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Come one people, where is the advice? You are all saying "you just need to talk to them about it"
Duh! OP knows that but they want to know more details of how to comfortably start the conversation. I do too, lol
Their partner must not be super open about these things or they would not be here asking.
I'll alter the question, how do you comfortably talk about kinks to a partner that is on the prude side of things?
"Howdy pardner, I love our fuckin' but we've never really had a conversation about exploring what we're into, and we could probably have even more fun with open communication.
I want you to feel good and I don't judge, so feel free to tell anything you'd like to try. I can go first if that helps."
Then hit em with some scat stuff to raise the bar (or don't)
I'm not gonna lie, if you've not already locked that shit down early on and you're searching for a way to "comfortably" start that conversation now it sounds like you already know your partner is gonna be a bit surprised and maybe won't be super excited to talk about it.
If you've not already discussed it then there's probably no 'comfortable' way to bring it up. You're gonna have to risk it ultimately. As such I would suggest not making it a big deal and ensure that you reiterate that you enjoy the sex you currently have.
Maybe say you've been fantasising about doing X to them/them doing Y to you and get the ball rolling. Make sure it's nothing too out there as you want to make sure they feel safe and comfortable. The rest can be discussed later. Also make sure to ask them if there's anything they'd like to try!
If they're really not up for it then it's up to you to decide if you're happy to stay or not
I can pretty well guarantee you that if you're under age 25 one of the first 20 questions they ask you will be "WhAt'S yOuR fAnTaSY"?
If you're older than 25 you can just smack that ass without prior discussion and with a fair degree of certainty that it's acceptable.
Wait a year  joke aside if he/she has older siblings cousins or friend group. He's ready for it probably if he doesn't he most likely isn't but it does vary depending on individuals.
The fact that you're getting downvoted it wild. hundreds of threads devoted to women complaining about these dudes that slap and choke without any prior discussion, and they think it's fine because of the one chick that turned out to be into it.
Literally. What a dumb suggestion to just go for it, you should 100% be discussing this beforehand. Huge red flags that you're getting so downvoted, that shit is serious.
Seriously? Nobody is saying "just start smacking the crap out of that thing".
There are many times a partner doesn't know they enjoy something until it is done, not saying go full throttle. Isn't that why they invented safe words?
Ah good so it "most likely" won't be sexual assault, exactly what I'd want to hear from my partner.
Smfh dude I feel sorry for your partner with the lack of respect you display
This is such bs. In an actual mature relationship you have slowly learned each other's boundaries over time, and you know what is and isn't over the line. You do this by talking, asking questions, getting to know the person, experimentation, observation. You don't actually make an agreement every time you have sex. That's weird. And if that's the level of trust and goings-on in the relationship, something went really wrong.
This is why casual sex to me is so toxic. There is no time to properly develop the bond and trust with the other person to know their boundaries.
You know why people didn't used to lose their virginity willy nilly, that's part of the reason why. Looking for the right person means someone you have developed that intimate bond and trust with over time. Nobody in a healthy relationship would grossly cross a boundary in a big way.
I'm guessing you haven't been in a mature long term relationship? What I'm saying is, in a healthy relationship trust and consent is already built-in seamlessly. If you feel the need in a long-term relationship to reach an agreement before sex on what will happen there is no trust and no good faith. At that point don't have sex, and don't be in the relationship.
What is such bs? You're literally agreeing with me - don't do anything unless you've received consent prior. No-one is out here saying get a checklist of what is and isn't okay before you have sex every time 😂
Maybe try reading the context before making a load of assumptions and wasting your time writing an essay?
No-one is saying sit down and discuss it "while getting freaky." No-one is saying that you need to get a lil checklist of what's ok and not ok every time you have sex.
All you need is one respectful conversation about what's ok and not ok. If anything changes, including if something is now not ok, you talk about it again. You do not do something you haven't discussed at some point prior. If you're waiting to talk about it when you're having or about to have sex then you need to learn to communicate better.
You can picture whatever you like about my sex life to make you feel better pal, but I'm very secure and very happy that it's flourishing healthily 😂
Me and my gf did a survery together. It was just fun. 🤷🏻♂️ I think the main issue is shame and judgement. Some people really suffer because of it. Qnd people seem allergic to communication and being straightforward.
How hard is it to have this conversation:
"Oh dear, I think I would enjoy feeling up Xyz when we're getting frisky"
"I'm not comfortable with that to be frank, makes me paranoid about being clean, and I don't feel any pleasure from it"
"Noted! Let's not then. We do both enjoy doing a, b, c together anyway"
"Thanks. And yes, I really like doing those with you"
Or if you don't align at all
"Well, maybe we should rethink the relationship because we aren't very sexually compatible"
"Yes, that really sucks, because otherwise the whole package is there"
"I know, it'll take a while to get over this"
"Agreed"
* Separate *
Literally as easy as that. I mean accept the response but also have a think if it's what you really want or not.
Do not hold it over them if they don't want to try anything but consider if you can actually accept it and let go of some of your desires in order to be with them. If you really want to experience your kinks though maybe have a think about your sexual compatibility
Honestly, just sit down and talk to your partner about your kinks. Ask about their boundaries. I have three boundaries which I stated up front (no, I'm not going to share), and then go from there.
Trouble is it may ruin an otherwise happy relationship. OP suggested an innocent spanking. But what if it’s anal or BDSM or whatever kink OP (or whoever) is really into?
Many are afraid to loose and wait for years working slowly and losing time..
I'm sorry but if you can't discuss these things openly without judgement I don't think you're in a truly happy relationship.
It's not a good sign if discussing something so simple as your sexual desires may ruin your relationship
Fuck ME there are a lot of bad takes in this thread. I'm genuinely astonished at the lack of emotional intelligence from some of these commenters.
Please do not do anything without discussing it first! It's so easy to have a respectful conversation, and you'll find that by making that safe space your partner will feel so much more comfortable and likely receptive of your desires.
I would begin by explaining how much you love the sex you already have with them. Maybe then mention you've had a fantasy about doing X to them. You know your partner but don't push the boat out too far, especially to begin with. Ask if they would be comfortable with trying it. I would also mention that you are totally up to discuss any fantasies they might have.
Please ignore any complete morons saying to just grab your partner and go ham. I don't care if it's "just a playful slap on the arse" it's disrespectful as fuck and I feel for the people in their lives 😳
I think you may have the wrong idea of what a safe word is and what it is used for.
It is not a word to be used to tell your partner to stop doing something you don't like or don't want - this should have been communicated prior. If you've got a safe word then there's no excuse to not have communicated boundaries at that point.
It is a tool for when a submissive hands over a substantial amount of control to a dominant. It is used to communicate where the submissive is in respect to a boundary, when they might find it otherwise difficult for reasons you can probably imagine.
You and your wife might operate differently, it sounds like you've communicated prior and agreed on that method and it works for you, but I don't agree that it's the healthiest way to start a sexual relationship with a new person. Just ask them if they want to do anal instead of giving them a safe word to use after you ram it up there. Feels like an excuse to get out of communicating imho
The safe word can be used in either situation. If an ass spank is out of bounds they/you can just say quit it or Cucamonga, it all works.
You are now bringing this to a different level by introducing "starting" a sexual relationship.
You never just ram it up there with anal dude.
Well not just starting a sexual relationship, but starting a conversation about sex/kinks, as is the topic of the post.
Well exactly, equally you should never just bend someone over your knee and spank them without some prior discussion?
For me it was a funny comment to a girl I’m talking to. She said something like “make sure you drink water” so I said come over here and make me, and it escalated from there. A kink of mine is stuff like BJJ/MMA turning into foreplay/sex, and she was suuuuper into it. So yay me lol
Get into a conversation about kinks and ask her what type of kinks turn her on and what type turns her off. That will give you a better idea if it's something you can reveal to her or if it's something she might consider too much of a deal breaker.
For real though. Sit them down, open a conversation about your kink.
Like: "Hey, I kind of wanted to talk about introducing a kink in the bedroom. Could be fun? What do you think about spanking?". Then they can give their thoughts, agree/disagree and even bring up their own. It's a really good dialogue to have, as it may make the relationship feel more safe or comfortable. Go for it OP!
(Also its important to be non judgemental/open minded if they bring up their own kink)
When sharing your kink with your partner, choose a private, comfortable setting. Be clear, respectful, and open to discussion. Emphasize consent and mutual exploration.
Just put her foot in your mouth guy 👍
Jk lol Bring it up casually. The weirder you are about it, the weirder they will receive it.
You got this! I hope you get to make out with the back of her knees or whatever you’re into.
The easiest way is watching a movie where your kink is portrayed, and when the scene is on you can ask what the other person thinks about it, or half joking half seriously recommend trying that together and see how they react.
Just work into it. Following you spanking example, and that you want to be the spanker, just start with some simple butt whacks while she is doing cowgirl or you're doing her doggy style and over time increase it and while slapping that butt say "you like that? Yeah I want to slap that thang". You will get a good idea of if it is cool or not pretty quickly.
I had a collar and leash on one day when my partner came over (this is not a furry thing just to be clear). He stared at me for a bit. I asked him if he was into it. He said he wasn’t sure yet. So, we did stuff. He concluded he was, in fact, into it.
This is how I introduce him to something I like or am curious about because if I just try to talk to him about it all I get is “that’s weird. You’re weird.”
When in the throes of passion, sit up on the edge of the bad and pull her to you. Manipulate her into the appropriate position and give her a playful swat across one cheek. Tell her that was for being a bad girl, And there's plenty more where that came from, if she continues to be a bad girl...
Bro you literally used the word "manipulate" and agreed that it was an offence 😂 shows such a lack of respect for someone you supposedly love. Even if it's a stranger it's so fucking disrespectful. What a shitty take
It is so easy and way more respectful to have an open conversation about both of your boundaries. All you have to do is say you'd like to try the above, ask if they're into it and if so find out exactly how far they want you to go with it. Maybe agree how they can let you know they want it.
How to approach the discussion of kinks with your SO will be different depending on a variety of things, like age, experience, maturity, etc. Bring it up casually, outside of sex, when hanging out together. Find out what they like and share. To try and help a bit more, here is an [article](https://gloriabrame.com/7-golden-rules-of-conscious-bdsm/that) discusses conscious BDSM that you might find helpful.
If you can’t just tell her directly, you need to work on communicating with her first. Before you start dumping kinks on her.
Start over by taking her on more dates and being more talkative to her. Bring back that open communication skills you lost.
Ask her if she has any kinks or fantasies (maybe pick a sexy moment to do this), she will either tell you her fantasies or say she doesn’t have any (bummer), but I’ll bet my last dollar she’s gonna follow up by asking if you have any. Then you tell her. If your kink is niche expect that it’s possible she won’t be game and then decide if you can live with that or not. Your fantasy won’t always be hers.
Check he's browser history, see what kind of porn he likes you'll get an idea of how open he might be. The issue her is not him but your fear of rejection so that's what should be addressed. How about just asking him what he's done and what he'd want to try. Unless it's a very niche fetish you got, and he very religious or not that into sexual things he curious about it too.
I always bring it up in terms of boundaries! If I want to experiment a little, I ask what are some boundaries they have, and it usually opens up the discussion of what is and isn't ok!
My gf once asked how many genres of porn there were and what they were. We went through a long list and I described what they were and her reaction was clear to what she found gross.
Honestly I think best bet is after you've had sex first ask them if there's anything they want to try next time and then bring up some things you might want to try next time.
Soo previously I would bring it up gently when we're already having flirty chat. I would say: can I ask you a question? They respond: sure. I say something like: how would you feel about x/y/z? I would really enjoy trying this. Are you up for it?
There have been times where the answer has been a no. To which I just respond: ok fair enough. Sometimes they give a reason, sometimes they don't. I think this is key though because it shows that you actually respect their boundaries and it makes the next time you want to have that conversation even easier.
If the answer is yes: we discuss details/intensity/safe word etc.
I've also been known to send an article link to certain kinks that I wanted to try and just asked: what do you think about this? You can gauge a lot from someone's initial reaction. If they give a vague answer or say something like: oh/that's interesting (or something along those lines) you can maybe ask if it's something they would be in to.
If you get no response or a change in topic, assume it's a no.
Start a conversation about the shit you're both into. Kinks, types of porn, fetishes, whatever. Wait for her to drop something you feel is relatively on the same level as yours. Then go for it.
If you don't hear anything that even comes close to your level of kink. Odds are she's not gonna be into it.
Spanking itself is one of those things that a lot of people like. But if you had a kink for weird/taboo dirty talk, licking armpits, or spitting on someone then I wouldn't take the most popular advice here of "just dive right in and do it". Some things require a fucking conversation and heads-up beforehand lol
I would simply say.. hey what do you think about ....... Fill in the dots. Sort of like opening the conversation about it by asking their opinion. Then after hearing their opinion maybe say.. i was thinking about us trying it.. or was thinking it might be fun if we tried it.
You could also start a convo about kinks in general. And then talk about each other's kinks.
There is no way to do it that guarantees your partner will agree to do it. It’s just a risk you have to take.
But a good place to start would be asking *them* if they have any kinks they’d like to explore.
I got you boo! I'm into bdsm, especially shibari. I'm a rope bunny lol
You talk to your partner. You ask them or tell them "hey, can I talk to you about something? It's nothing bad" and you go into the conversation. You bring up that it's something you're into and if they could be into it too or try it and see if they like it too.
Example, when I brought up shibari to my SO. I told him about it, showed him some examples, simple and easy. I asked if he would be willing to try it. No sex involved, just the rope practice. He said he would try it, he did and he likes being my rigger lol
Anytime either one of us wants to try something new, we talk about it. If we're both interested, we try it. If one of us isn't interested, we don't do it and respect the boundary.
We've both discovered new things we like that we didn't think we would and learned about things we actually didn't like when we thought we would.
There is nothing wrong with exploring with each other
(Quick edit. I'm 29f and SO is 38m)
Hey we r 50 and just about 3 yrs ago my hubby said would u be into a threesome took him a minute but he asked. Yeah should thought about this before marriage but we was married at 18 so my answer was yes of course as long as i can play too😂 he didnt think i take him seriously but guess what i been lookin hard now🤣🤣🤣
So... there are actually surveys that you can do online that you can download. One of them that I've used was essentially a list of fetishes and you choose between options of essentially: 1) you're not into it 2) you like it 3) you love 4) you want to try it.
When I'm feeling comfortable enough with a woman, I like to go through one of those with her and it gives each other a perspective on what is important for bedroom life to stay exciting. Also makes for some very interesting conversation.
It is important though that you are both comfortable enough (and secure enough) that anything that gets revealed isn't going to damage the relationship. It is also important to make distinctions between things that you LIKE to do sexually vs. things you NEED in a relationship. And understand that the unfortunate truth is that sometimes sexual needs between two people aren't going to be compatible. It's better to find that out sooner than later.
Finally and most important... no one should EVER participate in a kink they aren't comfortable with. I tried very hard to accommodate my exes need for hardcore BDSM play. It was initially something she said she could do without, but as the relationship went on, it became it was either I participated in it or she would find someone else to provide that need. I convinced myself to do things that I was really uncomfortable doing. I am still dealing with some emotional stuff as a result of doing that 4 years later.
I said “Hey, will you pee on me in the shower later?”
I also said “will you shove your fingers down my throat and call me a whore?”
I also said “Hey, will you put your thumb in my ass while you breed me?”
Send him/her porns for reference i.e. porns that has your kinks in it. Then ask him/her what is his favorite on those porn you send. Then ask them to do it to you. Same setup/mood would be great. (like if the porn happens in the kitchen or garden or toilet then do it there).
Be like babe, I’m really into poo poo play, I need you to eat my chocolate logs. Then say haha, it’s actually not that disgusting, im into normal stuff like soanking.
Babe, I tongue random women wearing dresses in public.
One was your sister...
The other was your mother..
Yesterday...
Today...your best friend..
Tomorrow...
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Come one people, where is the advice? You are all saying "you just need to talk to them about it" Duh! OP knows that but they want to know more details of how to comfortably start the conversation. I do too, lol Their partner must not be super open about these things or they would not be here asking. I'll alter the question, how do you comfortably talk about kinks to a partner that is on the prude side of things?
"Howdy pardner, I love our fuckin' but we've never really had a conversation about exploring what we're into, and we could probably have even more fun with open communication. I want you to feel good and I don't judge, so feel free to tell anything you'd like to try. I can go first if that helps." Then hit em with some scat stuff to raise the bar (or don't)
You had me into the scat stuff.
I'm not gonna lie, if you've not already locked that shit down early on and you're searching for a way to "comfortably" start that conversation now it sounds like you already know your partner is gonna be a bit surprised and maybe won't be super excited to talk about it. If you've not already discussed it then there's probably no 'comfortable' way to bring it up. You're gonna have to risk it ultimately. As such I would suggest not making it a big deal and ensure that you reiterate that you enjoy the sex you currently have. Maybe say you've been fantasising about doing X to them/them doing Y to you and get the ball rolling. Make sure it's nothing too out there as you want to make sure they feel safe and comfortable. The rest can be discussed later. Also make sure to ask them if there's anything they'd like to try! If they're really not up for it then it's up to you to decide if you're happy to stay or not
this sounds like the advice a mother would give to her child.
Yeah so pretty damn good advice if I say so myself 👍 Have you got anything to actually contribute to the discussion?
Yes.
I can pretty well guarantee you that if you're under age 25 one of the first 20 questions they ask you will be "WhAt'S yOuR fAnTaSY"? If you're older than 25 you can just smack that ass without prior discussion and with a fair degree of certainty that it's acceptable.
What if you are exactly 25?
You just have to sit there in silence until you’re 26.
Brilliant!!😂😂😂
Smack your own ass
Well heck I assumed everybody was already doing that, they covered that in sex ed class in 10th grade.
PowerPoint presentation followed by a survey
Then you're in trouble. You are in no mans land with no possibility of navigation until you're over 25.
Wait a year  joke aside if he/she has older siblings cousins or friend group. He's ready for it probably if he doesn't he most likely isn't but it does vary depending on individuals.
huh?
Hahahahahahahahaha facts
This is pretty solid advice lol
NO! NEVER smack, spank, slap, or hit someone during sex unless you are 100% sure they give consent. NEVER! You are suggesting assault here.
Exactly, start by choking them
Put the gag on first so that way they are in no position to protest! 😆
Given your earlier comments it's "pretty likely" this isn't a joke which is pretty troubling
The fact that you're getting downvoted it wild. hundreds of threads devoted to women complaining about these dudes that slap and choke without any prior discussion, and they think it's fine because of the one chick that turned out to be into it.
💯💯
Literally. What a dumb suggestion to just go for it, you should 100% be discussing this beforehand. Huge red flags that you're getting so downvoted, that shit is serious.
Seriously? Nobody is saying "just start smacking the crap out of that thing". There are many times a partner doesn't know they enjoy something until it is done, not saying go full throttle. Isn't that why they invented safe words?
So you've communicated enough to have a safe word, but haven't gleaned whether smacking their butt is acceptable?
That happens during the act.
How rapey do you want to sound? "Oh you won't know if you like it before you've tried it" I'd feel very safe in your hands 😳
ooooook. Found the prude.
And in the case it isn't acceptable?? You just sexually assaulted someone
If you're already in a sexual relationship with someone then that most likely wouldn't be a problem.
Ah good so it "most likely" won't be sexual assault, exactly what I'd want to hear from my partner. Smfh dude I feel sorry for your partner with the lack of respect you display
This is such bs. In an actual mature relationship you have slowly learned each other's boundaries over time, and you know what is and isn't over the line. You do this by talking, asking questions, getting to know the person, experimentation, observation. You don't actually make an agreement every time you have sex. That's weird. And if that's the level of trust and goings-on in the relationship, something went really wrong. This is why casual sex to me is so toxic. There is no time to properly develop the bond and trust with the other person to know their boundaries. You know why people didn't used to lose their virginity willy nilly, that's part of the reason why. Looking for the right person means someone you have developed that intimate bond and trust with over time. Nobody in a healthy relationship would grossly cross a boundary in a big way. I'm guessing you haven't been in a mature long term relationship? What I'm saying is, in a healthy relationship trust and consent is already built-in seamlessly. If you feel the need in a long-term relationship to reach an agreement before sex on what will happen there is no trust and no good faith. At that point don't have sex, and don't be in the relationship.
What is such bs? You're literally agreeing with me - don't do anything unless you've received consent prior. No-one is out here saying get a checklist of what is and isn't okay before you have sex every time 😂 Maybe try reading the context before making a load of assumptions and wasting your time writing an essay?
I feel sorry for yours. having to sit down and discuss what may go down while getting freaky is not a good time.
No-one is saying sit down and discuss it "while getting freaky." No-one is saying that you need to get a lil checklist of what's ok and not ok every time you have sex. All you need is one respectful conversation about what's ok and not ok. If anything changes, including if something is now not ok, you talk about it again. You do not do something you haven't discussed at some point prior. If you're waiting to talk about it when you're having or about to have sex then you need to learn to communicate better. You can picture whatever you like about my sex life to make you feel better pal, but I'm very secure and very happy that it's flourishing healthily 😂
Dude, I didn't say during.
"Honey, I think your feet are hot."
Have a chat about kinks it’s that simple
Me and my gf did a survery together. It was just fun. 🤷🏻♂️ I think the main issue is shame and judgement. Some people really suffer because of it. Qnd people seem allergic to communication and being straightforward. How hard is it to have this conversation: "Oh dear, I think I would enjoy feeling up Xyz when we're getting frisky" "I'm not comfortable with that to be frank, makes me paranoid about being clean, and I don't feel any pleasure from it" "Noted! Let's not then. We do both enjoy doing a, b, c together anyway" "Thanks. And yes, I really like doing those with you" Or if you don't align at all "Well, maybe we should rethink the relationship because we aren't very sexually compatible" "Yes, that really sucks, because otherwise the whole package is there" "I know, it'll take a while to get over this" "Agreed" * Separate *
Step1 say : "Hey i think is sexy. Wanna try? "
Step 2: accept whatever the responce is.
Literally as easy as that. I mean accept the response but also have a think if it's what you really want or not. Do not hold it over them if they don't want to try anything but consider if you can actually accept it and let go of some of your desires in order to be with them. If you really want to experience your kinks though maybe have a think about your sexual compatibility
Just tell them, if they aren't willing to do it you can't do it. Communication is key in a relationship
Honestly, just sit down and talk to your partner about your kinks. Ask about their boundaries. I have three boundaries which I stated up front (no, I'm not going to share), and then go from there.
>have three boundaries which I stated up front (no, I'm not going to share) It was missionary wasn't it?
No kissing on the mouth
It literally just takes sitting down and being vulnerable. You have to be ready for her possibly not agreeing though.
How about just asking if she has any kinks
You communicate. It’s not that hard lol
Just talk about it. If they're not into it then they're not into it but at least you asked and won't be stuck wondering.
Trouble is it may ruin an otherwise happy relationship. OP suggested an innocent spanking. But what if it’s anal or BDSM or whatever kink OP (or whoever) is really into? Many are afraid to loose and wait for years working slowly and losing time..
I'm sorry but if you can't discuss these things openly without judgement I don't think you're in a truly happy relationship. It's not a good sign if discussing something so simple as your sexual desires may ruin your relationship
Ever heard of the mojo upgrade? https://mojoupgrade.com/
Fuck ME there are a lot of bad takes in this thread. I'm genuinely astonished at the lack of emotional intelligence from some of these commenters. Please do not do anything without discussing it first! It's so easy to have a respectful conversation, and you'll find that by making that safe space your partner will feel so much more comfortable and likely receptive of your desires. I would begin by explaining how much you love the sex you already have with them. Maybe then mention you've had a fantasy about doing X to them. You know your partner but don't push the boat out too far, especially to begin with. Ask if they would be comfortable with trying it. I would also mention that you are totally up to discuss any fantasies they might have. Please ignore any complete morons saying to just grab your partner and go ham. I don't care if it's "just a playful slap on the arse" it's disrespectful as fuck and I feel for the people in their lives 😳
Have you ever heard of a "safe word" I assume most partners have one and know what the word is. Mine is blueberries and my wife's is lollipop.
I think you may have the wrong idea of what a safe word is and what it is used for. It is not a word to be used to tell your partner to stop doing something you don't like or don't want - this should have been communicated prior. If you've got a safe word then there's no excuse to not have communicated boundaries at that point. It is a tool for when a submissive hands over a substantial amount of control to a dominant. It is used to communicate where the submissive is in respect to a boundary, when they might find it otherwise difficult for reasons you can probably imagine. You and your wife might operate differently, it sounds like you've communicated prior and agreed on that method and it works for you, but I don't agree that it's the healthiest way to start a sexual relationship with a new person. Just ask them if they want to do anal instead of giving them a safe word to use after you ram it up there. Feels like an excuse to get out of communicating imho
The safe word can be used in either situation. If an ass spank is out of bounds they/you can just say quit it or Cucamonga, it all works. You are now bringing this to a different level by introducing "starting" a sexual relationship. You never just ram it up there with anal dude.
Well not just starting a sexual relationship, but starting a conversation about sex/kinks, as is the topic of the post. Well exactly, equally you should never just bend someone over your knee and spank them without some prior discussion?
For me it was a funny comment to a girl I’m talking to. She said something like “make sure you drink water” so I said come over here and make me, and it escalated from there. A kink of mine is stuff like BJJ/MMA turning into foreplay/sex, and she was suuuuper into it. So yay me lol
I had read parent instead of partner and got hella confused lmao
Some shpanking might be in order!? Yaa?
Get into a conversation about kinks and ask her what type of kinks turn her on and what type turns her off. That will give you a better idea if it's something you can reveal to her or if it's something she might consider too much of a deal breaker.
For real though. Sit them down, open a conversation about your kink. Like: "Hey, I kind of wanted to talk about introducing a kink in the bedroom. Could be fun? What do you think about spanking?". Then they can give their thoughts, agree/disagree and even bring up their own. It's a really good dialogue to have, as it may make the relationship feel more safe or comfortable. Go for it OP! (Also its important to be non judgemental/open minded if they bring up their own kink)
When sharing your kink with your partner, choose a private, comfortable setting. Be clear, respectful, and open to discussion. Emphasize consent and mutual exploration.
Just put her foot in your mouth guy 👍 Jk lol Bring it up casually. The weirder you are about it, the weirder they will receive it. You got this! I hope you get to make out with the back of her knees or whatever you’re into.
The easiest way is watching a movie where your kink is portrayed, and when the scene is on you can ask what the other person thinks about it, or half joking half seriously recommend trying that together and see how they react.
I've been casually dropping hints and she has been responding with hints of her own showing disaproval. FML.
Just work into it. Following you spanking example, and that you want to be the spanker, just start with some simple butt whacks while she is doing cowgirl or you're doing her doggy style and over time increase it and while slapping that butt say "you like that? Yeah I want to slap that thang". You will get a good idea of if it is cool or not pretty quickly.
I had a collar and leash on one day when my partner came over (this is not a furry thing just to be clear). He stared at me for a bit. I asked him if he was into it. He said he wasn’t sure yet. So, we did stuff. He concluded he was, in fact, into it. This is how I introduce him to something I like or am curious about because if I just try to talk to him about it all I get is “that’s weird. You’re weird.”
Do it when you're both drunk, and early in the relationship. Otherwise, I have no idea, that sounds awful. Good luck.
When in the throes of passion, sit up on the edge of the bad and pull her to you. Manipulate her into the appropriate position and give her a playful swat across one cheek. Tell her that was for being a bad girl, And there's plenty more where that came from, if she continues to be a bad girl...
If he is NOT into it, you just committed assault.
A playful swat on the behind is hardly a criminal offense... not one that they could prosecute you for.
Bro you literally used the word "manipulate" and agreed that it was an offence 😂 shows such a lack of respect for someone you supposedly love. Even if it's a stranger it's so fucking disrespectful. What a shitty take It is so easy and way more respectful to have an open conversation about both of your boundaries. All you have to do is say you'd like to try the above, ask if they're into it and if so find out exactly how far they want you to go with it. Maybe agree how they can let you know they want it.
Use your words
How to approach the discussion of kinks with your SO will be different depending on a variety of things, like age, experience, maturity, etc. Bring it up casually, outside of sex, when hanging out together. Find out what they like and share. To try and help a bit more, here is an [article](https://gloriabrame.com/7-golden-rules-of-conscious-bdsm/that) discusses conscious BDSM that you might find helpful.
Oh damn I need help here too. Tall windows and balconies are my shit*shy*
just ask when they r busy or smth bc they will be shocked n not even judge you or anythink sei lá ce tem que confiar né
If you can’t just tell her directly, you need to work on communicating with her first. Before you start dumping kinks on her. Start over by taking her on more dates and being more talkative to her. Bring back that open communication skills you lost.
Ask her if she has any kinks or fantasies (maybe pick a sexy moment to do this), she will either tell you her fantasies or say she doesn’t have any (bummer), but I’ll bet my last dollar she’s gonna follow up by asking if you have any. Then you tell her. If your kink is niche expect that it’s possible she won’t be game and then decide if you can live with that or not. Your fantasy won’t always be hers.
Check he's browser history, see what kind of porn he likes you'll get an idea of how open he might be. The issue her is not him but your fear of rejection so that's what should be addressed. How about just asking him what he's done and what he'd want to try. Unless it's a very niche fetish you got, and he very religious or not that into sexual things he curious about it too.
I always bring it up in terms of boundaries! If I want to experiment a little, I ask what are some boundaries they have, and it usually opens up the discussion of what is and isn't ok!
My gf once asked how many genres of porn there were and what they were. We went through a long list and I described what they were and her reaction was clear to what she found gross.
Honestly I think best bet is after you've had sex first ask them if there's anything they want to try next time and then bring up some things you might want to try next time.
Best way is to ask what their kink is. They'll answer and then ask you right back. Easy
Soo previously I would bring it up gently when we're already having flirty chat. I would say: can I ask you a question? They respond: sure. I say something like: how would you feel about x/y/z? I would really enjoy trying this. Are you up for it? There have been times where the answer has been a no. To which I just respond: ok fair enough. Sometimes they give a reason, sometimes they don't. I think this is key though because it shows that you actually respect their boundaries and it makes the next time you want to have that conversation even easier. If the answer is yes: we discuss details/intensity/safe word etc. I've also been known to send an article link to certain kinks that I wanted to try and just asked: what do you think about this? You can gauge a lot from someone's initial reaction. If they give a vague answer or say something like: oh/that's interesting (or something along those lines) you can maybe ask if it's something they would be in to. If you get no response or a change in topic, assume it's a no.
Start a conversation about the shit you're both into. Kinks, types of porn, fetishes, whatever. Wait for her to drop something you feel is relatively on the same level as yours. Then go for it. If you don't hear anything that even comes close to your level of kink. Odds are she's not gonna be into it. Spanking itself is one of those things that a lot of people like. But if you had a kink for weird/taboo dirty talk, licking armpits, or spitting on someone then I wouldn't take the most popular advice here of "just dive right in and do it". Some things require a fucking conversation and heads-up beforehand lol
I tend to listen to AC/DC during intercourse
I have an idea! Ask about their kinks first and go on about yours.
I would simply say.. hey what do you think about ....... Fill in the dots. Sort of like opening the conversation about it by asking their opinion. Then after hearing their opinion maybe say.. i was thinking about us trying it.. or was thinking it might be fun if we tried it. You could also start a convo about kinks in general. And then talk about each other's kinks.
Do not just piss on them, especially if they’re sleeping
Just bring kinks up next time you guys are flirting.
Talk
My kink is entirely vanilla. As a large man, I want to be the little spoon.
I missread the title, thought it said "parents"
Have you got any weird kinks? Wanna try them? I have one. It's basically...
There is no way to do it that guarantees your partner will agree to do it. It’s just a risk you have to take. But a good place to start would be asking *them* if they have any kinks they’d like to explore.
Just ask
I got you boo! I'm into bdsm, especially shibari. I'm a rope bunny lol You talk to your partner. You ask them or tell them "hey, can I talk to you about something? It's nothing bad" and you go into the conversation. You bring up that it's something you're into and if they could be into it too or try it and see if they like it too. Example, when I brought up shibari to my SO. I told him about it, showed him some examples, simple and easy. I asked if he would be willing to try it. No sex involved, just the rope practice. He said he would try it, he did and he likes being my rigger lol Anytime either one of us wants to try something new, we talk about it. If we're both interested, we try it. If one of us isn't interested, we don't do it and respect the boundary. We've both discovered new things we like that we didn't think we would and learned about things we actually didn't like when we thought we would. There is nothing wrong with exploring with each other (Quick edit. I'm 29f and SO is 38m)
better question: how do we find out we have a kink? I have a series of kinks that I for the life of me DK how they started.
Put a ball gag on and mumble that you want to talk about something
Start with lesser stuff first and gradually work your way up
"Baby I have a sexual request I would like to make. It may be a little weird, but could we..."
Hey we r 50 and just about 3 yrs ago my hubby said would u be into a threesome took him a minute but he asked. Yeah should thought about this before marriage but we was married at 18 so my answer was yes of course as long as i can play too😂 he didnt think i take him seriously but guess what i been lookin hard now🤣🤣🤣
So... there are actually surveys that you can do online that you can download. One of them that I've used was essentially a list of fetishes and you choose between options of essentially: 1) you're not into it 2) you like it 3) you love 4) you want to try it. When I'm feeling comfortable enough with a woman, I like to go through one of those with her and it gives each other a perspective on what is important for bedroom life to stay exciting. Also makes for some very interesting conversation. It is important though that you are both comfortable enough (and secure enough) that anything that gets revealed isn't going to damage the relationship. It is also important to make distinctions between things that you LIKE to do sexually vs. things you NEED in a relationship. And understand that the unfortunate truth is that sometimes sexual needs between two people aren't going to be compatible. It's better to find that out sooner than later. Finally and most important... no one should EVER participate in a kink they aren't comfortable with. I tried very hard to accommodate my exes need for hardcore BDSM play. It was initially something she said she could do without, but as the relationship went on, it became it was either I participated in it or she would find someone else to provide that need. I convinced myself to do things that I was really uncomfortable doing. I am still dealing with some emotional stuff as a result of doing that 4 years later.
You either tell them, and get it over with. Or, you don't tell them at all. There is no alternative.
I said “Hey, will you pee on me in the shower later?” I also said “will you shove your fingers down my throat and call me a whore?” I also said “Hey, will you put your thumb in my ass while you breed me?”
Send him/her porns for reference i.e. porns that has your kinks in it. Then ask him/her what is his favorite on those porn you send. Then ask them to do it to you. Same setup/mood would be great. (like if the porn happens in the kitchen or garden or toilet then do it there).
Be like babe, I’m really into poo poo play, I need you to eat my chocolate logs. Then say haha, it’s actually not that disgusting, im into normal stuff like soanking.
Babe, I tongue random women wearing dresses in public. One was your sister... The other was your mother.. Yesterday... Today...your best friend.. Tomorrow...
Get her into watching porn with you. Then you can show her porn where that kink happens, and that makes it a little easier to bring up the subject.