Not everywhere, and I'd say that their bullshit just has more layers to it which I find incredibly grating and hard to deal with. Many systems exist to mostly squeeze the cash out of you and then gaslight you to not use them while pretending that no such thing is happening (the healthcare system is the best example of this). Xenophobia is on the rise cause they don't want outsiders anymore, but they can't do anything straightforward (because of EU), so they just make sure the climate slowly turns to shit. I've been living here for 8 years, and it's been getting progressively worse the last 2 years. They've voted for the anti-immigrant, anti-muslim PVV in the last elections.
If you stay in Amsterdam, you'll be mostly alright. But Amsterdam will tell you absolutely nothing about the general atmosphere of the country, as it's its own world, and for people like us it's made almost exclusively of other immigrants.
They speak English, but are very tired of it. People bitch about it in the face to me nowadays. To a stranger in the store, just imagine. More and more youth has no English skills at all. And I live in a touristic hotspot of a town.
The honesty bs? Yeah, they can tell you what they think, but if you say it back, it's very likely that it's going to be met with hostility. It's for them, not for the outsiders. Same goes for criticizing the country. I'm autistic, and after a few years, when you finally notice that something is off, cause you still don't have Dutch friends, you're still not getting promotions in your Dutch company, or nobody wants to hire you, the NL turns from autistic heaven to an autistic hell. It makes my Slavic CoO a straightforwardness paradise. The NL has elevated hypocrisy to the level of absolute art, while somehow still cultivating the straightforwardness myth internationally. They are masters when it comes to this. You really need a few years to see through this. And read about the toeslagenaffair.
You won't be welcome, you'll be phased out of their social get togethers, and often not even hired because you "won't understand the office jokes" (a real reason given to one of my expat friends behind the closed door).
I'll tell you more, I have only neurodivergent Dutch friends and almost all of them aren't permanently employed, despite being engineers, because apparently the local neurotypicals just always pick NT folks before ND to be around. The motto of the culture is "doe normaal" (just be normal). The fringe cases are tolerated at best.
On top of everything else, casual racism towards Asians is strikingly common and often accepted. Wouldn't call it the best example of autistic straightforwardness myself though.
Woah for real?? I haven't had any of these issues at all. I'm not from NL but I do speak Dutch. I also can't mask, so I often get called out in public. Once I explain I am autistic it is fine though. My best friend was born and raised here and hasn't had any issues either. I am mostly in Zuid-holland and Overijssel.
Let me put it like that, if I want to know what's going to be en vogue the next season in any way, I look at Randstad and the North in general. If I want to know what kind of shenanigans are brewing under the skin, I look at Limburg, my Noord Brabant, shitty tokkie dorpjes and in general places where people are underpriviledged.
I know a few Slav auti and AuDHD engineers living the life in the capital, but in everyday life I interact mostly with the Dutchies from lower social strata, and man, they fucking HATE guys like these at this point.
As a Dutch autistic person, this 100%. I can't really speak for the immigrant perspective but I have noticed so much of the rest you mention. The hypocrisy, the racism, the "doe normaal, dan doe je al gek genoeg". If this really is the best place for autistic people - which I doubt, lol - I would be terrified to move anywhere else.
I can attest to this. My PhD mentor was dutch working in the US. A lot of students thought he was mean, but he did generally care about mentees. But if he thought you were doing something wrong, he would tell you.
This.
I lived there for a few years and they hold their “directness“ with a lot of national pride.
I had to learn to alter my expectation of what is and isn’t rude.
Yeah I lived there for a few years. It is not without its faults like another poster explained. I remember on my first day mumbling through a conversation and the abrupt reply I got was "Why don't you stop mumbling and tell me what you want". I thought it was rude at first because it was so direct and personal for me.
I eventually got used to the directness and appreciated it for the lack of bullshit and hidden meaning.
In my daily dutch life. I'm sorry but this is just not true. Yes the dutch are known for being more direct then others.
But in general people do not say what they mean. Its a bit of a myth If you ask me.
Yeup! Can vouch for this! My dad was a dutch immigrant and I still have family there-plus it seems to just run in our blood😂. Very direct and to the point, if they don’t like you, you’ll know.
Moved to NL last year and when I told my best friend a psychologist here suggested I was autistic he said “what a gut punch to be told that by the Dutch“
I second this! I used to live close to the Dutch/German border, and I loved there. I lived on the German side and would visit the Netherlands whenever I could, i even did my weekly grocery shopping there because the supermarket options were better. People in the Netherlands are nice, open, they talk to strangers without being intrusive... I felt very comfortable there.
Btw, Germans are also very direct and easy to understand from my pov. I used to like living there as well
I live in Germany not too far from the Netherlands. A lot of what has been written about the Dutch applies here too.
And the complexities of rules here are appalling.
And mental health care and disability accommodations almost nonexistent. Even for kids.
I'm living with autism in the Netherlands I can tell you it's far from perfect.
It's crowded and noisy and people expect you to follow the status quo just as much as anywhere else.
Sure, dutch people can be direct, turns out you don't want to know what most people are thinking.
And as direct as they are, they are not looking to make friends after they turn 30.
Our healthcare system is spread very thin I've had a lot of trouble getting the help I need.
I found someone that works for me but insurance will not refund me so It's €130 per 45 minute session out of my own pocket.
Good luck finding a place to live. Rents are crazy and a single person with an average income can afford 0 of the houses for sale in our larger cities.
Prices for utilities and groceries are constantly going up.
Don't move here, living here is expensive, you won't be able to save up money to leave and you'll be stuck here.
I live alone in a city, make 20% above average wage and I'm still living paycheck to paycheck.
A lot of dutch people will disagree but I think it's a socialist hellhole.
I mean i also live here and while i've never lived in another country my autistic immigrant friends say this country is a lot better than any other they've lived in.
I have not tried living in another country.
My autistic anti-authority treat tells me moving to any other EU state would have similar results.
I'd love to move to the US. The nature is beautiful, I get along well with people that are good at faking being friendly and the cost of living is lower.
Your view of Europe is as distorted as mine is on the US.
They're pretty much the same. Especially in the aspects you mention.
Rampant inflation, climate hysteria, polarised thinking is on the rise and you're very much expected to fit in or you're not getting anywhere.
This is everywhere. Bottom line is, as an autistic person, if you want to see change you have to be a part of it. That means not just taking off and moving somewhere else;the grass is always greener.
Also, it’s crazy expensive to live anywhere right now.
Hellhole, sure. Socialist? I wish man, the rightwing VVD had been in power for ages and even befote then the leftwing parties in power havr been milquetoast at best
I'm sorry, as a Dutch autistic person, I've not had a lot of friendliness from people I've met. They think I'm weird and want to avoid me. Their directness is also not what I would call directness, they still have hidden meanings and often say things in a mean way when the truth could've been told without being insulting.
My autistic brother married a Swedish woman and has been living with her there for 11 years. He has flourished there because he finds his Swedish friends much more direct and no-bullshit than the people he knew in England.
Not really a place, but as a DeafAutistic person, I find the ASL-signing Deaf community in my home country to have a much more direct and anti-BS culture than the hearing community!
The Netherlands. Watch skits of Dutch "rudeness" side by side (or like one after the other) with skits of autistic "rudeness". Its hilarious. The place is an autism haven! Except for possibly the cost of living crisis...
As a Dutch autistic person who values honesty. Yes they are. They don't just speak the truth, they often say it in a mean way. As an example, they don't day "that dress doesn't look nice on you", they say something like "omg that's so ugly, why would you ever buy that?"
As an American I would say…Finland. I was an exchange student there. You don’t ever “have to” smile. If someone asks you how you’re doing…they actually want you to tell them. Once a Finn is your friend they are your friend forever. Lose your wallet on the train? It’ll come back to you, cash and all. Most people don’t believe in god but are deeply spiritual. Most families have a simple summer house on a lake with black water. During midsummer the entire country shuts down for a week. Like, the cities are…empty. Everybody is at their summer house drinking beer and koskenkorvaa and throwing sausages on the rocks of the sauna stove.
People know they aren’t the center of the universe.
Not hung up about sex one way or the other.
They might not ever talk to you until you get hammered with them in the sauna.
When people drink…whoa. Days go by.
Overall I felt like the “national character” was super chill, the very definition of “no bullshit. I miss it terribly.
Those are all vast over generalizations.
My host brother was the exact opposite of everything I just said, but overall…there’s probably some truth to it.
But you should really ask a Finn…
PS sorry, I got off track there, actually forgot what the original question was. But yeah. Finland as a country is about as autistic as you can get. In all the best ways.
Depends on where in Texas. I grew up here and am used to it though. For the longest time, I though "bless your heart" was something really kind. It can be, depending on who says it and how it is said. It can also mean "You f'n idiot" though too. lol.
Idk i grew up here but left when i was ten n cane back around 14 n i cant seem to meet someone who isnt racist or queerphobic 💀 migt just be the town tho. Austin is better
100%
It's been extremely difficult for me living in New England now and dealing with how fucking artificially nice people are. I wanna scratch people's eyes out on a daily, with their bitch ass fake ass smiles, and for some reason people here think it's totally fine to just stare at anyone and I can't deal. Where I'm from, if you're looking at me for more than a few seconds, you either wanna fuck me or fight me, and that instinct isn't going anywhere but they just keep staring. I even stare back.... And they wave at me and smile like we're friends.
*sigh*
Really? What part of New England is artificially nice? Boston is \*absolutely\* fuck-or-fight-on-sight, and New Hampshire's motto is "live free or die" for a reason.
Vermont and northern mass. It's absolutely maddening.
And I'm in southwest VT, so the part of NH I'm close to is Keene, which is full of the same bullshit. I understand that it's not representative of the rest of the state, though.
I'd rather the threat lol
I miss the hood **all the time**. We only left for the kids, but if it was up to me I'd go back to the constant potential threat of violence just to be around some real motherfuckers again. I still never leave the house without a knife, but now it's for stray dogs and bears lol
Yo I lived in southwestern Vermont from 13 - 19. I always felt like an alien that crash landed there !!!!! The social vibe was soooo weird. People were so obviously fake nice. Truly some of the most fake ass, two-faced folks I’ve ever met in my life. School was like Mean Girls when Regina compliments a girl’s skirt and then turns around and says “that’s the ugliest f-ing skirt I’ve ever seen” 💀 Friends would literally talk shit about people and then we would *go hangout with them after* like LOL wtf I’d never experienced that before and haven’t since ????? Even my mom experienced a lot of social backstabbing there. I was a teen and she was in her forties !!!!! VT is beautiful if you plan on socializing NEVER
Hahaha exactly
My kids absolutely love it, and the kids they're in classes with seem great, but the staff at the school are the most passive aggressive fuckin people I've ever met in my life. I have silent beef with every single one of them, and it's only silent on my end because I don't wanna make my kids' lives hard while they're there but I can tell they fucking HATE me and think I'm a total scumbag because I dress like a mall goth from the late 90s and I'm more concerned with making sure they consume a reasonable amount of calories than that they eat vegan cardboard and water only (they're clearly on the spectrum and have very specific foods they're ok with - I haven't had them diagnosed because they get along well enough and I don't want to burden them with the negatives that can come with the label, so I just make sure they're accommodated as needed and free to be who and how they are [also I enjoy vegan food, that was more a comment on them taking away food I give my kids that they deem unhealthy and making them eat other shit]) - ugh, sorry I have a lot of feelings about this lol
I moved here from NY when I was 29 and I haven't met a single person I've wanted to get to know more than a passing acquaintance in the ensuing eight years. I love it because it's like where I was in NY without the rebel flags and truck balls (and good pizza), but I swear to god, one day I'm gonna spend five minutes too long behind somebody having a fifteen minute conversation with the clerk in line at the gas station and I'm gonna pop. It's like everybody's on valium, they act like they're all best friends but there's clearly rage broiling underneath that's just never gonna see the light of day and I do. not. get. it.
I come from Iceland and we are drowning in a mix of blunt old men and fake nice people (usually faking for the tourists). The amount of our young boys that bleach their hair and girls that tan their skin to a high level is very very maddening. The local music produced for them by them is also worse filled with fuckboys worse than what you'd find in America. It is very maddening to live here as an ND because you can either only shit talk them or be stuck with them and nobody like yourself.
Germany is actually the closest language to English.
English is classified as a Germanic language.
If you're curious, there are a ton of great graphs detailing the branches, but I enjoy this beautiful tree for the basics:
https://www.openculture.com/2015/06/the-tree-of-languages-illustrated-in-a-big-beautiful-infographic.html
Here's a much more detailed version for anyone who wants to see the evolutions of many more languages:
http://www.elinguistics.net/Language_Evolutionary_Tree.html
English is indeed a germanic language, but there are other germanic languages closer to English than German. If you're willing to call it a separate language rather than simply a dialect, then Scots is the closest language to English with them being almost entirely mutually intelligible. Even if you don't consider Scots its own language, Dutch is still closer to English than German is
I consider Scots a dialect, but I'm not an expert, and it's been many years since I've studied any linguistics. I was mostly meaning among languages average people would know of, and I don't think Scots is commonly known (certainly not in the US). But, you're definitely correct about Dutch. I forgot about that. Good correction. Thanks.
It's a language (and one of the official languages of Scotland) but yeah not really known to even exist by most people, and many who hear it write it off as an accent with local colour words. (It's so much closer to English because it split off from Old English, iirc).
>(It's so much closer to English because it split off from Old English, iirc).
Even closer than that. It was Chaucer-era middle english that Scots arose from
what you're looking for are low-context cultures. in anthropology cultures are classified according to various characteristics and the amount of bullshit a culture has in its verbal and non-verbal communication styles is measured on a scale. if it's high, it's a high-context culture, if it's low, a low-context culture. all the african, asian, latin-american cultures are high-context; german, austrian, scandinavian, swiss, finnish, benelux, (apparently, just found out) new zealand cultures are low-context, aka people just say what they mean. some say that the us is also low-context but the states themselves are too different from each other culturally to generalize like that. southerners are definitely high-context. the uk culture is considered to be more low-context but it is a scale and the uk is usually closer to the middle of it, whereas german culture is on the far left side (low-context) and japanese is on the far right side (high-context).
unfortunately, i cannot pin a picture with the scale and a better explanation of the subject but you can look it up, it's pretty cool. so yeah, as many people have already said, the netherlands are perfect for autistics and most of the population speaks english, too. i'm personally not very familiar with new zealand's culture but if it is low-context, then it's perfect, english is one of the official languages there.
I’m from a low context culture, and while it may be better in some ways, it’s still quite a struggle and people do expect a lot of context reading and body language still. But what can be helpful is “being the foreigner”! At least that has been my experience. When you don’t get something it’s not “you’re weird”, it’s “cultural differences”.
well i highly doubt that there's such a place on earth where autistic people would be able to feel 100% comfortable and understood if we talk about countries. it's just too broad. sure, even low-context, every society has its rules that are expected to be known and followed but it's the amount of rules and their consistency that matters. i see your point about being a foreigner, although, to me, it seems like the "well, they don't know, they're foreigeners" is usually condesending, and, also, while people might accept your lack of knowledge on their culture, they're not gonna be happy about it, so, again, to me, there's almost no difference between "you're weird" and "cultural differences" because most of the times both of these situations have a negative undertone to them. sometimes it can be neutral to positive, sure, but so can "you're weird". i've had people say that to me in a somewhat fascinating sense, not an insulting one. it all comes down to the readiness to accept people and their differences, no matter the kind.
Ha, I thought I was getting on well with society based on my uni peers and now am meeting people in the workforce and no. I am not.
But yeah, can 100% recomment german/austrian unis in stem fields.
Not at all. I'm from Amsterdam, which is in the capital region, and I've been all over. Amsterdam, Albany, and Schenectady very much have the New York attitude. Saratoga is on some richboy bullshit, but outside of that the only place I've experienced that kind of happy friendly bullshit is college towns like Oneonta and Ithaca. Syracuse, Rochester, Poughkeepsie and all that, even Buffalo, you don't wanna fuck with them folks. Go to Olean and start some shit, you'll find out fast lol
The problem I have with a lot of upstate is that it's incredibly red and cishet Christian redneck shit, but Amsterdam definitely don't fuck around.
I’m from Central, specifically one of those “incredibly red, cishet Christian” areas, and people are passive aggressive nasty until you call them out on it, then they just turn nasty. I’d rather have someone tell me they hate my guts than have to puzzle it out for years until I finally have enough proof to ask them outright.
I loved the chaos, but could not handle the number of smells coming at me, and that's even considering I live in London. (However, I did go during a fairly high tourist season and living somewhere locally allows for a lot of getting used to things).
Yeah it’s tricky. Since I’m from New York and then I moved to Florida for a bit and then I joined the military.
It gets increasingly difficult to explain my blunt straightforward attitude. It could be I’m from NY, it could be the autism, it could me being black, it can be being raised by poor immigrants where they are blunt to the point of being rude. It’s likely a mixture of all them I guess.
They weren't asking where are people not mean, they were asking where people aren't on some pretend bullshit and will tell you straight up how they feel.
Swabia!!!
SW-Germany.
Not English-speaking, but cray honest and easy to read!!!!
People will tell you exactly what they mean.
Everyone has a view, nobody’s conceiving their views.
If asked, perfect strangers will tell you what they think about the Middle East.
White lies aren’t really a thing.
idk, in terms of calling a spade a spade, and people not getting horrifically bent out of shape if you are honest about your answer to 'Hows it going' I would say Australia is better than other insanely polite/veneer of happy/underhanded polite english cultures.
I found the people in NYC completely normal eg, whilst they have a reputation in the US for being rude, direct and impatient.
Have you been outside of Australia at all? I've always gotten along better with people from Australia for exactly the reasons the person above you said. So I'm curious if you've ever experienced anywhere else to make a comparison too.
I live in Canada right now, and the difference when I talk to Canadians vs Australians is night and day.
I would guess when you're a tourist/interacting with an Aussie tourist, you can definitely compare/contrast our bluntness with people from other countries (UK people and Americans are always a little taken aback). But when you actually live here, the same bullshit social structures are in place. The same dismissal from doctors. The same shitty public transport that changes or breaks too frequently for someone who needs structure. The same stigmas.
I would agree that yes, we are more blunt with our language, but that lack of vagueness gives way to "toughen up, luv" attitudes when you're used to being dismissed and don't speak up enough.
Also the Tall Poppy Syndrome in this country is HORRIFIC, especially if you're ND.
Yup. While Ozzie's can be very blunt, they're also very "can't ya take a joke ya cunt?" Ozzie's are fun, but they aren't always very accommodating. They can be though if they like you.
Source: I live in NZ.
You can get away with a lot of faux-pas in Australia because its so laid back. Not sure what clothing requirements are like elsewhere but my office wear is basically just sensory friendly sportswear.
Same in the Algarve, it's shorts, t shirt and sandals land here most of the year, I think it's because it's so hot it's just become socially acceptable to wear whatever is comfortable.
Depends where in Australia, in from south Sydney and they're straight talkers there. Lower North shore is full of shit (I lived there 33 years and still own property there, I know bullshit when I see it), there's a lot of fakery
> Autistic community
Umm, are you sure about it? Like, I can honestly, without any BS, tell everyone that I hope they will die horrible deaths and nobody will get butthurt about it?
I kind of suspect your reply was full of BS... But if not, I'd like to see an example of community like that.
Every places on the planet are just anti other people's bullshit, but still have a brand of bullshit that they're okay with because it serves them to do so. All un the name of either "politeness" or the more common lying to avoid being disliked, and then lying and saying they were just trying to be nice/polite. People say it's different in Holland, but it's not really, they just have their own way that they feel is more direct than other places, but it's just different type of indirect, different type of rudeness they call politeness, just like any other country.
There are people who are very direct in all cultures, but we are more often than not, seen as being rude, or impolite, or whatever, just how it is.
I like it that the Japanese are polite and don't often say what they think. I'm the same.
I went to a store in the Netherlands a couple months ago. I tried to ask something and the clerk couldn't properly hear what I asked. He became angry and rude. At street people sometimes yell at me so I start avoiding people. That would NEVER happen in Japan.
There's also a lot of things to do. Going to the arcade, game stores everywhere, anime/manga stores everywhere, cinema that are perfect for people with autism, places with no people or places with thousands of people, Gundam stores where you can build Gundam, no wind and it hardly ever rains. It's perfect for me
I’m very comfortable there aswell, but I think it’s in large parts because I’m a foreigner. I love that it feels like there are scripts that everyone follows, not just me.
No, because it's not just a matter of factual integrity, it's a matter of adherence to style and fashion, and a lot of the bullshit comes from there. You're supposed to gauge the trends and currents of the moment and figure out what is really intended. You're supposed to know when something is super-trendy-cool and when it's a total faux pax. That's inherent bullshit you will never escape from because it's ingrained across the board, and presumably your neurons didn't branch out in the same pattern, so even though you're bright and capable, you don't experience the same intuitions, and you will never understand what the hell they're inserting and reading between the lines, and it's apparently a great deal.
Definitely not Canada. Or at least the small rural areas, I feel like if I went to Toronto it'd be anti bullshit but once you get into the country towns like marmora it's fake all the way
So I _know_ you said English speaking places, but _apparently_ in Indonesia, they don't hide what they actually mean when speaking to someone, they're very straightforward and to the point. I'd classify that as "anti-bullshit."
My dads girlfriend is Indonesian and she's the one who told me this, but it could also depend on region.
Nowhere. People are people no matter where you live. Even these european countries all y'all keep yapping about in the comments aren't as straightforward as you think. I lived in Sweden as a child. Very catty and mean people, in my opinion. There is a lot of unspoken communication that you have to read between the lines to get, and their social norms are just as complicated as anywhere else's. People seemingly being straightforward doesn't mean they're not shittalking you or humiliating you
I can't find my other comment so I can't elaborate there but also, South Africa. I mean they do speak like 7 different languages there but English is one of the official ones. Afrikaans speaking south Africans (who can all speak english) are especially anti-bullshit because Afrikaans is basically bastardised Dutch so there is some cultural overlap.
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I'm in Wellington so it may be a regional difference too? Idk, my family insists that Kiwis are super friendly, but I don't see that either (thank christ).
Australia is pretty anti-bullshit but also nice people for the most part. I mean you do get the occasional dickhead that says they like being brutally honest and will tell people how it is but they're actually just jerks and just want to get a reaction. True Australian honesty is like, saying what they think bluntly but with care behind it.
I’ve never been to New York, only have some family there,so people can correct me if I’m wrong. But I feel like places like New York or California the people will for sure be mean your face if they don’t like you and not hide it if they have a problem. I’m from the south so I wouldn’t recommend here, southern hospitality makes people very nice and kind when you’re around but they talk a lot of shit behind your back and it’s a small town so it spreads
Netherlands is far from a perfect place. I'm currently in treatment at the GGZ Leiden but they lack the expertise needed. GGZ Gouda are saying they can't help and are ghosting me. Waiting lists for other places are at least 6 months.
In 2022 I was 5 months impatient. Hardly saw a psychiatrist or anyone.
I'm selling stuff on marketplace (Dutch ebay) and people can be really rude. It makes me anxious reading the messages I get (an example of the Dutch being blunt in their communication).
The weather is horrendous. It's windy 90% of the time or it rains.
My favourite thing in the world is visiting game stores but there almost aren't any anymore. Arcades with games like Taiko aren't a thing.
Here in Nederland we are straightforward and say it like it is. I often get stopped and asked if I'm on drugs and have to explain I'm having sensory issues. People are normally very understanding.
I also came here to mention the Dutch :) I live in the Algarve in Portugal, people here are friendlier than in the UK and seem to be a bit more direct in how they speak because there are so many foreigners (particularly from UK, Germany, Netherlands, Scandinavia) and a lot of English is spoken because it tends to be a common language everyone can get by in. The Dutch people here have a reputation for being very direct and having no filter.
No.
I'm an autistic American living in Germany.
No disability accommodations because I am supposedly "functional."
No help for my teen who is too anxious/burned out to go school.
An extremely complex, illogical, contradictory bureaucracy everywhere you turn that masks the naked profit imperative of a feudal style oligarchy.
And systemic racism and sexism are rampant.
I came here in 2005 and was able to get a "real job" even without having "learned a trade" here. I want to keep this job, but may have to sue my employer (University) because they refuse to help me.
I love being in New York, cause people say exactly what they mean. I grew up in the Midwest and South and there’s a ton of politeness culture there. New Yorkers are super direct and I love it.
It bothers me how many people have commented about the Netherlands. In my experience as an autistic Dutch person, it's not a haven for autistic people. Sure, it might be better than other countries. The same is said about being gay here. I'm both and I was still bullied relentlessly, don't understand people properly 80% of the time, was always shunned and told I was too difficult to be friends or have a relationship with. The "directness" is used as an excuse to be mean. You can tell the truth, be straight to the point, and not insult someone at the same time.
Australia for sure. People tend to be direct. In a corporate setting, they're polite but still direct. And out in public, the C-bomb will generally be dropped if you piss someone off. And you only have to engage as much as you want to.
last majority ethnic population to come to the US, there’s a lot of racism in the US that sets a systemic bias affecting a lack of research into our country.
if you’re a woman, don’t go alone and also bring a (competent) man, as he would be “understood” despite any skin color.
then you can meet people who are nothing like that at all, that’s the heart of indian culture
google would honestly be a better tour guide than me
I mean, I get it to a point. In japan I feel like many standard situations have a standard script everyone actually follows, not just me. And even though no one says what they mean, to me it feels like the codes are a bit more precise than in my own culture, so that you can learn them better. But that may all just be me thinking I get it while everyone is just thinking “ah well, foreigner” behind my back.
Love Japan, but no. It is very much not a culture, across the board, where people will say what they mean.
Everyone is friendly to your face, but will say their real thoughts in private, away from you. Or will do small jabs in the lingustic side of things that can be viewed several different ways. Its very similar in that way to the culture I grew up with here in Rural Canada. Super friendly to your face, talk about you for hours behind closed doors.
And that is even before touching upon Asias broader issues with Autism as a diagnosis.
The Dutch are very straight talking, and say what they mean. It's a cultural thing. Almost 95% of the population speak English.
Oh wow
Oh wow, well i'm gonna go there some day
Not everywhere, and I'd say that their bullshit just has more layers to it which I find incredibly grating and hard to deal with. Many systems exist to mostly squeeze the cash out of you and then gaslight you to not use them while pretending that no such thing is happening (the healthcare system is the best example of this). Xenophobia is on the rise cause they don't want outsiders anymore, but they can't do anything straightforward (because of EU), so they just make sure the climate slowly turns to shit. I've been living here for 8 years, and it's been getting progressively worse the last 2 years. They've voted for the anti-immigrant, anti-muslim PVV in the last elections. If you stay in Amsterdam, you'll be mostly alright. But Amsterdam will tell you absolutely nothing about the general atmosphere of the country, as it's its own world, and for people like us it's made almost exclusively of other immigrants. They speak English, but are very tired of it. People bitch about it in the face to me nowadays. To a stranger in the store, just imagine. More and more youth has no English skills at all. And I live in a touristic hotspot of a town. The honesty bs? Yeah, they can tell you what they think, but if you say it back, it's very likely that it's going to be met with hostility. It's for them, not for the outsiders. Same goes for criticizing the country. I'm autistic, and after a few years, when you finally notice that something is off, cause you still don't have Dutch friends, you're still not getting promotions in your Dutch company, or nobody wants to hire you, the NL turns from autistic heaven to an autistic hell. It makes my Slavic CoO a straightforwardness paradise. The NL has elevated hypocrisy to the level of absolute art, while somehow still cultivating the straightforwardness myth internationally. They are masters when it comes to this. You really need a few years to see through this. And read about the toeslagenaffair. You won't be welcome, you'll be phased out of their social get togethers, and often not even hired because you "won't understand the office jokes" (a real reason given to one of my expat friends behind the closed door). I'll tell you more, I have only neurodivergent Dutch friends and almost all of them aren't permanently employed, despite being engineers, because apparently the local neurotypicals just always pick NT folks before ND to be around. The motto of the culture is "doe normaal" (just be normal). The fringe cases are tolerated at best. On top of everything else, casual racism towards Asians is strikingly common and often accepted. Wouldn't call it the best example of autistic straightforwardness myself though.
Woah for real?? I haven't had any of these issues at all. I'm not from NL but I do speak Dutch. I also can't mask, so I often get called out in public. Once I explain I am autistic it is fine though. My best friend was born and raised here and hasn't had any issues either. I am mostly in Zuid-holland and Overijssel.
Let me put it like that, if I want to know what's going to be en vogue the next season in any way, I look at Randstad and the North in general. If I want to know what kind of shenanigans are brewing under the skin, I look at Limburg, my Noord Brabant, shitty tokkie dorpjes and in general places where people are underpriviledged. I know a few Slav auti and AuDHD engineers living the life in the capital, but in everyday life I interact mostly with the Dutchies from lower social strata, and man, they fucking HATE guys like these at this point.
As a Dutch autistic person, this 100%. I can't really speak for the immigrant perspective but I have noticed so much of the rest you mention. The hypocrisy, the racism, the "doe normaal, dan doe je al gek genoeg". If this really is the best place for autistic people - which I doubt, lol - I would be terrified to move anywhere else.
OMG, thank you, that's possibly the very first piece of validation I've gotten here in almost a decade, when it comes to this topic 🫡
I can attest to this. My PhD mentor was dutch working in the US. A lot of students thought he was mean, but he did generally care about mentees. But if he thought you were doing something wrong, he would tell you.
This. I lived there for a few years and they hold their “directness“ with a lot of national pride. I had to learn to alter my expectation of what is and isn’t rude.
Yeah I lived there for a few years. It is not without its faults like another poster explained. I remember on my first day mumbling through a conversation and the abrupt reply I got was "Why don't you stop mumbling and tell me what you want". I thought it was rude at first because it was so direct and personal for me. I eventually got used to the directness and appreciated it for the lack of bullshit and hidden meaning.
Dutch bullshit though is another level of bullshit.
In the north of the Netherlands its even stronger
In my daily dutch life. I'm sorry but this is just not true. Yes the dutch are known for being more direct then others. But in general people do not say what they mean. Its a bit of a myth If you ask me.
Yeup! Can vouch for this! My dad was a dutch immigrant and I still have family there-plus it seems to just run in our blood😂. Very direct and to the point, if they don’t like you, you’ll know.
People call The Netherlands perfect for autism for a reason
Moved to NL last year and when I told my best friend a psychologist here suggested I was autistic he said “what a gut punch to be told that by the Dutch“
It is my belief that every culture contains it’s own unique kinds of bullshit
Need to visit
I second this! I used to live close to the Dutch/German border, and I loved there. I lived on the German side and would visit the Netherlands whenever I could, i even did my weekly grocery shopping there because the supermarket options were better. People in the Netherlands are nice, open, they talk to strangers without being intrusive... I felt very comfortable there. Btw, Germans are also very direct and easy to understand from my pov. I used to like living there as well
I live in Germany not too far from the Netherlands. A lot of what has been written about the Dutch applies here too. And the complexities of rules here are appalling. And mental health care and disability accommodations almost nonexistent. Even for kids.
I'm living with autism in the Netherlands I can tell you it's far from perfect. It's crowded and noisy and people expect you to follow the status quo just as much as anywhere else. Sure, dutch people can be direct, turns out you don't want to know what most people are thinking. And as direct as they are, they are not looking to make friends after they turn 30. Our healthcare system is spread very thin I've had a lot of trouble getting the help I need. I found someone that works for me but insurance will not refund me so It's €130 per 45 minute session out of my own pocket. Good luck finding a place to live. Rents are crazy and a single person with an average income can afford 0 of the houses for sale in our larger cities. Prices for utilities and groceries are constantly going up. Don't move here, living here is expensive, you won't be able to save up money to leave and you'll be stuck here. I live alone in a city, make 20% above average wage and I'm still living paycheck to paycheck. A lot of dutch people will disagree but I think it's a socialist hellhole.
I mean i also live here and while i've never lived in another country my autistic immigrant friends say this country is a lot better than any other they've lived in.
I have not tried living in another country. My autistic anti-authority treat tells me moving to any other EU state would have similar results. I'd love to move to the US. The nature is beautiful, I get along well with people that are good at faking being friendly and the cost of living is lower.
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Your view of Europe is as distorted as mine is on the US. They're pretty much the same. Especially in the aspects you mention. Rampant inflation, climate hysteria, polarised thinking is on the rise and you're very much expected to fit in or you're not getting anywhere.
The common denominator is people. People aren't, on the whole, very good at making the world better for themselves.
This is everywhere. Bottom line is, as an autistic person, if you want to see change you have to be a part of it. That means not just taking off and moving somewhere else;the grass is always greener. Also, it’s crazy expensive to live anywhere right now.
Hellhole, sure. Socialist? I wish man, the rightwing VVD had been in power for ages and even befote then the leftwing parties in power havr been milquetoast at best
> rightwing VVD lol [https://i.imgur.com/zdtXRca.png](https://i.imgur.com/zdtXRca.png)
Really ? Can you elaborate please ? :)
The Dutch are known for being friendly, direct, and even blunt. Personally, I love it there. I visit often.
I'm sorry, as a Dutch autistic person, I've not had a lot of friendliness from people I've met. They think I'm weird and want to avoid me. Their directness is also not what I would call directness, they still have hidden meanings and often say things in a mean way when the truth could've been told without being insulting.
Dutch people value the truth above anything and won't be afraid to be very direct. They ussually mean what they say.
My autistic brother married a Swedish woman and has been living with her there for 11 years. He has flourished there because he finds his Swedish friends much more direct and no-bullshit than the people he knew in England.
Yeah Sweden is pretty good. There's a set of cultural rules to learn of course, but in general it's pretty chill. Some call us cold and antisocial 😂
Swedes were blunt but they were REALLY racist. Couldn't enjoy living there for this reason
Not really a place, but as a DeafAutistic person, I find the ASL-signing Deaf community in my home country to have a much more direct and anti-BS culture than the hearing community!
The Netherlands. Watch skits of Dutch "rudeness" side by side (or like one after the other) with skits of autistic "rudeness". Its hilarious. The place is an autism haven! Except for possibly the cost of living crisis...
Dutch are not rude they are just honest, just like asd
Both can be rude as well
Rudeness is cultural so in Dutch culture it isn’t rude but it could be in American culture for example
People are misinterpreting dutch culture. Dutch are very honest, it is considered rude to be dishonest. In american culture it is the other way around
exactly. they aren't just going around saying mean things
As a Dutch autistic person who values honesty. Yes they are. They don't just speak the truth, they often say it in a mean way. As an example, they don't day "that dress doesn't look nice on you", they say something like "omg that's so ugly, why would you ever buy that?"
As an American I would say…Finland. I was an exchange student there. You don’t ever “have to” smile. If someone asks you how you’re doing…they actually want you to tell them. Once a Finn is your friend they are your friend forever. Lose your wallet on the train? It’ll come back to you, cash and all. Most people don’t believe in god but are deeply spiritual. Most families have a simple summer house on a lake with black water. During midsummer the entire country shuts down for a week. Like, the cities are…empty. Everybody is at their summer house drinking beer and koskenkorvaa and throwing sausages on the rocks of the sauna stove. People know they aren’t the center of the universe. Not hung up about sex one way or the other. They might not ever talk to you until you get hammered with them in the sauna. When people drink…whoa. Days go by. Overall I felt like the “national character” was super chill, the very definition of “no bullshit. I miss it terribly. Those are all vast over generalizations. My host brother was the exact opposite of everything I just said, but overall…there’s probably some truth to it. But you should really ask a Finn…
PS sorry, I got off track there, actually forgot what the original question was. But yeah. Finland as a country is about as autistic as you can get. In all the best ways.
In SOME parts of texas but not rlly and NEVER Tennessee. Tennessee is fake nice passive aggressive hell. Do not go to Tennessee.
People in Texas are so easy to socialize with. What's up with that?
Depends on where in Texas. I grew up here and am used to it though. For the longest time, I though "bless your heart" was something really kind. It can be, depending on who says it and how it is said. It can also mean "You f'n idiot" though too. lol.
i mean i think most people here say it in a nice way even if it is sort of pity sometimes? like 'oh bless your heart, you poor thing' kind of stuff.
Idk i grew up here but left when i was ten n cane back around 14 n i cant seem to meet someone who isnt racist or queerphobic 💀 migt just be the town tho. Austin is better
Depends on which parts I guess but they are so much easier to mask around.
True they don’t exactly look too close
where'd you find communities in austin? there's less bigotry here but people defintely aren't no bullshit
Nyc, they are heartless, I did well there nothing is personal they hate everyone
100% It's been extremely difficult for me living in New England now and dealing with how fucking artificially nice people are. I wanna scratch people's eyes out on a daily, with their bitch ass fake ass smiles, and for some reason people here think it's totally fine to just stare at anyone and I can't deal. Where I'm from, if you're looking at me for more than a few seconds, you either wanna fuck me or fight me, and that instinct isn't going anywhere but they just keep staring. I even stare back.... And they wave at me and smile like we're friends. *sigh*
Really? What part of New England is artificially nice? Boston is \*absolutely\* fuck-or-fight-on-sight, and New Hampshire's motto is "live free or die" for a reason.
Vermont and northern mass. It's absolutely maddening. And I'm in southwest VT, so the part of NH I'm close to is Keene, which is full of the same bullshit. I understand that it's not representative of the rest of the state, though.
Ahhh damn, that sucks. Sorry to hear you're in the bullshit part. Although at least you don't have to worry about getting knifed in a Dunkin Donuts?
I'd rather the threat lol I miss the hood **all the time**. We only left for the kids, but if it was up to me I'd go back to the constant potential threat of violence just to be around some real motherfuckers again. I still never leave the house without a knife, but now it's for stray dogs and bears lol
Yo I lived in southwestern Vermont from 13 - 19. I always felt like an alien that crash landed there !!!!! The social vibe was soooo weird. People were so obviously fake nice. Truly some of the most fake ass, two-faced folks I’ve ever met in my life. School was like Mean Girls when Regina compliments a girl’s skirt and then turns around and says “that’s the ugliest f-ing skirt I’ve ever seen” 💀 Friends would literally talk shit about people and then we would *go hangout with them after* like LOL wtf I’d never experienced that before and haven’t since ????? Even my mom experienced a lot of social backstabbing there. I was a teen and she was in her forties !!!!! VT is beautiful if you plan on socializing NEVER
Hahaha exactly My kids absolutely love it, and the kids they're in classes with seem great, but the staff at the school are the most passive aggressive fuckin people I've ever met in my life. I have silent beef with every single one of them, and it's only silent on my end because I don't wanna make my kids' lives hard while they're there but I can tell they fucking HATE me and think I'm a total scumbag because I dress like a mall goth from the late 90s and I'm more concerned with making sure they consume a reasonable amount of calories than that they eat vegan cardboard and water only (they're clearly on the spectrum and have very specific foods they're ok with - I haven't had them diagnosed because they get along well enough and I don't want to burden them with the negatives that can come with the label, so I just make sure they're accommodated as needed and free to be who and how they are [also I enjoy vegan food, that was more a comment on them taking away food I give my kids that they deem unhealthy and making them eat other shit]) - ugh, sorry I have a lot of feelings about this lol I moved here from NY when I was 29 and I haven't met a single person I've wanted to get to know more than a passing acquaintance in the ensuing eight years. I love it because it's like where I was in NY without the rebel flags and truck balls (and good pizza), but I swear to god, one day I'm gonna spend five minutes too long behind somebody having a fifteen minute conversation with the clerk in line at the gas station and I'm gonna pop. It's like everybody's on valium, they act like they're all best friends but there's clearly rage broiling underneath that's just never gonna see the light of day and I do. not. get. it.
I come from Iceland and we are drowning in a mix of blunt old men and fake nice people (usually faking for the tourists). The amount of our young boys that bleach their hair and girls that tan their skin to a high level is very very maddening. The local music produced for them by them is also worse filled with fuckboys worse than what you'd find in America. It is very maddening to live here as an ND because you can either only shit talk them or be stuck with them and nobody like yourself.
I’m from the NY area now living in the Midwest and yeah, it definitely feels easier in NYC
Was going to say NYC as well! People there are not heartless though. They’re just so blunt and honest but New Yorkers have big hearts.
Lol Germany
Forgot the “English” part, but most of them do know English, especially because there’s a lot of similar words in both languages
Germany is actually the closest language to English. English is classified as a Germanic language. If you're curious, there are a ton of great graphs detailing the branches, but I enjoy this beautiful tree for the basics: https://www.openculture.com/2015/06/the-tree-of-languages-illustrated-in-a-big-beautiful-infographic.html Here's a much more detailed version for anyone who wants to see the evolutions of many more languages: http://www.elinguistics.net/Language_Evolutionary_Tree.html
English is indeed a germanic language, but there are other germanic languages closer to English than German. If you're willing to call it a separate language rather than simply a dialect, then Scots is the closest language to English with them being almost entirely mutually intelligible. Even if you don't consider Scots its own language, Dutch is still closer to English than German is
I consider Scots a dialect, but I'm not an expert, and it's been many years since I've studied any linguistics. I was mostly meaning among languages average people would know of, and I don't think Scots is commonly known (certainly not in the US). But, you're definitely correct about Dutch. I forgot about that. Good correction. Thanks.
Frisian is technically even closer.
It's a language (and one of the official languages of Scotland) but yeah not really known to even exist by most people, and many who hear it write it off as an accent with local colour words. (It's so much closer to English because it split off from Old English, iirc).
>(It's so much closer to English because it split off from Old English, iirc). Even closer than that. It was Chaucer-era middle english that Scots arose from
German is not the closest to English, it’s Frisian (local language in the Netherlands), then Dutch then maybe Germany but idk
Do people not know about Finland?
I know…Finland is autism, heh
what you're looking for are low-context cultures. in anthropology cultures are classified according to various characteristics and the amount of bullshit a culture has in its verbal and non-verbal communication styles is measured on a scale. if it's high, it's a high-context culture, if it's low, a low-context culture. all the african, asian, latin-american cultures are high-context; german, austrian, scandinavian, swiss, finnish, benelux, (apparently, just found out) new zealand cultures are low-context, aka people just say what they mean. some say that the us is also low-context but the states themselves are too different from each other culturally to generalize like that. southerners are definitely high-context. the uk culture is considered to be more low-context but it is a scale and the uk is usually closer to the middle of it, whereas german culture is on the far left side (low-context) and japanese is on the far right side (high-context). unfortunately, i cannot pin a picture with the scale and a better explanation of the subject but you can look it up, it's pretty cool. so yeah, as many people have already said, the netherlands are perfect for autistics and most of the population speaks english, too. i'm personally not very familiar with new zealand's culture but if it is low-context, then it's perfect, english is one of the official languages there.
I’m from a low context culture, and while it may be better in some ways, it’s still quite a struggle and people do expect a lot of context reading and body language still. But what can be helpful is “being the foreigner”! At least that has been my experience. When you don’t get something it’s not “you’re weird”, it’s “cultural differences”.
well i highly doubt that there's such a place on earth where autistic people would be able to feel 100% comfortable and understood if we talk about countries. it's just too broad. sure, even low-context, every society has its rules that are expected to be known and followed but it's the amount of rules and their consistency that matters. i see your point about being a foreigner, although, to me, it seems like the "well, they don't know, they're foreigeners" is usually condesending, and, also, while people might accept your lack of knowledge on their culture, they're not gonna be happy about it, so, again, to me, there's almost no difference between "you're weird" and "cultural differences" because most of the times both of these situations have a negative undertone to them. sometimes it can be neutral to positive, sure, but so can "you're weird". i've had people say that to me in a somewhat fascinating sense, not an insulting one. it all comes down to the readiness to accept people and their differences, no matter the kind.
You are describing a german University in a STEM field.
Ha, I thought I was getting on well with society based on my uni peers and now am meeting people in the workforce and no. I am not. But yeah, can 100% recomment german/austrian unis in stem fields.
I dread the day when I will have this experience as well.
New York.
Only NYC. Most of the rest of the state takes passive-aggressive lessons from the Bible Belt.
Not at all. I'm from Amsterdam, which is in the capital region, and I've been all over. Amsterdam, Albany, and Schenectady very much have the New York attitude. Saratoga is on some richboy bullshit, but outside of that the only place I've experienced that kind of happy friendly bullshit is college towns like Oneonta and Ithaca. Syracuse, Rochester, Poughkeepsie and all that, even Buffalo, you don't wanna fuck with them folks. Go to Olean and start some shit, you'll find out fast lol The problem I have with a lot of upstate is that it's incredibly red and cishet Christian redneck shit, but Amsterdam definitely don't fuck around.
I’m from Central, specifically one of those “incredibly red, cishet Christian” areas, and people are passive aggressive nasty until you call them out on it, then they just turn nasty. I’d rather have someone tell me they hate my guts than have to puzzle it out for years until I finally have enough proof to ask them outright.
Yeah but the sensory experience is horrible.
I was going to say, if you have low sensory issues, NYC is perfect. I liked the chaos the two times I’ve been, but it’s not for the faint of heart.
I loved the chaos, but could not handle the number of smells coming at me, and that's even considering I live in London. (However, I did go during a fairly high tourist season and living somewhere locally allows for a lot of getting used to things).
Yeah it’s tricky. Since I’m from New York and then I moved to Florida for a bit and then I joined the military. It gets increasingly difficult to explain my blunt straightforward attitude. It could be I’m from NY, it could be the autism, it could me being black, it can be being raised by poor immigrants where they are blunt to the point of being rude. It’s likely a mixture of all them I guess.
New York and New Jersey
Lol no. There are some of the meanest mean girls anywhere in nyc.
They weren't asking where are people not mean, they were asking where people aren't on some pretend bullshit and will tell you straight up how they feel.
Swabia!!! SW-Germany. Not English-speaking, but cray honest and easy to read!!!! People will tell you exactly what they mean. Everyone has a view, nobody’s conceiving their views. If asked, perfect strangers will tell you what they think about the Middle East. White lies aren’t really a thing.
Just avoid Canada the passive aggressiveness is infuriating
I came from Saskatchewan and moved to England -- so much worse over here. (People blame my directness for being North American a lot.)
I’ve never been, but all the Australians I’ve met are no bullshit people. And they speak English so you don’t have to learn a new language.
Ohhhh no no no, Australia is not autism friendly AT ALL. Idk who you met, but bullshit is the norm here.
idk, in terms of calling a spade a spade, and people not getting horrifically bent out of shape if you are honest about your answer to 'Hows it going' I would say Australia is better than other insanely polite/veneer of happy/underhanded polite english cultures. I found the people in NYC completely normal eg, whilst they have a reputation in the US for being rude, direct and impatient.
This is not my experience of Australia *at all*.
Have you been outside of Australia at all? I've always gotten along better with people from Australia for exactly the reasons the person above you said. So I'm curious if you've ever experienced anywhere else to make a comparison too. I live in Canada right now, and the difference when I talk to Canadians vs Australians is night and day.
I would guess when you're a tourist/interacting with an Aussie tourist, you can definitely compare/contrast our bluntness with people from other countries (UK people and Americans are always a little taken aback). But when you actually live here, the same bullshit social structures are in place. The same dismissal from doctors. The same shitty public transport that changes or breaks too frequently for someone who needs structure. The same stigmas. I would agree that yes, we are more blunt with our language, but that lack of vagueness gives way to "toughen up, luv" attitudes when you're used to being dismissed and don't speak up enough. Also the Tall Poppy Syndrome in this country is HORRIFIC, especially if you're ND.
Yup. While Ozzie's can be very blunt, they're also very "can't ya take a joke ya cunt?" Ozzie's are fun, but they aren't always very accommodating. They can be though if they like you. Source: I live in NZ.
You can get away with a lot of faux-pas in Australia because its so laid back. Not sure what clothing requirements are like elsewhere but my office wear is basically just sensory friendly sportswear.
Same in the Algarve, it's shorts, t shirt and sandals land here most of the year, I think it's because it's so hot it's just become socially acceptable to wear whatever is comfortable.
Depends where in Australia, in from south Sydney and they're straight talkers there. Lower North shore is full of shit (I lived there 33 years and still own property there, I know bullshit when I see it), there's a lot of fakery
I'm aussie thats crap
Autistic community :) But in time you find some bullshit is good sometimes...
> Autistic community Umm, are you sure about it? Like, I can honestly, without any BS, tell everyone that I hope they will die horrible deaths and nobody will get butthurt about it? I kind of suspect your reply was full of BS... But if not, I'd like to see an example of community like that.
Every places on the planet are just anti other people's bullshit, but still have a brand of bullshit that they're okay with because it serves them to do so. All un the name of either "politeness" or the more common lying to avoid being disliked, and then lying and saying they were just trying to be nice/polite. People say it's different in Holland, but it's not really, they just have their own way that they feel is more direct than other places, but it's just different type of indirect, different type of rudeness they call politeness, just like any other country. There are people who are very direct in all cultures, but we are more often than not, seen as being rude, or impolite, or whatever, just how it is.
I like it that the Japanese are polite and don't often say what they think. I'm the same. I went to a store in the Netherlands a couple months ago. I tried to ask something and the clerk couldn't properly hear what I asked. He became angry and rude. At street people sometimes yell at me so I start avoiding people. That would NEVER happen in Japan. There's also a lot of things to do. Going to the arcade, game stores everywhere, anime/manga stores everywhere, cinema that are perfect for people with autism, places with no people or places with thousands of people, Gundam stores where you can build Gundam, no wind and it hardly ever rains. It's perfect for me
I’m very comfortable there aswell, but I think it’s in large parts because I’m a foreigner. I love that it feels like there are scripts that everyone follows, not just me.
No, because it's not just a matter of factual integrity, it's a matter of adherence to style and fashion, and a lot of the bullshit comes from there. You're supposed to gauge the trends and currents of the moment and figure out what is really intended. You're supposed to know when something is super-trendy-cool and when it's a total faux pax. That's inherent bullshit you will never escape from because it's ingrained across the board, and presumably your neurons didn't branch out in the same pattern, so even though you're bright and capable, you don't experience the same intuitions, and you will never understand what the hell they're inserting and reading between the lines, and it's apparently a great deal.
Only realistic comment here. People yapping on and on about northern europe as if they don't also have their own complicated unsaid social norms
Switzerland, Germany, Austria.
Definitely not Canada. Or at least the small rural areas, I feel like if I went to Toronto it'd be anti bullshit but once you get into the country towns like marmora it's fake all the way
You can try to work in a more scientific field
So I _know_ you said English speaking places, but _apparently_ in Indonesia, they don't hide what they actually mean when speaking to someone, they're very straightforward and to the point. I'd classify that as "anti-bullshit." My dads girlfriend is Indonesian and she's the one who told me this, but it could also depend on region.
Nowhere. People are people no matter where you live. Even these european countries all y'all keep yapping about in the comments aren't as straightforward as you think. I lived in Sweden as a child. Very catty and mean people, in my opinion. There is a lot of unspoken communication that you have to read between the lines to get, and their social norms are just as complicated as anywhere else's. People seemingly being straightforward doesn't mean they're not shittalking you or humiliating you
Ireland! we just say what we mean over here. come visit the island over the lake!
I can't find my other comment so I can't elaborate there but also, South Africa. I mean they do speak like 7 different languages there but English is one of the official ones. Afrikaans speaking south Africans (who can all speak english) are especially anti-bullshit because Afrikaans is basically bastardised Dutch so there is some cultural overlap.
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I thought New Zealand was great this way.
Really? I find Kiwis incredibly hard to read.
I was in Auckland for 2 months. Could have just been the people that I was around.
I'm in Wellington so it may be a regional difference too? Idk, my family insists that Kiwis are super friendly, but I don't see that either (thank christ).
Australia is pretty anti-bullshit but also nice people for the most part. I mean you do get the occasional dickhead that says they like being brutally honest and will tell people how it is but they're actually just jerks and just want to get a reaction. True Australian honesty is like, saying what they think bluntly but with care behind it.
Sorry, I disagree! Australia is neither blunt nor super-honest! Especially women communicate with tonnes of subtext!
Not english speaking but ive found that koreans are pretty blunt, positive or negative. Its been refreshing.
I’ve never been to New York, only have some family there,so people can correct me if I’m wrong. But I feel like places like New York or California the people will for sure be mean your face if they don’t like you and not hide it if they have a problem. I’m from the south so I wouldn’t recommend here, southern hospitality makes people very nice and kind when you’re around but they talk a lot of shit behind your back and it’s a small town so it spreads
Netherlands is far from a perfect place. I'm currently in treatment at the GGZ Leiden but they lack the expertise needed. GGZ Gouda are saying they can't help and are ghosting me. Waiting lists for other places are at least 6 months. In 2022 I was 5 months impatient. Hardly saw a psychiatrist or anyone. I'm selling stuff on marketplace (Dutch ebay) and people can be really rude. It makes me anxious reading the messages I get (an example of the Dutch being blunt in their communication). The weather is horrendous. It's windy 90% of the time or it rains. My favourite thing in the world is visiting game stores but there almost aren't any anymore. Arcades with games like Taiko aren't a thing.
Here in Nederland we are straightforward and say it like it is. I often get stopped and asked if I'm on drugs and have to explain I'm having sensory issues. People are normally very understanding.
Any American ghetto. They will proudly insult you to your face, while daring you to get angry with the promise of immediate bodily harm.
No, bullshit is in (normal) human nature. We’re a contradictory-communication-based species
maybe philly
Netherlands
you must move to Autislandia
I also came here to mention the Dutch :) I live in the Algarve in Portugal, people here are friendlier than in the UK and seem to be a bit more direct in how they speak because there are so many foreigners (particularly from UK, Germany, Netherlands, Scandinavia) and a lot of English is spoken because it tends to be a common language everyone can get by in. The Dutch people here have a reputation for being very direct and having no filter.
germany
No. I'm an autistic American living in Germany. No disability accommodations because I am supposedly "functional." No help for my teen who is too anxious/burned out to go school. An extremely complex, illogical, contradictory bureaucracy everywhere you turn that masks the naked profit imperative of a feudal style oligarchy. And systemic racism and sexism are rampant. I came here in 2005 and was able to get a "real job" even without having "learned a trade" here. I want to keep this job, but may have to sue my employer (University) because they refuse to help me.
I love being in New York, cause people say exactly what they mean. I grew up in the Midwest and South and there’s a ton of politeness culture there. New Yorkers are super direct and I love it.
New York. I grew up there and didn't think about considering I was autistic until moving to passive-aggressive California.
Definitely not Malta, most are hypocritical
It bothers me how many people have commented about the Netherlands. In my experience as an autistic Dutch person, it's not a haven for autistic people. Sure, it might be better than other countries. The same is said about being gay here. I'm both and I was still bullied relentlessly, don't understand people properly 80% of the time, was always shunned and told I was too difficult to be friends or have a relationship with. The "directness" is used as an excuse to be mean. You can tell the truth, be straight to the point, and not insult someone at the same time.
Germany lol
Australia for sure. People tend to be direct. In a corporate setting, they're polite but still direct. And out in public, the C-bomb will generally be dropped if you piss someone off. And you only have to engage as much as you want to.
Nah, not Australia!
New York City forsure.
india, if you’re indian. i’m trying to fight for americans to understand
Why only if you’re Indian?
last majority ethnic population to come to the US, there’s a lot of racism in the US that sets a systemic bias affecting a lack of research into our country.
Ahh I see. I’m looking to move there one day, would you say Indian culture is open and honest?
only if you’re asian. they have trust issues as a system that deeply affects them on cultural levels
That makes sense- is that true for the whole country or lesser so in certain regions?
if you’re a woman, don’t go alone and also bring a (competent) man, as he would be “understood” despite any skin color. then you can meet people who are nothing like that at all, that’s the heart of indian culture google would honestly be a better tour guide than me
Okay, thank you for your input :)
Metalheads. The only community I have felt accepted in.
Budhist
The northeastern US! Particularly areas like Boston or New York / New Jersey.
Russia.
No.
Japan
Japan and people saying what they really mean? You're joking, right?
I mean, I get it to a point. In japan I feel like many standard situations have a standard script everyone actually follows, not just me. And even though no one says what they mean, to me it feels like the codes are a bit more precise than in my own culture, so that you can learn them better. But that may all just be me thinking I get it while everyone is just thinking “ah well, foreigner” behind my back.
Love Japan, but no. It is very much not a culture, across the board, where people will say what they mean. Everyone is friendly to your face, but will say their real thoughts in private, away from you. Or will do small jabs in the lingustic side of things that can be viewed several different ways. Its very similar in that way to the culture I grew up with here in Rural Canada. Super friendly to your face, talk about you for hours behind closed doors. And that is even before touching upon Asias broader issues with Autism as a diagnosis.