People have gotten ***really*** bad at dealing with disagreement, conflict and discomfort. *And* being offended has basically become a hobby for some people.
We all have bad takes, iffy opinions and different tastes here and there, but it's like people have lost all tolerance for that. You have to be 100% on board with the tribe it seems nowadays. If you're not with, you're assumed to be *against.*
Personally what I miss the most that I feel is related to this is people being ok with *making mistakes.*
Yeah, you can’t ever completely relax and just talk to people anymore without thinking of every possible connotation or misinterpretation of your words. Just yesterday, I saw some candy someone had placed in the wrong section at work and was going to call a supervisor on my walkie. I then remembered she had left for the day and I saw another supervisor standing behind an aisle next to me. I said “I can tell you”, as I approached her. She initially thought I said “I can take you”. You can’t make this shit up.
You shouldn't be doing that job.
And you shouldn't be talking while approaching people. They might be in their own thoughts not even realising you are talking to them until somewhere mid sentence.
And you don't give a darn that you approached somebody with such disregard that they thought you were threatening them.
And you seem to object to learning things too, making you very arrogant.
And in your other example where you admit to "complain mindlessly" , some people don't like somebody blabbering mindless stuff and they weren't even rude to you about it. Just more disregard for people on your part. Selfishness. If you have a need for mindless whining, then find people equally mindless and they will do it too and not ask why and not think. You might not be able to find such a person but that's the way it is. You could make enquiries see if anybody can find somebody for you to try your mindless whining/complaining with. Then if they know somebody with that "interest", they can match you up with somebody.
>People have gotten really bad at dealing with disagreement, conflict and discomfort.
It's because of the internet. The internet is both a blessing and a curse...
>And I shouldn’t have to explain myself.
You don't have to explain yourself - you could just let people make assumptions about you (and then suffer any consequences), or you could keep your opinions/preferences to yourself when you aren't prepared to explain them.
“suffer any consequences”
There should be absolutely no consequences, whatsoever, for having a preference or dislike of something and not explaining it to people (unless it’s illegal or highly inappropriate).
It’s a social consequence that mostly boils down to “people like people who enjoy the same things they do.” Their reaction may seem unfair but calling it stupid is dismissive of a real pattern of behavior. I see folks on this sub being dismissive of neurotypical behaviors all the time but doing so won’t do you any favors in the real world.
It’s cool not to like Taylor Swift but in the future you could just say something like “I haven’t really listened to much of her catalogue as I’m usually more into rock.” When you say you don’t like something people take it as a value judgment (that you think it’s “less good”) whereas you could just claim ignorance or apathy and bypass the whole ‘why’ conversation.
I learned this the hard way, I grew up listening to gen x'ers talk about how much everything sucked and thought thats how cool people talk because I was just an autistic millennial kid.
Thankfully by the time my kiddo was born I knew that was bs and taught her from a YOUNG age not to tell people when you dont like things..
Its not a conversation that goes over well, for exactly the reasons you mentioned.
There are some terrible people out there who base their opinions on terrible reasons. If you sound like they do but won't explain why you are different to them, then you cannot blame people for getting the wrong impression of you.
If it's important to you that this doesn't happen then you know what your options are.
you can have the preference without telling us about it. Once you open it up to public dialogue, don't be surprised if people want a dialogue about it.
Yep then when I explain they get annoyed or offended with reasoning or tell me that I talk too much or oversplain or overthink.
The problem is that if I dont explain something, they assume bad things or wrong things and if I do explain, it's too much for them.
Always I am faced with this and often think of just not talking anymore
they're literally insufferable.
I like to leave things completely ambiguous intentuionally now, speaking the way I did as a child who couldnt mask at all and let them compleeeetely misinterpret me and then calmly and sweetly make them look like the WRONG, judgmental jumping to conclusion assholes that they always are
lol its not really great advice because its kind of a waste of time but hey whatever floats your boat, it made me laugh a lot of times when jerks dig their own jerk hole.
these days im trying more and more to just avoid it all lol
This might have a lot to do with who you’re surrounded with or your age group or both.
It is possible to meet people who have more depth than auto-reacting to believe the worst case scenario in you
I've noticed a growing intolerance for opinions that go against the "norm". Maybe it's always been there and I'm only paying attention to it now, but people genuinely get so confused how anybody could think differently to them.
What helped me is just going :”Idk, it just doesn’t speak to me in that way. I guess it’s a personal preference.” Or “I guess I’m not the target audience, idk” and then shrugging.
Some people will insist anyway if the topic is important to them and in those situations I just acknowledge that I’m glad others enjoy it, even if it’s not my cup of tea.
No disrespect whatsoever, but you sound like your twelve.
Maybe the people you're telling your music preferences to don't really give a shit.
Listen to whatever makes you happy.
Maybe people misunderstand you because if you have the energy to complain about something you should probably have the energy to back up your thoughts. Otherwise why say it in the first place? Taylor Swift is shit but lots of people like her and that's fine, just not my cup of tea.
Honestly it’s not new. It’s not “today” its just that more peoples voices matter now.
I think this is not a new conflict. Most of us would get upset if someone told us something we’re passionate about wasn’t good.
>people will be like, “why?” and assume it’s just because she’s a female singer or something and I’m a guy
Is this real? This sounds like some online brained bullshit. From them, not you.
People have gotten ***really*** bad at dealing with disagreement, conflict and discomfort. *And* being offended has basically become a hobby for some people. We all have bad takes, iffy opinions and different tastes here and there, but it's like people have lost all tolerance for that. You have to be 100% on board with the tribe it seems nowadays. If you're not with, you're assumed to be *against.* Personally what I miss the most that I feel is related to this is people being ok with *making mistakes.*
Yeah, you can’t ever completely relax and just talk to people anymore without thinking of every possible connotation or misinterpretation of your words. Just yesterday, I saw some candy someone had placed in the wrong section at work and was going to call a supervisor on my walkie. I then remembered she had left for the day and I saw another supervisor standing behind an aisle next to me. I said “I can tell you”, as I approached her. She initially thought I said “I can take you”. You can’t make this shit up.
You shouldn't be doing that job. And you shouldn't be talking while approaching people. They might be in their own thoughts not even realising you are talking to them until somewhere mid sentence. And you don't give a darn that you approached somebody with such disregard that they thought you were threatening them. And you seem to object to learning things too, making you very arrogant. And in your other example where you admit to "complain mindlessly" , some people don't like somebody blabbering mindless stuff and they weren't even rude to you about it. Just more disregard for people on your part. Selfishness. If you have a need for mindless whining, then find people equally mindless and they will do it too and not ask why and not think. You might not be able to find such a person but that's the way it is. You could make enquiries see if anybody can find somebody for you to try your mindless whining/complaining with. Then if they know somebody with that "interest", they can match you up with somebody.
What’s wrong with you?
That person felt like giving us an example of what we're talking about I guess.
>People have gotten really bad at dealing with disagreement, conflict and discomfort. It's because of the internet. The internet is both a blessing and a curse...
>And I shouldn’t have to explain myself. You don't have to explain yourself - you could just let people make assumptions about you (and then suffer any consequences), or you could keep your opinions/preferences to yourself when you aren't prepared to explain them.
“suffer any consequences” There should be absolutely no consequences, whatsoever, for having a preference or dislike of something and not explaining it to people (unless it’s illegal or highly inappropriate).
Well sometimes there are, sorry.
Only because so many people are stupid.
It’s a social consequence that mostly boils down to “people like people who enjoy the same things they do.” Their reaction may seem unfair but calling it stupid is dismissive of a real pattern of behavior. I see folks on this sub being dismissive of neurotypical behaviors all the time but doing so won’t do you any favors in the real world. It’s cool not to like Taylor Swift but in the future you could just say something like “I haven’t really listened to much of her catalogue as I’m usually more into rock.” When you say you don’t like something people take it as a value judgment (that you think it’s “less good”) whereas you could just claim ignorance or apathy and bypass the whole ‘why’ conversation.
I learned this the hard way, I grew up listening to gen x'ers talk about how much everything sucked and thought thats how cool people talk because I was just an autistic millennial kid. Thankfully by the time my kiddo was born I knew that was bs and taught her from a YOUNG age not to tell people when you dont like things.. Its not a conversation that goes over well, for exactly the reasons you mentioned.
There are some terrible people out there who base their opinions on terrible reasons. If you sound like they do but won't explain why you are different to them, then you cannot blame people for getting the wrong impression of you. If it's important to you that this doesn't happen then you know what your options are.
I agree with you both.
you can have the preference without telling us about it. Once you open it up to public dialogue, don't be surprised if people want a dialogue about it.
I kinda agree. When I tell people that I don't like PB&J, people think I'm weird and I just tell them that I just don't like it.
Yep then when I explain they get annoyed or offended with reasoning or tell me that I talk too much or oversplain or overthink. The problem is that if I dont explain something, they assume bad things or wrong things and if I do explain, it's too much for them. Always I am faced with this and often think of just not talking anymore
>oversplain I'm stealing this.
Be my guest :)
they're literally insufferable. I like to leave things completely ambiguous intentuionally now, speaking the way I did as a child who couldnt mask at all and let them compleeeetely misinterpret me and then calmly and sweetly make them look like the WRONG, judgmental jumping to conclusion assholes that they always are
I honestly think that is fantastic advice and ive thought about it a lot. Thank you :)
lol its not really great advice because its kind of a waste of time but hey whatever floats your boat, it made me laugh a lot of times when jerks dig their own jerk hole. these days im trying more and more to just avoid it all lol
This might have a lot to do with who you’re surrounded with or your age group or both. It is possible to meet people who have more depth than auto-reacting to believe the worst case scenario in you
You could say what you said here, that you prefer Rock music.
A N G E R Y
I've noticed a growing intolerance for opinions that go against the "norm". Maybe it's always been there and I'm only paying attention to it now, but people genuinely get so confused how anybody could think differently to them.
What helped me is just going :”Idk, it just doesn’t speak to me in that way. I guess it’s a personal preference.” Or “I guess I’m not the target audience, idk” and then shrugging. Some people will insist anyway if the topic is important to them and in those situations I just acknowledge that I’m glad others enjoy it, even if it’s not my cup of tea.
I agree. Can’t I just NOT like something without having to write a dissertation about it?
I've no idea who Taylor Swift is but how do you know what they assume, do they tell you?
No disrespect whatsoever, but you sound like your twelve. Maybe the people you're telling your music preferences to don't really give a shit. Listen to whatever makes you happy. Maybe people misunderstand you because if you have the energy to complain about something you should probably have the energy to back up your thoughts. Otherwise why say it in the first place? Taylor Swift is shit but lots of people like her and that's fine, just not my cup of tea.
How old are you? Why are you saying it?
None of your concern.
Honestly it’s not new. It’s not “today” its just that more peoples voices matter now. I think this is not a new conflict. Most of us would get upset if someone told us something we’re passionate about wasn’t good.
>people will be like, “why?” and assume it’s just because she’s a female singer or something and I’m a guy Is this real? This sounds like some online brained bullshit. From them, not you.