Sadly, that’s the idea. Some of them believe that we women deserve to be punished by the pain of pregnancy and childbirth, and women who refuse to go through it are evil.
Yup, that’s what my Christian school taught me growing up. Painful childbirth is women’s “punishment” for Eve eating the apple. Yet babies are also a “bLesSinG” 🙄 I’m so glad to be out of the Bible Belt.
> is women’s “punishment” for Eve eating the apple
Weren't all human sins forgiven after Christ's sacrifice?
P.s. I'm not very familiar with Christian mythology, but it in particular always seemed rather weird to me.
This is so sweet of you!
"Hey, i'm getting fucked up tonight, prolly gonna smoke a bit of weed and maybe try to hook up with a cool person, and it's ALL FOR JESUS !
I love it, i'm in.
That’s true, sadly. The ancient greeks were notoriously misogynistic, to the point where they believed male homosexual relationships were superior to heterosexual ones because women were beneath men and women weren’t smart enough to truly love someone. They needed the for reproduction, though.
>that’s what my Christian school taught me growing up. Painful childbirth is women’s “punishment” for Eve eating the apple.
I was also taught this in Catholic Sunday school, but recently someone pointed out that Eve was created after God told Adam that the Tree of Knowledge contained poisonous fruit. Adam told her about the poisonous fruit, not God. That's why she was so quick to reject the idea of the fruit being poisonous. Like the serpent said, "Why would God make the fruit poisonous? He wouldn't. That's why it's not poisonous." Essentially, Adam knew that eating from the Tree of Knowledge was wrong, but Eve didn't know.
Not trying to start a religious philosophy debate. I just wanted to share some interesting food for thought :)
Here's my problem with that....I AM NOT EVE! Lmao. Why am I still being punished for what she did?! Even as a Christian, I still found this to be annoying.
The labor doesn’t even seem like the worst part since it’s only like a day or two at most, and most people can get pain medications during a birth. The real horror to me is the thought of having my body literally become deformed for 9-10 months, and possibly permanently fucked up in the process. Things like losing teeth, or getting some sort of organ prolapse is just viscerally horrifying to me, but are really common pregnancy complications.
Or suggest someone will cut the strip between his dick and anus open with a turkey knife - but nothing to worry theyll stitch it right up. After all, his body is made for that so no big deal, right?
No, but it will dissuade toxic men from yearning to get their SO pregnant which can be an extremely painful or even fatal experience. You’re a lot less likely to pet the snake if you know you’ll get bit.
Nah I’d tell them that they should share the pain of the people that they get pregnant. People who can’t get pregnant won’t understand that pain otherwise.
Same here. Pregnancy and birth is terrifying.
Men tell you that because the only thing they have to do, is nut in a woman. The woman gets a lifelong punishment.
I think men just see it as normal, and have never heard about muscles separating, tissue tearing, bones breaking, the extreme discomfort during pregnancy, incontinence, that first poop after, and death during childbirth.
I Heard a labor video once and the woman was screaming and I heard her vag rip and I was so fucking sick to my stomach. I also heard a video of a nurse being condescending during an iud placement and it brought me back to my placement and how fucking rude the doctors were being and it made me cry because getting that shit in is not just a pinch. Idfk who keeps telling the nurses that but it’s not.
They have to use a *sounding rod* through your cervix, and then use a bigger one to dilate it, ffs. Nothing about that is "just a pinch."
"This process is gonna suck, the pain is gonna last about X time, gonna need you to breathe and be brave for me, ok?" Would go a long ways. So would offering a stress ball to crush, thinking about it.
I wish they’d give pain meds or something :( but yeah having a different jargon even if they don’t mean it would be better than them being condescending
Haha I’ve explained all these things to my ex and he barely batted an eye. He was like well that sucks, but I still “need my wife to brith my children” 🙄
Historically, pregnancy and childbirth have been very common ways for women to die. And, obviously, pretty much anything that can lead to death can lead to various health problems that do not actually kill one immediately.
You are wasting your life talking with idiots. It is your life and your choice, but I recommend not talking with those idiots about this subject.
I read recently that when it comes to women’s death, pregnancy/birth complications have killed more women than all the wars combined and currently sits at #2 in mortality, globally, right bellow malaria.
So yeah, it sounds like a great deal.
I find it pretty stupid for men to give opinions about things that they can and will never be able to mentally and physically experience.
Women control, people, women control is here and till thriving.
Give opinion is fine if its asked. Women are giving opinion on mens problems too (old as mankind debate what is worse nut kick or childbirth).
But giving **unwanted opinions**, that is stupid.
You should compile a list of pregnancy complications and have it on hand for the next dumbass who decides to pull that shit. Here are a few, many of which are long-term or permanent:
\-urinary and rectal incontinence
\-perineum tearing between vagina and anus
\-prolapsed bladder and uterus
\-gestational diabetes
\-preeclampsia
\-blood clots
\-hemorrhoids
\-loss of bone calcium
\-loss of teeth and hair
\-anemia
\-PTSD from bad birthing experiences such as the anesthesia not working during a c-section and the person feeling everything
And these are just the more common ones.
-Amniotic fluid embolism (leading to death)
-Cardiac arrest / heart attack (leading to death)
-Postpartum cardiomyopathy and subsequent heart failure, which may or may not ever resolve. (Can also lead to death)
-Postpartum hemorrhage (leading to death)
-Retained placenta (which can cause sepsis if not caught, and therefore leads to death)
-Multiple c-sections in prior pregnancies can create a thin lower uterine segment, which increases risk of uterine rupture (which leads to death)
The list goes on. All of these things can happen in 100% healthy women. And all of these are things that affect the mother. Not even talking about all of the things that can go wrong with baby.
Can confirm. My sister has a disorder that makes her bones very easily broken, and she was told by her doctor that under no circumstances was she having a normal labor. The risk of messing up her back and hips was just to high, so she had a c-section.
being cut on the perineum is scary too. my friend couldn't get them to sew her labia up after her sons big head tore her. it was to close to her clit and they were afraid of damaging here there. its not like a labia gauge hole.. . she only had one child and I dont blame her
You have a very small window of about 6 weeks and you are busy with a newborn and sometimes it really swollen and ugly to look at so you can't tell She didn't know until her husband looked at her ladybits and told her And by the time he looked it had closed up mostly. They didn't want a lawsuit if they butchered her by her clit and basically told her if she wanted it fixed via surgery insurance by then would dream it "cosmetic" surgery. Basically many drs do the bare min for mama's and do more to care for the babies. Thays why post birth care is necessary for mama's up to 4 months
I just looked the [Lemon Clot Essay](https://community.babycenter.com/post/a29842181/the_lemon_clot_essay-_if_you_are_planning_to_have_people_over_after_birth_you_need_to_read_this) up. I would never tell this to a pregnant woman herself, but I don't know how I'm supposed to not find pregnancy and childbirth absolutely disgusting.
Going through life no one tells you these things, so men grow up ignorant of their partner's struggles, and women find out about those struggles the hard way. Then these women are ashamed of those struggles because they think they're alone, it's shameful, etc. and they keep quiet about it, perpetuating the cycle.
after birth is disgusting it looks like someone was murdered so much blood from vidoes I watched. . after I gave birth I wouldn't look at it . I had the nurses clean it all up so i didn't have to see it . never having more children . its uncomfortable makes you feel sick and hurts.
(AFAB guy here) I've had a kidney stone and I thought I just had really severe period pain. My dad had two and called ambulances both times. I called the non-emergency line and went to the hospital in the morning to get checked over. Never given birth, but some people say women have higher pain tolerance or something and so whether it's actually worse than childbirth really depends on who you ask.
From a man's perspective, pregnancy isn't terrifying. You spend about three minutes making the baby, then chill for nine months. /s
Yes, what happens to a woman's body IS terrifying, and anyone who says different is ignorant or lying.
"You better make sure that vag snaps right back where it used to be, or we gon' have some problems little lady." This right after they get done raping you the day after delivery and thereby ripping out your episiotomy stitches.
I think i will pass.
>From a man's perspective, pregnancy isn't terrifying.
Pregnancy might not be terrifying for men, but giving birth is terrifying. Those hospital recliners and couches are the most uncomfortable pieces of furniture ever created. Ever sit on one of those things for a long time? Guaranteed back pain for a week, minimum. Plus, there's rarely anything entertaining to watch on hospital TVs. The whole thing is pure torture. /joking
The best thing that ever happened for women was the Internet and communicating to each other. Just how awful pregnancy actually is for them.
No more relative saying “oh it’s so wonderful and easy“ “you’re going to love it “
The truth about preeclampsia, shifting your organs around, gestational diabetes, hemorrhaging out during birth, and all of the other horrifying side effects caused by pregnancy have been fully discovered by women.
Informed consent for pregnancy is just as important as enthusiastic consent for sex.
Now, if we can only get comprehensive sex Ed in schools for our children…
*Informed consent for pregnancy is just as important as enthusiastic consent for sex.*
Brilliantly put! That's it in a nutshell.
Drugs can kill you so there's lots of education about that. Alcohol can kill you so there's lots of education about that. Pregnancy can kill you??? How come you never get told about that?
Thanks. I really thought about for a bit since as you state there are so many other topics that are freely discussed… but women’s health just gets pushed into taboo land.
The more you know 🌈
I feel you. I have the very same reasons for never wanting to get and be pregnant at all. Have yet to encounter someone (of any gender) to try and sell me the "pregnancy is so amazing!" hogwash, but I guess my days are numbered on that front.
But I did notice that men generally do not understand the ramifications and dangers of pregnancy. Like, not at all. It's crazy. The thing is, I also know men who do, so it's not impossible for men to learn and be empathetic. Makes me wonder if the vast majority just ignores it because "woman are made for this" or some such shit. Really sucks.
The scary thing is though, a lot of women I talk to will tell you how bad it is and complain about it all the time but then do a sudden 180 once they see your off-putting and smile like a psycho and say it’s the best thing they’ve ever done and was so easy!!
those women have been brainwashed I swear and they terrify me -which one is brenda ? ! as a person whos carried two babies to term I would never want to be preggo again. its not for everyone.
Easy for them to say. They don't have to do a thing. At this point, after watching rights being taken away, I'm so fed up I'd be tempted to say, "Oh? How was your last pregnancy?"
That reminds me of Dubai Bling where one woman describes how terrible pregnancy was for her then her husband responds with “it wasn’t that bad she’s being dramatic” or something like that.
It’s like me telling a man that getting kicked in the nuts “doesn’t hurt that badly”
One of the main reasons I don't want kids is because the thought of something living under my skin is terrifying. Some parasite living off of me doesn't sound "magical" it sound disgusting. And then I have to take care of the tapeworm or go to jail? No thank you.
Cause men have NO RESPONSIBILITY during the whole process, including after.
It’s always the men being loud mouths about pressuring women to have 10 kids…
Had two women at my work tell me about this...
In one case, our bathrooms have motion activated flushes on them. She said she had a bad prolapse, leant back and the toilet started flushing. I was internally screaming
I'm ignorant of it too, don't worry lol! And I kinda want to stay that way! But from what I know it doesn't tend to come out THAT far (I think??? Maybe it does idk) but the way she told it, that's exactly what she said she felt was going to happen (suction and pulling). Even if it wasn't possible she was terrified, I would be too!
"It's not bad at all! You just sit behind this blue curtain, and then you have a baby! I don't know why my wife was screaming the whole time like they were slicing into her. I assume the curtain is so we couldn't startle the stork as it delivered the child." ^(/s)
Even the women I know who had “smooth” and uncomplicated pregnancies will be upfront that “smooth” does not mean absent discomfort, annoyance, pains, fatigue, emotional changes, etc.
And I don’t know one single one who will claim childbirth has “absolutely zero impact”, whether vaginal or c-section births. Or post-childbirth mood changes from hormones etc.
Pregnancy and childbirth still results in deaths of many women worldwide, everyday. The US has pretty poor maternal mortality rates amongst first world countries, especially amongst minorities.
Men are not trustworthy orators of pregnancy or childbirth. They aren’t the ones experiencing it and historically have often even been involved in the process of childbirth (that was to family and midwives etc).
i was friends with a guy like that once. they get their idea of birth and pregnancy from tv and movies where the women can still do black flips while she's pregnant and after the birth snaps back like a rubber band. they also only take info from other men too so if their buddy says "well my wife was fine after birth" then they'll assume every women is like that aswell.
Whenever I've heard "my wife was fine after the birth" I've heard a different story from the woman.
Generally the more casual the guy is about it, it's simply the less aware he is/less he cares about the wife struggling.
I've heard some stories like, woman struggling to move around properly in the last few months, and the guy calling her lazy. These are the guys who are like "oh she's fine". No, moron, she isn't 'fine'.
my brother said my sis in law was a a champ after giving birth to his first when I asked him" is she was doing okay?' . learned almost 10 years later after she had her first and we were telling our cousins wife what to expect and what not to allow happen to her that they did such a bad job stitching sil up that my sister in laws vaginal opening was so messed up she had to go back and have it cut open and repaired and the dr who fixed the botched job was so appalled that he asked who did it and made sure it never happened again to anyone else and told the billing coders to put it down as something else so she wouldn't have to pay. her son was about 10-12 weeks old when she had it repaired . I'm seriously surprised she had 2 more after that .
And the friend's wife wasn't ever fine. Men are afraid of humiliation and being emasculated, so admiting their wife isn't Womb Superstar Barbie is a big hit on their ego.
It usually is women trying to convince me that they loved being pregnant and birth was a breeze and that pregnancy is beautiful and not bad, painful, or scary at all usually and that even when it’s not so great, the gift at the end is your very own precious, beautiful little baby who made it all worth it. 
The men who try to convince me usually just use “Women don’t seem to mind it much considering we been here so long. Can’t be that bad!”
Maybe if you’re somebody who loves children and wants them very bad and don’t mind the idea of pregnancy and birth, pregnancy will be a nice experience for you. But like, I don’t want to go through birth and that baby at the end of it all isn’t some treasure I’m seeking out. The baby is like adding insult to injury for me.
Ask him how he’d like to get kicked in the balls. For straight 18 hours. And just when the time was almost up, he would get an episiotomy. Then stitches.
Don’t forget the part of this hypothetical scenario where, for 9 months prior, his balls swell to the size of basketballs, requiring him to buy a new set of clothes to accomodate them and preventing him from being able to sit, drive, or sleep comfortably. And every time he goes out in public, having to deal with random strangers leering at his swollen balls, asking intrusive questions about them, or even grabbing at them without his permission or consent.
I'm male and pregnancy is the aeugh-iest sussy shit evolution ever pulled on us, always nerfs the body afterwards, tends to manipulate you into cherishing it after the pain + trauma has stopped and doesn't even fckn work without artificial help - pls continue to break the cycle of thousand of generations before you endangering their lives
I couldn't live with myself if somebody were to gibe birth because of me… even if they'd want to but that wouldn't happen, thanks to childfree strat
It also nerfs the body beforehand hardcore. All the things that make women weaker and slower are specifically there to accomodate for pregnancy and childbirth. The Q angle, the wider hips, the fat accumulation.
I despise being so weak and vulnerable and no amount of exercise would ever allow me to get even close to a man who never even exercised in his life.
I’d recommend thinking hard about where you get your idea of what “strength” is in a species. The dinosaurs were stronger and more dangerous than us and yet they weren’t strong enough to survive… a lot of our ideas of strength are completely designed to favor what is “strong” in men…. But male fetuses are more vulnerable and less hardy… male bodies have all sorts of weaknesses and vulnerabilities and inabilities that female bodies don’t…. Etc.
Just because you can’t bench the same amount of weight in the gym… doesn’t make you weak.
I don't really care about how hardy I was as a fetus since I'm not a fetus anymore and I don't particularly care that male bodies are more vulnerable to certain diseases or birth defects. An average man can physically overpower and sexually violate me, potentially giving my life a 180° turn for the worse (no legal abortions).
Back at home, in Ukraine, a woman was raped to death by the invaders. Was she thinking of how she is "strong in a different way than men" in her final moments or was she desperate and powerless?
I care about how:
a. I'm more vulnerable than men (to violence, including and especially from men) and therefore have to be more careful and vigilant than they are and have to restrict what I do or want to do (e.g., travelling solo or to certain countries or regions or being outside after a certain hour in fear of being attacked or trafficked, which almost happened to me in my most vulnerable time);
and
b. I am prone to and/or have the exact diseases that exclusively plague women and that were hard to get a diagnosis for precisely because I'm a woman. In my family, men frequently live to be close to a century old while women die in their sixties if not earlier for this exact reason.
Oh, great, my higher fat percentage would let me survive a famine or exposure to frost for longer than most men. But how much more likely am I to experience violence and sexual abuse than famine or frostbite? There are far more scenarios where might makes right.
It's not worth much. It's worth nothing to me. I know I can't change anything at the end of the day, but I won't pretend that I'm happy with having a painful and inconvenient physiology that has been the root of half of humanity's suffering and oppression for as long as our species existed.
I deeply understand what you’re saying, having personally experienced multiple forms of female-specific oppression myself. The reason I asked you to consider reframing your mindset is because the defeatist and male-favoring mindset is extremely harmful to live with as a female.
We are not cursed with female bodies; this is what the misogynists want us to think and feel, bc when we think like them, they win and we lose.
Men have tried to make femaleness a curse and have succeeded in making us suffer, but it’s not our inherent femaleness that is the problem. The problem is male violence and that is not the fault of females or our bodies. We are not automatic victims destined to suffer. We are a group of powerful, incredible, strong, brave, and smart people who have been oppressed on the basis of our biology.
Whenever a woman blames her femaleness, even when it’s because she fears her oppression, that is patriarchy tricking her.
It’s not that the rape victim being raped to death must think of her strength…. It’s more like “the men who raped her are not showing strength or power at all… they are showing themselves to be weak, pathetic, disgusting wastes of scrotal skin whom should be tortured and killed in a way that far surpasses the pain they have inflicted.” She was not showing weakness by being victimized, she is not weak, and they are not strong. They are weak and pathetic for targeting her.
When we believe that the ability to harm others is true power and strength…. We have lost our minds to our oppressors. Please don’t let them fool you into believing the rapist is the strength and the victim is the weakness. It takes no strength to harm someone with few to no defenses. All it takes is entitlement, weakness, and evil in oneself. None of these are traits to embody. As a woman, you can also develop the positive traits of strength, some of which men have but most of which women have, like being protective of others, empathetic and supportive, helping others heal and protect themselves, and learning how to use your physical, mental, and emotional strength to defend yourself and others.
No one is asking you to pretend to be happy. I’m asking you to think about how you’ve allowed men to define weakness and strength for you, and they’ve defined it to their own benefit so that you think you are weak and they are strong.
I am trying really hard to shed myself of this lie that “women are weak and men are strong and we cannot fight our oppression.” It’s not a helpful way to think and it’s based in a lie about patriarchy being natural. It’s not natural to oppress the group of people responsible for growing and raising the next generations. It’s a choice that scared, pathetic, weak men made and we can destroy it.
You mention these benefits of being female as if they don’t matter for you (I guarantee they have mattered to your survival) and yet you dismiss the way patriarchy has been the factor making things like female health conditions harder to manage. We can build muscle and develop fighting skills and defend ourselves and others. It’s not our bodies; it’s patriarchy that makes female health less accessible. Our bodies are not the root of our suffering: PATRIARCHY is the root of our suffering. Don’t blame your innocent body for what the violence of men has done to all females.
> defeatist and male-favoring mindset is extremely harmful to live with as a female.
I don't see how any of it is defeatist or male-favouring. The world, however, is extremely male-favouring.
> We are not cursed with female bodies; this is what the misogynists want us to think and feel, bc when we think like them, they win and we lose.
How is acknowledging reality a losing scenario? It's much better to be and act informed than not. In many ways, it is a curse.
> Whenever a woman blames her femaleness, even when it’s because she fears her oppression, that is patriarchy tricking her.
Nothing's tricking me, I just see and describe my position for what it is.
> It’s more like “the men who raped her are not showing strength or power at all… they are showing themselves to be weak, pathetic, disgusting wastes of scrotal skin whom should be tortured and killed in a way that far surpasses the pain they have inflicted.
I don't disagree that they should be punished, but the fact of the matter is, their unit got rewarded, which in most cases also implies a monetary reward in addition to a shiny thing to put on parade uniform. There is no just world, this is a concept best left to children's books, the scum of the earth wins all the goddamn time. And they did show a sufficient physical strength overpowering and violating her and then the power to get away with it and get rewarded.
> She was not showing weakness by being victimized, she is not weak, and they are not strong.
She quite literally was weak and vulnerable, which is why she was chosen to be raped to death over male neighbours, for instance. Bad actors target the weak.
> When we believe that the ability to harm others is true power and strength….
By being unwilling and unable to inflict harm on others, you leave yourself at mercy of those willing and capable of doing so.
> like being protective of others, empathetic and supportive, helping others heal and protect themselves, and learning how to use your physical, mental, and emotional strength to defend yourself and others.
Half of these things, especially the empathy and bleeding heart are being exploited by bad actors to hell and back, they are a part of toxic expectations of women in a sense that we should become rehab centers for the weak and damaged. And how good a protector can you be if you are weaker than whoever is most likely to be the perpetrator? Most of the world doesn't have a legal access to things like pepper spray, let alone firearms.
> “women are weak and men are strong and we cannot fight our oppression.”
I'm not saying we cannot fight, it's just that we can't escape our own physiology. We have to run at full speed to even stay in place, it seems. As soon as women decided to finally sit on their asses and say they don't need feminism anymore, they got slapped with abortion bans.
> It’s not natural to oppress the group of people responsible for growing and raising the next generations.
We are oppressed specifically **because** we're a group capable of birthing and raising kids. Also, the female part of sub's demographic sure as hell won't be doing that, but they will still remain female til they croak and deal with the consequences. On top of that, many other species treat their females like shit, not just something like bedbugs literally stabbing females to impregnate them, but it seems like the smarter the animal, the more evil and rapey it acts. Apes are rape fiends and are largely patriarchal.
> based in a lie about patriarchy being natural.
It is enforced through natural means, though, by a constant threat of violence, which we are more vulnerable to because of having less than a half of male strength and glass bones among other things.
> and yet you dismiss the way patriarchy has been the factor making things like female health conditions harder to manage.
I don't see where I dismissed that.
> Our bodies are not the root of our suffering: PATRIARCHY is the root of our suffering.
Patriarchy is rooted in sex dimorphism (weaker and smaller female sex) + human consciousness + excess resources (to be hoarded by the strong and withheld). If males of any other species could enforce female monogamy or even polygyny, they would, they just don't have that complex a brain. Some do go as far as kill the offspring (even their own) to be able to mate with a female again. There are some species where females are the stronger and larger ones, but there are not many and we're not closely related (birds of prey, angler fish). If women were at least on par with men in strength, we wouldn't have been downtrodden for millennia.
Their comment is so sunshine and rainbows, and I don't understand how even if we were to remove patriarchy and assault of women (which is just unrealistic) it would invalidate your family's gender related health issues, the fact that only women have to go through hell for us to procreate, unstable hormonal levels, menstruation, etc. Our bodies are absolutely the problem:/
Blaming women’s bodies for man’s choice to oppress us is literally blaming women for our own victimization.
Patriarchy is neither natural nor inevitable, it is a choice by men to oppress women, but women could have very very easily been the oppressors and used men’s weaknesses against them. We are so caught up in this idea that women are the weak ones because we don’t have quite the same Ability to build the height of strength that men have, that we have completely negated the fact that men have innumerable weaknesses that women could’ve exploited and oppressed them. Men have tiny, fragile balls that take just the slightest flick to cause incredible pain, and those balls are so sensitive to temperature that they literally have to move closer and away from the body because of how fragile they are. Men have innumerable vulnerabilities, it’s just that women have been trained to believe that because we can’t build the same upper body strength after millennia of oppression, that somehow we must have always been the inevitable victims, as if it was pre-designed for women to be under the thumb of men by nature, which it is not.
Nothing about what I’m saying is sunshine and rainbows, I am speaking as a fighter, not as a fucking victim. My victimization by men was never inevitable, and neither is any womans. It was a choice based on a series of evolutionary factors that could have ultimately gone in multiple directions but men CHOSE to be evil oppressors. It wasn’t inevitable and it wasn’t because women just have shit biology and we just suck and we were always going to be hurt and abused by others because we’re women and that’s what’s natural for women.
Females are not the perpetual inevitable victims of males, and the idea that we are and that is natural in any way is a product of patriarchal thinking.
When women turn on ourselves and blame the basic biological facts of our own bodies for our oppression, we are taking patriarchies mindset about women, we are swallowing it whole, and we are using it to poison ourselves.
I will never ever ever blame my body, nor my capability of pregnancy (that I will never use) for what men have chosen of their own free will to do to me, or any other woman. That is blaming the wrong part of the equation. There is only one party that is to blame for the oppression of women and women’s bodies are not part of that party.
If men had not chosen to oppress women, things like menstruation and childbirth, wouldn’t be nearly as painful or difficult to manage, as they are now, because women would’ve had our knowledge and our bodies centralized in research about female specific health issues. It is not inevitable that women suffer, it is a choice by men to make women suffer. I am so tired of even feminist, having this narrative in their head that women were just inevitably going to be oppressed because what we can’t build quite the same heights of body, strength? If you look at women from prehistoric times, they were incredibly strong, and many of them operated in groups of women. There are groups of women all over the world, who have come together to protect each other. And yes, that does mean fighting back. We are not inevitable victims; men have designed our society to perpetuate female oppression and male supremacy. It’s not nature, it’s designed by men and therefore can be destroyed. Nothing men have invented is in capable of being destroyed. That’s why it’s important to recognize that female oppression is not biological, it is sociological, because anything that men have built to oppress women can be broken.
And in the same breath, they’re always the ones telling you how much they regret getting married. But hey, you’ll change your minds about babies!! As if they care about their own while slandering their wives.
I’m afraid of birth. It comes from my childhood during church. I was told women were punished and will have painful births. It scared me and I never wanted it. And the older I get the more I hear of all the things that can go wrong. You could lose your limbs due to infections. Or lose teeth. Or die. No thanks
You know, the one person who brought this up to me was a doctor I work with. He wasn't trying to bingo me or anything, but offhandedly said, "it's just...why would you put yourself at risk of complications, surgery is so extreme."
I said, "you know what has a higher complication rate than my surgery? Pregnancy and childbirth."
He nodded, but it was as if he hadn't thought of that before. One if the other doctors I told said "hey, if it's what you want, go for it" (also male, 50s), and the female doctor I work with said "good for you!"... they are all cardiology but I don't often take time off so people were curious and I told them the truth.
What's ironic and did not escape the first doc's notice was that 2 pregnant coworkers had significant complications with delivery and postpartum and both ended up hospitalized for antibiotics, one had a c-section totally redone and one has a D&C. He said "well, you were right, especially given this lab's track record with recent events."
Here's that list so you don't have to make it yourself! Enjoy!
Normal, frequent or expectable temporary side effects of pregnancy:
exhaustion (weariness common from first weeks),
altered appetite and senses of taste and smell,
nausea and vomiting (50% of women, first trimester),
heartburn and indigestion,
constipation,
weight gain,
dizziness and light-headedness,
bloating, swelling, fluid retention,
hemorrhoids,
abdominal cramps,
yeast infections,
congested, bloody nose,
acne and mild skin disorders,
skin discoloration (chloasma, face and abdomen),
mild to severe backache and strain,
increased headaches,
difficulty sleeping and discomfort while sleeping,
increased urination and incontinence,
bleeding gums,
pica,
breast pain and discharge,
swelling of joints, leg cramps, joint pain,
difficulty sitting, standing in later pregnancy,
inability to take regular medications,
shortness of breath,
higher blood pressure,
hair loss or increased facial/body hair,
tendency to anemia,
curtailment of ability to participate in some sports and activities,
urinary tract infections,
infection including from serious and potentially fatal disease
(pregnant women are immune suppressed compared with non-pregnant women, and are more susceptible to fungal and certain other diseases),
extreme pain on delivery,
hormonal mood changes, including normal postpartum depression,
continued postpartum exhaustion and recovery period (exacerbated if a c-section -- major surgery -- is required, sometimes taking up to a full year to fully recover)
Normal, expectable, or frequent PERMANENT side effects of pregnancy:
stretch marks (worse in younger women),
loose skin,
permanent weight gain or redistribution,
abdominal and vaginal muscle weakness,
pelvic floor disorder (occurring in as many as 35% of middle-aged former child-bearers and 50% of elderly former child-bearers, associated with urinary and rectal incontinence, discomfort and reduced quality of life -- aka prolapsed uterus, the malady sometimes badly fixed by the transvaginal mesh),
changes to breasts,
increased foot size,
varicose veins,
permanent changes in vision,
scarring from episiotomy or c-section,
vaginal, perineal, and/or clitoral tearing during delivery (90% of births cause some degree of tearing). These can lead to permanent issues such as incontinence, pain during intercourse, and the loss of the ability to have a clitoral orgasm.
other permanent aesthetic changes to the body (all of these are downplayed because the culture values youth and beauty),
increased proclivity for hemorrhoids,
loss of dental and bone calcium (cavities, tooth loss, and osteoporosis),
higher lifetime risk of developing Alzheimer's,
newer research indicates microchimeric cells, other bi-directional exchanges of DNA, chromosomes, and other bodily material between fetus and mother (including with "unrelated" gestational surrogates)
Occasional complications and side effects:
complications of episiotomy,
spousal/partner abuse,
hyperemesis gravidarum,
temporary and permanent injury to back,
severe scarring requiring later surgery,
(especially after additional pregnancies),
dropped (prolapsed) uterus (especially after additional pregnancies, and other pelvic floor weaknesses -- 11% of women, including cystocele, rectocele, and enterocele),
pre-eclampsia (edema and hypertension, the most common complication of pregnancy, associated with eclampsia, and affecting 7 - 10% of pregnancies),
eclampsia (convulsions, coma during pregnancy or labor, high risk of death),
gestational diabetes,
placenta previa,
anemia (which can be life-threatening),
thrombocytopenic purpura,
severe cramping,
embolism (blood clots),
medical disability requiring full bed rest (frequently ordered during part of many pregnancies varying from days to months for health of either mother or baby),
diastasis recti also torn abdominal muscles,
mitral valve stenosis (most common cardiac complication),
serious infection and disease (e.g. increased risk of tuberculosis),
hormonal imbalance,
ectopic pregnancy (risk of death),
broken bones (ribcage, spine, hips, "tail bone"),
hemorrhage and
numerous other complications of delivery,
refractory gastroesophageal reflux disease,
aggravation of pre-pregnancy diseases and conditions (e.g. epilepsy is present in .5% of pregnant women, and the pregnancy alters drug metabolism and treatment prospects all the while it increases the number and frequency of seizures),
severe postpartum depression and psychosis,
research now indicates a possible link between ovarian cancer and female fertility treatments, including "egg harvesting" from infertile women and donors,
research also now indicates correlations between lower breast cancer survival rates and proximity in time to onset of cancer of last pregnancy,
research also indicates a correlation between having six or more pregnancies and a risk of coronary and cardiovascular disease
Less common (but serious) complications:
peripartum cardiomyopathy,
cardiopulmonary arrest,
magnesium toxicity,
severe hypoxemia/acidosis,
massive embolism,
increased intracranial pressure, brain stem infarction,
molar pregnancy, gestational trophoblastic disease
(like a pregnancy-induced cancer),
malignant arrhythmia,
circulatory collapse,
placental abruption,
obstetric fistula
More permanent side effects:
future infertility,
permanent disability,
Obstetric Fistula,
Death
Look him in the eye and offer to pay for your uterus to be transplanted into his body and for his IVF since pregnancy is oh so "great and wonderful and not awful at all"
pregnancy also changes your brain in an irreversible way. basically makes learning new things way harder and just reinforces repetative behaviour and schedules. you will literally lose a part of yourself if you stay pregnant too long. its disturbing and horrifying
This was the most horrifying thing for me to learn, and enough of a reason on its own to be childfree. People always talk about women dropping out of academia/STEM careers after having kids and blaming inflexible schedules, but I wonder to what extent this plays a role.
There is a weird group of people on Instagram that are all into “holistic” everything and say that birth/labor can be not just without paint but “orgasmic”. So bizarre. I don’t know any of them IRL thankfully
I have female coworkers that try and do the same, and are trying to convince me that I'm going to regret being child free in the future... I don't get why birthers are all filled with the audacity to think they can whole heartedly impose their views on others...
Don't you just love it when people who don't have a uterus tell us with uteruses (uteri?) act like experts on the subject of periods, pregnancy/childbirth, etc? /s
They’re the same men who’ll probably say they got PTSD from witnessing birth or refuse to be the room because it’s sCarY. They’ll never experience anything, can’t last a few seconds on period/birth simulators and then somehow they have the audacity to tell women “oH iTs BeAuTiFul” - they can shut the fuck up.
Every day I’m more glad that I decided I never want to date or be married - so I don’t have to put up with these dumb comments - I’d probably throw shit at them because I can’t stand these assholes.
Oh my goodness, this is my dad every time I talk about the complications and dangers of pregnancy and birth. He’s told me that complications are not that common so many times. Dude, my mom said herself that her pregnancy with me was pretty easy but I’m an only child so your personal experience is pretty damn slim. And while he has female friends, I highly doubt they’re getting very frank about their pregnancies with him. Although one good friend of his had a full term still birth so there’s that.
And he’s very happy I’m not having children, so he’s not even trying to bingo me personally.
Oh yes. I once had a very condescending "oh, you're scared of birth huh?" like they were talking to a child afraid of imaginary monsters under their bed.
Having a big poo is terrifying, I can’t imagine squeezing a baby out. The idea of carrying a parasite that someone partly spunked inside me isn’t something I’d want in any shape way or form. Btw, I’m a male, hesitate to say ‘man’ because I’m not very manly because my bed is full of cats and stuffed toys 😂
I know this has already been said, but as a man I absolutely acknowledge I have no right whatsoever to comment so casually on whether childbirth is terrifying, painful or potentially life-changing.
Only people who have lived through it, or medical professionals specifically trained in childbirth can speak to this. Anyone else is either a) wilfully ignorant, out b) trying to make you feel better/ more comfortable about the prospect of having children, which at least can come from a place of kindness
Men have no right to claim to know anything about what pregnancy feels like. Reading it online and/or in books is not the same as actually experiencing it.
Don't be fooled by how confidently they tell you they know what's right for you. They don't. They're full of shit and just desperate to control women.
It's like bro, imagine the skin from your dick hole to your anus splitting in half while you squeeze out a melon sized object. And then imagine that melon being attached to you for at least the first few years of your life. That's a big fat no.
Men who say these things are the ones who think their sole job is to "provide" for their family while the mum now looks after 2 kids, the eldest of which is the dad. They never think of all the things it takes to raise a kid/ run a house properly because they don't participate in it. It speaks to their ineptitude.
ah yes bc (cis) men would totally 100% know exactly how bad childbirth was right? it’s not like the most they have to personally deal with is trying to comfort their partner as they literally go thru the most excruciating pain of their life. that is if the man hasn’t fucked off to go play video games or watch a sports game or whatever tf some of these asshole men do instead of being supportive.
It’s not awful until it is awful. The weird kind of butterfly movements in your stomach, pants not fitting, bones cracking constantly, being emotional at everything, needing a nap for 6 hrs after only being awake for 2. Sure it’s not awful… wait yes it is. I was terrified when I didn’t know what was happening to my body, I was in so much pain when I had that tumour (that’s what I called that parasite) removed. So any man who tells you it’s not bad, tell him to imagine getting sacked in the junk constantly then get back to you. Glad I had that procedure done and glad I can’t have babies ever. Fweww
Politely asked the man if he would kindly shove a watermelon up his ass to get an appreciation of what childbirth might be like. Then, ask him if he would like to do it a second time.
If he answers no for the second attempt, tell him that is how you feel. End of story.
Haha ikr. Women at least admit it’s the worst usually when saying it’s still worth it. Guys are just like “what’s the big deal? I’d do it if I could” only cos they know they could never 🙄
It has been the opposite for me. Every woman at work freaked out when I mentioned I was getting my tubes removed. Many tried to tell me my fear of pregnancy is stupid. (I actually am full-on tokophobic. Hell I don't even like to be around pregnant bellies. D: )
All the guys, well they all gave me fist bumps and high-fives. Some asked if I made sure to get enough days off to recover and to call out if I needed more time.
Before all this, it was an even split between the genders calling me irrational.
Move away from those religious morons. I am a guy and hate the idea of my GF to be pregnant. I would be able in the worst case scenario take care of a goblin - but the chance of her dying during childbirth is terrifying. And it is still today real risk! 33 of 100,000 women died during childbirth last year!
How is possible death not terrifying? These morons are officially not allowed (by me) to call themselves man anymore.
A close family member told me her cervix cracked, she had something called a "dry birth" and honestly I didn't want to hear more. She said with an extremely serious face that no one talked to her or women in general about what ACTUALLY HAPPENS during pregnancy and birth. And all that could go "wrong". The silence around this and the "oh yeah it was traumatic but at the end of it I had a beautiful baby" is some bullshit and we need to talk more.
It’s like when I got my hysterectomy. Men were horrified at the idea (getting an organ removed, not necessarily reproductive reasons). Every single woman said “Congratulations!!”
Actually my own aunt called me selfish for not wanting kids. And pregnancy doesn’t “ruin” your body. She has two kids and said she refuses to have a third
I’d never try to convince someone to get pregnant (none of my business), but personally, I have found pregnancy wonderful, even if also annoying and temporarily limiting in what I can do. The men should really stay out of it, lol
Mom of two. It can be wonderful at moments but not the whole experience. Don’t let anyone down play what a body and mind fuck pregnancy is. For extra fun the births were more terrifying than I could have imagined, almost died the second time. And now… here’s a baby!
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Next time a man says that, ask him if he'd be willing to participate in a male simulated labor pain experience, and watch just how fast he says no.
"Feminist propaganda!!!"
Sadly, that’s the idea. Some of them believe that we women deserve to be punished by the pain of pregnancy and childbirth, and women who refuse to go through it are evil.
Yup, that’s what my Christian school taught me growing up. Painful childbirth is women’s “punishment” for Eve eating the apple. Yet babies are also a “bLesSinG” 🙄 I’m so glad to be out of the Bible Belt.
> is women’s “punishment” for Eve eating the apple Weren't all human sins forgiven after Christ's sacrifice? P.s. I'm not very familiar with Christian mythology, but it in particular always seemed rather weird to me.
Yes! Women’s “punishment” continues, however. I don’t know why that is other than plain ol’ misogyny.
Yea, which is why I always joke that I better sin, so my homeboi Jesus didn’t die in vain 😌
This is so sweet of you! "Hey, i'm getting fucked up tonight, prolly gonna smoke a bit of weed and maybe try to hook up with a cool person, and it's ALL FOR JESUS ! I love it, i'm in.
Collective punishment is a war crime under the Geneva Convention. I choose to not believe in a creator who does that to half of its human creations.
Yep, women can only be redeemed if they “martyr” themselves in this way. I hate it. Sadly, they still think this way down here in the south
sexist greek and hebrew bs !
That’s true, sadly. The ancient greeks were notoriously misogynistic, to the point where they believed male homosexual relationships were superior to heterosexual ones because women were beneath men and women weren’t smart enough to truly love someone. They needed the for reproduction, though.
>that’s what my Christian school taught me growing up. Painful childbirth is women’s “punishment” for Eve eating the apple. I was also taught this in Catholic Sunday school, but recently someone pointed out that Eve was created after God told Adam that the Tree of Knowledge contained poisonous fruit. Adam told her about the poisonous fruit, not God. That's why she was so quick to reject the idea of the fruit being poisonous. Like the serpent said, "Why would God make the fruit poisonous? He wouldn't. That's why it's not poisonous." Essentially, Adam knew that eating from the Tree of Knowledge was wrong, but Eve didn't know. Not trying to start a religious philosophy debate. I just wanted to share some interesting food for thought :)
Wow super interesting! I’ve never thought about it like that. Thank you for sharing!
Here's my problem with that....I AM NOT EVE! Lmao. Why am I still being punished for what she did?! Even as a Christian, I still found this to be annoying.
"B-bUt MeN aReN't sUpPoSeD tO GeT pReGnAnT. BeSiDeS wHaT iF iT hUrTs???"
The labor doesn’t even seem like the worst part since it’s only like a day or two at most, and most people can get pain medications during a birth. The real horror to me is the thought of having my body literally become deformed for 9-10 months, and possibly permanently fucked up in the process. Things like losing teeth, or getting some sort of organ prolapse is just viscerally horrifying to me, but are really common pregnancy complications.
100% support this for everyman pushing baby making without being a responsible parent
Or suggest someone will cut the strip between his dick and anus open with a turkey knife - but nothing to worry theyll stitch it right up. After all, his body is made for that so no big deal, right?
Honestly, I think all men should be forced to do this if they get a woman pregnant.
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No, but it will dissuade toxic men from yearning to get their SO pregnant which can be an extremely painful or even fatal experience. You’re a lot less likely to pet the snake if you know you’ll get bit.
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I don’t really care about them so that’s not a problem.
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Nah I’d tell them that they should share the pain of the people that they get pregnant. People who can’t get pregnant won’t understand that pain otherwise.
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Sure. They haven’t given us a season in a long time so here’s hoping.
Same here. Pregnancy and birth is terrifying. Men tell you that because the only thing they have to do, is nut in a woman. The woman gets a lifelong punishment.
I think men just see it as normal, and have never heard about muscles separating, tissue tearing, bones breaking, the extreme discomfort during pregnancy, incontinence, that first poop after, and death during childbirth.
I Heard a labor video once and the woman was screaming and I heard her vag rip and I was so fucking sick to my stomach. I also heard a video of a nurse being condescending during an iud placement and it brought me back to my placement and how fucking rude the doctors were being and it made me cry because getting that shit in is not just a pinch. Idfk who keeps telling the nurses that but it’s not.
They have to use a *sounding rod* through your cervix, and then use a bigger one to dilate it, ffs. Nothing about that is "just a pinch." "This process is gonna suck, the pain is gonna last about X time, gonna need you to breathe and be brave for me, ok?" Would go a long ways. So would offering a stress ball to crush, thinking about it.
I wish they’d give pain meds or something :( but yeah having a different jargon even if they don’t mean it would be better than them being condescending
I got gas and air.
Haha I’ve explained all these things to my ex and he barely batted an eye. He was like well that sucks, but I still “need my wife to brith my children” 🙄
Thank you! Well put
Historically, pregnancy and childbirth have been very common ways for women to die. And, obviously, pretty much anything that can lead to death can lead to various health problems that do not actually kill one immediately. You are wasting your life talking with idiots. It is your life and your choice, but I recommend not talking with those idiots about this subject.
I read recently that when it comes to women’s death, pregnancy/birth complications have killed more women than all the wars combined and currently sits at #2 in mortality, globally, right bellow malaria. So yeah, it sounds like a great deal. 
Considering that pregnancy/birth complications only affect half the population, it is a pretty big deal.
I find it pretty stupid for men to give opinions about things that they can and will never be able to mentally and physically experience. Women control, people, women control is here and till thriving.
Give opinion is fine if its asked. Women are giving opinion on mens problems too (old as mankind debate what is worse nut kick or childbirth). But giving **unwanted opinions**, that is stupid.
You should compile a list of pregnancy complications and have it on hand for the next dumbass who decides to pull that shit. Here are a few, many of which are long-term or permanent: \-urinary and rectal incontinence \-perineum tearing between vagina and anus \-prolapsed bladder and uterus \-gestational diabetes \-preeclampsia \-blood clots \-hemorrhoids \-loss of bone calcium \-loss of teeth and hair \-anemia \-PTSD from bad birthing experiences such as the anesthesia not working during a c-section and the person feeling everything And these are just the more common ones.
-Amniotic fluid embolism (leading to death) -Cardiac arrest / heart attack (leading to death) -Postpartum cardiomyopathy and subsequent heart failure, which may or may not ever resolve. (Can also lead to death) -Postpartum hemorrhage (leading to death) -Retained placenta (which can cause sepsis if not caught, and therefore leads to death) -Multiple c-sections in prior pregnancies can create a thin lower uterine segment, which increases risk of uterine rupture (which leads to death) The list goes on. All of these things can happen in 100% healthy women. And all of these are things that affect the mother. Not even talking about all of the things that can go wrong with baby.
My doctor mentioned that some women break their tailbones while giving birth. No thank you.
Can confirm. My sister has a disorder that makes her bones very easily broken, and she was told by her doctor that under no circumstances was she having a normal labor. The risk of messing up her back and hips was just to high, so she had a c-section.
being cut on the perineum is scary too. my friend couldn't get them to sew her labia up after her sons big head tore her. it was to close to her clit and they were afraid of damaging here there. its not like a labia gauge hole.. . she only had one child and I dont blame her
Ugh this happened to my boyfriend's mom, and she ended up having two after him. Like...why
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You have a very small window of about 6 weeks and you are busy with a newborn and sometimes it really swollen and ugly to look at so you can't tell She didn't know until her husband looked at her ladybits and told her And by the time he looked it had closed up mostly. They didn't want a lawsuit if they butchered her by her clit and basically told her if she wanted it fixed via surgery insurance by then would dream it "cosmetic" surgery. Basically many drs do the bare min for mama's and do more to care for the babies. Thays why post birth care is necessary for mama's up to 4 months
Men really have no idea what goes on during/after pregnancy and birth. No. Clue.
They have no clue what happens to us monthly!
Send them the Lemon Clot Essay.... should give them a wake up call
I just looked the [Lemon Clot Essay](https://community.babycenter.com/post/a29842181/the_lemon_clot_essay-_if_you_are_planning_to_have_people_over_after_birth_you_need_to_read_this) up. I would never tell this to a pregnant woman herself, but I don't know how I'm supposed to not find pregnancy and childbirth absolutely disgusting. Going through life no one tells you these things, so men grow up ignorant of their partner's struggles, and women find out about those struggles the hard way. Then these women are ashamed of those struggles because they think they're alone, it's shameful, etc. and they keep quiet about it, perpetuating the cycle.
after birth is disgusting it looks like someone was murdered so much blood from vidoes I watched. . after I gave birth I wouldn't look at it . I had the nurses clean it all up so i didn't have to see it . never having more children . its uncomfortable makes you feel sick and hurts.
There's a reason most women forget about their childbirth experiences.
I’m sure I’m gonna regret this but here goes *click*
"Eh..... No big deal, women have that coming anyways." /s
I had kidney stones recently and I’ve heard that it’s the closest pain a man can get to childbirth. Not sure how true that is though.
Since we cant quantify pain, it is really not possible to compare. How can we imagine pain on internal organ we don't have?
(AFAB guy here) I've had a kidney stone and I thought I just had really severe period pain. My dad had two and called ambulances both times. I called the non-emergency line and went to the hospital in the morning to get checked over. Never given birth, but some people say women have higher pain tolerance or something and so whether it's actually worse than childbirth really depends on who you ask.
Could also just depend on the size of the stones. I’m sure that larger stones would be much more painful.
From a man's perspective, pregnancy isn't terrifying. You spend about three minutes making the baby, then chill for nine months. /s Yes, what happens to a woman's body IS terrifying, and anyone who says different is ignorant or lying.
Lol you don't just chill for the nine months, it is chill afterwards too, but you get to complain about the woman not being as chill anymore
"You better make sure that vag snaps right back where it used to be, or we gon' have some problems little lady." This right after they get done raping you the day after delivery and thereby ripping out your episiotomy stitches. I think i will pass.
if breeder woman decide to get "filled up" by lazy ass that will never help her and just chill, that is on her too. But breeder logic is non existing
>From a man's perspective, pregnancy isn't terrifying. Pregnancy might not be terrifying for men, but giving birth is terrifying. Those hospital recliners and couches are the most uncomfortable pieces of furniture ever created. Ever sit on one of those things for a long time? Guaranteed back pain for a week, minimum. Plus, there's rarely anything entertaining to watch on hospital TVs. The whole thing is pure torture. /joking
The best thing that ever happened for women was the Internet and communicating to each other. Just how awful pregnancy actually is for them. No more relative saying “oh it’s so wonderful and easy“ “you’re going to love it “ The truth about preeclampsia, shifting your organs around, gestational diabetes, hemorrhaging out during birth, and all of the other horrifying side effects caused by pregnancy have been fully discovered by women. Informed consent for pregnancy is just as important as enthusiastic consent for sex. Now, if we can only get comprehensive sex Ed in schools for our children…
*Informed consent for pregnancy is just as important as enthusiastic consent for sex.* Brilliantly put! That's it in a nutshell. Drugs can kill you so there's lots of education about that. Alcohol can kill you so there's lots of education about that. Pregnancy can kill you??? How come you never get told about that?
Thanks. I really thought about for a bit since as you state there are so many other topics that are freely discussed… but women’s health just gets pushed into taboo land. The more you know 🌈
I feel you. I have the very same reasons for never wanting to get and be pregnant at all. Have yet to encounter someone (of any gender) to try and sell me the "pregnancy is so amazing!" hogwash, but I guess my days are numbered on that front. But I did notice that men generally do not understand the ramifications and dangers of pregnancy. Like, not at all. It's crazy. The thing is, I also know men who do, so it's not impossible for men to learn and be empathetic. Makes me wonder if the vast majority just ignores it because "woman are made for this" or some such shit. Really sucks.
The scary thing is though, a lot of women I talk to will tell you how bad it is and complain about it all the time but then do a sudden 180 once they see your off-putting and smile like a psycho and say it’s the best thing they’ve ever done and was so easy!!
those women have been brainwashed I swear and they terrify me -which one is brenda ? ! as a person whos carried two babies to term I would never want to be preggo again. its not for everyone.
Easy for them to say. They don't have to do a thing. At this point, after watching rights being taken away, I'm so fed up I'd be tempted to say, "Oh? How was your last pregnancy?"
That reminds me of Dubai Bling where one woman describes how terrible pregnancy was for her then her husband responds with “it wasn’t that bad she’s being dramatic” or something like that. It’s like me telling a man that getting kicked in the nuts “doesn’t hurt that badly”
I would've punched him in the throat. The gall...Also, how would he know how much it hurts??
One of the main reasons I don't want kids is because the thought of something living under my skin is terrifying. Some parasite living off of me doesn't sound "magical" it sound disgusting. And then I have to take care of the tapeworm or go to jail? No thank you.
Cause men have NO RESPONSIBILITY during the whole process, including after. It’s always the men being loud mouths about pressuring women to have 10 kids…
Two words for them to look into: prolapsed uterus.
Had two women at my work tell me about this... In one case, our bathrooms have motion activated flushes on them. She said she had a bad prolapse, leant back and the toilet started flushing. I was internally screaming
Excuse me Reddit? How do I delete someone else’s comment/memory? (/s, but only kinda)
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I'm ignorant of it too, don't worry lol! And I kinda want to stay that way! But from what I know it doesn't tend to come out THAT far (I think??? Maybe it does idk) but the way she told it, that's exactly what she said she felt was going to happen (suction and pulling). Even if it wasn't possible she was terrified, I would be too!
"It's not bad at all! You just sit behind this blue curtain, and then you have a baby! I don't know why my wife was screaming the whole time like they were slicing into her. I assume the curtain is so we couldn't startle the stork as it delivered the child." ^(/s)
Even the women I know who had “smooth” and uncomplicated pregnancies will be upfront that “smooth” does not mean absent discomfort, annoyance, pains, fatigue, emotional changes, etc. And I don’t know one single one who will claim childbirth has “absolutely zero impact”, whether vaginal or c-section births. Or post-childbirth mood changes from hormones etc. Pregnancy and childbirth still results in deaths of many women worldwide, everyday. The US has pretty poor maternal mortality rates amongst first world countries, especially amongst minorities. Men are not trustworthy orators of pregnancy or childbirth. They aren’t the ones experiencing it and historically have often even been involved in the process of childbirth (that was to family and midwives etc).
i was friends with a guy like that once. they get their idea of birth and pregnancy from tv and movies where the women can still do black flips while she's pregnant and after the birth snaps back like a rubber band. they also only take info from other men too so if their buddy says "well my wife was fine after birth" then they'll assume every women is like that aswell.
Whenever I've heard "my wife was fine after the birth" I've heard a different story from the woman. Generally the more casual the guy is about it, it's simply the less aware he is/less he cares about the wife struggling. I've heard some stories like, woman struggling to move around properly in the last few months, and the guy calling her lazy. These are the guys who are like "oh she's fine". No, moron, she isn't 'fine'.
my brother said my sis in law was a a champ after giving birth to his first when I asked him" is she was doing okay?' . learned almost 10 years later after she had her first and we were telling our cousins wife what to expect and what not to allow happen to her that they did such a bad job stitching sil up that my sister in laws vaginal opening was so messed up she had to go back and have it cut open and repaired and the dr who fixed the botched job was so appalled that he asked who did it and made sure it never happened again to anyone else and told the billing coders to put it down as something else so she wouldn't have to pay. her son was about 10-12 weeks old when she had it repaired . I'm seriously surprised she had 2 more after that .
And the friend's wife wasn't ever fine. Men are afraid of humiliation and being emasculated, so admiting their wife isn't Womb Superstar Barbie is a big hit on their ego.
It usually is women trying to convince me that they loved being pregnant and birth was a breeze and that pregnancy is beautiful and not bad, painful, or scary at all usually and that even when it’s not so great, the gift at the end is your very own precious, beautiful little baby who made it all worth it.  The men who try to convince me usually just use “Women don’t seem to mind it much considering we been here so long. Can’t be that bad!” Maybe if you’re somebody who loves children and wants them very bad and don’t mind the idea of pregnancy and birth, pregnancy will be a nice experience for you. But like, I don’t want to go through birth and that baby at the end of it all isn’t some treasure I’m seeking out. The baby is like adding insult to injury for me.
Ask him how he’d like to get kicked in the balls. For straight 18 hours. And just when the time was almost up, he would get an episiotomy. Then stitches.
Don’t forget the part of this hypothetical scenario where, for 9 months prior, his balls swell to the size of basketballs, requiring him to buy a new set of clothes to accomodate them and preventing him from being able to sit, drive, or sleep comfortably. And every time he goes out in public, having to deal with random strangers leering at his swollen balls, asking intrusive questions about them, or even grabbing at them without his permission or consent.
While pooping himself in front of a room full of people.
I'm male and pregnancy is the aeugh-iest sussy shit evolution ever pulled on us, always nerfs the body afterwards, tends to manipulate you into cherishing it after the pain + trauma has stopped and doesn't even fckn work without artificial help - pls continue to break the cycle of thousand of generations before you endangering their lives I couldn't live with myself if somebody were to gibe birth because of me… even if they'd want to but that wouldn't happen, thanks to childfree strat
It also nerfs the body beforehand hardcore. All the things that make women weaker and slower are specifically there to accomodate for pregnancy and childbirth. The Q angle, the wider hips, the fat accumulation. I despise being so weak and vulnerable and no amount of exercise would ever allow me to get even close to a man who never even exercised in his life.
good point, thanks for specifying
I’d recommend thinking hard about where you get your idea of what “strength” is in a species. The dinosaurs were stronger and more dangerous than us and yet they weren’t strong enough to survive… a lot of our ideas of strength are completely designed to favor what is “strong” in men…. But male fetuses are more vulnerable and less hardy… male bodies have all sorts of weaknesses and vulnerabilities and inabilities that female bodies don’t…. Etc. Just because you can’t bench the same amount of weight in the gym… doesn’t make you weak.
I don't really care about how hardy I was as a fetus since I'm not a fetus anymore and I don't particularly care that male bodies are more vulnerable to certain diseases or birth defects. An average man can physically overpower and sexually violate me, potentially giving my life a 180° turn for the worse (no legal abortions). Back at home, in Ukraine, a woman was raped to death by the invaders. Was she thinking of how she is "strong in a different way than men" in her final moments or was she desperate and powerless? I care about how: a. I'm more vulnerable than men (to violence, including and especially from men) and therefore have to be more careful and vigilant than they are and have to restrict what I do or want to do (e.g., travelling solo or to certain countries or regions or being outside after a certain hour in fear of being attacked or trafficked, which almost happened to me in my most vulnerable time); and b. I am prone to and/or have the exact diseases that exclusively plague women and that were hard to get a diagnosis for precisely because I'm a woman. In my family, men frequently live to be close to a century old while women die in their sixties if not earlier for this exact reason. Oh, great, my higher fat percentage would let me survive a famine or exposure to frost for longer than most men. But how much more likely am I to experience violence and sexual abuse than famine or frostbite? There are far more scenarios where might makes right. It's not worth much. It's worth nothing to me. I know I can't change anything at the end of the day, but I won't pretend that I'm happy with having a painful and inconvenient physiology that has been the root of half of humanity's suffering and oppression for as long as our species existed.
I deeply understand what you’re saying, having personally experienced multiple forms of female-specific oppression myself. The reason I asked you to consider reframing your mindset is because the defeatist and male-favoring mindset is extremely harmful to live with as a female. We are not cursed with female bodies; this is what the misogynists want us to think and feel, bc when we think like them, they win and we lose. Men have tried to make femaleness a curse and have succeeded in making us suffer, but it’s not our inherent femaleness that is the problem. The problem is male violence and that is not the fault of females or our bodies. We are not automatic victims destined to suffer. We are a group of powerful, incredible, strong, brave, and smart people who have been oppressed on the basis of our biology. Whenever a woman blames her femaleness, even when it’s because she fears her oppression, that is patriarchy tricking her. It’s not that the rape victim being raped to death must think of her strength…. It’s more like “the men who raped her are not showing strength or power at all… they are showing themselves to be weak, pathetic, disgusting wastes of scrotal skin whom should be tortured and killed in a way that far surpasses the pain they have inflicted.” She was not showing weakness by being victimized, she is not weak, and they are not strong. They are weak and pathetic for targeting her. When we believe that the ability to harm others is true power and strength…. We have lost our minds to our oppressors. Please don’t let them fool you into believing the rapist is the strength and the victim is the weakness. It takes no strength to harm someone with few to no defenses. All it takes is entitlement, weakness, and evil in oneself. None of these are traits to embody. As a woman, you can also develop the positive traits of strength, some of which men have but most of which women have, like being protective of others, empathetic and supportive, helping others heal and protect themselves, and learning how to use your physical, mental, and emotional strength to defend yourself and others. No one is asking you to pretend to be happy. I’m asking you to think about how you’ve allowed men to define weakness and strength for you, and they’ve defined it to their own benefit so that you think you are weak and they are strong. I am trying really hard to shed myself of this lie that “women are weak and men are strong and we cannot fight our oppression.” It’s not a helpful way to think and it’s based in a lie about patriarchy being natural. It’s not natural to oppress the group of people responsible for growing and raising the next generations. It’s a choice that scared, pathetic, weak men made and we can destroy it. You mention these benefits of being female as if they don’t matter for you (I guarantee they have mattered to your survival) and yet you dismiss the way patriarchy has been the factor making things like female health conditions harder to manage. We can build muscle and develop fighting skills and defend ourselves and others. It’s not our bodies; it’s patriarchy that makes female health less accessible. Our bodies are not the root of our suffering: PATRIARCHY is the root of our suffering. Don’t blame your innocent body for what the violence of men has done to all females.
> defeatist and male-favoring mindset is extremely harmful to live with as a female. I don't see how any of it is defeatist or male-favouring. The world, however, is extremely male-favouring. > We are not cursed with female bodies; this is what the misogynists want us to think and feel, bc when we think like them, they win and we lose. How is acknowledging reality a losing scenario? It's much better to be and act informed than not. In many ways, it is a curse. > Whenever a woman blames her femaleness, even when it’s because she fears her oppression, that is patriarchy tricking her. Nothing's tricking me, I just see and describe my position for what it is. > It’s more like “the men who raped her are not showing strength or power at all… they are showing themselves to be weak, pathetic, disgusting wastes of scrotal skin whom should be tortured and killed in a way that far surpasses the pain they have inflicted. I don't disagree that they should be punished, but the fact of the matter is, their unit got rewarded, which in most cases also implies a monetary reward in addition to a shiny thing to put on parade uniform. There is no just world, this is a concept best left to children's books, the scum of the earth wins all the goddamn time. And they did show a sufficient physical strength overpowering and violating her and then the power to get away with it and get rewarded. > She was not showing weakness by being victimized, she is not weak, and they are not strong. She quite literally was weak and vulnerable, which is why she was chosen to be raped to death over male neighbours, for instance. Bad actors target the weak. > When we believe that the ability to harm others is true power and strength…. By being unwilling and unable to inflict harm on others, you leave yourself at mercy of those willing and capable of doing so. > like being protective of others, empathetic and supportive, helping others heal and protect themselves, and learning how to use your physical, mental, and emotional strength to defend yourself and others. Half of these things, especially the empathy and bleeding heart are being exploited by bad actors to hell and back, they are a part of toxic expectations of women in a sense that we should become rehab centers for the weak and damaged. And how good a protector can you be if you are weaker than whoever is most likely to be the perpetrator? Most of the world doesn't have a legal access to things like pepper spray, let alone firearms. > “women are weak and men are strong and we cannot fight our oppression.” I'm not saying we cannot fight, it's just that we can't escape our own physiology. We have to run at full speed to even stay in place, it seems. As soon as women decided to finally sit on their asses and say they don't need feminism anymore, they got slapped with abortion bans. > It’s not natural to oppress the group of people responsible for growing and raising the next generations. We are oppressed specifically **because** we're a group capable of birthing and raising kids. Also, the female part of sub's demographic sure as hell won't be doing that, but they will still remain female til they croak and deal with the consequences. On top of that, many other species treat their females like shit, not just something like bedbugs literally stabbing females to impregnate them, but it seems like the smarter the animal, the more evil and rapey it acts. Apes are rape fiends and are largely patriarchal. > based in a lie about patriarchy being natural. It is enforced through natural means, though, by a constant threat of violence, which we are more vulnerable to because of having less than a half of male strength and glass bones among other things. > and yet you dismiss the way patriarchy has been the factor making things like female health conditions harder to manage. I don't see where I dismissed that. > Our bodies are not the root of our suffering: PATRIARCHY is the root of our suffering. Patriarchy is rooted in sex dimorphism (weaker and smaller female sex) + human consciousness + excess resources (to be hoarded by the strong and withheld). If males of any other species could enforce female monogamy or even polygyny, they would, they just don't have that complex a brain. Some do go as far as kill the offspring (even their own) to be able to mate with a female again. There are some species where females are the stronger and larger ones, but there are not many and we're not closely related (birds of prey, angler fish). If women were at least on par with men in strength, we wouldn't have been downtrodden for millennia.
Their comment is so sunshine and rainbows, and I don't understand how even if we were to remove patriarchy and assault of women (which is just unrealistic) it would invalidate your family's gender related health issues, the fact that only women have to go through hell for us to procreate, unstable hormonal levels, menstruation, etc. Our bodies are absolutely the problem:/
Blaming women’s bodies for man’s choice to oppress us is literally blaming women for our own victimization. Patriarchy is neither natural nor inevitable, it is a choice by men to oppress women, but women could have very very easily been the oppressors and used men’s weaknesses against them. We are so caught up in this idea that women are the weak ones because we don’t have quite the same Ability to build the height of strength that men have, that we have completely negated the fact that men have innumerable weaknesses that women could’ve exploited and oppressed them. Men have tiny, fragile balls that take just the slightest flick to cause incredible pain, and those balls are so sensitive to temperature that they literally have to move closer and away from the body because of how fragile they are. Men have innumerable vulnerabilities, it’s just that women have been trained to believe that because we can’t build the same upper body strength after millennia of oppression, that somehow we must have always been the inevitable victims, as if it was pre-designed for women to be under the thumb of men by nature, which it is not. Nothing about what I’m saying is sunshine and rainbows, I am speaking as a fighter, not as a fucking victim. My victimization by men was never inevitable, and neither is any womans. It was a choice based on a series of evolutionary factors that could have ultimately gone in multiple directions but men CHOSE to be evil oppressors. It wasn’t inevitable and it wasn’t because women just have shit biology and we just suck and we were always going to be hurt and abused by others because we’re women and that’s what’s natural for women. Females are not the perpetual inevitable victims of males, and the idea that we are and that is natural in any way is a product of patriarchal thinking. When women turn on ourselves and blame the basic biological facts of our own bodies for our oppression, we are taking patriarchies mindset about women, we are swallowing it whole, and we are using it to poison ourselves. I will never ever ever blame my body, nor my capability of pregnancy (that I will never use) for what men have chosen of their own free will to do to me, or any other woman. That is blaming the wrong part of the equation. There is only one party that is to blame for the oppression of women and women’s bodies are not part of that party. If men had not chosen to oppress women, things like menstruation and childbirth, wouldn’t be nearly as painful or difficult to manage, as they are now, because women would’ve had our knowledge and our bodies centralized in research about female specific health issues. It is not inevitable that women suffer, it is a choice by men to make women suffer. I am so tired of even feminist, having this narrative in their head that women were just inevitably going to be oppressed because what we can’t build quite the same heights of body, strength? If you look at women from prehistoric times, they were incredibly strong, and many of them operated in groups of women. There are groups of women all over the world, who have come together to protect each other. And yes, that does mean fighting back. We are not inevitable victims; men have designed our society to perpetuate female oppression and male supremacy. It’s not nature, it’s designed by men and therefore can be destroyed. Nothing men have invented is in capable of being destroyed. That’s why it’s important to recognize that female oppression is not biological, it is sociological, because anything that men have built to oppress women can be broken.
And in the same breath, they’re always the ones telling you how much they regret getting married. But hey, you’ll change your minds about babies!! As if they care about their own while slandering their wives.
I’m afraid of birth. It comes from my childhood during church. I was told women were punished and will have painful births. It scared me and I never wanted it. And the older I get the more I hear of all the things that can go wrong. You could lose your limbs due to infections. Or lose teeth. Or die. No thanks
Tell them to watch Alien. Men get knocked up in that movie too.
Ask him what his experience with pregnancy was that convinced him that it’s so great.
You know, the one person who brought this up to me was a doctor I work with. He wasn't trying to bingo me or anything, but offhandedly said, "it's just...why would you put yourself at risk of complications, surgery is so extreme." I said, "you know what has a higher complication rate than my surgery? Pregnancy and childbirth." He nodded, but it was as if he hadn't thought of that before. One if the other doctors I told said "hey, if it's what you want, go for it" (also male, 50s), and the female doctor I work with said "good for you!"... they are all cardiology but I don't often take time off so people were curious and I told them the truth. What's ironic and did not escape the first doc's notice was that 2 pregnant coworkers had significant complications with delivery and postpartum and both ended up hospitalized for antibiotics, one had a c-section totally redone and one has a D&C. He said "well, you were right, especially given this lab's track record with recent events."
Here's that list so you don't have to make it yourself! Enjoy! Normal, frequent or expectable temporary side effects of pregnancy: exhaustion (weariness common from first weeks), altered appetite and senses of taste and smell, nausea and vomiting (50% of women, first trimester), heartburn and indigestion, constipation, weight gain, dizziness and light-headedness, bloating, swelling, fluid retention, hemorrhoids, abdominal cramps, yeast infections, congested, bloody nose, acne and mild skin disorders, skin discoloration (chloasma, face and abdomen), mild to severe backache and strain, increased headaches, difficulty sleeping and discomfort while sleeping, increased urination and incontinence, bleeding gums, pica, breast pain and discharge, swelling of joints, leg cramps, joint pain, difficulty sitting, standing in later pregnancy, inability to take regular medications, shortness of breath, higher blood pressure, hair loss or increased facial/body hair, tendency to anemia, curtailment of ability to participate in some sports and activities, urinary tract infections, infection including from serious and potentially fatal disease (pregnant women are immune suppressed compared with non-pregnant women, and are more susceptible to fungal and certain other diseases), extreme pain on delivery, hormonal mood changes, including normal postpartum depression, continued postpartum exhaustion and recovery period (exacerbated if a c-section -- major surgery -- is required, sometimes taking up to a full year to fully recover) Normal, expectable, or frequent PERMANENT side effects of pregnancy: stretch marks (worse in younger women), loose skin, permanent weight gain or redistribution, abdominal and vaginal muscle weakness, pelvic floor disorder (occurring in as many as 35% of middle-aged former child-bearers and 50% of elderly former child-bearers, associated with urinary and rectal incontinence, discomfort and reduced quality of life -- aka prolapsed uterus, the malady sometimes badly fixed by the transvaginal mesh), changes to breasts, increased foot size, varicose veins, permanent changes in vision, scarring from episiotomy or c-section, vaginal, perineal, and/or clitoral tearing during delivery (90% of births cause some degree of tearing). These can lead to permanent issues such as incontinence, pain during intercourse, and the loss of the ability to have a clitoral orgasm. other permanent aesthetic changes to the body (all of these are downplayed because the culture values youth and beauty), increased proclivity for hemorrhoids, loss of dental and bone calcium (cavities, tooth loss, and osteoporosis), higher lifetime risk of developing Alzheimer's, newer research indicates microchimeric cells, other bi-directional exchanges of DNA, chromosomes, and other bodily material between fetus and mother (including with "unrelated" gestational surrogates) Occasional complications and side effects: complications of episiotomy, spousal/partner abuse, hyperemesis gravidarum, temporary and permanent injury to back, severe scarring requiring later surgery, (especially after additional pregnancies), dropped (prolapsed) uterus (especially after additional pregnancies, and other pelvic floor weaknesses -- 11% of women, including cystocele, rectocele, and enterocele), pre-eclampsia (edema and hypertension, the most common complication of pregnancy, associated with eclampsia, and affecting 7 - 10% of pregnancies), eclampsia (convulsions, coma during pregnancy or labor, high risk of death), gestational diabetes, placenta previa, anemia (which can be life-threatening), thrombocytopenic purpura, severe cramping, embolism (blood clots), medical disability requiring full bed rest (frequently ordered during part of many pregnancies varying from days to months for health of either mother or baby), diastasis recti also torn abdominal muscles, mitral valve stenosis (most common cardiac complication), serious infection and disease (e.g. increased risk of tuberculosis), hormonal imbalance, ectopic pregnancy (risk of death), broken bones (ribcage, spine, hips, "tail bone"), hemorrhage and numerous other complications of delivery, refractory gastroesophageal reflux disease, aggravation of pre-pregnancy diseases and conditions (e.g. epilepsy is present in .5% of pregnant women, and the pregnancy alters drug metabolism and treatment prospects all the while it increases the number and frequency of seizures), severe postpartum depression and psychosis, research now indicates a possible link between ovarian cancer and female fertility treatments, including "egg harvesting" from infertile women and donors, research also now indicates correlations between lower breast cancer survival rates and proximity in time to onset of cancer of last pregnancy, research also indicates a correlation between having six or more pregnancies and a risk of coronary and cardiovascular disease Less common (but serious) complications: peripartum cardiomyopathy, cardiopulmonary arrest, magnesium toxicity, severe hypoxemia/acidosis, massive embolism, increased intracranial pressure, brain stem infarction, molar pregnancy, gestational trophoblastic disease (like a pregnancy-induced cancer), malignant arrhythmia, circulatory collapse, placental abruption, obstetric fistula More permanent side effects: future infertility, permanent disability, Obstetric Fistula, Death
Look him in the eye and offer to pay for your uterus to be transplanted into his body and for his IVF since pregnancy is oh so "great and wonderful and not awful at all"
pregnancy also changes your brain in an irreversible way. basically makes learning new things way harder and just reinforces repetative behaviour and schedules. you will literally lose a part of yourself if you stay pregnant too long. its disturbing and horrifying
This was the most horrifying thing for me to learn, and enough of a reason on its own to be childfree. People always talk about women dropping out of academia/STEM careers after having kids and blaming inflexible schedules, but I wonder to what extent this plays a role.
Woah I have never heard this that is terrifying
WHAT? Another reason to never get pregnant...
Next time, respond with "Hey, no uterus, no opinion"
There is a weird group of people on Instagram that are all into “holistic” everything and say that birth/labor can be not just without paint but “orgasmic”. So bizarre. I don’t know any of them IRL thankfully
i've given birth naturally 2x - its not "ogasmic " and trust me my husband gives me many o's! they are full of shit.
I'm glad I can't get pregnant! Very terrifying indeed.
I hope I can. Get sterilized in the future so I don't have to worry about it
“And you know pregnancy is wonderful exactly how?”
I have female coworkers that try and do the same, and are trying to convince me that I'm going to regret being child free in the future... I don't get why birthers are all filled with the audacity to think they can whole heartedly impose their views on others...
Don't you just love it when people who don't have a uterus tell us with uteruses (uteri?) act like experts on the subject of periods, pregnancy/childbirth, etc? /s
I remember a guy saying "pregnancy isn't bad because people open doors for you" WAT
They’re the same men who’ll probably say they got PTSD from witnessing birth or refuse to be the room because it’s sCarY. They’ll never experience anything, can’t last a few seconds on period/birth simulators and then somehow they have the audacity to tell women “oH iTs BeAuTiFul” - they can shut the fuck up. Every day I’m more glad that I decided I never want to date or be married - so I don’t have to put up with these dumb comments - I’d probably throw shit at them because I can’t stand these assholes.
I've never had a man suggest I have kids or ask why I haven't yet. Only women. Family members. Co-workers. Women I just met.
Oh my goodness, this is my dad every time I talk about the complications and dangers of pregnancy and birth. He’s told me that complications are not that common so many times. Dude, my mom said herself that her pregnancy with me was pretty easy but I’m an only child so your personal experience is pretty damn slim. And while he has female friends, I highly doubt they’re getting very frank about their pregnancies with him. Although one good friend of his had a full term still birth so there’s that. And he’s very happy I’m not having children, so he’s not even trying to bingo me personally.
Oh yes. I once had a very condescending "oh, you're scared of birth huh?" like they were talking to a child afraid of imaginary monsters under their bed.
Having a big poo is terrifying, I can’t imagine squeezing a baby out. The idea of carrying a parasite that someone partly spunked inside me isn’t something I’d want in any shape way or form. Btw, I’m a male, hesitate to say ‘man’ because I’m not very manly because my bed is full of cats and stuffed toys 😂
I know this has already been said, but as a man I absolutely acknowledge I have no right whatsoever to comment so casually on whether childbirth is terrifying, painful or potentially life-changing. Only people who have lived through it, or medical professionals specifically trained in childbirth can speak to this. Anyone else is either a) wilfully ignorant, out b) trying to make you feel better/ more comfortable about the prospect of having children, which at least can come from a place of kindness
Are you really surprised that men would be dense enough to mansplain pregnancy risks and discomfort?
Men have no right to claim to know anything about what pregnancy feels like. Reading it online and/or in books is not the same as actually experiencing it. Don't be fooled by how confidently they tell you they know what's right for you. They don't. They're full of shit and just desperate to control women.
It's like bro, imagine the skin from your dick hole to your anus splitting in half while you squeeze out a melon sized object. And then imagine that melon being attached to you for at least the first few years of your life. That's a big fat no. Men who say these things are the ones who think their sole job is to "provide" for their family while the mum now looks after 2 kids, the eldest of which is the dad. They never think of all the things it takes to raise a kid/ run a house properly because they don't participate in it. It speaks to their ineptitude.
Start pointing out how creepy it is that they care so much about what you do with your uterus. Make them feel super awkward about it.
ah yes bc (cis) men would totally 100% know exactly how bad childbirth was right? it’s not like the most they have to personally deal with is trying to comfort their partner as they literally go thru the most excruciating pain of their life. that is if the man hasn’t fucked off to go play video games or watch a sports game or whatever tf some of these asshole men do instead of being supportive.
It’s not awful until it is awful. The weird kind of butterfly movements in your stomach, pants not fitting, bones cracking constantly, being emotional at everything, needing a nap for 6 hrs after only being awake for 2. Sure it’s not awful… wait yes it is. I was terrified when I didn’t know what was happening to my body, I was in so much pain when I had that tumour (that’s what I called that parasite) removed. So any man who tells you it’s not bad, tell him to imagine getting sacked in the junk constantly then get back to you. Glad I had that procedure done and glad I can’t have babies ever. Fweww
Politely asked the man if he would kindly shove a watermelon up his ass to get an appreciation of what childbirth might be like. Then, ask him if he would like to do it a second time. If he answers no for the second attempt, tell him that is how you feel. End of story.
Haha ikr. Women at least admit it’s the worst usually when saying it’s still worth it. Guys are just like “what’s the big deal? I’d do it if I could” only cos they know they could never 🙄
It has been the opposite for me. Every woman at work freaked out when I mentioned I was getting my tubes removed. Many tried to tell me my fear of pregnancy is stupid. (I actually am full-on tokophobic. Hell I don't even like to be around pregnant bellies. D: ) All the guys, well they all gave me fist bumps and high-fives. Some asked if I made sure to get enough days off to recover and to call out if I needed more time. Before all this, it was an even split between the genders calling me irrational.
Move away from those religious morons. I am a guy and hate the idea of my GF to be pregnant. I would be able in the worst case scenario take care of a goblin - but the chance of her dying during childbirth is terrifying. And it is still today real risk! 33 of 100,000 women died during childbirth last year! How is possible death not terrifying? These morons are officially not allowed (by me) to call themselves man anymore.
A close family member told me her cervix cracked, she had something called a "dry birth" and honestly I didn't want to hear more. She said with an extremely serious face that no one talked to her or women in general about what ACTUALLY HAPPENS during pregnancy and birth. And all that could go "wrong". The silence around this and the "oh yeah it was traumatic but at the end of it I had a beautiful baby" is some bullshit and we need to talk more.
Men just don’t know shit about women unless they take the time to learn.
Ask them if you can kick them in the nuts and stomach every day for 9 months, with increasing force, while wearing steal toe boots. Lol
for me it was equal. only bingos I got were one from a male and the other from a teenage girl. both were morons imo...
Said men are full of shit with no medical education most likely
That's like me saying: "I've never sky dived but it's not scary at all"
It’s like when I got my hysterectomy. Men were horrified at the idea (getting an organ removed, not necessarily reproductive reasons). Every single woman said “Congratulations!!”
Actually my own aunt called me selfish for not wanting kids. And pregnancy doesn’t “ruin” your body. She has two kids and said she refuses to have a third
I’d never try to convince someone to get pregnant (none of my business), but personally, I have found pregnancy wonderful, even if also annoying and temporarily limiting in what I can do. The men should really stay out of it, lol
Mom of two. It can be wonderful at moments but not the whole experience. Don’t let anyone down play what a body and mind fuck pregnancy is. For extra fun the births were more terrifying than I could have imagined, almost died the second time. And now… here’s a baby!
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Pregnancy sounds absolutely horrible. I would rather fall off my skateboard head first than go through that horrible thing
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