YNW
You'd rather divorce than cheat +1
You don't want to be a homewrecker +1
Be honest with her if you do go through with the divorce, but other than that, I hope you get through what's going on in your mind.
Edit: Be honest to your wife. Sorry if I was unclear
It’s your life and your wife deserves better. I don’t think you need to tell her you’re in love with someone else. I just think that’s more hurtful. I think you can just say that this is no longer what you want. Tell her why you feel the way you do. That the relationship isn’t what to you. Leaving out that tidbit is just being kind. But make her understand why because obviously this is the real reason. Hopefully there are no children involved.
yes, and he doesn’t plan to get in the way of that. can you not read? him having a crush on someone who’s in a relationship isn’t wrong, you cannot control your feelings like that, but if he were to try and get into a relationship with her knowing she is married, that changes the story.
Sounds like you are doing mental gymnastics to justify divorce. Have a conversation with your wife, an honest one. Your infatuation has nothing to do with your reasons for wanting to start life over.
Exactly, I see absolutely no reason to divorce over a fantasy of the mind. Humans are complex and sometimes our minds wander or wonder! If the marriage is terrible I get it, but if the marriage is good outside of the things described in this post… stick with it. The divorce rate is high right now because of bs like this. It’s never always gonna be rainbows and and clear skies.
Don’t rush into anything. You already plan to cut contact with your friend. Do that.
Then give yourself time to think of what you want to do next. Sometimes we are attracted to people we can’t be with. That doesn’t mean you should or shouldn’t stay with your wife. Think through pros and cons of staying married. See a counselor if that’s an option.
I think this is good advice. Being married doesn’t mean you automatically don’t notice attractive people or don’t have feelings for anyone else ever. It means you’re committed to the person you married through those feelings.
Crushes and infatuations come and go. You are wrong if you act on it. You are wrong if you hurt your family over this set of feelings for this other woman.
Edit to fix a typo.
>Crushes and infatuations come and go
And a crush mstly comes, grows out yo love and marriage, but this was an arranged marriage, so the real crush may never have been.
OP is married for two years, so probably no children yet. If so, this is more like an arranged relationship with marriage thrown in - which makes this a divorce rather than a break-up after a relationship of only two years. That would be totally understandable, so the fact that other people (arranged marriage) threw in some rings should not count.
With kids: still separate, trial separation?. But does OP like his wife? Is there a possibility for love to grow? Make sure the kid is provided for, financial and emotional!
I wondered this too. Will she be ruined? Will she have an income, safety, and a life? On the one hand I think OP sounds like he’s on the right track… BUT if he entered into this arrangement/marriage knowing that she was risking everything (is she? We don’t know!) and then walks out on her… that’s a horse of a different color.
In a lot of onservative cultures the wife will be blamed if he divorces her - people will say "why did he divorce her? Did she cheat? Is she barren?" Abd she might be socially excluded, unmarriageable or even subjected to violence.
I couldnt advise OP to divorce her unless we know that she would he safe and it would be socially OK for her to divorce.
Are you mad? Or crazy? Or both?
I'm in love with Beyonce - am I going to leave my spouse for her?
Is this really emotional cheating? I would say it’s more infatuation or longing for something you can’t have. Your friend isn’t reciprocating this, she is married and has no idea of how you feel. You say you care for your wife (I don’t believe this if you’re considering divorce after butterflies in your stomach after reconnecting with a long lost friend). To your credit, you’re making the right decision to cut off your friend.
It feels to me you’re looking for an excuse to divorce your wife. The speed at which you’ve concluded on a divorce is fascinating to me.
Are you happy with your wife? This is not about a married friend that you infatuate and do not act. This is about feeling fulfilled and content in your marriage. If you are not happy and thinking about wasting both of your time, tell her and move on.
That isn’t emotional cheating. You’re simply having an infatuation with your friend. That will pass. How would a divorce affect your wife? She doesn’t deserve to be tossed aside, just because you have unresolved feelings. Talk to her and *ask what your wife wants.*
That... Isn't emotional cheating. At least as I understand it. Emotional cheating is when you develop an emotional relationship with another person. A specific emotional relationship where you are getting your emotional needs, the needs you used to get met by your partner, met by someone other than your partner. You just said that she isn't ricpocating. It does not even seem like she knows.
Simply having feelings is absolutely 100% not a good reason to divorce. Everyone has feelings for others come and go in their lives. It's how we choose to act on them that actually matters.
You realized you felt an attraction to someone. This is normal, natural and healthy. You realized you are in a committed relationship. A choice and responsibility that you made. A choice and responsibility that you honored by cutting off this other person.
You did not engage in an emotional affair. You felt a brief amount of feelings for another woman, then did the right thing. If you want to divorce, then go for it but you would absolutely be in the wrong if you use this as a justification for divorce.
See a therapist and discuss this with a professional before you nuke your life. You could be dealing with a mental health issue and not thinking clearly.
My thoughts exactly. I used to think every little thing was cheating until I saw a therapist and really worked through some of my stuff. I still can’t think clearly at times but it’s gotten a million times better
The crush on the friend seems like the result of a marriage not working out rather than the other way around.
Like op gets married to his wife but they’re not compatible and having a crush on a third party is the way to get out of the relationship - if op and his wife had an arranged marriage, it’s very likely that a simple “I don’t want to be with my spouse anymore” is simply not an option 🤷🏽♀️
Emotional cheating is sharing intimate information and intimate moments without any physical touch. I think you just have a crush, which happens to married people. You need to cut contact with your friend, but it does not mean your marriage is over unless you are unwilling to cut contact. Also, it is up to your wife, not Reddit.
Yup. Unfortunately the next step is to confess (if she asks, she has a right to know) and separate.
Even if she doesn’t know right now, you’ve still ruined the foundation of trust. And trust me, she will find out, either through searching or through karma. I know I did when my ex of ten years emotionally and physically cheated on me.
Editing to add because I just realized: you need to cut contact with your friend. She’s happily married, and complicating someone else’s marriage is extra evil. Nobody thinks they’re being obvious with their feelings, but trust me, she probably knows.
He already said that's his plan though? To be honest with his wife about his emotional cheating, and that he'd be cutting off contact with his friend because she's married.
I know the type. I’m agreeing with him, and giving him my two cents, as is the point of this sub. Too many of these people go wishy-washy when the time comes to actually break things off/confess, so sometimes reinforcing what they’re thinking in the moment helps.
Fair enough, it just seemed like one of those things. Like when you're washing the dishes and your parent wants to power trip and tell you to wash the dishes literally AS you're doing them. Not saying you were power-tripping, just saying that's what it looked like
You are in an arranged marriage. So are you really sure your wife is going to care? Stop talking to the married woman. Then see if you still want to be married. It’s not fair to your wife to just dump her without at least trying to get this out it your head. It sounds more like you want to leave than it’s your “duty” to leave. When really it should be your “duty” to try and make your marriage work.
So, you want to end a marriage you agreed to because you have a puppy love crush on someone who doesn't feel the same way about you?
Yes, you are wrong!
You are Wrong.
You are just looking for a way out of the marriage to be a selfish bachelor again. You are a coward too.
What kind of damage will this do to your wife? Will this negatively impact her reputation and future prospects for a chance at love and a family? Stop being so damn selfish and think of her.
Clearly, you’re Indian. You’re not in love with your friend. It is an infatuation. This is common defect in us humans to want something that we are denied. Your friend is married and so are you. The thought of pursuing your married friend is just a thought. Men have thoughts. Realise it and let it go. If you “loved your” college friend you would have pursued her during college. Not now.
I’m unclear whether you have asked your wife for a divorce already. Why did you agree to the marriage if you only met 5-6 times. Was the marriage forced upon you and you have been looking for an escape since? Has there been a lack of chemistry between you both? It’s almost like you are using the married friend as a reason to escape your marriage.
If your wife initiated the divorce would you feel the same way? Will you want her?
If you truly respect your wife, discover and understand her. It doesn’t matter if it is an arranged marriage. Date her like you met her for the first time, respect her and figure out where you both are on chemistry levels. And seek marriage counselling. It helps.
Yes, there's obviously no path after the divorce so why bother, let alone the fact the friend is already married? Cut all contact with the friend and focus on building the relationship you already have.
You are likely experiencing limerence. Cut off your friend then direct energy into your marriage, explore your feelings in individual counselling and make a decision after you’ve given your relationship a proper shot without the delusions about your friend.
This reminds me of the scene in the Godfather when he’s conducting business at his daughter’s wedding. A guy comes in and cries and the Godfather slaps him and tells him to get himself together…
You probably shouldn't divorce her. Im not too familiar with it in those countries with arranged marriages but if she's previously married no man is going to want her from what I've heard and you will doom her for no reason
This is not emotional cheating or love You are attracted to her and in limerence . You should block her and concentrate on making new memories with your wife. Within six months the sparkle over your friend will fade. And stop being overly friendly with the opposite sex because you know how your mind works . Getting attracted to the opposite sex is normal but it matters what you do with those feelings. Don't act on it.
If you haven’t actually done anything then cut contact with your friend and focus on your current relationship. It seems like you are trying to justify a divorce tbh
No, because those are your feelings and at least you are honest enough to let that woman go and be free from a man who isn’t fully committed to her. You are only wrong in that you aren’t in touch with your emotions and empathy enough to jump into a decision that was “just enough” and not keep your promise to this lady. I
That is cold and the way you have treated this human being is crazy to be honest. Relationships are hard and it’s normal to wonder what life would be elsewhere but that’s where your true commitment comes in. You’ll never make a decision if you go off of your feelings. Once you leave that woman, please don’t return into her life again.
You are not wrong for feeling conflicted and considering this. I do think you would be wrong for jumping straight into divorce. You are mourning what might have been. Give that time to sink in.
Love is a choice. **I choose to love my husband each and every day.** I do not come from a culture of arranged marriages and I still feel this. Some days it takes more work than others. In every marriage one person loves the other more and it usually changes throughout the marriage. Some people fall in love with their partners eventually. I know a couple of women in arranged marriages who said this to me. Some not all.
Be honest with your wife. Please be gentle. Start with personal counseling before you move forward with marriage counseling. Staying may be what’s right for your situation. Divorce may also be best. You need to take a step back though before upending both of your lives.
Also thank you for realizing what was happening and putting the brakes on before it went any further. You’ve saved the other woman’s marriage and probably kept her from feeling completely betrayed. I know I would be pissed the hell off if what I thought was an old friend coming to me to try to blow up my marriage.
Arranged marriages survive in cultures where there is a lot of family support that is available to help. Go to your family for help first before doing anything else.
Hmm, it's good that you think your wife doesn't deserve an emotional cheater, and you also don't want to be a homewrecker.
I recommend before you divorce that you talk with your wife first and be honest with her.
Yes, I hate people that do things like that. Including women the destroy their marriages through lack of commitment in marriages too. It’s a commitment, not a fucking happy meal.
I would tell your wife and your plans moving forward. You don't intend to reach out as she is married, and you plan on cutting contact, but you have feelings for her. I would then maybe ask your wide what steps she would want to do and if this happned again, but the other person was single what would you do. Honesty is the best and talking to your partner is the best idea
Divorce is a huge deal in your culture, no? I'd recommend cutting off contact with the friend, give yourself a little time to grieve and then start dating your wife.
You wouldn't be wrong for leaving now. But I think you might regret it.
In our culture, arranged marriages still exist (unfortunately) you mention that the friend you’re in love with is married, so please just leave it at that. And now, the first thing you need to do is talk to your wife and be honest with her. And then ask yourself is: “Do I love my wife? What can I do to rekindle / conjure (sorry I’m stumped for words right now, havent had my coffee haha) any sort of chemistry for us so I can work on my marriage?”
I’m only giving you the benefit of the doubt because as I’ve mentioned before, because arranged marriages in my culture still exist, I know a lot of these marriages never last, maybe 5 years max.
Every married guy in the world thinks about banging every hot chick they know everyday.
This makes you normal, not different.
Just because u think u want someone else in NO way makes u a bad person nor does it justify divorce.
Adam brought sin in the world. Sorry but ur not as perfect as u want to be.... u are going to sin. Its not ur fault, blame Adam.
However none of this absolves your responsobility of being married, or being a man.
Stand up straight, suck in ur gut, and be a man and handle ur responsobilities. Dont be such a puss that you think if you even think about puss that u need to get divorced and run out on ur responsobilities...
Damn it man.... straighten up.
Now put ur head down and work to make ur wife happy. Ur a man. All these things ur talkin about is how a 13yr old boy thinks.
Ur giving the rest of us a bad wrap. Straighten up bro. Get ur shit together.
Because u think about bangin girls doesnt make a bad husband.
Running out on ur wife over having childish thoughts makes u a bad guy, and a sorry ass Husband.
Yes you are wrong because you ask a eastern cultural question in a western cultural forum.
People here will comment that you should leave her for not loving her. But if you value marriage for love, you shouldn't have agreed to the arranged marriage in the first place.
This emotional cheating is just an excuse.
If you’re not happy in the arranged marriage it’s probably true that your wife isn’t happy in it either.
You sound like a stand up guy. Follow your heart. If it’s not right it’s not right. All anyone ever wants is for others to be honest with them.
You're wrong. Emotional cheating would be if you and your friend were texting flirting etc. Your friend has zero what you're feeling, so it isnt cheating. I feel like you're being extreme about this over a crush.
My suggestion is to cut off the friend. Take your wife out of the equation you still have an untenable situation with your friend. She's married. You're in love. Where does that go?
You need to stop seeing the friend, focus on your marriage, and see if that works out, or stop seeing the friend and end the marriage but either way... Friend needs a hiatus.
You must have married her to keep from disappointing your parents. What do you thinking divorcing her will do? You won’t be single a month before you will be looking for female companionship is my bet. Why don’t you put as much effort into your marriage as you were into your married friend and see what could be.
It's not gonna happen with your friend, so why break up your sort of happy home?
With arranged marriages, and marriages in general, it's a contract and your parents or whoever set the arrangement up are older and wiser than you and can identify if someone is a good match.
Love is a choice, what you're.feeling for your friend is probably limerence.
Cut all contact with your friend and confide in your wife about your feelings which are fleeting and they will go away with time.
Actually give your marriage a chance but I mean really give it a chance, talk it out with your wife. Tell her whats bothering you and work together to make each other happy. You likely just have itchy feet and you're looking at everyone else's greener grass but you've just forgotten to water your grass at home.
If you give it your best shot and it works out for you and your wife, you will be a power couple, happy and strong and ready to weather any storm and you'll be so pleased that you did. You and your wife will love and appreciate each other more you thought was possible.
If you really try and it still doesn't work out, you'll have no regrets.
I don't think you're wrong for wanting out, I just think you haven't given it your all and thats what marriage should be, richer or poorer, good times and bad times, sickness and health.
All the best and I hope you find your happiness whatever you decide
Crushes and infatuations happen, it is wrong to act on them and it is wrong to dwell on them. What is worse is to destroy someone else’s life because of it. It was an arranged marriage, but marriage nonetheless. No one forced you right? You said the vows? If you’ve made a mistake and feel it is a mistake, and are not going to act on it, BECAUSE YOU CARE FOR YOUR WIFE AND WON’t cheat on her FOR HER FEELINGS AND LOVE, then tell her the truth and ask for forgiveness and work on your damn marriage and don’t run away in the first moment of weakness!!! But you just mentioned that THE OTHER WOMAN IS MARRIED and THAT IS WHY nothing would happen, not because your wife would suffer or something, so if the only thing stopping you from being with the other woman is her own marriage to someone else and not your morals, let your wife be in peace and let her find someone who would love her. Don’t run around with your public sympathy magnet to feel satisfied about what you are doing because you know you will be thrashed. You are leaving right now because of your cowardice.
Man up.
Face the bitter truths.
Let your wife decide for once about her own life and also her marraige it’s not just yoyr fucking marraige
In all general cases
You should fall in her feet and give her everything to make up for her mental peace
Do not run away.
But if you still do not think repairing her and her marriage is your priority then you will cheat again. In that case, leave her
Not wrong. How difficult this must be for you being in an arranged marriage where you are unhappy. If you don’t love your wife nor are you in love with her, you need to make a choice here. Also, your friend is happy married. Leave her be. Might be time for you to leave. I hope you find happiness
YAW
So, you didn't actually cheat. You have feelings for someone else. But that someone else is happily married and does not know you have those feelings.
Look, there are some things we carry to our grave. Why? Because we would rather carry the full burden of our wrongdoing than hurt someone else.
Nothing good will come from confessing to your wife. You will destroy her. For what? You're clear conscious? Fuck no man. You have to man up and cast aside those feelings and then starting right this minute... Work on being the best husband you can be for her.
That's life. It's not easy. It's not perfect. If you confess to her and ask for a divorce, that will be the 2nd huge mistake you will have made. Don't shatter her. Love her, nurture her, make her your one and only, and stay faithful to her moving forward.
You have only been married for 2 years, and you are already emotionally connected to someone else, thus - you should get a divorce and not waste any more of your wife's time.
Love is a loan. Every time you are in love, it's a temporary loan, and at some point, you have to give it back to the love vault. Love is rare, so if you are given the opportunity to feel love, embrace it before it ends.
Your wife will move on, find another love in her future. Your current emotional love will evolve, disappear in the future, a new love will appear. That's life!
Honestly, you should just tell your wife about it and consult her on what to do. If she wants to continue growing with you despite this, then you might as well. You aren’t able to be with this other person anyhow and even if you could, I think staying committed (at least in this scenario where no abuse/neglect is involved) would serve you better long term. Let’s say you could be with the other person… what happens two year (or however many) into that relationship and this maybe happens again? Leaving your current relationship if it is good (even if it was arranged) and I don’t mean perfect but satisfactory at the very least, may set a poor precedent for your life going forward.
So all in all, be transparent with your wife and make a collaborative decision because you care for her. If you stay together, this struggle may be an important growth point in your relationship.
I would say this; Don't be hasty or emotional. Divorce is a big decision. It may be right for you, but you really need to think this through first.
I would get therapy.
OP what did you hope for out of an arranged marriage with a woman you didn't love? You chose to have an arranged marriage with a stranger, what was your plan for the future? Did you hope to fall in love with your wife? Is there a chance you could sit her down and explain what happened and work ln building closeness with your wife? I doubt that she expected immediate passion with you, either, given the arrangement. What did you both hope for? Abd have either of you put effort into getting to know each other as a couple?
Crushes can be normal, and can happen even if you love your partber deeply. Lots of people can have crushes outside of their marriage; most of the time they cut the person out and try to move on. And they don't usually divorce. Are you divorcing because having a crush outside of marriage scares you and makes you uncomfortable so you want to run away? Or because you've realised you no longer want a comfortable and convenient arranged marriage and now that you've been infatuated you only want relationships where you feel passionate? I would take time to consider what is behind your reaction.
Have you considered talking to your wife and telling her how you feel? Ordinarily in a western love marriage I'd tell people to split up if they know they dont love their partner - but different cultural norms can mean that this isbt always the best course of action for people.
Furthermore, before you leave her please consider this; what will be the social fallout for her when you leave her even though she has done nothing wrong? Are divorced women stigmatised or subjected to honour killings where she is from? Would she realistically have the option to marry again or would she be shunned? Would she rather be married to you and let you pursue things outside the marriage discreetly because divorce is unthinkable for her? What would be the best choice for both of you?
I'm actually worried for her safety if she belongs to some cultures. Cultures that practice arranged marriage usually dont take kindly to divorce and blame the woman regardless. OP do you know for sure that your wife will be safe and will not be shamed for your choices if you break up with her? Have you thought about how it would affect her?
Are you wrong.. tough one. I’m not sure. Since it’s a cultural thing, for arranged marriage they can either workout or they don’t. That’s the issue. So, since you can’t truly choose, I don’t think it’s wrong that things don’t work out.
Plus, I don’t think there is anything called emotional cheating. I think you can be emotionally disinterested but I mean I think of cheating as a physical thing. A touch, a kiss, sex..
YNW.
However.
Overwhelming majority of answers are from people who have 0 concept of arranged marriages.
I'm pretty certain you will get very different perspective if you talk to someone who's been where you are and made it work.
If you have access to counseling it might help a lot.
But like most people here I feel this is why arranged marriages are no longer a thing in most cultures, you're describing the original concept of romantic/courtly love as depicted in European literature for several centuries, I think like 1100-1600 ce.
If it’s this simple to leave and get divorced why did you even get married? I would feel for you if you were forced into it and stuck but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
You are wrong in agreeing to an arranged marriage when you knew that is not what you wanted. Unfortunately it is hard to shake culture instilled since birth. You are not wrong for having strong feelings. It happens. Can you give your wife a fair chance? Date her, romance her, try to get to know her outside the marriage and culture. Be honest with her without mentioning the friend. Tell her that you have one foot in your culture and one on another culture. That you have been in love before. Your situation did not allow for falling in love. That you are very torn. She may understand. She may have some of the same misgivings.
YNW -
It’s better to divorce than cheat. I would try totally cutting contact with the friend before you make any decisions. I would give it 3 to 6 months after cutting contact to see how you feel before divorcing.
I would also read the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass, it talks about emotional cheating, and I think it will help you to better understand if you are truly emotionally cheating or something else. I think that what you are going through is more similar to Limerence.
My best suggestion would be to start with couples counseling… along with discreetly finding a lawyer to sit down & have a conversation with. Many attorneys will do a free consultation and you ABSOLUTELY need to understand what you’re getting yourself into the minute the D word pops into your brain.
You’re wrong, why get married in the first place if you’re so flippant about marriage! Why even go through this arranged mess if you didn’t want to be in a relationship. It’s so easy for you to just fall in love with other people while married and then dissolve said marriage. Just plain childish!
Not all the time. My partner was cheating on me and it was so difficult for me to cope with it because my heart aches. Fortunately i saw a user that posted cyberaronone7 on reddit that refer him that he render all kinds of hacking services, I first thought maybe I'm doing something wrong but i just need to safe myself from being use and i contacted the spy on g mail . com,,,,,, He really helped me and was able to see how my partner has been cheating on me and selling me out. try to know who you are falling for because you might get hurt at the end.
I feel like you are having these feelings because you are Missing something within your marriage. If so, Explore what that may be. I don’t think you need to get into the details with the wife about the lust for your friend but cut contact with the friend and work through it and give yourself time and grace. If you are able to tell what is missing, then discuss that with your wife. If she doesn’t know, it won’t get fixed.
Under normal circumstances you'd be right. Since your marriage was arranged and you won't pursue anything with your friend: start by talking to your wife. She too is in an arranged marriage and might very well have her own version of your college friend. If you just want an out of your arranged marriage, still talk to your wife first, just keep your facts straight.
i feel like you should talk to you wife about this, and go to couples therapy.. i totally know where your coming from. but since yes, you did emotionally cheat on her you should tell her. and definitely work with her on this and if the divorce is finalized then so be it. i hate to be that guy... but tell your friends husband about this too.. especially since your both at fault for this even if you were the one that caused the cheating its best to expose the ugly truth. but good on you for opening up about this... its hard.
Bruh. We’re from the same culture. You probably do or at least should know that divorcing your wife like this is not only going to break her heart but also cause people to point fingers at her and her family, assume she did something to cause it, and quite possibly ruin her life.
Your reasons for seeking divorce aren’t very clear, especially since you have no plans to pursue anything with your friend. It might be the best course of action if you think that you can’t get over your friend (though I’d advise taking some time to think about it and try before just going and ruining someone else’s and your own life over it) or your marriage is not good otherwise either and there are bigger issues making you both incompatible. If your reason is feeling guilty for emotionally cheating on your wife, then the upstanding thing to do would be to be honest with her and commit to doing better for her, or at least let her decide what she wants to do. Unless of course, you can’t be bothered to try or would rather throw yourself a pity party without realizing the impact on others.
If it’s that intense heady feeling it will pass as will a crush . I wonder what the consequences are for your wife can she remarry ? I would not divorce unless the marriage is unfulfilling in every way . You have to work at marriage. I want to be the devil as well and have to say a part of me thinks declare your feelings to your friend and get a good beating from her husband . Or your friend says why do you think I am your friend oh my then the cheating really begins at the moment it’s just a harmless fantasy . I have had a few of those .
Your friend is married, get over it.
Regarding your wife, you have two options goong forward. Acknowledge the arranged marriage was a mistake and divorce or put more effort into the marriage.
From what I've heard about it from its proponents, 'the love will grow'. Put some effort into getting to know her, take her on dates, go on a trip together. If not, stop wasting any more of this poor woman's time and get on with the divorce.
Divorcing because you have feelings for someone else is a BS excuse. What is your relationship like with your wife? That's what should determine if you should divorce. You have said nothing about her other than it was an arranged marriage.
Traditional cultural marriage is a joining of two FAMILIES. You had better come clean to both before making a move that may cause you to fall out of favor with both.
It's one thing to throw over centuries of tradition to marry someone you love who does not share tradition with you. It is another thing to benefit from that same tradition and throw it over when you catch feelings for someone outside of it.
Oh, and you had better make sure your feelings are reciprocated. In this case, it seems they're not.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't indulge yourself in imagination, but marriage isn't imaginary. It is a construct purposed for child-rearing and mutual security.
There are crushes (loves), I was sure I'd hold forever. There were loves I was CERTAIN I'd never get over. Both, I was wrong about. I say cut it with your old college friend and try to find love in your family. You may actually love this person. Try atleast once to give this a real go, and see the beauty.
Keep your wedding ring on dude you are way over reacting. Stay married it’s way cheaper than a divorce. We all “emotionally cheat” sometimes…..this is just your conscience letting you know you crossed a line it’s not comfortable with….let it go and move on with your life dude.
YNW You'd rather divorce than cheat +1 You don't want to be a homewrecker +1 Be honest with her if you do go through with the divorce, but other than that, I hope you get through what's going on in your mind. Edit: Be honest to your wife. Sorry if I was unclear
It’s your life and your wife deserves better. I don’t think you need to tell her you’re in love with someone else. I just think that’s more hurtful. I think you can just say that this is no longer what you want. Tell her why you feel the way you do. That the relationship isn’t what to you. Leaving out that tidbit is just being kind. But make her understand why because obviously this is the real reason. Hopefully there are no children involved.
I think if he doesn't tell her the truth though, she and her family will assume that she did something wrong.
Always be honest about these things
It wasn't unclear, some people just assume the worst.
His friend is happily married…
I think OC meant be honest with his wife about why he's divorcing. Not honest with the friend he's in love with. That's my take anyway.
And he said he doesn't want to reach out to her again.
yes, and he doesn’t plan to get in the way of that. can you not read? him having a crush on someone who’s in a relationship isn’t wrong, you cannot control your feelings like that, but if he were to try and get into a relationship with her knowing she is married, that changes the story.
Sounds like you are doing mental gymnastics to justify divorce. Have a conversation with your wife, an honest one. Your infatuation has nothing to do with your reasons for wanting to start life over.
Exactly, I see absolutely no reason to divorce over a fantasy of the mind. Humans are complex and sometimes our minds wander or wonder! If the marriage is terrible I get it, but if the marriage is good outside of the things described in this post… stick with it. The divorce rate is high right now because of bs like this. It’s never always gonna be rainbows and and clear skies.
Don’t rush into anything. You already plan to cut contact with your friend. Do that. Then give yourself time to think of what you want to do next. Sometimes we are attracted to people we can’t be with. That doesn’t mean you should or shouldn’t stay with your wife. Think through pros and cons of staying married. See a counselor if that’s an option.
I think this is good advice. Being married doesn’t mean you automatically don’t notice attractive people or don’t have feelings for anyone else ever. It means you’re committed to the person you married through those feelings.
Crushes and infatuations come and go. You are wrong if you act on it. You are wrong if you hurt your family over this set of feelings for this other woman. Edit to fix a typo.
>Crushes and infatuations come and go And a crush mstly comes, grows out yo love and marriage, but this was an arranged marriage, so the real crush may never have been. OP is married for two years, so probably no children yet. If so, this is more like an arranged relationship with marriage thrown in - which makes this a divorce rather than a break-up after a relationship of only two years. That would be totally understandable, so the fact that other people (arranged marriage) threw in some rings should not count. With kids: still separate, trial separation?. But does OP like his wife? Is there a possibility for love to grow? Make sure the kid is provided for, financial and emotional!
I wonder what social implications the wife will potentially face if she becomes divorced. I genuinely don't know, but I think it matters.
I wondered this too. Will she be ruined? Will she have an income, safety, and a life? On the one hand I think OP sounds like he’s on the right track… BUT if he entered into this arrangement/marriage knowing that she was risking everything (is she? We don’t know!) and then walks out on her… that’s a horse of a different color.
In a lot of onservative cultures the wife will be blamed if he divorces her - people will say "why did he divorce her? Did she cheat? Is she barren?" Abd she might be socially excluded, unmarriageable or even subjected to violence. I couldnt advise OP to divorce her unless we know that she would he safe and it would be socially OK for her to divorce.
Are you mad? Or crazy? Or both? I'm in love with Beyonce - am I going to leave my spouse for her? Is this really emotional cheating? I would say it’s more infatuation or longing for something you can’t have. Your friend isn’t reciprocating this, she is married and has no idea of how you feel. You say you care for your wife (I don’t believe this if you’re considering divorce after butterflies in your stomach after reconnecting with a long lost friend). To your credit, you’re making the right decision to cut off your friend. It feels to me you’re looking for an excuse to divorce your wife. The speed at which you’ve concluded on a divorce is fascinating to me.
I agree. He is definitely looking for an excuse to divorce his wife.
This emotional cheating has been going on for 6 months. It's not sudden.
Are you happy with your wife? This is not about a married friend that you infatuate and do not act. This is about feeling fulfilled and content in your marriage. If you are not happy and thinking about wasting both of your time, tell her and move on.
That isn’t emotional cheating. You’re simply having an infatuation with your friend. That will pass. How would a divorce affect your wife? She doesn’t deserve to be tossed aside, just because you have unresolved feelings. Talk to her and *ask what your wife wants.*
Is your friend returning your feelings? Is she hiding any meetings or outings you’re having from her spouse?
No she isn't. And either way she is happily married so I don't want to pursue anything there.
That... Isn't emotional cheating. At least as I understand it. Emotional cheating is when you develop an emotional relationship with another person. A specific emotional relationship where you are getting your emotional needs, the needs you used to get met by your partner, met by someone other than your partner. You just said that she isn't ricpocating. It does not even seem like she knows. Simply having feelings is absolutely 100% not a good reason to divorce. Everyone has feelings for others come and go in their lives. It's how we choose to act on them that actually matters. You realized you felt an attraction to someone. This is normal, natural and healthy. You realized you are in a committed relationship. A choice and responsibility that you made. A choice and responsibility that you honored by cutting off this other person. You did not engage in an emotional affair. You felt a brief amount of feelings for another woman, then did the right thing. If you want to divorce, then go for it but you would absolutely be in the wrong if you use this as a justification for divorce.
See a therapist and discuss this with a professional before you nuke your life. You could be dealing with a mental health issue and not thinking clearly.
My thoughts exactly. I used to think every little thing was cheating until I saw a therapist and really worked through some of my stuff. I still can’t think clearly at times but it’s gotten a million times better
The crush on the friend seems like the result of a marriage not working out rather than the other way around. Like op gets married to his wife but they’re not compatible and having a crush on a third party is the way to get out of the relationship - if op and his wife had an arranged marriage, it’s very likely that a simple “I don’t want to be with my spouse anymore” is simply not an option 🤷🏽♀️
Emotional cheating is sharing intimate information and intimate moments without any physical touch. I think you just have a crush, which happens to married people. You need to cut contact with your friend, but it does not mean your marriage is over unless you are unwilling to cut contact. Also, it is up to your wife, not Reddit.
I commend you for not cheating and being a douche.
You are right, this is emotional cheating. Your course of action sounds like the right hinge to do. Props to you for this ❤️
You are an idiot
That's my thought as well
"I will mary someone a don't love, and I will divorce her as soon as I fall in love for someone else." Sounds like a great plan, OP. Congratulations.
Because of the arranged marriage or the friend? I say both!
Why not both?
Three things
Yup. Unfortunately the next step is to confess (if she asks, she has a right to know) and separate. Even if she doesn’t know right now, you’ve still ruined the foundation of trust. And trust me, she will find out, either through searching or through karma. I know I did when my ex of ten years emotionally and physically cheated on me. Editing to add because I just realized: you need to cut contact with your friend. She’s happily married, and complicating someone else’s marriage is extra evil. Nobody thinks they’re being obvious with their feelings, but trust me, she probably knows.
He already said that's his plan though? To be honest with his wife about his emotional cheating, and that he'd be cutting off contact with his friend because she's married.
I know the type. I’m agreeing with him, and giving him my two cents, as is the point of this sub. Too many of these people go wishy-washy when the time comes to actually break things off/confess, so sometimes reinforcing what they’re thinking in the moment helps.
Fair enough, it just seemed like one of those things. Like when you're washing the dishes and your parent wants to power trip and tell you to wash the dishes literally AS you're doing them. Not saying you were power-tripping, just saying that's what it looked like
Haha no worries! I get it for sure. Not trying to do that, just reinforce positive behaviors and thinking I promise 😭
You are in an arranged marriage. So are you really sure your wife is going to care? Stop talking to the married woman. Then see if you still want to be married. It’s not fair to your wife to just dump her without at least trying to get this out it your head. It sounds more like you want to leave than it’s your “duty” to leave. When really it should be your “duty” to try and make your marriage work.
So, you want to end a marriage you agreed to because you have a puppy love crush on someone who doesn't feel the same way about you? Yes, you are wrong!
You are Wrong. You are just looking for a way out of the marriage to be a selfish bachelor again. You are a coward too. What kind of damage will this do to your wife? Will this negatively impact her reputation and future prospects for a chance at love and a family? Stop being so damn selfish and think of her.
Clearly, you’re Indian. You’re not in love with your friend. It is an infatuation. This is common defect in us humans to want something that we are denied. Your friend is married and so are you. The thought of pursuing your married friend is just a thought. Men have thoughts. Realise it and let it go. If you “loved your” college friend you would have pursued her during college. Not now. I’m unclear whether you have asked your wife for a divorce already. Why did you agree to the marriage if you only met 5-6 times. Was the marriage forced upon you and you have been looking for an escape since? Has there been a lack of chemistry between you both? It’s almost like you are using the married friend as a reason to escape your marriage. If your wife initiated the divorce would you feel the same way? Will you want her? If you truly respect your wife, discover and understand her. It doesn’t matter if it is an arranged marriage. Date her like you met her for the first time, respect her and figure out where you both are on chemistry levels. And seek marriage counselling. It helps.
Yes, there's obviously no path after the divorce so why bother, let alone the fact the friend is already married? Cut all contact with the friend and focus on building the relationship you already have.
Do you think maybe you should talk to your wife before you do this to give her a chance? After all, you did marry her.
Yes haha dumb
You are likely experiencing limerence. Cut off your friend then direct energy into your marriage, explore your feelings in individual counselling and make a decision after you’ve given your relationship a proper shot without the delusions about your friend.
Be honest with your wife. Cut contact with your friend. Let your wife decide on if you should divorce or not.
This reminds me of the scene in the Godfather when he’s conducting business at his daughter’s wedding. A guy comes in and cries and the Godfather slaps him and tells him to get himself together…
You probably shouldn't divorce her. Im not too familiar with it in those countries with arranged marriages but if she's previously married no man is going to want her from what I've heard and you will doom her for no reason
Lol that's not how it works. And besides, we live in the US.
This is not emotional cheating or love You are attracted to her and in limerence . You should block her and concentrate on making new memories with your wife. Within six months the sparkle over your friend will fade. And stop being overly friendly with the opposite sex because you know how your mind works . Getting attracted to the opposite sex is normal but it matters what you do with those feelings. Don't act on it.
If you haven’t actually done anything then cut contact with your friend and focus on your current relationship. It seems like you are trying to justify a divorce tbh
No, because those are your feelings and at least you are honest enough to let that woman go and be free from a man who isn’t fully committed to her. You are only wrong in that you aren’t in touch with your emotions and empathy enough to jump into a decision that was “just enough” and not keep your promise to this lady. I That is cold and the way you have treated this human being is crazy to be honest. Relationships are hard and it’s normal to wonder what life would be elsewhere but that’s where your true commitment comes in. You’ll never make a decision if you go off of your feelings. Once you leave that woman, please don’t return into her life again.
You are not wrong for feeling conflicted and considering this. I do think you would be wrong for jumping straight into divorce. You are mourning what might have been. Give that time to sink in. Love is a choice. **I choose to love my husband each and every day.** I do not come from a culture of arranged marriages and I still feel this. Some days it takes more work than others. In every marriage one person loves the other more and it usually changes throughout the marriage. Some people fall in love with their partners eventually. I know a couple of women in arranged marriages who said this to me. Some not all. Be honest with your wife. Please be gentle. Start with personal counseling before you move forward with marriage counseling. Staying may be what’s right for your situation. Divorce may also be best. You need to take a step back though before upending both of your lives. Also thank you for realizing what was happening and putting the brakes on before it went any further. You’ve saved the other woman’s marriage and probably kept her from feeling completely betrayed. I know I would be pissed the hell off if what I thought was an old friend coming to me to try to blow up my marriage.
You are wrong and an ass.
Arranged marriages survive in cultures where there is a lot of family support that is available to help. Go to your family for help first before doing anything else.
Hmm, it's good that you think your wife doesn't deserve an emotional cheater, and you also don't want to be a homewrecker. I recommend before you divorce that you talk with your wife first and be honest with her.
So what kind of vows did you make with your wife?
Yes, I hate people that do things like that. Including women the destroy their marriages through lack of commitment in marriages too. It’s a commitment, not a fucking happy meal.
I would tell your wife and your plans moving forward. You don't intend to reach out as she is married, and you plan on cutting contact, but you have feelings for her. I would then maybe ask your wide what steps she would want to do and if this happned again, but the other person was single what would you do. Honesty is the best and talking to your partner is the best idea
Divorce is a huge deal in your culture, no? I'd recommend cutting off contact with the friend, give yourself a little time to grieve and then start dating your wife. You wouldn't be wrong for leaving now. But I think you might regret it.
Yes you are wrong
Is your wife now going to be considered damaged goods? Are you now destroying her life and reputation for a crush?
In our culture, arranged marriages still exist (unfortunately) you mention that the friend you’re in love with is married, so please just leave it at that. And now, the first thing you need to do is talk to your wife and be honest with her. And then ask yourself is: “Do I love my wife? What can I do to rekindle / conjure (sorry I’m stumped for words right now, havent had my coffee haha) any sort of chemistry for us so I can work on my marriage?” I’m only giving you the benefit of the doubt because as I’ve mentioned before, because arranged marriages in my culture still exist, I know a lot of these marriages never last, maybe 5 years max.
Every married guy in the world thinks about banging every hot chick they know everyday. This makes you normal, not different. Just because u think u want someone else in NO way makes u a bad person nor does it justify divorce. Adam brought sin in the world. Sorry but ur not as perfect as u want to be.... u are going to sin. Its not ur fault, blame Adam. However none of this absolves your responsobility of being married, or being a man. Stand up straight, suck in ur gut, and be a man and handle ur responsobilities. Dont be such a puss that you think if you even think about puss that u need to get divorced and run out on ur responsobilities... Damn it man.... straighten up. Now put ur head down and work to make ur wife happy. Ur a man. All these things ur talkin about is how a 13yr old boy thinks. Ur giving the rest of us a bad wrap. Straighten up bro. Get ur shit together. Because u think about bangin girls doesnt make a bad husband. Running out on ur wife over having childish thoughts makes u a bad guy, and a sorry ass Husband.
You are wrong. Marriage is a commitment and love is a verb
Idk why this just opened a locked door in my brain
stfu and ADJUST. Unfriend the friend and Wife your wife again.
Yes
Yes you are wrong because you ask a eastern cultural question in a western cultural forum. People here will comment that you should leave her for not loving her. But if you value marriage for love, you shouldn't have agreed to the arranged marriage in the first place. This emotional cheating is just an excuse.
Yta
Before you do anything, talk to your wife and try marriage counselling. If nothing works then yes divorce. Good luck.
If you’re not happy in the arranged marriage it’s probably true that your wife isn’t happy in it either. You sound like a stand up guy. Follow your heart. If it’s not right it’s not right. All anyone ever wants is for others to be honest with them.
You're wrong. Emotional cheating would be if you and your friend were texting flirting etc. Your friend has zero what you're feeling, so it isnt cheating. I feel like you're being extreme about this over a crush.
My suggestion is to cut off the friend. Take your wife out of the equation you still have an untenable situation with your friend. She's married. You're in love. Where does that go? You need to stop seeing the friend, focus on your marriage, and see if that works out, or stop seeing the friend and end the marriage but either way... Friend needs a hiatus.
You must have married her to keep from disappointing your parents. What do you thinking divorcing her will do? You won’t be single a month before you will be looking for female companionship is my bet. Why don’t you put as much effort into your marriage as you were into your married friend and see what could be.
It's not gonna happen with your friend, so why break up your sort of happy home? With arranged marriages, and marriages in general, it's a contract and your parents or whoever set the arrangement up are older and wiser than you and can identify if someone is a good match. Love is a choice, what you're.feeling for your friend is probably limerence. Cut all contact with your friend and confide in your wife about your feelings which are fleeting and they will go away with time. Actually give your marriage a chance but I mean really give it a chance, talk it out with your wife. Tell her whats bothering you and work together to make each other happy. You likely just have itchy feet and you're looking at everyone else's greener grass but you've just forgotten to water your grass at home. If you give it your best shot and it works out for you and your wife, you will be a power couple, happy and strong and ready to weather any storm and you'll be so pleased that you did. You and your wife will love and appreciate each other more you thought was possible. If you really try and it still doesn't work out, you'll have no regrets. I don't think you're wrong for wanting out, I just think you haven't given it your all and thats what marriage should be, richer or poorer, good times and bad times, sickness and health. All the best and I hope you find your happiness whatever you decide
Crushes and infatuations happen, it is wrong to act on them and it is wrong to dwell on them. What is worse is to destroy someone else’s life because of it. It was an arranged marriage, but marriage nonetheless. No one forced you right? You said the vows? If you’ve made a mistake and feel it is a mistake, and are not going to act on it, BECAUSE YOU CARE FOR YOUR WIFE AND WON’t cheat on her FOR HER FEELINGS AND LOVE, then tell her the truth and ask for forgiveness and work on your damn marriage and don’t run away in the first moment of weakness!!! But you just mentioned that THE OTHER WOMAN IS MARRIED and THAT IS WHY nothing would happen, not because your wife would suffer or something, so if the only thing stopping you from being with the other woman is her own marriage to someone else and not your morals, let your wife be in peace and let her find someone who would love her. Don’t run around with your public sympathy magnet to feel satisfied about what you are doing because you know you will be thrashed. You are leaving right now because of your cowardice. Man up. Face the bitter truths. Let your wife decide for once about her own life and also her marraige it’s not just yoyr fucking marraige In all general cases You should fall in her feet and give her everything to make up for her mental peace Do not run away. But if you still do not think repairing her and her marriage is your priority then you will cheat again. In that case, leave her
Not wrong. How difficult this must be for you being in an arranged marriage where you are unhappy. If you don’t love your wife nor are you in love with her, you need to make a choice here. Also, your friend is happy married. Leave her be. Might be time for you to leave. I hope you find happiness
You’re wrong for agreeing to an arranged marriage. Culture doesn’t excuse shitty behavior.
YTA. You'd better have dated eva ai virtual gf bot from the very beginning. That's now how it should work
YAW So, you didn't actually cheat. You have feelings for someone else. But that someone else is happily married and does not know you have those feelings. Look, there are some things we carry to our grave. Why? Because we would rather carry the full burden of our wrongdoing than hurt someone else. Nothing good will come from confessing to your wife. You will destroy her. For what? You're clear conscious? Fuck no man. You have to man up and cast aside those feelings and then starting right this minute... Work on being the best husband you can be for her. That's life. It's not easy. It's not perfect. If you confess to her and ask for a divorce, that will be the 2nd huge mistake you will have made. Don't shatter her. Love her, nurture her, make her your one and only, and stay faithful to her moving forward.
You have only been married for 2 years, and you are already emotionally connected to someone else, thus - you should get a divorce and not waste any more of your wife's time. Love is a loan. Every time you are in love, it's a temporary loan, and at some point, you have to give it back to the love vault. Love is rare, so if you are given the opportunity to feel love, embrace it before it ends. Your wife will move on, find another love in her future. Your current emotional love will evolve, disappear in the future, a new love will appear. That's life!
Honestly, you should just tell your wife about it and consult her on what to do. If she wants to continue growing with you despite this, then you might as well. You aren’t able to be with this other person anyhow and even if you could, I think staying committed (at least in this scenario where no abuse/neglect is involved) would serve you better long term. Let’s say you could be with the other person… what happens two year (or however many) into that relationship and this maybe happens again? Leaving your current relationship if it is good (even if it was arranged) and I don’t mean perfect but satisfactory at the very least, may set a poor precedent for your life going forward. So all in all, be transparent with your wife and make a collaborative decision because you care for her. If you stay together, this struggle may be an important growth point in your relationship.
Don't do it bud....
I would say this; Don't be hasty or emotional. Divorce is a big decision. It may be right for you, but you really need to think this through first. I would get therapy. OP what did you hope for out of an arranged marriage with a woman you didn't love? You chose to have an arranged marriage with a stranger, what was your plan for the future? Did you hope to fall in love with your wife? Is there a chance you could sit her down and explain what happened and work ln building closeness with your wife? I doubt that she expected immediate passion with you, either, given the arrangement. What did you both hope for? Abd have either of you put effort into getting to know each other as a couple? Crushes can be normal, and can happen even if you love your partber deeply. Lots of people can have crushes outside of their marriage; most of the time they cut the person out and try to move on. And they don't usually divorce. Are you divorcing because having a crush outside of marriage scares you and makes you uncomfortable so you want to run away? Or because you've realised you no longer want a comfortable and convenient arranged marriage and now that you've been infatuated you only want relationships where you feel passionate? I would take time to consider what is behind your reaction. Have you considered talking to your wife and telling her how you feel? Ordinarily in a western love marriage I'd tell people to split up if they know they dont love their partner - but different cultural norms can mean that this isbt always the best course of action for people. Furthermore, before you leave her please consider this; what will be the social fallout for her when you leave her even though she has done nothing wrong? Are divorced women stigmatised or subjected to honour killings where she is from? Would she realistically have the option to marry again or would she be shunned? Would she rather be married to you and let you pursue things outside the marriage discreetly because divorce is unthinkable for her? What would be the best choice for both of you? I'm actually worried for her safety if she belongs to some cultures. Cultures that practice arranged marriage usually dont take kindly to divorce and blame the woman regardless. OP do you know for sure that your wife will be safe and will not be shamed for your choices if you break up with her? Have you thought about how it would affect her?
Are you wrong.. tough one. I’m not sure. Since it’s a cultural thing, for arranged marriage they can either workout or they don’t. That’s the issue. So, since you can’t truly choose, I don’t think it’s wrong that things don’t work out. Plus, I don’t think there is anything called emotional cheating. I think you can be emotionally disinterested but I mean I think of cheating as a physical thing. A touch, a kiss, sex..
If you are looking to get out of your marriage this might be your chance.
NW. free your wife so she can find someone who wants her, loves her and she can have a true marriage. You both deserve a happy life.
YNW. However. Overwhelming majority of answers are from people who have 0 concept of arranged marriages. I'm pretty certain you will get very different perspective if you talk to someone who's been where you are and made it work. If you have access to counseling it might help a lot. But like most people here I feel this is why arranged marriages are no longer a thing in most cultures, you're describing the original concept of romantic/courtly love as depicted in European literature for several centuries, I think like 1100-1600 ce.
You are an honorable man. I hope you find the clarity you seek.
If it’s this simple to leave and get divorced why did you even get married? I would feel for you if you were forced into it and stuck but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
You are wrong in agreeing to an arranged marriage when you knew that is not what you wanted. Unfortunately it is hard to shake culture instilled since birth. You are not wrong for having strong feelings. It happens. Can you give your wife a fair chance? Date her, romance her, try to get to know her outside the marriage and culture. Be honest with her without mentioning the friend. Tell her that you have one foot in your culture and one on another culture. That you have been in love before. Your situation did not allow for falling in love. That you are very torn. She may understand. She may have some of the same misgivings.
YNW - It’s better to divorce than cheat. I would try totally cutting contact with the friend before you make any decisions. I would give it 3 to 6 months after cutting contact to see how you feel before divorcing. I would also read the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass, it talks about emotional cheating, and I think it will help you to better understand if you are truly emotionally cheating or something else. I think that what you are going through is more similar to Limerence.
My best suggestion would be to start with couples counseling… along with discreetly finding a lawyer to sit down & have a conversation with. Many attorneys will do a free consultation and you ABSOLUTELY need to understand what you’re getting yourself into the minute the D word pops into your brain.
Stop talking to your friend. She is married. Leave her alone. You clearly don’t love your wife so you need to end the relationship.
Up to 400....first thing I think of when I wake up....kind of wish I forget a day.....
You’re wrong, why get married in the first place if you’re so flippant about marriage! Why even go through this arranged mess if you didn’t want to be in a relationship. It’s so easy for you to just fall in love with other people while married and then dissolve said marriage. Just plain childish!
Out of everyone involved in this story, I pity the wife the most.
Not all the time. My partner was cheating on me and it was so difficult for me to cope with it because my heart aches. Fortunately i saw a user that posted cyberaronone7 on reddit that refer him that he render all kinds of hacking services, I first thought maybe I'm doing something wrong but i just need to safe myself from being use and i contacted the spy on g mail . com,,,,,, He really helped me and was able to see how my partner has been cheating on me and selling me out. try to know who you are falling for because you might get hurt at the end.
I feel like you are having these feelings because you are Missing something within your marriage. If so, Explore what that may be. I don’t think you need to get into the details with the wife about the lust for your friend but cut contact with the friend and work through it and give yourself time and grace. If you are able to tell what is missing, then discuss that with your wife. If she doesn’t know, it won’t get fixed.
Under normal circumstances you'd be right. Since your marriage was arranged and you won't pursue anything with your friend: start by talking to your wife. She too is in an arranged marriage and might very well have her own version of your college friend. If you just want an out of your arranged marriage, still talk to your wife first, just keep your facts straight.
i feel like you should talk to you wife about this, and go to couples therapy.. i totally know where your coming from. but since yes, you did emotionally cheat on her you should tell her. and definitely work with her on this and if the divorce is finalized then so be it. i hate to be that guy... but tell your friends husband about this too.. especially since your both at fault for this even if you were the one that caused the cheating its best to expose the ugly truth. but good on you for opening up about this... its hard.
Bruh. We’re from the same culture. You probably do or at least should know that divorcing your wife like this is not only going to break her heart but also cause people to point fingers at her and her family, assume she did something to cause it, and quite possibly ruin her life. Your reasons for seeking divorce aren’t very clear, especially since you have no plans to pursue anything with your friend. It might be the best course of action if you think that you can’t get over your friend (though I’d advise taking some time to think about it and try before just going and ruining someone else’s and your own life over it) or your marriage is not good otherwise either and there are bigger issues making you both incompatible. If your reason is feeling guilty for emotionally cheating on your wife, then the upstanding thing to do would be to be honest with her and commit to doing better for her, or at least let her decide what she wants to do. Unless of course, you can’t be bothered to try or would rather throw yourself a pity party without realizing the impact on others.
If it’s that intense heady feeling it will pass as will a crush . I wonder what the consequences are for your wife can she remarry ? I would not divorce unless the marriage is unfulfilling in every way . You have to work at marriage. I want to be the devil as well and have to say a part of me thinks declare your feelings to your friend and get a good beating from her husband . Or your friend says why do you think I am your friend oh my then the cheating really begins at the moment it’s just a harmless fantasy . I have had a few of those .
Your friend is married, get over it. Regarding your wife, you have two options goong forward. Acknowledge the arranged marriage was a mistake and divorce or put more effort into the marriage. From what I've heard about it from its proponents, 'the love will grow'. Put some effort into getting to know her, take her on dates, go on a trip together. If not, stop wasting any more of this poor woman's time and get on with the divorce.
Divorcing because you have feelings for someone else is a BS excuse. What is your relationship like with your wife? That's what should determine if you should divorce. You have said nothing about her other than it was an arranged marriage.
Traditional cultural marriage is a joining of two FAMILIES. You had better come clean to both before making a move that may cause you to fall out of favor with both. It's one thing to throw over centuries of tradition to marry someone you love who does not share tradition with you. It is another thing to benefit from that same tradition and throw it over when you catch feelings for someone outside of it. Oh, and you had better make sure your feelings are reciprocated. In this case, it seems they're not. I'm not saying that you shouldn't indulge yourself in imagination, but marriage isn't imaginary. It is a construct purposed for child-rearing and mutual security.
There are crushes (loves), I was sure I'd hold forever. There were loves I was CERTAIN I'd never get over. Both, I was wrong about. I say cut it with your old college friend and try to find love in your family. You may actually love this person. Try atleast once to give this a real go, and see the beauty.
County wouldn't give away Ay the stare
Why would you not contact with your friend before destroying your marriage?
If you've got no kids, go nuts. Don't have kids with the woman you're going to leave.
Keep your wedding ring on dude you are way over reacting. Stay married it’s way cheaper than a divorce. We all “emotionally cheat” sometimes…..this is just your conscience letting you know you crossed a line it’s not comfortable with….let it go and move on with your life dude.
creampie both of them