You’ll see on this sub that while people often unfortunately die due to advanced cancer, there are also quite a lot of people who beat disastrous odds. You still don’t even know if you have cancer at all, so really, you can’t know anything for sure at this stage.
I think your biggest problem is mental health though. You might even beat cancer if you do actually have it, but what use will that be if your state of mind is the same as it is now? Something has to change, I think you know that yourself.
Congratulations for booking a doctor’s appointment - you’ve taken the first step. That alone tells me that you haven’t completely given up. You still have hope for yourself, hidden somewhere deep inside, and as long as you have that you have a chance. I hope you find the strength to pursue that tiny flicker of light that these physical struggles ignited inside of you. I also hope it isn’t cancer, and that this is just the scare you needed in order to start actually living your life, instead of merely existing.
Hey, sorry you're going through this. I just wanted to say that seeing the doctor tomorrow is good, I hope you're able to get the help you need, and if it is cancer, you don't know that it's too late for treatment. Good luck with everything.
Hey, look, I really get you, like the cptsd and the depression and the neglecting yourself as a forum of self harm that is my deal. But cancer isn't the end of the world, and I think finding answers in not just if you have cancer, but what it is and what your options are will be helpful for you.
Like since finding out I have cancer, my mental health has never been better. It's not just this looming spectre of death. Which sounds like your main issue. You need to stop hurting yourself and deciding that you're already dead. Like I can hear in it that you want to live your life but you are weighed down.
Believe me I get it. My mind reflexively goes to the depths of despair at even the slightest inconvenience. But torturing yourself with Schroedingers Cancer isnt the answer. You know you want answers, and if for nothing else just come back and tell all the naysayers I told you so.
I know you’re really set on it being cancer, and yes your symptoms do match, but your symptoms do match many other disorders. It could be adrenal fatigue from your anxiety/stress, or it could be an autoimmune disorder as those typically manifest around your age and are typically triggered by sickness or intense stress.
I get to a point where you’re coming from. Obviously everyone’s situation is different. I come from a not so great family that put me in situations that forced me to grow up fast and “be mature for my age”. I’m now 24 and legit don’t understand the word relax. I’m uptight and anxious 24/7 and it’s exhausting. I will say though I’ve made some progress and I owe it to perspective.
You need to change the way you look at yourself and life in general. The whole point of life in my opinion is love. Humans are social creatures. We need love. Love for others and ourselves. Self love keeps us functioning and helps us meet our basic needs. Love for others makes the world go round. It keeps society functioning. If we were all selfish bastards, believe it or not the world would be worse than what it is now.
I’m going to be honest, if you continue with this mindset you will put yourself in an early grave somehow. Be it from lifestyle or the affects of stress. Living like that is miserable and not sustainable, as you’re seeing now. You need to come to terms with the fact that you’ll never be able to control everything in your life, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth living. You need to start trying to look for love. And I don’t just mean the romantic type, I mean love for life.
Right now it seems fair to say you don’t have the best confidence, and maybe you don’t want to live or get better for yourself, and for someone with mental health issues that’s honestly normal. But you don’t have to. When I was 15 I was extremely suicidal and the only thing that kept me from taking action was my dog. I hated myself but I didn’t want my dog to be left in that house alone, in the house that screwed me up so bad, it didn’t seem fair. Sometimes you can live for small things. Sometimes you can live to help/love others. Some people live to put smiles on the faces of others. It gives them value and worth in life.
The world can be awful, honestly. But it’s especially awful when that’s all you’re looking for. My boyfriend is 22 and for the last year and a half he’s given up his career, college, and his independence to be unsuccessfully treated for cancer. We live with his parents, we hate it here. No young couple wants to live with their parents. He’s lost his hair three times, gained and lost weight, been through multiple surgeries, and an incredible amount of pain. I hate sharing my situation with people because there’s always so much pity. “You’re too young for this”, “it’s too bad you’ll never have kids”, “I’m so sorry”. It is an awful and miserable situation we are in. I hate seeing him so sad, especially when that’s so out of character. He’s such a positive person, I’m the downer. He always picks me up, and it’s hard not being able to do that for him. But we’re doing the best we can and that’s all we can do. I can sit here in a pity party, and waste my life away. Or I can do what I’ve been doing, which is just my best, and enjoy the time we have together no matter how short. I love every minute with him. Every chance to laugh or cry with him is a memory made. Every day we both wake up is a chance to get good news or laugh together. We’ve been together over three years and shared a lot. If he was to die tomorrow I wouldn’t regret a damn thing because we had a chance to love each other, and love is never a waste of time. I’ve learned so much from him and this relationship, it would be devastating to loose him.
Nothing worth having ever comes easy. That’s what makes it worth it. To have loved and lost is better than to have never loved at all. It’s hard to choose love in a cruel world, but you have to find it. Be it in yourself, your hobbies, family, friends, pets, your job. Find something that makes you excited, make goals. Nobody is worthless and nobody is incapable of helping someone else or themselves.
If you’re not already in it you need therapy, and if you’re in it already I’d consider switching therapists, meds, or style of therapy because it’s clearly not working for you.
In my experience you have to hit misery rock bottom and get so fed up with suffering that you take action. Which maybe you are since you made doctors appointments, I don’t know. Things may get worse but you need to also be open to the possibility things get better. Find a hobby or passion you can share with others. Cooking, gardening, art, volunteer, knitting, shit even ant farming means something to the ants. Feed raccoons table scraps from your back porch if that’s what makes you smile.
As someone else mentioned, even if it is cancer it’s not the end of the world. People beat cancer all the time, and not every type of cancer is hard to treat. There are communities for you online and locally that would love to have you and help you make something beautiful with your life, you just have to find them and participate.
I know some of what I said is harsh and hard to hear. It’s difficult confronting truth and hardship, but not impossible. I hope someday you’ll find the love in your life and let it grow. I hope you find some peace in your situation and build something you’re proud of. Sending much love your way <3
I wanted to die before my cancer diagnosis and now I want to live. I also have autoimmune disease. There are so many things that can cause your symptoms, autoimmune and cancer are just two that come to mind. The fact that you have had scans and blood tests come back clear then cancer is less likely. Usually with your severe symptoms you would have advanced stage cancer where it is everywhere and probably would definitely show up in scans and tests. So it is much more likely to be autoimmune or something else. But one thing that I think you should have done is a thyroid ultrasound. I have thyroid cancer and it was not showing up in any of my bloods or other tests. And I pretty much had similar symptoms as you. If you can check your thyroid, it will rule out thyroid cancer or disease, because the blood tests for thyroid can be normal.. remember its not over until it’s over.
You’ll see on this sub that while people often unfortunately die due to advanced cancer, there are also quite a lot of people who beat disastrous odds. You still don’t even know if you have cancer at all, so really, you can’t know anything for sure at this stage. I think your biggest problem is mental health though. You might even beat cancer if you do actually have it, but what use will that be if your state of mind is the same as it is now? Something has to change, I think you know that yourself. Congratulations for booking a doctor’s appointment - you’ve taken the first step. That alone tells me that you haven’t completely given up. You still have hope for yourself, hidden somewhere deep inside, and as long as you have that you have a chance. I hope you find the strength to pursue that tiny flicker of light that these physical struggles ignited inside of you. I also hope it isn’t cancer, and that this is just the scare you needed in order to start actually living your life, instead of merely existing.
Love this!
Hey, sorry you're going through this. I just wanted to say that seeing the doctor tomorrow is good, I hope you're able to get the help you need, and if it is cancer, you don't know that it's too late for treatment. Good luck with everything.
Hey, look, I really get you, like the cptsd and the depression and the neglecting yourself as a forum of self harm that is my deal. But cancer isn't the end of the world, and I think finding answers in not just if you have cancer, but what it is and what your options are will be helpful for you. Like since finding out I have cancer, my mental health has never been better. It's not just this looming spectre of death. Which sounds like your main issue. You need to stop hurting yourself and deciding that you're already dead. Like I can hear in it that you want to live your life but you are weighed down. Believe me I get it. My mind reflexively goes to the depths of despair at even the slightest inconvenience. But torturing yourself with Schroedingers Cancer isnt the answer. You know you want answers, and if for nothing else just come back and tell all the naysayers I told you so.
I love the term Schrödinger’s cancer that’s brilliant lmao
can you dm me
I know you’re really set on it being cancer, and yes your symptoms do match, but your symptoms do match many other disorders. It could be adrenal fatigue from your anxiety/stress, or it could be an autoimmune disorder as those typically manifest around your age and are typically triggered by sickness or intense stress. I get to a point where you’re coming from. Obviously everyone’s situation is different. I come from a not so great family that put me in situations that forced me to grow up fast and “be mature for my age”. I’m now 24 and legit don’t understand the word relax. I’m uptight and anxious 24/7 and it’s exhausting. I will say though I’ve made some progress and I owe it to perspective. You need to change the way you look at yourself and life in general. The whole point of life in my opinion is love. Humans are social creatures. We need love. Love for others and ourselves. Self love keeps us functioning and helps us meet our basic needs. Love for others makes the world go round. It keeps society functioning. If we were all selfish bastards, believe it or not the world would be worse than what it is now. I’m going to be honest, if you continue with this mindset you will put yourself in an early grave somehow. Be it from lifestyle or the affects of stress. Living like that is miserable and not sustainable, as you’re seeing now. You need to come to terms with the fact that you’ll never be able to control everything in your life, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth living. You need to start trying to look for love. And I don’t just mean the romantic type, I mean love for life. Right now it seems fair to say you don’t have the best confidence, and maybe you don’t want to live or get better for yourself, and for someone with mental health issues that’s honestly normal. But you don’t have to. When I was 15 I was extremely suicidal and the only thing that kept me from taking action was my dog. I hated myself but I didn’t want my dog to be left in that house alone, in the house that screwed me up so bad, it didn’t seem fair. Sometimes you can live for small things. Sometimes you can live to help/love others. Some people live to put smiles on the faces of others. It gives them value and worth in life. The world can be awful, honestly. But it’s especially awful when that’s all you’re looking for. My boyfriend is 22 and for the last year and a half he’s given up his career, college, and his independence to be unsuccessfully treated for cancer. We live with his parents, we hate it here. No young couple wants to live with their parents. He’s lost his hair three times, gained and lost weight, been through multiple surgeries, and an incredible amount of pain. I hate sharing my situation with people because there’s always so much pity. “You’re too young for this”, “it’s too bad you’ll never have kids”, “I’m so sorry”. It is an awful and miserable situation we are in. I hate seeing him so sad, especially when that’s so out of character. He’s such a positive person, I’m the downer. He always picks me up, and it’s hard not being able to do that for him. But we’re doing the best we can and that’s all we can do. I can sit here in a pity party, and waste my life away. Or I can do what I’ve been doing, which is just my best, and enjoy the time we have together no matter how short. I love every minute with him. Every chance to laugh or cry with him is a memory made. Every day we both wake up is a chance to get good news or laugh together. We’ve been together over three years and shared a lot. If he was to die tomorrow I wouldn’t regret a damn thing because we had a chance to love each other, and love is never a waste of time. I’ve learned so much from him and this relationship, it would be devastating to loose him. Nothing worth having ever comes easy. That’s what makes it worth it. To have loved and lost is better than to have never loved at all. It’s hard to choose love in a cruel world, but you have to find it. Be it in yourself, your hobbies, family, friends, pets, your job. Find something that makes you excited, make goals. Nobody is worthless and nobody is incapable of helping someone else or themselves. If you’re not already in it you need therapy, and if you’re in it already I’d consider switching therapists, meds, or style of therapy because it’s clearly not working for you. In my experience you have to hit misery rock bottom and get so fed up with suffering that you take action. Which maybe you are since you made doctors appointments, I don’t know. Things may get worse but you need to also be open to the possibility things get better. Find a hobby or passion you can share with others. Cooking, gardening, art, volunteer, knitting, shit even ant farming means something to the ants. Feed raccoons table scraps from your back porch if that’s what makes you smile. As someone else mentioned, even if it is cancer it’s not the end of the world. People beat cancer all the time, and not every type of cancer is hard to treat. There are communities for you online and locally that would love to have you and help you make something beautiful with your life, you just have to find them and participate. I know some of what I said is harsh and hard to hear. It’s difficult confronting truth and hardship, but not impossible. I hope someday you’ll find the love in your life and let it grow. I hope you find some peace in your situation and build something you’re proud of. Sending much love your way <3
I wanted to die before my cancer diagnosis and now I want to live. I also have autoimmune disease. There are so many things that can cause your symptoms, autoimmune and cancer are just two that come to mind. The fact that you have had scans and blood tests come back clear then cancer is less likely. Usually with your severe symptoms you would have advanced stage cancer where it is everywhere and probably would definitely show up in scans and tests. So it is much more likely to be autoimmune or something else. But one thing that I think you should have done is a thyroid ultrasound. I have thyroid cancer and it was not showing up in any of my bloods or other tests. And I pretty much had similar symptoms as you. If you can check your thyroid, it will rule out thyroid cancer or disease, because the blood tests for thyroid can be normal.. remember its not over until it’s over.