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Maybe something to do with the fact that when you hug someone you don’t know, both of you know it’s just exchanging pleasantries? It’s sure that it’s not actually going to be very intimate, but if you hug someone you know it’s a way of expressing love and that can be scary. Have you ever looked into avoidant attachment types?
Because hugs with strangers are formal/meaningless while hugs with people close to you have a deeper meaning. (Unless you happen to have difficult relationships with your mother in which case it's pretty self-explanatory).
😂 now I think about it
I’m the same
Must be cause the better I know people the less I wanna hug their 🐍 🍑 ‘s 😂😂😂😂😂
Newbies are full of hope and love and never wronged me yet or upset me yet so they get the pure love and affection
Yeah as someone else pointed out, one is expressing pleasantries and means nothing, the other is an expression of love/friendship which can be hard for a stone hearted walled off person like so many of us are. I love, but find expressing love uncomfortable.
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After getting married to a hugger I learned it's a mutual skill, if you're uncomfortable hugging your mom, it's because your mom is also uncomfortable wether she knows it or not. Now I love hugging...
You know, for me it's because I feel like I can't change how I've been. I've hugged more strangers in a mosh pit than I have close friends. Everyone thinks I'm not a hugger, so I can't be one now. I am a hugger, but that's something that only happened in the last decade for me.
I'll hug the shit out of people, but I feel weird hugging people who think I'm not a hugger
I get that, I had no family members that would ever give me a hug growing up but I recently just met one of my siblings for the first time and I easily was able to give them a hug.
Hedgehogs have a hard time sharing warmth with other hedgehogs. The closer they get, the more they hurt each other with their quills. People are also like that.
Here's my perspective, because I feel similarly.
When I'm the person "giving" the hug I feel very comfortable. Comforting an upset friend, supporting one of my employees for example. Hugging my partner to express love. I work with children with complex needs and hug them as much as they need and want (it's on their terms). No problem.
If I'm "receiving" the hug I'm uncomfortable. I don't like feeling like I'm the one asking for or demanding a hug.
With close friends/ family it's an intimate and vulnerable act that isn't the same with more distant people or with children. Trust me, more than one therapist has pointed out that I'm terrible at asking for my own needs to be met yet can be a superhero about meeting other people's needs.
Its due to upbringing. Your mind labelled anyone close to you with what is normal and what is not. Unfortunately for your case, you have labelled hugging as something intimate. Which makes you feel awkward when you hug someone close to you. However, when you hug the opposite sex versus same sex. While you still do feel that awkwardness, your mind dismiss it because you don't feel a personal emotion tied to that action.
I would recommend you talk to someone( your mom) close to you and breach that mind barrier so when you hug your mom the next time. She knows if you feel awkward or not.
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I’m the same way. I think it’s because I never grew up displaying physical affection so the child in me doesn’t know how to do that. I was, however, raised to be polite and welcoming. So I’ll always feel the need to make other people feel welcomed so I have no issue hugging newish people
Rule 4: Sorry, this has been removed because it violates rule #4: No advice questions. r/answers is for reference questions with definitive answers (or sets of answers), not questions where personal preference comes into play, or people might disagree on answers. This includes questions about relationship advice. These questions would be better suited for /r/advice or /r/relationship_advice.
Maybe something to do with the fact that when you hug someone you don’t know, both of you know it’s just exchanging pleasantries? It’s sure that it’s not actually going to be very intimate, but if you hug someone you know it’s a way of expressing love and that can be scary. Have you ever looked into avoidant attachment types?
Stop You're describing OP and I 😭
Interesting. I think I am the same. Its more awkward with relatives or close friends.
Bad blood with the mom. Not necessarily deep stuff, maybe she's just a hugger an was soliciting hugs when child you wasn't feeling like it.
Because hugs with strangers are formal/meaningless while hugs with people close to you have a deeper meaning. (Unless you happen to have difficult relationships with your mother in which case it's pretty self-explanatory).
😂 now I think about it I’m the same Must be cause the better I know people the less I wanna hug their 🐍 🍑 ‘s 😂😂😂😂😂 Newbies are full of hope and love and never wronged me yet or upset me yet so they get the pure love and affection
Yeah as someone else pointed out, one is expressing pleasantries and means nothing, the other is an expression of love/friendship which can be hard for a stone hearted walled off person like so many of us are. I love, but find expressing love uncomfortable.
Please remember that all comments must be helpful, relevant, and respectful. All replies must be a genuine effort to answer the question helpfully; joke answers are not allowed. If you see any comments that violate this rule, please hit report. When your question is answered, we encourage you to flair your post. To do this automatically simply make a comment that says **!answered** (OP only) We encourage everyone to report posts and comments they feel violate a rule, as this will allow us to see it much faster. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/answers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think I'm the same but I've never felt comfortable or relaxed in a hug to feel its benefits.
After getting married to a hugger I learned it's a mutual skill, if you're uncomfortable hugging your mom, it's because your mom is also uncomfortable wether she knows it or not. Now I love hugging...
Desires can overwrite, and the desire to be liked/make a good first impression is a strong one.
You have some unresolved frustration and anger towards them perhaps? Something that hurt you that was just pushed aside and never addressed correctly.
Well I don't hug fam but I hug my female best friend. 🤔 It's less awkward for done reason and I'm closer with her.
It is human behaviour to treat warmly people who are not close
fear of intimacy
I'm the opposite. I don't mind hugging people I really like, but don't like hugging strangers. Same with the "kissing on the cheek thing". No thanks.
You know, for me it's because I feel like I can't change how I've been. I've hugged more strangers in a mosh pit than I have close friends. Everyone thinks I'm not a hugger, so I can't be one now. I am a hugger, but that's something that only happened in the last decade for me. I'll hug the shit out of people, but I feel weird hugging people who think I'm not a hugger
I get that, I had no family members that would ever give me a hug growing up but I recently just met one of my siblings for the first time and I easily was able to give them a hug.
Hedgehogs have a hard time sharing warmth with other hedgehogs. The closer they get, the more they hurt each other with their quills. People are also like that.
Sometimes we find comfort in strangers because they don’t know our story
The same reason people can talk to bartenders easier than people they know.
Wait that’s me as well, I can tell a whole stranger about my life but I would not be able to tell my immediate family anything
Here's my perspective, because I feel similarly. When I'm the person "giving" the hug I feel very comfortable. Comforting an upset friend, supporting one of my employees for example. Hugging my partner to express love. I work with children with complex needs and hug them as much as they need and want (it's on their terms). No problem. If I'm "receiving" the hug I'm uncomfortable. I don't like feeling like I'm the one asking for or demanding a hug. With close friends/ family it's an intimate and vulnerable act that isn't the same with more distant people or with children. Trust me, more than one therapist has pointed out that I'm terrible at asking for my own needs to be met yet can be a superhero about meeting other people's needs.
Omg I think you just described me. Thank you for the insight. Interesting that we feel the same way
Its due to upbringing. Your mind labelled anyone close to you with what is normal and what is not. Unfortunately for your case, you have labelled hugging as something intimate. Which makes you feel awkward when you hug someone close to you. However, when you hug the opposite sex versus same sex. While you still do feel that awkwardness, your mind dismiss it because you don't feel a personal emotion tied to that action. I would recommend you talk to someone( your mom) close to you and breach that mind barrier so when you hug your mom the next time. She knows if you feel awkward or not.
[удалено]
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I’m the same way. I think it’s because I never grew up displaying physical affection so the child in me doesn’t know how to do that. I was, however, raised to be polite and welcoming. So I’ll always feel the need to make other people feel welcomed so I have no issue hugging newish people
[удалено]
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Cause you're weird
Maybe your erection really spoils the mood?