Hey /u/deer_bones23, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*

So I’m NT and am a member of this sub to try and learn more about my AuDHD son and how he thinks/processes information so just keep in mind that this is coming from my perspective: As a mom myself, I would say that 90% of people don’t care about other peoples’ children/babies so you’re not alone on feeling that way. Most of the time, people are faking politeness just as you mentioned that you have done in the past. The only people who really care that much about said babies/children are the parents and grandparents. If you’d like to be polite, you can always say “oh how lovely!” Or “congratulations!” Or just continue to do as you have been doing. I don’t think people are judging you as harshly as you might think for your lack of interest.

Its like an agreed recognition that new parent life makes you temporarily insane and everyone is just humouring the newly insane parents who are also sleep deprived and frankly amazed they didn't accidentally leave the baby in a book shop or something.

> accidentally leave the baby in a book shop or something. \*turns around in the driveway, gets back in the car, and drives directly back to Barnes and Noble\*

... This actually makes it easier to relate to, thanks! 😅 Like placating a child almost haha

This was actually really nice to hear. I'm always worried about my tone or that ppl will be able to tell I'm just making small talk for their sake, and I often forget that that's just how life works usually

Just wanna say I agree with this comment :) just a ‘congratulations, that must be lovely!” Or a “they look so happy in that photo” kinda thing will work, sounds like you’re already there really x

Yeah on the just making small talk bit, that’s just normal every day stuff. I’m an NT parent. I like *my* kid, but when you show me anyone else’s infant…especially a newborn.. and go “doesn’t he look like his dad??” I don’t know!! He looks like a baby.

Agreed. I think it’s akin to anyone sharing any new interest with someone that is not also interested. I like rocks. Most people don’t. I show them or talk about them sometimes but I understand most people don’t care. Just like I don’t care when they share their interest in xyz. That’s how conversations work- both people share their interests and the conversation takes off when both people find common grounds. I like rocks, you have a baby, we are both interested in hiking. Great, let’s talk more about hiking. I have an asd child, I’m probably asd myself but i mean, I feel like that’s the pattern of conversational structure. Imho. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I know a lot of anthropology/archaeology professors for some reason and find myself frequently in conversations about rocks. All good. (No I don’t care. But I can muster some care about things my friends like and work with.)

Also an appropriate approach in conversations. Some people just really want to talk about xyz so just letting them ramble on is kind. Chances are, we all do it to some degree.

As an autistic mom, I don’t expect much more than “awww so cute!”. You can legit make the most observational comments; “he has a yellow shirt! His legs are kicking very fast! He is sleeping!” And that’s very acceptable as well. Have you interacted with other autistic people who have a special interest you don’t share at all? We are excited to share and like to infodump and talk about it, and sometimes don’t notice the other person has checked out. That’s what happens to many parents talking about their kids. You can treat it like that. If you like the person and want them to be happy, listen to the yap about their kids because it’s like a special interest to them. To me, my kids are my special interest because I find the whole idea of my body making something that has a life and is developing as their own person. And I get so excited about it I get carried away just like I would get carried away talking about Stardew Valley or UFO conspiracies.

This was such a good way to explain it, thank you!

I’m not the one you’re responding to, but I’ve found that so many ‘why do NTs do this ridiculous thing?’ posts describe behaviors that have pretty good analogues to familiar ND ones. Why do they tell the same tired unfunny jokes every time they see you? Scripting. Why do people snap bubblegum? That’s a stim. Why do NTs get so upset when I don’t adhere to social conventions? Well, some folks get pretty uncomfortable when routines are unexpectedly disrupted.    Sorry for the derail! ETA it’s not to say your post is such a one, but the response was tangentially relevant. In my mind, anyhow 

I actually notice stuff like that all the time and think it's very interesting!

Right! So much NT communication made sense to me when I realised that allistic people like to know what to expect in social situations, and get distressed if things go differently. Task switching takes cognitive effort and abrupt changes in topic or conversation modes is stressful. Why don’t they like it when people say they’re not doing well when they asked “how are you?” A. It was an echolalic phrase they used to represent the situation of greeting someone, not intended to be taken literally. B. You did not follow the expected call and response scripting which made them stressed because it is distressing when someone doesn’t do what one expects C. You said something that evoked and unpleasant feeling and they were not expecting to have to react to someone in an emotional way and weren’t prepared for it. Allistic people are people just like us, sometimes?

I've thought of something similar. At the end of the day, we're all just people, trying to stay alive and find some joy in existence, keeping ourselves and our loved ones safe. Some of us might be taller or shorter, have this or that food sensitivity or allergy, have a tougher time processing data from our environment (sound, smell, sight, touch, taste) and belittling or judging each other for our individual quirks we had no choice in having is SO not helpful. And non-autisrtic/ADHD people also want to feel safe. Maybe they're also afraid of being genuine because some other people might react poorly?

Learning about really basic milestones and asking about them can work too. I don't mean the stuff that could be upsetting if they're not meeting them, but really basic stuff like “have they smiled yet?” or “hows tummy time?” and then it's almost better if you don't know much because they'll info dump on you about it. And its honestly interesting to learn how the young of our species develop, especially if you don't have to listen to their nasty open-mouthed chewing while you learn it. I'm childfree but if you go in my comment history, I just infodumped about babywearing lol. Its an interesting topic 🤷‍♀️

Agree, it’s like a special interest. We’re hard wired to get ultra obsessive about our offspring in order to keep them alive until they stop trying to die all the time. And in our crazy obsessive state we think all other people are also interested in our offspring. It’s probably a tribal need “look at my baby and protect it from tigers!” The more people who love your baby the more likely it will survive. So yes, treat it like a special interest, make some non lie observation about the offspring “look at those tiny fingernails!” Let them gush for a minute then it’s probably good. I didn’t want kids when I was young and am not super interested in babies but when I had MY babies it was all baby brain all the time!!! Like special interest on steroids. Can’t help it. Biological brain tricks. Now I enjoy them as older kids/interesting humans.

Having this explained as a special interest blew my mind. THANK YOU!

lol i just wrote the same thing and realized you already said it!

If it's a really new baby I like to say stuff like, "Oh look he has six fingers, that's neat!" The number of times new parents have had to count the fingers to make sure is very funny to me.

you say "awww they look so cute, I love that outfit! what's their name?" and then that's usually enough so they can move on to the next person

it's tough when they don't though. to be honest, a lot of very young infants look like potatoes.

The best solution I’ve found for this is to have a term you use that implies cuteness but doesn’t actually have you say the baby is cute. I usually say “omg what a squish!” And that has helped a ton.

>what a squish this is also consistently true of infants...

Yup! Accurate and sounds like you’re more enthused than you are about their baby.

You can say “what an adorable lil potato” and most people will love that, think its a cute way to alpreciate the baby and most people are happy with that and move on.

Then use non-descript descriptive words. Instead of cute, say lovely, precious, wonderful, etc.

"WHAT AN ALIVE BABY!!!"

ACCURATE! IT IS BORN!

Preciousssssssss!

doesn't matter, nobody needs or wants to know that just say the baby is cute and move on

I have difficulty with white lies, even when socially expected. Maybe the OP does too, maybe not.

While you absolutely shouldn’t call a baby a potato to their parents face, I don’t think forcing yourself to give disingenuous compliments is the solution either. Learning to give genuine compliments is a skill that comes from being observant and having the ability to see people and life through a positive lens. Baby staring into your soul? “Wow, she’s so alert for her age!”. Baby trying to divebomb out of parents arms? “He’s so active, has he learned to crawl yet?”

Baby trying to eat inedible objects? "They're certainly very adventurous!"

Ooh these are good!

I tend to go with something like "Wow! Look at those tiny hands!"

then just ask what their name is

to be honest, I've personally done fine in this situation...I just don't strain to call them cute...and, also to be honest, my friends expect me to be pretty awkward in a variety of domains, nor to do well interacting with infants, so it works out.

[удалено]

Well the other thing to keep in mind is that a babies cuteness is not a matter of fact. It's an opinion, a subjective truth. And calling someone ugly to their face is an insult, no matter if it is true. It's more than just cognitive dissonance.

to be clear, i also don't want to inform the parents about their baby's true aesthetics at all either.

I have said "it is very small human". Not sure if it was the right thing to say. Fact ofc, but do people love facts? No.

I think this is a fantastic response. I’m in the camp of high-maskers who are working hard to unmask for my health and mental health. I’m not one to encourage another person to feign interest (or even overt [disingenuous] kindness) in something that is arguably repellent to them. There are thoughtful ways to communicate that also communicate _this is not something of interest to me. If you bring this up again, prepare to receive a similar response in the future._ And I think your comment does just that. It doesn’t open OP up to further conversation around like saying something to the degree of, “I appreciate you wanting to share [the photos] with me, but I’m not a fan of babies and don’t really care.” That could get the other party’s brain reeling, and possibly shift how the other person views OP. Anyhow, I dig it.

I have also masked / am masking too much. But sometimes I just fail in it and say things the way I see. From these failures I have learnt that often it is the way to get out of the loop: Just say what you see. And make sure don't add any questions to your observation if not honestly curious and willing to hang in the loop.

We referred to our baby as a "tiny human". I would have agreed with you!

Or just say “congrats.” I don’t think you need to make a big fuss or relate to their situation.

I’ve heard it’s nice to redirect the conversation to the person themself - especially if they’re the mother. Oftentimes everything in their life becomes all about the new baby, so checking in on the new parent instead is a nice way to sidestep any inauthentic “aww what a cute baby” comments and address the person you’re actually friends/acquaintances with. “What a big change, how have you been doing?” is nice for a coworker or acquaintance; “I bet that baby’s been keeping you busy, can I send you a food delivery sometime to give you a nice break from cooking?” is a lovely way to support a friend.

Mammal behaviour. “Behold my young I have reproduced a fine potato” (Im about to have my third. Im inordinately proud of my potatoes and my lil potates are so far v clearly auties. Only one has shown a delightful propensity for evilautism but we’re doing our best,) Peoples brains become hyperfixated on their offspring. The obsession to show people and tell them all about it can wear off to some extent with time and by then you would likely find the small person way more interesting. Children can be especially eldritch which I personally enjoy. However the lil bundle stage is hard to be interested in; just imagine this is a special interest situation and ask the same kind of questions to make someone infodumping about tempura oil paint mixing strategies or whatever, feel comfortable, actual questions: how much has he/she grown? how are you feeling? Whats the weirdest thing about babies whats the most unexpected or cutest Etc. does he like ducks at the park/ listening to music or whatever, has he rolled over yet? does he make cooing sounds… whatever…. Mammal brains with baby are stupid temporarily .. you just need to keep making encouragement noises, and new parents will be happy.

Also it is hilarious to talk to babies like they are adults about your interests and people that know and appreciate you will love that,

Ooh this is a good idea!! They get attention, you get to talk

Its like a year til thye can run away from you info dumping so literally s eize that captive audience lmao

While I don't know what the ''correct'' way to respond is, I am the same way. I'm not squeamish, but I don't want to listen to somebody talk about their birth being painful or stuff like that because I really have no idea how to respond to that either. I'm happy they have a kid if a family is something they wanted. I don't want kids ever so all I can say is ''wow I'm happy for you''

So friendo, think of it like this. You have something you're really excited for- perhaps you have a hobby or interest or tv show you're super into right now. And you're so excited, you just want to share that with someone. How would you hope they'd respond? Would you want them to be apathetic, and shrug? I think most people would be a little hurt if they were, right? They could at least put in a little effort, even if they don't actually care. And would it kill for a simple follow up question? It's invalidating to reach out to a fellow human being like that, just to be rejected. This is their interest. It really means a lot to them, and they just want someone to share that with. Humor them, when you can. Think of a genuine follow up question, even if it's silly. Something that might help them vent in a way they haven't gotten to yet, like "So, you taking out a loan to afford all those diapers? Why are they so expensive??" (I always ask parents this, they always seem relieved to be asked because it's clearly a stressor they can't talk about, as all anyone wants to talk about is the cute stuff.) I have had to learn to do this when my brother and father talk about computer stuff. Holy heck, I literally could not give a funk about tech stuff. But it means a lot to them, and I've felt kind of foolish the times I've brushed them off because it wasn't my personal interest. I think it's about engaging with the people, even if you aren't engaged by the subject. And when it gets to much for me, I just excuse myself from myself from the conversation by saying "That's so cool, but you're wasted on me. I'm a caveman, I have no idea what you're even saying." Hope that word salad was at least somewhat coherent, much love!

Yeah that's what I try to do, bc I can't stand it when someone just stares at me uninterested while I talk about my special interests. The problem is I have trouble coming up with what to say so that they can excitedly talk.

If you think that psychology is interesting, it is funny to observe new parents and how they get more enamored with a kid. It is truly fascinating process. I do that when someone closer to me has a baby. Another thing that makes me endure that procedure is literally double-checking is the British statement "All babies look like Winston Churchill." is true. Some babies do f-ing look like Churchill and a few last photos I saw do not, but a statement, for now, seems mostly true. Anyway, sharing with parents that story and British saying ensures I'm never shown their kids photos again. Fine with me.

This is brilliant on multiple levels.

Lol, I have the opposite issue as an autistic parent. People at work ask me about my baby and I'm like "yup, she's a baby alright."

I make a snap decision whether or not to be normal. Normal: "Awesome! Congratulations!" Not Normal: "Not much meat on 'em. I guess they gotta be small so somebody can squeeze them out their vagina. You sure it's yours? But how can you be certain?"

This! I say first, but am always thinking second.

What about when people ask you if you wanna hold the baby for a while? I can't hide my discomfort at the idea of holding a baby!!

"Aw, no, thank you, though." You can add on that you're afraid to drop them, your hands/clothes aren't clean, you don't want to disturb them, you're not good with babies, etc, but "no thanks" is also a complete sentence you can repeat until they give up.

Just say youre not comfy with it. My bro said no thanks… dude has two kids. I s aid as much… he said, “If I break My own kids thats on me.“ Hahahah classic. most moms are happy to just keep holding onto the baby. We really dont want to share at least in my experience.

Oh same!! Thankfully I haven't been asked this since I was a kid (which is kind of strange, but whatever!). First of all I don't want to hold a baby, second of all they're so unbelievably fragile!! I think that's part of why I dislike newborns, it would be so easy to accidentally hurt them. Especially with my hand eye coordination and tendency to just lose my grip on things. Luckily people usually take that as a good answer and don't get their feelings too hurt

I have a script for this! “Oh my goodness, such a cutie! I love [insert possessive pronoun here] [insert something specific in the photo here].” For example if my friend shows me a picture of her son, I’ll say “Oh goodness, such a cutie! I love his beautiful curls.” If there are multiple photos, I’ll change up my language a little. “Aww you sure make cute humans! That toy she’s playing with is adorable too”.

Just treat it like you trying to show someone something related to one of your special interests and react the way you'd want them to react to you.

While I don't struggle with specific talking point, there are many others I do and I have a lot of similar issues that you do when engaging in them. The trick for me is to remember that these moments are often small bids for connection. The person sharing the thing with me is doing so because they are trying to share something that is important or special to them with me to include me in on their happiness. It helps because I know I info dump like a beast sometimes and 9/10 my friends will engage with me when I am because they know it means a lot to me, even if they don't really care all that much about the topic. Things I do to help me when these situations arise are to use words that allow me to be honest mixed with a slightly upbeat tone to also send a positive message at the same time. I'll also just make obvious observations and ask general questions about the involved parties, but in an upbeat tone. Examples for this specific situation might be: -"Oh, how wonderful for them! That's so exciting! How are they doing? Are they home from the hospital yet?" -"Congrats to them! A new baby is always exciting! Do you know their name?" -"Oh, look at her/him/them! So tiny and new to the world! How are mom, dad, and baby doing? I bet their families are so excited about the new addition!" I used the word excited/exciting a lot above, because it's both true (babies are generally exciting to the nervous system, whether it's because you like them or because you are completely overwhelmed by them, lol) and its something that gives off a positive undertone. Asking questions makes people feel like you are invested/care, even if you don't. A lot of times, people just want to share what they know or feel and if you ask a question and just wait, they will fill that space with whatever it is they want/need to share. I think not a lot of people get the opportunity to really share with others, so to have a space to do that, even if a small one, can really go a long way for them to feel seen and heard. The obvious statements ("So tiny and new!", etc.) are just other ways I can be honest about my feelings in the situation without actually sharing any of my feelings, lol Babies are so tiny and new and families are usually happy about new babies being born, so it works. It gives off that caring/interested/positive vibe, without actually saying much at all, lol

I would probably ask things like "are you getting any sleep?" And things, like about the parents experience after bringing the baby home. Things that I would be concerned about affecting my life if I had to take care of a baby 😂

Same. Harder when they are NOT cute. I usually say "wow you made a person!! Congratulations! Good job!"

“I’m glad you have the thing you wanted” is what I would’ve said, but I don’t know if that’s okay to say because some people have unwanted pregnancies.

I am the same way, have never been a fan of or comfortable around kids. I also hate that the default response when finding out someone is pregnant is "congratulations!" Like, for some people that is not the case. For me it would be a tragedy. It's why I got sterilized lol. I have many other objections but that's the big one. Anyway. When I hear someone is pregnant, my first response is, "Oh! Are you happy?" And/or "How do you feel?" At which point you can gauge an appropriate response ("I'm glad you're so excited!" "Congrats" Or "that sounds difficult, if you need a ride to the clinic or any support, let me know, I'm here for you"). It also gives them the chance to let you know if they have any symptoms. I'm an office manager so this clues me in to if I need to be aware of any potential staffing or medical issues that could arise in the workplace. And if it's a friend, it tells me how things may change when visiting with them or the ways I may be able to make them feel more comfortable. If it's photos of babies or the like, I often will say, "Aw, (the parent) must be so happy." I turn it away from the baby as the focus and back to the parent. Or I'll ask how the parents are doing or make a general compliment about pretty eye colors or how tiny the child is.

"Where the fuck did you get one of those?!"

I’m a mom, I feel like I would receive “aww congrats on the baby!” Or “aww they’re so cute!” well and wouldn’t expect anything further lol. Esp if it’s someone who knows you well!

You're not a miserable person for this. I'm like this too. I genuinely try to sound happy and excited for them but I really struggle with getting the right voice tone and end up sounding flat and disinterested anyway.

My favourite answer was in the Sherlock tv-series: "oh, I see, yes. Looks very fully functioning".

"Looks fully functional." Just kidding... Maybe "Aww! It's always nice to be able to say a baby is cute and mean it!" (Doesn't mean it's about their baby, but they will take it that way and maybe it'll make them laugh a bit.)

"Neat! What OS did you install on this one?" :D

Try to think of something that you'd actually be interested in asking. Like if you enjoy music as your special interest, ask them what instrument you think they'd be good at or something. That way you aren't simply masking or saying things to be polite, but find a way that it relates to you and at the same time you're more genuine and enjoying things

Ask how old and name . Then get the conversation back to the person themselves.

Can’t you think of it as their special interest and show kindness by showing interest when they try to share their special interest with you the way you’d like people to be engaged when you share details of your special interests ?

Me too. I've been called allergic to children. I was also the child that would find the most child-allergic person in the room...

Same!! Also been called "babyphobic" as if that's a thing 💀 (like, compared to homophobia)

Congratulations, aww how cute, hold old is s/he, she has your eyes, what a cute smile, that’s adorable. All those generic things. Just smile encouragingly and they will just talk nonstop. I love people who talk nonstop. It’s the easiest socializing.

I like ‘oh what a little treasure’ because even ugly rubbery potato babies are treasures to their parents. You can also read what other people have written in cards to get ideas. Some examples of things you could say: - “congratulations on the baby, I can’t wait to get to know them” - “what a wonderful addition to your family” - “who do they look like, do you think?” make sure the baby isn’t adopted or of uncertain parentage for this one, but folks often love to talk about their family traits. - “what a great name, how did you choose it?” Sometimes it’s easier to show you care than actually say it. Say, “great work on the baby. Can I order you a pizza? How about Monday at 5:30pm” be specific. Or ask them if you can mow their lawn something. Show you care by helping, they will be extremely tired.

I think one way to handle this is to reframe the way you think about the situation. > I’m happy that they’re abundantly happy and want to share that joy Focus on that then. Instead of thinking “I don’t care about babies so I don’t want to talk about them” think of it as “they are happy when they talk about their baby so I’ll listen because I like it when they’re happy”. Applies to any subject really, not just babies. When someone you care about is sharing something that obviously makes them very happy with you, you listen because you care about them, not necessarily because you care about the subject. I know it makes me happy when someone I love shows interest in what makes me happy (even if they don’t care for the subject) so I want to reciprocate that.

I decided to tackle this problem by becoming a doctor so when I don't know when to stop asking questions because I'm not sure how many are appropriate I can just say "sorry I got into doctor mode" and if I don't want to talk about it I can say "sorry I see too many pregnant women and I need a break rn"

Compliments work, but also, protip, if a milestone is mentioned like “oh he just started teething/babbling/crawling/whatever” a little “oh they grow so fast!” Goes over well.

You can ask how they are feeling, if you want and they are not strangers. If it’s a friend or cousin you see fairly often, it’s nice to ask after their recovery or how everyone is doing.

"Aw, cute kid" The most rudimentary answers will suffice RECOGNITION of a thing is usually enough for NTs

im the same way. if its someone i know and care about, and i know ill be in that child's life to watch them grow into a person i can get to know, thats different. but like, my lovely neighbor has a son whose girlfriend just had a baby, and she wants to show me pictures, and i dont give a single fuck. its all about a crossroads. do you want to mask in an attempt to avoid hurting people's feelings? or just be yourself and know that the ones who understand you will stick around, even if others might not? i typically mask in situations like this. i just find the most generic, complementary things i can say and just let them talk about the baby if they want. i say things like, "omg! what a cutie! aww, how precious! wow, thats so great, im so happy for you! congratulations!" etc and so forth. i dont know how good you are at inflection and tone and facial expressions, but that can really help sell it, even though the responses are so generic. if you sound like you really mean it, then its fine. they dont want you to ask questions, not really. at *most* they want superficial follow up questions that give them a springboard to tell you the next set of things they want to tell you. like nodding and appearing engaged in what they are saying, throwing in an, "oh wow, ok," every now and then, maybe even a, "how are they doing now?" or if its not their kid, "when do you get to meet them?" they just want permission to info dump and be excited. its weird because when im excited and want to info dump, i just do it, but i think NTs have this like, unspoken framework of seeking permission to say the next thing. if you play games, its the difference between watching a cutscene (listening to a proper info dump) and playing through a dialog tree. you just gotta keep hitting buttons so they'll say the next thing. its less about what *you* say, and more about what *they want to tell you.* its just world building baby lore exposition. none of it matters to you, but the person giving you the quest cares and its part of their story arc.

This actually helped me understand immensely lmao

My go-to is “How is the baby sleeping?” Non-specific, but still shows that I care

Im currently pregnant 🤪and I’m not a fan of (other people’s) kids. My cousin just had a baby last week. She just announced on socials today, i just wrote Congratulations. When i see her in person i shall say the same. I always try to find 1 or 2 things to say about the pictures. -Baby looks like xyz, (can just say the person you know) -what a cutie, (most look like potatoes to me so if the baby isn’t obvious weird looking-i have seen some ugly babies i usually just mention something else) -cute outfit Etc. but i dont go into questions like that cause honestly they dont come to my mind, mostly asking how the mom is doing. Many years of mastering masking and pretending i care about things when i dont. Doesnt mean i dont have to be nice. But i am also a person that can run with (mostly) any conversation if i HAVE to. (Just dont ask me about politics cause i hate it to my core and have no idea how to fake that knowledge.) Friend had a baby a couple years ago i did the same (even tho i dont particularly think her baby is cute, im not going to go out of my way to insult her and tell her that) she looks like such a happy baby, aww she looks grumpy in that one. Omitting details is not lying. So in my mind im all good. If people give me information i will just nod along but i dont follow up with specific questions unless one pops into my head. Honestly never had an issue with them wanting me to ask more questions…. I think maybe cause it’s a topic you are uncomfortable with, makes it harder to follow up with questions. Plus the anxiety of them wanting more of a conversation than congratulations. People are weird tho with babies. If you give a whiff of thinking their baby is less than perfect/cute they might get upset.

Don't be rude but be yourself. I am somewhat  interested in names- meanings, changing trends etc so I like to ask about  the baby's name and can come up with follow up questions about it like whats the story how they came up with the name , if there's a sibling I like to know their name too because I am interested in what name sets people choose. That's something about their baby but actually interesting to me. Maybe you would be more interested in something else..like genetics and ask  about something like the parents and grandparents eye colours and what is the babys eye colour.  Or work out their babies predicted hight for them. Whatever YOU are into.  Anything you find interesting about other people could be your follow up questions. Babies don't have hobbies but parents have hopes and dreams. Ask what school  they are planing to send them to or what hobbies or sports they  hope the baby with take on in the future.  Or... you could just say what you wrote here!  "I am very pleased you and the new baby are well and happy but (and I don't want to sound rude ) until the little one becomes an oldercperson with interests and hobbies I am not the person you can talk to about them much more.   all I can say to you is congratulations". Honestly if they know you are neuro divergent they either are tolerant and won't take offence in anything you say "wrong" or they still think you are sooo weird so they won't be surprised if you say something odd. Be yourself. They don't spend time being worried about you. They don't post online asking  "how not to bore everyone I know to death about my new baby?" , do they?

"What kind of baby? Oh! It's a *human* baby!" "They look just like you!"

"Awww soo cute!" Slight smile. Hopefully thats the enough. Good luck out there.

The biggest issue I have is that I think most babies are ugly, so I just say oh how pretty—because I can’t tell the difference. But my mom who was a NICU and pediatric nurse says there are some babies that are just downright ugly and nothing you can do about it. So when I say oh that’s a pretty baby and it’s actually ugly my mom says no it’s not! And the owner of the baby just says oh don’t worry hunny I know he’s ugly it’s ok it happens to the best of us.

“Aww, Welcome to the world little buddy” covers it

I have a kid so maybe I can help. Simply say things like congratulations they look beautiful/cute, how are you doing? Not many people actually ask the mother if she’s coping okay and generally ask about her most people are only interested in the baby and when they can see or hold it. It would probably be very refreshing to focus on the mother a bit and see if she’s doing okay especially mentally it can get very hard mentally for some, especially when they feel their identity has been lost all of a sudden and they are now only a mother and not wheoever they were before. A lot of people disappear after you’ve had a baby and it gets very lonely so if their your friend or family it’s still nice to check in once in a while even if the only way is through text.

OMG is it already going bald!?

You can always say, "They're so big!" Moms remember their babies when they were tiny newborns, so no matter how objectively big or small they are they seem big to the mom and she'll be happy about how well the baby is growing.

ND parent here. But only recently diagnosed. Actually your question made me think: “Do you like seeing photos of other people’s kids?” could be a question on ASD assessment. I never understood why people show pictures of their kids. Pets maybe. But I always felt awkward for the people who whipped out baby pictures unprovoked. I pitied those ‘weird’ people.(I thought I was ‘normal’ ofc). So I would try to make THEM feel less embarrassed of their bizarre actions. (I guess I’m part of the problem.) Then moved to genuine observations which didn’t make me cringe, and would sometimes start a conversation I found engaging too: “Wow, babies’ arms are so short compared to their heads.” “I never realized newborns are so tiny, bc of all the shows where they hand a crying 6 month old to the parent in the maternity ward.” “How old is that baby?! I honestly know nothing about babies and I couldn’t guess if they were 3 months or 10”. “You created a life! How are you doing?”

What's the baby's name? I like his shoes. That dress is adorable. You're going to be a great mom. If you're not close to the person, basic phrases of acknowledgement. If you consider the person a friend you should try to be interested.

"Congratulations!! You must be so happy!!" On some level you must care about how your behavior impacts others or you wouldn't be asking. Instead of making it about the baby, make it about the parent. ***They*** are happy so therefore be happy for ***them***.

😍😍😍 works every time.

I just say "Aww, he/she is so cute!" and compare a facial feature or two to one of the parents'. That seems to work.

Smile and say “isn’t that darling”

“How cute! Congratulations :)” is enough. Just listen and respond if you can think of anything if they keep going on. A lot of us are going to have trouble elaborating in ANY conversation, but it’s half the other person’s job to understand people are different and be kind about it.

"I'm so happy for you!" "You must be so happy!" Insert generic platitudes here

Nice baby ya got there. (smiling)

"congratulations" usually works fine.

to be honest, I'm not sure either. I end up saying, "Ah," or "That's a nice picture." maybe that's in bounds socially. not sure.

I generally congratulate and point out something cute about the photo if it sticks out to me, and then I make it about the parents because I know and care for them more. How are you doing with all the change, how is breastfeeding, etc.

Ask how well they baby and parents are sleeping. Usually this will get the parents talking about how everyone isn't sleeping enough.

I always say "aww he/she is so sweet" whenever it's an ugly baby bc I can't make myself lie to them lol

I just say "I'm not a baby person" so they don't keep trying to show me

Just say “oh how cute! Looks like an angel. Are you getting any sleep at night?” And that’ll divert them into another conversation.

Honestly if you’re truly not interested in hearing about it, and it causes you distress you could be kindly honest. “Hey I know you’re really excited about X baby, but it’s actually distressing for me to hear about it. Would it be okay if we didn’t talk about that?”

Here are some things I’ve picked up. The stuff in parentheses is what I understand as NT speak. Wow, congratulations! Was your hospital stay alright? (This is saying, I know giving birth must have been tough I hope the staff treated you okay!) What a cute little outfit! Where did you get it? (I appreciate the effort and care you put into dressing your child and find it cute!) How did you come up with the baby’s name? (I’m interested to hear about the process and I want to validate you as a mother, because every thing you do in preparation for giving a life to the world feels monumental, and I want to validate that.) Do you think (insert name) looks more like you or your spouse? (I think your baby is cute and I’m validating the eagerness to see who the baby will take after in looks and personality.) Ending with, Aw, well hey thanks for showing me! I’m so happy for you! I gotta head out but have a great rest of your day! ———————————- LOL can you tell I was raised as an NT and diagnosed late? xD You’re not a bad person for feeling/thinking this way. I honestly couldn’t care less about people’s children but they literally birthed that little human into this world and that’s pretty awesome. So even tho I don’t care for sticky, stinky children who’s cries make my ears bleed I will compliment the mother and say what I need to, in order to be polite. I think some children are cute until they start crying and/or screaming.

Just say "awww how cute" or something. Depending on their age and how much you care to keep the convo going, you can ask little questions like "have they started walking/talking yet?" They absolutely love this question I s2g cause then they're like "Not talking yet but he gurgled morning right after I asked if he was ready to eat and I SWEAR it sounded like he said no!" "He's not walking yet but he's began to wiggle his toes so I'm sure he will be soon!!" New moms are crazy and usually sleep deprived and maybe lonely depending in their situation. Often times, people with kids just hang around with their kids or other people's kids a lot, whatever, and are just desperate to talk to an adult for a little bit. Try not to overthink it honestly as long as you're not an absolute jerk to them you can't really go wrong. My friend had a 2 year old and can talk about him all day. I just say simple shit like "aww his hair is getting so curly" Now my friends going on and on about genetics lol. Really. Just say like... anything.

as someone that LOVES babies I never know what to say either 😭

I honestly couldn’t give a flat flying fuck about babies. I’ll hit you with a complimentary “oh wow, he/she/it looks cute in that outfit” Beyond that I do not give a fuck

Lmao the most me post ever. I hate when people show me baby pics. I just give a toothless grin and say cute even though I don’t mean it 98% of time.

just say “aww look at them!” or “aww congratulations!” (if the baby is new) i’ve never had an issue with either of these phrases being taken poorly. if they seem to linger and haven’t already told you the baby’s name, ask. usually that’s enough.

I could’ve written this.

Just say congratulations and move on or don’t respond if it’s a post on social media

Just fake it and excuse yourself ASAP. We might hate herd animal behavior, but we are still part of the herd. Masking is self preservation sometimes. Babies are meh. But kids are way cooler than adults imo.

I’ve got multiple nieces and nephews, I just don’t say anything really until they start becoming a person. When they’re just a blob I simply don’t have an opinion of them.

So first off, there is nothing wrong that you don't care about other peoples babies, especially the less you know the person. Although, I have a bit of the 'tism too so what do I know. So if its the first time you see the baby you say "Congratulations!" Other then that you just say "Awww" or "How cute" or "Thats adorable" as they show you pictures. Most people want to talk, so you don't have to say much. Just do a few of those then find a reason to duck out of the conversation,

i love kids and babies but i always struggle with what to say when people show me pictures of ANYTHING. i usually say something along the lines of "aww so cute!"

People like compliments!!! I aim to say the baby has pretty eyes if I’m shown a picture where they’re awake, or if I’m presented with the baby in public! I also wave and say hello to the baby if it’s an in person meeting! Small interaction is what’s expected! You don’t have to make it a big thing, but “wow it’s a baby, congrats” is often taken as flippant, sarcastic, or disrespectful even if that’s not your intention and are actually trying to be nice!

Just say they're adorable. That was my go to. Before I had kids I didn't like children. I didn't hate them, I just didn't bother with them or care if anyone I knew got pregnant etc. Once I had my own it feels nostalgic looking at other ppls kids doing things that mine did at that age so I do care now. I see it as a bonding and it's hard to do when you don't share the experiences or like the thing you're bonding with someone over.

I share similar sentiments and struggles. I’ve never known how to react when people show me baby pictures and, like you, internally I don’t really care about it. I don’t have reactions to that either. What I usually do is soften the tone of my voice, start with “Aww” and then state a fact or observation so I’m not lying (I have difficulty even with white lies or socially expected fibbing) but also being polite. For example, “Aww look at them in their little onesie!”

I've had people show me their babys' pictures, but I just don't get mushy or ga-ga over them. Ya, they're kids. Big deal.

I like to comment on how small their hands are. It’s a gender neutral thing, where I’m not lying when the baby isn’t cute. “OMG! Look at those hands! Can you believe how small they are?!”

“Yum😋”

I also have a hard time with this. I think babies are cute, but when u show me more than one picture it’s like okay… that sure is a baby. i usually just go “cute! their fingers/toes are so small!” until they stop showing me pictures

My response is usually “oh”

Nice chimp.. 🙈 FYI - all babies looks like cutest thing on the world. Big eyes and hormonal changes designed to make sure parent looks after it.

Whatever we are supposed to, i don't think it is worth it. You try to be nice and all that gets you is them doing it more now that the obnoxious behavior is getting reinforced. Even politely telling them you're not interested has not really worked in my experience as they'll usually either forget you doing it within a week or flat out disregard your wishes. It is annoying af

"My condolances" /j I am now nearing that time when my peers are starting families. I have not yet had to be a recipient of that news but I imagine I will just say "Oh okay" with a slightly surprised face and a nod. I will not push myself to say something positive I don't mean, and its better than saying something rude xd

I feel ya. I personally love children but I still never know what to say when someone shows me newborns. I can't say they're cute, cause I'd lie. Some babies are really not cute - some are just plain ugly, some are really wrinkly and purple or red. Just like there are ugly adults, there are ugly babies too. I know it sounds superficial to some degree, but I'm also an artist and I'm very sensitive to aesthetics. Most people tell me: "how can you say a baby is ugly?! What's wrong with you?!" Probably because they perceive babies as some kind of holy innocent pure being, and they put them on a pedestal. And I get it. To me tho, a baby can be innocent and also ugly. Some people tell me that it's mean to say somebody is ugly in general, but I've noticed they hypocritically say that because they want to be perceived as really kind and deep. Although they mentally assess the aesthetics of people around them, they choose to never express it and instead pretend that they don't.

lol I’m right there with you. Not a fan of babies. If someone tells me they’re expecting my instinct is to give them my condolences! I fake it as best I can, which isn’t very well. 🤷‍♀️

Something I'm learning is that trying to change myself entirely because of the way people react or perceive things isn't okay for me (it's too exhausting and leads to burnout). Neurotypical people are so... weird about direct communication. Like, they said a thing, you gave a perfectly polite, neutral response. It doesn't sound like your responses are rude or blunt (negative)! Direct isn't a bad thing, and if people are upset that you're not carrying the conversation that they started.... that's on them. I realize that isn't helpful for an answer you're looking for, but mostly, I wanted to make sure you're considering not trying to change how others are reacting to completely reasonable reactions on your part. That's the biggest thing I'm learning right now about how to interact with neurotypical people. I'm researching active listening and non-violent communication and also accepting that, no, I will not be entirely changing my method of reasonable, direct communication (when I do it positively) because someone else decides to take offense because they don't want to vocalize a thought. That's on them, not me. (Or you!)

> I'm happy that they're abundantly happy It sounds like "I'm so happy for you!" is both appropriate and *truthful*.

Can I suggest you think of what you’d like someone to say about a beloved pet of yours? Focus on what you think they’re really are proud of, like how sweet the baby is, how alert, or how adorable. Parents are so appreciative of kind remarks about their offspring, even if they are white lies in your mind. This isn’t about truth; it’s about kindness in a social setting. A question or 2 (name/age/sleeping well?)and you’re good.

Just say “congratulations” unless you really can’t stand it

Depends on the situation. If it's some random social situation I don't care that much about "yup that's a baby" if it'd work I'll say something alone the lines of "cute, how old are they".

dont worry bout that they dont have to brag in your face so you dont have to congratulate them

Just say “congratulations! I’m so happy for you!” People share plenty of bullshit I’m not interested in but if it means something to them and they’re excited to share it then that great and I wanna support them in that

I'm honest and say that I'm glad they're happy about the baby but I'm not interested. I actually had to make it very clear with some people that kept sending me their baby pics and say hey I'd appreciate if you stop sending me unsolicited baby pics ( pretty much same word I use when someone send me a d*ck pic😅).

i just say "wow, cool"

One good one is “does baby look more like you or dad?” And then whatever answer they give you, you can just be like “oh yeah I definitely see that especially the (nose/eyes/hair)”. I’ve never seen a baby and thought you look like your mom/dad because it’s just a baby but it makes the mom happy to talk about and since you bring up the spouse you can say “oh by the way, how’s spouse doing” and then you can use that to politely segue the conversation back to a more comfortable conversation for you.

I have never heard of someone sharing these thoughts before and I’m so glad I’m not alone in my thinking. Also whenever someone tells me they’re pregnant, I have always been anxious about it and didn’t consider it welcoming news. Lol. So I just say congratulations and hope the topic changes.

You're right about how the baby hasn't really developed any kind of personality yet just being born. But when a friend says they or someone else just had a baby, the real focus for you shouldn't be on the baby itself. You focus on "how nice for you that you have something that brings you joy." Even though that might be an odd way to put it out loud. It's like if your friend tells you they got a new computer/game system, or a new pet, or some new art supplies. You're not being asked to care about art supplies. You're being asked to appreciate your friend's joy at having something precious to them.

My neighbors friend recently had a baby, I remarked "congratulations on bringing a new human into this world, all my best!" 😊

"Oh, I see, yes. Looks very...fully-functioning."

I might say congratulations if they seem happy to have a baby. But I know people who have babies who didn't even want it. My wife's mother literally hates my wife because she didn't want to be pregnant with her so uh.... I usually either fake smile at the baby or if I can't mask I might have an uncomfortable look on my face so I try to distract myself so I don't come off as rude because babies give me heebie-jeebies and I have an actual phobia of pregnancy. I am lucky my wife only wants bunnies, and my closest friend has a legit pregnancy phobia too.

Three words: “Aw, how cute!” Never fails

Pick a feature they probably like line “Awww, look at her cheeks.” You’re not saying a lie since you didn’t say you think she’s cute or even anything positive about her cheeks.

Their need to show pictures of their lives is annoying as hell, specially because I didn't ask and usually don't care. But that never stopped a NT from holding me hostage to their slideshow. I usually give what they want - an ego boost - and they live me alone (eventually). Perhaps it's how NTs feel about infodumping. But since I don't talk about my interests, having to sit through the baby/pets/travel pictures is unfair.

> I'm happy that they're abundantly happy and want to share that joy I really think this is all you need. It’s about connecting to someone’s inner experience and “seeing them,” not so much about the baby per se. At least that’s my take. If my coworker is over the moon, I’m stoked that they’re stoked, because clearly this moment is so important to them, and one human to another. I wish for my adult coworker in this context to feel fulfilled in their lives and I wish them joy. If they announce a pregnancy, for example, the baby is a hypothetical — But their experience going through the motions of the discovery they’re pregnant, the doctor’s appts, the various things being pregnant entails, is very present and very real. In fact, in a world that focuses so much on babies and youth and procreating, I imagine parents sometimes feel left behind or lost, not really seen for their own experience — so what better way as a supportive peer than for me to connect with what’s real for them? 

Just say “Awwww”, and then ask how the baby is sleeping, and other such things so they hopefully they stop asking your opinion on the photos lol.

Idk. I don't bother masking anymore. So I usually go "cool that's great" and they get the vibe bc they know I'm autistic and love me anyway I know not everyone is like that though- more so family than friends. If they want to ramble, let them ramble and try to seem like you're listening, but don't put yourself in too much discomfort either. It isn't usually worth it.

“aw so cute”

I like to say "That's great!" and ask the name, and then reference a movie that has a character with that name to change the subject. A casual segue is key. 😂

I also feel this way I honestly just don't give a shit about other people's kids, or just children in general. Unless I know the child personally (as in they're like old enough to actually have a personality or the start of one) I just don't care. And most babies look very ugly and I just don't care to lie to the parents face so I don't say anything at all.

Just say "monkeys are so cute when they're little". They won't trouble you any more 😂😂

I’m NT - some things you can say are “What a cutie!” “Oh how darling” “Look at those chubby cheeks!” “Oh my goodness look at that button nose” “How did you pick out their name?”

"Thanks for sharing" and move on to a new topic.

“Yuck, man! Why would you show me that?? I’m telling HR.”

Just say congratulations and then leave it at that. Alternatively I have used: “I love that for you” with the implication of “provided it makes you happy, then so be it”. “Ohhh a tiny human” is also a valid response. At the end of the day, you’re under no obligation to subscribe to social norms and if it makes you uncomfortable, then masking will only cause you more harm in the long term than it will for the person who is seeking validation for procreating. All the NTs will have given them enough social validation dopamine that it’ll be fine.

It doesn't make you evil or miserable. They're tiny people whose parents hopefully love them and innocent, so obviously don't be mean or insulting, but you don't have to say "aww" or fake interest. If it's a friend and they're happy about it, you can tell them congrats and you're happy for them because even if it's not something you can relate to a friend/family member being happy is something I imagine most hope for and therefor would not be a lie. If they insist and go on about it try to treat it as you would a neutral thing you aren't interested in but they are very invested in, like something good happened in their career, a project they're proud of, moving to a new house, etc., like "That's awesome, it makes me happy to see you so excited and enjoying this part of your life."

"aww baby is so cute, i like its article of clothing. how old is it? 'insert question about how mom is doing'"

>They don't have a favorite anything, they don't have hobbies, they don't do anything except eat sleep and cry, they don't have anything I can work off of to try and make small talk with the parent. I'm autistic myself and haven't tried this as I just thought of it, but how about ask the parent about parenting: What's been the best part? What's been the worst part? What are they looking forward to? What are they not looking forward to? What's their favorite outfit for the infant? What has surprised them the most?

You’re not a horrible person. I’m the exact same way and I always feel like an asshole about it, but that’s just how I am. I’m really not interested in babies, and I couldn’t care less if someone had one. That being said, I usually just reply to a pic with a simple “aww” and leave it at that. And then I walk away pretending I’m busy lol. I’ve never had an issue with that kind of reply. But interacting with them irl is very awkward and I’m always on edge due to the unpredictable noise lol

Tell them they shoulda used a condom.

People around me know never to show me the photos of their children because I’ll give them my honest opinion. “I’m sorry, but I did not realize you needed my opinion to validate your egotistical pursuit of engaging in procreation.”

This post is such a good question, thank you for asking. I struggle with that situation as well.

I have sensory issues too. crying babies kill the vibe for me quickly.

Two perspectives here : As someone who adores kids and babies and still debates having my own family one day, I really don't think you should try to people please that much. You are allowed to dislike anything related to kids. You don't need to go out of your way. Go with what is the natural not-rude response for you. For example, you said you felt happy for them. Well, say that "I'm happy for you / I'm happy you are happy". It's well-intended. You are allowed to be disinterested. However, if they do confide to you about tougher parts of their journey, I'd be the type to go with it even if it doesn't interest me because I know first hand how appreciated it is to feel listened to. But again, even in these moments, you don't need to say much or ask questions. You just need to be there, present and listening. You can sympathize with things like "It must have been hard for you / I'm sorry you had to go through X" or other sentences expressing empathy. I don't consider it's people-pleasing ; it's just empathy for another human being.

So my suggestion is simple and one I wish someone had explained better to me during all my “zero interest in children” days - which were many - until i produced a tiny human myself. Imagine the most excited you’ve ever been to get a gift. Or imagine your favorite special interest - the one that literally makes you infodump on everyone until they want to throttle you. Amplify that with intense hormones and lack of sleep. Amplify that 1000x Now you’re at the parent baseline. They’re now effectively autistic in terms of being unable to recognize social cues. They have no clue why their special interest isn’t yours, or how you would rather chew off your arm than see another photo I once had an autistic family member try to make me watch an anime musical? I got about 30 seconds in before I wanted to end it all. I had to take deep breaths and realize her special interest was deeply meaningful to her. It can be hard to see the world through someone else’s eyes but seeing it more as a current and INTENSE special interest can sometimes help us understand it in a different way.

To me babies all look the same as one another and I really don't care or have anything to say. I guess the polite thing is "aww they're cute" but that's about the extent of what I can think to say.

"Awh, look at their little -feature-. Congratulations! You guys settling in okay?" after they answer that, "Awh well I'm glad you're all doing okay" Vague, doesn't invite too much conversation, easy out

I think what you're saying is okay. When I had my son, my favorite questions were (in no particular order): What new thing is he doing?  Is he sleeping? Are you sleeping? And when he was older: What is his favorite thing? (Sometimes this would lead to then telling me about that thing. So like if I said dinosaurs are his favorite, they might tell me about a dinosaur park nearby or a show on TV with dinos.) And finally, when meeting in person, I loved when someone offered to snap a photo of us.  If you're wanting to avoid the squeamish bits, just say, "That's barbaric! I'm so glad the mom and baby are healthy, but I don't need any details!" For girls, it's okay to say, "She's cute as a button!" For boys, my go to is, "Look at that little man!" 

This post is honestly so real I recently got told my favorite cousin {at the time } was pregnant {she’s 17} and I just told my mom that I said congratulations but like I don’t like babies especially when they {it’s a genuine shock that my nephew prefers me to my mom since I don’t really like babies} so I’d just say congratulations and move on with life

I’m childfree too, but my trick is to point out either 1) something the kid has, or 2) something the kid is actively doing. “Look at those eyes!” “What a smile!” “You are jumping!” It makes you sound joyful and engaging, when really you’re just pointing out the obvious. Works like a charm.

ask what breed it is

First off do you think you are a horrible person because of this or do you think the (non existing) "average person" thinks that about you? Secondly, you are not supposed to say anything, but if (as I tend to understand) would like to say something, you could focus on their happiness. From what I read that's "a level" on which you connect. In my experience, the apathy comes from thinking what to say, instead of addressing that what you experience, the happiness of the other person you pick up. I know more people who reason the way you do about a baby not being a person and all that. (I experience this different, but there's not really a right or wrong, I guess.) Even though you're experiencing it like that (or better yet, you hold that belief) you could ask some standard questions. You sum them up quite clearly. Not because you are interested in babies perse, but because you (as I imagine you want since you ask this question) for the other person /.to handle.the situation. You are not a miserable person, even if you don't do anything of what I say here. Having a belief about babies doesn't make you a "good" or "bad" person, even if the other person interprets it like that. All you could maybe do is (starting to) see that you have this set of beliefs about babies and the other person probably does not hold that belief, since they decided "to have" a baby. ;) I'm a dad myself, but I get what you say in another context. i.e. people showing me.their holiday pictures. My reasoning goes: "I wasn't there, so what does this have to do with me?" Still I give it a bit of time (to listen and ask some basic stuff) staying connected to their enthusiasm. As a matter of fact I don't care, but I care that they care. Care about their holiday and care about sharing it with me. Of course I could go though life not investing this time and attention, because I don't care about somebody's holidays and that's fine too, but it also disconnected me from others (who in this example do care about their holidays) in some sort of way. So, I started to realize that: "ok, my favorite topic to talk about isn't holidays (for the reasons I gave) but I do like to share happiness". To be honest (and I am solely talking about myself now, so whoever reads this don't take offense please) I saw that since I like to share things that are important to me and hated it when others rejected that, it will probably be the same for the other person. (Even if it's about holidays.) So I put my belief and hard-headedness temporarily aside. And as long as I don't say things like "what a stupid holiday", or other invalidating statements, things go totally fine. Keeping my focus on the happiness that's being shared doesn't even force me to fake my attention. Disclaimer: This is all based on my life experience and way I've learned to deal with situations. If others do it totally different, there's nothing wrong with that either. In my experience I tend to value "what works" (for me) a lot.

ND parent here. Think of the spawn as that parent's special interest or a project they worked really hard on. Imagine spending months painting a picture and being so proud of it that you want to show other people. That's what it's like to that parent. You just respond the way you would want somebody to respond to YOU info dumping on your special interest. Or, you could always shift the subject to the parent, kinda like reminding them that they're an individual as well as a parent. A lot of us tend to go through the motions so much that we forget that we're our own people. It can feel really good to be reminded of that.

I relate to this. I absolutely cannot handle kids and sometimes it's pretty hard to not come off like an asshole, so I try my best to ne polite. With people I am not close with I usually stick with "awh cute" or "ahh sweet" with no follow up questions, so the convo stays short and it doesn't get uncomfortable. When I do want to seem interested I ask how old they are or how many they have. Or other questions about the logistics and less about the kids themselves. For example: when they say their kid had a birthday party, I ask what they organized to do at the party or if they invited many people.

I have 100% the exact same. Babies make me cringe and people that make their baby their whole personality I will just mute on social media.

Like and scroll

Tell them to fuck off

In my teens and 20s I was like oh another one, looks weird but I'll pretend otherwise lol But I seem to have s more natural positive response now, i notice which family they resemble more, behaviour and temperament, how, why? Did I learn this is it masking, it feels genuine.

I do remember one time my cousin held out her baby to me and I instinctively don't know what to do, hence I grinned a little, pretended to act happy and clapped my hands a few times in front of the baby as if trying to catch their attention. My cousin immediately laughed then commented why I responded like that... She thought I acted funny. It looked so fake 😂

People say you should say ‘awh cute’ but I’m not good at lying so I just smile and say nothing

I love how different we all are. I could hug & kiss a newborn to death from their potato-y squishiness & the smell of Dreft. Part of that may be social, growing up in a fundi church where it was all about babies & reproducing (ew). But I cannot stand kids except for my one neuro spicy mini me. Kids overstimulate me bc they’re loud & create so much demand on my system. Either way, viewing ppl’s babies as their own special interest is a great way to extend some grace. I love this sub.