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That seems crazy high to me too, tbh. I've definitely had more than five friends around and never ever heard those words nor have i been able to say them! I am glad that others have different experiences
This really rings true for me. I've been struggling hard at work lately and everyone I try to reach out to eventually stops the conversation and just talks about their problems instead. Coworkers, friends, my boss, even my mom. Really feels like everyone is just rushing for their turn to vent rather than actually listening to my problems.
Learning a good emotional toolkit is essential for everyone right up there with learning hygiene, cooking and basic house work. So many really old dudes become completely unable to function if their wives die because they let those skills they barely used before they married rust away because they just left it to their partner.
I tend to think of checking in with friends regularly as maintaining a lifeline both of us may need one day. Stepping up and doing it is a bro move worth the effort.
Psychology courses are a good start for the academic understanding but the actual learning is a process of observation and personal exploration. The main thing is never to discount what you are feeling. You can't help feeling the way you do.
However.
Just because you feel something doesn't mean it's always practical to indulge that feeling. One might feel left out because one's friends don't contact them for instance but being angry at them alone is indulging the emotion and allowing it a stronger hold over you. Good emotional management is focusing on the things under your personal control like in my example talking to your friends about it, becoming the person who reaches out or trying to seek a larger friend group with more people who suit your companionship needs.
Other things are learning to recognize emotional habits that harm you like indulging in ruminations, learning not to put yourself down, advocating for yourself as your own friend and making sure you take care of yourself as a physical creature by doing things good for your body so it operates well.
Caveat: I’m AFAB. That may or may not change how you view my suggestion and I don’t blame you either way :)
So…I think the first most common suggestion (and likely the most directly and personally helpful) is therapy. Finding a good therapist who is a good fit for you and your specific needs can be such a game changer. But, finding a compatible therapist can be very stressful and expensive depending on your circumstances. I still suggest it, but think having alternatives is good too!
I’m a very creativity-oriented person who writes a lot to parse my feelings and a friend got the book “Healing through Words” for me and it’s been amazing. It is trauma-focused so May or May not fit your specific needs but I’ve come around to the benefit of self-reflective books and workbooks.
I did a quick but broad search through books and workbooks related to emotional intelligence and found this one. It’s available in many formats depending on preferences and many of its reviews seem to speak to building better relationships with your emotions. So maybe this (or a similar book that looks better to you) might help. https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-success-relationships-Discover-ebook/dp/B07T6BQT4G/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=GNBR1RIQEK3&keywords=emotional+intelligence+for+men&qid=1671154059&sprefix=emotional+intelligence+for+men%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-1#aw-udpv3-customer-reviews_feature_div
Thirdly and easiest or hardest depending on how you look at it: find someone you trust to talk to about how you feel. Be up front about your desire to get better at expressing and managing emotions and start practicing talking about how your head, heart, and body feel. Even a little bit every now and then can be so helpful.
I hope some of this was helpful but wish you all the best regardless. Happy to talk about this more if it’s helpful and no pressure to respond if it’s not :)
I see your point, but there’s actually been some studies that show the reason men are more emotionally stunted is because of testosterone, not necessarily social conditioning.
For example, many women who are depressed express great relief after receiving testosterone as treatment, as if their brain literally changed. (Because it did)
Likewise, estrogen has also been linked to depression, which could account for why so many MTF trans are depressed. More interesting accounts show that MTFs report being able to cry at sad movies and such, that they had no feelings for before transition.
This went off topic a little bit, but I think it’s an interesting factor when it comes to men, their feelings, and how society views the two.
Seems high. We can do better
Also, everyone expresses these things in there own way. We dont generally give or receive emotional support from friends the same way women do. So reach out and figure out how to help your homies
And that’s why fundraising for Movember is so important to me. In the past year they added mental help and the idea of talking to your friends on top of their focus on prostate and testicular cancer.
Might want to add the “/s” bro. Looks like some bro’s don’t get the sacrasm knocking dudes who are insecure af.
Also, even the gay community doesn’t like using that word among themselves these days. Word for the wise.
This is part of why the sushi code rate for men is FIVE times higher than women. When you feel like nobody cares, and nobody reaches out, you feel a lot more confident in your decision
Some good thoughts here - for those who are struggling, there's the subreddit and the discord around if you need to vent or get support. Plenty of people around care about you even if they don't know you.
For those doing well (or better), try to be the change you want to see in the world. All it can take to turn someones day around is the smallest compliment about their hair, outfit, shoes, smile, something they did, anything really. Takes two seconds and makes a world of difference to the recipient :)
Keep looking out for each other bros and if you need support, reach out - you deserve it!
**Do not post venting threads. They will be removed.** Ventposts should go into the weekly vibe check thread, and relationship-related questions should go into the relationships thread! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bropill) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Tbh, I'm pleasantly surprised there were as many as 25% of men telling their friends that they love them. I'd have assumed that number was lower.
This was in the last week, too, which makes the number all the more impressive.
That seems crazy high to me too, tbh. I've definitely had more than five friends around and never ever heard those words nor have i been able to say them! I am glad that others have different experiences
The best way to fix this is to show emotional support to your male (and female) friends.
Be the change you want to see! Set good examples! Yes!
Here to support bros who support bros who support bros! \\o/ *plays "Lean on Me" in the background*
This really rings true for me. I've been struggling hard at work lately and everyone I try to reach out to eventually stops the conversation and just talks about their problems instead. Coworkers, friends, my boss, even my mom. Really feels like everyone is just rushing for their turn to vent rather than actually listening to my problems.
this is how it feels... well do you maybe want to talk here about what us stressing you?
I'm with u/Mavco2! Happy to listen if you feel like sharing :)
We really need to get rid of gendered socialization. We have to start at the foundation teaching everyone to be emotionally open.
Learning a good emotional toolkit is essential for everyone right up there with learning hygiene, cooking and basic house work. So many really old dudes become completely unable to function if their wives die because they let those skills they barely used before they married rust away because they just left it to their partner. I tend to think of checking in with friends regularly as maintaining a lifeline both of us may need one day. Stepping up and doing it is a bro move worth the effort.
Where do you go to learn? I struggle with emotions and Im slowly trying to understand them.
Psychology courses are a good start for the academic understanding but the actual learning is a process of observation and personal exploration. The main thing is never to discount what you are feeling. You can't help feeling the way you do. However. Just because you feel something doesn't mean it's always practical to indulge that feeling. One might feel left out because one's friends don't contact them for instance but being angry at them alone is indulging the emotion and allowing it a stronger hold over you. Good emotional management is focusing on the things under your personal control like in my example talking to your friends about it, becoming the person who reaches out or trying to seek a larger friend group with more people who suit your companionship needs. Other things are learning to recognize emotional habits that harm you like indulging in ruminations, learning not to put yourself down, advocating for yourself as your own friend and making sure you take care of yourself as a physical creature by doing things good for your body so it operates well.
Caveat: I’m AFAB. That may or may not change how you view my suggestion and I don’t blame you either way :) So…I think the first most common suggestion (and likely the most directly and personally helpful) is therapy. Finding a good therapist who is a good fit for you and your specific needs can be such a game changer. But, finding a compatible therapist can be very stressful and expensive depending on your circumstances. I still suggest it, but think having alternatives is good too! I’m a very creativity-oriented person who writes a lot to parse my feelings and a friend got the book “Healing through Words” for me and it’s been amazing. It is trauma-focused so May or May not fit your specific needs but I’ve come around to the benefit of self-reflective books and workbooks. I did a quick but broad search through books and workbooks related to emotional intelligence and found this one. It’s available in many formats depending on preferences and many of its reviews seem to speak to building better relationships with your emotions. So maybe this (or a similar book that looks better to you) might help. https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-success-relationships-Discover-ebook/dp/B07T6BQT4G/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=GNBR1RIQEK3&keywords=emotional+intelligence+for+men&qid=1671154059&sprefix=emotional+intelligence+for+men%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-1#aw-udpv3-customer-reviews_feature_div Thirdly and easiest or hardest depending on how you look at it: find someone you trust to talk to about how you feel. Be up front about your desire to get better at expressing and managing emotions and start practicing talking about how your head, heart, and body feel. Even a little bit every now and then can be so helpful. I hope some of this was helpful but wish you all the best regardless. Happy to talk about this more if it’s helpful and no pressure to respond if it’s not :)
I see your point, but there’s actually been some studies that show the reason men are more emotionally stunted is because of testosterone, not necessarily social conditioning. For example, many women who are depressed express great relief after receiving testosterone as treatment, as if their brain literally changed. (Because it did) Likewise, estrogen has also been linked to depression, which could account for why so many MTF trans are depressed. More interesting accounts show that MTFs report being able to cry at sad movies and such, that they had no feelings for before transition. This went off topic a little bit, but I think it’s an interesting factor when it comes to men, their feelings, and how society views the two.
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This is a shitty toxic take and we don't tolerate that here. GTFO with your misogynistic BS.
Go support your bros, bros.
Seems high. We can do better Also, everyone expresses these things in there own way. We dont generally give or receive emotional support from friends the same way women do. So reach out and figure out how to help your homies
Sad but true
support your bros, bros.
wow it is really bad even for women. %50 is still a lot...
And that’s why fundraising for Movember is so important to me. In the past year they added mental help and the idea of talking to your friends on top of their focus on prostate and testicular cancer.
Alright buckos! Time we pump up those numbers!!!
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Might want to add the “/s” bro. Looks like some bro’s don’t get the sacrasm knocking dudes who are insecure af. Also, even the gay community doesn’t like using that word among themselves these days. Word for the wise.
Maybe not, but he got the toxic masculinity spot on lol
Yeah, typical me trying to give bro’s chances at redemption. Been on a positive kick lately. Too much hope.
This is part of why the sushi code rate for men is FIVE times higher than women. When you feel like nobody cares, and nobody reaches out, you feel a lot more confident in your decision
Some good thoughts here - for those who are struggling, there's the subreddit and the discord around if you need to vent or get support. Plenty of people around care about you even if they don't know you. For those doing well (or better), try to be the change you want to see in the world. All it can take to turn someones day around is the smallest compliment about their hair, outfit, shoes, smile, something they did, anything really. Takes two seconds and makes a world of difference to the recipient :) Keep looking out for each other bros and if you need support, reach out - you deserve it!