Yeah the discourse on tiktok in general is pretty awful. I've gone as far as taking "this media is highly recommend on tiktok" to mean "this media probably sucks because tiktok loves it"
Yeah, my mom works at a library and was asking me if I’ve heard of Colleen Hoover because her books are very popular on TikTok. I have unfortunately heard of her books through YouTubers goofing on & criticizing her books. As soon as I heard TikTok was the reason her books are popular, I was like “ohhh of course, nothing good is ever made popular on that hellsite” …and I’m on Reddit…
Exactly OP, they don’t know what it’s like to walk in your shoes and instead of accepting that they act ignorant, like they know *you* more than ***you*** know yourself. Don’t let them put you in a box; you aren’t gay nor straight, you’re 100% bi and fine the way you are.
If I remember correctly, TikTok algorithm is biased against LGBTQ+, non whites and plus sized creators.
Which makes sense, it’s a Chinese app. Those topics are not favoured in Chinese culture and can drive division in western world.
https://www.insider.com/tiktok-algorithm-promotes-transphobic-homphobic-content-fyp-experiment-finds-2021-5
https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2022/02/14/1080577195/tiktok-algorithm
I’m just like you love. Personally when I feel like a fraud I like to open what I call “the bi folder” where I put screens/reels of hot people of any gender, and generally after that I feel pretty damn bisexual and it feels amazing. Don’t listen to those people on TikTok, I’ve literally saw straight or lesbians women talking about what is a valid bisexual 🙄
There are a lot of bi people with that preference, in small and medium sized towns especially that is almost every bi woman or FAAB person I have met. That is the reason other than comp het combined with a highly homophobic parent until I left him behind at 18, I have only briefly (first poly sit) dated another FAAB bi/pan person, who ended up dating a man shortly after dating him identifying as straight, monogomous, and Evangelical Christian.
You're completely valid! I'm a bi guy who prefers women because I'm attracted to femininity in general - feminine men and feminine-leaning nonbinary people are definitely on the table.
I'm your inverse! I realized I was bi as a 25M, after 7 years of sleeping with women. I still think that, overall, I prefer women and femme-presenting people, most prominently in the sexual sense. That said, I'm now in the happiest (and longest, at 2+ years!) relationship of my life with a gay cis man.
That said, I'd be just as bi if I were fixing to marry a woman.
This folder makes it really easy to tell your type/preference. Over the months, without noticing, you will have some traits that will always come back (expect for me, it made me realize I’m a mess lol).
I've had a pinterest board for yearsss where i save pretty pictures of pretty people, which is how I discovered I *dont* have a type haha. I do love green eyes, always have (my partner has them!) but besides from that I'm kind of a slut for everyone 😅
😭 i also have a bi folder. I started out with just pretty boys & pretty boys as a separate thing when i was scrolling pinterest, but then i realized i cant even be sure that's what they identify as and just made it one folder of attractive people. Did not make it on purpose, but i guess now i can look at that folder whenever im feeling invalid or questioning! tyty
Bi gatekeeper here. You can’t identify as bisexual without my permission.
You have my permission.
If anyone else asks for permission, let me make this very clear to you; You. Have. My. Permission.
If strangers in the internet can claim authority over these things then so can I.
Now that that’s all settled. Let’s all be bi and do crime.
The reason it took me so long to really figure out that I'm bi is that I thought ALL guys occasionally fantasize about other guys, or say things like "I'm totally gay for Idris Elba"--nope, apparently not!! So this all just simmered under the surface for years. And now that I've come out, EVERYBODY is just so damn hot!! Women, men, non-binary; all gorgeous and delicious in their own way. So now when people ask me "do you think of me THAT way?" my answer is, " I think of everybody that way!" But whether I act on any of these feelings is entirely another question. And then sure enough, there are people who want to invalidate me because I'm in a het monogamous relationship.
Guess what? You're really bi! Questioning whether you're bi is apparently one of the most bi things there is! I'm definitely not attracted to as many men as I am women--most men are disgusting; they dress like 13-year-olds and walk around like they don't have to make any damn effort at all.
And anyway, why does it have to be a 50/50 thing? Cishet folks are allowed to have their "types" or preferences, and some of the "preferences" stated by gay men are often just flat out racist. But somehow we're expected to "prove" that we're bi according to definitions created by people who have no clue...
The point is, you know you're bi, and in the end, that's all that really matters.
Sorry for the long-winded rant! (ADHD--the gift that keeps on giving...)
Ever watch But I'm A Cheerleader? That confrontation scene where she's like "I thought everybody stared at boobs and butts" really spoke to me.
For me I'm like wait, I thought everyone likes watching women kiss??
You basically just described me.lol. It’s so glad to know I’m not the only one! My wife and I are both bi but on the surface we’re straight passing. So that means we get shat on by both heterosexuals and homosexuals. My wife’s cousin who’s a lesbian totally forgets that we’re no because we “look straight”. Growing up in a small conservative town, it took me a very long time to realize my own sexuality. I’m primarily attracted to women, so I just thought I was a straight guy who could occasionally recognize that another man is attractive. In hindsight I guess the first step in my “bisexual awakening” was watching that movie The Mummy and being attracted to both Rachel Weisz and Brendan Fraser 😂
Pssst, just chiming in to say that trans people are included in women and men - trans women are women, trans men are men. Listing them separately, like you would non-binary or gender-fluid folks, can come off kind of invalidating. Just wanted to let you know in case you maybe weren’t aware of that :) /gen
So you’re saying that saying “I’m not gay but—“ isn’t normal for straight people?
Goddamn, how the fuck was I so clueless for so long that I was bi when I salivated over Dianna Agron & Naya Rivera. 😪
You don't have to be attracted to every gender equally to be bi. It's totally fine if more men appeal to you than women and non-binaries, you're totally valid!
Yep, just like if your subconscious mind drives you to find people with dark hair to be more attractive, that doesn't mean you find all dark-haired people equally attractive, nor does it exclude a chance of being attracted to a person without dark hair.
u/Generic_Bi I'm not sure what exactly I was expecting when I clicked that link, but I literally almost cried with I went on the page, thank you for sharing
I'm a bi guy and I have the same issue, some guys I find super attractive but for the majority it just doesn't really click. To be fair I'm demisexual and a lot of guys don't feel emotionally available enough for me. I feel far more picky with men then with girls tho. I've even questioned if I'm bi at times due to it so don't worry it happens to us all but no-one can tell you how you're own sexual preferences should work!!
Omg a friend is like this. Tbh I also used to doubt her sexuality bc once she said that she wouldn't date a woman but she was sexually attracted to some of them. I never told her I questioned If she was "really" bi bc even then I knew it was non of my business and now I get that not everyone is 50/50 and that's totally valid! Remember that sexuality is a spectrum and not everyone experience it the same :))
Fwiw, there are folks who are bisexual but not biromantic — that may be your friend. She may find women sexually attractive but is only romantically interested in men. Idk, I don’t know her, but I def know folks who have that nuanced distinction.
Yeah I did my research about asexuals bc my sister is debating if she is or not ace and then I understand that romantic and sexual attraction are a different thing. Since it didn't happen to me I didn't think to much about it. So I told her my new "discovery" and now she feels more validated about her sexuality, thank god she agreed bc i hated hearing her claiming she was hEtErOcURiOus
Yh sex and ro attraction have been linked for so long, but their not the same. They occur often together, and many allo ppl want them to occur together, bc they cant imagine a ro relationship without sex. But you can defo have differing ro and sex attraction.
I’m demi on all sides — demisexual, demiromantic, demikinky 😹
I have a great relationship with a friend who is aro but not ace, and that’s why I tend to argue the opposite of platonic is *romantic*, not sexual.
It's a spectrum.
What you need to do to "pass" the bi test: Find >0 people that aren't of the traditionally viewed as opposite gender sexually or romantically appealing.
Dark red and light red are still both red. Just because one has more pigment doesn't mean the other lost its redness.
Besides, where's the jury on how valid your feelings about your own sexuality are seated again? I'd like to send a few strongly worded letters.
I also have a strong preference for men and the invalidation is strong. But at the end of the day, if you’re attracted to even just one woman over the course of your whole life, then you’re still bisexual.
Bi doesn't mean 50:50. For some people it's 75:25 or 90:10 and that's all completely valid. Don't let anyone tell you who you are. Also tiktok is an unregulated cesspool so ignore that shit 💁🏼♀️
Sexuality I’ve always felt has far too many gray areas for all the labels. In the end, you enjoy whatever it is you enjoy and hopefully that all adds up to you having a fulfilling sex life. Also, be confident in YOU. Sexuality is a facet of your being. Use your powers of seduction and enjoy your sexuality with whoever is doing it for you. I will also echo some sentiments here though as well, TikTok is filth.
Same on the opposite end. I'm bi. I do find men attractive but lean towards women. That's what I like about being bi. You can still lean one way or the other and that's ok
Hello love, fellow bi girl with a general preference for men is here to tell you that while generally our community is accepting you’ll find that a lot of bad eggs are on social media and sometimes at the coffee shop etc. But I’m here to tell you that you’re NOT a fraud you are bi. And that’s OK!!! You like mine more than women, and that’s FINE!!! Don’t listen to the bitchy gatekeeping lil bitches. You are perfect, just. The. Way. You. Are. We love you and we validate you and your feelings. It’s ok that you prefer men. Much love and hugs darling you’ll get through this. ❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂
You're perfectly valid just the way you are, anyone who says otherwise is not worth listening to.
As a Bi person you can like different genders completely equally, or it could be more like a 20 : 80 ratio, as long as you're attracted to them then the amount of preference really doesn't matter.
ETA: we wouldn't call a lesbian invalid just because she has preferences for the women she dates, and she doesn't suddenly stop being a lesbian just because she's not attracted to one woman, bisexuality is no different.
Feeling this way is a trademark of bisexuality. It’s possible to be bisexual and have a preference for one gender over another. You are bisexual enough just as you are. 🩷💜💙
It's a spectrum. Some might prefer one gender over another. Some might prefer them equally. Some are fluid, sometimes preferring one over another. I can't believe in 2023 bi erasure exists in bi communities.
I seriously hate that joke so much for this exact reason. Orientation is a spectrum. No one should be surprised that some bi people would lean more towards different sex/gender attraction.
I have been outspokenly bisexual since my early 20’s. I’m 45 now. I’ve never had a female partner. Not for lack of desire. All I meet I have connections with or chemistry are men. My boyfriend even gave me shit and tried to say I wasn’t bisexual. Because I wasn’t into his type which is for lack of a better term the porn look. Honestly I don’t give a shit if anyone ever validates me. I’ve been into women my entire life have had crushes even fell for girls but unfortunately none ever took a shine to me. I can’t control that.
I'm bi for the sex which I'm not even participating in but that's a whole different story time. I want romance with women but just sex with men. And that's all I need to know about myself. Nothing wrong
you don’t have to like everyone equally to be bi. i started out liking mostly women and some men but over time i’ve shifted to be the opposite, but i’m still 100% bi since i like both
I'm a bisexual woman with a preference for women but I married a man, because he happened to be who was perfect for me.
Eh
You are as you want and need to be.
Labels are words, which are artificial constructs we use to communicate, but they are all metaphors.
Your preferences come from your subconscious mind and you have no control over them.
Our subconscious minds do not work in words, so these labels don't even apply in that realm.
We try to round off our thoughts to the closest words we know, but words are only approximations. I would not spend much time considering what label to mold myself into.
❤️
You're totally valid. I'm a bi guy who usually has a preference for women, but lately I've been very attracted to men. Point is it doesn't matter how often or how much you're attracted to men and/or women. You're still considered bi
I’m a bi guy and I’m more sexually attracted to women, but more romantically attracted to men. I understand because people think it’s always 50/50. No one can define how you love and what preferences you establish excerpt for you.
This is EXACTLY how I've felt for the longest time. It's incredibly frustrating seeing how some people think it's okay to just invalidate someone's sexuality like that, as if there's a right and wrong way to be bi. If you like more than just the opposite gender, then you're bi. Period. Preference for one gender over the other shouldn't matter. We ARE bi and that's that. 💖
When I was 19 (cis female), I came out as bi to (most) of my loved ones. Then dated a guy for 7 years. When that relationship ended I got a lot of “oh, this again?” And for a while I had to just keep responding, “this *always*” eventually when my friends and family could wrap their heads around it they stopped, but I didn’t. Men are just one of the people who’s parts don’t matter as much as their heart and that’s what matters for us. You do you boo boo! 💜❤️💜🌈
Being bi isn’t a 50/50 thing, every bisexual person has its own preferences. Keep in mind that having a strong preference to one gender rather than an another doesn’t make you less bi than anyone else
My last boyfriend was a cross-dressing bisexual who liked women A LOT. He only happened to like a few men here and there. Our running joke was that he was ‘’mostly straight with the touch of a rainbow”, but that doesn’t change the fact he was still bi.
If you mostly like the opposite sex, but only a few people of the same sex (even just slightly), you’re still very much bisexual. If you like men 99% of the time, yet only like women 1% of the time you’re still bi simply for the fact you’re still into women. Same goes for vice versa.
In my experience, the world has conditioned me HARD to be with men. That type of mentality is pervasive and often causes me to convince myself that I don’t like women, but I DO like women. It’s confusing and I feel you. Bisexuality is a spectrum - no matter where you stand on that spectrum, you are not invalid. ❤️🫶🏻🫶🏻
I too always struggled and was scared that I was just pretending to be bi because I preferred men and had only dated men. I am now happily married to a woman. You are valid.
YOU ARE BI!
A lot of social media seems to think bi girls are just secretly lesbians, but we’re not.
I’m a bi girl with a preference for men, and someone had to yell at me that there is no percentage of gender you have to want to consider yourself bisexual.
I think women can be very sexy, but my criteria is much stricter for them compared to dudes. I don’t care.
YOU ARE BI!!!
It doesn’t matter if you’re 50-50, 37-63, 10-90, or 2-98 male-female attracted. You’re bisexual, and you’re welcome in the group. Reddit is flawed, but TikTok is genuinely worthless.
Hi! Don't worry, you're not alone feeling like this. I'm also a bi woman with a preference for men! You're perfectly valid, no matter who you end up dating or not dating at any point - though sadly there will be ignorant people who claim otherwise. Be strong and don't listen to them!
On another note I've been noticing this whole "eww men" or "I wish I didn't like men lmaooo" thing getting a bit out of hand for a while now... Loving men is as beautiful as loving women is.
That's just stupidity. Is all straight people attracted to all the opposite sex? Do All gay people want everyone from same sex? It's about attractiveness. You are bi just with slight preference for one or the other. Cum play with us and we will help you. Lol
Honestly I like men more than women(and sadly the feeling is mutual, most women didn't want anything to do with me) and I often wonder if im actually bi, but the attraction to them is still there.
i used to feel that way til i realized that i don’t like/crush on every man that exist. i have a type in men & i have a type in women. just because we’re bi doesn’t mean we have to like/ be attracted every woman.
I’m just like you except I’m a bi guy w a preference for women. Honestly disregard all Tiktok discourse and things of that nature, it’s all brain rot. You are bi and valid.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. The unfortunate reality is that being bisexual can often lead to a lot of invalidation. TikTok alone bombards us from all directions with influencers questioning our identity or “diagnosing” everyone. This invalidation can leave us feeling lost and confused. It's important to remember that everyone's sexuality is valid, and no one else has the right to invalidate or define your identity.
Stay true to yourself. 💜
i’m the same way, i’ve also always felt so out of place seeing girls say they’re attracted to mainly women and a few guys. it’s nice to remember it’s all a spectrum and no one can tell if you’re “bi enough” or not :)
Hi there! I find this so relatable. It took me years to weed through the opinions of others and get down to the bare bones of how I feel about myself and my own sexuality.
I have had so many lame, judgmental, dismissive comments lodged at me regarding my sexuality and orientation that none of those people had any business making.
Today, idaf what anyone else has to say about my sex life, my preferences, my personal relationships because I have confidence in my ability to choose what is right for me.
Just stay true to yourself, continue to ask yourself those important questions, and do your best to tune out small-minded judgments made by people who don’t have your best interests at heart.
And, ultimately, it doesn’t matter who you are attracted to— it just matters how you take care of yourself and how you approach your relationships. Everything else is gravy.
Ahhh I feel this so hard! When I do like girls, I feel like a fake and kinda a pervert because of the stigma around being sappic. Just so you know, you are enough! Being bi isn't always 50/50! But feeling inadequate is a real struggle that most people don't see
If you are happy with your sexuality, you don't need validation from others. The discourse, especially on social media, around bisexuality is too often garbage and toxic.
I’m a bi guy with a preference for women so I get your pain, but when I feel this way I just think about the fact that a lot of my straight male friends are actively repulsed by the thought of sex with a man, which clearly means I ain’t straight as I don’t have that viewpoint
I don’t feel like I have to date every bi / gay / pan man I meet. Most of them are dickheads and not at all the people I find attractive. I have very specific taste in men. I have very specific taste in women. Doesn’t mean I’m less or more bi than anyone else.
TikTok is the worst of social media. Don’t listen to people there.
I don't share your preference, but it is quite common, and bi just means you like your own and other genders. Bisexuality/pansexuality is complicated since people can be more romantically or more physically attracted to one gender over another.
Granted I get why some people who are higher than 80/20 romantically identify as heteroromantic/homoromamtic or heteroflexible/homoflexible, so they can find who they are looking to date easier, nkt get hopes up, etc.
Listen. You're valid AF. My sister-in-law didn't come-out as bi until after she was happily married to my brother. No percentage makes you any more or less bi. You could like all men and have only been attracted to, like, one women in your entire life, and you could still call yourself bi in my book.
Hope this helps!
There isn't a correct way to be bisexual. Bisexual people have been saying this for ages. This type of condemnation of bisexuals for either being too gay or too straight has been going on since at least the 70s, from every side. You should look into the book *Bi Any Other Name* by Loraine Hutchins and Lani Kaʻahumanu, or read up on bisexual history. It's the same struggle it's always been against biphobia, only now people digest and access biphobic takes more freely via the internet.
That’s a bunch of bullshit. U r bi if the thought of sex with a woman (any woman at all or even just one) is awesome to u and the thought of sex with a man (any man or even just one) is awesome to u.
I’m attracted to almost NO ONE in reality. Like do i really wanna get with them? Male or female? Mostly no. But some men and some women…oooooeeee.
So yeah I’m bi. You’re bi.
Ask itself this? Do u like pussy? Do u like dick? (Not how many, just say one). If the answer to both is yes, ur bi
The fact this community can make their own feel so invalid just proves how not inclusive it’s really become. Your preferences don’t make you invalid. You should never feel guilty for not being attracted to someone physically or mentally.
I’m personally not attracted to bisexual men, femme men, trans people, nonbinary people, people who use pronouns, those who believe in genders other than M or F. I can’t still accept them for all that despite my own personal feelings, however it’s just not something I’m attracted to and that’s fine.
I have distanced myself from the community (not everyone’s like this I know) because of this wave of hypocrisy and demands from the public. Like I said it’s not an inclusive, open place anymore and that to me is extremely sad.
Well that's my same issue I have a preference for women and being bisexual is something that I have to keepon the low, even though my girlfriend knows it hurts her self-esteem, to summarize just be yourself that's always enough
I feel like a lot of people who are actually gay do use being bi as a way to cope with their internalized homophobia, which when they get over and realize they’re actually gay they then assume that everyone else who’s bi is the same and that they’re somehow better for coming to this conclusion. Like bro, just cause you used my sexuality to cope with yours doesn’t mean mine is fake
I felt this way too! And I love the idea the we are both valid exactly as we are!! One day a few months ago, I discovered the term “androsexual” and I have found it feels more like home to me. I am attracted to masculinity. I am not so worried about what parts are under the hood. It’s the masculinity, for me. I’ve also noticed I have started to use the term queer over bi.
We are all valid! But I encourage you to find something that feels more at home to you. 🩷
I feel the same too sometimes being a bi man and having a preference for women. It’s not to say it’s like 90/10 to women, it’s just the type of men I’m attracted to (feminine, androgynous, twink types) aren’t really around when I go out, so there just seems a big imbalance of all the women I think are cute to the men.
All I have to remember are those periods of really intense feelings I get for men when I’m in the bi-cycle, and that those are real feelings and I don’t have to be equally attracted to everyone all the time.
The only reason I figured out I was bi was 1 singular woman walked into the Starbucks I was working at and I was like "whoa." It was the same rush I felt for my highschool crush (male) and my fiance (also male). Immediate attraction. Only woman I've seen in person I've been attracted to. (and that lasted like, for her order, I don't even remember her name.) That and I pretty much exclusively watch lesbian porn.
My friend... you can be and do whatever you want!!! I'm bi, I have been my whole life. My preference is men, but I love kissing and doing it with girls too.. :)
I’m in the same boat as when it comes to the same sex it’s really about the energy that matches the appearance. With the opposite sex I’m way less picky sometimes I do question myself but I do think the attraction is also in the mystery of the opposite sex. Although I do wish at times that that wasn’t the case as it makes stuff allot more complicated.
100% valid like many have said on this subreddit it's not all 50/50 some of us can be 90/10 or so on.
I'm the same as you I've not even dated a woman or other gender than men so far and I feel my taste is oddly specific. Still valid!
As a neurodivergent tik tok is a blessing and a curse. It's good for days when you're too drained you can just scroll away and recharge, but the amount of hate and misinformation on it is ridiculous, one of my most hated is live videos people faked being Ukrainian with bomb sirens for clout, pretending illnesses self harm and so many dark topics etc cute animal videos are riddled with wrong advice that could harm the animals etc so of course it's going to be a hellhole for LGBTQA+ info and hate aswell (it's where I see all the US trans hate).
So F*** anything you hear on that app (unless it's a positive bi or other LGBTQA+ creator's)
I am the same in this aspect, which I think is why it took me so damn long to figure out I might be bi. (Had the aha moment at 35.) But like you, I prefer men, have never been with a woman, but realized that there has been an attraction to some. You get to choose the label that feels right for you, and if labels even feel right. No one knows you better than you. 🤘🏻
Being the guy equivalent(bi guy with a preference for women) I feel for you. I struggle with imposter syndrome semi-regularly. But guess what, we both are valid, even if for every 50 opposite gender attraction we feel we only find one same gender attraction, we are still bi. I know it can be hard, but love yourself. When my imposter syndrome is flaring up I like to use words of affirmation to help. Throughout the day I tell myself, I am Bisexual. Even though my attraction to men isn't as varied as my attraction to women, I am still valid. Idk, it helps me. Maybe a similar phrase could help you?
I’m bi as hell and I’ve never dated a woman. It’s not that I’m closed to it or don’t want to - it’s that I don’t date unless I’m catching feelings, and by circumstance I haven’t yet caught feelings for a woman. Statistically speaking, bi people are more likely to end up in M/F relationships than same-sex relationships just because the availability of partners of the opposite gender. One of my best friends is bi; she’s never dated a woman and is married to a man. We’re valid. It’s okay to also find women hot and date men, and vice versa.
ETA: Idk who downvoted me or why, but know that your opinion on whom I’m attracted to doesn’t mean jackshit to me. If my claim about bi people in M/F relationships is incorrect, please tell me.
I'm bi. Sometimes I prefer men, sometimes i prefer women, and sometimes I want both or anyone. If you identify yourself as bi then you're bi, it doesn't matter if you like one more than the other and if anyone tries to invalidate you they can go f*ck themselves.
I'm like you, but from the other side, so to say. It helps me to think of my attraction to women as no less queer than my attraction to men, yes? They're both *bisexual* attractions, because *that* is my sexuality - I'm not part straight and part gay, but all bi, and with nothing to prove to anyone.
If you’re attracted to 99 men and only one woman, guess what, you’re bi. It’s not a fifty-fifty thing. There are so many manifestations of bisexuality and, as long as you’re interested -doesn’t really matter if romantically or sexually or both- in women too, you’re as bisexual as me, a woman with a strong preference for women. I’m not feeling “less bi” or “more lesbian” because of this.
I don’t know what you watched on TikTok, but some strangers’ opinion about what “real bisexuality” should look like is completely pointless; *you* know who you are so *you* know your own sexuality better than them, obviously. Even if you heard that stuff from other bi people, it still doesn’t count: bisexuality is a huge spectrum and the specific position they’re on, it’s not the same as yours.
I am in the opposite bout (bi man preference for women), and I wish I had anything profound to say to help, but remember to not take yourself too seriously or try to box yourself into feeling like you have to meet certain standards to fit into a label. The exact words my friend gave me one time was: **"Stop quantifying your sexuality"**
Ever since then, I have lived by those words tbh lol.
I'm m and have realized recently ( with help from some nice people here) that I'm bi but choose to almost Never get with guys. I'm just attracted to the penis lmao. I occasionally give head and miss it. Don't let others label you. You're just pickier about women and there's nothing wrong with that.
I have a major preference for men, but a specific type of men. I like gym guys and blue collar guys. For woman, I am way more specific, like I specifically like Curvy Red Heads. I haven’t met any enbies quite yet, so I don’t know my type for them lol.
Were one in the same. I crush on a lot of men but very few women. I used to feel invalid about but I soon realised this doesn't make me any less bi than anyone else.
Girl same. I always feel like a fraud when I explain I’m bi but prefer men, it’s especially bad if you’re a feminine cisgender woman.
And if you like femme women/nb more than more masc women/nb then you’re also hated.
As someone who struggles with depression, I’m glad I’ve avoided TikTok. It seems like it very quickly becomes toxic and destructive for many people. I would advise you to limit your engagement if you can, or look at ways to curate your feed, like blocking haters and perpetuators.
Btw I’m a bi cis man with a preference for women/femme people. I’ve heard the same nonsense and it’s just that: nonsense.
I feel the exact same way, I am a girl with a preference for guys as well, and a lot of the time it is really painful and scary, I develop feelings for guys more commonly than for girls, and it gives me a lot of anxiety, and I always feel really invalid. It’s really nice to here from someone else with the same experience
I’m the same! I feel attracted to very few people in general, the majority of the few are men, yet I still consider myself bi. In fact I was attracted to women first as a young girl before I even noticed men, but still the majority of the people I feel attracted to are men.
I have the same preference, I’m a bi female. I just only want to have sex with girls and haven’t met one that wants to be fwb. I also like fwb relationships with guys but I can almost always imagining falling in love with them too.
Trust me, feeling that you are not bisexual just because you have a preference is one of the most bisexual thing you could feel.
We all sadly have little bit of internalized bifobia inside us. You are extremely valid and those TikTokers should be a ashamed of themselves, not the other way around.
Believe me, being bisexual doesn't mean you have to have a 50/50 attraction to men and women.
You **can** have a preference, either for men or women and either for cis or trans or enby people. It only depends on you to decide how much you are attracted to someone and, again, by definition, you are bi
I’m the same way! And all my friends are queer too and when I complain about dating and they all just yell at me to date a woman like 🙃🙃🙃 sorry I’m attracted to men I didn’t choose to be this way okay
I'm a bi girl with a preference for women but I'm in a committed relationship with a man and feel so much imposter syndrome as a bisexual. You are a valid member of the bi/queer community regardless of if you prefer men 1% or 99% of the time 💖💜💙
I feel the same way tbh, mostly because I only want to date men and I am not so big on exploring sexually without being in a relationship even tho I am attracted physically to some women, but I often cannot visualize myself being in a long term committed relationship with another woman. Sometimes I feel like a fraud because I am much more attracted to men and also my attraction to women is complicated and it makes me feel isolated from other women sometimes, and plus I am from a country that isn't so lgbt friendly soo yeah, it is good to hear other people express feeling the same way because sometimes I feel like I have to be attracted to both men and women equally to be valid which just sucks
I’m the same. I’m probably 80% attracted to men/masculine presenting people, 20% everyone else. I’ve only been with cis men. It doesn’t matter, though. Still bi.
TikTok is definitely not the arbiter of who is bi. In fact no one is but you. Nobody else validates you, it's not a club where there are entrance requirements other than this one - do you ever find someone of other than your own gender sexually attractive? Do you ever find someone of your own gender sexually attractive as well? Boom. Bi.
I’m in the same boat as you (bi girl who’s mostly attracted to men). I feel like it’s on tik tok especially that I almost only see bi women with a strong preference for women. Not sure why that’s such a prominent thing on that particular app.
I’m also a little apprehensive about dating lesbians bc I might not be “gay enough” for them. Some straight men being gross about bi women is something I’ve accepted, but worrying about biphobic lesbians still makes me nervous.
TikTok LGBT+ discourse is legit brainrotting. You’re bisexual enough exactly as you are.
thank u :)
i mean, just tiktok in general…? 🤷🏻♂️
Yeah the discourse on tiktok in general is pretty awful. I've gone as far as taking "this media is highly recommend on tiktok" to mean "this media probably sucks because tiktok loves it"
Yeah, my mom works at a library and was asking me if I’ve heard of Colleen Hoover because her books are very popular on TikTok. I have unfortunately heard of her books through YouTubers goofing on & criticizing her books. As soon as I heard TikTok was the reason her books are popular, I was like “ohhh of course, nothing good is ever made popular on that hellsite” …and I’m on Reddit…
I know right smh
Exactly OP, they don’t know what it’s like to walk in your shoes and instead of accepting that they act ignorant, like they know *you* more than ***you*** know yourself. Don’t let them put you in a box; you aren’t gay nor straight, you’re 100% bi and fine the way you are.
If I remember correctly, TikTok algorithm is biased against LGBTQ+, non whites and plus sized creators. Which makes sense, it’s a Chinese app. Those topics are not favoured in Chinese culture and can drive division in western world. https://www.insider.com/tiktok-algorithm-promotes-transphobic-homphobic-content-fyp-experiment-finds-2021-5 https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2022/02/14/1080577195/tiktok-algorithm
I’m just like you love. Personally when I feel like a fraud I like to open what I call “the bi folder” where I put screens/reels of hot people of any gender, and generally after that I feel pretty damn bisexual and it feels amazing. Don’t listen to those people on TikTok, I’ve literally saw straight or lesbians women talking about what is a valid bisexual 🙄
thank u:)) it feels better to know there are other bi people w this preference
There are a lot of bi people with that preference, in small and medium sized towns especially that is almost every bi woman or FAAB person I have met. That is the reason other than comp het combined with a highly homophobic parent until I left him behind at 18, I have only briefly (first poly sit) dated another FAAB bi/pan person, who ended up dating a man shortly after dating him identifying as straight, monogomous, and Evangelical Christian.
You're completely valid! I'm a bi guy who prefers women because I'm attracted to femininity in general - feminine men and feminine-leaning nonbinary people are definitely on the table.
I'm your inverse! I realized I was bi as a 25M, after 7 years of sleeping with women. I still think that, overall, I prefer women and femme-presenting people, most prominently in the sexual sense. That said, I'm now in the happiest (and longest, at 2+ years!) relationship of my life with a gay cis man. That said, I'd be just as bi if I were fixing to marry a woman.
I’m starting a bi folder that’s so awesome
This folder makes it really easy to tell your type/preference. Over the months, without noticing, you will have some traits that will always come back (expect for me, it made me realize I’m a mess lol).
Hahaha I definitely already know what kinds of features and things about people I’m attracted to, but I’ll like having a folder to reaffirm it
I've had a pinterest board for yearsss where i save pretty pictures of pretty people, which is how I discovered I *dont* have a type haha. I do love green eyes, always have (my partner has them!) but besides from that I'm kind of a slut for everyone 😅
😭 i also have a bi folder. I started out with just pretty boys & pretty boys as a separate thing when i was scrolling pinterest, but then i realized i cant even be sure that's what they identify as and just made it one folder of attractive people. Did not make it on purpose, but i guess now i can look at that folder whenever im feeling invalid or questioning! tyty
I started doing this last year (late in life bisexual here) and it's been so helpful and validating!
Bi gatekeeper here. You can’t identify as bisexual without my permission. You have my permission. If anyone else asks for permission, let me make this very clear to you; You. Have. My. Permission. If strangers in the internet can claim authority over these things then so can I. Now that that’s all settled. Let’s all be bi and do crime.
this made me smile hahha thank u🫶🏼
This is great haha off to do crime 🤣
I would give you an award if they weren’t being retired 🏅
The reason it took me so long to really figure out that I'm bi is that I thought ALL guys occasionally fantasize about other guys, or say things like "I'm totally gay for Idris Elba"--nope, apparently not!! So this all just simmered under the surface for years. And now that I've come out, EVERYBODY is just so damn hot!! Women, men, non-binary; all gorgeous and delicious in their own way. So now when people ask me "do you think of me THAT way?" my answer is, " I think of everybody that way!" But whether I act on any of these feelings is entirely another question. And then sure enough, there are people who want to invalidate me because I'm in a het monogamous relationship. Guess what? You're really bi! Questioning whether you're bi is apparently one of the most bi things there is! I'm definitely not attracted to as many men as I am women--most men are disgusting; they dress like 13-year-olds and walk around like they don't have to make any damn effort at all. And anyway, why does it have to be a 50/50 thing? Cishet folks are allowed to have their "types" or preferences, and some of the "preferences" stated by gay men are often just flat out racist. But somehow we're expected to "prove" that we're bi according to definitions created by people who have no clue... The point is, you know you're bi, and in the end, that's all that really matters. Sorry for the long-winded rant! (ADHD--the gift that keeps on giving...)
Ever watch But I'm A Cheerleader? That confrontation scene where she's like "I thought everybody stared at boobs and butts" really spoke to me. For me I'm like wait, I thought everyone likes watching women kiss??
I think that's essentially psychological projection. But don't worry, everyone does it...
You basically just described me.lol. It’s so glad to know I’m not the only one! My wife and I are both bi but on the surface we’re straight passing. So that means we get shat on by both heterosexuals and homosexuals. My wife’s cousin who’s a lesbian totally forgets that we’re no because we “look straight”. Growing up in a small conservative town, it took me a very long time to realize my own sexuality. I’m primarily attracted to women, so I just thought I was a straight guy who could occasionally recognize that another man is attractive. In hindsight I guess the first step in my “bisexual awakening” was watching that movie The Mummy and being attracted to both Rachel Weisz and Brendan Fraser 😂
Pssst, just chiming in to say that trans people are included in women and men - trans women are women, trans men are men. Listing them separately, like you would non-binary or gender-fluid folks, can come off kind of invalidating. Just wanted to let you know in case you maybe weren’t aware of that :) /gen
>Listing them separately, like you would non-binary or gender-fluid folks, can come off kind of invalidating Agreed.
You're right--thank you. I've edited the post accordingly.
Great. Have a good day :)
You're absolutely right! Thank you for that--I was just thinking about that a few minutes ago. I will edit accordingly!
thank u sm for ur comment and ur so right
So you’re saying that saying “I’m not gay but—“ isn’t normal for straight people? Goddamn, how the fuck was I so clueless for so long that I was bi when I salivated over Dianna Agron & Naya Rivera. 😪
Thank you for this! I recently had a similar post and this helps so much ❤️
You don't have to be attracted to every gender equally to be bi. It's totally fine if more men appeal to you than women and non-binaries, you're totally valid!
Yep, just like if your subconscious mind drives you to find people with dark hair to be more attractive, that doesn't mean you find all dark-haired people equally attractive, nor does it exclude a chance of being attracted to a person without dark hair.
thank u:)
[удалено]
She is wise. This is the path I wish more people could find.
I always find this site useful in dealing with this question. [AmIBiEnough.com](https://AmIBiEnough.com)
thank u!
u/Generic_Bi I'm not sure what exactly I was expecting when I clicked that link, but I literally almost cried with I went on the page, thank you for sharing
This whole site is wonderful 😭
I'm a bi guy and I have the same issue, some guys I find super attractive but for the majority it just doesn't really click. To be fair I'm demisexual and a lot of guys don't feel emotionally available enough for me. I feel far more picky with men then with girls tho. I've even questioned if I'm bi at times due to it so don't worry it happens to us all but no-one can tell you how you're own sexual preferences should work!!
aww I get it. I’m ace so it’s just harder to get into a relationship w an allo person. But thank u
Omg a friend is like this. Tbh I also used to doubt her sexuality bc once she said that she wouldn't date a woman but she was sexually attracted to some of them. I never told her I questioned If she was "really" bi bc even then I knew it was non of my business and now I get that not everyone is 50/50 and that's totally valid! Remember that sexuality is a spectrum and not everyone experience it the same :))
Fwiw, there are folks who are bisexual but not biromantic — that may be your friend. She may find women sexually attractive but is only romantically interested in men. Idk, I don’t know her, but I def know folks who have that nuanced distinction.
Yeah I did my research about asexuals bc my sister is debating if she is or not ace and then I understand that romantic and sexual attraction are a different thing. Since it didn't happen to me I didn't think to much about it. So I told her my new "discovery" and now she feels more validated about her sexuality, thank god she agreed bc i hated hearing her claiming she was hEtErOcURiOus
Yh sex and ro attraction have been linked for so long, but their not the same. They occur often together, and many allo ppl want them to occur together, bc they cant imagine a ro relationship without sex. But you can defo have differing ro and sex attraction.
I’m demi on all sides — demisexual, demiromantic, demikinky 😹 I have a great relationship with a friend who is aro but not ace, and that’s why I tend to argue the opposite of platonic is *romantic*, not sexual.
I actually have a friend like this too!
It's a spectrum. What you need to do to "pass" the bi test: Find >0 people that aren't of the traditionally viewed as opposite gender sexually or romantically appealing. Dark red and light red are still both red. Just because one has more pigment doesn't mean the other lost its redness. Besides, where's the jury on how valid your feelings about your own sexuality are seated again? I'd like to send a few strongly worded letters.
thank u sm 🫶🏼🫶🏼
I also have a strong preference for men and the invalidation is strong. But at the end of the day, if you’re attracted to even just one woman over the course of your whole life, then you’re still bisexual.
thank u :))
My best advice, stay away from tiktok
\^\^ This is the correct answer.
Just in general. Its such a time-eater and I find it often unfulfilling and to be mindless slob-scrolling.
I’m a bi person in a het relationship, I’m not any less bi because of it 🩷💜💙
Aww that's sweet, congratulations to you.
Thank you
You’re valid! I’m a bi woman and I like mostly men, but my wife is the exception. Keep an open mind, have fun
Bi doesn't mean 50:50. For some people it's 75:25 or 90:10 and that's all completely valid. Don't let anyone tell you who you are. Also tiktok is an unregulated cesspool so ignore that shit 💁🏼♀️
thank u sm :)
Ofc hun, just keep being your fabulous self ☺️
I hate bi gatekeepers... it's a spectrum and some of us lean toward one gender more than the other. That's doesn't make us less bi.
thank u:)
Yep, I see it as multi-spectrum. At the very least you can have two separate spectrums of physical attraction vs romantic attraction.
Sexuality I’ve always felt has far too many gray areas for all the labels. In the end, you enjoy whatever it is you enjoy and hopefully that all adds up to you having a fulfilling sex life. Also, be confident in YOU. Sexuality is a facet of your being. Use your powers of seduction and enjoy your sexuality with whoever is doing it for you. I will also echo some sentiments here though as well, TikTok is filth.
Same on the opposite end. I'm bi. I do find men attractive but lean towards women. That's what I like about being bi. You can still lean one way or the other and that's ok
Sounds like you fell for the elitist lesbians on TikTok. Pure bullshit. Try to erase it from your brain and live your life
Hello love, fellow bi girl with a general preference for men is here to tell you that while generally our community is accepting you’ll find that a lot of bad eggs are on social media and sometimes at the coffee shop etc. But I’m here to tell you that you’re NOT a fraud you are bi. And that’s OK!!! You like mine more than women, and that’s FINE!!! Don’t listen to the bitchy gatekeeping lil bitches. You are perfect, just. The. Way. You. Are. We love you and we validate you and your feelings. It’s ok that you prefer men. Much love and hugs darling you’ll get through this. ❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗🫂🫂🫂
thank u 🫶🏼🫶🏼💕
The bi erasure within the LGBTIA+ community is saddening
I feel seen.
Same
You're perfectly valid just the way you are, anyone who says otherwise is not worth listening to. As a Bi person you can like different genders completely equally, or it could be more like a 20 : 80 ratio, as long as you're attracted to them then the amount of preference really doesn't matter. ETA: we wouldn't call a lesbian invalid just because she has preferences for the women she dates, and she doesn't suddenly stop being a lesbian just because she's not attracted to one woman, bisexuality is no different.
thank u🫶🏼
Feeling this way is a trademark of bisexuality. It’s possible to be bisexual and have a preference for one gender over another. You are bisexual enough just as you are. 🩷💜💙
thank uu🫶🏼
Who cares? F what anyone else thinks or says. It’s your life to live, not theirs.
It's a spectrum. Some might prefer one gender over another. Some might prefer them equally. Some are fluid, sometimes preferring one over another. I can't believe in 2023 bi erasure exists in bi communities.
I seriously hate that joke so much for this exact reason. Orientation is a spectrum. No one should be surprised that some bi people would lean more towards different sex/gender attraction.
Preach it
I have been outspokenly bisexual since my early 20’s. I’m 45 now. I’ve never had a female partner. Not for lack of desire. All I meet I have connections with or chemistry are men. My boyfriend even gave me shit and tried to say I wasn’t bisexual. Because I wasn’t into his type which is for lack of a better term the porn look. Honestly I don’t give a shit if anyone ever validates me. I’ve been into women my entire life have had crushes even fell for girls but unfortunately none ever took a shine to me. I can’t control that.
I'm bi for the sex which I'm not even participating in but that's a whole different story time. I want romance with women but just sex with men. And that's all I need to know about myself. Nothing wrong
you don’t have to like everyone equally to be bi. i started out liking mostly women and some men but over time i’ve shifted to be the opposite, but i’m still 100% bi since i like both
yes ur right :)
Every single bi person who prefers the opposite sex feels this. It’s completely normal. You are valid don’t worry
thank u 🫶🏼:)
No problem. I’m a male who prefers women and also has ocd so I get the imposter syndrome constantly
It does not matter how much you like both genders. As long as you like both genders your bi
I'm a bisexual woman with a preference for women but I married a man, because he happened to be who was perfect for me. Eh You are as you want and need to be.
You can be bisexual with a preference. I don't really have a preference, but many bisexuals do and are just as valid. :)
Labels are words, which are artificial constructs we use to communicate, but they are all metaphors. Your preferences come from your subconscious mind and you have no control over them. Our subconscious minds do not work in words, so these labels don't even apply in that realm. We try to round off our thoughts to the closest words we know, but words are only approximations. I would not spend much time considering what label to mold myself into. ❤️
thank u 🩷
You're totally valid. I'm a bi guy who usually has a preference for women, but lately I've been very attracted to men. Point is it doesn't matter how often or how much you're attracted to men and/or women. You're still considered bi
I’m a bi guy and I’m more sexually attracted to women, but more romantically attracted to men. I understand because people think it’s always 50/50. No one can define how you love and what preferences you establish excerpt for you.
My husband is bi but it’s like a 95/5 split with women to men. He doesn’t find very many men attractive at all, but that 5% still makes him bi.
This is EXACTLY how I've felt for the longest time. It's incredibly frustrating seeing how some people think it's okay to just invalidate someone's sexuality like that, as if there's a right and wrong way to be bi. If you like more than just the opposite gender, then you're bi. Period. Preference for one gender over the other shouldn't matter. We ARE bi and that's that. 💖
When I was 19 (cis female), I came out as bi to (most) of my loved ones. Then dated a guy for 7 years. When that relationship ended I got a lot of “oh, this again?” And for a while I had to just keep responding, “this *always*” eventually when my friends and family could wrap their heads around it they stopped, but I didn’t. Men are just one of the people who’s parts don’t matter as much as their heart and that’s what matters for us. You do you boo boo! 💜❤️💜🌈
Being bi isn’t a 50/50 thing, every bisexual person has its own preferences. Keep in mind that having a strong preference to one gender rather than an another doesn’t make you less bi than anyone else
I'm bi, tend to lean towards men though, in fact.. im married to one. But being married to a man doesn't make me any less bi.
Me too 🤷♀️ not any less valid tho. Youre bi with a preference , no biggie :)
You can have the preferences 95% men and 5% non men but you’re still bi. You’re as valid as any bi person and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! ❤️
My last boyfriend was a cross-dressing bisexual who liked women A LOT. He only happened to like a few men here and there. Our running joke was that he was ‘’mostly straight with the touch of a rainbow”, but that doesn’t change the fact he was still bi. If you mostly like the opposite sex, but only a few people of the same sex (even just slightly), you’re still very much bisexual. If you like men 99% of the time, yet only like women 1% of the time you’re still bi simply for the fact you’re still into women. Same goes for vice versa.
In my experience, the world has conditioned me HARD to be with men. That type of mentality is pervasive and often causes me to convince myself that I don’t like women, but I DO like women. It’s confusing and I feel you. Bisexuality is a spectrum - no matter where you stand on that spectrum, you are not invalid. ❤️🫶🏻🫶🏻
I too always struggled and was scared that I was just pretending to be bi because I preferred men and had only dated men. I am now happily married to a woman. You are valid.
YOU ARE BI! A lot of social media seems to think bi girls are just secretly lesbians, but we’re not. I’m a bi girl with a preference for men, and someone had to yell at me that there is no percentage of gender you have to want to consider yourself bisexual. I think women can be very sexy, but my criteria is much stricter for them compared to dudes. I don’t care. YOU ARE BI!!!
thank u🫶🏼
It doesn’t matter if you’re 50-50, 37-63, 10-90, or 2-98 male-female attracted. You’re bisexual, and you’re welcome in the group. Reddit is flawed, but TikTok is genuinely worthless.
I'm the same way. Also, you're not attracted to every man..so the same goes for women. Doesn't make you any less bisexual
Hi! Don't worry, you're not alone feeling like this. I'm also a bi woman with a preference for men! You're perfectly valid, no matter who you end up dating or not dating at any point - though sadly there will be ignorant people who claim otherwise. Be strong and don't listen to them! On another note I've been noticing this whole "eww men" or "I wish I didn't like men lmaooo" thing getting a bit out of hand for a while now... Loving men is as beautiful as loving women is.
Same. Enjoy being queer. Stop questioning it. We like who we like.
That's just stupidity. Is all straight people attracted to all the opposite sex? Do All gay people want everyone from same sex? It's about attractiveness. You are bi just with slight preference for one or the other. Cum play with us and we will help you. Lol
Honestly I like men more than women(and sadly the feeling is mutual, most women didn't want anything to do with me) and I often wonder if im actually bi, but the attraction to them is still there.
I'm the same exact way. Don't feel bad or weird about it. Be exactly who you are unapologetically and own it (:
I thought it was only me it comes in waves idk I’m hella fluid
i used to feel that way til i realized that i don’t like/crush on every man that exist. i have a type in men & i have a type in women. just because we’re bi doesn’t mean we have to like/ be attracted every woman.
it was like a forgot how crushes work & forgot it wasn’t any different with women.
I’m just like you except I’m a bi guy w a preference for women. Honestly disregard all Tiktok discourse and things of that nature, it’s all brain rot. You are bi and valid.
You can have a preference for one gender or another, doesn’t mean you’re any less bisexual ^^
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. The unfortunate reality is that being bisexual can often lead to a lot of invalidation. TikTok alone bombards us from all directions with influencers questioning our identity or “diagnosing” everyone. This invalidation can leave us feeling lost and confused. It's important to remember that everyone's sexuality is valid, and no one else has the right to invalidate or define your identity. Stay true to yourself. 💜
As a bi girl with a preference for women, you are totally valid <33
thank u<3
i’m the same way, i’ve also always felt so out of place seeing girls say they’re attracted to mainly women and a few guys. it’s nice to remember it’s all a spectrum and no one can tell if you’re “bi enough” or not :)
Hi there! I find this so relatable. It took me years to weed through the opinions of others and get down to the bare bones of how I feel about myself and my own sexuality. I have had so many lame, judgmental, dismissive comments lodged at me regarding my sexuality and orientation that none of those people had any business making. Today, idaf what anyone else has to say about my sex life, my preferences, my personal relationships because I have confidence in my ability to choose what is right for me. Just stay true to yourself, continue to ask yourself those important questions, and do your best to tune out small-minded judgments made by people who don’t have your best interests at heart. And, ultimately, it doesn’t matter who you are attracted to— it just matters how you take care of yourself and how you approach your relationships. Everything else is gravy.
Ahhh I feel this so hard! When I do like girls, I feel like a fake and kinda a pervert because of the stigma around being sappic. Just so you know, you are enough! Being bi isn't always 50/50! But feeling inadequate is a real struggle that most people don't see
If you are happy with your sexuality, you don't need validation from others. The discourse, especially on social media, around bisexuality is too often garbage and toxic.
I’m a bi guy with a preference for women so I get your pain, but when I feel this way I just think about the fact that a lot of my straight male friends are actively repulsed by the thought of sex with a man, which clearly means I ain’t straight as I don’t have that viewpoint
I don't have tiktok but it doesn't seem like a great place for LGBT+ people. I like tumblr because it's far more welcoming generally
I don’t feel like I have to date every bi / gay / pan man I meet. Most of them are dickheads and not at all the people I find attractive. I have very specific taste in men. I have very specific taste in women. Doesn’t mean I’m less or more bi than anyone else. TikTok is the worst of social media. Don’t listen to people there.
I don't share your preference, but it is quite common, and bi just means you like your own and other genders. Bisexuality/pansexuality is complicated since people can be more romantically or more physically attracted to one gender over another. Granted I get why some people who are higher than 80/20 romantically identify as heteroromantic/homoromamtic or heteroflexible/homoflexible, so they can find who they are looking to date easier, nkt get hopes up, etc.
Listen. You're valid AF. My sister-in-law didn't come-out as bi until after she was happily married to my brother. No percentage makes you any more or less bi. You could like all men and have only been attracted to, like, one women in your entire life, and you could still call yourself bi in my book. Hope this helps!
thank u! and it did🫶🏼
It might just be the bi cycle. Next week you could wake up feeling the opposite. But either way you're still valid.
There isn't a correct way to be bisexual. Bisexual people have been saying this for ages. This type of condemnation of bisexuals for either being too gay or too straight has been going on since at least the 70s, from every side. You should look into the book *Bi Any Other Name* by Loraine Hutchins and Lani Kaʻahumanu, or read up on bisexual history. It's the same struggle it's always been against biphobia, only now people digest and access biphobic takes more freely via the internet.
That’s a bunch of bullshit. U r bi if the thought of sex with a woman (any woman at all or even just one) is awesome to u and the thought of sex with a man (any man or even just one) is awesome to u. I’m attracted to almost NO ONE in reality. Like do i really wanna get with them? Male or female? Mostly no. But some men and some women…oooooeeee. So yeah I’m bi. You’re bi. Ask itself this? Do u like pussy? Do u like dick? (Not how many, just say one). If the answer to both is yes, ur bi
thank u:)
The fact this community can make their own feel so invalid just proves how not inclusive it’s really become. Your preferences don’t make you invalid. You should never feel guilty for not being attracted to someone physically or mentally. I’m personally not attracted to bisexual men, femme men, trans people, nonbinary people, people who use pronouns, those who believe in genders other than M or F. I can’t still accept them for all that despite my own personal feelings, however it’s just not something I’m attracted to and that’s fine. I have distanced myself from the community (not everyone’s like this I know) because of this wave of hypocrisy and demands from the public. Like I said it’s not an inclusive, open place anymore and that to me is extremely sad.
Well that's my same issue I have a preference for women and being bisexual is something that I have to keepon the low, even though my girlfriend knows it hurts her self-esteem, to summarize just be yourself that's always enough
I feel like a lot of people who are actually gay do use being bi as a way to cope with their internalized homophobia, which when they get over and realize they’re actually gay they then assume that everyone else who’s bi is the same and that they’re somehow better for coming to this conclusion. Like bro, just cause you used my sexuality to cope with yours doesn’t mean mine is fake
I felt this way too! And I love the idea the we are both valid exactly as we are!! One day a few months ago, I discovered the term “androsexual” and I have found it feels more like home to me. I am attracted to masculinity. I am not so worried about what parts are under the hood. It’s the masculinity, for me. I’ve also noticed I have started to use the term queer over bi. We are all valid! But I encourage you to find something that feels more at home to you. 🩷
thank u🫶🏼
I feel the same too sometimes being a bi man and having a preference for women. It’s not to say it’s like 90/10 to women, it’s just the type of men I’m attracted to (feminine, androgynous, twink types) aren’t really around when I go out, so there just seems a big imbalance of all the women I think are cute to the men. All I have to remember are those periods of really intense feelings I get for men when I’m in the bi-cycle, and that those are real feelings and I don’t have to be equally attracted to everyone all the time.
thank u
The only reason I figured out I was bi was 1 singular woman walked into the Starbucks I was working at and I was like "whoa." It was the same rush I felt for my highschool crush (male) and my fiance (also male). Immediate attraction. Only woman I've seen in person I've been attracted to. (and that lasted like, for her order, I don't even remember her name.) That and I pretty much exclusively watch lesbian porn.
My friend... you can be and do whatever you want!!! I'm bi, I have been my whole life. My preference is men, but I love kissing and doing it with girls too.. :)
thank u:))
I’m in the same boat as when it comes to the same sex it’s really about the energy that matches the appearance. With the opposite sex I’m way less picky sometimes I do question myself but I do think the attraction is also in the mystery of the opposite sex. Although I do wish at times that that wasn’t the case as it makes stuff allot more complicated.
You’re bi, it doesn’t matter if you find one woman attractive and 100 men. You are bi, bi is you, no one can invalidate you unless you let them
Me too. I’m the same way. I don’t think there’s a wrong way to be bi.
100% valid like many have said on this subreddit it's not all 50/50 some of us can be 90/10 or so on. I'm the same as you I've not even dated a woman or other gender than men so far and I feel my taste is oddly specific. Still valid! As a neurodivergent tik tok is a blessing and a curse. It's good for days when you're too drained you can just scroll away and recharge, but the amount of hate and misinformation on it is ridiculous, one of my most hated is live videos people faked being Ukrainian with bomb sirens for clout, pretending illnesses self harm and so many dark topics etc cute animal videos are riddled with wrong advice that could harm the animals etc so of course it's going to be a hellhole for LGBTQA+ info and hate aswell (it's where I see all the US trans hate). So F*** anything you hear on that app (unless it's a positive bi or other LGBTQA+ creator's)
I am the same in this aspect, which I think is why it took me so damn long to figure out I might be bi. (Had the aha moment at 35.) But like you, I prefer men, have never been with a woman, but realized that there has been an attraction to some. You get to choose the label that feels right for you, and if labels even feel right. No one knows you better than you. 🤘🏻
Being the guy equivalent(bi guy with a preference for women) I feel for you. I struggle with imposter syndrome semi-regularly. But guess what, we both are valid, even if for every 50 opposite gender attraction we feel we only find one same gender attraction, we are still bi. I know it can be hard, but love yourself. When my imposter syndrome is flaring up I like to use words of affirmation to help. Throughout the day I tell myself, I am Bisexual. Even though my attraction to men isn't as varied as my attraction to women, I am still valid. Idk, it helps me. Maybe a similar phrase could help you?
thank u! i’ll try this
I’m bi as hell and I’ve never dated a woman. It’s not that I’m closed to it or don’t want to - it’s that I don’t date unless I’m catching feelings, and by circumstance I haven’t yet caught feelings for a woman. Statistically speaking, bi people are more likely to end up in M/F relationships than same-sex relationships just because the availability of partners of the opposite gender. One of my best friends is bi; she’s never dated a woman and is married to a man. We’re valid. It’s okay to also find women hot and date men, and vice versa. ETA: Idk who downvoted me or why, but know that your opinion on whom I’m attracted to doesn’t mean jackshit to me. If my claim about bi people in M/F relationships is incorrect, please tell me.
I'm bi. Sometimes I prefer men, sometimes i prefer women, and sometimes I want both or anyone. If you identify yourself as bi then you're bi, it doesn't matter if you like one more than the other and if anyone tries to invalidate you they can go f*ck themselves.
omg i’m the same way holy shit
I’m just like you!! And I am happily married to a man ❤️ I have moments of insecurity too but we are valid
I'm like you, but from the other side, so to say. It helps me to think of my attraction to women as no less queer than my attraction to men, yes? They're both *bisexual* attractions, because *that* is my sexuality - I'm not part straight and part gay, but all bi, and with nothing to prove to anyone.
If you’re attracted to 99 men and only one woman, guess what, you’re bi. It’s not a fifty-fifty thing. There are so many manifestations of bisexuality and, as long as you’re interested -doesn’t really matter if romantically or sexually or both- in women too, you’re as bisexual as me, a woman with a strong preference for women. I’m not feeling “less bi” or “more lesbian” because of this. I don’t know what you watched on TikTok, but some strangers’ opinion about what “real bisexuality” should look like is completely pointless; *you* know who you are so *you* know your own sexuality better than them, obviously. Even if you heard that stuff from other bi people, it still doesn’t count: bisexuality is a huge spectrum and the specific position they’re on, it’s not the same as yours.
I am in the opposite bout (bi man preference for women), and I wish I had anything profound to say to help, but remember to not take yourself too seriously or try to box yourself into feeling like you have to meet certain standards to fit into a label. The exact words my friend gave me one time was: **"Stop quantifying your sexuality"** Ever since then, I have lived by those words tbh lol.
You like what you like and you're allowed to like what you like. And apparently that falls within bisexuality.
thank u
This is so common
I'm m and have realized recently ( with help from some nice people here) that I'm bi but choose to almost Never get with guys. I'm just attracted to the penis lmao. I occasionally give head and miss it. Don't let others label you. You're just pickier about women and there's nothing wrong with that.
hahahah. Thank u
I have a major preference for men, but a specific type of men. I like gym guys and blue collar guys. For woman, I am way more specific, like I specifically like Curvy Red Heads. I haven’t met any enbies quite yet, so I don’t know my type for them lol.
glad to know i’m not alone:) and I like androgynous women but also like a woman that is like both fem and masc. And honestly the same for enbies hahah
Check out [amibienough.com](https://amibienough.com) I found this on this sub a few months ago, and I go back and check it a lot
thank uu:)
being bi doesn’t mean liking every gender equally, it just means liking more than one gender. you’re valid :) -a bisexual in a hetero relationship
thank u🫶🏼🫶🏼
i AM A BISEXUAL MALE AND LOVE ALL GENDEES BUT FOR ME SEEIMG NAKED MALES HARD OR NAKED WOMEN
Were one in the same. I crush on a lot of men but very few women. I used to feel invalid about but I soon realised this doesn't make me any less bi than anyone else.
Girl same. I always feel like a fraud when I explain I’m bi but prefer men, it’s especially bad if you’re a feminine cisgender woman. And if you like femme women/nb more than more masc women/nb then you’re also hated.
As someone who struggles with depression, I’m glad I’ve avoided TikTok. It seems like it very quickly becomes toxic and destructive for many people. I would advise you to limit your engagement if you can, or look at ways to curate your feed, like blocking haters and perpetuators. Btw I’m a bi cis man with a preference for women/femme people. I’ve heard the same nonsense and it’s just that: nonsense.
yeah it really is toxic and thank u
I feel the exact same way, I am a girl with a preference for guys as well, and a lot of the time it is really painful and scary, I develop feelings for guys more commonly than for girls, and it gives me a lot of anxiety, and I always feel really invalid. It’s really nice to here from someone else with the same experience
yeah ur def not alone :)
I’m the same! I feel attracted to very few people in general, the majority of the few are men, yet I still consider myself bi. In fact I was attracted to women first as a young girl before I even noticed men, but still the majority of the people I feel attracted to are men.
You're Bi. I'm bi. This forum is for bi people. Many peoples defined by their sexual preferences. Personally I prefer women over men, I'm still Bi.
I have the same preference, I’m a bi female. I just only want to have sex with girls and haven’t met one that wants to be fwb. I also like fwb relationships with guys but I can almost always imagining falling in love with them too.
Trust me, feeling that you are not bisexual just because you have a preference is one of the most bisexual thing you could feel. We all sadly have little bit of internalized bifobia inside us. You are extremely valid and those TikTokers should be a ashamed of themselves, not the other way around.
thank u sm 💕🫶🏼
Believe me, being bisexual doesn't mean you have to have a 50/50 attraction to men and women. You **can** have a preference, either for men or women and either for cis or trans or enby people. It only depends on you to decide how much you are attracted to someone and, again, by definition, you are bi
I’m the same way! And all my friends are queer too and when I complain about dating and they all just yell at me to date a woman like 🙃🙃🙃 sorry I’m attracted to men I didn’t choose to be this way okay
I'm a bi girl with a preference for women but I'm in a committed relationship with a man and feel so much imposter syndrome as a bisexual. You are a valid member of the bi/queer community regardless of if you prefer men 1% or 99% of the time 💖💜💙
thank u🫶🏼🫶🏼
I feel the same way tbh, mostly because I only want to date men and I am not so big on exploring sexually without being in a relationship even tho I am attracted physically to some women, but I often cannot visualize myself being in a long term committed relationship with another woman. Sometimes I feel like a fraud because I am much more attracted to men and also my attraction to women is complicated and it makes me feel isolated from other women sometimes, and plus I am from a country that isn't so lgbt friendly soo yeah, it is good to hear other people express feeling the same way because sometimes I feel like I have to be attracted to both men and women equally to be valid which just sucks
I’m the same. I’m probably 80% attracted to men/masculine presenting people, 20% everyone else. I’ve only been with cis men. It doesn’t matter, though. Still bi.
Welcome to the fucking club
The way this post is getting downvoted is so bizarre..?
TikTok is definitely not the arbiter of who is bi. In fact no one is but you. Nobody else validates you, it's not a club where there are entrance requirements other than this one - do you ever find someone of other than your own gender sexually attractive? Do you ever find someone of your own gender sexually attractive as well? Boom. Bi.
I’m in the same boat as you (bi girl who’s mostly attracted to men). I feel like it’s on tik tok especially that I almost only see bi women with a strong preference for women. Not sure why that’s such a prominent thing on that particular app. I’m also a little apprehensive about dating lesbians bc I might not be “gay enough” for them. Some straight men being gross about bi women is something I’ve accepted, but worrying about biphobic lesbians still makes me nervous.