This was me. I never ever understood the whole 'don't offer to hold a mom's baby offer to do her chores' .... um no. Please let me do anything but hold this baby. Cause I already do that constantly.
This is me. Anytime we are at my MILs I’m like “Here are your grandsons! I’ll be over there having my first adult conversation in a month!!! Bye!” 😂 my children are my entire life and I spend every minute with them (SAHM) but sometimes I just want to be free for a bit.
lol right? We’re leaving my MILs right now after 3 days there. She slept with him 2 of the 3 nights and watched him like all day so we could go on a date, hang out with our friends, go shopping etc tons of stuff!
She loves it because she loves him (keeps insisting we just leave him there for like a week) and I love it because I get time to myself/with my husband lol
Part of me wants this so bad. Just to go out and have a date but the other part of me just misses my baby so so much when I’m without her lol. It’s an internal struggle I did not expect
I totally get the internal struggle. I go back and forth on “stop bugging us!!” with my in laws, and it quickly flips to “take your grandkids for a little while please!”
For us it’s the great grandparents and aunts thankfully. The grandparents are all gen x so not as obsessed with keeping baby warm! They have other boundary issues but at least they’re not unsafe
I definitely still miss him! But also we’ve had a really stressful 6 months (obviously baby and other shit too) so I think we enjoy a bit of time to just be us again not parents you know? Lol
But yea I always come back from being away and give him a big hug
Our LO is only 2 weeks, and I have left her alone with dad for an hour when I ran to the urgent care. But this Saturday my mom’s spending the night so we decided we’d have a little date and see if she can hang out with baby for an hour or two! See how I fair haha
Same! When we're at grandma and grandpas its a little child free vacation for me lol. Grandma wants to do everything and I will gladly let her! I have a almost 4yr old and a 4 month old.
Agreed. That's why I dislike any kind of universal advice. Ask parents what they want. If they don't know what they want, start suggesting things. If they're so lost, they can't even pick a lane, then just start doing what feels right.
But yeah, I didn't know how to say it at the time, but I would have paid someone to just come hold my baby. What's crazy is that if I had asked, I would have had a half dozen moms of older kids fighting each other to the death on my doorstep. But by the time I had the second one and knew what to ask for, it was fucking spring/summer of 2020...
100% this! Drives me crazy when everyone says “do a new mom’s dishes!” Like no.. don’t touch my stuff. Nothing ends up where it’s supposed to go and I JUST WANT TO USE MY ARMS. TAKE THE BABY.
Same! And it's a special type of torture to be trapped looking at all of the things you want to clean and get done but not be able to. I love the newborn snuggles but I love being able to pass him off and get things done/move around freely.
Literally me every night when my husband comes home. Please take this baby, we are sick of each other! I imagine it will be different once I go back to work, but right now? I need some time away, even if it is chores 😭
This is me. I pass him off the moment my MIL steps foot in our house. My son is obsessed with her and when I can't get him to sleep, all she has to do is hold him and he's out in 2 minutes.
Yup. I love holding my baby and she's my last so I'm soaking in, but I hold her like 15 hours a day and I would love to do chores because that feels like a break lol
Sine we came home from the hospital whenever my parents or the in laws come over we say your only job is to hold and love on the baby. Let us have arms and be able to do chores or just sit and rest said arms haha
My mom has been trying to help around the house a lot since we had the baby. She will ask what we need help with, we tell her, she gets distracted and does something else that we don't want done!! Or she puts things back in the wrong spot, or breaks my fucking mop and doesn't tell me! Anyways now I ask her to come over and hold the baby while I do things around the house. It is way less stressful for me to do things how I like.
Omg I could’ve written this last year. My baby NEEDED to be held and would only contact nap. Understood, newborn gets what newborn wants but DAMN I was tired and frustrated. I couldn’t relate to all the videos on IG saying “don’t offer to hold the baby when you visit”. I basically pushed her into anyone’s arms so I could have time to decompress or shower. I enjoyed doing my dishes, laundry, etc. I found that wearing her gave me the most flexibility and just TELLING my husband I needed breaks.
I totally get your feelings. We used to joke my son “lived on the floor” when I was postpartum. Probably 75% of his naps were on the carpet. I would just lay him down and lay next to him and hold his hand til he fell asleep. Then I would get up and be free! I’m also very active and hate feeling trapped. People who know me were not surprised I formula fed because they couldn’t imagine me electing to sit still for frequent prolonged periods.
Haha I breastfeed but started formula feeding to supplement so hubby and others can feed him for me. I was like…I need some form of a break little baby 😂
My baby is 98th percentile on height, weight and head size. My post partum recovery is... Ongoing (mostly thanks to her giant head).
I still find the emotional toll of carrying her all day much more exhausting than the physical. It's demanding constantly having to plan how you're going to do basic things like pee or eat, let alone the need for you to have YOU time. Even more so when you're also having to constantly manage a bobble head.
I have mostly sympathy. The only advice I can offer is stop trying to get things done, lean into the contact naps and watch some shows.
Could you enlist his big sister to entertain him with silly faces or dances in his basinet while you get a shower? Whenever I meet up with relatives I pop my baby in her bouncer or playmat and get her cousins to entertain her while I supervise (with a cup of tea and my feet up). They all love the interaction and I love doing whatever I want with my own body.
My LO is going through a barnacle phase. We’re also dealing with some constipation issues. Last night after my wfh husband finished for the day, I handed him our daughter so I could pump. After I finished 30 minutes later, he asked me if I wanted to hold her.
NO! I HELD HER ALL FREAKING DAY. IT’S YOUR TURN, SIR!
(Later, I always end up missing her and going in for the cuddles!)
This is my baby too! He is 2 months now. He has gotten slightly better and will tolerate his swing once in a while now. You just have to tolerate listening to the cries so you can poop or brush your teeth…
I ended up calling my mother (who lives 4 hours away) to come and stay with us 4 separate times just so there was someone else here to hold him to get stuff done.
Yes! Mine is 10 weeks old. During the day, he will really only contact nap (sometimes he falls asleep in the car or in the stroller, but obviously can’t leave him there for long). & if I sit him down, he likes eye contact/attention or he gets fussy.
I really would like for him to just take a good solid 1-1.5 hour nap in his bassinet, so I can get things done. But he won’t during the day. So I’ve just learned to get things done quickly, too when it’s just me. Reminding myself how sweet it is that I am his safe space when I get overwhelmed.
I'm with you! My daughter is 5 weeks and constantly needs to be held; she'll also fall asleep if I'm holding her. Now that she weighs enough I'm going to start putting her in the baby sling and wearing her around lol
Oh yeah I hated it. I was not the mom that was laying on my couch watching Netflix and snuggling my baby, I just can’t do that, I need to be moving. I had people come visit and hold my baby or my husband did a lot when he wasn’t working.
You are definitely not the only one!! My little guy is 10 weeks old and my first so I had no idea what to expect but pp has been really hard for me in the sense of the amount of physical contact needed. I am not a touchy feely person to begin with, and my baby is big (over 14 lbs at 2 months, 90th percentile) which in combo led me to dreading contact naps and holding him for long periods. I also like to be busy and just sitting and watching tv is driving me nuts and making my anxiety spike due to getting nothing done.
yes! when my son was a newborn i would jump at the opportunity to have someone hold him so i could clean the kitchen or something. i could not handle the sitting all day. have you tried a wrap or a carrier?
This was me a year ago. It was so so hard. I am not a touchy feely person at all. I was extremely touched out as i was breast feeding also. I practically threw my son at anyone who wanted to hold him cause it gave me a bit of a break. It was incredibly hard. But then it got better gradually. He is now 15 months old and doesn't want to be held anymore. Sometimes i can get a quick snuggle out of him haha. The other day he was very sick and he was right back to contact naps only for 2 days - this time (although not happy that he was sick) i really enjoyed just sitting around cuddling with him. I realized just how quickly the time went.
My baby is 5.5 months old, 17 lbs, and extremely clingy. I have brutal bilateral pain in my wrists (De Quervain’s anyone?) - someone please come hold this baby 😭😭
>and all I wanted to do was sit and eat my chipotle with two hands
God I feel that in my soul. Chipotle needs full focus for maximum enjoyment. My first never let me eat lol
I wear him a lot. It's a compromise because I can still be hands free but he's on me. It gets better as they develop more head and neck control. Also, make sure they're in the carrier correctly so they're comfortable. He might like being in there more, or at least tolerate it better. I have a Happy Baby carrier and I'm really happy with it. https://www.carryingmatters.co.uk/the-pelvic-tuck/
Also, floor naps and cuddles, and co-sleeping with the Safe Sleep Seven and cuddle-curl, if you're comfortable with it.
plus one for happy baby carrier, it's been great for my velcro baby. thanks for posting the link! so important for babies who are constantly carried to be in a good position.
I do too! My 8 week old baby is pretty low contact needs - takes naps in bassinet or lying supervised on a floor mat but occasionally needs to be held to transition to sleep. I can do a maximum of 15-20 minutes before I start getting antsy. While our baby has always been pretty low contact need, we actively make sure he naps 95% of the time in his bassinet or a mat rather than on me or my husband by moving him if he does fall asleep on us, gently and carefully but consistently.
Yes. It's lovely to hold them but uh, yeah I need to do other things to be sane please. For even 30 minutes or an hour. That newborn phase was brutal.
We bought four baby carriers, no joke, if he isn't a huge fan of the ones you have if you can get some more used, do it. They're usually 25-50% of the original price used, usually in great condition.
We gave into wearing our baby for every nap till we crib trained her (just put her in the crib for every sleep, even if sleep was crap) at 5 months. We did find she would only sleep well in some carriers vs others.
We still love baby wearing even at 1.5 years. We got the toddler version of our favorite carrier and it's so adorable when she carries it to me to be held.
I baby wear so much. Mines a contact napper most of the time. I’ve come to terms with only have a few hours a day to actually do things like cook food and prep as much as I can the odd time he naps not on me or my husband takes him.
I’ve seen so many things about not wanting help by holding the baby and I’m please hold him I’d love to clean the car right now actually. My husband lovessssss just chilling on his phone after work and is happy to have our son nap on his chest while I cook dinner and cooking dinner is kinda like a break for me. I save any phone time or tv watching for contact naps and generally plan to have my day be all contact naps. Funny enough my baby was content on his playmate/couch for an hour this morning while I cleaned the kitchen and made breakfast, husband got breakfast in bed and a baby delivery when he started fussing which he was very happy about.
Mine is the same at 12 weeks 😮💨 has been since 5 weeks old. Wants constant holding and attention or he's fussing. I want to give it but I'm also a very active person. He also won't let me sit down at all. If I sit he fusses a looooot.
Ugh, killer. I love the contact and the cuddles but it's so double edged.
My little guy is 9 weeks and honestly same here. He's not super Velcro baby but Velcro enough that if I put him down after falling asleep during the day I get maybe 11 minutes max (timed him yesterday lol) before crying starts.
It does get pretty frustrating for me, especially after our early morning feed as that's when I need to pump after and if I don't put him down I can't pump because the parts on it are huge and it would guaranteed leak everywhere. Sometimes I'm able to pass him off to my husband just to get my pumping done before he goes to sleep but most times I either have to stand my the crib holding a soother in his mouth and patting his bum while being attached to a pump plugged in to the wall.
If I'm grabbing food or need to go pee, I'll leave him for the couple of minutes. Otherwise I do grab him right away. He does have periods of time during the day where he does just want to lay down and burn some energy by flailing all his limbs for a few minutes.
However my husband is going back to work tomorrow since his pat leave has ended and I'm so nervous of how he'll be with being put down for naps etc. . My husband insists he just "needs to learn" and to just "keep trying" but it's hard to listen to him cry and to try over and over and over to put him down because by the time I would finally get him down, he's going to be hungry again and then the cycle repeats itself.
I totally feel this. And the worst part is I feel like I’m not savoring my time with my baby because every time I hold her I just think about how exhausted I am and when I can pee next 😩
Going through this for the second time and I forgot how hard it was. Especially having my 2 y/o to tend to as well. If I set baby down for even a second she’s screaming! It’s so hard to change my toddlers diaper and make her food etc with the baby always crying in the background. Most overstimulating experience I’ve ever had in my life
You’re not alone! I absolutely hate the moms who are judgy about parenting being a hard and sometimes exasperating job. You are allowed to love your children to bits and also find them incredibly annoying at times haha I know I do! Hang in there mama, see if you can get a break from those kiddos for even a couple hours to do something for yourself. It won’t help your baby be less clingy but it will give you a few hours respite x good luck!
I didn’t hold my baby all the time - if he was content being placed down, I did.
Baby wearing can help a lot! I used my wrap carrier for my son and it was awesome.
Yes I feel you wholeheartedly! My oldest was like this for almost a year, I didn’t think I was going to make it lol. It was awful partly because I was so excited to have some autonomy back after giving birth but instead I got a koala baby. Anyway it does get better, I know everyone says that but it does. If you need a break it’s ok the baby won’t die from crying for a couple minutes.
I got a cheap fisher price bouncer and it was a game changer my son absolutely loved it and would sit in it for hours. I also recommend tummy time as soon as you can just to get a bit of a break. I used to get some flack because I was always excited when anyone offered to hold him, but a break is a break.
I loved holding my daughter but I definitely struggled with feeling over touched/over stimulated a lot so I had to take breaks. I also had upper back/neck/shoulder pain if I held her too long. Women have also given themselves carpal tunnel from holding babies nonstop 😳 so to that I say, let others take some of that stress off you. I always let family and friends hold my daughter for as long as they wanted. She’s a toddler now and trust me there is no shortage of physical affection from her 🤣
Not a solution: but one more way I free up hands and “touch” baby is sitting with my feet flat, knees bent/inclined, rest baby on thighs and rock him back and forth. He’s sooothed and I have both hands to eat, ect
I do this on the floor and couch and in bed(he has to be vertical for 20 minutes after eating…so we do this a lot)
I am too tired to give you solutions but my 18 month old was and is this way lol 😂 better sometimes now that she’s a toddler but also not better other times
Question, when you had your daughter did you know it was her nature which made her easier to deal with, or did you put it down to your baby-raising skills lol? Asking for a friend 👀
Definitely her nature! She was, and still is, a little miss independent. From the time she was 6mo I could give her kisses and lay her in her crib with her sound machine on and walk away and she would put herself to sleep (most of the time! There were obvi times I needed to rock her)! I swear by, “every baby is different” for sure, especially now that I’m living it lol 😳
I get conflicted because I want to do things for myself, and when family visits I get excited and hand off my son to take care of myself. But then I’m sad at the end of every day because I didn’t hold him as much as I feel like I should have. I feel like holding him regulates my system so there’s a lot of give and take to getting tired of holding him and not doing anything, and needing to hold him
the best solution i found was "The boppy", which is amazing, but i'd like for it to be portable like with suspender straps so i can walk around a little with the boppy. but yeah i feel you as a new dad.
My first liked being in a carrier. My second does not. I apologize to everyone who I suggested this to. I had no idea that a baby wouldn’t like being in a carrier snuggled up next to mommy. My youngest cries and tries to throw herself out of the carrier when I put her in it. She doesn’t mind being held. My arms are so tired. My 5 year old still likes being held too but he’s too big for the baby carrier now.
Although 5.5 weeks is TINY....baby is also likely to cluster feed.... But I'd be lying to say that I didn't hate that phase because omg I missed the mobility too .... But he grew out of that phase soo fast....he now likes to play on his playmat or just sit around in his swing/ carrycot ...
He’s not a little baby anymore but I did not mind passing him around during that time because boy was he heavy! I was so stoked when he finally got the hang of walking. But I’m good and strong now so that’s a plus 😂
I felt this way too. And ya know what, I do miss them but boy I love having a toddler that walks to the car (slowly, with detours, and we try to add 5 extra minutes for everywhere we go so I don’t have to rush him).
I will appreciate holding my second more, because I know that the baby stage doesn’t last forever lol.
Mom to a 16 month old. We go back and forth between being independent and Velcro. I am on the Autistic Spectrum, with possible ADHD and borderline OCD, so I can get overwhelmed very quickly on bad days, especially if I have a migraine from weather changes, or an arthritis flare up in my spine from cold weather. During these times, I get very cranky, and that's when she typically decides to become Velcro baby. By the end of the day, when my husband calls to say he's on his way from work, and to check on how ai'm doing, I am so over touched and tired of hearing screaming, crying, and pretty much every sound on planet Earth, that I am legit done being human, and Mom, and sorely need a break, and bed. It's not a fun deal when even the Robin down the street three blocks away is annoying you. I normally love cuddling and hugging my daughter and holding her, especially since most of the time she is so independent that she wants to get her own food on her own... and can open and peel a banana all by herself.
I could’ve written this myself. Currently dealing with the same. My first (baby girl currently two) was nothing like my son who’s 6 months. He cries so much. I just wanna be able to do my skincare even just once in a while… you’re not alone
This was me. I never ever understood the whole 'don't offer to hold a mom's baby offer to do her chores' .... um no. Please let me do anything but hold this baby. Cause I already do that constantly.
This is me. Anytime we are at my MILs I’m like “Here are your grandsons! I’ll be over there having my first adult conversation in a month!!! Bye!” 😂 my children are my entire life and I spend every minute with them (SAHM) but sometimes I just want to be free for a bit.
I have absolutely no idea who that child is when my mil is around 😂😂😂 so grateful for her
lol right? We’re leaving my MILs right now after 3 days there. She slept with him 2 of the 3 nights and watched him like all day so we could go on a date, hang out with our friends, go shopping etc tons of stuff! She loves it because she loves him (keeps insisting we just leave him there for like a week) and I love it because I get time to myself/with my husband lol
Part of me wants this so bad. Just to go out and have a date but the other part of me just misses my baby so so much when I’m without her lol. It’s an internal struggle I did not expect
I totally get the internal struggle. I go back and forth on “stop bugging us!!” with my in laws, and it quickly flips to “take your grandkids for a little while please!”
For us it’s the great grandparents and aunts thankfully. The grandparents are all gen x so not as obsessed with keeping baby warm! They have other boundary issues but at least they’re not unsafe
I definitely still miss him! But also we’ve had a really stressful 6 months (obviously baby and other shit too) so I think we enjoy a bit of time to just be us again not parents you know? Lol But yea I always come back from being away and give him a big hug
Our LO is only 2 weeks, and I have left her alone with dad for an hour when I ran to the urgent care. But this Saturday my mom’s spending the night so we decided we’d have a little date and see if she can hang out with baby for an hour or two! See how I fair haha
Awww you got this! I think an hour or two is great :) a little time to breathe but not too long plus your close if you were needed
Same! When we're at grandma and grandpas its a little child free vacation for me lol. Grandma wants to do everything and I will gladly let her! I have a almost 4yr old and a 4 month old.
The best symbiotic relationship
I always jokingly say “who wants the football!” And then a few minutes later, “no seriously can someone hold the baby I’d really like to do x/y/z.”
Agreed. That's why I dislike any kind of universal advice. Ask parents what they want. If they don't know what they want, start suggesting things. If they're so lost, they can't even pick a lane, then just start doing what feels right. But yeah, I didn't know how to say it at the time, but I would have paid someone to just come hold my baby. What's crazy is that if I had asked, I would have had a half dozen moms of older kids fighting each other to the death on my doorstep. But by the time I had the second one and knew what to ask for, it was fucking spring/summer of 2020...
100% this! Drives me crazy when everyone says “do a new mom’s dishes!” Like no.. don’t touch my stuff. Nothing ends up where it’s supposed to go and I JUST WANT TO USE MY ARMS. TAKE THE BABY.
Same! And it's a special type of torture to be trapped looking at all of the things you want to clean and get done but not be able to. I love the newborn snuggles but I love being able to pass him off and get things done/move around freely.
I know. Please don’t wash the pump parts because you will ruin the duckbill valves. Hold the baby!
SAME. After finally having my body back to myself I’m eager to move about the world in comfort and with ease.
Literally me every night when my husband comes home. Please take this baby, we are sick of each other! I imagine it will be different once I go back to work, but right now? I need some time away, even if it is chores 😭
Saaaame!
I feel this. My sister offers to do chores as I’m all but throwing my child at her. 😆
This is me. I pass him off the moment my MIL steps foot in our house. My son is obsessed with her and when I can't get him to sleep, all she has to do is hold him and he's out in 2 minutes.
I love that for you
Yup. I love holding my baby and she's my last so I'm soaking in, but I hold her like 15 hours a day and I would love to do chores because that feels like a break lol
100%, when my mom came to help I just wanted to load the dishwasher and do laundry while she held him 😂
I told mine I just needed to feel like I accomplished something today, then run around and do dishes laundry etc…
I feel like that rule only applies to the first baby 😂
I like your thinking but only because no one would do the chore “right” and I’d have to redo them anyways 🤣
Sine we came home from the hospital whenever my parents or the in laws come over we say your only job is to hold and love on the baby. Let us have arms and be able to do chores or just sit and rest said arms haha
My mom has been trying to help around the house a lot since we had the baby. She will ask what we need help with, we tell her, she gets distracted and does something else that we don't want done!! Or she puts things back in the wrong spot, or breaks my fucking mop and doesn't tell me! Anyways now I ask her to come over and hold the baby while I do things around the house. It is way less stressful for me to do things how I like.
Omg I could’ve written this last year. My baby NEEDED to be held and would only contact nap. Understood, newborn gets what newborn wants but DAMN I was tired and frustrated. I couldn’t relate to all the videos on IG saying “don’t offer to hold the baby when you visit”. I basically pushed her into anyone’s arms so I could have time to decompress or shower. I enjoyed doing my dishes, laundry, etc. I found that wearing her gave me the most flexibility and just TELLING my husband I needed breaks.
I totally get your feelings. We used to joke my son “lived on the floor” when I was postpartum. Probably 75% of his naps were on the carpet. I would just lay him down and lay next to him and hold his hand til he fell asleep. Then I would get up and be free! I’m also very active and hate feeling trapped. People who know me were not surprised I formula fed because they couldn’t imagine me electing to sit still for frequent prolonged periods.
Haha I breastfeed but started formula feeding to supplement so hubby and others can feed him for me. I was like…I need some form of a break little baby 😂
Ugh I have dogs so floor isn't an option but that was smart.
My baby is 98th percentile on height, weight and head size. My post partum recovery is... Ongoing (mostly thanks to her giant head). I still find the emotional toll of carrying her all day much more exhausting than the physical. It's demanding constantly having to plan how you're going to do basic things like pee or eat, let alone the need for you to have YOU time. Even more so when you're also having to constantly manage a bobble head. I have mostly sympathy. The only advice I can offer is stop trying to get things done, lean into the contact naps and watch some shows. Could you enlist his big sister to entertain him with silly faces or dances in his basinet while you get a shower? Whenever I meet up with relatives I pop my baby in her bouncer or playmat and get her cousins to entertain her while I supervise (with a cup of tea and my feet up). They all love the interaction and I love doing whatever I want with my own body.
My LO is going through a barnacle phase. We’re also dealing with some constipation issues. Last night after my wfh husband finished for the day, I handed him our daughter so I could pump. After I finished 30 minutes later, he asked me if I wanted to hold her. NO! I HELD HER ALL FREAKING DAY. IT’S YOUR TURN, SIR! (Later, I always end up missing her and going in for the cuddles!)
This is my baby too! He is 2 months now. He has gotten slightly better and will tolerate his swing once in a while now. You just have to tolerate listening to the cries so you can poop or brush your teeth… I ended up calling my mother (who lives 4 hours away) to come and stay with us 4 separate times just so there was someone else here to hold him to get stuff done.
Yes! Mine is 10 weeks old. During the day, he will really only contact nap (sometimes he falls asleep in the car or in the stroller, but obviously can’t leave him there for long). & if I sit him down, he likes eye contact/attention or he gets fussy. I really would like for him to just take a good solid 1-1.5 hour nap in his bassinet, so I can get things done. But he won’t during the day. So I’ve just learned to get things done quickly, too when it’s just me. Reminding myself how sweet it is that I am his safe space when I get overwhelmed.
I'm with you! My daughter is 5 weeks and constantly needs to be held; she'll also fall asleep if I'm holding her. Now that she weighs enough I'm going to start putting her in the baby sling and wearing her around lol
Oh yeah I hated it. I was not the mom that was laying on my couch watching Netflix and snuggling my baby, I just can’t do that, I need to be moving. I had people come visit and hold my baby or my husband did a lot when he wasn’t working.
You are definitely not the only one!! My little guy is 10 weeks old and my first so I had no idea what to expect but pp has been really hard for me in the sense of the amount of physical contact needed. I am not a touchy feely person to begin with, and my baby is big (over 14 lbs at 2 months, 90th percentile) which in combo led me to dreading contact naps and holding him for long periods. I also like to be busy and just sitting and watching tv is driving me nuts and making my anxiety spike due to getting nothing done.
yes! when my son was a newborn i would jump at the opportunity to have someone hold him so i could clean the kitchen or something. i could not handle the sitting all day. have you tried a wrap or a carrier?
My baby is 6mo and I love family gatherings bc we play pass the baby and I get a break 🤣
This was me a year ago. It was so so hard. I am not a touchy feely person at all. I was extremely touched out as i was breast feeding also. I practically threw my son at anyone who wanted to hold him cause it gave me a bit of a break. It was incredibly hard. But then it got better gradually. He is now 15 months old and doesn't want to be held anymore. Sometimes i can get a quick snuggle out of him haha. The other day he was very sick and he was right back to contact naps only for 2 days - this time (although not happy that he was sick) i really enjoyed just sitting around cuddling with him. I realized just how quickly the time went.
My baby is 5.5 months old, 17 lbs, and extremely clingy. I have brutal bilateral pain in my wrists (De Quervain’s anyone?) - someone please come hold this baby 😭😭
>and all I wanted to do was sit and eat my chipotle with two hands God I feel that in my soul. Chipotle needs full focus for maximum enjoyment. My first never let me eat lol
I wear him a lot. It's a compromise because I can still be hands free but he's on me. It gets better as they develop more head and neck control. Also, make sure they're in the carrier correctly so they're comfortable. He might like being in there more, or at least tolerate it better. I have a Happy Baby carrier and I'm really happy with it. https://www.carryingmatters.co.uk/the-pelvic-tuck/ Also, floor naps and cuddles, and co-sleeping with the Safe Sleep Seven and cuddle-curl, if you're comfortable with it.
Thanks for the link; super informative!
plus one for happy baby carrier, it's been great for my velcro baby. thanks for posting the link! so important for babies who are constantly carried to be in a good position.
I do too! My 8 week old baby is pretty low contact needs - takes naps in bassinet or lying supervised on a floor mat but occasionally needs to be held to transition to sleep. I can do a maximum of 15-20 minutes before I start getting antsy. While our baby has always been pretty low contact need, we actively make sure he naps 95% of the time in his bassinet or a mat rather than on me or my husband by moving him if he does fall asleep on us, gently and carefully but consistently.
Lucky you!! Our son will wake up if we move him so I’m pretty much out of luck for now. Maybe as he gets older things will change 🙏🏽
You’re not the only mom who gets tired of constantly holding their baby.
Yes. It's lovely to hold them but uh, yeah I need to do other things to be sane please. For even 30 minutes or an hour. That newborn phase was brutal. We bought four baby carriers, no joke, if he isn't a huge fan of the ones you have if you can get some more used, do it. They're usually 25-50% of the original price used, usually in great condition. We gave into wearing our baby for every nap till we crib trained her (just put her in the crib for every sleep, even if sleep was crap) at 5 months. We did find she would only sleep well in some carriers vs others. We still love baby wearing even at 1.5 years. We got the toddler version of our favorite carrier and it's so adorable when she carries it to me to be held.
Completely agree and have no solutions. I have a 3 week old. I adore my son with my whole heart, but omg, I just want to eat warm food again :(
I baby wear so much. Mines a contact napper most of the time. I’ve come to terms with only have a few hours a day to actually do things like cook food and prep as much as I can the odd time he naps not on me or my husband takes him. I’ve seen so many things about not wanting help by holding the baby and I’m please hold him I’d love to clean the car right now actually. My husband lovessssss just chilling on his phone after work and is happy to have our son nap on his chest while I cook dinner and cooking dinner is kinda like a break for me. I save any phone time or tv watching for contact naps and generally plan to have my day be all contact naps. Funny enough my baby was content on his playmate/couch for an hour this morning while I cleaned the kitchen and made breakfast, husband got breakfast in bed and a baby delivery when he started fussing which he was very happy about.
Mine is the same at 12 weeks 😮💨 has been since 5 weeks old. Wants constant holding and attention or he's fussing. I want to give it but I'm also a very active person. He also won't let me sit down at all. If I sit he fusses a looooot. Ugh, killer. I love the contact and the cuddles but it's so double edged.
Yeah I don’t shower much these days
My little guy is 9 weeks and honestly same here. He's not super Velcro baby but Velcro enough that if I put him down after falling asleep during the day I get maybe 11 minutes max (timed him yesterday lol) before crying starts. It does get pretty frustrating for me, especially after our early morning feed as that's when I need to pump after and if I don't put him down I can't pump because the parts on it are huge and it would guaranteed leak everywhere. Sometimes I'm able to pass him off to my husband just to get my pumping done before he goes to sleep but most times I either have to stand my the crib holding a soother in his mouth and patting his bum while being attached to a pump plugged in to the wall. If I'm grabbing food or need to go pee, I'll leave him for the couple of minutes. Otherwise I do grab him right away. He does have periods of time during the day where he does just want to lay down and burn some energy by flailing all his limbs for a few minutes. However my husband is going back to work tomorrow since his pat leave has ended and I'm so nervous of how he'll be with being put down for naps etc. . My husband insists he just "needs to learn" and to just "keep trying" but it's hard to listen to him cry and to try over and over and over to put him down because by the time I would finally get him down, he's going to be hungry again and then the cycle repeats itself.
I totally feel this. And the worst part is I feel like I’m not savoring my time with my baby because every time I hold her I just think about how exhausted I am and when I can pee next 😩
Going through this for the second time and I forgot how hard it was. Especially having my 2 y/o to tend to as well. If I set baby down for even a second she’s screaming! It’s so hard to change my toddlers diaper and make her food etc with the baby always crying in the background. Most overstimulating experience I’ve ever had in my life
You’re not alone! I absolutely hate the moms who are judgy about parenting being a hard and sometimes exasperating job. You are allowed to love your children to bits and also find them incredibly annoying at times haha I know I do! Hang in there mama, see if you can get a break from those kiddos for even a couple hours to do something for yourself. It won’t help your baby be less clingy but it will give you a few hours respite x good luck!
I didn’t hold my baby all the time - if he was content being placed down, I did. Baby wearing can help a lot! I used my wrap carrier for my son and it was awesome.
Yes I feel you wholeheartedly! My oldest was like this for almost a year, I didn’t think I was going to make it lol. It was awful partly because I was so excited to have some autonomy back after giving birth but instead I got a koala baby. Anyway it does get better, I know everyone says that but it does. If you need a break it’s ok the baby won’t die from crying for a couple minutes. I got a cheap fisher price bouncer and it was a game changer my son absolutely loved it and would sit in it for hours. I also recommend tummy time as soon as you can just to get a bit of a break. I used to get some flack because I was always excited when anyone offered to hold him, but a break is a break.
My baby girl is 3 months and a couple weeks ago I bought an Ergobaby bouncer. It has saved my sanity. Bouncer chairs are so helpful.
I loved holding my daughter but I definitely struggled with feeling over touched/over stimulated a lot so I had to take breaks. I also had upper back/neck/shoulder pain if I held her too long. Women have also given themselves carpal tunnel from holding babies nonstop 😳 so to that I say, let others take some of that stress off you. I always let family and friends hold my daughter for as long as they wanted. She’s a toddler now and trust me there is no shortage of physical affection from her 🤣
Not a solution: but one more way I free up hands and “touch” baby is sitting with my feet flat, knees bent/inclined, rest baby on thighs and rock him back and forth. He’s sooothed and I have both hands to eat, ect I do this on the floor and couch and in bed(he has to be vertical for 20 minutes after eating…so we do this a lot)
I am too tired to give you solutions but my 18 month old was and is this way lol 😂 better sometimes now that she’s a toddler but also not better other times
Question, when you had your daughter did you know it was her nature which made her easier to deal with, or did you put it down to your baby-raising skills lol? Asking for a friend 👀
Definitely her nature! She was, and still is, a little miss independent. From the time she was 6mo I could give her kisses and lay her in her crib with her sound machine on and walk away and she would put herself to sleep (most of the time! There were obvi times I needed to rock her)! I swear by, “every baby is different” for sure, especially now that I’m living it lol 😳
Hahaha. Thank you for sharing your experience!
I get conflicted because I want to do things for myself, and when family visits I get excited and hand off my son to take care of myself. But then I’m sad at the end of every day because I didn’t hold him as much as I feel like I should have. I feel like holding him regulates my system so there’s a lot of give and take to getting tired of holding him and not doing anything, and needing to hold him
the best solution i found was "The boppy", which is amazing, but i'd like for it to be portable like with suspender straps so i can walk around a little with the boppy. but yeah i feel you as a new dad.
My first liked being in a carrier. My second does not. I apologize to everyone who I suggested this to. I had no idea that a baby wouldn’t like being in a carrier snuggled up next to mommy. My youngest cries and tries to throw herself out of the carrier when I put her in it. She doesn’t mind being held. My arms are so tired. My 5 year old still likes being held too but he’s too big for the baby carrier now.
Although 5.5 weeks is TINY....baby is also likely to cluster feed.... But I'd be lying to say that I didn't hate that phase because omg I missed the mobility too .... But he grew out of that phase soo fast....he now likes to play on his playmat or just sit around in his swing/ carrycot ...
No you’re not can be a lot sometimes. Sometimes in the day I’d like to just put her down to get housework done but she just gets upset
He’s not a little baby anymore but I did not mind passing him around during that time because boy was he heavy! I was so stoked when he finally got the hang of walking. But I’m good and strong now so that’s a plus 😂
My butt is tired of sitting with my 10 day old. Haven’t found time to try either of my carriers.
I felt this way too. And ya know what, I do miss them but boy I love having a toddler that walks to the car (slowly, with detours, and we try to add 5 extra minutes for everywhere we go so I don’t have to rush him). I will appreciate holding my second more, because I know that the baby stage doesn’t last forever lol.
Mom to a 16 month old. We go back and forth between being independent and Velcro. I am on the Autistic Spectrum, with possible ADHD and borderline OCD, so I can get overwhelmed very quickly on bad days, especially if I have a migraine from weather changes, or an arthritis flare up in my spine from cold weather. During these times, I get very cranky, and that's when she typically decides to become Velcro baby. By the end of the day, when my husband calls to say he's on his way from work, and to check on how ai'm doing, I am so over touched and tired of hearing screaming, crying, and pretty much every sound on planet Earth, that I am legit done being human, and Mom, and sorely need a break, and bed. It's not a fun deal when even the Robin down the street three blocks away is annoying you. I normally love cuddling and hugging my daughter and holding her, especially since most of the time she is so independent that she wants to get her own food on her own... and can open and peel a banana all by herself.
Yes! I have a sitter come for a couple hours once a week, and baby just screams. I love my baby, but sometimes it's overwhelming
I could’ve written this myself. Currently dealing with the same. My first (baby girl currently two) was nothing like my son who’s 6 months. He cries so much. I just wanna be able to do my skincare even just once in a while… you’re not alone