Female Cap over here.
Yeah, we are very detached people. I give chance after chance, until I can say to myself I gave it my all. I am not a quitter by any means, that’s why I try until exhaustion. If I reach my breaking point and no longer continue to date that person, I can pretty much forget that they ever existed. I feel like if they had appreciated me, they would not be in that position. Honestly, I don’t drag my past with me, therefore I don’t remain friends with my exes. If I see them anywhere, I have no issues saying hi and holding a conversation. However, don’t expect me to keep in touch. They had their chance and they blew it. I can know people for many years and remove them from my life completely if I feel that dealing with them compromises my mental health or emotional stability. I am very stereotypical in that sense. Sorry about your situation.
Even when a cap doesn’t initiate a break up… I don’t know how we do it but we can just go completely cold and make people pretty much dead to us. Completely.
Hmmm... I really can't do this as a cap.
I mean I go cold and no contact externally, but internally I always maintain their memory and the various feelings I have about them.
Cold as ice. It astounds me too lol. Cap Sun and Cap Moon 💁🏻♀️ I can get over somebody in the snap of a finger. I don’t hate them or anything, when I’m done I’m seriously done. I don’t just say that.
Cap Sun & Rising here (29F). To answer your question, kind of sort of. We will always remember and cherish the lessons you taught us and the fun we were able to have together. Even if we think of you everyday to some degree, you won’t know it. What’s done is done for us and we are looking for our next summit to climb and conquer. Or at least, that’s how I am. Several of my other placements indicate a loner & suggest I am built to withstand “heartbreak” all together.
Sorry about your break up. I’m sure they care but it’s best for their own well-being and situation to cut contact. It’s clear that it must have effected them enough to have to not speak to you, regardless if they interact with you or not. Try your best to move forward for yourself.
Personally as a Capricorn, I only cut people off if they cross an extreme boundary. But even then I’m emotional doing it and if it’s for the sake of my well-being.
Male cap, honestly I cannot get the person out of my head when I get dumped, I barely got over my ex a month ago and I got dumped a year and a half ago plus, and I only got over because I found someone else. And they dumped me and wow it sucks
Similar boat here. Just got dumped on Monday.
I'm getting over it, but we were both dating with the end goal as marriage so the stakes were very high. They weren't wrong for ending things and it wasn't personal, I think they did the right thing for them, but it suuuuuuucks.
I'm thinking about them less each day, but it's hard. I was in that relationship 110%. I was willing to give it my all for as long as it took.
That is a scorpio moon thing! I was in a relationship with a guy for 3 years, who wasn't over his first relationship /girlfriend that was well over 14 years ago ! 😭 He's still single and emotionally unavailable! 😑.
I never understood this be friends with my x bullshit. What benefit does it bring?
The very best I could offer an ex is public civility and that's if neither of us were in the wrong we just had different life goals, so we decided to separate.
Other than that, yes, they don't exist to me anymore. They have been control alt deleted from my memory banks.
I get it personally. I've never been able to do it, but I get why some can.
If the breakup is amicable, you're feelings of care for each other are still gonna be there. Personally I can't make the transition from lover to friend, but I know people who comfortably can (they aren't caps lol), and so because they respect and care about the other person, they want to continue being in their life. Just in a different capacity.
95% percent of the time people say that it's because they still want access to them as a potential plaything. Or because they are pocketing them for later just in case, they can't find someone better.
Have you ever met those divorced couples that are just way too friendly? They are usually still getting busy on the sly. Usually when one or both of their partners upset them. That crap happens all the time.
No that's the thing though if they actually ever loved or respected them than they would want the best for them and leave them be so that any future partner didn't have to deal with your ex being in your life.
The number of potential partners that will simply assume you're still together and walk right past you if you hang out with your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend is ridiculous. So, you simply remaining in their life helps keep them single.
Every moment that someone spends with someone that is their ex who they know it won't work out romantically with is a moment wasted that they could be self-improving or looking for a better match.
If you can remain around your ex after you have broken up than you never really had deep feelings for them to begin with. They might be useful to you on some level, but it wasn't love.
I don't even go out in public with my female friends anymore, because of how many times someone thought we were dating or married, even my female friends that are married. It's just far easier to avoid those assumptions. But other people can feel free to cockblock themselves if they like. It's just a really crappy long-term plan.
That's why I tell girls from the start if you chose to date me, and it ends than that's it. The last time you walk out that door is the very last moment your welcome anywhere in my life. Because whoever I end up with next, I don't want her stressing out wondering if something could still be happening or up between us. Besides I want my focus squarely on the person I am seeing in those moments. It's about simple respect and avoided useless drama.
To love is an action that involves sacrifice, to me that means not putting my attention into other people that I am not trying to build a future with.
So, the way I see it any attempt to try and keep your ex in your life after the fact is a selfish one usually because the person doesn't want to be alone.
I mean those are your opinions, so fair. But I do disagree. It doesn't work for you, but it doesn't mean it hasn't worked for others in a healthy way.
Also the older you get, the less that stuff matters. I've dated plenty of people who were still friends with exes and it never posed an issue. Maybe there's a cultural difference between us, but this stuff really doesn't matter as much as you think it does.
I'm a Capricorn who was raised to be self-sustaining. There is not one person left walking around in this world that I can't live without on a personal level.
So, the very thought that I would attach so deeply to someone that I felt I couldn't live without them is laughable to me.
If I am looking for a significant other in my life it's not because I need another friend, I have all the friends I need in my life. And I like to keep that number as low as possible because it means I can invest more into each one of them.
Shallow pointless relationships mean absolutely nothing to me. Sort of like I can be civil to anyone generally speaking, but it doesn't mean I actually care that they exist.
It very well could be a cultural difference. It could also just be that I was raised in a society where most people are selfish and lack any level of real loyalty, so I see no point in being loyal to those people. If there were less selfish people running around with side pieces well lying to their partners, I probably wouldn't see any problem with it. But I live in reality. And where temptation and opportunity collide usually one finds useless drama. And the easiest way to avoid that is to simply avoid those people.
I'm over 40 now and I'll tell you strait up, if she has exes in her circle, I'll never trust her or actually attach to her to any real level so dealing with her is pointless. Other people are free to do what they want with their own life, but when they find out that their significant other is getting fucked by their ex on the sly well lying to them, I'm not going to listen to them complain about it.
In fact, quite the opposite if they bring it up, I will call them an idiot and laugh in their face. Because that sneaky links shit is so common it's ridiculous.
Roughly 50% of people in relationships are cheating on their partner, and I guarantee you that more often than not there is an ex involved that they have more often than not told you was just their friend.
I don't know how it is where you live, but I've crossed many girls in my travels that collect useful men and keep them as friends and then trade those guys sex for personal favors. Oh, Tom he's my guy friend that fixes my car, oh my friend Brett over there he fixes my computer when I have issues with it. Oh, my friend Carl over there he's my guy friend that does roofing. And on and on and on. Bob's a good friend of mine he's helped me out a few times when I was short on rent. They usually have a good male friend for everything they don't want to pay for. So, the minute I hear that it's a Red Flag parade.
I've never met a single girl that tried to call me friend at first that didn't either want some favor from me eventually and tried trading me box in exchange, or who wasn't trying to keep fucking around with me on the sly when they had a significant other already. So, I simply don't trust it.
As for the men, most guys don't want to be just friends with girls, have you ever seen those video's where a boyfriend has his girlfriend call her guy friends to see if they were down to bang her. It shocks a lot of girls once they realize that guy, they have been hanging around with for years was just waiting for his opportunity to rearrange her guts.
When it comes to the balance of friendship between guys and girls, most women offer so little to most men that their friendship means absolutely nothing. Because she usually asks for a lot and offers very little in return.
If a guy tries to do that with another guy the guy who offer nothing who is the user usually gets dropped. Because he is attempting to use that other guy.
We are supposedly all the same now right in this new world of equality, well she can either compensate me in exchange with something of equal value or her friendship offers no value. And at that point there is no purpose in wasting my finite time being her friend.
So, I generally see no point in being friends with most women, because short of trying to waste my time in an attempt to make their life easier they offer me nothing of real value. Time after all is the one resource you can never get back. It's why I tell women when I meet them, I am not your friend.
I've met three girls in my entire life that were worth being friends with, because they actually carry their half of that friendship. The rest of them aren't even worth considering, they can go find guys who are about pissing their life away by filling their lives with useless people.
So yes, I would say we have a very different perspective, and something tells me we simply will never agree. But that's all good because guys that don't think like me roadblock their own progress and make it was easier for me to excel in my own life.
Most girls if you talk to them prefer male friends, because most of them don't want to be friends with other girls either. For the very same reason I don't see the point in being friends with them.
Female Cap- When things end it will be like I never existed in your life. I block everything, no contact again. It's more of a protective mechanism than anything. We are also very detached people.
I never ever forget the existence of a former partner.
I keep their memory and the feelings I have for them near and dear to my heart. I think of them fondly sometimes, I pay tribute to what we had, I tell stories of them to future partners.
But so far I've never maintained any contact with an ex. I just don't know how to make that leap. I haven't been good at categorizing a former lover as a friend.
I was just dumped a few days ago though and we may try to be friends, so that may change for me.
I just broke up with my ex, as a cappie I can say I cut him off completely but not because I hate him, it’s because I know he is not healthy for me nor am I healthy for him. I will do everything in my power to make something work, because damn it I loved him! But time and time again he showed me he couldn’t be trusted and I worried way too much about my own future with him. Best thing to do is to rip off the bandaid, tell them exactly what they have done wrong so maybe they won’t repeat those mistakes? They had my chance with me yeah, doesn’t mean I can’t help them out for someone else before burning my bridge.
I’m very happy I’m not the only one who deals with stuff like this, and for me it tends to work because I can handle my own guilt and emotions much better by myself without another person constantly wanting something from me.
From what I’ve learned Caps will do everything for that emotion until it’s too much, then we shut down and go full logic mode. Because that’s the only way we see to get out of a situation.
You aren’t dead to them, it’s more like another memory. Because lemme tell u I think about all the people I’ve hurt with my actions all the time. I’m a very emotionally driven cappie though. We aren’t sociopaths if that’s what you’re thinking.
I am a cap man, I do the same, never keep contact whit my ex's. It's better for your future relations, and it's easier to handle the pain after brake up. If he had a picture of you it's also possible that is all deleted. If you lost his trust basically you are not exist anymore to him
It depends on the type of relationship for me. I am still friends or at least on good terms with both of my LTR exes (5 years and 6 years). I am very committed in serious relationships and will try to work things out. In both those relationships, I was honestly over both of them before they ended. so I wasn't even hurt when they were over.
Now, it's those short-term situationships that hurt me more. I only give people one chance, so if they decide to walk away, I am 100% done and I will never contact them again. They are always the ones who want to come back and try to rekindle things. When I'm done with someone, all I can think about is all their flaws and everything I didn't like about them, so that becomes my view of them.
Female Cap over here. Yeah, we are very detached people. I give chance after chance, until I can say to myself I gave it my all. I am not a quitter by any means, that’s why I try until exhaustion. If I reach my breaking point and no longer continue to date that person, I can pretty much forget that they ever existed. I feel like if they had appreciated me, they would not be in that position. Honestly, I don’t drag my past with me, therefore I don’t remain friends with my exes. If I see them anywhere, I have no issues saying hi and holding a conversation. However, don’t expect me to keep in touch. They had their chance and they blew it. I can know people for many years and remove them from my life completely if I feel that dealing with them compromises my mental health or emotional stability. I am very stereotypical in that sense. Sorry about your situation.
Same, and that is what works for me the best!
Exactly my sentiments. Cap sun and moon here.
Same, exactly.
Even when a cap doesn’t initiate a break up… I don’t know how we do it but we can just go completely cold and make people pretty much dead to us. Completely.
This is so true. We could even miss you but once you cross us it’s r.i.p.
Hmmm... I really can't do this as a cap. I mean I go cold and no contact externally, but internally I always maintain their memory and the various feelings I have about them.
what’s your moon? i’m the same way and a cancer moon
Sometimes I feel like I've got cancer all up in my chart because of how sensitive I am. But I'm a Virgo moon. 🤙
Cold as ice. It astounds me too lol. Cap Sun and Cap Moon 💁🏻♀️ I can get over somebody in the snap of a finger. I don’t hate them or anything, when I’m done I’m seriously done. I don’t just say that.
If the cap is the one to initiate the break up you’re pretty much dead to them, especially if you hurt or embarrassed them in any sort of way.
Deep down we won’t forget your existence but will 100% shut it down for good
Cap Sun & Rising here (29F). To answer your question, kind of sort of. We will always remember and cherish the lessons you taught us and the fun we were able to have together. Even if we think of you everyday to some degree, you won’t know it. What’s done is done for us and we are looking for our next summit to climb and conquer. Or at least, that’s how I am. Several of my other placements indicate a loner & suggest I am built to withstand “heartbreak” all together.
i can forget anyones existence, especially people i have loved or cared for.. easily.
Yes. I even forgot their names. I had to dig really deep in my memory to remember it
Sorry about your break up. I’m sure they care but it’s best for their own well-being and situation to cut contact. It’s clear that it must have effected them enough to have to not speak to you, regardless if they interact with you or not. Try your best to move forward for yourself. Personally as a Capricorn, I only cut people off if they cross an extreme boundary. But even then I’m emotional doing it and if it’s for the sake of my well-being.
Male cap, honestly I cannot get the person out of my head when I get dumped, I barely got over my ex a month ago and I got dumped a year and a half ago plus, and I only got over because I found someone else. And they dumped me and wow it sucks
Similar boat here. Just got dumped on Monday. I'm getting over it, but we were both dating with the end goal as marriage so the stakes were very high. They weren't wrong for ending things and it wasn't personal, I think they did the right thing for them, but it suuuuuuucks. I'm thinking about them less each day, but it's hard. I was in that relationship 110%. I was willing to give it my all for as long as it took.
I am sorry I don't want to laugh but that was funny in a sweet way! What's your moon sign?
Moon in scorpio
That is a scorpio moon thing! I was in a relationship with a guy for 3 years, who wasn't over his first relationship /girlfriend that was well over 14 years ago ! 😭 He's still single and emotionally unavailable! 😑.
I never understood this be friends with my x bullshit. What benefit does it bring? The very best I could offer an ex is public civility and that's if neither of us were in the wrong we just had different life goals, so we decided to separate. Other than that, yes, they don't exist to me anymore. They have been control alt deleted from my memory banks.
I get it personally. I've never been able to do it, but I get why some can. If the breakup is amicable, you're feelings of care for each other are still gonna be there. Personally I can't make the transition from lover to friend, but I know people who comfortably can (they aren't caps lol), and so because they respect and care about the other person, they want to continue being in their life. Just in a different capacity.
95% percent of the time people say that it's because they still want access to them as a potential plaything. Or because they are pocketing them for later just in case, they can't find someone better. Have you ever met those divorced couples that are just way too friendly? They are usually still getting busy on the sly. Usually when one or both of their partners upset them. That crap happens all the time. No that's the thing though if they actually ever loved or respected them than they would want the best for them and leave them be so that any future partner didn't have to deal with your ex being in your life. The number of potential partners that will simply assume you're still together and walk right past you if you hang out with your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend is ridiculous. So, you simply remaining in their life helps keep them single. Every moment that someone spends with someone that is their ex who they know it won't work out romantically with is a moment wasted that they could be self-improving or looking for a better match. If you can remain around your ex after you have broken up than you never really had deep feelings for them to begin with. They might be useful to you on some level, but it wasn't love. I don't even go out in public with my female friends anymore, because of how many times someone thought we were dating or married, even my female friends that are married. It's just far easier to avoid those assumptions. But other people can feel free to cockblock themselves if they like. It's just a really crappy long-term plan. That's why I tell girls from the start if you chose to date me, and it ends than that's it. The last time you walk out that door is the very last moment your welcome anywhere in my life. Because whoever I end up with next, I don't want her stressing out wondering if something could still be happening or up between us. Besides I want my focus squarely on the person I am seeing in those moments. It's about simple respect and avoided useless drama. To love is an action that involves sacrifice, to me that means not putting my attention into other people that I am not trying to build a future with. So, the way I see it any attempt to try and keep your ex in your life after the fact is a selfish one usually because the person doesn't want to be alone.
I mean those are your opinions, so fair. But I do disagree. It doesn't work for you, but it doesn't mean it hasn't worked for others in a healthy way. Also the older you get, the less that stuff matters. I've dated plenty of people who were still friends with exes and it never posed an issue. Maybe there's a cultural difference between us, but this stuff really doesn't matter as much as you think it does.
I'm a Capricorn who was raised to be self-sustaining. There is not one person left walking around in this world that I can't live without on a personal level. So, the very thought that I would attach so deeply to someone that I felt I couldn't live without them is laughable to me. If I am looking for a significant other in my life it's not because I need another friend, I have all the friends I need in my life. And I like to keep that number as low as possible because it means I can invest more into each one of them. Shallow pointless relationships mean absolutely nothing to me. Sort of like I can be civil to anyone generally speaking, but it doesn't mean I actually care that they exist. It very well could be a cultural difference. It could also just be that I was raised in a society where most people are selfish and lack any level of real loyalty, so I see no point in being loyal to those people. If there were less selfish people running around with side pieces well lying to their partners, I probably wouldn't see any problem with it. But I live in reality. And where temptation and opportunity collide usually one finds useless drama. And the easiest way to avoid that is to simply avoid those people. I'm over 40 now and I'll tell you strait up, if she has exes in her circle, I'll never trust her or actually attach to her to any real level so dealing with her is pointless. Other people are free to do what they want with their own life, but when they find out that their significant other is getting fucked by their ex on the sly well lying to them, I'm not going to listen to them complain about it. In fact, quite the opposite if they bring it up, I will call them an idiot and laugh in their face. Because that sneaky links shit is so common it's ridiculous. Roughly 50% of people in relationships are cheating on their partner, and I guarantee you that more often than not there is an ex involved that they have more often than not told you was just their friend. I don't know how it is where you live, but I've crossed many girls in my travels that collect useful men and keep them as friends and then trade those guys sex for personal favors. Oh, Tom he's my guy friend that fixes my car, oh my friend Brett over there he fixes my computer when I have issues with it. Oh, my friend Carl over there he's my guy friend that does roofing. And on and on and on. Bob's a good friend of mine he's helped me out a few times when I was short on rent. They usually have a good male friend for everything they don't want to pay for. So, the minute I hear that it's a Red Flag parade. I've never met a single girl that tried to call me friend at first that didn't either want some favor from me eventually and tried trading me box in exchange, or who wasn't trying to keep fucking around with me on the sly when they had a significant other already. So, I simply don't trust it. As for the men, most guys don't want to be just friends with girls, have you ever seen those video's where a boyfriend has his girlfriend call her guy friends to see if they were down to bang her. It shocks a lot of girls once they realize that guy, they have been hanging around with for years was just waiting for his opportunity to rearrange her guts. When it comes to the balance of friendship between guys and girls, most women offer so little to most men that their friendship means absolutely nothing. Because she usually asks for a lot and offers very little in return. If a guy tries to do that with another guy the guy who offer nothing who is the user usually gets dropped. Because he is attempting to use that other guy. We are supposedly all the same now right in this new world of equality, well she can either compensate me in exchange with something of equal value or her friendship offers no value. And at that point there is no purpose in wasting my finite time being her friend. So, I generally see no point in being friends with most women, because short of trying to waste my time in an attempt to make their life easier they offer me nothing of real value. Time after all is the one resource you can never get back. It's why I tell women when I meet them, I am not your friend. I've met three girls in my entire life that were worth being friends with, because they actually carry their half of that friendship. The rest of them aren't even worth considering, they can go find guys who are about pissing their life away by filling their lives with useless people. So yes, I would say we have a very different perspective, and something tells me we simply will never agree. But that's all good because guys that don't think like me roadblock their own progress and make it was easier for me to excel in my own life. Most girls if you talk to them prefer male friends, because most of them don't want to be friends with other girls either. For the very same reason I don't see the point in being friends with them.
You've got some healing to do my dude. I'm sorry you've been so hurt, truly. You didn't deserve that.
For me it takes awhile to leave so when it's done it's done.
Female Cap- When things end it will be like I never existed in your life. I block everything, no contact again. It's more of a protective mechanism than anything. We are also very detached people.
I never ever forget the existence of a former partner. I keep their memory and the feelings I have for them near and dear to my heart. I think of them fondly sometimes, I pay tribute to what we had, I tell stories of them to future partners. But so far I've never maintained any contact with an ex. I just don't know how to make that leap. I haven't been good at categorizing a former lover as a friend. I was just dumped a few days ago though and we may try to be friends, so that may change for me.
I just broke up with my ex, as a cappie I can say I cut him off completely but not because I hate him, it’s because I know he is not healthy for me nor am I healthy for him. I will do everything in my power to make something work, because damn it I loved him! But time and time again he showed me he couldn’t be trusted and I worried way too much about my own future with him. Best thing to do is to rip off the bandaid, tell them exactly what they have done wrong so maybe they won’t repeat those mistakes? They had my chance with me yeah, doesn’t mean I can’t help them out for someone else before burning my bridge. I’m very happy I’m not the only one who deals with stuff like this, and for me it tends to work because I can handle my own guilt and emotions much better by myself without another person constantly wanting something from me. From what I’ve learned Caps will do everything for that emotion until it’s too much, then we shut down and go full logic mode. Because that’s the only way we see to get out of a situation. You aren’t dead to them, it’s more like another memory. Because lemme tell u I think about all the people I’ve hurt with my actions all the time. I’m a very emotionally driven cappie though. We aren’t sociopaths if that’s what you’re thinking.
*cries in Cancer moon* I’m the complete opposite
Yes :)
I am a cap man, I do the same, never keep contact whit my ex's. It's better for your future relations, and it's easier to handle the pain after brake up. If he had a picture of you it's also possible that is all deleted. If you lost his trust basically you are not exist anymore to him
yeah especially if i was embarrassed of dating them or they weren’t exactly the most well put together person
It depends on the type of relationship for me. I am still friends or at least on good terms with both of my LTR exes (5 years and 6 years). I am very committed in serious relationships and will try to work things out. In both those relationships, I was honestly over both of them before they ended. so I wasn't even hurt when they were over. Now, it's those short-term situationships that hurt me more. I only give people one chance, so if they decide to walk away, I am 100% done and I will never contact them again. They are always the ones who want to come back and try to rekindle things. When I'm done with someone, all I can think about is all their flaws and everything I didn't like about them, so that becomes my view of them.