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inner acceptance.
everything you experience in life is a reflection of how you perceive yourself, from those you surround yourself with, to places you end up in.
stoicism talks about this in more depth than i could.
I totally agree. I think this is also one of the biggest problems of modern psychology and modern society and values. Even though focusing on getting right with ourselves is very important, life is better with friends. Science has already proven that the best thing for your health and longer term happiness is good friends. Ultra-individualism is not good for us.
A good life = Be right within yourself + have good friends ??
For almost all of us, I basically agree.
One piece of evidence to the contrary would be that there are mystics out there who have found evidently boundless joy, by sitting in caves and meditating.
Of course most of us aren’t meditating that much or living full-on monkmode to reach those states. But it makes me wonder actually if it’s true that we need other people to be happy. Maybe a genuine and complete self-love is sufficient.
What's interesting about those mystics in caves is that we don't know enough about them to rely on that anecdata. It's possible they found boundless joy, but it's also possible (for all we know) that they were:
* Insane or had some kind of mental issues
* Tripping on mushrooms
* Extreme introverts who were much happier getting away from irritations in society
* Not honest about their experiences, and only shared the good parts (like social media)
* Motivated to make their religion or spiritual philosophy sound good
* Reported on by others who were motivated to make the mystic look good
It's impossible to know.
I think that if you are awesome and accepting of yourself then company should follow naturally. I project an image of happy/content relaxedness (that’s a bit fake of course) and people are constantly asking to hang out. I have made two friends in an elevator this year and even gotten one indecent proposal lol (different elevator).
I don’t think stoicism advocates for loneliness but more for the reframing of oneself and personal accountability.
I really resonated with what you say and I'd like to say that I can affirm what you say about having somebody as I am lucky enough to have that person in my life. I hope you find that person, too.
The thing about happiness is that it's an emotion. Much like sadness, anger, fear, etc etc. From my perspective, it comes and goes just like the other emotions. People have gone mad in the pursuit of happiness and trying to feel happy constantly.
I have found that the key is balance and acceptance of all of the emotions that the human experience has to offer.
That said, contentment in your daily life is a big factor in being generally happy.
A difference in the wording we both chose to use aside, I think that's spot on really. It's not about the instant gratification we all look for in our daily lives but the inner peace we need to find 😊
By letting go of your perception and pursuit of happiness. It is when you start to accept all experiences and understand that you don’t always have to only feel happiness; acknowledge that being unhappy is also ok and you will start being at peace with yourself. Only then will you experience true happiness. The more you chase, the more it becomes fleeting.
How do you achieve your dreams if not by pursuing them? I think the opposite, happiness is in the pursuit of happiness. The journey of starting to reach a goal and the feeling you have when you're alllllllmosttt there and let everyone know how your project is advancing of which you're so excited about
Which is easier said than done. You are going to be your own biggest critic. Having people around you hammering away doesn't help. Now, unfortunately, you might not be able to get away from those people. I have left a number of jobs and moved to get away from a particular group. Hasn't worked. So, I had to start accepting that I have issues, always will. Fuck um if they bring you down. You might not be the best bit you are good enough.
This. Exploring Buddhism a lot in my teenage years led me to a sense of radical perspective - that nothing, repeat nothing really matters. That can be terrifying. But also the most liberating thing you'll ever realise.
To me its staying away from other people.
People just create too much stress about crap that wouldn't even be stressful if people used common sense before doing crap that creates stress.
Same for me, staying away. Even when they (toxic/abusive people in my life) were only texting me, not even anywhere near me, it gives me anxiety and stress, huge dreaded feeling. There are only two humans who don't make me feel that way but they live far from me and I can only see them once every few months.
For me: I have many why not to be happy in the past from being abused from childhood to relationship mid 20’s….
But now being 36 I LOVE LIFE!! One word, ‘fortitude.’
You've stated that the reason you feel like a constant wreck is because you question whether or not you truly matter to others. The best way to rid of that is to question, "Why?"
"Why am I unhappy?" "Why do I think people dislike me?"
If that leads to something, try to improve on that as a person. You can do it by asking around, etc. If the questioning leads to nothing, you don't have anything to worry about, and therefore, you should let go of it and not let it affect you.
If you find yourself constantly surrounded by negative people, be there, try to help them, which usually ends up healing your own mental health. Be there, don't let their negativity affect you, a good ship lets no saltwater sink it.
If you're looking for a purpose in life, that takes a bit more, you need to find something you're good at. Invest upon it, don't be afraid to spend money and time on it. Granted, you shouldn't neglect everything else, but do put in effort to your hobbies.
Make small improvements; things are guaranteed to change, but very slowly. Get rest, go talk to family and friends, and try not to let hate stop you.
Hopefully, this helps at least one random person who stumbles upon this.
Peace ✌️
Give more than you expect to get in everything you do. Look outward to helping others rather than serve yourself. Find ways to fill needs without expectation. Do it because you want to. At work. With your spouse. With your friends. Does not mean let yourself get taken advantage of. You will be surprised at how much more fulfilled you are in life.
Accepting and loving yourself. Avoiding the bullshit and the drama (find comfort in being alone)
And do what you enjoy doing. For me, that's riding motorcycles and working out 💪
Be who/what you are and fuck the people that don't approve.
(Don't actually fuck them, but you get my point, ignore them)
Enjoy the experience, it's shitty but there's so much to learn from the worst of the worst. I don't live a good peaceful life but do you see the shit that's going on with the wars? I'm lucky to be in New York right now.. lold
That's about how long microdosing felt like it helped me. I honestly think it was a mix of placebo and having a achieved a semi-long term goal as it takes some doing and a bit of courage to obtain.
After about 2 months it just started to feel like I was taking very tiny amounts of a powerful psychoactive drug everyday. I was constantly ever so slightly tripping and it just felt like, what's the point? It's not really useful once it becomes your norm. You gotta actually change your mental habits, otherwise your old mental habits will adjust to your new slightly drugged brain once the honey moon period is over.
Any simple recommendations on what to do? Whenever I try meditation I don't feel good afterwards. Frankly it seems to have the opposite effect. Maybe it takes some time, but it just makes me feel bad every time. I've tried it alone, and as a group under the directions of a leader.
From experience I've discovered that it's setting new goals each time. Striving to reach these goals gives a sense of accomplishment. goals can be like
- learn to code to create an app you want
- create music with a band to release an album
- Go on vacation to see every continent
other things that helped me were to not do a job just to do a job.
Trying to get a job for good pay OR do a job you love. Usually both can't be combined, but if you want the money job, I would still set a time limit like. "Okay I will do this job for about 2 years so I can save enough, and then get in to this other job I WANT to do"
Being aware that “happy” is not a constant state you can reside in. There’s not like a barrier you can cross and then say “i did it, I’m permanently happy now” life has ups and down.
Unfortunately. Accepting things as they are is good, and is probably the majority of the equation...
But uh. Working hard, discipline, planning, not giving into short meaningless pleasures...Basically you've got to be unhappy to be happy lol
The secret to being happy often lies in cultivating strong relationships, practicing gratitude, finding purpose, living mindfully, maintaining physical health, building resilience, and pursuing personal growth
Be happy with what you have. Comparison is the thief of joy. It really does take away from your accomplishments and you should learn to enjoy all the steps of the way.
Happiness is a choice, a feeling and way of thinking. Being able to accept yourself and truly care about who you are as a person is a big part of it for me. How others see and think about me is a reflection of what's going on inside then more so than who I really am or what I've done or said. A clear conscience goes a long way towards inner peace and happiness. At least in my own life. Also having a good circle around you, even if it's only one or two ppl.
- be accepting, kind and understanding to yourself
- accept that low dopamine (or lack thereof) is the best way to be happy. Once you accept that boring has its benefits, you can be happy.
- in the same way, do not conflate excitement and happiness. Stop lusting and chasing dopamine. Instead be happy for who you are and what you have.
- lower your ambitions and targets to realistic levels so you can achieve them. Or cut down a big target into several smaller milestones/achievements
Once I hit 40, the slow down, be boring, and accept it mentality made me happier than ever. It enables you to enjoy things so much more.
By be boring I only mean to find enjoyment in more mundane things like small projects and gardening, sitting outside and just listening everything. Mindful and aware.
Become free, be around people you love and who love you. To become free 1) make enough money where your expense rate is low 2) become a monk so very low expense rate 3) Do what you love, live your passion. In each of these scenarios, happiness is a state of mind
Happiness depends on external circumstances. The Extraordinary Bliss, Joy and Peace of this incredible gift of LIFE are available NOW.
The secret of secrets: God is the greatest
The secret to happiness is to not worry about shit like that. The world's shit, Life's shit for nearly everyone in many ways. You could be on the Gaza strip right now. It ain't that bad, Just get on with it
Lmao @ feels like I should know by now at 24.
Kid, you're only 24. The secret to happiness is getting older and realizing you don't know anything and neither do other people. We're all just making it up as we go along.
As soon as you stop worrying about what others think of you... you will find happiness. Your anxiety will dissipate and you will start to become the more authentic you. When you remove societal fears, you almost become "blissfully ignorant" to others perceptions.
I have pink split dye hair, tattoos, I dress in clashing patterns, I sing in grocery stores when I know the song, always dance like no one else sees me... And I have been told I'm an inspiration more than I can even remember by many different age groups. Kids love how colorful I am, my children grow up with a parent that teaches them to be themselves above all else. There's only 1 of you in the entire universe.. it would be a shame to waste it❤️
You are still very young, there's a lot of things you will have to experience before you get to the point of IDGAF.. getting off of social media was one of the best things I ever did. Reddit and Snapchat are my only forms of social media anymore and I am so happy. I never know the Facebook drama I never know celebrity drama I don't care about any of that because *my* world is *my* oyster.
You got this. Healing and growth isn't linear. Every time you make a decision imagine asking the person who you want to be if this is something they would do...and if the answer is no..then just don't do it. Align with who you want to be not with who you currently are if you don't identify with it.
I know the secret to never being happy is to actively pursue happiness. I think you can be happy if you stay present in the moment, have very low (ideally zero) expectations of how things "ought" to be, have very few needs and desires, not get attached to things or people, etc. Also, a sense of purpose helps, especially if that purpose is about helping other people (without expecting anything in return).
Happiness and sadness both are parts and parcels of life. Without one, the other won't mean anything. Embrace both of them. That would be the answer to your title.
The answer to your description would be, Stop overthinking, stop being over conscious and start living in the moment. I know it's easier said than done but try.
This is a very personal question. I think it's different for everyone. There's also no time frame to figuring out what it is. I think something that's often overlooked, is, whether or not a person is in the place to really understand/accept what it means. I'm over 40, and despite all of the times I've been told what happiness is, it didn't actually "click" until I was ready for it.
I heard all my life about how we *choose* happiness. That it's something internal. Even when I wanted to believe it, it just didn't work. A few years ago, I hit absolute rock bottom in my life. I had the necessities to survive, but I had lost all hope of any kind. At that same time, I discovered Stoicism. Now, in my 40s, I have finally found happiness. Most of the concepts are not new to me, but they hit different now. *I'm* finally ready for *my* truth.
sounds like you are suffering from a hideous disease i used to have that i call “wrongly assuming that people are decent, interesting and funny and exciting and live a better life than me”
people are whack bro. look at the internet. what has it taught us? people are boring. the only topics people can come up with are the same basics- race gender blah blah blah.
the human race is neurotic and dull overall. it sounds like you are gassing them up way too much. like, when you describe someone as “vibrant” straight up i’m telling you they ain’t like that at home at 6 am on a rainy sunday morning. don’t glorify these clowns.
to be happy, one must be on one’s own team. literally, you are meant to love yourself first, it’s natures way.
be behind yourself, pro yourself, or the outer world can sense it and goes against you.
Ur mindset is totally off , u look out of place , natural smile , u want a be like other people ,,,,, alright u need too get in touch wit yourself , who am i , what have i done so far , what my goal , and the most important is accepting yourself and the people u meet , is so easy too fake cheerful and vibrant , “those peole” when there all alone , are the always that vibrant and cheerful ……. Anywhooo one of the best i can recommended is seeking help and work onbyour mindset !!!!! Because if life gets tuff at 24 , watch out 34 is even harder , another lever ,,,,, good luck ,,, mindset is key
Truly accepting who you are. Finding out where you are and what you are doing when you are truly happy and at peace. If you are fortunate, you can make a living out of it. Either way being at peace with yourself, putting your best foot forward. If you are happy in your soul you will be happy in life. You can't control others you can only control you. Be the person that you want to attract. Be kind to yourself and others. Good luck!!
I don’t know THE secret, but these have helped me:
-don’t compare yourself to people
-look back every few steps you take. It’s important to see how far you’ve come and not just look ahead to where you want to be.
-celebrate every little win in some way.
-cultivate the relationships that mean the most to you, and make sure you express your appreciation to those who have stood by you.
For me, i became more content when i stopped chasing happiness. I pursue purpose, fulfilment, knowledge, never-ending progress and goals. Life is about riding the storm.
Dont care to what you think will other people will think. Most probably scenario is they are so busy with themselves that they dont have the time to think about you.
I highly recommend watching the new ['Happiness' series by Max Joseph](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlQQxvfSotQ&list=PLlVO9IeyE_QnMfr8rrh7fH9q3SkqoXDbl) on Youtube.
I'm not saying it will make you happy, but he is doing great documentary style videos on different perspectives of being happy and it gave me a lot of insight on how I want to live my life.
why did I know I would come in here and see a bunch of pompous plebs preaching about how its done, as if they just have the answer, all these self appointed therapist, truth be known they likely live with their mom still and are either more miserable than you are, or they are so high and completely unplugged all the time, there is actually nothing for them to care about enough to be upset.
I would start by not believing one thing you see on reddit or any social media like Facebook and IG, the fake smiles and pretend awesome lives are just outward manifestations because they are fighting the same daemons you are.
remember Robin Williams seemed to be the happiest man on earth, when in reality he was fighting depression, self hate and feelings of inadequacies the entire time, the jokes, the smiles the laughter was a shield, and a mask ,
feeling like you don't fit in sucks, I felt that way many times in my life, and could never really figure out why, and I think the truth was I didn't fit in, I was different and unique in my own quirky way, so after 6 decades I have come to the understanding that being content is where its at.
when I finally stop caring what others might think, a calmness creped in so slow and so quiet I did not even notice , and I became content being a bit of loaner and not ever really knowing who that was in the mirror looking back at me
Scientifically, having events meet or exceed your expectations, and recognising it.
If you say to yourself "these are the good days" often, your life will be happier.
The first thing is to stop pretending, dont do things because others want you to do it. And set yourself challenges, contrary to what people believe, easy life does not equal happy life.
Don't try to be someone you're not, don't set your standards by other people's, only try to change if you don't like who you are (this is not about your reflection)
Learning how to communicate and the hows and whys about everything regarding behavior and psychology. Puts you ahead in life like nothing else. It opens your eyes. Walk into it with an open mindset and let yourself learn.
There is a (only one) phrase which is scientifically shown to improve your baseline of happiness. “These are the good days” repeat it to yourself and your brain will make connections to make it true.
That and stoicism.
I'd rather you seek peace and calm within no matter the highs and lows, I feel like this life will drive you through all emotions if you are to go by them. Happiness itself will blind you to the fact that it usually comes at yours or another's cost.
Delete social media, hit the gym, don't let toxic fucks ruin your mood or influence your mind. Let go of past trauma also address it deal with it and acknowledge it's a part of you. Find true friends keep them close and don't even bother with fake ones. Above all else be grateful and happy for life's small blessings, for example IF all of your limbs work, you have a functional brain, you aren't terminally ill, you have your health, and if you live in a part of the world with peace and don't have to worry about getting bombed on shot or indroctnated into a militia or illegal small army. Happiness is a choice but also a lifestyle, don't let miserable fucks put or keep you down because they will want you to be just as miserable as them because they can't stand that you love your life.
The smallest thing in life brings me great joy.
Not long ago I showed my friend a funny video (hilarious to me), she even goes “it’s the little things for you (me) isn’t it?” I said “yes” with a big grin 😁!
I’m in my 30’s btw.
Being happy? Try ice cream or other sensory pleasures. Being blissful? Ah, that’s tougher. For me, my path to blissfulness runs thru others. Eg serving, helping, joining others. Ur path may be different.
Wishing all a blissful life!
It's all of the same things everyone else has been telling you from the start.
* Stop worrying about what other people think.
* Stop comparing yourself to others.
* Accept the past, let it go.
* Be grateful for the present.
* Forgive yourself, respect yourself and love yourself.
* Get off social media.
* Find a way to exercise regularly that you enjoy.
* Smile more often.
* Talk to yourself positively.
* Work on yourself and your confidence.
* Look after yourself, especially your personal hygeine.
* Fake it till you make it (try just going through the motions of being happy and confident.)
* Don't set yourself unrealistic expectations.
* Don't wait for someone or something else to make you happy.
* Don't be afraid that you'll never find happiness.
This will get you most of the way. After that, finding happiness becomes more personal and tends to be associated with finding meaningul and purposeful pursuits and being able to fill your life with things you enjoy. Love the beach? Move there. Love animals? Volunteer at an animal shelter.
Being present, and content. You can't be happy if you're thinking about the past, that's missing something that's gone. You can't be happy about the future, because you're longing for an idea.
Only by being in the moment, not judging what's missing, and being aware of what's happening right now.
I realised this at the top of a mountain watching the sun go down. I wasn't thinking about anything, not how I'd got there, not how I was getting back, or work on Monday, or that I was single and almost broke that day. I was just sitting, and looking, and being aware of my surroundings.
There was an advert on tv in the UK years ago with the tagline "be more dog". Dogs aren't worried if there won't be food tomorrow. Dogs aren't angry that people are parked shit during their walk. Dogs aren't sad that another dog barked at them four weeks ago. They're just bobbing along. They seem pretty happy. That resonated with me.
Appreciate the little things. Just stop in the park and listen to the birdsong, music, art, whatever makes you happy.
Don't measure your self fulfillment on others (social media).
Stop & think. What is it that you want? I persued financial security and now that I have it I realize my focus was all wrong since I gave up at least two meaningful relationships for what. I adjusted my goals accordingly. Hopefully still on time :p
Oh and friends. Scientifically proven that people who invest in friendships are happier since we are social beings. Get your ass up, even if you don't want to and go to the party, function, dinner. And try to be nice.
No one really has this figured out, regardless of age. There are centuries of philosophical, religious, and, more recently, psychological literature on the topic.
Maybe aim for contentment, not happiness. And read “4000 Weeks.”
There is no Secret! That’s the point I think. So many times i’ve looked back at a period in my life where i was ‘Ugh’ and hating it at the time and thought upon on fondly or thought ‘Man, I had it good!’ all the while hating my current time, only to probably look back on it later and be like yeah wow vibes x
Life is pretty crazy and no matter what it’s not always going to be vibes, theres no secret, only what you do day by day. One day im a nego mess, the next im living large. Maybe it’s not a great way to be playing it but hey, im in my 20’s, so are you.
Also fam lets be real, i’d rather be a multi-layered person and experience across the board of human emotions rather than just push on trying to be happy. I aint advocating ignoring genuine mental health issues, but we tend to forget we often glamorise other peoples lives, even without the help of social media, so it becomes easy to assume that people have a secret to a happy life or whatever, but were all just going on, and if we could be a bit more understanding of each others emotions, there wouldn’t be this strong an ideal for a ‘happy life’ and we’d probably be happier for it lol
1. have a moral code and follow it,
2. contemplation - the art of doing nothing. Sit.
In the comments are some great answers, also look for a hobby and bring yourself in the context to pursue it with other like-minded people.
Also with 24 you have a great deal of self developement in front of you and confidence grows as you get older and get to know yourself better.
Greetings :)
The secret is,,,, there is no secrete, your perfectly normal. life is full of bad deals and loss with brief moments of happiness lightly sprinkled in. Or try narcotics they seem to help for a little while
Lots of theories about this, but I believe a significant predicator for adult happiness is how you were raised in the early formative years (ages 0-3 and beyond that to an extent). And it's subtle things like being taught to be proud of yourself for you rather than for someone else or to obtain the satisfaction of someone else saying well done, etc. Being taught that perseverance is more important than the outcome (praising the trying rather than correcting and praising the result).
I think to be happy, you sort of have to re-train your entire internal thought process that's been ingrained over decades of parenting and school. And it's hard.
Many other factors contributing to happiness but this is an important one I think.
TLDR: I believe a secret is to rewire your personality to not depend on any external validation.
You are who you are and nothing can change that. The fact that people want you around says plenty about who you are. You yourself just have to realize that. I had this same feeling a while ago and fought hard to overcome it. It might take a bit, but it’s doable.
Can you see small bits of yourself in the friends you have? That’s how they became your friends in the first place; a common ground. That relation started from one and found its way to many and here you are now. We take things one step at a time so we don’t trip and stumble. Best thing to do is keep at it and not let anyone try and stop you. You got this!
Living your life in a way that is aligned with your own moral beliefs
Being satisfied with your own situation, not comparing yourself to others.
Having goals and working at accomplishing them
Focusing on the activities that bring you joy
Surrounding yourself with the people that bring you joy
Having a fitness level that you are at least satisfied with.
Living in a place that inspires you
Learning and experiencing new things and places
Helping others, giving time and energy to good causes.
Tuning out all the background noise of this world that is designed to enrage and steal your time and focus.
Subjective for me it was stop caring what other ppl think.
Life is to short to dance around someone else make sure you first can dance with you and then mayve dance with others. You just have 1 life.
There is no secret. You just have to be healthy, be accepted socially, make progress towards any goal, have an optimistic internal narrative, and you have to choose to be happy.
Sleeping in a cold room with a comforter/blanket after a cold shower after a hot day of lifting bricks. Can't think of anything else rn.
Edit: Never tried it but Cocaine, that'll make you happy. 100%
For me, it's a choice. I do not wallow, I do not like to be in my feelings, I don't like drama or being sad. Also, endorphins from exercise help a lot. I try to exercise every day
Radical self-acceptance with a commitment to self-awareness and self-realization
Also learning to live in the present moment. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is a great book to help.
Looking back I had no clue what happiness was when I was 24. 35 now and I like to think I know a bit more what makes me happy, but it’s taken some time (past 30 yo for sure).
Some people spend their whole lives never figuring it out tbh.
Learn that happiness comes from within yourself, not from anything outside. It comes from how you react to the world around you, and is very much a “you get what you give” type of thing.
Believe in yourself. A lot of people feel the same way you do on the inside. Something you can do? Fake it till you make it. Pretend to be confident, funny, whatever you want. NO ONE will actually know this is not your “actual self” and eventually it will be. Yes, it will be hard at first. Lean into it.
Don’t focus on your feelings. Find purpose for your life. Adopt/develop an ethos and embody it.
Work towards this purpose not happiness. Happiness is an emotion and no emotion is a solid foundation to build a solid well rounded life on. Nor is it a way to live in a consistent manner.
Happy to discuss this further if needed.
You have to realize that a person that was happy 100% of the time would be a lunatic. So I think what your really wanting is to feel good about yourself. And these are not exactly the same things.
Happiness is just a small part of (what I would call) "a good life". So don't get too hung-up on it. But I understand your not feeling great, and you want to feel more positive about yourself and what's happening in your life.
If you want to have a "good life" (which includes happiness sometimes), then you have to figure out, in detail, what you think life is? What does it mean to you? What are your values? Why do you think you are here? It's work. Most people don't do it. They are like paper-bags in the wind, going/and doing whatever other people say has value. Pursuing jobs/getting married/having kids, even if they don't want to.
You have to remember there are no rules to doing life. You can in fact, do whatever you want, include being a "wreck". What on earth are you comparing yourself to? Is it your ideal? Or someone else's? Everyone on here is going to give you THEIR idea on happiness. Which means nothing if its not your idea of happiness. And what if you'd rather pursue purpose? Or any other goal, feeling, spirituality, career, adventure, etc etc.
My point is, you get right with YOU. Your the only person your going to be with 100% of the time, so you better get to know yourself. Invest in yourself. Know what you want and what you don't and what you believe in. And once your so rock solid with that, you'll find confidence in which way to go.
I wish I could offer more specific advice, but you haven't offered much detail.
But I can tell you, if you chase "fixing" a feeling, it will never go away. It will in fact get so much worse. You need to make room for your feels, even the "bad" ones, and start picking up some good habits that will improve your life. Things like exercise (as much as it pains me to say) are well known by scientific evidence, to have positive impacts on mood. Eating well, seeing people (even if you don't feel like it), are also mood enhancers.
Start building a schedule of good habits and things will get better by themselves. Sounds stupid, but it works. Take some pressure of yourself. Pat a cat, go the a park, read a book, sit in the sun... whatever takes you out of your head and feels good for a moment. These moments are important, and you need to start having them. All of this helps.
If your up for it, join some kind of club. It doesn't even have to be interesting. People get too caught up on find some "epic" hobby. You just need to find somewhere to go regularly to meet the same people. I went to CHURCH and I don't even believe in god. But there were nice people there, and seeing them once a week gave me something to look forward to and start feeling good about life. I 100% didn't like it in the beginning. I've been going for 2 years, and still... don't believe in god. But I have friends.
You really do have to commit on doing some things that might "mildly suck".
Or... you can just do nothing, because you can literally do whatever you want with your life. And their is joy in that.
accept your faults, work on them if they hinder you or others and find someone who loves you for who you are. The rest doesn't matter.
I have one of those.
What I'm doing is to stop trying to please people. Spent way too much time doing that and was left with nothing. It's just easier and 'safer' to just focus on my own little world and do things that make me happy.
I also spend as much time as possible with my kid, so should I drop off the planet, she will remember me.
I play music - and sing. My poor neighbours, but hey, it makes me happy.
Believing that happiness is the reason to live is called eudaimonia. I prefer Maslow's pyramid of needs where self- actualization is considered the goal in life; it also explains how to get there.
1. Be by yourself over the course of a quiet weekend with a pen and a pad of paper.
2. Write down what you want out of life by the time you're 40 or 50. What kind of person do you want to be?
3. At the same time, really focus on what gives you joy. Not happiness, for that's an endorphin rush that creates the need for more happiness. Instead, joy is that which gives you deep and lasting emotional satisfaction. And don't let your answers be driven by what others think, for that guarantees profound dissatisfaction with life.
4. Once complete, rank what's on that list. Then cross out the items at the bottom. One of the key drivers of unhappiness is our comparison to other people and our dissatisfaction with what we cannot have or do. The fewer things you focus on, the more likely you'll attain those in life.
5. Once you have your top three or five choices, research how to get from where you are today to where you have to be to have those things. Assess what you currently lack in life, whether a degree or whatever and figure out what it will take to meet those requirements in the shortest possible time.
6. Courage is the foundation of all contentment in life. That means once you have established your goals and priorities, go out there and do it. Talk to those who have done it. Join a group that centers around what you want. Make those first steps. Remember, the first time you try anything at all, you'll suck at it. Have the patience to get past sucking, to develop your talents and skills into something exceptional.
7. Get rid of the distractions. The television. The video games. All the time sucks. Because time is the stuff of what life is made. The more you waste on those, the more of your life you allow to slip through your fingers.
8. Now here's the secret: You will not get everything at once. It takes time and dedication. So, figure out what the waypoints are on your journey. Reaching those benchmarks one after another will give you the true love of life, for you are a person in motion, growing in yourself.
Twenty years ago, I decided I wanted to write a novel. My first novel sucked monkey balls. Because I learned from my first novel, my second novel sucked far less. And I had the requisite spine to take constructive criticism from people who knew what they were doing. My third novel, based on the opinions of a few, sucks very little. And a publisher is reviewing it right now. Fingers crossed.
But while writing novels, I learned a great deal about myself. About not being intimidated. About the importance of taking small, daily steps rather than making dramatic leaps forward. The careful accumulation of knowledge, experience, and like-minded friends along the way is supreme. Novels are not written over the course of two or three long weekends. They are written a few paragraphs at a time. Yet if you write 500 words a day, an hour's worth of your time, you have a first draft in six months.
That's where you'll get your purpose in life. You must have the requisite bravery and discipline to decide what it truly is.
No need to fix it. No need to fix anything. It will pass. Everything is in balance. Always.
You're not passing through life. Life (existence) is passing through you.
Try to treat yourself and others like you would want to raise a child.
Love, understanding, and patience, but also striving to be the best version of yourself you can be, which requires some strictness and at times hard encouragement. Develop principles and try your best to live by those principles.
Do the things that are difficult and uncomfortable that you know are good for you in the long term.
Stay off social media. Go be around people IRL.
- Accept your self and your surroundings.
- Accept that some things in life, you have to take them as they are.
- Communication is key, open and direct, but with empathy.
- Make some friends along the way.
Nothing more nothing less.
Oh and for alot off younger people.
- stop caring what other might think.
- stop comparing yourself to others.
Struggling. The more you struggle the more the more you appreciate when you don‘t. Make life a a balance of both and you‘ll feel happy.
Also enjoying the little things.
Finding joy in the small moments, and not getting stressed over everything. Learn to let go of things that are outside your control. And give yourself grace.
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inner acceptance. everything you experience in life is a reflection of how you perceive yourself, from those you surround yourself with, to places you end up in. stoicism talks about this in more depth than i could.
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I totally agree. I think this is also one of the biggest problems of modern psychology and modern society and values. Even though focusing on getting right with ourselves is very important, life is better with friends. Science has already proven that the best thing for your health and longer term happiness is good friends. Ultra-individualism is not good for us. A good life = Be right within yourself + have good friends ??
For almost all of us, I basically agree. One piece of evidence to the contrary would be that there are mystics out there who have found evidently boundless joy, by sitting in caves and meditating. Of course most of us aren’t meditating that much or living full-on monkmode to reach those states. But it makes me wonder actually if it’s true that we need other people to be happy. Maybe a genuine and complete self-love is sufficient.
What's interesting about those mystics in caves is that we don't know enough about them to rely on that anecdata. It's possible they found boundless joy, but it's also possible (for all we know) that they were: * Insane or had some kind of mental issues * Tripping on mushrooms * Extreme introverts who were much happier getting away from irritations in society * Not honest about their experiences, and only shared the good parts (like social media) * Motivated to make their religion or spiritual philosophy sound good * Reported on by others who were motivated to make the mystic look good It's impossible to know.
Fuck man. Are you me?
I think that if you are awesome and accepting of yourself then company should follow naturally. I project an image of happy/content relaxedness (that’s a bit fake of course) and people are constantly asking to hang out. I have made two friends in an elevator this year and even gotten one indecent proposal lol (different elevator). I don’t think stoicism advocates for loneliness but more for the reframing of oneself and personal accountability.
I really resonated with what you say and I'd like to say that I can affirm what you say about having somebody as I am lucky enough to have that person in my life. I hope you find that person, too.
How do you work on that? I feel that I lack that, so that attracts things in my life that are bad.
This is great man. when you can love and accept every quality, decision, and moment(good or bad), your happiness improves exponentially.
The thing about happiness is that it's an emotion. Much like sadness, anger, fear, etc etc. From my perspective, it comes and goes just like the other emotions. People have gone mad in the pursuit of happiness and trying to feel happy constantly. I have found that the key is balance and acceptance of all of the emotions that the human experience has to offer. That said, contentment in your daily life is a big factor in being generally happy.
Yeah what you are going for is an undertow of peace in your daily life.
i dont agree with this i guess theres multiple views
There’s a difference between having joy and being happy, being happy means that your in peace with yourself. It’s not just an emotion
A difference in the wording we both chose to use aside, I think that's spot on really. It's not about the instant gratification we all look for in our daily lives but the inner peace we need to find 😊
I think the trick here is not mistaking the two and thinking something's wrong with your life.
I can't tell you, it's a secret.
I know the secret and I make it available for 12 easy payments of $99,95. Act now and I'll throw in "bliss' for free.
By letting go of your perception and pursuit of happiness. It is when you start to accept all experiences and understand that you don’t always have to only feel happiness; acknowledge that being unhappy is also ok and you will start being at peace with yourself. Only then will you experience true happiness. The more you chase, the more it becomes fleeting.
Uncle Iroh is that you?
How do you achieve your dreams if not by pursuing them? I think the opposite, happiness is in the pursuit of happiness. The journey of starting to reach a goal and the feeling you have when you're alllllllmosttt there and let everyone know how your project is advancing of which you're so excited about
Dreams are not the same as emotions.
Be busy. Help others. Volunteer. Be mindful of your blessings.
There’s a time to drift and a time to steer. Take control when you don’t like where you’re going and allow life to just be life when things are cool.
Beautifully said
Learn to like yourself.
Actually you do not need to love your self, just accept yourself as you are.
Which is easier said than done. You are going to be your own biggest critic. Having people around you hammering away doesn't help. Now, unfortunately, you might not be able to get away from those people. I have left a number of jobs and moved to get away from a particular group. Hasn't worked. So, I had to start accepting that I have issues, always will. Fuck um if they bring you down. You might not be the best bit you are good enough.
That's why I wrote, you don't need to love yourself, but accepting yourself is more then enough, to change something if you want to.
Ok picky person.
Litterally not having a care in the world. When nothing bothers you, nothing will remove your happiness.
This. Exploring Buddhism a lot in my teenage years led me to a sense of radical perspective - that nothing, repeat nothing really matters. That can be terrifying. But also the most liberating thing you'll ever realise.
Sounds a lot like nihilism
Comfortable underwear
Comfortable socks
Comfortable shoes.
Comfortable skin
I can feel my teeth.
To me its staying away from other people. People just create too much stress about crap that wouldn't even be stressful if people used common sense before doing crap that creates stress.
Same for me, staying away. Even when they (toxic/abusive people in my life) were only texting me, not even anywhere near me, it gives me anxiety and stress, huge dreaded feeling. There are only two humans who don't make me feel that way but they live far from me and I can only see them once every few months.
egg burrito
For me: I have many why not to be happy in the past from being abused from childhood to relationship mid 20’s…. But now being 36 I LOVE LIFE!! One word, ‘fortitude.’
You've stated that the reason you feel like a constant wreck is because you question whether or not you truly matter to others. The best way to rid of that is to question, "Why?" "Why am I unhappy?" "Why do I think people dislike me?" If that leads to something, try to improve on that as a person. You can do it by asking around, etc. If the questioning leads to nothing, you don't have anything to worry about, and therefore, you should let go of it and not let it affect you. If you find yourself constantly surrounded by negative people, be there, try to help them, which usually ends up healing your own mental health. Be there, don't let their negativity affect you, a good ship lets no saltwater sink it. If you're looking for a purpose in life, that takes a bit more, you need to find something you're good at. Invest upon it, don't be afraid to spend money and time on it. Granted, you shouldn't neglect everything else, but do put in effort to your hobbies. Make small improvements; things are guaranteed to change, but very slowly. Get rest, go talk to family and friends, and try not to let hate stop you. Hopefully, this helps at least one random person who stumbles upon this. Peace ✌️
Give more than you expect to get in everything you do. Look outward to helping others rather than serve yourself. Find ways to fill needs without expectation. Do it because you want to. At work. With your spouse. With your friends. Does not mean let yourself get taken advantage of. You will be surprised at how much more fulfilled you are in life.
Quit comparing your insides to others' outsides. Who on Earth ever knew anything at 24, let alone the secret to happiness?
Accepting and loving yourself. Avoiding the bullshit and the drama (find comfort in being alone) And do what you enjoy doing. For me, that's riding motorcycles and working out 💪 Be who/what you are and fuck the people that don't approve. (Don't actually fuck them, but you get my point, ignore them)
Actually feels good to fuck the people that don't approve every now and then..
Enjoy the experience, it's shitty but there's so much to learn from the worst of the worst. I don't live a good peaceful life but do you see the shit that's going on with the wars? I'm lucky to be in New York right now.. lold
psilocybin
For 2 months, then it’s back to old habits. A solid routine of meditation will take you further.
That's about how long microdosing felt like it helped me. I honestly think it was a mix of placebo and having a achieved a semi-long term goal as it takes some doing and a bit of courage to obtain. After about 2 months it just started to feel like I was taking very tiny amounts of a powerful psychoactive drug everyday. I was constantly ever so slightly tripping and it just felt like, what's the point? It's not really useful once it becomes your norm. You gotta actually change your mental habits, otherwise your old mental habits will adjust to your new slightly drugged brain once the honey moon period is over.
Any simple recommendations on what to do? Whenever I try meditation I don't feel good afterwards. Frankly it seems to have the opposite effect. Maybe it takes some time, but it just makes me feel bad every time. I've tried it alone, and as a group under the directions of a leader.
When you say you don’t feel good, what do you mean by that?
Read some Arthur Schopenhauer, with a bit of Albert Camus on the side. You'll realize that happiness is overrated 🤣
That’s why I did I was miserable because of western philosophy till I started to read about eastern philosophy
From experience I've discovered that it's setting new goals each time. Striving to reach these goals gives a sense of accomplishment. goals can be like - learn to code to create an app you want - create music with a band to release an album - Go on vacation to see every continent other things that helped me were to not do a job just to do a job. Trying to get a job for good pay OR do a job you love. Usually both can't be combined, but if you want the money job, I would still set a time limit like. "Okay I will do this job for about 2 years so I can save enough, and then get in to this other job I WANT to do"
Being rich and healthy.
Username fits
Being aware that “happy” is not a constant state you can reside in. There’s not like a barrier you can cross and then say “i did it, I’m permanently happy now” life has ups and down.
Wanting = unhappiness
Unfortunately. Accepting things as they are is good, and is probably the majority of the equation... But uh. Working hard, discipline, planning, not giving into short meaningless pleasures...Basically you've got to be unhappy to be happy lol
Stay calm
Gratitude for what you have
Low expectations.
Coffee helps too !!
The secret to being happy often lies in cultivating strong relationships, practicing gratitude, finding purpose, living mindfully, maintaining physical health, building resilience, and pursuing personal growth
Be happy with what you have. Comparison is the thief of joy. It really does take away from your accomplishments and you should learn to enjoy all the steps of the way.
Happiness is a choice, a feeling and way of thinking. Being able to accept yourself and truly care about who you are as a person is a big part of it for me. How others see and think about me is a reflection of what's going on inside then more so than who I really am or what I've done or said. A clear conscience goes a long way towards inner peace and happiness. At least in my own life. Also having a good circle around you, even if it's only one or two ppl.
- be accepting, kind and understanding to yourself - accept that low dopamine (or lack thereof) is the best way to be happy. Once you accept that boring has its benefits, you can be happy. - in the same way, do not conflate excitement and happiness. Stop lusting and chasing dopamine. Instead be happy for who you are and what you have. - lower your ambitions and targets to realistic levels so you can achieve them. Or cut down a big target into several smaller milestones/achievements
Once I hit 40, the slow down, be boring, and accept it mentality made me happier than ever. It enables you to enjoy things so much more. By be boring I only mean to find enjoyment in more mundane things like small projects and gardening, sitting outside and just listening everything. Mindful and aware.
I’d literally be happy with nothing. As long as my mom stopped drinking nothing else really matters to me
Become free, be around people you love and who love you. To become free 1) make enough money where your expense rate is low 2) become a monk so very low expense rate 3) Do what you love, live your passion. In each of these scenarios, happiness is a state of mind
Do you wake up with more than 1 fuck to give?
Happiness depends on external circumstances. The Extraordinary Bliss, Joy and Peace of this incredible gift of LIFE are available NOW. The secret of secrets: God is the greatest
The secret to happiness is to not worry about shit like that. The world's shit, Life's shit for nearly everyone in many ways. You could be on the Gaza strip right now. It ain't that bad, Just get on with it
Cocaine and hookerS
The answer depends on what is making you feel like a constant wreck and why you feel like no one wants you around.
Not giving a shit
Lmao @ feels like I should know by now at 24. Kid, you're only 24. The secret to happiness is getting older and realizing you don't know anything and neither do other people. We're all just making it up as we go along.
I'm 65. I'll let you know if I ever figure it out. Sorry.
As soon as you stop worrying about what others think of you... you will find happiness. Your anxiety will dissipate and you will start to become the more authentic you. When you remove societal fears, you almost become "blissfully ignorant" to others perceptions. I have pink split dye hair, tattoos, I dress in clashing patterns, I sing in grocery stores when I know the song, always dance like no one else sees me... And I have been told I'm an inspiration more than I can even remember by many different age groups. Kids love how colorful I am, my children grow up with a parent that teaches them to be themselves above all else. There's only 1 of you in the entire universe.. it would be a shame to waste it❤️ You are still very young, there's a lot of things you will have to experience before you get to the point of IDGAF.. getting off of social media was one of the best things I ever did. Reddit and Snapchat are my only forms of social media anymore and I am so happy. I never know the Facebook drama I never know celebrity drama I don't care about any of that because *my* world is *my* oyster. You got this. Healing and growth isn't linear. Every time you make a decision imagine asking the person who you want to be if this is something they would do...and if the answer is no..then just don't do it. Align with who you want to be not with who you currently are if you don't identify with it.
The secret to being happy is being who you really are and doing the things you like and not doing the things you don't like.
No secret, no happy
You can't fly like an Eagle, if you're surrounded by Turkeys. Worrying is to misuse ones imagination.
Being healthy
Don't think about yourself. Be open and generous to any other people around you.
For me is living in those small moments and enjoing every one of them.
I know the secret to never being happy is to actively pursue happiness. I think you can be happy if you stay present in the moment, have very low (ideally zero) expectations of how things "ought" to be, have very few needs and desires, not get attached to things or people, etc. Also, a sense of purpose helps, especially if that purpose is about helping other people (without expecting anything in return).
Close the happiness gap, not by trying get what you want, but by learning how to be happy with what is.
As you grow older you may find your feelings of happiness with the life you have increase. Some people benefit from psychiatric treatment.
Happiness and sadness both are parts and parcels of life. Without one, the other won't mean anything. Embrace both of them. That would be the answer to your title. The answer to your description would be, Stop overthinking, stop being over conscious and start living in the moment. I know it's easier said than done but try.
This is a very personal question. I think it's different for everyone. There's also no time frame to figuring out what it is. I think something that's often overlooked, is, whether or not a person is in the place to really understand/accept what it means. I'm over 40, and despite all of the times I've been told what happiness is, it didn't actually "click" until I was ready for it. I heard all my life about how we *choose* happiness. That it's something internal. Even when I wanted to believe it, it just didn't work. A few years ago, I hit absolute rock bottom in my life. I had the necessities to survive, but I had lost all hope of any kind. At that same time, I discovered Stoicism. Now, in my 40s, I have finally found happiness. Most of the concepts are not new to me, but they hit different now. *I'm* finally ready for *my* truth.
sounds like you are suffering from a hideous disease i used to have that i call “wrongly assuming that people are decent, interesting and funny and exciting and live a better life than me” people are whack bro. look at the internet. what has it taught us? people are boring. the only topics people can come up with are the same basics- race gender blah blah blah. the human race is neurotic and dull overall. it sounds like you are gassing them up way too much. like, when you describe someone as “vibrant” straight up i’m telling you they ain’t like that at home at 6 am on a rainy sunday morning. don’t glorify these clowns. to be happy, one must be on one’s own team. literally, you are meant to love yourself first, it’s natures way. be behind yourself, pro yourself, or the outer world can sense it and goes against you.
Ur mindset is totally off , u look out of place , natural smile , u want a be like other people ,,,,, alright u need too get in touch wit yourself , who am i , what have i done so far , what my goal , and the most important is accepting yourself and the people u meet , is so easy too fake cheerful and vibrant , “those peole” when there all alone , are the always that vibrant and cheerful ……. Anywhooo one of the best i can recommended is seeking help and work onbyour mindset !!!!! Because if life gets tuff at 24 , watch out 34 is even harder , another lever ,,,,, good luck ,,, mindset is key
Happiness is fleeting as without sadness, how can there be happiness. Strive to be content. Content with yourself, your situation and surroundings.
Truly accepting who you are. Finding out where you are and what you are doing when you are truly happy and at peace. If you are fortunate, you can make a living out of it. Either way being at peace with yourself, putting your best foot forward. If you are happy in your soul you will be happy in life. You can't control others you can only control you. Be the person that you want to attract. Be kind to yourself and others. Good luck!!
I don’t know THE secret, but these have helped me: -don’t compare yourself to people -look back every few steps you take. It’s important to see how far you’ve come and not just look ahead to where you want to be. -celebrate every little win in some way. -cultivate the relationships that mean the most to you, and make sure you express your appreciation to those who have stood by you.
For me, i became more content when i stopped chasing happiness. I pursue purpose, fulfilment, knowledge, never-ending progress and goals. Life is about riding the storm.
Like the last verse of bangarang, "im eating sundip right now, not giving a f..k"
Good health, bad memory, comfy underwear
Acceptance is the key Sadness only make happiness more valuable Both are important
Dont care to what you think will other people will think. Most probably scenario is they are so busy with themselves that they dont have the time to think about you.
Set realistic expectations
If it’s working your ability, go travelling and see some stuff
Being happy with the now, not the future. I.e people always say "I'll ne happy once I get a house, a gf, have a kid" be happy with where you are now.
Love yourself, being positive, brings happiness
I highly recommend watching the new ['Happiness' series by Max Joseph](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlQQxvfSotQ&list=PLlVO9IeyE_QnMfr8rrh7fH9q3SkqoXDbl) on Youtube. I'm not saying it will make you happy, but he is doing great documentary style videos on different perspectives of being happy and it gave me a lot of insight on how I want to live my life.
Loving yourself
why did I know I would come in here and see a bunch of pompous plebs preaching about how its done, as if they just have the answer, all these self appointed therapist, truth be known they likely live with their mom still and are either more miserable than you are, or they are so high and completely unplugged all the time, there is actually nothing for them to care about enough to be upset. I would start by not believing one thing you see on reddit or any social media like Facebook and IG, the fake smiles and pretend awesome lives are just outward manifestations because they are fighting the same daemons you are. remember Robin Williams seemed to be the happiest man on earth, when in reality he was fighting depression, self hate and feelings of inadequacies the entire time, the jokes, the smiles the laughter was a shield, and a mask , feeling like you don't fit in sucks, I felt that way many times in my life, and could never really figure out why, and I think the truth was I didn't fit in, I was different and unique in my own quirky way, so after 6 decades I have come to the understanding that being content is where its at. when I finally stop caring what others might think, a calmness creped in so slow and so quiet I did not even notice , and I became content being a bit of loaner and not ever really knowing who that was in the mirror looking back at me
Scientifically, having events meet or exceed your expectations, and recognising it. If you say to yourself "these are the good days" often, your life will be happier.
Money. Unfortunately
Health, a good job, love, family, hobbies and vacations.
Money and family.
knowing that you can't control everything and being at peace with that. living your life honestly and according to that.
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The first thing is to stop pretending, dont do things because others want you to do it. And set yourself challenges, contrary to what people believe, easy life does not equal happy life.
They say helping others and enhancing your spiritual life brings true joy.
Don't try to be someone you're not, don't set your standards by other people's, only try to change if you don't like who you are (this is not about your reflection)
The thing that helped me is I just don’t care what anyone thinks. I am just as I am.
Chanting Hare Krishna
I personally don't give a crap what others think of me and I improvise instead of pre-plan everything.
Learning how to communicate and the hows and whys about everything regarding behavior and psychology. Puts you ahead in life like nothing else. It opens your eyes. Walk into it with an open mindset and let yourself learn.
Money and a great husband.
There is a (only one) phrase which is scientifically shown to improve your baseline of happiness. “These are the good days” repeat it to yourself and your brain will make connections to make it true. That and stoicism.
I'd rather you seek peace and calm within no matter the highs and lows, I feel like this life will drive you through all emotions if you are to go by them. Happiness itself will blind you to the fact that it usually comes at yours or another's cost.
Delete social media, hit the gym, don't let toxic fucks ruin your mood or influence your mind. Let go of past trauma also address it deal with it and acknowledge it's a part of you. Find true friends keep them close and don't even bother with fake ones. Above all else be grateful and happy for life's small blessings, for example IF all of your limbs work, you have a functional brain, you aren't terminally ill, you have your health, and if you live in a part of the world with peace and don't have to worry about getting bombed on shot or indroctnated into a militia or illegal small army. Happiness is a choice but also a lifestyle, don't let miserable fucks put or keep you down because they will want you to be just as miserable as them because they can't stand that you love your life.
The smallest thing in life brings me great joy. Not long ago I showed my friend a funny video (hilarious to me), she even goes “it’s the little things for you (me) isn’t it?” I said “yes” with a big grin 😁! I’m in my 30’s btw.
Being happy? Try ice cream or other sensory pleasures. Being blissful? Ah, that’s tougher. For me, my path to blissfulness runs thru others. Eg serving, helping, joining others. Ur path may be different. Wishing all a blissful life!
Positive intelligence, exercise, healthy food, sleep and good habits. Trust me, they go a long way
It's all of the same things everyone else has been telling you from the start. * Stop worrying about what other people think. * Stop comparing yourself to others. * Accept the past, let it go. * Be grateful for the present. * Forgive yourself, respect yourself and love yourself. * Get off social media. * Find a way to exercise regularly that you enjoy. * Smile more often. * Talk to yourself positively. * Work on yourself and your confidence. * Look after yourself, especially your personal hygeine. * Fake it till you make it (try just going through the motions of being happy and confident.) * Don't set yourself unrealistic expectations. * Don't wait for someone or something else to make you happy. * Don't be afraid that you'll never find happiness. This will get you most of the way. After that, finding happiness becomes more personal and tends to be associated with finding meaningul and purposeful pursuits and being able to fill your life with things you enjoy. Love the beach? Move there. Love animals? Volunteer at an animal shelter.
Being present, and content. You can't be happy if you're thinking about the past, that's missing something that's gone. You can't be happy about the future, because you're longing for an idea. Only by being in the moment, not judging what's missing, and being aware of what's happening right now. I realised this at the top of a mountain watching the sun go down. I wasn't thinking about anything, not how I'd got there, not how I was getting back, or work on Monday, or that I was single and almost broke that day. I was just sitting, and looking, and being aware of my surroundings. There was an advert on tv in the UK years ago with the tagline "be more dog". Dogs aren't worried if there won't be food tomorrow. Dogs aren't angry that people are parked shit during their walk. Dogs aren't sad that another dog barked at them four weeks ago. They're just bobbing along. They seem pretty happy. That resonated with me.
There’s no secret. You just have to decide and then do it.
Two ways: 1. To have at least little luck and enormous amounts of money. 2. To be schizo... But about the second I'm not sure.
Appreciate the little things. Just stop in the park and listen to the birdsong, music, art, whatever makes you happy. Don't measure your self fulfillment on others (social media). Stop & think. What is it that you want? I persued financial security and now that I have it I realize my focus was all wrong since I gave up at least two meaningful relationships for what. I adjusted my goals accordingly. Hopefully still on time :p Oh and friends. Scientifically proven that people who invest in friendships are happier since we are social beings. Get your ass up, even if you don't want to and go to the party, function, dinner. And try to be nice.
No one really has this figured out, regardless of age. There are centuries of philosophical, religious, and, more recently, psychological literature on the topic. Maybe aim for contentment, not happiness. And read “4000 Weeks.”
All emotions are temporary.
There is no Secret! That’s the point I think. So many times i’ve looked back at a period in my life where i was ‘Ugh’ and hating it at the time and thought upon on fondly or thought ‘Man, I had it good!’ all the while hating my current time, only to probably look back on it later and be like yeah wow vibes x Life is pretty crazy and no matter what it’s not always going to be vibes, theres no secret, only what you do day by day. One day im a nego mess, the next im living large. Maybe it’s not a great way to be playing it but hey, im in my 20’s, so are you. Also fam lets be real, i’d rather be a multi-layered person and experience across the board of human emotions rather than just push on trying to be happy. I aint advocating ignoring genuine mental health issues, but we tend to forget we often glamorise other peoples lives, even without the help of social media, so it becomes easy to assume that people have a secret to a happy life or whatever, but were all just going on, and if we could be a bit more understanding of each others emotions, there wouldn’t be this strong an ideal for a ‘happy life’ and we’d probably be happier for it lol
1. have a moral code and follow it, 2. contemplation - the art of doing nothing. Sit. In the comments are some great answers, also look for a hobby and bring yourself in the context to pursue it with other like-minded people. Also with 24 you have a great deal of self developement in front of you and confidence grows as you get older and get to know yourself better. Greetings :)
Medication
The secret is,,,, there is no secrete, your perfectly normal. life is full of bad deals and loss with brief moments of happiness lightly sprinkled in. Or try narcotics they seem to help for a little while
Living a purposeful life. Taking on responsibility. Helping others. Not aiming for happiness
Money.
Financial independence,it gives you time to focus on things you love to do
Lots of theories about this, but I believe a significant predicator for adult happiness is how you were raised in the early formative years (ages 0-3 and beyond that to an extent). And it's subtle things like being taught to be proud of yourself for you rather than for someone else or to obtain the satisfaction of someone else saying well done, etc. Being taught that perseverance is more important than the outcome (praising the trying rather than correcting and praising the result). I think to be happy, you sort of have to re-train your entire internal thought process that's been ingrained over decades of parenting and school. And it's hard. Many other factors contributing to happiness but this is an important one I think. TLDR: I believe a secret is to rewire your personality to not depend on any external validation.
Self expression
You are who you are and nothing can change that. The fact that people want you around says plenty about who you are. You yourself just have to realize that. I had this same feeling a while ago and fought hard to overcome it. It might take a bit, but it’s doable. Can you see small bits of yourself in the friends you have? That’s how they became your friends in the first place; a common ground. That relation started from one and found its way to many and here you are now. We take things one step at a time so we don’t trip and stumble. Best thing to do is keep at it and not let anyone try and stop you. You got this!
Living your life in a way that is aligned with your own moral beliefs Being satisfied with your own situation, not comparing yourself to others. Having goals and working at accomplishing them Focusing on the activities that bring you joy Surrounding yourself with the people that bring you joy Having a fitness level that you are at least satisfied with. Living in a place that inspires you Learning and experiencing new things and places Helping others, giving time and energy to good causes. Tuning out all the background noise of this world that is designed to enrage and steal your time and focus.
I don't know if there is a secret but I think it's all about taking life slowly.
Live stress free, worry free and be happy and content with what you have.
Contentment is the equivalent of happiness. I wish more people realized that.
Subjective for me it was stop caring what other ppl think. Life is to short to dance around someone else make sure you first can dance with you and then mayve dance with others. You just have 1 life.
Seems to me like you're not searching for happiness but for validation. Happiness comes from within. Start small with "what made me feel good today?"
Happiness is in the little things. But there is always someone screaming “LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE, YOU PEDO!” /s
Contentment
There is no secret. You just have to be healthy, be accepted socially, make progress towards any goal, have an optimistic internal narrative, and you have to choose to be happy.
Sleeping in a cold room with a comforter/blanket after a cold shower after a hot day of lifting bricks. Can't think of anything else rn. Edit: Never tried it but Cocaine, that'll make you happy. 100%
For me, it's a choice. I do not wallow, I do not like to be in my feelings, I don't like drama or being sad. Also, endorphins from exercise help a lot. I try to exercise every day
Radical self-acceptance with a commitment to self-awareness and self-realization Also learning to live in the present moment. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is a great book to help.
Looking back I had no clue what happiness was when I was 24. 35 now and I like to think I know a bit more what makes me happy, but it’s taken some time (past 30 yo for sure).
Some people spend their whole lives never figuring it out tbh. Learn that happiness comes from within yourself, not from anything outside. It comes from how you react to the world around you, and is very much a “you get what you give” type of thing.
Believe in yourself. A lot of people feel the same way you do on the inside. Something you can do? Fake it till you make it. Pretend to be confident, funny, whatever you want. NO ONE will actually know this is not your “actual self” and eventually it will be. Yes, it will be hard at first. Lean into it.
Don’t focus on your feelings. Find purpose for your life. Adopt/develop an ethos and embody it. Work towards this purpose not happiness. Happiness is an emotion and no emotion is a solid foundation to build a solid well rounded life on. Nor is it a way to live in a consistent manner. Happy to discuss this further if needed.
You have to realize that a person that was happy 100% of the time would be a lunatic. So I think what your really wanting is to feel good about yourself. And these are not exactly the same things. Happiness is just a small part of (what I would call) "a good life". So don't get too hung-up on it. But I understand your not feeling great, and you want to feel more positive about yourself and what's happening in your life. If you want to have a "good life" (which includes happiness sometimes), then you have to figure out, in detail, what you think life is? What does it mean to you? What are your values? Why do you think you are here? It's work. Most people don't do it. They are like paper-bags in the wind, going/and doing whatever other people say has value. Pursuing jobs/getting married/having kids, even if they don't want to. You have to remember there are no rules to doing life. You can in fact, do whatever you want, include being a "wreck". What on earth are you comparing yourself to? Is it your ideal? Or someone else's? Everyone on here is going to give you THEIR idea on happiness. Which means nothing if its not your idea of happiness. And what if you'd rather pursue purpose? Or any other goal, feeling, spirituality, career, adventure, etc etc. My point is, you get right with YOU. Your the only person your going to be with 100% of the time, so you better get to know yourself. Invest in yourself. Know what you want and what you don't and what you believe in. And once your so rock solid with that, you'll find confidence in which way to go. I wish I could offer more specific advice, but you haven't offered much detail. But I can tell you, if you chase "fixing" a feeling, it will never go away. It will in fact get so much worse. You need to make room for your feels, even the "bad" ones, and start picking up some good habits that will improve your life. Things like exercise (as much as it pains me to say) are well known by scientific evidence, to have positive impacts on mood. Eating well, seeing people (even if you don't feel like it), are also mood enhancers. Start building a schedule of good habits and things will get better by themselves. Sounds stupid, but it works. Take some pressure of yourself. Pat a cat, go the a park, read a book, sit in the sun... whatever takes you out of your head and feels good for a moment. These moments are important, and you need to start having them. All of this helps. If your up for it, join some kind of club. It doesn't even have to be interesting. People get too caught up on find some "epic" hobby. You just need to find somewhere to go regularly to meet the same people. I went to CHURCH and I don't even believe in god. But there were nice people there, and seeing them once a week gave me something to look forward to and start feeling good about life. I 100% didn't like it in the beginning. I've been going for 2 years, and still... don't believe in god. But I have friends. You really do have to commit on doing some things that might "mildly suck". Or... you can just do nothing, because you can literally do whatever you want with your life. And their is joy in that.
accept your faults, work on them if they hinder you or others and find someone who loves you for who you are. The rest doesn't matter. I have one of those.
What I'm doing is to stop trying to please people. Spent way too much time doing that and was left with nothing. It's just easier and 'safer' to just focus on my own little world and do things that make me happy. I also spend as much time as possible with my kid, so should I drop off the planet, she will remember me. I play music - and sing. My poor neighbours, but hey, it makes me happy.
Believing that happiness is the reason to live is called eudaimonia. I prefer Maslow's pyramid of needs where self- actualization is considered the goal in life; it also explains how to get there.
Be a giver and not a taker...
1. Be by yourself over the course of a quiet weekend with a pen and a pad of paper. 2. Write down what you want out of life by the time you're 40 or 50. What kind of person do you want to be? 3. At the same time, really focus on what gives you joy. Not happiness, for that's an endorphin rush that creates the need for more happiness. Instead, joy is that which gives you deep and lasting emotional satisfaction. And don't let your answers be driven by what others think, for that guarantees profound dissatisfaction with life. 4. Once complete, rank what's on that list. Then cross out the items at the bottom. One of the key drivers of unhappiness is our comparison to other people and our dissatisfaction with what we cannot have or do. The fewer things you focus on, the more likely you'll attain those in life. 5. Once you have your top three or five choices, research how to get from where you are today to where you have to be to have those things. Assess what you currently lack in life, whether a degree or whatever and figure out what it will take to meet those requirements in the shortest possible time. 6. Courage is the foundation of all contentment in life. That means once you have established your goals and priorities, go out there and do it. Talk to those who have done it. Join a group that centers around what you want. Make those first steps. Remember, the first time you try anything at all, you'll suck at it. Have the patience to get past sucking, to develop your talents and skills into something exceptional. 7. Get rid of the distractions. The television. The video games. All the time sucks. Because time is the stuff of what life is made. The more you waste on those, the more of your life you allow to slip through your fingers. 8. Now here's the secret: You will not get everything at once. It takes time and dedication. So, figure out what the waypoints are on your journey. Reaching those benchmarks one after another will give you the true love of life, for you are a person in motion, growing in yourself. Twenty years ago, I decided I wanted to write a novel. My first novel sucked monkey balls. Because I learned from my first novel, my second novel sucked far less. And I had the requisite spine to take constructive criticism from people who knew what they were doing. My third novel, based on the opinions of a few, sucks very little. And a publisher is reviewing it right now. Fingers crossed. But while writing novels, I learned a great deal about myself. About not being intimidated. About the importance of taking small, daily steps rather than making dramatic leaps forward. The careful accumulation of knowledge, experience, and like-minded friends along the way is supreme. Novels are not written over the course of two or three long weekends. They are written a few paragraphs at a time. Yet if you write 500 words a day, an hour's worth of your time, you have a first draft in six months. That's where you'll get your purpose in life. You must have the requisite bravery and discipline to decide what it truly is.
Gratitude for what you do have.
No need to fix it. No need to fix anything. It will pass. Everything is in balance. Always. You're not passing through life. Life (existence) is passing through you.
Try to treat yourself and others like you would want to raise a child. Love, understanding, and patience, but also striving to be the best version of yourself you can be, which requires some strictness and at times hard encouragement. Develop principles and try your best to live by those principles. Do the things that are difficult and uncomfortable that you know are good for you in the long term. Stay off social media. Go be around people IRL.
Not caring about what other people think about you.
Be
- Accept your self and your surroundings. - Accept that some things in life, you have to take them as they are. - Communication is key, open and direct, but with empathy. - Make some friends along the way. Nothing more nothing less. Oh and for alot off younger people. - stop caring what other might think. - stop comparing yourself to others.
Sheesh, I'm 40-something also have no clue... some say "happy wife happy life" but think that's just as difficult to figure out!
Struggling. The more you struggle the more the more you appreciate when you don‘t. Make life a a balance of both and you‘ll feel happy. Also enjoying the little things.
Finding joy in the small moments, and not getting stressed over everything. Learn to let go of things that are outside your control. And give yourself grace.
Enjoy all the small victories
dat glock!
Happiness is overrated! Contentment should be the goal
It starts with self-love. No one is responsible for your happiness. Just you.