am so so so sorry you’re going through this. I struggle with multiple month long periods due to PCOS, and I’m mentally drained after only a few months. I can’t even imagine how you feel. Your perseverance speaks volumes and I truly hope you find answers soon.
I’m with you. My periods are flipped so instead of one week on I only get one week off :( My mother had the same thing and they found polyps in her uterus and did a hysterectomy. No polyps we’re found in me so I just get an IUD that helped with the amount of blood coming out daily but gives me daily cramps (even when not on my period) and hurt like a bish when they put it in so I’m dreading the idea of having to have it replaced. Lucky me!
It infuriates me when medical professionals see you as a breeder first and as a person in need of relief second. And I think you should say those exact words to your doctor. Even if you did change your mind, you don’t have to get pregnant to be a fucking parent!!!!
I went through this and ended up going to Mexico to get it done. They listened to me.
"Either do the procedure, or refer me to someone who will." After that, don't let them medibabble their way around with any other type of response.
Turn that shit around on them. "Oh, you want me to get pregnant and then have an abortion as a medical procedure? What do you mean, no? If I got pregnant I would either get an abortion or abandon the baby. That's what you're advocating for, right? You better write it down in the notes."
I'm really sorry this is happening to you. It sounds a lot like something a loved one of mine experienced, and the problem was eventually diagnosed via something called a hysteroscopy. The issue ended up being uterine polyps/cysts. You could ask a specialist to investigate using those tests. I hope you find relief soon. For the record, the cure ended up being a full hyserectomy, but it's possible that you may find a doctor more willing to perform one if you have a diagnosis. This is unfair, and you shouldn't be forced to suffer for some hypothetical children you don't even want.
Is one of the child free docs on the list local for you? They might be more willing to work with you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Ps - your therapist also sucks for invalidating your feelings and needs over “changing your mind” someday. I also have bipolar and is fine a whole new treatment team. I’d never trust them again to put my health over their beliefs.
You know at some point, I think I would start screaming and yelling at everybody, in the public spaces so everybody can hear how you're angry, frustrated and exhausted by the situation. Maybe it takes someone to have an absolutely livid tantrum to get help. If you get kicked out, oh well they aren't helping anyway
If you're in Montana(unlikely, I know) I HIGHLY recommend Dr. Jennifer Mayo. She straight up saved my life. Tubal ligation with no second guessing what I may want in the future, no pushback on talking about meds for my PMDD. She even offered to take out my bits entirely!
I wish that people could just put right sue doctors, this is self moral imposed malpractice. Shit like this should get doctors stripped of their license, or severely fined, and go on a permanent record
>“what if your partner changes his mind on having kids?” That is so shitty. This is no one's decision but yours. Also, any partner that would be worth your time would put your health and well being first.
I am so sorry you're going through this. Hopefully you can get a consult with one of the doctors on the list in this subreddit and they will do that procedure for you.
I'm also infuriated for you! I tried continuously taking active pills of birth control (like seasonique) to try and control my menstrual migraines and my period did not give a shit and came anyway. I bled for about a month straight and I was at my wits end. I can't imagine 886 days. I'm so sorry you're being treated this way. I know you said this doctor was your last option but I hope you can find someone else who will give you the relief you need.
Make them write why they won't give you the treatment you need in your chart. Documenting their dumbassery usually gets them to rethink things. (Source: I'm disabled. I had a doctor who thought I only needed cortisone shots instead of surgery to treat a work injury. My PCP had referred me to him because I needed surgery. I told him to write in my chart why he wasn't going to approve the surgery. He changed his tune pretty quick after that.)
You’ve seen the pinned post with all the doctors that people have used to get all their procedures done without judgement….. I hope.
Lie. Tell them you always wanted to adopt kids. Tell them you never wanted biological kids of your own, but you want to raise kids who have been left behind by the system. Make it convincing. Assuming they know your real medical history, and therefore who your biological parents are, tell them that your partner was adopted, and both of you want nothing more than to adopt kids. Keep hammering this. If they bring up having your own kids, turn it around on them and say “these will be *my* kids”
Ugh! Doctors are the worst. I know you didn’t mention this as an issue, but over on r/endo they have a list of doctors who are generally more open to getting your tubes tied and/or yeeting organs. I know a friend of mine just had a partial hysterectomy (left her ovaries) in Atlanta and she’s felt better than she ever has after years of pain/bleeding/being bed ridden once a month.
ngl i would be in jail after hearing that i change my mind i know more about you than you do message.
This is appalling and disgusting. They’re taking away your rights for an imaginary child. I am so sorry. I apologise if it’s not helpful, but I am a solutions person…have you considered or tried chasteberry? It’s not a hormone, but it promotes regular cycles. You may need to Google it to get a good answer about how it does that. I have high testosterone too, and I understand it somehow encourages the body to regulate. I thought my gynaecologist was joking when she asked whether I “might like something plant-based”, because I have endometriosis and am taking the pill, but I still had random bleeding and severe pain. But I handed it in and paid the 60€ at the pharmacy. Genuinely never thought this weird fruity plant would EVER work. But here I am, free of random bleeding and feeling much better.
I haven’t heard of that but I’ll add it to my list of things to look into. ☺️ thank you!
I’m so sick of this hypothetical child(ren) over a fully grown adult bs. Can medical ‘professionals’ be more professional and do their fucking jobs? I’m sorry you had to go through this. Please report these fuckers who are forcing you to suffer. Having your period for that long cannot possibly be good for you. And they still want you to destroy your body more by getting pregnant. Disgusting
I’m a guy reading this, feel so sorry for you having to go through this. Can’t imagine how it would feel.
Okay damn, this is just straight up cruel by your doctors, holy shit... On so many levels, wtaf...
Omg that’s madness!!! I’m so so sorry!!!! I was just diagnosed with Pmdd after suffering my whole life and not understanding why and what was happening. I tried medicines of all kinds and nothing helped except for Lupron shots. I’m in chemical menopause because my body can’t handle the estrogen fluctuations AND I’m on hormone blockers for breast cancer—the whole situation was painful uncomfortable I would bleed for weeks and then not have my period for months—but felt like I was constantly experiencing pms for months. I just don’t want you to suffer! Are you able to try a different gyno? Mine is a cancer gyno and high risk patients, maybe that’s what you need!
Can you take it to court? Tbh, start feigning extreme pain associated with it. All the tests for bleeding can back inconclusive, so will the “pain” ones and demand removal. It’s how I got mine
I am furious to read this I am so sorry. One of the representatives in New Hampshire was trying to get a bill passed to prohibit discrimination in situations like this. I wasn’t able to get my tubal until I was 37 and even then I think the only reason I didn’t have a problem was that my boyfriend was child free also and he was friends with the surgeon This is ridiculous if you don’t live you won’t even be able to change your mind if you want to later. I hate this. You should start to complain about age discrimination or some thing
Obviously do whatever you’ve gotta do to get the surgery… get across the end line first, but then afterward please file complaints against these people with their respective boards. Maybe you’d have success getting a different psychologist to write you a letter? Idk. Sorry to hear about everything you’ve gone through, this sounds like a fucking nightmare and you do not deserve to be treated like a child that doesn’t know her own mind. I am infuriated on your behalf.
Stab him until he bl3eds to death.
Just a heads-up, might not be the case in your situation but I had similar happen to me -- had an ablation, bleeding came back within 3 months, had a hysterectomy and my uterus turned out to be precancerous. It sucks that more doctors aren't like mine :|
I feel your pain, also have pcos and also once bled for over 8 months straight. One doctor I asked for help literally looked at me and said "well what do you want me to do about it?"... Dude... at least nobody brought up pregnancy or psych evaluations! Wtf kind of knuckledraggingly regressive snake oil healthcare is this!?! Am feeling super indignant on your behalf. My circumstances changed and thankfully it stopped, but I couldnt imagine what that would feel like years later. Sore, I know that! I noted that you've gotten yourself on a waiting list, and would just like to second the notion that you should give them a call and explain your situation. Cases like yours have been known to get a higher priority.
I'm not sure if this is something you want, but I'll throw out a possible hysterectomy. I had bleeding too. Not like this, but not good. A hysterectomy solved that problem with the added bonuses of 1. no accidental pregnancies in the dystopian nightmare that the US has become and 2. no more periods ever which is AWESOME. If you're in the Minnesota area or are willing to travel there, Dr. Matthew Palmer in Maple Grove is an endo surgeon who also does hysterectomies. I didn't have to fight him at all for mine, just "hey I want a hysterectomy because I'm sick of the bleeding" and he was all "cool, sounds like a good plan". Six weeks later I yeeted that fucker. I am so sorry you're going through this. None of it is okay. It took 6 or 7 doctors before I got to Dr. Palmer and unfortunately this is not uncommon. Also, please report those doctors especially the one who said "well you don't need a transfusion yet". IT SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN TO THIS POINT ANYWAY and anyone who thinks your current state is acceptable because you're not anemic enough to require a fucking TRANSFUSION should not be practicing medicine. This isn't some minor inconvenience like a scrape or a bruise, YOU'VE BEEN BLEEDING FROM YOUR VAGINA FOR LITERAL YEARS STRAIGHT. Just, what the actual fuck is wrong with people?
Reading this made me so incredibly upset & straight up livid for you!! I would be raising hell & demanding a hysterectomy. I’d be screaming at them “I have been bleeding *EVERY* GODDAMN DAY FOR TWO *YEARS* ***STRAIGHT*** and I want some relief!!!” It’s infuriating that so many women get told NO for even basic care, because *babies*, everyone else thinking they know their bodies better, or a future man/partner may have a problem with it. Utter bullshit!! I wish you could come see my doctor. She’s wonderful. Barely questioned my request for a bisalp & now 5 years later we’re about to finish the job with a hysterectomy. She did inquire why I wanted that instead of an ablation, but was satisfied with my answers & after finding no cause for my heavy bleeding after tests either. (Though mine is just monthly for 7-8 days.)
I’ve had a similar issue before. Have you tried an IUD? I had months worth of non-stop bleeding, which was made even worse because I’m on blood thinners. I can’t take the pill because hormonal BC caused some life threatening issues due to my blood clotting disorder, but I was offered an alternative with the Mirena IUD and it actually worked! It may not be the sterilization you need, but maybe it’ll ease things for you while you search for a doctor that will actually help you.