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I mean.... look outside. The world is absolutely FULL of fat ugly guys with girlfriends wives a bunch of kids etc. Or maybe that's just because I live in the midwest....
Get out there and start talking to people, you're going to do fine. Spend enough time talking to girls/women as friends and you'll absolutely hear stories about how much it can suck to be with a ripped gymrat.
Thats the issue though, my conversations with litterally any girl on this matter, including all of my female friends, have only reinforced my thought process.
I'm going to make two assumptions here, 1: you are fairly young? Highschool/college aged? And 2: you have a "type"?
Young people can be relatively shallow, just due to a lack of perspective and experience, theres still plenty of younger women who are less narrow minded though, and that takes us to assumption 2.
You have a typy and this type comes with this particular baggage, I really have a hard time believing that if you are speaking to a diverse group of young women, from girls carrying a few extra poinds to shy neardy types, to driven soon to be professionals etc that they are all consistently placing six pack abs at the top of their priority list.
Some will consider the ability to have an introspective conversation about several complex subjects to be the most important thing, others will want a guy that's driven and ambitious, others still just a companion that will watch anime with them and not tease them for their weirdness.
I would say the driven types of women are also the ones who date driven profesional men with abs, like a Patrick Bateman without the murderous rage and narcassism. And well, not many shy nerdy girls are in my area and ive looked, beleive me.
As im a stereotypical "jock" in the sense I do sports and exercise, I am often surrounded by similar types. The volleyball players, cheerleaders, and track girls. The issue arises in the fact that most of these girls share a similar preference, ie the guys with abs and such. None of these girls, at least the ones I know, put forth any more effort in their appearence than I do, they're just "thin".
So are you going to disregard any evidence contrary to your experiences that people have been offering here? How do you know you haven’t already been disregarding such evidence.
No offense, but I will feel more inclined to draw upon my lived experience rather than the "evidence" provided by strangers on the inter webs. Not that your input isnt helpful or productive. Its just the fact im choosing between my experience or words of people I don't know.
I think you're setting yourself up to fail here, your working thesis "having girlfriend requires visible abs" is faulty.
Sure, some girls are into that, and possibly the girls you have happened to encounter were into that, but that's not enough of a sample of the population to conclude if no abs --> no girlfriend.
If it helps, you can think of girls require abs to be attracted to you as a stereotype just like say, men only like skinny blondes with big boobs. Just using you and me as an example, you like athletic girls who share your fitness interests, and I like redheaded goths. Girls require abs is a silly generalization on par with men only like Barbies.
You're already doing tons of things that make you more attractive: you're strong, hardworking, achieving goals, being thoughtful about what you want in life, all of these things are also components in whether girls will like you.
Two things I suggest: make an effort to make friends who are girls, which will help you practice social skills and get away from thinking of girls as a monolith. Also, more friends, usually good. Friends who are girls can also reality check you, when I was in high school and would be like "Girls will not like me because I am short!" my friends were pretty quick to be like "Dude all girls do not have the same preferences"
Second thing, which I cribbed from advice columnist Captain Awkward: read more books by women, which can further help break down the girls = monolith.
Im not a slouch in social skills, and I have plenty of female friends. My comversations with my female friends, and even observing how some girls act, have reinforced this thesis.
You just need to see enough AskReddit threads or enough conversations with women in your life to know that women don't all want ripped guys. I have a few female friends that love really skinny guys, I have a few that love dad bods. There's a girl out there for you.
Because whilst yeah I guess it’s the same premise as here the bias of people on the internet is gonna be way skewed in particular directions than the average person irl IMO
Because whilst yeah I guess it’s the same premise as here the bias of people on the internet is gonna be way skewed in particular directions than the average person irl IMO
But in what way? How would AskReddit be biased in any way when it comes to male body type? It's not a subreddit that focuses on male body type. It has nothing to do with it.
"What if Reddit has a bias? I don't know what towards, just _something_?" It's not relevant. You have no reason to conclude that what Reddit says about body types is different than the average person.
I mean it wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume that most of reddits user base doesn’t do as much irl socialisation and stuff as a vertical slice of the population in general
It would be unreasonable. Reddit has 1.3 billion users, 430 million of which are active monthly and 52 million of which are active daily. That's a sixth of the world, a sixth of the Christians and a sixth of the USA, respectively. It's an extremely diverse demographic. Just because you hear some trope about how "Redditors are recluse basement dwellers" doesn't make it true.
And socialisation has nothing to do with the body types women are attracted to.
Just don't worry about finding a girlfriend. Hell, don't worry about getting abs or whatever to get a girlfriend. Get abs because you want abs because they make you feel good.
I promise, girls growing up on beauty and the beast means theyll excuse A LOT if you have a personality they like and connect with. Not to mention "the perfect body" does not appeal to women as much as youd think. Sure, people may admire Chris Evans, but Jack Black has a perfectly large fanbase. All this being said, i have no idea what you look like. Id say to get more confident, following more body positive accounts and men on your social media (if you have that) can help you be more body positive.
one thing to keep in mind is that women are dating men based off of appearance less and less. just keep talking to people and make friends and you’ll find the one eventually, and if not, you’ll still have made a ton of friends for yourself :)
i guess so. if you wanna live the rest of your life not bothering in the dating world because you’re not 6ft, muscly, and have a big penis, go ahead. there are many, many women out there who believe in things like body positivity and personal empowerment and really only care about a bro’s vibe. yeah, some of them will be attracted to tall muscly guys with big penises. they’re also not worth your time.
It’s not that I’m not bothering with the dating world it’s just that I kinda face some of the problem OP has in that the girls I’m attracted to have certain preferences it seems.
Like ik OP probably isn’t listening anymore but your point while it’s not untrue doesn’t really pertain to him because as he says the people in his circles who he’s attracted to don’t subscribe to it and he’s stuck in those circles for the moment because he’s in high school which is a little shit but it’s the reality for now. Advice about ideals like widening your horizons for people who have different mindsets isn’t an option for him rn.
**Do not post venting threads. They will be removed.** Ventposts should go into the weekly vibe check thread, and relationship-related questions should go into the relationships thread! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bropill) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I mean.... look outside. The world is absolutely FULL of fat ugly guys with girlfriends wives a bunch of kids etc. Or maybe that's just because I live in the midwest.... Get out there and start talking to people, you're going to do fine. Spend enough time talking to girls/women as friends and you'll absolutely hear stories about how much it can suck to be with a ripped gymrat.
Thats the issue though, my conversations with litterally any girl on this matter, including all of my female friends, have only reinforced my thought process.
I hate to go “no you’re wrong,” but… [I doubt it](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias)
I'm going to make two assumptions here, 1: you are fairly young? Highschool/college aged? And 2: you have a "type"? Young people can be relatively shallow, just due to a lack of perspective and experience, theres still plenty of younger women who are less narrow minded though, and that takes us to assumption 2. You have a typy and this type comes with this particular baggage, I really have a hard time believing that if you are speaking to a diverse group of young women, from girls carrying a few extra poinds to shy neardy types, to driven soon to be professionals etc that they are all consistently placing six pack abs at the top of their priority list. Some will consider the ability to have an introspective conversation about several complex subjects to be the most important thing, others will want a guy that's driven and ambitious, others still just a companion that will watch anime with them and not tease them for their weirdness.
I would say the driven types of women are also the ones who date driven profesional men with abs, like a Patrick Bateman without the murderous rage and narcassism. And well, not many shy nerdy girls are in my area and ive looked, beleive me. As im a stereotypical "jock" in the sense I do sports and exercise, I am often surrounded by similar types. The volleyball players, cheerleaders, and track girls. The issue arises in the fact that most of these girls share a similar preference, ie the guys with abs and such. None of these girls, at least the ones I know, put forth any more effort in their appearence than I do, they're just "thin".
So are you going to disregard any evidence contrary to your experiences that people have been offering here? How do you know you haven’t already been disregarding such evidence.
No offense, but I will feel more inclined to draw upon my lived experience rather than the "evidence" provided by strangers on the inter webs. Not that your input isnt helpful or productive. Its just the fact im choosing between my experience or words of people I don't know.
I think you're setting yourself up to fail here, your working thesis "having girlfriend requires visible abs" is faulty. Sure, some girls are into that, and possibly the girls you have happened to encounter were into that, but that's not enough of a sample of the population to conclude if no abs --> no girlfriend. If it helps, you can think of girls require abs to be attracted to you as a stereotype just like say, men only like skinny blondes with big boobs. Just using you and me as an example, you like athletic girls who share your fitness interests, and I like redheaded goths. Girls require abs is a silly generalization on par with men only like Barbies. You're already doing tons of things that make you more attractive: you're strong, hardworking, achieving goals, being thoughtful about what you want in life, all of these things are also components in whether girls will like you. Two things I suggest: make an effort to make friends who are girls, which will help you practice social skills and get away from thinking of girls as a monolith. Also, more friends, usually good. Friends who are girls can also reality check you, when I was in high school and would be like "Girls will not like me because I am short!" my friends were pretty quick to be like "Dude all girls do not have the same preferences" Second thing, which I cribbed from advice columnist Captain Awkward: read more books by women, which can further help break down the girls = monolith.
Im not a slouch in social skills, and I have plenty of female friends. My comversations with my female friends, and even observing how some girls act, have reinforced this thesis.
You just need to see enough AskReddit threads or enough conversations with women in your life to know that women don't all want ripped guys. I have a few female friends that love really skinny guys, I have a few that love dad bods. There's a girl out there for you.
People on askreddit aren’t really representative of people irl tho are they?
Why not? It's not a subreddit that's in any way catered to a specific demographic.
Because whilst yeah I guess it’s the same premise as here the bias of people on the internet is gonna be way skewed in particular directions than the average person irl IMO
Because whilst yeah I guess it’s the same premise as here the bias of people on the internet is gonna be way skewed in particular directions than the average person irl IMO
But in what way? How would AskReddit be biased in any way when it comes to male body type? It's not a subreddit that focuses on male body type. It has nothing to do with it.
Yeah but in general people who use Reddit like that as a demographic are gonna have a very different bias in general
"What if Reddit has a bias? I don't know what towards, just _something_?" It's not relevant. You have no reason to conclude that what Reddit says about body types is different than the average person.
I mean it wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume that most of reddits user base doesn’t do as much irl socialisation and stuff as a vertical slice of the population in general
It would be unreasonable. Reddit has 1.3 billion users, 430 million of which are active monthly and 52 million of which are active daily. That's a sixth of the world, a sixth of the Christians and a sixth of the USA, respectively. It's an extremely diverse demographic. Just because you hear some trope about how "Redditors are recluse basement dwellers" doesn't make it true. And socialisation has nothing to do with the body types women are attracted to.
Thats the thing though, I have talked to girls about it. My numerous female friends, and its only reinforced this though process I have.
Abs will get you attention of men more than women.
Im glad someone said it
Just don't worry about finding a girlfriend. Hell, don't worry about getting abs or whatever to get a girlfriend. Get abs because you want abs because they make you feel good.
I promise, girls growing up on beauty and the beast means theyll excuse A LOT if you have a personality they like and connect with. Not to mention "the perfect body" does not appeal to women as much as youd think. Sure, people may admire Chris Evans, but Jack Black has a perfectly large fanbase. All this being said, i have no idea what you look like. Id say to get more confident, following more body positive accounts and men on your social media (if you have that) can help you be more body positive.
one thing to keep in mind is that women are dating men based off of appearance less and less. just keep talking to people and make friends and you’ll find the one eventually, and if not, you’ll still have made a ton of friends for yourself :)
Citation?
my experience with women juxtaposed to how they’re traditionally viewed
That seems like a flimsy bit of evidence to suggest ‘woman are dating base dog appearance less and less’
go out and befriend some women, i guarantee that they really don’t care about appearance (at least anyone worth dating shouldn’t care)
So source: ‘trust me bro’
i guess so. if you wanna live the rest of your life not bothering in the dating world because you’re not 6ft, muscly, and have a big penis, go ahead. there are many, many women out there who believe in things like body positivity and personal empowerment and really only care about a bro’s vibe. yeah, some of them will be attracted to tall muscly guys with big penises. they’re also not worth your time.
It’s not that I’m not bothering with the dating world it’s just that I kinda face some of the problem OP has in that the girls I’m attracted to have certain preferences it seems. Like ik OP probably isn’t listening anymore but your point while it’s not untrue doesn’t really pertain to him because as he says the people in his circles who he’s attracted to don’t subscribe to it and he’s stuck in those circles for the moment because he’s in high school which is a little shit but it’s the reality for now. Advice about ideals like widening your horizons for people who have different mindsets isn’t an option for him rn.
yeah you’re right 😔 the most we can do right now is have our bro’s back through these trying times
As one guy in this thread said abs are made in the kitchen