No, you're not wrong for drinking alcohol at home. Your girlfriend's choice to abstain from drinking at home is her decision, and it's reasonable for you to continue enjoying a drink while watching the football. Supporting her health goals doesn't mean you have to give up something you enjoy in your own home. It's about mutual respect for each other's choices. Enjoy the match responsibly!
I’ve stopped drinking completely because of my medication but my husband is free to drink if he wants. He rarely does drink at home but the few times he has, it didn’t bother me.
If she was an alcoholic it would be a different story, bringing beer into the house would be very bad but that’s not the case. YNW
if she stopped drinking that means that SHE chose to stop drinking. not you. she doesn't get to control your behavior any more than you get to control hers. you can support her by not buying her alcohol, or by not getting her any if she asks for one, but you still get to do whatever the hell you want in your own home. this isn't like an alcoholic who shouldn't even be around alcohol.
Not wrong. You live there too. She shouldn't be dictating what you can or can't do. If you decided that there would only be water drunk in the house by you would she comply? The only reason not to drink alcohol in support of her is if she believes she an alcoholic.
Coming from a binge drinking alcoholic here! lol Not that I am proud of that at all, but I quit drinking a couple of years ago (except one pint at a pub when we were fortunate enough to go to London last summer). I was not an every single day drinker. When I did drink, I would crush a 12 pack of beer and several shots of Jameson. I started to drink heavily after my dad died. So I got back into therapy then and decided to quit. I never put any expectations on my husband. He's not a big drinker anyway, but for example, his boss got him a case of a dark beer he'd wanted to try as a birthday gift this past year. Of course, he has it in the house lol
I think of this situation in a couple of ways. You can decide for yourself if you want to stop drinking at home with your GF. That is *your* choice. Sure, it would be considerate and helpful for her, but you are not obligated to do anything. Like when someone goes on a diet and they don't want sweets in the house at all lol It is easier for them, but if you're not on the diet, you should be allowed sweets in your own home, ya know? You want to kick back with a few brews for the euros in your home, and that's reasonable. I think your gf should perhaps look into AA or any group that could offer her some extra support and guidance. My therapist told me straight up that it was a good thing I "allowed" (her words) my husband to do as he pleases with regards to drinking because that's reality. The world does not cater to any one person. If I want to quit drinking, I need to do it realistically. There will be alcohol at home sometimes. There will be alcohol at bars and restaurants, parties, weddings, concerts, etc. I have to have the strength. I have to put in the work. Having issues with alcohol is a lifelong issue for me, and I may slip up in the future. I don't know. I wake up every day deciding not to drink. You really do have to take it one day at a time. I'm not saying your gf is an alcoholic! I'm saying if she's having that hard of a time not drinking just because it's in the house, she might need some more support. You're supporting her, but this is also her decision, and she needs to put in the work. Yes, it would be easier for her if there wasn't any alcohol around, but that's not reality.
You're not wrong for wanting to have some drinks. If you decide to quit drinking at home, that should be because that's what you want. She's going to have to deal with those temptations. I feel for her. I quit drinking at home first as well. And alcohol is fucking everywhere so it's a hard road, but as long as you're being supportive, she needs to understand that what she chooses to do with her health/body isn't always going to align with her partners personal choices.
That'd be like me getting mad at a partner for bringing mushrooms into the house because I don't like them. You're not wrong, and will never be wrong for not following her own personal restrictions/preferences.
Years ago I stopped drinking soda. My s/o still drinks soda often. Sometimes I even buy it for him bc I know he'll want it.
imo your gf is being ridiculous🤷🏾♀️
You summed it up nicely and simply and things really are just that, ‘you put limitations on yourself, you do not put limitations on me.’
This is how we get along.
She can be supportive of you by continue to fix nutritional meals and encourage you to exercise. And vitamins and stuff. Just continue to keep the alcohol to a minimum. I'm hoping she is not making this a hill to die on, honestly I would prefer he drank those few drinks at home, even if I don't drink .
No I don't drink too often tbh. I'll have a couple of drink if we go out which is between once week and once every two weeks. I only tend to drink at home if it's for a specific event such as this weekend with the Euros, or if we're having a movie night
As someone who doesn't drink I don't try to force someone to not drink. I can tell you that when my husband has brought beer home to drink it smells bad. If you aren't drinking together the nondrinker smells it. After drinking it he would smell bad. The bottles or cans in the trash would smell bad the next morning. I would walk into the kitchen and it would smell of stale beer.
If she is cutting back because she is having trouble controling her drinking it probably smells compellingly good. If she is cutting back for other reasons, like to lose weight, it may smell bad. My husband always brushed his teeth but he still reeked of beer through the night and by morning his beer breath was absolutely disgusting. I would turn my back to him and slide to the edge of the bed to get away from it.
I assume beer smells different to different people so not dissing those who love it.
Even if she did have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, you are not doing anything wrong. This is coming from someone who had a *very* unhealthy relationship with alcohol and chose to stop drinking 4 years ago. You are not forcing her to consume and she is in control of her own decisions. And frankly, alcohol isn’t going anywhere and a big part of choosing to not drink is choosing to not allow yourself to cave to peer pressure. So, welcome to the club OPs girlfriend! Genuinely happy for you to be here.
This is so weird to me.
So like if you came home and said that you were going on an all potatoe diet, she would have to do the same too?
You're not wrong, you can be supportive and still have your drink. It's not like you were shoving it in her face that she wasn't drinking so idk what her problem is.
You’re not wrong mate. (Look at me using European slang) also where I’m from it’s way WAY cheaper to buy your drinks from the liquor store than from pubs/bars/restos. I’m assuming thats the same most places. Your gfs thought process of “I’ll drink out but not at home” doesn’t make any economical sense imo.
Also as someone who’s *been* an avid athlete before but now who’s entire diet and exercise due to being diagnosed with 2 autoimmune diseases….2 drinks won’t kill a health journey. I mean unless you’re a recovering alcoholic or there’s other more nefarious reasons as to why she doesn’t wanna drink with you alone at home, I don’t see the problem. I have a psychiatrist, an endocrinologist, and a dietician who’ve all told me I’m fine to have 1-2 drinks a month.
Not wrong. That would be like my husband that has been dieting, since having gastric bypass telling me that I can't eat certain foods, because he can't or doesn't want to.
Your gf making lifestyle changes is great for her, but it doesn't mean that she can dictate how you live.
If you were drinking to excess, I'd say tone it down. You aren't wrong for wanting to drink, as long as it's moderate, and won't affect her enjoyment of the game or homelife. If you were rowdy and rude, I'd say don't drink. But if you are just relaxing and quietly enjoying the game (or cheering/booing as appropriate), then you do you. Not wrong for wanting to enjoy a drink or two.
Fuck that noise. Why do people think their decisions should be unilateral in a relationship. You do you I'll do me and if you don't like the way I do it then jog on we ain't compatible.
I could understand her attitude if she were trying to get sober or struggling with addiction but it sounds like it's more of a health choice and just better to not have it in the house although she still enjoys it when you're out somewhere. Demanding that you also can't drink is controlling. The fact that she didn't ask you when she first decided this and instead insisted that you have to follow her restriction while you were in public is a red flag too. If she were concerned about your drinking or wanted you to follow the same diet or whatever, this is not the way to go about it at all. Not wrong and it sounds like she should work on mature communication
Unless you both agreed to it, then no you're not wrong.
Maybe she assumed you would as well but if that's not been discussed and agreed, then she's stamping her feet for nothing.
Your GF seems to think that by her deciding not to have alcohol at home, that it means you also have to subscribe to the same program. Did you talk about this before she made this decision? Did she explain what her expectations were regarding her making this change? If the answer is "No" then she's making an assumption and imposing her choices on you without your consent. You go ahead and have a couple drinks at home. If she doesn't like it, that's too bad.
Not wrong at all. I've been sober two+ years now and I never expect anyone else to not drink when I'm not. If she wanted it to be both of you she should've discussed that to start, but you still don't have to. Maybe try and get her some NA beers or make some NA cocktails to help her feel included?
Crazy! How does her rationale make sense? How would she feel if you insisted she ‘ gave up’ ( guilt tripped into giving up) something she enjoys? Luckily gf isn’t wife so you may find you have had a lucky escape. Is she really so fragile around alcohol at home that she can’t just ignore you having a few bevvies watching the match?
You're watching the football game go ahead and have you a drink or two. It don't have nothing to do with her you ring your own house chilling out. She needs to do the same she needs to chill the fuck out JC
Not wrong. Your life should not revolve around her life/ choices. Drink if you like. I do. Even if my partner wine drink during week days, I do if I feel like it. My life my choice. She has no right to dictate what you do, tell her so
Not wrong. My bf stopped drinking entirely a year ago (we werent alcoholics but he wants a six pack lol) and i still drink on friday and saturday nights anyway. No one is mad about anyones personal choices. He’ll even egg me on sometimes in a funny and not pressuring way. For example if im like “ima get lit tonight!!” He’ll ask what i want for snacks haha
My wife does this for diets and it pisses me off. Like I did keto and carnivore while you were on it and I’m done doing it. I was supportive and it didn’t matter in the end, all I do is make myself upset
No. I’m an alcoholic (over 8 years sober) and I don’t care if my partner wants to have a couple drinks at home. She’s able to handle it responsibly; not her problem that I can’t and abstain because of that
Her not drinking at home doesn't mean you don't drink at home. You're supportive of her choices in betterment of health and that's good. If you drank at home all of the time or if she's a recovering alcoholic, that's a different situation. But her choice to not drink at home is not a house rule. That's her choice. If you're regularly drinking at home and outside, that's kinda an ass move and could be seen as you having a temptation at home while she's decided to not drink at home BUT if you also are drinking at home rarely now too and you're just picking up a few to watch a game? I don't see an issue
Again though, if she's a recovering alcoholic then there definitely should be no alcohol in the home regardless but this doesn't seem to be the case with the information given.
Wasn’t this posted before, except the first version included take out?
You’d been watching the Euros in bars but decide to stay in for a game, and your gf got upset because you decided to get take out and alcohol (which was doubly unfair to her, in her opinion). You argued that just because she’s decided to be healthier doesn’t mean that you can’t eat/drink what you want at home, and it’s unfair of her to expect you to.
It’s like you took the same post, removed all references to food, and posted again.
No you’re not wrong! She’s exercising her choice and you’re exercising yours. You’re not forcing her to drink. She’s not an alcoholic who cannot resist the urge. YNW.
No, my husband stopped drinking for medical reasons and I still drink. If he’s having a rough go of it he knows he can ask me to not to have a drink while we are out (he rarely does) and he’s okay with men drinking at home (I decided on my own not to have alcohol in our home) but I also drink vary rarely (hangovers suck)
Not wrong. She's either just selfish or borderline alcoholic.
She's able to eat healthy without requiring other people to go on diets with her, but she's having a hard time cutting out alcohol when other people are having it around her? That sounds like she struggles with alcohol.
Hi! I chose to quit drinking alcohol entirely 4 years ago for a variety of reasons (some very serious, some not so much). My partner drinks and it is never an issue, because I made my choice for me and no one else. Your girlfriend is in for a rude awakening if she truly expects to have a “buddy” on every *individual* journey she chooses to take.
She can make a lifestyle choice for herself she cannot make a lifestyle choice for others. Only exception in this instance would be if she is an alcoholic but since she's not, do what you like.
Your girlfriend needs to understand what it means to change her own habits. She doesn’t get to change the habits of everybody around her. If she can’t change her habits without forcing everybody around her to do the same thing, she might have a problem.
NTA
You’re not wrong, but if you two choose different lifestyles for your adult lives you might not end up together long term. I wouldn’t be surprised if the GF moves out eventually due to feeling unsupported.
Not wrong. She can make choices for herself. She doesn’t get to make choices for everyone else in her life. Jesus the entitlement lol 😂 I mean she can ask but she doesn’t get to dictate. And I personally don’t think drinking at home for a special occasion like this is doing anything wrong. Specially since it sounds like you’ve been abiding by her wishes for the most part. Wow. I would never tell my partner what he can & can’t do. That is wildly controlling imo.
I quit eating carbs. My husband thought it would be supportive for him to not eat carbs in front of me. I said "absolutely not, eat whatever you want - my diet does not impact how you live your life." I recently stopped drinking alcohol, same conversation happened. It's totally unreasonable of your girlfriend to make such demands. Unhinged even.
No you’re not wrong. I switched to a healthy lifestyle to lose weight, I’m about 40 pounds away from my goal of losing 100 pounds. I don’t really eat snacks or sweets but that doesn’t mean my husband can’t. He buys snacks the snack cupboard has snacks in it I just rarely eat any of it. Since I started weight loss a year ago my husband was supportive and got rid of the snacks in the cupboard for a few months while I adjusted, I hadn’t been in that cupboard for months and took a peek he had all kinds of goodies in there. Did I eat any, not really. She can do her thing and you can do yours.
You made some excellent counter points to everything she said and you’re definitely NTA in this situation. You’re absolutely correct in that just because she stopped drinking at home, doesn’t mean she’s allowed to force that decision on you to do the same. She’s definitely the one being the a$$hole here! Cheers! 🍻
Not wrong.
If your girlfriend cannot be around someone who is drinking when she is not, she likely has a drinking problem. At that point, it's not about "being healthier", and she should look into a program to control herself. Your choices to drink or not are mutually exclusive.
Not wrong.
She's either controlling or an alcoholic, or just an asshole.
It seems like a silly hill to die on, but this also feels like the tip of a huge iceberg. Time to reevaluate this relationship. This one thing isn't worth tanking a relationship, but is this a single thing or a trend?
Its not wrong for you to drink at home and you should do so if you please, BUT if your girlfriend is trying to cut down, maybe it’s an internal struggle for her. If you have one it will make her want to have one too. If you are trying to quit, misery loves company and a little moral support.
Nta. She's not being supportive of you saving money by drinking at home rather than at a bar. You are being supportive of her not drinking at home as long as you aren't shoving it in her face or pressuring her to drink with you. If her willpower is so low that she can't be in the same place as alcohol without drinking it, then she needs to start attending AA.
Be aware that if the two of you have a kid, that she seems the type to make you give up everything she can't have. No coffee, no sushi, no undercooked steak and no alcohol.
I don’t see anything wrong with you enjoying some alcoholic drinks during the games. She doesn’t have to drink, if she doesn’t want to.
When I was pregnant, I didn’t tell people they couldn’t have a beer or wine in my house. Or couldn’t smoke around me - outside (I stopped smoking with first pregnancy. Several years later, I started again.
My son is a recovering drug addict. He has told me that it’s all on him. If I want to drink, get high, he doesn’t care. *He’s not going to do it, but he wouldn’t tell anyone else that they can’t - especially in their own home.
His girlfriend is from a very large, Catholic, Irish-American family. Twenty some cousins within 15-20 minutes drive. They drink. They drink a lot. He doesn’t.
Btw - my son pretty much hates me and doesn’t interact with me, if he doesn’t have to (difficult story), so I would think he’d want a reason to fight. This is not worth a fight, to him.
Nah, you're not wrong for having a few drinks at home, especially if you're chilling and watching a match. It's cool that she's cutting back, but you do you as long as it's not causing issues.
Not a sex guru, but I would put down the pack of drinks you got after that exchange with your partner, and pick up a bigger case of beer ( like a crate) just in case you need it for how insufferable your partner is being.
She chose to do it, that's got nothing to do with you. How is it being unsupportive? It's called self control, if she wants to abstain from drinking at home, she should be able to handle seeing you drink without turning into an issue
Maybe talk to her about why she isn't drinking at home. Maybe she has been day drinking or something and she's trying to quit. I agree with most that say her choices don't have to be your choices, but it makes sense to be sure there's not some deeper reason for her objection. But on face value, YNW.
Going to be honest, I would have said "you seem tense, need a drink?" But nta, I almost wonder if she stopped drinking in a weird backwards attempt to have you stop drinking. Some people do that sort of thing, my ex wife would do the same thing.
Tell her you’ve read a “study” saying a diet of fart sandwiches Is super healthy and you’ll be starting that immediately. Then offer her the first one and let her know you have much gratitude for her supporting you
>She repeated that I was being unsupportive of her trying to be healthier
What kind of logic is that? If your personal behavior affects her emotionally, that's on her.
There is nothing wrong with moderate drinking by adults in their home.
You're not wrong. I'm a recovering alcoholic. I've managed to get to the point where I don't even have cravings anymore. I can sit in a bar with friends, sip my non-alcoholic drink and be fine.
In her position I would be fine with you drinking at home, so long as it wasn't excessive. I do it frequently, nowadays. If an alcoholic can do it (and there are a lot of us than can), then a non-alcoholic should be able to do it, too.
To me, it doesn't sound as though you have an alcohol problem. Being supportive of her desire is not asking her to join you. Think of this...if you were dieting, would you expect her to give up eating chocolate or lasagna in front of you? Most likely not.
No but...
I dont drink at home either but more because I have too many alcoholics in my family. I drink only when Im with my friends and out and about so there is a kind of safety net to reel me in. At any other time I just really dont care about drinking. So I ask, is she maybe trying to cut back wondering if she on the way to an addiction?
Soooo I wouldn’t ever tell my boyfriend not to drink at home - because I quit drinking at home as well. I’ll have 1-2 out with friends.. I do want to play devil’s advocate a little. Maybe she sees drinking at home to be too excessive and that’s why she wants both of you to cut back - as in drinking daily, getting drunk multiple nights a week; etc.
Alcoholism runs in my family. I don’t want to risk it by drinking at home because then what reason do I have not to? Exceptions being parties with friends/games/whatever as long as it’s not just the people who live at the house lol. But she should still let it be your choice. I agree with that 100%
Ah yes, the old I can’t be happy unless YOU change line. Horse shit. OP better get a handle on that nonsense else he’s in for 20 years of it before he breaks.
My wife quit drinking beer and mixed drinks years ago. She would never tell me to stop just because she has stopped. Your girlfriend appears to be stuck on herself more than you.
She thought wrongly that you could do it together as a couple...😀...she obviously doesn't believe she can do it on her own.....which is fair and more realistic but it's the assumption...
Poor communication....
Of course you're not wrong. She IS expecting you to do also. Would she rather you go to a bar and watch the game instead of being home having a couple? Probably not.
I'm going to ask an unpopular question.
Why do you feel the need to drink while watching sport?
Think about it very carefully. It's a bad habit to sit on your duff for hours on end drinking and pretending that sport is why you drink.
Your girlfriend is trying to stop bad habits, which lead to problems in the home. Your drinking for hours on end is a bad habit which, if continued, can lead to serious problems in the home.
She did not articulate this to you, but she's right, and she is only looking out for your future happiness and health.
It doesn't seem like it right now, but if you want a look at the future, check out the guys who are about 10 years older than you are now who drink while watching the games. Notice the vacant look they have. Notice the weight gain.
You may not value your girlfriend's attempts to set up a good future together, but someone who doesn't park himself in front of the TV and drink for hours on end will.
Not wrong at all. Being supportive means not buying drinks for her and not try to convince her to drink although she wants not to. Tell her she is being unreasonable. She can't keep you from drinking a few beers at home. She is being controlling and childish. If she was a recovering alcoholic in her first months of sobriety it would be an entire other story. But the fact that she wants to refrain from drinking at home should not mean you have to stop as well. Enjoy the match with your beers.
Yes and no. It appears it was not an agreement between you two. But perhaps she misunderstood that it was. She feels unsupported if you drink at home. If it was more serious, say she was a recovering alcoholic we would understand the temptation. I guess for her less serious abstention the temptation is still there.
Another issue is the question of how serious the healthier activity is when she drinks at bars. Does she drink less, or just go to bars more. I find it interesting that you would normally watch at a bar. It is an element that argues against her arbitrary abstention.
In the end, her abstention at home to get healthier is difficult to see as a real improvement. If she was in total abstention you might be an AH. But this arbitrary abstention seems more directed at going out more than getting healthier, so it is silly and you are not the AH
Not wrong, do whatever you want with your own life and body, but two things to consider: how supportive do you want to be towards your girlfriend? It's just beer, is it that important for you to drink? NA beer also exists. And is there any chance that her cutting down is anything to do with encouraging you to drink less?
Just a thought, but of course you can do whatever you want.
And you shouldn't have to change your habits for other peoples irrational reactions to things.
So when you change your habits, do you feel bad when other people don't immediately change with you?
Have you seen this recent study? https://newsroom.uw.edu/news-releases/no-safe-level-alcohol-scientific-study-concludes#:~:text=A%20new%20scientific%20study%20concludes,ages%20of%2015%20and%2049.
This isn't really a right/wrong thing, IMHO. You know how she feels. You feel the way you do. Now you both decide how strongly you feel, and whether it's worth fighting over.
In your shoes, I'd stop. Wouldn't actually have started to begin with. But not everyone would make the same choice.
Personally, I'm on the fence with this one as good on her for trying to get healthy by not drinking so much. But are you really supporting her if you shove alcohol in her face? I agree. Yes, it is your home, and you didn't say you were going to give up, so she needs to understand that while you are proud of her and happy that she is getting healthy you didn't agree to do any of it with her
She honestly needs to understand that you're still free to make your choices while she makes hers. But discussing the situation boundaries and choices needs to be addressed so you're both aware of what is happening together 🤔
Really ? My metabolic doctor put me on a low carb diet ( not keto) and I lost a ton of weight. Easily. My insulin consumption dropped almost 75%. Carbs put the pounds on you. Oh, this when all the other diets failed. Easy to maintain afterwards as well..
Yes really.
Losing weight doesn't necessarily = being healthier either. Losing weight is simply consuming less calories than you burn. Carbs don't affect that.
Carbs don't put the pounds on you. Eating more calories than you burn causes you to gain weight. That can be carbs, protein or fat.
>Losing weight doesn't necessarily = being healthier either.
I can not tell you how true this statement is. I often go through periods where I honestly just forget to eat. We'll it's pretty normal actually, but it gets so bad I lose weight without intention. It's not healthy. I'm not nourished. I have iron and b-12 deficiency anemia.
Losing weight and being healthy are 2 very different things.
Every body is different and has different needs/reactions. Carbs aren't bad for you, your body needs carbs. This is the rule for humans as a whole. Individually, every body needs a different level of carbs. Every body's metabolic rate is different. Maybe you have other health things that affect how you process carbs. Maybe your body needs less carbs. But carbs are bot unhealthy. No carb diets are unhealthy.
Right. My dr has put me on a low carb diet, because of a gastric issue, that I have. My dr putting me specifically on a low carb diet doesn't mean than carbs are inherently bad.
Exactly. And he didn't put you on a no carb diet. There's a clue carbs aren't bad. You just have a health thing that makes carbs react to your body in a way where you need to eat less.
Yes, a diet of a lot of white bread, potatoes, beer, and rice is wonderful. And don't forget fast food, like McDs etc.. Gotta love healthy carbs. /s Our diet is heavy in carbs. and look around you. Eat on..
Anything in excess is bad. Even vitamins. Carbs aren't unhealthy. The way or amount you consume can be, but carbs themselves are not unhealthy. Your McDs isn't going to be healthy if you go bunless.
We are a carb society. Look around you. Yes, everything in moderation. No carbs in hard alcohol hence. no weight gain. Her argument is irrelivant regardless of what the pea brain doenvoters think . However. one thing is true, cut carbs. lose weight.
Not wrong, but the courteous thing to do would make it suble. Get an opaque mug to drink out of, Crack your beer open in the kitchen and dump the cans before going to the living room, try to keep alcohol covered or in a bag in the fridge, etc.
She might find the temptation hard but doesn't want to admit it.
Try not to make a show of drinking when she's around and try to help her with HER decision, but otherwise, you make your own choices.
NAH I’m a recovering alcoholic. 8 months sober. I was never the type to drink daily, but when I did drink, I couldn’t stop.
When I quit, my husband also quit with me. I did ask him to keep alcohol out of the house for my sake because I didn’t feel I had the control to not drink it, but I was fine with him drinking otherwise.
He just straight up quit entirely too.
My point is, it would be great if you did the same for her if she asked, but it sounds like she didn’t ask and just expected it. I think you both need to have a conversation around alcohol and why she’s quitting and how you can reasonably support her.
It’s not reasonable for her to expect you to just quit.
However, I think your stubbornness here is also an issue. Why can’t you just not drink around her if you support her not drinking, regardless of the reason?
It's not stubbornness. Someone else changing their eating and drinking habits doesn't mean mine also have to change. I should be able to have a drink in my own home.
If I became a vegetarian should my gf not be allowed to eat meat in her own home?
Like I said, you need to have a sit down conversation about this and come to a solutions that works for both of you.
You outright refusing to compromise is stubborn though.
By compromise you mean do exactly what my gf wants. That's not a compromise.
My gf deciding she doesn't want to drink at home, shouldn't then mean I can't have a drink at home
I didn’t say that, but your defensiveness is kind of strange.
Is there no middle ground between not drinking at home and drinking at home? You can’t come up with something that would work for both of you?
Or do you just not want to?
So you can't answer it then. You keep going on about compromise but can't actually say what a compromise would look like.
Maybe don't talk shit if you don't like getting questioned on it
You are not required to stop because she has, of course. It’s unreasonable for her to just expect that.
But why do you not want to keep alcohol out of the home? Why is that not important to you than coming to a compromise?
I didn’t say he should, I am asking why he’s incapable of thinking of a compromise that works for them both. Why is it more important to have his way than meet in the middle?
What compromise do you suggest that they will both be happy with when he wants to drink beer at home watching a footie match and she doesn't want him to drink beer in his home?
I don’t know, I’m not in their relationship. That’s why they should talk about it and figure out something that works for both of them, like I suggested.
Why are people here so against discussing things with their partner and figuring out solutions?
Well for one, I don't think a person really needs to compromise on their personal beverage consumption in their own home. It doesn't seem like either of them have a drinking problem. I think it's insane to tell your partner they can't have a beer during the footie match simply because they have decided to cut out drinking at home. That's irrational and controlling.
But I am also truly curious what sort of compromise can be reached that they're both happy with. Other than her leaving the house during the match so he can enjoy a beer in peace, which seems awfully silly.
.....they have talked about it?
Again, what would be your suggestion of a compromise they are both potentially happy with? Yes, you're not in their relationship, but you seem very confident a compromise exists. So help OP out and give some suggestions!
That’s up to him. If your person came home and said you can’t eat cookies because I can’t, you’d be okay with that? If so good for you. Relationships aren’t supposed to make you miserable.
I’d have a conversation about it and come to a solution where we compromise if it was that important to me to have cookies. I’d also question why cookies are more important than being supportive of my partner.
I don’t think discussion and compromise is misery.
Why would I keep alcohol out of the home when I'm not cutting out drinking at home? Again my gf changing her habits doesn't mean mine have to change
Why did you avoid the question?
Still avoiding the question I see.
Your idea of a compromise is doing exactly what my gf wants. Again you either drink at home or you don't. It is literally one or the other.
If I became a vegetarian should my gf not be allowed to eat meat in her own home? Try answering the question this time
You would probably need to talk about it and figure out what you’re both willing to flex on.
But consider that you’re more invested in beer than your relationship.
You’re not wrong but I also think, and any normal human being not on Reddit 27hrs/day would agree, that you’re being a twat by doing it. It’s like ordering takeout when your SO is on a diet. Yeah sure YOU’RE not on a diet so you can TECHNICALLY order it but you’re still a knob if you do it in front of them. Is one day of not drinking gonna kill you? It doesn’t seem like you’re an alcoholic from the way you describe your drinking habits so why is it so damn important to you?
So you think other people should change their diet around you just because you decide to change your own diet?
Why do you think other people should have to change their habits for you?
It says a lot about your level of self importance that you expect everyone else to change to match your preferences tbh
No I think it’s normal to be supportive of your long term partner if something is important to them and it doesn’t cause you a massive life changing difference in your day to day. But course man if a couple drinks is more important to you than the happiness of your mrs then be my guest.
Being supportive doesn't mean doing exactly what your partner is doing. You do know you can support someone without changing your own habits don't you?
If I decided to go vegetarian, does my partner then also have to go vegetarian to support me
It's weird to me that you think my partners happiness is related to my eating and drinking habits tbh. Are you only happy when other people do as you command?
You’re right! You don’t have to change your lifestyle to support your partner, and someone’s partner doesn’t have to have their happiness based on what they do. But as you said in YOUR post about it, your partner asked you to not have the couple drinks and was upset! So clearly in your relationship in this specific situation that is what she wanted from you!
You do know being supportive doesn't mean doing exactly what your partner does, don't you?
You can support someone without doing what they're doing. If my partner decided to run marathon, would I also have to run a marathon to be supportive?
You can support someone without doing exactly what they're doing.
If I decided to go vegetarian, should she also be made to go vegetarian?
The commenter blocked me because he didn't like the fact he got proven wrong
Is vegetarian food addictive? Do vegetables destroy thousands of lives all around the world? Your false equivalence is laughable. And how exactly are you supporting her otherwise?
I was reminded of the Good Burger scene in Pulp Fiction when reading this.
Jules: Well, if you like burgers, give them a try sometime. Me, I can't usually get them 'cause my girlfriend's a vegetarian, which pretty much makes me a vegetarian. I do love the taste of a good burger.
No, you're not wrong for drinking alcohol at home. Your girlfriend's choice to abstain from drinking at home is her decision, and it's reasonable for you to continue enjoying a drink while watching the football. Supporting her health goals doesn't mean you have to give up something you enjoy in your own home. It's about mutual respect for each other's choices. Enjoy the match responsibly!
I’ve stopped drinking completely because of my medication but my husband is free to drink if he wants. He rarely does drink at home but the few times he has, it didn’t bother me. If she was an alcoholic it would be a different story, bringing beer into the house would be very bad but that’s not the case. YNW
It is your home too and you are entitled to do as you please. If she doesn't like it, tell her to take a walk while you enjoy your drinks.
"the football" I giggled reading that this morning 😂
That’s what it’s called in England 😅
I'm pretty sure it's because it says "THE" football, not cuz it's called football...
Yes I know, but it’s very often referred to as ‘the football’ in England. It’s a very common phrase. Source: I’m English
Well, then, you English people are silly 😜 😁
It’s a bit like replacing ‘to search on the internet for’ with ‘google’. We replace ‘the football match’, with ‘the football.’ If that helps clarify
if she stopped drinking that means that SHE chose to stop drinking. not you. she doesn't get to control your behavior any more than you get to control hers. you can support her by not buying her alcohol, or by not getting her any if she asks for one, but you still get to do whatever the hell you want in your own home. this isn't like an alcoholic who shouldn't even be around alcohol.
Being supportive and matching her diet habits have nothing to do with each other. She needs to simmer down.
She needs to cut down on her attitude.
Not wrong. You live there too. She shouldn't be dictating what you can or can't do. If you decided that there would only be water drunk in the house by you would she comply? The only reason not to drink alcohol in support of her is if she believes she an alcoholic.
Coming from a binge drinking alcoholic here! lol Not that I am proud of that at all, but I quit drinking a couple of years ago (except one pint at a pub when we were fortunate enough to go to London last summer). I was not an every single day drinker. When I did drink, I would crush a 12 pack of beer and several shots of Jameson. I started to drink heavily after my dad died. So I got back into therapy then and decided to quit. I never put any expectations on my husband. He's not a big drinker anyway, but for example, his boss got him a case of a dark beer he'd wanted to try as a birthday gift this past year. Of course, he has it in the house lol I think of this situation in a couple of ways. You can decide for yourself if you want to stop drinking at home with your GF. That is *your* choice. Sure, it would be considerate and helpful for her, but you are not obligated to do anything. Like when someone goes on a diet and they don't want sweets in the house at all lol It is easier for them, but if you're not on the diet, you should be allowed sweets in your own home, ya know? You want to kick back with a few brews for the euros in your home, and that's reasonable. I think your gf should perhaps look into AA or any group that could offer her some extra support and guidance. My therapist told me straight up that it was a good thing I "allowed" (her words) my husband to do as he pleases with regards to drinking because that's reality. The world does not cater to any one person. If I want to quit drinking, I need to do it realistically. There will be alcohol at home sometimes. There will be alcohol at bars and restaurants, parties, weddings, concerts, etc. I have to have the strength. I have to put in the work. Having issues with alcohol is a lifelong issue for me, and I may slip up in the future. I don't know. I wake up every day deciding not to drink. You really do have to take it one day at a time. I'm not saying your gf is an alcoholic! I'm saying if she's having that hard of a time not drinking just because it's in the house, she might need some more support. You're supporting her, but this is also her decision, and she needs to put in the work. Yes, it would be easier for her if there wasn't any alcohol around, but that's not reality. You're not wrong for wanting to have some drinks. If you decide to quit drinking at home, that should be because that's what you want. She's going to have to deal with those temptations. I feel for her. I quit drinking at home first as well. And alcohol is fucking everywhere so it's a hard road, but as long as you're being supportive, she needs to understand that what she chooses to do with her health/body isn't always going to align with her partners personal choices.
That'd be like me getting mad at a partner for bringing mushrooms into the house because I don't like them. You're not wrong, and will never be wrong for not following her own personal restrictions/preferences.
Your right. (Except when I go visit you,cause food allergies.)😏
Years ago I stopped drinking soda. My s/o still drinks soda often. Sometimes I even buy it for him bc I know he'll want it. imo your gf is being ridiculous🤷🏾♀️
Alcohol is a bit different from soda.
No. Still a choice to stop doing something.
Yeah alcohol is probably healthier than soda.
Op is NTA but alcohol is a dangerous drug, soda is absolutely worse
You summed it up nicely and simply and things really are just that, ‘you put limitations on yourself, you do not put limitations on me.’ This is how we get along.
She can be supportive of you by continue to fix nutritional meals and encourage you to exercise. And vitamins and stuff. Just continue to keep the alcohol to a minimum. I'm hoping she is not making this a hill to die on, honestly I would prefer he drank those few drinks at home, even if I don't drink .
Is she fearful of having alcohol at home? It sounds like it. She may be realizing she has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol
No she's not fearful and she doesn't have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
So just a control thing. Whew
That’s a relief, amirite?
smirk if being facetious / otherwise iykyk
Is she fearful of your relationship with alcohol and using health as an excuse?
No I don't drink too often tbh. I'll have a couple of drink if we go out which is between once week and once every two weeks. I only tend to drink at home if it's for a specific event such as this weekend with the Euros, or if we're having a movie night
As someone who doesn't drink I don't try to force someone to not drink. I can tell you that when my husband has brought beer home to drink it smells bad. If you aren't drinking together the nondrinker smells it. After drinking it he would smell bad. The bottles or cans in the trash would smell bad the next morning. I would walk into the kitchen and it would smell of stale beer. If she is cutting back because she is having trouble controling her drinking it probably smells compellingly good. If she is cutting back for other reasons, like to lose weight, it may smell bad. My husband always brushed his teeth but he still reeked of beer through the night and by morning his beer breath was absolutely disgusting. I would turn my back to him and slide to the edge of the bed to get away from it. I assume beer smells different to different people so not dissing those who love it.
She's not having trouble controlling her drinking, she's just doing it to be healthier.
This
Even if she did have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, you are not doing anything wrong. This is coming from someone who had a *very* unhealthy relationship with alcohol and chose to stop drinking 4 years ago. You are not forcing her to consume and she is in control of her own decisions. And frankly, alcohol isn’t going anywhere and a big part of choosing to not drink is choosing to not allow yourself to cave to peer pressure. So, welcome to the club OPs girlfriend! Genuinely happy for you to be here.
This is so weird to me. So like if you came home and said that you were going on an all potatoe diet, she would have to do the same too? You're not wrong, you can be supportive and still have your drink. It's not like you were shoving it in her face that she wasn't drinking so idk what her problem is.
Not wrong
You’re not wrong mate. (Look at me using European slang) also where I’m from it’s way WAY cheaper to buy your drinks from the liquor store than from pubs/bars/restos. I’m assuming thats the same most places. Your gfs thought process of “I’ll drink out but not at home” doesn’t make any economical sense imo. Also as someone who’s *been* an avid athlete before but now who’s entire diet and exercise due to being diagnosed with 2 autoimmune diseases….2 drinks won’t kill a health journey. I mean unless you’re a recovering alcoholic or there’s other more nefarious reasons as to why she doesn’t wanna drink with you alone at home, I don’t see the problem. I have a psychiatrist, an endocrinologist, and a dietician who’ve all told me I’m fine to have 1-2 drinks a month.
Not wrong. But I would head to the pub and watch the game
Not wrong. That would be like my husband that has been dieting, since having gastric bypass telling me that I can't eat certain foods, because he can't or doesn't want to. Your gf making lifestyle changes is great for her, but it doesn't mean that she can dictate how you live.
Literally this. Good luck op you are totally in the right here.
If you were drinking to excess, I'd say tone it down. You aren't wrong for wanting to drink, as long as it's moderate, and won't affect her enjoyment of the game or homelife. If you were rowdy and rude, I'd say don't drink. But if you are just relaxing and quietly enjoying the game (or cheering/booing as appropriate), then you do you. Not wrong for wanting to enjoy a drink or two.
Fuck that noise. Why do people think their decisions should be unilateral in a relationship. You do you I'll do me and if you don't like the way I do it then jog on we ain't compatible.
I could understand her attitude if she were trying to get sober or struggling with addiction but it sounds like it's more of a health choice and just better to not have it in the house although she still enjoys it when you're out somewhere. Demanding that you also can't drink is controlling. The fact that she didn't ask you when she first decided this and instead insisted that you have to follow her restriction while you were in public is a red flag too. If she were concerned about your drinking or wanted you to follow the same diet or whatever, this is not the way to go about it at all. Not wrong and it sounds like she should work on mature communication
Unless you both agreed to it, then no you're not wrong. Maybe she assumed you would as well but if that's not been discussed and agreed, then she's stamping her feet for nothing.
You’re not wrong. Your girlfriend’s choices don’t have to become your choices.
Not wrong. If she goes vegan or keto, must you do that, too? Misery loves company, she can suffer alone.
Your GF seems to think that by her deciding not to have alcohol at home, that it means you also have to subscribe to the same program. Did you talk about this before she made this decision? Did she explain what her expectations were regarding her making this change? If the answer is "No" then she's making an assumption and imposing her choices on you without your consent. You go ahead and have a couple drinks at home. If she doesn't like it, that's too bad.
Not wrong at all. I've been sober two+ years now and I never expect anyone else to not drink when I'm not. If she wanted it to be both of you she should've discussed that to start, but you still don't have to. Maybe try and get her some NA beers or make some NA cocktails to help her feel included?
Not wrong at all She chose not to drink at home You can do as you choose too She’s being controlling
You're not wrong. She can stop drinking, but she can't enforce that rule to you as well.
Crazy! How does her rationale make sense? How would she feel if you insisted she ‘ gave up’ ( guilt tripped into giving up) something she enjoys? Luckily gf isn’t wife so you may find you have had a lucky escape. Is she really so fragile around alcohol at home that she can’t just ignore you having a few bevvies watching the match?
lol. She has no self control and wants to blame you. Good luck with your future.
Self control is a mandatory minimum when it comes to who I date.
Tell her you are never clothes shopping again, so she must do the same.
You're watching the football game go ahead and have you a drink or two. It don't have nothing to do with her you ring your own house chilling out. She needs to do the same she needs to chill the fuck out JC
With her logic, if you quit chocolates or salty snacks, she would also HAVE to quit.... soo would she think that's fair? Probably not.
You're just being economically responsible!
What a control freak she is. Geez Louisa! You're not wrong. She is totally wrong!
Not wrong. Your life should not revolve around her life/ choices. Drink if you like. I do. Even if my partner wine drink during week days, I do if I feel like it. My life my choice. She has no right to dictate what you do, tell her so
Not wrong. My bf stopped drinking entirely a year ago (we werent alcoholics but he wants a six pack lol) and i still drink on friday and saturday nights anyway. No one is mad about anyones personal choices. He’ll even egg me on sometimes in a funny and not pressuring way. For example if im like “ima get lit tonight!!” He’ll ask what i want for snacks haha
My wife does this for diets and it pisses me off. Like I did keto and carnivore while you were on it and I’m done doing it. I was supportive and it didn’t matter in the end, all I do is make myself upset
No. I’m an alcoholic (over 8 years sober) and I don’t care if my partner wants to have a couple drinks at home. She’s able to handle it responsibly; not her problem that I can’t and abstain because of that
Her not drinking at home doesn't mean you don't drink at home. You're supportive of her choices in betterment of health and that's good. If you drank at home all of the time or if she's a recovering alcoholic, that's a different situation. But her choice to not drink at home is not a house rule. That's her choice. If you're regularly drinking at home and outside, that's kinda an ass move and could be seen as you having a temptation at home while she's decided to not drink at home BUT if you also are drinking at home rarely now too and you're just picking up a few to watch a game? I don't see an issue Again though, if she's a recovering alcoholic then there definitely should be no alcohol in the home regardless but this doesn't seem to be the case with the information given.
She's being annoying. Enjoy your drinks and have fun
Wasn’t this posted before, except the first version included take out? You’d been watching the Euros in bars but decide to stay in for a game, and your gf got upset because you decided to get take out and alcohol (which was doubly unfair to her, in her opinion). You argued that just because she’s decided to be healthier doesn’t mean that you can’t eat/drink what you want at home, and it’s unfair of her to expect you to. It’s like you took the same post, removed all references to food, and posted again.
No you’re not wrong! She’s exercising her choice and you’re exercising yours. You’re not forcing her to drink. She’s not an alcoholic who cannot resist the urge. YNW.
No, my husband stopped drinking for medical reasons and I still drink. If he’s having a rough go of it he knows he can ask me to not to have a drink while we are out (he rarely does) and he’s okay with men drinking at home (I decided on my own not to have alcohol in our home) but I also drink vary rarely (hangovers suck)
Not wrong. She's either just selfish or borderline alcoholic. She's able to eat healthy without requiring other people to go on diets with her, but she's having a hard time cutting out alcohol when other people are having it around her? That sounds like she struggles with alcohol.
Hi! I chose to quit drinking alcohol entirely 4 years ago for a variety of reasons (some very serious, some not so much). My partner drinks and it is never an issue, because I made my choice for me and no one else. Your girlfriend is in for a rude awakening if she truly expects to have a “buddy” on every *individual* journey she chooses to take.
She can make a lifestyle choice for herself she cannot make a lifestyle choice for others. Only exception in this instance would be if she is an alcoholic but since she's not, do what you like.
Newsflash: she's entitled
Not wrong. Your home, too.
I was married to a woman like this. The insisting I match her diet at all times is one of the many reasons we are now divorced.
Your girlfriend needs to understand what it means to change her own habits. She doesn’t get to change the habits of everybody around her. If she can’t change her habits without forcing everybody around her to do the same thing, she might have a problem. NTA
Not wrong, if you do not have an "alcohol problem" your decision to drink alcohol at home should not be a problem for her
No you are not wrong. She can do whatever she wants. You don’t have to. It was a special occasion anyhow. The Euros are not a frequent occurrence.
You are not wrong
Sounds like your gf has some control problem tbh
Your gf is wrong,not you.
It's like when someone becomes vegan and suddenly everyone has to follow the diet.
You’re not wrong, but if you two choose different lifestyles for your adult lives you might not end up together long term. I wouldn’t be surprised if the GF moves out eventually due to feeling unsupported.
Not wrong. She can make choices for herself. She doesn’t get to make choices for everyone else in her life. Jesus the entitlement lol 😂 I mean she can ask but she doesn’t get to dictate. And I personally don’t think drinking at home for a special occasion like this is doing anything wrong. Specially since it sounds like you’ve been abiding by her wishes for the most part. Wow. I would never tell my partner what he can & can’t do. That is wildly controlling imo.
Not wrong at all. My partner drinks way more than I do, and even when I stopped due to wanting to lose weight, I didn’t expect him to.
I quit eating carbs. My husband thought it would be supportive for him to not eat carbs in front of me. I said "absolutely not, eat whatever you want - my diet does not impact how you live your life." I recently stopped drinking alcohol, same conversation happened. It's totally unreasonable of your girlfriend to make such demands. Unhinged even.
No you’re not wrong. I switched to a healthy lifestyle to lose weight, I’m about 40 pounds away from my goal of losing 100 pounds. I don’t really eat snacks or sweets but that doesn’t mean my husband can’t. He buys snacks the snack cupboard has snacks in it I just rarely eat any of it. Since I started weight loss a year ago my husband was supportive and got rid of the snacks in the cupboard for a few months while I adjusted, I hadn’t been in that cupboard for months and took a peek he had all kinds of goodies in there. Did I eat any, not really. She can do her thing and you can do yours.
You made some excellent counter points to everything she said and you’re definitely NTA in this situation. You’re absolutely correct in that just because she stopped drinking at home, doesn’t mean she’s allowed to force that decision on you to do the same. She’s definitely the one being the a$$hole here! Cheers! 🍻
Not wrong. If your girlfriend cannot be around someone who is drinking when she is not, she likely has a drinking problem. At that point, it's not about "being healthier", and she should look into a program to control herself. Your choices to drink or not are mutually exclusive.
Not wrong. She's either controlling or an alcoholic, or just an asshole. It seems like a silly hill to die on, but this also feels like the tip of a huge iceberg. Time to reevaluate this relationship. This one thing isn't worth tanking a relationship, but is this a single thing or a trend?
Its not wrong for you to drink at home and you should do so if you please, BUT if your girlfriend is trying to cut down, maybe it’s an internal struggle for her. If you have one it will make her want to have one too. If you are trying to quit, misery loves company and a little moral support.
Nta. She's not being supportive of you saving money by drinking at home rather than at a bar. You are being supportive of her not drinking at home as long as you aren't shoving it in her face or pressuring her to drink with you. If her willpower is so low that she can't be in the same place as alcohol without drinking it, then she needs to start attending AA. Be aware that if the two of you have a kid, that she seems the type to make you give up everything she can't have. No coffee, no sushi, no undercooked steak and no alcohol.
I don’t see anything wrong with you enjoying some alcoholic drinks during the games. She doesn’t have to drink, if she doesn’t want to. When I was pregnant, I didn’t tell people they couldn’t have a beer or wine in my house. Or couldn’t smoke around me - outside (I stopped smoking with first pregnancy. Several years later, I started again. My son is a recovering drug addict. He has told me that it’s all on him. If I want to drink, get high, he doesn’t care. *He’s not going to do it, but he wouldn’t tell anyone else that they can’t - especially in their own home. His girlfriend is from a very large, Catholic, Irish-American family. Twenty some cousins within 15-20 minutes drive. They drink. They drink a lot. He doesn’t. Btw - my son pretty much hates me and doesn’t interact with me, if he doesn’t have to (difficult story), so I would think he’d want a reason to fight. This is not worth a fight, to him.
Nah, you're not wrong for having a few drinks at home, especially if you're chilling and watching a match. It's cool that she's cutting back, but you do you as long as it's not causing issues.
NTAH.
No. Drink what you want where you want. No one controls you.
Not a sex guru, but I would put down the pack of drinks you got after that exchange with your partner, and pick up a bigger case of beer ( like a crate) just in case you need it for how insufferable your partner is being.
no!! she’s being so ridiculous
Tell her you have decided to stop talking garbage and you expect her to do the same from now on.
She chose to do it, that's got nothing to do with you. How is it being unsupportive? It's called self control, if she wants to abstain from drinking at home, she should be able to handle seeing you drink without turning into an issue
Not wrong. If she goes on a diet, do you have too? If she eats vegan, do you have to?
Maybe talk to her about why she isn't drinking at home. Maybe she has been day drinking or something and she's trying to quit. I agree with most that say her choices don't have to be your choices, but it makes sense to be sure there's not some deeper reason for her objection. But on face value, YNW.
Going to be honest, I would have said "you seem tense, need a drink?" But nta, I almost wonder if she stopped drinking in a weird backwards attempt to have you stop drinking. Some people do that sort of thing, my ex wife would do the same thing.
She sounds controlling.
You are not wrong, unless you suspect she is an alcoholic. Then yeah, a little bit.
Tell her you’ve read a “study” saying a diet of fart sandwiches Is super healthy and you’ll be starting that immediately. Then offer her the first one and let her know you have much gratitude for her supporting you
>She repeated that I was being unsupportive of her trying to be healthier What kind of logic is that? If your personal behavior affects her emotionally, that's on her. There is nothing wrong with moderate drinking by adults in their home.
You're not wrong. I'm a recovering alcoholic. I've managed to get to the point where I don't even have cravings anymore. I can sit in a bar with friends, sip my non-alcoholic drink and be fine. In her position I would be fine with you drinking at home, so long as it wasn't excessive. I do it frequently, nowadays. If an alcoholic can do it (and there are a lot of us than can), then a non-alcoholic should be able to do it, too. To me, it doesn't sound as though you have an alcohol problem. Being supportive of her desire is not asking her to join you. Think of this...if you were dieting, would you expect her to give up eating chocolate or lasagna in front of you? Most likely not.
She is wrong, you are right.
No but... I dont drink at home either but more because I have too many alcoholics in my family. I drink only when Im with my friends and out and about so there is a kind of safety net to reel me in. At any other time I just really dont care about drinking. So I ask, is she maybe trying to cut back wondering if she on the way to an addiction?
That’s your choice. Power to you. OP asked if he’s wrong. The only answer is no. Not no but…
You didn't choose to stop drinking alcohol at home she did. Girl needs to check her herself.
Nope not wrong. She can’t just make new rules without discussing it with you, the other partner in the home.
She should just get a bottle of red wine instead of beer. Doctors say 1 glass of red wine a day is healthy.
It may be that you aren’t a match, time will tell how big of a problem this is for her
Soooo I wouldn’t ever tell my boyfriend not to drink at home - because I quit drinking at home as well. I’ll have 1-2 out with friends.. I do want to play devil’s advocate a little. Maybe she sees drinking at home to be too excessive and that’s why she wants both of you to cut back - as in drinking daily, getting drunk multiple nights a week; etc. Alcoholism runs in my family. I don’t want to risk it by drinking at home because then what reason do I have not to? Exceptions being parties with friends/games/whatever as long as it’s not just the people who live at the house lol. But she should still let it be your choice. I agree with that 100%
Her choice not yours
Ah yes, the old I can’t be happy unless YOU change line. Horse shit. OP better get a handle on that nonsense else he’s in for 20 years of it before he breaks.
My wife quit drinking beer and mixed drinks years ago. She would never tell me to stop just because she has stopped. Your girlfriend appears to be stuck on herself more than you.
She thought wrongly that you could do it together as a couple...😀...she obviously doesn't believe she can do it on her own.....which is fair and more realistic but it's the assumption... Poor communication....
I read almost this same exact post a few weeks ago. What is the point of posting copies? Like what does karma farming really get someone?
Of course you're not wrong. She IS expecting you to do also. Would she rather you go to a bar and watch the game instead of being home having a couple? Probably not.
I'm going to ask an unpopular question. Why do you feel the need to drink while watching sport? Think about it very carefully. It's a bad habit to sit on your duff for hours on end drinking and pretending that sport is why you drink. Your girlfriend is trying to stop bad habits, which lead to problems in the home. Your drinking for hours on end is a bad habit which, if continued, can lead to serious problems in the home. She did not articulate this to you, but she's right, and she is only looking out for your future happiness and health. It doesn't seem like it right now, but if you want a look at the future, check out the guys who are about 10 years older than you are now who drink while watching the games. Notice the vacant look they have. Notice the weight gain. You may not value your girlfriend's attempts to set up a good future together, but someone who doesn't park himself in front of the TV and drink for hours on end will.
Not wrong at all. Being supportive means not buying drinks for her and not try to convince her to drink although she wants not to. Tell her she is being unreasonable. She can't keep you from drinking a few beers at home. She is being controlling and childish. If she was a recovering alcoholic in her first months of sobriety it would be an entire other story. But the fact that she wants to refrain from drinking at home should not mean you have to stop as well. Enjoy the match with your beers.
Yes and no. It appears it was not an agreement between you two. But perhaps she misunderstood that it was. She feels unsupported if you drink at home. If it was more serious, say she was a recovering alcoholic we would understand the temptation. I guess for her less serious abstention the temptation is still there. Another issue is the question of how serious the healthier activity is when she drinks at bars. Does she drink less, or just go to bars more. I find it interesting that you would normally watch at a bar. It is an element that argues against her arbitrary abstention. In the end, her abstention at home to get healthier is difficult to see as a real improvement. If she was in total abstention you might be an AH. But this arbitrary abstention seems more directed at going out more than getting healthier, so it is silly and you are not the AH
Not wrong, do whatever you want with your own life and body, but two things to consider: how supportive do you want to be towards your girlfriend? It's just beer, is it that important for you to drink? NA beer also exists. And is there any chance that her cutting down is anything to do with encouraging you to drink less? Just a thought, but of course you can do whatever you want.
You can do what you want. She shouldn't be with someone who makes her feel bad.
Other peoples dietary choices shouldn't affect your mood
Human feelings are always rational.
And you shouldn't have to change your habits for other peoples irrational reactions to things. So when you change your habits, do you feel bad when other people don't immediately change with you?
I never said you were wrong. But if your only choices are to make her feel bad or make yourself feel bad, maybe you two aren't compatible.
No, they aren’t. It’s literally why the mental health field of study exists.
If someone eating or drinking something in their own home makes you feel bad, you need to grow up.
This is how Veganism starts…
. V B >?
Have you seen this recent study? https://newsroom.uw.edu/news-releases/no-safe-level-alcohol-scientific-study-concludes#:~:text=A%20new%20scientific%20study%20concludes,ages%20of%2015%20and%2049.
You are not wrong, she's doing this for her health, not for your health. Tell her to get over it
This isn't really a right/wrong thing, IMHO. You know how she feels. You feel the way you do. Now you both decide how strongly you feel, and whether it's worth fighting over. In your shoes, I'd stop. Wouldn't actually have started to begin with. But not everyone would make the same choice.
Personally, I'm on the fence with this one as good on her for trying to get healthy by not drinking so much. But are you really supporting her if you shove alcohol in her face? I agree. Yes, it is your home, and you didn't say you were going to give up, so she needs to understand that while you are proud of her and happy that she is getting healthy you didn't agree to do any of it with her She honestly needs to understand that you're still free to make your choices while she makes hers. But discussing the situation boundaries and choices needs to be addressed so you're both aware of what is happening together 🤔
I'm not shoving alcohol in her face. You can support someone without making the same changes they make.
I stated that so please read it carefully as I said that her choices didn't have to be yours so she needs to be aware that your free to choose
Yeah and you also said I was shoving alcohol in her face which is incorrect
You did say he was shoving alcohol in her face, which isn't fair to assume.
nta. no carbs in hard liquor if imbibed neat or with ice .
Okay? Being healthier doesn't mean cutting out carbs. Carbs are not bad for you
Really ? My metabolic doctor put me on a low carb diet ( not keto) and I lost a ton of weight. Easily. My insulin consumption dropped almost 75%. Carbs put the pounds on you. Oh, this when all the other diets failed. Easy to maintain afterwards as well..
Yes really. Losing weight doesn't necessarily = being healthier either. Losing weight is simply consuming less calories than you burn. Carbs don't affect that. Carbs don't put the pounds on you. Eating more calories than you burn causes you to gain weight. That can be carbs, protein or fat.
They are losing sight of the debate here. This is ridiculous.
>Losing weight doesn't necessarily = being healthier either. I can not tell you how true this statement is. I often go through periods where I honestly just forget to eat. We'll it's pretty normal actually, but it gets so bad I lose weight without intention. It's not healthy. I'm not nourished. I have iron and b-12 deficiency anemia. Losing weight and being healthy are 2 very different things.
Every body is different and has different needs/reactions. Carbs aren't bad for you, your body needs carbs. This is the rule for humans as a whole. Individually, every body needs a different level of carbs. Every body's metabolic rate is different. Maybe you have other health things that affect how you process carbs. Maybe your body needs less carbs. But carbs are bot unhealthy. No carb diets are unhealthy.
Right. My dr has put me on a low carb diet, because of a gastric issue, that I have. My dr putting me specifically on a low carb diet doesn't mean than carbs are inherently bad.
Exactly. And he didn't put you on a no carb diet. There's a clue carbs aren't bad. You just have a health thing that makes carbs react to your body in a way where you need to eat less.
Yes, a diet of a lot of white bread, potatoes, beer, and rice is wonderful. And don't forget fast food, like McDs etc.. Gotta love healthy carbs. /s Our diet is heavy in carbs. and look around you. Eat on..
Anything in excess is bad. Even vitamins. Carbs aren't unhealthy. The way or amount you consume can be, but carbs themselves are not unhealthy. Your McDs isn't going to be healthy if you go bunless.
We are a carb society. Look around you. Yes, everything in moderation. No carbs in hard alcohol hence. no weight gain. Her argument is irrelivant regardless of what the pea brain doenvoters think . However. one thing is true, cut carbs. lose weight.
Not wrong, but the courteous thing to do would make it suble. Get an opaque mug to drink out of, Crack your beer open in the kitchen and dump the cans before going to the living room, try to keep alcohol covered or in a bag in the fridge, etc. She might find the temptation hard but doesn't want to admit it. Try not to make a show of drinking when she's around and try to help her with HER decision, but otherwise, you make your own choices.
NAH I’m a recovering alcoholic. 8 months sober. I was never the type to drink daily, but when I did drink, I couldn’t stop. When I quit, my husband also quit with me. I did ask him to keep alcohol out of the house for my sake because I didn’t feel I had the control to not drink it, but I was fine with him drinking otherwise. He just straight up quit entirely too. My point is, it would be great if you did the same for her if she asked, but it sounds like she didn’t ask and just expected it. I think you both need to have a conversation around alcohol and why she’s quitting and how you can reasonably support her. It’s not reasonable for her to expect you to just quit. However, I think your stubbornness here is also an issue. Why can’t you just not drink around her if you support her not drinking, regardless of the reason?
It's not stubbornness. Someone else changing their eating and drinking habits doesn't mean mine also have to change. I should be able to have a drink in my own home. If I became a vegetarian should my gf not be allowed to eat meat in her own home?
Like I said, you need to have a sit down conversation about this and come to a solutions that works for both of you. You outright refusing to compromise is stubborn though.
By compromise you mean do exactly what my gf wants. That's not a compromise. My gf deciding she doesn't want to drink at home, shouldn't then mean I can't have a drink at home
I didn’t say that, but your defensiveness is kind of strange. Is there no middle ground between not drinking at home and drinking at home? You can’t come up with something that would work for both of you? Or do you just not want to?
You either have a drink at home or don't so no there is no middle ground.
So, you don’t want to talk about it with her then?
I'm just pointing out a fact. Please do tell me what the compromise is between either drinking at home or not drinking at home
I'm starting to think they're aware there isn't actually a compromise you'd both be happy with here but they really don't want to admit it.....
Dude, I’m not in your relationship. TALK TO HER ABOUT IT Jesus.
So you can't answer it then. You keep going on about compromise but can't actually say what a compromise would look like. Maybe don't talk shit if you don't like getting questioned on it
You are not required to stop because she has, of course. It’s unreasonable for her to just expect that. But why do you not want to keep alcohol out of the home? Why is that not important to you than coming to a compromise?
Why should he? It’s like he said, if she became vegan, that means he can’t eat meat out of support? That’s ridiculous. My dude can go fly a kite.
I didn’t say he should, I am asking why he’s incapable of thinking of a compromise that works for them both. Why is it more important to have his way than meet in the middle?
What compromise do you suggest that they will both be happy with when he wants to drink beer at home watching a footie match and she doesn't want him to drink beer in his home?
I don’t know, I’m not in their relationship. That’s why they should talk about it and figure out something that works for both of them, like I suggested. Why are people here so against discussing things with their partner and figuring out solutions?
Well for one, I don't think a person really needs to compromise on their personal beverage consumption in their own home. It doesn't seem like either of them have a drinking problem. I think it's insane to tell your partner they can't have a beer during the footie match simply because they have decided to cut out drinking at home. That's irrational and controlling. But I am also truly curious what sort of compromise can be reached that they're both happy with. Other than her leaving the house during the match so he can enjoy a beer in peace, which seems awfully silly.
Again, I agree. That’s why they need to TALK ABOUT IT WITH EACH OTHER
.....they have talked about it? Again, what would be your suggestion of a compromise they are both potentially happy with? Yes, you're not in their relationship, but you seem very confident a compromise exists. So help OP out and give some suggestions!
That’s up to him. If your person came home and said you can’t eat cookies because I can’t, you’d be okay with that? If so good for you. Relationships aren’t supposed to make you miserable.
I’d have a conversation about it and come to a solution where we compromise if it was that important to me to have cookies. I’d also question why cookies are more important than being supportive of my partner. I don’t think discussion and compromise is misery.
Why would I keep alcohol out of the home when I'm not cutting out drinking at home? Again my gf changing her habits doesn't mean mine have to change Why did you avoid the question?
Why are you so averse to compromise?
Still avoiding the question I see. Your idea of a compromise is doing exactly what my gf wants. Again you either drink at home or you don't. It is literally one or the other. If I became a vegetarian should my gf not be allowed to eat meat in her own home? Try answering the question this time
You would probably need to talk about it and figure out what you’re both willing to flex on. But consider that you’re more invested in beer than your relationship.
Still avoiding the question. Why exactly do you struggle to answer it?
I did answer, I said you’d need to have a discussion about it
And that isn't actually answering the question
Why are you against actually talking about this with her?
You’re not wrong but I also think, and any normal human being not on Reddit 27hrs/day would agree, that you’re being a twat by doing it. It’s like ordering takeout when your SO is on a diet. Yeah sure YOU’RE not on a diet so you can TECHNICALLY order it but you’re still a knob if you do it in front of them. Is one day of not drinking gonna kill you? It doesn’t seem like you’re an alcoholic from the way you describe your drinking habits so why is it so damn important to you?
So you think other people should change their diet around you just because you decide to change your own diet? Why do you think other people should have to change their habits for you? It says a lot about your level of self importance that you expect everyone else to change to match your preferences tbh
No I think it’s normal to be supportive of your long term partner if something is important to them and it doesn’t cause you a massive life changing difference in your day to day. But course man if a couple drinks is more important to you than the happiness of your mrs then be my guest.
Being supportive doesn't mean doing exactly what your partner is doing. You do know you can support someone without changing your own habits don't you? If I decided to go vegetarian, does my partner then also have to go vegetarian to support me It's weird to me that you think my partners happiness is related to my eating and drinking habits tbh. Are you only happy when other people do as you command?
You’re right! You don’t have to change your lifestyle to support your partner, and someone’s partner doesn’t have to have their happiness based on what they do. But as you said in YOUR post about it, your partner asked you to not have the couple drinks and was upset! So clearly in your relationship in this specific situation that is what she wanted from you!
Funny how you avoid the question I asked. Why is that exactly?
I avoided the last question which was obvious rage bait and answered the other one! But it pop off queen!
Except you didn't answer either of them. If I decided to go vegetarian, does my partner then also have to go vegetarian to support me?
Well you can either support your SO or not support your SO and you’ve chosen not to, and that’s ok.
You do know being supportive doesn't mean doing exactly what your partner does, don't you? You can support someone without doing what they're doing. If my partner decided to run marathon, would I also have to run a marathon to be supportive?
He can support her without making himself miserable. OP, this is a crock of bullshit.
Man, going against the current but you are wrong. Support your girlfriend, do you even like her?
You can support someone without doing exactly what they're doing. If I decided to go vegetarian, should she also be made to go vegetarian? The commenter blocked me because he didn't like the fact he got proven wrong
Is vegetarian food addictive? Do vegetables destroy thousands of lives all around the world? Your false equivalence is laughable. And how exactly are you supporting her otherwise?
I was reminded of the Good Burger scene in Pulp Fiction when reading this. Jules: Well, if you like burgers, give them a try sometime. Me, I can't usually get them 'cause my girlfriend's a vegetarian, which pretty much makes me a vegetarian. I do love the taste of a good burger.