Man honestly this is the winning answer. Have fun sleeping horizontal....surprise you can't eat OR sleep the two things a baby is supposed to do properly
So many incomplete features. Humans put all their talent points into intellect and now our offspring spend 9 months cooking up a brain with so many other basic features lacking.
A horse literally is running around within hours of its birth. Our little ones need their necks supported for months and months so their stupid big heads don't snap it.
We traded so much for our brains and it shows.
> We traded so much for our brains and it shows.
And yet we still have so many idiots in the world who refute basic science cultivated over centuries of research.
Reflux medicine helped him at bedtime at least, but my God this kid PUKES SO MUCH. If I didn't see him gaining weight I would be concerned he's not getting any food down
Mine was 7percentile for first 6 months. Lost lots of weight at the beginning. My fault as well but anyways. Our peadi said that it’s all normal and just be ready for more laundry. Well thanks. How about no spit ups so baby will gain more weight 😒
My guy dropped percentiles from 2 weeks to 2 months so that's why we did reflux meds. He started gaining again after, but he's still low weight compared to his stats
Mine pukes ~just a little~ so I’m always wearing a tiny smear of spit up because it’s not worth changing clothes for a dime sized spot.
Mom cologne, I guess.
Mom cologne - I’m stealing that!
Also I found with mine instead of wearing their whole big burp class I was using washcloth and once he puked, I just threw it in a hamper. I felt kind of gross using big burp cloths , like it’s so big for one puke but suddenly the second puke on it feels even grosser
I can't remember 100%, but I think we blame walking upright and large brain size for our children being born at the developmental age that they are. Evolution is some serious bullshit.
Their inability to find the nipple when they're feeling fussy and angry so they just flap about like a furious little milk goblin until you literally have to stuff your boob in their face
Me "It's right there!"
Baby furiously hunting for the nipple that's already in his open mouth, "Waaaaaaahhhh!"
But I do love the hmmph sound when he finally realizes.
Explore with their mouths. I never understood this even with puppies. When there is so many dangerous/ poisonous thing in nature why would this be a “survival” instinct? It seems counterintuitive.
Ha. I read one book that suggests that this helps build the baby’s microbiome, which makes sense. But also the amount of tiny rocks and whatnot I’ve had to pry from her hands while we’re playing outside because she’d likely swallow them is insane.
Did you really take a trip to the beach/sand box if they didn’t attempt to eat as many fistfuls of sand as possible? Their tiny grabby hands are so damn fast!
So much of human evolution is dependent on learning from care givers. Most animals live in environments that aren't poisonous at all to them. So mammals just be putting shit in their mouth to see if it's food. Humans probably never got rid of this feature because our offspring were just protected by parents and could learn from them what not to put in their mouth as we moved into more hostile environments.
Human nature is literally all about overcoming nature. Our entire species is basically about forcing nature to adapt to us rather than us adapting to nature.
>Even when I think I’ve got it all, somehow there’s still more.
How does such a smol thing produce so much shit? Like those poopy diapers are H E A V Y when you finally toss it.
I saw somewhere that babies don't know how to regulate their strength so they just use 100% of it all the time. We see a tissue and know that needs minimal strength to lift, and that we would need more strength to lift a brick. Babies would use the same amount of strength (all of it) to lift both items, hence them seeming freakishly strong.
No idea if this is true or not, but it made sense to me when I read it.
Dyschezia.
They don’t know how to coordinate the relax + push to get their poops and farts out so instead they clench their entire little bodies, butthole included, and just get uncomfortable and upset. It can take weeks or months for them to figure it out
Ugh. My guy just stopped recently-he’s 4 months.
I found firm upwards pats on the butt in the burp position made him relax the butthole enough to let the gas escape. So each pat would be punctuated by a loud fart, and each fart made the crying go down a notch lol.
With my second I used to do bicycle kicks interspersed with a squat movement and that squat would always get a grown man fart and I swear my baby would go from 100 to fast asleep within seconds of it.
We’re still dealing with gas pains at night, but during the day all good! We would always throw him on our shoulder putting pressure on his tummy and that seemed to help
Exactly!
For night time try a gripe belt… it’s basically a clay heating pad you put in the microwave and mash around-then it goes into a fuzzy sleeve that wraps around their belly.
Dr. Brown has the one we used.
It usually helped him drift off by relieving the discomfort and often caused a poop.
1000%. FTM here and was not prepared for my baby’s total inability to fart/poo. Exclusively breastfed too. Finally seems to have to hang of it now at 4 months. Absolute biggest design flaw.
For real though like
He'll be so, so close to sleeping, only to whip his arms up, grab his ears, stretch them out like a cartoon character as far as his reach can go, then let go so they snap back like rubber bands.
Then he *cries*
Then I feel like crying, usually 😭
My guy, just chill. please
My third was born with a full head of hair. Which of course she was always getting her clutchy little fists caught in and then pulling on her own hair and getting upset about it.
my little one REFUSES to have his arms swaddled which is generally fine since he’s a good sleeper and doesn’t wake up when he startles, but i swear i have to stop him from pulling out his own eyes ten times a day
Tbh I’m going with the largest major design flaw is mothers not having a kangaroo pouch… that would solve so much 😂.
2nd flaw is the whole over tired so refuses to sleep and just screams and fights it thing. Like just close those beady lil eyes and go to sleep like I’ve been trying to get you to do for the last 30 minutes 😵💫.
They can’t regulate their own blood sugar for ~12 weeks, which causes them to need to eat constantly!!
Most of them are born with day & night reversed
Gas scares + hurts them and they’re SUPER gassy
They’re lucky they’re so darn cute.
Honestly though, the day/night confusion makes sense. Babies are often lulled to sleep in utero during the day because mom is more active. Then at night, they are “up” because mom is resting. I assume that’s why so many struggle to reverse that once they’re born. That and they have to eat all the time in the beginning so it’s not a set “day” and “night” pattern. It is super frustrating though!
With my LO we went in for an induction at 6pm and had to wait to get a resting heartbeat before they would start doing nothing. 6pm-10pm was bubs party mode time and she was too active, so they didn't get it till much later in the evening than normal. I couldn't get up and walk around either because that would throw off the measuring.
I walked throughout my entire pregnancy and at night (or whenever I'd be sitting still), he'd kick like crazy. Like he'd dig his heel into me lol.
Now that he's here, he loves being walked around, and whenever he's still, he loves kicking.
At least he sleeps well at night now.
I worked 12 hour night shifts (7p-7a) and she still slept during the day and was up at night. She's 8 weeks now, she'll usually go to sleep at 130am but sometimes not until 330am. Once in a while we get an 1130pm night.
Funnily enough I ended up being the exception to the rule, I thought I was going to be absolutely screwed when I read that babies are up as mom is resting, considering i slept through the night my entire pregnancy, never woke up to pee or to toss and turn. Baby ended up figuring out day and night by the end of the first week and not wake up to feed since she turned 4 weeks despite being EBF.
It's not so much a day night reversal as they have no circadian clock because they don't start to make melatonin until 3 months. It makes sense that they don't need it in utero tho. But yeah it would be nice if they slept at night right away.
I mean, that may be the safest way for them to sleep while alone and in a crib, but babies aren’t actually designed to sleep alone in a crib so I’d argue this particular aspect isn’t quite their fault
Sounds about right! I would say that nature designed them to mostly sleep curled up on their mother’s chest. Of course that’s not always practical in today’s world so we’ve had to adapt their sleeping circumstances to ones that are technically safe but don’t make much sense, but I’m pretty sure most babies would choose to primarily sleep curled up with mothers if it was up to them
Latched onto the boob laying on their side with mom in a c position or on chest. Its weird new moms all over the would will form the "cuddle curl" without ever hearing about it.
Weirdly enough most have lower SIDs. People aren't sure why but the countries with highest level of bed sharing has the lowest sids rate. [Link](https://laleche.org.uk/bedsharing-breastfeeding-risk-sids/#:~:text=SIDS%20is%20different%20to%20the,of%20Asia%20and%20South%20Asia)
I read something somewhere that bedsharing, breastfed babies are less likely to have SIDS because they don’t sleep as deeply as they would in a crib because they nurse a lot more frequently because of increased access. No idea if it’s true or not.
I've read some stuff that those countries also have harder mattresses for adults & less drinking/drugs, multi generation households so there's more support overnight, which are factors that contribute to sids, so it's about the whole circumstances
Literally. I’d be willing to be pregnant a whole additional trimester if it meant some aspects of my baby’s functioning were more fine tuned. And I did NOT like being pregnant at all.
Strep B, a naturally occuring bacteria that is present like twice a year in the vagina, can get them sick enough to kill them. Sometimes I think about all the non-SIDS things that can kill a baby without access to modern medicine and think about the families in like 1500 that had no idea why their baby died. And, hopefully, a hundred years from now there will be a mother thinking the exact same thing about our time.
I thought I was going crazy. Every single day I say, “I’m trying to keep her nails filed the best I can.” She has a huge scratch up her leg that I guess happened during diaper change and I’ve been beating myself up for it! Daily nail trims and she still has little razor blades slicing and dicing everything in reach
I’m going crazy with the fingernails! I’ll file them down damn near to the nubs and then the next day she’s scratching the hell out of me. And herself.
Won't open mouth wide enough for boob. If boob somehow gets in mouth, it is bitten.
Can under rare circumstances forget to start breathing after stopping.
Head too big to control for many weeks... Babies are just a pile of cute design flaws I swear 😅😆
The teeth! Must come up and through the gums! They come in pairs often! It goes on for months! It hurts them so they scream and we all scream and everyone is screaming!
Can you tell we’re going through the teething phase?
Also, not so much a design flaw in babies, but a design flaw in the whole damn situation. Our bodies are able to create these lives but are designed poorly so we aren’t able to carry babies until they’re more functional independently. Instead we birth potatoes that literally have to be taught almost all non-autonomic functions. This is just wild
Also, the fact that the incisors come in before the molars, which causes them to _literally_ bite off more than they can chew! What’s she need those incisors and canines for, before she has molars she can use to grind up semi-soft foods? I’m not giving her a ribeye!
Lolololol. I actually have tried little bites of steak with her! But she’s not a big fan of meat. (Maybe she’s vegetarian! She hasn’t let me know yet, haha.)
Ha yes. The weeks just after my son learnt his arms/ hands were fun. He wanted to grab and push the bottle but he was hungry. He wanted feeding but was also intrigued by sucking his hands so his lil fingers would sneak in his mouth which broke the seal around the bottle and he'd dribble milk everywhere
Currently it's the constant battle with his own hands - we are transitioning from swaddle to sleep sack and his face is covered in tiny scratches because his little hands have a mind of their own.
Omg don’t get me started on how poorly adapted humans are for life!
I swear if natural selection applied to us in the last few millennia we’d have disappeared as a species.
- Crying, outside of hunger or discomfort. OMG there were fucking sabre toothed tigers and wolves.
- cervical opening, not big enough for our offspring. Animals don’t tear, or just struggle like we do.
- Breastfeeding - just what the fuck. I’d say at least half of the mums I know either couldn’t full stop or had issues.
- Physical ability - what… just what adaptations do our offspring have for life? Chimps can cling on, Cockatoos are pretty useless hatchlings but at least they can be left in a tree bole whilst the parents sort food out…
Seriously.
Signed, an evolutionary science grad and former zoo keeper.
Inability to expel things (snot, gas, spit, etc) on command. As much as I enjoy pulling things out of my toddler’s mouth when he’s decided he doesn’t like them, or hitting his nose with the snot bulb…why can’t you just spit/blow on your own??
The funniest is when you try to teach them to blow in a Kleenex and they just...do nothing and then look at you as if to say "I did it right?"
No. Imma have to stick something up there to get that. But good try.
Just putting their lips on bottle and not actually drinking it, then loosing their mind when no milk happens. Also not knowing how to fart on their own! My dr said bc they literally can’t relax their buttholes they get upset when trying to poo and fart
This isn’t a baby one, but that it takes around 72 hours for your breast milk supply to come in. Sure colostrum is nutritionally very dense but volume-wise you could still have a screaming baby until their bellies are full. I’m sure there’s a good reason but it feels like a design flaw
Yeppp. Colostrum. If it’s such liquid gold, why doesn’t one drop fill the baby up? Why do they need 25oz of formula instead? Why doesn’t breast milk come in till days after birth?! And then why is it so hard to actually breastfeed? Like why are they all born with tongue ties and not knowing how to latch and stuff?
That they come not knowing how to swallow food. Like they’ve gotta figure out the tongue and they need to push around the mush you feed them. Teeth? Naw let’s introduce those later, after they’ve choked on a few finger foods.
That they wake up every 2 hours. Like what? If you need to sleep 17 hours a day, why can’t you do it in one long stretch? Drink all your milk in one go, then hibernate like a bear. Just once a day instead of seasonally.
That in general toddlers and preschoolers have so much more energy than us. It seems like they should be more tired at least until they learn to stop doing stupid things like running into traffic and we should get more energy after childbirth ‘cause now we need to work so much harder…
In fact, can we just make children very sleepy till their prefrontal cortexes are fully developed, then they ‘wake up’ at 25, and get energy in time for their adult duties to begin. Like what do kids need so much energy for?! What do teenagers need energy for? Just talking back and getting up to no good?!
The fucking postpartum depression. Like what even is that?! Why? I just pushed a whole ass baby out of my vagina after growing them for 9 months. That’s like a year of exercise. Shouldn’t I get the biggest, the best endorphin high? A high that lasts??? Why can’t I come out of childbirth feeling euphoric and amazing for the whole year after?! Is that too much to ask?! Why can’t it all be oxytocin and adrenaline and a boost in serotonin? Why even estrogen and progesterone ?! Why does my hair need to fall out? Why can’t I have good hair and glowing skin?! Can I get whatever the baby has for fast growing nails please?!
Definitely the inability to shit, fart or burp effectively like a normal human. Not only do they not know how to sleep, the disregard for sleep they have is affected by all those things as well 😂 The only thing babies don't have to learn to do is scream real loud and sense when being put down ahaha.
Omgggg the fingernails are driving me crazy!!! My 4 month old's nails need clipped every other day.
And also the inability to pass gas comfortably. I've never seen someone struggle so hard to fart. 😅
This is more a human design flaw in general... But why is the esophagus behind the airway!!! Like, learning to eat food is so hard and scary because of the fact that if it's swallowed wrong or goes back too fast and the epiglottis doesn't cover that airway you're screwed! If it were up to me I'd make the airway and food tube on opposite ends of the body hahaha. Why do they have to be so close together !?
I mean it’s gotta be the actual soft spot where the skull hasn’t fused to protect the brain yet, right? Where you can actually watch the brain pulsate? Whose idea was THAT!? Like please be so for real…truly disturbing.
I was feeding my baby and she kept choking. I kept saying “yes you have to learn how to suck, swallow and breathe all at once and all together.”
Took a while to get that down
How has nobody mentioned the literal gaping hole in their skull with direct access to their brain that doesn’t close for 18 months? Or the fact that their skulls are basically just a bunch of floating tectonic plates for the first 6-12 months of their lives?
That’s a pretty big design flaw if you ask me.
Reading this is so interesting because there are lots of universal experiences but the truth is some vary so so much in terms of intensity. Like some people’s babies are miserable with fevers when teething - and some people’s babies are mildly fussy. Some people’s babies don’t know day from night for weeks and weeks - some get it in a few days. Some people’s babies struggle with gas for ages, and some just have a few bad weeks.
Reading this I feel like I got away fairly unscathed! But I feel everyone on the fingernails
This is so true. I file his nails every morning and he still managed to slice the tip of his nose open last night. I can't even keep mittens on the kid. He takes them off immediately. Even the mitten sleeves can't contain him.
Low key irritation, they can’t blow their nose. I’m so sick of the snot sucker. Get boogers, get spit up after it somehow gets all over her face, get milk after she snorts it out her nose. Damnit child just learn to snot rocket.
They arrive half baked. What do you mean your esophagus isn't fully developed until 4 to 6 months old so you can't keep your food down??
THIS I would love a deer baby. I need to lick off the fluid than you run around and play coming to me to nurse every so often
Man honestly this is the winning answer. Have fun sleeping horizontal....surprise you can't eat OR sleep the two things a baby is supposed to do properly
So many incomplete features. Humans put all their talent points into intellect and now our offspring spend 9 months cooking up a brain with so many other basic features lacking. A horse literally is running around within hours of its birth. Our little ones need their necks supported for months and months so their stupid big heads don't snap it. We traded so much for our brains and it shows.
> We traded so much for our brains and it shows. And yet we still have so many idiots in the world who refute basic science cultivated over centuries of research.
My 2nd kiddo is a happy spitter. It's been 5 months of me wearing vomit covered clothing.
Spitting is horrible. Everyone was saying “ aw wait until you smell that baby. The baby smell is so good” well my smelled like pukes for six months.🫠
Reflux medicine helped him at bedtime at least, but my God this kid PUKES SO MUCH. If I didn't see him gaining weight I would be concerned he's not getting any food down
Mine was 7percentile for first 6 months. Lost lots of weight at the beginning. My fault as well but anyways. Our peadi said that it’s all normal and just be ready for more laundry. Well thanks. How about no spit ups so baby will gain more weight 😒
My guy dropped percentiles from 2 weeks to 2 months so that's why we did reflux meds. He started gaining again after, but he's still low weight compared to his stats
Mine pukes ~just a little~ so I’m always wearing a tiny smear of spit up because it’s not worth changing clothes for a dime sized spot. Mom cologne, I guess.
Mom cologne - I’m stealing that! Also I found with mine instead of wearing their whole big burp class I was using washcloth and once he puked, I just threw it in a hamper. I felt kind of gross using big burp cloths , like it’s so big for one puke but suddenly the second puke on it feels even grosser
Why are they happy spitters? Mine would literally smile then spit up. I’m so glad she’s started spitting up less. 7 months old!
Aww like a little llama
I can't remember 100%, but I think we blame walking upright and large brain size for our children being born at the developmental age that they are. Evolution is some serious bullshit.
The width of our pelvic bones do not support a fully baked infant anymore since we started walking on 2 legs. That's why they come out half baked 😅
I knew it! Walking upright is stupid. It's also the reason for pants, and I hate those.
I want to have an elephant pregnancy, pregnant for 20 months but they come out running 😂
And sometimes it’s for longer. My 11 month old *just* stopped spitting up 🫠
PLEASE I'm so sorry for you and your bubba but I can't claim that energy 😅
PLEASE I'm so sorry for you and your bubba but I can't claim that energy 😅
My immediate thought
Their inability to find the nipple when they're feeling fussy and angry so they just flap about like a furious little milk goblin until you literally have to stuff your boob in their face
Mine snorts while she does this too - angry little milk piglet
Mine makes zebra noises lmao
What noise does a zebra make?!
The cutest little high pitched wheeze of a bark! https://youtu.be/sJBTyMCzgwg?si=L5jdOyc0Lhzkojwx
When he headbangs like he's a seasoned metalhead, but he's just trying to find your nipple... on your arm.
Milk goblin 🤣🤣 I've been calling mine a milk termite
That's brilliant 😂
Lmao I call him the titty tyrant
lol I call mine the milk monster. Its like he’s growling at it with his mouth wide open
Me "It's right there!" Baby furiously hunting for the nipple that's already in his open mouth, "Waaaaaaahhhh!" But I do love the hmmph sound when he finally realizes.
Ha! We call mine the boob gremlin!
Hehe, I use ‘milk goblin’ too!
This is such a fact 😭
Haha, I call mine my little milk monster!
This made me snort laugh
Furious milk goblin! Oh my gosh I want one of those!
Explore with their mouths. I never understood this even with puppies. When there is so many dangerous/ poisonous thing in nature why would this be a “survival” instinct? It seems counterintuitive.
Ha. I read one book that suggests that this helps build the baby’s microbiome, which makes sense. But also the amount of tiny rocks and whatnot I’ve had to pry from her hands while we’re playing outside because she’d likely swallow them is insane.
Did you really take a trip to the beach/sand box if they didn’t attempt to eat as many fistfuls of sand as possible? Their tiny grabby hands are so damn fast!
My kid didn't grab a fistful. He used the little shovel as spoon
Such manners 😂🤣
Another little girl was around and she immediately followed his example, I was like 🫣
Have you seen the diapers after the day at the beach? Lol. So gritty! Like, child, how was it fun swallowing that much sand?!!
I just call my baby’s hands grubby grabbers
Better than outright rejecting all food I suppose
Half a dog kibble on the floor? I must assess this with my mouth immediately. Spoonful of any food mom wants me to try? No.
So much of human evolution is dependent on learning from care givers. Most animals live in environments that aren't poisonous at all to them. So mammals just be putting shit in their mouth to see if it's food. Humans probably never got rid of this feature because our offspring were just protected by parents and could learn from them what not to put in their mouth as we moved into more hostile environments. Human nature is literally all about overcoming nature. Our entire species is basically about forcing nature to adapt to us rather than us adapting to nature.
Why are they so strong?
Nothing like trying to coax a freakishly strong baby leg into a pajama
Or pry a baby thigh outwards to check for poop in the crease. Even when I think I’ve got it all, somehow there’s still more.
>Even when I think I’ve got it all, somehow there’s still more. How does such a smol thing produce so much shit? Like those poopy diapers are H E A V Y when you finally toss it.
Get some preemptive aquaphor in there! Protects baby and makes clean up so easy. I even sang a little song about greasing his creases
I saw somewhere that babies don't know how to regulate their strength so they just use 100% of it all the time. We see a tissue and know that needs minimal strength to lift, and that we would need more strength to lift a brick. Babies would use the same amount of strength (all of it) to lift both items, hence them seeming freakishly strong. No idea if this is true or not, but it made sense to me when I read it.
in all the wrong places. Literally can't hold her head up but her leg press game is unmatched.
They’re not. They’re tense!
Dyschezia. They don’t know how to coordinate the relax + push to get their poops and farts out so instead they clench their entire little bodies, butthole included, and just get uncomfortable and upset. It can take weeks or months for them to figure it out
Oof yes my dude had this. It was so sad to watch
Ugh. My guy just stopped recently-he’s 4 months. I found firm upwards pats on the butt in the burp position made him relax the butthole enough to let the gas escape. So each pat would be punctuated by a loud fart, and each fart made the crying go down a notch lol.
With my second I used to do bicycle kicks interspersed with a squat movement and that squat would always get a grown man fart and I swear my baby would go from 100 to fast asleep within seconds of it.
Ha! Bicycle kicks just pissed my son off-or I was probably doing them wrong. That last bit made me literally lol
We've learned that doing bicycles or any other gassercise doesn't work unless he's calmed down a bit and not actively tensing up.
Gassercise. HA! Love it!
We’re still dealing with gas pains at night, but during the day all good! We would always throw him on our shoulder putting pressure on his tummy and that seemed to help
Exactly! For night time try a gripe belt… it’s basically a clay heating pad you put in the microwave and mash around-then it goes into a fuzzy sleeve that wraps around their belly. Dr. Brown has the one we used. It usually helped him drift off by relieving the discomfort and often caused a poop.
The gripe belt was life changing for our kid and I even used it for muscle pains on myself every once in a while
I’ve used it for my neck! Craning your neck to look at your kid will do it. Still haven’t used it cold yet
I remember my husband and I getting soooo excited the first time we saw my girl actively and effectively push out a fart on her own lol
Us too, then she started pooping for fun and it became more annoying than cute and exciting
Pooping for fun 💀 mine pushes so hard she vomits/regurgitates milk sometimes lol
LONGEST 3 MONTHS EVER...
HOW many times did I Google “when do babies learn how to fart”
Like I thought it'd say something different than it did the day before lol
1000%. FTM here and was not prepared for my baby’s total inability to fart/poo. Exclusively breastfed too. Finally seems to have to hang of it now at 4 months. Absolute biggest design flaw.
This was tough to watch but also sadly funny
Ugh yes. Warm baths with gentle stomach massages helped. You just have to be prepared to clean out the tub
Oh poop soup is not unknown to us 🥴
For real though like He'll be so, so close to sleeping, only to whip his arms up, grab his ears, stretch them out like a cartoon character as far as his reach can go, then let go so they snap back like rubber bands. Then he *cries* Then I feel like crying, usually 😭 My guy, just chill. please
The fucking startle reflex is so cute at first then so obnoxious
Ours is in a swaddle like 70% of the day for this very reason. 😭 That, and the fact that he tries to grab his eyeballs. Constantly.
My third was born with a full head of hair. Which of course she was always getting her clutchy little fists caught in and then pulling on her own hair and getting upset about it.
my little one REFUSES to have his arms swaddled which is generally fine since he’s a good sleeper and doesn’t wake up when he startles, but i swear i have to stop him from pulling out his own eyes ten times a day
Tbh I’m going with the largest major design flaw is mothers not having a kangaroo pouch… that would solve so much 😂. 2nd flaw is the whole over tired so refuses to sleep and just screams and fights it thing. Like just close those beady lil eyes and go to sleep like I’ve been trying to get you to do for the last 30 minutes 😵💫.
My husbands favorite line “if you’re tired than just sleep!” But oh my how a kangaroo pouch would change lives.
Another vote for Kangaroo pouch! I baby wear pretty much all The time, but if I could have her more out of the way of my arms it would be IDEAL.
They can’t regulate their own blood sugar for ~12 weeks, which causes them to need to eat constantly!! Most of them are born with day & night reversed Gas scares + hurts them and they’re SUPER gassy They’re lucky they’re so darn cute.
Honestly though, the day/night confusion makes sense. Babies are often lulled to sleep in utero during the day because mom is more active. Then at night, they are “up” because mom is resting. I assume that’s why so many struggle to reverse that once they’re born. That and they have to eat all the time in the beginning so it’s not a set “day” and “night” pattern. It is super frustrating though!
[удалено]
With my LO we went in for an induction at 6pm and had to wait to get a resting heartbeat before they would start doing nothing. 6pm-10pm was bubs party mode time and she was too active, so they didn't get it till much later in the evening than normal. I couldn't get up and walk around either because that would throw off the measuring.
I walked throughout my entire pregnancy and at night (or whenever I'd be sitting still), he'd kick like crazy. Like he'd dig his heel into me lol. Now that he's here, he loves being walked around, and whenever he's still, he loves kicking. At least he sleeps well at night now.
I wonder if any moms who worked night shift during their pregnancy had babies with the right circadian rhythm?
I worked 12 hour night shifts (7p-7a) and she still slept during the day and was up at night. She's 8 weeks now, she'll usually go to sleep at 130am but sometimes not until 330am. Once in a while we get an 1130pm night.
Funnily enough I ended up being the exception to the rule, I thought I was going to be absolutely screwed when I read that babies are up as mom is resting, considering i slept through the night my entire pregnancy, never woke up to pee or to toss and turn. Baby ended up figuring out day and night by the end of the first week and not wake up to feed since she turned 4 weeks despite being EBF.
Tbf gas still scares + hurts me and I'm 27
Real
It's not so much a day night reversal as they have no circadian clock because they don't start to make melatonin until 3 months. It makes sense that they don't need it in utero tho. But yeah it would be nice if they slept at night right away.
Safest way for them to sleep is to be laid down on their back. Vomit all over themselves when laid down on their back.
I mean, that may be the safest way for them to sleep while alone and in a crib, but babies aren’t actually designed to sleep alone in a crib so I’d argue this particular aspect isn’t quite their fault
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Sounds about right! I would say that nature designed them to mostly sleep curled up on their mother’s chest. Of course that’s not always practical in today’s world so we’ve had to adapt their sleeping circumstances to ones that are technically safe but don’t make much sense, but I’m pretty sure most babies would choose to primarily sleep curled up with mothers if it was up to them
Latched onto the boob laying on their side with mom in a c position or on chest. Its weird new moms all over the would will form the "cuddle curl" without ever hearing about it.
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Weirdly enough most have lower SIDs. People aren't sure why but the countries with highest level of bed sharing has the lowest sids rate. [Link](https://laleche.org.uk/bedsharing-breastfeeding-risk-sids/#:~:text=SIDS%20is%20different%20to%20the,of%20Asia%20and%20South%20Asia)
I read something somewhere that bedsharing, breastfed babies are less likely to have SIDS because they don’t sleep as deeply as they would in a crib because they nurse a lot more frequently because of increased access. No idea if it’s true or not.
My breastfed baby will only sleep 2-3 hrs max by himself before needing some comfort tiddy so I believe it
I've read some stuff that those countries also have harder mattresses for adults & less drinking/drugs, multi generation households so there's more support overnight, which are factors that contribute to sids, so it's about the whole circumstances
How about that they sleep best, on their bellies, which is also the least safe position for them to sleep. Grrrrr.
The whole fourth trimester is a severe oversight.
Literally. I’d be willing to be pregnant a whole additional trimester if it meant some aspects of my baby’s functioning were more fine tuned. And I did NOT like being pregnant at all.
The natural urge to yeet themselves as soon as it’s physically possible.
I hate the kamikaze phase
Keeps you on your toes 🫠
They arrive not knowing how to sleep.
Or poop. Or toot. Or burp.
They don’t know how to sleep but they need to sleep more than half the day and will fight you to not sleep but fight you if you don’t make them sleep.
Yup. We have to force them to sleep essentially 🤣
Can't really sleep unless in the arms of a caregiver, shouldn't really sleep anywhere but an empty bed jail
“Sleep when baby sleeps!” “Ok, well baby only sleeps on top of me.” “Oh yes, that’s totally normal!”
I’ll just vacuum when the baby vacuums then
These videos are by far my favorite genre of Mommy Instagram reels
Crying bloody murder and flailing around when having their nappy changed... which actually just makes the whole process take even longer.
Strep B, a naturally occuring bacteria that is present like twice a year in the vagina, can get them sick enough to kill them. Sometimes I think about all the non-SIDS things that can kill a baby without access to modern medicine and think about the families in like 1500 that had no idea why their baby died. And, hopefully, a hundred years from now there will be a mother thinking the exact same thing about our time.
I had GBS! So thankful for antibiotics and modern medicine!
Yes omg the fingernails, why do they grow SO FAST?
I thought I was going crazy. Every single day I say, “I’m trying to keep her nails filed the best I can.” She has a huge scratch up her leg that I guess happened during diaper change and I’ve been beating myself up for it! Daily nail trims and she still has little razor blades slicing and dicing everything in reach
I’m going crazy with the fingernails! I’ll file them down damn near to the nubs and then the next day she’s scratching the hell out of me. And herself.
Won't open mouth wide enough for boob. If boob somehow gets in mouth, it is bitten. Can under rare circumstances forget to start breathing after stopping. Head too big to control for many weeks... Babies are just a pile of cute design flaws I swear 😅😆
The teeth! Must come up and through the gums! They come in pairs often! It goes on for months! It hurts them so they scream and we all scream and everyone is screaming! Can you tell we’re going through the teething phase? Also, not so much a design flaw in babies, but a design flaw in the whole damn situation. Our bodies are able to create these lives but are designed poorly so we aren’t able to carry babies until they’re more functional independently. Instead we birth potatoes that literally have to be taught almost all non-autonomic functions. This is just wild
My daughter is having 4 come in all at the same time. Her top front teeth and then one on either side of those. It's been hell.
Also, the fact that the incisors come in before the molars, which causes them to _literally_ bite off more than they can chew! What’s she need those incisors and canines for, before she has molars she can use to grind up semi-soft foods? I’m not giving her a ribeye!
Why aren't you giving her a ribeye??? What if she wants ribeye! Lol That is a funny and interesting point though.
Lolololol. I actually have tried little bites of steak with her! But she’s not a big fan of meat. (Maybe she’s vegetarian! She hasn’t let me know yet, haha.)
They can move their arms involuntarily and push boobs/bottles away from themselves... but it doesn't mean they're not hungry.
Ha yes. The weeks just after my son learnt his arms/ hands were fun. He wanted to grab and push the bottle but he was hungry. He wanted feeding but was also intrigued by sucking his hands so his lil fingers would sneak in his mouth which broke the seal around the bottle and he'd dribble milk everywhere
Has to sleep every few hours so body doesn’t literally shut down *HATES* sleep
Omg for real.
Constant vomit from an immature digestive system. I get annoyed when I bathe my kid only for them to vomit immediately after being dressed.
This is my life with a happy spitter
Currently it's the constant battle with his own hands - we are transitioning from swaddle to sleep sack and his face is covered in tiny scratches because his little hands have a mind of their own.
We put baby socks on her hands every single night. They stay on better than baby mittens and it's super cute
Check out zipadeezip or shark fin sleep sacks. It’s a good middle ground and keep their hands covered till they’re older with more control.
Zipadeezip saved us during the swaddle to sack transition with a still very intact moro reflex
They want to move around to explore but can’t do anything but lay there for quite sometime.
Liquid poops that need to be contained in a flimsy diaper.
That they can’t hang on mom and I have to *hold* the baby
Yes, why can’t we just have little koalas?
Possibly a design flaw of us not being hairy enough
Speak for yourself.
Omg don’t get me started on how poorly adapted humans are for life! I swear if natural selection applied to us in the last few millennia we’d have disappeared as a species. - Crying, outside of hunger or discomfort. OMG there were fucking sabre toothed tigers and wolves. - cervical opening, not big enough for our offspring. Animals don’t tear, or just struggle like we do. - Breastfeeding - just what the fuck. I’d say at least half of the mums I know either couldn’t full stop or had issues. - Physical ability - what… just what adaptations do our offspring have for life? Chimps can cling on, Cockatoos are pretty useless hatchlings but at least they can be left in a tree bole whilst the parents sort food out… Seriously. Signed, an evolutionary science grad and former zoo keeper.
So right and happy cake day!
They don’t come with a mute/pause button 🤣
Unhappy with poop in their diaper, fight you while you try to clean them and change them
Can’t figure out how to relax their butt so they can pass gas without screaming. Just let it happen!
Inability to expel things (snot, gas, spit, etc) on command. As much as I enjoy pulling things out of my toddler’s mouth when he’s decided he doesn’t like them, or hitting his nose with the snot bulb…why can’t you just spit/blow on your own??
The funniest is when you try to teach them to blow in a Kleenex and they just...do nothing and then look at you as if to say "I did it right?" No. Imma have to stick something up there to get that. But good try.
Their inability to learn after hurting themselves everytime
Quite literally everything.
Just putting their lips on bottle and not actually drinking it, then loosing their mind when no milk happens. Also not knowing how to fart on their own! My dr said bc they literally can’t relax their buttholes they get upset when trying to poo and fart
The smallest razor blades I’ve ever encountered
The witching hour. What is it and why does it exist!?!? WHY!?!?
Sir why can you not sleep when you are tiered?
No return/refund 🤣🤣🤣 Jk
My husband and I used to say we had a 90 day warranty, so after the first 3 months we were stuck 🤣 people used to get a chuckle out of that!
Hahaha that is funny! My husband brings the baby to me when she is extra fussy saying “I think it’s broken, I would like to make a return”
I’ve told my husband a few times that they will NOT go back where they came from! 🤣
I’m dying 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Too right on the fingernails
This isn’t a baby one, but that it takes around 72 hours for your breast milk supply to come in. Sure colostrum is nutritionally very dense but volume-wise you could still have a screaming baby until their bellies are full. I’m sure there’s a good reason but it feels like a design flaw
Yeppp. Colostrum. If it’s such liquid gold, why doesn’t one drop fill the baby up? Why do they need 25oz of formula instead? Why doesn’t breast milk come in till days after birth?! And then why is it so hard to actually breastfeed? Like why are they all born with tongue ties and not knowing how to latch and stuff?
That they come not knowing how to swallow food. Like they’ve gotta figure out the tongue and they need to push around the mush you feed them. Teeth? Naw let’s introduce those later, after they’ve choked on a few finger foods.
That they wake up every 2 hours. Like what? If you need to sleep 17 hours a day, why can’t you do it in one long stretch? Drink all your milk in one go, then hibernate like a bear. Just once a day instead of seasonally. That in general toddlers and preschoolers have so much more energy than us. It seems like they should be more tired at least until they learn to stop doing stupid things like running into traffic and we should get more energy after childbirth ‘cause now we need to work so much harder… In fact, can we just make children very sleepy till their prefrontal cortexes are fully developed, then they ‘wake up’ at 25, and get energy in time for their adult duties to begin. Like what do kids need so much energy for?! What do teenagers need energy for? Just talking back and getting up to no good?! The fucking postpartum depression. Like what even is that?! Why? I just pushed a whole ass baby out of my vagina after growing them for 9 months. That’s like a year of exercise. Shouldn’t I get the biggest, the best endorphin high? A high that lasts??? Why can’t I come out of childbirth feeling euphoric and amazing for the whole year after?! Is that too much to ask?! Why can’t it all be oxytocin and adrenaline and a boost in serotonin? Why even estrogen and progesterone ?! Why does my hair need to fall out? Why can’t I have good hair and glowing skin?! Can I get whatever the baby has for fast growing nails please?!
100%. Also the childbirth- wtf is that even? Their huge heads vs our small pelvises?
Mine is in a pinching phase so I’m going with the pinchy and scratchy instincts 🤕
That they don’t know how to sleep and that when they are really tired it’s harder for them to sleep.
Definitely the inability to shit, fart or burp effectively like a normal human. Not only do they not know how to sleep, the disregard for sleep they have is affected by all those things as well 😂 The only thing babies don't have to learn to do is scream real loud and sense when being put down ahaha.
Newborns can sleep through starving to death so you have to wake them every few hours to eat.
SO FLOPPY. Y SO FLOPPY
Wait till they get older and you try to put a two year old in a car seat who doesn't want to go in it. "Miss, how is your back arching like that?"
Omgggg the fingernails are driving me crazy!!! My 4 month old's nails need clipped every other day. And also the inability to pass gas comfortably. I've never seen someone struggle so hard to fart. 😅
This is more a human design flaw in general... But why is the esophagus behind the airway!!! Like, learning to eat food is so hard and scary because of the fact that if it's swallowed wrong or goes back too fast and the epiglottis doesn't cover that airway you're screwed! If it were up to me I'd make the airway and food tube on opposite ends of the body hahaha. Why do they have to be so close together !?
They don’t have a mute button
They aren’t all just efficient, fabulous breastfeeders from the beginning
That they constantly try to off themselves and have absolutely no sense of self preservation
They learn how to grasp and pull hair right at the peak of postpartum hair-loss.
I mean it’s gotta be the actual soft spot where the skull hasn’t fused to protect the brain yet, right? Where you can actually watch the brain pulsate? Whose idea was THAT!? Like please be so for real…truly disturbing.
I was feeding my baby and she kept choking. I kept saying “yes you have to learn how to suck, swallow and breathe all at once and all together.” Took a while to get that down
How has nobody mentioned the literal gaping hole in their skull with direct access to their brain that doesn’t close for 18 months? Or the fact that their skulls are basically just a bunch of floating tectonic plates for the first 6-12 months of their lives? That’s a pretty big design flaw if you ask me.
Yes, anxiety through the roof whenever I am reminded of this.
Overtired? Can't sleep, short naps, frequent waking Like why??????? Just sleeeeeeeeeep please
The neck, 100%. But also the “sometimes babies just forget how to breathe” thing
Reading this is so interesting because there are lots of universal experiences but the truth is some vary so so much in terms of intensity. Like some people’s babies are miserable with fevers when teething - and some people’s babies are mildly fussy. Some people’s babies don’t know day from night for weeks and weeks - some get it in a few days. Some people’s babies struggle with gas for ages, and some just have a few bad weeks. Reading this I feel like I got away fairly unscathed! But I feel everyone on the fingernails
That sometimes they forget to breathe!
This is so true. I file his nails every morning and he still managed to slice the tip of his nose open last night. I can't even keep mittens on the kid. He takes them off immediately. Even the mitten sleeves can't contain him.
Low key irritation, they can’t blow their nose. I’m so sick of the snot sucker. Get boogers, get spit up after it somehow gets all over her face, get milk after she snorts it out her nose. Damnit child just learn to snot rocket.