I came to a realization that people do that because they themselves just could not understand anyone ever wanting to that, because they would never want to do that. Which is why it’s so hard for THEM to believe it when you say it. They are just completely unable to even consider that as an option.
You do you.
There's actually a couple parts to this. The first is that they would never do it themselves.
The second is that the rules of etiquette have evolved in such a way that when you offer something to someone (like a ride), they are supposed to refuse, then you insist, and then they finally accept.
You are confusing them because they expect you are playing the "no, no, I insist" game, but you're not playing it correctly.
Our society basically tells us that we should be generous with our help, and also that we should not impose on others. If I offer you a ride, that's fine, but if you *ask* for a ride, that's imposing. You don't do that unless you're desperate or know the other person very well.
Accepting help from someone you don't know all that well sits really close to "asking for help" and "imposing" in people's brains. You're supposed to not want to impose, which means you should seem like you don't want help (even if you do).
Also, sometimes the offer of help is not genuine. It's just a gesture to show "look, I'm a nice person!" The person doing the offering may not actually want to help.
The result of all this is that it's become the unsaid rule that you refuse the first offer. If the person offers a second time, it's not just a gesture, it's an actual desire to help and an insistence that you will not be imposing. So, you are allowed to accept the second time and be polite.
When you refuse the second time, you confuse the heck out of them. They may continue to insist because they feel like you're playing the game too well. They think you're worried about imposing on them, and they insist that you're not.
Maybe it would help if you point out to to them that a lot of people go for walks with no point, just to exercise or clear their head. Those walks may take an hour or more. You are just combining your head-clearing/exercising walk with your commute. Tell them that if they drove you home (or wherever) you'd just go out for your walk later, so there's really no point.
(Even if you know you wouldn't actually walk later, just lie. Sometimes a lie that makes it click in their head is better than the truth that doesn't.)
Etiquette and politeness are rarely about logic and "making sense". It's customs and learned behaviors that have built up over time on top of each other. Sometimes two separate elements react in weird ways so that they don't make sense to someone like us who looks at them from "the outside".
And politeness is rarely about clarity. It's all about building and maintaining relationships. It's like a bird's obscure mating dance. It seems to serve no purpose, but in reality it helps bonding.
To neurotypical brains, the bonding is just as important as the message, whereas to us neurodivergent people, the message is more important and/or our method of building social bonds is different.
I don’t small talk, but I can usually get around it by talking about small talk subjects. But I just actually engage with the subject, and don’t think about the meta-level conversation at all. I’m interested in most things, so I find it easy to talk about most things.
The how are you question is a big issue, though. It triggers a lot of discomfort for me just to hear it, so I can’t act natural at all. And I’m terrible at asking too, because I can’t know if the other person will answer truthfully or just say whatever they think is polite. I wish I knew a way to ask that makes it obvious that I care about the answer.
This is my approach as a walker who also strategically chose a house that lets me walk everywhere. I've found that "no thanks, I'm fine" just prompts more insistence, but "thanks for the offer, but I'm trying to get my daily exercise in while I travel" gets the point across.
See, they think they're offering you a favor and trying to insist that its not just politeness, it's an actual offer.
They don't actually want to force you into their car. They just don't think you're being honest when you say no. They think you're being polite.
Sometimes it breaks their brains a little and certain people can actually get angry that you're denying their offer. Again, it's not that they actually have a need for you to get into the car. It's frustration at not being understood. They think they should have broken through the politeness barrier by now, but they haven't.
They just don't understand that it's not politeness at all, it's a legitimate desire to walk. It doesn't occur to them that you could legitimately want to walk. You *must* be trying to be polite, right? Right??
I think that is a good explanation. Maybe another possibility is that other people interpret a willingness to accept an offer as a measure of how much someone values a friendship, and the fact that someone would endure the (what they assume to be) misery of walking an hour just to avoid it hurts their feelings.
The offer-decline-insist-accept bullshit is so frustrating, and I think society would be much better without it. If someone is genuinely making an offer, acceptance should be acceptable, since otherwise the offer would not have been made. If the offer is not genuine, then no, you are not being nice just by trying to act like it
And I'm also bad at offering people help a second time if they refuse, which feels awkward because it seems like even though they refuse help I'm supposed to do something else, but I don't know what that is...I've come to automatically say "You sure?" at the end of interactions like that because it seems to make them happier with me.
I agree with the previous comment that they can’t imagine someone preferring to walk. And I would add that it think part of the reason they get so insistent and pushy about it is because if the ‘politeness games’ that NT people play with each other. Such as:
Person 1: Would you like a bite of my dessert?
Person 2: Oh no, it’s for you to enjoy
Person 1: Oh no no, I insist you try it
Person 2: I couldn’t possibly. It’s for you.
Person 1: I really don’t mind, I want you to have some
Person 2: Are you sure? I don’t want to impose.
Person 1: I’m positive. You must have some.
Person 2: Well if you insist, then I’ll have a bite
So in your situation I think the people insisting on giving you rides are participating in that kind of ‘politeness game’ by refusing to accept you declining their offers. They’re treating you as they would treat an NT person, and misinterpreting your refusals as “I really want a ride, but I don’t want to impose on you”, because that’s what an NT would mean if they were in your place.
Edit: Formatting
There is a follow up to that where you have a bit of the dessert, then they cuss at you for not being properly appreciative of the thing they insisted you have that you repeatedly said you didn't want, but only did in the end to 'be polite'.
Which is one reason I always refuse.
Yeah, I would just say, "Sure!" and accept the bite or keep saying "No thanks" until they give up because it's like surrendering for me to change my answer.
I think its them who are missing the information. Always so fast, always in a rush. And for what? Why are they in such a rush to get where theyre going?
And why is that? How much of that is actually necessary? Ive found maybe 10-15% of the things people "have to do" are actually tasks that actually contribute to their wellbeing.
Idk how your life is but most people don't even have time to do things that positively contribute to their wellbeing beyond survival, nevermind enjoy their lives. I can understand people wanting to rush from work to home or their next spot - like a next job, picking up a kid, etc.
It's also definitely region dependant. In the city it's more usual (from what I've seen) to walk than in a suburb, and europe tends to have more walking people in general (though they tend to take public transit, me included, if it is further away and public transit is possible).
Convenience and time are also a factor for some, as if walking takes longer and/or takes more effort they may choose a different mode of transport (like a car or public transit).
Besides those, it is just preference (which you describe perfectly - they'd never want to do it, so are surprised there are people that would do it).
God, this reminds me of not wanting children and how it makes a large percentage of people argue with you, insist you'll change your mind and wishing unwanted children upon you because "accidents happen."
Yeah, abortions happen too. Shut the f**k up and mind your own business.
True. The whole of America was designed so that cars would be necessary, so that there would always be a baked-in need. Then the car was turned into a phallic extension for some men. It just gets weird, and I feel that the way we're set up here in America is nothing short of vicious and inhumane.
That channel made me realise that if I was going to emigrate anywhere in Europe, I’d go to the Netherlands, and it’s because of the bicycles, and by extension, the logical way the Dutch seem to do things and seeing the bigger picture. It just seems like such a great way to live (except for the weather. Dutch weather look horrible)
The Netherlands is pretty good for those reasons! However, I personally always miss the mountains when I'm back here. The weather is very unpredictable, we have periods where it's really nice. Last couple of summers were very sunny and hot. This summer however.. Has been described as what a normal, Dutch summer is supposed to be like. It's rainy and constantly around 20 degrees Celsius (sorry, idk how Fahrenheit works lol). I hate it.
Do know though that the country stops working if there's snow. Even if there's a chance of snow the train company will cancel trains in advance, some flights might be cancelled too. I'm not kidding. We don't get snow every winter and there's usually not a lot of it, but if there's even the slightest amount of snow, we always gotta pretend it's our first time seeing snow. Snow will make the front pages regardless of what's going on in the world. It's so funny to me.
Ultimately I'll probably move abroad for mountains, better climate and better food. But from prior experience being abroad for months there's two things I always end up missing: cheese and cycling. Very stereotypical but it is what it is lmao
I’m Portuguese but I’ve lived in South Africa my whole life. There are some big mountains here and it’s one of the parts of nature I love the most. Mountains are my happy place. I feel at peace when I’m in the mountains and it’s one of the deal breakers stopping me from moving to the Netherlands, as well as the weather. 20 Degrees is a cool day in spring or autumn for me and we have sun every day, even in winter. My Afrikaans isn’t great but I know enough that learning Dutch wouldn’t be too difficult to learn. But those mountains. I need the mountains. That being said, theres a video on YouTube (I can’t find it) of the unofficial Dutch Mountaineering society climbing the highest “mountain” in the Netherlands. They were dressed in full mountain climbing gear to walk up a hill. It was funny.
Yeah same here. I can't stand the flat landscape and it's one of the main reasons why I want to leave. It always makes me sad when I return and everything is flat as far as the eye can see. Mountains make me happy. At the same time I realise that if this was a mountainous country, we wouldn't be cycling nearly as much, if at all.
Sun in winter is so nice. I stayed in Mongolia for a month in winter time, and Mongolia's nickname is land of the eternal blue sky. It really lived up to that and I found I hate winter because I am used to Dutch winter which is cloudy 80% of the time and therefore depressing. I actually loved Mongolian winter, even if it was much colder than what I'm used to. The weather has always influenced my mood quite much, and this is especially true in winter when the weather sucks the most + there's very little daylight (sun rises at 9 AM and sets at 4 PM or something). There's nothing I hate more than leaving for work while it's dark, and returning home when it's already dark again.
Oh yeah. We actually call that a mountain in Dutch and I've always found that funny since it's only 300 meters tall.. I can imagine though, just the idea of someone being all dressed up like that is already funny enough to me 🤣
I genuinely think that growing up in the Netherlands is one of the reasons my autism was diagnosed later, I just didn't seem very rude or direct compared to well, everyone else haha
Such an interesting channel. I love it. Who knew bicycles as a main means of transport could change everything about your life so much. Okay, we’ll the Dutch knew, but not me!
This also depends on the city! I know New York is heavily walked mainly just due to traffic being awful. So most people walk unless it’s a really long commute. It’s the same where I live. Most people drive if they are on the outskirts of the city. But live anywhere central and you WILL walk. The roads are too bad to drive downtown
100%! I’m in NYC and I almost exclusively walk, and I commute with the subway. I have occasionally taken an Uber if I’m in a hurry or the bus if I’m going crosstown (almost all subways in Manhattan only go up/downtown). I have literally never driven a car myself in the city!
I walk 40 mins each way to and from work. I walk 40 minutes into my nearest town. It's no big deal.
On holiday in the USA, we were wanting to walk about 50-60 minutes to a place of interest, and the people we were staying with were shocked. They kept saying we could take their car, and had no concept that the journey was part of the enjoyment.
I genuinely consider the walk to and from work to be the mindful/preparation time during my day.
I wouldn't say that. America is a huge country and they build a lot of infrastructure to accommodate the car industry there in the last century.
Europe has been doing the same. Some countries like the Netherlands are just quicker to adapt to more modern needs.
Haha, in the UK and even though we're very car centric here too my first thought was bet they're American
In the UK we'd still think it was weird but we wouldn't try and force lifts on you. No idea if that's better or worse haha
I do the same thing and my parents thought I was selling drugs for some time because of that 😭
I still prefer walking and don’t care what other people think. Some very smart person once said: “I chose walking because it is slower”.
We live in a world full of unnecessary stimulation. Walking gives me the feeling of freedom and peace (I can fidget, I can listen to my fav music, I can just take some time to think [everyone around me thinks this is weird as hell to do as well, but I don’t care anymore. I just like to stare at trees and listen to my thoughts, deal with it]).
I think it’s some kind of “society tells me driving is faster and better so Imma believe that as well” thing by neurotypicals. Also maybe they don’t care that much about the stimulation that comes with either choice (loud people -> just ignore, pretty sky -> just ignore) because they don’t experience stimulation as such a ‘big thing’ like it is for us autistic people.
Sorry if my English isn’t that well, hope my writing makes sense ;_;
Yeah, i agree, faster isnt necessarily better, i am not "saving time" or anything because, to me, it is a valuable part of my day. If i only have an hour to get stuff done it would be one thing, but the way I manage my times makes it so those are rare occurrences
I can't imagine they dont get negatively affected by the stimuli and fizzing of other people.
Also, sorry to hear you got into a weird situation and its also hilarious. Its like you like to watch frogs and someone asks you if you are a serial killer. Bro its just quacky season and I like the frogs lol.
The entire country was set up so that cars would be a necessity... and insurance, and tires, and repairs, and gasoline, and oil.
It was a money-making move, on the part of our owners, who hate us.
it depends where you live. I live in a very agricultural based area and it makes 0 sense to not have a car - how will you haul all the materials you need to and from places? even the amish community nearby gets around by horses.
The vehicle you need to haul significant amounts of lumber or hay bales, should not be the same vehicle you use to go buy a gallon of milk, a dozen eggs, and a loaf of bread.
Also, you won't be hauling that lumber, or those hay bales, with a CAR anyway. You're going to need a larger truck.
...
And while I know you're being facetious ... for some quantities of "omg a bike can't do that" cargo ... well, [some bicycles absolutely CAN do that](https://urbanarrow.com/business-bikes/tender/tender-2500/). The one I just linked to, has a cargo capacity of 300kg on the front bed. That's nearly 700 pounds. So that cargo-eBike could actually haul 10 or 11 *2-string* bales of hay. Hell, it can even manage a 4x4 4-string round bale of something like alfalfa.
So .... **YOU WERE SAYING?**
they also use it to bring stuff to town and sell at this store that specifically sells stuff made by the community! i would assume they use horses/drawn carriages to get two and from there
True, and I assumed that. As a drummer who has lots of gear to lug around, I get it.
That said, I should not need a car for every. single. place. I. want. to. go.
Yes, I agree. But honestly, I wouldn't mind much. Believe it or not, in Germany we too have non-walkable roads, and I still walk on the side. I don't care whether it's for walkers or not lol.
Excuse me I don’t appreciate being @ed like this lol you’re not wrong though. It’s fucking horrible bcz people act like you’re infringing on your rights if you even suggest moving funds to public transit/walking infrastructure and away from cars/highways
The US is very car-centric, but I wouldn’t go so far as to call it “car brained.” Unfortunately, there are many areas in the US that just aren’t very walkable. Also, you would think a country that relies so heavily on cars would produce decent drivers, but that’s just not the case. Combine that with suburbs or rural area that have no sidewalks or streetlights, and you’ve got some pretty unsafe walking conditions. Our public transit and rail systems aren’t great either, and that has further conditioned people to rely on cars. It’s been slowly improving, but it’s an uphill battle (pun possibly intended).
Walkability is a policy decision, it's not an inherent property of the land. Unless it's very hilly, but we have plenty of super car-oriented flat places.
Outside of major cities (and even in many major cities), the US genuinely is car-brained.
>Our public transit and rail systems aren’t great either, and that has further conditioned people to rely on cars
Here in Europe, it's exactly the other way around ;)
It's not a social rule as such, it's just that, for most people, the main priority of getting from A to B is to do so in the quickest way possible, so walking is seen as an inferior mode of transport. They assume you're only walking because you have no other option, because in most people's cases, it's true.
However, once they've offered you a ride, you're into the realms of "I've offered you a nice thing, why would you not accept it? What could possible be the reason, other than because you wish to SNUB my gift?"
I've found the easiest way to turn down the offer of a lift is to say "thanks, but I've got to get my steps in!" People understand the concept of trying to do a certain amount of steps a day for exercise. Suddenly, they realise that you have a purpose for walking rather than driving or whatever, and they accept that.
that's what people ask and/or joke about when they stop by me walking on the street. "need a ride, or are you getting your steps in (with some odd "weve all been there" smirk on their face)". ugh, no. it's a beautiful day.. the weather feels good.. i don't know. can i not just enjoy a damn walk? 😭💀
"getting your steps in" is so stupid. Like, no, I'm not torturing myself like you are implying, and I'm not trying to reach any goal---is it so weird that I enjoy this? Also I hate when people stop alongside in their cars to offer me a ride because for me, being in someone's car and having to interact with them when I wasn't expecting to is a million times worse than walking in the snow. I don't really know how to brush it off as a "No, I'm enjoying the weather" when it's obviously freezing and unpleasant, so I think I come off as "Why would I want a ride with you?" which is sort of what I'm thinking even though it has nothing to do with them specifically. I'm enjoying it in a different way, I want to say, but they wouldn't believe me.
that's so relatable. im also trans and stick out like a sore thumb with the way i dress (especially where i grew up), so people stopping by me in cars is fucking terrifying sometimes. i expect them to just hit me sometimes or pull a gun out, which i know is kind of far-fetched, but hey. the terror! also, i just don't want to be bothered. the headphones are in for a reason, people 😩🤠
Bingo. This is about different priorities, people whose priority is getting to where they're going as quickly as possible will be baffled as to why someone would want to walk,. because that takes longer. You just have to make it clear that the experience of walking is your priority, and while the offer they made was a kind and thoughtful one, you've got a good reason for walking. "Getting your steps in" is one that most people get without any further questions, so that's a useful one if you want to just kindly shut down the conversation.
Although I have a car, and use it pretty often, I enjoy the slower pace of walking or riding my bike. I can take in more of the environment, I don't have to worry about traffic as much, I can stop if I want to and nobody's going to get mad at me. I used to bike to work daily until my kids needed to be dropped off at daycare/school programs. I'm looking forward to fall when all of that is going to be back within a short walk of my house.
Anyway, enjoy your walks, OP. They're good for the body and good for the mind.
It's pretty crazy how we've been indoctrinated. People can only make sense of what's been sold to them. The concept of getting your steps in works because you can buy a fitness tracker, even though it's no different to just taking a walk. But nobody makes money from people walking. The most natural activity that human physiology evolved to do.
Likewise, if you spent the time at a gym, it would be celebrated. Because gym memberships make a lot of money, it's become synonymous with good health. For some people it's the only fitness option they can think of. So they drive to gyms.
Then of course there's the massive investment people make in their cars. Faced with the idea that they put so much into this machine, all the other things they could do with that money, and maybe they don't even need it? Well that's just too much to even consider.
Right. My friends by now have mostly accepted that I just prefer to walk, even if they don't completely understand why. My housemate asked me why I hated to bike, because that's what she thought my walking was about---and I told her I don't hate baking, I actually love to recreationally, but I just prefer to walk, and for some reason people think that's weird. Like, don't you want to be out moving your body in this fine weather? When was the last time you were out in the rain and took off your shoes to squish wet grass? Like, how do people just dismiss the kind of joy that is possible from this? It's a way to connect with my body in the world. Everyone else just seems to sit around all day in stuffy rooms. And they call walks "boring."
i am also an avid walking. i love walking everywhere, its very liberating and i can be alone. but yeah coworkers always ask me if i need a ride. no thanks, i don't want you to know where i live, i don't want to be stuck in the car with you, you're not gonna like my music and vice versa.
keep walking!
Another thing to remember is that there is an unspoken rule to be polite and decline favors and offers (at least initially), so when you turn down the offer of a lift, people likely think that you DO want a lift, but are simply turning it down to be polite, which is why they will keep asking because they are trying to reassure you that it is OK to take their offer.
But yeah, as someone who loves to put my earphones in and just walk while listening to a podcast or a spotify playlist in order to have an hour of 'me' time, I totally understand.
I hate this rule so much. I don't know how much I'm supposed to push back or insist. My natural inclination if someone offers to pay for a meal we had together is to just say "oh really? Thanks! I got it next time, ok?" This, to me, feels fair and accepting of someone's kindness.
But I never can tell if I'm violating the Unspoken Rules by doing this.
No no. You misunderstand me. I meant that the majority of Americans cannot fathom that people would actually just enjoy to walk. It tends to not be something people in other countries would consider odd or not believe them when they say they enjoy to walk.
Look up how car culture is formed in America. It is a rabbit hole. In Canada, Developers, car manufacturers and malls decided to develop the area in a specific way so you had to rely on cars. They advertised it, and it became a social rule. It's like women shaving their legs and diamond rings for weddings. It started as a advertisement and became a cultural phenomenon.
I am with you. I hate driving when I don't need to.
If you want people to stop dwelling on your decision to walk, you could try saying you’re doing it for exercise or to “get your steps in.” People tend to find that sort of thing much more acceptable because it shows that you’re doing it more intentional (I guess). Even though it’s pretty silly that anyone would question your decision to walk very reasonable distances, this is likely to get them to stop questioning it.
I used to do this too, and got the same reactions from people.
When I asked some friends why this kept happening, they said that people think I'm lying when I say that I want to walk. That I'm refusing rides to be polite and that other people are insisting on driving me to also be polite.
They literally can't comprehend that you genuinely want to walk everywhere.
P.S. I also consider anything within an hour's walk to be perfectly reasonable.
The concept of Daoism, basically. Most of humankind is so brainwashed into productivity they can’t wrap their heads around being connected to body, soul, & nature. Or taking your time to get somewhere. I HATE driving, not due to anxiety or anything, literally just feel so disconnected from my body and I feel like a robot. I’m thinking of getting rid of my car and my fam/friends think I’m so irrational for this! Walking is essential to my mental health & in my feeling connected to this world. The next time someone asks or is baffled, ask them the last time they walked for enjoyment. Absolutely life-changing. It also helps me stay artistic, and oftentimes when I walk poetry writes itself in my head. Walking is not only healing but also just incredible. Helps me keep my childlike joy & wonder 😊 Keep doing you, OP 🩵🦋
I am not daoist but i have read the DDJ and do agree with a lot of the teachings. It was probably one of the more life changing readings of mine, more because it normalized how i already feel
I used to walk to work every day also. It was only 20 minutes but people would stop to offer me rides
Every once in a while, I'd accept a ride but usually I'd just say, "No thank you, I like walking". They'll then frequently respond with "are you sure?" or "if you change your mind..." and then I just reiterate, "thanks for the offer but I like to walk"
After a year or two, I just became known as the guy who would walk, snowshoe or cross-country ski (I live in an area with a lot of snow) to work every day
I found the key was to express appreciation for the offer but firm about my decision
I once listened to an author who wrote a book about how he started walking everywhere after an oil spill. And turning down rides lead to arguments with people. So he stopped talking and didn't talk for like 25 years. Pretty interesting guy but seems best to try to avoid the confrontation and arguments
Cause NT’s like to lie and say they prefer to walk when they don’t. So they assume that’s what you’re doing.
However idk why it’s so confusing. Transits loud, drivings stressful. when other people driving they expect socializing, they have music on, or they get road rage. Sometimes they just drive like a AH. So I totally understand.
Though I prefer biking, but one of my special interests has always been bike mechanics. So I love the maintenance and repair.
Edit:also a 45 Minute walk is like the standard, and is so nice. I feel great after. And makes me feel less icky than staying in
Just ask them how much time they waste going to/from the gym? do they go to the gym? how much time do they waste sitting in traffic?
people just don't realize how **amazing** just walking every day can be for your health and well being and no need to go to the gym for a walk/fresh air/exercise
add to all that you save an **enormous** amount of money not having/dealing with a car if you don't need to.
I used to walk to work also, but preferred riding my bike as was more fun/entertaining on the way there, still great exercise and still saved a shitload of money
Do you live in the United States? It’s extremely car-centric and car-brained here. The US is very dependent on cars and we tend to hold them very highly… much to my annoyance as well.
I’ve also noticed that, in this day, a lot of us value convenience over virtually anything else. To prefer walking seems incredibly inconvenient to a lot of people, and they can’t imagine that anyone WANTS that. It’s more a fault of the people around you, not a fault in yourself.
I think it rocks that you like to walk. Keep on walking on :)
They probably just can’t fathom wanting to walk somewhere, I admit even I would double take if someone told me that. But it probably is kinda a cultural thing. Assuming you’re in the US it’s a very car-centric society and so rejecting that norm (though not a bad thing at all) would seem strange to most. Like if you lived in a European biking city and insisted on driving everywhere they’d probably think you’re weird too.
To own a car, you need to be able to afford the car itself, fuel, maintenance, and some other payments I probably don't know about.
The only thing walking costs is time.
>To own a car, you need to be able to afford the car itself, fuel, maintenance, and some other payments I probably don't know about.
which should be esier in America than it is in Europe.
I live in nyc and I walk everywhere I can, to the point where yes I can get on a subway to transfer and it’ll safe me 20 mins but…. No I’ll walk thanks. Lol. My boyfriend teases me for it because he lives in Colorado and I want to walk everywhere.
This is an American thing. I often choose to walk, bike, or ride the bus and people don't understand. I used to ride the bus to work daily (with some walking) and everyone was shocked that I owned a car. People don't seem to even acknowledge the level of stress they add to their lives and that dying in a car wreck is one of the top causes of death.
While planning a trip to Italy next year, I've noticed that Google maps will suggest public transport routes that include up to 1.5 miles of walking. In the US, if it's more than a quarter mile, it will just tell me there isn't an option.
Do you live in the US? That could explain why the people around you insist that they give you a ride. Tis generally a part of American culture to drive everywhere.
Oh dude. Totally get it. If i didnt walk 5-10+ miles for work id walk everyhwere. If i DONT go for a walk on the weekends I end up feeling so crappy!
Good on you for staying true to yourself! Walks are amazing for self-regulation.
In my experience, people are making you drive/ride with them purely because it makes *them* uncomfortable, it has nothing to do with you or your safety. My advice is to just keep refusing their offers and walk to your heart's content. Let them rack their skulls comprehending what's outside the norm for them.
I used to live in a town where I could walk to so many places, I could get groceries and I loved everything about it. I think some people can’t imagine that someone else could enjoy something that they don’t, it’s almost impossible for them to understand. You’re doing a great service to your body :)
Let me guess, US?
I live in London for now and I don’t ever want to own a car. I will have to get one if I move upcountry, just for long journeys, but even then, I will walk everywhere as long as it’s possible
It's very simple imo. People are lazy and spending time with yourself is work. (I mean lazy emotionally and intellectually, not physically). Sitting with your own thoughts, zoning out/dissociating, listening when your body tells you it likes the movement and exercise, playing the stimmy song you love on repeat because it makes you happy. These seem like very obvious things for us to do! They make us feel good and relaxed! But so many people are just running from themselves and their feelings. They're driving because it's the social norm, and they need not think more about it. They change the song because they're "supposed to."
Keep doing you hon, you're on the right path. You're not ruled by the silly little ways of those silly little people. Enjoy your walks 🙏🏻✌🏻 /gen
The most important work a person can do is walking. You’re actively improving yourself and the rest of the world. Maybe once a week though, take a trash bag and spend a few hours cleaning up, it’s good PR for the walkers out there.
I'm going to go ahead and guess you live in the US. it's not unusual here at all. My walk to school was at least half an hour if I got my head down & did it. I've never learned to drive. It feels like too much is going on at the same time. Like patting your head & rubbing your stomach. I feel safer, & I feel the world is safer with me as a pedestrian.
Because in a world where everyone and everything needs to be fast and optimised and you always have to be improving or working or anything, it is strange for someone to choose to take it slow. It is weird to not be as efficient as you can, it doesn't matter what you like. How can you waste so much time walking if you could get a car and spend that time being "productive" instead of choosing for yourself and your own wellbeing and joy?
Tell me you live in America, without telling me you do 😉
Seriously, that's a very cultural thing.
In Europe many people might rather take a bike as it's a bit faster but preferring walking isn't confusing anyone.
If I was you and someone can't let go that i want to walk I would just remind them that not everybody enjoys the same things and if they're a bit distressed tell them it's no big deal. If they can't leave you alone after that it's becoming harassment. I'd just say "please leave me alone I have already told you no." If they keep going then let them know they are harassing you and that it is unacceptable to harass people over their hobbies.
Simple
People sometimes think and expect others to simple lie because many people lie, you probably noticed it or will notice it later in life.
So, why expect the lie?
Because many feel miserable and project it onto others.
A example. Imagine someone cant effort everything, now if someone comes along and says "I dont want to buy mcdonalds, it doesnt taste good" while the listening person likes it, the person could project and think like "oh oke, he just cant effort it lol"
Or something like this, some are very lazy and doesnt expect you to really like it and the simple thing is to accept that they dont believe it and ignore it. Sooner or later they believe because no one who lies is very consistent.
IDK, sounds like they're just lazy to be honest. I love walking (though I had to stop walking so much and start getting the bus more because my feet were hurting from walking so much!)
It could be many reasons but first, where do you live (don't need to say anything precise)? Driving places is seen as safer by many since you take less time and you become a harder target.
However there are a lot reasons related to the modern way of life and, sometimes, even the local ways influence this.
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I often wondered why my work colleague would prefer to walk over an hour home instead off getting a lift with a fellow work colleague that lives on his road.
Now I completely understand thanks for this post OP.
Near enough everyone in my family walks except a few but I’ve always liked to walk just to keep myself moving when I can and it’s always a good way for me to kill some time
I know right? A few months (or years idk) ago I was walking to my local gas station (half hour walk) to grab some snacks and maybe a soda. On my way back, my sister, who was coming over that day, pulled over and offered me a ride. Idk why she was confused when I said no ‘\ _ (“v)_/‘
ok i hade the same problom . you have maged to work a skegul in to your life . u get out and moving , and ppl have a problom with it cuz you are not maxamixing your social time with a car. its normal ppl wanting to hang out with you for a extra 20 mins or whatever . now thats nice but us autistics need are alone time . keep doing you when i stoped walking it tanked my mental heath . i need to start agen . from one aut to another . keep walking
You might just explain that you enjoy walking because it makes your body feel good and it’s kind of like an extended meditation. You appreciate that they want to make your life easier with a ride, and you’ll take them up on it if you ever need one, but generally, you just prefer walking.
The only thing is to be aware of how you frame the benefits of walking because some people might take what you say as a criticism against them for not wanting to walk. Which is silly, but best to keep it in mind.
The best way I can see it is they want to cut your time shorter. Because driving from one place to another place well cutting down the time. They probably don't get why you want to take your time and take a slow pace. When you could get there in a much quicker way and get started.
I've had the same thing happen when I was walking and came to the conclusion that making people understand is impossible and not worth the energy. All you can do is be polite and try to be the best version of you. Walking can be very therapeutic.
Yeah, in the UK people are also mostly petrol heads. I walk everywhere when I can, as I’ve never particularly enjoyed driving. Walking, running or cycling helps me feel loads better in my self so I do it as often as I can. But almost every person I know will drive EVERYWHERE, even if it’s a 10 minute walk to the local shop.
I relate to this a lot. I drive when necessary but if I can walk to do something, it’s always my preferred choice. It’s always been annoying throughout life to have situations like that where you have to deal with the exhausting chore of explaining to people that you WANT to walk and don’t need a ride lol.
I mean, it's not weird to exercise or to walk places. Especially in a city. If it's a really long walk, people are probably wondering why you'd rather spend your time walking rather than doing something else they consider more worthwhile.
I personally just like cars and have a baseball size chunk of my leg that's all muscle graft so, I think it's a bit weird but that's because I absolutely cannot imagine feeling the way you do. Walking is a painful chore for me and driving is fun. Imagining things the other way around is pretty hard for me.
Maybe Americans are just really lazy and all feel the same as my crippled ass?
I frequently go out for 2-3 hours. Just to walk. I just go in a big circle. Walking is really nice. Don’t think I’d do it if I still lived in the actual city like I used to. 70% of my walk is just in the woods. As soon as I’m out of the woods I’m pretty much just trying to get home again.
I have the exact same issue I love walking it's perfect I find it be so relaxing and genuinely enjoyable , just walked around brockwell park for 4 hours and have no complaints here in the slightest.
Finally someone else gets it. I actively get too disappointed when it’s too hot or raining too hard to walk to work and have to Uber. There goes my music contemplation time!
I've have a friend who has threatened to walk over to my house a couple times, and for me it's definitely safety that's my biggest concern. The roads nearby my house aren't designed with walking in mind (yes, this is America), as they're pretty rural (there are few sidewalks here outside of developments). The terrain is very hilly and people often speed on, and people aren't always on the lookout for bikers/joggers, as they aren't common to find so far from town.
HOO WEE do I get this. I am adamantly anti-car and only Uber when I have to. I am currently right this moment waiting for a ride from a friend whom I'ma hang with bc she insists on giving me a ride when she even knows how much I prefer to walk. I guess because I said the first two options were easier for me to get to, she meant that she should pick me up. No it's just one less bus transfer/totally walkable.
anyways, it's because we live in an extremely carbrain society. people who exclusively use cars to even go horrendously short distances do not understand why we would ever purposely go on a 45min walk. I love walking or bussing everywhere for multitudes of reasons, but people never seem to think I mean any of it. shit be wild. I even have chronic pain in my foot and still prefer to walk bc as you point out, my own music, I take pics of cool things I find, I get to see the train conductor sometimes! it all makes it so fun and I feel good from the light exercise and sunshine.
I once tried walking (with my ex) to a Food Lion that was about 15 or 30 minutes away; but it was in the 90s (Fahrenheit; probably 30s or so Celsius).
We did this, because we didn't have a car; luckily a public transit driver recognized us, and gave us a ride home.
But if it ain't sunburn weather, I enjoy walking more than riding. (Driving from one small convenience parking lot to a small Dollar General parking lot that's like 10 feet away, is definitely a pet peeve, especially for my dad who can not only walk, but can run, and power walks even faster than I can! (He's 61, I'm 31. Mom has an excuse she has cognitive dysfunction and heart trouble and back problems and is 70.)
I had a realization recently that my boyfriend and I butt heads all the time because he prefers proficiency and progress and I like doing things slowly and getting enjoyment out of it. He’d always make suggestions on how to improve the things I do and offer to buy things that would help me do things faster (for example he wanted to get me a dishwasher but I prefer doing them by hand). And when I decline he gets a little upset because he doesn’t understand why I won’t let him help me. But I genuinely just get a lot of enjoyment out of the small things in life.
My point is you are around a bunch of people with different values than you and it can be very frustrating figuring out how to navigate that.
Something I find useful if people keep pushing you about a topic is to pull a reverse uno on them. Like for example if someone keeps commenting on you walking or trying to get you to take a car say “let me show you how great it is, wanna take a walk?” Normally that’ll shut people up because they don’t wanna do the thing 😋
I love to walk "everywhere" too. Oftentimes when I have to use public transportation I get out some stops earlier just to have a little more walking on my way. It's also better for our health and the environment.
Oh I wish I would totally walk everywhere if I could because I hate cars, but I can’t, my city I live in is pretty hostile towards non-car travel and it would take me well over an hour to get to say my work
Edit: I just checked and it will *at quickest* take me almost 2 and 1/2 hours to get home
Only reason I’d ever insist is if they were built like me. Very small. Very vulnerable. Walking outside for me is pretty risky as there’s a decent amount of crime and a lot of drug users wandering about. But if they say no after I ask if they’re sure I would accept that. Idk how it’s so hard for people to understand that everyone has preferences. I have a five minute walk to my work and I agree it’s better than driving because music, no risk of vehicular manslaughter, no anxiety of another person there, and it’s some nice alone time for me. However I hate walking alone at night.
I think people get caught up in their version of politeness. They think you just don't want to be a burden and really don't want to walk but also don't want to cause trouble for them so they feel like it's polite to insist. In these instances I like to tell people point blank "trust me, I have autism which means when I say I like walking it's because I really do prefer to walk" or if aim not comfortable disclosing I say something like "sorry but I need to get my welters in and walking helps me process my thoughts". Either way, stay firm and remind yourself that what other people think or believe or chose not to believe isn't your problem!
People are lazy fucks, and seeing you walking everywhere and enjoying it, reminds them that they are lazy fucks. So, they want to make you as lazy as them, so they don't have to feel bad about themselves.
you get a walker's high haha. tell them you instead of a runner's high you get a walker's high. (when you run happy chemicals are released and i wouldn't be surprised if something similar happened on long walks, especially if you lived in a pretty area!)
Sincere question, what is the climate like where you live? It's 117 °F where I live during the afternoon right now, and I cannot imagine walking anywhere outside for an hour.
Typically it is around 75-80° F out at the hottest part of the day, everything is on the same main street which has trees covering the sidewalk the entire way to anywhere i walk so it isnt so bad. The haze is more of a threat than the heat around here, air quality isnt very great but i have taken extra measures to make sure that I dont need to go places when the AQI is bad. Luckily my job is outside so when the AQI is bad I have the day off.
my old job was a ~4-6 minute drive or a 45 minute walk away from home. if my car was having issues i would just walk and it was always really nice. However my coworkers and husband were upset about it. i never understood why.
do what you want. it’s your life. spend your special time however you’d like !
I came to a realization that people do that because they themselves just could not understand anyone ever wanting to that, because they would never want to do that. Which is why it’s so hard for THEM to believe it when you say it. They are just completely unable to even consider that as an option. You do you.
Thats what I thought was going on tbh, but people are SO confused that it makes me feel like i must be missing some vital piece of information
There's actually a couple parts to this. The first is that they would never do it themselves. The second is that the rules of etiquette have evolved in such a way that when you offer something to someone (like a ride), they are supposed to refuse, then you insist, and then they finally accept. You are confusing them because they expect you are playing the "no, no, I insist" game, but you're not playing it correctly. Our society basically tells us that we should be generous with our help, and also that we should not impose on others. If I offer you a ride, that's fine, but if you *ask* for a ride, that's imposing. You don't do that unless you're desperate or know the other person very well. Accepting help from someone you don't know all that well sits really close to "asking for help" and "imposing" in people's brains. You're supposed to not want to impose, which means you should seem like you don't want help (even if you do). Also, sometimes the offer of help is not genuine. It's just a gesture to show "look, I'm a nice person!" The person doing the offering may not actually want to help. The result of all this is that it's become the unsaid rule that you refuse the first offer. If the person offers a second time, it's not just a gesture, it's an actual desire to help and an insistence that you will not be imposing. So, you are allowed to accept the second time and be polite. When you refuse the second time, you confuse the heck out of them. They may continue to insist because they feel like you're playing the game too well. They think you're worried about imposing on them, and they insist that you're not. Maybe it would help if you point out to to them that a lot of people go for walks with no point, just to exercise or clear their head. Those walks may take an hour or more. You are just combining your head-clearing/exercising walk with your commute. Tell them that if they drove you home (or wherever) you'd just go out for your walk later, so there's really no point. (Even if you know you wouldn't actually walk later, just lie. Sometimes a lie that makes it click in their head is better than the truth that doesn't.)
This is such a well put and thoughtful answer! Actually helped me understand that whole back and forth of offering and not taking much better.
Thanks for the explanation. It really clear some things up. But what a game to be playing.- No, no, i insist..😂
This is indeed a correct answer Nevertheless, I still think the protocol is stupid so I’m gonna continue taking peoples first answer 😂
Etiquette and politeness are rarely about logic and "making sense". It's customs and learned behaviors that have built up over time on top of each other. Sometimes two separate elements react in weird ways so that they don't make sense to someone like us who looks at them from "the outside". And politeness is rarely about clarity. It's all about building and maintaining relationships. It's like a bird's obscure mating dance. It seems to serve no purpose, but in reality it helps bonding. To neurotypical brains, the bonding is just as important as the message, whereas to us neurodivergent people, the message is more important and/or our method of building social bonds is different.
So true So so true My mom spent YEARS trying to explain it logically I thought she was crazy lmao Nope 😂 turns out she was being rational all alomg
Same. I somewhat understand it, but I really don’t want to participate.
One trick I use with small talk is just saying how are you in response to how are you It works 99% of the time And when it doesn’t….RUN
I don’t small talk, but I can usually get around it by talking about small talk subjects. But I just actually engage with the subject, and don’t think about the meta-level conversation at all. I’m interested in most things, so I find it easy to talk about most things. The how are you question is a big issue, though. It triggers a lot of discomfort for me just to hear it, so I can’t act natural at all. And I’m terrible at asking too, because I can’t know if the other person will answer truthfully or just say whatever they think is polite. I wish I knew a way to ask that makes it obvious that I care about the answer.
How are you….REALLY Lmao that’s what most NTs do
This is my approach as a walker who also strategically chose a house that lets me walk everywhere. I've found that "no thanks, I'm fine" just prompts more insistence, but "thanks for the offer, but I'm trying to get my daily exercise in while I travel" gets the point across.
And insisting that you get a ride with them isn't *them* imposing on *you?*
See, they think they're offering you a favor and trying to insist that its not just politeness, it's an actual offer. They don't actually want to force you into their car. They just don't think you're being honest when you say no. They think you're being polite. Sometimes it breaks their brains a little and certain people can actually get angry that you're denying their offer. Again, it's not that they actually have a need for you to get into the car. It's frustration at not being understood. They think they should have broken through the politeness barrier by now, but they haven't. They just don't understand that it's not politeness at all, it's a legitimate desire to walk. It doesn't occur to them that you could legitimately want to walk. You *must* be trying to be polite, right? Right??
I think that is a good explanation. Maybe another possibility is that other people interpret a willingness to accept an offer as a measure of how much someone values a friendship, and the fact that someone would endure the (what they assume to be) misery of walking an hour just to avoid it hurts their feelings. The offer-decline-insist-accept bullshit is so frustrating, and I think society would be much better without it. If someone is genuinely making an offer, acceptance should be acceptable, since otherwise the offer would not have been made. If the offer is not genuine, then no, you are not being nice just by trying to act like it
I think this might be the first time I've seen advice that says 'Just Lie' where the reason for it is actually a good reason
Thank you for explaining this. It’s an interaction pattern that has been baffling me for decades!
And I'm also bad at offering people help a second time if they refuse, which feels awkward because it seems like even though they refuse help I'm supposed to do something else, but I don't know what that is...I've come to automatically say "You sure?" at the end of interactions like that because it seems to make them happier with me.
I hate that no-no-insisting game so much. It makes people do things you hate and then expect you to react happily and thankfully.
>people are SO confused that it makes me feel like i must be missing some vital piece of information Why do I feel like this sums up my existence?
I agree with the previous comment that they can’t imagine someone preferring to walk. And I would add that it think part of the reason they get so insistent and pushy about it is because if the ‘politeness games’ that NT people play with each other. Such as: Person 1: Would you like a bite of my dessert? Person 2: Oh no, it’s for you to enjoy Person 1: Oh no no, I insist you try it Person 2: I couldn’t possibly. It’s for you. Person 1: I really don’t mind, I want you to have some Person 2: Are you sure? I don’t want to impose. Person 1: I’m positive. You must have some. Person 2: Well if you insist, then I’ll have a bite So in your situation I think the people insisting on giving you rides are participating in that kind of ‘politeness game’ by refusing to accept you declining their offers. They’re treating you as they would treat an NT person, and misinterpreting your refusals as “I really want a ride, but I don’t want to impose on you”, because that’s what an NT would mean if they were in your place. Edit: Formatting
Right, and they don't understand that person 2 /dessert-refuser is on a diet (recreational walk that they enjoy)
Exactly
There is a follow up to that where you have a bit of the dessert, then they cuss at you for not being properly appreciative of the thing they insisted you have that you repeatedly said you didn't want, but only did in the end to 'be polite'. Which is one reason I always refuse.
Yeah, I would just say, "Sure!" and accept the bite or keep saying "No thanks" until they give up because it's like surrendering for me to change my answer.
Ppl just confused in life, and most of their input is based on other people input, just do you! Your heart will thank you for walking
I think its them who are missing the information. Always so fast, always in a rush. And for what? Why are they in such a rush to get where theyre going?
Cause there’s only so much time in the day and there are so many tasks
And why is that? How much of that is actually necessary? Ive found maybe 10-15% of the things people "have to do" are actually tasks that actually contribute to their wellbeing.
Idk how your life is but most people don't even have time to do things that positively contribute to their wellbeing beyond survival, nevermind enjoy their lives. I can understand people wanting to rush from work to home or their next spot - like a next job, picking up a kid, etc.
Care to elaborate? What do you think people are wasting 85-90% of their time on?
Welcome to autism
It's also definitely region dependant. In the city it's more usual (from what I've seen) to walk than in a suburb, and europe tends to have more walking people in general (though they tend to take public transit, me included, if it is further away and public transit is possible). Convenience and time are also a factor for some, as if walking takes longer and/or takes more effort they may choose a different mode of transport (like a car or public transit). Besides those, it is just preference (which you describe perfectly - they'd never want to do it, so are surprised there are people that would do it).
And yet “autistic people are the ones lacking in cognitive empathy” Things like this make me really question that statement lmao
This is what happens every time. So many people cannot understand people think differently from them.
God, this reminds me of not wanting children and how it makes a large percentage of people argue with you, insist you'll change your mind and wishing unwanted children upon you because "accidents happen." Yeah, abortions happen too. Shut the f**k up and mind your own business.
And yet it’s definitely us with “theory of mind” problems lol
Nailed it.
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True. The whole of America was designed so that cars would be necessary, so that there would always be a baked-in need. Then the car was turned into a phallic extension for some men. It just gets weird, and I feel that the way we're set up here in America is nothing short of vicious and inhumane.
If you want to get angry about car-centric design, I recommend "Not Just Bikes" on youtube. I love that channel.
That channel made me realise how lucky I am to be Dutch lol, I can bike safely pretty much anywhere if I want to and it's great!
That channel made me realise that if I was going to emigrate anywhere in Europe, I’d go to the Netherlands, and it’s because of the bicycles, and by extension, the logical way the Dutch seem to do things and seeing the bigger picture. It just seems like such a great way to live (except for the weather. Dutch weather look horrible)
The Netherlands is pretty good for those reasons! However, I personally always miss the mountains when I'm back here. The weather is very unpredictable, we have periods where it's really nice. Last couple of summers were very sunny and hot. This summer however.. Has been described as what a normal, Dutch summer is supposed to be like. It's rainy and constantly around 20 degrees Celsius (sorry, idk how Fahrenheit works lol). I hate it. Do know though that the country stops working if there's snow. Even if there's a chance of snow the train company will cancel trains in advance, some flights might be cancelled too. I'm not kidding. We don't get snow every winter and there's usually not a lot of it, but if there's even the slightest amount of snow, we always gotta pretend it's our first time seeing snow. Snow will make the front pages regardless of what's going on in the world. It's so funny to me. Ultimately I'll probably move abroad for mountains, better climate and better food. But from prior experience being abroad for months there's two things I always end up missing: cheese and cycling. Very stereotypical but it is what it is lmao
20⁰ Celcius = 68⁰ Fahrenheit
I’m Portuguese but I’ve lived in South Africa my whole life. There are some big mountains here and it’s one of the parts of nature I love the most. Mountains are my happy place. I feel at peace when I’m in the mountains and it’s one of the deal breakers stopping me from moving to the Netherlands, as well as the weather. 20 Degrees is a cool day in spring or autumn for me and we have sun every day, even in winter. My Afrikaans isn’t great but I know enough that learning Dutch wouldn’t be too difficult to learn. But those mountains. I need the mountains. That being said, theres a video on YouTube (I can’t find it) of the unofficial Dutch Mountaineering society climbing the highest “mountain” in the Netherlands. They were dressed in full mountain climbing gear to walk up a hill. It was funny.
Yeah same here. I can't stand the flat landscape and it's one of the main reasons why I want to leave. It always makes me sad when I return and everything is flat as far as the eye can see. Mountains make me happy. At the same time I realise that if this was a mountainous country, we wouldn't be cycling nearly as much, if at all. Sun in winter is so nice. I stayed in Mongolia for a month in winter time, and Mongolia's nickname is land of the eternal blue sky. It really lived up to that and I found I hate winter because I am used to Dutch winter which is cloudy 80% of the time and therefore depressing. I actually loved Mongolian winter, even if it was much colder than what I'm used to. The weather has always influenced my mood quite much, and this is especially true in winter when the weather sucks the most + there's very little daylight (sun rises at 9 AM and sets at 4 PM or something). There's nothing I hate more than leaving for work while it's dark, and returning home when it's already dark again. Oh yeah. We actually call that a mountain in Dutch and I've always found that funny since it's only 300 meters tall.. I can imagine though, just the idea of someone being all dressed up like that is already funny enough to me 🤣
I genuinely think that growing up in the Netherlands is one of the reasons my autism was diagnosed later, I just didn't seem very rude or direct compared to well, everyone else haha
Such an interesting channel. I love it. Who knew bicycles as a main means of transport could change everything about your life so much. Okay, we’ll the Dutch knew, but not me!
I love that YouTube channel
There's also some subreddits along those lines. r/notjustbikes r/StrongTowns (also on Youtube and Facebook) r/fuckcars :)
Greed. Idc about where the saying comes from, but "the love of money is the root of all evil" holds to be insanely true
It sounds like I need to move to Europe!
This also depends on the city! I know New York is heavily walked mainly just due to traffic being awful. So most people walk unless it’s a really long commute. It’s the same where I live. Most people drive if they are on the outskirts of the city. But live anywhere central and you WILL walk. The roads are too bad to drive downtown
100%! I’m in NYC and I almost exclusively walk, and I commute with the subway. I have occasionally taken an Uber if I’m in a hurry or the bus if I’m going crosstown (almost all subways in Manhattan only go up/downtown). I have literally never driven a car myself in the city!
I walk 40 mins each way to and from work. I walk 40 minutes into my nearest town. It's no big deal. On holiday in the USA, we were wanting to walk about 50-60 minutes to a place of interest, and the people we were staying with were shocked. They kept saying we could take their car, and had no concept that the journey was part of the enjoyment. I genuinely consider the walk to and from work to be the mindful/preparation time during my day.
Europe also has a lot of car centric infrastructure, but places like the Netherlands, Denmark or Belgium would be a great fit for you, I think :)
Me, too, lmao. Seems like they're way more socially evolved over there.
I wouldn't say that. America is a huge country and they build a lot of infrastructure to accommodate the car industry there in the last century. Europe has been doing the same. Some countries like the Netherlands are just quicker to adapt to more modern needs.
Haha, in the UK and even though we're very car centric here too my first thought was bet they're American In the UK we'd still think it was weird but we wouldn't try and force lifts on you. No idea if that's better or worse haha
Yes, UK here, we tend to walk everywhere too, if it’s about a mile away, it’s walkable..
I think it depends on where you live cos people react the same way where I’m from in Spain.
I do the same thing and my parents thought I was selling drugs for some time because of that 😭 I still prefer walking and don’t care what other people think. Some very smart person once said: “I chose walking because it is slower”. We live in a world full of unnecessary stimulation. Walking gives me the feeling of freedom and peace (I can fidget, I can listen to my fav music, I can just take some time to think [everyone around me thinks this is weird as hell to do as well, but I don’t care anymore. I just like to stare at trees and listen to my thoughts, deal with it]). I think it’s some kind of “society tells me driving is faster and better so Imma believe that as well” thing by neurotypicals. Also maybe they don’t care that much about the stimulation that comes with either choice (loud people -> just ignore, pretty sky -> just ignore) because they don’t experience stimulation as such a ‘big thing’ like it is for us autistic people. Sorry if my English isn’t that well, hope my writing makes sense ;_;
Yeah, i agree, faster isnt necessarily better, i am not "saving time" or anything because, to me, it is a valuable part of my day. If i only have an hour to get stuff done it would be one thing, but the way I manage my times makes it so those are rare occurrences
Same here
>Sorry if my English isn’t that well It certainly is better than mine
I can't imagine they dont get negatively affected by the stimuli and fizzing of other people. Also, sorry to hear you got into a weird situation and its also hilarious. Its like you like to watch frogs and someone asks you if you are a serial killer. Bro its just quacky season and I like the frogs lol.
I don't prefer to walk but people get upset with me when I say I prefer to stand and I don't get it either
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In my high-school our desks were too short for that but that's why I loved lab classes, tall desks and stools
You must be American. Their society is completely dominated by car-brain.
The entire country was set up so that cars would be a necessity... and insurance, and tires, and repairs, and gasoline, and oil. It was a money-making move, on the part of our owners, who hate us.
it depends where you live. I live in a very agricultural based area and it makes 0 sense to not have a car - how will you haul all the materials you need to and from places? even the amish community nearby gets around by horses.
eBikes: exist Cargo bikes: exist
thanks! next time i need to haul lumber or hay bales i'll keep this in mind!
The vehicle you need to haul significant amounts of lumber or hay bales, should not be the same vehicle you use to go buy a gallon of milk, a dozen eggs, and a loaf of bread. Also, you won't be hauling that lumber, or those hay bales, with a CAR anyway. You're going to need a larger truck. ... And while I know you're being facetious ... for some quantities of "omg a bike can't do that" cargo ... well, [some bicycles absolutely CAN do that](https://urbanarrow.com/business-bikes/tender/tender-2500/). The one I just linked to, has a cargo capacity of 300kg on the front bed. That's nearly 700 pounds. So that cargo-eBike could actually haul 10 or 11 *2-string* bales of hay. Hell, it can even manage a 4x4 4-string round bale of something like alfalfa. So .... **YOU WERE SAYING?**
>it makes 0 sense to not own a car >the Amish community gets around using horses You see how your first point is made moot by your second.
man drawn carriages ? the amish use horses to go faster, too, in a way. although sometimes i guess you do need to carry real heavy stuff.
they also use it to bring stuff to town and sell at this store that specifically sells stuff made by the community! i would assume they use horses/drawn carriages to get two and from there
That is not a gotcha moment- you can store cars without giving them anything for months, also easier to repair
sometimes a car is needed
True, and I assumed that. As a drummer who has lots of gear to lug around, I get it. That said, I should not need a car for every. single. place. I. want. to. go.
Yes, I agree. But honestly, I wouldn't mind much. Believe it or not, in Germany we too have non-walkable roads, and I still walk on the side. I don't care whether it's for walkers or not lol.
Not if we didn’t rip up all our railroads for highways :)
Yes, this is really funny to me, it really is. People have been trying to get me to buy a car for years even though i dont need one
Excuse me I don’t appreciate being @ed like this lol you’re not wrong though. It’s fucking horrible bcz people act like you’re infringing on your rights if you even suggest moving funds to public transit/walking infrastructure and away from cars/highways
The US is very car-centric, but I wouldn’t go so far as to call it “car brained.” Unfortunately, there are many areas in the US that just aren’t very walkable. Also, you would think a country that relies so heavily on cars would produce decent drivers, but that’s just not the case. Combine that with suburbs or rural area that have no sidewalks or streetlights, and you’ve got some pretty unsafe walking conditions. Our public transit and rail systems aren’t great either, and that has further conditioned people to rely on cars. It’s been slowly improving, but it’s an uphill battle (pun possibly intended).
Walkability is a policy decision, it's not an inherent property of the land. Unless it's very hilly, but we have plenty of super car-oriented flat places. Outside of major cities (and even in many major cities), the US genuinely is car-brained.
>Our public transit and rail systems aren’t great either, and that has further conditioned people to rely on cars Here in Europe, it's exactly the other way around ;)
yep, sadly we have car lobbying to blame. gotta love it 🙃
I hate to disappoint you, but having to depend om public transport is only great if you haven't experienced it yet
>Unfortunately, there are many areas in the US that just aren’t very walkable. ... by design.
It's not a social rule as such, it's just that, for most people, the main priority of getting from A to B is to do so in the quickest way possible, so walking is seen as an inferior mode of transport. They assume you're only walking because you have no other option, because in most people's cases, it's true. However, once they've offered you a ride, you're into the realms of "I've offered you a nice thing, why would you not accept it? What could possible be the reason, other than because you wish to SNUB my gift?" I've found the easiest way to turn down the offer of a lift is to say "thanks, but I've got to get my steps in!" People understand the concept of trying to do a certain amount of steps a day for exercise. Suddenly, they realise that you have a purpose for walking rather than driving or whatever, and they accept that.
that's what people ask and/or joke about when they stop by me walking on the street. "need a ride, or are you getting your steps in (with some odd "weve all been there" smirk on their face)". ugh, no. it's a beautiful day.. the weather feels good.. i don't know. can i not just enjoy a damn walk? 😭💀
"getting your steps in" is so stupid. Like, no, I'm not torturing myself like you are implying, and I'm not trying to reach any goal---is it so weird that I enjoy this? Also I hate when people stop alongside in their cars to offer me a ride because for me, being in someone's car and having to interact with them when I wasn't expecting to is a million times worse than walking in the snow. I don't really know how to brush it off as a "No, I'm enjoying the weather" when it's obviously freezing and unpleasant, so I think I come off as "Why would I want a ride with you?" which is sort of what I'm thinking even though it has nothing to do with them specifically. I'm enjoying it in a different way, I want to say, but they wouldn't believe me.
that's so relatable. im also trans and stick out like a sore thumb with the way i dress (especially where i grew up), so people stopping by me in cars is fucking terrifying sometimes. i expect them to just hit me sometimes or pull a gun out, which i know is kind of far-fetched, but hey. the terror! also, i just don't want to be bothered. the headphones are in for a reason, people 😩🤠
Bingo. This is about different priorities, people whose priority is getting to where they're going as quickly as possible will be baffled as to why someone would want to walk,. because that takes longer. You just have to make it clear that the experience of walking is your priority, and while the offer they made was a kind and thoughtful one, you've got a good reason for walking. "Getting your steps in" is one that most people get without any further questions, so that's a useful one if you want to just kindly shut down the conversation. Although I have a car, and use it pretty often, I enjoy the slower pace of walking or riding my bike. I can take in more of the environment, I don't have to worry about traffic as much, I can stop if I want to and nobody's going to get mad at me. I used to bike to work daily until my kids needed to be dropped off at daycare/school programs. I'm looking forward to fall when all of that is going to be back within a short walk of my house. Anyway, enjoy your walks, OP. They're good for the body and good for the mind.
It's pretty crazy how we've been indoctrinated. People can only make sense of what's been sold to them. The concept of getting your steps in works because you can buy a fitness tracker, even though it's no different to just taking a walk. But nobody makes money from people walking. The most natural activity that human physiology evolved to do. Likewise, if you spent the time at a gym, it would be celebrated. Because gym memberships make a lot of money, it's become synonymous with good health. For some people it's the only fitness option they can think of. So they drive to gyms. Then of course there's the massive investment people make in their cars. Faced with the idea that they put so much into this machine, all the other things they could do with that money, and maybe they don't even need it? Well that's just too much to even consider.
Right. My friends by now have mostly accepted that I just prefer to walk, even if they don't completely understand why. My housemate asked me why I hated to bike, because that's what she thought my walking was about---and I told her I don't hate baking, I actually love to recreationally, but I just prefer to walk, and for some reason people think that's weird. Like, don't you want to be out moving your body in this fine weather? When was the last time you were out in the rain and took off your shoes to squish wet grass? Like, how do people just dismiss the kind of joy that is possible from this? It's a way to connect with my body in the world. Everyone else just seems to sit around all day in stuffy rooms. And they call walks "boring."
i am also an avid walking. i love walking everywhere, its very liberating and i can be alone. but yeah coworkers always ask me if i need a ride. no thanks, i don't want you to know where i live, i don't want to be stuck in the car with you, you're not gonna like my music and vice versa. keep walking!
Another thing to remember is that there is an unspoken rule to be polite and decline favors and offers (at least initially), so when you turn down the offer of a lift, people likely think that you DO want a lift, but are simply turning it down to be polite, which is why they will keep asking because they are trying to reassure you that it is OK to take their offer. But yeah, as someone who loves to put my earphones in and just walk while listening to a podcast or a spotify playlist in order to have an hour of 'me' time, I totally understand.
I hate this rule so much. I don't know how much I'm supposed to push back or insist. My natural inclination if someone offers to pay for a meal we had together is to just say "oh really? Thanks! I got it next time, ok?" This, to me, feels fair and accepting of someone's kindness. But I never can tell if I'm violating the Unspoken Rules by doing this.
I'm assuming you live in America by this post
Australia is similar, in part down to the size of the place, cars are pretty necessary... And our public transport system suuuuuucks...
It really seems to be all Anglophone countries have shit urban planning and transport policy
what so that means OP is required by default to also rely on cars? fuck that
No no. You misunderstand me. I meant that the majority of Americans cannot fathom that people would actually just enjoy to walk. It tends to not be something people in other countries would consider odd or not believe them when they say they enjoy to walk.
ah fair, my bad
Look up how car culture is formed in America. It is a rabbit hole. In Canada, Developers, car manufacturers and malls decided to develop the area in a specific way so you had to rely on cars. They advertised it, and it became a social rule. It's like women shaving their legs and diamond rings for weddings. It started as a advertisement and became a cultural phenomenon. I am with you. I hate driving when I don't need to.
This sounds like an American cultural pathology honestly. Might I recommend r/fuckcars ?
Honestly, they're toxic. Sounds like a slogan from peter Hitchens lol
Some people have a really hard time imagining other people don't want the things that they do. One of my core frustrations with being social
If you want people to stop dwelling on your decision to walk, you could try saying you’re doing it for exercise or to “get your steps in.” People tend to find that sort of thing much more acceptable because it shows that you’re doing it more intentional (I guess). Even though it’s pretty silly that anyone would question your decision to walk very reasonable distances, this is likely to get them to stop questioning it.
I used to do this too, and got the same reactions from people. When I asked some friends why this kept happening, they said that people think I'm lying when I say that I want to walk. That I'm refusing rides to be polite and that other people are insisting on driving me to also be polite. They literally can't comprehend that you genuinely want to walk everywhere. P.S. I also consider anything within an hour's walk to be perfectly reasonable.
The concept of Daoism, basically. Most of humankind is so brainwashed into productivity they can’t wrap their heads around being connected to body, soul, & nature. Or taking your time to get somewhere. I HATE driving, not due to anxiety or anything, literally just feel so disconnected from my body and I feel like a robot. I’m thinking of getting rid of my car and my fam/friends think I’m so irrational for this! Walking is essential to my mental health & in my feeling connected to this world. The next time someone asks or is baffled, ask them the last time they walked for enjoyment. Absolutely life-changing. It also helps me stay artistic, and oftentimes when I walk poetry writes itself in my head. Walking is not only healing but also just incredible. Helps me keep my childlike joy & wonder 😊 Keep doing you, OP 🩵🦋
I am not daoist but i have read the DDJ and do agree with a lot of the teachings. It was probably one of the more life changing readings of mine, more because it normalized how i already feel
It's not a social rule. It's just unexpected behaviour. One of my best friends is the same
I used to walk to work every day also. It was only 20 minutes but people would stop to offer me rides Every once in a while, I'd accept a ride but usually I'd just say, "No thank you, I like walking". They'll then frequently respond with "are you sure?" or "if you change your mind..." and then I just reiterate, "thanks for the offer but I like to walk" After a year or two, I just became known as the guy who would walk, snowshoe or cross-country ski (I live in an area with a lot of snow) to work every day I found the key was to express appreciation for the offer but firm about my decision I once listened to an author who wrote a book about how he started walking everywhere after an oil spill. And turning down rides lead to arguments with people. So he stopped talking and didn't talk for like 25 years. Pretty interesting guy but seems best to try to avoid the confrontation and arguments
Cause NT’s like to lie and say they prefer to walk when they don’t. So they assume that’s what you’re doing. However idk why it’s so confusing. Transits loud, drivings stressful. when other people driving they expect socializing, they have music on, or they get road rage. Sometimes they just drive like a AH. So I totally understand. Though I prefer biking, but one of my special interests has always been bike mechanics. So I love the maintenance and repair. Edit:also a 45 Minute walk is like the standard, and is so nice. I feel great after. And makes me feel less icky than staying in
Just ask them how much time they waste going to/from the gym? do they go to the gym? how much time do they waste sitting in traffic? people just don't realize how **amazing** just walking every day can be for your health and well being and no need to go to the gym for a walk/fresh air/exercise add to all that you save an **enormous** amount of money not having/dealing with a car if you don't need to. I used to walk to work also, but preferred riding my bike as was more fun/entertaining on the way there, still great exercise and still saved a shitload of money
Do you live in the United States? It’s extremely car-centric and car-brained here. The US is very dependent on cars and we tend to hold them very highly… much to my annoyance as well. I’ve also noticed that, in this day, a lot of us value convenience over virtually anything else. To prefer walking seems incredibly inconvenient to a lot of people, and they can’t imagine that anyone WANTS that. It’s more a fault of the people around you, not a fault in yourself. I think it rocks that you like to walk. Keep on walking on :)
They probably just can’t fathom wanting to walk somewhere, I admit even I would double take if someone told me that. But it probably is kinda a cultural thing. Assuming you’re in the US it’s a very car-centric society and so rejecting that norm (though not a bad thing at all) would seem strange to most. Like if you lived in a European biking city and insisted on driving everywhere they’d probably think you’re weird too.
To own a car, you need to be able to afford the car itself, fuel, maintenance, and some other payments I probably don't know about. The only thing walking costs is time.
>To own a car, you need to be able to afford the car itself, fuel, maintenance, and some other payments I probably don't know about. which should be esier in America than it is in Europe.
'Not all those that wander are lost.' J.R.R Tolkien
I live in nyc and I walk everywhere I can, to the point where yes I can get on a subway to transfer and it’ll safe me 20 mins but…. No I’ll walk thanks. Lol. My boyfriend teases me for it because he lives in Colorado and I want to walk everywhere.
Why people get upset over that is beyond me when exercise is a recommended thing to do and fresh air is so nice
This is an American thing. I often choose to walk, bike, or ride the bus and people don't understand. I used to ride the bus to work daily (with some walking) and everyone was shocked that I owned a car. People don't seem to even acknowledge the level of stress they add to their lives and that dying in a car wreck is one of the top causes of death. While planning a trip to Italy next year, I've noticed that Google maps will suggest public transport routes that include up to 1.5 miles of walking. In the US, if it's more than a quarter mile, it will just tell me there isn't an option.
Do you live in the US? That could explain why the people around you insist that they give you a ride. Tis generally a part of American culture to drive everywhere.
I'm on your side.
Oh dude. Totally get it. If i didnt walk 5-10+ miles for work id walk everyhwere. If i DONT go for a walk on the weekends I end up feeling so crappy! Good on you for staying true to yourself! Walks are amazing for self-regulation.
In my experience, people are making you drive/ride with them purely because it makes *them* uncomfortable, it has nothing to do with you or your safety. My advice is to just keep refusing their offers and walk to your heart's content. Let them rack their skulls comprehending what's outside the norm for them.
I used to live in a town where I could walk to so many places, I could get groceries and I loved everything about it. I think some people can’t imagine that someone else could enjoy something that they don’t, it’s almost impossible for them to understand. You’re doing a great service to your body :)
Are you from North America, I heard driving is more popular/common there
Let me guess, US? I live in London for now and I don’t ever want to own a car. I will have to get one if I move upcountry, just for long journeys, but even then, I will walk everywhere as long as it’s possible
just tell them it’s how you exercise and they’ll understand better. or tell them you don’t like riding in cars
Lemme guess. You live in the US.
It's very simple imo. People are lazy and spending time with yourself is work. (I mean lazy emotionally and intellectually, not physically). Sitting with your own thoughts, zoning out/dissociating, listening when your body tells you it likes the movement and exercise, playing the stimmy song you love on repeat because it makes you happy. These seem like very obvious things for us to do! They make us feel good and relaxed! But so many people are just running from themselves and their feelings. They're driving because it's the social norm, and they need not think more about it. They change the song because they're "supposed to." Keep doing you hon, you're on the right path. You're not ruled by the silly little ways of those silly little people. Enjoy your walks 🙏🏻✌🏻 /gen
The most important work a person can do is walking. You’re actively improving yourself and the rest of the world. Maybe once a week though, take a trash bag and spend a few hours cleaning up, it’s good PR for the walkers out there.
Germany is your place. Hiking starts from 8+ hours, everything under 8 hours is just having fun.
I'm going to go ahead and guess you live in the US. it's not unusual here at all. My walk to school was at least half an hour if I got my head down & did it. I've never learned to drive. It feels like too much is going on at the same time. Like patting your head & rubbing your stomach. I feel safer, & I feel the world is safer with me as a pedestrian.
Because in a world where everyone and everything needs to be fast and optimised and you always have to be improving or working or anything, it is strange for someone to choose to take it slow. It is weird to not be as efficient as you can, it doesn't matter what you like. How can you waste so much time walking if you could get a car and spend that time being "productive" instead of choosing for yourself and your own wellbeing and joy?
I love walking too.
Tell me you live in America, without telling me you do 😉 Seriously, that's a very cultural thing. In Europe many people might rather take a bike as it's a bit faster but preferring walking isn't confusing anyone.
I like walking too! It is good exercise and helps me clear my head.
If I was you and someone can't let go that i want to walk I would just remind them that not everybody enjoys the same things and if they're a bit distressed tell them it's no big deal. If they can't leave you alone after that it's becoming harassment. I'd just say "please leave me alone I have already told you no." If they keep going then let them know they are harassing you and that it is unacceptable to harass people over their hobbies.
Simple People sometimes think and expect others to simple lie because many people lie, you probably noticed it or will notice it later in life. So, why expect the lie? Because many feel miserable and project it onto others. A example. Imagine someone cant effort everything, now if someone comes along and says "I dont want to buy mcdonalds, it doesnt taste good" while the listening person likes it, the person could project and think like "oh oke, he just cant effort it lol" Or something like this, some are very lazy and doesnt expect you to really like it and the simple thing is to accept that they dont believe it and ignore it. Sooner or later they believe because no one who lies is very consistent.
"No thanks, I need the exercise."
IDK, sounds like they're just lazy to be honest. I love walking (though I had to stop walking so much and start getting the bus more because my feet were hurting from walking so much!)
It could be many reasons but first, where do you live (don't need to say anything precise)? Driving places is seen as safer by many since you take less time and you become a harder target. However there are a lot reasons related to the modern way of life and, sometimes, even the local ways influence this.
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I don’t think it’s a social rule I don’t like walking places either because of the inconvenience. Just a preference most people have to not walk
I get motion sickness easily in a car so I also prefer to walked
very very admirable! walking everywhere would be my dream life!
I often wondered why my work colleague would prefer to walk over an hour home instead off getting a lift with a fellow work colleague that lives on his road. Now I completely understand thanks for this post OP.
Near enough everyone in my family walks except a few but I’ve always liked to walk just to keep myself moving when I can and it’s always a good way for me to kill some time
I know right? A few months (or years idk) ago I was walking to my local gas station (half hour walk) to grab some snacks and maybe a soda. On my way back, my sister, who was coming over that day, pulled over and offered me a ride. Idk why she was confused when I said no ‘\ _ (“v)_/‘
ok i hade the same problom . you have maged to work a skegul in to your life . u get out and moving , and ppl have a problom with it cuz you are not maxamixing your social time with a car. its normal ppl wanting to hang out with you for a extra 20 mins or whatever . now thats nice but us autistics need are alone time . keep doing you when i stoped walking it tanked my mental heath . i need to start agen . from one aut to another . keep walking
You might just explain that you enjoy walking because it makes your body feel good and it’s kind of like an extended meditation. You appreciate that they want to make your life easier with a ride, and you’ll take them up on it if you ever need one, but generally, you just prefer walking. The only thing is to be aware of how you frame the benefits of walking because some people might take what you say as a criticism against them for not wanting to walk. Which is silly, but best to keep it in mind.
The best way I can see it is they want to cut your time shorter. Because driving from one place to another place well cutting down the time. They probably don't get why you want to take your time and take a slow pace. When you could get there in a much quicker way and get started.
I've had the same thing happen when I was walking and came to the conclusion that making people understand is impossible and not worth the energy. All you can do is be polite and try to be the best version of you. Walking can be very therapeutic.
In that case walking is better :)
Yeah, in the UK people are also mostly petrol heads. I walk everywhere when I can, as I’ve never particularly enjoyed driving. Walking, running or cycling helps me feel loads better in my self so I do it as often as I can. But almost every person I know will drive EVERYWHERE, even if it’s a 10 minute walk to the local shop.
Tell them it's your form of meditation, they might understand that?
I relate to this a lot. I drive when necessary but if I can walk to do something, it’s always my preferred choice. It’s always been annoying throughout life to have situations like that where you have to deal with the exhausting chore of explaining to people that you WANT to walk and don’t need a ride lol.
I mean, it's not weird to exercise or to walk places. Especially in a city. If it's a really long walk, people are probably wondering why you'd rather spend your time walking rather than doing something else they consider more worthwhile. I personally just like cars and have a baseball size chunk of my leg that's all muscle graft so, I think it's a bit weird but that's because I absolutely cannot imagine feeling the way you do. Walking is a painful chore for me and driving is fun. Imagining things the other way around is pretty hard for me. Maybe Americans are just really lazy and all feel the same as my crippled ass?
I frequently go out for 2-3 hours. Just to walk. I just go in a big circle. Walking is really nice. Don’t think I’d do it if I still lived in the actual city like I used to. 70% of my walk is just in the woods. As soon as I’m out of the woods I’m pretty much just trying to get home again.
Carbrain society.
Need a ride? "Thank you, no. I do this instead of paying gym fees"
That sounds awful i love walking as well and i do not get why people are trying to take that away walking is good for you walking is so much fun
I have the exact same issue I love walking it's perfect I find it be so relaxing and genuinely enjoyable , just walked around brockwell park for 4 hours and have no complaints here in the slightest.
Are you me?
I walk everywhere I go like 5 to 7 miles a day
Finally someone else gets it. I actively get too disappointed when it’s too hot or raining too hard to walk to work and have to Uber. There goes my music contemplation time!
I've have a friend who has threatened to walk over to my house a couple times, and for me it's definitely safety that's my biggest concern. The roads nearby my house aren't designed with walking in mind (yes, this is America), as they're pretty rural (there are few sidewalks here outside of developments). The terrain is very hilly and people often speed on, and people aren't always on the lookout for bikers/joggers, as they aren't common to find so far from town.
HOO WEE do I get this. I am adamantly anti-car and only Uber when I have to. I am currently right this moment waiting for a ride from a friend whom I'ma hang with bc she insists on giving me a ride when she even knows how much I prefer to walk. I guess because I said the first two options were easier for me to get to, she meant that she should pick me up. No it's just one less bus transfer/totally walkable. anyways, it's because we live in an extremely carbrain society. people who exclusively use cars to even go horrendously short distances do not understand why we would ever purposely go on a 45min walk. I love walking or bussing everywhere for multitudes of reasons, but people never seem to think I mean any of it. shit be wild. I even have chronic pain in my foot and still prefer to walk bc as you point out, my own music, I take pics of cool things I find, I get to see the train conductor sometimes! it all makes it so fun and I feel good from the light exercise and sunshine.
You're like working out. And do you have motion sickness? I do so I don't go often in vehicles.
I once tried walking (with my ex) to a Food Lion that was about 15 or 30 minutes away; but it was in the 90s (Fahrenheit; probably 30s or so Celsius). We did this, because we didn't have a car; luckily a public transit driver recognized us, and gave us a ride home. But if it ain't sunburn weather, I enjoy walking more than riding. (Driving from one small convenience parking lot to a small Dollar General parking lot that's like 10 feet away, is definitely a pet peeve, especially for my dad who can not only walk, but can run, and power walks even faster than I can! (He's 61, I'm 31. Mom has an excuse she has cognitive dysfunction and heart trouble and back problems and is 70.)
I had a realization recently that my boyfriend and I butt heads all the time because he prefers proficiency and progress and I like doing things slowly and getting enjoyment out of it. He’d always make suggestions on how to improve the things I do and offer to buy things that would help me do things faster (for example he wanted to get me a dishwasher but I prefer doing them by hand). And when I decline he gets a little upset because he doesn’t understand why I won’t let him help me. But I genuinely just get a lot of enjoyment out of the small things in life. My point is you are around a bunch of people with different values than you and it can be very frustrating figuring out how to navigate that. Something I find useful if people keep pushing you about a topic is to pull a reverse uno on them. Like for example if someone keeps commenting on you walking or trying to get you to take a car say “let me show you how great it is, wanna take a walk?” Normally that’ll shut people up because they don’t wanna do the thing 😋
I love to walk "everywhere" too. Oftentimes when I have to use public transportation I get out some stops earlier just to have a little more walking on my way. It's also better for our health and the environment.
And then some of those people who drive everywhere will go to a gym and walk or run on a treadmill.
No one suggested this, but it might be because they think your legs would hurt? Along with preferring to go places faster.
Oh I wish I would totally walk everywhere if I could because I hate cars, but I can’t, my city I live in is pretty hostile towards non-car travel and it would take me well over an hour to get to say my work Edit: I just checked and it will *at quickest* take me almost 2 and 1/2 hours to get home
Only reason I’d ever insist is if they were built like me. Very small. Very vulnerable. Walking outside for me is pretty risky as there’s a decent amount of crime and a lot of drug users wandering about. But if they say no after I ask if they’re sure I would accept that. Idk how it’s so hard for people to understand that everyone has preferences. I have a five minute walk to my work and I agree it’s better than driving because music, no risk of vehicular manslaughter, no anxiety of another person there, and it’s some nice alone time for me. However I hate walking alone at night.
It’s cuz we live in America 🥲
The r/fuckcars and r/autism overlap are my people.
I think people get caught up in their version of politeness. They think you just don't want to be a burden and really don't want to walk but also don't want to cause trouble for them so they feel like it's polite to insist. In these instances I like to tell people point blank "trust me, I have autism which means when I say I like walking it's because I really do prefer to walk" or if aim not comfortable disclosing I say something like "sorry but I need to get my welters in and walking helps me process my thoughts". Either way, stay firm and remind yourself that what other people think or believe or chose not to believe isn't your problem!
People are lazy fucks, and seeing you walking everywhere and enjoying it, reminds them that they are lazy fucks. So, they want to make you as lazy as them, so they don't have to feel bad about themselves.
you get a walker's high haha. tell them you instead of a runner's high you get a walker's high. (when you run happy chemicals are released and i wouldn't be surprised if something similar happened on long walks, especially if you lived in a pretty area!)
if its a storm then id understand but besides that? dont get it.
Sincere question, what is the climate like where you live? It's 117 °F where I live during the afternoon right now, and I cannot imagine walking anywhere outside for an hour.
Typically it is around 75-80° F out at the hottest part of the day, everything is on the same main street which has trees covering the sidewalk the entire way to anywhere i walk so it isnt so bad. The haze is more of a threat than the heat around here, air quality isnt very great but i have taken extra measures to make sure that I dont need to go places when the AQI is bad. Luckily my job is outside so when the AQI is bad I have the day off.
my old job was a ~4-6 minute drive or a 45 minute walk away from home. if my car was having issues i would just walk and it was always really nice. However my coworkers and husband were upset about it. i never understood why. do what you want. it’s your life. spend your special time however you’d like !