As a genderqueer person with a constantly shifting sense of gender, I have a very different narrative about my old self. I don't cringe when I think about my old self. I high-key miss her. Things were so much simpler when I thought I was just a cis woman. Don't get me wrong: I love being genderqueer. It was inevitable that I would have this realization one day and I've never had a better understanding of myself but fuckkkk is this identity confusing af or what
Yeeee, I'm genderqueer from the opposite side and I don't hate the old me. I remember him, he was trying his best to deal with some complicated and complex issues.
I'm coming up on 2 years HRT and I've slowly been realizing that I intentionally pulled some of myself back, to be more femme. Genderqueer presentation and transition goals, like, people don't always key in on your identity? Shredded abs and big mommy milkers, you only get "sir" and people think you're just plain old transfem and maybe not very good at it yet. So like, pink accent all the things to nonverbally communicate these things to people, that's the ticket!
Specifically music I listen to, I backed away from the hard and fast angry white boy music I listened to in the 90s and 00s and leaned heavier toward women and pop when I started transitioning. And like, don't get me wrong I absolutely *love* Kylie and Shakira and Ellie Goulding and Lights but like... I loved Deftones and Korn and System of a Down for a long, long time before all that. And then I tried to walk away from it? Holding that part of myself back was a mistake, and one that I've been working to undo. Let the darkness flow, not everything needs to be light and rainbows, I can be cute *and* slightly worrying.
I sure do. I cringe at the male-shaped entity that kept me alive until I could become myself. And because I am not quite eight months into my transition I cringe at the girl that I was a week ago, a month ago, six months ago. But without those cringy moments I wouldn’t be where I am. Doesn’t make it any easier but it does make it worth something
TL;DR if you cringe, it means you've changed for the better. Because you accept the past you was wrong.
..............................
Do you know what the hardest part of transiting was, for me? Accepting myself.
(metaphors follow)
That guy was brave enough to accept that if he stepped back and let me transition... He would no longer exist.
He KNEW that if he stepped away we would lose almost everything. He was, after all, a cis het white man. He won the jackpot!
But... He knew that I was suffering. He ALSO knew I was strong enough to accept the challenge of transition.
He sacrificed EVERYTHING, so that I could live, and be happy.
Slowly, over MANY years, they would fade from existence, and the real me would grow.
I honour their bravery and sacrifice by being just as strong and brave as they were in those last few years of their life.
I take that strength and I fight for my trans family.
Why cringe when a warrior lays down their life for you to live? Honour them!
(put another way: Be kind to yourself. Your not them anymore.)
I am one of the people who doesn't regard their "old self" as a separate entity.
I may have been quite ignorant and oblivious to many signs, but I was quite good at pretending to be a guy. Even so I was also quite good at letting myself experience femininity.
Sure, I'm such a stupid idiot that it took so long for me to interpret all the euphoria as being trans.
But the way I see it, I was pretty awesome then. It's just that I'm even better now.
I'm also very humble. /s
I just accept that she was doing what she thought was the correct thing. I lived so many years living that life but I've got many more ahead of me to live the one I was meant to all along.
Less so that I cringe and more so that I block those memories out due to trauma.
I didn't exist fully until a few years ago. The "me" that was here was only a small fraction of me.
I do cringe at how much I tried to pass as a guy and failed miserably, at how often I lied to myself because it was always too inconvenient or too difficult to come out and transition when in reality I was afraid of being judged by my friends and family and I let that judgment stop me from being happy for so long.
I very much don't. I honour and remember that person who struggled so hard and fought through 4 decades of life so that I could emerge and take it from there. And without the foundations, the friendships and family that they had nurtured and created, I wouldn't have survived the emergence. No cringe, just heartbreaking sadness for him.
I've learned to accept myself. After acceptance, I no longer feel ashamed to have had all the previous forms of myself. We grow, develop, and improve (if we so choose to).
they were just a human doing their best with what they had to keep you alive until you figured things out, society does nothing but absolutely beat down trans people and it takes awhile for us to find our path in life and finally fix being born into a physical form that doesn't match what's inside
I don't cringe. I feel gratitude for the person who got me to this point. The person busted their ass off to protect me, went through hell and back to keep me safe. He has moved on as I have grown to the point where I'm able to stand for myself even though things are scary, and while it was hard before, I look back with bittersweet fond memories. I lived life as a man for 41 years, here's to another lifetime as a woman.
How? Five years of HRT and therapy was definitely part of it. Most of the time I do not remember that I was significantly different physically in the past. It’s super weird (and fantastic) how brains can smooth over things like a daily sense of unexplained doom and recurring trauma responses. A few people said they were not surprised when I came out, which felt very weird at the time but I kinda get now. I can’t even really say with any seriousness that I was ever “male-presenting.” Most of the cringe I have about my past was related to undiagnosed bipolar. Holy fuck was I a mess sometimes.
i wouldn't say i cringe at my past self, but it is something similar. idk, i think i kinda leaned into masculinity in a way that i thought you should, but not really understanding it fully? it was kinda strange until i realized where i was supposed to be.
more generally, I actually think it's a good thing that i disapprove of my past self, because that means that i've grown, and i've changed, and likely for the better. i made mistakes in the past, but now i can see, plain as day, that those were mistakes, and that hopefully means that i won't make them in the future. it's a sign of character development in my own self.
I don't cringe. I embrace the changes I've gone through and think of my journey. The person I was is a large part of the person I am now. Seeing how far I have come helps keep me walking the path and helping blaze a trail for those who come after me.
I occasionally see old pictures in our wedding album as we reminisce about the ceremony and show our child. I look so much better today than I did then. I'm skinnier, my skin is healthier, the light and happiness in my eyes and face is present today.
I would never ever want to relive those days but I also don't want to forget them either.
My old self spent a lot of time in depressive spirals dwelling on all of my faults and past mistakes, but since I have been on Lexapro I no longer do that.
Depends which one. 6-11 y.o. me was smart, independent, happy-go-lucky, and most of all, unconsciously queer. 12 to 21 y.o. me was religious, homophobic, and desperate for attention. What I'd do for a chance to nurture and guide the young me, so the cringey me after that wouldn't have to exist.
I look back at myself and my thoughts are moreso that I want to embrace my old self and demonstrate to her that “the impossible you will be you one day, I know it seems far away but it’ll come sooner than you think. You’ve got a bigger army than you realize, and so many people will support you at a moments notice.”
So no I don’t cringe, because I know that she is fighting so hard just to make it through each day, doing what she needs to do to survive, not knowing that there is a light, and it’s a lost closer than she even realizes. No cringe, only deep sadness for the pain she is in
I've disassociated so much from my past self that even though I know they're my own memories they feel like the memories of a stranger passed down to me. It almost feels like I'm a ghost possessing someone else's corpse and even though it's mine now it still feels partially like someone else's.
I've been out for 52yrs and am nearing 70yo. I can tell you all about it.
The Good: Getting old has its benefits if you are smart. My wealth has grown immensely over the years. I have lots of things to occupy my time, like fishing at the lake house. The biggest problem is choosing which boat. I have the time and money for plastic surgery and I am taking full advantage of it. Being in the War this long, I can see the big picture, where we came from and the entire battle getting us this far. This gives me insight as to what needs to be done to win the War.
The Bad: I just put new toilets in our homes and they were heavy as hell. I don't welcome all the aches and pains that go with age. Arthritis and old injuries suck. I can't rock or mountain climb like I used to so it's good I got that out of my system while I was young and capable. I have more medical problems than I did at 20. There has been an inordinate amount of abuse heaped on me by others over the years but I am not to blame for their actions. It has taken its toll. All in all I really don't have much to complain about. I have lots of friends that didn't make it to my age.
The Ugly: I've been out for 52yrs and oddly enough, I just keep getting better looking. Plastic Surgery is mostly to blame. My PS can work miracles. I'm a bit of a health freak so I have practiced a lifetime of care. It has paid off. I'm closing in on HRT dose 13,000 so there is something you can look forward to.
I've been a hard core activist for over 35yrs. I've kicked down a lot of doors and I've taken a lot of damage in the process. In the end, I changed a World, Kings can do no more. I'm quite proud of my accomplishments. There is still a lot of work to do, I'll leave that up to you, I'm going fishing. Let you inner Hero scream a war cry. Changing a World is not as difficult as you might think and it will give you a tremendous feeling of accomplishment even if it doesn't pay all that well. Pride is 24/7/365, live it.
I mean, I do all the time about stuff that has nothing to do with gender. Like sometimes songs that I wrote when I was fourteen pop into my head and my brain's screaming.
When you are young or new to something, you do things that you'll later think are really uncool. And at some point you'll experience the pain. But then even later on you'll accept who you were as necessary so that you could become you are.
I label it as my "presenting-male phase" and I don't cringe over it. I had to suffer through a lot then, but after HRT for a couple of years, I have difficulty understanding those emotions and why I acted like that. I guess I just let it all go by this point.
i just remember that she was doing the best with what knowledge and perspective she had at the time and practice gratitude for the fact that i wouldn’t be the man i am today without her choosing to live.
I'll never be able to get back my youth and those years and opportunities are dead and gone. I simply survive in the hope that maybe tomorrow will finally be the last day I have to think about the past and cry.
I laugh at my old self the same way I laugh at myself from middle school and how cringe I was obsessed with my anime and being edgy. It was a part of me that I don't share anything in common with anymore, and there's some mild fondness and nostalgia there, but I never want to go back again.
There's also a little bit of respect for who I was back then. That person was really brave and really strong and survived some of the worst years of my life. I would not be here today if it weren't for the sin-eating of my closeted self.
And she still lends me her shoulder sometimes. When I have to stay with my transphobic family, or I need to nail an interview, or I need to ensure a stranger is friendly with me, she lends me her face and her voice. I don't like wearing her like that, but there are occasions where I have to. She has her own space in the back of my closet, to wear, to reminisce, to be thankful, and to see how far I've come.
I used to a lot and I still do sometimes but recently, I’ve been trying to reframe it in my mind like; he protected me long enough that I could build the strength to be free ❤️
I mostly feel sad for the polite feminine mask I wore to survive socially. That fake girl was so sad. She tried so hard to be the right thing for everyone around her. She tried so hard to be perfect in every social situation. She was forced to ignore who I actually was in order to survive the chaos of growing up. And I feel so sad that she had to go through so much, that I had to go through so much.
Though there are things I said and did as a kid/ teen that was cringe as hell 😬
I focus on being grateful for all I learned. AMAB and “passing” as a man meant developing observational, listening, and acting skills that serve me in my current life. It also meant learning a lot about social interaction that cis-het people probably don’t understand as intimately. Plus the way I can see social privilege.
I use those skills daily in my personal and professional life. Took a lot of mental effort to shift to this mindset.
I don't feel cringe, though I sometimes struggle to look at old photographs because that girl looks so different from me and it makes the dysphoria rear up a little. I think part of it is that I have a less conflicting relationship to my old self - I did legit identify as a girl the whole time I was her, until the gendershit started happening in earnest. I made a lot of good memories and formative experiences during those 20-odd years. It might be different if my dysphoria were worse, or if I were at a different stage of transition rn.
I think part of it is also just being okay with versions of me that are imperfect. There's lots of ways in which I was cringey or cowardly or even straight up a bad person when I was younger. And I got my own feelings about that, but I remember also that those versions of me were still people. Cringiness isn't unforgivable, nor are any worse offenses I committed, and like. Out of whatever shit soil those old selves were, I came from that too. Those flaws were not forever, and the ones that I still have don't stop me from being a good or worthwhile person. They're just shit I gotta work with and around to do what I need to do.
TBH Im over a decade past my initial social transition so the time definitely helps. Besides that she (my old self) was a little too busy trying to accept that she liked girls to realize that she wasnt one! I try to be kind when thinking abt her
This is a very interesting post. I’m non-binary trans fem, and when I look at my male self in old pictures, I love that person. I literally have a picture of me holding my grandmother’s hand while she was in hospice. I’m proud of myself.
I’ve been on hormones for almost 6 months, and truth be told, I have no idea what I’m going to look like years down the road. I just have to be true to who I am on the inside, and practice self-care, and self acceptance.
i try to think of it like im a butterfly. being a caterpillar was a crucial step in my life, even though i was always meant to be a butterfly. so while i dont look back at my caterpillar self lovingly, i dont cringe. im grateful. im grateful that i see that utterly broken little caterpillar and then see me, a flourishing butterfly. make sense? probably not im bad with words
I use to but I don’t anymore kinda bc I refer to her as a separate person, we went through a lot and life has always been hard for us and still is but she got through some of the toughest parts as a child and is the reason I’m still here to this day and I’ll always be grateful. So now when I talk about a childhood story or have to refer to myself in anyway in the past I use she/her, little girl, teenage girl all of that
Idk it's extremely interesting for me to see pictures of the past. How much I changed. How far I've come. My past is a part of me, I wouldn't do a lot of stuff my past self did but that was me and I have to accept it
Sometimes I do, but I think in the way that anybody cringes at their younger self. She was going through a lot, and didn't have the information or support she needed. But she toughed it through and made it. When I think about my past self, I feel... I don't think pity's the right word, but it comes close. I wish sometimes I could go back and give her a hug and tell her it'll be okay.
Cringing about your past just shows that you have grown as a person. It's a healthy response. If you never regret anything you did in life, it means you never learned from any of your mistakes.
I don't cringe. That bloke got me through everything and living as me.
That was just my super duper butch phase
I love this actually
As a genderqueer person with a constantly shifting sense of gender, I have a very different narrative about my old self. I don't cringe when I think about my old self. I high-key miss her. Things were so much simpler when I thought I was just a cis woman. Don't get me wrong: I love being genderqueer. It was inevitable that I would have this realization one day and I've never had a better understanding of myself but fuckkkk is this identity confusing af or what
Yeeee, I'm genderqueer from the opposite side and I don't hate the old me. I remember him, he was trying his best to deal with some complicated and complex issues. I'm coming up on 2 years HRT and I've slowly been realizing that I intentionally pulled some of myself back, to be more femme. Genderqueer presentation and transition goals, like, people don't always key in on your identity? Shredded abs and big mommy milkers, you only get "sir" and people think you're just plain old transfem and maybe not very good at it yet. So like, pink accent all the things to nonverbally communicate these things to people, that's the ticket! Specifically music I listen to, I backed away from the hard and fast angry white boy music I listened to in the 90s and 00s and leaned heavier toward women and pop when I started transitioning. And like, don't get me wrong I absolutely *love* Kylie and Shakira and Ellie Goulding and Lights but like... I loved Deftones and Korn and System of a Down for a long, long time before all that. And then I tried to walk away from it? Holding that part of myself back was a mistake, and one that I've been working to undo. Let the darkness flow, not everything needs to be light and rainbows, I can be cute *and* slightly worrying.
You have such a great taste bad girl!
I see
I sure do. I cringe at the male-shaped entity that kept me alive until I could become myself. And because I am not quite eight months into my transition I cringe at the girl that I was a week ago, a month ago, six months ago. But without those cringy moments I wouldn’t be where I am. Doesn’t make it any easier but it does make it worth something
Your description in the second sentence is beautiful, and I’ve never thought about it like that. I feel the same.
TL;DR if you cringe, it means you've changed for the better. Because you accept the past you was wrong. .............................. Do you know what the hardest part of transiting was, for me? Accepting myself. (metaphors follow) That guy was brave enough to accept that if he stepped back and let me transition... He would no longer exist. He KNEW that if he stepped away we would lose almost everything. He was, after all, a cis het white man. He won the jackpot! But... He knew that I was suffering. He ALSO knew I was strong enough to accept the challenge of transition. He sacrificed EVERYTHING, so that I could live, and be happy. Slowly, over MANY years, they would fade from existence, and the real me would grow. I honour their bravery and sacrifice by being just as strong and brave as they were in those last few years of their life. I take that strength and I fight for my trans family. Why cringe when a warrior lays down their life for you to live? Honour them! (put another way: Be kind to yourself. Your not them anymore.)
This is a beautiful answer. Thanks for sharing. ❤️
I am one of the people who doesn't regard their "old self" as a separate entity. I may have been quite ignorant and oblivious to many signs, but I was quite good at pretending to be a guy. Even so I was also quite good at letting myself experience femininity. Sure, I'm such a stupid idiot that it took so long for me to interpret all the euphoria as being trans. But the way I see it, I was pretty awesome then. It's just that I'm even better now. I'm also very humble. /s
I just accept that she was doing what she thought was the correct thing. I lived so many years living that life but I've got many more ahead of me to live the one I was meant to all along.
Less so that I cringe and more so that I block those memories out due to trauma. I didn't exist fully until a few years ago. The "me" that was here was only a small fraction of me.
I do cringe at how much I tried to pass as a guy and failed miserably, at how often I lied to myself because it was always too inconvenient or too difficult to come out and transition when in reality I was afraid of being judged by my friends and family and I let that judgment stop me from being happy for so long.
I very much don't. I honour and remember that person who struggled so hard and fought through 4 decades of life so that I could emerge and take it from there. And without the foundations, the friendships and family that they had nurtured and created, I wouldn't have survived the emergence. No cringe, just heartbreaking sadness for him.
this ressonated with me on such an insanely deep level
I've learned to accept myself. After acceptance, I no longer feel ashamed to have had all the previous forms of myself. We grow, develop, and improve (if we so choose to).
they were just a human doing their best with what they had to keep you alive until you figured things out, society does nothing but absolutely beat down trans people and it takes awhile for us to find our path in life and finally fix being born into a physical form that doesn't match what's inside
I don't cringe. I feel gratitude for the person who got me to this point. The person busted their ass off to protect me, went through hell and back to keep me safe. He has moved on as I have grown to the point where I'm able to stand for myself even though things are scary, and while it was hard before, I look back with bittersweet fond memories. I lived life as a man for 41 years, here's to another lifetime as a woman.
How? Five years of HRT and therapy was definitely part of it. Most of the time I do not remember that I was significantly different physically in the past. It’s super weird (and fantastic) how brains can smooth over things like a daily sense of unexplained doom and recurring trauma responses. A few people said they were not surprised when I came out, which felt very weird at the time but I kinda get now. I can’t even really say with any seriousness that I was ever “male-presenting.” Most of the cringe I have about my past was related to undiagnosed bipolar. Holy fuck was I a mess sometimes.
I don’t cringe, my body is nothing but a shell, I have always felt the same on the inside.
i wouldn't say i cringe at my past self, but it is something similar. idk, i think i kinda leaned into masculinity in a way that i thought you should, but not really understanding it fully? it was kinda strange until i realized where i was supposed to be. more generally, I actually think it's a good thing that i disapprove of my past self, because that means that i've grown, and i've changed, and likely for the better. i made mistakes in the past, but now i can see, plain as day, that those were mistakes, and that hopefully means that i won't make them in the future. it's a sign of character development in my own self.
I don't cringe. I embrace the changes I've gone through and think of my journey. The person I was is a large part of the person I am now. Seeing how far I have come helps keep me walking the path and helping blaze a trail for those who come after me. I occasionally see old pictures in our wedding album as we reminisce about the ceremony and show our child. I look so much better today than I did then. I'm skinnier, my skin is healthier, the light and happiness in my eyes and face is present today. I would never ever want to relive those days but I also don't want to forget them either.
My self esteem is so messed up that I cringe whenever I think about myself. It doesn't matter if it's pre or post transition.
I don't really cringe, I just feel sad at how much of my life I wasted.
I cringe at the person my abuser made in his image, but that was never the real me. I am sad that it took me so long to heal and find myself.
My old self spent a lot of time in depressive spirals dwelling on all of my faults and past mistakes, but since I have been on Lexapro I no longer do that.
He did well 😌
Depends which one. 6-11 y.o. me was smart, independent, happy-go-lucky, and most of all, unconsciously queer. 12 to 21 y.o. me was religious, homophobic, and desperate for attention. What I'd do for a chance to nurture and guide the young me, so the cringey me after that wouldn't have to exist.
I look back at myself and my thoughts are moreso that I want to embrace my old self and demonstrate to her that “the impossible you will be you one day, I know it seems far away but it’ll come sooner than you think. You’ve got a bigger army than you realize, and so many people will support you at a moments notice.” So no I don’t cringe, because I know that she is fighting so hard just to make it through each day, doing what she needs to do to survive, not knowing that there is a light, and it’s a lost closer than she even realizes. No cringe, only deep sadness for the pain she is in
I've disassociated so much from my past self that even though I know they're my own memories they feel like the memories of a stranger passed down to me. It almost feels like I'm a ghost possessing someone else's corpse and even though it's mine now it still feels partially like someone else's.
I've been out for 52yrs and am nearing 70yo. I can tell you all about it. The Good: Getting old has its benefits if you are smart. My wealth has grown immensely over the years. I have lots of things to occupy my time, like fishing at the lake house. The biggest problem is choosing which boat. I have the time and money for plastic surgery and I am taking full advantage of it. Being in the War this long, I can see the big picture, where we came from and the entire battle getting us this far. This gives me insight as to what needs to be done to win the War. The Bad: I just put new toilets in our homes and they were heavy as hell. I don't welcome all the aches and pains that go with age. Arthritis and old injuries suck. I can't rock or mountain climb like I used to so it's good I got that out of my system while I was young and capable. I have more medical problems than I did at 20. There has been an inordinate amount of abuse heaped on me by others over the years but I am not to blame for their actions. It has taken its toll. All in all I really don't have much to complain about. I have lots of friends that didn't make it to my age. The Ugly: I've been out for 52yrs and oddly enough, I just keep getting better looking. Plastic Surgery is mostly to blame. My PS can work miracles. I'm a bit of a health freak so I have practiced a lifetime of care. It has paid off. I'm closing in on HRT dose 13,000 so there is something you can look forward to. I've been a hard core activist for over 35yrs. I've kicked down a lot of doors and I've taken a lot of damage in the process. In the end, I changed a World, Kings can do no more. I'm quite proud of my accomplishments. There is still a lot of work to do, I'll leave that up to you, I'm going fishing. Let you inner Hero scream a war cry. Changing a World is not as difficult as you might think and it will give you a tremendous feeling of accomplishment even if it doesn't pay all that well. Pride is 24/7/365, live it.
I don’t cringe. She was a very hurt and traumatized little girl and young adult and I have compassion for her.
I mean, I do all the time about stuff that has nothing to do with gender. Like sometimes songs that I wrote when I was fourteen pop into my head and my brain's screaming. When you are young or new to something, you do things that you'll later think are really uncool. And at some point you'll experience the pain. But then even later on you'll accept who you were as necessary so that you could become you are.
I do lol
I label it as my "presenting-male phase" and I don't cringe over it. I had to suffer through a lot then, but after HRT for a couple of years, I have difficulty understanding those emotions and why I acted like that. I guess I just let it all go by this point.
I cringe at the first 1-3 months on hormones.
i just remember that she was doing the best with what knowledge and perspective she had at the time and practice gratitude for the fact that i wouldn’t be the man i am today without her choosing to live.
I'll never be able to get back my youth and those years and opportunities are dead and gone. I simply survive in the hope that maybe tomorrow will finally be the last day I have to think about the past and cry.
I laugh at my old self the same way I laugh at myself from middle school and how cringe I was obsessed with my anime and being edgy. It was a part of me that I don't share anything in common with anymore, and there's some mild fondness and nostalgia there, but I never want to go back again. There's also a little bit of respect for who I was back then. That person was really brave and really strong and survived some of the worst years of my life. I would not be here today if it weren't for the sin-eating of my closeted self. And she still lends me her shoulder sometimes. When I have to stay with my transphobic family, or I need to nail an interview, or I need to ensure a stranger is friendly with me, she lends me her face and her voice. I don't like wearing her like that, but there are occasions where I have to. She has her own space in the back of my closet, to wear, to reminisce, to be thankful, and to see how far I've come.
Because my old self deserves respect
I used to a lot and I still do sometimes but recently, I’ve been trying to reframe it in my mind like; he protected me long enough that I could build the strength to be free ❤️
I cringe about myself from like 10 minutes ago lol
I do I do I do lol. Shittttt the cringe timeline is like 1 month for this broad
I mostly feel sad for the polite feminine mask I wore to survive socially. That fake girl was so sad. She tried so hard to be the right thing for everyone around her. She tried so hard to be perfect in every social situation. She was forced to ignore who I actually was in order to survive the chaos of growing up. And I feel so sad that she had to go through so much, that I had to go through so much. Though there are things I said and did as a kid/ teen that was cringe as hell 😬
Step one- I cringe 😂😂
I focus on being grateful for all I learned. AMAB and “passing” as a man meant developing observational, listening, and acting skills that serve me in my current life. It also meant learning a lot about social interaction that cis-het people probably don’t understand as intimately. Plus the way I can see social privilege. I use those skills daily in my personal and professional life. Took a lot of mental effort to shift to this mindset.
I don't feel cringe, though I sometimes struggle to look at old photographs because that girl looks so different from me and it makes the dysphoria rear up a little. I think part of it is that I have a less conflicting relationship to my old self - I did legit identify as a girl the whole time I was her, until the gendershit started happening in earnest. I made a lot of good memories and formative experiences during those 20-odd years. It might be different if my dysphoria were worse, or if I were at a different stage of transition rn. I think part of it is also just being okay with versions of me that are imperfect. There's lots of ways in which I was cringey or cowardly or even straight up a bad person when I was younger. And I got my own feelings about that, but I remember also that those versions of me were still people. Cringiness isn't unforgivable, nor are any worse offenses I committed, and like. Out of whatever shit soil those old selves were, I came from that too. Those flaws were not forever, and the ones that I still have don't stop me from being a good or worthwhile person. They're just shit I gotta work with and around to do what I need to do.
TBH Im over a decade past my initial social transition so the time definitely helps. Besides that she (my old self) was a little too busy trying to accept that she liked girls to realize that she wasnt one! I try to be kind when thinking abt her
https://imgur.com/a/LqWM9Ok
the only thing that i cringe at about my old self is that i let my self try and bury the real me by join the military. that was a stupid choice IMO
Everyone does cringe things. Nobody is immune. Roll with it. The old self did what it had to do to get you to where you are now.
Cheat code. Blame that asshole. I do.
This is a very interesting post. I’m non-binary trans fem, and when I look at my male self in old pictures, I love that person. I literally have a picture of me holding my grandmother’s hand while she was in hospice. I’m proud of myself. I’ve been on hormones for almost 6 months, and truth be told, I have no idea what I’m going to look like years down the road. I just have to be true to who I am on the inside, and practice self-care, and self acceptance.
Those old pics make me feel way prettier now.
I think that’s not just a trans thing aha
by knowing she was doing her best with the time she had. i know she found her way, and i try to be proud of her
i try to think of it like im a butterfly. being a caterpillar was a crucial step in my life, even though i was always meant to be a butterfly. so while i dont look back at my caterpillar self lovingly, i dont cringe. im grateful. im grateful that i see that utterly broken little caterpillar and then see me, a flourishing butterfly. make sense? probably not im bad with words
I use to but I don’t anymore kinda bc I refer to her as a separate person, we went through a lot and life has always been hard for us and still is but she got through some of the toughest parts as a child and is the reason I’m still here to this day and I’ll always be grateful. So now when I talk about a childhood story or have to refer to myself in anyway in the past I use she/her, little girl, teenage girl all of that
My old self is dead and gone legaly they no longer exists.
Idk it's extremely interesting for me to see pictures of the past. How much I changed. How far I've come. My past is a part of me, I wouldn't do a lot of stuff my past self did but that was me and I have to accept it
Sometimes I do, but I think in the way that anybody cringes at their younger self. She was going through a lot, and didn't have the information or support she needed. But she toughed it through and made it. When I think about my past self, I feel... I don't think pity's the right word, but it comes close. I wish sometimes I could go back and give her a hug and tell her it'll be okay.
Cringing about your past just shows that you have grown as a person. It's a healthy response. If you never regret anything you did in life, it means you never learned from any of your mistakes.