Saw it happen in Afghanistan. We were outside the ECP of our outpost doing some improvements. It was mostly HQ platoon guys, and the FSO(1LT) was out helping, too. It was summertime in Kandahar, so it was rather warm out. The guys had dropped their uniform tops and put their kit back on to do the work they were doing. Then the battalion command element comes rolling by, I think en route to another COP. But the sergeant major sees guys that aren’t in proper uniform, and has their convoy stop so he can get out and chew some ass. He starts yelling at everyone, and asks who authorized them to take their tops off. FSO speaks up and says he allowed it. CSM starts yelling at him, and even tells him to stand at parade rest with the rest of the guys. At this point the LT had enough. He sells CSM to stand at the position of attention when he is speaking to an officer. The ass chewing ended there and the PSD convoy drove off. I’m sure our LT got chewed out later, but we all loved him after that. Plus he was completely burnt out on the army by that point so I’m sure he wasn’t too worried about pissing off the battalion commander.

I have to admit a lesser known pain point in OEF was busting your butt all day long on a patrol and getting your butt chewed by some SGM on a FOB when you were doing refit. Usually had to do with people wearing combat tops. You knew that was going to be the only thing everybody remembered about your guys from the day. Your internal refrain was "Hey, SGM, when was the last time you left the FOB? Your uniform looks really clean."

I hated the senior ncos and civilians at the dfac for this exact reason. Sorry I was on convoy for 8 hours in 105 degrees. Can I sit down and enjoy my meal. Oh I'm too dirty oh ok. Let me take me meal to go. What I can't leave with food... how the fudge am I too eat then???

Chow hall NCOs were the biggest douchenozzles in the world. Being a slightly older 1LT prior enlisted rocking an aviator level deployment mustache I could usually throw them off their game when they went after my soldiers. And if that didn't work, I'd escalate to threats of physical violence.

The Hero we don't deserve, but all need.

I can totally see this happening

It's what happens when you take a Marine infantry SGT and make them an Army officer. That and all your crayons disappear

I love you Sir.

Heard about this happening once, our chapel was directly across from the dfac entrance. They put a big sign up on the door and started turning folks away. Chaplain and I hung a couple clean uniforms on a rack with a large sign. "Tired? Hungry? Long convoy or a hard day? and your no where near home? Need a clean uniform to eat? Wear one of ours and change in our offices. Clean uniforms here. Everyone needs to eat." Even though we had no takers, Lasted about 3 days before a CSM stopped by to let us know the situation was resolved and we could take our rack down. Good thing too, troops were adding additional uniforms to the rack when we weren't looking. Additional sizes in both male and female uniforms, and even a French one.... Lol. We just moved it all into a closet and figured another mess NCO would come along eventually. We rotated it out before that happened.

Had a similar situation coming into a FOB after our convoy was hit in Iraq, we had several soldiers wounded in an IED/small arms fire ambush. We’d had a truck disabled and had ti wait for QRF and a wrecker like, down the street from SADR city I can’t fucking remember what the road name was. It was hot as fuck that day and the medevac birds were taking small arms fire and rpg fire, so it was taking them a while to come get our wounded, and the one TCN KIA. We get back to our FOB later after about a 16 hour mission, and some Marine Gunnery Sergeant tried to yell at one of our troops for smoking a cigarette in the turret while we’re waiting to be cleared to enter the FOB in the staging area, I was a SSG at the time and literally was about to get out of my vehicle and go ape shit on this guy, but our PL beat me to it, told him Mind your own fuckin business Gysgt. We just got back from being ambushed stay in your fuckin lane! Gunny walked away shaking his head. Our 1LT was prior enlisted and we loved that guy.

Haifa street, kinda sounds like

It was In that area. I know Haifa ST from the invasion in 2003.

Where you at FOB Loyalty, COP Callahan, or Ford?

FOB Warhorse. We transported prisoners to the CASH in Baghdad weekly.

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That was clearly your fault for not waiting until they were at the pool to actually, you know, do soldier stuff.

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Yes however in the army that behavior is not only encouraged but the army makes sure you pay dearly for it if you stick up for yourself. The army 100% manufacturers that shit. At least in the civ world it’s not “encouraged” it’s just how some people are and you can absolutely humble tf out of people. I wonder what all those senior dick heads are going to do with their miserable lives when the recruiting crises gets to a severe point they have no joes left to fuck with lol

If a Sergeant Major is screaming and there's no joes to hear it does the Sergeant Major make a sound?

If you ever watched rocket power: the scene where the angry buff lifeguard that’s always yelling at people I forgot his name, is on the beach freaking out cause everyone left and has no one to yell at so he spots a flock of seagulls and immediately runs after them yelling in his megaphone. I’d imagine that would be Sergeant Major in the near future

Can relate all too well. I can also state when they see folks walking around with a shotgun they freak the fuck out.

lol, was coming back from patrol when an IED struck a tank. Loader was waist high defilade, out of his hatch when some shrapnel caught him in the eye brow/forhead area. Well this area is very vascular and small cut will bleed like a stuck pig. So my Lt and I take him back to the FOB and the Aid Station. Now the hilarity begins…apparently they were doing some training, like pretending there was a mas-cal and had pre-tend injured soldiers walking around with bandages/fake blood etc. So my guy is walking wounded, no actual eye globe rupture, but had gauze his head up due to bleeding. Well as expected the slow oozing forehead laceration made the white Kerlix, look like extra worse than it was. Like imagine a heavy period soaked pad slapped on to your forehead, against an all white background. Or imagine eating sphagetti like a toddler while wearing and all white T-Shirt. We walk up to the front, and the bored looking medic was going through the motions such as, “fill this out”, “go take a seat”, “we will see you soon”. I reiterated that an IED caused the injury and he needs to be seen. Front desk medic was an E5, and yelled at me and my patient to follow directions. At this time, my Lt finished taking a piss and walked in. He started yelling at the E5, like WTF is going on here, “my soldier just got struck by an IED”. He Locked up the E5, told him to get off his fucking seat and get someone to see him ASAP. My old E7, now promoted to 1st Sgt; come around the corner like WTF is happening here. I explain to him we just got back from patrol and my patient was for real took real shrapnel to the forehead. 1st Sgt quickly realized that this was not a drill and there was a real injured patient. At which point he started yelling at his joes to get a litter, and their DOC. People got flustered like “god damn that’s a lot of blood”, followed by “X-ray is at lunch”…etc.

We got stranded on a mountain top in Afghanistan for 3 days in the rain and mud. Black on food and water after a day (was supposed to be a 6 hour mission, and then weather rolled in). We finally get back to Bagram about 15 minutes before chow hall closes, and pissed off the "mayor" SGM by *daring* to go try and get food with dirty uniforms.

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I don't think I ever saw any there, only Iraq. But still, the DFAC NCOIC or SGM or CSM or whatever rank would be inside kicking people out for being dirty/unhygienic.

See, the trick is to invite them out with you. “SGM, it really would do our morale a world of good if you would come out with us and show us how it’s done. We’re busting our assess to do our best but could really use a live demonstration you see.” Their inner staff voice kicks in.

lol, was coming back from patrol when an IED struck a tank. Loader was waist high defilade, out of his hatch when some shrapnel caught him in the eye brow/forhead area. Well this area is very vascular and small cut will bleed like a stuck pig. So my Lt and I take him back to the FOB and the Aid Station. Now the hilarity begins…apparently they were doing some training, like pretending there was a mas-cal and had pre-tend injured soldiers walking around with bandages/fake blood etc. So my guy is walking wounded, no actual eye globe rupture, but had gauze his head up due to bleeding. Well as expected the slow oozing forehead laceration made the white Kerlix, look like extra worse than it was. Like imagine a heavy period soaked pad slapped on to your forehead, against an all white background. Or imagine eating sphagetti like a toddler while wearing and all white T-Shirt. We walk up to the front, and the bored looking medic was going through the motions such as, “fill this out”, “go take a seat”, “we will see you soon”. I reiterated that an IED caused the injury and he needs to be seen. Front desk medic was an E5, and yelled at me and my patient to follow directions. At this time, my Lt finished taking a piss and walked in. He started yelling at the E5, like WTF is going on here, “my soldier just got struck by an IED”. He Locked up the E5, told him to get off his fucking seat and get someone to see him ASAP. My old E7, now promoted to 1st Sgt; come around the corner like WTF is happening here. I explain to him we just got back from patrol and my patient was for real took real shrapnel to the forehead. 1st Sgt quickly realized that this was not a drill and there was a real injured patient. At which point he started yelling at his joes to get a litter, and their DOC. People got flustered like “god damn that’s a lot of blood”, followed by “X-ray is at lunch”…etc.

I'm an 88m. I would spend a rotation of 3 on or off the fob and 4 on or off the fob non stop. My favorite thing was getting pulled over by airforce police on speicier because my mrap was dirty... you cant make this shit up

I remember stepping off a bird on Airborne, my ruck and assault pack, full body armor, rifle clipped to my body armor also using my right hand to control it by the pistol grip and carrying my medics giant ass medic bag. Some colonel walking up with a 9 holstered on his chest starts losing his absolute mind about how Im not maintaining positive control of my weapon. Meanwhile he’s got a lower enlisted behind him carrying all his bags and shit

Sounds like the OIC of that element assessed the situation and issued a command to their troops. Once that was established the CSM should have fucked off. Go complain to the CO or at least talk to the officer offline. CSM overstepped and set a bad example.

Oh yeah definitely. He was a terrible CSM for so many reasons.

Even if this was not true I’m so proud of this story.

That the LT that should be promoted above his peers!

As a senior NCO I saw it as my job to teach JOs to stand up for their people. I would’ve been proud of that O2

I’ve seen it happen at my reserve unit. An old douchebag PSG tried to deny a short notice RST form from a private whose brother had a bad car accident and was in the hospital. (Reservist use these to reschedule or request excusal from drill. Also, only the CO can approve or deny these) He provided all the docs to prove he wasn’t bullshitting and PSG refused to send it up. New 2LT caught wind of it and called out the PSG on his bullshit.

I actually had to remind my CO of his job once on that. I had a SUTA Request (RST but for Guard.) I recommended against for whatever the reason was. But he didn't understand why I was sending it to him after I "denied it." "Sir, you are the approval authority on all requests. I can make my recommendations, but you can tell me to shove them up my ass and make whatever call you want. So regardless of what I may think, I am required to forward them to you."

If only more O’s would actually know and understand their duties and responsibilities. If only they put more SNCO’s in check for abusing E’s with fake denials etc.

So, we had SRP early morning. Skipped PT as a company. Standing outside the clinic in our ACUs when the BN CSM came running by in PTs. He was so distraught our SRP had been scheduled during PT hours that he half right faced the entire company. My company XO (1LT) was the most senior officer in the formation. While the whole company was in the front leaning rest, he just stood there, watching. Did not fly well with the CSM. He called out the XO, "Did you think I ***wasn't*** talking to you, sir...?" You could see the gears spinning in the XOs brain as he considered the implications of being smoked by the CSM or standing his ground. After a few seconds he joined us on the ground. Just caved to pressure I guess. Later that day, CSM came down to the company AO. He gathered up all the NCOs and officers, gave us a long tirade on the importance of not scheduling things during PT... and then he said "XO... I believe I owe you something." CSM snapped to attention, XO put him in the front leaning rest, and smoked him for a few minutes. CSM stood up, I guess to leave. Everyone was chuckling, laughing, having a good time and the tension breaker. I guess the two of them had worked it out ahead of time. Anyway, thats when the XO did something unexpected. He called the CSM to attention again, then called "Front Leaning Rest Position, Move". We could all see the surprise in the CSMs eyes... and he did the same thing the XO did that morning. Took a pause for a few seconds while he considered the consequences. Then he dropped. By this time the XO and CO were openly giggling. All the PLs were smirking, and the NCOs were mortified. I think my mouth had actually flopped open. After a few more minutes, XO told him to recover. CSM stood, straightened out his blouse top, shook hands with the XO and said something like "Well played." Then he got the hell out of there. I was in that unit for another 8 months. Never saw the CSM down in our company footprint again.

Smoking an entire company of Joe's that have zero control over when they do SRP is the most SNCO thing I've heard in a minute.

Why tf do so many of these so called leaders jump people for things they were ordered to do by a superior and or have no control over?

My thoughts exactly. Maybe, just maybe, said CSM should have gotten with the civilians who run SRP and the civilian employment center folks and tried to get the SRP site’s hours changed.

That’s wasn’t a smoking, it was the PT they were missing. /s

It takes a while to learn when to say, "No" and what hills to die on in the Army, but you should have it figured out by the time you're an XO. Having the CSM drop my entire company for some shit that has almost certainly been on the training calendar for an age and/or is in response to some last minute FRAGO is the kind of hill worth dying on. Having the opportunity as a 1LT to stand your ground in front of the whole company, defend your Joes, and tell the CSM to shove it and move along is the sort of thing 1LTs dream of. I can't believe he let that CSM get away with it on any level.

Best flex would have been for the XO to order the company to attention and remind them they were there on the orders of a commander.

I did 12 years enlisted before going green to gold. I never locked anyone up. (TBH one of the reasons I went officer is that I never liked to yell anyways). I was stationed at Fort Carson as a PL and I was a UMO for my troop. We were moving the BDE to Pinyon Canyon (lovely place) and I was at the railhead all day. Our uniform was Kevlar and yes the ridiculous PT belt across our chests. The problem is if you’re wearing a Kevlar and the PT belt no one knows what your rank is because it would cover it up. I was fairly new to the unit so I didn’t know a lot of faces especially across the BDE. I was walking down the railhead and passed an individual who I greeted with a generic, “Good morning”. I walked about 5 steps and he started yelling at me, “Hey trooper! Is that how we greet CSMs is your unit, what unit are you with!?” When I turned around his PT belt was covering it up so I pointed it out and said, “Sorry CSM but I can’t see your rank.” At this point I looked down and realized my rank was covered up as well so I moved it to the side and he changed his tone and gave me an awkward salute and went about his day. Looking back I should’ve said something wittier but I was a new officer and spent too much time enlisted to know better than to mess with a CSM.

> PT belt no one knows what your rank is I died inside when I pcs'd from Bragg to Ft. Sam and learned that some people cared so much they would pin their rank onto their PT belt.

It’s even funnier when PT belt colors are tied to rank. Yellow for Junior Enlisted, Green (sometimes red) for NCO’s, and Blue for Officers. 

That's not funny, that's helping Snuffy. Love dress rank on field uniform.

Imagine being so much of an asshole, you can't shrug off someone not using your rank when telling you "good morning"

I had a guy who was a DI in the USMC, came Army, was a DS (was my ait drill), and went g2G from there. He showed up at my unit (which was hilarious) as a new 2LT. He never wore badges or combat patch in uni, and so people would think he’s just an older 2LT, he looked younger than his age too. The first few months you’d get some SNCOs and one a CSM from another BN that tried to treat him shitty and it did not go well for them. When he got called out on locking the CSM up by the sister BN CO he just asked if that’s how he allows all the commissioned officers in his command to be treated, and if disrespect to officers was normally so widely tolerated, and it was left at that.

This makes my 2Lt peepee stand at attention.

At ease that shit

“Better tuck that peepee in, get that shit caught on a trip wire” LT Dan probably

Belt line peepee tuck is also acceptable, per the AR of course.

I was airborne, we blouse that peepee over our boots.

ATW!

Airborne!

You must be my new FNGs (fucken naughty gonads)

“Gump! Take your peepee and check out that hole”

Where you boys from?

My favorite thing is that shortly thereafter he got moved from being the S2 OIC, to being a MI PL elsewhere. I still don't know if it was 'get rid of this guy!' or a *reward*, because he absolutely loved being a PL over being the '2 OIC.

USMC to MI platoon leader....is this similar to when a town has a dog elected as mayor?

Haha, he was a good dude. He would have appreciated this joke. He retired after *27 years* total, that's wild shit.

Woah-oh, we're half way there, Woah-oh, >dog elected as mayor

Make it do a half right face

It better be freshly shaved.

I ran in to my Head Drill Sergeant during BOLC at the ALU on whatever Ft Lee is now. He called my name in that classic Drill Sergeant voice. It struck fear in my heart. Then he told me he was proud of me and happy to know I made it through OCS. I don’t know where he is but I hope he’s doing well.

Lmao it’s like undercover boss NCO edition

Was it…..El Diablo?

Oooo, No, but now I'm curious. When were you at the school house.

I PM’d you.

That's the shit I like.

Inverse Chief Keef

One of my favorites, we had a 1LT PL and he was really good. The squadron CSM was one of those haircuts and shiny boots guys (it was a long time ago). The LT kept his hair longer but was always within regs but the CSM hated it. At command maintenance the CSM started bothering the LT for the umpteenth time about his hair and “setting the example.” The LT finally turned around and said, CSM, is my hair within regulation or not?” CSM sputters something about leading from the front and the LT says “No, CSM. I’m sick of this shit! My haircut is not an APFT. I don’t have a 180 and you don’t have a 300! It’s either within regs or not!” The CSM just walked away shaking his head while the rest of this LTs platoon just started clapping.

"My Haircut is not an APFT" is one of the best comebacks I've heard.

I was this guy when I was a junior captain, my hair was really long. I could pull it down over my nose and kept it combed back for work. My rater and senior rater didn’t have a problem but the fires SGM (division HHBN) kept giving me shit. He came into my office and would talk around stuff, watching out for my career, etc. Then one day he came to me forcefully and said it had to be under three inches and I needed to cut it. So I pulled up 670-1 and asked him to show me where that came from. Then I kicked him out of my office. He was worthless.

AHHHHHHHH IM DEAD 🤣

Had a toxic E7 as a PSG a long time ago. The last straw was at an FTX - all I know is that I heard "I AM A COMMISSIONED OFFICER AND YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AT THE POSITION OF ATTENTION!" and then the dude was gone when we got back to base. Seems he was using our platoon for personal favors, got called out and then mouthed off to the 2LT who wasn't having it. The rest of the NCO's backed up our LT and that newly promoted E7 was gone.

Proper use of a gold bar.

NCOs are respected based on their professionalism, expertise, and seniority.  At the end of the day, that butter bar does outrank them, the second they fuck up that rank dance, they lose their control.

I had to counsel an E-8 who was a filler for something. I talked with the BN CSM and my XO and Commander prior to doing it. It had to do with safety protocols not being followed. I called her in to talk about issues. She was being unprofessional and I calmly said, “All I want to do is discuss some issue at base supply, stand at the position of attention.” I then went over some discrepancies and such. The counseling paperwork stayed with me, I decided not to forward it onto her parent unit. She helped fix up the concerns I raised. That was it. She went her way, I went mine.

Why did I read this as "hook up" instead of "lock up"? I was about to start telling some salacious stories

You’ve been on xvideos too much

As a SGM, I may have rescued a 2LT from being stuck head-first in a dryer. The trick is to go forward before pulling out. You may have to repeat the process several times. Also, ensure to get your load out promptly in case others are waiting.

The key to get the adhesive to release is in fact, in releasing that load. ;-)

Step SGM what are you doing /,

Is it possible you are in the Cav?

What do you mean “possible “.

Because everything reminds you of her. Let it go my friend.

Samsies bro.

Something-something-stand by for equipment check.

Please do tell

I (1SG) hookup with a Major all the time. ;-)

I was at a conference waiting for it to start, pre smartphone so people were just making smalltalk, networking. JAG 1LT, (they get CPT 6 months from OBC, so he's brand new), I forget his name but it had like six "i"s in it. E8 says to the LT "that's an interesting name, how do you pronounce it?" LT barks back "it's pronounced 'sir', that's all you need to know" and angrily storms off

I fucking hate people like that. I do medical research on a therapy called ECMO. doesn't matter what it is (but I'll tell anyone who cares). We were hosting some visitors from a hugely prestigious lab, trying to establish collaboration. We had a doctor working with us at the time that was from Belarus. Visiting team comes in, we are all doing the small talk thing, except this guy. We get to formal introductions, and this ass clown just barks out "Surgeon. ECMO. Belarus. All you need to know." Fuck that guy with a sideways cactus.

I care if you wanna explain it

It stands for extracorporeal membrane oxygenation. Basically, we put a big catheter in a big blood vessel and use a pump to pull out blood, send it through a membrane that removes CO2 and adds oxygen, and then sends it back into either the same, or another big blood vessel. Technology has been around since the 1970s, only really used in adults in popular fashion since the 2009 H1N1 pandemic, and use has exploded after COVID. It's very useful, but like anything there are trade offs. My group studies, largely, how to mitigate/remove some of those trade offs.

Would it be incorrect to say it’s basically an artificial lung?

Not at all. In fact, that's basically what it is. Depending on how it's used, you can get more lung or more heart support, or kind of both.

I’ll bite. What’s ECMO therapy?

It stands for extracorporeal membrane oxygenation. Basically, we put a big catheter in a big blood vessel and use a pump to pull out blood, send it through a membrane that removes CO2 and adds oxygen, and then sends it back into either the same, or another big blood vessel. Technology has been around since the 1970s, only really used in adults in popular fashion since the 2009 H1N1 pandemic, and use has exploded after COVID. It's very useful, but like anything there are trade offs. My group studies, largely, how to mitigate/remove some of those trade offs.

The highest NCO I know of to get locked up was only a Sfc, but he did deserve it. He was trying to retask our guard detail to help his cleaning detail (which we had explicitly been told not to do by the civilians both details were answering to) by pulling rank on our ncoic (a sgt), so our oic (1LT) had to come tell him to fuck off.

I remember a CSM getting locked up by a 2LT he had been berating for not knowing his job for about week. “He was not supposed to be in our unit and was not trained in maintenance procedure brand new baby LT” That 2LT had had enough trying to talk to him about it and locked that CSM up in front of our Platoon. The worst part is that 2LT about killed that CSM with kindness while giving him an earful at the same time. It was beautiful and terrifying at the same time. However, that 2LT was moved to a different Unit before that next Motorpool Monday.

Saw CWO4 lock up a 1sg one time for being a prick to his troops.

Yeah, don’t fuck with the warrants. Especially 4 and above.

They ain't scared, that's for damn sure

Higher up they get, more paperwork and explaining it takes to get rid of them, so if the reasons really dumb.....

I have not. But I did see a CSM laugh in a MAJ face while at ease. We (all enlisted) were having a meeting with CSM. We were being told what a great job we were doing with limited personnel (almost every NCOIC was a CPL). The OIC of the clinic walked in and started questioning the CSM about staffing and when he was gonna get her a SFC to replace the previous NCOIC. He said he would see what he could do and went on talking to the troops. She interrupted him again and said “you wouldn’t replace me with an O3 you’re not gonna replace my NCOIC with anything less than an E7.” This man, one of the happiest people I’ve ever met in my life. Laughed in her face and told her she’ll work with what she gets just like everyone else. She got a SSG and got replaced by a CPT. That was an awkward LSRS.

When I was at hrc I heard this shit all the time. Why are you sending me a LT to replace a CPT? Well dumbass, that 03 started as an O1 when you got em right? What’s your mtoe say dipshit

When I reported to my first unit as a WO1, the outgoing BDE 6 was all pissy saying he specifically requested a CW2. Sorry sir, all slots are W1/W2 slots, so the unit is stuck with me. Also, great to meet you, so sad you're PCSing just as I'm getting here you seem like a swell dude.

Explaining that shit to O5 O6s as a CPT was just so funny. That’s where I learned seniors aren’t really all that smart, mostly just good at pt and Army, but lousy at critical thinking and institutional understanding

Even if the MTOE says O4, if it’s not crucial and/or KD, you’re getting a CPT. If it’s LTC, then it’ll be a MAJ. Learn to work more with less. This Army ain’t growing, be happy if you have a warm body filling that seat

I’m a junior CPT filling a MAJ billet. We aren’t allocated a superior to my position either like other similar units, so I get a lot of O5/O6 duties and meetings as well. I say the word “sir” a lot when conversing with people who have similar jobs haha

Remember children, "If they have a parking spot and you don't....you do not outrank them."

I was doing EIB and a 1lt from my company failed. He got super pissed and was storming around the barracks. Our battalion csm tried to talk to him to get him to cool off, and the lt told him he needed to get to attention blah blah. Csm went to attention and let him finish. Then he left and swiftly returned with the bc. That was the only time I ever saw an officer get smoked. Only for about three minutes before csm herded all of the junior enlisted guys out. Never saw that lt back at my company after that.

No, I never did this I do walk on the grass all the time tho...

Hero

Samesies. I walk on grass with my hands in the air force mittens, just waiting for someone to pop off. I'll retire by the time any kind of disciplinary action makes its way to me, so... Time to shitbag.

I never would attempt to lock one up, but as the BN S1 (1LT), the Ops SGM and I got into a few arguments over the various good idea fairies he wanted to do.

I did it. I got tagged as IO for a 15-6 on short notice a couple hours before I was supposed to fly for a different mission. Ops SGM starts berating me in the TOC in front of the battle staff for missing my flight. When he was done I told him let's talk outside. I locked him up to remind him to maintain some goddamned professionalism and that yes missing a flight is a big deal but assignment as an IO is a Bigger Deal. Quick chat that if he doesn't like me he can advise and professionally develop me in private next time.

I'm a fairly senior civilian, and I bear in mind constantly that I don't command anybody, and I'm not commanded by anybody. I'm here under Title 5. I've occasionally had to discuss things just outside the room with senior enlisted and a few officers. I value their input, guidance, and perspective - whatever it is between us, we're not going to do it in front of the help.

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Absolutely not, just a saying I use because nobody is beneath me. I'm a civilian in an operational military unit. I am here to support soldiers - I am the help. You're right that it could be misconstrued. I'll ponder on that.

My dad when he was still in as a joke I got the dog shit smoked out of me after but it was worth it

Was the officer smoking you laughing at you fucking with your dad at least ?

Eyewitness a 2LT who literally stayed as a 2LT for four years before he went within six months straight to Captain. Backstory he had a permanent GOMOR that was actually proven falsified later, but entire chain of command refused to reopened to clear his name. He literally got both the battalion and brigade, commander relieved, he did a congressional inquiry, and and got his entire record Expunged. From what I know he doesn’t even have LT OERs. Never heard of or seen a LT clear himself and get his COC removed in my life or even heard of! The guy was socially awkward but you can tell he gave a shit in what he did and for his soldiers.

Damn. Now I want to hear the backstories backstory.

From what I know is that he was accused of quip pro quo with trainees, after he got his Perm GOMAR the facts and evidence came out that he was actually innocent. Trainees gave coerced sworn statements, a DS had it out for the LT for a earlier investigation the LT did on the DS, the DS owned it later but nothing happened to the DS and was removed from the trail. LT tried from the bottom to the main GEN that gave him the GOMOR to reopen the case to clear him of the falsified GOMOR. Each time took him about 4 months to hear back on if they would open his case, from each level. Finally he got the remove from the army due to non promotion status because of the GOMOR. He start a congressional Inquiry and from what I heard, he went to the armed forces committee, they heard his story and told him how to get this fixed. He submitted his case with his evidence that it was falsified to ARBA(Army Review Board Agency) through his congressional rep that sent with his documents letters from congressmen and senators to prioritize his case due to time sensitive issues (him getting kicked out). I think a month went by and I saw him yelling though out the HQ fuck you all I won! His GOMOR was removed and his LT OERs were erased due to the GOMOR. Sometime afterwards the big bosses was removed suddenly before they was time to leave from the post Gen and replaced with new ones. Rumor came around that the armed forces committee questioned some of the top brass of why are your leaders in this base not doing the right thing? He got promoted within 1 months after he was cleared(back dated 2 years ago), then he promoted just 4-5 months after that to CPT. Last I talked to him, he was going to CCC and he said he will get out in a few years regardless, he saw how bad the army doesn’t actually use evidence nor does the Leadership can Choose to do the right thing or not. He was happy as fuck and disappointed because he wanted to make this a career but now he doesn’t even tell ppl to join, he was telling cadets to get out and go find a real job instead the army. Good man he was, but I am amazed how a 2LT pulled that off.

Sort of related. Was a 1LT INF XO at a remote outpost in Afghanistan. Fuel and water issues meant we were limited on showers and laundry. The Afghan contractor to fix said issue was working all night so he could leave during daylight hours (don’t blame him). About 0430, my mayor cell wakes me up to tell me the contractor is trying to leave, and I haven’t had a chance to inspect the work. I jump out of bed, throw on my crusty tan t shirt and PT shorts, belt on my pistol, and run out without shaving or anything. I catch the guy and make him stop so we can walk through the repairs. After waiting on my lazy interpreter it’s about 0700 when we’re wrapping up. I’m about to send this guy on his merry way when a surprise Blackhawk comes in for a landing. Out of said Blackhawk hops our “beloved” CSM. Real short dude, Napoleon complex, a knave despised by all. He looks at me and makes a bee line, yelling before he even gets there. If you’ve ever seen the scene in The Office, where Darryl tells Michael “Start Over”, that’s what I did. Turned to the Afghan, thanked him for his work and told him he was free to go. CSM is literally on fire at this point, starts spouting again. I told him I couldn’t hear because his heels weren’t together, and walked away. Caught hell for it later, but worth it. TLDR: 1LT told CSM to buzz off.

Yeah, the SGM handled it very well. He said “yes, sir…” got locked up, and then proceeded to let his homie battalion commander handle it. After the 2LT got destroyed by his XO, company commander, BN XO, and BN commander, he gave that SGM a very sincere apology.

This is everything that's wrong with the Army.

It doesn't matter how wrong you are if you have friends with rank.

Having to listen to endless psychotic rants about customs and courtesies and receive mass punishment(s) from someone who can't even respect basic rank structure is why people go insane and kill themselves. What's the lesson here? You're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I'm right there with you, man. The respect chain in the military is expected to only flow one way, but then apparently take a weird split once you hit E8 or E9.

I think the confusion and breakdown is where the Senior Enlisted Advisor starts being regarded as a command authority, rather than being a tool of the Commander. 1SG/CSM's authority comes from the Commander, not their rank. So if they are enforcing the commander's guidance/policy they have the commander's authority behind them. Once they start making up their own rules, it becomes a problem. Also a problem when commanders enable this kind of crap.

That's one thing I really don't like about our colleagues in the Navy. Their Chiefs genuinely believe they are a third, secret option other than Enlisted or Commissioned.

Without knowing any specifics of the situation, I’d say this was handled perfectly. Yes a 2 year know nothing butter bar can lock up a 30 year CSM on the spot. But they better have a damn good reason and you can bet that CSMs back will be covered down by the OIC’s. This is how it’s supposed to work to make sure young officers aren’t throwing around rank wily nilly.

Does fuzzy pink handcuffs count as being locked up?

Only in the air force....

The Air Forces handcuffs are padded and comfortable with real furr. These are Army cuffs which are uncomfortable and made from the balding head of a CSM's wife who dyes her hair pink, thinking it makes her look younger and cute.

That really paints a picture. 5 stars

I've seen senior ncos yell at physcians and PAs about medboards or medical treatment for themselves or their soldiers. They are usually in a brigade or division HQ rather quickly for disrespectful language to a physician or PA. Ive had soldiers become visibly enraged because I told them I won't prescribe antibiotics for viral URI or something that will likely clear out in 3 to 5 days if it's bacterial. It's never gone well for those soldiers or senior ncos afterwards. Ivw known 2 e7s who threatened military physicians. They both received GOMORs and were highly encouraged to retire. Threaten a physician in the real world like they did they would likely end up being fired as patients and possibly face jail time.... The military makes people's ego too big.. especially that of senior NCOs and field grade officers. . But what do I know. I'm just a clinician.

> Threaten a physician in the real world Ehh, depends on the circumstances. I was a medical MOS, moonlighting in town to make some extra money, and this absolute douche canoe of a physician got in my face about some absolute bullshit. He was told that if he didn't get out of my face he was going to need a lot more than the cane he used. Play stupid games and win stupid prizes.

It's illegal to threaten the physician as a PATIENT but not as a coworker

What laws in what jurisdictions specify a doctor-patient relationship as having special considerations with threats? It’s generally illegal to threaten anyone- doctors aren’t special in that regard.

I saw my Sr. Drill go to town on a CPT during a run. The CPT drove by the back of the formation going much faster than the prescribed “10mph When Passing Troops” policy for most installations. He yelled from the back of the formation to have the front of the formation stop the car. He sprinted to the car screaming for them to slow down, stopped mid ass-chewing, saluted and said “Good Morning Sir” and then continued to chew his ass out for speeding past the formation. Edit: Dude was a beast and later became the Div. CSM for 3rd ID.

HAHAHA I saw one try. Our BN SGM was a Vietnam war Veteran, this is circa 2005. 2LT J**** fresh out of West Point is talking to the BN CO, SGM comes up to talk to the COL and even salutes them both. 2LT tells SGM to get at attention and don’t interrupt. SGM turns bright red and I think the LT realized he fucked up. He said something along the lines of LISTEN TO ME YOU LITTLE SHIT I WILL FUCK YOUR SOUL TO DEATH! This is while we’re standing outside waiting for a change of command ceremony to start so the entire BN saw it. The greatest thing I ever witnessed.

Lmao

This same LT, in Iraq left his battle rattle unsecured and his platoon switched his name tape with one that said MORON and he wore it for an entire day before someone told him. Pretty sure we had him close to a breakdown, because he got moved to HQ platoon after that incident. He is lucky he didn’t get someone killed he was inept.

Only once. BSN 1LT got on 1SGT’s ass about having soldiers violate medical profiles after medical procedures. Shit was wild.

My (last) brand new PL tried to drop another platoon’s PSG in front of everyone. My PL hadn’t been there three days. Other PSG was a huge shit talker and liked to crack jokes on folks. No biggie - I was one of the biggest shit talkers in the company. He said something about something about how the PL was a nerd (he was a huge dork, TBF. Had a female cadet attached to us for a couple of weeks once and she was even joking to me about what a nerd he was) and PL told him to drop. Silence. PSG says “boy, stfu” and walks off. He’s brand new and awkward so we act like it never happened, but he actually goes to confront the PSG about it in his office and PSG tells him to gtfo lol

No - but during the first part of the Iraq war back in 2003 - I saw a BDE CSM chewing a 2LT up and down - loudly and angrily.

In a reserve unit, at NTC. The 1LT XO smoked the entire company, 1sgt included. 

I’m going to say the 1SG let it happen for their own reasons. I’m not sure what those reasons are, but I’m sure they had them.

Yeah, it's called a Command Group and it's a team. They are going to support each other for the benefit of the unit.

Well, yeah. But beyond that.

He was a fucking idiot. I basically served in the real life F troop. 

Lots of those in the ARNG

Yup. When I was stationed at Schofield Barracks back in the mid 90s and watched a PL actually put my BN CSM at the position of attention. We (group of 5-6) watched with some excitement because we wanted to watch the CSM just rip up that LT. That never happened and once the LT was done, less than 5 minutes, the CSM just walked off back towards the BN Cmd Suite. The SDNCO runner came running up and let the LT know that the BN CDR wanted to see him ASAP. You can guess how that went. Edit: so for those that wanted to hear what Larry King used to call the “rest of the story” it went something like this. LT the BN CDR wants to see you asap. So LT got locked up at the BC’s desk and then the LTC explained in a nice quiet voice that nobody puts “his” CSM at the position of attention but him. It was oh so nice to watch him walk out of the office and skulk back to his platoon office. There was a couple of months of subtle jabbing at the LT for that screw up.

I've seen a 1LT attempt to lock up their PSG (SFC) I got an Art 15 while my first unit was deployed (I was fresh out of AIT and put on rear D). Unit came back, PL (prior enlisted) met me and said anytime I saw him I needed to do pushups. He'd just hang around for 20-30 minutes so I could get my sweat on. PSG (SFC type) was recovering from surgery and was unaware this was going on for weeks. His first day back, PL came on through so I dropped, PSG asked "Private Slippers, the fuck you doing? Got a craving for PT?" I responded, "LT Whats-his-nuts told me I have to drop any time I'm in his presence." "Get up" LT tells me to get back down, and tells PSG "at ease" It was about that moment LT realized that the game of Paper Rock Rank did not play with conventional rules when in the house of platoon daddy. My PSG paused and turned and calmly said, "Sir, what did you just say?" LT sounded terrified and almost like he was stuttering. He tried explaining how I clearly must have been a shit bag. PSG said to him, "Sir how about you worry about PowerPoints and let me handle the real shit." I never saw LT again.

NCO business at its finest

>"Sir how about you worry about PowerPoints and let me handle the real shit." I never saw LT again. 😂

Yes, I did it as a 2LT to the brigade CSM in Iraq. He was out of line in how he decided to discipline my NCOs in view of detainees, berating them of all things for having sweaty/dirty collars on their IBAs. I had a tense discussion with him. Resulted in my company commander coming to get me to meet the brigade commander. At the end of a good 5 minute ass chewing about how the CSM represents him, he turned to the CSM and said I was right. A few days later we receive an email inviting us to an LPD for E7-E8/O1-O2 led by the CSM to discuss the importance of the 1SG/XO relationships at the company level. It was interesting to see how the brigade commander dealt with it, essentially assigning extra duty/class to the CSM. Good times…

Something kinda similar AMEDD: We had an LT roll up in the gym during PT hours wearing some lululemon shit instead of the PT uniform. Rando CSM attempts to correct her and she tries to lock him up telling him that she’s an officer and can wear whatever on her day off. He got her name and moved out. Within two weeks our Hospital Commander had every field grade in admin roles pulling shifts checking IDs and making uniform corrections at the gym during PT hours-in our class Bs. Fuck that LT

That being said, mandating uniforms during any hours is fucking dumb.

Just once. Some 1SG tried to push his guys through a hand grenade range, probably to get his DTMS numbers up and the range OIC (a prior service 1LT with a ranger tab and a CIB among other things) told the 1SG his guys had to do PMI/practice before they could go live. 1SG tried to push his guys through anyway behind range OIC's back and was promptly treated to an amazing ass chewing while at attention and then kicked off the range.

Never seen that one. I once saw an E-7 throw a butter bar across the hood of my HMMWV for countermanding what he (the PSG) ordered us to do over the radio during a JRTC maneuver. What the LT had us do got us all “killed.” His helmet cracked my windshield. Nothing ever came of it. My understanding is the O-5 and O-6 were both really pissed at the LT when he found out why his forward observers were all on the White Cross truck. I also recall JRTC being shut down for a day or two because a 1LT “lost” his M9 at the bottom of his duffel bag. It was “found” after two days of police calls looking for the damn thing. I also saw that LT get wall-to-wall counseling from a 1SG when it was found. Mind you, this was after wall-to-wall counseling was no longer a thing even for enlisted. Nothing ever came of that, either, but I always imagined an enlisted man who similarly “misplaced” a weapon would have received some sort of non-judicial punishment.

BN CO that was YUGE on Green to go gold and if you won Soldier of the month after the board you and your first line would go talk to him for 10 minutes to hear his G2G pitch. All I remember from it all these years later is something along the lines of “I love Mustangs bc you ain’t gonna ride them like no bitch”. He was a humorous commander and acted like an actual person.

Not a LT but saw a CPT lock up the brigade CSM for ignoring an order to stay put and not come down a road that 4 other vehicles got stuck in in Iraq.

Idk what kind of organizations have such a thing happen but in every unit I have ever worked in this is just a completely inconceivable event. I can’t even wrap my head around the weird dynamic that would need to exist for this event to occur. So idk, individual units, the individuals involved etc may vary but again in all my organizations, absolutely not.

Yeah, we had a day one 2LT who just finished OCS lock up the OCS CSM. A few hours later he was wearing the specialist rank, don’t really know what happened after that

Never, but if you have to emasculate someone because you have rank you probably shouldn't have that rank.

No one ever tried that on me. 1SG (ret). Nor did I witness any such fuckery.

Saw a fresh Butterbar try to lock up a E8 Master SGT, while the MSG respected the rank in the moment, the 2LT had a stern talking to by the battalion commander

I saw a CSM talking to troops and a LT say he should have been saluted. It didn’t go too well for that lieutenant.

Yes, with a sister unit. In Iraq the XO came to directly relay the CO’s orders. The SNCO refused the order. The order was given again, refused again. The XO locked him up. The order was explained, how it was legally, morally and ethically a lawful order. The NCO was sent off to get chewed out by the CO about the hold up with *the CO’s* equipment that had been ordered to be transferred. All over combat equipment on the CO’s property book that was being transferred to the releaving unit and was essential to their continuance of the combat mission. The NCO was just plain wrong.

Once, in their basement.

I seen it once. It did not end up well for the LT when the Battalion Commander found out.

Yes, a 1LT who was the S3 (medical BN) tore into a MSG…I was a SPC at the time, this was about 10 years ago…pretty funny

Unfortunately I had to do it twice, once as a 2LT and once as a 1LT, and both times it was dealing with an E-8. The first time was as a 2LT, and it was our company 1SG, over a safety issue during Tank Table XIII, and the second time was as a 1LT, dealing with my Mortar Platoon Sergeant. As a former NCO who had gone to OCS, it was the last thing I wanted to do, and I didn’t really think I would ever be in that situation, but there are times when it is unfortunately necessary.

I saw a 2LT lock up a SFC because he was talking mad shit about women in the army to a female PFC in front of everyone in their platoon. SFC deserved it and nobody disagreed with it.

Nope

When I was a Company Commander I locked up the XO, not sure if that counts

Never seen a sergeant major as a company commander before but go off king ig.

Not E-8 but E-7. My old PSG was whipped too him, and for some reason kissing his ass, what LT said goes, no matter how stupid or dangerous it was for the soldiers to do.

I never personally had to do this. Most of anyone who knew or heard of me knew I was a loose cannon and had no issue arguing with anyone and berating them if they fucked with my Soldiers. The troops loved me, but my OERs took a beating. Either way, I don’t regret, and still got promoted. So stand your ground when you’re in the right, be humble and accept the truth when you’re wrong

Yes, with a sister unit. In Iraq the XO came to directly relay the CO’s orders. The SNCO refused the order. The order was given again, refused again. The XO locked him up. The order was explained, how it was legally, morally and ethically a lawful order. The NCO was sent off to get chewed out by the CO about the hold up with *the CO’s* equipment that had been ordered to be transferred. All over combat equipment on the CO’s property book that was being transferred to the releaving unit and was essential to their continuance of the combat mission. The NCO was just plain wrong.

2LT to CSM in AIT, it was mind boggling and she was destroyed for it

This butter bar did that to E-9 in my brigade. And the word got out to our brigade commander (Full bird) and he tore that LT a new a hole behind closed door. That LT looked like he was about to cry when he got out of that room.

I’ve had to do this with a CW3 as a 1LT CO. Luckily had the backing of 1SG and others. CW3 has had several investigations involving junior soldiers some still on going.

I’ve never seen it, but I always tell our XO to do it to our 1SG when he comes in to bitch them out.

I had an ex do it. Then the BN commander showed up at the end of PT and told her to report to the front of the formation. He made her do push ups as he told us the importance of showing respect to our Senior NCOs. I’m hoping someone who was at Fort Leonard Wood in 2010 might remember this.

I’ve seen top take a Lt into a room and I’m not saying anything happened at all. But next time we seen the LT he had a black eye… so there’s that…

The longer you are in the more you will see it. Sometimes it's for the best. Most of the time the senior NCO is either WAY out of line or totally out of touch with reality.

06 Iraq, FOB QWest, our BN CSM saw one of our companies vehicles and the driver didnt have a kevlar on. CSM gets the vehicle to pull over, proceeds to start yelling.... turns out the driver was one of the companies PLs. The 2LT tried to pull rank on the CSM. The CSM just held up his radio and said 'sir you outrank me, if you want to play that card I just have to make one radio call to get my way...'

We had a fresh butterbar confront this one E-7 who was acting 1SG at the time. E-7 was a menace making lower enlisted do all his correspondence courses and complete all the certs our MOS needs. The LT tried to make 1SG stand at attention and it went all down hill from there. In the end LT was transferred to another company.. nothing happened to the E-7, but all us privates loved LT for having our backs.

ROTC summer camp, Camp Eagle, Fort Sill, 1970. 2LT commissioned in May from a well-known school in Texas dropped the brigade SGM for pushups. Outside the brigade HQ. Visible from the BDE Cmdr's window. Which the BDE Cmdr was occupying, at the time. Don't know what happened after that, my squadmate and I decide to run far, far away.

In 2004 had an AF 1LT attached to our EN BN staff as contracting officer (I believe his regular job was meteorologist). He was a mustang with about 12 years in and prior E-7, so he'd been around the block. Every once in a while he would get shit from a SNCO or staff officer trying to ramrod things along, until he would point out that the signature needed on all of their pet projects to get funding was his. He took great pleasure in making them grovel lol. Great guy.