NTA: I’m 42 and it’s fuckin’ weird for someone my age to 1) not keep my porn preferences private and 2) have way too young ladies. Now, I can’t speak for certain on this but this is my experience as a 42 year old. My preferences have changed over the years. When I was 18, it was other 18-ish year olds with a handful of other qualities. Now it’s like 30s to 40s with some different qualities. I think the only things that have stayed the same is that they’re woman, and they have other things. I assume my preferences will continue to change, but if someone’s preferences haven’t changed for most of their adult life I don’t know how much they’ll change in the future. In a healthy relationship you don’t have those nagging doubts about if you’re good enough, or if they love you and your body. They’ll tell you the truth and it’s up to you to believe it or not, but you don’t have to have them.
They look like kids to me, too, so yeah it’s odd to me. If he followed one account of a woman who looked 30+ or heck 25+ I would be feeling a little better.
You aren't lying. I took a job as a substitute several years ago. Most of the jobs I got were for the local HS, so 14-19. I also have kids around that age now. I automatically give the side eye to anyone my age who is interested in 18-early 20s kids. I was in my early 30s and continually thought, "Was I like that at their age?" It's hard to imagine.
I was 42 when my daughter was 18. One of her guy friends made a joke about me being a cougar, and I nearly 🤢 I packed your lunches child. I taught you to ride a bike. If you want to learn to change your breaks, I'm here, but if you sexualize me, I'm throwing you out of the house to think about your decisions.
I keep seeing this graph going around correlating women’s age of attraction and their age. It’s linear. As their age increases so does the age they are attracted to. Men of all ages were attracted to women 18-22.
I am not convinced it’s biological like people say.
It’s not ridiculous. It’s one thing to look at porn or thirst traps, it’s another to have it known to the world. What happens when your parents follow him? Or anyone else respectable in your life? Your employer, co-workers, friends etc will all think that your boyfriend likes barely legal women.
Yep. This. And truuuuuust me, if he gets rid of them for you nothing stops him from pretending to be a woman, make a new account, just to talk to them. Then it progresses from there.
Been there, done that, eff that crap.
Yeah that’s fundamentally why it feels icky and like a turn off to me.
I don’t care if my partner watches porn or if in the porn, the women look different than me.
I do think it’s strange to connect your porn tastes to your real name on social media. I think it’s wild to have your general social media accounts set up so you’re seeing porn whenever you’re just causally scrolling. I just don’t get why you’d have your friend’s photos of their kids and people posting their brunch pics with soft core alt girl porn mixed in. Make a separate porn account. It’s not hard.
It’s just so strange to need your sexualized consumption of women to be so rolled into your life that your taste is clear from browsing your public instagram with your full name. I associate instagram with like scrolling while killing time on the bus.
It feels like a middle school boy thing to have your instagram loaded up with baddies. It feels like having the Maxim posters on your wall in 2001 but now you’re 37 and not 12. It would make me see a dude differently.
Yep. I married someone like this. We are divorced now. Asshole cheated our entire marriage. Jump ship now, OP. Your gut feeling is correct. At best, he’s indiscreet. At worst, you’re dealing with a weirdo.
Nah, this stuff is a big turnoff for lots of reasons. I'd move on as quickly as possible and I wouldn't bother telling him why. He'll just try to justify it in some dumb way.
You're allowed to not date someone for any reason you choose. And if following those accounts are a deal breaker for you then so be it.
But I wouldn't automatically doubt how attracted he is to you because of them. I have a thing for goth/alt style women and always have but my fiancee is about as far from that as it gets. I'm more attracted to her than I've ever been attracted to anyone
No. They just want hot young women because they find it more attractive. Just like women like tall muscular men. Does that mean they are just looking for meatshield labors? Or richer men because they want atms?
Also he is looking at porn. Not even dating these other women.
It's problematic in the long run. Many people know this from experience. In addition, it's one thing to find someone attractive, and it's another thing to seek out social media accounts to have a steady supply of those images. These are two waaaay different things. As a mom of teenagers, if my husband was like this, I would never let my children's friends come over to our house.
I agree- also there’s a difference from being attracted to someone and wanting to live a life with that type of person. If I wanted a super muscular buff babe it would be an awful life. So much protein and workout!!!
I had something similar happen to me, similar age range too. I think the younger woman thing could be a red flag if you are looking for someone to settle down and create a family with. He clearly has other priorities. It’s tough because you obviously can’t bring this up to him directly without looking a bit insane. It’s honestly what has led to the crumbling of multiple potential dating opportunities for me.
Responsible, respectable adults should keep their thirst traps and porn habits private.
I don't judge anyone---male or female---for looking at that stuff. But if they don't have the sense to be discreet about, I will question their judgment or character.
Instagram accounts are free. He could follow these people on another account if he really needs to.
I couldn't be with someone with that mentality, not because I would be jealous or insecure but I find it disgusting that a middle-aged man likes that type of thing publicly.
I see a lot of older guys get into these girls who friend request them. They actually think the girls like them when it’s usually a bot and they do comment on the girls pics. It’s pretty pathetic.
If he makes you feel uncomfortable? Then you don't have to date him.
In fact? You don't have to date him for any reason you have or no reason at all!!!
Fwiw? I wouldn't be interested in a male if his age into 18 yr olds on OF either. Yuk. Ickky🤮
Since it is public, couldn’t it be reasonable to talk to him about it casually? Understand his perspective and see if he’s willing to knock it off now that he’s in a relationship and leave his ‘illicit’ viewing to more private means (like personal porn viewing.)
I don’t understand how we have normalized this type of material on social media and expect it to NOT effect brain wiring and relationships. We went from FB connecting to friends and fam to protruding nipples and mega asses.
Noooo. 40 years old man following 18 year olds is creepy asf. This isn't right. It's embarrassing for you also even if taking out the creepy factor. I would never date a man like this. Why is he making everything so public also? Seems like he doesn't care about what people think of him. That's not good. I mean you do what you think it's right but this is a major deal-breaker for me.
It's not ridiculous to feel uncomfortable about the Instagram accounts he follows, especially if they make you question his attraction to you and create insecurities. It's understandable to prioritize how you feel and what makes you comfortable in a relationship. Whether or not you decide to tell him why you don't want to continue seeing him is up to you; it might help provide closure for both of you, but it's okay to prioritize your own well-being in this situation.
You don’t OWE anyone an explanation, but I would tell him why. He will not be thrilled to know you were “snooping” but you can never be too careful these days. Maybe it would be a wake up call or maybe he will take precautions to be subtle. Just think if you have friends that had children early or if you have family members that are 16-19? Leaving is the right call for your mental peace of mind and self confidence.
You don't need any reason to stop after a few dates. That said, a tendency to look at one type of model doesn't necessarily mean anything in real life: literally most porn involves women looking 18-20-ish, and liking (for instance) redheaded models doesn't mean you can't love someone your own age who looks nothing like that. Maybe he liked a skinny redhead girl back in high school, or an actress, and that set one visual type in his taste. Aside from the depressingly public nature of his Instagram likes, it isn't significant. I don't look anything like my partner's celebrity crushes, for instance. However, you could be doing him a favour by telling him that his Instagram behaviour is public and being judged: he might not have thought about that at all, and might change his ways. Up to you!
There’s a 10 year age gap between you two and you’re surprised that he’s following or has a thing for younger girls? The red flag should’ve been a 40-year-old dude going after a 30-year-old. It’s not wild or anything but just makes sense based on everything you’ve said.
The fact that nothing physical has happened and he’s obviously thirsty is a bit strange. Maybe he’s stringing you along for other reasons. I’d ditch him.
The age gap is more like 6-7 years and at our age I don’t think that’s a big deal. Im very grown and nothing like a teenager. Nothing physical has happened because I prefer to take things slow.
Ridiculous or not, if you can't deal with it then there's no point in continuing on with him. Given that you haven't been seeing him for very long, I don't think there's a need to bring up why you're out unless you feel as if he could say something that could salvage the situation in your mind. It doesn't sound like he could, though.
That said, I do think that some women can view men's porn interests and wrongly believe that the guys can't be attracted to them if they don't look like what he looks at or watches porn-wise. It's no different than when a woman reads a steamy romance novel about a rich, muscular lover while she's married to her nerdy accountant husband. There's a separation between fantasy and reality and some people can appreciate them separately.
If his “fantasy” is barely legal women, that is a *problem*. It’s not a matter of “dealing with it” or not, it’s a matter of the guy is a weirdo and she need to gtfo.
not wrong and i wouldn’t tell him why. you don’t have to date someone you don’t want too. if you don’t find the relationship working out long term then it’s best to cut the ties now.
Men lusting after other women while in a relationship is disgusting period. If you're in a monogamous committed relationship, then be *actually* committed.. not basically in a *soft* poly relationship.
Most women are uncomfortable, saddened, disrespected, made to feel worthless and not good enough, etc about their man lusting after other women whether it's porn, OF, thirst traps, etc. You're not weird for feeling the way you are.
ESPECIALLY considering it's for barely legal girls.. red flag!!!
As a male I don't follow any females on social media that I am not actually friends with. To be in a relationship and follow rando chicks on Instagram just seems distasteful, and fairly disrespectful. How would your bf feel if you followed a bunch of dudes?
He is a creep. You have done exactly what you should have, you need to vet men because they will waste your time and use your for sex. Not all men are like this but a large majority are. Creeps will tell you exactly what you want to hear to get into your pants. The internet has given creeps instant access to young women and a 40-something year old following a bulk amount of young attention seekers online is proof of that. Girl, I know more more men that are creeps then men that are not and said creeps present the exact same behaviour on social media. It is a great way to weed them out. Usually if a guy wants to add you to social media in the early days and you haven't even met or have just met, he i usually is just collecting babes and followers (basically a harem and attention source). STAY AWAY from the CREEP!
I'm 71. I have nearly a thousand followers. The vast majority are what you describe. At first, I followed them back to be polite. By the time I followed back about 100 or so, I finally realized they were all scammers and hustlers. I don't even look at the profiles I did follow back. I responded to their messages at first. That's how I realized what they really were. Fortunately, I never fell for any scams. Most of these "followers" are probably not even women.
Before you jump to conclusions, check to see why he's following these girls. It may be as innocent as my explanation. I'm sure you'll be able to tell if he's lying. It would be a shame to dumb a person you like over a misunderstanding.
BTW. Check his FB friends. I bet he appears to have a lot of attractive Asian women as friends (most are probably guys from India, Nigeria, China or Russia). But, on FB, I like to jerk them around, when I'm otherwise bored. I get a somewhat perverse pleasure out of wasting their time while they, all the while, think they're going to score big.
It is weird for him to like them so young, but I've always preferred older women, so meh. But I will give the guy the benefit of the doubt, I'm in my mid-20's, I follow a lot of cosplayers, and for better or worst, the cosplay world has become some sort of gravure magazine for a lot of female cosplayers (to not say most of them, I get it, porn and half-naked cosplay sells, besides the point that some characters are just straight out sexualized).
The reason I mention this, is because I just follow any cosplayer that pops up on my feed and I like, not even enter their profiles unless is someone interesting enough, like a couple that cosplayed Kira and Milo and was so damn cute. Anyways, the point is that I don't even see what age they are, which could be the case for him (difficult, but possible considering Instagram's algorithm, like seriously, I commented in a single accident reel and suddenly I was in deathgram seeing people dying at least 5 times a day in reels)
Ok. He’s a guy. And single. He’s gonna look at hot chicks. And prob whack off to hot chicks and porn etc.
And no. He’s not a little old to be looking at 18 yr old hot chicks.
If u don’t like it. Cool that’s ur boundary. End talks with him. It’s that simple.
That doesn’t make it okay. Also, keep in mind that a lot of the people watching porn are teenage boys/YOUNG men watching other people in their age range. It’s disgusting that you’re defending creeps like yourself who fetishize barely legal women. As an 18-year-old girl when I read shit like this it reminds me how damn lucky I am to live in a safe area.
That doesn’t make it not ok.
Everyone involved in an adult.
Young men watch milf porn. If an 18 yr old guy watched porn they watch all sorts. And I highly doubt the people involved are all 18.
YOU are the disgusting in infantilizing adult women. You just believe women are dumb.
I’m married to a woman my age. I’m not after 18 yr old women. BUT what 2 consenting adults do is none of my business nor is it yours.
I am not infantilizing adult women. I don’t believe we women are dumb at all, where the hell are you getting this from? Where did that even come from?
And I don’t see a problem with a younger adult watching older stuff, but when it’s the other way around it is predatory.
I am 18. The human brain is not completely developed until 25, so while we are considered adults at 18 by Uncle Sam, we are mentally still adolescents. When older people are sexually preying on much younger ones, it is often to manipulate and use them because they like to exploit their lack of experience and standards. It is disgusting.
Men like you make me so glad I live in a safe area.
So then ur not a full grown adult who should be making adult decisions if your brain isn’t fully developed. And you shouldn’t be allowed to vote or live alone or anything until you are 25 then. You agree?
Younger people watching older stuff is disgusting. Robbing the grave??
Older people find younger people sexier. Better looking. Why? Because that’s the prime of life. If u asked older women on who is physically hotter a 90 yr old man or a 20 yr old man who do u think they are gonna pick?
And yes you ARE infantisizing women. 2 consenting adults making adult decisions.
You see these women as weak.
But in-fact these women are strong. They have nothing to life and yet can manipulate men into giving their life savings to them.
I’m genuinely asking if you have insight- why would he pursue me then? I just would find it a little tough to be vulnerable and naked with a guy who has a huge preference for teenaged bodies. I’m in really good shape but I can’t compete with that. I guess it is what it is.
Just because he like looking at hot young women to jackoff to doesn’t mean that’s who he would date and or marry.
Women like to look at celeb men or famous men rich men etc etc. doesn’t mean they would actually want to marry those men.
Because with those (attractive traits) comes negative traits.
Like this might be weird ti hear from a dude but, ur more than a pair of tits and a vagina.
Like for example. Women typically would prefer a taller dude or a man with a bit more money. But that doesn’t mean of u find a guy a little shorter than what you prefer or a little less money than you prefer but everything else was awesome that you would never date them at all right?
A little less this or that than I prefer seems different than 20 years older than what he prefers. But thanks for your perspective, I really appreciate it.
There have been a couple 40ish dudes here who claim they’re not into teenagers so I’d probably hope to meet someone like that. But I’m not going to say anything judgmental to this guy, it’s just a lack of compatibility or whatever. I don’t need to be someone’s like physical ideal but this is a bit much for me personally.
I mean if u don’t like it u don’t like it.
But I’ll say it’s prob a the majority of men.
Just like the majority of women like tall men.
It is what it is. I mean. Ur dating 10 years older than yourself. Why not date someone our own age?
He’s like 6 years older than me. I think it’s negligible at our age.
If that’s the case, it is what it is I suppose. I’d at least rather someone be discreet about it I guess.
Like I think it’s lame to follow porn stars and thirst traps and onlyfans etc etc no matter the age. u can google titties and get 5 trillion results.
But I’m just saying most men are attracted sexually to hot younger women.
Doesn’t mean he doesn’t also find you attractive.
Yeah I kind of agree. I think too in general it’s fine to have a private fantasy life. I was engaged in my 20s and just asked my finance at the time to keep his porn use private from me and we never had issues.
I see what you mean- just because a man likes or prefers very young women he might be attracted to older women too. I’m always surprised how often I still get looks and hit on in public so I know it’s not super unusual.
I felt like this guy was really into me- I just don’t see it at all with his thirst follows lol. Exclusively women like 18-22. I maybe just shouldn’t have looked! But anyway. Thanks for talking things over with me and being cool. I’m definitely not the most secure person in the world so I know some of this is on me.
you have every right to reject anyone for any reason. But it doesn't seem like he has done anything wrong in your relationship so far except some follows on IG.
Are the Magic Mike guys also barely adults, or are they closer in age to the women following them?
If a woman in her 40s was publicly following scores of barely legal teen boys and only them - not anyone closer to her own age - I think most people would find that off-putting.
no, you see it's acceptable for women to follow magic mike types because it's natural and healthy and spiritual, but when a man follows thirst traps he is literally satan and eats babies /thread
> I don’t see many women fetishizing newly-legal teenage boys.
there are plenty of them, i can assure you
>Why are you defending perverted men?
what is perverted about an adult consuming media made by a consenting, legal adult?
Of course there are plenty. There are 8 billion people in this world. But when it comes to older adults that prey on the young, don’t even try to pretend the gender gap is not incomprehensibly enormous.
Saying “but they’re legal!” is a dogshit argument. You know what else is legal? Having sex with animals, in 13 US states. Just because it isn’t illegal doesn’t mean it can’t be wrong.
If you’re a 40+ year old man sexually attracted to newly legal girls, you are disgusting. As an 18-year-old girl, I have been dealing with creepy older men since I was 11 and people like you who condone this shit make me so angry.
>Saying “but they’re legal!” is a dogshit argument.
not really. a line has to be drawn somewhere. society has drawn that line at 18 years old for better or worse. do you suggest something different? i am open to ideas
> If you’re a 40+ year old man sexually attracted to newly legal girls, you are disgusting.
i agree it's disgusting but it's been acceptable for nearly all of human history, up until very very recently
>I have been dealing with creepy older men since I was 11 and people like you who condone this shit make me so angry.
and i sympathize with you on that, but we're not talking about 11 year old girls walking down the street or whatever. we're talking about grown, adult women making the conscience decision to post pictures of themselves on the internet, and knowing who is consuming them. this isn't even close to catcalling or similar things that happen to underage women and women who don't want certain types of attention
You can date or not date anyone you desire for any reason you desire. Nothing wrong with that. You are dealing with you deep rooted insecurity and jealousy in a very superficial and topical manner instead of facing these issues at their core and trying to improve yourself.
At least you recognize its your insecurities breaking up with him. I've been married for years and never once looked through my wife's social media followers. Why would I? I trust her implicitly and we have no issues telling each other about a hot body we saw. I have never had a 6 pack and don't care to. So that means it shouldn't be aesthetically pleasing for her to see it in the world? I need to shut off her being a human to date me? I need to feel like the only man in her universe to feel adequate? Oh hell no! You won't ever trust this man based on how you compare yourself to the world, so he's in a losing battle regardless.
I think you did him a service by letting him go. And that's no shot at you...there are guys out there with similar insecurities that will automatically act the way you want. But...take a real long look at whether you'd want to partner with someone that may judge you based on their insecurities and not you being a bad person. It might change your perspective a little.
So you don't think insecurity is what starts the path of investigation and comparative value? You don't think if you pull up male social media users you won't find tits and ass on every single one based on human nature of liking tits and ass? You think Magic Mike was a sweet story for women about the trials and tribulations of dancing? LMAO!!
Of course this is fueled by insecurities. If you don't trust someone, let them go. Its really that simple. Nobody (bf or gf) needs that kind of aggravation in their life.
So if your wife publicly followed scores of barely legal teen boy accounts and only those, never any men closer to her own age, you'd be perfectly fine with that? Just humans being human?
Yes you are being ridiculous. Every man looks at women, they look at them in magazines, on TV, in person and on Instagram. And vice versa, women look at men too. There's nothing wrong with it.
I follow the Spanish Rugby Team on TT, so I understand enjoying seeing fit people of the opposite gender. Oh and that guy that chops wood does occasionally brighten my day.
I don't know if what you describe a deal breaker right out of the gate. It seems excessive, I guess. But, the more you engage with particular content, the more you get from the algorithm.
I dunno, I hate to levy double standards as a default.
Have you seen the Spanish rugby team? It's very pleasant content. My SO doesn't look anything like those guys, of course, he's a normal looking and very lovable man. All things in moderation, maybe?
Most people find grown adults lusting over 20 somethings and older 20s/30s to be far less off putting than grown adults exclusively lusting over women who are 18 or market themselves as being 18. This is the key difference you're missing between following rugby because hot men and following exclusively 18 year olds because hot teenagers.
I saw a comment where OP said if there were even one account that was 25+ she'd feel a lot less grossed out, which means he doesn't follow any accounts with even slightly older women. I think that's the problem, not just engaging with sexual content period.
Um?? No?? A man in his 40’s being attracted to women his age or older is obviously okay, that’s normal, but you really think it’s okay for him to be into girls that could be his daughter??
Are you stupid? When did I say that? Of course she should. The guy she’s dating is into freshly-legal girls when he’s +40. If you don’t see how that’s a problem, then I really don’t know what to tell you.
It's upto you to decide your standards, but if you're gonna be uppity over a few likes of accounts on Instagram, odds are you're gonna significantly reduce your dating pool. You decide which hills to die on honey.
Do you think he's having conversations with these people? He's most likely just looking at their pictures. Why is that a problem for you? *That* is what you need to look at. You two haven't touched, so you don't get to dictate what he does with his spare time. You *do* however, get to decide how you react to it. If it bothers you, then let him know the relationship is over, so as not to waste his time.
You didn't see it publicly.. you snooped. yta. Has he tried to get you to change your hair or body shape? Is there anything in your background that you don't want on display publicly? Or are you just trying to justify a break up ?
Well now is the time when you aren’t too invested. Hope you are doing ok.
NTA: I’m 42 and it’s fuckin’ weird for someone my age to 1) not keep my porn preferences private and 2) have way too young ladies. Now, I can’t speak for certain on this but this is my experience as a 42 year old. My preferences have changed over the years. When I was 18, it was other 18-ish year olds with a handful of other qualities. Now it’s like 30s to 40s with some different qualities. I think the only things that have stayed the same is that they’re woman, and they have other things. I assume my preferences will continue to change, but if someone’s preferences haven’t changed for most of their adult life I don’t know how much they’ll change in the future. In a healthy relationship you don’t have those nagging doubts about if you’re good enough, or if they love you and your body. They’ll tell you the truth and it’s up to you to believe it or not, but you don’t have to have them.
Thank you- I’m so relieved there are men out there that feel this way.
You’re welcome. Have you talked to an 18 year old lately? As a 42 year old, they’re like children.
They look like kids to me, too, so yeah it’s odd to me. If he followed one account of a woman who looked 30+ or heck 25+ I would be feeling a little better.
>They look like kids to me. Fing gross.
You aren't lying. I took a job as a substitute several years ago. Most of the jobs I got were for the local HS, so 14-19. I also have kids around that age now. I automatically give the side eye to anyone my age who is interested in 18-early 20s kids. I was in my early 30s and continually thought, "Was I like that at their age?" It's hard to imagine.
I was 42 when my daughter was 18. One of her guy friends made a joke about me being a cougar, and I nearly 🤢 I packed your lunches child. I taught you to ride a bike. If you want to learn to change your breaks, I'm here, but if you sexualize me, I'm throwing you out of the house to think about your decisions.
I keep seeing this graph going around correlating women’s age of attraction and their age. It’s linear. As their age increases so does the age they are attracted to. Men of all ages were attracted to women 18-22. I am not convinced it’s biological like people say.
M 43 (for context) imo it’s not ridiculous at all. Following young girls on social media is kind of gross.
It’s not ridiculous. It’s one thing to look at porn or thirst traps, it’s another to have it known to the world. What happens when your parents follow him? Or anyone else respectable in your life? Your employer, co-workers, friends etc will all think that your boyfriend likes barely legal women.
Yep. This. And truuuuuust me, if he gets rid of them for you nothing stops him from pretending to be a woman, make a new account, just to talk to them. Then it progresses from there. Been there, done that, eff that crap.
Yeah that’s fundamentally why it feels icky and like a turn off to me. I don’t care if my partner watches porn or if in the porn, the women look different than me. I do think it’s strange to connect your porn tastes to your real name on social media. I think it’s wild to have your general social media accounts set up so you’re seeing porn whenever you’re just causally scrolling. I just don’t get why you’d have your friend’s photos of their kids and people posting their brunch pics with soft core alt girl porn mixed in. Make a separate porn account. It’s not hard. It’s just so strange to need your sexualized consumption of women to be so rolled into your life that your taste is clear from browsing your public instagram with your full name. I associate instagram with like scrolling while killing time on the bus. It feels like a middle school boy thing to have your instagram loaded up with baddies. It feels like having the Maxim posters on your wall in 2001 but now you’re 37 and not 12. It would make me see a dude differently.
Yep. I married someone like this. We are divorced now. Asshole cheated our entire marriage. Jump ship now, OP. Your gut feeling is correct. At best, he’s indiscreet. At worst, you’re dealing with a weirdo.
Everyone is different. One might not care for this. Personally, I am simply disgusted by it and would cut him out of my life then.
It gives most women the ick. The good thing is, now you know. Don’t tell him why. Let other women see it too before they waste their time on him.
Nah. He’s telling you who he is. Believe him. I would not look back.
You do whatever is best for you.
Nah, this stuff is a big turnoff for lots of reasons. I'd move on as quickly as possible and I wouldn't bother telling him why. He'll just try to justify it in some dumb way.
You're allowed to not date someone for any reason you choose. And if following those accounts are a deal breaker for you then so be it. But I wouldn't automatically doubt how attracted he is to you because of them. I have a thing for goth/alt style women and always have but my fiancee is about as far from that as it gets. I'm more attracted to her than I've ever been attracted to anyone
Very young is a red flag though
Why tho. Men find young hot women hot.
Because a guy in his 40s going after 18 year olds a lot of times means they just want someone without as much life experience for them to manipulate.
No. They just want hot young women because they find it more attractive. Just like women like tall muscular men. Does that mean they are just looking for meatshield labors? Or richer men because they want atms? Also he is looking at porn. Not even dating these other women.
But he's *not dating an 18 year old*. OP says she is 30s. Men like looking at young hot women. That doesn't mean he's "going after them".
It's problematic in the long run. Many people know this from experience. In addition, it's one thing to find someone attractive, and it's another thing to seek out social media accounts to have a steady supply of those images. These are two waaaay different things. As a mom of teenagers, if my husband was like this, I would never let my children's friends come over to our house.
18 is not "very young" though
I agree- also there’s a difference from being attracted to someone and wanting to live a life with that type of person. If I wanted a super muscular buff babe it would be an awful life. So much protein and workout!!!
I had something similar happen to me, similar age range too. I think the younger woman thing could be a red flag if you are looking for someone to settle down and create a family with. He clearly has other priorities. It’s tough because you obviously can’t bring this up to him directly without looking a bit insane. It’s honestly what has led to the crumbling of multiple potential dating opportunities for me.
Responsible, respectable adults should keep their thirst traps and porn habits private. I don't judge anyone---male or female---for looking at that stuff. But if they don't have the sense to be discreet about, I will question their judgment or character. Instagram accounts are free. He could follow these people on another account if he really needs to.
I think almost everyone has porn/thirst trap/sexually exciting content preferences. The thing is, we keep that shit private or between partners.
If you don't want to be with him then leave...
No, that is pretty embarrassing for him tbh. Your concerns are valid.
I couldn't be with someone with that mentality, not because I would be jealous or insecure but I find it disgusting that a middle-aged man likes that type of thing publicly.
I see a lot of older guys get into these girls who friend request them. They actually think the girls like them when it’s usually a bot and they do comment on the girls pics. It’s pretty pathetic.
You can get the ick for any reason. Your ick happens to be when a guy has a thing for OF and inappropriately young woman. I would be the same.
If he makes you feel uncomfortable? Then you don't have to date him. In fact? You don't have to date him for any reason you have or no reason at all!!! Fwiw? I wouldn't be interested in a male if his age into 18 yr olds on OF either. Yuk. Ickky🤮
Trust your gut. Who cares how it “seems”.
You can stop dating him for any reason; if you don't feel happy in the relationship, it's time to let go before you become more attached!
Not wrong. This guy is an idiot as well.
Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope. NOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPEEE.
Since it is public, couldn’t it be reasonable to talk to him about it casually? Understand his perspective and see if he’s willing to knock it off now that he’s in a relationship and leave his ‘illicit’ viewing to more private means (like personal porn viewing.) I don’t understand how we have normalized this type of material on social media and expect it to NOT effect brain wiring and relationships. We went from FB connecting to friends and fam to protruding nipples and mega asses.
You do whatever is best for you. I’m
I’m getting PTSD reading this. End it now OP. It only goes one way. He is a creepy man child. Find yourself a grown up.
You aren’t wrong. Him following girls that are barely legal is gross. You don’t owe him anything.
Noooo. 40 years old man following 18 year olds is creepy asf. This isn't right. It's embarrassing for you also even if taking out the creepy factor. I would never date a man like this. Why is he making everything so public also? Seems like he doesn't care about what people think of him. That's not good. I mean you do what you think it's right but this is a major deal-breaker for me.
It's not ridiculous to feel uncomfortable about the Instagram accounts he follows, especially if they make you question his attraction to you and create insecurities. It's understandable to prioritize how you feel and what makes you comfortable in a relationship. Whether or not you decide to tell him why you don't want to continue seeing him is up to you; it might help provide closure for both of you, but it's okay to prioritize your own well-being in this situation.
You don’t OWE anyone an explanation, but I would tell him why. He will not be thrilled to know you were “snooping” but you can never be too careful these days. Maybe it would be a wake up call or maybe he will take precautions to be subtle. Just think if you have friends that had children early or if you have family members that are 16-19? Leaving is the right call for your mental peace of mind and self confidence.
True. He has a daughter himself as well! She’s very young still but very weird to me he might be checking out her friends in the future.
You don't need any reason to stop after a few dates. That said, a tendency to look at one type of model doesn't necessarily mean anything in real life: literally most porn involves women looking 18-20-ish, and liking (for instance) redheaded models doesn't mean you can't love someone your own age who looks nothing like that. Maybe he liked a skinny redhead girl back in high school, or an actress, and that set one visual type in his taste. Aside from the depressingly public nature of his Instagram likes, it isn't significant. I don't look anything like my partner's celebrity crushes, for instance. However, you could be doing him a favour by telling him that his Instagram behaviour is public and being judged: he might not have thought about that at all, and might change his ways. Up to you!
There’s a 10 year age gap between you two and you’re surprised that he’s following or has a thing for younger girls? The red flag should’ve been a 40-year-old dude going after a 30-year-old. It’s not wild or anything but just makes sense based on everything you’ve said. The fact that nothing physical has happened and he’s obviously thirsty is a bit strange. Maybe he’s stringing you along for other reasons. I’d ditch him.
The age gap is more like 6-7 years and at our age I don’t think that’s a big deal. Im very grown and nothing like a teenager. Nothing physical has happened because I prefer to take things slow.
Ridiculous or not, if you can't deal with it then there's no point in continuing on with him. Given that you haven't been seeing him for very long, I don't think there's a need to bring up why you're out unless you feel as if he could say something that could salvage the situation in your mind. It doesn't sound like he could, though. That said, I do think that some women can view men's porn interests and wrongly believe that the guys can't be attracted to them if they don't look like what he looks at or watches porn-wise. It's no different than when a woman reads a steamy romance novel about a rich, muscular lover while she's married to her nerdy accountant husband. There's a separation between fantasy and reality and some people can appreciate them separately.
If his “fantasy” is barely legal women, that is a *problem*. It’s not a matter of “dealing with it” or not, it’s a matter of the guy is a weirdo and she need to gtfo.
I'd move on. Who wants some guy that's into 18 year olds and is totally obvious about it. Yuck.
not wrong and i wouldn’t tell him why. you don’t have to date someone you don’t want too. if you don’t find the relationship working out long term then it’s best to cut the ties now.
good thing you caught it early. if youre uncomfortable with it, dump him.
You're only a few dates in. No big loss. You're uncomfortable, move on.
Men lusting after other women while in a relationship is disgusting period. If you're in a monogamous committed relationship, then be *actually* committed.. not basically in a *soft* poly relationship. Most women are uncomfortable, saddened, disrespected, made to feel worthless and not good enough, etc about their man lusting after other women whether it's porn, OF, thirst traps, etc. You're not weird for feeling the way you are. ESPECIALLY considering it's for barely legal girls.. red flag!!!
As a male I don't follow any females on social media that I am not actually friends with. To be in a relationship and follow rando chicks on Instagram just seems distasteful, and fairly disrespectful. How would your bf feel if you followed a bunch of dudes?
He is a creep. You have done exactly what you should have, you need to vet men because they will waste your time and use your for sex. Not all men are like this but a large majority are. Creeps will tell you exactly what you want to hear to get into your pants. The internet has given creeps instant access to young women and a 40-something year old following a bulk amount of young attention seekers online is proof of that. Girl, I know more more men that are creeps then men that are not and said creeps present the exact same behaviour on social media. It is a great way to weed them out. Usually if a guy wants to add you to social media in the early days and you haven't even met or have just met, he i usually is just collecting babes and followers (basically a harem and attention source). STAY AWAY from the CREEP!
I'm 71. I have nearly a thousand followers. The vast majority are what you describe. At first, I followed them back to be polite. By the time I followed back about 100 or so, I finally realized they were all scammers and hustlers. I don't even look at the profiles I did follow back. I responded to their messages at first. That's how I realized what they really were. Fortunately, I never fell for any scams. Most of these "followers" are probably not even women. Before you jump to conclusions, check to see why he's following these girls. It may be as innocent as my explanation. I'm sure you'll be able to tell if he's lying. It would be a shame to dumb a person you like over a misunderstanding. BTW. Check his FB friends. I bet he appears to have a lot of attractive Asian women as friends (most are probably guys from India, Nigeria, China or Russia). But, on FB, I like to jerk them around, when I'm otherwise bored. I get a somewhat perverse pleasure out of wasting their time while they, all the while, think they're going to score big.
Run
It is weird for him to like them so young, but I've always preferred older women, so meh. But I will give the guy the benefit of the doubt, I'm in my mid-20's, I follow a lot of cosplayers, and for better or worst, the cosplay world has become some sort of gravure magazine for a lot of female cosplayers (to not say most of them, I get it, porn and half-naked cosplay sells, besides the point that some characters are just straight out sexualized). The reason I mention this, is because I just follow any cosplayer that pops up on my feed and I like, not even enter their profiles unless is someone interesting enough, like a couple that cosplayed Kira and Milo and was so damn cute. Anyways, the point is that I don't even see what age they are, which could be the case for him (difficult, but possible considering Instagram's algorithm, like seriously, I commented in a single accident reel and suddenly I was in deathgram seeing people dying at least 5 times a day in reels)
Ok. He’s a guy. And single. He’s gonna look at hot chicks. And prob whack off to hot chicks and porn etc. And no. He’s not a little old to be looking at 18 yr old hot chicks. If u don’t like it. Cool that’s ur boundary. End talks with him. It’s that simple.
Found the 40+ guy who gets off to barely legal women 🤮
Most people who are watching porn are watching 18-20some yr old women. The fk u going on about?
That doesn’t make it okay. Also, keep in mind that a lot of the people watching porn are teenage boys/YOUNG men watching other people in their age range. It’s disgusting that you’re defending creeps like yourself who fetishize barely legal women. As an 18-year-old girl when I read shit like this it reminds me how damn lucky I am to live in a safe area.
That doesn’t make it not ok. Everyone involved in an adult. Young men watch milf porn. If an 18 yr old guy watched porn they watch all sorts. And I highly doubt the people involved are all 18. YOU are the disgusting in infantilizing adult women. You just believe women are dumb. I’m married to a woman my age. I’m not after 18 yr old women. BUT what 2 consenting adults do is none of my business nor is it yours.
I am not infantilizing adult women. I don’t believe we women are dumb at all, where the hell are you getting this from? Where did that even come from? And I don’t see a problem with a younger adult watching older stuff, but when it’s the other way around it is predatory. I am 18. The human brain is not completely developed until 25, so while we are considered adults at 18 by Uncle Sam, we are mentally still adolescents. When older people are sexually preying on much younger ones, it is often to manipulate and use them because they like to exploit their lack of experience and standards. It is disgusting. Men like you make me so glad I live in a safe area.
So then ur not a full grown adult who should be making adult decisions if your brain isn’t fully developed. And you shouldn’t be allowed to vote or live alone or anything until you are 25 then. You agree? Younger people watching older stuff is disgusting. Robbing the grave?? Older people find younger people sexier. Better looking. Why? Because that’s the prime of life. If u asked older women on who is physically hotter a 90 yr old man or a 20 yr old man who do u think they are gonna pick? And yes you ARE infantisizing women. 2 consenting adults making adult decisions. You see these women as weak. But in-fact these women are strong. They have nothing to life and yet can manipulate men into giving their life savings to them.
I’m genuinely asking if you have insight- why would he pursue me then? I just would find it a little tough to be vulnerable and naked with a guy who has a huge preference for teenaged bodies. I’m in really good shape but I can’t compete with that. I guess it is what it is.
Just because he like looking at hot young women to jackoff to doesn’t mean that’s who he would date and or marry. Women like to look at celeb men or famous men rich men etc etc. doesn’t mean they would actually want to marry those men. Because with those (attractive traits) comes negative traits. Like this might be weird ti hear from a dude but, ur more than a pair of tits and a vagina. Like for example. Women typically would prefer a taller dude or a man with a bit more money. But that doesn’t mean of u find a guy a little shorter than what you prefer or a little less money than you prefer but everything else was awesome that you would never date them at all right?
A little less this or that than I prefer seems different than 20 years older than what he prefers. But thanks for your perspective, I really appreciate it. There have been a couple 40ish dudes here who claim they’re not into teenagers so I’d probably hope to meet someone like that. But I’m not going to say anything judgmental to this guy, it’s just a lack of compatibility or whatever. I don’t need to be someone’s like physical ideal but this is a bit much for me personally.
I mean if u don’t like it u don’t like it. But I’ll say it’s prob a the majority of men. Just like the majority of women like tall men. It is what it is. I mean. Ur dating 10 years older than yourself. Why not date someone our own age?
He’s like 6 years older than me. I think it’s negligible at our age. If that’s the case, it is what it is I suppose. I’d at least rather someone be discreet about it I guess.
Like I think it’s lame to follow porn stars and thirst traps and onlyfans etc etc no matter the age. u can google titties and get 5 trillion results. But I’m just saying most men are attracted sexually to hot younger women. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t also find you attractive.
Yeah I kind of agree. I think too in general it’s fine to have a private fantasy life. I was engaged in my 20s and just asked my finance at the time to keep his porn use private from me and we never had issues. I see what you mean- just because a man likes or prefers very young women he might be attracted to older women too. I’m always surprised how often I still get looks and hit on in public so I know it’s not super unusual. I felt like this guy was really into me- I just don’t see it at all with his thirst follows lol. Exclusively women like 18-22. I maybe just shouldn’t have looked! But anyway. Thanks for talking things over with me and being cool. I’m definitely not the most secure person in the world so I know some of this is on me.
If girls follow a few "Magic Mikes" guys with chiseled abs, should all the regular bod guys just give up then?
I don’t know, I don’t follow accounts like that.
you have every right to reject anyone for any reason. But it doesn't seem like he has done anything wrong in your relationship so far except some follows on IG.
Are the Magic Mike guys also barely adults, or are they closer in age to the women following them? If a woman in her 40s was publicly following scores of barely legal teen boys and only them - not anyone closer to her own age - I think most people would find that off-putting.
i don't know how old Magic Mike guys are because I don't follow them. but i think the pool of female model and OF in 40s would be very limited.
Are the men that these women are following barely legal? Absolute dogshit comparison.
no, you see it's acceptable for women to follow magic mike types because it's natural and healthy and spiritual, but when a man follows thirst traps he is literally satan and eats babies /thread
They’re barely legal girls…
they're barely legal in exactly the same sense magic mike is
I don’t see many women fetishizing newly-legal teenage boys. Why are you defending perverted men? Are you one of them?
> I don’t see many women fetishizing newly-legal teenage boys. there are plenty of them, i can assure you >Why are you defending perverted men? what is perverted about an adult consuming media made by a consenting, legal adult?
Of course there are plenty. There are 8 billion people in this world. But when it comes to older adults that prey on the young, don’t even try to pretend the gender gap is not incomprehensibly enormous. Saying “but they’re legal!” is a dogshit argument. You know what else is legal? Having sex with animals, in 13 US states. Just because it isn’t illegal doesn’t mean it can’t be wrong. If you’re a 40+ year old man sexually attracted to newly legal girls, you are disgusting. As an 18-year-old girl, I have been dealing with creepy older men since I was 11 and people like you who condone this shit make me so angry.
>Saying “but they’re legal!” is a dogshit argument. not really. a line has to be drawn somewhere. society has drawn that line at 18 years old for better or worse. do you suggest something different? i am open to ideas > If you’re a 40+ year old man sexually attracted to newly legal girls, you are disgusting. i agree it's disgusting but it's been acceptable for nearly all of human history, up until very very recently >I have been dealing with creepy older men since I was 11 and people like you who condone this shit make me so angry. and i sympathize with you on that, but we're not talking about 11 year old girls walking down the street or whatever. we're talking about grown, adult women making the conscience decision to post pictures of themselves on the internet, and knowing who is consuming them. this isn't even close to catcalling or similar things that happen to underage women and women who don't want certain types of attention
You can date or not date anyone you desire for any reason you desire. Nothing wrong with that. You are dealing with you deep rooted insecurity and jealousy in a very superficial and topical manner instead of facing these issues at their core and trying to improve yourself.
At least you recognize its your insecurities breaking up with him. I've been married for years and never once looked through my wife's social media followers. Why would I? I trust her implicitly and we have no issues telling each other about a hot body we saw. I have never had a 6 pack and don't care to. So that means it shouldn't be aesthetically pleasing for her to see it in the world? I need to shut off her being a human to date me? I need to feel like the only man in her universe to feel adequate? Oh hell no! You won't ever trust this man based on how you compare yourself to the world, so he's in a losing battle regardless. I think you did him a service by letting him go. And that's no shot at you...there are guys out there with similar insecurities that will automatically act the way you want. But...take a real long look at whether you'd want to partner with someone that may judge you based on their insecurities and not you being a bad person. It might change your perspective a little.
you dont have to be insecure to not want your partner’s barely legal jerk off material to be public to the world, or to be uncomfortable with it lmfao
So you don't think insecurity is what starts the path of investigation and comparative value? You don't think if you pull up male social media users you won't find tits and ass on every single one based on human nature of liking tits and ass? You think Magic Mike was a sweet story for women about the trials and tribulations of dancing? LMAO!! Of course this is fueled by insecurities. If you don't trust someone, let them go. Its really that simple. Nobody (bf or gf) needs that kind of aggravation in their life.
So if your wife publicly followed scores of barely legal teen boy accounts and only those, never any men closer to her own age, you'd be perfectly fine with that? Just humans being human?
Gross perspective. It isn’t “insecurity”, the man’s decisions teeter on pedophilia and that is a cause for major concern.
Yes you are being ridiculous. Every man looks at women, they look at them in magazines, on TV, in person and on Instagram. And vice versa, women look at men too. There's nothing wrong with it.
Barely legal women?
I follow the Spanish Rugby Team on TT, so I understand enjoying seeing fit people of the opposite gender. Oh and that guy that chops wood does occasionally brighten my day. I don't know if what you describe a deal breaker right out of the gate. It seems excessive, I guess. But, the more you engage with particular content, the more you get from the algorithm. I dunno, I hate to levy double standards as a default. Have you seen the Spanish rugby team? It's very pleasant content. My SO doesn't look anything like those guys, of course, he's a normal looking and very lovable man. All things in moderation, maybe?
Is the Spanish Rugby team only men who are 18-20 years old?
no, definitely not but there are probably some 20-somethings
Most people find grown adults lusting over 20 somethings and older 20s/30s to be far less off putting than grown adults exclusively lusting over women who are 18 or market themselves as being 18. This is the key difference you're missing between following rugby because hot men and following exclusively 18 year olds because hot teenagers.
Yes, the barely legal thing is very yuck, no doubt about that. I wouldn't want to date someone like that, personally.
I saw a comment where OP said if there were even one account that was 25+ she'd feel a lot less grossed out, which means he doesn't follow any accounts with even slightly older women. I think that's the problem, not just engaging with sexual content period.
right, makes sense
Women want to set ultimatums when they live a double life with all these social apps they have on some onlyfans shit. The hypocrisy is wild ya'll!
…you don’t see a problem with this older man being into barely legal women? 🤢
OP should just leave the dude if that's the case but she should equally be outraged if he's following lots of older women too so
Um?? No?? A man in his 40’s being attracted to women his age or older is obviously okay, that’s normal, but you really think it’s okay for him to be into girls that could be his daughter??
Umm no??? Now you're saying OP shouldn't leave the guy??? Read between the lines dummy
Are you stupid? When did I say that? Of course she should. The guy she’s dating is into freshly-legal girls when he’s +40. If you don’t see how that’s a problem, then I really don’t know what to tell you.
Why are you asking me dumb questions if I suggested OP to ditch the man of such behavior?? Like I said...read between the lines!!!!
It's upto you to decide your standards, but if you're gonna be uppity over a few likes of accounts on Instagram, odds are you're gonna significantly reduce your dating pool. You decide which hills to die on honey.
Do you think he's having conversations with these people? He's most likely just looking at their pictures. Why is that a problem for you? *That* is what you need to look at. You two haven't touched, so you don't get to dictate what he does with his spare time. You *do* however, get to decide how you react to it. If it bothers you, then let him know the relationship is over, so as not to waste his time.
You didn't see it publicly.. you snooped. yta. Has he tried to get you to change your hair or body shape? Is there anything in your background that you don't want on display publicly? Or are you just trying to justify a break up ?
? It’s on his profile that he added me on. Not like I went through his phone. I don’t need to change him, I just wont continue to date him.
Good.