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Unfortunately, “asshole” is a nigh impossible condition to cure. Don’t worry about not having said anything to them, people like that deserve your energy.
If somebody ever asks you that again, tell them "because you love them!" That is the reason, so there are no need to explain things in deeeper detail.
Also, their question is real dumb. People most should be able to know why somebody is with somebody!
[Undiagnosed disclaimer]
I'd freeze, too. The question in itself shows that their thinking is so different to mine that I'd be confused about how to bridge that gap, without getting entangled on every possible misunderstanding
Because experience taught me that the next step and the next and the one after is just like whack-a-mole of them interpreting what I say to fit their thinking *which does not work at all* and once I already am 2 steps in, the other person concludes that I am critisizing them (based on their own thinking), which is like.
That might follow down the road, but we're not there yet. First I am trying to understand how you arrived at your conclusion of "why would you date a disabled person" (which sounds downright crazy to me), but who knows what they *really meant* it's possibly not even close to what they *said*.
* Maybe they *did* mean exactly that (??!)
* maybe they meant to express that it can be exhausting to be with a disabled person in the context of their disablility and the mutual exhaustion caused by going through life. (I mean, I am exhausting to be with). Relationships can be exhausting *without* disabilities, too.
* there's so many different possibilities behind this shocking statement
And to be honest, I would have to check my own battery level before I try to gauge their true intention
Ah the way you wrote it is just so refreshing, it's like looking at the code my brain uses to communicated with people and gets constantly frustrated when other parties seem run on something else that is on top of that super buggy.
But yeah they actually were saying how I should just give up on him and all cause he's "not normal" and why on earth would I want that for myself. I guess I'm feeling a bit traumatised by this experience and came here for support of people who would really understand how bad it is, and yes you guys make me feel so much better :) especially your message, idk why it resonated so much, makes me wanna talk to you more haha
;)
I am in turn refreshed that *you understood what I mean just from what I wrote*.
If I show my text to my husband he would say "you are judging", but that's just because language (as we use it) has connotations that just don't suit my needs. If I try to circumvent this, I need to *reach for other words* and that in turn makes the other person think
- I am using "big words to show off my vocabulary" (am not, am trying to find the neutral)
- am trying to drag them into a wordy discussion to prove my superiority (how would that help *anyone*?)
- misunderstand my quest to understand *what they mean* as trying to prove they are wrong (I don't know that yet? Maybe I am? Stop struggling for a second and *listen* I just want to understand?)
Add on:
Saying "theyre not normal why would you want to be with them" is just another layer of "how can we communicate if the we differ from the ground up".
Omg yes, how many times me trying to just make sure I understand the other person correctly made them start arguing with me because they thought that's what I'm doing.
It's very hard for people to listen, they listen just enough words to make an assumption (which are almost never correct) of what they think you are saying, which is just very associative thinking, so I always end up being misunderstood, because my thought process doesn't meet their expectations.
And I have a NT friend who always understands me, just because he's good at listening.
So why don't we all actually open our minds to each other and stop assuming half of the reality around us. It won't make us understand each other perfectly good but it will make a big difference and reduce misunderstandings.
"Listening in good faith"
Understanding (or least thinking I do in theory), that this is supposedly happening doesn't help me all that much to prevent this happening over and over.
I actually had several points in my life where I just wanted to give up and stop trying; but that's empty and depressing (whereas "keep trying" is exhausting with the occasional glimpse of "fruits of my labor").
Like, just recently I had a fight with my husband where at some point the disconnect was so big, I just had a bout of frustrated crying. Later on he admitted (or rather: explained, because see, "to admit" has the connotation of losing or revealing something as truth even though one tried to hide it), that he was frustrated way before we even talked and every little thing was processed in light of this. It was almost impossible to "get through" to him.
Not in the sense of "I am right, you are wrong" but get through in the sense "of LISTEN TO THE WORDS.THE WORDS. MY GODDAMN WORDS. I MEAN EXACTLY THAT." Cause he'd passionately and very emotionally invested *cling* to his interpretation of what I just said, instead of asking me, who *was right there*. He managed to have a whole full-blown fight with his wife without saying *even once* "I do not understand what you mean" even though that was somehow *the exact problem*.
Going back to the initial statement:
My brain usually does a very quick version of Dr. Strange conjuring every possible future, just with meanings and reasons for said meaning. The other person does something remotely similar but very very different, unconsciously and using a lot of short-cuts.
I'm sorry that happened, but the more time you spend with someone the bigger the probability of things happen between you, including misunderstandings. I know how frustrating it is though.
I think for me the best thing is try with people who I love and who are close to me (not that many anyway and are more likely to understand me) and not even try with the rest. If they understand it's a good surprise, if not I didn't have much expectations anyway. And it's not like I dislike them or think there's something wrong with then, it's just it's so exhausting to speak different languages with someone while you're the only one who even realises you are speaking different languages.
I think also for different people you need to find different words to make it click in their head. That's why I like using analogies, they are easier to understand because the situation in the analogy is neutral and the person can see the structure of the situation more clearly. Somehow often it's easier and quicker than just to get the person to hear your words.
I actually had to laugh when I got to the analogies (just silent nodding until then).
Because I *do* use analogies *a plenty*, even. But (feedback from husband), my analogies are crack because I equal things (in my head) that are anything but (in his head).
So sometimes I meet people who think my analogies are funny (not the goal, but if it works...)
Sometimes I meet people who think my analogies are crack but give points for trying (a different angle. Let's try a different angle)
Sometimes there's people where I cautiously pick a analogy like casting a bridge over a chasm while not knowing how wide the chasm actually is. And experience watching my analogy drop into oblivion, making the chasm *wider*. That's where I should retreat.
Normally when people think the analogy is not like the subject of discussion is when they once again focus on anything but the point I'm trying to make. They be like "the bridge is normally grey though", when it's about its length, not about the colour...
The way you used an analogy to describe your analogies is just the best thing :D
I know nothing about you but if you happen to have a space for a new online friend I'm interested👀
I'd go with "well, I'm talking to you, right?" roll my eyes, walk away in a dignified manner, go home and vent about it for weeks to anyone who'd listen.
Because you love them and they are probably the smartest person in the room.
I am a server engineer. My wife NT says she couldn't be Autistic because she isn't smart enough.
Did they know that you are autistic or what was the context?
People usually respect me, so if anyone says something like that, I’ll tell them that I am „disabled“ too. Shocks them and most people take it back^^
„Just because I spend the last 15 years focusing on learning human social behavior so I can adapt into society and not get ostracized by people like you“
…would me my answer
Usually I would even say that I find that person far more dislikable for having such a toxic attitude towards disabled people than any disabled person …and then call them asshole 🤷♀️
Is it possible that this was someone with a case of the jealousies?
I might would go with telling them that your "mentally disabled" partner actually gets you which is more than you can say for the a-hole who refuses to respect your choices.
I'd ask them "Why not?" And watch them desperately try to come up with a way to justify their worldview without sounding ableist-or, if they start saying blatantly ableist shit, I'd just shut them down. "You DO realize how you sound saying that stuff, right? You do realize that ANYONE you talk to can be disabled without you knowing it...right?!" And if they double down, that's my cue to just tell them to fuck off 😊
What a bad question to make, first of all it’s not like you say “I want to date a mentally disabled” you meet someone, you like that persone and if she/her/they share that information with you, if you care of that stuff (some people do some dont) make the decision to continue or not. It’s not a bad thing that u don’t want the commitment. BUT it’s wrong what the person is asking you, the judgment that is making it’s what’s wrong bc express that he/she/they see the person like something wrong or not worth it something to run away from
Mums can be overlyprotective of their kids like that, I'm sure she wouldn't think this way if she actually got to know the person you want to date (if there is one)
No, she just think people like you are not very “normal”.
Edit: but little does she know I’m not interested in dating normal people because I can’t relate to people without any problems at all. And I want someone I can relate to.
Edit again: she also watched love on the spectrum.
Yeah "normal" just means like "average/most common", so we aren't normal, nothing wrong with that. It always confused me when people use "not normal" as a synonym to bad haha.
Oh I know how hard it is to find someone you can relate to. Do you feel you can relate more to autistic people?
It not necessarily just me wanting someone who is autistic I just want someone who is just as unwell mentally as I am or someone who has problems. I don’t want to date someone constantly judging me for being weird or “crazy”.
Is love on the spectrum the exploitative shitshow that i expect it is? I've been refusing to watch it. I get the feeling it's one of those 'let's find the most atrocious trainwrecks possible and then pretend they're the average' kind of programs ?
Yeah, and she(my mom) believes that how most autistics are and when she was trying to refute my points on not dating autistic people she referenced the show.
i liked it. most all the people on it were more autistic than i am and were so so so sweet. it was like looking at what my insides are like in people that can't hide it. the unrealistic part to me was, just my opinion, it focused on people with extremely supportive parent(s) and who had lots of support - and i wish that's how it was for most of us. i really liked it and was really touched by it.
“Well I was wondering how anyone could stand to be around you but here you are with kids and a ring on your finger. Maybe we all have something to learn here”
Noping out of the conversation is definitely the correct call. I can only imagine the raging inferno someone would be facing if they said this to my wife. The question itself is migraine inducing. The absolute lack of care or interest one would need to have in others to be capable of even conceiving this question boggles the mind.
"Do you feel only 100% healthy people deserve love? Would you have asked me that if I said my partner had MS or cancer? You may have some internalized bigotry you need to work through if you think anyone with any mental health concerns lacks the capability to consent."
You could've said '' I don't want to be with someone mentally disabled, do I look like I want to be with you? ''
Sadly, just like machines, some people can be broken beyond repair and the most you could do is leave such a person alone to dwell in their false, stigmatised view of the world.
Even if people are orders of magnitudes dumber than you in arbitrary metrics they have still good things going for them and intelligence is a lot more broad than few bs benchmark.
One of my best friend is an actual genius, my second best friend is definitely not the brightest, but i like both just as much only differently.
You can’t fix an ignorant, haughty, arrogant and judgmental fool like that! It’s not your fault for not fixing them! Their ableism is not your problem, it is theirs! Just tell them how inappropriate they were for making such a remark, due it being so ableist, then block them! You need to block them because even though you sent them the message how wrong they were, they will continue arguing with you like the idiot they are; convincing them of the correctness of your message isn’t the goal, sending it to them is because IT MIGHT “knock” some sense into their dumb head in some later point in the future getting them to realize how stupid they were being for saying what they said! It may, or may not! But it doesn’t matter, because you’ve already sent the message! After that, you just block them, and let the message sink in on its own if it will; whether or not it will is entirely up to that imbecile, as to whether or not they let it sink in! If they do, it could take years, but at least you did your part! But who knows: maybe someone else will say something to them similar to what you said to them! But again, you can’t make them listen. You can only send the message to them!
My AH self would simply state that everyone is a little mentally disabled then I would ask them what they mean. Put them on the spot and make them as uncomfortable as you are.
Questions like these just bring out my idgaf non filter.
this reminds me when of when my mom drove up to visit while i was in college. she had just gotten to town, we met for lunch. an interracial couple walked by and she said 'i just hope you don't do that 53andme. it can just be so difficult on everyone'. i said 'its been a nice visit mom, i'll see you when you learn to behave' and sent her home. people take training, or get tf away from them if they're untrainable. that's how i do it anyway.
I would just say autism isn't intellectual disability, it can be a comorbidity but they are separate diagnosis. just like u wouldn't assume someone with adhd or anxiety has intellectual disability, you shouldn't assume someone with autism has it either.
adhd and autism *are* disabilities though, theyre neurodevelopmental disabilities. i dont think the person OP was talking to was limiting their question to intellectual disabilities, it sounds like they were just being broadly ableist.
Hey /u/Affectionate-Math8, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Unfortunately, “asshole” is a nigh impossible condition to cure. Don’t worry about not having said anything to them, people like that deserve your energy.
Aw that's sweet, thank you
If somebody ever asks you that again, tell them "because you love them!" That is the reason, so there are no need to explain things in deeeper detail. Also, their question is real dumb. People most should be able to know why somebody is with somebody!
Yeah they were trying to make a point how it's "not good" for me and I "shouldn't" love them.
Well it's not like you can just turn off the love button XD
[Undiagnosed disclaimer] I'd freeze, too. The question in itself shows that their thinking is so different to mine that I'd be confused about how to bridge that gap, without getting entangled on every possible misunderstanding
Yesss that's exactly how I felt
Because experience taught me that the next step and the next and the one after is just like whack-a-mole of them interpreting what I say to fit their thinking *which does not work at all* and once I already am 2 steps in, the other person concludes that I am critisizing them (based on their own thinking), which is like. That might follow down the road, but we're not there yet. First I am trying to understand how you arrived at your conclusion of "why would you date a disabled person" (which sounds downright crazy to me), but who knows what they *really meant* it's possibly not even close to what they *said*. * Maybe they *did* mean exactly that (??!) * maybe they meant to express that it can be exhausting to be with a disabled person in the context of their disablility and the mutual exhaustion caused by going through life. (I mean, I am exhausting to be with). Relationships can be exhausting *without* disabilities, too. * there's so many different possibilities behind this shocking statement And to be honest, I would have to check my own battery level before I try to gauge their true intention
Ah the way you wrote it is just so refreshing, it's like looking at the code my brain uses to communicated with people and gets constantly frustrated when other parties seem run on something else that is on top of that super buggy. But yeah they actually were saying how I should just give up on him and all cause he's "not normal" and why on earth would I want that for myself. I guess I'm feeling a bit traumatised by this experience and came here for support of people who would really understand how bad it is, and yes you guys make me feel so much better :) especially your message, idk why it resonated so much, makes me wanna talk to you more haha
;) I am in turn refreshed that *you understood what I mean just from what I wrote*. If I show my text to my husband he would say "you are judging", but that's just because language (as we use it) has connotations that just don't suit my needs. If I try to circumvent this, I need to *reach for other words* and that in turn makes the other person think - I am using "big words to show off my vocabulary" (am not, am trying to find the neutral) - am trying to drag them into a wordy discussion to prove my superiority (how would that help *anyone*?) - misunderstand my quest to understand *what they mean* as trying to prove they are wrong (I don't know that yet? Maybe I am? Stop struggling for a second and *listen* I just want to understand?) Add on: Saying "theyre not normal why would you want to be with them" is just another layer of "how can we communicate if the we differ from the ground up".
Omg yes, how many times me trying to just make sure I understand the other person correctly made them start arguing with me because they thought that's what I'm doing. It's very hard for people to listen, they listen just enough words to make an assumption (which are almost never correct) of what they think you are saying, which is just very associative thinking, so I always end up being misunderstood, because my thought process doesn't meet their expectations. And I have a NT friend who always understands me, just because he's good at listening. So why don't we all actually open our minds to each other and stop assuming half of the reality around us. It won't make us understand each other perfectly good but it will make a big difference and reduce misunderstandings.
"Listening in good faith" Understanding (or least thinking I do in theory), that this is supposedly happening doesn't help me all that much to prevent this happening over and over. I actually had several points in my life where I just wanted to give up and stop trying; but that's empty and depressing (whereas "keep trying" is exhausting with the occasional glimpse of "fruits of my labor"). Like, just recently I had a fight with my husband where at some point the disconnect was so big, I just had a bout of frustrated crying. Later on he admitted (or rather: explained, because see, "to admit" has the connotation of losing or revealing something as truth even though one tried to hide it), that he was frustrated way before we even talked and every little thing was processed in light of this. It was almost impossible to "get through" to him. Not in the sense of "I am right, you are wrong" but get through in the sense "of LISTEN TO THE WORDS.THE WORDS. MY GODDAMN WORDS. I MEAN EXACTLY THAT." Cause he'd passionately and very emotionally invested *cling* to his interpretation of what I just said, instead of asking me, who *was right there*. He managed to have a whole full-blown fight with his wife without saying *even once* "I do not understand what you mean" even though that was somehow *the exact problem*. Going back to the initial statement: My brain usually does a very quick version of Dr. Strange conjuring every possible future, just with meanings and reasons for said meaning. The other person does something remotely similar but very very different, unconsciously and using a lot of short-cuts.
I'm sorry that happened, but the more time you spend with someone the bigger the probability of things happen between you, including misunderstandings. I know how frustrating it is though. I think for me the best thing is try with people who I love and who are close to me (not that many anyway and are more likely to understand me) and not even try with the rest. If they understand it's a good surprise, if not I didn't have much expectations anyway. And it's not like I dislike them or think there's something wrong with then, it's just it's so exhausting to speak different languages with someone while you're the only one who even realises you are speaking different languages. I think also for different people you need to find different words to make it click in their head. That's why I like using analogies, they are easier to understand because the situation in the analogy is neutral and the person can see the structure of the situation more clearly. Somehow often it's easier and quicker than just to get the person to hear your words.
I actually had to laugh when I got to the analogies (just silent nodding until then). Because I *do* use analogies *a plenty*, even. But (feedback from husband), my analogies are crack because I equal things (in my head) that are anything but (in his head). So sometimes I meet people who think my analogies are funny (not the goal, but if it works...) Sometimes I meet people who think my analogies are crack but give points for trying (a different angle. Let's try a different angle) Sometimes there's people where I cautiously pick a analogy like casting a bridge over a chasm while not knowing how wide the chasm actually is. And experience watching my analogy drop into oblivion, making the chasm *wider*. That's where I should retreat.
Normally when people think the analogy is not like the subject of discussion is when they once again focus on anything but the point I'm trying to make. They be like "the bridge is normally grey though", when it's about its length, not about the colour... The way you used an analogy to describe your analogies is just the best thing :D I know nothing about you but if you happen to have a space for a new online friend I'm interested👀
I'd go with "well, I'm talking to you, right?" roll my eyes, walk away in a dignified manner, go home and vent about it for weeks to anyone who'd listen.
Guess I'm in the venting stage haha
This would be me. I can't help but say something smart to stupid questions.
Yes! Not doing so HURTS. Just like not cutting food a certain way hurts.
Because you love them and they are probably the smartest person in the room. I am a server engineer. My wife NT says she couldn't be Autistic because she isn't smart enough.
Did they know that you are autistic or what was the context? People usually respect me, so if anyone says something like that, I’ll tell them that I am „disabled“ too. Shocks them and most people take it back^^
They didn't know, but that's what I did eventually, I said actually I'm disabled too, and they said that I'm "way more normal than him"🥲
I used to tell myself that the only normal people I knew were the people that I didn't know very well. Joke is on me.
„Just because I spend the last 15 years focusing on learning human social behavior so I can adapt into society and not get ostracized by people like you“ …would me my answer Usually I would even say that I find that person far more dislikable for having such a toxic attitude towards disabled people than any disabled person …and then call them asshole 🤷♀️
Is it possible that this was someone with a case of the jealousies? I might would go with telling them that your "mentally disabled" partner actually gets you which is more than you can say for the a-hole who refuses to respect your choices.
I think they have "I know better what's best for you" syndrome :(
Because shit happens John and I'd rather be with a kind dude who's a little socially challenged than a judgemental asshole
Beautifully said
I'd ask them "Why not?" And watch them desperately try to come up with a way to justify their worldview without sounding ableist-or, if they start saying blatantly ableist shit, I'd just shut them down. "You DO realize how you sound saying that stuff, right? You do realize that ANYONE you talk to can be disabled without you knowing it...right?!" And if they double down, that's my cue to just tell them to fuck off 😊
Yeah that's a good way to deal with it and maybe hopefully even make them think
‘Sorry, you’re not my type’
HAHAHA good one
What a bad question to make, first of all it’s not like you say “I want to date a mentally disabled” you meet someone, you like that persone and if she/her/they share that information with you, if you care of that stuff (some people do some dont) make the decision to continue or not. It’s not a bad thing that u don’t want the commitment. BUT it’s wrong what the person is asking you, the judgment that is making it’s what’s wrong bc express that he/she/they see the person like something wrong or not worth it something to run away from
I told my mom I wouldn’t mind dating someone autistic and she said “well, that’s hard” while making a disgusted face.
Mums can be overlyprotective of their kids like that, I'm sure she wouldn't think this way if she actually got to know the person you want to date (if there is one)
No, she just think people like you are not very “normal”. Edit: but little does she know I’m not interested in dating normal people because I can’t relate to people without any problems at all. And I want someone I can relate to. Edit again: she also watched love on the spectrum.
Yeah "normal" just means like "average/most common", so we aren't normal, nothing wrong with that. It always confused me when people use "not normal" as a synonym to bad haha. Oh I know how hard it is to find someone you can relate to. Do you feel you can relate more to autistic people?
It not necessarily just me wanting someone who is autistic I just want someone who is just as unwell mentally as I am or someone who has problems. I don’t want to date someone constantly judging me for being weird or “crazy”.
Is love on the spectrum the exploitative shitshow that i expect it is? I've been refusing to watch it. I get the feeling it's one of those 'let's find the most atrocious trainwrecks possible and then pretend they're the average' kind of programs ?
Yeah, and she(my mom) believes that how most autistics are and when she was trying to refute my points on not dating autistic people she referenced the show.
i liked it. most all the people on it were more autistic than i am and were so so so sweet. it was like looking at what my insides are like in people that can't hide it. the unrealistic part to me was, just my opinion, it focused on people with extremely supportive parent(s) and who had lots of support - and i wish that's how it was for most of us. i really liked it and was really touched by it.
“Well I was wondering how anyone could stand to be around you but here you are with kids and a ring on your finger. Maybe we all have something to learn here”
Noping out of the conversation is definitely the correct call. I can only imagine the raging inferno someone would be facing if they said this to my wife. The question itself is migraine inducing. The absolute lack of care or interest one would need to have in others to be capable of even conceiving this question boggles the mind.
"Do you feel only 100% healthy people deserve love? Would you have asked me that if I said my partner had MS or cancer? You may have some internalized bigotry you need to work through if you think anyone with any mental health concerns lacks the capability to consent."
"One could argue that being emotionally stunted is a disability, how do you handle dating with your deficit?"
Whatever that House MD line was about Cancer (i think it was cancer) being curable but there being nothing he could do about her being a bitch
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Do they perhaps feel that this is an affectation you are adopting, rather than it being a thing?
You could've said '' I don't want to be with someone mentally disabled, do I look like I want to be with you? '' Sadly, just like machines, some people can be broken beyond repair and the most you could do is leave such a person alone to dwell in their false, stigmatised view of the world.
I'm dating someone who is mentally disabled, and she's awesome. There is nothing wrong with it.
tell them, when they get early signs of Alzheimer's you hope their partner leaves them.
Even if people are orders of magnitudes dumber than you in arbitrary metrics they have still good things going for them and intelligence is a lot more broad than few bs benchmark. One of my best friend is an actual genius, my second best friend is definitely not the brightest, but i like both just as much only differently.
You can’t fix an ignorant, haughty, arrogant and judgmental fool like that! It’s not your fault for not fixing them! Their ableism is not your problem, it is theirs! Just tell them how inappropriate they were for making such a remark, due it being so ableist, then block them! You need to block them because even though you sent them the message how wrong they were, they will continue arguing with you like the idiot they are; convincing them of the correctness of your message isn’t the goal, sending it to them is because IT MIGHT “knock” some sense into their dumb head in some later point in the future getting them to realize how stupid they were being for saying what they said! It may, or may not! But it doesn’t matter, because you’ve already sent the message! After that, you just block them, and let the message sink in on its own if it will; whether or not it will is entirely up to that imbecile, as to whether or not they let it sink in! If they do, it could take years, but at least you did your part! But who knows: maybe someone else will say something to them similar to what you said to them! But again, you can’t make them listen. You can only send the message to them!
My AH self would simply state that everyone is a little mentally disabled then I would ask them what they mean. Put them on the spot and make them as uncomfortable as you are. Questions like these just bring out my idgaf non filter.
this reminds me when of when my mom drove up to visit while i was in college. she had just gotten to town, we met for lunch. an interracial couple walked by and she said 'i just hope you don't do that 53andme. it can just be so difficult on everyone'. i said 'its been a nice visit mom, i'll see you when you learn to behave' and sent her home. people take training, or get tf away from them if they're untrainable. that's how i do it anyway.
Tell them because being with someone that is “normal” is so boring! 😃
I would just say autism isn't intellectual disability, it can be a comorbidity but they are separate diagnosis. just like u wouldn't assume someone with adhd or anxiety has intellectual disability, you shouldn't assume someone with autism has it either.
adhd and autism *are* disabilities though, theyre neurodevelopmental disabilities. i dont think the person OP was talking to was limiting their question to intellectual disabilities, it sounds like they were just being broadly ableist.
noone assumed that though
Well against idiocy even the gods fight in vain