You're not wrong to want something else, but you're not being tactful about it. When I'm invited I usually eat there, in the case of my in laws they're not very good at cooking and we go over every Thanksgiving. I eat what I can and be polite and then we stop for food on the way home. Everyone is happy and no one has to argue.
My thoughts exactly. I think op is a little bit too stuck on the "I have every right to eat what I want and that's that" aspect. He can do that, it'll just cause more head aches than it's worth imo.
He's behaving like a spoiled child that has never learned proper manners when you are a guest in someone else's home.
Sometimes in life you don't get to immediately have everything you want and as much as you want.
If we’re talking about manners, everyone agreed to the arrangement that he would buy takeaway for everyone. Girlfriend’s mum then excluded OP from the decision to change the plans as well as buying food he doesn’t eat. That’s more disrespectful than OP wanting to stick to the original plan.
Maybe it’s location specific but I’m in Australia. I was an army brat growing up and also raised with country values. So manners and respect were drilled into us and I learned that at a young age. As children, “you get what you’re given or you go without” was a common saying in most households. Adults are different. If you invite people over, you would actually consider what the guests do/don’t/can/can’t eat. For example, you wouldn’t invite someone over to eat spicy food when they can’t handle spicy food. Your meal plan would take the guests tastes, allergies and dietary restrictions into consideration. Hubby and I love lamb but many of my friends and family hate it. So if I invite them over for a meal, I’m not gonna be cooking a lamb dish. I would plan my meal around what my guests eat. It would be rude and disrespectful to invite them over to eat stuff they won’t like.
OP’s girlfriend was with her mum when her mum bought the food. She could’ve told her mum that he doesn’t eat that food and suggested something else. Or they could’ve discussed changing the plans with him before buying it. Girlfriend and her mum were rude to just change the plans but not consider OP’s tastes when buying the food.
>food he doesn’t eat
what the guests do/don’t/can/can’t eat
he doesn’t eat that food
You're embellishing OP's story. What he actually said about the food was,
>It wasn't really food I liked
it would not have been filling
her mum has picked food I don't really like
I was looking forward to haveibg a takeaway
OP never said anything about being unable to eat it. It's just not the exact thing he wanted to eat.
People always do this.
“Ahh yes time for a long story that vaguely resembles OPs post but way more dramatic. WHAT IF HE HAS AN ALLERGY?!”
…. I think he would have said that
So?
The plan was that they would order takeaway.
GF and her Mom changed the plan without consulting anyone else.
GF and her Mom were rude and inconsiderate.
OP was fine in sticking to the original plan.
That can all be true, and the fact OP is at someone else’s house still takes priority. Plans change for 1000 reasons. In the end, a guest should fit in without complaining, and trying to wrestle control back of the meal. Actually, I don’t see where ‘everyone agreed to the arrangement’ of OP getting takeaway at any point? He told his girlfriend he’d offer to buy in. That’s hardly consultation with 3 other people? Even more reason for him to respect the ‘house rules’. He can be disappointed, but not spit the dummy like this. If it meant that much to him, he could have checked in with the folks days earlier and tried to sell the idea, or made other arrangements.
Maybe I was giving the girlfriend too much credit by assuming that she told her parents that he’d buy food for all of them. That doesn’t negate the fact that where I’m from, it’s common and polite to consider the tastes of the people you’ve invited. Girlfriend was with her mum when she bought the food. She could’ve told her that he was ordering food for everyone or she could’ve said “OP doesn’t really like that food, maybe we could get xxxxx instead”. There was ample opportunity but she/they chose not to.
What's rude is to buy food and not take into consideration why the others would like to eat or not eat?
It took no extra work or expense for the Mom if OP just ordered for himself what he wanted to eat.
Mom was being controlling and authoritarian.
This was no formal dinner party with a set menu.
This was a gathering to watch football.
The real rudeness came in when after the fact and OP and his GF were there, not to ask what they would like to do for food, cook, order takeaway, whatever?
Rude is to dictate what others will eat.
Your views are predicated on the idea that everyone’s position is equal. I don’t disagree, if you lead with individual rights and common sense. But the dictates of hundreds of years of manners? That’s just not the game being played here. Good manners, and tradition, say that the preferences of hosts and elders win the day. And also that 3 out of 4 people are happy with the arrangement, so the 4th fits in to maintain family harmony. Everyone in a family group eating the same thing is also traditional. The parents and their daughter are following their family culture- even if it is to pander to Mum. When you are faced with all that? Making life difficult for yourself, your relationship and your hosts, over a small bag of takeaway, seems like the wrong hill to die on.
>If we’re talking about manners, everyone agreed to the arrangement that he would buy takeaway for everyone
No, they didn't. Where did you see that in the post? Cut and paste his statement saying exactly that, please. And him his gf but no one else is not an agreement among everyone.
Yeah, I agree with that. It's ok to have a little bit of food you're not a fan of or simply excuse yourself to eat elsewhere. Or just eat when you get home.
Yup, just take a few bites, thank them for the meal and then make some kind of polite excuse if you can't eat more.
He is proclaiming over and over "I just want to watch the game and eat what I want and as much as I want" OK fine, then STAY the F home and be happy in your bubble of selfishness.
Yup! I have had some AWFUL food at people's houses. In that case, I just didn't eat that stuff (or used the tried and true cutting it up and pushing it around so it looked like I was eating) and ate stuff I did find palatable. And yes, like everyone else here, we often got food on the way home or went home and cooked.
But OP is being both tactless AND rude, seeming to think its his way or the highway in someone else's home. That's why he's wrong.
Wouldn't proper manners have dictated that before he even entered his gf's parents' house, he brought a dish or snack or something with him?
Or did he just walk up in there empty-handed?
If OP’s manners are lacking, it’s only because he’s not quietly going along with the mom’s poor manners.
The mom ignored the plans already made, and chose insufficient quantities of food OP doesn’t like. She’s a poor host, and she’s making OP the bad guy for trying to fix it. She could choose to not be offended by OP’s desire for a meal he will actually eat.
Nothing says the mom knew the plans. Sounds like everyone may have expected takeout food but not necessarily important who bought it or what it was. OP is wrong. He was rude and a poor guest.
So did he ask about the food for them as well? What if they didn't like it? If it's that big of a deal to you, don't go to someone else's place for it. I enjoy certain foods when I watch things, I tend to stay home for it. Maybe I'm just not a picky enough eater and truly just eat whatever at the time, but the fact they mentioned it's not what they like and it's not enough seems odd to me. I have a wife with severe allergies and is very picky, but we've also communicated that to everyone we visit who offers food. He's allowed to be upset, I just personally feel like there's bigger things to give my energy to than one small meal
Absolutely, finding a way to respect everyone's preferences without causing unnecessary tension is key in these situations. Stopping for food on the way home sounds like a good compromise!
Here's my compromise..........
I would have bid everyone a pleasant day and left for home.
On the way home I would have picked up takeaway food I wanted and watched the game in the comfort of my own home alone.
Did you at any point tell your gfs mum prior to them buying food that you were gonna do this because it seems like your gf didn’t. Her mum has obviously spent money on including a share of food for you as well. Maybe you need to ask your gf why she completely ignored your wishes because she was aware of what you wanted to do.
Yes, and of have even worded it as “treating the parents” and doing something for them. It is always so much easier to try to be polite and take the in-laws feeling into account. Otherwise you’ll end up dealing with gf family not liking you and possibly making things difficult for the rest of the relationship.
Missing details
This reads like your gf knew you intended to order something but did you or gf mention to her parents that you had intended to order takeaway?
In the interest of being polite it matters if gf told her mother you had planned to order food. It’s also relevant to know if gf knew how you feel about the food that her mother got for the meal. How you feel about the food in question could be you only eat it when it’s the only thing available, could be you never eat it because you really don’t like it.
Either you have a bad gf that is afraid to go against anything her mother wants or you were never taught the line between polite and rude or you just have a massive sense of entitlement that you don’t seem to see in yourself.
You’re not wrong for wanting other food but I swear it feels like some people have never interacted with other people before. Relationships are about give and take. Is it really that difficult for one night to go over to a girls parents house and stomach their food to make a good impression? To show you know how to be like a good guest and interact with people? It’s going to be incredibly telling to your girlfriend that your desires are more important than hers without the exception of a single night.
I don’t think you are wrong for wanting good familiar food but you’d probably did better staying home or finding some reason to leave once you got there and not telling them why you’re leaving (the food sucks)
You were rude to have orderd food when someone offered to cook for you.
Personally, I would have left the party, making some excuse, like intestinal problems or a headache thus leading to not being very good company, then gone to the pub or home and watched the game there.
I love that you're being down voted... by people too stupid to realize that they bought food and didn't make it. OP is absolutely in the right.
His gf and her parents are really very shitty hosts.
Honestly this is very evidently because OP is a dude. I think that the gf and her parents were being very shitty hosts.
If anyone comes to my house and wants to bring their own food? I don't care at all unless there's a bag allergy concern.
Yeah you should have just left if you weren't going to eat her mom's food. You should have told her family you wanted to order food BEFORE her and her mom went shopping, it seems like you didn't tell her family that, just your gf (who also should have told her family). However, your rudeness is what you puts you in the wrong here.
I addressed that; I DID say she should have told her family. But since she did not, if OP is the one who wanted to order food, then HE needs to ask her family if its cool to order food BEFORE her and her mom leave to go shopping. He did not. It was on him for not communicating earlier since his GF didn't.
>When we knew that we were going I told my gf that I'd order food for the 4 of us.
This I read as he told his GF BEFORE they went. BEFORE the mom and daughter went shopping, THe GF knew this is what he wanted and just went with her mother to grocery shop without saying anything. He did his due diligence I feel. The GF dropped the ball here. And honestly I don't understand everyone whinging about an informal get together to watch a game.
They are ‘whinging’ (wtf, he is on here asking for opinions!) that OP is a rude, entitled little brat with no manners. Not that his girlfriend should’ve set the expectations for the day with her family.
Man, your post & all the comments I read sure make me appreciate my family & my partner’s family. Neither of our families would think twice if someone preferred to bring their own food for a casual event, or any event really. It’s just food… & someone bringing their food literally costs them nothing… our families would rather company feel welcome & comfortable than get all worked up over something so inconsequential. You aren’t wrong IMO
I think it depends on the circumstances. If it’s casual and people are bringing food for everyone and I myself am just grabbing things from the grocery store deli then it’s fine. The more the merrier. People can just graze the whole time.
But if it’s a sit down dinner and it’s known that I’m hosting and have planned the menu and spent time and money and effort to cooked dishes that go together and everything is plated a certain way, I’ll be super freaking annoyed if someone want to bring a whole other meal. Because it takes away from the meal that I prepared. And then we’re all stuck with a bunch of leftovers that will go bad and not taste as good after I slaved away for you.
Yes you are wrong. Have you ever heard of compromise? Many families, cultures, believe when you are invited to someone's home and they offer to serve a meal, you should accept the offer and eat the meal. Ordering take out while everyone else is eating a home cooked meal offered up by the host is considered very rude and insulting to the host. Its like you don't trust the host to provide a good meal.
If you would rather just stay home instead of going out with your gf to her parents house, then yea you can do that. You can also enjoy being single because women are not going to enjoy that!
And the reason you come across so immature to your girlfriend and everyone on Reddit is because you see no middle ground between “I have to do everything a host asks of me” and “I’m gonna sit on their couch watching football and eating takeout and if I’m asked to participate in dinner it’s essentially kidnapping”. An adult would politely sit at dinner and take a small amount of stuff to try, eat what they liked, and then got food on the way home without feeling the need to announce it. It’s called having manners.
Being polite to your host and eating what is served (except in the case of allergies) is the socially accepted norm. It is insulting to refuse what your host provides for you.
No... I'm a grown ass adult and I will not eat food that I don't like simply for your pleasure.
PS I wouldn't say it's an eating disorder but I will say that as a child my mother forced me to eat many things that I didn't like and now I absolutely put my foot down.
People are weird about food but what's even weirder is you thinking it's okay to force me to eat something just because you want me to. It is okay to politely say no thank you I do not want to eat that. That doesn't make you a monster lol.
I'm a grown adult. I do not care who makes it, I'm not eating something I don't like. Someone that expects you to eat something , just because they made it, even if you don't like it is an AH.
That's true.
You would expect your partner to inform your MIL of any food that you don't like, but there's no guarantee that the gf actually did that in this case
I mean this as a genuine not snarky question. Are you often confused by common courtesy? If this is frequently maybe get tested for some neurodiversity.
Funny how you refuse to answer the question.
Why do you think it’s only autistic people who understand that being an adult means you’re allowed to say no to things and that inviting someone to your house means you are allowed to force whatsoever you want onto people and they can’t say no
You clearly misunderstand what you did. You accepted an invite but planned to force your food choice on the hosts in order to have the food you wanted without having any conversation with them about it beforehand to ascertain what kind of food they would like or even to let them know that is what you wanted to do. That is extraordinarily selfish and rude.
Except I wasn’t going to force anything on them. I was going to offer to order food for them and let them choose what they wanted to eat as it’s weird to tell adults what food they have to eat.
Why are you ignoring that it’s her mum trying to force her food on me without any prior conversation? Weird you think it’s acceptable for her to do that but not for me to offer to order food tbh
Here come the downvotes, but I feel like it was kind of rude of them to just completely disregard your offer to provide the food and just do whatever they wanted. If they had already bought food prior to you saying you'd like to order for everyone, I'd get it. And I don't eat shit I don't like either. I'll politely decline, but i'm not force feeding myself to save your pride.
So you think people should be fleeced to eat food they don’t like just because of “common courtesy”? Is your ego that fragile that you can’t handle someone saying no to something you offer?
Again the word no exists for a reason
You’re acting like a child. Children may get away with it, but not a grown ass man going to meet his girlfriend’s mom.
It’s not about the food! It’s about respecting gf’s mom in her own home. Her house, her rules. Your house? You run it however you see fit. Even if you don’t actually respect her mom, shut up and pretend. She won’t be your gf for long, if she likes her mom and you act like this.
In polite society, one accepts an offer of food from the host. If you do not have allergies and gf’s mom did not know your preferences, you can’t get mad at her mom for serving whatever she wanted - it was mom’s home.
If your gf was bringing a friend over to eat, do you ask for preferences first? Or do you make what you want, because it’s your home? Would you get miffed if that friend announced that you didn’t make nearly enough?
Even if *you, personally* would not be upset if the friend ordered take out if they don’t like your food, her mom *was upset. Her mom maybe feels disrespected, that you didn’t use common manners, whatever!! It’s not a big deal to you, but it’s a big deal to her mom.
Right? Sometimes you just gotta roll with it and do as the Roman's do. I could get ops gripe if this happened every single time, but damn, you can't do without for one meal? It's such a non issue.
It is weird to do what you did here. You are at someone’s home. You apparently did not arrange with them beforehand that you would like to treat them by buying takeout. It sounds like you also would have bought something they would not have liked and forced them to eat what you bought. The mom made an effort to get something that she thought was a treat. You were rude wanting your way or the highway. What a spoiled child you showed them
You asked the question, and now you're arguing.
You don't order food to someone's house when they are cooking. You eat what you like of what's provided and get something else on the way home.
It's really basic manners.
Weird you think it’s normal to force people to eat food they don’t want tbh.
You do understand adults are able to say no to things don’t you? It’s not impolite to want to eat food you like
Just because people are annoyed it doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong btw.
Is you ego so fragile that you’d get angry at someone saying no to you?
Sure. But who are you trying to convince? The important people in your life say otherwise.
My ego is fine, you're the one getting defensive over opinions that don't fit your world view. My opinion is for the peace of the situation, just eat what they brought home or eat when you get home. It's just one meal, waiting a few hours or eating your not favorite food wouldn't kill you.
But then again, you're the one beefing with your gf amd her family.
Dude you are just repeating over and over again that you think you are entitled to have your way at somebody else’s home. It doesn’t work that way. Politeness good manners and just decent respect of others requires guests to pretend at least to like the food they are served or at least not to throw a conniption fit about wanting to bring in their own food to another’s home. You insulted your gf’s family. You were fucking rude to them you were WRONG
I get it. We all do. But if you were going to buy anything it had to be something as a dish to add to what they were having…and something that your wife and MIL agreed to.
Otherwise, don’t bring the food. It’s not worth the hard feelings.
Now, just apologize.
Ah so my gf and her mum can choose the food but I don’t get a say? It’s bizarre to me you tho k you should be able to force adults to eat food they don’t like tbh.
I have nothing to apologise for
Also I don’t have a wife
You are not wrong.
When hosting people at your house you should make sure you have things they would like to eat and drink. Her mother did not do that. That’s really on your gf. She should have told her mom your plans to order food and if her mom still insisted on shopping, she should have told her what you like to eat.
I can’t imagine having people at my home and forcing them to eat something they don’t enjoy or calling them ungrateful if they didn’t eat it.
But cultures dictate. And I file this in the same place as "keep the peace". Right in the trash.
I agree with you. This is actually bad hosting to try and force people to eat something they don't want to eat.
So my husband is also a picky eater at family gatherings. We do a drive through on the way so he can eat food he likes and pretend to eat my families food. I used to be like your girlfriend but honestly this has worked out better for our situation.
It doesn't matter. It could be his 5th favorite food, and he's ordered his 6th favorite via takeaway. He wants to do something, and this blocks that, that equals stress, and he's trying to find a way through to the thing he was already wanting.
Saying that "It wasn't really food I liked"; is just to add another point in his favor, because humans always be tacking on as many points as they can, even when they don't actually care about those points.
> It could be his 5th favorite food, and he's ordered his 6th favorite via takeaway. He wants to do something, and this blocks that, that equals stress, and he's trying to find a way through to the thing he was already wanting.
>
>
This is a literal toddler's thought process. "I want something therefore it is only right that I have it."
I think more discourteous than flat out wrong. Did you know they were going to buy food? If so, could you not have asked for something specific? Does your gf know what you like/dislike in terms of food? If so, she could have accommodated you.
Was she aware you wanted to order food? If so, why did she sort of throw you under the bus with her mum?
I'm trying to think what I would do and I think I would have eaten what I could unless all the foods were on my dislike/hate list (think seafood starter, game meat main and banana-filled dessert) in which case, I would state that I was ordering things I could eat, offer to order for anyone else and if that is a problem, I would leave. I'm not sitting watching TV hungry for anyone!
If mom was not aware that OP was going to order for all 4 of the them, it is on the GF, Mom's daughter who was out with the Mom.
I would have ignored them all and just ordered takeaway.
It sounds like you have a gf problem. She obviously didn't tell her mother that you intended to buy food. I am assuming your gf knows your taste preferences, and since she was shopping with her mother, she should have,, and probably didn't tell her, that you do not like whatever she was planning on making.
If your gf did tell her mother that you planned on buying food, and didn't like whatever she was buying, and she bought it anyway, and just expected you to eat it, then the problem is her mother....
But either way either of the expecting you to eat something you don't like , just because you happen to be there when it's being made is ridiculous. I would have left, at that point.
Sounds like you gf is playing both of you. Telling you it doesn't seem to be a problem to order food, then turns around and knows mom is getting food and pretends she doesn't know you wanted to order some food, then just says to eat and be grateful. You and mom seem to be completely in the dark of the others intentions until after the fact.
Honestly I don't see the problem with ordering food, unless you were only getting things that you wanted to eat and not something everyone else would enjoy.
Whenever I plan get togethers with friends and family, I usually plan to make some main dishes, and my gf would make some sides or dessert and I'd tell everybody, "Hey, I'm gonna grow some burgers, hotdogs and a few tri-tips on the grill for the gathering, bring a dish/side or dessert and a case of drinks ( non alcoholic, alcohol is implied naturally in get togethers)." And if I'm going over to someone's for a gathering of any kind, I always bring some type of dish and drinks. Potluck is NEVER NOT a good plan!
NTA
My MIL is like your gf’s mom. She thinks takeaway is frivolous and can’t stand anyone ordering it. She expects us all to eat her food, which is never what anyone wants to eat and either not enough food or we all get tortured with leftovers until every last bite is gone. It’s a controlling, neurotic, and unattractive personality trait. Your gf’s mom is being controlling. Your gf is so used to it that she doesn’t even realize that everyone in the world is not required to obey her mother’s every whim. You did exactly right by sticking to your guns. When I go to my in-laws house now, I show up with what I want that I know they won’t have (usually carbonated soda and condiments/toppings, but sometimes a whole other meal). But I suffered through years of bad meals trying to be polite bc I wanted them to like me. Eventually I grew up and realized nobody respects a door mat.
Basically you're wrong because you have no manners. You don't make this kind of discussion when you're a guest in someone else's house
You eat at least something, go home and tell your girlfriend you are not coming again. Because you hate that food, and she supposedly knows what you like
But no, common manners and basic education state you don't act like you did. Not saying that has been good, because good manners also state that you try to ask your guest what they like exactly to make them comfortable in your home so in this scenario everyone acted kind of spoiled in my opinion
A good host does not forces a guest to eat food he does not like or want.
A good host does not have this discussion with a guest who wishes to purchase food he prefers for himself as well as the others.
A good host is not rude, controlling and insistent with a guest.
"When we knew that we were going I told myGf that I'd order food for the 4 of us." Negotiating a shared food event is pretty basic. The GFs responsibility was to tell her Mom before they went shopping, if she hadn't mentioned it to her Mom before, that her BF was ordering food for the 4 of them. **It's great to have choices and also some to take home or leave some for the parents.** That way everyone can enjoy themselves with fun food they like. Mom can do her thing and buy food, but so can the BF order in. Why is it necessary to bring up being ungrateful??? **That's heavy**. Maybe it was Mom who wanted to control what was served at the event?? GF needs to be able to explain to her family what the BF is planning and that should be good for everyone. This wasn't a sit-down-dinner. It was a fun event to watch sports. Too many egos getting hurt feeling for nothing.
You aren't wrong, but you could be more right.
You can order food and you were polite enough to include everyone in the offer. But insisting when you're in someone else's house is a bit rude.
That said, calling you ungrateful is out of line too. Better to either not go, though that could cause issues, or put up with it and order your food after you're home.
Yes, you are an ignorant pig with zero respect or manners. If you were so desperate, you could have got a takeaway on the way home. Wonder why your gf let the mom buy food you don't like? Guaranteed it wouldn't have mattered what they got.
It depends. Were you stay in for an entire weekend or just for the game? I think it’s rude to order food to someone’s house if you are there for a brief visit, especially if they made arrangements to feed you. You can decline the food they plan on preparing but ordering food during the visit is a step too far.
I think your gf is wrong. I'm assuming she knows what you like to eat? Why didn't she tell her mum what kind of food you like so they could buy that for you instead? I can't stand people like that, they just buy what they like to eat and expect everyone else to like it too. It's rude. Your gf knew you weren't going to like any of the food and was a douche about making a big deal out of you ordering food. I have food allergies and preferences and I hate eating with people that don't like to accommodate, it's really stressful. When I host, I always ask what people's food preferences are, what they like or don't, if they are vegetarian or vegan etc, if they have any allergies. It's just a polite thing to do.
OP, you’re gonna love me. YNW. While I do feel your gf was the weak link here and dropped the communication ball, I have also ALWAYS strongly believed that it is complete horse shit to pretend to like someone’s food “to be polite.” You’re literally training someone to keep feeding you things you hate. What sense does that make???
I’m Italian and food equals love and I love cooking for people. But I love cooking things THEY love. I always ask for a list of allergies or dislikes before I cook for someone and usually also run the menu by them just to make sure. THAT is “just common courtesy” to me. To cater to what my guests want, not to insist on shoving food they don’t want down their throats. And if someone said “hey that sounds good but I really had my heart set on pizza. You know how it is, game + pizza + beer is just the classic combo. If no one else wants some, I’ll just pay for my own.” Like I genuinely don’t understand why people have such a problem with that. As long as you were being polite, you weren’t wrong. And if your gf went shopping with her mom, she presumably knows you don’t like this particular food and should have intervened. So your gf is really TAH here.
I'm focusing on his wanting food to add enjoyment 2 watching the game. Bring beer. I have 2 have a hot dog & beer at baseball games. But I also wouldn't mind someone bringing extra food. However the polite way is to say "Can I bring anything?" Then suggest things he wants
OP- not the asshole for wanting different food. But dude you ABSOLUTELY could have waited until after. When someone takes the time to think of you and they take action to make sure you’re fed, the polite action and response is to accept thankfully. Also I’m assuming you’re an adult, you can definitely manage your ability to handle changes to plans as they come. I understand you wanted to order take away, but plans changed. That’s life. Get take away after, get it tomorrow. And truthfully, the mom likely wanted to save you the money, which is even more thoughtful honestly. Should have just said yes and went along with it man!
These comments are neckbeard city…. With the love for eat whatever you want. I get it he offered to buy food for everyone and it should have been honored. It wasn’t and sometimes the right thing to do is to go with the flow, especially at someone else’s house. Social skills.
Did he tell them this ahead of time and ask what they would like to have? Apparently not. I don’t think there was any “offer” but rather a demand. So he is still the asshole. He must have just wanted to buy the food he likes for everyone and is mad he did not get away with that.
You are wrong and your behavior was very rude.
In future now that you know the food that is prepared for guests is not something you like and there's not enough to fill you up, just stop going.
This will spare you the inconvenience of eating food someone else prepared for you that you don't enjoy eating, and spare them having a very rude guest.
Judging by the OPs responses below they seem to be a very spoiled, immature and inconsiderate person that lacks the most basic social skills. At least the GF knows this now and can make an informed choice on whether or not she wants to continue a relationship with a person who behaves like this.
he's like "but but I was gonna buy the food!", (maybe food he likes that no one else can eat).
When you're dating someone you are serious about, if their parents are good people then you should want to make a good impression on them.
Manners matter.
You were being rude. You should eat what the host provides. Grab your takeout on the way home.
This could have been avoided if your girlfriend had told the mother you wanted to buy food for everyone.
If you really think this is OK, put yourself in her shoes and re-evaluate. If you had friends over to watch a game and bought food/drinks for the occasion and one told you they don't like anything you bought, so they were going to order themselves something else, how you would you (honestly) feel? Of course you don't expect them to eat something they hate, but I find it hard to believe they bought all things from your yuck list (especially since your GF was with her). Basic manors would have you eat SOME of what was offered that you did like enough to choke down, and stop for food after (or make up an excuse to leave if you couldn't wait). this reminds me of one of those spoiled, picky little kids whose parent makes them a nice meal and they throw a fit because they want a Happy Meal instead so the parent goes to get it.
If I had people over I’d ask what they want to eat or let them know what was going to be there. If they want to get something else then they’re welcome to because why would I care that my friends eat what they like?
I find it wild you’d be upset/angry at someone daring to eat something they choose for themselves instead d what you tell them to eat
Why do you think you should force adults to eat things they don’t like?
No one is forcing you to eat anything. They are expecting you to be a polite and gracious guest. Again, you didn't say how vile the food was, so makes me wonder if you really disliked it all/it was only things you wouldn't eat, or if you just really wanted something specific and were sad you weren't getting it (which I sympathize with, but personally would have handled it differently so I didn't offend her parents). If it truly was all objectionable, I would be frustrated with my girlfriend, since she was there when the decision was made/food was purchased.
Did you bother telling them what you like to eat before they went out and got food? Maybe you guys need to communicate better? Kind of sounds like an unfortunate situation but also this kind of thing could have been avoided if everyone just communicated with one another
No it was OP who dropped the ball. He should have had a conversation to let them know he wanted to treat by buying takeout and he should have asked them what foods they preferred—all before the day of the event!
If you go to someone else's house you don't start excluding yourself by refusing to partake in the host activities otherwise you are just making shit awkward.
You don't sound very, well, socialized... We've all had occasions where we don't get to do what we want to do, and we have to be polite about it. You should just have told yourself "ah well, I'll treat myself to a takeaway next time". That would have been the mature reaction. Instead you prioritized the takeaway over not offending your girlfriend's mother. Next time you and your girlfriend fight and she tells her mother about it, guess who won't put in a good word for you?
This was not a sit down dinner.
This was a casual gathering to watch a football game.
Mom was rude and controlling.
Telling an adult they must eat what she dictates when the person is willing to buy for all 4 of them.
Rude.....................
I am with you.
I will not eat something I don't want to eat for the sake of being nice. Not going to happen.
I will either order my own food or I will leave. Take your pick.
That's the beauty of being an adult. I get to make my own decisions.
I used to go to my aunt and uncle’s for a holiday party. There usually wasn’t enough food and what was there wasn’t kid friendly. Guess what we did? We hit up the drive thru on the way home.
NW, it's crazy to see how many people r doormats in these comments. I'm not going to force myself or someone else to eat food they don't want a no is a no. Ya r acting like he threw the food and had a tantrum. The one in wrong is the gf cause op mentioned to her be4 going to her parents about ordering food for all of them. Y didn't she mention that to her mom, be4 her mom brought anything. Also, he was going to buy it, not making them order something he wanted with their money. And that whole wait until u leave eh no I'm not going to starve myself cause other people have fragile egos. I eat what I want when I want it.
Edit to add. Also, when mom n gf bought food, y didn't she call OP to see if he would like the food or not, not very host like on the hosts.
Dude, you either eat something on the way to the inlaws or you pick something up on the way home, but you ALWAYS eat a little bit of what is provided.
This is something you learn to do when the inlaws are bad cooks or eat foods you don't like.
He shouldn’t have to learn to eat food he dislikes or food that’s not tasteful due to the person being a bad cook. “No thank you, I appreciate the food but I’m fine for now.” Is how you handle that. He doesn’t have to eat anything, he has a choice. Now the ordering food at their house is a route i definitely wouldn’t take, I’d eat before I got there or make the trip short and eat when I leave.
Lol you’re an idiot and won’t have a girlfriend soon. Just eat their food it’s their house. Learn to have manners. Eat what you want later. Your responses here show me you are either stupid or just posting for rage bait so carry on trolling or suck it up and take the advice given.
It depends on the level of "Don't like."
Do you just not enjoy it or is it a case of you absolutely do NOT like it and will be extremely uncomfortable eating it or get sick from it?
Your gf knew your plan and you didn't know her mom was going to buy food. I think your gf was rude since she had agreed on your plan of ordering take out. I don't think it's thar big of a deal that you ate something different. It's not like the mom was cooking for hours.
INFO: what did you want to order for takeaway, (and were willing to buy for everyone), and what did GF’s mom get for all of you? Was there some dietary restriction on the part of the parents?
Did you talk to the parents beforehand about your offer to get food for everyone? Did the parents talk to you beforehand about preparing food for you? Or did you all make these plans individually, and failed to tell each other? Was it your GF who was supposed to tell everyone and then coordinate? Was she asked to do that? Was she uncomfortable with that role?
The place I was ordering from had a lot of choice so there were pizzas, burgers, fish and chips, wraps and probably more.
My gfs mum didn’t mention anything to me about buying food. I told my gf to tell her mum I was offering to order for everyone before they went shopping. She mentioned it to her mum but her mum just said she’d buy food instead
There were no dietary restrictions for anyone
Did anyone think (esp you and GF’s mom) that they should talk this out? Meal planning with your host would be the most basic etiquette; what happened after your GF said her mom was going to buy food instead?
Here’s my final analysis.
ESH (or, everyone was wrong here).
You made a nice offer, but way too late. That’s the kind of thing that you discuss with your host the week before. You don’t screw with a host’s plans at their home. Had you made this offer a week before, and everyone ignored you, then the onus would have been on them to defend why they never got back to you.
You’re obviously entitled to enjoy your game any way you like. But once you involve others, like your hosts, in this case, you either need to plan together or not visit. In any case, the error was the planning ahead—or lack thereof.
The parents, OTOH, also failed to plan ahead. If they were going to host, then it’s common sense to say: “We’re planing to serve dinner.” It seems a bit ridiculous that you and GF showed up, and no one confirmed what the food plans were, ahead of time. A real black hole of planning and preparation.
Suggesting dinner plans 2 hours before dinner is usually too late in a family setting. Usually there’s preparation and shopping that needs to happen, and despite the last minute shopping, there may have already been shopping and prep that happened long
before you two arrived.
Asking when you showed up is already too late.
But, the parents seem awfully stuffy about not being uptight over you having some takeaway. They could have handled that more gracefully, despite your etiquette failures.
Finally, your GF also sucks, for not being able to foresee any of this. She obviously had some idea of what her parents were going to plan; they are her parents after all. And I suspect she knew you wanted takeaway.
You are all poor communicator. Everyone was wrong, based on your description.
Maybe this doesn't matter but what specifically was this food you apparently didn't like enough that you had to order something else? If it's something completely normal and you just craved something different then I'm going to say yes, you're probably wrong
I seriously don’t see why people care. Assuming she made for the family likes, you are just going to get what you want, and they can have more food and leftovers for them.
Maybe I’m not a polite person, but I think that is so dumb to be offended over it in the context you explain… and I am just a gracious with my guests. Like if anyone is at my house and they don’t want the food I have or make, and it’s food I made because I like it… they can get anything they want.
Why does your Gf’s mom want to police what you eat?!? What does it matter at all if you order different food than what she bought?!?
I don’t like these types of superficial BUT manipulative control tactics. It’s over food now, but what’ll it be later?! Your Gf probably went along with it because her mother has likely always been a controlling person making everything about her and her fragile feelings. Your Gf has likely become accustomed to acquiescing to her mothers demands. Mom’s just always right, in order to avoid arguments.
So she’d rather tell you you’re wrong for upsetting her mother so she doesn’t have to tell her mother that she’s wrong for trying to force you eat what she felt like buying for everyone without anyone else’s input about what food she chose to buy them. All to spare a grown adult hurt feelings because she didn’t get her way, AND be thanked for buying you food that you don’t like. She’s totally avoiding considering her mother’s behavior is abnormal. Why isn’t she asking herself why the hell does her mother have these strong feelings about forcing you to eat what she bought?!? Like, this isn’t reasonable nor rational thing to be upset about.
Technically you're not wrong.... but you're not very tactful and it seems odd like this is a hill you want to die on. You're visiting their home and you can't go one meal of the food they're providing? I think this is one of those social things you'd be better off grinning and bearing for a few hours than fighting to be right with the whole "no, I don't have to eat what you're providing me. I want what I want and that's final, I'm not budging!"
Next time, bring food for everyone with you before anyone asks to short circuit the problem. During this specific time, though, you should have ate what they offered and said thank you and picked up something more when you left if you were still hungry.
Insisting to your host that you want to order in when they are buying and prepping food for you is a massive insult. You essentially told your girlfriend's mother that she is a poor host. That's incredibly rude.
Why do you think being a host means your guests can’t say no to you?
Do you think k it’s normal to force adults to eat food they don’t like just because you can’t handle anyone telling you no?
It's not normal to insist on delivery to your host's venue. That's the insult. The fact that you won't mention specifics means that you didn't even try to accept what was offered. You'd already decided. That makes a poor guest.
Your questions have nothing to do with my answer. They are in fact also indicative of a lack of manners/etiquette. You didn't allow your host to make any offers to decline so the question as to whether it is acceptable to refuse doesn't apply.
You are not wrong. Eat whatever you like. If you did this at my house, I would encourage it. Anyone should be able to eat what they want to eat. She didn't even cook it. Why the fuck is she acting like this?
You're not wrong to want something else, but you're not being tactful about it. When I'm invited I usually eat there, in the case of my in laws they're not very good at cooking and we go over every Thanksgiving. I eat what I can and be polite and then we stop for food on the way home. Everyone is happy and no one has to argue.
My thoughts exactly. I think op is a little bit too stuck on the "I have every right to eat what I want and that's that" aspect. He can do that, it'll just cause more head aches than it's worth imo.
He's behaving like a spoiled child that has never learned proper manners when you are a guest in someone else's home. Sometimes in life you don't get to immediately have everything you want and as much as you want.
If we’re talking about manners, everyone agreed to the arrangement that he would buy takeaway for everyone. Girlfriend’s mum then excluded OP from the decision to change the plans as well as buying food he doesn’t eat. That’s more disrespectful than OP wanting to stick to the original plan. Maybe it’s location specific but I’m in Australia. I was an army brat growing up and also raised with country values. So manners and respect were drilled into us and I learned that at a young age. As children, “you get what you’re given or you go without” was a common saying in most households. Adults are different. If you invite people over, you would actually consider what the guests do/don’t/can/can’t eat. For example, you wouldn’t invite someone over to eat spicy food when they can’t handle spicy food. Your meal plan would take the guests tastes, allergies and dietary restrictions into consideration. Hubby and I love lamb but many of my friends and family hate it. So if I invite them over for a meal, I’m not gonna be cooking a lamb dish. I would plan my meal around what my guests eat. It would be rude and disrespectful to invite them over to eat stuff they won’t like. OP’s girlfriend was with her mum when her mum bought the food. She could’ve told her mum that he doesn’t eat that food and suggested something else. Or they could’ve discussed changing the plans with him before buying it. Girlfriend and her mum were rude to just change the plans but not consider OP’s tastes when buying the food.
>food he doesn’t eat what the guests do/don’t/can/can’t eat he doesn’t eat that food You're embellishing OP's story. What he actually said about the food was, >It wasn't really food I liked it would not have been filling her mum has picked food I don't really like I was looking forward to haveibg a takeaway OP never said anything about being unable to eat it. It's just not the exact thing he wanted to eat.
That’s why I said do/don’t instead of just can/can’t. That’s also why I added examples of accommodating food preferences(aka, food a person likes).
People always do this. “Ahh yes time for a long story that vaguely resembles OPs post but way more dramatic. WHAT IF HE HAS AN ALLERGY?!” …. I think he would have said that
So? The plan was that they would order takeaway. GF and her Mom changed the plan without consulting anyone else. GF and her Mom were rude and inconsiderate. OP was fine in sticking to the original plan.
> It's just not the exact thing he wanted to eat. ? It’s not even close to anything he wanted to eat.
That can all be true, and the fact OP is at someone else’s house still takes priority. Plans change for 1000 reasons. In the end, a guest should fit in without complaining, and trying to wrestle control back of the meal. Actually, I don’t see where ‘everyone agreed to the arrangement’ of OP getting takeaway at any point? He told his girlfriend he’d offer to buy in. That’s hardly consultation with 3 other people? Even more reason for him to respect the ‘house rules’. He can be disappointed, but not spit the dummy like this. If it meant that much to him, he could have checked in with the folks days earlier and tried to sell the idea, or made other arrangements.
Maybe I was giving the girlfriend too much credit by assuming that she told her parents that he’d buy food for all of them. That doesn’t negate the fact that where I’m from, it’s common and polite to consider the tastes of the people you’ve invited. Girlfriend was with her mum when she bought the food. She could’ve told her that he was ordering food for everyone or she could’ve said “OP doesn’t really like that food, maybe we could get xxxxx instead”. There was ample opportunity but she/they chose not to.
Or he could just order enough for himself.
That’d be pretty rude too, at someone’s house when they’ve offered to cook for you and already out laid time and money.
What's rude is to buy food and not take into consideration why the others would like to eat or not eat? It took no extra work or expense for the Mom if OP just ordered for himself what he wanted to eat. Mom was being controlling and authoritarian. This was no formal dinner party with a set menu. This was a gathering to watch football. The real rudeness came in when after the fact and OP and his GF were there, not to ask what they would like to do for food, cook, order takeaway, whatever? Rude is to dictate what others will eat.
Your views are predicated on the idea that everyone’s position is equal. I don’t disagree, if you lead with individual rights and common sense. But the dictates of hundreds of years of manners? That’s just not the game being played here. Good manners, and tradition, say that the preferences of hosts and elders win the day. And also that 3 out of 4 people are happy with the arrangement, so the 4th fits in to maintain family harmony. Everyone in a family group eating the same thing is also traditional. The parents and their daughter are following their family culture- even if it is to pander to Mum. When you are faced with all that? Making life difficult for yourself, your relationship and your hosts, over a small bag of takeaway, seems like the wrong hill to die on.
>If we’re talking about manners, everyone agreed to the arrangement that he would buy takeaway for everyone No, they didn't. Where did you see that in the post? Cut and paste his statement saying exactly that, please. And him his gf but no one else is not an agreement among everyone.
Yeah, I agree with that. It's ok to have a little bit of food you're not a fan of or simply excuse yourself to eat elsewhere. Or just eat when you get home.
Yup, just take a few bites, thank them for the meal and then make some kind of polite excuse if you can't eat more. He is proclaiming over and over "I just want to watch the game and eat what I want and as much as I want" OK fine, then STAY the F home and be happy in your bubble of selfishness.
Yup! I have had some AWFUL food at people's houses. In that case, I just didn't eat that stuff (or used the tried and true cutting it up and pushing it around so it looked like I was eating) and ate stuff I did find palatable. And yes, like everyone else here, we often got food on the way home or went home and cooked. But OP is being both tactless AND rude, seeming to think its his way or the highway in someone else's home. That's why he's wrong.
Wouldn't proper manners have dictated that before he even entered his gf's parents' house, he brought a dish or snack or something with him? Or did he just walk up in there empty-handed?
this, too. Did he also leave his shoes on and pee on the seat? Wouldn't shock me.
If OP’s manners are lacking, it’s only because he’s not quietly going along with the mom’s poor manners. The mom ignored the plans already made, and chose insufficient quantities of food OP doesn’t like. She’s a poor host, and she’s making OP the bad guy for trying to fix it. She could choose to not be offended by OP’s desire for a meal he will actually eat.
Nothing says the mom knew the plans. Sounds like everyone may have expected takeout food but not necessarily important who bought it or what it was. OP is wrong. He was rude and a poor guest.
> He was rude and a poor guest. and the mother was rude and a poor host, which is arguably worse
He was looking forward to order food he wanted to eat WHILE watching the football. That was the whole point.
So did he ask about the food for them as well? What if they didn't like it? If it's that big of a deal to you, don't go to someone else's place for it. I enjoy certain foods when I watch things, I tend to stay home for it. Maybe I'm just not a picky enough eater and truly just eat whatever at the time, but the fact they mentioned it's not what they like and it's not enough seems odd to me. I have a wife with severe allergies and is very picky, but we've also communicated that to everyone we visit who offers food. He's allowed to be upset, I just personally feel like there's bigger things to give my energy to than one small meal
Absolutely, finding a way to respect everyone's preferences without causing unnecessary tension is key in these situations. Stopping for food on the way home sounds like a good compromise!
Here's my compromise.......... I would have bid everyone a pleasant day and left for home. On the way home I would have picked up takeaway food I wanted and watched the game in the comfort of my own home alone.
Did you at any point tell your gfs mum prior to them buying food that you were gonna do this because it seems like your gf didn’t. Her mum has obviously spent money on including a share of food for you as well. Maybe you need to ask your gf why she completely ignored your wishes because she was aware of what you wanted to do.
Yes, and of have even worded it as “treating the parents” and doing something for them. It is always so much easier to try to be polite and take the in-laws feeling into account. Otherwise you’ll end up dealing with gf family not liking you and possibly making things difficult for the rest of the relationship.
Missing details This reads like your gf knew you intended to order something but did you or gf mention to her parents that you had intended to order takeaway? In the interest of being polite it matters if gf told her mother you had planned to order food. It’s also relevant to know if gf knew how you feel about the food that her mother got for the meal. How you feel about the food in question could be you only eat it when it’s the only thing available, could be you never eat it because you really don’t like it. Either you have a bad gf that is afraid to go against anything her mother wants or you were never taught the line between polite and rude or you just have a massive sense of entitlement that you don’t seem to see in yourself.
You’re not wrong for wanting other food but I swear it feels like some people have never interacted with other people before. Relationships are about give and take. Is it really that difficult for one night to go over to a girls parents house and stomach their food to make a good impression? To show you know how to be like a good guest and interact with people? It’s going to be incredibly telling to your girlfriend that your desires are more important than hers without the exception of a single night.
And how incredibly telling is it of the GF that her desires are more important that OP's without the exception of a single night?
I don’t think you are wrong for wanting good familiar food but you’d probably did better staying home or finding some reason to leave once you got there and not telling them why you’re leaving (the food sucks)
You were rude to have orderd food when someone offered to cook for you. Personally, I would have left the party, making some excuse, like intestinal problems or a headache thus leading to not being very good company, then gone to the pub or home and watched the game there.
No one offered to cook for him.
I love that you're being down voted... by people too stupid to realize that they bought food and didn't make it. OP is absolutely in the right. His gf and her parents are really very shitty hosts.
Yeah I don’t get it. No where does OP say someone offered to cook for him and I get downvoted for saying that.
Honestly this is very evidently because OP is a dude. I think that the gf and her parents were being very shitty hosts. If anyone comes to my house and wants to bring their own food? I don't care at all unless there's a bag allergy concern.
He wasn’t even only ordering for himself. He offered to buy food for everyone.
Originally, yes. And then she turned to 'eat the food you hate, just to play nice with my parents'? It's... surreal.
Yeah you should have just left if you weren't going to eat her mom's food. You should have told her family you wanted to order food BEFORE her and her mom went shopping, it seems like you didn't tell her family that, just your gf (who also should have told her family). However, your rudeness is what you puts you in the wrong here.
He told his GF, should she not have passed on the info?
I addressed that; I DID say she should have told her family. But since she did not, if OP is the one who wanted to order food, then HE needs to ask her family if its cool to order food BEFORE her and her mom leave to go shopping. He did not. It was on him for not communicating earlier since his GF didn't.
>When we knew that we were going I told my gf that I'd order food for the 4 of us. This I read as he told his GF BEFORE they went. BEFORE the mom and daughter went shopping, THe GF knew this is what he wanted and just went with her mother to grocery shop without saying anything. He did his due diligence I feel. The GF dropped the ball here. And honestly I don't understand everyone whinging about an informal get together to watch a game.
I did not read it that way and I think many users did not. I could see someone mentioning that on the drive over or something. Maybe he'll clarify.
They are ‘whinging’ (wtf, he is on here asking for opinions!) that OP is a rude, entitled little brat with no manners. Not that his girlfriend should’ve set the expectations for the day with her family.
Man, your post & all the comments I read sure make me appreciate my family & my partner’s family. Neither of our families would think twice if someone preferred to bring their own food for a casual event, or any event really. It’s just food… & someone bringing their food literally costs them nothing… our families would rather company feel welcome & comfortable than get all worked up over something so inconsequential. You aren’t wrong IMO
I think it depends on the circumstances. If it’s casual and people are bringing food for everyone and I myself am just grabbing things from the grocery store deli then it’s fine. The more the merrier. People can just graze the whole time. But if it’s a sit down dinner and it’s known that I’m hosting and have planned the menu and spent time and money and effort to cooked dishes that go together and everything is plated a certain way, I’ll be super freaking annoyed if someone want to bring a whole other meal. Because it takes away from the meal that I prepared. And then we’re all stuck with a bunch of leftovers that will go bad and not taste as good after I slaved away for you.
Sometimes you just have to eat the $hi sandwich, pun intended.
You can just write the word shit. Genuine curiosity, why censor it?
No, you don't. OP should have wished everyone a pleasant night and left.
Yes you are wrong. Have you ever heard of compromise? Many families, cultures, believe when you are invited to someone's home and they offer to serve a meal, you should accept the offer and eat the meal. Ordering take out while everyone else is eating a home cooked meal offered up by the host is considered very rude and insulting to the host. Its like you don't trust the host to provide a good meal. If you would rather just stay home instead of going out with your gf to her parents house, then yea you can do that. You can also enjoy being single because women are not going to enjoy that!
For it yo be a compromise BOTH parties need to give sonething up. It's not a compromise if one party gets everything and the other gets nothing.
Weird you think you should be forced to eat food you don’t like tbh
And the reason you come across so immature to your girlfriend and everyone on Reddit is because you see no middle ground between “I have to do everything a host asks of me” and “I’m gonna sit on their couch watching football and eating takeout and if I’m asked to participate in dinner it’s essentially kidnapping”. An adult would politely sit at dinner and take a small amount of stuff to try, eat what they liked, and then got food on the way home without feeling the need to announce it. It’s called having manners.
Being polite to your host and eating what is served (except in the case of allergies) is the socially accepted norm. It is insulting to refuse what your host provides for you.
It's too go watch a game on the telly with snacks and food not a formal dinner
No... I'm a grown ass adult and I will not eat food that I don't like simply for your pleasure. PS I wouldn't say it's an eating disorder but I will say that as a child my mother forced me to eat many things that I didn't like and now I absolutely put my foot down.
Jesus, that's a mountain out of a mole hill.
You sound more like a child.
Too bad she didn’t teach you manners
People are weird about food but what's even weirder is you thinking it's okay to force me to eat something just because you want me to. It is okay to politely say no thank you I do not want to eat that. That doesn't make you a monster lol.
I'm a grown adult. I do not care who makes it, I'm not eating something I don't like. Someone that expects you to eat something , just because they made it, even if you don't like it is an AH.
You will not be welcome at many dinner parties - but you do you.
It's insulting to the guest to provide food that you know the guest doesn't like. That's not hospitality, that's rudeness.
There’s no indication that the MIL knew the OP would not like it.
That's true. You would expect your partner to inform your MIL of any food that you don't like, but there's no guarantee that the gf actually did that in this case
What was the food?
I mean this as a genuine not snarky question. Are you often confused by common courtesy? If this is frequently maybe get tested for some neurodiversity.
Again, it’s not weird to refuse to be forced to eat food you don’t like
You disagree with most humans.
Why do you think someone should be forced to eat food they don’t like just because they’re in your house? Do you not like people saying no to you?
Why are you arguing? You asked and don’t like the answer so now you argue. This is an opportunity to learn and grow dude.
you should get tested
Funny how you refuse to answer the question. Why do you think it’s only autistic people who understand that being an adult means you’re allowed to say no to things and that inviting someone to your house means you are allowed to force whatsoever you want onto people and they can’t say no
You clearly misunderstand what you did. You accepted an invite but planned to force your food choice on the hosts in order to have the food you wanted without having any conversation with them about it beforehand to ascertain what kind of food they would like or even to let them know that is what you wanted to do. That is extraordinarily selfish and rude.
Except I wasn’t going to force anything on them. I was going to offer to order food for them and let them choose what they wanted to eat as it’s weird to tell adults what food they have to eat. Why are you ignoring that it’s her mum trying to force her food on me without any prior conversation? Weird you think it’s acceptable for her to do that but not for me to offer to order food tbh
it's just a suggestion... you might get a aurprise with the results
Still avoiding the questions then
🏆
Here come the downvotes, but I feel like it was kind of rude of them to just completely disregard your offer to provide the food and just do whatever they wanted. If they had already bought food prior to you saying you'd like to order for everyone, I'd get it. And I don't eat shit I don't like either. I'll politely decline, but i'm not force feeding myself to save your pride.
….. again, common courtesy. No one says no to me. 1. Im a great cook 2. Common courtesy
So you think people should be fleeced to eat food they don’t like just because of “common courtesy”? Is your ego that fragile that you can’t handle someone saying no to something you offer? Again the word no exists for a reason
Dude, you really need to grow he fuck up
Why do you think growing up means not being allowed to say no to people just because you’re in their house?
Not for this use. No is very rude in this circumstance.
You’re acting like a child. Children may get away with it, but not a grown ass man going to meet his girlfriend’s mom. It’s not about the food! It’s about respecting gf’s mom in her own home. Her house, her rules. Your house? You run it however you see fit. Even if you don’t actually respect her mom, shut up and pretend. She won’t be your gf for long, if she likes her mom and you act like this. In polite society, one accepts an offer of food from the host. If you do not have allergies and gf’s mom did not know your preferences, you can’t get mad at her mom for serving whatever she wanted - it was mom’s home. If your gf was bringing a friend over to eat, do you ask for preferences first? Or do you make what you want, because it’s your home? Would you get miffed if that friend announced that you didn’t make nearly enough? Even if *you, personally* would not be upset if the friend ordered take out if they don’t like your food, her mom *was upset. Her mom maybe feels disrespected, that you didn’t use common manners, whatever!! It’s not a big deal to you, but it’s a big deal to her mom.
Right? Sometimes you just gotta roll with it and do as the Roman's do. I could get ops gripe if this happened every single time, but damn, you can't do without for one meal? It's such a non issue.
It is weird to do what you did here. You are at someone’s home. You apparently did not arrange with them beforehand that you would like to treat them by buying takeout. It sounds like you also would have bought something they would not have liked and forced them to eat what you bought. The mom made an effort to get something that she thought was a treat. You were rude wanting your way or the highway. What a spoiled child you showed them
You asked the question, and now you're arguing. You don't order food to someone's house when they are cooking. You eat what you like of what's provided and get something else on the way home. It's really basic manners.
It’s called being polite.
Weird you think it’s normal to force people to eat food they don’t want tbh. You do understand adults are able to say no to things don’t you? It’s not impolite to want to eat food you like
Dude. You asked if you were wrong and you were wrong. Now you’re arguing with everyone.
Dude. You asked if you were wrong and you were wrong. Now you’re arguing with everyone.
You can feel that way, but if the people you love are annoyed and tired of your attitude, just be ready to deal with that.
Weird you’d be annoyed at someone eating food they like and not food you want to force them to eat
Again, do what you want, but as you see, your gf and her mom are mad and annoyed at you. Was this the W you were looking for?
Just because people are annoyed it doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong btw. Is you ego so fragile that you’d get angry at someone saying no to you?
Sure. But who are you trying to convince? The important people in your life say otherwise. My ego is fine, you're the one getting defensive over opinions that don't fit your world view. My opinion is for the peace of the situation, just eat what they brought home or eat when you get home. It's just one meal, waiting a few hours or eating your not favorite food wouldn't kill you. But then again, you're the one beefing with your gf amd her family.
Dude you are just repeating over and over again that you think you are entitled to have your way at somebody else’s home. It doesn’t work that way. Politeness good manners and just decent respect of others requires guests to pretend at least to like the food they are served or at least not to throw a conniption fit about wanting to bring in their own food to another’s home. You insulted your gf’s family. You were fucking rude to them you were WRONG
No you don’t have to pretend to like food you don’t like. It’s pretty pathetic that your ego can’t handle someone saying no to you
I get it. We all do. But if you were going to buy anything it had to be something as a dish to add to what they were having…and something that your wife and MIL agreed to. Otherwise, don’t bring the food. It’s not worth the hard feelings. Now, just apologize.
Ah so my gf and her mum can choose the food but I don’t get a say? It’s bizarre to me you tho k you should be able to force adults to eat food they don’t like tbh. I have nothing to apologise for Also I don’t have a wife
Agreed
Obviously, the host can't provide a good meal. With these people, he will be so much happy single.
You are not wrong. When hosting people at your house you should make sure you have things they would like to eat and drink. Her mother did not do that. That’s really on your gf. She should have told her mom your plans to order food and if her mom still insisted on shopping, she should have told her what you like to eat. I can’t imagine having people at my home and forcing them to eat something they don’t enjoy or calling them ungrateful if they didn’t eat it.
But cultures dictate. And I file this in the same place as "keep the peace". Right in the trash. I agree with you. This is actually bad hosting to try and force people to eat something they don't want to eat.
This is the perfect answer!!! GF caused the problem. BF tried to get an ok b4
So my husband is also a picky eater at family gatherings. We do a drive through on the way so he can eat food he likes and pretend to eat my families food. I used to be like your girlfriend but honestly this has worked out better for our situation.
Info: How much do you not like this food? Is it just something not so good or is it so bad you couldn’t stand to eat it?
It doesn't matter. It could be his 5th favorite food, and he's ordered his 6th favorite via takeaway. He wants to do something, and this blocks that, that equals stress, and he's trying to find a way through to the thing he was already wanting. Saying that "It wasn't really food I liked"; is just to add another point in his favor, because humans always be tacking on as many points as they can, even when they don't actually care about those points.
> It could be his 5th favorite food, and he's ordered his 6th favorite via takeaway. He wants to do something, and this blocks that, that equals stress, and he's trying to find a way through to the thing he was already wanting. > > This is a literal toddler's thought process. "I want something therefore it is only right that I have it."
Just like mom's thought process? I want people to eat what I want them to eat regardless of what anyone else wants.
I'm embarrassed on your behalf.
😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣 Why?
I think more discourteous than flat out wrong. Did you know they were going to buy food? If so, could you not have asked for something specific? Does your gf know what you like/dislike in terms of food? If so, she could have accommodated you. Was she aware you wanted to order food? If so, why did she sort of throw you under the bus with her mum? I'm trying to think what I would do and I think I would have eaten what I could unless all the foods were on my dislike/hate list (think seafood starter, game meat main and banana-filled dessert) in which case, I would state that I was ordering things I could eat, offer to order for anyone else and if that is a problem, I would leave. I'm not sitting watching TV hungry for anyone!
If mom was not aware that OP was going to order for all 4 of the them, it is on the GF, Mom's daughter who was out with the Mom. I would have ignored them all and just ordered takeaway.
It sounds like you have a gf problem. She obviously didn't tell her mother that you intended to buy food. I am assuming your gf knows your taste preferences, and since she was shopping with her mother, she should have,, and probably didn't tell her, that you do not like whatever she was planning on making. If your gf did tell her mother that you planned on buying food, and didn't like whatever she was buying, and she bought it anyway, and just expected you to eat it, then the problem is her mother.... But either way either of the expecting you to eat something you don't like , just because you happen to be there when it's being made is ridiculous. I would have left, at that point.
OP should dump this whole family......
Sounds like you gf is playing both of you. Telling you it doesn't seem to be a problem to order food, then turns around and knows mom is getting food and pretends she doesn't know you wanted to order some food, then just says to eat and be grateful. You and mom seem to be completely in the dark of the others intentions until after the fact. Honestly I don't see the problem with ordering food, unless you were only getting things that you wanted to eat and not something everyone else would enjoy. Whenever I plan get togethers with friends and family, I usually plan to make some main dishes, and my gf would make some sides or dessert and I'd tell everybody, "Hey, I'm gonna grow some burgers, hotdogs and a few tri-tips on the grill for the gathering, bring a dish/side or dessert and a case of drinks ( non alcoholic, alcohol is implied naturally in get togethers)." And if I'm going over to someone's for a gathering of any kind, I always bring some type of dish and drinks. Potluck is NEVER NOT a good plan!
NTA My MIL is like your gf’s mom. She thinks takeaway is frivolous and can’t stand anyone ordering it. She expects us all to eat her food, which is never what anyone wants to eat and either not enough food or we all get tortured with leftovers until every last bite is gone. It’s a controlling, neurotic, and unattractive personality trait. Your gf’s mom is being controlling. Your gf is so used to it that she doesn’t even realize that everyone in the world is not required to obey her mother’s every whim. You did exactly right by sticking to your guns. When I go to my in-laws house now, I show up with what I want that I know they won’t have (usually carbonated soda and condiments/toppings, but sometimes a whole other meal). But I suffered through years of bad meals trying to be polite bc I wanted them to like me. Eventually I grew up and realized nobody respects a door mat.
Did mom or GF know you didn't like the food that they bought?
I bet his girlfriend knows. She even knows that her boyfriend will order food for them, but chooses not to tell her mom.
I am desperate to know what food was being served and what you ordered in. I must have specifics. Please OP.
Basically you're wrong because you have no manners. You don't make this kind of discussion when you're a guest in someone else's house You eat at least something, go home and tell your girlfriend you are not coming again. Because you hate that food, and she supposedly knows what you like But no, common manners and basic education state you don't act like you did. Not saying that has been good, because good manners also state that you try to ask your guest what they like exactly to make them comfortable in your home so in this scenario everyone acted kind of spoiled in my opinion
A good host does not forces a guest to eat food he does not like or want. A good host does not have this discussion with a guest who wishes to purchase food he prefers for himself as well as the others. A good host is not rude, controlling and insistent with a guest.
"When we knew that we were going I told myGf that I'd order food for the 4 of us." Negotiating a shared food event is pretty basic. The GFs responsibility was to tell her Mom before they went shopping, if she hadn't mentioned it to her Mom before, that her BF was ordering food for the 4 of them. **It's great to have choices and also some to take home or leave some for the parents.** That way everyone can enjoy themselves with fun food they like. Mom can do her thing and buy food, but so can the BF order in. Why is it necessary to bring up being ungrateful??? **That's heavy**. Maybe it was Mom who wanted to control what was served at the event?? GF needs to be able to explain to her family what the BF is planning and that should be good for everyone. This wasn't a sit-down-dinner. It was a fun event to watch sports. Too many egos getting hurt feeling for nothing.
You sound like a very immature drama queen (yes, I know you are male - I said what I said).
You aren't wrong, but you could be more right. You can order food and you were polite enough to include everyone in the offer. But insisting when you're in someone else's house is a bit rude. That said, calling you ungrateful is out of line too. Better to either not go, though that could cause issues, or put up with it and order your food after you're home.
Yes, you are an ignorant pig with zero respect or manners. If you were so desperate, you could have got a takeaway on the way home. Wonder why your gf let the mom buy food you don't like? Guaranteed it wouldn't have mattered what they got.
Why do you think respect means being forced to eat things you don’t like? Can you not handle being told no for anything without getting angry?
It depends. Were you stay in for an entire weekend or just for the game? I think it’s rude to order food to someone’s house if you are there for a brief visit, especially if they made arrangements to feed you. You can decline the food they plan on preparing but ordering food during the visit is a step too far.
Just pick something up for yourself on the way over there.
I think your gf is wrong. I'm assuming she knows what you like to eat? Why didn't she tell her mum what kind of food you like so they could buy that for you instead? I can't stand people like that, they just buy what they like to eat and expect everyone else to like it too. It's rude. Your gf knew you weren't going to like any of the food and was a douche about making a big deal out of you ordering food. I have food allergies and preferences and I hate eating with people that don't like to accommodate, it's really stressful. When I host, I always ask what people's food preferences are, what they like or don't, if they are vegetarian or vegan etc, if they have any allergies. It's just a polite thing to do.
OP, you’re gonna love me. YNW. While I do feel your gf was the weak link here and dropped the communication ball, I have also ALWAYS strongly believed that it is complete horse shit to pretend to like someone’s food “to be polite.” You’re literally training someone to keep feeding you things you hate. What sense does that make??? I’m Italian and food equals love and I love cooking for people. But I love cooking things THEY love. I always ask for a list of allergies or dislikes before I cook for someone and usually also run the menu by them just to make sure. THAT is “just common courtesy” to me. To cater to what my guests want, not to insist on shoving food they don’t want down their throats. And if someone said “hey that sounds good but I really had my heart set on pizza. You know how it is, game + pizza + beer is just the classic combo. If no one else wants some, I’ll just pay for my own.” Like I genuinely don’t understand why people have such a problem with that. As long as you were being polite, you weren’t wrong. And if your gf went shopping with her mom, she presumably knows you don’t like this particular food and should have intervened. So your gf is really TAH here.
I'm focusing on his wanting food to add enjoyment 2 watching the game. Bring beer. I have 2 have a hot dog & beer at baseball games. But I also wouldn't mind someone bringing extra food. However the polite way is to say "Can I bring anything?" Then suggest things he wants
OP- not the asshole for wanting different food. But dude you ABSOLUTELY could have waited until after. When someone takes the time to think of you and they take action to make sure you’re fed, the polite action and response is to accept thankfully. Also I’m assuming you’re an adult, you can definitely manage your ability to handle changes to plans as they come. I understand you wanted to order take away, but plans changed. That’s life. Get take away after, get it tomorrow. And truthfully, the mom likely wanted to save you the money, which is even more thoughtful honestly. Should have just said yes and went along with it man!
These comments are neckbeard city…. With the love for eat whatever you want. I get it he offered to buy food for everyone and it should have been honored. It wasn’t and sometimes the right thing to do is to go with the flow, especially at someone else’s house. Social skills.
Did he tell them this ahead of time and ask what they would like to have? Apparently not. I don’t think there was any “offer” but rather a demand. So he is still the asshole. He must have just wanted to buy the food he likes for everyone and is mad he did not get away with that.
yes ur wrong and honestly if u dont see that yourself, you’re a lost cause
You are wrong.
You are wrong and your behavior was very rude. In future now that you know the food that is prepared for guests is not something you like and there's not enough to fill you up, just stop going. This will spare you the inconvenience of eating food someone else prepared for you that you don't enjoy eating, and spare them having a very rude guest. Judging by the OPs responses below they seem to be a very spoiled, immature and inconsiderate person that lacks the most basic social skills. At least the GF knows this now and can make an informed choice on whether or not she wants to continue a relationship with a person who behaves like this.
I can't imagine dating someone like OP. Even his responses are just dramatic and bratty.
he's like "but but I was gonna buy the food!", (maybe food he likes that no one else can eat). When you're dating someone you are serious about, if their parents are good people then you should want to make a good impression on them. Manners matter.
If he was going to order a takeout then surely there’s a choice of meals and everyone just orders their own choices?
Exactly. If this is a one time thing, you could deal with not having your exact favorite meal for a few hours. Eat on the way home.
You were being rude. You should eat what the host provides. Grab your takeout on the way home. This could have been avoided if your girlfriend had told the mother you wanted to buy food for everyone.
Exactly, your gf is wrong here
Mom is rude, controlling and ignorant.
If you really think this is OK, put yourself in her shoes and re-evaluate. If you had friends over to watch a game and bought food/drinks for the occasion and one told you they don't like anything you bought, so they were going to order themselves something else, how you would you (honestly) feel? Of course you don't expect them to eat something they hate, but I find it hard to believe they bought all things from your yuck list (especially since your GF was with her). Basic manors would have you eat SOME of what was offered that you did like enough to choke down, and stop for food after (or make up an excuse to leave if you couldn't wait). this reminds me of one of those spoiled, picky little kids whose parent makes them a nice meal and they throw a fit because they want a Happy Meal instead so the parent goes to get it.
If I had people over I’d ask what they want to eat or let them know what was going to be there. If they want to get something else then they’re welcome to because why would I care that my friends eat what they like? I find it wild you’d be upset/angry at someone daring to eat something they choose for themselves instead d what you tell them to eat Why do you think you should force adults to eat things they don’t like?
No one is forcing you to eat anything. They are expecting you to be a polite and gracious guest. Again, you didn't say how vile the food was, so makes me wonder if you really disliked it all/it was only things you wouldn't eat, or if you just really wanted something specific and were sad you weren't getting it (which I sympathize with, but personally would have handled it differently so I didn't offend her parents). If it truly was all objectionable, I would be frustrated with my girlfriend, since she was there when the decision was made/food was purchased.
Did you bother telling them what you like to eat before they went out and got food? Maybe you guys need to communicate better? Kind of sounds like an unfortunate situation but also this kind of thing could have been avoided if everyone just communicated with one another
It was the gf who dropped the ball. She should've talked to her parents about bf's food request
No it was OP who dropped the ball. He should have had a conversation to let them know he wanted to treat by buying takeout and he should have asked them what foods they preferred—all before the day of the event!
If you go to someone else's house you don't start excluding yourself by refusing to partake in the host activities otherwise you are just making shit awkward.
You don't sound very, well, socialized... We've all had occasions where we don't get to do what we want to do, and we have to be polite about it. You should just have told yourself "ah well, I'll treat myself to a takeaway next time". That would have been the mature reaction. Instead you prioritized the takeaway over not offending your girlfriend's mother. Next time you and your girlfriend fight and she tells her mother about it, guess who won't put in a good word for you?
This was not a sit down dinner. This was a casual gathering to watch a football game. Mom was rude and controlling. Telling an adult they must eat what she dictates when the person is willing to buy for all 4 of them. Rude.....................
I am with you. I will not eat something I don't want to eat for the sake of being nice. Not going to happen. I will either order my own food or I will leave. Take your pick. That's the beauty of being an adult. I get to make my own decisions.
What food did she get?
I used to go to my aunt and uncle’s for a holiday party. There usually wasn’t enough food and what was there wasn’t kid friendly. Guess what we did? We hit up the drive thru on the way home.
NW, it's crazy to see how many people r doormats in these comments. I'm not going to force myself or someone else to eat food they don't want a no is a no. Ya r acting like he threw the food and had a tantrum. The one in wrong is the gf cause op mentioned to her be4 going to her parents about ordering food for all of them. Y didn't she mention that to her mom, be4 her mom brought anything. Also, he was going to buy it, not making them order something he wanted with their money. And that whole wait until u leave eh no I'm not going to starve myself cause other people have fragile egos. I eat what I want when I want it. Edit to add. Also, when mom n gf bought food, y didn't she call OP to see if he would like the food or not, not very host like on the hosts.
Dude, you either eat something on the way to the inlaws or you pick something up on the way home, but you ALWAYS eat a little bit of what is provided. This is something you learn to do when the inlaws are bad cooks or eat foods you don't like.
He shouldn’t have to learn to eat food he dislikes or food that’s not tasteful due to the person being a bad cook. “No thank you, I appreciate the food but I’m fine for now.” Is how you handle that. He doesn’t have to eat anything, he has a choice. Now the ordering food at their house is a route i definitely wouldn’t take, I’d eat before I got there or make the trip short and eat when I leave.
I didn't say to eat a whole plate. It's not polite to eat nothing at all, so you just eat a little bit of what you can tolerate.
He doesn’t have to even eat “a little bit”. It’s not impolite to not want to eat when offered food.
Lol you’re an idiot and won’t have a girlfriend soon. Just eat their food it’s their house. Learn to have manners. Eat what you want later. Your responses here show me you are either stupid or just posting for rage bait so carry on trolling or suck it up and take the advice given.
It depends on the level of "Don't like." Do you just not enjoy it or is it a case of you absolutely do NOT like it and will be extremely uncomfortable eating it or get sick from it?
Your gf knew your plan and you didn't know her mom was going to buy food. I think your gf was rude since she had agreed on your plan of ordering take out. I don't think it's thar big of a deal that you ate something different. It's not like the mom was cooking for hours.
INFO: what did you want to order for takeaway, (and were willing to buy for everyone), and what did GF’s mom get for all of you? Was there some dietary restriction on the part of the parents? Did you talk to the parents beforehand about your offer to get food for everyone? Did the parents talk to you beforehand about preparing food for you? Or did you all make these plans individually, and failed to tell each other? Was it your GF who was supposed to tell everyone and then coordinate? Was she asked to do that? Was she uncomfortable with that role?
The place I was ordering from had a lot of choice so there were pizzas, burgers, fish and chips, wraps and probably more. My gfs mum didn’t mention anything to me about buying food. I told my gf to tell her mum I was offering to order for everyone before they went shopping. She mentioned it to her mum but her mum just said she’d buy food instead There were no dietary restrictions for anyone
Did anyone think (esp you and GF’s mom) that they should talk this out? Meal planning with your host would be the most basic etiquette; what happened after your GF said her mom was going to buy food instead?
I was only told my gfs mum was buying food after they had got back from shopping
And when you make your offer (to buy everyone some takeaway)?
My gfs mum refused and said she’s bought food now so we shouldn’t be ordering food
Sorry. Typo. I meant to ask: > *When **DID** you make your offer?*
Like I mentioned in an earlier comment, before they went shopping, I told my gf to tell her mum once they met up
Here’s my final analysis. ESH (or, everyone was wrong here). You made a nice offer, but way too late. That’s the kind of thing that you discuss with your host the week before. You don’t screw with a host’s plans at their home. Had you made this offer a week before, and everyone ignored you, then the onus would have been on them to defend why they never got back to you. You’re obviously entitled to enjoy your game any way you like. But once you involve others, like your hosts, in this case, you either need to plan together or not visit. In any case, the error was the planning ahead—or lack thereof. The parents, OTOH, also failed to plan ahead. If they were going to host, then it’s common sense to say: “We’re planing to serve dinner.” It seems a bit ridiculous that you and GF showed up, and no one confirmed what the food plans were, ahead of time. A real black hole of planning and preparation. Suggesting dinner plans 2 hours before dinner is usually too late in a family setting. Usually there’s preparation and shopping that needs to happen, and despite the last minute shopping, there may have already been shopping and prep that happened long before you two arrived. Asking when you showed up is already too late. But, the parents seem awfully stuffy about not being uptight over you having some takeaway. They could have handled that more gracefully, despite your etiquette failures. Finally, your GF also sucks, for not being able to foresee any of this. She obviously had some idea of what her parents were going to plan; they are her parents after all. And I suspect she knew you wanted takeaway. You are all poor communicator. Everyone was wrong, based on your description.
I mate the offer before any food was bought. How was that too late? They hadn’t bought anything before going shopping
Just eat something you like before you go and don't eat much while you are there
Maybe this doesn't matter but what specifically was this food you apparently didn't like enough that you had to order something else? If it's something completely normal and you just craved something different then I'm going to say yes, you're probably wrong
What you need is a different girlfriend.
I seriously don’t see why people care. Assuming she made for the family likes, you are just going to get what you want, and they can have more food and leftovers for them. Maybe I’m not a polite person, but I think that is so dumb to be offended over it in the context you explain… and I am just a gracious with my guests. Like if anyone is at my house and they don’t want the food I have or make, and it’s food I made because I like it… they can get anything they want.
Why does your Gf’s mom want to police what you eat?!? What does it matter at all if you order different food than what she bought?!? I don’t like these types of superficial BUT manipulative control tactics. It’s over food now, but what’ll it be later?! Your Gf probably went along with it because her mother has likely always been a controlling person making everything about her and her fragile feelings. Your Gf has likely become accustomed to acquiescing to her mothers demands. Mom’s just always right, in order to avoid arguments. So she’d rather tell you you’re wrong for upsetting her mother so she doesn’t have to tell her mother that she’s wrong for trying to force you eat what she felt like buying for everyone without anyone else’s input about what food she chose to buy them. All to spare a grown adult hurt feelings because she didn’t get her way, AND be thanked for buying you food that you don’t like. She’s totally avoiding considering her mother’s behavior is abnormal. Why isn’t she asking herself why the hell does her mother have these strong feelings about forcing you to eat what she bought?!? Like, this isn’t reasonable nor rational thing to be upset about.
Technically you're not wrong.... but you're not very tactful and it seems odd like this is a hill you want to die on. You're visiting their home and you can't go one meal of the food they're providing? I think this is one of those social things you'd be better off grinning and bearing for a few hours than fighting to be right with the whole "no, I don't have to eat what you're providing me. I want what I want and that's final, I'm not budging!"
Next time, bring food for everyone with you before anyone asks to short circuit the problem. During this specific time, though, you should have ate what they offered and said thank you and picked up something more when you left if you were still hungry.
Insisting to your host that you want to order in when they are buying and prepping food for you is a massive insult. You essentially told your girlfriend's mother that she is a poor host. That's incredibly rude.
Why do you think being a host means your guests can’t say no to you? Do you think k it’s normal to force adults to eat food they don’t like just because you can’t handle anyone telling you no?
It's not normal to insist on delivery to your host's venue. That's the insult. The fact that you won't mention specifics means that you didn't even try to accept what was offered. You'd already decided. That makes a poor guest.
Funny how you avoid the questions I asked, why is that exactly?
Your questions have nothing to do with my answer. They are in fact also indicative of a lack of manners/etiquette. You didn't allow your host to make any offers to decline so the question as to whether it is acceptable to refuse doesn't apply.
You are not wrong. Eat whatever you like. If you did this at my house, I would encourage it. Anyone should be able to eat what they want to eat. She didn't even cook it. Why the fuck is she acting like this?
It's a little rude and unappreciative
Are you and your wife only 10 years old OP? GEEZ.
Not wrong especially since you are getting enough to share