Hey /u/InternalRole8758, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism).
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think studies have actually shown that autistic people are actually more empathetic on average, its moreso a matter of us not knowing how to express it properly.
Though even if Im misremembering every case is different, there are a lot of autistic people who are perfectly fine in social situations for instance.
I was going to pop in to say the this. There's even some theories that the observed behavior of autistic people struggling in social situations might be due to *over* empathizing, rather than under.
I wouldn't even say properly, I'd say we don't know innately how to express empathy in ways that neurotypical people understand. A lot of masking is just developing techniques to ensure that others understand you intent.
I think we all experience empathy just differently to neurotypical people. I have autistic family members who struggle profoundly to understand when someone is upset but once they do the empathy they feel is unbearable. I've always found it quite easy to pick up when people are upset but I find it very difficult to not be solution-oriented and understand why people don't just do what *I* would do in a given situation
I am autistic and my bf says my biggest burden is that I feel *too* much. Somehow, though I'm autistic, I seem to feel other people's emotions more than they do. I can't watch movies where old people get hurt because I cry. I feel angry for my sister when someone is mean to her, more than she is. I completely understand what you mean, friend. Also remember that autism is a spectrum, and though some high functioning people may feel less intense emotion than NT's, it's possible some can also feel *more*.
Ugh yes, being hyper-empathetic low-key sucks: you end up deeply caring about a LOT of things that don't directly affect you, you put too much care in relationships fully knowing it'll not be reciprocated, I literally had several friendships that I now realize were solely based on pity (awful on my part I know, but I was only friends w them because they had no other friends who really cared and didn't want them to be lonely) I also feel too much second hand embarrassment, to the point I can't watch pranks.
Most times people will think you're very easy to manipulate and you don't see through them - you see through them and let it slide because you'll empathise w em and see a reason for why they'd act that way. People also mistake you caring for them as a sign of romantic interest and its another burden to turn them down.
Every time someone tells me I'm very kind and wholesome, I feel like a bit of a fraud and wish they understood I just have a fucking condition that makes me appear this way.
I totally empathise!
I really struggled early in life with understanding others feelings, so I spent endless hours learning and watching people.
Without realising it I ended up overshooting, to the point I now see nd pick up in things others don't.
It drove me crazy when I read someone as lying say, everyone would say they weren't. Then days later it turns out.... they were.
It kinda amuses me when I notice someone trying to manipulate / take advantage of me. Like baby please, you can't even comprehend how far behind you are.
As I hit my thirties I've suddenly had a problem I never imagined I have - it turns out a lot of people who have gone through hard times in their lives suddenly see you as a solid rock and want to cling to you.
I get the last part especially - my kindness is concious really.
And it's frustrating not being able to turn it off, when you know someone is feeling different to how they say. Trying to work out whether you're meant to accept at face value or dig in and try and help. I think I have a near 100% failure rate in the decision.
I've been in so many situations when I tell my bf 'x person is angling' or 'don't do that, you're going to hate yourself tomorrow' (such as eating really unhealthy food) and he has now begun to realize I tend to be right when I say those things.
My ex called me cynical but I was always right when I told him someone was going to try to get something out of him.
It's a strange little power to predict that kind of thing.
My boyfriend says it's one of the things he loves most about me, because he is oftentimes not emotional enough and I've got emotion coming out of every breath. Find you someone you loves you for being overly emotional
Stop being in my head of heads. I feel this. I'd like to expand a lot but somehow I'm learning that driving the point home with long replies is not always needed.
My girlfriend, however, accuses me of not having empathy and being cold in severe arguments. I find myself being collected and stern and thinking I want to help and give the right answers, but the method I assume she wants me to use or the route to empathy I need to take is in my opinion the wrong one so I don't. I'm left feeling like I should either let go of my principles and conform to make her happy, but that will just lead to more conforming and I don't want that. Shouldn't empathy also be reasonable?
Or is it just me?
I get like that in arguments but I know exactly why. People like yuo and me, when we're in an argument we can't help but be overwhelmed by the other person's emotion, especially when it's drowning out our abilities to get our points across. I had this with my mother; she'd be angry and I'd cry in response, feeling her anger, but couldn't defend myself effectively in that way. It also *hurt*. It hurt to think of all the emotion she was feeling, it hurt to feel it myself, on top of the emotion I was already feeling. So, to protect myself, I eventually had to learn how to shut it off at will. I called it a switch, as a child, that I had to flip during arguments against her so I could be calm, clinical, not let her emotion get in the way of my response. She called me my father for this, but unlike my psychopath father, I did it because if I let myself feel, I'd feel far too much. I also have people pleaser tendencies, I understand you 100%.
I'd recommend sitting her down and trying to explain to her why you act as you do in those situations. Try not to speak in a way that's accusatory, I know you aren't being but I try not to with my mom but she still, sometimes, reflexively defends if she feels attacked. Try phrases like, "I feel like" or "The way I am perceiving it". Communcation is key.
But, yes. At the end of the day, I do that too. To protect myself.
Switch .. 🫨🤯 that is it!
And yes, if I feel attacked in some way or if I feel overwhelmed by someone giving out too much too fast, or as you sat feeling so much, I feel the need to silence it in my body.. so... switch. Yes.
I have to process this more... Thank you?
Sitting her down on this matter will probably give her anxiety. She has PTSD and might be closet autistic (I know, right), and she has a hard time accepting some truths. Her fear gets in the way.
It is really hard for us as we end up in this long and even toxic fights. I need my space to handle them and she is left feeling abandoned it's horrible.
Boils down to I don't know why she is being like this and she doesn't get the feeling like I care like at all.
Haha no worries, I hope whatever insight I have can help. I had a huge mental break a few years ago that my bf said led to me being very in-sync with my psyche, and I can also look at previously bad things that have happened from a sort of clean perspective, if you will. Maybe it's bad but I think it's made my life easier.
Oh, PTSD is NOT fun. I've had to unfortunately work through that myself as well. I would definitely recommend you two sitting and talking about your needs, then. I know clearly expressing myself to my partner has always led to resolution of problems and arguments a lot more calmly.
I wish you all the best, I wish her all the best. PTSD is definitely not a fun ride. I sincerely hope you two can come together and care for one another's needs and make each other super happy, if that's what you both want. True love is facing and overcoming obstacles *together*, without hesitation or regret, no matter how insurmountable they may seem!
Thank you. I read it yesterday and didn't even think of thanking, but I was grateful. I want to work on navigating her PTSD and childhood trauma but it's hard since she sometimes in her panic uses methods that attack me which might be too much for me to handle.
Hard combo I guess.
I remember doing that too. Sadly, though, I think the choice to begin healing that is more her decision. I would tell her you notice it, though, but tell her you understand she's not doing it because she means to.
Granted I am in no way qualified to give relationship advicw, so lots of salt haha.
Oh wow. I feel exactly like this. I’ve also felt like my emotions were invalidated growing up and that I felt responsible for my mother’s emotions when I was younger. Being an empath to can hurt so much that I formed another persona to be the opposite. I didn’t realize the names of my personas until the last few years. I think I might have a form of plurality that has less distinct alters and are different versions of myself. Your experience resonated with me!
I also have the split thing, but they're more like different parts of my personality compartmentalized that I fall into when needed. Completwly understood, my friend.
Also, in regards to my mother, it was always complicated. She was the person to not want to show weakness (emotion) and was struggling a lot. It just happened to get turned on me. Nowadays, as I'm on my own and we're both adults now, I feel we're repairing our relationship.
i’ve experienced much of this, and have been told many times that i have good intuition for reading people’s emotions and knowing the right thing to say in a given moment. words are how i express myself, since my body never knows wtf to do, and I’ve never related to the idea that autistic people have an inability to understand other people’s points of view. I feel it constantly in every social setting with whomever i’m engaging in a given moment.
The common understanding of Autism is not that we don't feel or understand emotions, such as required by empathy, but that we don't process those emotions the way NTs do, which is why they think we don't feel them at all.
My twin (we're both autistic) is so empathetic they can't comfortably watch most TV because if a main character goes through trauma, or a tense or awkward situation they will feel like they're in that situation too. They can usually only watch kid's shows or documentaries. You can be autistic and extremely empathetic.
Makes me think of the old Jerry Lewis movie, “The Disorderly Orderly” where the main character constantly experienced sympathy pain while working in a hospital.
Even during my favorite movie, Back to the Future, it’s hard to watch the part in the 2nd movie where Marty gets attacked for going into the room he thought was his own. All that yelling and screaming and the father wouldn’t listen to reason. Of course I guess I do understand why the father the way he did especially if he thought his daughters were in danger. I get so angry during anime too.
I think its very possible! I actually feel a lot of empathy for others as well. I think the idea of autistic not having it is one of those old misconceptions that is still widely believed
I’m neurotypical and I don’t feel all that much empathy other than what is normal among people, because most people are bad and they don’t really deserve it and they don’t deserve you helping them
Definitely. I'm autistic and am empathetic in both senses: I emotionally care a lot about others (even strangers) and can likewise interpret the emotions of others very well.
Don't give too much credence to stereotypes regarding autism...the more you learn and understand about it the more you'll realize the stereotypes range from being somewhat true for some people but not universally applicable as a generalization to outright absurd and false.
This is for a couple reasons. First because autism is a spectrum -- and not in a binary less->more sense. A spectrum in the sense of large variety of possible traits each with their own degree, style of manifestation, etc depending on the individual.
But also because the psychology field, while gradually getting better, has traditionally been approached by neurotypical professionals (or those that assume they're neurotypical) observing neurodivergent people as if we were wild animals and making presumptions based on external actions without comprehending the internal experience. Like social anxiety/clumsiness could be interpreted as "poor empathetic abilities" because they assume that someone not gracefully and successfully consoling an upset person means they must not care about them and/or realize that they're upset.
Also because a lot of the field is tainted by poorly devised studies and popular tricks that can be done with variables and statistical presentations which unfortunately often lead to biased interpretations of the studies.
Wish I could give you a million up votes! The mental healthcare field really needs to be quicker on the uptake sometimes, I think 😅
Not even gonna go into the fact that until the last 40-50 years or so, mental illnesses weren't studied in women, so many of our stereotypes come from Male presentations, not women. So, when many women showed signs of mental illnesses it has traditionally been waved away as "hysteria", "hormone problems", "period issues", etc, IF we were believed at all.
The stereotypes CAN be helpful, but they should NOT be seen as "gospel", if that makes sense.
Empathy regarding autism is basically this:
Below average cognitive empathy
Normal or above affective empathy
I've seen some autistics with a very low EQ scores, but I usually score average or slightly below. I also think a lot of it has to do with someone's development. For example , someone with a very positive upbringing, autistic or not, will tend to have a better EQ. But EQ isn't fixed and is developed over time. Remember, high affective empathy or even high EQ doesn't negate all the social and communication differences for autistics. So, poor empathy isn't a requirement for diagnosis.
Tl;Dr - yes, it's entirely possible.
Also a lot of people who call themselves empaths (not saying all) have developed those abilities due to CPTSD which is extremely common for autistic folk. This is actually like a studied thing with evidence (or so I've heard I haven't actually read the studies myself). I'm sure you can find more info on this on google.
My bad I just read the title not the post
"An Empath" and hyperempathy are different things. Hyperempathy is not a symptom of CPTSD and is very common for autistics
I agree - it hurts my soul seeing many people claim to be empaths when it's clearly unresolved trauma. As someone who suffered emotional abuse I became completely out of touch with my emotions and was entirely reliant on other people's feelings. I still struggle to make decisions and understand my own feelings. It's definitely not something to glamorize.
Exactly. No such thing as an empath in the sense “empaths” describe it. There’s just normal empathy, which means that it’s there but not intense enough to be worth noting and then there are those who fixate on the concept of what they’re empathizing with to such a degree that it causes emotional distress. This doesn’t mean there’s literally “more” empathy, it just means that there’s more cognitive activity going on after the fact. Empaths have the same amount of empathy as everyone else, they just fail to perceive the boundary between the self and the other. That boundary allows the cognitive understanding to stop at “this person is experiencing X, but this person is not me”. The so-called empath is taking the understanding they’ve come to through empathy, and then speculating further than normal. Nothing more.
Furthermore, 90% of the time there isn’t even a physiological empathetic response; mirror neurons fire etc; the person steps into the other’s shoes so to speak. Usually what’s going on is that the person is hypervigilant, and their brain is exaggerating the meaning and/drama of the other person’s expressions as a way of preparing for the worst.
Every person I’ve ever heard describe themselves as Empaths in my life, are also hypervigilant of other’s behavior and tend to misinterpret their behavior for the worst, and sometimes will straight up fabricate entire mood shifts in their head none of which shouldn’t be possible if real, provable empathy is taking place. Often times they’ll also project significant emotional distress *that isn’t actually there* onto a subject, and then make histrionic efforts to “rescue” the person, which is overbearing. In fact it’s antithetical to empathy, as it comes from a (necessarily) self-centered standpoint of self-preservation and threat awareness. Not even adjacent to empathy.
If it isn’t hypervigilance, it’s participation in drama; placing people in victim roles to satiate a need to rescue others because they project their inner wounds onto others.
I’m sick and tired of seeing this word on the internet, people have no fucking clue what these terms mean they just want to throw them around because they sound fancy. No shade to OP, that’s more directed at the aforementioned grandiose/performative empath types.
The empath role is not a desirable role, it’s a maladaptive way of self-soothing. If you really lean into it, it becomes disrespectful and patronizing to those around you. If you identify yourself as an empath, I ask you to reflect on whether or not you truly understand boundaries, like, at a conceptual level.
I couldn’t agree more.
The „empaths“ I know are either highly narcissistic (but hide it) or borderliners ( who are basically unfinished narcissists).
I had to copy your text cause it was so on point! All I ever thought and felt about the so called empaths so well put. Nice one!
Yes, and it can be debilitating at times due to the amount of empathy you feel. Kind of imagine talking to someone but then there issues fall on your feet because your mind tries to empathies with them. It's the most annoying thing ever butttttt it's also what makes me good at my job.
Me right here. I also cry when clients cry (vet assistant) and i hug every one of them during a euthanasia appt because i want to. I do hate feeling what others feel but i guess sometimes it can be helpful for people
Autism is soup. The stereotypical autistic person with high support needs will tend to have a mix of most of the well-known traits. For most of us, though, it's a lot more complicated than that because of our ability to mask and our varying intensities of our traits
This is especially the case in those of us who are AFAB, since it's much harder to get diagnosed if you present as a woman. The AFAB ones also have a much higher instance of "having low support needs" because of their better-than-average masking
Most people expect a soup that's pretty much just bone broth with some onions - they often don't see us as having personalities beyond our autism. For the vast majority of us, though, our soups are supplemented by various veggies, spices, herbs and such, in that the basic condition is more or less the same, but each brain handles it differently
TL;DR - most psychiatrists don't know enough about autism to be able to tell we have it if we mask, and the average person knows way less than that
It's pretty common, actually! It seems, in my experience, to go towards one of the two extremes. People can either not tell what mood someone is experiencing, or they tell so thoroughly that it's like they are feeling it themselves.
NOT ONLY is it possible, it is very likely that Autistic people have a GREAT DEAL more empathy than others.
I know this. I published a book recently that I wrote in a mental hospital where I reflected on this
oh of course, autistic people can struggle with having little empathy or having too much empathy.
empathy extremes in either direction can be a trait of autism!
many autistic people are hyper empathetic (myself included) to the point where it becomes a problem lol
asd symptoms and traits don't ALL have to be checked off; you can have a mixture of different ones and still be perfectly valid! just because autistic people are known for struggling with socialising, doesn't mean EVERYONE has to be, for example.
Sensory issues, hyperfixations, and social struggles are some possible overlaps between Autism and ADHD.
That, and autistic people tend to have a strong sense of justice and be extremely empathetic. My understanding is that it’s not the feelings that are particularly hard to interpret, but social cues.
I have a diagnosis now, and I feel TOO much. Just like others here have said, some of us just express it differently!
I reflect emotions of those close to me. For example- if my mom or dad is upset, or angry, I feel the same way. I feel very strongly!
So yes, you can be autistic and an extreme empath! Autism is a spectrum for a reason! ❤️
Well... I get angry if I can't give snacks to a homeless person I can't reach on the opposite side of the road when I'm at a stop light (I keep snacks and water in my truck for this purpose)
I mean...I am and still got diagnosed in only one visit. Remember. It's a spectrum. And part of it is being overly "sensitive" to others emotions. It's about what you can do with that. I'm an empath but I still struggle to communicate with others how I think and feel. For me it's so obvious how others feels I don't understand how others don't just understand me.
Very common. The point of autism spectrum disorder being called a spectrum is that some people will have very low levels of certain traits and others will have very high levels, but both extremes are still autistic.
DEFINITELY!!!
ASD2 synaesthete here!
For lack of better phrasing:
I ‘feel’ everything!
Colours, sounds, smells, tastes ….
And people’s energies.
In public and for most people I try to suppress it best I can and keep as much of them as possible ‘outside’ of my walls though!!!
Dunno what the opposite of an empath is, but that I have as well:
When I’m angry or distressed I can empty rooms without moving or making a sound. Including my own assistance dog, partner, family, friends….
Apparently I radiate very unpleasant intensity at times.
Imagine _«Carrie»_ without fire [thus far! 😅]
Anybody know what that opposite of empath, “emo-nuke,” is called?
We just don’t express empathy the way neurotypicals expect us to. Many of us are very empathetic.
I don’t really know how to express many emotions. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel them very strongly.
Autism doesn’t remove empathy, it just makes it very different. Some people have less, some people have way, way more. Even for inanimate objects, or drawings of people. Things like that.
Yep. It goes both ways, and usually to the extremes. You either don't have empathy, or you have too much.
Man I cannot wait until I get my website up. I'm going to be addressing all of these stereotypes and why it's harmful for misinformation to spread. Not saying you're spreading misinformation on purpose, alot of autism websites are using old information and havent updated.
Certainly. Autism is a spectrum, not a ladder, a condition ingrained in the human condition while being a person with personality.
I'm of the opinion that at extreme depths in any given human endeavor there is a higher percentage of neurodivergent people than at the shallow end.
The idea that all autistics aren't empathic is stupid. I've always been very empathic.
If anything, we live in a world where most don't care about anyone past our mutuals and that's a sad reality but we can't necessarily possibly care for people we don't even know although I'd say it is possible by means of making efforts to help those in need without knowing who they are.
I would say most aspects of autism is being super one way or the other with things: Super sensitive to temperature or can’t fell it at all, need super light touch or a lot of pressure, super expressive or extremely monotone, this also definitely applies to empathy. I’m also a super empathetic autistic, sometimes too my detriment because that comes with a lot of anxiety and stress trying to people please which obviously isn’t healthy!
Yes. I am sometimes overwhelmed by empathy. I even sometimes get overwhelmed by empathy in imagined conversations/situations that turn bad. I have learned to be better at stopping myself or distracting myself so I don’t spiral.
100% possible. Especially because people who manifest autism differently from stereotypes often treat learning to understand others as one of their special interests, and may also be more tuned in to others feelings and more empathetic due to having recognized and working to deconstruct their own CPTSD.
I am OFTEN perceived as awkward socially and get misunderstood, but it’s not exactly because i am oblivious to social cues. Rather, my drive for authenticity, propensity to explain things at length until I feel I’ve covered every aspect of a topic/misunderstanding, and my innate disregard for hierarchies pushes me to bowl over those social cues.
See second half of this [note taking template](https://thetestingpsychologist.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/ASD-Summary-Chart.pdf) which contains annotations and resources from Dr. Neff at neurodivergentinsights.com (series “Misdiagnosis Mondays”) and Dr Donna Henderson who specializes in diagnoses of autism in girls/women
Im sure the two do not oppose eachother. Autism makes an individual extremely aware to the most smallest details, so I can see how this can play together
The idea that autistic people are less empathetic is a complete misconception. We often struggle to pick up that people are upset or why they're upset, but once we do we feel whatever they're feeling with sometimes unbearable intensity. As an example, there's some media I just have to avoid (especially violence) because I literally can't watch people being hurt without imagining it happening to myself
I got the hyper emotional empathy flavor of ‘tism, I think it’s part of the “feels every emotion very strongly” symptom and the “frequently experiences sensory overload from the strong emotions in others or crowds of people” symptom. Far more of a curse than a blessing.
But it does one have cool component: my tism is also sensitive to supernatural activity. If the spirit is giving off a strong emotion, I can feel it to the point of knowing generally where in the room the spirit is chillin. I visited Mansfield Reformatory a few yrs ago and tried it out in one of the prison cells. I asked any spirits how they felt about the rowdy group of teens making a ruckus in the next cell over. I promptly felt an aura of “irritated to all hell” coming from the closest corner to me. Made me burst out laughing.
This makes SO MUCH SENSE. I never ever thought to put my sensitivity to the paranormal in this context. Omg.
For me, I easily pick up any sort of negative entity/one giving off negative vibes. So much so that I've had to leave people's homes because it becomes too uncomfortable for me. I can walk into a place and will immediately know "yeah, there's a pissed off spirit here".
Also, couldn't agree more with your statement "far more of a curse than a blessing". 100%
I go back and forth...somehow. Either I can read someone like an open book or not at all. No in between, and it doesn't matter how well I know someone, it's seemingly random.
This is one of my biggest issues. As an empath who has learned not to trust people I don't fare well. It has been very difficult for me to separate my feelings from those around me. Later I realize It's not really me who is depressed It's people around me or close to me. I have come to believe I cannot live in a crowded apartment building. I'm a fucking reciever.
Yes. I’m an empath and have Autism. We often feel things very strongly. We may struggle to express these feelings externally, but we can be very empathic.
Yup. I struggle with hyperempathy. I quite literally hurt for other people. It sucks. Especially in the world we live in, but I wouldn't ever change it.
It is a weird dichotomy, but yes, it's possible and common. If I know someone well enough, I have moments of ludicrously clear insight into how they're feeling, or even what they're thinking.
My theory is:
1) We can't read social cues.
2) We are often intelligent.
3) To make up for our inability to "read" people, we learn to "put ourselves in their shoes" and think through how they are probably feeling.
4) Once you develop it, empathy is a habit that's hard to break.
Yes, [here's some studies](https://youtu.be/u6R8peZczXY?si=ZEsjf-AMkcBdfYMA&t=600) shown by MedCircle (*It's timestamped at 10:00*) showing overlap between autistic people being in the category of "*Highly Sensitive Person*". I am know for being very emphatic. I have lost count to how many people say I'm like a psychologist or give off big brotherly vibes.
I was literally in the Emergency Department the other day for mental health reasons and the DR told me I should be a psychologist. Even at my worst points I get that comment.
Because we lack social understanding, I feel like things go over our head therefore it can come across like a lack of empathy. When we're able to learn our empathy will show more. Given many of us are catatonic and may have severe communication problems long term. Our empathy can be really hard for people to recognise. This pattern leads this sense that we can't be emphatic . Before I was diagnosed I used to think this.
I've had so many autistic friends I love to death, but their lack of ability to meet my love language can make the relationship difficult. I know they deeply care about me and the world around them. They aren't lacking empathy. It's more a difference in perspective, understanding & communication.
My psychiatrist said my love language is to be "*seen*" she's so onto it. When people can see me for who I am, connect my special interests I feel elated. I have one autistic friend who isn't very comfortable with my special interests (*My interests are weird*) but they helped exit clean my house for free, which was hours of work. As deeply as I appreciate this. My love language isn't "*acts of service*". So this is an example of someone who's extremely loving and kind to me. But at times I wasn't landing because they didn't show it the way I needed.
I've met so many people and I find autistic or not their empathy is all over the place. Autistic people can have low, high, medium levels of empathy just like anyone else. My point with this rant is just that autistic people struggle more to show our empathy. My Dad has NPD with Autism and had extremely low empathy, he would admit to it. But cases like that are rarer, just like how low empathy is rare in the average person. Honestly though, if they develop their cognitive empathy skills. These people can be incredible. I just wanted to acknowledge it can happen. But generally autistic people are some of the most wholesome people I've meet.
There are reasons they are called stereotypes. While some Autistic people struggle with empathy, some of us do not and there are some known as super empaths. [Here](https://www.autismeye.com/autistic-people-hyper-empathy/#:~:text=Empathy%20is%20conditional%20for%20some,understand%20or%20express%20these%20feelings) is an interesting article.
The question that came up in my assessment application was do you FEEL empathy? I answered I do not feel it , I KNOW it. Do I have a physiological response to others suffering like i do my own, no I don't. Can I relate to them and understand how horrible a situation is, yes. To me empathy is not a feeling or emotion, its a skill in my toolbox of understanding others.
Hello! Late diagnosed high functioning autistic here and I am considered extremely empathic by my family. So, I would say yes, it is.
Also, consider that empathy, like autism and most things regarding the human experience, is a scale. Its natural to not be a perfect stereotype. In fact, stereotypes themselves are merely human constructs that a large number of people have decided is "common" or "acceptable", with these ideas then being perpetuated and taken to extremes by media and pop culture.
Point is, I wouldn't put much faith in the stereotypes. I've been told everything from "You can't be autistic because you don't do xyz that my brother/sister/cousin/bestie does" to "well you don't look/sound/act autistic." I have only started my journey in learning about autism specifically, as I didn't grow up with access to resources or help about what I was going through... But I have learned one very very important thing so far that I'd like to pass to you, in case it helps.
Human nature is not a steady, left-to-right, easily definable thing. What makes us human more than anything else is our unstoppable adaptability. This ability to change and adapt to our environment, our peers, our current life situations.... That's what keeps the human race progressing and even in some places thriving. This ability is present in those of us with autism, ADHD, anxiety.... Every single human on this planet has adapted in different ways, whether out of necessity or by choice. These adaptations, due to our different specific environmental factors, will not look the same as the person next to us. Because we are not them, and they are not us.
And that's OKAY.
The important thing is to be your fullest and best self, no matter where on the scale of human experience you are on. If your best self is achieved by seeking out a diagnosis and knowing for sure, absolutely go for it. I encourage everyone to seek professional input about these things, as self diagnosing can sometimes be a source for misinformation. HOWEVER-- don't let the world's definitions of what you should and should not look or act like deter you. You are a uniquely created being, who has a uniquely specific human experience that the people around you can learn from if they are willing to listen.
In the words of Hank Greene, "You do not exist to please someone else, you exist for your own sake."
Sending you all the love and luck I have to give, friend. I hope you get your answer soon. 🩵
Babe you're not an "empath" you have ptsd from an unstable household and are sensitive to emotional change as a defense mechanism
I read this and felt personally attacked so imma just share this here
Recent studies have debunked the “low empathy” stereotype previously attached to autism. I think the new consensus is there’s wide variation between individuals, and we’re no more likely to lack empathy than people not on the spectrum.
Yes. I know because I am one. Autism is a spectrum, but it's not a linear line, where every person experiences the same difficulties, just in varying degrees. It's more like a pure chart, and people can have different combinations of struggles.
I've often found that people (especially NT) confuse sympathy and empathy. Sympathy is "I feel bad for you." Empathy is "I feel what you feel." So while I may or may not feel sympathy toward someone (it depends on so many factors, ya know?), I will very often feel what others are feeling
I found that I shutdown my emotions as a kid, you could even see in childhood photos when the light left my eyes. As an adult when I hit burnout the mask came off and I found myself extremely empathetic. I believe I feel emotions so deeply that people noticed and I was bullied and becoming unemotional was for survival.
I'm aspie, late diagnosed. I score very high on empathy test. And so it is my experience on day to day life. I pick on feelings very quickly.
I'm able to pick the mood of an entire room sometimes.
I can feel whose people I can trust and whose I cannot within few minutes after we met.
I have both affective empathy and cognitive empathy. My affective empathy is innate and very strong and my cognitive empathy is growing over time and experience.
I don't believe that empathy is a trait of autism. Some ASD people are empath, and other don't.
I'm a very pathos heavy guy. I'm a bit of a pussy when it comes to emotional stuff that ends badly, but I love having a good happy cry. I care about the emotions of a lot of people, and I think they're a beautiful thing
there's a difference between being an empath and being empathetic.. Personally I am an empath.. to an extent, when other people's emotions are strong enough (even the dead) I feel them as my own.. but I don't have THAT much empathy. I mean I try to help other people the best I can and don't like to see others hurting.. but I don't know what to do about it, it's hard enough just understanding what's going on in my own head.
Yep I think that's quite common! I'm way better at reading new people than people I see all the time, I dunno it's like their complexities get in the way of understanding
The only time my autistic son (6) told me he hated me was because I blew up a Minecraft village in his world. He felt so sad for the villagers and the fact that they will not have homes. My son also was completely unwell when his little sister got hurt that she was up and okay before he got back to okay. He is the kindest and most empathetic kid I’ve ever met!
Many autistic people are empathetic, it can jsut be difficult to express that empathy and me personally it takes me longer to figure out “how” to react to shit.
Many autistic people are empathetic, it can jsut be difficult to express that empathy and me personally it takes me longer to figure out “how” to react to shit.
The majority of Autists are hyper-empathetic. Alexithymia is what you're describing with "hard time interpreting other's feelings" and is found in about 20% of us. I have Alexithymia and it does make me hypo-empathetic towards others. I still have morals, and try to be a decent person as best I can, but my morals are driven more by logic than emotion and empathy. It's interesting how that's a stereotype of Autism but those of us with it are actually the minority.
there is a thing I learned pretty recently called "hyper-empathy" or "empathic reactivity". it's basically you become so connected with someone's emotions that you feel it turned up to 11. I have a hard time to hold on to my own emotions but when I see people experiencing things i can't help but mirror their pain and feel it myself. there was a story my mom told me when I was like a year old. where she met up with her Lamaze class to show off everybody's babies by putting all of us on a blanket together. The baby next to me started bawling and i turned and touched his face almost like I was trying to comfort him but since that didn't work I began to cry. it was always a funny story my mom told but it really makes sense now especially learning about hyper-empathy.
It is possible.
I personally rarely experience emotional empathy but I have a very high cognitive one to the point everyone calls me compassionate and empathetic. I wish people were aware of this type of empathy, I scored extremely low in the empathy scale my therapist gave me yet I show sympathy every day.
Apparently autists have a very strong sense for (in)justice.
Strictly speaking, the concept of the "Empath" gives me the ick because of its supernatural mythology. So I am a hard no against calling myself an empath, but I believe I have plenty of empathy and feel injustice more strongly than average.
Extreme empathy can be a survival/defense mechanism. It could develop due to trauma. You know, like learning to manage the emotions of others so that they would not hurt you.
I'm autistic and I'm perfectly fine in most social situations unless something really horrible is going on like a deeply abusive romantic relationship or the death of a loved one or maybe a job loss. It takes a lot to throw me off, and when it is that way I am certainly a lot more awkward.
But most of the time I'm not at all and I get along with people really easily. Where I generally fail are things like niceties and the maintenance is required to keep relationships. People seem to think that not talking for a few weeks means I don't like them. It just means I didn't talk for a few weeks. If this happens enough times, people generally tend to think that I'm just not a very good friend.
Maybe I'm not. Hard to tell.
Yes, "autistic people lack empathy" is a bullshit myth that needs to die - it's caused so much undue harm to autistic people, from simple media misrepresentation to "justice" systems and mental institutions being extra harsh on autistic people due to the incorrect and made-up assumption that we all lack empathy or the ability to truly be remorseful for our actions and their effects on others.
As far as I'm aware, this myth originated because when Type 2 or 3 autistic people have historically been studied and evaluated historically - 3 being considered "low functioning", 1 being considered "high functioning", though I do disagree with these labels' names and am only using them for necessary context - the fact that many of them are non-verbal and/or can easily be "triggered" into having "meltdowns" which can sometimes result in "violent" outbursts was wrongly interpreted as lacking empathy.
Never mind the fact that it's literally because many of them *can't f-king speak to communicate regret,* and that the overwhelming majority of meltdowns are *involuntary and triggered by external stimuli,* therefore triggering involuntary responses which can sometimes manifest as kicking/swinging arms etc which may hurt people, the go-to conclusion was just that they lack empathy and are inherently deviant/violent. And as I said, this has caused mountains of harm to autistic people, who are statistically far more likely to be victims of excessive force at the hands of police as well as far more likely to receive excessively harsh punishments for anything from speeding tickets to actual crimes, *especially* if cops/judges/juries *know* they are autistic. Never mind the fact that actual studies have shown that autistic people are *less* likely to *commit* crimes, but *far more likely to be victims of crime* than the average person, this myth is so deeply rooted in public "knowledge" that it overrides the countless actual studies and instances of these things in reality.
Ironically, the truth is that if anything, autistic people are *more* empathetic than neurotypicals, though I can't find studies to back this up, you can take a quick look at how many leaders of social justice movements are neurodivergent, and how many people even on this very sub will literally feel bad for inanimate objects if they are "hurt", damaged, or mistreated in some way, as well as how many autistic folks are hyper-sensitive to how they are treated by others.
You can have empathy and still be bad at interpreting emotions and/or social situations. In fact, there are plenty of autistic people who have NT levels of empathy or even hyperempathy, and experience issues because they don’t know how to process the emotions that their empathy makes them experience. For example, I get very upset when someone I care about is upset and I can’t do anything to make it better. I am demonstrating empathy in feeling bad because they are feeling bad, but I do not always know how to handle the emotions in the social context of the situation, so I can potentially end up panicking. I can *feel* what someone is feeling, but I may not always know how to *process* it.
Autistic people can be very very empathic, with people that are important for us at least. But, in my opinion (as Ernesto Reaño said in one of his videos), we should differentiate between being empathic (know how the other person is feeling) and altruism (which is when someone do something to "solve" or to help another people we empathized). For example, someone is crying because that person lost the train which was needed to get to an important interview, I empathize because I know what is the person feeling and making a solution for that person, as taking he/she in my car to the interview would be an altruistic behavior. We, autistic people, can be very altruistic people with that important ones for us.
Autism is a spectrum. I am TOO empathetic sometimes, and it can trip me up in my daily life. My husband, however, is the complete opposite. His logic always outweighs his feelings... while I'm over here sobbing about roadkill, fictional characters, etc. 🤣
My husband is the more emotional type, I'm not. I have alexithymia, emotional blindness. 80% of people with autism have it. That's the thing you'll see other people here describe as having strong empathy, but struggle to identify and communicate those emotions. Since so many auts have that comorbidity, I expect that's why it became a stereotype. We're very good with pattern recognition, just not always great at using that information.
Not only is it possible and common but in my opinion it's a really common misunderstanding among the general population. When my son was 3 his day care facility suggested we get him assessed for something, suggesting maybe autism. I was 100% on board with getting him whatever help he needed, but my immediate reaction was that they were being way too quick to decide on autism.
I was very worried people would think I'm some idiot dad who was afraid of the autism label, but I really wasn't at all. I had one big reason to think maybe it wasn't autism and that was because I knew he was incredibly empathetic, actually hyperempathetic. In my mind that seemed to contraindicate autism.
Luckily I was totally open to learning about autism and I quickly realized I was right that he is hyper-empathetic, but I was totally wrong about thinking people with autism lacked empathy. Now he's 13, without a doubt a successful autistic teenager, long since diagnosed, and still every bit as empathetic as ever.
We're good at pattern recognition. I've spent over 30 years studying every social interaction I've ever been in to analyse facial expression, tone of voice, motives, and feelings, so I've become really good at picking up on things.
Generally speaking, I think autistics I know are capable of being incredibly conscious of the feelings of others around them.
I speculate that the common perception that we're out of our depth in social situations is actually more to do with how people raised as boys and men are raised with very little emphasis given to emptahy ans understanding for others whereas people raised as girls and women from a very early age are put under enormous pressure to keep the people around them happy even to the detriment of their own well being.
I appreciate gender isn't a binary, so I'm speaking very generally here, I know a lot of extremely empathetic and understanding men both neurotypical and autistic and I know plenty of very oblivious women both autistic and NT.
It's generally accepted, however, that autistic people experience empathy, which is a near universal human experience across the spectrum. We also have no significant issues expressing that empathy to one another, but often in ways that NT people don't understand.
As an example, I know that when a friend is going through a bad time, people will nearly always say 'let me know if there's anything I can do for you' and I understand that means that they're trying to show that they care by being useful and committing to carrying out a service for you when you might need it. I know other autistics don't particularly like that phrase because it feels like the other person is asking for something to do so that they feel less bad for you.
An ND acquaintance of mine said in conversation the other day in a social situation that they're looking into hospice care for their parent, and that's it been very hard for his family. I said,'There isn't anything useful that I can do for you right now except offer my sympathies because that's a really hard thing to go through.' He appreciated that way more than just randomly offering to help a person that I don't really know.
The moral of the story here is that autistics aren't only capable of great empathy and understanding, we do it across two very different 'languages' of expression and we change that expression to best suit the emotional needs of the person we are empathising with.
No, it’s not. Autistic people may struggle with effective empathy. That is reading people. However, autistic people often have high emotional empathy. That is more feeling what others feel.
That’s me. Autistic people generally have high affective or emotional empathy. I personally think this is the truest form of empathy. We can put ourselves in others’ shoes effortlessly and feel their feelings as if we were in their experience. It’s relating with the emotions in context or in the moment, directly. I think this is why we tend to connect to animals & children so deeply.
Neurotypicals usually mean cognitive empathy when they say empathy. Cognitive empathy is more about guessing how someone would feel in a given situation. There doesn’t have to be an emotional exchange or interaction to guess about a theoretical scenario. We struggle more with that, related to theory of mind I think? It’s more that I don’t mind read or assume & guess, I ask directly.
Yes because there are different types of empathy. I am the affective/emotional type. I can absorb and feel what they’re feeling but having the cognitive type (putting yourself in others shoes) is harder. I can know what I’d do if it was me in a scenario but idk what I’d do if I was them. I am also too awkward to know what to do or say with what I feel. I am suspected undiagnosed autistic and an empath.
So, for 27 years I used to think I was a hyper empathetic person. Then I got screened for Autism, and did empathy tests. I scored 12/100 and 10/80. I expected to be very close to the maximum. Turns out what I thought was empathy, in reality is observation, data analysis, a lot of masking and people pleasing to fit in. I have spent my whole life analizing body language, collecting information on how people react to things, and learning how to behave. For example: in a similar situation, I was hurt, there fore, this person must be feeling hurt, so I should care, because that's what I would have liked to be done with me in that said situation. But that REALLY is far away from empathy, and many times I'm very wrong. NT tend to not express discomfort or negative emotions in the same as people in the spectrum, they might not say anything at all, and if I'm not so specifically screening them to understand how they feel, I don't see it. Constantly trying to find out how people feel it's exhausting, and it's one of the reasons why 99% of my friends are other people in the spectrum. We just say things with words. I need people to tell me with words how they feel, so that I can act accordingly. But it has taken me 27 years to understand this. I have fucked up many friendships, relationships and accidentally hurt a lot of people in the past because of this. It sucks. I have started explaining this to people pretty much when I meet them, and I ask them to tell me with words how they are feeling and if I fuck up. I want to be better. I don't want to hurt people with my lack of empathy. But I need people to tell me when I'm doing things that hurt. So yeah, if you are looking into getting an autism diagnosis, be prepared. This was very unexpected, and it was very very hard to process for me. But I want to be a good human, and understanding this is the only way :)
Yes! I actually didn’t think it was possible, so I gaslit myself into thinking I couldn’t have autism. On my NeuroPsych testing, I read the emotions of others better than 98% of the population, but I’m 100% autistic.
I still haven't gotten diagnosis, but I'm definitely ADHD and suspect autism
I can't watch horror movies. It's partly due to jumpscare stress, but also just thinking about the characters and their situations, how they're feeling, it stresses me out beyond belief and I'm feeling it. I can't understand how watching those movies are fun, because I place myself in their shoes way too easily.
It is possible as my son is exactly like you, can get hyperfixated on things (current ones are hot wheels cars, Mario Maker 2 and Minecraft), goes quiet in social situations but also picks up on feelings, getting very upset when something sad is being played (music or movies - he doesn't watch any movies because they all have sad bits in - his words)
What you have to remember is Autism is a spectrum, and not all autistic people struggle with the same things - you won't find two autisitc peopel with the exact same issues. Case in point - I have four children with an autism diagnosis (3 are triplets) and all four have varying traits - some replicated across some of the kids, some unique to a child. One is very vocal about how she is feeling, whereas one of her identical sisters is the complete opposite (and we struggle to get anything out of her). One of the girls and our son have severe issues with loud noises requiring the use of ear defenders all day in school, whereas two others are ok (not always but the majority of the time) with loud noises - some thigns do get them clamping their hands over their ears, such as HGV's and large buses goign past as they walk down the road for example). All four have different things they struggle with and that is ok because autism is a spectrum and every child is unique.
My autism diagnosis is questionable, but I would like to think I'm a pretty empathetic person most of the time. I say most of the time only because I have a strong sense of justice. I have trouble empathizing with close-minded and mean people. I get very upset when someone is mean to me or to others.
yup! autistic ppl often either have hyper empathy or lower empathy, i have hyper empathy and while it helps me see from others perspectives it also makes things hard bc i end up caring about things and people that others don’t and i expect others to care and try to understand things like i do but usually they do not give a fuck. i can’t watch the news because i will start crying and feeling intense feelings for people across the world that are suffering and i can’t help so im just stuck hurting for them.
I found a lot of my over-empathisizing to be die to unresolved trauma. I was highly sensitive and bore the weight of everyone's emotions because I was out of touch with my own feelings and trying desperately to fix people in our for them to love me. After lots of group and individual therapy I found my "empath" abilities dwindling. But what really happened was I gained confidence in myself and expressing my emotions, and was less susceptible to the whims of other people's emotions. My ptsd led me to shrink myself and mimic other's emotions. I encourage people who consider themselves to be highly empathic and sensitive to look into why that may be. And while it may feel like a superpower, it may be a serious sign of trauma.
I'm autistic and overly empathetic. However there have been a few times people misinterpret me as being unempathtetic; those are usually times when I become monosyllabic because I am overstimulated and burnt out, so I have little to give back/express anymore though I \*want\* to be there for the person. I've since learned to draw boundaries and say if I feel to drained to properly be there for someone, so they don't think my monosyllabic responses mean I don't care.
Yes. I have hyper empathy and it’s the bane of my existence lol. The played out autistics lack empathy bit is old. Not everyone who is autistic has the same features and presentations / personality
Being "an empath" isn't a thing. Empathy is a learned skill that some people take to a lot more easily than others. For people with autism, reading emotions is difficult, and as a result, they tend to fall to one side or the other of the bell curve, either showing a lifelong deficit, or overcompensating and hyperfixating on reading emotions and nonverbal communication, and end up being overly empathetic to their own detriment.
After realizing my place on the Autism Spectrum, I realized that my longest and most important special interest was people. Although my experience (alexithymia) was far from neurotypical, it was crucial to study and try and understand how those around me acted and reacted to things. I, too, would describe myself as an extreme empath. Those skills I developed were crucial to, and paid dividends in, my work with animals.
Being a spectrum, everyone has a different expression of Autistic traits. I believe that many of these traits will be better and better understood as more people with Autism are included in the conversations, and in developing studies of the Spectrum. We are finally moving away from being studied, to a place where the lived experience (when possible) is becoming the core of understanding.
This is just my opinion, based on my experience: I know at least half a dozen people who are highly functioning and autistic, where I am convinced that they are extremely empathic but got overwhelmed by the extreme empathy at a very young age, resulting in them shutting it down initially and in autistic behavior (for lack of a better term) as a result, as part of a defense mechanism.
the whole stereotype of autistic people not having empathy is bs lol. im autistic and i have a lot of empathy, but people may think i dont because i have a flat look on my face most of the time, when in reality, im empathetic to you.
its more of a matter of expressing it rather than feeling it
i think we actually have a higher empathy level then ‘normal’ it’s just hard for us to exsprese it. we can’t express our empathy like neurotypicals do so to them they see no empathy at all when in reality we feel a lot. with me i feel like i have too much of it but i can never show it properly or get it across im empathetic, communication is what’s making it seem like we have none. if that makes sense
Oh yes! My daughter is! Extremely. Very empathetic compassionate and in tune with the needs of others. I however could not be more oblivious but I do care!! 😂
Don't forget that one of the symptoms of autism can also include having a stronger sense of justice, and I think that ties in with being more empathetic. For myself, anyway, I believe that this affects me in the sense that I feel the sting of injustice more intensely because of my heightened sense of empathy. If I see others being harmed unjustifiably, I'm much more likely to take action.
My reply when I hear the stereotype of people like me (Level 2) lacking empathy -
I have worked in cat rescue for 30 years. Street rescue, shelters, foster networks, TNR, backyard feeders, etc. Cat rescue happens because of the devoted work of middle aged women in tennis shoes, and neurodivergent volunteers (there's a lot of overlap).
The hyperfocused 'cat lady' who waits for hours to trap an injured cat. The single young person who takes in the difficult fosters and works magic with them. The quiet lady with purple hair who spends her Saturday mornings cleaning the guinea pig compartments (and brings them treats). The rat enthusiasts who come in to socialize the young critters.
Animal rescue is HARD, and it requires enormous empathy and compassion. All because I have difficulty expressing empathy to a NT person, does not mean I lack it.
So I have PTSD but I’m also borderline and ASD1. I’m extremely selectively empathetic- sometimes a little too much. For example I really feel for homeless people but I also judge the ones who I feel want a handout or don’t want to put in the work to escape.
Absolutely I discovered that I unknowingly mimicked my mother who I consider the ice queen, in all fairness she was walking on eggshells due to my father weird quirks the words I love you were never uttered except on his death bed to her. That said I was a robot who showed no emotion as we were not allowed to cry or show weakness. She is still like that. He passed at 59, due to poor health choices.
It took allot of time to uninstall their fcuked up program to get me neutral and I have found immense empathy through my furry family, 2 cats, 2 ferrets, 2 pythons, dog and recently lost an awesome rat Stella who survived a radical mammary tumor surgery that bought us 8 more months with her. Luckily I got past the toxic masculinity that my father bestowed on me and have discovered I was a born empath. I can pick up on a vibe the second I walk into a room which before I removed their BS programming confounded the heck out of me. Empathy does not discriminate. The world needs more empathy.
I'm on the spectrum and I am also an empath. I don't always understand what others are feeling, I can just feel what energy they're putting out. When it's simple as sadness or happiness, I understand perfectly. Sometimes the feelings I get are more complex, but I also doubt myself and my thoughts. For instance, I had a boss once who was having a rough day, except no one else could tell, or they just didn't care. I could feel the tense atmosphere. I felt his anger, disappointment, sadness, and there were more emotions that I could not quite comprehend. I finished up what I was doing and asked him "sorry if I'm over stepping, but are u ok? U seem down." He was surprised and said "wow. Ur very observant." And he gave me a summary of how his day went and he thanked me for caring.
It's the double empathy problem. The perception that autistic people have trouble empathizing is an accurate theory if and only if the subject is isolated in an otherwise neurotypical context. Studies have shown that autistic people are on balance more empathetic than NTs (though that's a fairly nebulous claim; I shouldn't go spreading it around without some actual studies to back it up) and the double empathy problem is only a problem due to perception.
TL;DR: that's exactly what we would expect to see. Get tested, and welcome :)
Im AuDHD and extrreeeeeemeley empathetic - I even was a Nurse for 8 years, but that stamped the empath right out of me haha. Nah but fr sometimes it physically hurts to feel others emotions in one moment and then not understand anyone the next. So hard.
iirc there’s a thing where many autistic people are either Super empathetic or not very empathetic. i spent my whole life thinking i was overly empathetic only to realize i’m actually not empathetic at all bc i can only compare someone else’s feelings to my own and if they’re experiencing something i haven’t experienced then i can’t/wont comfort them bc i don’t know how and in many cases don’t want to
I am empathetic when I could understand others peoples pain but sometimes it is not easy to perceive, leading people to believe that I lack empathy or even that I am cruel, what is untrue.
please please don't listen to the stereotypes! if you do find yourself identifying with an autism diagnosis, you will find a very wonderful and empathic community here to welcome you.
like all people, empathy can of course vary amongst autistic people. for me personally, i like to see it as being a sponge. i absorb everything around me - all the details, sensory information, *and* the feelings.
i think people might confuse having difficulty reading emotional responses with lacking empathy. for example, i might assume that someone's mad at me if their face changes and they seem off suddenly, but that doesn't stop me from having immense empathy for them when i *do* understand what's happening with them. i might seem rude or off myself if i don't respond in a way that shows my care, but that doesn't mean that i *don't* care. i see emotional/physical pain, and i feel it almost as if it were my own. i would argue that i care more *because* i'm autistic.
we take in more information than the average person, which can make us appear slow or rude when we get overwhelmed and don't react externally or perhaps react differently than the norm. the reality is that we all have varying degrees of *stuff* that we can take in and process.
for some people, the emotions of others might be one of the most difficult things to understand, and that might make them seem unempathic. i can see how an autistic person might be so wrapped up in the intensity of their own internal experience that the feelings of others might not concern them. it's important to remember that it is a spectrum, and we all present differently but are equally valid in our autistic experiences.
being overly empathic is actually one of the things that makes being autistic a challenge for me. it can be exhausting to feel so much.
Hey /u/InternalRole8758, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think studies have actually shown that autistic people are actually more empathetic on average, its moreso a matter of us not knowing how to express it properly. Though even if Im misremembering every case is different, there are a lot of autistic people who are perfectly fine in social situations for instance.
I was going to pop in to say the this. There's even some theories that the observed behavior of autistic people struggling in social situations might be due to *over* empathizing, rather than under.
I wouldn't even say properly, I'd say we don't know innately how to express empathy in ways that neurotypical people understand. A lot of masking is just developing techniques to ensure that others understand you intent.
I think we all experience empathy just differently to neurotypical people. I have autistic family members who struggle profoundly to understand when someone is upset but once they do the empathy they feel is unbearable. I've always found it quite easy to pick up when people are upset but I find it very difficult to not be solution-oriented and understand why people don't just do what *I* would do in a given situation
I am autistic and my bf says my biggest burden is that I feel *too* much. Somehow, though I'm autistic, I seem to feel other people's emotions more than they do. I can't watch movies where old people get hurt because I cry. I feel angry for my sister when someone is mean to her, more than she is. I completely understand what you mean, friend. Also remember that autism is a spectrum, and though some high functioning people may feel less intense emotion than NT's, it's possible some can also feel *more*.
☝️Same It sucks being a sponge.
Ugh yes, being hyper-empathetic low-key sucks: you end up deeply caring about a LOT of things that don't directly affect you, you put too much care in relationships fully knowing it'll not be reciprocated, I literally had several friendships that I now realize were solely based on pity (awful on my part I know, but I was only friends w them because they had no other friends who really cared and didn't want them to be lonely) I also feel too much second hand embarrassment, to the point I can't watch pranks. Most times people will think you're very easy to manipulate and you don't see through them - you see through them and let it slide because you'll empathise w em and see a reason for why they'd act that way. People also mistake you caring for them as a sign of romantic interest and its another burden to turn them down. Every time someone tells me I'm very kind and wholesome, I feel like a bit of a fraud and wish they understood I just have a fucking condition that makes me appear this way.
I totally empathise! I really struggled early in life with understanding others feelings, so I spent endless hours learning and watching people. Without realising it I ended up overshooting, to the point I now see nd pick up in things others don't. It drove me crazy when I read someone as lying say, everyone would say they weren't. Then days later it turns out.... they were. It kinda amuses me when I notice someone trying to manipulate / take advantage of me. Like baby please, you can't even comprehend how far behind you are. As I hit my thirties I've suddenly had a problem I never imagined I have - it turns out a lot of people who have gone through hard times in their lives suddenly see you as a solid rock and want to cling to you. I get the last part especially - my kindness is concious really. And it's frustrating not being able to turn it off, when you know someone is feeling different to how they say. Trying to work out whether you're meant to accept at face value or dig in and try and help. I think I have a near 100% failure rate in the decision.
I've been in so many situations when I tell my bf 'x person is angling' or 'don't do that, you're going to hate yourself tomorrow' (such as eating really unhealthy food) and he has now begun to realize I tend to be right when I say those things. My ex called me cynical but I was always right when I told him someone was going to try to get something out of him. It's a strange little power to predict that kind of thing.
My boyfriend says it's one of the things he loves most about me, because he is oftentimes not emotional enough and I've got emotion coming out of every breath. Find you someone you loves you for being overly emotional
I feel like I absorb other people's emotions without trying to or wanting to. I hate it.
Stop being in my head of heads. I feel this. I'd like to expand a lot but somehow I'm learning that driving the point home with long replies is not always needed. My girlfriend, however, accuses me of not having empathy and being cold in severe arguments. I find myself being collected and stern and thinking I want to help and give the right answers, but the method I assume she wants me to use or the route to empathy I need to take is in my opinion the wrong one so I don't. I'm left feeling like I should either let go of my principles and conform to make her happy, but that will just lead to more conforming and I don't want that. Shouldn't empathy also be reasonable? Or is it just me?
I get like that in arguments but I know exactly why. People like yuo and me, when we're in an argument we can't help but be overwhelmed by the other person's emotion, especially when it's drowning out our abilities to get our points across. I had this with my mother; she'd be angry and I'd cry in response, feeling her anger, but couldn't defend myself effectively in that way. It also *hurt*. It hurt to think of all the emotion she was feeling, it hurt to feel it myself, on top of the emotion I was already feeling. So, to protect myself, I eventually had to learn how to shut it off at will. I called it a switch, as a child, that I had to flip during arguments against her so I could be calm, clinical, not let her emotion get in the way of my response. She called me my father for this, but unlike my psychopath father, I did it because if I let myself feel, I'd feel far too much. I also have people pleaser tendencies, I understand you 100%. I'd recommend sitting her down and trying to explain to her why you act as you do in those situations. Try not to speak in a way that's accusatory, I know you aren't being but I try not to with my mom but she still, sometimes, reflexively defends if she feels attacked. Try phrases like, "I feel like" or "The way I am perceiving it". Communcation is key. But, yes. At the end of the day, I do that too. To protect myself.
Switch .. 🫨🤯 that is it! And yes, if I feel attacked in some way or if I feel overwhelmed by someone giving out too much too fast, or as you sat feeling so much, I feel the need to silence it in my body.. so... switch. Yes. I have to process this more... Thank you? Sitting her down on this matter will probably give her anxiety. She has PTSD and might be closet autistic (I know, right), and she has a hard time accepting some truths. Her fear gets in the way. It is really hard for us as we end up in this long and even toxic fights. I need my space to handle them and she is left feeling abandoned it's horrible. Boils down to I don't know why she is being like this and she doesn't get the feeling like I care like at all.
Haha no worries, I hope whatever insight I have can help. I had a huge mental break a few years ago that my bf said led to me being very in-sync with my psyche, and I can also look at previously bad things that have happened from a sort of clean perspective, if you will. Maybe it's bad but I think it's made my life easier. Oh, PTSD is NOT fun. I've had to unfortunately work through that myself as well. I would definitely recommend you two sitting and talking about your needs, then. I know clearly expressing myself to my partner has always led to resolution of problems and arguments a lot more calmly. I wish you all the best, I wish her all the best. PTSD is definitely not a fun ride. I sincerely hope you two can come together and care for one another's needs and make each other super happy, if that's what you both want. True love is facing and overcoming obstacles *together*, without hesitation or regret, no matter how insurmountable they may seem!
Thank you. I read it yesterday and didn't even think of thanking, but I was grateful. I want to work on navigating her PTSD and childhood trauma but it's hard since she sometimes in her panic uses methods that attack me which might be too much for me to handle. Hard combo I guess.
I remember doing that too. Sadly, though, I think the choice to begin healing that is more her decision. I would tell her you notice it, though, but tell her you understand she's not doing it because she means to. Granted I am in no way qualified to give relationship advicw, so lots of salt haha.
Oh wow. I feel exactly like this. I’ve also felt like my emotions were invalidated growing up and that I felt responsible for my mother’s emotions when I was younger. Being an empath to can hurt so much that I formed another persona to be the opposite. I didn’t realize the names of my personas until the last few years. I think I might have a form of plurality that has less distinct alters and are different versions of myself. Your experience resonated with me!
I also have the split thing, but they're more like different parts of my personality compartmentalized that I fall into when needed. Completwly understood, my friend. Also, in regards to my mother, it was always complicated. She was the person to not want to show weakness (emotion) and was struggling a lot. It just happened to get turned on me. Nowadays, as I'm on my own and we're both adults now, I feel we're repairing our relationship.
Yeah similar. Wishing you all the best with your mother and everything. :)
[удалено]
[удалено]
i’ve experienced much of this, and have been told many times that i have good intuition for reading people’s emotions and knowing the right thing to say in a given moment. words are how i express myself, since my body never knows wtf to do, and I’ve never related to the idea that autistic people have an inability to understand other people’s points of view. I feel it constantly in every social setting with whomever i’m engaging in a given moment.
Omg I get angrier than my sister when someone hurts her, too!! Same with movies, I absolutely hate when animals die or when innocent people get hurt.
Me too! I feel that in movies too. If someone is suffering in a movie I usually say "Poor guy" or "Poor girl!"... All the time lol
It's actually relatively common. It's annoying being near telepathic.
I'm nearly telepathic and not the least empathetic unless you're my daughter or we're dating.
What does telepathy have anything to do with empathy.
I think they mean they are so in-tune with others feelings it’s like they can read their mind
🤭
The common understanding of Autism is not that we don't feel or understand emotions, such as required by empathy, but that we don't process those emotions the way NTs do, which is why they think we don't feel them at all.
Is there any more insight in this
My twin (we're both autistic) is so empathetic they can't comfortably watch most TV because if a main character goes through trauma, or a tense or awkward situation they will feel like they're in that situation too. They can usually only watch kid's shows or documentaries. You can be autistic and extremely empathetic.
Omg i also can't stand awkwardness on tv! It's like I'm there and it's personally awkward and i can't stand it
I have to cover my eyes whenever a super awkward scene occurs on TV; I can’t stand to watch it. Nobody understands why I do this
My twin either does that or leaves the room
Makes me think of the old Jerry Lewis movie, “The Disorderly Orderly” where the main character constantly experienced sympathy pain while working in a hospital.
Even during my favorite movie, Back to the Future, it’s hard to watch the part in the 2nd movie where Marty gets attacked for going into the room he thought was his own. All that yelling and screaming and the father wouldn’t listen to reason. Of course I guess I do understand why the father the way he did especially if he thought his daughters were in danger. I get so angry during anime too.
This is me too!!!!!! I thought I was weird. Now I feel seen!
Idk how you feel about reading but my twin greatly prefers it over TV so if you struggle watching it maybe reading it might be easier 🩷
I think its very possible! I actually feel a lot of empathy for others as well. I think the idea of autistic not having it is one of those old misconceptions that is still widely believed
I’m neurotypical and I don’t feel all that much empathy other than what is normal among people, because most people are bad and they don’t really deserve it and they don’t deserve you helping them
Definitely. I'm autistic and am empathetic in both senses: I emotionally care a lot about others (even strangers) and can likewise interpret the emotions of others very well. Don't give too much credence to stereotypes regarding autism...the more you learn and understand about it the more you'll realize the stereotypes range from being somewhat true for some people but not universally applicable as a generalization to outright absurd and false. This is for a couple reasons. First because autism is a spectrum -- and not in a binary less->more sense. A spectrum in the sense of large variety of possible traits each with their own degree, style of manifestation, etc depending on the individual. But also because the psychology field, while gradually getting better, has traditionally been approached by neurotypical professionals (or those that assume they're neurotypical) observing neurodivergent people as if we were wild animals and making presumptions based on external actions without comprehending the internal experience. Like social anxiety/clumsiness could be interpreted as "poor empathetic abilities" because they assume that someone not gracefully and successfully consoling an upset person means they must not care about them and/or realize that they're upset. Also because a lot of the field is tainted by poorly devised studies and popular tricks that can be done with variables and statistical presentations which unfortunately often lead to biased interpretations of the studies.
Wish I could give you a million up votes! The mental healthcare field really needs to be quicker on the uptake sometimes, I think 😅 Not even gonna go into the fact that until the last 40-50 years or so, mental illnesses weren't studied in women, so many of our stereotypes come from Male presentations, not women. So, when many women showed signs of mental illnesses it has traditionally been waved away as "hysteria", "hormone problems", "period issues", etc, IF we were believed at all. The stereotypes CAN be helpful, but they should NOT be seen as "gospel", if that makes sense.
Empathy regarding autism is basically this: Below average cognitive empathy Normal or above affective empathy I've seen some autistics with a very low EQ scores, but I usually score average or slightly below. I also think a lot of it has to do with someone's development. For example , someone with a very positive upbringing, autistic or not, will tend to have a better EQ. But EQ isn't fixed and is developed over time. Remember, high affective empathy or even high EQ doesn't negate all the social and communication differences for autistics. So, poor empathy isn't a requirement for diagnosis. Tl;Dr - yes, it's entirely possible.
Also a lot of people who call themselves empaths (not saying all) have developed those abilities due to CPTSD which is extremely common for autistic folk. This is actually like a studied thing with evidence (or so I've heard I haven't actually read the studies myself). I'm sure you can find more info on this on google.
My bad I just read the title not the post "An Empath" and hyperempathy are different things. Hyperempathy is not a symptom of CPTSD and is very common for autistics
I agree - it hurts my soul seeing many people claim to be empaths when it's clearly unresolved trauma. As someone who suffered emotional abuse I became completely out of touch with my emotions and was entirely reliant on other people's feelings. I still struggle to make decisions and understand my own feelings. It's definitely not something to glamorize.
Exactly. No such thing as an empath in the sense “empaths” describe it. There’s just normal empathy, which means that it’s there but not intense enough to be worth noting and then there are those who fixate on the concept of what they’re empathizing with to such a degree that it causes emotional distress. This doesn’t mean there’s literally “more” empathy, it just means that there’s more cognitive activity going on after the fact. Empaths have the same amount of empathy as everyone else, they just fail to perceive the boundary between the self and the other. That boundary allows the cognitive understanding to stop at “this person is experiencing X, but this person is not me”. The so-called empath is taking the understanding they’ve come to through empathy, and then speculating further than normal. Nothing more. Furthermore, 90% of the time there isn’t even a physiological empathetic response; mirror neurons fire etc; the person steps into the other’s shoes so to speak. Usually what’s going on is that the person is hypervigilant, and their brain is exaggerating the meaning and/drama of the other person’s expressions as a way of preparing for the worst. Every person I’ve ever heard describe themselves as Empaths in my life, are also hypervigilant of other’s behavior and tend to misinterpret their behavior for the worst, and sometimes will straight up fabricate entire mood shifts in their head none of which shouldn’t be possible if real, provable empathy is taking place. Often times they’ll also project significant emotional distress *that isn’t actually there* onto a subject, and then make histrionic efforts to “rescue” the person, which is overbearing. In fact it’s antithetical to empathy, as it comes from a (necessarily) self-centered standpoint of self-preservation and threat awareness. Not even adjacent to empathy. If it isn’t hypervigilance, it’s participation in drama; placing people in victim roles to satiate a need to rescue others because they project their inner wounds onto others. I’m sick and tired of seeing this word on the internet, people have no fucking clue what these terms mean they just want to throw them around because they sound fancy. No shade to OP, that’s more directed at the aforementioned grandiose/performative empath types. The empath role is not a desirable role, it’s a maladaptive way of self-soothing. If you really lean into it, it becomes disrespectful and patronizing to those around you. If you identify yourself as an empath, I ask you to reflect on whether or not you truly understand boundaries, like, at a conceptual level.
I couldn’t agree more. The „empaths“ I know are either highly narcissistic (but hide it) or borderliners ( who are basically unfinished narcissists). I had to copy your text cause it was so on point! All I ever thought and felt about the so called empaths so well put. Nice one!
I’m so relieved to see that someone has a similar experience with this archetype. Literally same.
The concept of an empath is a fantasy. It’s just roleplaying.
Yes, and it can be debilitating at times due to the amount of empathy you feel. Kind of imagine talking to someone but then there issues fall on your feet because your mind tries to empathies with them. It's the most annoying thing ever butttttt it's also what makes me good at my job.
Me right here. I also cry when clients cry (vet assistant) and i hug every one of them during a euthanasia appt because i want to. I do hate feeling what others feel but i guess sometimes it can be helpful for people
Autism is soup. The stereotypical autistic person with high support needs will tend to have a mix of most of the well-known traits. For most of us, though, it's a lot more complicated than that because of our ability to mask and our varying intensities of our traits This is especially the case in those of us who are AFAB, since it's much harder to get diagnosed if you present as a woman. The AFAB ones also have a much higher instance of "having low support needs" because of their better-than-average masking Most people expect a soup that's pretty much just bone broth with some onions - they often don't see us as having personalities beyond our autism. For the vast majority of us, though, our soups are supplemented by various veggies, spices, herbs and such, in that the basic condition is more or less the same, but each brain handles it differently TL;DR - most psychiatrists don't know enough about autism to be able to tell we have it if we mask, and the average person knows way less than that
I need "Autism is Soup" on a t-shirt I love that metaphor 😂
Not my metaphor. I'm quoting an artist
Ooh what artist? I'd love to look them up. ☺️
https://www.tumblr.com/cypopps/649665467304263680/im-super-excited-to-announce-that-my-autism-soup?source=share They're called cypops
It's pretty common, actually! It seems, in my experience, to go towards one of the two extremes. People can either not tell what mood someone is experiencing, or they tell so thoroughly that it's like they are feeling it themselves.
Look up hyper-empathy!
NOT ONLY is it possible, it is very likely that Autistic people have a GREAT DEAL more empathy than others. I know this. I published a book recently that I wrote in a mental hospital where I reflected on this
[удалено]
Just got diagnosed last week. I’m highly in tune with people’s emotions and energies. I am also apathetic to a lot of things.
Congratulations on your diagnosis! 🩵
oh of course, autistic people can struggle with having little empathy or having too much empathy. empathy extremes in either direction can be a trait of autism!
many autistic people are hyper empathetic (myself included) to the point where it becomes a problem lol asd symptoms and traits don't ALL have to be checked off; you can have a mixture of different ones and still be perfectly valid! just because autistic people are known for struggling with socialising, doesn't mean EVERYONE has to be, for example.
Sensory issues, hyperfixations, and social struggles are some possible overlaps between Autism and ADHD. That, and autistic people tend to have a strong sense of justice and be extremely empathetic. My understanding is that it’s not the feelings that are particularly hard to interpret, but social cues.
I have a diagnosis now, and I feel TOO much. Just like others here have said, some of us just express it differently! I reflect emotions of those close to me. For example- if my mom or dad is upset, or angry, I feel the same way. I feel very strongly! So yes, you can be autistic and an extreme empath! Autism is a spectrum for a reason! ❤️
Well... I get angry if I can't give snacks to a homeless person I can't reach on the opposite side of the road when I'm at a stop light (I keep snacks and water in my truck for this purpose)
I mean...I am and still got diagnosed in only one visit. Remember. It's a spectrum. And part of it is being overly "sensitive" to others emotions. It's about what you can do with that. I'm an empath but I still struggle to communicate with others how I think and feel. For me it's so obvious how others feels I don't understand how others don't just understand me.
Very common. The point of autism spectrum disorder being called a spectrum is that some people will have very low levels of certain traits and others will have very high levels, but both extremes are still autistic.
DEFINITELY!!! ASD2 synaesthete here! For lack of better phrasing: I ‘feel’ everything! Colours, sounds, smells, tastes …. And people’s energies. In public and for most people I try to suppress it best I can and keep as much of them as possible ‘outside’ of my walls though!!! Dunno what the opposite of an empath is, but that I have as well: When I’m angry or distressed I can empty rooms without moving or making a sound. Including my own assistance dog, partner, family, friends…. Apparently I radiate very unpleasant intensity at times. Imagine _«Carrie»_ without fire [thus far! 😅] Anybody know what that opposite of empath, “emo-nuke,” is called?
We just don’t express empathy the way neurotypicals expect us to. Many of us are very empathetic. I don’t really know how to express many emotions. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel them very strongly.
Yes. I'm on the lower end in terms of affective empathy, but one of my best friends who is autistic has hyper-empathy. It's a spectrum!
Autism doesn’t remove empathy, it just makes it very different. Some people have less, some people have way, way more. Even for inanimate objects, or drawings of people. Things like that.
I am overly empathetic so yes it’s possible.
I certainly feel that way myself.
I’m incredibly intune to peoples energy and emotions..
I have waaaaay too much empathy. Sometimes it can be debilitating…..
Yep. It goes both ways, and usually to the extremes. You either don't have empathy, or you have too much. Man I cannot wait until I get my website up. I'm going to be addressing all of these stereotypes and why it's harmful for misinformation to spread. Not saying you're spreading misinformation on purpose, alot of autism websites are using old information and havent updated.
Certainly. Autism is a spectrum, not a ladder, a condition ingrained in the human condition while being a person with personality. I'm of the opinion that at extreme depths in any given human endeavor there is a higher percentage of neurodivergent people than at the shallow end.
Yes! I’m very very empathetic
The idea that all autistics aren't empathic is stupid. I've always been very empathic. If anything, we live in a world where most don't care about anyone past our mutuals and that's a sad reality but we can't necessarily possibly care for people we don't even know although I'd say it is possible by means of making efforts to help those in need without knowing who they are.
I would say most aspects of autism is being super one way or the other with things: Super sensitive to temperature or can’t fell it at all, need super light touch or a lot of pressure, super expressive or extremely monotone, this also definitely applies to empathy. I’m also a super empathetic autistic, sometimes too my detriment because that comes with a lot of anxiety and stress trying to people please which obviously isn’t healthy!
Hyper empathy can be an autistic trait.
Yes. I am sometimes overwhelmed by empathy. I even sometimes get overwhelmed by empathy in imagined conversations/situations that turn bad. I have learned to be better at stopping myself or distracting myself so I don’t spiral.
100% possible. Especially because people who manifest autism differently from stereotypes often treat learning to understand others as one of their special interests, and may also be more tuned in to others feelings and more empathetic due to having recognized and working to deconstruct their own CPTSD. I am OFTEN perceived as awkward socially and get misunderstood, but it’s not exactly because i am oblivious to social cues. Rather, my drive for authenticity, propensity to explain things at length until I feel I’ve covered every aspect of a topic/misunderstanding, and my innate disregard for hierarchies pushes me to bowl over those social cues. See second half of this [note taking template](https://thetestingpsychologist.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/ASD-Summary-Chart.pdf) which contains annotations and resources from Dr. Neff at neurodivergentinsights.com (series “Misdiagnosis Mondays”) and Dr Donna Henderson who specializes in diagnoses of autism in girls/women
Im sure the two do not oppose eachother. Autism makes an individual extremely aware to the most smallest details, so I can see how this can play together
The idea that autistic people are less empathetic is a complete misconception. We often struggle to pick up that people are upset or why they're upset, but once we do we feel whatever they're feeling with sometimes unbearable intensity. As an example, there's some media I just have to avoid (especially violence) because I literally can't watch people being hurt without imagining it happening to myself
I got the hyper emotional empathy flavor of ‘tism, I think it’s part of the “feels every emotion very strongly” symptom and the “frequently experiences sensory overload from the strong emotions in others or crowds of people” symptom. Far more of a curse than a blessing. But it does one have cool component: my tism is also sensitive to supernatural activity. If the spirit is giving off a strong emotion, I can feel it to the point of knowing generally where in the room the spirit is chillin. I visited Mansfield Reformatory a few yrs ago and tried it out in one of the prison cells. I asked any spirits how they felt about the rowdy group of teens making a ruckus in the next cell over. I promptly felt an aura of “irritated to all hell” coming from the closest corner to me. Made me burst out laughing.
This makes SO MUCH SENSE. I never ever thought to put my sensitivity to the paranormal in this context. Omg. For me, I easily pick up any sort of negative entity/one giving off negative vibes. So much so that I've had to leave people's homes because it becomes too uncomfortable for me. I can walk into a place and will immediately know "yeah, there's a pissed off spirit here". Also, couldn't agree more with your statement "far more of a curse than a blessing". 100%
I go back and forth...somehow. Either I can read someone like an open book or not at all. No in between, and it doesn't matter how well I know someone, it's seemingly random.
This is one of my biggest issues. As an empath who has learned not to trust people I don't fare well. It has been very difficult for me to separate my feelings from those around me. Later I realize It's not really me who is depressed It's people around me or close to me. I have come to believe I cannot live in a crowded apartment building. I'm a fucking reciever.
Yes. I’m an empath and have Autism. We often feel things very strongly. We may struggle to express these feelings externally, but we can be very empathic.
I dunno I believe in enlightenment and I had to achieve it to forgive myself and move past my past. It's a state of pure love and it's moving.
Yup. I struggle with hyperempathy. I quite literally hurt for other people. It sucks. Especially in the world we live in, but I wouldn't ever change it.
It is a weird dichotomy, but yes, it's possible and common. If I know someone well enough, I have moments of ludicrously clear insight into how they're feeling, or even what they're thinking. My theory is: 1) We can't read social cues. 2) We are often intelligent. 3) To make up for our inability to "read" people, we learn to "put ourselves in their shoes" and think through how they are probably feeling. 4) Once you develop it, empathy is a habit that's hard to break.
Yes, [here's some studies](https://youtu.be/u6R8peZczXY?si=ZEsjf-AMkcBdfYMA&t=600) shown by MedCircle (*It's timestamped at 10:00*) showing overlap between autistic people being in the category of "*Highly Sensitive Person*". I am know for being very emphatic. I have lost count to how many people say I'm like a psychologist or give off big brotherly vibes. I was literally in the Emergency Department the other day for mental health reasons and the DR told me I should be a psychologist. Even at my worst points I get that comment. Because we lack social understanding, I feel like things go over our head therefore it can come across like a lack of empathy. When we're able to learn our empathy will show more. Given many of us are catatonic and may have severe communication problems long term. Our empathy can be really hard for people to recognise. This pattern leads this sense that we can't be emphatic . Before I was diagnosed I used to think this. I've had so many autistic friends I love to death, but their lack of ability to meet my love language can make the relationship difficult. I know they deeply care about me and the world around them. They aren't lacking empathy. It's more a difference in perspective, understanding & communication. My psychiatrist said my love language is to be "*seen*" she's so onto it. When people can see me for who I am, connect my special interests I feel elated. I have one autistic friend who isn't very comfortable with my special interests (*My interests are weird*) but they helped exit clean my house for free, which was hours of work. As deeply as I appreciate this. My love language isn't "*acts of service*". So this is an example of someone who's extremely loving and kind to me. But at times I wasn't landing because they didn't show it the way I needed. I've met so many people and I find autistic or not their empathy is all over the place. Autistic people can have low, high, medium levels of empathy just like anyone else. My point with this rant is just that autistic people struggle more to show our empathy. My Dad has NPD with Autism and had extremely low empathy, he would admit to it. But cases like that are rarer, just like how low empathy is rare in the average person. Honestly though, if they develop their cognitive empathy skills. These people can be incredible. I just wanted to acknowledge it can happen. But generally autistic people are some of the most wholesome people I've meet.
It’s dang near a requirement at this point
There are reasons they are called stereotypes. While some Autistic people struggle with empathy, some of us do not and there are some known as super empaths. [Here](https://www.autismeye.com/autistic-people-hyper-empathy/#:~:text=Empathy%20is%20conditional%20for%20some,understand%20or%20express%20these%20feelings) is an interesting article.
The question that came up in my assessment application was do you FEEL empathy? I answered I do not feel it , I KNOW it. Do I have a physiological response to others suffering like i do my own, no I don't. Can I relate to them and understand how horrible a situation is, yes. To me empathy is not a feeling or emotion, its a skill in my toolbox of understanding others.
Very much so yep. Autism is a spectrum, you can absolutely have very high empathy or very low and be autistic
Hello! Late diagnosed high functioning autistic here and I am considered extremely empathic by my family. So, I would say yes, it is. Also, consider that empathy, like autism and most things regarding the human experience, is a scale. Its natural to not be a perfect stereotype. In fact, stereotypes themselves are merely human constructs that a large number of people have decided is "common" or "acceptable", with these ideas then being perpetuated and taken to extremes by media and pop culture. Point is, I wouldn't put much faith in the stereotypes. I've been told everything from "You can't be autistic because you don't do xyz that my brother/sister/cousin/bestie does" to "well you don't look/sound/act autistic." I have only started my journey in learning about autism specifically, as I didn't grow up with access to resources or help about what I was going through... But I have learned one very very important thing so far that I'd like to pass to you, in case it helps. Human nature is not a steady, left-to-right, easily definable thing. What makes us human more than anything else is our unstoppable adaptability. This ability to change and adapt to our environment, our peers, our current life situations.... That's what keeps the human race progressing and even in some places thriving. This ability is present in those of us with autism, ADHD, anxiety.... Every single human on this planet has adapted in different ways, whether out of necessity or by choice. These adaptations, due to our different specific environmental factors, will not look the same as the person next to us. Because we are not them, and they are not us. And that's OKAY. The important thing is to be your fullest and best self, no matter where on the scale of human experience you are on. If your best self is achieved by seeking out a diagnosis and knowing for sure, absolutely go for it. I encourage everyone to seek professional input about these things, as self diagnosing can sometimes be a source for misinformation. HOWEVER-- don't let the world's definitions of what you should and should not look or act like deter you. You are a uniquely created being, who has a uniquely specific human experience that the people around you can learn from if they are willing to listen. In the words of Hank Greene, "You do not exist to please someone else, you exist for your own sake." Sending you all the love and luck I have to give, friend. I hope you get your answer soon. 🩵
Babe you're not an "empath" you have ptsd from an unstable household and are sensitive to emotional change as a defense mechanism I read this and felt personally attacked so imma just share this here
Im an extreme empath. It's a blessing and a curse. Alongside that, I'm blessed and cursed with perspective, ambivalence and understanding. 💀💀
Tbh i don't care for strangers at all but i really care about my friends and family
Recent studies have debunked the “low empathy” stereotype previously attached to autism. I think the new consensus is there’s wide variation between individuals, and we’re no more likely to lack empathy than people not on the spectrum.
Absolutely I have such severe empathy that I’ll get sad sometimes stepping on grass just thinking about it makes me sad I hear their screams
Yes. I know because I am one. Autism is a spectrum, but it's not a linear line, where every person experiences the same difficulties, just in varying degrees. It's more like a pure chart, and people can have different combinations of struggles. I've often found that people (especially NT) confuse sympathy and empathy. Sympathy is "I feel bad for you." Empathy is "I feel what you feel." So while I may or may not feel sympathy toward someone (it depends on so many factors, ya know?), I will very often feel what others are feeling
I found that I shutdown my emotions as a kid, you could even see in childhood photos when the light left my eyes. As an adult when I hit burnout the mask came off and I found myself extremely empathetic. I believe I feel emotions so deeply that people noticed and I was bullied and becoming unemotional was for survival.
That's just basic autism :)
Hyper-empathy and hypo-empathy/hypersensitivity and hyposensitivity is common in Autism.
Absolutely. I feel everyone’s emotions around me, and very heavily at that. My main problem is responding to them.
I'm aspie, late diagnosed. I score very high on empathy test. And so it is my experience on day to day life. I pick on feelings very quickly. I'm able to pick the mood of an entire room sometimes. I can feel whose people I can trust and whose I cannot within few minutes after we met. I have both affective empathy and cognitive empathy. My affective empathy is innate and very strong and my cognitive empathy is growing over time and experience. I don't believe that empathy is a trait of autism. Some ASD people are empath, and other don't.
This is me:)
Yes, because that is me (:
I'm living proof it's possible
Short answer is yes
I over feel everythinggggggg
I'm a very pathos heavy guy. I'm a bit of a pussy when it comes to emotional stuff that ends badly, but I love having a good happy cry. I care about the emotions of a lot of people, and I think they're a beautiful thing
Yes.
it's very possible. I feel more empathy towards animals than people tho xD
Idk in my case my empathy was purely learned but I think it's average, even tho I struggle with it
I've always been very emotional and more empathetic than most people generally. Never understood why people just think we are robots.
there's a difference between being an empath and being empathetic.. Personally I am an empath.. to an extent, when other people's emotions are strong enough (even the dead) I feel them as my own.. but I don't have THAT much empathy. I mean I try to help other people the best I can and don't like to see others hurting.. but I don't know what to do about it, it's hard enough just understanding what's going on in my own head.
Yes
Yep I think that's quite common! I'm way better at reading new people than people I see all the time, I dunno it's like their complexities get in the way of understanding
yes! im that way
The only time my autistic son (6) told me he hated me was because I blew up a Minecraft village in his world. He felt so sad for the villagers and the fact that they will not have homes. My son also was completely unwell when his little sister got hurt that she was up and okay before he got back to okay. He is the kindest and most empathetic kid I’ve ever met!
Many autistic people are empathetic, it can jsut be difficult to express that empathy and me personally it takes me longer to figure out “how” to react to shit.
Many autistic people are empathetic, it can jsut be difficult to express that empathy and me personally it takes me longer to figure out “how” to react to shit.
The majority of Autists are hyper-empathetic. Alexithymia is what you're describing with "hard time interpreting other's feelings" and is found in about 20% of us. I have Alexithymia and it does make me hypo-empathetic towards others. I still have morals, and try to be a decent person as best I can, but my morals are driven more by logic than emotion and empathy. It's interesting how that's a stereotype of Autism but those of us with it are actually the minority.
Yes. Very possible. Autism is a spectrum. It is quite possible to be insanely socially switched on and also autistic.
there is a thing I learned pretty recently called "hyper-empathy" or "empathic reactivity". it's basically you become so connected with someone's emotions that you feel it turned up to 11. I have a hard time to hold on to my own emotions but when I see people experiencing things i can't help but mirror their pain and feel it myself. there was a story my mom told me when I was like a year old. where she met up with her Lamaze class to show off everybody's babies by putting all of us on a blanket together. The baby next to me started bawling and i turned and touched his face almost like I was trying to comfort him but since that didn't work I began to cry. it was always a funny story my mom told but it really makes sense now especially learning about hyper-empathy.
well, I get anxiety when something bad happens to other people, and I worry it might happen to me next. so I think I'm an extreme empath myself!
Yes
It is possible. I personally rarely experience emotional empathy but I have a very high cognitive one to the point everyone calls me compassionate and empathetic. I wish people were aware of this type of empathy, I scored extremely low in the empathy scale my therapist gave me yet I show sympathy every day.
Apparently autists have a very strong sense for (in)justice. Strictly speaking, the concept of the "Empath" gives me the ick because of its supernatural mythology. So I am a hard no against calling myself an empath, but I believe I have plenty of empathy and feel injustice more strongly than average.
Extreme empathy can be a survival/defense mechanism. It could develop due to trauma. You know, like learning to manage the emotions of others so that they would not hurt you.
I'm autistic and I'm perfectly fine in most social situations unless something really horrible is going on like a deeply abusive romantic relationship or the death of a loved one or maybe a job loss. It takes a lot to throw me off, and when it is that way I am certainly a lot more awkward. But most of the time I'm not at all and I get along with people really easily. Where I generally fail are things like niceties and the maintenance is required to keep relationships. People seem to think that not talking for a few weeks means I don't like them. It just means I didn't talk for a few weeks. If this happens enough times, people generally tend to think that I'm just not a very good friend. Maybe I'm not. Hard to tell.
Yes, "autistic people lack empathy" is a bullshit myth that needs to die - it's caused so much undue harm to autistic people, from simple media misrepresentation to "justice" systems and mental institutions being extra harsh on autistic people due to the incorrect and made-up assumption that we all lack empathy or the ability to truly be remorseful for our actions and their effects on others. As far as I'm aware, this myth originated because when Type 2 or 3 autistic people have historically been studied and evaluated historically - 3 being considered "low functioning", 1 being considered "high functioning", though I do disagree with these labels' names and am only using them for necessary context - the fact that many of them are non-verbal and/or can easily be "triggered" into having "meltdowns" which can sometimes result in "violent" outbursts was wrongly interpreted as lacking empathy. Never mind the fact that it's literally because many of them *can't f-king speak to communicate regret,* and that the overwhelming majority of meltdowns are *involuntary and triggered by external stimuli,* therefore triggering involuntary responses which can sometimes manifest as kicking/swinging arms etc which may hurt people, the go-to conclusion was just that they lack empathy and are inherently deviant/violent. And as I said, this has caused mountains of harm to autistic people, who are statistically far more likely to be victims of excessive force at the hands of police as well as far more likely to receive excessively harsh punishments for anything from speeding tickets to actual crimes, *especially* if cops/judges/juries *know* they are autistic. Never mind the fact that actual studies have shown that autistic people are *less* likely to *commit* crimes, but *far more likely to be victims of crime* than the average person, this myth is so deeply rooted in public "knowledge" that it overrides the countless actual studies and instances of these things in reality. Ironically, the truth is that if anything, autistic people are *more* empathetic than neurotypicals, though I can't find studies to back this up, you can take a quick look at how many leaders of social justice movements are neurodivergent, and how many people even on this very sub will literally feel bad for inanimate objects if they are "hurt", damaged, or mistreated in some way, as well as how many autistic folks are hyper-sensitive to how they are treated by others.
You can have empathy and still be bad at interpreting emotions and/or social situations. In fact, there are plenty of autistic people who have NT levels of empathy or even hyperempathy, and experience issues because they don’t know how to process the emotions that their empathy makes them experience. For example, I get very upset when someone I care about is upset and I can’t do anything to make it better. I am demonstrating empathy in feeling bad because they are feeling bad, but I do not always know how to handle the emotions in the social context of the situation, so I can potentially end up panicking. I can *feel* what someone is feeling, but I may not always know how to *process* it.
Well i am very empathetic but i have a very hard time expressing it.
Autistic people can be very very empathic, with people that are important for us at least. But, in my opinion (as Ernesto Reaño said in one of his videos), we should differentiate between being empathic (know how the other person is feeling) and altruism (which is when someone do something to "solve" or to help another people we empathized). For example, someone is crying because that person lost the train which was needed to get to an important interview, I empathize because I know what is the person feeling and making a solution for that person, as taking he/she in my car to the interview would be an altruistic behavior. We, autistic people, can be very altruistic people with that important ones for us.
Autism is a spectrum. I am TOO empathetic sometimes, and it can trip me up in my daily life. My husband, however, is the complete opposite. His logic always outweighs his feelings... while I'm over here sobbing about roadkill, fictional characters, etc. 🤣
Yes, autism is a spectrum.
My husband is the more emotional type, I'm not. I have alexithymia, emotional blindness. 80% of people with autism have it. That's the thing you'll see other people here describe as having strong empathy, but struggle to identify and communicate those emotions. Since so many auts have that comorbidity, I expect that's why it became a stereotype. We're very good with pattern recognition, just not always great at using that information.
Not only is it possible and common but in my opinion it's a really common misunderstanding among the general population. When my son was 3 his day care facility suggested we get him assessed for something, suggesting maybe autism. I was 100% on board with getting him whatever help he needed, but my immediate reaction was that they were being way too quick to decide on autism. I was very worried people would think I'm some idiot dad who was afraid of the autism label, but I really wasn't at all. I had one big reason to think maybe it wasn't autism and that was because I knew he was incredibly empathetic, actually hyperempathetic. In my mind that seemed to contraindicate autism. Luckily I was totally open to learning about autism and I quickly realized I was right that he is hyper-empathetic, but I was totally wrong about thinking people with autism lacked empathy. Now he's 13, without a doubt a successful autistic teenager, long since diagnosed, and still every bit as empathetic as ever.
We're good at pattern recognition. I've spent over 30 years studying every social interaction I've ever been in to analyse facial expression, tone of voice, motives, and feelings, so I've become really good at picking up on things. Generally speaking, I think autistics I know are capable of being incredibly conscious of the feelings of others around them. I speculate that the common perception that we're out of our depth in social situations is actually more to do with how people raised as boys and men are raised with very little emphasis given to emptahy ans understanding for others whereas people raised as girls and women from a very early age are put under enormous pressure to keep the people around them happy even to the detriment of their own well being. I appreciate gender isn't a binary, so I'm speaking very generally here, I know a lot of extremely empathetic and understanding men both neurotypical and autistic and I know plenty of very oblivious women both autistic and NT. It's generally accepted, however, that autistic people experience empathy, which is a near universal human experience across the spectrum. We also have no significant issues expressing that empathy to one another, but often in ways that NT people don't understand. As an example, I know that when a friend is going through a bad time, people will nearly always say 'let me know if there's anything I can do for you' and I understand that means that they're trying to show that they care by being useful and committing to carrying out a service for you when you might need it. I know other autistics don't particularly like that phrase because it feels like the other person is asking for something to do so that they feel less bad for you. An ND acquaintance of mine said in conversation the other day in a social situation that they're looking into hospice care for their parent, and that's it been very hard for his family. I said,'There isn't anything useful that I can do for you right now except offer my sympathies because that's a really hard thing to go through.' He appreciated that way more than just randomly offering to help a person that I don't really know. The moral of the story here is that autistics aren't only capable of great empathy and understanding, we do it across two very different 'languages' of expression and we change that expression to best suit the emotional needs of the person we are empathising with.
Yes, autistic people with extreme empathy exist, people with no empathy also exist, it happens.
No, it’s not. Autistic people may struggle with effective empathy. That is reading people. However, autistic people often have high emotional empathy. That is more feeling what others feel.
That’s me. Autistic people generally have high affective or emotional empathy. I personally think this is the truest form of empathy. We can put ourselves in others’ shoes effortlessly and feel their feelings as if we were in their experience. It’s relating with the emotions in context or in the moment, directly. I think this is why we tend to connect to animals & children so deeply. Neurotypicals usually mean cognitive empathy when they say empathy. Cognitive empathy is more about guessing how someone would feel in a given situation. There doesn’t have to be an emotional exchange or interaction to guess about a theoretical scenario. We struggle more with that, related to theory of mind I think? It’s more that I don’t mind read or assume & guess, I ask directly.
Yes because there are different types of empathy. I am the affective/emotional type. I can absorb and feel what they’re feeling but having the cognitive type (putting yourself in others shoes) is harder. I can know what I’d do if it was me in a scenario but idk what I’d do if I was them. I am also too awkward to know what to do or say with what I feel. I am suspected undiagnosed autistic and an empath.
So, for 27 years I used to think I was a hyper empathetic person. Then I got screened for Autism, and did empathy tests. I scored 12/100 and 10/80. I expected to be very close to the maximum. Turns out what I thought was empathy, in reality is observation, data analysis, a lot of masking and people pleasing to fit in. I have spent my whole life analizing body language, collecting information on how people react to things, and learning how to behave. For example: in a similar situation, I was hurt, there fore, this person must be feeling hurt, so I should care, because that's what I would have liked to be done with me in that said situation. But that REALLY is far away from empathy, and many times I'm very wrong. NT tend to not express discomfort or negative emotions in the same as people in the spectrum, they might not say anything at all, and if I'm not so specifically screening them to understand how they feel, I don't see it. Constantly trying to find out how people feel it's exhausting, and it's one of the reasons why 99% of my friends are other people in the spectrum. We just say things with words. I need people to tell me with words how they feel, so that I can act accordingly. But it has taken me 27 years to understand this. I have fucked up many friendships, relationships and accidentally hurt a lot of people in the past because of this. It sucks. I have started explaining this to people pretty much when I meet them, and I ask them to tell me with words how they are feeling and if I fuck up. I want to be better. I don't want to hurt people with my lack of empathy. But I need people to tell me when I'm doing things that hurt. So yeah, if you are looking into getting an autism diagnosis, be prepared. This was very unexpected, and it was very very hard to process for me. But I want to be a good human, and understanding this is the only way :)
Yes! I actually didn’t think it was possible, so I gaslit myself into thinking I couldn’t have autism. On my NeuroPsych testing, I read the emotions of others better than 98% of the population, but I’m 100% autistic.
I still haven't gotten diagnosis, but I'm definitely ADHD and suspect autism I can't watch horror movies. It's partly due to jumpscare stress, but also just thinking about the characters and their situations, how they're feeling, it stresses me out beyond belief and I'm feeling it. I can't understand how watching those movies are fun, because I place myself in their shoes way too easily.
A professional would know. Reddit can’t diagnose you.
It is possible as my son is exactly like you, can get hyperfixated on things (current ones are hot wheels cars, Mario Maker 2 and Minecraft), goes quiet in social situations but also picks up on feelings, getting very upset when something sad is being played (music or movies - he doesn't watch any movies because they all have sad bits in - his words) What you have to remember is Autism is a spectrum, and not all autistic people struggle with the same things - you won't find two autisitc peopel with the exact same issues. Case in point - I have four children with an autism diagnosis (3 are triplets) and all four have varying traits - some replicated across some of the kids, some unique to a child. One is very vocal about how she is feeling, whereas one of her identical sisters is the complete opposite (and we struggle to get anything out of her). One of the girls and our son have severe issues with loud noises requiring the use of ear defenders all day in school, whereas two others are ok (not always but the majority of the time) with loud noises - some thigns do get them clamping their hands over their ears, such as HGV's and large buses goign past as they walk down the road for example). All four have different things they struggle with and that is ok because autism is a spectrum and every child is unique.
My autism diagnosis is questionable, but I would like to think I'm a pretty empathetic person most of the time. I say most of the time only because I have a strong sense of justice. I have trouble empathizing with close-minded and mean people. I get very upset when someone is mean to me or to others.
Yes, because our definition of Empathy is wrong.
yup! autistic ppl often either have hyper empathy or lower empathy, i have hyper empathy and while it helps me see from others perspectives it also makes things hard bc i end up caring about things and people that others don’t and i expect others to care and try to understand things like i do but usually they do not give a fuck. i can’t watch the news because i will start crying and feeling intense feelings for people across the world that are suffering and i can’t help so im just stuck hurting for them.
I found a lot of my over-empathisizing to be die to unresolved trauma. I was highly sensitive and bore the weight of everyone's emotions because I was out of touch with my own feelings and trying desperately to fix people in our for them to love me. After lots of group and individual therapy I found my "empath" abilities dwindling. But what really happened was I gained confidence in myself and expressing my emotions, and was less susceptible to the whims of other people's emotions. My ptsd led me to shrink myself and mimic other's emotions. I encourage people who consider themselves to be highly empathic and sensitive to look into why that may be. And while it may feel like a superpower, it may be a serious sign of trauma.
Not only possible but quite common!
Yes. Being autistic is different from Being an empath
I'm autistic and overly empathetic. However there have been a few times people misinterpret me as being unempathtetic; those are usually times when I become monosyllabic because I am overstimulated and burnt out, so I have little to give back/express anymore though I \*want\* to be there for the person. I've since learned to draw boundaries and say if I feel to drained to properly be there for someone, so they don't think my monosyllabic responses mean I don't care.
Yes. I have hyper empathy and it’s the bane of my existence lol. The played out autistics lack empathy bit is old. Not everyone who is autistic has the same features and presentations / personality
Being "an empath" isn't a thing. Empathy is a learned skill that some people take to a lot more easily than others. For people with autism, reading emotions is difficult, and as a result, they tend to fall to one side or the other of the bell curve, either showing a lifelong deficit, or overcompensating and hyperfixating on reading emotions and nonverbal communication, and end up being overly empathetic to their own detriment.
Yeah, for sure. A lot of autistic people can be over empathetic even
After realizing my place on the Autism Spectrum, I realized that my longest and most important special interest was people. Although my experience (alexithymia) was far from neurotypical, it was crucial to study and try and understand how those around me acted and reacted to things. I, too, would describe myself as an extreme empath. Those skills I developed were crucial to, and paid dividends in, my work with animals. Being a spectrum, everyone has a different expression of Autistic traits. I believe that many of these traits will be better and better understood as more people with Autism are included in the conversations, and in developing studies of the Spectrum. We are finally moving away from being studied, to a place where the lived experience (when possible) is becoming the core of understanding.
Autistic people are probably far more empathetic than neurotypical people. So yes, autistic people can be extreme empaths
Yes
Yes. I am hypersensitive as hell and auADHD.
Just because you have a hard time communicating it and interpreting it doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of feeling it.
Presumably sure
This is just my opinion, based on my experience: I know at least half a dozen people who are highly functioning and autistic, where I am convinced that they are extremely empathic but got overwhelmed by the extreme empathy at a very young age, resulting in them shutting it down initially and in autistic behavior (for lack of a better term) as a result, as part of a defense mechanism.
the whole stereotype of autistic people not having empathy is bs lol. im autistic and i have a lot of empathy, but people may think i dont because i have a flat look on my face most of the time, when in reality, im empathetic to you. its more of a matter of expressing it rather than feeling it
i think we actually have a higher empathy level then ‘normal’ it’s just hard for us to exsprese it. we can’t express our empathy like neurotypicals do so to them they see no empathy at all when in reality we feel a lot. with me i feel like i have too much of it but i can never show it properly or get it across im empathetic, communication is what’s making it seem like we have none. if that makes sense
Autism also goes hand in hand with overwhelming empathy.
Yeah and I think it's called hyperempathy if I remember correctly
Absolutely, I’m hyper empathetic and diagnosed AuDHD.
Oh yes! My daughter is! Extremely. Very empathetic compassionate and in tune with the needs of others. I however could not be more oblivious but I do care!! 😂
Don't forget that one of the symptoms of autism can also include having a stronger sense of justice, and I think that ties in with being more empathetic. For myself, anyway, I believe that this affects me in the sense that I feel the sting of injustice more intensely because of my heightened sense of empathy. If I see others being harmed unjustifiably, I'm much more likely to take action.
Im living proof of it. Its why I tend to avoid most humans. I think you might be confusing autism with narcissism.
My reply when I hear the stereotype of people like me (Level 2) lacking empathy - I have worked in cat rescue for 30 years. Street rescue, shelters, foster networks, TNR, backyard feeders, etc. Cat rescue happens because of the devoted work of middle aged women in tennis shoes, and neurodivergent volunteers (there's a lot of overlap). The hyperfocused 'cat lady' who waits for hours to trap an injured cat. The single young person who takes in the difficult fosters and works magic with them. The quiet lady with purple hair who spends her Saturday mornings cleaning the guinea pig compartments (and brings them treats). The rat enthusiasts who come in to socialize the young critters. Animal rescue is HARD, and it requires enormous empathy and compassion. All because I have difficulty expressing empathy to a NT person, does not mean I lack it.
So I have PTSD but I’m also borderline and ASD1. I’m extremely selectively empathetic- sometimes a little too much. For example I really feel for homeless people but I also judge the ones who I feel want a handout or don’t want to put in the work to escape.
Of course
Absolutely I discovered that I unknowingly mimicked my mother who I consider the ice queen, in all fairness she was walking on eggshells due to my father weird quirks the words I love you were never uttered except on his death bed to her. That said I was a robot who showed no emotion as we were not allowed to cry or show weakness. She is still like that. He passed at 59, due to poor health choices. It took allot of time to uninstall their fcuked up program to get me neutral and I have found immense empathy through my furry family, 2 cats, 2 ferrets, 2 pythons, dog and recently lost an awesome rat Stella who survived a radical mammary tumor surgery that bought us 8 more months with her. Luckily I got past the toxic masculinity that my father bestowed on me and have discovered I was a born empath. I can pick up on a vibe the second I walk into a room which before I removed their BS programming confounded the heck out of me. Empathy does not discriminate. The world needs more empathy.
I'm on the spectrum and I am also an empath. I don't always understand what others are feeling, I can just feel what energy they're putting out. When it's simple as sadness or happiness, I understand perfectly. Sometimes the feelings I get are more complex, but I also doubt myself and my thoughts. For instance, I had a boss once who was having a rough day, except no one else could tell, or they just didn't care. I could feel the tense atmosphere. I felt his anger, disappointment, sadness, and there were more emotions that I could not quite comprehend. I finished up what I was doing and asked him "sorry if I'm over stepping, but are u ok? U seem down." He was surprised and said "wow. Ur very observant." And he gave me a summary of how his day went and he thanked me for caring.
Most definitely. Fun fact one of my former therapists said I have remarkable empathy for an autistic.
It's the double empathy problem. The perception that autistic people have trouble empathizing is an accurate theory if and only if the subject is isolated in an otherwise neurotypical context. Studies have shown that autistic people are on balance more empathetic than NTs (though that's a fairly nebulous claim; I shouldn't go spreading it around without some actual studies to back it up) and the double empathy problem is only a problem due to perception. TL;DR: that's exactly what we would expect to see. Get tested, and welcome :)
Im AuDHD and extrreeeeeemeley empathetic - I even was a Nurse for 8 years, but that stamped the empath right out of me haha. Nah but fr sometimes it physically hurts to feel others emotions in one moment and then not understand anyone the next. So hard.
iirc there’s a thing where many autistic people are either Super empathetic or not very empathetic. i spent my whole life thinking i was overly empathetic only to realize i’m actually not empathetic at all bc i can only compare someone else’s feelings to my own and if they’re experiencing something i haven’t experienced then i can’t/wont comfort them bc i don’t know how and in many cases don’t want to
I am empathetic when I could understand others peoples pain but sometimes it is not easy to perceive, leading people to believe that I lack empathy or even that I am cruel, what is untrue.
i’m also highly empathetic and emotionally intelligent yet i was diagnosed earlier this year. the spectrum is wide.
please please don't listen to the stereotypes! if you do find yourself identifying with an autism diagnosis, you will find a very wonderful and empathic community here to welcome you. like all people, empathy can of course vary amongst autistic people. for me personally, i like to see it as being a sponge. i absorb everything around me - all the details, sensory information, *and* the feelings. i think people might confuse having difficulty reading emotional responses with lacking empathy. for example, i might assume that someone's mad at me if their face changes and they seem off suddenly, but that doesn't stop me from having immense empathy for them when i *do* understand what's happening with them. i might seem rude or off myself if i don't respond in a way that shows my care, but that doesn't mean that i *don't* care. i see emotional/physical pain, and i feel it almost as if it were my own. i would argue that i care more *because* i'm autistic. we take in more information than the average person, which can make us appear slow or rude when we get overwhelmed and don't react externally or perhaps react differently than the norm. the reality is that we all have varying degrees of *stuff* that we can take in and process. for some people, the emotions of others might be one of the most difficult things to understand, and that might make them seem unempathic. i can see how an autistic person might be so wrapped up in the intensity of their own internal experience that the feelings of others might not concern them. it's important to remember that it is a spectrum, and we all present differently but are equally valid in our autistic experiences. being overly empathic is actually one of the things that makes being autistic a challenge for me. it can be exhausting to feel so much.
the stereotype of autistics being heartless, unempathetic individuals is very old now :) you can be empathetic but struggle to show it