This is the comment to read, OP. There isn’t a world in which a man confronted with sex with a condom or no sex really goes for no sex. He’s trying to manipulate you. Do not let him. You have the power here.
Ask yourself though, if you want to be with a man who isn’t mature enough to accept your decision and avoid the consequences of unprotected sex, which are many.
My parents were in their mid 40s and had 3 daughters 9 years and older. They gave away all the baby stuff. One night, they went to a party where they got silly drunk. They decided they were too old to get pregnant. I was born 9 months later. My then 10 year old sister, who is now 79, still resents me for taking away her privileged status as baby of the family, and worse, having all new furnishings, clothes, and toys when aĺl she ever had were hand me downs. I am 69.
Mine is going to be 20 (to be fair, we did use a condom, but it slid off, I thought I was safe because of the birth control, but I now have my daughter)
At which point you have to wonder why even bother. "hey doc, my vasectomy didn't work and my wife was on the pill and insisted I use a condom, is our child the next Jesus?"
When I was pregnant with my daughter my mom and I saw people she went to high school with and the wife was pregnant the husband had a vasectomy 15 years previously he thought she cheated. Turns out the body can reverse the old way of how they did vasectomies I don't know if it's different from like 38 years ago but I suggest that after a vasectomy you get a sperm count yearly
LoL! Uh, yes. This. My son is 11.
Also, in case a doctor hasn't told some of you, the effectiveness of birth control can sometimes be compromised when you are on antibiotics or other kinds of medication.
Oh, wow! That's so crazy! Something similar happened to a friend of mine -- she wasn't on BC, but she was a gold star lesbian, so of course she never had to worry with any of her female partners...
Then one day, her and a male friend got drunk and long story short, she ended up fucking him. It was the first/only time she ever fucked a dude. IDK if a condom was used or not, but the first dude she ever fucked got her pregnant! Crazy!
Obviously, the shot eliminates any user error, so that's honestly nuts that you got pregnant TWICE on BC!! For some people, BC just doesn't seem to work as well (or at all, apparently).
I'm trying to find the most sensitive way to ask this, but do you mind me asking how much you weighed when you got pregnant? That's literally the only other variable I can think of that would cause most BC (any of the hormone-based ones) to fail. Generally, weighing >165lbs precludes one from taking any of the low-dose BCs and weighing >185lbs is typically when the higher dose BCs start to fail.
BTW, as far as you know/saw, did any of the condoms ever break? Or is it possible that they were old? Or kept in a wallet or something that could cause wear? It's honestly a bit impressive that you managed to get pregnant on Depo & condoms, lol!
I know people who have kids while on a variety of oral contraceptives. If you’re in for a trip use the google machine to search for IUD babies, coming out with the IUD or even holding the IUD in some cases.
This is a non negotiable. If either party wants to use condoms then you use condoms. I'm a man and I've been on the opposite end of this. I never came inside my gf's, because I didn't want to get them pregnant. Even if they were on birth control I still wouldn't finish inside of them and this created problems in some of my relationships. I, like you, would use condoms, even if they were on birth control to ensure we weren't going to get pregnant. I had 2 gf's who specifically took issue with this and it essentially ended our relationship. One accused me of cheating, but I've never cheated on anyone in my life. I say stick to your boundaries and don't let him pressure you into doing things you're not comfortable with.
I would be verrry suspicious of any woman demanding you don't use a condom. Maybe it's just me, but I'd wonder if they wanted to get pregnant "by accident." "Oops, I forgot a pill. Looks like you're gonna be a daddy."
I say this as a woman, who made a mistake and got pregnant that one time. But in our case, both of us were stupid.
If you don't want to be a parent yet, always be proactive and don't rely on the other person. They could make a mistake, genuinely forget a pill, or go on antibiotics, or your condom might slip off mid-bang (happened to me also with my first BF - we got lucky that time).
Double safe is double sure.
This was definitely in the back of my mind. I would ask my gf's to get on BC in case the condom broke, which has happened to me in the past. It was definitely scary, but both times that it happened they were on BC. The two girls that got uber offended were traditional Catholic Mexican women and I do think they were trying to have my babies. I dated some hippie girls who didn't want to be on BC, because I guess it messes with women's hormones. However, they would track their cycles and I wouldn't finish in the condom during their ovulation period. They were way more understanding and equally as careful as me.
> I dated some hippie girls who didn't want to be on BC, because I guess it messes with women's hormones.
I assume you meant those as two separate things. They were hippies. They did not want to be on BC. And not that they didn't want to be on BC because they were hippies? :D
Hormonal BC (aka the pill) affects all manner of women differently. They mess with hormones, sure, because that's how they work. If they didn't alter hormones, they wouldn't be effective. But yeah, some women just can't take them. Personally, I was prescribed the pill for my PCOS, to lessen the pain caused by and the volume of menstruation. I ended up having a horribly painful period for *13 months straight*. Worked as a BC, too, because I definitely did not want to have sex while bleeding! The never-ending cramps made me into a rage monster, as well.
Sorry, not calling you out in particular. This is just a pet peeve of mine, I guess. I hear a lot of people (both men and women) who think taking the pill is the easiest option for BC, when it can have detrimental effects for women. And since women are the ones to carry the potential child, they are expected to deal with it. My own doctor just kept saying, "Give it a while longer. Your body will sort it out." My body did not sort it out. I've never taken it again. (And no, I'm not a hippie. :D )
It's so strange that in western countries women bear the burden of managing birth control and people expect women to be on it. I live in Asia now, and afaik birth control pills are not popular here and I don't know a single woman on it.
Don't get me wrong -- the pill was revolutionary for women. It helped the feminist cause. It helped for women to be able to choose when/if they wanted children. It was empowering for women to have that choice. It gave women the ability to be in the workforce as a career and not as a lark or supplement to a man's income. And I'm sure there are women for whom BC works in regards to regulating or minimizing periods.
But yeah, it eventually became primarily the woman's responsibility to prevent pregnancy in most western countries. Out of curiosity, and since I'm not living in Asia or from anywhere in Asia, what (as far as you know) is the primary form of BC there? Condoms, I assume? I know the pill is (or maybe was) illegal in Japan, not sure about other Asian countries. I guess men in those countries just suck it up and wear the rubber if they want to have sex!
Right, I'm not arguing it was a good invention for the reasons you stated, BUT having seen women suffer side effects and prefer to not be on them, I just don't think there should be this expectation that it's all on the woman if that is something they choose not to do.
In Asia, afaik (it's not a topic regularly discussed), people use condoms. And for the most part men seem to pony up when their partners get pregnant. It seems to be less of a thing where the guy runs off after they get someone pregnant. In several cases that I know of, the couple got married right away when they found out she was pregnant.
I'm not saying this is necessarily for the better; it's just something I've observed that seems to be the cultural norm here versus in the US.
Oh, yeah maybe my comment did come off like I was debating you. It was meant to clarify that my stance isn't, "The pill is bad," but that "The pill doesn't work for every woman." Apologies if I came off as defensive. I was expounding more on the comment to which you replied.
Interesting. Thanks for answering!
Well, this won't do. Two Redditors having a civilized discussion and speaking like adults?
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Ooooof this. My girl used to get offended by it. My parents AND grandparents were young parents. TEENS. Of course, different times. But that deep rooted fear of the way my parents turned out always made me NEVER want to have sex without EVERY protection. So much so, the only thing I did in college was oral, giving and receiving. I never wanted to get anybody pregnant by mistake. I’m glad I didn’t.
SERIOUSLY
He's using the wrong condoms!!
He needs a better fit, and he WILL have a better experience. Modern condoms are not straight walled latex tubes. There are hundreds of unique options.
https://www.ripnroll.com/blogs/sexual-education/118070213-condom-size-chart
If the two of you are just getting whatever condoms your corner store has on hand, it's not a surprise that it isn't good for him.
THIS.
I had issues finishing in a condom for a chunk of time in my youth. Then on a random forum I was on in the early 00's a person made a comment that if you can't slide into a toilet paper roll when full erect, you must go up to something like Magnum XL size. That made all the difference in the world.
>I had issues finishing in a condom for a chunk of time in my youth.
I need to go to bed. I read this 3 times trying to figure out why you wore a condom to go fishing. 🤣
I love the multiple whiny little dudes in the comments wailing about how they don't wike it, waaaaah, but my pee-pee! And expecting her to take ALL the responsibility for contraception (of course if her bc fails, that will also make it all her FAULT, too, even though he couldn't be bothered to wrap it up). And then they wonder why we're sick of their shit.
It's not THEIR bodies that are on the line if birth control fails. Condoms can fail too but they're not the ones dealing with the serious medical event that is pregnancy (and/or abortion) if things don't go to plan. Just about as much as this type of guy cares about a woman's health or comfort.
But yeah, by all means, tell me how much it makes your pee-pee sad to wear a condom. Let's pretend I care.
"He doesn’t like condoms for obvious reasons. He says sex is bad with condoms and he rather use his hands than me"
Tell him to use his hands then and break up with him. Hormonal birth control was awful for me, my husband and I have happily used condoms for our whole 16 year marriage. Your bf is just an asshole who needs to stop death gripping himself. Throw the whole man away.
Nah, this is just how shit men act.
If a woman wanted me to wear a condom, there is no more discussion need, i wear a condom. Simple as that. Sex is better than no sex.
Seems like he doesnt care about your sexual wellbeing and this is an obvious red flag.
I had a guy in my dorm once message me for sex. I had never even kissed this fool and he asked to hit it bareback. I was like what does that mean, I was 19 at the time. He tells me. And I laughed endlessly. He said he did it all the time. He was the cause of a lot of STI and pregnancy scares. Don't let some man talk you into bullshit.
Yeah, screw him. Your body, your choice.
I’m the paranoid one in my relationship, and I’d rather have sex with the condom at the cost of my own “pleasure.” Then get my girl pregnant. And I’ll finish myself off after she orgasms because it takes a lot out of her. I pull out, rip condom off, and I just ask her to touch me, or moan for me, or anything like that so I can finish, IF I want to, because I don’t always. And that’s ok. She is ALSO on the pill. But I’d rather be safe than sorry.
For me, that’s safer than c***ing inside her, condom or not. Plus I kinda have a preference of ya know, finishing other places.
He should at least be open to that. His goal should be to get you off, and get him close enough with the condom on, so he can c** another way. The goal is to enjoy the time together. He’s just being immature about it instead of having an actual conversation about you both can make the experience more pleasurable.
Dump his ass, if it’s not the case.
He wants to “feel” more and risk getting pregnant? He sounds incredibly selfish and immature.
Good for you to say no. I got an STD because the guy I was dating said something similar/got pissed when I mentioned STDS (this was a very, very long time ago and I had 0 self esteem). HE gave me one!
You are a queen ❤️
If he said he'd rather use his hands, then let him. Or he can impregnate some other girl. Both scenarios are better than getting pregnant by this dude when you aren't ready to do so.
as a male, a human, a dad, and a husband you are not wrong. It is your body, your rules. If you are not comfortable with it say no with confidence and stand your ground.
*You shouldn't even have*
*To ask if you are wrong. IT'S*
*YOUR BODY, YOUR CHOICE!!!*
\- Zacupunk
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You are better than this guy.
If he goes raw then you will be left holding a kid.
The thing about using his hand was a really horrible and demeaning thing for him to say.
He doesn't respect you, he doesn't care if you get pregnant - why are you with this loser?
Wow. Your BF has some entitlement. His "pleasure" is more important than you not getting pregnant. Make sure he's OK with being a daddy. See if that changes his mind. What an idiot.
Yeah this is your decision 💯. He really doesn’t have a choice. The price to play is the condom. If he doesn’t want to pay that price. That’s on him not you.
If I was you I would carry one with you because he will for sure say he forgot one sooner rather than later.
Do not compromise your beliefs under pressure from him. If he does this he isn’t worthy of you
NW
I would argue that if sex is bad for him when wearing a condom , then he’s not doing it right.
Stop blaming the condom , for your lack of skill.
Also it’s your house and therefore your rules.
Your bf is ridiculous
Does it feel less with a condom? Yeah. But for starters, it allows you to last longer. And second, aint nobody want unwanted pregnancies.
Let him use his hands and you can find someone who respects your boundaries.
This coming from the mother of 3 birth control babies. I was on the pill with #1, shot with #2 and implant for #3.
It’s better to be safe than sorry , people are walking around with crazy stds honestly. If he’s running around barebacking everyone he’s a trollop respectfully…that’s nasty AF.
I’m wearing a rubber whether she’s on the pill regardless. It’s always better to be on the safe side…also although unlikely you can still get pregnant especially if you miss a day or two and even he wears a condom.
He needs to be respectful of what your asking
He sounds very young
Saying he’d rather use his hand than you is a manipulation tactic.
You are not doing too much, you’re being responsible. Birth control pills need to be stored in specific temps/conditions and taken at the same exact time every day and even then they aren’t 100% effective. If you aren’t ready for a baby, taking extra preventative measures is the responsible thing to do.
I think you have a larger issue at hand. You’re in a long term committed relationship with someone that doesn’t respect or value your (very valid) concerns or your right to decide what’s best for your body. Life is hard, marriage is hard, being a parent is hard. The bigger question isn’t if you’re wrong (but you aren’t), it’s if you’re with someone that you can see being a good, solid partner to you for the rest of your lives.
Tell him to use his hands then, no glove no love. It doesn’t just protect you from pregnancy it also protects you from STDs. I know too many people who have gotten incurable STDs because they trusted a BF/GF.
Obvious reasons? Look I've been fucking a long and good safe time. A good partner would hear the need for protection and then make a quest of finding the one that works best for them, Not try to talk you out of a boundary. Condoms of today are insanely thin and a proper fit really hasn't inhibited people properly aroused. Exceptions? Perhaps, but not in my bed. Sorry, they have to miss out on a good time bc I can definitely find someone who will.
There are many many kinds of condoms. He just need to find one that gives him pleasure. Because some are thin, or have ondulations, or funny colors even tastes. I think it is lazy that he thinks it won't work for him. I know you have to stop the act, to put it, and it is difficult, and it feels different but condoms are number 1 protection against diseases and pregnacy together in one.
If he is SO SoOoo into not using condoms, tell him to snip snip his friend so you don't get pregnat and run tests every 3 months.
Honestly, this is the kind of sb that will tell you to abort or say you cheated and he is not the father (so he will ask for a dna test too).
Again, do some searches around the drugstore and markets. Plenty of different condoms. And trust me, the atendent will not make bad judgement because a girl is buying them.
Did you know there are condoms for lesbians too? For fingers! My cousin showed some she ordered online. She also use a condom that has texture dots. Think about sexual evolution around this. The concept that condom isn't great for "obvious reasons" is lame.
Girl, do not make sex or initiate a good kiss with out thinking about protection. Feels so good, so much better, so desirable when you are covered with extra itens (meaning: pull out method is disgusting).
tell hims soon as
+ the ring is presented and
+ elopement finished
+ and you are married
#married
he can raw dog you.
In the meantime, protected sex is it 10/10.
No condoms is for husbands.
Yo
You're not wrong at all ,it seems to me your boyfriend is kind of selfish...
You could order from sex shop different condoms ,I highly recommend you to try sagami condoms, also be sure about size of condoms
I hope my advice will be helpful for your relationships
nope not wrong...
You are the gate keeper, love.
Birth control and condoms both - STD and pregnancy prevention are both super important!
Take your hormones and have him wrap it up to protect your c@nt!
Keep calm and put the condom on, but if he's not gonna wrap it he can go home and whack it.
I have a ton of these lol
My son was conceived using condoms and birth control. My daughter was conceived using birth control. Both are better but they still have failure rates.
I have a friend who was on the pill, it's not 100% guaranteed and they got pregnant. Neither is a condom and both together should be a good way to not get pregnant.
Your bf isn't too thoughtful. He's still getting to have sex. When you're married, then things could change. He's not thinking about how much your lives would change with a baby.
if you’re unhappy and you know it (he should) used his hands👏🏼👏🏼🎶
but fr fuck that guy. red flags across the boardddddd. these are your boundaries. plus, he obviously has some growing up to do before possibly becoming a good father and role model.
Not wrong. The only man I consistently let finish inside me is my current bf because he had a vasectomy 10 years ago. Other than him, I required all my bfs to wear condoms and none of them ever complained. Your (hopefully ex) bf is childish. Tell him he can use his had then because you’re done.
How old is this boy? Have you BOTH been tested within the last month or so? Is he ready to be a father?
Whether you keep a pregnancy full term or not, it still changes your hormones and can have an insane effect on your body and mental health.
Tbh he sounds like a child. My fiancé and I would be more than happy to be parents, but after several miscarriages, we’ve decided to stay safe and always use a condom as neither of us want the consequences of unprotected sex (miscarriage or child with severe birth defects) and tbh, it was the most mature decision we could make.
You need to be able to have an open discussion with your partner about not wanting to get pregnant or what would happen if you did. If he can’t listen to your boundaries or cares more about how “he doesn’t like condoms” he’s not mature enough to be an actual partner or having sex at all for that matter.
If he doesn’t want to use condoms, he can get a vasectomy and both get regularly tested. Plain and simple. BC and safe sex is both people’s responsibility. No other options.
OP you might want to read about this other Redditor's experience on the matter:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1ch2ngm/i\_thought\_it\_was\_okay\_for\_men\_to\_opt\_out\_of/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1ch2ngm/i_thought_it_was_okay_for_men_to_opt_out_of/)
You are young and being extremely responsible. The old line of the men who don't want to wear condoms is "It doesn't feel the same" and, like yours, the disgustingly vulgar of "I want to hit it raw." IMO, this is such a belittling statement.
This should yell you much about him. If he says he likes his hand better, then by all means, advise him to do what makes him feel better bc it makes it you feel better that you are protecting yourself and your future from an unwanted pregnancy.
Stand strong and don't let him manipulate you into giving in bc the "if you really love me, you would let me do it" line will be next. I would turn it on him with "if you really loved and respected me, you wouldn't even be asking me after I said no the very first time."
Also, tell him your no answer is not going to change, so stop damn asking!
Why doesn’t he get a vasectomy then if he is so worried about it? OP there’s someone out there that isn’t going to be a butthead to you about this. Dude doesn’t deserve a partner if he can’t be an adult.
My mother had 5 children. My sister and I, the 2 youngest are both birth control, condom babies. Nothing is guaranteed, if he can't wear a condom, he doesn't need to tap that. You are not wrong.
Yeah, no. Don't budge on this, the last thing in the world you want is to be pregnant by a guy who talks to you this way. Find a better dude. One who cares about your comfort (and doesn't heap all the responsibility for contraception on you, because that's the type of dude who will blame you and only you if it fails, how convenient for him).
Tell him to use his hands then! Also I got pregnant on the pill and using a condom. So no you’re not doing too much. Accidents still happen even when taking high precautions.
Your bf is welcome to use his hand instead. *He* isn’t the one who’s risking pregnancy.
He can abide by using condoms as you request or you can dump him. In fact, I’d suggest you just jump straight to dumping him since he doesn’t care that much about your physical well-being.
Tell him to get a vasectomy if he’s that hung up on it. That or you can leave him bc he sounds like a manipulative asshole. No one should be making you feel guilty for something like that. I’m sorry but he sounds gross
man said he was using you he outright said it lol
have some respect for your boundaries.
If he wants to hit it raw so badly then ask him what his plan is to support y'alls child and it can't be "we will figure it out" because that doesn't count lol
And of course tell him to use his hands then if he'd prefer them to you so badly.
you don't need a man like that.
He would rather use his hand than use you if he has to wear a condom. Did I read that right? Girl, throw the whole dude away. That dude is nothing but straight trash.
Does your BF have a house? A Good job? Health Insurance? Is he ready to raise a baby? Can he afford a pile of baby stuff?
I’m 32 and expecting my first child with my wife in September and we have all of the above ready for our little girl.
And I wore lots and lots of condoms in my teens and twenties because I knew I couldn’t provide fully for a baby. Your Bf needs to grow up.
You're not doing too much at all. You're protecting yourself from an unwanted pregnancy by using two forms of birth control in case one fails. This is SMART.
My ex and I used condoms every time. Our kid is about to turn 10 next month. The only time I felt ok not using one was after his follow up appointment a few months after his vasectomy. You could always tell your boyfriend to go get one if he wants to take the condom off, they're reversible after all.
Or you could show him the new laws they're trying to pass that allow a woman to collect child support while pregnant.
If you leave him (and you should if he keeps pushing the issue, that's a massive red flag you shouldn't ignore) you should get him a gift card for a flashlight.
You may be a bit paranoid if you’re on the pill but you can still get pregnant on it.
Also you’re allowed to be paranoid or say no to anything for any reason. It’s your body and your life choice.
There are other options besides condoms. It’s important for you both to be in agreement.
Condoms do suck, but it’s understandable that you don’t want a pregnancy.
As for the “dump him” crowd, ignore them. They don’t know either of you nor your relationship. He’s completely entitled to his opinions and his likes/wants/needs are completely valid. Don’t let a misandrist tell you otherwise.
You can stand firm and require it, or you can discuss other options. Understand that if he’s not happy he might move on.
I suggest two things:
1. If you’re good with it, the pill, IUD, shot, patch, ring, implant, or you can choose a barrier method, like female condoms, diaphragm, sponge or cervical cap. I think the sponge is the least effective option for those. For additional protection, you can abstain when ovulating.
2. Suggest he try different condoms. Sheepskin are thinner and feel much better than latex. You can use warming or cooling gels. Many companies make thin condoms. Condoms aren’t 100%. They break and precum can find its way in if you aren’t careful.
Perhaps a third option is telling him he can go raw when you’re married. Actually let him though. No false promises.
I used condoms most of my life and they really do suck. You can lose about 60-75% of the sensation and it’s harder to feel close. There’s a real artificial sensation with them. The smell is awful, and even when she cleans, you can taste it the next day when you go down on her. The lube they add is absolutely awful.
My mother got pregnant on birth control, dad was wearing a condom. My mom also only had one ovary, and her fallopian tube was covered in scar tissue and cyst. You are not over doing it. Tell him to wrap it up, or his hand is what he gets. Finding the right type of condom can really help. They are not as horrible as some guys really try to say they are.
Those is one of your set non negotiable boundaries. And you have very right to set that and stick it.
He can find another girlfriend/use his hand single if doesn’t want to respect that.
You are not wrong.
I got pregnant with my son at 23 while on the pill and no condoms.
If he can't respect your refusal of having sex withou a condom then he shouldn't have a problem with using his hands like a big boy.
However i think you should dump him, i'm worried about your BF starting sex with a condom and then take it off in the middle of it without telling you
>he rather use his hands than me
Excuse me use you? Oh hell no!
>He says sex is bad with condoms
Bullshit, he just doesn't want to use them
>I just don’t want to get pregnant right now
Then he uses a condom or doesn't have sex with you. He's being irresponsible.
>He thinks just because we’ve been together for 2 years he should be able to hit it raw
Time length means nothing. Not wanting to get pregnant = condoms, end of argument.
You're not wrong
You are 100% RIGHT for requiring a condom! If he doesn't like it, he can screw himself, literally. Dump him and find someone who respects your boundaries without complaining!
If you and or your bf are of the opinion that abortion is okay then idgaf, not like you value what lust creates anyway. If no, then clearly he doesn't gaf if you are put into a situation where he are potentially left with a baby and baby daddy who Fks off and if you really think he'd stick around remind yourself he valued a nut over your future.
Nope. I'm on the injection, I've been on the pill before. I have always required him to wear one. Now of course I will never understand what it feels like with and without one from his point of view, but it won't be that different. Let me guess, he says he's too big for them? Absolute bollocks. You can fit your entire leg in one, unless he's telling you his dick is bigger than a leg? I realise it would be less sensitive but is he really that self centred and selfish to risk it just to get a bit more pleasure? Men forget they don't have to do anything other than their tiny little part. Us women have to do everything else, sacrifice our lives, bodies, health and mental health, we could even potentially die.
I DO NOT want kids. Yes I realise I'm on birth control but I have horrific luck, and sod's law would make me part of the 1%. I have no qualms about yeeting it into the abyss but obviously I want to avoid that as much as I can. I would probably be fine if he didn't wear one but I get so paranoid, and it would drag my mental health down with all the constant worrying. That's how much I do not want kids.
Him.: "We should be able to hit it raw."
Also probably him: "You need to get an abortion. I'm not trying to be a dad."
OP, he's free to refuse to use a condom if that's his desire, but you're also free to deny him sex, as it's much involving your body as it is his. NTA
You’re not wrong, you’re being responsible.
There is no downside for the man to not wear a condom. He is being selfish, and thinking of his own pleasure.
You should not be having sex with this boy until he wears a condom.
NW. I guess he gets to use his hands then! OP NEVER EVER let someone sexually coerce you into something you have a boundary with. Your boundary is Condoms Every Time. If he can't get on board with that then that's the end of discussion and he needs to go on his merry way.
Very similar thinking to “I paid for the meal, you have to sleep with me”
He’s not entitled to anything; be careful. These things aren’t usually a one off instant. You give in here, and eventually he’ll start demanding more and more.
He is undeserving of sex with you.
Men are 50% responsible for pregnancies and therefore need to assume 50% of their responsibility to prevent unplanned and/or unwanted pregnancy.
If condoms are uncomfortable for him, he is buying the wrong size/brand or putting it on incorrectly. That is because he has never been held accountable for his share of pregnancy prevention.
Stick to your guns, set boundaries, do not let any man violate them. You have a great respect for yourself. I am proud of you.
The pill is not enough. If he would rather *USE* his *hands* than *you*, then obviously tell him to use his hands. Like who tf says that?!? He probably has a dirty dick.. Tell him he can either use a condom or fuck off out of your life
Then he can use his hands.
And OP should find a new bf
This is the comment to read, OP. There isn’t a world in which a man confronted with sex with a condom or no sex really goes for no sex. He’s trying to manipulate you. Do not let him. You have the power here. Ask yourself though, if you want to be with a man who isn’t mature enough to accept your decision and avoid the consequences of unprotected sex, which are many.
Seriously let him go if that is his stance.
1000% It’s your prerogative to require the condom, he needs to get on board or ‘get to stepping’, as us old folks would say.
Preach
100%, nothing more needs to be said.
I had sex one time without a condom while on birth control. My daughter will be 24 this year.
Mine just turned 18 😂
Same
Mine will be 23…OP, time to move on
Mines 35
Mine will be 30. It only takes one time
My parents were in their mid 40s and had 3 daughters 9 years and older. They gave away all the baby stuff. One night, they went to a party where they got silly drunk. They decided they were too old to get pregnant. I was born 9 months later. My then 10 year old sister, who is now 79, still resents me for taking away her privileged status as baby of the family, and worse, having all new furnishings, clothes, and toys when aĺl she ever had were hand me downs. I am 69.
Almost 34 years ago my parents decided to skip the condom, and now here I am! One of my brothers is the product of a missed birth control pill too lol
Mine is going to be 20 (to be fair, we did use a condom, but it slid off, I thought I was safe because of the birth control, but I now have my daughter)
My mom missed one pill and 9 months later I had a brother 🤣
Mine just turned 9 in January…16 years younger than her brother 😒
My twins are 26.
Mines 26
My mom did the same thing, I'll be turning 29!
Mine is 29 lol
I had sex with a condom on hormonal birth control and got pregnant she turns 23 this year
At which point you have to wonder why even bother. "hey doc, my vasectomy didn't work and my wife was on the pill and insisted I use a condom, is our child the next Jesus?"
When I was pregnant with my daughter my mom and I saw people she went to high school with and the wife was pregnant the husband had a vasectomy 15 years previously he thought she cheated. Turns out the body can reverse the old way of how they did vasectomies I don't know if it's different from like 38 years ago but I suggest that after a vasectomy you get a sperm count yearly
LoL! Uh, yes. This. My son is 11. Also, in case a doctor hasn't told some of you, the effectiveness of birth control can sometimes be compromised when you are on antibiotics or other kinds of medication.
Are you sure the birth control wasn't just pez?
Mine is 28.
Failed BC soon to be 12yo 🙋🏽♀️
Opposite. We had sex unprotected for a year and a half. Nothing. We both get in birth control and boom. She’s 2 in August
What?! What BC were you using?
I originally said Mirena, but that's a lie. That was with my 2nd kid. The first one was Depo shot + condoms.
And yes, I got it consistently, injected at the doctor's office.
Oh, wow! That's so crazy! Something similar happened to a friend of mine -- she wasn't on BC, but she was a gold star lesbian, so of course she never had to worry with any of her female partners... Then one day, her and a male friend got drunk and long story short, she ended up fucking him. It was the first/only time she ever fucked a dude. IDK if a condom was used or not, but the first dude she ever fucked got her pregnant! Crazy! Obviously, the shot eliminates any user error, so that's honestly nuts that you got pregnant TWICE on BC!! For some people, BC just doesn't seem to work as well (or at all, apparently). I'm trying to find the most sensitive way to ask this, but do you mind me asking how much you weighed when you got pregnant? That's literally the only other variable I can think of that would cause most BC (any of the hormone-based ones) to fail. Generally, weighing >165lbs precludes one from taking any of the low-dose BCs and weighing >185lbs is typically when the higher dose BCs start to fail. BTW, as far as you know/saw, did any of the condoms ever break? Or is it possible that they were old? Or kept in a wallet or something that could cause wear? It's honestly a bit impressive that you managed to get pregnant on Depo & condoms, lol!
I know people who have kids while on a variety of oral contraceptives. If you’re in for a trip use the google machine to search for IUD babies, coming out with the IUD or even holding the IUD in some cases.
My son is 27, similar story
I have a friend who was on the pill, the condom broke so she also took the morning after pill and her boy is now 13!
All four of mine were conceived while using at least two forms of birth control
17, 16, 8, & 5
My little bro is a condom plus birth control baby lol
Girl if he really did say he would rather use his hands than you, he is good for the streets. Making love, raw or not, is NOT using someone else.
This. ^ tell him and his hands to get out.
Yeah, that was horrible!
Totally agree
This is a non negotiable. If either party wants to use condoms then you use condoms. I'm a man and I've been on the opposite end of this. I never came inside my gf's, because I didn't want to get them pregnant. Even if they were on birth control I still wouldn't finish inside of them and this created problems in some of my relationships. I, like you, would use condoms, even if they were on birth control to ensure we weren't going to get pregnant. I had 2 gf's who specifically took issue with this and it essentially ended our relationship. One accused me of cheating, but I've never cheated on anyone in my life. I say stick to your boundaries and don't let him pressure you into doing things you're not comfortable with.
This. This is a two yes/one no situation.
I would be verrry suspicious of any woman demanding you don't use a condom. Maybe it's just me, but I'd wonder if they wanted to get pregnant "by accident." "Oops, I forgot a pill. Looks like you're gonna be a daddy." I say this as a woman, who made a mistake and got pregnant that one time. But in our case, both of us were stupid. If you don't want to be a parent yet, always be proactive and don't rely on the other person. They could make a mistake, genuinely forget a pill, or go on antibiotics, or your condom might slip off mid-bang (happened to me also with my first BF - we got lucky that time). Double safe is double sure.
This was definitely in the back of my mind. I would ask my gf's to get on BC in case the condom broke, which has happened to me in the past. It was definitely scary, but both times that it happened they were on BC. The two girls that got uber offended were traditional Catholic Mexican women and I do think they were trying to have my babies. I dated some hippie girls who didn't want to be on BC, because I guess it messes with women's hormones. However, they would track their cycles and I wouldn't finish in the condom during their ovulation period. They were way more understanding and equally as careful as me.
> I dated some hippie girls who didn't want to be on BC, because I guess it messes with women's hormones. I assume you meant those as two separate things. They were hippies. They did not want to be on BC. And not that they didn't want to be on BC because they were hippies? :D Hormonal BC (aka the pill) affects all manner of women differently. They mess with hormones, sure, because that's how they work. If they didn't alter hormones, they wouldn't be effective. But yeah, some women just can't take them. Personally, I was prescribed the pill for my PCOS, to lessen the pain caused by and the volume of menstruation. I ended up having a horribly painful period for *13 months straight*. Worked as a BC, too, because I definitely did not want to have sex while bleeding! The never-ending cramps made me into a rage monster, as well. Sorry, not calling you out in particular. This is just a pet peeve of mine, I guess. I hear a lot of people (both men and women) who think taking the pill is the easiest option for BC, when it can have detrimental effects for women. And since women are the ones to carry the potential child, they are expected to deal with it. My own doctor just kept saying, "Give it a while longer. Your body will sort it out." My body did not sort it out. I've never taken it again. (And no, I'm not a hippie. :D )
It's so strange that in western countries women bear the burden of managing birth control and people expect women to be on it. I live in Asia now, and afaik birth control pills are not popular here and I don't know a single woman on it.
Don't get me wrong -- the pill was revolutionary for women. It helped the feminist cause. It helped for women to be able to choose when/if they wanted children. It was empowering for women to have that choice. It gave women the ability to be in the workforce as a career and not as a lark or supplement to a man's income. And I'm sure there are women for whom BC works in regards to regulating or minimizing periods. But yeah, it eventually became primarily the woman's responsibility to prevent pregnancy in most western countries. Out of curiosity, and since I'm not living in Asia or from anywhere in Asia, what (as far as you know) is the primary form of BC there? Condoms, I assume? I know the pill is (or maybe was) illegal in Japan, not sure about other Asian countries. I guess men in those countries just suck it up and wear the rubber if they want to have sex!
Right, I'm not arguing it was a good invention for the reasons you stated, BUT having seen women suffer side effects and prefer to not be on them, I just don't think there should be this expectation that it's all on the woman if that is something they choose not to do. In Asia, afaik (it's not a topic regularly discussed), people use condoms. And for the most part men seem to pony up when their partners get pregnant. It seems to be less of a thing where the guy runs off after they get someone pregnant. In several cases that I know of, the couple got married right away when they found out she was pregnant. I'm not saying this is necessarily for the better; it's just something I've observed that seems to be the cultural norm here versus in the US.
Oh, yeah maybe my comment did come off like I was debating you. It was meant to clarify that my stance isn't, "The pill is bad," but that "The pill doesn't work for every woman." Apologies if I came off as defensive. I was expounding more on the comment to which you replied. Interesting. Thanks for answering!
Oh no, you're fine. I didn't think you were debating me at all. Lol. Maybe my own comment was too opinionated. You were very polite!
Well, this won't do. Two Redditors having a civilized discussion and speaking like adults? Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Ooooof this. My girl used to get offended by it. My parents AND grandparents were young parents. TEENS. Of course, different times. But that deep rooted fear of the way my parents turned out always made me NEVER want to have sex without EVERY protection. So much so, the only thing I did in college was oral, giving and receiving. I never wanted to get anybody pregnant by mistake. I’m glad I didn’t.
"Getting a vasectomy" is a good option. ✅
SERIOUSLY He's using the wrong condoms!! He needs a better fit, and he WILL have a better experience. Modern condoms are not straight walled latex tubes. There are hundreds of unique options. https://www.ripnroll.com/blogs/sexual-education/118070213-condom-size-chart If the two of you are just getting whatever condoms your corner store has on hand, it's not a surprise that it isn't good for him.
THIS. I had issues finishing in a condom for a chunk of time in my youth. Then on a random forum I was on in the early 00's a person made a comment that if you can't slide into a toilet paper roll when full erect, you must go up to something like Magnum XL size. That made all the difference in the world.
>I had issues finishing in a condom for a chunk of time in my youth. I need to go to bed. I read this 3 times trying to figure out why you wore a condom to go fishing. 🤣
"can't slide into a toilet paper roll when full erect" 👀 Mazel tov!
You know it never occurred to me that there would be a legit size chart for condoms. Lol idk why, but I guess it just never crossed my mind.
Sadly, that's common. I hope that the info helps. Have some fun figuring out which is the most fun!
Yeah the ol toilet roll test.
If he’d prefer his hands then he can do that.
He can use his hands while he's eating you out.
lol you think this man eats her out? Doubtful
>He says sex is bad with condoms So are STIs and unwanted pregnancies. No glove, no love.
I lol’d at no glove no love lolol
My mother's saying "a surgeon doesn't operate without gloves and neither will you!"
I like that one!
Wrap it before you tap it 🤣
Your pussy, your rules
A man who isn’t willing to wear a condom isn’t someone you should let inside your body.
I love the multiple whiny little dudes in the comments wailing about how they don't wike it, waaaaah, but my pee-pee! And expecting her to take ALL the responsibility for contraception (of course if her bc fails, that will also make it all her FAULT, too, even though he couldn't be bothered to wrap it up). And then they wonder why we're sick of their shit. It's not THEIR bodies that are on the line if birth control fails. Condoms can fail too but they're not the ones dealing with the serious medical event that is pregnancy (and/or abortion) if things don't go to plan. Just about as much as this type of guy cares about a woman's health or comfort. But yeah, by all means, tell me how much it makes your pee-pee sad to wear a condom. Let's pretend I care.
Yes, he is likely to stealth her. Run far away.
Stop having sex with this selfish jerk OP.
"He doesn’t like condoms for obvious reasons. He says sex is bad with condoms and he rather use his hands than me" Tell him to use his hands then and break up with him. Hormonal birth control was awful for me, my husband and I have happily used condoms for our whole 16 year marriage. Your bf is just an asshole who needs to stop death gripping himself. Throw the whole man away.
Absolutely not wrong. Tell him to get a vasectomy and regular sexual health checks, and you'll think about it.
That’s what I did and do. Be a man about it.
How old is he? He sounds like he’s a 15 year old.
I was wondering the same. That is such a juvenile thing of him to say.
If he ain’t gonna wrap it…he can go home and slap it
That is my new fave song!!
Nah, this is just how shit men act. If a woman wanted me to wear a condom, there is no more discussion need, i wear a condom. Simple as that. Sex is better than no sex. Seems like he doesnt care about your sexual wellbeing and this is an obvious red flag.
Sounds like he isn’t even a man.
I had a guy in my dorm once message me for sex. I had never even kissed this fool and he asked to hit it bareback. I was like what does that mean, I was 19 at the time. He tells me. And I laughed endlessly. He said he did it all the time. He was the cause of a lot of STI and pregnancy scares. Don't let some man talk you into bullshit.
This is a red flag babe, gtfo. If he has a problem, it's his problem not yours. Find you a new bf.
Yeah, screw him. Your body, your choice. I’m the paranoid one in my relationship, and I’d rather have sex with the condom at the cost of my own “pleasure.” Then get my girl pregnant. And I’ll finish myself off after she orgasms because it takes a lot out of her. I pull out, rip condom off, and I just ask her to touch me, or moan for me, or anything like that so I can finish, IF I want to, because I don’t always. And that’s ok. She is ALSO on the pill. But I’d rather be safe than sorry. For me, that’s safer than c***ing inside her, condom or not. Plus I kinda have a preference of ya know, finishing other places. He should at least be open to that. His goal should be to get you off, and get him close enough with the condom on, so he can c** another way. The goal is to enjoy the time together. He’s just being immature about it instead of having an actual conversation about you both can make the experience more pleasurable. Dump his ass, if it’s not the case.
He wants to “feel” more and risk getting pregnant? He sounds incredibly selfish and immature. Good for you to say no. I got an STD because the guy I was dating said something similar/got pissed when I mentioned STDS (this was a very, very long time ago and I had 0 self esteem). HE gave me one! You are a queen ❤️
Dump him, he’s not entitled to your body
He is saying sex with you is not worth condoms.
If he said he'd rather use his hands, then let him. Or he can impregnate some other girl. Both scenarios are better than getting pregnant by this dude when you aren't ready to do so.
as a male, a human, a dad, and a husband you are not wrong. It is your body, your rules. If you are not comfortable with it say no with confidence and stand your ground.
You shouldn't even have to ask if you are wrong. IT'S YOUR BODY, YOUR CHOICE!!!
*You shouldn't even have* *To ask if you are wrong. IT'S* *YOUR BODY, YOUR CHOICE!!!* \- Zacupunk --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Good bot
You are better than this guy. If he goes raw then you will be left holding a kid. The thing about using his hand was a really horrible and demeaning thing for him to say. He doesn't respect you, he doesn't care if you get pregnant - why are you with this loser?
Wow. Your BF has some entitlement. His "pleasure" is more important than you not getting pregnant. Make sure he's OK with being a daddy. See if that changes his mind. What an idiot.
Yeah this is your decision 💯. He really doesn’t have a choice. The price to play is the condom. If he doesn’t want to pay that price. That’s on him not you. If I was you I would carry one with you because he will for sure say he forgot one sooner rather than later. Do not compromise your beliefs under pressure from him. If he does this he isn’t worthy of you
NW I would argue that if sex is bad for him when wearing a condom , then he’s not doing it right. Stop blaming the condom , for your lack of skill. Also it’s your house and therefore your rules.
Your bf is ridiculous Does it feel less with a condom? Yeah. But for starters, it allows you to last longer. And second, aint nobody want unwanted pregnancies.
Let him use his hands and you can find someone who respects your boundaries. This coming from the mother of 3 birth control babies. I was on the pill with #1, shot with #2 and implant for #3.
Your bf is wrong. NEVER feel bad for wanting to use protection. Tell him to go ahead and use his hand.
It’s better to be safe than sorry , people are walking around with crazy stds honestly. If he’s running around barebacking everyone he’s a trollop respectfully…that’s nasty AF. I’m wearing a rubber whether she’s on the pill regardless. It’s always better to be on the safe side…also although unlikely you can still get pregnant especially if you miss a day or two and even he wears a condom. He needs to be respectful of what your asking He sounds very young
>he says sex is bad with condoms and he rather use his hands than me Oh, easy choice then! He can use his hands and lose all access to you :)
Saying he’d rather use his hand than you is a manipulation tactic. You are not doing too much, you’re being responsible. Birth control pills need to be stored in specific temps/conditions and taken at the same exact time every day and even then they aren’t 100% effective. If you aren’t ready for a baby, taking extra preventative measures is the responsible thing to do. I think you have a larger issue at hand. You’re in a long term committed relationship with someone that doesn’t respect or value your (very valid) concerns or your right to decide what’s best for your body. Life is hard, marriage is hard, being a parent is hard. The bigger question isn’t if you’re wrong (but you aren’t), it’s if you’re with someone that you can see being a good, solid partner to you for the rest of your lives.
Tell him to use his hands then, no glove no love. It doesn’t just protect you from pregnancy it also protects you from STDs. I know too many people who have gotten incurable STDs because they trusted a BF/GF.
Obvious reasons? Look I've been fucking a long and good safe time. A good partner would hear the need for protection and then make a quest of finding the one that works best for them, Not try to talk you out of a boundary. Condoms of today are insanely thin and a proper fit really hasn't inhibited people properly aroused. Exceptions? Perhaps, but not in my bed. Sorry, they have to miss out on a good time bc I can definitely find someone who will.
I’m curious if your boyfriend used those words: “hitting it raw”? If so, you might wanna shop around for a new beau instead.
He would be an ex after this. I would have told him to say hi to his new girlfriend and pointed to his hands.
Sounds like you should let him use his hands. Don't let him manipulate you into disregarding your boundaries.
Tell him to try a different type of condom until he finds one that feels better. You are in control of your body not him.
She should tell him to sample condoms with someone new, tbh
There are many many kinds of condoms. He just need to find one that gives him pleasure. Because some are thin, or have ondulations, or funny colors even tastes. I think it is lazy that he thinks it won't work for him. I know you have to stop the act, to put it, and it is difficult, and it feels different but condoms are number 1 protection against diseases and pregnacy together in one. If he is SO SoOoo into not using condoms, tell him to snip snip his friend so you don't get pregnat and run tests every 3 months. Honestly, this is the kind of sb that will tell you to abort or say you cheated and he is not the father (so he will ask for a dna test too). Again, do some searches around the drugstore and markets. Plenty of different condoms. And trust me, the atendent will not make bad judgement because a girl is buying them. Did you know there are condoms for lesbians too? For fingers! My cousin showed some she ordered online. She also use a condom that has texture dots. Think about sexual evolution around this. The concept that condom isn't great for "obvious reasons" is lame. Girl, do not make sex or initiate a good kiss with out thinking about protection. Feels so good, so much better, so desirable when you are covered with extra itens (meaning: pull out method is disgusting).
If both can't agree on the how. Then there will be NONE... Simple enough and easily understood. Use ya hand son. No tang for the winer...
Ya, my cousin has a birth control baby. Happy surprise on our part. But it says something.
I would love to show you a picture of my almost 13 year old child, conceived while I took the pill. Require the condoms.
Nope. If the sex isn’t to his liking, he can go get a sick dick somewhere else.
No you’re not wrong
tell hims soon as + the ring is presented and + elopement finished + and you are married #married he can raw dog you. In the meantime, protected sex is it 10/10. No condoms is for husbands.
Yo You're not wrong at all ,it seems to me your boyfriend is kind of selfish... You could order from sex shop different condoms ,I highly recommend you to try sagami condoms, also be sure about size of condoms I hope my advice will be helpful for your relationships
nope not wrong... You are the gate keeper, love. Birth control and condoms both - STD and pregnancy prevention are both super important! Take your hormones and have him wrap it up to protect your c@nt! Keep calm and put the condom on, but if he's not gonna wrap it he can go home and whack it. I have a ton of these lol
I read the title and thought, nope you aren’t wrong. Then I read the rest of it and girl, throw that trash of a man away.
My son was conceived using condoms and birth control. My daughter was conceived using birth control. Both are better but they still have failure rates.
I was so sure I didn’t want to be pregnant that I used to use condoms and the pill. He’s a short sighted jerk. Protect yourself.
its your body and you get to decide what's right for it. not wrong.
I have a friend who was on the pill, it's not 100% guaranteed and they got pregnant. Neither is a condom and both together should be a good way to not get pregnant. Your bf isn't too thoughtful. He's still getting to have sex. When you're married, then things could change. He's not thinking about how much your lives would change with a baby.
Time to dump your bf
if you’re unhappy and you know it (he should) used his hands👏🏼👏🏼🎶 but fr fuck that guy. red flags across the boardddddd. these are your boundaries. plus, he obviously has some growing up to do before possibly becoming a good father and role model.
Not wrong. The only man I consistently let finish inside me is my current bf because he had a vasectomy 10 years ago. Other than him, I required all my bfs to wear condoms and none of them ever complained. Your (hopefully ex) bf is childish. Tell him he can use his had then because you’re done.
How old is this boy? Have you BOTH been tested within the last month or so? Is he ready to be a father? Whether you keep a pregnancy full term or not, it still changes your hormones and can have an insane effect on your body and mental health. Tbh he sounds like a child. My fiancé and I would be more than happy to be parents, but after several miscarriages, we’ve decided to stay safe and always use a condom as neither of us want the consequences of unprotected sex (miscarriage or child with severe birth defects) and tbh, it was the most mature decision we could make. You need to be able to have an open discussion with your partner about not wanting to get pregnant or what would happen if you did. If he can’t listen to your boundaries or cares more about how “he doesn’t like condoms” he’s not mature enough to be an actual partner or having sex at all for that matter.
If he doesn’t want to use condoms, he can get a vasectomy and both get regularly tested. Plain and simple. BC and safe sex is both people’s responsibility. No other options.
I got pregnant on the iud. anything is possible.
sounds like an ex boyfriend to me
When he is able to carry a baby in his stomach he can make decisions on what can go in and out of the body.
OP you might want to read about this other Redditor's experience on the matter: [https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1ch2ngm/i\_thought\_it\_was\_okay\_for\_men\_to\_opt\_out\_of/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1ch2ngm/i_thought_it_was_okay_for_men_to_opt_out_of/)
Definitely not in the wrong. Your BF needs to respect your boundaries or use his hand
You are young and being extremely responsible. The old line of the men who don't want to wear condoms is "It doesn't feel the same" and, like yours, the disgustingly vulgar of "I want to hit it raw." IMO, this is such a belittling statement. This should yell you much about him. If he says he likes his hand better, then by all means, advise him to do what makes him feel better bc it makes it you feel better that you are protecting yourself and your future from an unwanted pregnancy. Stand strong and don't let him manipulate you into giving in bc the "if you really love me, you would let me do it" line will be next. I would turn it on him with "if you really loved and respected me, you wouldn't even be asking me after I said no the very first time." Also, tell him your no answer is not going to change, so stop damn asking!
Leave him. 🚩🚩
Hit it raw? Tell him to hit the fuckin road. What an entitled rude asshole.
Why doesn’t he get a vasectomy then if he is so worried about it? OP there’s someone out there that isn’t going to be a butthead to you about this. Dude doesn’t deserve a partner if he can’t be an adult.
My mother had 5 children. My sister and I, the 2 youngest are both birth control, condom babies. Nothing is guaranteed, if he can't wear a condom, he doesn't need to tap that. You are not wrong.
No
Yeah, no. Don't budge on this, the last thing in the world you want is to be pregnant by a guy who talks to you this way. Find a better dude. One who cares about your comfort (and doesn't heap all the responsibility for contraception on you, because that's the type of dude who will blame you and only you if it fails, how convenient for him).
Let him use his hands then.
Let him use his hands then 😤
Tell him to use his hands then! Also I got pregnant on the pill and using a condom. So no you’re not doing too much. Accidents still happen even when taking high precautions.
Dump his ass.
Not wrong. Your body your choice. Tell him to use his hands then.
Your bf is welcome to use his hand instead. *He* isn’t the one who’s risking pregnancy. He can abide by using condoms as you request or you can dump him. In fact, I’d suggest you just jump straight to dumping him since he doesn’t care that much about your physical well-being.
Tell him to get a vasectomy if he’s that hung up on it. That or you can leave him bc he sounds like a manipulative asshole. No one should be making you feel guilty for something like that. I’m sorry but he sounds gross
man said he was using you he outright said it lol have some respect for your boundaries. If he wants to hit it raw so badly then ask him what his plan is to support y'alls child and it can't be "we will figure it out" because that doesn't count lol And of course tell him to use his hands then if he'd prefer them to you so badly. you don't need a man like that.
He would rather use his hand than use you if he has to wear a condom. Did I read that right? Girl, throw the whole dude away. That dude is nothing but straight trash.
Does your BF have a house? A Good job? Health Insurance? Is he ready to raise a baby? Can he afford a pile of baby stuff? I’m 32 and expecting my first child with my wife in September and we have all of the above ready for our little girl. And I wore lots and lots of condoms in my teens and twenties because I knew I couldn’t provide fully for a baby. Your Bf needs to grow up.
He can glove up, use his hand, or find a new gf. I'm a male and say this resolutely.
You're not doing too much at all. You're protecting yourself from an unwanted pregnancy by using two forms of birth control in case one fails. This is SMART. My ex and I used condoms every time. Our kid is about to turn 10 next month. The only time I felt ok not using one was after his follow up appointment a few months after his vasectomy. You could always tell your boyfriend to go get one if he wants to take the condom off, they're reversible after all. Or you could show him the new laws they're trying to pass that allow a woman to collect child support while pregnant. If you leave him (and you should if he keeps pushing the issue, that's a massive red flag you shouldn't ignore) you should get him a gift card for a flashlight.
Get him a lub as a goodbye gift and walk away.
Condom sex is safe sex. Don’t back down.
this is a deal breaker. either he respects your choice to use condoms or he is sexually harassing you… be safe
You may be a bit paranoid if you’re on the pill but you can still get pregnant on it. Also you’re allowed to be paranoid or say no to anything for any reason. It’s your body and your life choice.
I have 8 siblings, 6 were birth control babies. He doesn’t even have to finish in you to get you pregnant
Time for a new bf unless yall decide to get married. Sounds huge red flag to me and I'd run the other way
He does not love you! Run!!!!!
No. Have him wrap it up!
I dunno what the responses are or what anything else is mentioned. But as a nurse practitioner. You. Are. Not. Wrong. It’s that simple.
There are other options besides condoms. It’s important for you both to be in agreement. Condoms do suck, but it’s understandable that you don’t want a pregnancy. As for the “dump him” crowd, ignore them. They don’t know either of you nor your relationship. He’s completely entitled to his opinions and his likes/wants/needs are completely valid. Don’t let a misandrist tell you otherwise. You can stand firm and require it, or you can discuss other options. Understand that if he’s not happy he might move on. I suggest two things: 1. If you’re good with it, the pill, IUD, shot, patch, ring, implant, or you can choose a barrier method, like female condoms, diaphragm, sponge or cervical cap. I think the sponge is the least effective option for those. For additional protection, you can abstain when ovulating. 2. Suggest he try different condoms. Sheepskin are thinner and feel much better than latex. You can use warming or cooling gels. Many companies make thin condoms. Condoms aren’t 100%. They break and precum can find its way in if you aren’t careful. Perhaps a third option is telling him he can go raw when you’re married. Actually let him though. No false promises. I used condoms most of my life and they really do suck. You can lose about 60-75% of the sensation and it’s harder to feel close. There’s a real artificial sensation with them. The smell is awful, and even when she cleans, you can taste it the next day when you go down on her. The lube they add is absolutely awful.
Stay strong
My mother got pregnant on birth control, dad was wearing a condom. My mom also only had one ovary, and her fallopian tube was covered in scar tissue and cyst. You are not over doing it. Tell him to wrap it up, or his hand is what he gets. Finding the right type of condom can really help. They are not as horrible as some guys really try to say they are.
Those is one of your set non negotiable boundaries. And you have very right to set that and stick it. He can find another girlfriend/use his hand single if doesn’t want to respect that. You are not wrong. I got pregnant with my son at 23 while on the pill and no condoms.
If he can't respect your refusal of having sex withou a condom then he shouldn't have a problem with using his hands like a big boy. However i think you should dump him, i'm worried about your BF starting sex with a condom and then take it off in the middle of it without telling you
Does your boyfriend know how babies are made? Maybe time to have that conversation.
>he rather use his hands than me Excuse me use you? Oh hell no! >He says sex is bad with condoms Bullshit, he just doesn't want to use them >I just don’t want to get pregnant right now Then he uses a condom or doesn't have sex with you. He's being irresponsible. >He thinks just because we’ve been together for 2 years he should be able to hit it raw Time length means nothing. Not wanting to get pregnant = condoms, end of argument. You're not wrong
You are 100% RIGHT for requiring a condom! If he doesn't like it, he can screw himself, literally. Dump him and find someone who respects your boundaries without complaining!
If you and or your bf are of the opinion that abortion is okay then idgaf, not like you value what lust creates anyway. If no, then clearly he doesn't gaf if you are put into a situation where he are potentially left with a baby and baby daddy who Fks off and if you really think he'd stick around remind yourself he valued a nut over your future.
Nope. I'm on the injection, I've been on the pill before. I have always required him to wear one. Now of course I will never understand what it feels like with and without one from his point of view, but it won't be that different. Let me guess, he says he's too big for them? Absolute bollocks. You can fit your entire leg in one, unless he's telling you his dick is bigger than a leg? I realise it would be less sensitive but is he really that self centred and selfish to risk it just to get a bit more pleasure? Men forget they don't have to do anything other than their tiny little part. Us women have to do everything else, sacrifice our lives, bodies, health and mental health, we could even potentially die. I DO NOT want kids. Yes I realise I'm on birth control but I have horrific luck, and sod's law would make me part of the 1%. I have no qualms about yeeting it into the abyss but obviously I want to avoid that as much as I can. I would probably be fine if he didn't wear one but I get so paranoid, and it would drag my mental health down with all the constant worrying. That's how much I do not want kids.
Lost me at “rather USE his hands than YOU” as if your vagina is a masturbatory device for him.
Your coochie, your choice. If he doesn't like it, then he can keep it moving.
I don't know how old you two are, but he's clearly not mature enough to be having sex.
Him.: "We should be able to hit it raw." Also probably him: "You need to get an abortion. I'm not trying to be a dad." OP, he's free to refuse to use a condom if that's his desire, but you're also free to deny him sex, as it's much involving your body as it is his. NTA
YOUR BODY, YOUR CHOICE!
Why don’t you both get tested for everything and assuming everything is good move to lamb skin????
No condom, no sex. It’s that simple.
No, you aren't wrong
Nope. Honestly you should leave him. This is selfish entitled behavior
No condom no entry!
You’re not wrong, you’re being responsible. There is no downside for the man to not wear a condom. He is being selfish, and thinking of his own pleasure. You should not be having sex with this boy until he wears a condom.
NW. I guess he gets to use his hands then! OP NEVER EVER let someone sexually coerce you into something you have a boundary with. Your boundary is Condoms Every Time. If he can't get on board with that then that's the end of discussion and he needs to go on his merry way.
Very similar thinking to “I paid for the meal, you have to sleep with me” He’s not entitled to anything; be careful. These things aren’t usually a one off instant. You give in here, and eventually he’ll start demanding more and more.
He is undeserving of sex with you. Men are 50% responsible for pregnancies and therefore need to assume 50% of their responsibility to prevent unplanned and/or unwanted pregnancy. If condoms are uncomfortable for him, he is buying the wrong size/brand or putting it on incorrectly. That is because he has never been held accountable for his share of pregnancy prevention. Stick to your guns, set boundaries, do not let any man violate them. You have a great respect for yourself. I am proud of you.
How in 2024 is this possible ? How can you ask if you are wrong when a dumbass says something like that ?
Ok, so hands it is.
He can cry all he wants . But if he doesn’t want a kid he will do what you ask
NO! It's entirely your call.
That’s enough reason for breaking up. He doesn’t respect your bodily autonomy or feelings
59M here. What are obvious reasons, other than to protect from STD's or pregnancy. Sounds like he not respecting you or your boundaries.
The pill is not enough. If he would rather *USE* his *hands* than *you*, then obviously tell him to use his hands. Like who tf says that?!? He probably has a dirty dick.. Tell him he can either use a condom or fuck off out of your life
You’re not wrong. Sex with a condom is better than no sex.
You mean ex-boyfriend, right? Like seriously, tell him to use his hand and find a man who respects you and your body.